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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:26,080 --> 00:00:27,160 Morning, guys. 2 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:56,800 Julian? 3 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:04,880 Robin? 4 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:11,560 Hmm. 5 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:18,920 Fanny? 6 00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:33,840 They can't all just... 7 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:39,160 Mike! Oh, my... 8 00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:42,440 It's the ghosts. What now? 9 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:44,120 I can't see them any more. 10 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:45,240 I... 11 00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:46,800 I c-can't see them any more. 12 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:49,280 What do you mean? 13 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:51,440 My gift, it's... 14 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:53,320 It's gone. I can't see ghosts any more. 15 00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:58,600 April Fools! 16 00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:11,160 Is she laughing? 17 00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:13,880 Are you laughing? 18 00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:18,000 I don't think she's laughing. 19 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:43,640 Ali? Are you OK? 20 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:45,920 Yeah, fine. 21 00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:47,480 You? 22 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:50,320 Yeah. Yeah, you just seemed a bit upset earlier. 23 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:52,160 No, no, no, no. All good. 24 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:53,800 Yeah? Yeah. OK. 25 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:56,200 Don't worry. I'm going to have the last laugh. 26 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:59,560 Right. Cool. So, um, I've been going over our finances, 27 00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:02,960 and the spreadsheet's not looking good. 28 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:05,960 Oh, God, no. OK, maybe if you, like, right-align the columns 29 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:08,560 and then you put the headings in bold, that will at least... 30 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:10,840 Obviously, I'm talking about the numbers. OK. Hmm. 31 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:12,560 Without the income from the gatehouse, 32 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:14,800 even with functions, it's going to be tight. Mm-hm. 33 00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:16,920 Mmm. The insurance from the fire should get us back 34 00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:18,760 on an even keel, but beyond that, 35 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:21,360 we're going to struggle to stay in the green. 36 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:23,800 Black? What's the opposite of red? Blue? 37 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:25,600 Stay in the blue? Stay in the b... 38 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:27,640 Are you even listening? Hmm? 39 00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,240 This is important. Yeah. No, no, no. 40 00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:31,120 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, I know. I just... 41 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:33,640 Could we deal with this this afternoon? 42 00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:36,720 Just cos there's something I need to focus on until, like, midday. 43 00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:38,840 Mm. Is it playing an April Fools' prank 44 00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:40,520 on a bunch of dead people? Maybe? 45 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:42,160 It isn't not that. 46 00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:44,640 Right, OK, well, the second you get even with them, 47 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:46,320 I'm going to need your undivided... 48 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:47,520 Do we own a saw? 49 00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:21,080 Oh, not you. 50 00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:25,840 Oh... 51 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:30,360 It was yellow! Oh, no. 52 00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:31,840 The greenfinch IS yellow, 53 00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:33,560 but not as yellow as a yellow finch. 54 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:35,440 Oh, it's ridiculous. Who do I write to? 55 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:36,600 Well... 56 00:04:40,440 --> 00:04:43,120 That the best you can do? 57 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:46,200 Nice try! Better luck next month! 58 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:49,880 Oh, for the last time, there is no May Fools' Day! 59 00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:59,760 Ah! Impaled by a fence post, was it? 60 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:02,800 Hmm? Oh, well, yeah. I mean, that was the idea, 61 00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:04,360 but probably a bit far-fetched. 62 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:05,720 Stranger things have happened. 63 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:07,080 I suppose so. 64 00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:09,120 Hmm. Yeah, well... 65 00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:10,240 It was worth a try. 66 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:12,640 So that's it, is it? Giving up? 67 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,080 Well, unless you have an idea? 68 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:16,280 Idea? No, no. No. 69 00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:18,600 OK. Ideas? 70 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:20,160 You betcha. 71 00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:23,600 I'm listening. 72 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,440 I just think maybe you put all your eggs in one basket 73 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:28,400 when it might be easier, 74 00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:31,040 dare I say more satisfying, 75 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:33,240 to pick them off one by one. 76 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:36,080 I mean, between us, we know them all pretty well. 77 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:39,560 I'm sure we could work out which buttons to press. 78 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:41,080 What's in it for you? 79 00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:43,760 To that lot, I'm just a punch line. 80 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:46,240 A punchbag. A football. 81 00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:48,880 Then there was that time they stuck me up on that high shelf. 82 00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:51,600 When was that? Tuesday. Ah... 83 00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:55,760 Mmm. I just think that maybe we're both due a little payback, 84 00:05:55,760 --> 00:06:00,880 and as I understand it, until midday on this particular day, 85 00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:03,040 anything goes. 86 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:05,120 Hmm. Hmm. 87 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:07,560 Right. Thomas. 88 00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:09,560 Need a hand with the wording? No. No, no. 89 00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:10,960 I've got this one. 90 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:12,600 Start with the low-hanging fruit. 91 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:15,720 Oh! Talking of which - Kitty. 92 00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:18,800 Hmm. Erm... 93 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:20,800 OK, OK. Here's an idea. 94 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:23,880 Now, it might be a bit complicated, so just bear with me, 95 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:26,280 but what if we told her there was a balloon...? 96 00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:28,240 There's a balloon? Where? 97 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:29,920 No... Everyone, there's a balloon! 98 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:31,520 Kitty, April Fo... 99 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:33,320 No. OK. No, she's gone. 100 00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:36,160 Well, I guess that's one off the list, 101 00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:38,280 and we've three hours to go. 102 00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:39,600 This is going to be easy! 103 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,760 OK. 104 00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:47,080 "Meet me in the wood store 105 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:49,560 "at 10am." 106 00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:51,560 Time to go and bait the trap. 107 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:54,440 Send him my love! 108 00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:48,800 Alison! 109 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:54,680 Mr Cooper? That's right. 110 00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:57,280 Joy Kielty, Irish Friendly. 111 00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:58,680 I'm Mike Cooper. 112 00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:00,720 English. Also friendly. 113 00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:04,120 No, I'm from Irish Friendly, your insurance company. 114 00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:06,800 You put a claim in for a fire at your guesthouse. 115 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:09,880 Right. Sorry. We didn't know you were coming... Alison! 116 00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:12,120 No. Well, I'm a loss adjuster. 117 00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:15,360 OK. And does our loss need...adjusting? 118 00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:16,560 It means... 119 00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:18,760 Well, we don't use the term investigator. 120 00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:20,720 Our claim is being investigated? 121 00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:22,000 We don't use that term. 122 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,280 But it is? Yes. 123 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:24,320 Why? 124 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:26,400 There are just a few details that we need to verify 125 00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:28,040 before we can pay out on the policy. 126 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:30,800 Oh, so it's, like, just a routine thing? 127 00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:34,560 Perhaps you could show me the site of the incident? 128 00:08:34,560 --> 00:08:36,720 Uh... Yeah, sure. 129 00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:40,360 It's just, uh, this way, um...? 130 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:41,680 Joy. 131 00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:43,440 Sure. 132 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:44,920 Look, it's perfectly simple. 133 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:46,680 The brown one is a blackbird. 134 00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:48,440 The red and black one is a goldfinch. 135 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:51,280 And the bluetit has a yellow chest. 136 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:52,520 Right. I'm just saying - 137 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:55,280 you know where you are with a sparrow. 138 00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:57,160 That's a dunnock. You what?! 139 00:08:57,160 --> 00:09:00,400 OK. Now, try to remain calm, everyone, 140 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:03,000 but there is a balloon, possibly a number of balloons, 141 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,280 somewhere in this house. 142 00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:06,440 And they might be the float-to-the-ceiling kind, 143 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:08,720 so it's vital we find them before they lose their magic. 144 00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:11,200 Are you sure, Kitty? It's nobody's birthday. 145 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:13,240 All I know is, Alison said there's a balloon. 146 00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:15,640 Perhaps a balloon animal. And I know... 147 00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:18,960 Come on, Kitty. She's winding you up, love. 148 00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:21,480 What? 149 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:22,520 Is May Fool. 150 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:23,880 April! April. 151 00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:25,440 Yeah. She's pulling on your legs. 152 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:30,280 Most likely reprisal for our antics this morning. 153 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:32,560 So she said there was a balloon, 154 00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:34,400 but there actually wasn't a balloon? 155 00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:37,640 Oh, that is so clever. 156 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:39,240 Oh, no. 157 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:41,920 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 158 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:43,600 What's up with Attenborough? 159 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:47,720 Well, can't you see? She's picking us off like a sniper. 160 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:49,600 She may have got to Kitty first, 161 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:51,080 but she'll come for us all. 162 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:53,960 Oh, give over. Just a harmless bit of fun. 163 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:56,120 Is it, Patrick? Is it?! 164 00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:58,600 Or have we awoken a demon hellbent on revenge? 165 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:00,000 We need to be on our guard, 166 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:02,960 keep our wits about us, for the enemy is smart. 167 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:04,840 She is motivated. 168 00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:08,280 We should expect tactics of breathtaking subtlety 169 00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:09,720 and sophistication. 170 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:12,480 Seriously? They found a Stuka dive-bomber in the woods? 171 00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:14,760 What? What?! 172 00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:16,560 Oh, my goodness! Oh, my goodness! 173 00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:46,440 Clever girl. 174 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:56,040 And the fire was caused by a fork of lightning? 175 00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:57,120 Yeah. 176 00:10:57,120 --> 00:10:58,440 Bizarre, eh? 177 00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:00,680 But I suppose you must see that a lot. 178 00:11:00,680 --> 00:11:01,760 No. 179 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:03,880 And no-one was inside at the time? 180 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:06,040 No. Luckily. Hmm. 181 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:07,400 Most convenient. 182 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,640 So how did you know it was lightning? 183 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:11,840 Oh, I... I saw it. 184 00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:13,480 From inside the house? 185 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:15,760 No, no. I was...nearby. 186 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:16,960 Where? 187 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:18,240 Under a tree. 188 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:19,560 In a thunderstorm? 189 00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:20,720 Well, I... 190 00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:23,880 I thought it was a shower at first. 191 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:25,600 I was trying to stay dry. Hmm. 192 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:29,720 Then why not head inside? 193 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:31,360 Well, I couldn't leave the bear. 194 00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:54,080 You got my note? 195 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:55,120 Indeed. 196 00:11:56,360 --> 00:12:00,320 I must confess, I was somewhat taken aback by your candour. 197 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:04,160 I had begun to wonder if you would ever see sense. 198 00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:06,240 I think it was this morning - 199 00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:09,320 fearing I might never see you again, 200 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:12,880 I suddenly realised the depth of my feelings. 201 00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:15,400 I can no longer deny the... 202 00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,880 The frisson. The frisson. Exactly. 203 00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:20,920 I knew you would succumb to my charms 204 00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:22,920 in the fullness of time. 205 00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:26,280 And Michael will understand, I'm sure of it. 206 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:28,200 A dear soul, certainly, 207 00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:30,880 but not possessing of the depths you require... 208 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:34,240 ...desire. 209 00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:35,880 Yeah. 210 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:37,360 Shall we? 211 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:45,000 Oh, no. 212 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:46,520 Oh, God. 213 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:47,720 Oh, God. I'm so sorry. No... 214 00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:50,000 No, no, no. It's fine. 215 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:53,640 A love such as ours shall face many challenges, 216 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:55,280 but where the heart is driven... 217 00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:58,840 ...the flesh shall find a way. 218 00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:03,920 We can't even share a meal. 219 00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:06,440 Or a hug. 220 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,160 Or a kiss. 221 00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:11,040 Indeed. 222 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:14,840 Such interactions are frustratingly limited. 223 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:17,600 Though I suppose there's... There's always... 224 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:21,120 Oh! Erm... Um... Should we? 225 00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:23,080 Things are moving so fast, I... 226 00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:26,680 Oh, the angels in heaven! 227 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:29,880 April Fools! 228 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:34,080 I totally got you. 229 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,520 Oh, that is priceless! 230 00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:45,560 I'm so amused right now, 231 00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:47,200 because you would never... Never. 232 00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:49,320 Never. Never. Never. 233 00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:52,080 Ha-ha-haaaa... 234 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:53,880 She's a monster! 235 00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:56,160 You too, eh? What did she do? 236 00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:57,240 She... 237 00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:59,000 We... 238 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:00,760 It doesn't matter what she did. 239 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:04,000 Know only that she is Beelzebub incarnate! 240 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,680 Where are the others? 241 00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:07,360 Lying low, if they have any sense. 242 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:08,680 They might be all right. 243 00:14:08,680 --> 00:14:10,800 There's only two hours left until midday. 244 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,200 Surely she can't get us all. 245 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:15,000 Ohh, I would put nothing past that she-devil! 246 00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:18,120 That callous, heartless... 247 00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:19,840 ..doe-eyed, soft-skinned... 248 00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:21,880 Damn it! 249 00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:24,560 So, who do we think she'll try to fool next? 250 00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:27,200 Well, if she's thinking tactically, 251 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:30,480 she'd be best advised to pick off the softest target. 252 00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:32,280 Someone easily duped, 253 00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:37,280 guileless, gullible, open-hearted to a fault. 254 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:44,320 Oh, come on! They can't seriously ban Scotch eggs. 255 00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:50,400 I wouldn't be certain about the veracity 256 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,160 of that news story, Alison. 257 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:54,120 Sounds a little implausible to me. 258 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:59,040 If I were you, I'd cross-check it with multiple news sources 259 00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:01,120 across the political spectrum. 260 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:05,440 I'd hate for you to have the wool pulled over your eyes. OK? 261 00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:07,000 Thanks. Yeah. Thanks. 262 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:17,080 She's trying, God love her, but talk about amateur hour! 263 00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:19,440 Yeah? 264 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:20,920 Ooh... 265 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,320 So, the argument was about the bear? 266 00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:26,840 Yeah. He wasn't allowed in the house. Why not? 267 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:28,520 He never wiped his feet. 268 00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:33,040 It was a disagreement over taste. 269 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:34,720 My wife wasn't keen on him, 270 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:36,600 so I was taking him to live up here. 271 00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:38,000 And can I see this bear? 272 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,280 Erm, no. 273 00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:41,920 He was also destroyed, sadly. 274 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:43,280 In the fire? 275 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:45,120 Erm, no. A tree fell on him. 276 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:46,240 A tree? 277 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:47,800 Yeah. Struck by lightning. 278 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:50,080 I thought you said the lightning struck the roof. 279 00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:51,160 Different lightning. 280 00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:54,040 So you're saying your property was struck by lightning twice? 281 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:55,120 Yeah. 282 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:57,360 No, three times. The other one hit... 283 00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:58,480 Nobody. 284 00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:00,520 Nothing. The ground. 285 00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:04,720 Sounds insane when you say it out loud. 286 00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:06,920 You should see it written down. 287 00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:08,880 What do you mean? What I say. 288 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:10,320 He didn't fall for it. 289 00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:12,120 And you definitely said Scotch egg? 290 00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:13,480 Of course I said Scotch egg! 291 00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:15,560 God... 292 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:16,760 I could murder a Scotch egg. 293 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:19,080 Well, the way I see it, you've got two options. 294 00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:23,280 Mm-hm. You could just call it a day, let bygones be bygones 295 00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:28,000 and forget all about this silly revenge business, or... 296 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,200 ..you double down. 297 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,840 No more Mrs Nice Alison. 298 00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:35,200 Pull off the kid gloves 299 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:37,560 and show them exactly who they're messing with. 300 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:40,280 Or, you know, neither. 301 00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:41,440 Yeah. Whatever. Yeah. 302 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,200 But it just doesn't make any sense. 303 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,400 What, because Pat saw through her ruse and you didn't? 304 00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,320 Well, yes, frankly. 305 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:51,400 I mean, if you look up gullible in the dictionary, 306 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:53,200 there's a picture of Pat's face. 307 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:54,600 Is there? 308 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:57,480 No, Katherine. No. 309 00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:00,000 Unless she didn't prank him at all. 310 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:04,320 Perhaps he's pranking us by pretending she pranked him 311 00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:07,120 because we pranked her for pranking... No, hang on. 312 00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:08,400 Face it. 313 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:12,680 We have no idea who she'll get next. Or how. Or who. 314 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:14,560 Hmm. Maybe you're right. 315 00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:18,720 Though I think we can all guess who will be the last of us to fall. 316 00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:23,480 Deceitful, cynical, underhand, 317 00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:25,040 and, lest we forget... 318 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:27,280 ...morally bankrupt. 319 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:28,560 Exactly. 320 00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:30,360 If seven public inquiries 321 00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:32,560 couldn't trip the man up, what on earth can? 322 00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:36,560 Hello! 323 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,080 Ooh. 324 00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:50,200 Oh, damn and blast! 325 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:55,680 Well, well, well. 326 00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:57,040 Look who's here. 327 00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:59,480 There is no weakness she will not exploit! 328 00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:02,200 That was below the belt - and not in a fun way. 329 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,160 Wait a minute. Where's Pat? 330 00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:05,880 Still at large. 331 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:08,080 Ah! Talk about insult to injury! 332 00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,000 Pat? 333 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:17,720 Alison. 334 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:20,560 I'm sorry, you know, for... For everything earlier. 335 00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:22,920 The Scotch egg thing. 336 00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:26,160 I don't know what you mean, Alison. 337 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:28,240 Sure. OK. I just... 338 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:30,400 I was a bit angry, you know, about this morning, 339 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,240 but I don't want to fall out over it. I just... 340 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:33,640 It's water under the bridge now. 341 00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:34,840 It's basically... 342 00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:37,840 Oh, my God. No! Oh, God! Oh, my finger! Pat! Pat! 343 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:40,280 Argh! Ouch! 344 00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:46,280 Alison, I took whole packs of ten-year-old boys away camping 345 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:47,960 every year for a decade. 346 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:51,200 Do you really think there's a practical joke known to man 347 00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,080 that hasn't been pulled on me? 348 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:55,480 Itching powder in the underpants. 349 00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:58,080 Potato in the exhaust pipe. 350 00:18:58,080 --> 00:19:00,440 Hand in a bowl of water so you wet the bed. 351 00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:05,520 Been there, done it, and got the T-shirt made. 352 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:08,320 So you'd best save your energy, Alison, 353 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:09,680 because I'm bulletproof, me. 354 00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:11,960 And, you? 355 00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:14,960 You're there, mate. 356 00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:29,240 Jesus. 357 00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:32,120 So you were here when lightning struck the property? 358 00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:34,800 Yeah. We kissed here and then... You kissed? 359 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:35,840 Yep. 360 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:37,080 The bear? 361 00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:40,400 No. No, my...my wife. I was no longer with the bear. 362 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,480 Not romantically. We split up. 363 00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:44,840 I'd left him. It. 364 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:46,320 I left it under the tree. 365 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:48,880 But you said your wife was back in the main house. 366 00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:51,000 Yeah, she was. She came out when the storm got bad. 367 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,320 So, as the lightning got worse, 368 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:55,160 your wife also came out into it? 369 00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:57,680 Yes. 370 00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:02,320 She came to warn me because she saw the first bolt hit the cave... 371 00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:06,480 Caved in...bit of lawn. 372 00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:08,800 There. Actually not there. 373 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:11,280 More over there. More over there. 374 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:14,640 Can I speak to your wife? 375 00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:21,600 Oh! New chapter. 376 00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:24,880 Hmm. Hmm. 377 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:26,640 Hmm. Hmm? 378 00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:27,680 Hmm... 379 00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:30,880 Hmm-mm... 380 00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:34,800 The girth of his what?! 381 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,760 Oh, the depravity! Alis... 382 00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:48,760 I'm not sure what to be more disappointed by - 383 00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:52,040 the obscene nature of your attempted deception 384 00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:54,280 or the sloppiness of its execution. 385 00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:57,400 I'm no fool, Alison, April or otherwise. 386 00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:59,480 OK. Sorry. Yeah. 387 00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:01,880 I just thought it was a little bit of fun, that's all. 388 00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:05,160 What on earth is that? 389 00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:06,400 It's a tattoo. 390 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:07,680 Another one? 391 00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:09,280 Two tattoos? 392 00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:11,440 That scribble on your ankle was common enough. 393 00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:12,600 But this! This! 394 00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:14,920 It's been there, like, a month. I thought you'd seen it. 395 00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:17,280 If I'd have seen it, young lady, you'd have known about it. 396 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:21,360 My own kith and kin branded like some lowly navvy, 397 00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:23,960 painted like a tawdry Jezebel! 398 00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:26,160 Times have changed. You're still a Button. 399 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:28,680 No, I'm a Cooper, and I fancied some fresh ink, so I got them. 400 00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:30,520 Them? Plural? 401 00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:32,320 Yeah. The big one's on this arm. 402 00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:34,000 What?! 403 00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,160 Your face! 404 00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:39,240 Yes! 405 00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:41,240 Yes, I suppose you think that's funny, do you? 406 00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:42,440 I do. I absolutely do. 407 00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:44,960 But you don't need to worry, because it's felt tip, 408 00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:46,480 so it rubs right off. 409 00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:50,000 OK. 410 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:51,040 Just... 411 00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:54,320 Ah, OK. You might have to live with that 412 00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:55,680 for about a week or so. 413 00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:57,120 Oh! Ugh! 414 00:21:58,480 --> 00:21:59,680 Hook, line and sinker! 415 00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:01,760 Told you! OK. 416 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:03,920 Five down, two to go. 417 00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:06,320 I've had this idea for Pat, but I don't know. 418 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:08,640 It might be going a bit far. Hey, hey, hey! 419 00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:10,560 He's the one who upped the ante. 420 00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:11,920 He's brought it on himself. 421 00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:14,600 Yeah, you're right. OK. 422 00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:16,200 Well, then, that just leaves Robin, 423 00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:19,200 and I've got no ideas and not much time, so... 424 00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:21,800 Don't you worry about Robin. 425 00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:23,600 I'll take care of him. 426 00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:25,400 Ooh. Yeah, sure. 427 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:26,960 What are you thinking? 428 00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:29,240 Well... 429 00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:32,280 Oh, my God. Ow! 430 00:22:33,360 --> 00:22:35,000 Perfect. 431 00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:37,080 Hello, Robin. 432 00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:39,520 Oh... 433 00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:45,160 Ehhh! 434 00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:47,320 Oh, no. 435 00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:48,720 He's back. 436 00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:52,040 Ehhh... 437 00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:54,840 Oh. Not bear. 438 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:56,960 Just little badger. 439 00:22:58,360 --> 00:23:01,320 Who are you calling little? 440 00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:04,040 Hang on. 441 00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:05,720 Badgers not talk. 442 00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:07,840 They do when they're angry enough. 443 00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:10,160 Angry? That's right. 444 00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:13,560 Rumour has it that someone around here 445 00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:15,840 ate an awful lot of my ancestors. 446 00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:17,720 No, no. We... 447 00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:20,320 Well, not often. 448 00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:21,720 You too small. 449 00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:25,880 See, we prefer, er, a mammoth or a deer, 450 00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:28,840 or, on very special occasion, a wild dog. 451 00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:31,480 I knew it! 452 00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:34,760 April Fool! 453 00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:36,800 Damn you, Cooper! Yes! I got him. 454 00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:38,760 I got him. I got him. Yeah, yeah. Well done. 455 00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:40,640 Very much still inside a badger. 456 00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:41,800 Oh, yeah. 457 00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:48,920 And I thought these things smelled bad on the outside. 458 00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:50,840 I've only got 25 minutes left to get Pat. 459 00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:52,760 Well, don't just stand there. Go on! 460 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:55,840 Keep me posted, yeah? 461 00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:10,240 Well, she was running 462 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,720 from the direction of the house, so I assumed that... 463 00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:14,880 But you didn't see her IN the house? 464 00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:16,720 Well, no, I was under the tree. 465 00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:18,600 Yes, but I'm just trying to ascertain 466 00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:21,880 where exactly your wife was when the fire broke out. 467 00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:23,480 Oh. OK. 468 00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:24,680 I see what you're getting at. 469 00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:26,000 Well, I can assure you 470 00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:29,240 that my wife isn't just going around setting fire... 471 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:32,480 Mrs Cooper? 472 00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:34,080 Sh. 473 00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,960 Alison, this is Joy Guilty Kielty - 474 00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:39,520 from the insurance company. 475 00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:40,560 About the fire. 476 00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:47,800 Hi. I'm Alison. So nice to meet you. 477 00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:50,320 Oh, God. Sorry. I think I stood up too quick. 478 00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:52,760 Um... This is a practical joke. 479 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:57,640 An April Fools thing for one of the...living people who live here. 480 00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:00,040 Oh, but your policy document says that you are 481 00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:01,480 the only two occupants. 482 00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:05,160 We are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 483 00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:06,840 I meant a friend. 484 00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:10,080 We have a house guest staying, so I'm... 485 00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:13,040 Pretending the house is on fire? 486 00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:15,040 Well... Yeah. 487 00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:18,560 Yeah. Well, I thought, you know, a warm welcome. 488 00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:22,360 Could you just excuse me for one second? 489 00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:29,600 Sorry. Sick in a bush. 490 00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:31,760 I think it must be the... Nerves? 491 00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:33,040 ..fumes. 492 00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:35,200 So, any other questions? 493 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,640 No. I think I've seen everything I need to. 494 00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:43,680 Sorry. 495 00:25:49,120 --> 00:25:51,960 Obviously, I know how that looks and, well, 496 00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:54,400 how all of it looks, but I promise you, 497 00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:57,200 everything that I have told you is 100% the truth, 498 00:25:57,200 --> 00:25:58,880 and I'm begging you... 499 00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:00,200 Well, actually not beg. 500 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:03,200 No, I would totally beg if that helps, 501 00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:05,360 cos we really need this and I... 502 00:26:05,360 --> 00:26:08,600 Mr Cooper, I'm going to recommend that we approve your claim 503 00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:10,560 and pay out on the policy in full. 504 00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:12,080 What? 505 00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:13,560 Seriously? 506 00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:16,920 I've met a lot of fraudsters in my time, Mr Cooper, 507 00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:20,600 and I can assure you no genuine criminal would ever come up 508 00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:23,840 with a story as patently ridiculous as that one. 509 00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:27,200 Stuff that absurd only ever happens in real life. 510 00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:37,760 This is a great mixture 511 00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:40,000 of flavours and textures to combine to make 512 00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:41,680 an extravagant plate of beef. 513 00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:42,920 The amount of beef... 514 00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:44,200 Um, Mike... 515 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:45,800 Hey. Where have you been? 516 00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:48,240 Oh, well... Did you see the email? 517 00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:50,880 All confirmed. They're paying out on the policy. 518 00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:54,280 So that'll bring us back to, uh, zero. 519 00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:55,760 So, yay! No money. 520 00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:57,040 Yeah. Yeah. 521 00:26:57,040 --> 00:26:59,240 Can I have a word with you in private? 522 00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:01,760 In pri...? Is there a ghost in here? 523 00:27:09,120 --> 00:27:10,400 You OK? 524 00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:11,680 Yeah. 525 00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:13,000 I think so. 526 00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:14,320 Uh... 527 00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:19,160 Now, I felt a bit emotional and then hungry and then not. 528 00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:23,400 And then a bit faint and then a bit sick. 529 00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:27,360 And... Well, I did a test and, um... 530 00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:31,520 ..I'm pregnant. 531 00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:35,880 As if! 532 00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:38,160 I mean, the prop's a nice touch, 533 00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:40,520 but your stooge here is as wooden as anything, love. 534 00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:42,240 Pat... And nobody just... 535 00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:48,680 It's after midday. 536 00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:50,040 Oh, my God. You're pregnant! 537 00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:52,480 What? What?! Really? 538 00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:54,000 We're having a baby? 539 00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:55,280 We're having a baby! 540 00:27:57,120 --> 00:27:58,520 Wonderful news. 541 00:28:00,120 --> 00:28:01,600 That's wonderful. 542 00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:10,440 Did we get him? 34844

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