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1
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:12,116
-Good morning.
-Morning.
2
00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:13,395
Charlie, right?
3
00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:16,836
Well, l guess it's too late to deny it.
4
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,718
Would you like some coffee?
5
00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:21,432
Sure. . .
6
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,069
. . .l would.
7
00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:28,156
You have a beautiful house.
8
00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:31,830
Thank you. . .
9
00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:36,393
. . .so much.
10
00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:38,509
My name's Sandy.
11
00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:41,828
Yes, of course it is.
12
00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:48,797
How could l forget?
Sandy like the beach, or the Koufax.
13
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:51,712
-Pardon me?
-You know, Sandy Koufax.
14
00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:54,314
Great Dodger pitcher,
hall-of-famer. . . . Never mind.
15
00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:56,913
So, Sandy. . .
16
00:00:57,080 --> 00:00:59,310
. . .how did you sleep?
17
00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:01,710
Just fine. How about you?
18
00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:04,792
Great. Like a drunk baby.
19
00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:06,393
Are you hungry?
20
00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:08,790
Not yet. Maybe after l throw up.
21
00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:10,673
What did you do last night?
22
00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:12,717
l was hoping you could fill me in.
23
00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:16,316
There's my little Sandy beach.
24
00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:19,278
Good morning, Alley-Oop.
25
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:23,275
Oh, thank God. l was afraid
l was gonna have to quit drinking.
26
00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:34,595
So, what do you think of Sandy?
27
00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:38,230
Arguably the greatest southpaw
in the history of baseball.
28
00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:40,109
My Sandy.
29
00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:42,910
l don't know,
l've never seen her pitch.
30
00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:48,395
-But she sure can cook.
-Well, guess how we met.
31
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,389
l suppose we can rule out
Dodger Stadium.
32
00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:54,514
ln cooking class.
33
00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:56,839
You've been taking a class?
34
00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:01,073
-Where do you think l go every Tuesday?
-You're not here on Tuesday nights?
35
00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:05,709
No, l'm in cooking class.
And guess who's the teacher?
36
00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:08,189
-Who?
-Sandy.
37
00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:11,229
Who's Sandy?
38
00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:14,309
That's Sandy.
39
00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:17,674
Great story.
40
00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:24,158
-Alan is my star pupil.
-And you are my star teacher.
41
00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:26,869
So cute.
42
00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:28,475
Yo.
43
00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:34,069
-Can l have some more bacon?
-Oh, in a jiff.
44
00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:39,030
My mother always said,
''A well-fed man is a happy man. ''
45
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:43,352
Our mother always said, ''Here's
1 0 bucks for pizza, don't wait up. ''
46
00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:48,195
Oh, that reminds me, she called
and invited us for Christmas.
47
00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:50,237
-You told her yes, right?
-Absolutely.
48
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:52,868
You and l were going
to spend Christmas together.
49
00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:54,639
We are.
50
00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:57,633
-But you're going to your mother's.
-What gave you that idea?
51
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,195
You see, Sandy,
it's kind of a family tradition.
52
00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:04,397
Our mother invites us even though
she doesn't want us to come.
53
00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:07,028
We say yes
even though we don't wanna go.
54
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,191
When we don't show,
though she's relieved. . .
55
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:12,636
. . .she gets to complain
about what horrible children she has.
56
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:15,116
lt's the perfect gift.
57
00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:19,396
Christmas is supposed to be about
spending time with your loved ones.
58
00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:21,915
Yeah, going to our mother's
would cut into that.
59
00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:27,234
Alan gets to spend it with his son and l
get to play Stuff the Stocking in Vegas. . .
60
00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:30,358
. . .with a couple
of saline-enhanced elves.
61
00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:33,832
Does this mean
that l'm finally going to meet your son?
62
00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:35,992
l guess it does.
63
00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:38,594
Gosh, l so hope he likes me.
64
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,318
The way you cook. . .
65
00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:43,836
. . .the only problem is gonna be
keeping him from humping your leg.
66
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,195
That's the sheets.
67
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:50,875
lf you fold them while they're warm,
they don't wrinkle.
68
00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:56,630
Beauty, sex, cooking, laundry.
69
00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:59,234
Marriage, boredom, alimony, death.
70
00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:00,992
You are such a cynic.
71
00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:04,038
-And you are such a sap.
-How am l a sap?
72
00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:07,078
-Are you blind? She's a nester.
-What's that supposed to mean?
73
00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:09,800
She throws you some tail,
a couple of pieces of bacon. . .
74
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:11,996
. . .and bibbidi-bobbidi-boo,
got a roommate.
75
00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:15,835
''Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo''?
lsn't that from Cinderella?
76
00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,036
You don't think
that bitch was a nester?
77
00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:23,599
Anyway, l find that a couple of drops
of lemon juice on the dryer sheet. . .
78
00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:25,716
. . .really freshens up the whole load.
79
00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:28,792
Really? l find that just a couple valiums
in my coffee. . .
80
00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:31,076
. . .keeps me from snapping necks.
81
00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:38,394
Well, hold this, please. . .
82
00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:43,190
. . .l'm just going to pop these on the bed
while they're still warm and toasty.
83
00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:49,318
So which one of you guys is slipping
the high hard one to Martha Stewart?
84
00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:57,999
Hey, Brandi. lt's Charlie Harper.
85
00:04:58,160 --> 00:04:59,957
l'm coming to Vegas for Christmas. . .
86
00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:04,033
. . .and was wondering if you and your
sister wanted to celebrate again.
87
00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:06,430
Harper.
88
00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:12,995
Oh, wait, it's possible that you
remember me as Dr. Philip Gonzalez.
89
00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:15,672
Right.
90
00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:18,718
Yeah, hola.
91
00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:24,198
Anyway, l'm sitting here making
vacation plans and l'm thinking:
92
00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:28,478
''Where better to commemorate the birth
of our lord than Caesar's Palace?''
93
00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:32,035
Hey, Charlie. Hungry?
94
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:33,315
Hold on, Brandi.
95
00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:35,391
-Not really, but listen--
-Last chance.
96
00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:38,393
l'm gonna start dinner
so the kitchen's gonna be off limits.
97
00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:41,074
-But it's my kitchen.
-So?
98
00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:44,120
l just thought it was important
to point out.
99
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:46,318
You're so cute.
100
00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:52,234
Look, Brandi, talk to your sister, work up
an estimate and l'll call you back.
101
00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:59,071
Oh, hi, Berta.
Oh, l've got a surprise for you.
102
00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:02,038
-A mini-blind brush.
-A what?
103
00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:04,710
l don't think Alan's blinds
have been dusted.
104
00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:07,348
Probably because
you didn't have the proper tool.
105
00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:09,909
Gee, thanks.
106
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:15,319
-We gotta talk.
-l'm on it.
107
00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:17,710
You better be,
or else she's gonna be on it.
108
00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:20,394
Because now l have the proper tool.
109
00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:26,150
-Hey, listen.
-You had your chance, Charlie.
110
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:30,154
-lf you're hungry, take a pudding cup.
-l don't want a pudding cup.
111
00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:34,393
-We need to establish ground rules.
-Oh, okay, l'm listening.
112
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:37,552
Okay, well, first of all,
Berta's been with me for a long time.
113
00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:40,314
And what she lacks
in housekeeping skills. . .
114
00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:43,870
. . .she more than makes up for
in upper-body strength.
115
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:46,789
What's that?
116
00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:50,150
-Rack of lamb.
-Really?
117
00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:52,151
-You're making that for us?
-Yep.
118
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:55,517
With roasted baby potatoes
and caramelized carrots.
119
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:02,069
Anyway, anyway.
120
00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:03,434
Ground rules.
121
00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:05,477
l wanna be supportive
of you and Alan--
122
00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:08,473
Sorry. One quick question.
Chocolate or raspberry souffl�?
123
00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:12,030
-lt doesn't matter, the point is--
-l'll just make raspberry.
124
00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:15,917
Actually, l prefer chocolate.
125
00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:18,355
Chocolate it is.
126
00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:20,715
Now, why don't l mix you up
a little cocktail. . .
127
00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:24,668
-. . .and you can take a nap before dinner?
-A nap would be nice.
128
00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:28,398
Can l still have the pudding cup?
129
00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:32,754
Okay, but just one.
130
00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:35,434
l don't want you spoiling your appetite
before dinner.
131
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:38,633
Thank you.
132
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,439
Go on.
133
00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:44,239
-Well?
-Good news.
134
00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:45,913
We're having rack of lamb.
135
00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:58,794
Oh, no.
136
00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:06,874
l'm hungry. Where's Sandy?
137
00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:09,952
She went to get a honey-baked ham
for Christmas Eve dinner.
138
00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:12,475
Honey-baked ham.
139
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:17,358
l find it a little ironic that despite your
warnings about her nesting instincts. . .
140
00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:19,750
. . .you haven't missed a single one
of her meals.
141
00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:22,480
Yeah, l'm a master of irony.
142
00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:26,110
-l thought you were going to Vegas.
-Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?
143
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:28,949
Then you'd have the whole ham
to yourself.
144
00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:32,397
You should talk, Porky.
145
00:08:32,560 --> 00:08:34,278
Who took the lasagna
under the deck. . .
146
00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:36,590
. . .so we wouldn't see him eat it
all himself?
147
00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:39,638
Who made a meatloaf sandwich
by taking a slice of meatloaf. . .
148
00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:42,519
. . .and putting it between
two other slices of meatloaf?
149
00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:47,552
l am cutting down on carbs.
150
00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:49,872
Yeah, it's working for you.
151
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:55,439
When's the last time you looked down
in the shower and saw your testicles?
152
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:59,309
l don't need to see them.
l know they're there.
153
00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:02,552
And what about you?
What do you call this?
154
00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:04,233
Goodyear or Pirelli?
155
00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:07,599
This, my chunky friend,
is water weight.
156
00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:09,318
Water weight.
157
00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:11,152
lt's genetic. l retain water.
158
00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:16,157
You also retain German chocolate cake,
lamb stew and Belgian waffles.
159
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:24,199
Hey, people who live in fat asses
shouldn't throw waffles.
160
00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,157
Don't talk about my ass.
161
00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:28,356
l am very self-conscious about my ass.
162
00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:30,192
l'm-- l'm sorry.
163
00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:35,559
l'm just lashing out
because l haven't eaten in 75 minutes.
164
00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:37,392
Want some of Sandy's
homemade fudge?
165
00:09:38,680 --> 00:09:39,999
Don't play with me, Alan.
166
00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:44,438
-You've got fudge up here?
-Close your eyes.
167
00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:54,549
Okay.
168
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:56,994
Fudge.
169
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,033
You know what would be great?
170
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:03,668
Honey-baked fudge.
171
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:06,192
Or. . .
172
00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:07,839
. . .fudge-covered ham.
173
00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:16,433
Well, l'm really happy we get
to spend Christmas together.
174
00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:18,670
We don't have to go
to your mom's, do we?
175
00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:20,910
Don't be silly.
176
00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:23,238
Hey, you hungry?
177
00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:27,154
-l could eat.
-Well, you're gonna.
178
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:29,390
Can we order Chinese
like we did last year?
179
00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:32,597
No, this year we're gonna
do something a little more traditional.
180
00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:34,751
Deli?
181
00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:38,515
No, we're gonna have a real,
home-cooked Christmas dinner.
182
00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:40,796
Whose home?
183
00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:43,952
-Our home.
-How?
184
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:49,036
Well, l am dating a lady who's
gonna make us a wonderful dinner.
185
00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:50,629
Oh, okay.
186
00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:53,552
Are you at all curious?
187
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,278
Yeah, a little.
188
00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:58,796
Okay, you can ask me any question
and l'll try and answer it for you.
189
00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:01,078
What are we having?
190
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:02,912
No, about the lady.
191
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:05,552
No, not really.
192
00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:08,393
Well, l just want you to know
that l really like her. . .
193
00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:11,279
. . .and you're probably gonna
be seeing her a lot.
194
00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:13,078
Do l have to like her?
195
00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:17,153
-Well, of course not.
-Then l probably won't.
196
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,119
Why would you say that?
197
00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:22,478
We're very different people, Dad.
198
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:25,518
So true.
199
00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:28,353
ls she gonna be staying over?
200
00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:31,878
-Yes.
-Where is she gonna sleep?
201
00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:33,155
ln my room.
202
00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:35,399
Okay.
203
00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:39,189
Just remember, the walls are thin
and l'm impressionable.
204
00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:49,632
Hey, what are you doing out here?
205
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:51,953
l thought l should prepare you.
206
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:53,389
For what?
207
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:55,957
Alan.
208
00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:58,912
Remember what l told you
about nesters?
209
00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:00,308
Yeah.
210
00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:04,155
Well, some are hummingbirds,
some are robins.
211
00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:06,880
But you, my friend. . .
212
00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:19,314
. . .you've got yourself a partridge
in a freaking pear tree.
213
00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:26,553
-Sandy did all this?
-Yep.
214
00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:29,393
l think it's cool.
lt's like an amusement park.
215
00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:33,155
Yeah, Six Flags
Over Crazy-Ass-Chick Land.
216
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,070
This cannot be Jake.
217
00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:37,878
You're too grown-up-looking.
218
00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:39,996
Yeah, thanks.
Are those for anybody?
219
00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:41,509
Help yourselves.
220
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:47,592
Gingerbread.
221
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:49,751
Jake, you can help me
in the kitchen.
222
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:52,912
l'm making chocolate �clairs
and l need an official taster.
223
00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:54,149
l like her.
224
00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:00,994
Will you look at that?
They're bonding already.
225
00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:04,709
Alan, your kid would join the Taliban
if they made their own s'mores.
226
00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,672
-So when did she do all this decorating?
-Hard to say.
227
00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:13,992
-Everything was normal until lunchtime.
-Oh, l missed lunch.
228
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:15,149
What did you have?
229
00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:19,352
She made me a bacon, lettuce
and tomato sandwich. . .
230
00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:22,193
. . .with garlic mayonnaise
on sourdough toast.
231
00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:25,238
Oh, damn.
232
00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:27,915
Anyway, after lunch l took
a little nap. . .
233
00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:32,119
. . .and woke up
in Santa's Village of the Damned.
234
00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:34,318
Why do you have to be so cynical?
235
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:39,838
There is nothing wrong with decorating
your home to show a little holiday spirit.
236
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:41,758
But it's not her home, is it?
237
00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:43,309
Well, no.
238
00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:47,155
-Whose home is it, Alan?
-Okay, fine, l will have a talk with her.
239
00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,197
-Hold it.
-What?
240
00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:51,396
After dinner, you nimrod.
241
00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:00,596
Anybody have room for another �clair?
242
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:02,557
Not unless l unbutton my pants.
243
00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:04,870
Mine are already unbuttoned.
244
00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:08,874
l took mine off when she brought out
the marshmallow yams.
245
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:11,838
Okay, then. What do you say
we all go into the living room. . .
246
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,672
. . .and sing some Christmas carols?
247
00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:17,432
-You mean stand up?
-l don't think l can.
248
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:19,909
l'm not wearing pants.
249
00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:22,833
Come on, you guys,
what's Christmas without caroling?
250
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,316
Hanukkah?
251
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:41,913
Sandy? Something wrong?
252
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:43,433
Who moved the reindeer?
253
00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:46,515
l don't know that one, but l'll wing it.
254
00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:50,719
Who moved the reindeer?
The savior's come
255
00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:53,792
He's coming to check on the rein--
256
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,030
No, no, no.
257
00:14:57,160 --> 00:15:00,118
-These reindeer.
-What about them?
258
00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:02,596
Donner and Blitzen are out of order.
259
00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:04,910
-Somebody's been playing with them.
-So?
260
00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:06,798
So l wanna know who it was.
261
00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:09,834
-Jake?
-l didn't do it.
262
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:10,989
Charlie?
263
00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:16,155
Oh, all right, l may have used one
of them as a swizzle stick.
264
00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:19,916
Well, no harm done.
265
00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:22,150
lf you must play with them,
please remember. . .
266
00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:25,676
. . .it's Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen,
Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen.
267
00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:26,989
Okay.
268
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:29,469
Donner, Blitzen, Donner, Blitzen,
Donner, Blitzen.
269
00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:31,869
-Got it.
-Say it.
270
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:34,518
Donner, Blitzen.
271
00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:38,312
Okay, then.
272
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:40,948
''The Little Drummer Boy. ''
273
00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:15,234
Donner, Blitzen, Donner, Blitzen.
274
00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:19,194
Alan. Why aren't you asleep?
275
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:21,188
l don't know.
276
00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:24,716
Just excited about Christmas, l guess.
277
00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:27,839
Well, Santa won't come
while you're awake.
278
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:31,072
Yeah. Yeah, l've heard that.
279
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:34,120
Now close your eyes
and let visions of sugarplums. . .
280
00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:36,953
. . .dance through your wee little head.
281
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:38,997
Okay.
282
00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:44,515
-Oh, no.
-What?
283
00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:48,389
l forgot to put out cookies
and milk for Santa.
284
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,390
You're kidding, right?
285
00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:53,198
Do you want coal in your stocking?
286
00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:57,549
That's what you're gonna get if Santa
doesn't find a snack when he comes.
287
00:16:57,720 --> 00:16:59,676
l see.
288
00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:03,913
So you believe in the vengeful,
Old Testament Santa.
289
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:06,073
Are you mocking Christmas?
290
00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:08,037
No, no, no. You know what?
291
00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:12,274
l'll take care of the milk and cookies.
You just relax and go to sleep.
292
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:17,351
He sees us when we're sleeping,
you know?
293
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:19,509
Right.
294
00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:22,476
l don't make the rules.
295
00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:25,431
Okay.
296
00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:32,876
Oh, God, oh, God
297
00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:36,669
Oh, God, oh, God
298
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:39,476
-Charlie?
-Hang on.
299
00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:47,918
Okay, l'm ready for more pie.
300
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,277
We have a serious problem here.
301
00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:52,078
We're out of pie?
302
00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:54,674
Will you listen?
There's something wrong with Sandy.
303
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:57,832
Well, didn't we know that
when she agreed to sleep with you?
304
00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:01,959
No, no, even wronger than that.
She actually believes in Santa Claus.
305
00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:03,553
-Really?
-Yeah.
306
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:06,519
But we still have pie?
307
00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:10,832
-Yes, we still have pie.
-Then what are we doing up here?
308
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:14,919
l guess l could have a little sliver.
309
00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:32,312
You know what?
310
00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:35,233
l think something's wrong with Sandy.
311
00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:39,356
l just said that.
Do you ever listen to me?
312
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,834
Sandy, sweetheart?
313
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:46,436
-You okay?
-He's not coming.
314
00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:48,955
Who's not coming? Listen to this.
315
00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:51,029
Santa.
316
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,433
Every year,
l try to make things perfect.
317
00:18:56,600 --> 00:19:00,070
And every year l fail.
318
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:02,231
Mama was right.
319
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:05,039
l am a naughty girl.
320
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:08,836
Come on, Alan.
321
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:10,274
Where are we going?
322
00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:14,348
l want you to teach this naughty girl
a lesson.
323
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:16,317
She needs to be punished.
324
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,709
You lucky dog.
325
00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:24,795
What? l'm not going in there.
She's nuts.
326
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:28,270
Yeah, so?
Sex with crazy chicks is great.
327
00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:31,750
Make sure you pick positions where
you can see what her hands are doing.
328
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:33,876
No. No, that would be
taking advantage. . .
329
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:35,996
. . .of a mentally unbalanced person.
330
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,720
Oh, Alan, that boat has sailed.
331
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:42,190
You might as well hop on board
for a farewell cruise.
332
00:19:42,360 --> 00:19:44,715
l don't think so.
lt just wouldn't be right.
333
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:48,475
Come on, Alan, l'm ready.
334
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:57,350
Good night.
335
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:06,519
Okay, pie for everybody.
336
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,552
-Merry Christmas.
-Merry Christmas.
337
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:14,838
Are you out of your mind?
338
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:17,912
You've been nagging us for years
to spend Christmas with you.
339
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:20,196
Only because l knew
you'd never show up.
340
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,597
Well, we had to get out of the house.
341
00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:24,955
Yeah, the walls are thin
and l'm impressionable.
342
00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:31,115
Hold on. Stanley, put your pants on.
We'll exchange gifts later.
343
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:33,229
Come on in.
344
00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:39,554
Dear God, look at the size of your ass.
345
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:04,271
Subtitles by
SDl Media Group
346
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:06,431
[ENGLlSH]
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