All language subtitles for The Big Show Show - 01x01 - Prototype

And that's why I named my eighth poodle

after my fourth husband.

That's great, Dorothy,

but you know the ding just means
the passenger seat belt sign is off,

not that it's time to share.

Not in my day!

So, what brings you to Tampa, Lola?

Um, I'm actually moving there
to live with my dad.

He just retired.

Oh! What did he do?

He was kind of an entertainer.

Ooh... Like Celine Dion?

Look at that!

The Big Show
has won

the US title!

Yep, just like Celine Dion.

If Celine Dion ate an entire Vegas buffet

of Celine Dions.

So now your dad's retired,
what is he doing?

I think he's got his hands
in a lot of stuff.

Done, boom, yes!

Dad, this is not a French braid.

Oh, man,
I don't know why this is so hard.

There's something wrong with your hair.

I used to braid Mick Foley's hair
all the time.

And he loved it.

I've said it before

and I'll say it again.

Stop comparing me to Mick Foley.

Good morning. How's my Big Show?

And my little show... Oh.

So, I went on this amazing run
this morning

and I tried to jog
through the Starbucks drive-through again.

Got into a real spicy conversation

with the manager.

Long story short,

we are banned from that Starbucks.

But that's my favorite Starbucks!

They always sneak me day-old cake pops.

Well, if you wanna go there,

you'll have to wear a disguise.

Look at me.

What kind of disguise
could I possibly wear?

Shrek? Hulk?

Kool-Aid Man? Giant potato?

I could do this all day.

You know what, there's a Starbucks
near the airport.

Ooh, yeah, about that,
I can't go to the airport today

to pick up Lola with you.

No! You have to!

Lola's not just visiting this time,

she's actually moving in with us.
Everything has to be perfect!

And it will be! Don't worry.

Just you being there
will be enough.

No, it won't! I need you.

You class me up, Cassy.

You talked me out of wearing cargo shorts
for our wedding.

But not to the reception.

Look, I'm sorry I can't go with you,

but I have a really good reason.

I finally got the Litman listing.

The house where the old lady died?
Isn't that place super haunted?

That's just a myth
that turned out to be true.

Look, no one's ever been able

to sell that place.

I sell it, I finally get my face
on a bus bench.

You know, I've had my face on a bus bench.

It sucks. It's just butts, all day long.

ADB. All Day Butts.

Can I go to the airport?

I love the smell of jet fuel
in the morning.

Uh, no, JJ, you can go to school.

I'm just psyched
to be getting a big sister.

What are you talking about?

You already have a big sister.

Me!

Oh, my God, I am losing my identity.

Guys, MSS

is a legit problem.

MSS?

Middle Sister Syndrome.

It's real and it affects
one in three children

of three-children households.

Okay, I think we're being
a little dramatic.

Dramatic?

I am not dramatic.

Do you all really think that I'm dramatic?

Tell me right now
or I will run away forever.

Nobody say anything,

let's see if she's bluffing.

Okay, we have a few minutes before school.

I think I know who will cheer you up,
if you're game, Doctor Mandy.

Seriously? Do we have time?

Oh, we'll make time.

Doctor,

there's something terribly wrong
with our patient!

You just gave her the one dose, right?

Need more candy!

Run! It's Giant JJ!

Need more candy!

Need more candy!

Candy!

Okay, today's the day.

We gotta tell Mandy
she's moving in with JJ,

and give her room to Lola.

Do we have to? She is scary.

Especially when she goes into silent mode.

Please, I'm not scared of a tween.

I'm only scared of two things:

mascots and shopping for jeans
at Banana Republic.

Hey, what's up?

Mandy!

Your mom wants to talk to you.

That is a straight up lie.

Okay.

I'm the dad and what I say goes.
Lola's getting your room.

You know, 'cause Lola's only spent
summer vacations with us.

You know, 'cause we promised
she'd have her own room?

Okay, great talk, honey. Love you!

Ooh!

That was tough to watch.

She crushed you.

You need a hug?

Yes, please.

I know that sneeze.

JJ!

Oh, hey, Dad.

So before you get upset, just hear me out.

I got nothing.

I just wanted
to come pick up Lola with you.

"Aw, JJ!

That's so sweet!"

You can't do your own reaction.

And you can't skip school.

You're in a lot of trouble, young lady.

I brought a confetti cannon.

You're in a little less trouble,
young lady. Come on!

Hey!

You're that wrestler guy.

John Cena.

John Cena?

Do I look like a guy
that wakes up twice a night to moisturize?

Dude, this is The Big Show.

Yes, I'm a huge fan!

Officer Lance Johnson.

Can I have your autograph?

Hit the bricks, Johnson.
My dad's a busy man.

No, I'm not.

It'd be my pleasure.
I'd do anything for the police.

Anything?

Yeah, so my mom got this killer job
and moved to Belgium.

Oh, so she's in the waffle industry?

Don't think that's a thing.

Wish it was, though.

But, anyways, that's why I'm moving here.

To live with my dad,
stepmom and half sisters.

Well, that's a big change.

I'm actually super excited about it.

The weather is amazing.

My dad said I have my own room,

and there's a girl's hockey team
at my new school.

Oh, you play hockey?

Dorothy, I'm from Minnesota.

We learn hockey before we learn math.

So, is your dad picking you up?

No, I'm just gonna Uber.
I don't need anyone to pick me up.

Plus, I know

he would make
a big deal out of... Dad?

Hi, sweetie.

Surprise.

What is happening?

Also, why is it happening?

Ah, he wanted me to hold him like a baby.

It happens sometimes with fans.

I know I'm a cop,
but I've never felt so safe.

Welcome to Tampa, Lola!

Hey, JJ!

Lola, hi!

- You cut your hair.
- Cassy!

You noticed.

I noticed, too.

It's rounder and hairier.

I just didn't say anything.

Because I'm lying.

Where are your bags?

The airline's lost 'em.

The guy at the counter did say
they would be delivered today.

He did put today in quotes
and then laughed directly in my face,

and said, "This is why I don't fly."

Airlines, am I right?

And don't even get me started
on the food.

Don't worry, you can borrow my pajamas.

Thanks!

But, on the plus side,
I'm excited to see my new room.

Oh! Fun story about that.

You're doing a sit-in?

That's right.

Like my heroes RBG, AOC and Leslie Knope.

Again, not a real person.

I am exercising my right
to protest against oppressive forces.

In this case, you.

Hey, Lola.

So excited you're here. Love your hair.

Thanks! Love your sit-in.

This is nothing.

Wait till you see
what I've got planned next.

This revolution will not be televised,
it will be live-streamed.

Hi, guys!

Mom,

Dad, this footage will be used in court

when I decide
to daughter-divorce you both.

It'll probably win an Oscar,
and I won't be thanking you

inmy speech.

Oh yes, you will be thanking us,
or you're grounded.

Wait, what am I saying? This is not real.

Lola can bunk with me. It'll be fun.

FYI, I sleep walk,
sleep talk and sleep eat.

And if I hit a juice box

after seven,
get ready for some sleep peeing.

I know I promised you
you'd get your own room, and you will,

but would you mind bunking
with JJ for now?

Uh...

I guess I don't have a choice.

So, do you ever actually sleep-sleep?

I'll sleep-sleep when I die.

Hustle don't stop, bro.

Welcome to the JJ Dome!

I gotta say,

loving the vibe in here.

Thanks, I had a vision.

Super psyched you're here.

Make yourself comfortable.

And I want you to know,

mi casa es su casa.

Except for mi legos,
mi legos are not su legos.

They are mine.

Mine. Mine...

How's it going in the JJ Dome?

It's okay.

Lola, I know we're off to a shaky start,
but I promise I'll make it up to you.

It's not that shaky.

I mean, I don't have any

of my own stuff,

I'm sleeping in my stepmom's pajamas

on the top bunk of a kiddie disco

so I don't get peed on.

- Yes, a little shaky.
- Super shaky.

But, hey, tomorrow's a brand new day,

new school, new friends.

New girl's hockey team.

Super excited about that.

Once I get back on the ice,
it'll feel like home.

I'm just so happy you're here.

I'm happy too.

Okay, all right! We're doing this.

Oh. Forgot to mention.

I get 50% of any tooth fairy money.

You can talk to your guy, but trust me,

it's a standard contract.

This is all of Mandy's homework.

You sure you're okay
with her missing school?

Oh, everyone knows about the sit-in.

In fact,
we excused most of our class to join in.

Look at the live stream.

We encourage our students
to be civic thinking

and aware of the power they have
to control their own lives.

Control their own lives?

Have you met my daughters?

JJ once borrowed a boat,
got halfway to the Keys

before she turned herself in,
because she was, "Jonesing for a PB&J."

Incoming chest bump!

- There you are!
- Boom!

Yeah!

Hey, how was your first day?
It was great, right?

It was fine.

Fine? Come on!

How about your classes?
Where's your locker?

Hey, do the bathrooms

have those old urinals
that go down to the floor?

Wait, you're a girl.

Honestly, it wasn't a great day.

It's 75 degrees outside,

and I'm still wearing winter clothes
because my stuff is missing.

- The airlines called, they found the bags.
- Great.

In Paris.

Which you know is a great place for bags.

How does that help me?

It doesn't.

It doesn't at all.

Oh, also, there's no girls hockey team,
which was pretty important to me.

On the plus side,

I was up all night,
because JJ also likes

to sleep sing.

I don't even know Italian.

I'm sorry,

I just assumed
there was a boys and girls team.

I'll fix it. I'll talk to someone
at school tomorrow.

No, don't do that! I'll handle it.

Aw, she gets huffy just like you.

Ugh. Whatever.

This isn't just a fight for the bedroom.

No! It's much more than that!

It's a movement!

To quote Lin-Manuel Miranda's
American Express commercial,

"We create the room where it happens."

And this is that room!

JJ!

Where did all these kids come from?

This is all happening

a lot quicker than I imagined.

Come here.

I put it on Dad's Twitter.

Kids are coming from everywhere.

I'm charging 20 bucks a head.

You're charging 20 bucks?

This is a movement.
You cannot profit from that!

You get two percent of the gate
if you keep your mouth shut.

Ten percent,
and you have to do my chores for a week.

Seven, and I get first dibs

- on the bathroom in the morning.
- Deal!

Ha! I would've settled for 9%
and a go-gurt.

You played yourself, girlie.

How's the haunted house going?

Not great.

I found an exorcist on Craigslist,

but turns out he's just a personal trainer
who didn't know how to spell.

So, what's going on with you?

You only ask me to shave your head
when you need advice.

I think I'm blowing it already with Lola.

I just wanted it to be perfect,

and everything's going wrong
since the moment she landed.

Sweetie, she's only been here

like a couple days.

Why are you spinning out so much
about this?

'Cause so long
I've been a Facetime parent.

Now I'm a real time parent.

It's better than when you were
a butt dial parent.

That was just four muffled minutes
ordering off the dollar menu at Wendy's.

I spent a lot of dollars that night.

Look, you were always there for Lola,
even if she didn't see you every day.

Yeah, but now that she's here,
I want her to feel like this is her home.

And she will, she just needs time.

Maybe if I can get her
on the hockey team,

things will turn around.

I wanted to talk to the coach,
but Lola said I shouldn't.

Yep, she's right. Let her handle it.

I don't know, I think I can help.

Show, listen to me and remember
that I am holding a razor to your scalp.

Do not go talk to the...

Coach Fener?

Three, four...

and five.

Ah, that burns right.

Dang, look at you.

What do you go, about 5'8?

5'9?

Yeah, when I was like 11.

Okay, what can I do you for, Big Gulp?

I'm actually here about my daughter, Lola.
She wants to play on the hockey team.

Yeah, I'm gonna tell you
the same thing I told her.

There aren't enough girls in Tampa
who wanna play ice hockey.

Yeah, come on, there's gotta be
some kind of a compromise?

I don't compromise.

I come from a military family.
You think there's compromise in war?

Yeah, that's literally how they end.

Listen, Double Stuff!

- Don't call me Double Stuff.
- Why?

'Cause I don't like it.

And when I don't like something,
I break it.

Are you threatening a military man?

No, I am threatening a P.E. teacher
who shops at Baby Gap.

It's time to go.

Oh! Before you do,
could you actually hang this photo for me

up on the wall?

Thank you so much,
Double Stuff.

I just don't wanna talk about it!

What was I supposed to do?

Nothing!

Like I literally told you to do!
Could not have been clearer!

What happened?

I just talked to the coach.

Talk? I wish you just talked!

Ah, come on, man! This is not cool!

Hey, sweetie.

Oh, him?

He was like that when I got here.

Let's go, quickly.

Good news is coach changed his mind.
I had nothing to do with it.

- So there's a girl's team now?
- Nope.

- Oh, no.
- Yep.

What? The coach is gonna let her try out

for the boys team.

I mean, it's 2020, what about RBG and ABC,
and all that feminist stuff?

It's AOC!

ABC is what old people watch
when they don't know how to find YouTube.

That totally tracks, I've done that.

And a girl on a boys team
is so played out.

Every time I get on the ice,

the guys are afraid to check me,
or they don't pass me the puck.

So show those stupid boys
you're better than them.

I will!

I'm gonna go to that tryout tomorrow
and kill it.

But if I'm gonna be on the boys team,
I wanna earn it my way.

By myself!

You don't have to do it
by yourself anymore.

Yes, I do.

That's how I work.

Now if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go up to my room.

Oh, wait! I don't have one.

What? He called me Double Stuff.

Show, I specifically told you

not to do anything.

I know, you're right, but in my defense,
I did not listen to you.

Oh.

Hey, I, uh, didn't know you were out here.

Yeah, I just, needed some privacy.

You hear about Dad and Coach Fener?

Oh, yeah.

I heard Dad punched Coach Fener
so hard in the stomach,

he went from an outtie to an innie.

What? No, that's not what happened.

But, is Dad always like this?

Look, he means well,
and his heart's in the right place.

He just can't control himself.

He's like a giant puppy
in a house of bacon.

Hey, where were you?

Oh, I was just hanging out
at none of your business.

What's up?

We were just talking about Dad.

I heard he crushed Coach F,
and now he has to poop into a bag.

What? No,

he just hung him up on the wall
like a stuffed marlin.

Wow, this story has gotten out of control.

And so has this sit-in.

I need this to be over,

but I can't cave to mom and dad.

It sets a bad precedent.

Mandy, if I can get them

to cave, can I please have the room?

I could really use my own space
for right now.

Yes, the kids in my room suck!

They keep recommending podcasts
about natural deodorant to me.

What are we gonna do?

We just have to escalate
and manipulate things

where they have no choice but to cave.

Manipulate?

Now you're talking my language.

I need 50 bucks, Mom and Dad's passports,

and you two ding-dongs
to keep your mouth shut.

Okay, we're not doing whatever that is,

but I do have a plan.

I'm so glad you're here, Lola.

See? I love this.

With you here, Lola, we outnumber them.

We'll always get our way.
As long as we have each other's backs.

Sister to sister to sister.

Aw.

JJ, put my wallet back in my pocket.

You know I had to try.

Yeah! Nice!

Nice shot!

Nice! Move those skates!

Very nice!

Mom told us to stay in the car.

We were never doing that.

And shoot!

Ah, come on!

Lola was totally right.
The boys won't play her straight up.

There has to be a way to show them
she's tough and can take it.

Oh, no. I can see it in your eyes.

Something cray-cray is about to happen.

And whatever it is,

I'm capital I-N-N, in.

You do know that "in"
is spelled with one "N"?

You took me out of school for this.
That's on you, homeboy.

Good point.

I know I've done everything wrong
since Lola got here.

If she wants to do this her way,

I gotta fix this.

My way.

Alright, get some water.

Back on the ice in five.

There you go.

Oh, no, he's back.

He's bigger. Somehow he's getting bigger.

No, he's just getting closer to me.

- What are you doing here?
- Check me.

What? No!

Check me in the boards,
knock me on my butt!

Show them what you can do!

I'm not gonna hit you.

God, can't you ever just leave me alone?

No, I'm not going away.
I wasn't there for you for so many years.

And I'm never doing that again.
I'm in your life, whether you like it

or not. If you want me

to go away,
you're gonna have to make me.

Unless you're too scared.

Oh, boy.

Yeah!

Ow!

Dad! You okay? I'm sorry.

Oh, I'm the one
that should be sorry.

I just wanted everything
to be perfect for you.

I wanted you to feel like you were home.

You know what's weird?

Slamming you into the boards
has kind of been the first moment

this has felt like home.

- Ah, that was my plan all along.
- Really?

No, I'm making this stuff up as I go.

This is all gonna get easier, right?

I sure hope so,
I'm not gonna be able to walk for a week.

But I promise, in the future,

I'll wait till you asked for help.

And I promise to think
about asking for your help.

Deal.

That was awesome.

Okay, what I'm gonna need
is for us to do it one more time.

I'd love to get it in slo-mo.

We will come down
on the price of the house.

No, there aren't ghosts,
there is a ghost.

It's an old lady

in a Victorian nightgown.

If anything, it classes up the place.

Hello?

Oh.

So, how'd it go?

Good! I stayed in the car the whole time.

JJ sent me the video.

You ratted me out to Mom?

She promised me a Nintendo Switch
if I flipped.

And I want that Switch, baby.

Good news, Lola. Your bags have arrived.

Finally! Yes, all right!

Things are starting to turn around
for the old...

Zane Rutlidge from Detroit, Michigan.

These are not my bags.

You know, sometimes,
we don't get the bags we want,

but we get the bags we need.

What does that mean?

I don't know, I was just trying to help.

You know what? It's cool.
They'll get here eventually.

Who are those kids?

They're from Orlando.

Ugh. I hate kids from Orlando.

They got that Disney stink on 'em.

Mandy's protest is blowing up on Twitter.

This thing is getting huge.

Is that a drum circle?

I cannot stand drum circles!
They're never in rhythm.

Girls, go upstairs.

Ah!

Babe, I think we have to cave.

To cave? No, no.

No, no, no.

I won't cave.

I will hold the line to the end of days.

I was once in a three-hour standoff
with an old lady

for a parking spot in front of TJ Maxx.

I will never,

ever,

ever,

ever, cave.

Hey...

We're going to need mattresses,

because my people want to sleep over.

And they're going to need
to use your bathroom.

Okay, you win, you can keep the room.

Way to hold the line, Braveheart.

And now that I've won and proven my point,

I'll suspend the sit-in.

Lola can have the room.

Thank you.

Hey, Dad, remember the whole
asking for help thing?

- Yeah?
- Well, can you please help me

get these kids out of my new room?

Oh, I thought you'd never ask.

All right!

I am bigger,

stronger,

and balder than everyone in this room!

If you are not related to me,

or a dependent on my taxes,

get out!

Now!

God, I love helping.

Hey, kiddo.

Look, sorry again about the bags.

If you want,
I can take you to the mall tomorrow,

buy you some new clothes.

What do you need, like, underwear, bras?
I'm gonna have Cassy take you to the mall.

Good call.

Where did you find that?

It was in my bag.
I didn't want it to break.

You remember that day?

Of course I remember that day.

You spilled hot chocolate
all over your pants,

and then we made
a life size Big Show snowman

Biggest snowman ever.
That sucker didn't melt till July.

- Are you gonna cry?
- No!

Yes, but later when I'm in the bath.

Come on, It's movie night.

We're having Mediterranean food.

This hero needs some gyros.

Oh my God, was that a dad joke?

I dunno, it's all Greek to me.

Ooh, two in a row,

you gotta go.

I "pita" the fool
that does dad jokes!

Okay, seriously, get out!

- Love you!
- Love you.

Oh, well. Okay,

before we eat, you know the rules.

Best part of your day, Mandy.

Well, I have seven best parts.

Pick one, I'm hungry.

Today, I became the first middle sister

to make real change in our world.

That can't possibly be true,
but carry on.

Point is, I can't stop now.

I can see my own future.

So, I have decided to run

for Lower School President.

Sick! I'm in.

Rigging an election is on my bucket list.

That, and learning how to tie my shoes.

You know, when I was your age,

I was Lower School President
in my school.

- No, you weren't.
- Yes, I was!

That is crazy.

- No, I don't believe you.
- No...

I'm telling the truth.
I actually got impeached.

- I'm telling the truth!
- This seems like a joke.

- How?
- I used to kick the soda machine,

and it would spit sodas out,
and I'd sell them on the bus ride home.

- How dare you?
- I know.

Hey!

- You stole my gyro.
- I stole your gyro.

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