Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,867 --> 00:00:09,500
- Just a few more questions.
2
00:00:09,500 --> 00:00:11,233
Still single?
- Yes.
3
00:00:11,233 --> 00:00:13,500
- Okay. Any recent
sexual partners?
4
00:00:13,500 --> 00:00:16,133
- No.
- All righty, any chance
5
00:00:16,133 --> 00:00:18,367
you might be pregnant?
- No.
6
00:00:18,367 --> 00:00:20,100
- Are you planning on
becoming pregnant?
7
00:00:20,100 --> 00:00:21,667
Because at 30,
you have five more years
8
00:00:21,667 --> 00:00:23,700
before it's considered
a geriatric pregnancy.
9
00:00:23,700 --> 00:00:26,633
- I'm sorry, can we just
get to the exam?
10
00:00:26,633 --> 00:00:29,267
These questions are making me
feel bad about myself.
11
00:00:29,267 --> 00:00:31,500
- Sure, sure.
12
00:00:31,500 --> 00:00:34,167
I've had this on ice
all morning.
13
00:00:34,167 --> 00:00:36,333
[laughs]
I'm just kidding.
14
00:00:36,333 --> 00:00:39,000
But it's probably
gonna be pretty cold.
15
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:41,300
Now just relax.
16
00:00:41,300 --> 00:00:42,300
- [inhales sharply]
17
00:00:42,300 --> 00:00:43,300
[rock music]
18
00:00:43,300 --> 00:00:46,000
- * Tear it down
19
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:47,300
* Tear it down
20
00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:48,767
- Third through fifth grade
teachers, here are
21
00:00:48,767 --> 00:00:52,433
your materials for this week's
standardized tests.
22
00:00:52,433 --> 00:00:55,033
- Welcome to hell.
- These tests are racist.
23
00:00:55,033 --> 00:00:56,900
They're biased towards
privileged white males.
24
00:00:56,900 --> 00:00:59,167
- I always did well on them.
- Yeah, you're white.
25
00:00:59,167 --> 00:01:02,133
- Nice try. My spray tan artist
says I'm Tuscan buff.
26
00:01:02,133 --> 00:01:03,767
- Well, they're state mandated.
27
00:01:03,767 --> 00:01:05,833
And I have enough problems
already.
28
00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:08,867
Some hipster parents heard
on NPR that their kids
29
00:01:08,867 --> 00:01:11,067
can opt out of the tests
if they write a note.
30
00:01:11,067 --> 00:01:14,067
- Who cares if they opt out?
- All of us should.
31
00:01:14,067 --> 00:01:15,800
If less students take the tests,
32
00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:18,867
it could skew our results
downward and we'll lose funding.
33
00:01:18,867 --> 00:01:20,767
- Whatever.
These kids are middle class.
34
00:01:20,767 --> 00:01:22,367
They can bring supplies
from home.
35
00:01:22,367 --> 00:01:24,267
- And you'll lose
your merit-based pay.
36
00:01:24,267 --> 00:01:25,933
- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
I can't afford
37
00:01:25,933 --> 00:01:27,400
to have my salary reduced.
38
00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:29,133
I've only had two of eight
full-body
39
00:01:29,133 --> 00:01:30,767
laser hair removal treatments.
40
00:01:30,767 --> 00:01:33,767
- That's why it's imperative
that we keep this a secret.
41
00:01:33,767 --> 00:01:36,700
Ms. Cannon, you'll be monitoring
the multipurpose room
42
00:01:36,700 --> 00:01:39,133
where the opt-out students
will be separated
43
00:01:39,133 --> 00:01:41,367
from the general population.
- Don't you think
44
00:01:41,367 --> 00:01:42,933
that's just gonna mean--
- That's enough.
45
00:01:42,933 --> 00:01:46,267
I expect us all to comply
for the good of Fillmore.
46
00:01:46,267 --> 00:01:48,333
This isn't a democracy.
47
00:01:51,300 --> 00:01:53,100
- Why's your hair out of place?
48
00:01:53,100 --> 00:01:55,800
[gasps] You slut!
49
00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:58,733
Did a big old barge finally come
through your Panama Canal?
50
00:01:58,733 --> 00:02:01,533
- No, as I'm being reminded
for the 13th time today,
51
00:02:01,533 --> 00:02:04,233
I have not had sex
in a really long time!
52
00:02:04,233 --> 00:02:08,367
- You and me both, sister.
[laughs]
53
00:02:08,367 --> 00:02:10,133
- I was at the gynecologist.
54
00:02:10,133 --> 00:02:11,600
When he found out
I was turning 30,
55
00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:13,567
he went on about how
time was running out for me
56
00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:15,067
if I want to have a child.
57
00:02:15,067 --> 00:02:19,067
He actually said "tick-tock"
as he swiped my cervix.
58
00:02:19,067 --> 00:02:20,767
- A male gynecologist?
59
00:02:20,767 --> 00:02:22,933
Ooh, I don't trust a man
who looks at my vagina
60
00:02:22,933 --> 00:02:25,333
and doesn't get turned on.
- Don't worry, Caroline,
61
00:02:25,333 --> 00:02:26,567
you're still young.
62
00:02:26,567 --> 00:02:27,967
You have plenty of time
to have kids.
63
00:02:27,967 --> 00:02:29,467
- No, I don't.
According to my life plan,
64
00:02:29,467 --> 00:02:31,100
I was supposed to be married
last year,
65
00:02:31,100 --> 00:02:34,067
have conceived nine months ago,
and be giving birth this month.
66
00:02:34,067 --> 00:02:36,233
I'm not even dating anyone!
67
00:02:36,233 --> 00:02:37,767
- Your plan is that specific?
68
00:02:37,767 --> 00:02:40,200
- Yeah. Not all of us are going
to get pregnant
69
00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:41,633
from sitting in a hot tub.
70
00:02:41,633 --> 00:02:43,700
- Okay, first of all,
it was a Jacuzzi.
71
00:02:43,700 --> 00:02:45,733
And second of all,
the doctor said it was just gas
72
00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:47,067
from all of the champagne.
73
00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:48,567
- I should have just frozen
some of my eggs
74
00:02:48,567 --> 00:02:50,267
when I donated back in college.
75
00:02:50,267 --> 00:02:52,067
- Wait, you donated your eggs?
76
00:02:52,067 --> 00:02:54,067
I thought that was just
for unattractive people
77
00:02:54,067 --> 00:02:56,567
who couldn't strip their way
through law school.
78
00:02:56,567 --> 00:02:59,367
- I had to. My father cut me off
from my trust fund
79
00:02:59,367 --> 00:03:02,133
for a semester
when I dated a Democrat.
80
00:03:02,133 --> 00:03:05,500
- Well, ladies, as much as this
conversation has reaffirmed
81
00:03:05,500 --> 00:03:07,300
my belief in assisted suicide,
82
00:03:07,300 --> 00:03:11,233
we have to go turn children
into mindless testing robots.
83
00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:15,167
*
84
00:03:15,167 --> 00:03:17,433
- So sad about Ms. Cabot.
85
00:03:17,433 --> 00:03:19,900
I can't believe she died.
- Who?
86
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:22,933
- Ms. Cabot.
She taught third grade.
87
00:03:22,933 --> 00:03:25,267
The same grade as you.
88
00:03:25,267 --> 00:03:27,067
- Ohh!
89
00:03:27,067 --> 00:03:29,733
- It was just so unexpected.
90
00:03:29,733 --> 00:03:32,200
- Wasn't she like 90?
- Exactly.
91
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:35,367
I really had gotten to know her
these last couple of years.
92
00:03:35,367 --> 00:03:38,300
I'm gonna miss her stories
about atom bomb drills.
93
00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:39,933
- Who's gonna get
all of her stuff?
94
00:03:39,933 --> 00:03:42,467
- I don't know. They tried
calling her emergency contacts,
95
00:03:42,467 --> 00:03:45,067
but they've all been dead
since the Nixon administration.
96
00:03:45,067 --> 00:03:47,600
- There's probably some pretty
valuable stuff in here.
97
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:49,300
- Looks like
a ton of junk to me.
98
00:03:49,300 --> 00:03:53,933
You couldn't pay me to shovel
this shit into a dumpster fire.
99
00:03:53,933 --> 00:03:56,300
With all respect
to the deceased, of course.
100
00:03:56,300 --> 00:03:57,800
*
101
00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:01,067
- Great job cutting
and gluing, everybody.
102
00:04:01,067 --> 00:04:02,900
I'm sure the older kids
taking the tests
103
00:04:02,900 --> 00:04:06,200
appreciate how quiet
you're being.
104
00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:09,967
Samantha, how are you enjoying
your first week at Fillmore?
105
00:04:09,967 --> 00:04:12,933
- It's nice, but not as clean
as my old school.
106
00:04:14,367 --> 00:04:16,933
- [gasps]
Is that a baby Lysol?
107
00:04:16,933 --> 00:04:21,600
Cute. You can never get a place
spotless with kids around.
108
00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:22,600
- Tell me about it.
109
00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:25,267
[both laugh]
110
00:04:25,267 --> 00:04:28,767
- Oh, I love your pencil bag.
111
00:04:28,767 --> 00:04:31,133
- Thanks,
I embroidered it myself.
112
00:04:31,133 --> 00:04:33,767
Not enough people
appreciate paisley.
113
00:04:33,767 --> 00:04:36,067
- I couldn't agree more.
114
00:04:38,933 --> 00:04:40,767
- Okay, guys,
clear off your desks
115
00:04:40,767 --> 00:04:42,633
and take out your
number two pencils.
116
00:04:42,633 --> 00:04:44,567
- What about
our "Real Housewives" projects?
117
00:04:44,567 --> 00:04:46,067
- No, we won't be able
to discuss
118
00:04:46,067 --> 00:04:47,767
Vicki Gunvalson's
control issues this week.
119
00:04:47,767 --> 00:04:50,067
[ominous musical sting]
120
00:04:50,067 --> 00:04:53,900
We have to do things
that are mandated by the state.
121
00:04:53,900 --> 00:04:56,067
What is this?
- My mom heard on the radio
122
00:04:56,067 --> 00:04:59,300
I don't have to take this.
- Shh!
123
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:00,567
The others will hear you.
124
00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:01,967
Just go to the multipurpose room
125
00:05:01,967 --> 00:05:03,867
and do not talk to anyone
on your way there.
126
00:05:03,867 --> 00:05:05,600
Okay?
[giggles]
127
00:05:07,333 --> 00:05:08,500
- Hey, where's she going?
128
00:05:08,500 --> 00:05:10,133
[serene flute music]
129
00:05:10,133 --> 00:05:13,067
She's gone to a better place.
130
00:05:18,667 --> 00:05:21,200
- Deb, what are you doing?
131
00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,200
- You said all of her
emergency contacts were dead.
132
00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:27,067
This stuff is gonna go to waste.
- So you're stealing it?
133
00:05:27,067 --> 00:05:30,800
Proverbs 29:24:
He who is a partner with a thief
134
00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:32,067
hates his own life.
135
00:05:32,067 --> 00:05:34,967
He hears the oath
but tells nothing.
136
00:05:34,967 --> 00:05:36,300
[ominous musical flourish]
137
00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:37,667
- I don't know how to respond
to that.
138
00:05:37,667 --> 00:05:39,467
- I'm shaming you, Deb!
139
00:05:39,467 --> 00:05:41,633
Her body is barely cold
and you're putting her things
140
00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:44,433
in a garbage bag
like the Hamburglar.
141
00:05:44,433 --> 00:05:46,867
- You're right.
142
00:05:46,867 --> 00:05:49,900
I'm gross.
I'll put everything back.
143
00:05:49,900 --> 00:05:52,067
- Thank you.
144
00:05:52,067 --> 00:05:54,133
- Oh, for future reference,
145
00:05:54,133 --> 00:05:56,500
that Bible stuff
doesn't work on me.
146
00:05:56,500 --> 00:05:58,567
But the Hamburglar?
147
00:05:58,567 --> 00:05:59,567
That really hit home.
148
00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:02,767
[rock music]
149
00:06:04,067 --> 00:06:06,267
- Thanks for letting me
borrow your labeler.
150
00:06:06,267 --> 00:06:08,933
I kept putting my crayons
in my markers box,
151
00:06:08,933 --> 00:06:11,200
and it's driving me bananas.
152
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:13,500
- No problem.
153
00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:16,067
Did anyone want
to present their family tree?
154
00:06:16,067 --> 00:06:17,067
- I do!
155
00:06:17,067 --> 00:06:19,900
- Samantha?
Go ahead.
156
00:06:22,133 --> 00:06:25,733
- This is me and my dad, Eric,
and his mom and dad,
157
00:06:25,733 --> 00:06:27,733
Bill and Doris.
- Why is there
158
00:06:27,733 --> 00:06:30,100
a big question mark next
to your mom's side?
159
00:06:30,100 --> 00:06:33,667
- Because I don't know who
my biological mom is.
160
00:06:33,667 --> 00:06:35,233
She gave her eggs to my parents
161
00:06:35,233 --> 00:06:37,567
because they couldn't have
a baby.
162
00:06:37,567 --> 00:06:39,900
- I'm sorry, what?
163
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,733
- No, my headband.
164
00:06:41,733 --> 00:06:43,567
[upbeat orchestra music]
165
00:06:43,567 --> 00:06:46,967
That's okay, I brought
my emergency headband.
166
00:06:46,967 --> 00:06:53,900
*
167
00:06:56,067 --> 00:06:57,600
- She's my daughter.
168
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:02,833
[rock music]
169
00:07:02,833 --> 00:07:05,200
- I think it's
a world peace button.
170
00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:06,467
Boop.
[laughs]
171
00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:08,067
Okay, go explore
your freedom, boys.
172
00:07:08,067 --> 00:07:10,567
- Hey, Eliza left this
in my class.
173
00:07:10,567 --> 00:07:12,067
I have to remove
all signs of her
174
00:07:12,067 --> 00:07:14,433
so the other kids stop asking
where she went.
175
00:07:14,433 --> 00:07:16,300
Wow, this place is great.
176
00:07:16,300 --> 00:07:19,167
- Yes. This is life
in a test-free world,
177
00:07:19,167 --> 00:07:20,933
where students are free
to express themselves,
178
00:07:20,933 --> 00:07:23,067
not be judged by how well
they can fill in a bubble.
179
00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:25,733
- Ms. Snap, we're having
the best time.
180
00:07:25,733 --> 00:07:28,400
This morning, I learned how
to play the didgeridoo.
181
00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:31,733
And now I'm writing a play
about Cesar Chavez.
182
00:07:31,733 --> 00:07:34,200
- Oh, that is wonderful!
183
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,067
But if you see any
of your classmates,
184
00:07:36,067 --> 00:07:37,267
don't say anything to them.
185
00:07:37,267 --> 00:07:39,133
Ms. Snap is getting
laser hair removal
186
00:07:39,133 --> 00:07:41,567
and they haven't gotten
to the hedges growing next
187
00:07:41,567 --> 00:07:43,700
to my back door,
if you know what I mean.
188
00:07:43,700 --> 00:07:47,700
*
189
00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:49,100
- Mr. and Mrs. Schmidt,
190
00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:51,667
I just wanted to let you know
that Samantha
191
00:07:51,667 --> 00:07:54,167
is adjusting to Fillmore
wonderfully.
192
00:07:54,167 --> 00:07:56,100
- Oh.
- I know it's only been a week
193
00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:58,067
and I'm not supposed
to say this,
194
00:07:58,067 --> 00:08:00,800
but she's my favorite student.
195
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:02,800
- That's so great to hear.
196
00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:05,067
We were nervous about making
such a big move
197
00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:06,800
halfway through the school year.
198
00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:09,633
- Where exactly
did you move from?
199
00:08:09,633 --> 00:08:12,933
- Connecticut.
- I knew it!
200
00:08:12,933 --> 00:08:15,333
I mean, I am from there as well,
201
00:08:15,333 --> 00:08:17,933
and you always recognize
a fellow Connecticuter.
202
00:08:17,933 --> 00:08:19,533
[all laugh]
- Absolutely.
203
00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:22,133
- Now, there was something
I wanted to talk to you about.
204
00:08:22,133 --> 00:08:24,200
- Oh.
- We were recently working
205
00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:28,067
on family trees and Samantha
told me something interesting.
206
00:08:28,067 --> 00:08:29,500
Now I don't want
to get this wrong,
207
00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:34,333
but I think she said something
about an egg,
208
00:08:34,333 --> 00:08:38,467
giving an egg,
she definitely mentioned an egg.
209
00:08:38,467 --> 00:08:40,333
- Yes, we used an egg donor.
210
00:08:40,333 --> 00:08:42,600
We've been very open
with her about that.
211
00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:45,600
- Connecticut egg donor.
212
00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:48,067
I see.
213
00:08:48,067 --> 00:08:50,333
You know, when I was little,
214
00:08:50,333 --> 00:08:52,533
I went to a polo camp
in Vermont.
215
00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:55,900
We learned sportsmanship
and got to spend time
216
00:08:55,900 --> 00:08:59,367
with other children
of a certain ilk.
217
00:08:59,367 --> 00:09:01,433
It was magical.
218
00:09:01,433 --> 00:09:04,067
Maybe you could send
my child there, too.
219
00:09:04,067 --> 00:09:06,567
- I'm sorry, your child?
220
00:09:06,567 --> 00:09:10,833
- Oh, I call all the children
in the class mine.
221
00:09:10,833 --> 00:09:13,433
I'm very passionate
about my job.
222
00:09:13,433 --> 00:09:14,667
[both laugh]
223
00:09:14,667 --> 00:09:16,167
- Okay.
224
00:09:16,167 --> 00:09:18,400
- Hey, I just wanted to say
I'm sorry again
225
00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:21,500
for trying to rob Ms. Cabot.
226
00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:23,267
Dude!
Are you serious?
227
00:09:23,267 --> 00:09:26,133
You made me feel like shit
and then you did the same thing!
228
00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:28,067
- I most certainly did not.
229
00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:30,233
I took my friend's belongings
that she would have
230
00:09:30,233 --> 00:09:31,833
wanted me to have.
- [scoffs]
231
00:09:31,833 --> 00:09:33,567
Why would she want you
to have her stuff?
232
00:09:33,567 --> 00:09:35,367
- Because I actually knew her.
233
00:09:35,367 --> 00:09:36,600
- I knew her, too!
234
00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:40,300
[laughs] We used to have
this great inside joke
235
00:09:40,300 --> 00:09:43,233
where she'd be walking down
the hall and I'd be behind her
236
00:09:43,233 --> 00:09:45,233
and she'd be going really slow
237
00:09:45,233 --> 00:09:48,433
and then I'd yell,
"For Christ sakes, move!"
238
00:09:48,433 --> 00:09:50,933
- That just sounds like
you were being rude.
239
00:09:50,933 --> 00:09:52,800
- Whatever.
I loved Ms. Abbot.
240
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:54,600
- Cabot.
- Right!
241
00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:57,433
I miss her.
Now give me some of her stuff.
242
00:09:57,433 --> 00:09:58,533
- No!
243
00:09:58,533 --> 00:10:00,067
You're like Grimace.
244
00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:01,900
Trying to have all the shakes
for yourself.
245
00:10:01,900 --> 00:10:04,600
- Damn!
That always gets me.
246
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:07,733
Fine, we need someone fair
and impartial to mediate this.
247
00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:09,567
Come on.
248
00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:12,567
[ominous music]
249
00:10:12,567 --> 00:10:19,133
*
250
00:10:19,133 --> 00:10:21,433
- Hey, do you know
where Eliza went?
251
00:10:21,433 --> 00:10:25,300
- I heard she's in a place
where you make sock puppets,
252
00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:27,733
eat oatmeal cream pies
for breakfast,
253
00:10:27,733 --> 00:10:29,733
and slide down rainbows
covered in glitter.
254
00:10:29,733 --> 00:10:32,933
- You mean a land where kids
aren't made to do word problems
255
00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:35,800
by the government?
256
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:37,833
Ms. Snap,
I wanna go to the happy place
257
00:10:37,833 --> 00:10:39,500
where there are no tests!
258
00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:42,067
- There is no such place.
259
00:10:42,067 --> 00:10:43,967
Anyway, sometimes in life
260
00:10:43,967 --> 00:10:45,600
you have to do stuff
that you don't want to.
261
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:47,867
I don't wanna remove hair
from every part of my body,
262
00:10:47,867 --> 00:10:49,233
but apparently,
one of my ancestors
263
00:10:49,233 --> 00:10:51,400
mated with a yeti and I have to.
264
00:10:54,667 --> 00:10:56,467
Okay, fine.
265
00:10:56,467 --> 00:10:57,933
There is a way to get
out of taking--
266
00:10:57,933 --> 00:10:59,467
[intercom beeps]
- Students,
267
00:10:59,467 --> 00:11:01,267
I know you all
have been working hard,
268
00:11:01,267 --> 00:11:03,267
and I urge you
in the coming days
269
00:11:03,267 --> 00:11:06,433
to forge ahead
for the glory of Fillmore.
270
00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:08,367
That is all.
271
00:11:08,367 --> 00:11:09,967
- Ms. Snap.
272
00:11:09,967 --> 00:11:11,533
What were you going to say?
273
00:11:11,533 --> 00:11:12,800
- I can't.
274
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,800
*
275
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,300
He's always watching.
276
00:11:17,300 --> 00:11:19,433
- So I pulled Ms. Cabot's file
like you asked.
277
00:11:19,433 --> 00:11:21,667
I'm gonna quiz you
on her personal information.
278
00:11:21,667 --> 00:11:24,800
Whoever gets the most right
gets all her stuff.
279
00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:26,867
[clears throat]
Question number one.
280
00:11:26,867 --> 00:11:29,833
Mary-Louise,
where was Ms. Cabot born?
281
00:11:29,833 --> 00:11:31,133
- Omaha, Nebraska.
282
00:11:31,133 --> 00:11:33,367
- Oh, I'm sorry.
That's incorrect.
283
00:11:33,367 --> 00:11:34,667
Deb for the steal?
284
00:11:34,667 --> 00:11:37,067
- Uh--
285
00:11:37,067 --> 00:11:39,067
- [imitates buzzer]
The correct answer
286
00:11:39,067 --> 00:11:41,567
was Leawood, Kansas.
- What?
287
00:11:41,567 --> 00:11:45,367
- Deb, where did Ms. Cabot
get her teaching certificate?
288
00:11:45,367 --> 00:11:47,400
- Pass. Aren't there any
true-or-false ones in there?
289
00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,367
- Ooh, no, I'm sorry.
There are not.
290
00:11:49,367 --> 00:11:52,100
Mary-Louise for the steal.
- The Teacher Training Institute
291
00:11:52,100 --> 00:11:53,800
for Unmarried Women
in Sioux City.
292
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:56,067
- Oh, incorrect.
- No, it's not.
293
00:11:56,067 --> 00:11:58,567
- The answer is
the Iowa State Normal School.
294
00:11:58,567 --> 00:12:00,667
- No, it's--
- Yes, it is, duh.
295
00:12:00,667 --> 00:12:02,400
I got the answers right here.
296
00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:05,233
- Deb, how many dependents
does Ms. Cabot have?
297
00:12:05,233 --> 00:12:07,833
- I don't know, one?
- Zero.
298
00:12:07,833 --> 00:12:11,067
- [sighs] Dudes, this just
isn't fun anymore.
299
00:12:11,067 --> 00:12:12,900
I don't normally
criticize people
300
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:16,533
'cause I'm rolling through the
school day on a snack cake high,
301
00:12:16,533 --> 00:12:20,400
but I gotta say,
this is really pathetic.
302
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,900
The two of you are acting
like vultures.
303
00:12:22,900 --> 00:12:24,500
- I really thought I knew her.
304
00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:27,133
- Clearly, neither of us
deserve her stuff.
305
00:12:27,133 --> 00:12:29,767
We're garbage people.
306
00:12:29,767 --> 00:12:31,600
- I'll put everything back.
307
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:36,567
- I think that's
the right thing to do.
308
00:12:36,567 --> 00:12:39,567
[upbeat music]
309
00:12:39,567 --> 00:12:44,367
*
310
00:12:46,167 --> 00:12:48,700
- Samantha, are you left-handed?
311
00:12:48,700 --> 00:12:51,200
- No.
- Oh, thank God.
312
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:52,933
- Hey, Caroline,
do you have any more
313
00:12:52,933 --> 00:12:54,467
industrial-sized garbage bags?
314
00:12:54,467 --> 00:12:56,600
I need to return
Ms. Cabot's things to her room.
315
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,667
- Oh, sure.
They're in my supply closet
316
00:12:58,667 --> 00:13:01,833
under "G" for "garbage bags."
317
00:13:01,833 --> 00:13:05,867
Samantha, uh-uh.
You didn't push your chair in.
318
00:13:05,867 --> 00:13:08,400
I expect that kind of behavior
from the other students,
319
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:09,567
but not you.
320
00:13:09,567 --> 00:13:14,267
We don't do that.
Thank you.
321
00:13:14,267 --> 00:13:16,667
- You sure you should be
treating her differently?
322
00:13:16,667 --> 00:13:19,733
You know, putting her desk
next to yours?
323
00:13:19,733 --> 00:13:21,900
- [whispers] How dare you
tell me how to parent!
324
00:13:21,900 --> 00:13:23,467
Get out of here!
325
00:13:28,867 --> 00:13:32,367
[ominous music]
326
00:13:32,367 --> 00:13:34,133
- And remember,
Fillmore's future
327
00:13:34,133 --> 00:13:36,333
does not depend on you
as an individual,
328
00:13:36,333 --> 00:13:38,433
but on your collective efforts.
329
00:13:38,433 --> 00:13:40,733
Persevere.
That is all.
330
00:13:40,733 --> 00:13:42,967
- My eyes hurt from reading.
331
00:13:42,967 --> 00:13:44,467
- Why can't we go
to the bathroom?
332
00:13:44,467 --> 00:13:46,767
- I can't let anyone go
now that we've started.
333
00:13:46,767 --> 00:13:49,333
[door opens]
- Hey.
334
00:13:49,333 --> 00:13:51,367
I wanted to see
how you were holding up.
335
00:13:51,367 --> 00:13:54,567
- Not good. My students are,
like, losing their will to live.
336
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:56,400
- There's plenty of space
in the multipurpose room.
337
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,100
- I can't.
My salary is gonna get cut
338
00:13:58,100 --> 00:13:59,300
if my scores aren't high enough.
339
00:13:59,300 --> 00:14:01,400
This is killing me.
I mean,
340
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:04,100
I know I'm a little bit selfish,
but I do have a heart.
341
00:14:04,100 --> 00:14:06,267
Remember when I started
that surprise GoFundMe,
342
00:14:06,267 --> 00:14:08,567
encouraging my cousin
to have a nose job?
343
00:14:08,567 --> 00:14:12,733
This situation is almost
as bad as her nose was.
344
00:14:12,733 --> 00:14:14,767
And her nose was really bad.
345
00:14:16,700 --> 00:14:19,400
- I think I can help.
346
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,333
[whispering]
I can't free them all,
347
00:14:21,333 --> 00:14:24,333
but I bet I could smuggle one
out in my art cart.
348
00:14:24,333 --> 00:14:27,267
[normal voice]
Give me your tired, your poor,
349
00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:30,100
your huddled masses
yearning to breathe free.
350
00:14:30,100 --> 00:14:32,967
- That is beautiful.
Did you make that up?
351
00:14:32,967 --> 00:14:34,467
- No, it's on
the Statue of Liberty.
352
00:14:34,467 --> 00:14:37,067
- Uh, I loved her
in "Ghostbusters."
353
00:14:37,067 --> 00:14:38,833
- Thanks for the ice cream.
354
00:14:38,833 --> 00:14:41,133
You're the nicest teacher
I've ever had.
355
00:14:41,133 --> 00:14:43,467
- Thank you.
I just hope you weren't too full
356
00:14:43,467 --> 00:14:46,300
from the lunch I packed you.
- No, no.
357
00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:49,233
It was great. I love the note
you left on my napkin.
358
00:14:49,233 --> 00:14:50,967
- Oh.
- Can I go play?
359
00:14:50,967 --> 00:14:53,800
- Samantha.
- May I go play?
360
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:55,700
- Yes, you may.
361
00:14:55,700 --> 00:14:57,833
- Hey, where'd you get
that ice cream?
362
00:14:57,833 --> 00:14:59,333
- Ms. Watson got it for me.
363
00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:00,967
- That's 'cause you're
the teacher's pet.
364
00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:03,300
- No, I'm not.
- Teacher's pet! Teacher's pet!
365
00:15:03,300 --> 00:15:04,667
- Give it back!
- Henry.
366
00:15:04,667 --> 00:15:06,500
- Teacher's pet! Teacher's pet!
- Stop!
367
00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:08,533
- Teacher's pet! Teacher's pet!
- Henry, stop that.
368
00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:10,567
- Give it back!
- Leave my daughter alone!
369
00:15:13,967 --> 00:15:14,967
- What?
370
00:15:14,967 --> 00:15:17,967
[rock music]
371
00:15:17,967 --> 00:15:20,200
- You're welcome to come
to church with me and repent
372
00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:22,333
if you still feel guilty.
- No thanks.
373
00:15:22,333 --> 00:15:24,933
I feel bad but not bad enough
to waste a Sunday.
374
00:15:24,933 --> 00:15:26,600
- RIP, Ms. Cabot.
375
00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:27,833
- Feldman?
376
00:15:27,833 --> 00:15:30,833
- "Antiques Roadshow,"
here I come, y'all.
377
00:15:30,833 --> 00:15:32,833
- What were you thinking?
378
00:15:32,833 --> 00:15:35,367
I had to spend two hours
comforting the Schmidts,
379
00:15:35,367 --> 00:15:37,833
who were deeply disturbed.
380
00:15:37,833 --> 00:15:39,433
Samantha is not your daughter.
381
00:15:39,433 --> 00:15:42,633
- Excuse me, but I have seen
every episode of "Law & Order,"
382
00:15:42,633 --> 00:15:44,500
and if there's one thing
I know,
383
00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:47,400
it's that a mother
always knows her child.
384
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,167
- They keep in touch
with their egg donor!
385
00:15:49,167 --> 00:15:51,067
Okay?
Her name is Brooke
386
00:15:51,067 --> 00:15:55,600
and she's an anesthesiologist
in New Haven.
387
00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:58,800
- But I was so sure.
388
00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:01,100
I guess I just got excited
about the possibility
389
00:16:01,100 --> 00:16:04,300
of having a child because I feel
like I'm running out of time.
390
00:16:04,300 --> 00:16:06,500
[gentle music]
391
00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:09,367
I don't wanna be like Ms. Cabot,
you know?
392
00:16:09,367 --> 00:16:12,133
Without somebody
to come get my things.
393
00:16:12,133 --> 00:16:14,400
- I do know.
394
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:16,800
I always wanted
to be a father,
395
00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:19,067
but I could never
convince Roberta.
396
00:16:19,067 --> 00:16:22,867
And now I'm all alone
and she's expecting twins
397
00:16:22,867 --> 00:16:26,333
with a blue jean mogul.
398
00:16:26,333 --> 00:16:28,333
I feel like I'm running
out of time, too.
399
00:16:28,333 --> 00:16:30,200
- Okay, I'm sorry.
I can't listen to you
400
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:31,700
complain about this.
401
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:33,667
You're a man. You could be
a hundred years old,
402
00:16:33,667 --> 00:16:36,367
paralyzed from the neck down
and still get somebody pregnant.
403
00:16:36,367 --> 00:16:39,333
I'm 29. In this culture,
I'm practically dead.
404
00:16:39,333 --> 00:16:40,900
- That's not true.
- Yes, it is!
405
00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:42,567
Do you have any idea
what it's like to deal
406
00:16:42,567 --> 00:16:44,300
with a constant barrage
of people asking you
407
00:16:44,300 --> 00:16:46,200
if you're married
or have kids yet?
408
00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:49,133
Because apparently, that's what
makes you a legitimate woman
409
00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:50,467
in this country.
410
00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:52,267
Do you think
I wanna be like this?
411
00:16:52,267 --> 00:16:54,433
I don't!
But when it comes down to it,
412
00:16:54,433 --> 00:16:57,367
women's bodies are operating
on an unfair timeline.
413
00:16:57,367 --> 00:16:58,767
We're still programmed
to be given away
414
00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:01,267
at 14 years old
for a couple of sheep,
415
00:17:01,267 --> 00:17:03,833
and turn geriatric
by the age of 35.
416
00:17:03,833 --> 00:17:05,733
So I'm sorry, Toby,
417
00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:08,733
but you're not
running out of time.
418
00:17:08,733 --> 00:17:10,567
I am.
419
00:17:10,567 --> 00:17:14,100
- I apologize.
You're right.
420
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:17,167
I can't tell you
that you've got plenty of time.
421
00:17:17,167 --> 00:17:20,600
But I can tell you
that your unnatural attachment
422
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:23,167
to that child
proves that someday
423
00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:26,800
you will be a wonderful mother.
424
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,733
- Thank you.
425
00:17:29,733 --> 00:17:32,700
That actually makes me feel
a little better.
426
00:17:32,700 --> 00:17:34,333
- Good.
427
00:17:34,333 --> 00:17:35,867
Well, now that
that's cleared up.
428
00:17:35,867 --> 00:17:39,167
I think you can see that
your actions were a little--
429
00:17:39,167 --> 00:17:40,700
- Over the top, yeah.
430
00:17:40,700 --> 00:17:42,867
- I was gonna say demented.
431
00:17:42,867 --> 00:17:45,467
*
432
00:17:45,467 --> 00:17:48,300
Would you like coffee?
- No. This isn't a thing.
433
00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:49,333
- Okay.
434
00:17:49,333 --> 00:17:51,367
[dramatic music]
435
00:17:51,367 --> 00:17:54,267
- If anyone stops us,
don't make a sound.
436
00:17:54,267 --> 00:17:56,833
- Okay.
- We'll miss you, Colin.
437
00:17:56,833 --> 00:17:58,333
But there's a better life
for you out there
438
00:17:58,333 --> 00:18:00,067
and you have to do it.
439
00:18:00,067 --> 00:18:02,100
For all of us.
440
00:18:02,100 --> 00:18:04,333
- It's time.
441
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:05,433
Watch out for the charcoals.
442
00:18:05,433 --> 00:18:12,567
*
443
00:18:18,067 --> 00:18:19,633
- Ms. Cannon.
444
00:18:19,633 --> 00:18:21,767
What are you doing
in the test-taking zone?
445
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:23,333
- Oh, I was just
bringing Chelsea
446
00:18:23,333 --> 00:18:27,067
some more number two pencils.
447
00:18:27,067 --> 00:18:29,200
- Very well.
As you were.
448
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,267
*
449
00:18:31,267 --> 00:18:33,900
- [sighs]
450
00:18:33,900 --> 00:18:35,267
- Oh, Ms. Cannon.
451
00:18:35,267 --> 00:18:37,367
*
452
00:18:37,367 --> 00:18:39,800
Just one more question.
453
00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:41,667
If you're just
delivering pencils,
454
00:18:41,667 --> 00:18:45,533
then why did you bring
the entire art cart?
455
00:18:45,533 --> 00:18:48,267
What's under there?
456
00:18:48,267 --> 00:18:50,800
Where's your note?
- Run, Colin!
457
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:52,700
Tell the others
they only need a note
458
00:18:52,700 --> 00:18:54,600
to get out of taking the test!
Run!
459
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:55,833
- We don't have to take
the test!
460
00:18:55,833 --> 00:18:57,900
You just need a note
to be free!
461
00:18:57,900 --> 00:19:00,633
*
462
00:19:00,633 --> 00:19:03,767
[excited indistinct chatter]
463
00:19:07,267 --> 00:19:10,067
- * Tear it down
464
00:19:10,067 --> 00:19:11,700
* Tear it down
465
00:19:11,700 --> 00:19:13,433
- Well, I hope you're happy.
466
00:19:13,433 --> 00:19:15,433
We've most certainly lost
our funding
467
00:19:15,433 --> 00:19:16,933
with this many opt-outs.
468
00:19:16,933 --> 00:19:19,067
- School should be a place
where children are free to grow,
469
00:19:19,067 --> 00:19:21,233
not spend their days
taking some oppressive tests.
470
00:19:21,233 --> 00:19:22,667
- True dat.
- I'm surprised
471
00:19:22,667 --> 00:19:24,233
at you, Ms. Snap.
472
00:19:24,233 --> 00:19:26,633
Aren't you concerned
about your merit-based pay?
473
00:19:26,633 --> 00:19:29,133
- Of course. I'm always
thinking about myself.
474
00:19:29,133 --> 00:19:31,133
That's why I bribed
my smartest students with candy
475
00:19:31,133 --> 00:19:32,300
not to opt out.
476
00:19:32,300 --> 00:19:33,967
I got all the teachers
to do the same.
477
00:19:33,967 --> 00:19:36,133
Fillmore is gonna have
the best scores in the district.
478
00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:39,967
- Your self-serving nature
never ceases to amaze me.
479
00:19:39,967 --> 00:19:42,667
[rock music]
480
00:19:42,667 --> 00:19:45,867
- Ooh.
These are gonna be so smooth.
481
00:19:45,867 --> 00:19:49,367
Mm.
Thanks again, guys.
482
00:19:49,367 --> 00:19:51,933
Oh, yeah.
483
00:19:51,933 --> 00:19:54,133
And so will this.
484
00:19:54,133 --> 00:19:55,767
And this.
485
00:19:55,767 --> 00:19:58,533
Oh, and these bad boys
are gonna be gone.
486
00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:03,900
[rock music]
487
00:20:03,900 --> 00:20:10,833
*
488
00:20:12,167 --> 00:20:15,000
- * Tear it down
489
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:17,633
* Tear it down
490
00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:20,400
* Tear it down
491
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,600
* Tear it down
492
00:20:24,100 --> 00:20:26,067
- Oh, yeah.
36368
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.