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1
00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:10,677
[upbeat pop music playing]
2
00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:13,805
Okay, Lola, now that you're officially
3
00:00:13,888 --> 00:00:14,806
a Tampa resident,
4
00:00:14,889 --> 00:00:17,976
there are a few things you need to know
about living in Florida.
5
00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:19,436
[paper tearing]
6
00:00:19,561 --> 00:00:20,478
Pro:
7
00:00:20,562 --> 00:00:22,722
- You can wear flip-flops all year.
- [audience laughs]
8
00:00:23,064 --> 00:00:25,483
Con: Many things will bite your feet.
9
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:28,361
Fire ants, mosquitoes,
that homeschooled kid down the block.
10
00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:30,822
Basically, the ground is alive
and it hates you.
11
00:00:30,905 --> 00:00:33,283
- [audience laughs]
- [Big Show] Okay, next.
12
00:00:33,658 --> 00:00:35,410
- [paper tearing]
- The beach!
13
00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:37,454
Pro: It's so pretty.
14
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:40,957
Con: The undertow
might actually take one of your toes.
15
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:43,668
- [audience laughs]
- [Cassy] Next, humidity.
16
00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:44,753
[paper tearing]
17
00:00:44,836 --> 00:00:48,131
Oh, sorry.
I had humidity, but I couldn't sleep.
18
00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:51,051
JJ kept me up all night
with her bubble machine.
19
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:52,278
- [audience laughs]
- [whoosh]
20
00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:54,113
- [gentle lullaby playing]
- [machine whirring]
21
00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:55,805
[audience laughs]
22
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,475
I need my bubble buddy to sleep.
23
00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:01,102
But you point it right at my face.
24
00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:05,899
Well, if I point it at my face
then I won't be able to sleep.
25
00:01:06,274 --> 00:01:07,108
[Cassy] Okay,
26
00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:09,552
I've got to get to work,
and you kids have to get to school.
27
00:01:09,611 --> 00:01:12,280
And that includes Dad,
who's going to my Career Day today.
28
00:01:12,363 --> 00:01:14,240
- [both upbeat] What, what!
- [audience laughs]
29
00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:15,992
Let's just do the speed round, Mom.
30
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,619
- Hit her with the cons.
- Okay.
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00:01:17,702 --> 00:01:19,871
Tallahassee, tourists,
any election day,
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00:01:19,954 --> 00:01:21,790
every Florida band except Tom Petty,
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00:01:21,873 --> 00:01:24,667
and for sure, old people driving rascals.
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00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,920
When you are on a sidewalk,
keep your head on a swivel.
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00:01:27,337 --> 00:01:28,337
- [audience laughs]
- Wow.
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00:01:28,379 --> 00:01:30,840
So Florida's basically
just a giant humid Arby's.
37
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:31,800
[audience laughs]
38
00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:34,010
Well, there is one more giant pro.
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00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,429
[Big Show] That's the fact
that we're all here,
40
00:01:37,388 --> 00:01:38,473
and now you are, too.
41
00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:39,682
Aw.
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00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:40,975
- [audience coos]
- Okay,
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00:01:41,059 --> 00:01:43,686
tomorrow we will spend
a full day on sinkholes.
44
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:44,770
[audience laughs]
45
00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:46,230
[bells ding]
46
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[upbeat pop opening credits]
47
00:01:52,195 --> 00:01:55,740
- [music fades]
- Thank you, Dr. Kim. Wow,
48
00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:58,243
we've had two heart surgeons
49
00:01:58,326 --> 00:01:59,953
- and a judge!
- [audience laughs]
50
00:02:00,411 --> 00:02:04,624
And now we have JJ's dad,
who's a wrestler.
51
00:02:04,707 --> 00:02:06,251
I got this, Miss Regie.
52
00:02:06,918 --> 00:02:07,794
Aidan, lights.
53
00:02:07,877 --> 00:02:09,712
- [light clicks off]
- Strobes.
54
00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:12,674
Ladies and gentlemen,
55
00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:13,675
parents,
56
00:02:13,758 --> 00:02:15,927
and Caleb's newest stepdad.
57
00:02:16,010 --> 00:02:18,304
Still just the boyfriend.
Fingers crossed though.
58
00:02:18,429 --> 00:02:19,305
[audience laughs]
59
00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:23,351
Please welcome my dad!
60
00:02:23,434 --> 00:02:26,062
- [cheering and applauding]
- [Big Show roars]
61
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,146
[continued cheering]
62
00:02:28,606 --> 00:02:30,859
[gruff yelling] Yeah,
that's what we're talking about!
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Hello!
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[yelling enthusiastically]
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Whoo! All right!
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00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:38,032
[continued applauding]
67
00:02:39,075 --> 00:02:40,075
[cheering fading]
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00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:43,163
- That's how you make an entrance, Dr. Kim.
- [audience laughs]
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00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:44,956
I'm JJ's dad.
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00:02:45,623 --> 00:02:46,708
I'm the Big Show.
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00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:49,294
[enthusiastically, then fading]
Hi, Mr. Big Show.
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00:02:49,377 --> 00:02:50,837
[audience laughs]
73
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:53,256
Any questions for Mr. Show?
74
00:02:53,798 --> 00:02:54,883
How big is your poop?
75
00:02:54,966 --> 00:02:58,469
- [audience laughs]
- Any career questions for Mr. Show?
76
00:02:58,553 --> 00:02:59,762
When's your next match?
77
00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:01,973
Uh, actually, I'm retired.
I don't wrestle anymore.
78
00:03:02,056 --> 00:03:04,100
So, if you're retired, what do you do?
79
00:03:05,518 --> 00:03:06,978
That's a good question. I, um...
80
00:03:07,061 --> 00:03:08,664
- [audience laughs]
- My grandma's retired.
81
00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:10,690
She just watches reruns
of The Golden Girls.
82
00:03:10,773 --> 00:03:12,025
[audience laughs]
83
00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:13,985
My grandpa retired, but then he died.
84
00:03:14,485 --> 00:03:16,738
My dad said he died
of not having a purpose.
85
00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:17,864
Do you have a purpose?
86
00:03:17,947 --> 00:03:19,341
- I think. Um...
- [audience laughs]
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00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:21,951
Kids, this is a good lesson
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00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:23,077
for career day.
89
00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:25,496
Sometimes when people retire,
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00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:28,541
they take a while
to figure out what they want to do
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00:03:28,666 --> 00:03:31,169
with the rest of the short time
they have left.
92
00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:32,170
What?
93
00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:33,253
[audience laughs]
94
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:34,505
Yes, Cooper.
95
00:03:34,589 --> 00:03:37,842
I have a follow-up on my poop question.
It's a two-parter.
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00:03:37,926 --> 00:03:39,260
[audience laughs]
97
00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:40,929
[upbeat pop music playing]
98
00:03:41,804 --> 00:03:43,932
♪ He's got a ham sandwich in his hands ♪
99
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:47,268
♪ He's got a Swiss ham sandwich
In his hands ♪
100
00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:50,647
♪ He's got some grease
From the bacon on his pants ♪
101
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:51,773
[audience laughs]
102
00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:53,816
♪ 'Cause he's got a dad sandwich ♪
103
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:57,237
♪ In his hands ♪
104
00:03:57,362 --> 00:03:58,905
[audience laughs and applauds]
105
00:03:58,988 --> 00:04:00,114
[Big Show whistling]
106
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:02,242
- [screams]
- [Mandy] Dad!
107
00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:04,869
- [plate rattles]
- Why are you sleeping on the couch?
108
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:06,704
Because I can't sleep in my room.
109
00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:09,040
JJ is binging The Walking Dead
110
00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:10,684
- without headphones.
- [audience laughs]
111
00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:13,670
What? She's not supposed to watch anything
that's going to prepare her
112
00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:14,793
for taking over the world.
113
00:04:14,837 --> 00:04:16,214
I can't live like this!
114
00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:18,132
We'll punish JJ in the morning.
115
00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:20,635
Right now, I need you to help me pick up
my dad sandwich.
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00:04:20,718 --> 00:04:22,887
- [audience laughs]
- Should be 22 pieces.
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00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:24,347
[audience laughs]
118
00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:25,807
[upbeat pop music plays]
119
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:29,185
- [music fades]
- [Cassy sighs]
120
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,312
Hello, Jennifer Jane.
121
00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:32,522
Oh, no.
122
00:04:32,605 --> 00:04:33,898
- [audience laughs]
- Oh, yes.
123
00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:36,776
Heard you've been enjoying
some late night screen time,
124
00:04:36,859 --> 00:04:38,111
and I found the notebook
125
00:04:38,194 --> 00:04:40,029
where you've been practicing my signature.
126
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:41,447
[audience laughs]
127
00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:43,533
Looks like it's time for a visit from...
128
00:04:44,033 --> 00:04:45,673
- [strained] The Punisher!
- The Punisher?
129
00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:46,994
That's right.
130
00:04:47,453 --> 00:04:48,579
The Punisher.
131
00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:49,789
[audience laughs]
132
00:04:49,872 --> 00:04:51,833
Let's see. No play dates for a week,
133
00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:53,084
a written report
134
00:04:53,167 --> 00:04:54,247
on the importance of sleep,
135
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:57,088
and I'm confiscating your bubble machine.
136
00:04:57,171 --> 00:04:58,971
- God, I hate The Punisher,
- [Cassy chuckles]
137
00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:01,342
but I also want to be her.
138
00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:02,468
[audience laughs]
139
00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:05,221
Thanks, Mom, but JJ is relentless.
140
00:05:06,347 --> 00:05:07,557
I have to get a hotel room.
141
00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:10,768
Dad, I'm going to need
all your three million Marriott points.
142
00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:12,270
Yeah, that's not happening.
143
00:05:12,353 --> 00:05:13,633
- [audience laughs]
- [Lola] Ugh!
144
00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:15,315
Mandy, I've got a crazy idea.
145
00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:16,983
Do you want to move in with me?
146
00:05:17,066 --> 00:05:19,110
I've never shared a room before.
Could be fun.
147
00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:21,404
Could be fun? Will be fun!
148
00:05:21,529 --> 00:05:23,948
Living with my older sister is the dream!
149
00:05:24,365 --> 00:05:27,243
My dream is to sail around the world
or, like, photobomb Shawn Mendes.
150
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:28,453
[audience laughs]
151
00:05:28,536 --> 00:05:31,056
But I'm really excited about this, too!
What's up, new roommate?
152
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:32,707
- [Mandy squeals]
- Oh! Okay,
153
00:05:32,790 --> 00:05:33,624
this is happening.
154
00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:34,625
Not a hugger.
155
00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:36,961
Just not for me,
like camping or men's soccer.
156
00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:38,045
[audience laughs]
157
00:05:38,087 --> 00:05:39,213
[upbeat pop music playing]
158
00:05:41,382 --> 00:05:42,759
- [music fades]
- Hey!
159
00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:45,219
Show Business... [taps bottles]
in the house!
160
00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:46,137
My man, Terry.
161
00:05:46,220 --> 00:05:47,680
I broke another doorknob, man.
162
00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:49,924
- [audience laughs]
- Mm. It's cool. I'd be embarrassed
163
00:05:49,974 --> 00:05:52,694
to own a gym where the members
weren't strong enough to tear it down.
164
00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:53,727
[audience laughs]
165
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:54,770
[doorknob rattles]
166
00:05:54,979 --> 00:05:56,339
Can I talk to you about something?
167
00:05:56,397 --> 00:05:58,459
- Anything. Except about toenails.
- [audience laughs]
168
00:05:58,483 --> 00:05:59,483
I don't like 'em.
169
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:02,737
They're like little turtle shells
for your feet.
170
00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:04,548
- [audience laughs]
- No, it's not about that.
171
00:06:04,572 --> 00:06:06,324
How could it be about that?
172
00:06:06,407 --> 00:06:08,802
Look, man, it's been a minute
since I retired from wrestling,
173
00:06:08,826 --> 00:06:10,661
and I feel like
I need to find what's next.
174
00:06:10,745 --> 00:06:12,538
[chuckles] Dude, you a celebrity.
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00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:14,040
You should just endorse stuff.
176
00:06:14,123 --> 00:06:16,167
And lucky for you,
I got the perfect thing.
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00:06:16,250 --> 00:06:17,085
Check this out.
178
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:19,130
[thuds machine]
This is a state-of-the-art juicer
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00:06:19,170 --> 00:06:20,880
that runs on artificial intelligence.
180
00:06:21,672 --> 00:06:23,633
Show, meet blender.
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00:06:23,716 --> 00:06:27,136
[robotic female voice] Hello, Terry,
the sexiest man alive.
182
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,722
I didn't teach her that.
That's just the intelligence talking.
183
00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:31,265
[audience laughs]
184
00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:35,853
Blender, make me a smoothie
with, uh, strawberry, banana, and acai.
185
00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:37,188
That's a superfood, bro.
186
00:06:37,271 --> 00:06:38,940
- [audience laughs]
- [machine whirring]
187
00:06:39,023 --> 00:06:39,857
- [clanking]
- Nice...
188
00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:41,181
That's all good. That's normal.
189
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:42,594
- [clanking]
- [juicer] Strawberry.
190
00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:44,362
- Banana.
- [audience laughs]
191
00:06:44,445 --> 00:06:45,530
Acai. Acai. Acai.
192
00:06:45,613 --> 00:06:46,697
Thank you, acai.
193
00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:48,032
I like acai.
194
00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:49,450
- [spray hisses]
- Acai.
195
00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:50,785
- [continued laughing]
- Acai.
196
00:06:50,868 --> 00:06:52,203
- [Terry whooping]
- Acai.
197
00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:53,788
Acai.
198
00:06:53,871 --> 00:06:55,456
[juice dripping]
199
00:06:55,706 --> 00:06:57,834
- [Terry clears throat]
- [audience laughs]
200
00:06:58,751 --> 00:06:59,877
[Terry exhales] Whoo!
201
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,213
You know, I just talked to Ronny Cuban.
202
00:07:02,296 --> 00:07:03,172
[audience laughs]
203
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:05,049
That's, uh... That's Mark Cuban's brother,
204
00:07:05,716 --> 00:07:07,844
and he's in for, uh, 50... bucks.
205
00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:09,576
- [audience laughs]
- [Terry exhales]
206
00:07:10,054 --> 00:07:10,972
What are you in for?
207
00:07:11,055 --> 00:07:12,265
No, I'm out.
208
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:13,683
I'm very, very out.
209
00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:14,809
[audience laughs]
210
00:07:14,892 --> 00:07:16,572
Come on, Terry.
For real, I need your help.
211
00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:17,645
You know, man.
212
00:07:17,728 --> 00:07:20,440
Retired wrestlers
are doing all kinda cool stuff these days.
213
00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:22,483
There's wine, there's yoga.
214
00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,610
You could always make movies
like the Rock.
215
00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:26,404
No, I tried the whole movie thing.
216
00:07:26,487 --> 00:07:28,281
I wasn't getting put up
for the right roles.
217
00:07:28,364 --> 00:07:30,867
- [whoosh]
- [British accent] Hello, I'm Elton John.
218
00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:33,178
- [audience laughs]
- [director] That was great. Thank you.
219
00:07:33,202 --> 00:07:35,472
- [usual voice] Hey, can I keep the hat?
- [audience laughs]
220
00:07:35,496 --> 00:07:37,123
Ooh! I got the perfect idea.
221
00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:40,126
You know how the Undertaker and his wife,
they do real estate?
222
00:07:40,209 --> 00:07:42,420
- Mm-hmm.
- You should do that with Cassy, man.
223
00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:43,504
She's already in the biz.
224
00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:45,381
Yeah, but what do I know
about real estate?
225
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:48,217
[chuckles] That's the beauty of it.
You don't know anything!
226
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:51,345
Cassy's always saying we need
to spend more time together, you know.
227
00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:52,472
Maybe this'd get me out of
228
00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:54,032
- going to the farmers' market.
- Oh...
229
00:07:54,056 --> 00:07:55,725
Don't bad-mouth the farmers' market.
230
00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:57,995
That's the only place
I can buy some decent stone fruit.
231
00:07:58,019 --> 00:07:59,019
[audience laughs]
232
00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:01,373
- [upbeat music plays, fades]
- [Cassy] Whoo!
233
00:08:01,397 --> 00:08:03,797
- That was a good farmers' market "sesh."
- [audience laughs]
234
00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:05,026
Yeah, but do we really need
235
00:08:05,109 --> 00:08:06,319
five pounds of pluots?
236
00:08:06,402 --> 00:08:07,862
I mean, what are pluots, anyway?
237
00:08:07,945 --> 00:08:10,198
Ah, it's a cross between
an apricot and a plum.
238
00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:12,116
It's like the labradoodle of fruit,
239
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,327
- [audience laughs]
- which is almost as cute
240
00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:15,786
as how much you loved
241
00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:16,870
the face paint guy.
242
00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:19,290
- [audience laughs]
- Okay. Weeo is an artist, okay?
243
00:08:19,373 --> 00:08:20,249
[Cassy laughs]
244
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,877
You know I've been thinking about
what I'm gonna do next, right?
245
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:24,670
Sure don't, but catch me up.
246
00:08:24,754 --> 00:08:27,006
Well, Terry had this great idea.
247
00:08:27,089 --> 00:08:27,924
Terry?
248
00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:31,219
The same guy who locked himself
in his Jetta over a holiday weekend.
249
00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:33,596
- [audience laughs]
- I forgot about that.
250
00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:35,056
- [audience laughs]
- But listen,
251
00:08:35,139 --> 00:08:36,807
what if I become a real estate agent?
252
00:08:36,891 --> 00:08:39,519
Then you and I can work together,
and that'd be fun, right?
253
00:08:39,977 --> 00:08:41,057
[high-pitched] So much fun.
254
00:08:41,103 --> 00:08:43,457
- [audience laughs]
- You know, when your voice gets higher,
255
00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:45,201
that usually means
you don't like something.
256
00:08:45,274 --> 00:08:46,514
[high-pitched] That's not true.
257
00:08:46,567 --> 00:08:47,818
[audience laughs]
258
00:08:48,277 --> 00:08:50,863
Babe, I'm just saying
I'm looking for my second act,
259
00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:53,449
and this could be something
I'm really good at.
260
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:57,078
Okay, well, uh, you know,
sometimes we have interns at the office.
261
00:08:57,161 --> 00:08:59,041
Maybe you could intern
and see if you like that.
262
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:01,207
Yeah! I could be an intern.
263
00:09:01,290 --> 00:09:03,167
Like Robert De Niro in that movie.
264
00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:04,293
[audience laughs]
265
00:09:04,835 --> 00:09:06,671
Because anything Rob De Niro can do,
266
00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:08,505
I can do.
267
00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:11,467
- [higher-pitched] Mm-hmm!
- [audience laughs]
268
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,261
[mellow pop music plays, then fades]
269
00:09:13,344 --> 00:09:14,344
[Lola] Hey, roomie.
270
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,194
I thought we could do each other's nails.
271
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:20,142
I have Pinky Brewster,
Katy Periwinkle or Blue Yonce.
272
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:21,826
- [audience laughs]
- Ooh! I'd love that.
273
00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:25,106
Give me Pinky for my fingers,
and Katy for my toes.
274
00:09:25,189 --> 00:09:26,399
[audience laughs]
275
00:09:26,649 --> 00:09:29,151
Wow, you have so much stuff.
276
00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:31,171
- It's like, everywhere.
- [audience laughs]
277
00:09:31,195 --> 00:09:32,363
We'll make it work.
278
00:09:32,446 --> 00:09:33,531
Of course we will.
279
00:09:33,614 --> 00:09:35,032
This is the best!
280
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,450
Are those dolls?
281
00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:38,661
They're legendary female bobbleheads.
282
00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:40,121
I have RBG,
283
00:09:40,204 --> 00:09:41,247
Rosa Parks,
284
00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:42,890
- Ellen DeGeneres...
- [audience laughs]
285
00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:44,597
Why do they only shake their heads "yes"?
286
00:09:45,042 --> 00:09:46,042
Because women...
287
00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:48,327
- are very supportive of each other.
- [audience laughs]
288
00:09:51,632 --> 00:09:53,134
Is this a half-eaten burrito?
289
00:09:53,217 --> 00:09:55,553
I like to think of it
as half an uneaten burrito,
290
00:09:55,636 --> 00:09:57,388
- [audience laughs]
- but I'm an optimist.
291
00:09:57,471 --> 00:09:58,471
[audience laughs]
292
00:10:00,224 --> 00:10:01,851
[stammers] You're going to bed?
293
00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:03,311
It's like 7:30.
294
00:10:03,894 --> 00:10:07,898
Yeah. If I don't get my 13 hours of sleep,
I'm a total mess.
295
00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:09,900
- Really? You?
- [audience laughs]
296
00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:11,344
- [clicks button]
- [machine whirs]
297
00:10:11,402 --> 00:10:12,403
[gentle lullaby plays]
298
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:15,156
I thought you hated JJ's bubble machine.
299
00:10:15,239 --> 00:10:17,908
I went from hating it
to being fully dependent on it.
300
00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:19,874
- Weird, right? Good night.
- [audience laughs]
301
00:10:20,578 --> 00:10:21,578
[clicks off light]
302
00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:24,415
[upbeat pop music plays]
303
00:10:27,084 --> 00:10:27,918
[music fades]
304
00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:29,503
- [screaming] Ew!
- [audience laughs]
305
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:30,587
Sorry.
306
00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:32,923
The Wi-Fi is awful on my side of the room.
307
00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:34,894
I didn't want to wake you,
but I also wanted
308
00:10:34,925 --> 00:10:36,552
to scroll through We Rate Dogs,
309
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:37,928
so you see my dilemma.
310
00:10:38,012 --> 00:10:41,015
- [audience laughs]
- No, I absolutely do not.
311
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:42,600
Oh! It's 7:45.
312
00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:44,328
- Gotta get to school.
- What?
313
00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:45,269
7:45?
314
00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:46,729
Why didn't my alarm go off?
315
00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:50,358
Oh... Sorry, I unplugged it
to use my flatiron.
316
00:10:50,524 --> 00:10:52,364
You can use it
because this whole hair thing...
317
00:10:53,402 --> 00:10:54,779
is a bold choice.
318
00:10:54,862 --> 00:10:55,862
[audience laughs]
319
00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:57,198
See you downstairs.
320
00:10:57,281 --> 00:10:58,741
- [Lola sighs]
- [sheets rustle]
321
00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:00,201
[squishing]
322
00:11:00,284 --> 00:11:01,118
Ew!
323
00:11:01,285 --> 00:11:03,621
- How many burritos are in this room?
- [audience laughs]
324
00:11:03,704 --> 00:11:05,331
[upbeat pop music playing]
325
00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:08,439
- [pop fades]
- [man] Sorry I'm late.
326
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:11,671
I wanted to get Miss Puffin's
lemon poppy muffins for the open house.
327
00:11:12,129 --> 00:11:13,381
Your fave! [chuckles]
328
00:11:13,464 --> 00:11:15,091
Wait, isn't Miss Puffins in Orlando?
329
00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:17,718
Yeah, I went there last night
and slept in my car.
330
00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:20,179
- [audience laughs]
- Anything for you, Cass-a-frass.
331
00:11:20,262 --> 00:11:22,782
Okay, Bennett, we talked
about how that name is too Jamba Juicy.
332
00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:24,767
- We did, and I'm sorry.
- Okay.
333
00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:26,727
- Cassy-o-keyboard?
- Mm-mm.
334
00:11:26,811 --> 00:11:27,728
- We'll find it.
- Yeah.
335
00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:28,938
[audience laughs]
336
00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:31,501
Hey, you know, if anyone can sell
this haunted house, it's you.
337
00:11:31,565 --> 00:11:33,693
[scoffs] Okay, this house is not haunted.
338
00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:36,028
It's just that the previous tenant
died here,
339
00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:38,322
- and her spirit refuses to leave.
- [audience laughs]
340
00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:41,450
Which is the literal definition
of a haunted house.
341
00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:43,369
You're still my queen though.
342
00:11:43,452 --> 00:11:45,121
Okay. [chuckles] Hey,
343
00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:47,044
my husband
is going to be helping us out today.
344
00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:48,923
He's thinking of becoming
a real estate agent.
345
00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:50,918
Perfect! And I'm thinking of becoming
346
00:11:51,001 --> 00:11:52,801
- a professional wrestler!
- [audience laughs]
347
00:11:52,878 --> 00:11:54,839
- JK, [stammers] I'd die quickly.
- Yeah.
348
00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:57,216
- [audience laughs]
- [sing-songy] Ding-dong!
349
00:11:58,008 --> 00:12:00,302
Had to say ding-dong
'cause I broke the doorbell.
350
00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:01,613
- [audience laughs]
- Hey, babe.
351
00:12:01,637 --> 00:12:04,181
You remember Bennett, right?
His dad owns our company.
352
00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:06,308
Of course! [bellowing] Big Ben!
353
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:07,685
It's Bennett.
354
00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:09,145
Hard "T".
355
00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:10,479
[audience laughs]
356
00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:15,794
- Okay. This is gonna be fun. [hums]
- [audience laughs]
357
00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:17,403
[upbeat music plays]
358
00:12:17,945 --> 00:12:19,196
You gotta see the light.
359
00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:22,783
- [curtain hooks rattle]
- [rod crashes and rattles]
360
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:26,829
And you know, when it's your place,
you can pick any new curtains you want.
361
00:12:26,912 --> 00:12:28,122
[audience laughs]
362
00:12:28,247 --> 00:12:29,999
How about these closets?
363
00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:32,084
Ow! My bones!
364
00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:33,502
[audience laughs]
365
00:12:34,295 --> 00:12:35,379
[crashing]
366
00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:37,631
- [audience laughs]
- Oh, no!
367
00:12:37,715 --> 00:12:38,591
Show?
368
00:12:38,674 --> 00:12:40,009
[banister rattling]
369
00:12:40,384 --> 00:12:43,846
[sputters] Sorry. I mean, that thing
came apart so easy.
370
00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:45,848
I mean, I don't think it's up to code.
371
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:47,784
- [audience laughs]
- Okay. Okay, uh... [laughs]
372
00:12:47,808 --> 00:12:50,352
Babe, I've got a new job for you.
373
00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:51,936
Okay.
374
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:53,480
Muffins.
375
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:54,440
[audience laughs]
376
00:12:54,523 --> 00:12:55,649
[deadpan] Muffins.
377
00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:57,860
- [audience laughs]
- Hey, you're the Big Show!
378
00:12:57,943 --> 00:12:59,403
You're doing real estate now?
379
00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:02,156
Sort of.
Mainly focused on the muffin side of it.
380
00:13:02,239 --> 00:13:05,201
Dude, I would love to buy a house
from a celebrity.
381
00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:07,620
I once bought an unlocked phone
from Fifty Cent.
382
00:13:07,703 --> 00:13:08,996
[audience laughs]
383
00:13:09,079 --> 00:13:11,165
So, what can you tell me about this place?
384
00:13:12,541 --> 00:13:13,375
This place?
385
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:14,877
Oh, this place is great!
386
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:18,297
I mean, the last owner loved this place
so much, she didn't even want to leave.
387
00:13:18,714 --> 00:13:19,882
She actually died here.
388
00:13:19,965 --> 00:13:21,008
No, no, no, no, no!
389
00:13:21,091 --> 00:13:23,010
But don't worry,
I know what you're thinking.
390
00:13:23,093 --> 00:13:24,470
"Is this place haunted?"
391
00:13:24,678 --> 00:13:25,763
And the answer is...
392
00:13:26,430 --> 00:13:27,264
maybe?
393
00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:29,850
- [audience laughs]
- Hi, hello. I can take over from here.
394
00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:31,435
You know what? No, thanks.
395
00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:32,561
I think I'm just gonna go.
396
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,355
No, man,
you haven't even seen upstairs.
397
00:13:34,438 --> 00:13:36,148
- [light shatters]
- [Cassy screams] No!
398
00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:37,274
[audience laughs]
399
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:40,110
Muffin?
400
00:13:40,778 --> 00:13:42,154
[upbeat pop music playing]
401
00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:46,492
- [music fades]
- Hey, roomie.
402
00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:47,993
Love the no makeup look.
403
00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:49,429
- [slams locker]
- [audience laughs]
404
00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:51,872
Well, I was late
'cause my alarm didn't go off,
405
00:13:52,039 --> 00:13:54,208
I'm wearing glasses
'cause I couldn't find my contacts
406
00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:56,544
under all of your tubes
of organic toothpaste, and...
407
00:13:56,627 --> 00:13:58,796
Oh my God,
are you wearing my new bomber jacket?
408
00:13:58,879 --> 00:14:00,047
Yeah, I got it
409
00:14:00,130 --> 00:14:01,590
from our closet.
410
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,485
- [audience laughs]
- [scoffs] I just bought it.
411
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:05,469
It's so new
it literally still has the tags on it.
412
00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:06,971
Not anymore, I took them off.
413
00:14:07,054 --> 00:14:08,138
- BTW,
- [audience laughs]
414
00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:10,349
you can totally borrow
any of my clothes.
415
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,685
I don't want to borrow your clothes.
416
00:14:12,768 --> 00:14:14,608
I want to wear the clothes
I bought for myself.
417
00:14:14,645 --> 00:14:16,689
Okay, calm down.
I'll give it back later today.
418
00:14:16,772 --> 00:14:18,607
- No, I'd like it back now.
- That's crazy.
419
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:19,984
- Give it back.
- No.
420
00:14:21,610 --> 00:14:22,945
Mandy, let go!
421
00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:24,071
[Mandy] No, you let go!
422
00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:25,406
Just straighten your elbows!
423
00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:26,948
[man grunts] Oh!
424
00:14:27,449 --> 00:14:29,243
Ah, my nose!
[groans] It just got better
425
00:14:29,326 --> 00:14:30,870
after your dad broke it. [sniffs]
426
00:14:30,953 --> 00:14:31,954
[audience laughs]
427
00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:33,757
[hysterical] What is wrong
with your family?
428
00:14:33,831 --> 00:14:35,511
- [audience laughs]
- [man screams in pain]
429
00:14:36,166 --> 00:14:37,042
[man moans]
430
00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:38,252
[upbeat pop music playing]
431
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:42,047
[music fades]
432
00:14:43,382 --> 00:14:45,593
Okay, that car ride was way too quiet.
433
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:47,595
What happened?
434
00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:49,513
Wait, I love a good sister fight.
435
00:14:49,638 --> 00:14:50,764
Let me get my popcorn.
436
00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:52,308
- [audience laughs]
- [bag rustles]
437
00:14:52,391 --> 00:14:53,391
Where'd you get that?
438
00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:54,434
Teachers' lounge.
439
00:14:54,476 --> 00:14:56,812
- [audience laughs]
- We're gonna revisit that.
440
00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:58,731
Okay, you two. Talk.
441
00:14:58,814 --> 00:15:01,567
[both arguing over each other]
442
00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:05,528
[audience laughs]
443
00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:07,656
Ooh, I think I just blacked out
for a second.
444
00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:10,034
If she were a good big sister,
445
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:12,995
she'd let me wear the jacket
that I clearly look better in.
446
00:15:13,662 --> 00:15:15,706
I don't think you understand
what "clearly" means.
447
00:15:15,789 --> 00:15:17,291
- [audience laughs]
- Okay, stop.
448
00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:18,626
Emotions are high.
449
00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:21,837
Right now we need to focus on punishment
'cause that's what's most important.
450
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:22,922
[audience laughs]
451
00:15:23,547 --> 00:15:25,299
Fine, wait till Mom gets home.
452
00:15:25,382 --> 00:15:27,092
Yeah, we'll wait till Cass gets home.
453
00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:28,176
Hold on!
454
00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:29,470
Wait a minute,
455
00:15:29,553 --> 00:15:31,013
I'm also a parent.
456
00:15:32,181 --> 00:15:33,181
I'll punish you.
457
00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:34,868
- [Mandy] So sweet.
- [Lola] Aw, Dad!
458
00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:36,292
- [JJ] Adorable!
- [audience laughs]
459
00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:37,728
Hey, I can do this.
460
00:15:37,811 --> 00:15:40,397
I'm not just some ex-wrestler
who doesn't have a purpose.
461
00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:43,651
Yikes, the kids in my class
really got to you, huh?
462
00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:45,945
Yeah, especially that Kelli with an "I."
463
00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:47,029
[audience laughs]
464
00:15:47,321 --> 00:15:48,321
Okay,
465
00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:49,530
here we go.
466
00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:55,204
- Punishment time.
- [audience laughs]
467
00:15:58,415 --> 00:16:00,584
Hi, babe. You know, pluots are good.
468
00:16:01,126 --> 00:16:02,503
I think I'm a pluot guy.
469
00:16:02,878 --> 00:16:03,963
- [audience laughs]
- So,
470
00:16:04,046 --> 00:16:05,966
what'd the insurance company say
about the house?
471
00:16:06,006 --> 00:16:07,006
Is it gonna cost a lot?
472
00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:08,175
Ah... Not sure.
473
00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:10,219
Most of the call
was trying to convince them
474
00:16:10,302 --> 00:16:13,639
that the damage was done by one man
and not an entire fraternity.
475
00:16:13,764 --> 00:16:15,244
- [Big Show sighs]
- [audience laughs]
476
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:18,602
I'm sorry. I guess my first day
at real estate wasn't the best.
477
00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:20,020
[clicks tongue] Aw. It's okay.
478
00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:22,982
I guess everybody breaks something
on their first day of work.
479
00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:23,899
That's true.
480
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:26,068
My first day of wrestling,
I broke Macho Man's shin.
481
00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:27,236
[audience laughs]
482
00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:29,530
But I promise I'll do better tomorrow.
483
00:16:29,613 --> 00:16:32,199
Oh, you know, actually,
I am not showing the house tomorrow.
484
00:16:32,282 --> 00:16:33,882
I'm just gonna be in the office all day,
485
00:16:33,909 --> 00:16:35,869
but we are having an open house on Monday.
486
00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:39,915
Great! I'm gonna crush Monday
just like I crush a tray of deviled eggs.
487
00:16:40,582 --> 00:16:43,168
- Quickly and without prejudice.
- [audience laughs]
488
00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:45,295
Oh! Hey, I got your text about the girls.
489
00:16:45,587 --> 00:16:46,714
Time for The Punisher.
490
00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:49,633
[chuckles] No need.
Mr. The Punisher took care of it.
491
00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:50,634
[audience laughs]
492
00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:54,138
So, your punishment
was giving them their iPads?
493
00:16:54,221 --> 00:16:55,514
Yeah, and I split 'em up.
494
00:16:55,597 --> 00:16:57,516
- Look how quiet they are.
- [audience laughs]
495
00:16:57,599 --> 00:16:59,018
You know just making them be quiet
496
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:00,811
isn't really a punishment.
497
00:17:00,894 --> 00:17:03,105
But if they're not quiet,
it's punishment for me.
498
00:17:03,188 --> 00:17:04,188
[audience laughs]
499
00:17:04,648 --> 00:17:06,368
Besides, look,
they're not fighting anymore.
500
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:07,400
Really?
501
00:17:07,943 --> 00:17:10,070
"Mandy, you're being a giant jerk face."
502
00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:12,489
"Lola, you're being
a selfish dragon emoji."
503
00:17:12,573 --> 00:17:14,253
- [audience laughs]
- Babe, still fighting.
504
00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:17,244
Babe, I've been in over 3,000
hardcore matches.
505
00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:18,912
One of 'em with a live bear.
506
00:17:18,996 --> 00:17:19,996
[audience laughs]
507
00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:22,416
Trust me, that ain't fighting.
508
00:17:22,499 --> 00:17:24,209
- [audience laughs]
- [rustling]
509
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:26,045
[frantically] My clothes!
510
00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:28,168
[Mandy, upstairs] Just getting
your precious clothes
511
00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:29,548
as far away from me as possible.
512
00:17:29,631 --> 00:17:32,384
I know how much you hate sharing.
513
00:17:32,509 --> 00:17:34,303
Ugh! When I get up there,
514
00:17:34,386 --> 00:17:37,306
I'm gonna throw away
all your women's tennis trading cards,
515
00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:39,016
starting with Serena.
516
00:17:39,099 --> 00:17:40,476
[audience laughs]
517
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:42,620
- [thudding footsteps]
- Now they're fighting.
518
00:17:42,644 --> 00:17:43,729
[audience laughs]
519
00:17:44,188 --> 00:17:45,981
Okay, here's what's gonna happen.
520
00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:47,608
You are going to stay in this room
521
00:17:47,691 --> 00:17:49,735
with no Wi-Fi and no phones...
522
00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:52,464
- [Mandy scoffs]
- until I tell you you can come out.
523
00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:54,948
Mom! That's a harsh punishment.
524
00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:56,909
Oh, that's just level one.
525
00:17:57,117 --> 00:17:59,828
Your real punishment
is gonna be like at a level ten.
526
00:18:00,329 --> 00:18:01,872
So you'd better get ready for it.
527
00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:05,667
[audience laughs]
528
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:07,169
[Big Show] Ooh...
529
00:18:08,295 --> 00:18:10,255
- That was terrifying.
- [audience laughs]
530
00:18:10,422 --> 00:18:11,256
What's level ten?
531
00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:15,052
[laughs] There is no level ten,
you big beautiful bounce house of a man.
532
00:18:15,135 --> 00:18:17,805
They are going to be so terrified
about what's coming
533
00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:21,517
that they'll talk out their problems
and it'll resolve itself, like that.
534
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,477
You know, turning off the Wi-Fi...
535
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:26,647
- [scoffs] such a baller parenting move.
- [giggles]
536
00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:27,856
[audience laughs]
537
00:18:28,065 --> 00:18:29,441
What happened to the Wi-Fi?
538
00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:30,692
I was hacking into...
539
00:18:31,568 --> 00:18:33,529
my paper about the importance of sleep.
540
00:18:34,029 --> 00:18:36,269
- It's all about the REM cycle, guys.
- [audience laughs]
541
00:18:37,032 --> 00:18:38,242
[continued laughing]
542
00:18:38,325 --> 00:18:39,743
[upbeat pop music plays]
543
00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:41,027
- [music fades]
- [door closes]
544
00:18:41,078 --> 00:18:42,162
Mom's at the office,
545
00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:43,580
so I want to surprise her
546
00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:46,458
by fixing everything that I broke
before the next open house.
547
00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:48,168
[toolbox bangs on floor]
548
00:18:49,837 --> 00:18:51,338
- What is that?
- Garlic and sage.
549
00:18:51,421 --> 00:18:52,701
Why do you have garlic and sage?
550
00:18:52,756 --> 00:18:55,884
To fix the real problem in this house:
ghosts, duh.
551
00:18:56,176 --> 00:18:57,886
I thought garlic was for vampires.
552
00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,555
You dunno what kinda friends she's got.
553
00:18:59,638 --> 00:19:00,973
- Why'd I ask?
- [audience laughs]
554
00:19:01,056 --> 00:19:03,016
Look, I'm gonna start on the bannister.
555
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:04,226
I'll start in the kitchen.
556
00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:08,897
[thudding upstairs]
557
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,107
[suspenseful music plays]
558
00:19:10,190 --> 00:19:12,151
- [audience laughs]
- [floorboards creak]
559
00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:13,318
[pants] Yeah, I'm out.
560
00:19:13,402 --> 00:19:15,821
- [audience laughs]
- Okay, okay. It's nothing.
561
00:19:16,196 --> 00:19:18,490
- We're good. It's nothing.
- [door creaks]
562
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:19,825
Told you there's ghosts!
563
00:19:19,908 --> 00:19:22,828
Dad, save me!
They always want the cuter one!
564
00:19:22,911 --> 00:19:23,787
[audience laughs]
565
00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:25,122
I'm not saying there's ghosts.
566
00:19:25,372 --> 00:19:26,206
[loud boom]
567
00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:28,834
[fearfully] I'm just saying
we should hide in the closet!
568
00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:29,918
[audience laughs]
569
00:19:30,711 --> 00:19:33,422
[yelling] Dad, I don't want to die
in a closet!
570
00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:35,257
I want to die punching a shark!
571
00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:36,580
[voice cracking] We'll be fine!
572
00:19:36,758 --> 00:19:38,886
Are you asking me or telling me?
573
00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:41,351
- [door creaks open]
- [Big Show and JJ scream]
574
00:19:42,806 --> 00:19:45,225
Cassy, I thought you were in the office.
575
00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:47,311
[stammering] I was,
576
00:19:47,394 --> 00:19:48,394
and...
577
00:19:48,645 --> 00:19:49,938
now I'm here! [chuckles]
578
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,815
And the explanation for that is...
579
00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:52,899
You lied to me.
580
00:19:53,066 --> 00:19:54,419
- [audience laughs]
- [Cassy sighs]
581
00:19:54,443 --> 00:19:56,820
Why do I smell burnt garlic
with a hint of sage?
582
00:19:56,904 --> 00:19:58,488
Is someone making a basic risotto?
583
00:19:58,572 --> 00:20:00,365
- [audience laughs]
- [smoke alarm beeps]
584
00:20:00,490 --> 00:20:01,490
JJ...
585
00:20:01,658 --> 00:20:03,660
did you use the oven without permission?
586
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:05,245
Maybe.
587
00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:06,830
But the big headline
588
00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:08,207
is Mom lied to you.
589
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:09,833
- [audience laughs]
- Mom!
590
00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:11,543
[mellow music playing]
591
00:20:15,589 --> 00:20:16,590
[music fades]
592
00:20:16,673 --> 00:20:18,008
[laughing on TV]
593
00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:20,343
Whatcha watching?
594
00:20:20,677 --> 00:20:21,553
The Golden Girls.
595
00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:23,013
They're my people now.
596
00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:24,180
[audience laughs]
597
00:20:24,431 --> 00:20:27,684
Old, retired, making my own jewelry.
598
00:20:27,809 --> 00:20:28,809
[audience laughs]
599
00:20:29,353 --> 00:20:30,353
Is it good?
600
00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:32,522
Yeah, it's a Blanche episode.
601
00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:33,649
[audience laughs]
602
00:20:33,732 --> 00:20:36,026
JJ, can I talk to your dad for a second?
603
00:20:36,109 --> 00:20:37,319
Well, the Wi-Fi's still out,
604
00:20:37,402 --> 00:20:38,403
so I guess I'll just go
605
00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:40,906
use my imagination
or some dumb crap like that.
606
00:20:40,989 --> 00:20:45,160
- [audience laughs]
- Okay, I lied to you, and I am so sorry.
607
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:47,955
I should have talked to you directly.
608
00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:51,291
Our relationship is built on honesty,
and I betrayed that.
609
00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:52,876
I mean, I understand.
610
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:54,840
I was kind of a disaster
as a real estate agent.
611
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,880
- Yes, you were.
- Well, that was a quick yes.
612
00:20:56,964 --> 00:20:58,284
- [audience laughs]
- [both laugh]
613
00:20:58,548 --> 00:21:00,926
It's just that, you know,
maybe real estate is my thing,
614
00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:03,887
and we should focus
on what's coming next for you.
615
00:21:03,971 --> 00:21:05,931
That's what I want, too. I'm just...
616
00:21:06,890 --> 00:21:08,267
I'm just worried, you know.
617
00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:10,602
What if I don't find
what that next thing is?
618
00:21:10,686 --> 00:21:12,896
What? [laughs] Honey,
619
00:21:12,980 --> 00:21:14,356
you are the Big Show.
620
00:21:14,439 --> 00:21:16,233
You invented this entire life
621
00:21:16,316 --> 00:21:17,316
for yourself,
622
00:21:17,442 --> 00:21:18,902
and you will do that again.
623
00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:21,571
And this little lady here
624
00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:23,824
is very excited
to see what that's gonna be.
625
00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:27,786
Well, this man right here
is very lucky he married you.
626
00:21:27,869 --> 00:21:28,869
[Cassy] Mm.
627
00:21:29,454 --> 00:21:31,623
Guys, I tried my imagination,
628
00:21:31,707 --> 00:21:34,001
and you do not want to go down that road.
629
00:21:34,084 --> 00:21:35,084
[audience laughs]
630
00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:37,504
- We need to end this.
- Yeah, you know,
631
00:21:37,587 --> 00:21:39,840
I can't believe
the girls haven't broken yet.
632
00:21:39,923 --> 00:21:41,508
This was one of my best head games.
633
00:21:41,591 --> 00:21:44,720
You know,
maybe the answer isn't head games.
634
00:21:44,803 --> 00:21:47,198
Maybe we ought to come straight at this
and get them to talk.
635
00:21:47,222 --> 00:21:48,307
[knocking at door]
636
00:21:48,390 --> 00:21:49,516
[door opens]
637
00:21:51,018 --> 00:21:53,478
You two just been sitting in silence
staring at the walls?
638
00:21:53,562 --> 00:21:55,355
We are teenagers in 2020.
639
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:57,607
If we don't have internet,
we have nothing.
640
00:21:57,691 --> 00:21:59,943
- [audience laughs]
- What is wrong with this generation?
641
00:22:00,027 --> 00:22:01,427
- [audience laughs]
- [Big Show] Ah!
642
00:22:01,737 --> 00:22:03,655
Okay, here's the deal.
643
00:22:04,031 --> 00:22:06,867
I want each of you to tell the other
what you're feeling.
644
00:22:07,367 --> 00:22:09,119
Be honest and direct.
645
00:22:09,703 --> 00:22:10,703
- I'm fine.
- Whatever.
646
00:22:10,746 --> 00:22:11,663
[audience laughs]
647
00:22:11,747 --> 00:22:12,581
Okay.
648
00:22:12,664 --> 00:22:14,824
All right. I'm gonna stay here
till we figure this out.
649
00:22:15,042 --> 00:22:16,376
I'm gonna get comfortable.
650
00:22:16,668 --> 00:22:18,170
I'm gonna take off my shoes,
651
00:22:18,545 --> 00:22:20,025
and then I'm gonna take off my socks.
652
00:22:20,088 --> 00:22:21,798
- [gasps] That smell haunts me!
- No!
653
00:22:21,882 --> 00:22:22,924
[audience laughs]
654
00:22:23,508 --> 00:22:24,508
Okay.
655
00:22:24,634 --> 00:22:26,345
I'm sorry for blowing up.
656
00:22:26,511 --> 00:22:27,846
I'm new to all of this.
657
00:22:28,138 --> 00:22:31,099
I've never had to share my things,
or my space.
658
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:33,310
I'm sorry for wearing your new jacket.
659
00:22:34,227 --> 00:22:35,227
Your stuff is cool.
660
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:36,520
You're cool.
661
00:22:36,772 --> 00:22:39,066
I just wanted to be like my big sister,
662
00:22:39,775 --> 00:22:41,234
and if I'm crowding you,
663
00:22:41,318 --> 00:22:43,718
I'll move into the tiny
Harry Potter closet under the stairs.
664
00:22:44,237 --> 00:22:46,490
- [audience laughs]
- No! I still want to share a room.
665
00:22:46,990 --> 00:22:48,992
We just have to figure out how to do it.
666
00:22:49,534 --> 00:22:51,578
I don't know. Maybe we need some rules?
667
00:22:51,661 --> 00:22:53,538
Oh my God, yes. I love rules!
668
00:22:53,622 --> 00:22:55,415
Ooh! I got it! I got it! I got it!
669
00:22:55,499 --> 00:22:56,917
This room needs a contract.
670
00:22:57,542 --> 00:23:00,128
Ladies, if there's one thing
that the WWE taught me,
671
00:23:00,545 --> 00:23:01,773
always pee before your match...
672
00:23:01,797 --> 00:23:02,797
[audience laughs]
673
00:23:03,048 --> 00:23:04,508
and how to do a contract signing.
674
00:23:05,926 --> 00:23:07,278
- I can do this!
- [audience laughs]
675
00:23:07,302 --> 00:23:08,720
[rock music plays]
676
00:23:08,804 --> 00:23:10,889
Lady and Dad,
677
00:23:11,515 --> 00:23:12,349
please welcome
678
00:23:12,432 --> 00:23:15,268
two girls who both think
they're my favorite sister,
679
00:23:15,352 --> 00:23:17,521
- [audience laughs]
- Mandy and Lola.
680
00:23:17,604 --> 00:23:18,604
Whoo!
681
00:23:18,855 --> 00:23:19,855
[rock music fades]
682
00:23:20,148 --> 00:23:22,275
I still think,
to make this contract signing official,
683
00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:24,569
one of y'all needs to get powerbombed
through the table,
684
00:23:24,653 --> 00:23:26,488
- [audience laughs]
- but I got overruled.
685
00:23:27,781 --> 00:23:30,867
Okay, Mandy, you can borrow the clothes
from my top drawer or bottom drawer,
686
00:23:30,951 --> 00:23:32,327
but never the middle.
687
00:23:32,411 --> 00:23:33,411
- [pen scratches]
- Lola,
688
00:23:33,453 --> 00:23:35,414
I'll keep food
on my side of the room,
689
00:23:35,497 --> 00:23:38,291
and I'll never assume you want a hug,
unless you give me the signal.
690
00:23:38,375 --> 00:23:39,376
Don't wait for it.
691
00:23:39,876 --> 00:23:41,476
- [tentatively] Okay.
- [audience laughs]
692
00:23:43,088 --> 00:23:44,339
You really want a hug,
693
00:23:44,423 --> 00:23:46,049
- don't you?
- I really do.
694
00:23:46,133 --> 00:23:47,342
- [audience laughs]
- Okay.
695
00:23:47,426 --> 00:23:48,427
Five seconds.
696
00:23:49,553 --> 00:23:50,913
- [Cassy laughs]
- [Big Show] Aw...
697
00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:52,263
See?
698
00:23:52,597 --> 00:23:53,597
You're The Punisher,
699
00:23:53,807 --> 00:23:54,807
but I'm...
700
00:23:56,143 --> 00:23:57,936
- The Peacemaker.
- [audience laughs]
701
00:23:58,019 --> 00:24:00,230
Okay, um... [laughs]
let's just make you a new one.
702
00:24:00,313 --> 00:24:01,953
I don't want you stretching this one out.
703
00:24:01,982 --> 00:24:02,858
I got it off Etsy,
704
00:24:02,941 --> 00:24:05,277
and it took like 13 weeks
to get here from the Ukraine.
705
00:24:05,360 --> 00:24:07,571
- [audience laughs]
- This has been really sweet.
706
00:24:07,654 --> 00:24:08,947
Good stuff, guys.
707
00:24:09,197 --> 00:24:13,785
Now please, for the love of God,
[through mic] turn the Wi-Fi back on.
708
00:24:13,869 --> 00:24:14,869
[audience laughs]
709
00:24:15,871 --> 00:24:17,873
[upbeat pop ending credits playing]
710
00:24:47,652 --> 00:24:49,821
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