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[THEME MUSIC - EARLE HAGEN, "THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW THEME"]
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ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show."
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Starring Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey
Amsterdam, Larry Matthews, and Mary Tyler Moore.
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[music playing]
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You should be doing these exercises.
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Why?
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Because I hate them.
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Boy, do I feel strong now.
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[groans]
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Hey, look at this.
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Among the guests in attendance at the opening
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of the new Manhattan galleries were a prominent
trial lawyer Clark Rice and his wife.
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Clark Rice.
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Is that your Clark Rice?
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Oh Rob, come on.
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He wasn't my Clark Rice.
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Well, he sure wasn't my Clark Rice.
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Well all right then, he was our Clark Rice.
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Look, there's a picture of him here.
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Well, there he is, old Clark Rice.
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Yeah, that's him.
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There he is.
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ROB (VOICEOVER): Clark Rice, huh.
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I still go boing when I think of him, but I'm improving.
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I used to go boing!
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LAURA (VOICEOVER): I'll bet Rob's still jealous.
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I hope so.
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A little jealousy is very healthy in a husband.
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ROB (VOICEOVER): Oh, I should be ashamed for still
letting Clark make me go boing, but I guess you
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don't forget the guy who almost won your wife in a raffle.
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[music playing]
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Looks a little heavier.
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Who?
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Clark Rice.
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Oh, well maybe it's the photograph.
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Or his fat.
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ROB (VOICEOVER): Who, she says.
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She knew I was talking about Clark.
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LAURA (VOICEOVER): I didn't fool him with that, who.
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It was one of my worst who's.
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ROB (VOICEOVER): I bet Laura still
thinks about him once in a while.
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Clark Rice, boy that sun-of-a-gun.
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If things had gone differently he'd be sleeping in
this bed, married to that bed, and I was responsible.
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Boy, Rob, you're some balloon blower.
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Yeah, think I lost my lip.
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Why don't you take a break and hang up the poster?
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Oh come on, Rob.
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Look, you should be happy Laura was elected Bivouac Baby.
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It's an honor.
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You call that an honor!
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Va, va, Vavoom.
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What a shape.
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Come on, Sam.
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You don't have to stare.
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Now look pal, your raffling her off right?
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Yeah.
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So I might be the winner.
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Sam, you're my friend!
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Right Rob, to the end.
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But if I win her, that's the end.
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Uh, I think we ought to cover her up a little bit.
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With the KP rosters?
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Well, it's one way to get the guys
to look at them once in a while.
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Look Rob, if this is gonna bother you this
much just tell Laura to give up the title.
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Well, it wouldn't be fair Sam.
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She was a candidate for that thing
long before we started going together.
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- Oh. - Hi.
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Oh hi, Laura.
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You got through with the rehearsal early, huh?
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Yeah, they gave me some extra time to get ready for tonight.
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Hi, Sam. - Hi, Laura.
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How's Vera?
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Too tall.
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Ah.
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Hey Laura, I'm going to be your honor guard tonight
so maybe I should go shower or something, right.
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See you later, Bivouac Baby.
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Well, tonight's the big night.
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Yeah.
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Rob, are you upset about this whole thing?
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No.
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Well then, how come those papers are pinned on my legs?
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Hmm.
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No, I-- Oh.
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A little psychological warfare there.
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What?
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No I, Sam was kidding around, that's all.
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Oh.
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Bivouac Baby, what a stupid title that is.
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Well, you thought it up.
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Yeah, but who knew you were going to be it.
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Hey honey, when it comes time to meet my parents don't
tell him you were ever a Bivouac Baby, will you.
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OK, if you promise never to tell mine.
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You got a deal.
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OK.
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Well, I, I guess I'd better go.
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Oh yeah, I guess you better.
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Get all ready for the night.
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Yeah.
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Well, I'll see you there anyway.
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OK. Laura?
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Hmm.
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Look, don't get too fixed up tonight.
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Leave the powder off or something, you know.
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Eye makeup.
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Oh.
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Mess your hair all up and wear sneakers.
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How about combat boots?
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Yeah, that'd be good.
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How about a kiss?
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Hey, how about a late date.
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Well, you already arranged one for me.
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Yeah.
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Darn it, I wanted to go to our spot.
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Our spot?
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We don't have a spot.
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Well, I haven't got anything to do.
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I'll go find one.
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Oh.
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Then you're not upset about tonight?
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No, honest.
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Not a bit.
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Well, if you are just, you know, a little bit,
just remember that all the time I'm out with him
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I'll be thinking of you.
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Ah, that's sweet.
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And all the time you're out with him I'll be thinking of me too.
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Goodbye.
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Oh, yeah.
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OK, I'll see you tonight. - Bye.
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Bye.
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OK, gang, here it is, that moment in the evening
most of us have been looking forward to,
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the drawing for the winner of the date with the Bivouac Baby.
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I bet you haven't been looking forward to it, Rob.
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OK, here she is now.
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The queen of Camp Crowder, the Bivouac Baby, Laura Meehan.
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Speech!
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Speech!
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Oh, uh, I think they want an acceptance speech.
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Well, uh, I want to thank all of Camp Crowder
for electing me, and it's a great honor
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and I hope I'll always be worthy of the title of Bivouac Baby.
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Thank you.
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Incidentally, the, uh,
rules of the contest have been changed.
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The two armed guards will go along on the date.
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CROWD: Boo!
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So don't become a mob.
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I'm kidding there.
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OK, now Miss Bi-, uh, Laura will pick the, uh,
pick the winning card out of the bowl now.
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Let's have a drum roll there.
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[burlesque drums]
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All right, knock it off [inaudible]..
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Let's have a drum roll in a military manner, please.
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[drum roll]
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And the winner is Corporal Clark Rice.
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HUMPHREY: What?
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Clark Rice.
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HUMPHREY: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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OK, let's have a hand for the winner.
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Oh, look at our [inaudible] here.
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What a worthy winner.
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Let's have a real big hand for him, huh.
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So you're Clark Rice, huh?
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No, I'm Humphrey Dundee.
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Huh?
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87th, anti-aircraft.
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You see, Rice said that, uh,
I should come up if his name was called.
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He's on guard duty, but he'll be off at 10:00.
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Well, well look, it's 10:10 right now.
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I'm afraid according to the rules,
the contest is null and void.
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The prize that would have gone to
Corporal Clark Rice goes to the MC.
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CROWD: Boo!
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Boo!
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There's Clark Rice!
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Clark, you won!
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Hey, I won? HUMPHREY: Yeah, yeah.
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No kidding. HUMPHREY: Yeah, come on up here.
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Hey.
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Hello.
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How are you?
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I, uh, sorry I'm late.
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Well that's O-- that's OK.
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Uh, you're Clark Rice, huh?
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I sure am.
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Are you, I'm, you sure.
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I'm, I'm sure I'm sure.
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I'm sure.
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OK.
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Well, uh, Corporal Rice, here's your prizes over here.
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Uh, this here's a free dinner at Lee Wong's Chinese
restaurant and then here's a corsage for your date
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and then here's $10 in cash
for the-- 10 bucks, hey.
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And a little warning from the MC.
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Watch it!
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I'll be watching.
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Well, uh, now, uh, the MC is gonna
kiss the Bivouac Beauty real quick.
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Hey, they never did that before.
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Progress, buddy, progress.
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And don't let anybody interfere.
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Go ahead, Rob, get a good one.
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He's kind of good looking.
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Look, It's only one date.
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- Yeah. - Shall we?
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Excuse us. - Yeah, congratulations.
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[inaudible]
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Thank you very much.
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[music playing]
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Well, wasn't the general furious?
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Not after they got that tank out of his office.
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Oh, my.
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You know Clark, I really wasn't looking forward
to tonight at all, but I had the best time.
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Thank you.
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Oh, and thank you for the prizes.
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Don't thank me.
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You shot them down.
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I'm scared of guns.
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Well, good night.
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Oh, no.
215
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You still owe me a dance.
216
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What dance?
217
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The one we were in the middle of when the won-ton soup came.
218
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Oh.
219
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Well Clark, we have a rule.
220
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Uh-uh, uh-uh.
221
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I'm not leaving until I get my dance.
222
00:09:10,551 --> 00:09:16,348
Well, I know it's silly but the rules are, no men
allowed in the USO girls' sitting room after midnight.
223
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Oh, I'm sorry.
224
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Wouldn't want to break the rules.
225
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Now we have time.
226
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Uh, shall we?
227
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Well.
228
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[humming a song]
229
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Um, Clark?
230
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Mm-hmm.
231
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I, uh, have a boyfriend.
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Yeah, I know.
233
00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:40,455
Petrie, that's skinny MC.
234
00:09:40,539 --> 00:09:43,041
Well, no he's not skinny, he's wiry.
235
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Oh.
236
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If you were my girl, uh, I would have
made you pull out of the contest.
237
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Oh well, you see, the contest was set before
Rob and I started going together, so.
238
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Uh, actually how much together are you going?
239
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Well, Rob and I met and-- well,
of course you have to meet.
240
00:10:01,894 --> 00:10:09,359
And we, uh, well maybe he should have stopped
this date, but Rob isn't the pushy type, so.
241
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- Am, am I? - Oh.
242
00:10:11,069 --> 00:10:11,904
Oh, no.
243
00:10:12,029 --> 00:10:13,405
No, I certainly didn't mean that.
244
00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:18,744
It just-- well you and Rob are two different people.
245
00:10:18,869 --> 00:10:23,874
You know, one thing I learned in law school is never
to make a decision until you have all the evidence.
246
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:25,209
You need more evidence.
247
00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:26,460
Evidence for what?
248
00:10:26,585 --> 00:10:27,920
For my case.
249
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Uh, you know the, uh, fortune cookie tonight
said, a new person is coming into your life.
250
00:10:32,508 --> 00:10:33,759
Pay attention to him.
251
00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:38,305
Yeah, but you made me go through 15 of
them before we found one that said that.
252
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But we found it.
253
00:10:39,473 --> 00:10:40,390
Yeah.
254
00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:45,604
Laura, may I see you again?
255
00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:49,775
Well, uh, gee.
256
00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:50,859
Clark, I don't know.
257
00:10:50,943 --> 00:10:51,777
You're not sure.
258
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Kind of confused.
259
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,655
- Well, yeah. - Well, that's wonderful.
260
00:10:54,780 --> 00:10:55,864
If you're mixed up that means you'll see me again.
261
00:10:55,948 --> 00:10:57,533
Well no, I didn't say that.
262
00:10:57,616 --> 00:11:01,036
Laura is it fair to go on and maybe marry this Petrie guy
263
00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:03,288
and wonder for the rest of your life if he's the right one?
264
00:11:03,372 --> 00:11:05,624
Well no, I didn't say anything about marrying anybody.
265
00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:07,125
Well, that's great.
266
00:11:07,251 --> 00:11:09,169
Then that means you're not that serious about each other.
267
00:11:09,294 --> 00:11:11,672
Well, yes we are.
268
00:11:11,797 --> 00:11:13,590
Well, I mean, maybe we are.
269
00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:15,801
We're, you're confusing me.
270
00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:21,431
Laura, I, uh, I really would like to see you again.
271
00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:23,559
May I?
272
00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:25,644
Well.
273
00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:28,480
Tomorrow?
274
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:30,816
All right.
275
00:11:30,941 --> 00:11:32,985
[clock chimes]
276
00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:35,153
12 o'clock again.
277
00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:39,825
Time sure flies when you're having fun.
278
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:45,581
Well, uh, Laura, I had a, I had a very good time.
279
00:11:45,664 --> 00:11:46,832
So did I.
280
00:11:46,915 --> 00:11:48,167
Uh, good night.
281
00:11:48,250 --> 00:11:49,168
Night.
282
00:11:52,337 --> 00:11:53,463
Uh, see you tomorrow.
283
00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:54,339
Good night.
284
00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:55,382
Bye.
285
00:11:58,093 --> 00:11:59,636
Laura, did he almost kiss you?
286
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:00,554
Worse.
287
00:12:00,679 --> 00:12:02,514
I almost kissed him.
288
00:12:02,598 --> 00:12:05,767
Ooo, can I have Rob?
289
00:12:05,851 --> 00:12:07,895
[music playing]
290
00:12:12,608 --> 00:12:15,235
You're sure that's the way you want to do it though, huh?
291
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,529
Well Rob, I'm just not sure about anything.
292
00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:21,658
I, I just think it would be a good idea
to go out with him a few more times
293
00:12:21,742 --> 00:12:24,953
to see how I feel about things.
294
00:12:25,037 --> 00:12:28,373
Well, you decided all this after
just one date with him, right?
295
00:12:28,457 --> 00:12:29,583
No, that's just it.
296
00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:33,545
One date just didn't tell me anything.
297
00:12:33,629 --> 00:12:38,634
Well Laura, I, you know how I feel about
you and I think if there's the slightest
298
00:12:38,717 --> 00:12:42,012
doubt in your mind about your feelings
you should go out with him again.
299
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,472
Well, thank you, Rob.
300
00:12:43,555 --> 00:12:45,724
I think that's a wonderful attitude.
301
00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:47,059
Well, it's a wonderful attitude.
302
00:12:47,184 --> 00:12:49,603
I wish I had it.
303
00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:52,064
Now I'm gonna to tell you how I really feel.
304
00:12:52,189 --> 00:12:53,273
You know what I really think?
305
00:12:53,398 --> 00:12:54,358
The whole thing is wrong.
306
00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:55,943
100% wrong.
307
00:12:56,068 --> 00:12:57,861
Totally, absolutely wrong.
308
00:12:57,945 --> 00:12:58,904
Why?
309
00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:00,239
Why?
310
00:13:00,322 --> 00:13:01,782
You don't see why it's wrong?
311
00:13:01,907 --> 00:13:03,367
No, I don't.
312
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,536
You mean you really don't see it?
313
00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:08,163
No, tell me what's so wrong.
314
00:13:08,247 --> 00:13:13,252
If you don't see what's wrong, my telling you is
certainly not gonna make you see what's wrong.
315
00:13:13,377 --> 00:13:14,419
I'll tell you what's wrong.
316
00:13:14,545 --> 00:13:18,632
The whole thing's, it's wrong.
317
00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:20,467
All right, I'll explain it again.
318
00:13:20,592 --> 00:13:25,597
The whole thing is wrong, and so is your clock.
319
00:13:28,058 --> 00:13:29,017
Clark set it back.
320
00:13:29,101 --> 00:13:31,562
Clark set it back?
321
00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:35,107
Well, it was after midnight,
Rob and-- He was in here after midnight?
322
00:13:35,232 --> 00:13:37,484
A few minutes.
323
00:13:37,609 --> 00:13:39,361
That's the wrongest thing of all, honey.
324
00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:41,446
You can see what kind of a guy he is.
325
00:13:41,530 --> 00:13:42,656
What kind?
326
00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:43,866
Dishonest.
327
00:13:43,949 --> 00:13:44,825
Oh.
328
00:13:44,950 --> 00:13:47,703
Well after all, he knew exactly
what the rules to that contest were.
329
00:13:47,786 --> 00:13:49,705
He was to have you back here at midnight.
330
00:13:52,124 --> 00:13:55,961
I was a fool not to stop that whole
Bivouac Baby thing before it even started.
331
00:13:56,086 --> 00:13:59,339
Rob, please, let's not argue any more.
332
00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:01,258
Oh, there's no argument at all.
333
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:02,634
No argument.
334
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:03,969
If you want to go out with him, go out with him.
335
00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:06,555
Marry him, get a couple of kids, get a dog.
336
00:14:06,638 --> 00:14:07,472
Oh.
337
00:14:07,598 --> 00:14:08,807
Just be really sure, that's all.
338
00:14:08,932 --> 00:14:10,642
But listen, I can play that little game too.
339
00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:14,021
There's a couple of girls in town that don't
exactly think I'm Quasimodo, you know.
340
00:14:18,192 --> 00:14:20,360
Rob, your hat.
341
00:14:20,485 --> 00:14:24,323
I used to feel so sorry for those guys in the
barracks that got the Dear John letters.
342
00:14:24,448 --> 00:14:27,159
Rob, this isn't a Dear John letter.
343
00:14:27,284 --> 00:14:28,243
No, it isn't, it's worse.
344
00:14:28,327 --> 00:14:29,661
It's a Dear John conversation.
345
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:31,246
I can't even show it to the chaplain.
346
00:14:31,330 --> 00:14:32,623
Oh, Rob.
347
00:14:32,706 --> 00:14:35,667
I still feel just the same way about you.
348
00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:38,212
You feel the same way about everybody.
349
00:14:38,337 --> 00:14:39,963
I'll see you.
350
00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:41,590
What about our date?
351
00:14:41,673 --> 00:14:43,550
Oh, you still want to go out with me, huh?
352
00:14:43,675 --> 00:14:45,302
Well, of course I do, Rob.
353
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:46,345
That's the whole idea.
354
00:14:46,428 --> 00:14:48,096
I wanna go out with both of you.
355
00:14:48,180 --> 00:14:49,348
Wonderful.
356
00:14:49,431 --> 00:14:51,391
Why don't we stop by and pick him up?
357
00:14:51,517 --> 00:14:53,602
[music playing]
358
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,438
Millie, what am I gonna do?
359
00:14:56,522 --> 00:14:57,606
Hey, I got it.
360
00:14:57,689 --> 00:14:59,358
We're gonna solve your problem.
361
00:14:59,441 --> 00:15:00,400
How?
362
00:15:00,526 --> 00:15:02,069
Practically and scientifically.
363
00:15:02,194 --> 00:15:03,695
Lists always work.
364
00:15:03,779 --> 00:15:08,158
We're gonna list Rob and Clark and put
down all the good and bad things about them
365
00:15:08,242 --> 00:15:09,743
and score them by points.
366
00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:11,328
I know it sounds a little cold.
367
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:12,621
It's silly.
368
00:15:12,704 --> 00:15:16,542
Yeah, well sitting around being
aggravated for a whole week is silly.
369
00:15:16,625 --> 00:15:20,838
Let's see, uh, Clark is handsome, boy that's for sure.
370
00:15:20,921 --> 00:15:21,964
And Rob is cute.
371
00:15:22,047 --> 00:15:23,048
Very cute.
372
00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:29,346
We'll give Clark 10 points for
handsome and Rob gets 6 for cute.
373
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:30,889
I said very cute.
374
00:15:30,973 --> 00:15:33,684
OK, we'll give him seven points.
375
00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:35,686
Now let's rate them on kissing.
376
00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:36,395
Millie!
377
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:37,604
What's the matter?
378
00:15:37,729 --> 00:15:39,982
You can't categorize intimate things.
379
00:15:40,065 --> 00:15:40,941
Who says?
380
00:15:41,066 --> 00:15:42,359
Boy, are you a prude.
381
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:43,485
Quit.
382
00:15:43,569 --> 00:15:45,070
OK, now what are their ambitions?
383
00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:46,154
Oh Millie, it's so silly.
384
00:15:46,238 --> 00:15:48,115
What are their ambitions?
385
00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:49,825
Clark wants to be a lawyer.
386
00:15:49,908 --> 00:15:52,327
Ooo, a lawyer, that's very good.
387
00:15:52,411 --> 00:15:54,830
That's another 10 points.
388
00:15:54,913 --> 00:15:59,459
And Rob wants to be a comedy writer, which no one knows
how to be one so he'll be struggling and starving
389
00:15:59,585 --> 00:16:00,544
and probably never make it.
390
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:03,463
So we'll give him one point.
391
00:16:03,589 --> 00:16:05,841
Millie, you're pushing Clark.
392
00:16:05,924 --> 00:16:07,342
I am not.
393
00:16:07,426 --> 00:16:09,094
Well, the score is 20 to 8 in his favor.
394
00:16:09,219 --> 00:16:10,929
You know, I didn't make these numbers up.
395
00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:12,764
Yes, you did.
396
00:16:12,848 --> 00:16:14,433
Yeah, I guess I did.
397
00:16:14,558 --> 00:16:17,603
Well, they're still logical.
398
00:16:17,686 --> 00:16:23,609
Millie, you can draw a heart with pencil
and paper but you can't measure one.
399
00:16:23,692 --> 00:16:25,694
Ooo, that's poetic.
400
00:16:25,777 --> 00:16:27,696
Rob wrote that to me in a letter once.
401
00:16:27,779 --> 00:16:30,741
Let's give him another point.
402
00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:33,535
Millie, this isn't gonna tell me anything.
403
00:16:33,619 --> 00:16:34,828
Yeah, I guess you're right.
404
00:16:34,953 --> 00:16:37,289
You'll figure it out for yourself.
405
00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:38,540
I don't know how I can help you.
406
00:16:38,624 --> 00:16:40,501
I can't even keep one boyfriend.
407
00:16:40,626 --> 00:16:43,212
Boy, I wish I was built.
408
00:16:43,295 --> 00:16:45,297
[music playing]
409
00:16:59,478 --> 00:17:01,313
Oh hi, Sam.
410
00:17:01,438 --> 00:17:02,231
What did I do?
411
00:17:02,314 --> 00:17:03,357
Nothing, nothing.
412
00:17:03,482 --> 00:17:04,816
You're just not Laura, that's all.
413
00:17:04,942 --> 00:17:07,444
That's what everybody says.
414
00:17:07,528 --> 00:17:08,987
Hey, come on, Rob.
415
00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:13,325
Look, maybe Laura got delayed
because of the rain or, uh-- Or what?
416
00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:15,118
I don't know.
417
00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:15,994
Come on, Sam.
418
00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:17,162
You know something?
419
00:17:17,246 --> 00:17:23,168
No Rob, I don't know nothing except the guys are
getting a little impatient with the pictures.
420
00:17:23,252 --> 00:17:27,130
Well, where does Laura get off thinking
she can hold up the whole darn army camp?
421
00:17:29,758 --> 00:17:30,926
[movie music playing]
422
00:17:31,009 --> 00:17:32,344
You don't want to listen to this do you?
423
00:17:32,427 --> 00:17:35,556
No, I must have seen this picture a hundred times.
424
00:17:35,681 --> 00:17:40,477
The only scene I liked is where all the prisoners
bang their cups because of the rotten food.
425
00:17:40,561 --> 00:17:42,062
You think that would work in our mess hall?
426
00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:43,188
I don't know.
427
00:17:43,272 --> 00:17:44,857
All I know is Laura is supposed to be here.
428
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:52,239
Gee, you're really letting this thing get to you.
429
00:17:52,364 --> 00:17:53,323
Yeah.
430
00:17:53,407 --> 00:17:54,616
Boy, you aren't kidding.
431
00:17:54,700 --> 00:17:56,577
Last night I ran a whole reel backwards.
432
00:17:56,702 --> 00:18:00,247
The first time in history of movies a
guy got up out of the electric chair.
433
00:18:03,625 --> 00:18:06,086
Hey, that was a good one.
434
00:18:06,211 --> 00:18:07,212
It's not really funny.
435
00:18:07,296 --> 00:18:11,508
They shouldn't allow a lovesick
soldier with a loaded projector.
436
00:18:11,592 --> 00:18:13,051
- Hi. - Hey, hey!
437
00:18:13,135 --> 00:18:13,969
There she is.
438
00:18:14,052 --> 00:18:14,720
Hi, Laura.
439
00:18:14,803 --> 00:18:15,846
Hey, see you later, Rob.
440
00:18:15,929 --> 00:18:17,556
I was just saving your seat.
441
00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:20,517
That's a sweetheart.
442
00:18:20,601 --> 00:18:21,894
Sorry, I'm late.
443
00:18:22,019 --> 00:18:25,230
That's OK, Laura, gave me a little time
to think about what I gotta say to you.
444
00:18:25,314 --> 00:18:26,565
Sit down, will you.
445
00:18:26,648 --> 00:18:28,692
Actually, Rob, I can only stay a few minutes.
446
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:30,235
I have to see Clark.
447
00:18:30,319 --> 00:18:31,361
Clark?
448
00:18:31,445 --> 00:18:32,696
You went out with him last night.
449
00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:34,656
I know, Rob, but this is something special.
450
00:18:34,740 --> 00:18:36,116
Clark's going overseas.
451
00:18:36,241 --> 00:18:37,159
He is?
452
00:18:37,242 --> 00:18:41,038
Yeah, and since it is his last
night, I thought I ought to see him.
453
00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:43,749
Laura, I'm all through being understanding.
454
00:18:43,874 --> 00:18:45,417
I don't want to compete with Clark anymore.
455
00:18:45,501 --> 00:18:46,460
That's what I wanted to tell you.
456
00:18:46,585 --> 00:18:47,753
It's got to be him or me.
457
00:18:47,836 --> 00:18:49,880
But Rob, I have to say goodbye to him.
458
00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:51,256
Sure.
459
00:18:51,340 --> 00:18:55,594
He gets a chance to make a great big dramatic farewell
to you and he goes flying off into the yonder
460
00:18:55,677 --> 00:18:59,348
and you're still here in the same
condition you are now, undecided.
461
00:18:59,431 --> 00:19:00,432
You gotta make up your mind.
462
00:19:00,516 --> 00:19:01,391
Now's the time.
463
00:19:01,475 --> 00:19:04,728
Rob, he's going overseas.
464
00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:07,814
All right, you can tell him goodbye.
465
00:19:07,940 --> 00:19:10,400
You've got exactly five minutes.
466
00:19:10,484 --> 00:19:11,527
Five minutes?
467
00:19:11,610 --> 00:19:13,111
That's right.
468
00:19:13,195 --> 00:19:15,447
The warden is on the wall right now talking to the convicts.
469
00:19:15,572 --> 00:19:21,495
Now, if you're not back by the time the convicts
grab the priest you can forget about me.
470
00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:23,831
Robert Petrie!
471
00:19:23,956 --> 00:19:25,207
That comes on at 8:40.
472
00:19:33,882 --> 00:19:36,510
She'll be back.
473
00:19:36,635 --> 00:19:38,095
They always come back.
474
00:19:40,889 --> 00:19:42,307
No, they don't.
475
00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:43,308
Margie didn't.
476
00:19:46,478 --> 00:19:49,189
Maybe I ought to run after.
477
00:19:49,314 --> 00:19:50,148
No.
478
00:19:50,274 --> 00:19:51,149
Oh, no.
479
00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:52,192
I'm not running.
480
00:19:52,317 --> 00:19:53,235
She'll be back.
481
00:20:00,784 --> 00:20:02,286
Millie, what are you doing here?
482
00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:04,663
I forget.
483
00:20:04,746 --> 00:20:07,332
Ooo, I didn't give you enough points.
484
00:20:09,835 --> 00:20:11,670
Never mind.
485
00:20:11,753 --> 00:20:12,880
Laura isn't here is she?
486
00:20:13,005 --> 00:20:14,590
- No. - Goodbye.
487
00:20:14,673 --> 00:20:15,841
Uh, goodbye.
488
00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:20,179
And thanks.
489
00:20:20,304 --> 00:20:22,264
[music playing]
490
00:20:28,604 --> 00:20:29,938
Laura, where have you been?
491
00:20:30,022 --> 00:20:32,107
You were gone so long I sent Millie to look for you.
492
00:20:32,191 --> 00:20:35,444
Well, I, I went to see Rob.
493
00:20:35,527 --> 00:20:38,363
What's the matter?
494
00:20:38,447 --> 00:20:39,907
He gave me an ultimatum.
495
00:20:40,032 --> 00:20:43,660
He told me to say goodbye to you and be back by 8:40.
496
00:20:43,744 --> 00:20:44,912
It's 8:36 now.
497
00:20:45,037 --> 00:20:47,664
I couldn't get back even if I wanted to.
498
00:20:47,748 --> 00:20:48,707
You don't want to, do you?
499
00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:50,042
Of course not.
500
00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:54,129
Rob Petrie can't give me ultimatums.
501
00:20:54,213 --> 00:20:57,591
CLARK: Laura-- Rob!
502
00:20:57,716 --> 00:20:58,842
Petrie!
503
00:20:58,926 --> 00:21:00,135
What are you doing here?
504
00:21:00,219 --> 00:21:02,304
Well, Rice here is going overseas.
505
00:21:02,387 --> 00:21:05,098
It was unfair of me to give you five minutes to say goodbye.
506
00:21:05,224 --> 00:21:06,683
Well, that's nice of you Petrie.
507
00:21:06,767 --> 00:21:10,270
I'll give you till the time Big Al
gives the priest back to the governor.
508
00:21:13,065 --> 00:21:17,569
That's 9 minutes from when I left
or, or four minutes from right now.
509
00:21:17,653 --> 00:21:18,570
I gotta get back.
510
00:21:21,740 --> 00:21:22,658
What was that all about?
511
00:21:22,741 --> 00:21:29,790
Oh, just more of Rob's-- Clark, let's go somewhere
and find a place where there's a lot of loud music--
512
00:21:29,915 --> 00:21:30,916
- Laura. - --and fun.
513
00:21:30,999 --> 00:21:32,000
Lots of fun. - Laura, sit down.
514
00:21:32,084 --> 00:21:33,502
No, I want to, Clark.
515
00:21:33,585 --> 00:21:35,587
Look, I don't want to be used to spite someone else.
516
00:21:35,712 --> 00:21:36,713
That's what you're doing isn't it?
517
00:21:36,797 --> 00:21:37,631
No, it isn't.
518
00:21:37,756 --> 00:21:38,715
Then why the sniffles?
519
00:21:38,799 --> 00:21:39,758
It's the rain.
520
00:21:39,842 --> 00:21:40,759
You sure it's not Petrie?
521
00:21:40,884 --> 00:21:41,927
Well, what's the difference?
522
00:21:42,010 --> 00:21:45,931
Rain, Rob, they're both big drips.
523
00:21:46,056 --> 00:21:49,601
That was a pretty crazy thing he did, running
in here and spouting off about the governor.
524
00:21:59,069 --> 00:22:01,446
What's with that guy?
525
00:22:01,530 --> 00:22:03,949
I don't know.
526
00:22:04,032 --> 00:22:06,743
I don't know and I don't care.
527
00:22:06,827 --> 00:22:09,246
I never could figure him out.
528
00:22:09,329 --> 00:22:16,003
Sometimes he seems so,
and then the other times he just doesn't.
529
00:22:16,128 --> 00:22:20,841
Once he even, and for no reason, and what was I doing.
530
00:22:20,966 --> 00:22:23,760
Did I ever tell you he broke my foot?
531
00:22:23,844 --> 00:22:24,678
Well, he did.
532
00:22:24,803 --> 00:22:26,430
He broke my foot.
533
00:22:26,513 --> 00:22:32,978
You see, Rob's the kind of a guy who,
I mean, I always felt that if I ever, he'd
534
00:22:33,061 --> 00:22:40,611
be the last because well, you, you're
so, and, but I don't know why, Clark.
535
00:22:40,694 --> 00:22:41,612
I do though.
536
00:22:41,695 --> 00:22:43,572
I really do.
537
00:22:43,655 --> 00:22:47,993
He's just so ador-,
so ador-- Adorable?
538
00:22:48,118 --> 00:22:50,204
You see it too, don't you.
539
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:56,835
You're in love with Petrie.
540
00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:58,337
Oh, thank you, Clark.
541
00:22:58,462 --> 00:23:00,839
Don't thank me.
542
00:23:00,923 --> 00:23:03,467
I'm sorry.
543
00:23:03,550 --> 00:23:05,469
Yeah, so am I, Laura.
544
00:23:05,552 --> 00:23:12,017
You know if you, uh, set the hands on your watch
back you could pretend to get to Rob on time.
545
00:23:12,100 --> 00:23:14,728
Thank you.
546
00:23:14,853 --> 00:23:18,023
Oh, and if any new evidence comes up I'll be waiting.
547
00:23:29,660 --> 00:23:30,536
Laura!
548
00:23:33,831 --> 00:23:36,708
Boy, she better marry somebody before I get into trouble.
549
00:23:40,712 --> 00:23:43,131
MAN 1 (VOICEOVER ON TV): Men, this the governor speaking.
550
00:23:43,215 --> 00:23:45,884
Release Father Quinn and I promise you'll get better food.
551
00:23:46,009 --> 00:23:47,177
MAN 2 (VOICEOVER ON TV): No, sir.
552
00:23:47,261 --> 00:23:48,720
You want us, you got to come and get us.
553
00:23:48,846 --> 00:23:51,473
MAN 1 (VOICEOVER ON TV): All right, gentlemen, open fire.
554
00:23:51,557 --> 00:23:54,184
[explosions]
555
00:23:57,980 --> 00:24:00,148
[music playing]
556
00:24:01,441 --> 00:24:03,151
What were you thinking?
557
00:24:03,235 --> 00:24:04,069
Oh, nothing special.
558
00:24:04,194 --> 00:24:04,987
How about you?
559
00:24:05,070 --> 00:24:06,029
Nothing.
560
00:24:11,702 --> 00:24:13,203
Good night, sweetheart.
561
00:24:13,287 --> 00:24:14,204
Goodnight.
562
00:24:19,710 --> 00:24:21,044
Did you set the alarm, Clark?
563
00:24:21,128 --> 00:24:22,045
Yeah.
564
00:24:26,508 --> 00:24:29,011
Honey, did you just say--
Clock, I said clock.
565
00:24:35,767 --> 00:24:40,856
[THEME MUSIC - EARLE HAGEN, "THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW THEME"]40797
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