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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,310 --> 00:00:08,827 - Ladies and gentlemen, 2 00:00:08,896 --> 00:00:12,448 welcome to the Fillmore Fantasy Class Draft. 3 00:00:12,517 --> 00:00:14,620 all: [cheering, laughing] 4 00:00:14,689 --> 00:00:18,620 All students grade K-5 are eligible to be drafted. 5 00:00:18,689 --> 00:00:21,137 As you pick your players, keep in mind that scores 6 00:00:21,206 --> 00:00:23,413 are calculated based on academics, 7 00:00:23,482 --> 00:00:25,413 behavior, and attendance. 8 00:00:25,482 --> 00:00:28,344 If a kid gets sick, they go on the injured reserve. 9 00:00:28,413 --> 00:00:31,620 And this year, the winner will receive 10 00:00:31,689 --> 00:00:36,586 a $500 Target gift card for school supplies. 11 00:00:36,655 --> 00:00:39,517 all: [gasp] - May the best teacher win. 12 00:00:39,586 --> 00:00:42,620 Fantasy Class Draft starts in 13 00:00:42,689 --> 00:00:45,689 three, two-- [whistles] 14 00:00:45,758 --> 00:00:47,620 - I'll take Maddie P. - No. 15 00:00:47,689 --> 00:00:49,206 - She doesn't have any friends 16 00:00:49,275 --> 00:00:51,275 so trick ain't got nothing to do but study. 17 00:00:51,344 --> 00:00:52,655 Yes. - Oh, God. 18 00:00:52,724 --> 00:00:54,275 - [groans] 19 00:00:54,344 --> 00:00:56,689 "Pokemon Go" is screwing me. 20 00:00:56,758 --> 00:00:59,551 - Damn it, my class' attendance sucks. 21 00:00:59,620 --> 00:01:01,379 Pink eye is killing me. 22 00:01:01,448 --> 00:01:03,482 Don't poop and touch your eyes, animals. 23 00:01:03,551 --> 00:01:05,379 - Y'all thought Freddy S. was a moron, 24 00:01:05,448 --> 00:01:07,482 but he just had ADHD. Oh! 25 00:01:07,551 --> 00:01:10,379 Now he's on meds and bae slays all day. 26 00:01:10,448 --> 00:01:13,310 - Before I read the results, let me just say, 27 00:01:13,379 --> 00:01:15,379 this game is stupid. 28 00:01:15,448 --> 00:01:17,586 With that being said, 29 00:01:17,655 --> 00:01:19,310 Deb and Caroline are eliminated. 30 00:01:19,379 --> 00:01:21,103 - No. - Damn it. 31 00:01:21,172 --> 00:01:24,689 - Which means Toby and Chelsea are in the playoffs. 32 00:01:24,758 --> 00:01:26,827 - [squeals] - [laughs] Oh. 33 00:01:26,896 --> 00:01:28,000 [laughter] 34 00:01:28,068 --> 00:01:30,137 May the best fantasy class win. 35 00:01:30,206 --> 00:01:32,482 [rock music] 36 00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:34,275 - ♪ Teacher ♪ 37 00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:36,413 ♪ Oh ♪ 38 00:01:36,482 --> 00:01:38,793 - All right, and now Melanie and Tim, 39 00:01:38,862 --> 00:01:42,310 let's see what you each wrote about how you resolve conflict. 40 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:45,310 - Seriously, Tim? 41 00:01:45,379 --> 00:01:47,689 Everybody knows, never go to bed angry. 42 00:01:47,758 --> 00:01:49,517 - Well, now, Melanie, just to reminder, 43 00:01:49,586 --> 00:01:51,620 you need to write something on your board too. 44 00:01:51,689 --> 00:01:54,586 You can't just wait for Tim and criticize what he wrote. 45 00:01:54,655 --> 00:01:55,931 - Amateurs. 46 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:57,724 - What, did they just meet in the parking lot? 47 00:01:57,793 --> 00:02:00,344 - Now it's your turn, big boy. 48 00:02:00,413 --> 00:02:02,689 You and--and, uh... 49 00:02:02,758 --> 00:02:05,827 what's her face? Uh, your question is, 50 00:02:05,896 --> 00:02:09,206 how many children do you wanna have? 51 00:02:09,275 --> 00:02:10,517 both: Five. 52 00:02:10,586 --> 00:02:12,103 - Who's gonna handle the finances? 53 00:02:12,172 --> 00:02:13,655 [markers squeak] 54 00:02:13,724 --> 00:02:15,275 - She will. - I will. 55 00:02:15,344 --> 00:02:17,241 - I'm not good at math. 56 00:02:17,310 --> 00:02:19,517 - If there was, um, football game, 57 00:02:19,586 --> 00:02:21,689 shirts and skins, 58 00:02:21,758 --> 00:02:24,827 which one of you's gonna take of your shirt? 59 00:02:28,896 --> 00:02:30,379 - I guess I will. 60 00:02:30,448 --> 00:02:33,172 - Yeah, well, heh--hey, let's pretend that football game 61 00:02:33,241 --> 00:02:34,689 is happening right now, 62 00:02:34,758 --> 00:02:37,137 and you can take that shirt off. 63 00:02:37,206 --> 00:02:39,310 - [sighs] - Shirt and skins. 64 00:02:39,379 --> 00:02:40,586 You're skins. 65 00:02:40,655 --> 00:02:42,482 Ah. [chuckles] 66 00:02:42,551 --> 00:02:45,275 [calm rock music] 67 00:02:45,344 --> 00:02:49,310 - I'm sure Ms. Cannon will be along any moment now. 68 00:02:50,655 --> 00:02:52,965 Does this look even to you? 69 00:02:53,034 --> 00:02:55,034 - Sorry I'm late. 70 00:02:55,103 --> 00:02:57,241 - Oh, boy. 71 00:02:57,310 --> 00:02:59,620 - [sighs] Jesus, Cecelia. 72 00:02:59,689 --> 00:03:02,068 - I know. Sorry, guys. 73 00:03:02,137 --> 00:03:04,551 I was protesting the use of plastic straws. 74 00:03:04,620 --> 00:03:06,034 They kill animals. - We know. 75 00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:09,689 That turtle video you showed us made Lauren cry. 76 00:03:09,758 --> 00:03:11,931 - So, what do we do today? 77 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,965 - Today we are using old toilet paper rolls 78 00:03:15,034 --> 00:03:17,655 to make rain sticks. 79 00:03:17,724 --> 00:03:19,862 - Ew, what's on them? 80 00:03:19,931 --> 00:03:23,275 - Oh, shoot. My tahini must've spilled. 81 00:03:24,275 --> 00:03:27,586 - She's nice, but girlfriend's a disaster. 82 00:03:27,655 --> 00:03:30,275 [rock music] 83 00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:32,965 - No, Annie, there's no C in "bake." 84 00:03:33,034 --> 00:03:34,103 It's a K. 85 00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:35,758 - What are you doing with my student? 86 00:03:35,827 --> 00:03:37,689 - I'm just helping Annie prepare 87 00:03:37,758 --> 00:03:39,620 for your vocabulary test tomorrow 88 00:03:39,689 --> 00:03:40,896 because I'm a good teacher 89 00:03:40,965 --> 00:03:43,241 and I want every student to do well. 90 00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:45,206 - You lying sack of shit. 91 00:03:45,275 --> 00:03:46,827 Sorry, Annie. 92 00:03:46,896 --> 00:03:49,965 I meant "lying sack of shirts," like a laundry pile. 93 00:03:50,034 --> 00:03:52,586 Go ahead, Toby, tutor all you want. 94 00:03:52,655 --> 00:03:54,310 I have won Fantasy Class five years in a row 95 00:03:54,379 --> 00:03:56,965 and you are not gonna break my streak, you asshole rookie. 96 00:03:58,413 --> 00:04:01,482 Sorry, Annie, I meant "asphalt rookie." 97 00:04:01,551 --> 00:04:03,586 Like someone you walk all over. 98 00:04:03,655 --> 00:04:06,034 - You're going down. - In your dreams. 99 00:04:06,103 --> 00:04:07,827 I'm gonna eff you up. 100 00:04:07,896 --> 00:04:10,448 What? I got it right that time. I didn't say "fuck." 101 00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:11,655 Fuck! 102 00:04:11,724 --> 00:04:14,689 [mid-tempo rock music] 103 00:04:14,758 --> 00:04:17,137 - What happened to the gender neutral bathrooms? 104 00:04:17,206 --> 00:04:19,586 - When you bike to work, you miss the morning gossip. 105 00:04:19,655 --> 00:04:21,517 - The LSE voted to change them back. 106 00:04:21,586 --> 00:04:24,931 - [gasps] Oh, hell, no. 107 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:28,103 Members of the LSE, we must make all students 108 00:04:28,172 --> 00:04:30,034 of Fillmore feel accepted. 109 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,413 Bring back gender neutral bathrooms. 110 00:04:32,482 --> 00:04:35,172 [dramatic music] 111 00:04:41,068 --> 00:04:42,758 [rock music] 112 00:04:42,827 --> 00:04:44,655 - For the engagement party, I was thinking 113 00:04:44,724 --> 00:04:46,827 the play settings should be rustic burlap. 114 00:04:46,896 --> 00:04:49,137 - I was thinking the same thing. 115 00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:51,137 And speaking of the engagement party, 116 00:04:51,206 --> 00:04:53,068 I have a little surprise for you. 117 00:04:53,137 --> 00:04:55,000 - Is it a ranch fountain for the chicken nuggets? 118 00:04:55,068 --> 00:04:57,931 Oh, I'm gonna dunk so many nuggets. 119 00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,413 - No. 120 00:04:59,482 --> 00:05:02,827 I invited your parents to stay with me for the week. 121 00:05:02,896 --> 00:05:04,275 Yeah, I figured since I haven't met them yet, 122 00:05:04,344 --> 00:05:06,000 the engagement party would be the perfect time 123 00:05:06,068 --> 00:05:08,482 to get us all together. - Oh, my gosh. 124 00:05:08,551 --> 00:05:11,448 That's so sweet. When are they arriving? 125 00:05:11,517 --> 00:05:13,620 - Any minute. 126 00:05:13,689 --> 00:05:14,896 - Oh [groans]. 127 00:05:14,965 --> 00:05:16,275 - Mary Louise, what're you doing? 128 00:05:16,344 --> 00:05:17,965 - They can't know I spend the night here. 129 00:05:18,034 --> 00:05:20,655 - But we're not having sex. - Who cares? 130 00:05:20,724 --> 00:05:22,862 They don't even know we hold hands. 131 00:05:22,931 --> 00:05:26,482 Oh, and don't tell them we watch "Cheers." 132 00:05:26,551 --> 00:05:28,068 They hate it. - Why? 133 00:05:28,137 --> 00:05:29,931 - Shelley Long's a single woman working at a bar. 134 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:31,724 She's like the '80s Mary Magdalene. 135 00:05:31,793 --> 00:05:34,517 [bell rings] [gasps, squeals] 136 00:05:34,586 --> 00:05:37,517 [tense music] 137 00:05:37,586 --> 00:05:39,137 ♪ ♪ 138 00:05:40,172 --> 00:05:42,206 - [chuckles] - Mom, Dad. 139 00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:43,413 - Sweetheart. - Hi. 140 00:05:43,482 --> 00:05:46,758 There's my little angel. - Oh. Hi. 141 00:05:46,827 --> 00:05:49,793 - Hi. Aw. 142 00:05:49,862 --> 00:05:51,482 - So nice to finally meet you. I'm-- 143 00:05:51,551 --> 00:05:55,793 - Oh, my, look at this hip outfit. 144 00:05:55,862 --> 00:05:58,586 - [gasping laugh] - Ooh, a fire. Fancy. 145 00:05:58,655 --> 00:06:00,517 - [laughs] 146 00:06:00,586 --> 00:06:02,241 - Yep. 147 00:06:05,137 --> 00:06:06,517 [rock music] 148 00:06:06,586 --> 00:06:08,275 - Thank you so much for coming over 149 00:06:08,344 --> 00:06:10,448 to help me with breakfast, sweetheart. 150 00:06:10,517 --> 00:06:12,862 That's for your father. [chuckles] 151 00:06:12,931 --> 00:06:16,413 - Thank you. - Morning. 152 00:06:16,482 --> 00:06:17,758 - Morning. [gasps] 153 00:06:17,827 --> 00:06:19,482 Sweet corn. - Uh, uh, ah. 154 00:06:19,551 --> 00:06:22,000 - Hey, what-- - Oh, boy. 155 00:06:22,068 --> 00:06:24,206 Joanna, honey, open your eyes. He's gone. 156 00:06:24,275 --> 00:06:26,137 - What are you thinking? 157 00:06:26,206 --> 00:06:28,689 Coming to breakfast with my parents in the nude? 158 00:06:28,758 --> 00:06:31,275 - I'm not nude. - You practically are. 159 00:06:31,344 --> 00:06:32,793 My mom saw your nipples. 160 00:06:32,862 --> 00:06:35,310 For her that's a romantic encounter. 161 00:06:35,379 --> 00:06:38,275 Go put on a long sleeve button-down shirt. 162 00:06:38,344 --> 00:06:40,448 - Okay. 163 00:06:40,517 --> 00:06:43,620 Wait, what're you wearing? 164 00:06:43,689 --> 00:06:46,206 - Clothes. Now, go. 165 00:06:46,275 --> 00:06:48,655 - But he didn't even have hair on his chest. 166 00:06:48,724 --> 00:06:51,655 - [sighs] - It's unnatural. 167 00:06:51,724 --> 00:06:55,965 ♪ ♪ 168 00:06:58,172 --> 00:07:02,137 - Well, well, well, if it isn't Tim Brady. 169 00:07:02,206 --> 00:07:03,793 - It's Tom Brodie. 170 00:07:03,862 --> 00:07:05,172 And what a great comparison. 171 00:07:05,241 --> 00:07:08,241 We actually wear the same style UGG boots. 172 00:07:08,310 --> 00:07:09,896 - Mm. 173 00:07:09,965 --> 00:07:11,206 I have a trade proposal for you. 174 00:07:11,275 --> 00:07:12,517 - I'm listening. 175 00:07:12,586 --> 00:07:14,241 - I'm interested in two of your students. 176 00:07:14,310 --> 00:07:15,896 Bianca B. and Harry L. 177 00:07:15,965 --> 00:07:18,965 - No can do. They suck butt individually, 178 00:07:19,034 --> 00:07:21,000 but their cooperation is stellar, 179 00:07:21,068 --> 00:07:23,034 and there's a group project coming up. 180 00:07:23,103 --> 00:07:26,586 - Too bad, 'cause I was gonna offer you Bobby G. 181 00:07:26,655 --> 00:07:28,137 - Bobby G.? 182 00:07:28,206 --> 00:07:30,137 Isn't he your academic standout? 183 00:07:30,206 --> 00:07:32,689 - He is, but my fantasy class is skewing a little too 184 00:07:32,758 --> 00:07:34,551 "Big Bang Theory," so I'm in the market 185 00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:37,172 for behavior and attendance. 186 00:07:38,379 --> 00:07:40,758 What do you think? - You have yourself a deal, 187 00:07:40,827 --> 00:07:42,965 little lady. - Ooh [laughs]. 188 00:07:43,034 --> 00:07:45,379 Shazam. Bobby G.'s dad left them this week, 189 00:07:45,448 --> 00:07:48,586 the kid's life is in shambles. Ah, enjoy, jackass. 190 00:07:48,655 --> 00:07:51,241 Uh! - Up the butt, Chelsea. 191 00:07:51,310 --> 00:07:52,448 - [grunts excitedly] 192 00:07:52,517 --> 00:07:54,827 - You got me right up the butt. 193 00:07:57,379 --> 00:08:00,448 - You okay, Ms. Cannon? - I'm sorry, guys. 194 00:08:00,517 --> 00:08:02,137 I'm just a little bummed. 195 00:08:02,206 --> 00:08:04,620 I tried protesting for gender neutral bathrooms 196 00:08:04,689 --> 00:08:06,241 but no one took me seriously. 197 00:08:06,310 --> 00:08:09,103 - Can we be honest with you? - Sure. 198 00:08:09,172 --> 00:08:12,724 - No one takes you seriously because you're a mess. 199 00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:14,517 - I mean, look at what you're wearing. 200 00:08:14,586 --> 00:08:17,379 Are you a teacher or someone selling non-food items 201 00:08:17,448 --> 00:08:18,689 at a farmer's market? 202 00:08:18,758 --> 00:08:20,517 - And after five minutes 203 00:08:20,586 --> 00:08:24,448 of hearing you talk about your macrobiotic diet, 204 00:08:24,517 --> 00:08:26,172 people wanna hang themselves. 205 00:08:26,241 --> 00:08:28,241 - Wow. Okay. 206 00:08:28,310 --> 00:08:31,379 - We're not trying to be mean, but people make decisions 207 00:08:31,448 --> 00:08:34,931 about you based on how you look and act. 208 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:38,724 - Yeah, if anybody knows how judgmental the world can be, 209 00:08:38,793 --> 00:08:40,137 it's kids in Special Ed. 210 00:08:40,206 --> 00:08:42,655 - We're just trying to look out for you 211 00:08:42,724 --> 00:08:46,241 like you look out for us. - Thanks, guys. 212 00:08:46,310 --> 00:08:48,034 [Widelife's "All Things" playing] 213 00:08:48,103 --> 00:08:51,448 - Combing your hair once a day says to the world, 214 00:08:51,517 --> 00:08:54,724 "I'm not off my psych meds." 215 00:08:54,793 --> 00:08:57,551 - For style, I'd like to see you simplify. 216 00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,827 Wearing jewelry from different ethnic groups can look like 217 00:08:59,896 --> 00:09:02,793 a potpourri of cultural appropriation. 218 00:09:02,862 --> 00:09:05,586 Try this. - Mm, how chic. 219 00:09:05,655 --> 00:09:09,000 - Ants on a log is a simple, healthy vegan snack. 220 00:09:09,068 --> 00:09:12,068 - And it won't leave you smelling like the dumpster 221 00:09:12,137 --> 00:09:14,620 behind Panda Express. 222 00:09:14,689 --> 00:09:16,586 - ♪ Yeah, it's true ♪ 223 00:09:16,655 --> 00:09:18,344 ♪ All things just keep getting better ♪ 224 00:09:18,413 --> 00:09:22,896 - ♪ All things just keep getting better ♪ 225 00:09:25,206 --> 00:09:28,103 - Mr. Pearson, may I go to the nurse's office 226 00:09:28,172 --> 00:09:30,758 to get my ADHD medication? 227 00:09:30,827 --> 00:09:32,724 - Let me just check something, Freddy. 228 00:09:32,793 --> 00:09:35,793 Mm, Ms. Snap's team. 229 00:09:35,862 --> 00:09:38,620 Instead of your medication today, 230 00:09:38,689 --> 00:09:41,034 how would you like a little treat? 231 00:09:41,103 --> 00:09:44,862 - Yeah. - Mm-hmm, that's it. 232 00:09:44,931 --> 00:09:47,241 Eat up, every last bite. 233 00:09:47,310 --> 00:09:48,482 both: [screaming] 234 00:09:48,551 --> 00:09:50,620 - Freddy, no. 235 00:09:50,689 --> 00:09:51,793 - I think we're gonna have to send him 236 00:09:51,862 --> 00:09:53,206 to the principal's office. 237 00:09:53,275 --> 00:09:55,103 - I can't afford another demerit on my team. 238 00:09:55,172 --> 00:09:57,344 Drop the stick, Freddy. Drop the stick--ow. 239 00:09:57,413 --> 00:09:59,793 Freddy. Drop the stick, Freddy! 240 00:09:59,862 --> 00:10:03,068 - [giggles] 241 00:10:06,241 --> 00:10:09,413 - Mary Louise, hand check. - Ah. 242 00:10:09,482 --> 00:10:12,931 - And you better get going if you wanna get home by 9:00. 243 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,724 - Why do you wanna be home by 9:00? 244 00:10:14,793 --> 00:10:16,206 - For bedtime, you silly goose. 245 00:10:16,275 --> 00:10:17,931 You know that I go to bed at 9:00 p.m., 246 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:19,310 and I don't know what time you go to bed 247 00:10:19,379 --> 00:10:22,344 because I'm never here. Night night. 248 00:10:22,413 --> 00:10:25,310 Mm. 249 00:10:27,586 --> 00:10:30,482 [mid-tempo rock music] 250 00:10:30,551 --> 00:10:34,103 ♪ ♪ 251 00:10:35,137 --> 00:10:37,000 Psst. 252 00:10:37,068 --> 00:10:38,724 Psst. 253 00:10:38,793 --> 00:10:41,103 - Hey, what're you doing here? 254 00:10:41,172 --> 00:10:43,344 - I missed getting a chance to say goodnight to you. 255 00:10:43,413 --> 00:10:46,896 - Well, isn't this a nice surprise? 256 00:10:52,413 --> 00:10:54,551 - ♪ Ba dum ♪ 257 00:10:54,620 --> 00:10:56,965 ♪ Ba dum ♪ 258 00:10:57,034 --> 00:10:58,827 ♪ Ba dum ♪ - What's this? 259 00:10:58,896 --> 00:11:02,793 - Oh, it's just a little show for you. 260 00:11:02,862 --> 00:11:06,379 ♪ Ba dum ba dum ♪ 261 00:11:06,448 --> 00:11:10,275 [in a deep voice] ♪ Ba dum ♪ 262 00:11:10,344 --> 00:11:14,034 [in normal voice] ♪ Ba dum ba dum ♪ 263 00:11:14,103 --> 00:11:16,758 ♪ Ba dum ba dum ♪ 264 00:11:16,827 --> 00:11:18,931 ♪ Ba dum ♪ 265 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,206 - Mary Louise Rebecca Cleinice Bennigan. 266 00:11:21,275 --> 00:11:22,758 - Ah! - Ah, John-Paul. 267 00:11:22,827 --> 00:11:24,724 - Go home. Now. 268 00:11:24,793 --> 00:11:26,689 - Okay. Sorry, Daddy. 269 00:11:26,758 --> 00:11:28,931 [whimpers] Sorry. 270 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,965 Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm sorry. 271 00:11:35,758 --> 00:11:37,482 - We--we were just-- - Are you erect? 272 00:11:37,551 --> 00:11:38,620 - What? 273 00:11:38,689 --> 00:11:41,137 - Are you erect? 274 00:11:41,206 --> 00:11:43,758 - Uh--uh, no. - Good. 275 00:11:43,827 --> 00:11:45,724 Goodnight. 276 00:11:45,793 --> 00:11:48,000 [rock music] 277 00:11:51,517 --> 00:11:53,206 - We need to talk about your parents. 278 00:11:53,275 --> 00:11:55,793 - I think I was able to convince my dad it was a dream. 279 00:11:55,862 --> 00:11:57,793 - No, Mary Louise, you need to be honest. 280 00:11:57,862 --> 00:11:59,241 You can't keep lying to them. 281 00:11:59,310 --> 00:12:00,862 - I'm not lying to them. 282 00:12:00,931 --> 00:12:03,448 They have a very ideal vision of who I am 283 00:12:03,517 --> 00:12:05,034 and you're ruining it. 284 00:12:05,103 --> 00:12:06,862 - I'm ruining it? How? 285 00:12:06,931 --> 00:12:08,103 By being a part of your life? 286 00:12:08,172 --> 00:12:09,620 How do you think that makes me feel? 287 00:12:09,689 --> 00:12:11,586 The only people that you seem to care about lately 288 00:12:11,655 --> 00:12:14,000 are your parents. - That is absolutely not true. 289 00:12:14,068 --> 00:12:15,724 - Okay, hottie. 290 00:12:15,793 --> 00:12:18,241 Hotshot. Hotshots. 291 00:12:18,310 --> 00:12:19,413 First question. 292 00:12:19,482 --> 00:12:21,724 Whose opinion matters most to you? 293 00:12:21,793 --> 00:12:23,862 - [sighs] 294 00:12:23,931 --> 00:12:25,172 Mary Louise. - My parents. 295 00:12:25,241 --> 00:12:28,206 - Mary Louise. - Okay, fine, fine. 296 00:12:28,275 --> 00:12:29,620 I'll talk to them. 297 00:12:29,689 --> 00:12:31,482 - Losers. - Melanie! 298 00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:33,000 Shh. 299 00:12:33,068 --> 00:12:35,206 [mid-tempo rock music] 300 00:12:35,275 --> 00:12:37,344 - And as someone who's always been on the outside, 301 00:12:37,413 --> 00:12:39,551 I believe we should celebrate our differences. 302 00:12:39,620 --> 00:12:43,413 - Amazing what a comb and a little deodorant can do. 303 00:12:43,482 --> 00:12:46,379 - It's our job as educators to protect our students, 304 00:12:46,448 --> 00:12:48,137 not alienate them. 305 00:12:48,206 --> 00:12:50,000 The more accepting we are of others, 306 00:12:50,068 --> 00:12:51,724 including our transgender students, 307 00:12:51,793 --> 00:12:53,482 the more we grow in turn. 308 00:12:53,551 --> 00:12:55,310 - No! 309 00:12:56,896 --> 00:12:58,448 What? 310 00:12:58,517 --> 00:13:00,034 Oh, sorry. 311 00:13:00,103 --> 00:13:02,310 Not "no, I don't support people's gender identities." 312 00:13:02,379 --> 00:13:05,241 No that Davey P. just got pink eye. 313 00:13:05,310 --> 00:13:07,137 It's like these little freaks are farting directly 314 00:13:07,206 --> 00:13:09,344 into each other's eyes. 315 00:13:09,413 --> 00:13:11,310 - [inhales sharply] Mm. 316 00:13:11,379 --> 00:13:15,586 Thank you, Cecelia, for that very impressive presentation. 317 00:13:15,655 --> 00:13:18,034 But we can't vote on the same issue twice in a year. 318 00:13:18,103 --> 00:13:19,586 - [gasps] - Official policy. 319 00:13:19,655 --> 00:13:21,793 - Then why'd you let me get through my whole speech? 320 00:13:21,862 --> 00:13:23,965 - Because it was so good. 321 00:13:24,034 --> 00:13:25,551 And I can promise you this. 322 00:13:25,620 --> 00:13:28,137 Gender neutral bathrooms will be the first thing 323 00:13:28,206 --> 00:13:29,862 on the agenda next year. 324 00:13:29,931 --> 00:13:31,551 I wish more people would show up 325 00:13:31,620 --> 00:13:34,034 with such well-thought-out presentations. 326 00:13:34,103 --> 00:13:36,965 And the next time that you have a concern or idea, 327 00:13:37,034 --> 00:13:38,241 I think that I speak for the council 328 00:13:38,310 --> 00:13:41,034 when I say we are all ears. 329 00:13:41,103 --> 00:13:42,862 Also, I couldn't take my eyes off your blazer. 330 00:13:42,931 --> 00:13:44,137 Is that Ann Taylor LOFT? 331 00:13:44,206 --> 00:13:47,482 - Ann Taylor. - Damn. 332 00:13:47,551 --> 00:13:49,379 [rock music] 333 00:13:49,448 --> 00:13:52,344 both: [grunting] 334 00:13:52,413 --> 00:13:55,551 - We need to see the attendance sheets for the other classes. 335 00:13:55,620 --> 00:13:58,172 - Are you still playing that dumbass game? 336 00:13:58,241 --> 00:14:02,206 - Hi. I need to pull my son Howie out of class. 337 00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:04,758 His Pop-Pop just moved to hospice. 338 00:14:04,827 --> 00:14:06,379 I wanna make sure he says goodbye. 339 00:14:06,448 --> 00:14:09,379 - Oh, I'm so sorry. Yes, of course, let me-- 340 00:14:09,448 --> 00:14:11,758 - No, he can't... 341 00:14:11,827 --> 00:14:16,551 go, because he has a spelling test I really need him to take. 342 00:14:16,620 --> 00:14:20,103 - But didn't you just hear 343 00:14:20,172 --> 00:14:22,551 how he has to say goodbye to his Pop-Pop? 344 00:14:22,620 --> 00:14:24,206 - Yes, so why don't you-- 345 00:14:24,275 --> 00:14:26,724 - I'm sure the old man can hold on for one more day. 346 00:14:26,793 --> 00:14:28,379 - He has cancer. - Which one? 347 00:14:28,448 --> 00:14:31,034 Some of them aren't that bad. - All right, enough. 348 00:14:31,103 --> 00:14:34,275 Mrs. Gower, I'm terribly sorry. 349 00:14:34,344 --> 00:14:37,103 You can go ahead and wait for Howie in the hallway. 350 00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:41,689 You two should be ashamed of yourselves. 351 00:14:41,758 --> 00:14:44,689 These are children's lives you're messing with. 352 00:14:44,758 --> 00:14:46,655 Shut it down now, 353 00:14:46,724 --> 00:14:49,448 or I'll report you both to Principal Duffy. 354 00:14:52,931 --> 00:14:57,103 Here. Merry early Christmas. 355 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,689 - A $500 Target gift card? 356 00:15:00,758 --> 00:15:02,310 [gasps] 357 00:15:02,379 --> 00:15:04,931 You know, Mavis, sometimes... 358 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,689 Sometimes I do lose my faith in humanity-- 359 00:15:07,758 --> 00:15:09,241 - Don't make this a thing. 360 00:15:09,310 --> 00:15:11,965 - Okay. - Your mustache is uneven. 361 00:15:13,103 --> 00:15:16,034 [rock music] 362 00:15:16,103 --> 00:15:18,413 ♪ ♪ 363 00:15:18,482 --> 00:15:20,344 - Mom, Dad. 364 00:15:20,413 --> 00:15:23,206 - Sweetheart, where's your khaki skirt? 365 00:15:23,275 --> 00:15:26,206 - I don't really wear those anymore. 366 00:15:26,275 --> 00:15:29,620 - But you look so pretty with your ankles covered. 367 00:15:29,689 --> 00:15:31,931 - Yeah, but I'm an adult now, 368 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,448 and I choose to dress like this. 369 00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:37,793 And there are some other things you should know. 370 00:15:37,862 --> 00:15:39,827 We watch "Cheers." 371 00:15:39,896 --> 00:15:41,310 We hold hands. 372 00:15:41,379 --> 00:15:44,448 And dancing with my pants down isn't a regular thing, 373 00:15:44,517 --> 00:15:45,827 but I did enjoy it. 374 00:15:45,896 --> 00:15:47,551 - I knew it wasn't a dream. 375 00:15:47,620 --> 00:15:50,068 - I really appreciate all the values you instilled in me 376 00:15:50,137 --> 00:15:53,931 as a child, but I need to make my own decisions now. 377 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,275 I just wanna be honest with you both. 378 00:15:56,344 --> 00:16:00,034 - Well, this is a lot to take in. 379 00:16:00,103 --> 00:16:02,310 - It really is. "Cheers"? 380 00:16:02,379 --> 00:16:05,379 You know how we feel about that druggie Woody Harrelson. 381 00:16:05,448 --> 00:16:08,965 But we want you to be happy, sweetheart. 382 00:16:09,034 --> 00:16:10,103 - Thanks, Dad. 383 00:16:10,172 --> 00:16:11,482 [stirring music] 384 00:16:11,551 --> 00:16:12,758 [clinks glass] 385 00:16:12,827 --> 00:16:15,689 Attention. Attention, everyone. 386 00:16:15,758 --> 00:16:17,793 I'd like to make a toast. 387 00:16:17,862 --> 00:16:21,827 I just wanna thank you all for coming out tonight. 388 00:16:21,896 --> 00:16:23,931 And I also wanna thank my partner, 389 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,310 my main squeeze, 390 00:16:25,379 --> 00:16:27,034 the Lewis to my Clark, 391 00:16:27,103 --> 00:16:28,931 the peanut butter to my jelly, 392 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,034 the chips to my dip, the cream to my corn. 393 00:16:31,103 --> 00:16:33,689 I have a lot of those. They're all food. 394 00:16:33,758 --> 00:16:36,862 My life is so much richer with you in it. 395 00:16:36,931 --> 00:16:38,758 The hamburger to my helper. [snortles] 396 00:16:38,827 --> 00:16:41,827 I'm sorry, I had to. That one was really good. 397 00:16:41,896 --> 00:16:43,172 Cheers. 398 00:16:43,241 --> 00:16:46,103 all: Cheers. - Again with that show? 399 00:16:47,724 --> 00:16:49,586 - Mm. 400 00:16:51,206 --> 00:16:52,482 [sniffs] Mm. 401 00:16:52,551 --> 00:16:53,724 - Listen. 402 00:16:53,793 --> 00:16:56,034 I might have taken things a little too far. 403 00:16:56,103 --> 00:16:57,551 - Me too. 404 00:16:57,620 --> 00:16:59,689 I shouldn't have told Maria S. it was Spring Break. 405 00:16:59,758 --> 00:17:02,137 She has completely missed her times tables. 406 00:17:02,206 --> 00:17:05,000 - I'm just so sick of paying for school supplies 407 00:17:05,068 --> 00:17:07,103 with my own money. - Same. 408 00:17:07,172 --> 00:17:10,620 Also, this is dumb, but I think the reason I get so crazy 409 00:17:10,689 --> 00:17:12,689 about Fantasy Class is because it's the only time 410 00:17:12,758 --> 00:17:15,482 I get recognized as the best teacher. 411 00:17:15,551 --> 00:17:17,413 Hopefully, some day, if I work hard, 412 00:17:17,482 --> 00:17:19,827 I'll get recognized as a great real teacher. 413 00:17:19,896 --> 00:17:23,206 - [laughs] 414 00:17:23,275 --> 00:17:25,586 - What's so funny? - Oh. 415 00:17:25,655 --> 00:17:27,965 You're serious? - Of course I'm serious. 416 00:17:28,034 --> 00:17:30,655 You thought I was joking about wanting to be a great teacher? 417 00:17:30,724 --> 00:17:33,413 - Yes. You put no effort into teaching. 418 00:17:33,482 --> 00:17:36,068 And historically, you have been bad. 419 00:17:36,137 --> 00:17:37,620 - That is so offensive. I take my kids 420 00:17:37,689 --> 00:17:39,965 on more field trips than anyone in this school. 421 00:17:40,034 --> 00:17:42,034 - Great speech. 422 00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:44,241 You must be the 'rents. I'm Deb. 423 00:17:44,310 --> 00:17:46,448 - Ah, nice to meet you. - Thanks for coming. 424 00:17:46,517 --> 00:17:48,137 - My pleasure. Where's Blake? 425 00:17:48,206 --> 00:17:50,482 - You made your class use Bunsen burners 426 00:17:50,551 --> 00:17:52,275 to heat up your bikini wax. 427 00:17:52,344 --> 00:17:54,103 - They were learning science. 428 00:17:54,172 --> 00:17:55,551 - Who's Blake? - My son. 429 00:17:55,620 --> 00:17:58,034 He's at my ex's. - That is not science! 430 00:17:58,103 --> 00:18:00,206 - You have a son? - You were married? 431 00:18:00,275 --> 00:18:02,275 - I can explain. - You never told them? 432 00:18:02,344 --> 00:18:03,551 - Ah! - [grunts] 433 00:18:03,620 --> 00:18:05,172 [glass shatters] - [thumps] 434 00:18:05,241 --> 00:18:07,241 all: [gasp] - Oh. 435 00:18:07,310 --> 00:18:11,137 [mid-tempo rock music] 436 00:18:17,689 --> 00:18:19,068 - I'm sorry. 437 00:18:19,137 --> 00:18:22,034 - Please tell us that the marriage was annulled. 438 00:18:22,103 --> 00:18:24,379 - I'm not apologizing to you guys. 439 00:18:25,862 --> 00:18:29,034 I'm apologizing to you. 440 00:18:29,103 --> 00:18:31,000 I'm so sorry about this week, 441 00:18:31,068 --> 00:18:33,551 and for not being completely honest. 442 00:18:33,620 --> 00:18:35,655 You and Blake are my whole world 443 00:18:35,724 --> 00:18:39,172 and I'm so proud of the family that we're building together. 444 00:18:39,241 --> 00:18:42,034 I'm sorry I ever hid that, and I can't wait to marry you. 445 00:18:42,103 --> 00:18:44,862 [stirring music] 446 00:18:44,931 --> 00:18:47,586 And because I want everything on the table, 447 00:18:47,655 --> 00:18:50,068 we've tongue-kissed. - Mary Louise. 448 00:18:50,137 --> 00:18:51,758 - No. No secrets. 449 00:18:51,827 --> 00:18:54,241 And he's had a finger in me. - Mary Louise. 450 00:18:54,310 --> 00:18:56,586 - And he's eaten me out. 451 00:18:56,655 --> 00:18:58,310 Big time. 452 00:19:01,206 --> 00:19:04,137 [rock music] 453 00:19:04,206 --> 00:19:11,413 ♪ ♪ 454 00:19:23,931 --> 00:19:27,137 - [snoring] 32545

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