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1
00:00:07,310 --> 00:00:08,827
- Ladies and gentlemen,
2
00:00:08,896 --> 00:00:12,448
welcome to the
Fillmore Fantasy Class Draft.
3
00:00:12,517 --> 00:00:14,620
all: [cheering, laughing]
4
00:00:14,689 --> 00:00:18,620
All students grade K-5
are eligible to be drafted.
5
00:00:18,689 --> 00:00:21,137
As you pick your players,
keep in mind that scores
6
00:00:21,206 --> 00:00:23,413
are calculated
based on academics,
7
00:00:23,482 --> 00:00:25,413
behavior, and attendance.
8
00:00:25,482 --> 00:00:28,344
If a kid gets sick,
they go on the injured reserve.
9
00:00:28,413 --> 00:00:31,620
And this year,
the winner will receive
10
00:00:31,689 --> 00:00:36,586
a $500 Target gift card
for school supplies.
11
00:00:36,655 --> 00:00:39,517
all: [gasp]
- May the best teacher win.
12
00:00:39,586 --> 00:00:42,620
Fantasy Class Draft starts in
13
00:00:42,689 --> 00:00:45,689
three, two--
[whistles]
14
00:00:45,758 --> 00:00:47,620
- I'll take Maddie P.
- No.
15
00:00:47,689 --> 00:00:49,206
- She doesn't have any friends
16
00:00:49,275 --> 00:00:51,275
so trick ain't got nothing
to do but study.
17
00:00:51,344 --> 00:00:52,655
Yes.
- Oh, God.
18
00:00:52,724 --> 00:00:54,275
- [groans]
19
00:00:54,344 --> 00:00:56,689
"Pokemon Go" is screwing me.
20
00:00:56,758 --> 00:00:59,551
- Damn it, my class'
attendance sucks.
21
00:00:59,620 --> 00:01:01,379
Pink eye is killing me.
22
00:01:01,448 --> 00:01:03,482
Don't poop and touch your eyes,
animals.
23
00:01:03,551 --> 00:01:05,379
- Y'all thought Freddy S.
was a moron,
24
00:01:05,448 --> 00:01:07,482
but he just had ADHD.
Oh!
25
00:01:07,551 --> 00:01:10,379
Now he's on meds
and bae slays all day.
26
00:01:10,448 --> 00:01:13,310
- Before I read the results,
let me just say,
27
00:01:13,379 --> 00:01:15,379
this game is stupid.
28
00:01:15,448 --> 00:01:17,586
With that being said,
29
00:01:17,655 --> 00:01:19,310
Deb and Caroline
are eliminated.
30
00:01:19,379 --> 00:01:21,103
- No.
- Damn it.
31
00:01:21,172 --> 00:01:24,689
- Which means Toby and Chelsea
are in the playoffs.
32
00:01:24,758 --> 00:01:26,827
- [squeals]
- [laughs] Oh.
33
00:01:26,896 --> 00:01:28,000
[laughter]
34
00:01:28,068 --> 00:01:30,137
May the best fantasy class win.
35
00:01:30,206 --> 00:01:32,482
[rock music]
36
00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:34,275
- ♪ Teacher ♪
37
00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:36,413
♪ Oh ♪
38
00:01:36,482 --> 00:01:38,793
- All right,
and now Melanie and Tim,
39
00:01:38,862 --> 00:01:42,310
let's see what you each wrote
about how you resolve conflict.
40
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:45,310
- Seriously, Tim?
41
00:01:45,379 --> 00:01:47,689
Everybody knows,
never go to bed angry.
42
00:01:47,758 --> 00:01:49,517
- Well, now, Melanie,
just to reminder,
43
00:01:49,586 --> 00:01:51,620
you need to write something
on your board too.
44
00:01:51,689 --> 00:01:54,586
You can't just wait for Tim
and criticize what he wrote.
45
00:01:54,655 --> 00:01:55,931
- Amateurs.
46
00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:57,724
- What, did they just
meet in the parking lot?
47
00:01:57,793 --> 00:02:00,344
- Now it's your turn, big boy.
48
00:02:00,413 --> 00:02:02,689
You and--and, uh...
49
00:02:02,758 --> 00:02:05,827
what's her face?
Uh, your question is,
50
00:02:05,896 --> 00:02:09,206
how many children
do you wanna have?
51
00:02:09,275 --> 00:02:10,517
both: Five.
52
00:02:10,586 --> 00:02:12,103
- Who's gonna handle
the finances?
53
00:02:12,172 --> 00:02:13,655
[markers squeak]
54
00:02:13,724 --> 00:02:15,275
- She will.
- I will.
55
00:02:15,344 --> 00:02:17,241
- I'm not good at math.
56
00:02:17,310 --> 00:02:19,517
- If there was, um,
football game,
57
00:02:19,586 --> 00:02:21,689
shirts and skins,
58
00:02:21,758 --> 00:02:24,827
which one of you's gonna
take of your shirt?
59
00:02:28,896 --> 00:02:30,379
- I guess I will.
60
00:02:30,448 --> 00:02:33,172
- Yeah, well, heh--hey, let's
pretend that football game
61
00:02:33,241 --> 00:02:34,689
is happening right now,
62
00:02:34,758 --> 00:02:37,137
and you can take
that shirt off.
63
00:02:37,206 --> 00:02:39,310
- [sighs]
- Shirt and skins.
64
00:02:39,379 --> 00:02:40,586
You're skins.
65
00:02:40,655 --> 00:02:42,482
Ah.
[chuckles]
66
00:02:42,551 --> 00:02:45,275
[calm rock music]
67
00:02:45,344 --> 00:02:49,310
- I'm sure Ms. Cannon will be
along any moment now.
68
00:02:50,655 --> 00:02:52,965
Does this look even to you?
69
00:02:53,034 --> 00:02:55,034
- Sorry I'm late.
70
00:02:55,103 --> 00:02:57,241
- Oh, boy.
71
00:02:57,310 --> 00:02:59,620
- [sighs]
Jesus, Cecelia.
72
00:02:59,689 --> 00:03:02,068
- I know.
Sorry, guys.
73
00:03:02,137 --> 00:03:04,551
I was protesting
the use of plastic straws.
74
00:03:04,620 --> 00:03:06,034
They kill animals.
- We know.
75
00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:09,689
That turtle video
you showed us made Lauren cry.
76
00:03:09,758 --> 00:03:11,931
- So, what do we do today?
77
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,965
- Today we are using
old toilet paper rolls
78
00:03:15,034 --> 00:03:17,655
to make rain sticks.
79
00:03:17,724 --> 00:03:19,862
- Ew, what's on them?
80
00:03:19,931 --> 00:03:23,275
- Oh, shoot.
My tahini must've spilled.
81
00:03:24,275 --> 00:03:27,586
- She's nice,
but girlfriend's a disaster.
82
00:03:27,655 --> 00:03:30,275
[rock music]
83
00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:32,965
- No, Annie,
there's no C in "bake."
84
00:03:33,034 --> 00:03:34,103
It's a K.
85
00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:35,758
- What are you doing
with my student?
86
00:03:35,827 --> 00:03:37,689
- I'm just helping
Annie prepare
87
00:03:37,758 --> 00:03:39,620
for your vocabulary
test tomorrow
88
00:03:39,689 --> 00:03:40,896
because I'm a good teacher
89
00:03:40,965 --> 00:03:43,241
and I want every student
to do well.
90
00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:45,206
- You lying sack of shit.
91
00:03:45,275 --> 00:03:46,827
Sorry, Annie.
92
00:03:46,896 --> 00:03:49,965
I meant "lying sack of shirts,"
like a laundry pile.
93
00:03:50,034 --> 00:03:52,586
Go ahead, Toby,
tutor all you want.
94
00:03:52,655 --> 00:03:54,310
I have won Fantasy Class
five years in a row
95
00:03:54,379 --> 00:03:56,965
and you are not gonna break
my streak, you asshole rookie.
96
00:03:58,413 --> 00:04:01,482
Sorry, Annie,
I meant "asphalt rookie."
97
00:04:01,551 --> 00:04:03,586
Like someone you walk all over.
98
00:04:03,655 --> 00:04:06,034
- You're going down.
- In your dreams.
99
00:04:06,103 --> 00:04:07,827
I'm gonna eff you up.
100
00:04:07,896 --> 00:04:10,448
What? I got it right that time.
I didn't say "fuck."
101
00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:11,655
Fuck!
102
00:04:11,724 --> 00:04:14,689
[mid-tempo rock music]
103
00:04:14,758 --> 00:04:17,137
- What happened to the gender
neutral bathrooms?
104
00:04:17,206 --> 00:04:19,586
- When you bike to work,
you miss the morning gossip.
105
00:04:19,655 --> 00:04:21,517
- The LSE voted
to change them back.
106
00:04:21,586 --> 00:04:24,931
- [gasps]
Oh, hell, no.
107
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:28,103
Members of the LSE,
we must make all students
108
00:04:28,172 --> 00:04:30,034
of Fillmore feel accepted.
109
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,413
Bring back gender neutral
bathrooms.
110
00:04:32,482 --> 00:04:35,172
[dramatic music]
111
00:04:41,068 --> 00:04:42,758
[rock music]
112
00:04:42,827 --> 00:04:44,655
- For the engagement party,
I was thinking
113
00:04:44,724 --> 00:04:46,827
the play settings
should be rustic burlap.
114
00:04:46,896 --> 00:04:49,137
- I was thinking
the same thing.
115
00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:51,137
And speaking of
the engagement party,
116
00:04:51,206 --> 00:04:53,068
I have a little
surprise for you.
117
00:04:53,137 --> 00:04:55,000
- Is it a ranch fountain
for the chicken nuggets?
118
00:04:55,068 --> 00:04:57,931
Oh, I'm gonna dunk
so many nuggets.
119
00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,413
- No.
120
00:04:59,482 --> 00:05:02,827
I invited your parents
to stay with me for the week.
121
00:05:02,896 --> 00:05:04,275
Yeah, I figured since
I haven't met them yet,
122
00:05:04,344 --> 00:05:06,000
the engagement party would be
the perfect time
123
00:05:06,068 --> 00:05:08,482
to get us all together.
- Oh, my gosh.
124
00:05:08,551 --> 00:05:11,448
That's so sweet.
When are they arriving?
125
00:05:11,517 --> 00:05:13,620
- Any minute.
126
00:05:13,689 --> 00:05:14,896
- Oh [groans].
127
00:05:14,965 --> 00:05:16,275
- Mary Louise,
what're you doing?
128
00:05:16,344 --> 00:05:17,965
- They can't know
I spend the night here.
129
00:05:18,034 --> 00:05:20,655
- But we're not having sex.
- Who cares?
130
00:05:20,724 --> 00:05:22,862
They don't even know
we hold hands.
131
00:05:22,931 --> 00:05:26,482
Oh, and don't tell them
we watch "Cheers."
132
00:05:26,551 --> 00:05:28,068
They hate it.
- Why?
133
00:05:28,137 --> 00:05:29,931
- Shelley Long's a single woman
working at a bar.
134
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:31,724
She's like the '80s
Mary Magdalene.
135
00:05:31,793 --> 00:05:34,517
[bell rings]
[gasps, squeals]
136
00:05:34,586 --> 00:05:37,517
[tense music]
137
00:05:37,586 --> 00:05:39,137
♪ ♪
138
00:05:40,172 --> 00:05:42,206
- [chuckles]
- Mom, Dad.
139
00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:43,413
- Sweetheart.
- Hi.
140
00:05:43,482 --> 00:05:46,758
There's my little angel.
- Oh. Hi.
141
00:05:46,827 --> 00:05:49,793
- Hi.
Aw.
142
00:05:49,862 --> 00:05:51,482
- So nice to finally meet you.
I'm--
143
00:05:51,551 --> 00:05:55,793
- Oh, my,
look at this hip outfit.
144
00:05:55,862 --> 00:05:58,586
- [gasping laugh]
- Ooh, a fire. Fancy.
145
00:05:58,655 --> 00:06:00,517
- [laughs]
146
00:06:00,586 --> 00:06:02,241
- Yep.
147
00:06:05,137 --> 00:06:06,517
[rock music]
148
00:06:06,586 --> 00:06:08,275
- Thank you so much
for coming over
149
00:06:08,344 --> 00:06:10,448
to help me with
breakfast, sweetheart.
150
00:06:10,517 --> 00:06:12,862
That's for your father.
[chuckles]
151
00:06:12,931 --> 00:06:16,413
- Thank you.
- Morning.
152
00:06:16,482 --> 00:06:17,758
- Morning.
[gasps]
153
00:06:17,827 --> 00:06:19,482
Sweet corn.
- Uh, uh, ah.
154
00:06:19,551 --> 00:06:22,000
- Hey, what--
- Oh, boy.
155
00:06:22,068 --> 00:06:24,206
Joanna, honey, open your eyes.
He's gone.
156
00:06:24,275 --> 00:06:26,137
- What are you thinking?
157
00:06:26,206 --> 00:06:28,689
Coming to breakfast
with my parents in the nude?
158
00:06:28,758 --> 00:06:31,275
- I'm not nude.
- You practically are.
159
00:06:31,344 --> 00:06:32,793
My mom saw your nipples.
160
00:06:32,862 --> 00:06:35,310
For her that's
a romantic encounter.
161
00:06:35,379 --> 00:06:38,275
Go put on a long sleeve
button-down shirt.
162
00:06:38,344 --> 00:06:40,448
- Okay.
163
00:06:40,517 --> 00:06:43,620
Wait, what're you wearing?
164
00:06:43,689 --> 00:06:46,206
- Clothes.
Now, go.
165
00:06:46,275 --> 00:06:48,655
- But he didn't even
have hair on his chest.
166
00:06:48,724 --> 00:06:51,655
- [sighs]
- It's unnatural.
167
00:06:51,724 --> 00:06:55,965
♪ ♪
168
00:06:58,172 --> 00:07:02,137
- Well, well, well,
if it isn't Tim Brady.
169
00:07:02,206 --> 00:07:03,793
- It's Tom Brodie.
170
00:07:03,862 --> 00:07:05,172
And what a great comparison.
171
00:07:05,241 --> 00:07:08,241
We actually wear
the same style UGG boots.
172
00:07:08,310 --> 00:07:09,896
- Mm.
173
00:07:09,965 --> 00:07:11,206
I have a trade proposal
for you.
174
00:07:11,275 --> 00:07:12,517
- I'm listening.
175
00:07:12,586 --> 00:07:14,241
- I'm interested in
two of your students.
176
00:07:14,310 --> 00:07:15,896
Bianca B. and Harry L.
177
00:07:15,965 --> 00:07:18,965
- No can do.
They suck butt individually,
178
00:07:19,034 --> 00:07:21,000
but their cooperation
is stellar,
179
00:07:21,068 --> 00:07:23,034
and there's a group project
coming up.
180
00:07:23,103 --> 00:07:26,586
- Too bad, 'cause I was gonna
offer you Bobby G.
181
00:07:26,655 --> 00:07:28,137
- Bobby G.?
182
00:07:28,206 --> 00:07:30,137
Isn't he your
academic standout?
183
00:07:30,206 --> 00:07:32,689
- He is, but my fantasy class
is skewing a little too
184
00:07:32,758 --> 00:07:34,551
"Big Bang Theory,"
so I'm in the market
185
00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:37,172
for behavior
and attendance.
186
00:07:38,379 --> 00:07:40,758
What do you think?
- You have yourself a deal,
187
00:07:40,827 --> 00:07:42,965
little lady.
- Ooh [laughs].
188
00:07:43,034 --> 00:07:45,379
Shazam. Bobby G.'s dad
left them this week,
189
00:07:45,448 --> 00:07:48,586
the kid's life is in shambles.
Ah, enjoy, jackass.
190
00:07:48,655 --> 00:07:51,241
Uh!
- Up the butt, Chelsea.
191
00:07:51,310 --> 00:07:52,448
- [grunts excitedly]
192
00:07:52,517 --> 00:07:54,827
- You got me right up the butt.
193
00:07:57,379 --> 00:08:00,448
- You okay, Ms. Cannon?
- I'm sorry, guys.
194
00:08:00,517 --> 00:08:02,137
I'm just a little bummed.
195
00:08:02,206 --> 00:08:04,620
I tried protesting
for gender neutral bathrooms
196
00:08:04,689 --> 00:08:06,241
but no one took me seriously.
197
00:08:06,310 --> 00:08:09,103
- Can we be honest with you?
- Sure.
198
00:08:09,172 --> 00:08:12,724
- No one takes you seriously
because you're a mess.
199
00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:14,517
- I mean,
look at what you're wearing.
200
00:08:14,586 --> 00:08:17,379
Are you a teacher or someone
selling non-food items
201
00:08:17,448 --> 00:08:18,689
at a farmer's market?
202
00:08:18,758 --> 00:08:20,517
- And after five minutes
203
00:08:20,586 --> 00:08:24,448
of hearing you talk
about your macrobiotic diet,
204
00:08:24,517 --> 00:08:26,172
people wanna hang themselves.
205
00:08:26,241 --> 00:08:28,241
- Wow.
Okay.
206
00:08:28,310 --> 00:08:31,379
- We're not trying to be mean,
but people make decisions
207
00:08:31,448 --> 00:08:34,931
about you based
on how you look and act.
208
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:38,724
- Yeah, if anybody knows how
judgmental the world can be,
209
00:08:38,793 --> 00:08:40,137
it's kids in Special Ed.
210
00:08:40,206 --> 00:08:42,655
- We're just trying
to look out for you
211
00:08:42,724 --> 00:08:46,241
like you look out for us.
- Thanks, guys.
212
00:08:46,310 --> 00:08:48,034
[Widelife's
"All Things" playing]
213
00:08:48,103 --> 00:08:51,448
- Combing your hair once a day
says to the world,
214
00:08:51,517 --> 00:08:54,724
"I'm not off my psych meds."
215
00:08:54,793 --> 00:08:57,551
- For style, I'd like
to see you simplify.
216
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,827
Wearing jewelry from different
ethnic groups can look like
217
00:08:59,896 --> 00:09:02,793
a potpourri of
cultural appropriation.
218
00:09:02,862 --> 00:09:05,586
Try this.
- Mm, how chic.
219
00:09:05,655 --> 00:09:09,000
- Ants on a log is a simple,
healthy vegan snack.
220
00:09:09,068 --> 00:09:12,068
- And it won't leave you
smelling like the dumpster
221
00:09:12,137 --> 00:09:14,620
behind Panda Express.
222
00:09:14,689 --> 00:09:16,586
- ♪ Yeah, it's true ♪
223
00:09:16,655 --> 00:09:18,344
♪ All things just
keep getting better ♪
224
00:09:18,413 --> 00:09:22,896
- ♪ All things just keep
getting better ♪
225
00:09:25,206 --> 00:09:28,103
- Mr. Pearson, may I go
to the nurse's office
226
00:09:28,172 --> 00:09:30,758
to get my ADHD medication?
227
00:09:30,827 --> 00:09:32,724
- Let me just check something,
Freddy.
228
00:09:32,793 --> 00:09:35,793
Mm, Ms. Snap's team.
229
00:09:35,862 --> 00:09:38,620
Instead of your
medication today,
230
00:09:38,689 --> 00:09:41,034
how would you like
a little treat?
231
00:09:41,103 --> 00:09:44,862
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm, that's it.
232
00:09:44,931 --> 00:09:47,241
Eat up, every last bite.
233
00:09:47,310 --> 00:09:48,482
both: [screaming]
234
00:09:48,551 --> 00:09:50,620
- Freddy, no.
235
00:09:50,689 --> 00:09:51,793
- I think we're gonna
have to send him
236
00:09:51,862 --> 00:09:53,206
to the principal's office.
237
00:09:53,275 --> 00:09:55,103
- I can't afford another
demerit on my team.
238
00:09:55,172 --> 00:09:57,344
Drop the stick, Freddy.
Drop the stick--ow.
239
00:09:57,413 --> 00:09:59,793
Freddy.
Drop the stick, Freddy!
240
00:09:59,862 --> 00:10:03,068
- [giggles]
241
00:10:06,241 --> 00:10:09,413
- Mary Louise, hand check.
- Ah.
242
00:10:09,482 --> 00:10:12,931
- And you better get going
if you wanna get home by 9:00.
243
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,724
- Why do you wanna be home
by 9:00?
244
00:10:14,793 --> 00:10:16,206
- For bedtime, you silly goose.
245
00:10:16,275 --> 00:10:17,931
You know that I go to bed
at 9:00 p.m.,
246
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:19,310
and I don't know what time
you go to bed
247
00:10:19,379 --> 00:10:22,344
because I'm never here.
Night night.
248
00:10:22,413 --> 00:10:25,310
Mm.
249
00:10:27,586 --> 00:10:30,482
[mid-tempo rock music]
250
00:10:30,551 --> 00:10:34,103
♪ ♪
251
00:10:35,137 --> 00:10:37,000
Psst.
252
00:10:37,068 --> 00:10:38,724
Psst.
253
00:10:38,793 --> 00:10:41,103
- Hey, what're you doing here?
254
00:10:41,172 --> 00:10:43,344
- I missed getting a chance
to say goodnight to you.
255
00:10:43,413 --> 00:10:46,896
- Well, isn't this
a nice surprise?
256
00:10:52,413 --> 00:10:54,551
- ♪ Ba dum ♪
257
00:10:54,620 --> 00:10:56,965
♪ Ba dum ♪
258
00:10:57,034 --> 00:10:58,827
♪ Ba dum ♪
- What's this?
259
00:10:58,896 --> 00:11:02,793
- Oh, it's just
a little show for you.
260
00:11:02,862 --> 00:11:06,379
♪ Ba dum
ba dum ♪
261
00:11:06,448 --> 00:11:10,275
[in a deep voice]
♪ Ba dum ♪
262
00:11:10,344 --> 00:11:14,034
[in normal voice]
♪ Ba dum ba dum ♪
263
00:11:14,103 --> 00:11:16,758
♪ Ba dum
ba dum ♪
264
00:11:16,827 --> 00:11:18,931
♪ Ba dum ♪
265
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,206
- Mary Louise Rebecca
Cleinice Bennigan.
266
00:11:21,275 --> 00:11:22,758
- Ah!
- Ah, John-Paul.
267
00:11:22,827 --> 00:11:24,724
- Go home.
Now.
268
00:11:24,793 --> 00:11:26,689
- Okay.
Sorry, Daddy.
269
00:11:26,758 --> 00:11:28,931
[whimpers]
Sorry.
270
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,965
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
I'm sorry.
271
00:11:35,758 --> 00:11:37,482
- We--we were just--
- Are you erect?
272
00:11:37,551 --> 00:11:38,620
- What?
273
00:11:38,689 --> 00:11:41,137
- Are you erect?
274
00:11:41,206 --> 00:11:43,758
- Uh--uh, no.
- Good.
275
00:11:43,827 --> 00:11:45,724
Goodnight.
276
00:11:45,793 --> 00:11:48,000
[rock music]
277
00:11:51,517 --> 00:11:53,206
- We need to talk
about your parents.
278
00:11:53,275 --> 00:11:55,793
- I think I was able to
convince my dad it was a dream.
279
00:11:55,862 --> 00:11:57,793
- No, Mary Louise,
you need to be honest.
280
00:11:57,862 --> 00:11:59,241
You can't keep lying to them.
281
00:11:59,310 --> 00:12:00,862
- I'm not lying to them.
282
00:12:00,931 --> 00:12:03,448
They have a very ideal vision
of who I am
283
00:12:03,517 --> 00:12:05,034
and you're ruining it.
284
00:12:05,103 --> 00:12:06,862
- I'm ruining it?
How?
285
00:12:06,931 --> 00:12:08,103
By being a part
of your life?
286
00:12:08,172 --> 00:12:09,620
How do you think
that makes me feel?
287
00:12:09,689 --> 00:12:11,586
The only people that you seem
to care about lately
288
00:12:11,655 --> 00:12:14,000
are your parents.
- That is absolutely not true.
289
00:12:14,068 --> 00:12:15,724
- Okay, hottie.
290
00:12:15,793 --> 00:12:18,241
Hotshot.
Hotshots.
291
00:12:18,310 --> 00:12:19,413
First question.
292
00:12:19,482 --> 00:12:21,724
Whose opinion
matters most to you?
293
00:12:21,793 --> 00:12:23,862
- [sighs]
294
00:12:23,931 --> 00:12:25,172
Mary Louise.
- My parents.
295
00:12:25,241 --> 00:12:28,206
- Mary Louise.
- Okay, fine, fine.
296
00:12:28,275 --> 00:12:29,620
I'll talk to them.
297
00:12:29,689 --> 00:12:31,482
- Losers.
- Melanie!
298
00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:33,000
Shh.
299
00:12:33,068 --> 00:12:35,206
[mid-tempo rock music]
300
00:12:35,275 --> 00:12:37,344
- And as someone who's always
been on the outside,
301
00:12:37,413 --> 00:12:39,551
I believe we should
celebrate our differences.
302
00:12:39,620 --> 00:12:43,413
- Amazing what a comb and
a little deodorant can do.
303
00:12:43,482 --> 00:12:46,379
- It's our job as educators
to protect our students,
304
00:12:46,448 --> 00:12:48,137
not alienate them.
305
00:12:48,206 --> 00:12:50,000
The more accepting
we are of others,
306
00:12:50,068 --> 00:12:51,724
including our
transgender students,
307
00:12:51,793 --> 00:12:53,482
the more we grow in turn.
308
00:12:53,551 --> 00:12:55,310
- No!
309
00:12:56,896 --> 00:12:58,448
What?
310
00:12:58,517 --> 00:13:00,034
Oh, sorry.
311
00:13:00,103 --> 00:13:02,310
Not "no, I don't support
people's gender identities."
312
00:13:02,379 --> 00:13:05,241
No that Davey P.
just got pink eye.
313
00:13:05,310 --> 00:13:07,137
It's like these little freaks
are farting directly
314
00:13:07,206 --> 00:13:09,344
into each other's eyes.
315
00:13:09,413 --> 00:13:11,310
- [inhales sharply]
Mm.
316
00:13:11,379 --> 00:13:15,586
Thank you, Cecelia, for that
very impressive presentation.
317
00:13:15,655 --> 00:13:18,034
But we can't vote on
the same issue twice in a year.
318
00:13:18,103 --> 00:13:19,586
- [gasps]
- Official policy.
319
00:13:19,655 --> 00:13:21,793
- Then why'd you let me get
through my whole speech?
320
00:13:21,862 --> 00:13:23,965
- Because it was so good.
321
00:13:24,034 --> 00:13:25,551
And I can promise you this.
322
00:13:25,620 --> 00:13:28,137
Gender neutral bathrooms
will be the first thing
323
00:13:28,206 --> 00:13:29,862
on the agenda next year.
324
00:13:29,931 --> 00:13:31,551
I wish more people
would show up
325
00:13:31,620 --> 00:13:34,034
with such well-thought-out
presentations.
326
00:13:34,103 --> 00:13:36,965
And the next time that
you have a concern or idea,
327
00:13:37,034 --> 00:13:38,241
I think that I speak
for the council
328
00:13:38,310 --> 00:13:41,034
when I say we are all ears.
329
00:13:41,103 --> 00:13:42,862
Also, I couldn't take
my eyes off your blazer.
330
00:13:42,931 --> 00:13:44,137
Is that Ann Taylor LOFT?
331
00:13:44,206 --> 00:13:47,482
- Ann Taylor.
- Damn.
332
00:13:47,551 --> 00:13:49,379
[rock music]
333
00:13:49,448 --> 00:13:52,344
both: [grunting]
334
00:13:52,413 --> 00:13:55,551
- We need to see the attendance
sheets for the other classes.
335
00:13:55,620 --> 00:13:58,172
- Are you still playing
that dumbass game?
336
00:13:58,241 --> 00:14:02,206
- Hi. I need to pull my son
Howie out of class.
337
00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:04,758
His Pop-Pop just
moved to hospice.
338
00:14:04,827 --> 00:14:06,379
I wanna make sure
he says goodbye.
339
00:14:06,448 --> 00:14:09,379
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
Yes, of course, let me--
340
00:14:09,448 --> 00:14:11,758
- No, he can't...
341
00:14:11,827 --> 00:14:16,551
go, because he has a spelling
test I really need him to take.
342
00:14:16,620 --> 00:14:20,103
- But didn't you just hear
343
00:14:20,172 --> 00:14:22,551
how he has to say
goodbye to his Pop-Pop?
344
00:14:22,620 --> 00:14:24,206
- Yes, so why don't you--
345
00:14:24,275 --> 00:14:26,724
- I'm sure the old man
can hold on for one more day.
346
00:14:26,793 --> 00:14:28,379
- He has cancer.
- Which one?
347
00:14:28,448 --> 00:14:31,034
Some of them aren't that bad.
- All right, enough.
348
00:14:31,103 --> 00:14:34,275
Mrs. Gower, I'm terribly sorry.
349
00:14:34,344 --> 00:14:37,103
You can go ahead and wait
for Howie in the hallway.
350
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:41,689
You two should be
ashamed of yourselves.
351
00:14:41,758 --> 00:14:44,689
These are children's lives
you're messing with.
352
00:14:44,758 --> 00:14:46,655
Shut it down now,
353
00:14:46,724 --> 00:14:49,448
or I'll report you both
to Principal Duffy.
354
00:14:52,931 --> 00:14:57,103
Here.
Merry early Christmas.
355
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,689
- A $500 Target gift card?
356
00:15:00,758 --> 00:15:02,310
[gasps]
357
00:15:02,379 --> 00:15:04,931
You know, Mavis, sometimes...
358
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,689
Sometimes I do lose my faith
in humanity--
359
00:15:07,758 --> 00:15:09,241
- Don't make this a thing.
360
00:15:09,310 --> 00:15:11,965
- Okay.
- Your mustache is uneven.
361
00:15:13,103 --> 00:15:16,034
[rock music]
362
00:15:16,103 --> 00:15:18,413
♪ ♪
363
00:15:18,482 --> 00:15:20,344
- Mom, Dad.
364
00:15:20,413 --> 00:15:23,206
- Sweetheart,
where's your khaki skirt?
365
00:15:23,275 --> 00:15:26,206
- I don't really
wear those anymore.
366
00:15:26,275 --> 00:15:29,620
- But you look so pretty
with your ankles covered.
367
00:15:29,689 --> 00:15:31,931
- Yeah, but I'm an adult now,
368
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,448
and I choose
to dress like this.
369
00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:37,793
And there are some other things
you should know.
370
00:15:37,862 --> 00:15:39,827
We watch "Cheers."
371
00:15:39,896 --> 00:15:41,310
We hold hands.
372
00:15:41,379 --> 00:15:44,448
And dancing with my pants down
isn't a regular thing,
373
00:15:44,517 --> 00:15:45,827
but I did enjoy it.
374
00:15:45,896 --> 00:15:47,551
- I knew it wasn't a dream.
375
00:15:47,620 --> 00:15:50,068
- I really appreciate all
the values you instilled in me
376
00:15:50,137 --> 00:15:53,931
as a child, but I need
to make my own decisions now.
377
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,275
I just wanna be honest
with you both.
378
00:15:56,344 --> 00:16:00,034
- Well, this is
a lot to take in.
379
00:16:00,103 --> 00:16:02,310
- It really is.
"Cheers"?
380
00:16:02,379 --> 00:16:05,379
You know how we feel about
that druggie Woody Harrelson.
381
00:16:05,448 --> 00:16:08,965
But we want you to be happy,
sweetheart.
382
00:16:09,034 --> 00:16:10,103
- Thanks, Dad.
383
00:16:10,172 --> 00:16:11,482
[stirring music]
384
00:16:11,551 --> 00:16:12,758
[clinks glass]
385
00:16:12,827 --> 00:16:15,689
Attention.
Attention, everyone.
386
00:16:15,758 --> 00:16:17,793
I'd like to make a toast.
387
00:16:17,862 --> 00:16:21,827
I just wanna thank you all
for coming out tonight.
388
00:16:21,896 --> 00:16:23,931
And I also wanna
thank my partner,
389
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,310
my main squeeze,
390
00:16:25,379 --> 00:16:27,034
the Lewis to my Clark,
391
00:16:27,103 --> 00:16:28,931
the peanut butter to my jelly,
392
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,034
the chips to my dip,
the cream to my corn.
393
00:16:31,103 --> 00:16:33,689
I have a lot of those.
They're all food.
394
00:16:33,758 --> 00:16:36,862
My life is so much richer
with you in it.
395
00:16:36,931 --> 00:16:38,758
The hamburger to my helper.
[snortles]
396
00:16:38,827 --> 00:16:41,827
I'm sorry, I had to.
That one was really good.
397
00:16:41,896 --> 00:16:43,172
Cheers.
398
00:16:43,241 --> 00:16:46,103
all: Cheers.
- Again with that show?
399
00:16:47,724 --> 00:16:49,586
- Mm.
400
00:16:51,206 --> 00:16:52,482
[sniffs]
Mm.
401
00:16:52,551 --> 00:16:53,724
- Listen.
402
00:16:53,793 --> 00:16:56,034
I might have taken things
a little too far.
403
00:16:56,103 --> 00:16:57,551
- Me too.
404
00:16:57,620 --> 00:16:59,689
I shouldn't have told Maria S.
it was Spring Break.
405
00:16:59,758 --> 00:17:02,137
She has completely missed her
times tables.
406
00:17:02,206 --> 00:17:05,000
- I'm just so sick of
paying for school supplies
407
00:17:05,068 --> 00:17:07,103
with my own money.
- Same.
408
00:17:07,172 --> 00:17:10,620
Also, this is dumb, but I think
the reason I get so crazy
409
00:17:10,689 --> 00:17:12,689
about Fantasy Class is
because it's the only time
410
00:17:12,758 --> 00:17:15,482
I get recognized
as the best teacher.
411
00:17:15,551 --> 00:17:17,413
Hopefully, some day,
if I work hard,
412
00:17:17,482 --> 00:17:19,827
I'll get recognized
as a great real teacher.
413
00:17:19,896 --> 00:17:23,206
- [laughs]
414
00:17:23,275 --> 00:17:25,586
- What's so funny?
- Oh.
415
00:17:25,655 --> 00:17:27,965
You're serious?
- Of course I'm serious.
416
00:17:28,034 --> 00:17:30,655
You thought I was joking about
wanting to be a great teacher?
417
00:17:30,724 --> 00:17:33,413
- Yes. You put no effort
into teaching.
418
00:17:33,482 --> 00:17:36,068
And historically,
you have been bad.
419
00:17:36,137 --> 00:17:37,620
- That is so offensive.
I take my kids
420
00:17:37,689 --> 00:17:39,965
on more field trips
than anyone in this school.
421
00:17:40,034 --> 00:17:42,034
- Great speech.
422
00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:44,241
You must be the 'rents.
I'm Deb.
423
00:17:44,310 --> 00:17:46,448
- Ah, nice to meet you.
- Thanks for coming.
424
00:17:46,517 --> 00:17:48,137
- My pleasure.
Where's Blake?
425
00:17:48,206 --> 00:17:50,482
- You made your class
use Bunsen burners
426
00:17:50,551 --> 00:17:52,275
to heat up your bikini wax.
427
00:17:52,344 --> 00:17:54,103
- They were learning science.
428
00:17:54,172 --> 00:17:55,551
- Who's Blake?
- My son.
429
00:17:55,620 --> 00:17:58,034
He's at my ex's.
- That is not science!
430
00:17:58,103 --> 00:18:00,206
- You have a son?
- You were married?
431
00:18:00,275 --> 00:18:02,275
- I can explain.
- You never told them?
432
00:18:02,344 --> 00:18:03,551
- Ah!
- [grunts]
433
00:18:03,620 --> 00:18:05,172
[glass shatters]
- [thumps]
434
00:18:05,241 --> 00:18:07,241
all: [gasp]
- Oh.
435
00:18:07,310 --> 00:18:11,137
[mid-tempo rock music]
436
00:18:17,689 --> 00:18:19,068
- I'm sorry.
437
00:18:19,137 --> 00:18:22,034
- Please tell us that
the marriage was annulled.
438
00:18:22,103 --> 00:18:24,379
- I'm not apologizing
to you guys.
439
00:18:25,862 --> 00:18:29,034
I'm apologizing to you.
440
00:18:29,103 --> 00:18:31,000
I'm so sorry about this week,
441
00:18:31,068 --> 00:18:33,551
and for not being
completely honest.
442
00:18:33,620 --> 00:18:35,655
You and Blake
are my whole world
443
00:18:35,724 --> 00:18:39,172
and I'm so proud of the family
that we're building together.
444
00:18:39,241 --> 00:18:42,034
I'm sorry I ever hid that,
and I can't wait to marry you.
445
00:18:42,103 --> 00:18:44,862
[stirring music]
446
00:18:44,931 --> 00:18:47,586
And because I want everything
on the table,
447
00:18:47,655 --> 00:18:50,068
we've tongue-kissed.
- Mary Louise.
448
00:18:50,137 --> 00:18:51,758
- No. No secrets.
449
00:18:51,827 --> 00:18:54,241
And he's had a finger in me.
- Mary Louise.
450
00:18:54,310 --> 00:18:56,586
- And he's eaten me out.
451
00:18:56,655 --> 00:18:58,310
Big time.
452
00:19:01,206 --> 00:19:04,137
[rock music]
453
00:19:04,206 --> 00:19:11,413
♪ ♪
454
00:19:23,931 --> 00:19:27,137
- [snoring]
32545
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