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1
00:00:10,877 --> 00:00:13,611
Starring Andy Griffith...
2
00:00:13,647 --> 00:00:15,513
with Ronny Howard.
3
00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:18,350
Also starring Don Knotts.
4
00:00:25,792 --> 00:00:27,593
Now, I'll-I'll be back
5
00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:30,006
on the 4:15 bus this afternoon.
6
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,130
Yeah, yeah.
7
00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:32,531
Say, Andy, don't you think
8
00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:33,932
we oughta have a sign made
9
00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:35,501
"Barney Fife, Acting Sheriff?"
10
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:38,137
Well, now, I don't hardly
see how that'd be worthwhile,
11
00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:40,417
seeing as how, by the
time it's ready, I'll be back.
12
00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:41,406
Oh.
13
00:00:41,442 --> 00:00:42,519
Now, don't forget
14
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,687
to cover the school
crossing at 3:00.
15
00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:45,711
Yeah, yeah.
16
00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:46,945
Oh, boy,
17
00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:49,448
sure gives an acting
sheriff a good feeling
18
00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:51,150
to have these babies around.
19
00:00:51,185 --> 00:00:53,018
Yeah.
20
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,353
Now, if you need me
21
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:57,234
you'll find me at the
courthouse in Centerville.
22
00:00:57,258 --> 00:00:58,524
Yeah, sure.
23
00:00:58,559 --> 00:00:59,824
Say, you know, Andy
24
00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:02,361
I best break out
them tear gas bombs.
25
00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:03,607
What for?
26
00:01:03,631 --> 00:01:07,098
Well, what if there
should be a jailbreak?
27
00:01:09,502 --> 00:01:12,037
Well, I mean...
28
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,950
Well, an acting
sheriff never can tell
29
00:01:13,974 --> 00:01:15,384
what he might be
needing 'em for.
30
00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:16,708
I better break 'em out.
31
00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:18,860
Well, now, Barney,
in the first place,
32
00:01:18,896 --> 00:01:19,973
in the whole history of Mayberry
33
00:01:19,997 --> 00:01:22,130
they ain't never
been no need for 'em
34
00:01:22,165 --> 00:01:24,160
and in the second
place, that one bomb
35
00:01:24,184 --> 00:01:26,379
they give us four
years ago is a sample,
36
00:01:26,403 --> 00:01:29,504
it's probably spoilt by
now, and in the third place
37
00:01:29,540 --> 00:01:31,924
I can't even remember
where I hid it.
38
00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:35,210
Oh, if you was to lose
the keys to the patrol car
39
00:01:35,245 --> 00:01:38,580
there's a extra set in the
top drawer of my desk.
40
00:01:38,616 --> 00:01:41,750
I guess I'll just have to
depend on that old riot gun.
41
00:01:41,785 --> 00:01:42,929
It's broke.
42
00:01:42,953 --> 00:01:45,087
Now don't forget to
sweep up out in the front.
43
00:01:45,122 --> 00:01:47,138
Andy, will you stop
all that fussing?
44
00:01:47,173 --> 00:01:48,718
A body didn't know
no better'd think
45
00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:51,226
you wasn't easy in your mind
about leaving me in charge.
46
00:01:51,261 --> 00:01:52,227
He would?
47
00:01:52,262 --> 00:01:53,295
He sure would.
48
00:01:53,330 --> 00:01:54,662
"Sweep up,"
49
00:01:54,697 --> 00:01:57,043
"cover the school crossing,"
"don't lose the car keys."
50
00:01:57,067 --> 00:01:59,201
Andy, gosh
a-mighty, it ain't as if
51
00:01:59,236 --> 00:02:01,064
you was leaving some
young, inexperienced
52
00:02:01,088 --> 00:02:02,988
whippersnapper in charge.
53
00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:05,374
You're leaving good
ol' reliable Barney Fife.
54
00:02:05,409 --> 00:02:06,624
Yeah.
55
00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:08,609
Andy, are you trying to tell me
56
00:02:08,645 --> 00:02:11,179
you don't think I can keep
law and order in Mayberry
57
00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:13,094
for eight measly
little old hours?
58
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:19,354
It is just eight
measly little old hours.
59
00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:21,773
Barney, I want you to know
60
00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:23,819
I got all the confidence
in the world in you.
61
00:02:23,843 --> 00:02:25,327
Now them's the kind of potatoes
62
00:02:25,362 --> 00:02:27,040
I was hoping I'd
hear from you, Andy.
63
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:29,893
I better hurry.
64
00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:31,661
That bus gonna leave without me.
65
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:33,551
Now, I promise you,
I won't let you down.
66
00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:35,653
You just go right
on to Centerville
67
00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:37,767
and do your testifyin'
relaxed and easy in your mind.
68
00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:38,924
Okay.
69
00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:39,969
Because you're leaving this town
70
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:41,760
in the good right
hand of Barney Fife.
71
00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:43,339
Good. I'll see you, Barney.
72
00:02:43,363 --> 00:02:44,629
All right.
73
00:03:48,445 --> 00:03:49,877
Howdy, Barney.
74
00:03:49,913 --> 00:03:51,846
Good to see you back, Sheriff.
75
00:03:51,881 --> 00:03:53,915
Good to be back.
76
00:03:53,950 --> 00:03:56,328
Everything, uh, all right?
77
00:03:56,352 --> 00:03:59,037
Right as rain, Sheriff.
78
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,816
You didn't think I could
handle her, did you?
79
00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:02,707
Come on, Andy,
now, tell the truth.
80
00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:05,043
You really didn't think I
could do it, now, did you?
81
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,577
Now, did you?
82
00:04:06,613 --> 00:04:08,913
You doubtin' son of a gun.
83
00:04:08,948 --> 00:04:12,183
Well, now, Barney,
I got to admit there
84
00:04:12,219 --> 00:04:13,167
for a minute this morning
85
00:04:13,203 --> 00:04:14,319
I did have my doubts.
86
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:15,865
Well, what do you think now?
87
00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:17,905
Well, everything
looks mighty quiet.
88
00:04:17,941 --> 00:04:20,241
See, I told you Barney
Fife wouldn't let you down.
89
00:04:20,277 --> 00:04:22,710
I told you you were leaving
this town in good hands.
90
00:04:22,746 --> 00:04:25,329
Yeah.
91
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:27,232
I must say...
92
00:04:38,295 --> 00:04:40,695
Well, no wonder
it's quiet in town.
93
00:04:40,730 --> 00:04:42,608
The whole population's in here.
94
00:04:42,632 --> 00:04:44,732
Yeah! Like I
promised you, Sheriff.
95
00:04:44,768 --> 00:04:47,035
Law and order's been kept
in Mayberry this here day.
96
00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:53,236
Well, it's been kept
more this here day
97
00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:56,473
than all the other
days put together.
98
00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:59,030
All right, now, just
quiet down. Now, quiet.
99
00:04:59,065 --> 00:05:00,098
Now, be quiet.
100
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:01,849
Everybody just, just quiet down.
101
00:05:01,884 --> 00:05:04,436
Come on, come on,
quiet down back there.
102
00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:07,088
Quiet! We know how to
deal with unruly prisoners.
103
00:05:10,861 --> 00:05:14,062
You got 'em packed in
there like sardines in a can.
104
00:05:14,097 --> 00:05:16,698
Well, you just swore
me in as acting sheriff,
105
00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:18,166
not acting Justice of the Peace.
106
00:05:18,201 --> 00:05:19,935
So I couldn't try them, could I?
107
00:05:19,970 --> 00:05:21,670
No.
108
00:05:21,705 --> 00:05:23,188
Well, I guess we better
109
00:05:23,223 --> 00:05:24,534
get the can openers
and let 'em out
110
00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:28,309
so's the ones in the back
can start breathing again.
111
00:05:28,344 --> 00:05:32,013
Now, now... when I let
you out, if you wouldn't mind
112
00:05:32,049 --> 00:05:34,115
just line up in front
of my desk over here
113
00:05:34,151 --> 00:05:35,762
and I guess we can
just try you right now.
114
00:05:35,786 --> 00:05:37,085
Hello, Harry.
115
00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:38,153
Miss Mary, how are you?
116
00:05:38,188 --> 00:05:41,756
Hello... hello, Judd,
how you doing?
117
00:05:41,792 --> 00:05:42,824
How are you, sir?
118
00:05:42,859 --> 00:05:44,025
Mayor... Mayor?!
119
00:05:44,061 --> 00:05:46,728
Oh, it's an outrage, sir,
that's what it is... an outrage!
120
00:05:47,831 --> 00:05:49,397
How are you, Miss
Johnson? How are you?
121
00:05:49,432 --> 00:05:51,833
He... Hello, Franklin,
how are things at the bank?
122
00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:55,203
Hello, Charlie.
123
00:05:55,238 --> 00:05:57,572
Hey, Nellie,
that's a nice dress.
124
00:05:57,607 --> 00:05:58,639
Aunt... Aunt Bee?!
125
00:05:58,675 --> 00:06:00,308
Oh, he showed no favoritism,
126
00:06:00,343 --> 00:06:01,387
I'll say that for him.
127
00:06:01,411 --> 00:06:02,677
But it's all I'll say for him.
128
00:06:02,713 --> 00:06:04,679
Come along, Opie.
129
00:06:04,715 --> 00:06:06,181
Op...?! You didn't
arrest Opie, too?
130
00:06:06,216 --> 00:06:08,194
Well, I couldn't leave
him home alone, could I?
131
00:06:08,218 --> 00:06:11,052
Come along, criminal.
132
00:06:11,088 --> 00:06:12,220
How are you?
133
00:06:12,255 --> 00:06:13,321
Glad...
134
00:06:13,356 --> 00:06:14,488
I'm glad you all are...
135
00:06:14,524 --> 00:06:15,524
Hi, Andy.
136
00:06:15,558 --> 00:06:17,092
Hello, there, Chester.
137
00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:18,359
Otis, how are you?
138
00:06:18,394 --> 00:06:21,295
You're looking good.
139
00:06:21,331 --> 00:06:23,598
What'd you do, drop a
net on the whole town?
140
00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:25,950
Just about.
141
00:06:30,441 --> 00:06:32,374
Clear the way.
142
00:06:32,409 --> 00:06:35,009
Excuse me here. Excuse me.
143
00:06:37,781 --> 00:06:39,359
Well, we might as well
get on with it, Barney.
144
00:06:39,383 --> 00:06:42,300
What's the first case?
145
00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:43,384
Judd Fletcher.
146
00:06:45,088 --> 00:06:47,055
All right. What's the charge?
147
00:06:47,090 --> 00:06:50,058
Judd Fletcher,
Age: 74, Hair: gray
148
00:06:50,093 --> 00:06:51,392
Eyes: blue...
149
00:06:51,427 --> 00:06:53,139
I know how old he is
and I know his name
150
00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:54,874
and I can see the color
of his hair and eyes.
151
00:06:54,898 --> 00:06:56,843
Now, just read off
the charge, Barney.
152
00:06:56,867 --> 00:07:00,534
Violation of Municipal
Code Number 721-8,
153
00:07:00,570 --> 00:07:01,770
Disturbing the Peace.
154
00:07:01,805 --> 00:07:03,104
Disturbing the peace?
155
00:07:03,140 --> 00:07:04,300
Old Judd here?
156
00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:06,207
He's tetched, Andy.
157
00:07:06,243 --> 00:07:08,187
I ain't had the strength
to disturb the peace
158
00:07:08,211 --> 00:07:09,677
nigh on to 30 years.
159
00:07:11,497 --> 00:07:12,814
Well, it don't take
much strength
160
00:07:12,849 --> 00:07:14,749
to throw a checkerboard
full of checkers
161
00:07:14,784 --> 00:07:16,485
off the porch of
the Mayberry hotel
162
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,531
and call old Chester Jones
a two-faced cheating liar
163
00:07:18,555 --> 00:07:19,821
at the top of his lungs.
164
00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:22,157
Now, that's disturbing the
peace, for heaven's sakes.
165
00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:25,960
Uh-huh. Judd, would
you mind hollering
166
00:07:25,996 --> 00:07:28,516
"Two-faced, Cheating
Liar" at the top of your lungs?
167
00:07:29,466 --> 00:07:32,667
Chester Jones, you're
a two-faced cheating liar.
168
00:07:35,421 --> 00:07:36,465
Well, he did willfully
169
00:07:36,489 --> 00:07:38,540
and with malice aforethought
170
00:07:38,575 --> 00:07:40,120
throw a checkerboard
full of checkers.
171
00:07:40,144 --> 00:07:41,270
Could have blinded somebody.
172
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:43,912
Well, now, seeing as
how that's been going on
173
00:07:43,947 --> 00:07:45,591
between Chester
and old Judd here
174
00:07:45,615 --> 00:07:46,626
for around 20 years
175
00:07:46,650 --> 00:07:48,528
that's more a part of the peace
176
00:07:48,552 --> 00:07:50,062
than it is disturbing the peace.
177
00:07:50,086 --> 00:07:53,971
Case dismissed, Judd.
You can go on home.
178
00:07:54,006 --> 00:07:55,240
Thank you, Andy.
179
00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:56,602
And thank you, too, Barney.
180
00:07:56,626 --> 00:07:57,859
What for?
181
00:07:57,894 --> 00:08:00,345
Well, considering the
kind of crime I done
182
00:08:00,380 --> 00:08:01,591
for not trying to get me hung.
183
00:08:06,336 --> 00:08:08,102
Next case.
184
00:08:08,138 --> 00:08:09,103
Bee Taylor.
185
00:08:09,139 --> 00:08:11,539
Aunt Bee, are you back there?
186
00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:13,574
Come on through.
187
00:08:13,610 --> 00:08:14,770
What's the charge, Barney?
188
00:08:14,794 --> 00:08:15,910
Bee Taylor. Age...
189
00:08:15,946 --> 00:08:17,440
You say another
word, Barney Fife,
190
00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:18,613
and you'll regret it.
191
00:08:18,648 --> 00:08:20,826
What's the charge, Barney?
192
00:08:20,850 --> 00:08:22,149
Code Number 421:
193
00:08:22,185 --> 00:08:24,652
Unlawful Assemblage
and Inciting to Riot.
194
00:08:24,688 --> 00:08:25,698
Aunt Bee?!
195
00:08:25,722 --> 00:08:27,855
Yes, Aunt Bee.
196
00:08:29,693 --> 00:08:30,770
All right. What happened?
197
00:08:30,794 --> 00:08:32,605
I was standing in
front of the courthouse
198
00:08:32,629 --> 00:08:34,507
chatting with a
group of ladies...
199
00:08:34,531 --> 00:08:35,758
Now, that's unlawful
200
00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:37,048
assemblage in my book.
201
00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:38,194
Well...
202
00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:40,285
And I asked them
real nice to move along.
203
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,020
But Aunt Bee kept
right on talking.
204
00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:44,488
So I asked her again and
she said, "Stop interrupting."
205
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,335
And then one of the women
raised her umbrella to me.
206
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:47,525
Now, that's inciting to riot.
207
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:49,177
Well...
208
00:08:49,212 --> 00:08:51,179
Well, now, Barney
209
00:08:51,214 --> 00:08:53,148
it looks like to me you
could have overlooked it
210
00:08:53,183 --> 00:08:55,983
seeing as how the women
always do congregate
211
00:08:56,018 --> 00:08:57,363
in front of the courthouse here
212
00:08:57,387 --> 00:08:59,432
and talk to one another
and have been right on
213
00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:01,301
and seeing as how
it was Aunt Bee...
214
00:09:01,325 --> 00:09:02,941
Oh, overlook nothing.
215
00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:05,477
He was too busy yelling,
"There'll be no favoritism
216
00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:08,279
in Barney Fife's
Administration."
217
00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:12,917
You gonna fingerprint
me, Barney?
218
00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:14,585
Oh, don't joke, honey.
219
00:09:14,621 --> 00:09:17,856
He's liable to send
you up to state prison.
220
00:09:19,709 --> 00:09:20,887
Next case.
221
00:09:20,911 --> 00:09:23,277
Mayor Pike.
222
00:09:23,312 --> 00:09:26,213
Oh, uh, how are you, Mayor?
223
00:09:26,249 --> 00:09:27,865
How am I?
224
00:09:29,252 --> 00:09:30,996
What's the charge, Barney?
225
00:09:31,020 --> 00:09:34,689
Violation of Code Number Four...
226
00:09:34,724 --> 00:09:35,734
Come on, Barney.
227
00:09:35,758 --> 00:09:37,358
What's the charge?
228
00:09:39,596 --> 00:09:42,113
Vagrancy and Loitering.
229
00:09:42,148 --> 00:09:43,648
Vagrancy and loitering?
230
00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:45,483
The Mayor?
231
00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:53,524
Uh, I don't know, Barney,
he looks pretty sober to me.
232
00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:56,104
But you should've seen him
when I nabbed him, Andy.
233
00:09:56,128 --> 00:09:58,258
I made a chalk line on the
street and told him to walk it.
234
00:09:58,282 --> 00:09:59,282
You know what he said?
235
00:09:59,316 --> 00:10:00,282
What?
236
00:10:00,317 --> 00:10:01,299
"What line?"
237
00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:02,511
I tell you, Andy
238
00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:04,330
I got this one dead to rights.
239
00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:06,337
That's what he
said... "What line?"
240
00:10:06,372 --> 00:10:07,400
That what you said, Otis?
241
00:10:07,424 --> 00:10:08,622
Yup.
242
00:10:08,658 --> 00:10:10,720
Well, I just don't
understand it.
243
00:10:10,744 --> 00:10:12,043
Three hours ago
244
00:10:12,078 --> 00:10:13,790
you couldn't see a chalk line.
245
00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:15,591
Now how you explain that, Otis?
246
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,710
Well, now, maybe I
didn't see that there line
247
00:10:17,734 --> 00:10:19,078
'cause I wasn't
wearing my specs.
248
00:10:19,102 --> 00:10:22,120
Drunk or sober, I can't tell
very much without my glasses.
249
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:25,006
Well, were you drunk when
Deputy Fife arrested you?
250
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:26,024
I can't tell.
251
00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:27,809
I wasn't wearing my glasses.
252
00:10:27,844 --> 00:10:29,527
I'm afraid I'm going
253
00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:32,363
to have to dismiss it, Barney.
254
00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:33,476
You can go, Otis.
255
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:35,483
Thanks, Andy.
256
00:10:47,330 --> 00:10:49,096
Uh, Barney...
257
00:10:49,132 --> 00:10:50,176
I had 'em, Andy.
258
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:51,844
I had 'em all dead to rights.
259
00:10:51,868 --> 00:10:52,945
You can check the manual.
260
00:10:52,969 --> 00:10:54,813
Every one of 'em
was as guilty as sin.
261
00:10:54,837 --> 00:10:56,737
Now-now, listen to me, Barney.
262
00:10:56,773 --> 00:10:57,972
Listen to me just a minute.
263
00:10:58,007 --> 00:11:02,443
Now, it's true you had 'em
all dead to rights by the book.
264
00:11:02,478 --> 00:11:05,146
But now, if you went
strictly by the book
265
00:11:05,181 --> 00:11:07,715
why, I don't reckon we'd
have anything in this country
266
00:11:07,751 --> 00:11:10,317
but 180 million jailbirds.
267
00:11:11,787 --> 00:11:13,154
Yeah.
268
00:11:13,189 --> 00:11:15,301
Yeah, I guess you're right. I...
269
00:11:15,325 --> 00:11:17,836
I guess I was just
trying to show you
270
00:11:17,860 --> 00:11:19,388
how much you could depend on me.
271
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:22,513
Well, now, I-I-I know
you were, Barney,
272
00:11:22,549 --> 00:11:24,182
and I appreciate that,
273
00:11:24,217 --> 00:11:28,085
but, well, I gue... I guess
you tried just a mite too hard.
274
00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:30,421
Yeah.
275
00:11:30,456 --> 00:11:32,857
Well, like they say,
276
00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:35,276
"Once burnt is a lesson learnt."
277
00:11:35,311 --> 00:11:36,694
Right.
278
00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:39,347
One mistake, better cake.
279
00:11:40,851 --> 00:11:44,118
Once bit, best fergit.
280
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:52,810
Oh! Getting thinner
all the time there.
281
00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:54,812
See, I've got some tonic
282
00:11:54,848 --> 00:11:57,782
that's guaranteed to
grow hair over your eyes.
283
00:11:57,817 --> 00:11:59,495
I don't want hair over my eyes.
284
00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:01,130
I want it over my head.
285
00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:02,687
Well, that's good.
286
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,221
That's very good.
287
00:12:09,345 --> 00:12:11,195
Hi, fellers.
288
00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:15,432
Well, if it ain't
old "Wild Bill" Fife.
289
00:12:15,468 --> 00:12:16,701
Duck, everybody!
290
00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:20,483
Oh, come on, Mayor,
I don't think you ought
291
00:12:20,507 --> 00:12:21,817
to call old Barney
here "Wild Bill."
292
00:12:21,841 --> 00:12:23,340
Thank you, Pete.
293
00:12:23,376 --> 00:12:25,960
He's much more like
that there Wyatt Earp fella.
294
00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:29,647
Oh, no, wait a minute...
295
00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:31,149
Oh, now, come on, fellas, I...
296
00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:32,316
Don't laugh.
297
00:12:32,351 --> 00:12:33,868
No, it ain't every deputy
298
00:12:33,904 --> 00:12:35,047
that can smoke out
a desperate outlaw
299
00:12:35,071 --> 00:12:37,305
like old Judd!
300
00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:39,774
Give you much of a fight, Wyatt?
301
00:12:39,810 --> 00:12:41,008
He sure did.
302
00:12:41,044 --> 00:12:43,961
He shot old Wyatt
here full of checkers!
303
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:48,516
No, no, wait, just a minute.
304
00:12:48,551 --> 00:12:51,385
You know, I don't think we ought
to be making fun of old Barn here.
305
00:12:51,421 --> 00:12:54,639
No, fact is, Mayberry don't
deserve a law officer like...
306
00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:56,302
You know what? If we
was real good patriots
307
00:12:56,326 --> 00:12:57,470
we'd get in touch
with the government
308
00:12:57,494 --> 00:12:58,660
and offer them a trade:
309
00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:02,380
Barney here for J. Edgar Hoover.
310
00:13:05,502 --> 00:13:08,402
That's the funniest
thing I ever heard!
311
00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:11,484
Barney, Barney, quick,
you got to catch him!
312
00:13:11,508 --> 00:13:12,440
Who?
313
00:13:12,475 --> 00:13:14,041
The fella what just hit and run!
314
00:13:14,077 --> 00:13:15,059
Hit and run? Where?!
315
00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:17,061
Out to the baseball field!
316
00:13:34,881 --> 00:13:35,896
Oh, howdy, Barn.
317
00:13:49,012 --> 00:13:54,181
Oh, now, Barney, are you
still fretting about that business?
318
00:13:54,217 --> 00:13:56,901
Now, like you said,
"Once bit, best fergit."
319
00:13:56,936 --> 00:13:59,503
Fergit? How's a feller
supposed to fergit
320
00:13:59,539 --> 00:14:01,450
when the whole dang
town's laughing at him?
321
00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:04,253
Oh, now, Barney, you're
just being extra sensitive.
322
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:05,877
They don't mean anything by it.
323
00:14:05,912 --> 00:14:08,245
They're just having a
little spell of innocent fun.
324
00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:11,048
Innocent fun? Well, maybe
it don't seem so innocent
325
00:14:11,083 --> 00:14:13,083
when you're what
they're having the fun at.
326
00:14:13,119 --> 00:14:14,151
Fergit, you say.
327
00:14:14,186 --> 00:14:15,853
Well, how's a feller
supposed to fergit
328
00:14:15,889 --> 00:14:17,922
when everybody in
town's reminding him of it
329
00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:18,923
every minute of the day.
330
00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:19,958
Oh, now, Barney...
331
00:14:23,162 --> 00:14:25,262
Sheriff's office.
332
00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:28,399
What? Where?
333
00:14:28,435 --> 00:14:30,435
Oh.
334
00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:32,503
What was that?
335
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:34,138
Somebody wanted Deputy Fife
336
00:14:34,173 --> 00:14:35,907
to come over to the post office.
337
00:14:35,942 --> 00:14:37,257
There was a big
fight over there.
338
00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:38,276
A big fight?
339
00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:38,960
Yeah.
340
00:14:38,995 --> 00:14:40,260
The postmaster just licked
341
00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:41,862
a bunch of stamps.
342
00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:46,968
It's a joke, Andy.
343
00:14:47,003 --> 00:14:49,603
Why ain't you laughing?
344
00:14:49,638 --> 00:14:51,438
I am.
345
00:15:04,354 --> 00:15:05,987
Morning, Barney.
346
00:15:06,022 --> 00:15:07,054
Morning.
347
00:15:15,782 --> 00:15:17,214
Barney...
348
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:28,560
Uh...
349
00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:30,761
Barney, uh...
350
00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:31,863
Are you all right?
351
00:15:31,898 --> 00:15:33,698
Of course I'm all right.
352
00:15:33,733 --> 00:15:36,213
Well, the reason I asked
is the way you're dressed.
353
00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:39,548
Well, what's the matter
with the way I'm dressed?
354
00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:40,582
Your tie is open and on crooked
355
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:42,284
your pants look like
they were slept in
356
00:15:42,308 --> 00:15:44,575
by a fella that tossed
and turned all night.
357
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:45,709
How you explain that?
358
00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:46,711
I slept in 'em
359
00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:48,912
and tossed and turned all night.
360
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:53,534
Well, Barney, this
is just not like you.
361
00:15:53,569 --> 00:15:56,089
Now, what do you
got to say to all this?
362
00:15:56,756 --> 00:15:59,223
Oh, I know, you're
acting this way
363
00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:00,558
because they laughed at you.
364
00:16:00,593 --> 00:16:02,071
Well, you can make
them stop laughing at you.
365
00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:04,478
Just stand up straight
and neat like you used to
366
00:16:04,514 --> 00:16:06,241
and look them right in the
eye like you was saying,
367
00:16:06,265 --> 00:16:07,743
"I'm Barney Fife,
Deputy Sheriff,
368
00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:09,166
and I'm as good a man as any."
369
00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:10,779
Now, come on, give her a try.
370
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:13,237
I'm Barney Fife, Deputy Sheriff,
371
00:16:13,272 --> 00:16:14,416
and I'm as good a man as any.
372
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,235
You're Barney
Fife, Deputy Sheriff
373
00:16:16,259 --> 00:16:18,709
and you're as good a
man as any. Try her again.
374
00:16:18,745 --> 00:16:20,656
You're Barney
Fife, Deputy Sheriff
375
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:23,146
and you're as good a
man as any. Try her again.
376
00:16:23,182 --> 00:16:25,310
Barney, you're
not trying at all.
377
00:16:25,334 --> 00:16:27,567
I declare, I don't...
378
00:16:53,462 --> 00:16:55,362
What did I do wrong, Sheriff?
379
00:16:55,398 --> 00:16:56,508
Nothing, Hilda May.
380
00:16:56,532 --> 00:16:57,810
I was just hoping
you might be able
381
00:16:57,834 --> 00:16:59,979
to help me set something right.
382
00:17:00,003 --> 00:17:01,003
Me? How?
383
00:17:01,037 --> 00:17:03,003
Well, like the fella says,
384
00:17:03,039 --> 00:17:04,583
when in doubt,
have a little talk
385
00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:06,874
with the girl the fella's
got a sweet tooth for.
386
00:17:06,909 --> 00:17:09,877
Come on in and set down.
387
00:17:09,913 --> 00:17:11,746
It's Barney, Hilda May.
388
00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:15,249
He's, uh, he's
feeling mighty low.
389
00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:16,734
Oh, I know.
390
00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:18,386
He needs building up.
391
00:17:18,421 --> 00:17:20,220
He needs admiring real bad.
392
00:17:20,256 --> 00:17:21,856
I know it, Sheriff.
393
00:17:21,891 --> 00:17:23,769
I tried to do just
that last night.
394
00:17:23,793 --> 00:17:25,003
You did?
395
00:17:25,027 --> 00:17:26,059
Uh-huh.
396
00:17:26,095 --> 00:17:27,595
We had a date.
397
00:17:31,501 --> 00:17:32,867
I'd heard what he'd done
398
00:17:32,902 --> 00:17:35,703
so I wasn't too surprised when
he came over just dragging
399
00:17:35,738 --> 00:17:38,839
and looking like a
sad old hound dog.
400
00:17:38,875 --> 00:17:40,608
Well, knowing him as I do
401
00:17:40,643 --> 00:17:42,910
I knew I had my
work cut out for me.
402
00:17:42,945 --> 00:17:45,379
Sheriff, I tell you, I
buttered that fella up
403
00:17:45,415 --> 00:17:49,517
frontways, backways,
sideways and edgewise.
404
00:17:49,552 --> 00:17:52,586
I drooled over the
shape of his nose.
405
00:17:55,458 --> 00:17:57,558
I admired his suit.
406
00:17:57,593 --> 00:18:01,094
And I oohed about
the size of his muscles.
407
00:18:02,264 --> 00:18:04,264
And that isn't the half of it.
408
00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:07,334
I told him how smart he was...
409
00:18:07,369 --> 00:18:10,571
I acted how lucky I was...
410
00:18:10,606 --> 00:18:15,242
and I sat bent over
some so's he'd feel taller.
411
00:18:15,277 --> 00:18:18,278
I tell you, Sheriff, that
fella was so buttered up
412
00:18:18,314 --> 00:18:22,316
if you tried to grab him, he'd
squoosh right out of your hand.
413
00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:24,029
Yes, sir, and it was
beginning to work.
414
00:18:24,053 --> 00:18:26,219
He was really perking up.
415
00:18:29,224 --> 00:18:32,326
And then I made my big mistake.
416
00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:34,895
I started running my
fingers through his hair
417
00:18:34,931 --> 00:18:36,113
and mussed it up.
418
00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:45,606
He looked so silly I
couldn't help laughing.
419
00:18:46,509 --> 00:18:49,410
He can't stand to be laughed at.
420
00:18:49,445 --> 00:18:51,946
Yeah, I know it, he's
gotten pretty sensitive.
421
00:18:51,981 --> 00:18:53,092
I tell you the truth,
422
00:18:53,116 --> 00:18:54,593
I just don't know what to do
423
00:18:54,617 --> 00:18:55,895
for the poor fella anymore.
424
00:18:55,919 --> 00:18:57,584
Yeah.
425
00:18:57,620 --> 00:18:59,486
It isn't right, Sheriff.
426
00:18:59,522 --> 00:19:01,655
Folks are really so fond of him.
427
00:19:01,691 --> 00:19:04,125
Yeah, that's right, they are.
428
00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:05,877
Sure, everybody likes Barney.
429
00:19:05,912 --> 00:19:07,227
That's what makes it so bad.
430
00:19:07,263 --> 00:19:09,303
They don't realize
they're hurting him.
431
00:19:09,331 --> 00:19:10,898
It's just a joke to them.
432
00:19:10,933 --> 00:19:13,317
Uh-huh.
433
00:19:13,352 --> 00:19:15,397
Well, now, that's
probably because
434
00:19:15,421 --> 00:19:16,698
they've never thought about it
435
00:19:16,722 --> 00:19:18,002
quite that way before.
436
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:24,361
Oh, but that will never do.
437
00:19:24,397 --> 00:19:26,080
Huh.
438
00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:30,517
Now, hold on there.
439
00:19:30,553 --> 00:19:31,797
Hold on just a dang second.
440
00:19:31,821 --> 00:19:34,066
A-Are we playing checkers
or hide-and-go-seek?
441
00:19:34,090 --> 00:19:35,255
I'm playing checkers.
442
00:19:35,291 --> 00:19:36,390
But I'll be danged
443
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:38,592
if I can figure out
what you're playing.
444
00:19:38,627 --> 00:19:39,705
Is that a fact? Why, you old...!
445
00:19:39,729 --> 00:19:41,812
Bub-bub-bub, you best
mind your language, Judd.
446
00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:42,907
You go hollering names at me,
447
00:19:42,931 --> 00:19:44,965
I got to holler
some back at you.
448
00:19:45,001 --> 00:19:48,568
Next thing, this Sherlock
Holmes deputy of Andy's here
449
00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:51,421
will be running us in
for disturbing the peace.
450
00:19:53,158 --> 00:19:54,291
Yeah, you, yeah, you...
451
00:19:54,326 --> 00:19:57,027
You better hold your
hollering till tomorrow, Judd.
452
00:19:57,063 --> 00:19:58,295
Maybe my new deputy
453
00:19:58,331 --> 00:20:00,764
won't have such sensitive airs.
454
00:20:00,799 --> 00:20:02,015
New deputy?
455
00:20:02,051 --> 00:20:03,962
Oh, of course, I can't
hardly keep on a deputy
456
00:20:03,986 --> 00:20:05,430
that everybody's
laughing at, can I?
457
00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:08,772
Heh! Sherlock Holmes
Deputy... that's a zinger, that is.
458
00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:12,810
Whew!
459
00:20:19,184 --> 00:20:20,963
I tell you the truth,
that deputy of mine
460
00:20:20,987 --> 00:20:22,363
is good for more
comical wisecracks
461
00:20:22,387 --> 00:20:23,587
than a barrelful of monkeys!
462
00:20:23,623 --> 00:20:25,689
You're right, Andy, that he is.
463
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,703
Yeah, when I think
of all the good jokes
464
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:28,993
we can get off on old Barney,
465
00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:31,394
I'm almost sorry
I got to let him go.
466
00:20:32,531 --> 00:20:35,733
Yeah... How much
I owe you, Floyd?
467
00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:37,646
You going to fire him, Andy?
468
00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:38,936
Well, of course.
469
00:20:38,971 --> 00:20:40,949
Deputy's getting
jokes made about him,
470
00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:43,284
why, that there fella's lost
the confidence of the people.
471
00:20:43,308 --> 00:20:45,453
He ain't much use to a
sheriff anymore, is he?
472
00:20:45,477 --> 00:20:46,644
What's the damage, Floyd?
473
00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:48,857
Huh? Oh, it's one dollar.
474
00:20:48,881 --> 00:20:50,125
There you are.
475
00:20:50,149 --> 00:20:52,049
Desperate outlaw like old Judd.
476
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:53,416
That's a humdinger, that'n is.
477
00:20:54,954 --> 00:20:56,120
Whoo!
478
00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:00,924
Well, naturally, Aunt Bee,
479
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:02,926
You don't expect me
to hold onto a deputy
480
00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:06,096
that's the butt of all them
jokes, do you? Hmm!
481
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:08,398
That was a fine dinner.
482
00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:09,713
Thank you, Aunt Bee.
483
00:21:15,307 --> 00:21:16,339
Howdy, Barn.
484
00:21:16,375 --> 00:21:17,452
Don't try and stop me, Andy.
485
00:21:17,476 --> 00:21:18,654
I thought it over
486
00:21:18,678 --> 00:21:19,788
and there ain't
nothing else I can do.
487
00:21:19,812 --> 00:21:20,978
But, Barney...
488
00:21:21,013 --> 00:21:22,924
No, Andy, why should
you want a deputy sheriff
489
00:21:22,948 --> 00:21:23,959
that ain't nothing but a joke.
490
00:21:23,983 --> 00:21:25,448
Well, listen, Barn...
491
00:21:25,484 --> 00:21:26,695
No, Andy, this is it.
492
00:21:26,719 --> 00:21:29,119
There's one cap, one badge...
493
00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:31,789
one revolver...
494
00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:34,792
one bullet...
495
00:21:35,260 --> 00:21:37,460
one gun belt.
496
00:21:46,505 --> 00:21:48,616
Andy Taylor, if you
were any kind of a sheriff
497
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:50,808
you'd know that
unlawful assemblage
498
00:21:50,843 --> 00:21:52,376
is nothing to be sneezed at.
499
00:21:52,411 --> 00:21:53,672
But luckily for this town
500
00:21:53,696 --> 00:21:55,874
we have a Deputy
Sheriff who knows his duty
501
00:21:55,898 --> 00:21:57,025
and he does it...
502
00:21:57,049 --> 00:21:58,999
And without showing favoritism.
503
00:21:59,034 --> 00:22:02,002
Well, Aunt Bee, I-I-I'd...
504
00:22:10,045 --> 00:22:11,223
Sheriff...
505
00:22:11,247 --> 00:22:14,248
Just because I'm old don't
mean I don't know my rights!
506
00:22:14,283 --> 00:22:15,382
But...
507
00:22:15,417 --> 00:22:17,095
Now, don't you but
me no "buts", Sheriff.
508
00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:21,155
74 or no, I can still disturb
the peace with the best of them.
509
00:22:21,190 --> 00:22:23,157
Ain't that a fact, Deputy Fife?
510
00:22:23,192 --> 00:22:25,075
Well, uh...
511
00:22:28,263 --> 00:22:31,165
Barney, as the
Mayor of this fair city,
512
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:33,145
I can only say I thank goodness
513
00:22:33,169 --> 00:22:34,601
we got a deputy sheriff
514
00:22:34,636 --> 00:22:36,081
who does his duty without fear
515
00:22:36,105 --> 00:22:38,689
of offending people
in high places.
516
00:22:38,724 --> 00:22:41,403
A man who sees
his duty, and does it.
517
00:22:41,427 --> 00:22:43,355
A man who makes it possible
518
00:22:43,379 --> 00:22:46,480
for all of us to sleep
peacefully and safely
519
00:22:46,516 --> 00:22:48,015
in our beds at night.
520
00:23:03,299 --> 00:23:07,634
I'm turning myself
in, old buddy-buddy.
521
00:23:17,980 --> 00:23:20,414
All right, all right. Let's
move it along here.
522
00:23:20,449 --> 00:23:21,593
Come on. Close it up!
523
00:23:21,617 --> 00:23:22,583
Close it up here!
524
00:23:22,618 --> 00:23:23,829
Let's move it. Come on, ladies.
525
00:23:23,853 --> 00:23:24,929
Let's get in there.
526
00:23:24,953 --> 00:23:26,297
What do you say now? Come on!
527
00:23:26,321 --> 00:23:27,721
Suck in that gut!
528
00:23:27,757 --> 00:23:30,140
You get in there!
529
00:23:30,175 --> 00:23:31,474
Yeah. That's it.
530
00:23:31,510 --> 00:23:32,620
All right. Get in those
cells and stay there.
531
00:23:32,644 --> 00:23:34,278
Now, let's have
532
00:23:34,313 --> 00:23:35,262
some quiet!
533
00:23:35,298 --> 00:23:36,196
Let's have some order!
534
00:23:36,232 --> 00:23:37,258
This is a nice jail.
535
00:23:37,282 --> 00:23:39,350
Let's keep it that way!
536
00:23:46,425 --> 00:23:47,707
We'll see you, Otis.
537
00:23:47,743 --> 00:23:48,876
So long, Andy.
538
00:23:48,911 --> 00:23:50,210
You come back now.
539
00:23:50,246 --> 00:23:52,946
Oh, I will.
540
00:23:52,982 --> 00:23:54,726
Well, Barney, you
ought to feel pretty set up
541
00:23:54,750 --> 00:23:56,383
having all those
folks come right out
542
00:23:56,418 --> 00:23:58,263
and admit that you was
right and they was wrong.
543
00:23:58,287 --> 00:23:59,586
I do, Andy.
544
00:23:59,621 --> 00:24:01,466
Oh, not so much for
Barney Fife, the man
545
00:24:01,490 --> 00:24:03,802
as for Barney Fife,
the law and order fella.
546
00:24:03,826 --> 00:24:06,071
I say you're either a
guardian of the law or you ain't.
547
00:24:06,095 --> 00:24:07,727
Yeah. I tell you the truth
548
00:24:07,763 --> 00:24:09,462
I'm surprised you
didn't get to me, too.
549
00:24:09,498 --> 00:24:13,400
Uh, well... if you want
to get technical about it...
550
00:24:15,771 --> 00:24:16,870
Huh?
551
00:24:16,906 --> 00:24:18,538
Well, you could be reprimanded
552
00:24:18,573 --> 00:24:19,973
for being out of uniform.
553
00:24:20,009 --> 00:24:22,409
I mean, no tie, collar open,
554
00:24:22,444 --> 00:24:23,911
pants un-pressed,
555
00:24:23,946 --> 00:24:26,091
not wearing a
revolver and gun belt,
556
00:24:26,115 --> 00:24:28,499
sleeves rolled up, your shoes...
36549
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