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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,175 --> 00:00:03,242 [theme music] 2 00:00:03,342 --> 00:00:06,979 ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show," 3 00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:19,192 starring Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey Amsterdam, Larry Mathews, and Mary Tyler Moore. 4 00:00:25,598 --> 00:00:26,432 Boy, what a sale, huh? 5 00:00:26,532 --> 00:00:27,667 Yeah. 6 00:00:27,767 --> 00:00:30,069 And all you needed was cottage cheese. 7 00:00:30,169 --> 00:00:32,638 Oh, guess what I forgot. 8 00:00:32,738 --> 00:00:33,673 Boy, how could I be so dumb? 9 00:00:33,773 --> 00:00:34,607 Shh. 10 00:00:34,707 --> 00:00:35,842 Rob's sleeping. 11 00:00:35,942 --> 00:00:37,376 Oh, well, you don't have to shush me. 12 00:00:37,477 --> 00:00:40,079 If Rob is sleeping on the weekends, nothing can wake him. 13 00:00:40,179 --> 00:00:43,616 How could I forget the cottage cheese? 14 00:00:43,716 --> 00:00:44,851 I hope they got the cookies. 15 00:00:44,951 --> 00:00:46,252 Hey, Mom, did you get the cookies? 16 00:00:46,352 --> 00:00:48,821 LAURA: After lunch. 17 00:00:48,921 --> 00:00:49,789 Hey, what's this? 18 00:00:49,889 --> 00:00:50,756 I told you. 19 00:00:50,857 --> 00:00:52,425 My new book of fun games. 20 00:00:52,525 --> 00:00:53,893 My mom never buys me anything. 21 00:00:53,993 --> 00:00:57,430 She just brings me over here. 22 00:00:57,530 --> 00:00:59,565 Hey, you want to play this where you find the presidents' 23 00:00:59,665 --> 00:01:00,666 faces hidden in the trees? 24 00:01:00,767 --> 00:01:01,634 No. 25 00:01:01,734 --> 00:01:03,569 I already found all them. 26 00:01:03,669 --> 00:01:04,804 Lincoln is in the bush. 27 00:01:04,904 --> 00:01:08,474 Yeah, they always put him in the bush. 28 00:01:08,574 --> 00:01:10,109 Hey, a connect the dots game. 29 00:01:10,209 --> 00:01:11,944 I can use my new black magic pen. 30 00:01:12,044 --> 00:01:13,446 It writes on anything. 31 00:01:13,546 --> 00:01:14,380 Let me use it. 32 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:15,915 No, it's mine. 33 00:01:16,015 --> 00:01:17,517 You connect the dots on that page, and I'll do this one. 34 00:01:17,617 --> 00:01:18,518 We'll race. 35 00:01:23,356 --> 00:01:24,157 Dopey stupid. 36 00:01:24,257 --> 00:01:25,291 That's the eye. 37 00:01:25,391 --> 00:01:27,693 You're not supposed to connect a person's eye. 38 00:01:27,794 --> 00:01:29,495 I do it my way. 39 00:01:29,595 --> 00:01:30,930 Dopey stupid. 40 00:01:31,030 --> 00:01:32,465 I'm rubber, and you're glue. 41 00:01:32,565 --> 00:01:37,170 And everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you. 42 00:01:37,270 --> 00:01:40,706 When out with your mother, do you still have to use the ladies' room? 43 00:01:40,806 --> 00:01:42,208 Not since I'm five. 44 00:01:42,308 --> 00:01:44,477 Gilbert's mother still takes him. 45 00:01:44,577 --> 00:01:45,812 That's dumb. 46 00:01:45,912 --> 00:01:46,712 Look. 47 00:01:46,812 --> 00:01:47,947 Mine's Popeye. 48 00:01:48,047 --> 00:01:49,749 Mine's Santa Claus. 49 00:01:49,849 --> 00:01:50,950 With a scar. 50 00:01:51,050 --> 00:01:53,085 That's 'cause you connected the eye. 51 00:01:55,721 --> 00:01:58,357 Aw, nuts, there's no more dot games. 52 00:01:58,457 --> 00:01:59,659 No, only two. 53 00:01:59,759 --> 00:02:01,661 I wanted to do more. 54 00:02:01,761 --> 00:02:03,729 Dopey stupid book. 55 00:02:03,830 --> 00:02:05,097 Hey, can I some candy? 56 00:02:05,198 --> 00:02:07,099 Not unless you take that back about my book. 57 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:07,834 OK. 58 00:02:07,934 --> 00:02:09,335 It's a great book. 59 00:02:09,435 --> 00:02:10,036 No. 60 00:02:10,136 --> 00:02:12,271 It's dopey stupid. 61 00:02:12,371 --> 00:02:14,640 Say, your dad sure has a lot of freckles. 62 00:02:14,740 --> 00:02:15,875 Only on his back. 63 00:02:15,975 --> 00:02:17,610 The rest of him is clean. 64 00:02:17,710 --> 00:02:19,912 Hey, these freckles look just like the dot game. 65 00:02:20,012 --> 00:02:21,113 They haven't got numbers. 66 00:02:21,214 --> 00:02:23,149 I bet you I can connect them, anyway. 67 00:02:23,249 --> 00:02:23,916 Yeah? 68 00:02:24,016 --> 00:02:26,352 Maybe we'd get a picture. 69 00:02:26,452 --> 00:02:27,820 Or a whipping. 70 00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:28,955 Do you get hit? 71 00:02:29,055 --> 00:02:30,957 No, but they keep promising. 72 00:02:31,057 --> 00:02:32,124 He wouldn't get mad. 73 00:02:32,225 --> 00:02:33,593 It's not like breaking something. 74 00:02:33,693 --> 00:02:34,527 OK. 75 00:02:34,627 --> 00:02:35,795 But you do it. 76 00:02:35,895 --> 00:02:36,896 I'll do it easy so I don't wake him up. 77 00:02:36,996 --> 00:02:39,699 He never wakes up on Saturdays. 78 00:02:39,799 --> 00:02:41,133 Let's see. 79 00:02:41,234 --> 00:02:44,604 If I connect freckle number one to the next freckle, number two. 80 00:02:44,704 --> 00:02:46,239 Boy, that pen works good. 81 00:02:49,809 --> 00:02:51,143 Cut it out, honey. 82 00:02:54,947 --> 00:02:57,216 (QUIETLY) Look what it's coming out to be. 83 00:02:57,316 --> 00:02:58,217 Yeah. 84 00:02:58,317 --> 00:02:59,051 Wow. 85 00:02:59,151 --> 00:03:00,286 I told you we'd get a picture. 86 00:03:00,386 --> 00:03:02,755 Just like the one in the school books. 87 00:03:02,855 --> 00:03:05,958 Ritchie, I-- what are you doing? 88 00:03:06,058 --> 00:03:06,892 I didn't do it. 89 00:03:06,993 --> 00:03:07,994 Freddie did it. 90 00:03:08,094 --> 00:03:08,928 What did he do? 91 00:03:09,028 --> 00:03:10,329 I'll kill him. 92 00:03:10,429 --> 00:03:13,232 Ritchie, dear, you don't draw on people's backs. 93 00:03:13,332 --> 00:03:16,802 You, either, dopey stupid. 94 00:03:16,902 --> 00:03:17,837 We didn't draw. 95 00:03:17,937 --> 00:03:19,138 We connected the freckles. 96 00:03:19,238 --> 00:03:20,273 Oh, come on, Ritch. 97 00:03:20,373 --> 00:03:21,540 You didn't connect those freckles. 98 00:03:21,641 --> 00:03:22,675 You just drew it there. 99 00:03:22,775 --> 00:03:24,076 Honest, Mom. 100 00:03:24,176 --> 00:03:26,012 He connected the freckles just like the dot game. 101 00:03:26,112 --> 00:03:28,247 Hey, there are freckles under the ink. 102 00:03:28,347 --> 00:03:29,548 Laura, will you look at that? 103 00:03:32,018 --> 00:03:34,220 I never knew Rob had that on his back. 104 00:03:39,792 --> 00:03:42,061 I can't believe it. 105 00:03:42,161 --> 00:03:44,497 Freddie must have just drawn it there. 106 00:03:44,597 --> 00:03:46,432 Freddie, tell the truth for once in your life. 107 00:03:46,532 --> 00:03:47,800 Did you draw it or not? 108 00:03:47,900 --> 00:03:50,369 I just connected the freckles. 109 00:03:50,469 --> 00:03:52,738 You know, I can see freckles under the black line. 110 00:03:52,838 --> 00:03:54,473 I told you. 111 00:03:54,573 --> 00:03:55,441 Go eat some cookies. 112 00:03:55,541 --> 00:03:56,142 What about lunch? 113 00:03:56,242 --> 00:03:57,376 After the cookies. 114 00:03:59,645 --> 00:04:01,847 Well, there's just no doubt about it, Millie. 115 00:04:01,947 --> 00:04:06,018 It's a perfect picture of the Liberty Bell. 116 00:04:06,118 --> 00:04:07,620 MILLIE: It's even cracked. 117 00:04:10,623 --> 00:04:13,960 You know, Laura, your husband has a very unusual back. 118 00:04:14,060 --> 00:04:17,630 We ought to get a picture of that before Rob wakes up and smudges it. 119 00:04:17,730 --> 00:04:18,764 What for? 120 00:04:18,864 --> 00:04:19,699 What for? 121 00:04:19,799 --> 00:04:21,300 It's living history. 122 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:25,371 I mean, who knows, when he gets old and his back's all wrinkly, and you can't see the bell anymore, 123 00:04:25,471 --> 00:04:28,607 you'd be glad you had a picture of it. 124 00:04:28,708 --> 00:04:29,542 Where's the camera? 125 00:04:29,642 --> 00:04:32,011 Well, that's so silly. 126 00:04:32,111 --> 00:04:33,245 It's in the bedroom. 127 00:04:36,515 --> 00:04:38,651 Gee, I thought it was here in the closet. 128 00:04:38,751 --> 00:04:39,618 Oh, watch it, Millie. 129 00:04:39,719 --> 00:04:40,987 Watch it. 130 00:04:41,087 --> 00:04:43,956 [crashing] 131 00:04:44,056 --> 00:04:45,224 Oh, darn. 132 00:04:49,929 --> 00:04:51,497 [groaning] 133 00:05:00,106 --> 00:05:02,641 Books, suitcases, tennis rackets, no camera. 134 00:05:02,742 --> 00:05:05,111 Boy, what a dopey stupid house. 135 00:05:05,211 --> 00:05:07,847 Maybe it's in the-- He's gone. 136 00:05:07,947 --> 00:05:08,748 Rob? 137 00:05:08,848 --> 00:05:09,782 Oh, boy. 138 00:05:09,882 --> 00:05:12,651 I hope he didn't take a shower. 139 00:05:12,752 --> 00:05:14,353 What, honey? 140 00:05:14,453 --> 00:05:15,087 Oh, good. 141 00:05:15,187 --> 00:05:16,088 It's still there. 142 00:05:16,188 --> 00:05:17,556 I'm going to get my camera. 143 00:05:17,656 --> 00:05:19,191 OK. 144 00:05:19,291 --> 00:05:21,026 What was that all about? 145 00:05:21,127 --> 00:05:22,762 Well, it's about your back. 146 00:05:22,862 --> 00:05:24,030 What about my back? 147 00:05:24,130 --> 00:05:26,365 Well it's-- it's a very nice back, Rob. 148 00:05:26,465 --> 00:05:28,734 Uh, did anyone ever say anything to you about it? 149 00:05:28,834 --> 00:05:30,136 No. 150 00:05:30,236 --> 00:05:32,338 I-- I never had any real discussions about my back. 151 00:05:32,438 --> 00:05:34,140 It's just always been there when I needed it. 152 00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:36,876 Just a plain old back, huh? 153 00:05:36,976 --> 00:05:37,777 Yeah. 154 00:05:37,877 --> 00:05:39,278 You want to bet? 155 00:05:39,378 --> 00:05:42,481 Honey, have you and Millie been in the cooking sherry or something? - No, Rob. 156 00:05:42,581 --> 00:05:47,586 It's just that-- well, you've got a very unusual back, and I'm proud to be married to it. 157 00:05:47,686 --> 00:05:51,557 Oh, boy, you and Millie-- you've been-- [speaking gibberish] right? 158 00:05:51,657 --> 00:05:55,694 Darling, Ritchie and Freddie were playing this connect the dot game. 159 00:05:55,795 --> 00:05:58,798 And-- well, they saw you lying there on the couch asleep and-- Yeah? 160 00:05:58,898 --> 00:06:01,734 They saw your freckles, and-- And? 161 00:06:01,834 --> 00:06:03,536 They connected them. 162 00:06:03,636 --> 00:06:04,470 [laughter] 163 00:06:04,570 --> 00:06:05,271 What? 164 00:06:05,371 --> 00:06:06,238 They connected my freckles? 165 00:06:06,338 --> 00:06:07,540 - Yeah. - Where? 166 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:10,009 I-- Well, it's on your back. 167 00:06:10,109 --> 00:06:10,910 [laughter] 168 00:06:11,010 --> 00:06:12,178 What'd I get? 169 00:06:12,278 --> 00:06:13,546 A "kick me" sign or something? - No, no. 170 00:06:13,646 --> 00:06:14,480 They got a picture. 171 00:06:14,580 --> 00:06:15,381 A picture? 172 00:06:15,481 --> 00:06:16,115 What of? 173 00:06:16,215 --> 00:06:17,850 The Liberty Bell. 174 00:06:17,950 --> 00:06:18,884 [laughing] 175 00:06:20,619 --> 00:06:21,454 The famous one? 176 00:06:21,554 --> 00:06:22,521 A dead ringer. 177 00:06:22,621 --> 00:06:23,489 Ha! 178 00:06:23,589 --> 00:06:26,058 No, I mean, you said it, Rob. 179 00:06:26,158 --> 00:06:27,259 Well, take a look. 180 00:06:27,359 --> 00:06:28,794 Well, that's impossible. 181 00:06:28,894 --> 00:06:31,096 Why don't you take a look in the mirror in the bedroom? 182 00:06:31,197 --> 00:06:32,131 You're kidding me. 183 00:06:32,231 --> 00:06:33,132 I'm not, Rob. 184 00:06:33,232 --> 00:06:36,969 Even the kids recognized it. 185 00:06:37,069 --> 00:06:38,237 [laughing] 186 00:06:39,972 --> 00:06:41,474 Well? 187 00:06:41,574 --> 00:06:46,479 Ding dong. 188 00:06:46,579 --> 00:06:48,113 Here's the picture Millie took of it. 189 00:06:48,214 --> 00:06:49,415 - Ah. - Yeah. 190 00:06:49,515 --> 00:06:51,517 Boy, I'm so impressed, I can't think of a joke. 191 00:06:51,617 --> 00:06:52,985 You will. 192 00:06:53,085 --> 00:06:54,386 Hey, Rob, this is pretty wild. 193 00:06:54,487 --> 00:06:56,655 But how can I be sure that that's really your back? 194 00:06:56,755 --> 00:06:58,324 Because that's my head. 195 00:06:58,424 --> 00:07:00,192 Oh. 196 00:07:00,292 --> 00:07:01,760 Hey, you know why I can't think of a joke? 197 00:07:01,861 --> 00:07:03,963 Because nobody ever brought up the subject before. 198 00:07:04,063 --> 00:07:04,930 But I'll think of one. 199 00:07:05,030 --> 00:07:06,065 Yeah, keep punching. 200 00:07:06,165 --> 00:07:07,366 Yeah, this is a real challenge. 201 00:07:07,466 --> 00:07:09,068 It's pretty unusual, I'll have to admit. 202 00:07:09,168 --> 00:07:10,636 What's unusual about a bell on your back? 203 00:07:10,736 --> 00:07:12,938 My brother got a landlord on his back. 204 00:07:13,038 --> 00:07:14,106 [laughing] 205 00:07:14,206 --> 00:07:15,574 That's one. - Hey, Rob. 206 00:07:15,674 --> 00:07:16,509 Come on. 207 00:07:16,609 --> 00:07:17,943 Let-- let me see the bell for real. 208 00:07:18,043 --> 00:07:18,978 You saw the picture. 209 00:07:19,078 --> 00:07:19,912 Yeah, but I mean in the flesh. 210 00:07:20,012 --> 00:07:20,946 No, Sal, I washed it off. 211 00:07:21,046 --> 00:07:22,681 Oh, come on, Rob, please. 212 00:07:22,781 --> 00:07:26,919 Hey, Rob, when you bend over, does the bell go clang clang? 213 00:07:27,019 --> 00:07:28,120 That's two. - No. 214 00:07:28,220 --> 00:07:29,455 One and a half. Hey, Rob. 215 00:07:29,555 --> 00:07:30,189 Come on. 216 00:07:30,289 --> 00:07:31,423 I can draw it, right? 217 00:07:31,524 --> 00:07:32,725 And then we'll get right back to work. 218 00:07:32,825 --> 00:07:33,726 Cross my heart. 219 00:07:33,826 --> 00:07:36,529 Sal, what if somebody comes in here and see me showing you my back? 220 00:07:36,629 --> 00:07:39,798 Well, I'll-- I'll tell them I'm knitting you an undershirt. 221 00:07:39,899 --> 00:07:40,699 I wish I had said that. 222 00:07:40,799 --> 00:07:41,634 You will. 223 00:07:41,734 --> 00:07:42,601 Come on, Rob. 224 00:07:42,701 --> 00:07:44,003 Are you going to bother me all day? 225 00:07:44,103 --> 00:07:45,137 - Yes, I am. - All right. 226 00:07:45,237 --> 00:07:46,171 All right. Here. 227 00:07:46,272 --> 00:07:47,106 Lay back, right here. 228 00:07:47,206 --> 00:07:48,541 Go ahead. 229 00:07:48,641 --> 00:07:49,909 It's that clump of freckles right over in there. 230 00:07:50,009 --> 00:07:50,943 OK. 231 00:07:51,043 --> 00:07:52,545 I never had a bell on my back. 232 00:07:52,645 --> 00:07:53,979 I've had a frog in my throat. 233 00:07:54,079 --> 00:07:54,947 Hey, hey. 234 00:07:55,047 --> 00:07:55,848 Hey, that's three. 235 00:07:55,948 --> 00:07:56,782 Nope. 236 00:07:56,882 --> 00:07:58,050 Two and a half. 237 00:07:58,150 --> 00:07:59,184 Hey, Rob. 238 00:07:59,285 --> 00:08:01,654 This part doesn't seem right here. 239 00:08:01,754 --> 00:08:03,289 - Did you use all the freckles? - Oh, wait. 240 00:08:03,389 --> 00:08:04,623 Wait, wait. Oh, there's one. 241 00:08:04,723 --> 00:08:05,691 Yeah. 242 00:08:05,791 --> 00:08:07,526 Hey, you ought to number them, you know? 243 00:08:11,297 --> 00:08:12,197 Hey, Rob. 244 00:08:12,298 --> 00:08:15,267 You got a bell on your back. 245 00:08:15,367 --> 00:08:17,002 Remember when I told you you had two and a half. 246 00:08:17,102 --> 00:08:18,170 Yeah? 247 00:08:18,270 --> 00:08:19,204 Well, you only got one and a half. 248 00:08:19,305 --> 00:08:22,141 You lose a point for stupidity. 249 00:08:22,241 --> 00:08:23,042 Oh, hi, Mel. 250 00:08:23,142 --> 00:08:24,410 [laughing] 251 00:08:24,510 --> 00:08:25,945 I guess this looks a little crazy, doesn't it? 252 00:08:26,045 --> 00:08:26,979 No, no, no. 253 00:08:27,079 --> 00:08:28,280 My secretary told me about it. 254 00:08:28,380 --> 00:08:30,382 Isn't that the weirdest thing you've ever seen? 255 00:08:30,482 --> 00:08:31,684 Outside of his head. 256 00:08:34,186 --> 00:08:35,588 It is a little unusual. 257 00:08:35,688 --> 00:08:38,791 But I am sure that you could get some kind of a picture from anybody's back if you join the freckles. 258 00:08:38,891 --> 00:08:39,992 I got an idea. 259 00:08:40,092 --> 00:08:43,495 Maybe if we hook up all the freckles on your head, if we connect them, it might look like hair. 260 00:08:46,832 --> 00:08:49,134 Mel, you mean, this-- this doesn't surprise you? 261 00:08:49,235 --> 00:08:51,003 Mother Nature never shocks me. 262 00:08:51,103 --> 00:08:53,372 Oh, it sure must have shocked your father and mother. 263 00:08:56,175 --> 00:08:57,009 Hey. 264 00:08:57,109 --> 00:08:57,977 That one don't count. 265 00:08:58,077 --> 00:08:59,211 I just threw that one in. 266 00:08:59,311 --> 00:09:00,112 Well, throw it back. 267 00:09:00,212 --> 00:09:01,480 Hey, Rob. 268 00:09:01,580 --> 00:09:02,648 Take a deep breath. - Why? 269 00:09:02,748 --> 00:09:03,983 No. Come on. 270 00:09:04,083 --> 00:09:05,250 Just take a deep breath. All right. 271 00:09:05,351 --> 00:09:06,285 You see? 272 00:09:06,385 --> 00:09:07,586 You see when he breathes deep? 273 00:09:07,686 --> 00:09:09,154 You see how the crack in the bell widens? 274 00:09:09,255 --> 00:09:10,623 Oh, Sal. 275 00:09:10,723 --> 00:09:13,759 It certainly is a remarkable effect-- Take your hands off there. 276 00:09:13,859 --> 00:09:15,060 That's what ruined the first one. 277 00:09:17,630 --> 00:09:18,564 Congratulations, Rob. 278 00:09:18,664 --> 00:09:20,466 You're a freak of the week. 279 00:09:20,566 --> 00:09:22,034 I'm not, either. 280 00:09:22,134 --> 00:09:24,870 I just happen to be artistically and patriotically freckled. 281 00:09:24,970 --> 00:09:26,038 [knocking] 282 00:09:26,138 --> 00:09:26,939 - Is this the writing room? - Yeah. 283 00:09:27,039 --> 00:09:28,207 What is it? 284 00:09:28,307 --> 00:09:32,478 Oh, well, uh, we're with the stage crew, and we want to see that geek with the Liberty Bell. 285 00:09:32,578 --> 00:09:33,912 Hey, it'll cost you 10 cents to look. 286 00:09:34,013 --> 00:09:35,748 OK, Rob, it's showtime. 287 00:09:35,848 --> 00:09:36,782 Ta-da. 288 00:09:42,121 --> 00:09:43,088 Feel any better, honey? 289 00:09:43,188 --> 00:09:44,957 I'm still stiff. 290 00:09:45,057 --> 00:09:46,725 Maybe you ought to see a doctor. 291 00:09:46,825 --> 00:09:47,826 What? 292 00:09:47,926 --> 00:09:51,830 And tell him that I got a kink in my back from letting hundreds of people look at my Liberty Bell? 293 00:09:51,930 --> 00:09:53,132 It wasn't hundreds. 294 00:09:53,232 --> 00:09:54,299 It sure seemed like it. 295 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:56,635 Half of them wanted to redraw it. 296 00:09:56,735 --> 00:09:57,436 Yoo-hoo. 297 00:09:57,536 --> 00:09:58,637 - Hi, Mil. - Hi. 298 00:09:58,737 --> 00:09:59,471 Hi. 299 00:09:59,571 --> 00:10:00,906 Well, how's the old back, Rob? 300 00:10:01,006 --> 00:10:01,840 Old. 301 00:10:01,940 --> 00:10:02,808 Want some coffee? 302 00:10:02,908 --> 00:10:03,876 No, thanks. 303 00:10:03,976 --> 00:10:06,178 I just came over to read Rob something. 304 00:10:06,278 --> 00:10:11,050 "A man in Tibet had a needle through his nose for 15 years." 305 00:10:15,587 --> 00:10:16,955 Well, stop staring at me. 306 00:10:17,056 --> 00:10:18,057 It's no joke. 307 00:10:18,157 --> 00:10:19,425 It's an "Odd but True." 308 00:10:19,525 --> 00:10:21,727 You know, the column with all the weird facts? 309 00:10:21,827 --> 00:10:23,095 Listen to this. 310 00:10:23,195 --> 00:10:29,168 "In India, a prince has a tree in his backyard that cries." 311 00:10:29,268 --> 00:10:31,170 Well, that's odd, I guess. 312 00:10:31,270 --> 00:10:32,271 But true. 313 00:10:32,371 --> 00:10:33,305 And sad. 314 00:10:33,405 --> 00:10:36,608 It's hard to cheer up a tree. 315 00:10:36,709 --> 00:10:41,180 You go on and make fun, but they pay $500 to people submitting items. 316 00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:42,181 So? 317 00:10:42,281 --> 00:10:44,049 So $500 is a lot of money. 318 00:10:44,149 --> 00:10:46,251 Oh, Millie, I don't think they pay that money. 319 00:10:46,351 --> 00:10:48,020 They make most of those things up. 320 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:49,755 You didn't make up your back. 321 00:10:49,855 --> 00:10:53,225 Millie, are you suggesting that we send in Rob's back? 322 00:10:53,325 --> 00:10:56,128 For $500, why not? 323 00:10:56,228 --> 00:10:57,463 Are you serious? 324 00:10:57,563 --> 00:10:59,732 You want to submit my back to "Odd but True"? 325 00:10:59,832 --> 00:11:02,935 Well, I don't see any needles in your nose. 326 00:11:03,035 --> 00:11:04,336 Why not? 327 00:11:04,436 --> 00:11:06,271 Well, Millie, for one thing, this is-- that's not that odd. 328 00:11:06,371 --> 00:11:07,539 He's right. 329 00:11:07,639 --> 00:11:09,842 I knew you'd say that, but you're wrong. 330 00:11:09,942 --> 00:11:12,611 They want you down at their office so they can check you out. 331 00:11:15,748 --> 00:11:17,750 Millie, you're nuts. 332 00:11:17,850 --> 00:11:19,651 You had this idea the whole time, didn't you? 333 00:11:19,752 --> 00:11:22,121 That's why you were so anxious to get a few pictures. 334 00:11:22,221 --> 00:11:23,689 Boy, what a sneaky trick. 335 00:11:23,789 --> 00:11:27,760 Well, listen, if you can't be sneaky with your best friends, who can you be sneaky with? 336 00:11:27,860 --> 00:11:30,262 Besides, we'll all make a lot of money out of it. 337 00:11:30,362 --> 00:11:31,764 All? 338 00:11:31,864 --> 00:11:37,469 Well, I figured since my Freddie drew it originally, the family would split the money 50/50. 339 00:11:37,569 --> 00:11:39,538 We're not going to split it. 340 00:11:39,638 --> 00:11:41,974 Well, you don't think it's fair to keep it all? 341 00:11:42,074 --> 00:11:44,076 Millie, I'm not going. 342 00:11:44,176 --> 00:11:45,944 Why not? 343 00:11:46,044 --> 00:11:46,845 Because I'm not. 344 00:11:46,945 --> 00:11:47,946 That's why. 345 00:11:48,046 --> 00:11:49,481 Why not? 346 00:11:49,581 --> 00:11:53,085 Millie, because-- honey, will you tell her why? 347 00:11:53,185 --> 00:11:58,991 Millie, because he-- well, I don't know why not, Rob. 348 00:11:59,091 --> 00:12:00,559 I'll tell you why not. 349 00:12:00,659 --> 00:12:01,794 I don't know why not. 350 00:12:01,894 --> 00:12:04,530 It's-- I feel silly, I think. 351 00:12:04,630 --> 00:12:05,931 Well, it's an honor. 352 00:12:06,031 --> 00:12:06,698 What honor? 353 00:12:06,799 --> 00:12:08,233 With a bunch of oddballs? 354 00:12:08,333 --> 00:12:10,769 Odd-but-true-balls. 355 00:12:10,869 --> 00:12:13,939 Kings and emperors and princes are all in the column. 356 00:12:14,039 --> 00:12:15,207 They're all freaks. 357 00:12:15,307 --> 00:12:16,842 Well, honey, you're not a freak. 358 00:12:16,942 --> 00:12:20,946 I mean, when they're not connected, you're perfectly normal. It's just when-- I'm a freak. 359 00:12:21,046 --> 00:12:22,848 I didn't say that. 360 00:12:22,948 --> 00:12:23,582 Listen. 361 00:12:23,682 --> 00:12:24,783 I'll tell you what, Rob. 362 00:12:24,883 --> 00:12:27,286 Instead of 50/50, we'll split 60-40. 363 00:12:27,386 --> 00:12:28,320 Millie, it's not the money. 364 00:12:28,420 --> 00:12:30,222 It's-- It's what? 365 00:12:30,322 --> 00:12:31,290 Well. 366 00:12:31,390 --> 00:12:33,458 Honey, take over, will you? 367 00:12:33,559 --> 00:12:34,827 Oh, come on, Rob. 368 00:12:34,927 --> 00:12:39,331 Who knows when I'll ever have another neighbor who's a freak-- who's freckled? 369 00:12:39,431 --> 00:12:42,267 Millie, I think you better drop it before it gets embarrassing. 370 00:12:42,367 --> 00:12:43,202 That's it. 371 00:12:43,302 --> 00:12:44,369 That's the word. 372 00:12:44,469 --> 00:12:45,804 That's the why not-- embarrassing. 373 00:12:45,904 --> 00:12:51,009 I would be embarrassed to go into that den of-- oddballs. 374 00:12:51,109 --> 00:12:52,144 He's right. 375 00:12:52,244 --> 00:12:55,547 Millie, I would, too, with the shrunken heads and the crying trees. Blah! 376 00:12:55,647 --> 00:12:57,082 Oh, listen. 377 00:12:57,182 --> 00:12:58,884 They don't have things like that in the New York office. 378 00:12:58,984 --> 00:13:03,889 They got cute things, you know, like Rob's back and Fred Derf. 379 00:13:03,989 --> 00:13:04,823 Fred Derf? 380 00:13:04,923 --> 00:13:06,225 Fred Derf. 381 00:13:06,325 --> 00:13:08,427 You know, the guy whose name is the same backwards as forwards. 382 00:13:08,527 --> 00:13:10,195 Fred is Derf, and Derf is Fred. 383 00:13:10,295 --> 00:13:11,630 You know. 384 00:13:11,730 --> 00:13:14,633 Besides, it's worth a little embarrassment. 385 00:13:14,733 --> 00:13:17,669 Buddy and Sally would never ever let me live that down. 386 00:13:17,769 --> 00:13:18,804 Well, you'll be famous. 387 00:13:18,904 --> 00:13:20,405 You'll have your name in the paper. 388 00:13:20,505 --> 00:13:24,009 Millie, I sincerely hope if I ever get my name in the paper, it'll be because I've solved a world crisis 389 00:13:24,109 --> 00:13:25,744 or discovered a new serum or something. 390 00:13:25,844 --> 00:13:27,746 Oh, you're not smart enough to do that. 391 00:13:27,846 --> 00:13:29,248 Oh, no, I already started the serum. 392 00:13:29,348 --> 00:13:30,415 What serum? 393 00:13:30,515 --> 00:13:33,685 It removes freckles and neighbors. 394 00:13:33,785 --> 00:13:35,621 Boy, are you selfish? 395 00:13:35,721 --> 00:13:39,157 Underneath your picture it'll say "contributed by Mildred Helper." 396 00:13:39,258 --> 00:13:40,626 Well, thanks a lot, Rob. 397 00:13:40,726 --> 00:13:42,194 Oh, come on, Millie. 398 00:13:42,294 --> 00:13:43,562 Don't be angry. 399 00:13:43,662 --> 00:13:44,463 I'm not angry. 400 00:13:44,563 --> 00:13:45,464 I'm hurt. 401 00:13:45,564 --> 00:13:46,798 Uh, don't be hurt, Millie. 402 00:13:46,899 --> 00:13:49,868 Just be disappointed. 403 00:13:49,968 --> 00:13:52,371 Boy, all the people in the world that are lucky enough 404 00:13:52,471 --> 00:13:56,608 to have the Liberty Bell on their back, it had to be you, you big freak. 405 00:14:01,647 --> 00:14:02,681 Here you are. 406 00:14:02,781 --> 00:14:04,349 What do you mean, here you are? 407 00:14:04,449 --> 00:14:05,550 You've got the big piece. 408 00:14:05,651 --> 00:14:07,920 Yeah, but you got most of the jelly. 409 00:14:08,020 --> 00:14:09,655 I didn't buy jelly donuts. 410 00:14:13,091 --> 00:14:14,026 Uh-oh. 411 00:14:16,962 --> 00:14:17,896 Ew. 412 00:14:22,434 --> 00:14:23,602 Maybe I ought to change bakeries. 413 00:14:23,702 --> 00:14:25,604 I think you better, yeah. 414 00:14:25,704 --> 00:14:26,939 Hi, gang. 415 00:14:27,039 --> 00:14:29,474 Well, there he is, the fabulous Mister Freckle. 416 00:14:29,574 --> 00:14:30,876 No more back talk, please. 417 00:14:30,976 --> 00:14:32,544 Hey, you know, you're pretty sneaky. 418 00:14:32,644 --> 00:14:33,845 Hey, Rob, listen. 419 00:14:33,946 --> 00:14:35,714 You better come in early if you want to beat us to something like that. 420 00:14:35,814 --> 00:14:36,648 What's-- what's that? 421 00:14:36,748 --> 00:14:38,283 Right here, sir. 422 00:14:38,383 --> 00:14:39,384 "Odd but True." 423 00:14:39,484 --> 00:14:40,319 What odd but true? 424 00:14:40,419 --> 00:14:41,320 You odd but true. 425 00:14:41,420 --> 00:14:42,254 The guy called this morning. 426 00:14:42,354 --> 00:14:43,155 Mr. Tetlow, odd but true. 427 00:14:43,255 --> 00:14:44,389 What'd he say? 428 00:14:44,489 --> 00:14:46,024 He was just confirming your 1 o'clock appointment. 429 00:14:46,124 --> 00:14:49,094 My-- oh, Millie Helper, I'll kill her. 430 00:14:49,194 --> 00:14:50,762 She's doing it all. It's all her. 431 00:14:50,862 --> 00:14:52,965 You mean to say that you didn't make the appointment? 432 00:14:53,065 --> 00:14:54,099 No. No. 433 00:14:54,199 --> 00:14:56,101 She made it, and she was supposed to break it. 434 00:14:56,201 --> 00:14:57,602 Well, what are you so mad about? 435 00:14:57,703 --> 00:15:00,839 Wouldn't you be mad if somebody asked you to go to a place like this? - No. 436 00:15:00,939 --> 00:15:01,573 No? 437 00:15:01,673 --> 00:15:02,641 No. 438 00:15:02,741 --> 00:15:04,476 Not if I had a bell on my back. 439 00:15:04,576 --> 00:15:05,644 You're kidding. 440 00:15:05,744 --> 00:15:08,413 Rob, the $500 and a million laughs? 441 00:15:08,513 --> 00:15:09,648 A million laughs is right. 442 00:15:09,748 --> 00:15:10,983 You guys will never let me forget it. 443 00:15:11,083 --> 00:15:12,284 Oh, come on. You can have a ball down there. 444 00:15:12,384 --> 00:15:15,620 And, Rob, maybe we could get a good sketch for the show out of it. 445 00:15:15,721 --> 00:15:17,055 You guys think I ought to do this? 446 00:15:17,155 --> 00:15:18,056 Gee, I'd do it. 447 00:15:18,156 --> 00:15:23,328 But my wife, Pickles, is kind of odd, but she's too odd to be true. 448 00:15:23,428 --> 00:15:24,596 Well, let's see. 449 00:15:24,696 --> 00:15:28,667 The only odd thing I have is a match set at Mussolini's Chianti glasses. 450 00:15:28,767 --> 00:15:31,603 You got those, too? 451 00:15:31,703 --> 00:15:33,071 You think I ought to do this, huh? 452 00:15:33,171 --> 00:15:39,177 Rob, who said, "A writer should try to research and experience all facets of life"? 453 00:15:39,277 --> 00:15:40,412 I said that. 454 00:15:40,512 --> 00:15:43,849 Yeah, well, this is a pretty funny facet of life, and it could make a wonderful chapter in your book. 455 00:15:43,949 --> 00:15:45,250 Yeah, or a whole book. 456 00:15:45,350 --> 00:15:46,718 I think the whole thing's a little crazy. 457 00:15:46,818 --> 00:15:47,786 Well, we all think it's crazy. 458 00:15:47,886 --> 00:15:49,121 That's why you ought to do it. 459 00:15:49,221 --> 00:15:50,322 Hey, are you going to call him and say yes? 460 00:15:50,422 --> 00:15:51,923 No. 461 00:15:52,024 --> 00:15:53,659 I'm going to check with Laura to see if she wants me to share my back with the whole world. 462 00:15:53,759 --> 00:15:54,493 She will. 463 00:15:54,593 --> 00:15:55,494 How do you know? 464 00:15:55,594 --> 00:15:56,762 Because we're fellow women. 465 00:15:56,862 --> 00:15:59,398 And for 500 bucks, I'd let you walk down Times Square in a sun suit. 466 00:15:59,498 --> 00:16:00,432 [laughing] 467 00:16:08,273 --> 00:16:10,909 She looks all right. 468 00:16:11,009 --> 00:16:12,844 Everybody seems to be perfectly normal. 469 00:16:12,944 --> 00:16:14,846 If they're so normal, what are they doing here? 470 00:16:18,483 --> 00:16:20,218 Uh, excuse me? 471 00:16:20,318 --> 00:16:21,286 Yes? 472 00:16:21,386 --> 00:16:23,688 Um, I have an appointment with Mr. Tetlow. 473 00:16:23,789 --> 00:16:25,223 Physical or factual? 474 00:16:25,323 --> 00:16:26,558 I beg your pardon? 475 00:16:26,658 --> 00:16:30,462 Are you bringing in a physical oddity or an unusual fact for consideration? 476 00:16:30,562 --> 00:16:32,898 Well, it's-- on my back, I have-- Physical. 477 00:16:32,998 --> 00:16:34,366 Fill this out, sit over there, and wait. 478 00:16:34,466 --> 00:16:36,968 Thank you. 479 00:16:37,069 --> 00:16:38,703 She sure didn't seem very interested. 480 00:16:38,804 --> 00:16:40,839 Well, she's probably seen everything. 481 00:16:46,945 --> 00:16:47,946 Would you like to see? 482 00:16:48,046 --> 00:16:51,616 Uh, I don't think so. 483 00:16:51,716 --> 00:16:54,653 I dug it up in my backyard. 484 00:16:54,753 --> 00:16:57,956 Honey, you smeared my place of birth. 485 00:16:58,056 --> 00:17:00,058 I thought you folks would like to see. 486 00:17:00,158 --> 00:17:02,527 He dug it up in his backyard. 487 00:17:02,627 --> 00:17:04,262 Oh, what? 488 00:17:04,362 --> 00:17:05,664 I'll be darned. 489 00:17:05,764 --> 00:17:06,731 Honey, look at that. 490 00:17:06,832 --> 00:17:07,666 Should I? 491 00:17:07,766 --> 00:17:09,234 Oh, it's only a potato. 492 00:17:09,334 --> 00:17:10,168 Only? 493 00:17:10,268 --> 00:17:12,671 It's a potato shaped like a duck. 494 00:17:12,771 --> 00:17:15,307 Oh, it does look like a duck. 495 00:17:15,407 --> 00:17:16,575 Like a brown duck. 496 00:17:16,675 --> 00:17:18,243 And you see that potato eye? 497 00:17:18,343 --> 00:17:20,679 That's just where the duck's eye would be. 498 00:17:20,779 --> 00:17:21,813 That's amazing. 499 00:17:21,913 --> 00:17:23,248 Is there an eye on the other side? 500 00:17:23,348 --> 00:17:24,082 Oh, no. 501 00:17:24,182 --> 00:17:26,017 You think they'll disqualify me? 502 00:17:26,118 --> 00:17:28,086 Well, I don't think they can have everything, can they? 503 00:17:28,186 --> 00:17:30,155 I mean, a one-eyed duck is pretty fantastic. 504 00:17:30,255 --> 00:17:31,590 Especially if it's a potato. 505 00:17:31,690 --> 00:17:32,824 [laughing] 506 00:17:34,392 --> 00:17:37,129 That's nothing. 507 00:17:37,229 --> 00:17:41,233 My dog hasn't eaten a thing in five years. 508 00:17:41,333 --> 00:17:42,601 What? 509 00:17:42,701 --> 00:17:44,136 It's odd but true. 510 00:17:44,236 --> 00:17:49,007 My little Mitzi here hasn't taken one single bite since I got her five years ago. 511 00:17:49,107 --> 00:17:52,110 And who knows how long it had been before she'd eaten then? 512 00:17:52,210 --> 00:17:53,845 That is something. Isn't that something, honey? 513 00:17:53,945 --> 00:17:54,746 It certainly is. 514 00:17:54,846 --> 00:17:56,481 She looks so healthy. 515 00:17:56,581 --> 00:17:57,716 That's what's odd. 516 00:17:57,816 --> 00:17:59,284 She looks healthy. 517 00:17:59,384 --> 00:18:01,820 A dog that doesn't eat ought to look dead. 518 00:18:04,256 --> 00:18:05,357 Big deal. 519 00:18:05,457 --> 00:18:06,591 Let's see you grow a duck. 520 00:18:09,161 --> 00:18:12,464 Now, uh, go ahead and try to feed her something. 521 00:18:12,564 --> 00:18:13,999 She won't eat it. 522 00:18:14,099 --> 00:18:16,168 Well, I haven't got any dog biscuits on me or anything. 523 00:18:16,268 --> 00:18:19,571 Well, how about a candy bar or some nuts or something? 524 00:18:19,671 --> 00:18:23,942 Well, uh, I'm afraid the only thing I have is chewing gum. 525 00:18:24,042 --> 00:18:26,545 Honey, no dog will chew gum. 526 00:18:34,252 --> 00:18:35,287 Hi. 527 00:18:35,387 --> 00:18:37,589 I just walked here all the way from Buffalo. 528 00:18:37,689 --> 00:18:39,391 You have an appointment? 529 00:18:39,491 --> 00:18:40,225 No. 530 00:18:40,325 --> 00:18:42,494 I just took off and walked here. 531 00:18:42,594 --> 00:18:44,129 I'm out to break the record. 532 00:18:44,229 --> 00:18:44,863 OK. 533 00:18:44,963 --> 00:18:46,431 Fill out the form. 534 00:18:46,531 --> 00:18:47,599 Have a seat. 535 00:18:47,699 --> 00:18:49,000 Not on your life. 536 00:18:49,100 --> 00:18:52,304 In three hours, I'll be champ. 537 00:18:52,404 --> 00:18:53,572 Oh. 538 00:18:53,672 --> 00:18:54,573 Here you go. 539 00:18:54,673 --> 00:18:55,607 Thank you. 540 00:18:55,707 --> 00:18:58,777 Just sign the one side there. 541 00:18:58,877 --> 00:19:00,612 You think he actually walked all the way? 542 00:19:00,712 --> 00:19:01,880 I don't know. 543 00:19:01,980 --> 00:19:03,281 I'd like to know how he opened the door. 544 00:19:07,152 --> 00:19:09,988 Mr. Petrie, Mr. Tetlow will see you now. 545 00:19:10,088 --> 00:19:11,323 Uh, let's see now. 546 00:19:11,423 --> 00:19:15,293 You must be Mr. Petrie, and you are Mrs. Petrie. 547 00:19:15,393 --> 00:19:17,596 Well, if we're not, we've got another item for the column. 548 00:19:20,966 --> 00:19:22,267 Now, let's see. 549 00:19:22,367 --> 00:19:24,603 Who is this Mildred Helper who sent in the item? 550 00:19:24,703 --> 00:19:25,637 Oh, well, that's Millie. 551 00:19:25,737 --> 00:19:27,239 She's our next door neighbor. 552 00:19:27,339 --> 00:19:30,775 Your, uh, next door neighbor is familiar with your husband's back? 553 00:19:30,876 --> 00:19:32,077 Well, uh, no, no. 554 00:19:32,177 --> 00:19:34,312 She just, uh, submitted the whole thing for us. 555 00:19:34,412 --> 00:19:36,214 Actually, we kind of-- we thought it was kind of silly. 556 00:19:36,314 --> 00:19:38,149 You think "Odd but True" is silly? 557 00:19:38,250 --> 00:19:39,417 Well, no, I didn't say that. 558 00:19:39,517 --> 00:19:43,288 Only by observing the abnormal can man discover what is normal. 559 00:19:43,388 --> 00:19:46,458 Why, our column has been running almost as long as Maggie and Jake's. 560 00:19:46,558 --> 00:19:47,559 Yes. 561 00:19:47,659 --> 00:19:51,897 Oh, this is our very first "Odd but True." 562 00:19:51,997 --> 00:19:53,198 Well, what is it? 563 00:19:53,298 --> 00:19:54,766 It looks like a lamp without a shade on it. 564 00:19:54,866 --> 00:19:57,402 It's a full grown man with a head the size of a baseball. 565 00:20:02,140 --> 00:20:04,376 Isn't that fantastic? 566 00:20:04,476 --> 00:20:05,143 Wow. 567 00:20:05,243 --> 00:20:09,781 Oh, uh, this is his hat. 568 00:20:09,881 --> 00:20:12,150 They-- they bronzed it, honey. 569 00:20:12,250 --> 00:20:13,485 Wow. 570 00:20:13,585 --> 00:20:16,288 Now then, may I see your bell, please? 571 00:20:16,388 --> 00:20:17,222 Oh. 572 00:20:17,322 --> 00:20:18,890 Let's, uh, check your freckles. 573 00:20:18,990 --> 00:20:22,427 We have to, uh, investigate all physical claims very carefully. 574 00:20:22,527 --> 00:20:26,798 Oh, you'd be amazed how many people try to put something over on us. 575 00:20:26,898 --> 00:20:28,033 Oh, oh, oh. 576 00:20:28,133 --> 00:20:30,268 Uh, uh, should, uh, Mrs. Petrie leave? 577 00:20:30,368 --> 00:20:31,002 No, no. 578 00:20:31,102 --> 00:20:32,470 I've seen it. 579 00:20:32,570 --> 00:20:35,573 I mean, it's right there where anyone can see it. 580 00:20:35,674 --> 00:20:40,145 Now, uh, you see, this pattern of freckles right here forms the bell. 581 00:20:40,245 --> 00:20:41,846 Well, then go ahead and connect them. 582 00:20:41,946 --> 00:20:42,881 - OK. - Good, honey. 583 00:20:42,981 --> 00:20:44,015 This is for the money this time. 584 00:20:44,115 --> 00:20:46,217 Well, uh, perhaps. 585 00:20:46,318 --> 00:20:48,687 I've never done it before. 586 00:20:48,787 --> 00:20:51,456 The pen tickles. 587 00:20:51,556 --> 00:20:53,058 LAURA: Hmm. 588 00:20:53,158 --> 00:20:56,027 Now, you see, these freckles right here form the crack. 589 00:20:56,127 --> 00:20:58,229 Just a moment. 590 00:20:58,330 --> 00:21:01,566 Those don't look like freckles to me. 591 00:21:01,666 --> 00:21:02,634 Well, they are. 592 00:21:02,734 --> 00:21:03,868 No, no, no, no, no. 593 00:21:03,968 --> 00:21:05,370 They're little tiny healed over scars. 594 00:21:05,470 --> 00:21:06,905 That's what they are. - Huh? 595 00:21:07,005 --> 00:21:08,006 Rob, stand still. 596 00:21:08,106 --> 00:21:09,374 If you look, no one else can. 597 00:21:09,474 --> 00:21:11,643 Yes, they're tiny healed over scars. 598 00:21:11,743 --> 00:21:12,777 That's what they are. 599 00:21:12,877 --> 00:21:14,612 What's he talking about, honey? 600 00:21:14,713 --> 00:21:17,015 You know, Rob, I never looked at them very closely before. 601 00:21:17,115 --> 00:21:18,950 But they do look different. 602 00:21:19,050 --> 00:21:21,720 Did you ever have any tiny little healed over scars on your back? 603 00:21:21,820 --> 00:21:23,054 Well, of course not. 604 00:21:23,154 --> 00:21:25,523 I-- wait a minute. 605 00:21:25,623 --> 00:21:27,892 In the army, I got some in the back. 606 00:21:27,993 --> 00:21:30,228 In your back, hmm? 607 00:21:30,328 --> 00:21:33,465 Well, no, I mean, I was in basic, and I tried to go under some barbed wire. 608 00:21:33,565 --> 00:21:35,500 And you just now remembered it? 609 00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:37,435 You don't think I'm trying to trick you, do you? 610 00:21:37,535 --> 00:21:38,737 Oh. 611 00:21:38,837 --> 00:21:43,174 We have many, many people who self-inflict wounds just to get the $500. 612 00:21:43,274 --> 00:21:44,642 Now, wait just a minute. 613 00:21:44,743 --> 00:21:46,277 In the first place, he wouldn't do a thing like that. 614 00:21:46,378 --> 00:21:51,516 And in the second place, even if the crack is scars, he still has a whole bell out of freckles. 615 00:21:51,616 --> 00:21:55,186 My dear young woman, I have hundreds of freckle bells in my files. 616 00:21:55,286 --> 00:21:58,590 I even have one with warts. 617 00:21:58,690 --> 00:22:01,326 It was the crack that was the interesting feature. 618 00:22:01,426 --> 00:22:05,563 Mr. Tetlow, if you're not interested in my bell, that's your privilege, but don't go insinuating I'm 619 00:22:05,663 --> 00:22:06,664 trying to trick you. 620 00:22:06,765 --> 00:22:07,999 I didn't even want to come in this place. 621 00:22:08,099 --> 00:22:13,738 And if you'd like my opinion, I think an uncracked bell is twice as interesting as a baseball head. 622 00:22:13,838 --> 00:22:15,907 Not if you like sports. 623 00:22:16,007 --> 00:22:17,842 Excuse me, I-- [yelling] 624 00:22:17,942 --> 00:22:19,644 You see-- excuse me. 625 00:22:19,744 --> 00:22:21,780 Excuse me. 626 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:25,450 What's going out-- You know that dog that never eats? 627 00:22:25,550 --> 00:22:28,086 Well, he just ate my potato shaped like a duck. 628 00:22:28,186 --> 00:22:30,422 She did not! 629 00:22:30,522 --> 00:22:31,523 She did not. 630 00:22:31,623 --> 00:22:32,624 She didn't eat it. 631 00:22:32,724 --> 00:22:35,960 She just chewed it a little and spit it out. 632 00:22:36,060 --> 00:22:36,995 He'll tell you it was a duck. 633 00:22:37,095 --> 00:22:38,196 Tell him. 634 00:22:38,296 --> 00:22:39,230 It was a one-eyed duck that he had. 635 00:22:39,330 --> 00:22:40,598 Well, it isn't now. 636 00:22:40,698 --> 00:22:41,566 I'm going to sue. 637 00:22:41,666 --> 00:22:43,101 I'm going to sue. 638 00:22:43,201 --> 00:22:46,271 I'll never grow another duck! 639 00:22:46,371 --> 00:22:47,939 You couldn't wait until we got home to eat? 640 00:22:48,039 --> 00:22:49,140 Dumb dog. 641 00:22:51,843 --> 00:22:54,045 Mr. Tetlow, I want to thank you for your valuable time. 642 00:22:54,145 --> 00:22:55,079 But I'll tell you something. 643 00:22:55,180 --> 00:22:56,881 I'm glad I'm not odd but true. 644 00:22:56,981 --> 00:22:58,416 Goodbye. Oh! 645 00:22:58,516 --> 00:22:59,150 [yelling] 646 00:22:59,250 --> 00:23:00,084 I'm sorry. 647 00:23:00,185 --> 00:23:01,019 Sorry? 648 00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:02,253 You're sorry? 649 00:23:02,353 --> 00:23:05,223 400 miles of agony, and you're sorry. 650 00:23:05,323 --> 00:23:06,191 Oh, I'm sorry. 651 00:23:06,291 --> 00:23:07,358 Let me stand you back up. 652 00:23:07,459 --> 00:23:08,827 I'm really sorry. - No, no. 653 00:23:08,927 --> 00:23:09,761 It's too late. 654 00:23:09,861 --> 00:23:10,662 It's over. 655 00:23:10,762 --> 00:23:12,297 It's all over. 656 00:23:12,397 --> 00:23:15,166 Honey, we ruined four odds but true. 657 00:23:20,939 --> 00:23:21,739 Here she comes. 658 00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:22,674 OK. 659 00:23:22,774 --> 00:23:24,309 Let me do the talking. 660 00:23:24,409 --> 00:23:25,610 Well, well? What happened? 661 00:23:25,710 --> 00:23:27,212 Did they accept you? Did we get the money? 662 00:23:27,312 --> 00:23:28,346 Oh, I'm dying. I'm dying. 663 00:23:28,446 --> 00:23:29,481 Calm down. Hold it, Millie. 664 00:23:29,581 --> 00:23:30,982 They loved you. Where's the money? 665 00:23:31,082 --> 00:23:32,817 Uh, they didn't love him. 666 00:23:32,917 --> 00:23:33,918 They didn't want your back? 667 00:23:34,018 --> 00:23:35,420 They didn't want any part of me. 668 00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:36,321 Oh, wow. 669 00:23:36,421 --> 00:23:37,555 What a disappointment. 670 00:23:37,655 --> 00:23:38,256 No, no. 671 00:23:38,356 --> 00:23:39,390 Not all together. 672 00:23:39,491 --> 00:23:40,525 We do-- we do have some good news. 673 00:23:40,625 --> 00:23:41,726 - Let me tell her, honey. - OK. 674 00:23:41,826 --> 00:23:43,194 What, what? 675 00:23:43,294 --> 00:23:44,896 Well, Millie, we found an even better odd but true. 676 00:23:44,996 --> 00:23:46,164 Oh, another one? You did? 677 00:23:46,264 --> 00:23:47,899 You're kidding. Can I share in it? 678 00:23:47,999 --> 00:23:49,234 Yeah, yeah, you can. 679 00:23:49,334 --> 00:23:50,869 But Rob and I are going to be the submitters. 680 00:23:50,969 --> 00:23:52,237 Oh, I don't care. I don't care. 681 00:23:52,337 --> 00:23:53,371 What is it? 682 00:23:53,471 --> 00:23:59,544 Well, we found a woman right here in New Rochelle who nobody talked to for the rest of her life. 683 00:23:59,644 --> 00:24:00,245 Wow. 684 00:24:00,345 --> 00:24:01,479 Who is she? 685 00:24:01,579 --> 00:24:02,981 Hey, where did you find her? 686 00:24:03,081 --> 00:24:05,483 Did you tell them about her? 687 00:24:05,583 --> 00:24:06,451 Rob? 688 00:24:06,551 --> 00:24:07,285 Laura? 689 00:24:07,385 --> 00:24:09,420 Laura, why don't you answer me? 690 00:24:16,361 --> 00:24:19,831 [music playing] 47615

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