All language subtitles for 14 - Stretch Petrie vs. Kid Schenk.eng
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1
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[theme song]
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ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show", starring Dick Van Dyke,
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Rose Marie, Morey Amsterdam, Larry
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Mathews, and Mary Tyler Moore.
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LAURA PETRIE: Rob.
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ROB PETRIE: What?
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There's a package here for us.
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Listen, darling, I gotta leave.
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Honey, we have got to stop piling junk up in that garage.
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Do we have to save his T-R-I-C-Y-C-L-E?
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LAURA PETRIE: The what?
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Don't throw my old tricycle away, Daddy.
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I need the wheels for my machine.
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Well, go take the wheels off then, Rich.
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He spells better than you do.
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And why not?
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He's my S-U-N.
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[laughs] What's that?
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I don't know, dear, it just came.
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Hey, that's an attaché case.
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Oh, look there, it has your initials on it too.
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Well, who do you suppose did that?
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It's not my birthday.
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What's that?
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Perfume.
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Mhm.
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In one minute, your telephone will ring.
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Well, what a crazy note.
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I wonder who it is.
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[phone rings]
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Let's ask.
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Hello.
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Who?
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Neil Schenk, you son of a gun.
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How are you, Neil?
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Uh?
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Yeah, long time no hear you either.
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[laughs] Oh, the old ball and chain is fine.
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[chuckles] Yeah.
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You sent the stuff, right?
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Yeah, well, listen.
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You shouldn't have done that.
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Of course, we like it, but--
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dinner tonight?
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Oh, no.
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Well, ah, I don't know, ah, Neil.
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Well, we'd like to go to a restaurant with you,
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but look, Neil.
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You're welcome here.
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How about the Royal Oak at 7 o'clock, huh?
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Rob, what the--
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Hey, hold on a minute, Neil.
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Honey, will you--
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I didn't say a word.
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Well, you're standing there going--
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Neil, listen.
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It's OK, we'll-- we'll meet you.
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All right.
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Laura?
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Yeah, just saying she's right here.
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Oh, Rob, I don't wanna talk.
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Come on.
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Will you talk-- will you talk to him?
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Hi, Neil.
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Gee, what a surprise.
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Yeah.
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Oh, yes, we just love them.
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Fine, we'll see you there at 7:00.
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Bye.
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Gosh, Neil Schenk, the kid from Westville.
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The kid, mhm.
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Well, honey, he's an old friend.
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And he calls you stretch.
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I hate that nickname.
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Honey, he used to call me stretch since the 9
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B. And don't forget--
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That he recommended you for your first job.
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How can I forget, darling?
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He'd never let us.
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Honey, that's not fair.
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Well, neither is he.
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Every time he comes to town, he wants something from you.
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Look, honey, I don't like him much any better than you do,
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but he's my best friend.
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Your best friend?
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Well, best, worst, oldest, what's the difference?
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I'm-- I'm kinda looking forward to seeing him.
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You know something, darling?
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You're too loyal.
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Well, you count your blessings, honey.
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[squirms]
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What?
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What kinda of a kiss was that?
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It's the only place on you that's clean.
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I don't want to get must.
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How come whenever your wife looks the prettiest,
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you can't touch her?
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Be back in two hours.
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What do suppose Neil wants this time?
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No, hon, he just wants to see us, that's all.
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See you later.
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OK.
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Neil Schenk, briefcase, perfume and dinner out--
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oh, he wants something, all right.
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- Mr. Petrie. - Yes.
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You're wanted on the phone.
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Oh, yeah.
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It's probably Neil, maybe he can't come.
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This way.
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Thank you.
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[snaps fingers]
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Ah, Neil.
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Laura, hey, you look beautiful.
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Thank you.
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Mhm.
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And what is that expensive fragrance you're wearing?
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Oh, yes, thank you for the perfume.
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Oh, don't mention it.
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Hey, go along with me on this.
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On what?
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Just for laughs.
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What, ah-- [laughs]
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Hey, there wasn't anybody at--
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hey!
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I was just saving your place, Mr. You know the kid always
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likes to make a wild entrance.
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Hiya, stretch, you son of a gun.
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[chuckles] I'm just fine, thanks.
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Oh, you sent me away.
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Yeah, that's right.
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I-- I tipped the maitre d.
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Little green goes a long way, huh, stretch?
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[laughter]
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Hey, by the way, thank you for sending
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all the gifts and things, but you didn't have to do.
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NEIL SCHENK: Oh, of course, I had to do it.
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That's the way the kid operates.
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Besides, you're two of my best friends.
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Listen, how's your wife?
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Oh, ex-wife, I blew another one.
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I am sorry.
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Oh, don't be.
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You know, I do such a volume business,
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the judge gives me group alimony.
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[laughs] Hey, you can use that, stretch-a-roo.
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Well, what are you doing in town, Neil?
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Oh, let's save the goodies for dessert, shall we?
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Wait a minute.
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Wait a minute.
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What are you doing at this terribly, awful table?
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Well, the head waiter gave it to us.
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Oh, up, up, up.
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Neil's friends do not sit in hidden corners.
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Pick up our little Martinis and we'll go to the window.
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To the window where we can have a fabulous view and New York
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City can gaze upon us.
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Well, this table was fine. We didn't--
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Oh, no, no, no.
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When Neil the wheel deals, we all move, huh.
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The sign says reserved, Neil.
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I know.
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That one says exit, but are we leaving?
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Sorry, sir.
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This table is reserved.
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Yes, and it'll be just perfect thank you very much.
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Why don't you just step right over here.
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You see, we're having a little party here
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and this is the head writer of the "Alan Brady Show".
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- Oh, Mr. Brady. - Do you get it.
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Yeah.
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Mr. Brady may be here himself tonight.
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So if you're kind to cooperative with us,
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we'll certainly be very cooperative with you.
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You know what I mean?
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Thank you, kindly.
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All right, I'm a big favorite here, you know that.
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Well, let's glance at the menu.
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Anything look appealing, huh?
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Well, duck looks good.
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Yeah, only to another duck.
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[chuckles] You got it, little stretch?
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What about let's order up the most expensive thing?
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Go ahead.
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Oh, my goodness.
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Oh, don't be frightened.
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Come on, get the most expensive one.
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No, I mean, I left my purse at the other table.
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It's on the--
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NEIL SCHENK: Here, here, here.
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Don't nobody move.
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Tonight, everything is on me, kids, even the Arabs.
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[laughs]
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He's after something.
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Oh, yes.
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Yeah, your kids are doing all right.
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How's he really treating you, Laura?
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Oh, well, we're doing just fine.
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Thank you. - Yeah.
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Yeah, you really got it made.
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And going on from that little suggestion of a job
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I made, that all this would springboard
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this way, that's just terrific.
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Well, I'll never forget it, Neil.
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Yeah.
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Oh, would I let you?
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[laughs nervously] I doubt it.
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After all, what are friends for, huh?
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Right.
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I'll tell you what friends are for.
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There's an agency around, I wonder if you've
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heard of them, an advertising agency,
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Simpsons, Sampson and Sloane.
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[clears throat] That's the agency that
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handles my television show.
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NEIL SCHENK: Oh.
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Isn't it a small world?
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Well, they're looking for a new contact man for the "Alan
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Brady Show", you know.
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Oh, I remember.
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They're moving Ted Thompson up.
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He's a heck of a nice guy.
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NEIL SCHENK: Yeah, I hear that, I hear that.
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He's probably a relative, you know.
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Well, guess who is in line for the job?
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[chuckles] I don't wanna shock you, but the initials are N-S.
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[laughs] Neil Schenk, I bet.
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I don't mean Norman Sweet Cream.
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Hey, imagine if we're working together,
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you and I, week after week, just having a ball, huh.
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Just imagine that.
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Yeah.
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Ah, how, ah-- how, ah, sure is this, Neil?
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Well, I'll tell you.
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Telling them I knew you helped quite a bit, you know.
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Hey, you know something?
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Boy, that Bill Sampson thinks a lot of our boy, stretch, here.
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Now all I need is just a little, ah-- little letter.
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Of-- of recommendation?
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Yeah, no, nothing much.
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Not a big pretentious job like I--
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like I put together for you.
242
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Just a nice little letter with a few facts, you know,
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maybe you can-- - (SIGHS)
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--kinda flatten them up a little, you know, stretch?
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Kinda-- kinda stretch your point a little, huh?
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Would, ah-- it would sure even up an old score,
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wouldn't it, pal?
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Right, it would.
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[chuckles]
250
00:08:00,553 --> 00:08:01,621
Hey. Hey, wait a minute.
251
00:08:01,721 --> 00:08:02,589
Don't-- don't forget your cake, huh.
252
00:08:02,689 --> 00:08:03,756
- Oh, yes. - Oh, yeah.
253
00:08:03,857 --> 00:08:04,490
Well, we had a terrific time, huh?
254
00:08:04,591 --> 00:08:05,525
Just great.
255
00:08:05,625 --> 00:08:06,926
Well, I'll see you later, huh.
256
00:08:07,026 --> 00:08:08,261
Don't forget, if you want those dresses wholesale,
257
00:08:08,361 --> 00:08:09,796
just call my boy, Morty Goldapper.
258
00:08:09,896 --> 00:08:11,431
Tell him the kid sent you, huh. - All right.
259
00:08:11,531 --> 00:08:12,332
NEIL SCHENK: Laugh so long.
260
00:08:12,432 --> 00:08:15,902
[laughter]
261
00:08:18,037 --> 00:08:19,706
That was a nice, quiet evening.
262
00:08:19,806 --> 00:08:23,409
[chuckles] Well, I got a half a cake and you got a number
263
00:08:23,509 --> 00:08:25,378
to get dresses wholesale.
264
00:08:25,478 --> 00:08:27,280
Well, at least we found out what he wants.
265
00:08:27,380 --> 00:08:28,381
Yeah.
266
00:08:28,481 --> 00:08:29,515
Let's get some sleep.
267
00:08:29,616 --> 00:08:31,084
I'm too tired to sleep.
268
00:08:31,184 --> 00:08:34,821
Let's just sit down and rest for a minute, huh.
269
00:08:34,921 --> 00:08:38,591
Doggonit, if that guy was just mean or nasty or something,
270
00:08:38,691 --> 00:08:40,827
it'd be easy to refuse him.
271
00:08:40,927 --> 00:08:42,562
I mean, who else would insist on bringing
272
00:08:42,662 --> 00:08:44,397
us all the way home in a taxi?
273
00:08:44,497 --> 00:08:46,199
Yeah, but now your car is downtown.
274
00:08:46,299 --> 00:08:49,035
You're gonna have to take a train to work.
275
00:08:49,135 --> 00:08:51,404
Oh, yeah.
276
00:08:51,504 --> 00:08:52,705
Hard to say no to the kid.
277
00:08:52,805 --> 00:08:54,807
So you always say yes to him, and then you
278
00:08:54,908 --> 00:08:56,542
end up getting mad at yourself.
279
00:08:56,643 --> 00:08:58,745
Well, honey, he always does something
280
00:08:58,845 --> 00:09:01,047
for you that you later realize didn't have to be done.
281
00:09:01,147 --> 00:09:03,116
But he does it with such a flourish.
282
00:09:09,756 --> 00:09:11,190
Can we sell this sofa?
283
00:09:11,291 --> 00:09:12,258
Move over.
284
00:09:18,631 --> 00:09:22,302
Doggonit, honey, the thing is Neil's not right for that job.
285
00:09:22,402 --> 00:09:24,237
He hasn't got the experience or anything else.
286
00:09:24,337 --> 00:09:27,073
Yeah, but you'll write him a glowing recommendation anyway,
287
00:09:27,173 --> 00:09:30,176
and then you'll smash your fist through the door.
288
00:09:30,276 --> 00:09:31,711
Oh, I will.
289
00:09:31,811 --> 00:09:33,212
This time I'm gonna smash my fist through the door first.
290
00:09:33,313 --> 00:09:37,617
I'll break my hand so I can't write the letter.
291
00:09:37,717 --> 00:09:39,352
How can I do that to a friend?
292
00:09:39,452 --> 00:09:40,587
You know, if he were a real friend,
293
00:09:40,687 --> 00:09:42,021
he wouldn't put you in this position.
294
00:09:42,121 --> 00:09:44,824
Well, that's the thing is he's an old friend.
295
00:09:44,924 --> 00:09:47,026
When we were kids, he used to help me all the time.
296
00:09:47,126 --> 00:09:50,129
He taught me to skip a rock on the lake, first time.
297
00:09:50,229 --> 00:09:52,765
He taught me to ride my first two wheeler.
298
00:09:52,865 --> 00:09:56,135
Neil Schenk gave me half of his paper route.
299
00:09:56,235 --> 00:09:58,871
If I known Neil, he taught you to ride the bike so you could
300
00:09:58,972 --> 00:10:00,907
take half his paper routes.
301
00:10:01,007 --> 00:10:03,409
How much did he get out of it?
302
00:10:03,509 --> 00:10:04,410
20%.
303
00:10:04,510 --> 00:10:05,945
See?
304
00:10:06,045 --> 00:10:07,981
Everything he's done for you has ended up being for him.
305
00:10:08,081 --> 00:10:12,118
Yeah, but somehow it always worked out good for me too.
306
00:10:12,218 --> 00:10:13,753
Well, we can sit here and discuss it for hours,
307
00:10:13,853 --> 00:10:15,455
but I know that tomorrow I'm gonna
308
00:10:15,555 --> 00:10:17,590
write some kind of a letter.
309
00:10:17,690 --> 00:10:19,692
I have to.
310
00:10:19,792 --> 00:10:22,628
Well, honey, he's like a brother to me.
311
00:10:22,729 --> 00:10:25,398
Would you recommend your brother for this job?
312
00:10:25,498 --> 00:10:26,699
Yeah, I would.
313
00:10:26,799 --> 00:10:28,101
You would?
314
00:10:28,201 --> 00:10:30,837
Yeah, he's better for the job than Neil Schenk is.
315
00:10:33,539 --> 00:10:35,675
Why don't you just tell a big fat lie, write the letter
316
00:10:35,775 --> 00:10:36,909
and forget it.
317
00:10:37,010 --> 00:10:38,311
Oh, Buddy, where are your principles?
318
00:10:38,411 --> 00:10:40,113
Well, my high school principal's in New Jersey.
319
00:10:40,213 --> 00:10:41,047
Oh, shut up!
320
00:10:41,147 --> 00:10:42,448
My primary school principal was
321
00:10:42,548 --> 00:10:43,483
arrested for stealing pencil.
322
00:10:43,583 --> 00:10:45,084
Poof.
323
00:10:45,184 --> 00:10:47,487
Listen, I forgot to ask you the most important qualification.
324
00:10:47,587 --> 00:10:48,888
Is he single?
325
00:10:48,988 --> 00:10:50,623
Ah, married three times, divorced three times.
326
00:10:50,723 --> 00:10:51,591
Ah, shows he's consistent.
327
00:10:51,691 --> 00:10:53,226
ROB PETRIE: [chuckles]
328
00:10:53,326 --> 00:10:54,927
It shows he's sick.
329
00:10:55,028 --> 00:10:56,396
Well, give him a little chicken soup.
330
00:10:56,496 --> 00:10:57,797
It'll make him like a new man.
331
00:10:57,897 --> 00:10:58,765
It's not that.
332
00:10:58,865 --> 00:11:00,166
Thanks a lot.
333
00:11:00,266 --> 00:11:01,667
Well, we're sitting here knocking Neil so much,
334
00:11:01,768 --> 00:11:03,202
I'm beginning to feel guilty about it now.
335
00:11:03,302 --> 00:11:04,270
Ah, don't feel so bad.
336
00:11:04,370 --> 00:11:05,872
I love pickles, but if somebody asked me
337
00:11:05,972 --> 00:11:09,242
if she'd make a good wife, I would have to say no.
338
00:11:09,342 --> 00:11:11,344
Buddy, you shouldn't talk like that.
339
00:11:11,444 --> 00:11:12,578
You know, if I were your wife--
340
00:11:12,679 --> 00:11:14,213
Call her, maybe we could make a deal.
341
00:11:16,949 --> 00:11:20,053
Sick, sick-- the whole world is sick.
342
00:11:20,153 --> 00:11:22,655
I'm the only healthy one in it.
343
00:11:22,755 --> 00:11:23,589
Oh, cancel that.
344
00:11:23,689 --> 00:11:24,857
I just sharpened my pen.
345
00:11:24,957 --> 00:11:26,325
Look, guys, we've wasted a half a day here
346
00:11:26,426 --> 00:11:28,528
and it's my fault. Let's forget the stupid letter.
347
00:11:28,628 --> 00:11:30,430
We got a stupid show to write here.
348
00:11:34,901 --> 00:11:37,103
Well, after two hours of editing and rewriting,
349
00:11:37,203 --> 00:11:39,105
here's what it boils down to.
350
00:11:39,205 --> 00:11:40,339
Go ahead.
351
00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:41,607
"Dear Mr. Sampson.
352
00:11:41,708 --> 00:11:44,077
I have known Neil Schenk for many years.
353
00:11:44,177 --> 00:11:46,913
We have worked together on several occasions.
354
00:11:47,013 --> 00:11:48,381
Yours truly, Rob Petrie."
355
00:11:48,481 --> 00:11:50,416
That's a little short.
356
00:11:50,516 --> 00:11:53,786
Gee, you could have mentioned the rock skipping.
357
00:11:53,886 --> 00:11:56,155
Boy, it's hard to write nothing than something.
358
00:11:56,255 --> 00:11:59,092
Well I don't know what to tell you, darling.
359
00:11:59,192 --> 00:12:00,493
Come on, Rich.
360
00:12:00,593 --> 00:12:02,195
Let's get your pajamas on, brush your teeth and wash your face.
361
00:12:02,295 --> 00:12:04,530
If I do all those things, will you give me something?
362
00:12:04,630 --> 00:12:07,567
I'll give you something if you don't do all those things.
363
00:12:07,667 --> 00:12:08,801
Oh, mom.
364
00:12:08,901 --> 00:12:10,403
That room of yours needs picking up.
365
00:12:10,503 --> 00:12:12,872
It's like a disaster area.
366
00:12:12,972 --> 00:12:14,207
[doorbell rings]
367
00:12:14,307 --> 00:12:21,614
(SIGHS) Neil, what are you doing way up here?
368
00:12:21,714 --> 00:12:23,416
Stretch, for you, I'd go anywhere.
369
00:12:23,516 --> 00:12:25,251
[laughs]
370
00:12:25,351 --> 00:12:26,185
For me?
371
00:12:26,285 --> 00:12:26,953
Yeah.
372
00:12:27,053 --> 00:12:28,354
Well, I had to come over.
373
00:12:28,454 --> 00:12:29,956
It's about that letter.
374
00:12:30,056 --> 00:12:32,692
I decided it wasn't right for me to ask you to write it for me.
375
00:12:32,792 --> 00:12:33,626
You did?
376
00:12:33,726 --> 00:12:34,627
Yeah, well, listen.
377
00:12:34,727 --> 00:12:35,962
You're a busy man, you know.
378
00:12:36,062 --> 00:12:37,530
You got your own show to write and-- and you get
379
00:12:37,630 --> 00:12:38,931
paid for doing that.
380
00:12:39,031 --> 00:12:40,066
You know, it isn't right for me to ask you to write
381
00:12:40,166 --> 00:12:41,501
a letter for me for free.
382
00:12:41,601 --> 00:12:42,535
Oh, well--
383
00:12:42,635 --> 00:12:45,171
So I wrote the letter myself.
384
00:12:45,271 --> 00:12:48,040
All you gotta do, old buddy boy, is just sign it.
385
00:12:54,413 --> 00:12:56,682
You, ah, wrote this yourself, huh?
386
00:12:56,782 --> 00:12:58,284
Yeah.
387
00:12:58,384 --> 00:12:59,885
Of course, it isn't socko like the stuff you write, you know.
388
00:12:59,986 --> 00:13:02,088
But-- but I'll bet you they'll love it down at the agency.
389
00:13:02,188 --> 00:13:03,556
Go, ahead, sign it.
390
00:13:03,656 --> 00:13:05,391
Just put your old stretch Hancock right there, huh.
391
00:13:05,491 --> 00:13:07,360
Would you-- do you mind if I look it over again?
392
00:13:07,460 --> 00:13:09,462
No, go ahead, but don't read it out loud.
393
00:13:09,562 --> 00:13:14,200
I, ah-- I get kind of embarrassed.
394
00:13:14,300 --> 00:13:19,005
[chuckles] Well, ah, nobody ever got a job for modesty, huh?
395
00:13:19,105 --> 00:13:22,174
[chuckles]
396
00:13:23,109 --> 00:13:24,443
Neil, do you-- do you really feel
397
00:13:24,543 --> 00:13:26,345
that you have extraordinary leadership qualities?
398
00:13:26,445 --> 00:13:29,382
Well, look, who knows the kid better than the kid, huh?
399
00:13:29,482 --> 00:13:30,583
Ah.
400
00:13:30,683 --> 00:13:32,618
I-- I didn't know that you spoke four languages.
401
00:13:32,718 --> 00:13:38,791
Oh, may, wee-wee, si-si, la-la and da-da.
402
00:13:38,891 --> 00:13:41,193
I go through all those foreign of movies, you know.
403
00:13:41,293 --> 00:13:43,162
Come on, pal, just put your Marcello
404
00:13:43,262 --> 00:13:44,764
Mastroianni right there, huh.
405
00:13:44,864 --> 00:13:46,098
Come on, sign it.
406
00:13:46,198 --> 00:13:47,933
Boy, this is--
407
00:13:48,034 --> 00:13:48,868
you know something, Neil?
408
00:13:48,968 --> 00:13:50,002
You're terrible.
409
00:13:50,102 --> 00:13:51,003
Yeah, I know, but I'm adorable.
410
00:13:51,103 --> 00:13:52,037
Come on, pal, sign it.
411
00:13:52,138 --> 00:13:54,073
I wanna get going.
412
00:13:54,173 --> 00:13:55,141
Hey, Rich.
413
00:13:55,241 --> 00:13:56,475
You know Mr. Schenk, don't you?
414
00:13:56,575 --> 00:13:58,577
Yeah, just call me, Uncle Neil, Rich.
415
00:13:58,677 --> 00:13:59,645
Sign, Rob.
416
00:13:59,745 --> 00:14:00,846
Goodnight, Daddy.
417
00:14:00,946 --> 00:14:01,881
Goodnight, Uncle Neil, Rich, Sign, Rob.
418
00:14:01,981 --> 00:14:03,182
[laughter]
419
00:14:03,282 --> 00:14:04,517
He's got a good sense of humor.
420
00:14:04,617 --> 00:14:08,621
Yeah, chip off the old stretch, huh.
421
00:14:08,721 --> 00:14:10,756
Ritchie, your dad and I have a little business to discuss,
422
00:14:10,856 --> 00:14:12,158
you know.
423
00:14:12,258 --> 00:14:13,526
And oh, you're getting a little sleepy, aren't you?
424
00:14:13,626 --> 00:14:15,327
Why, them little eyeballs are starting to droop
425
00:14:15,428 --> 00:14:16,862
right out of your head there.
426
00:14:16,962 --> 00:14:20,166
Look, ah, if I give you a nice-- nice shiny new quarter,
427
00:14:20,266 --> 00:14:21,867
will you just go right to bed, huh?
428
00:14:21,967 --> 00:14:23,135
No, don't give him money, Neil.
429
00:14:23,235 --> 00:14:25,471
What, the kids gotta make a living.
430
00:14:25,571 --> 00:14:26,539
How about that?
431
00:14:26,639 --> 00:14:28,007
Now you put that quarter under your pillow,
432
00:14:28,107 --> 00:14:29,141
and I bet in the morning when you wake up,
433
00:14:29,241 --> 00:14:30,810
you'll find a brand new tooth, huh.
434
00:14:30,910 --> 00:14:33,846
[chuckles] Hey, that's a good one, huh, Stretchy boy.
435
00:14:33,946 --> 00:14:35,514
I'm switching the old gang.
436
00:14:35,614 --> 00:14:36,982
You shouldn't give him money, Neil.
437
00:14:37,082 --> 00:14:38,984
Oh, listen, it's one of my few pleasures.
438
00:14:39,084 --> 00:14:40,853
Now let me enjoy. - Thank you.
439
00:14:40,953 --> 00:14:41,754
Goodnight, Daddy.
440
00:14:41,854 --> 00:14:42,688
Goodnight, Rich.
441
00:14:42,788 --> 00:14:44,356
[chuckles] Yeah.
442
00:14:44,457 --> 00:14:46,225
He's getting to be quite a little man there.
443
00:14:46,325 --> 00:14:47,393
Yeah. Good.
444
00:14:47,493 --> 00:14:48,861
Look, I got my life double parked.
445
00:14:48,961 --> 00:14:50,362
Ah, just sign that, will you, pal?
446
00:14:50,463 --> 00:14:51,564
Ah.
447
00:14:51,664 --> 00:14:55,401
Just put the old John Hancock right there, huh.
448
00:14:55,501 --> 00:14:59,238
You know you-- you kind of stalling around like-- like Art
449
00:14:59,338 --> 00:15:00,473
Carney used to do, you know, when he
450
00:15:00,573 --> 00:15:01,674
didn't want to sign something.
451
00:15:01,774 --> 00:15:03,175
Yeah, he was a funny guy.
452
00:15:03,275 --> 00:15:06,612
[starts making funny sounds]
453
00:15:07,746 --> 00:15:09,482
Look, I mean, if you don't want to sign it--
454
00:15:09,582 --> 00:15:10,716
Well--
455
00:15:10,816 --> 00:15:12,017
NEIL SCHENK: Look, maybe it's not in the cards for me
456
00:15:12,117 --> 00:15:13,319
to have that job. That's all.
457
00:15:13,419 --> 00:15:15,254
I mean, I just wanna know honestly, you know.
458
00:15:15,354 --> 00:15:17,656
Some guys get the breaks and some don't.
459
00:15:17,756 --> 00:15:19,592
I mean, who knew that when I mentioned you for the job,
460
00:15:19,692 --> 00:15:21,393
it would springboard to all this?
461
00:15:21,494 --> 00:15:24,630
But you know, look-- look, I'll ask you, pal,
462
00:15:24,730 --> 00:15:25,631
but I'm not gonna beg.
463
00:15:25,731 --> 00:15:27,433
I mean, one thing I never do is beg.
464
00:15:27,533 --> 00:15:31,637
Neil, I don't want you to beg, Neil.
465
00:15:31,737 --> 00:15:34,240
Neil, I'll kneel, I'll beg, I'll crawl.
466
00:15:34,340 --> 00:15:36,642
I'm down here, I'll sing "Mammy" for you.
467
00:15:36,742 --> 00:15:38,143
Oh, baby, you've signed.
468
00:15:38,244 --> 00:15:39,211
We're gonna work together.
469
00:15:39,311 --> 00:15:40,246
Oh, that's terrific.
470
00:15:40,346 --> 00:15:41,580
I'll get this right in the mail.
471
00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:45,951
[chuckles] Oh, you're a real case stretch-a-roo.
472
00:15:56,095 --> 00:15:58,898
Darling, who was here?
473
00:15:58,998 --> 00:16:00,032
Neil?
474
00:16:00,132 --> 00:16:01,066
Yeah.
475
00:16:01,166 --> 00:16:02,835
Well, I'm not mad at him, honey.
476
00:16:02,935 --> 00:16:04,036
I'm mad at me.
477
00:16:04,136 --> 00:16:05,404
Why?
478
00:16:05,504 --> 00:16:07,907
Well, he came over here, all the way out here
479
00:16:08,007 --> 00:16:10,843
with a letter of recommendation he wrote himself, and--
480
00:16:10,943 --> 00:16:11,744
You didn't--
481
00:16:11,844 --> 00:16:13,112
Who didn't?
482
00:16:13,212 --> 00:16:14,980
Oh, Rob, how could you?
483
00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:17,349
Oh, it's easy because I'm a dumb-dumb.
484
00:16:17,449 --> 00:16:18,651
Well, that's no excuse.
485
00:16:18,751 --> 00:16:20,252
Boy, it may not be an excuse, honey,
486
00:16:20,352 --> 00:16:21,720
but it's sure a good reason.
487
00:16:21,820 --> 00:16:25,057
I always know exactly what I want to say to that guy
488
00:16:25,157 --> 00:16:26,458
and I never can say it.
489
00:16:26,559 --> 00:16:27,993
You know, there ought to be a statute
490
00:16:28,093 --> 00:16:31,764
of limitations on how many times you have to repay a favor.
491
00:16:31,864 --> 00:16:34,800
I've repaid it about nine times now.
492
00:16:34,900 --> 00:16:37,069
Well, at least we don't have to worry about it anymore.
493
00:16:37,169 --> 00:16:38,203
I mean, you did it.
494
00:16:38,304 --> 00:16:39,572
Dumb-dumb, as it were, it's over.
495
00:16:39,672 --> 00:16:40,272
Finished.
496
00:16:40,372 --> 00:16:41,540
Oh, no, it's not.
497
00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:44,276
It's not over till after lunch Thursday.
498
00:16:44,376 --> 00:16:45,678
What's lunch Thursday?
499
00:16:45,778 --> 00:16:48,280
The lunch I'm gonna take Mr. Sampson to give
500
00:16:48,380 --> 00:16:51,083
Neil a personal recommendation.
501
00:16:51,183 --> 00:16:52,451
When did you arrange that?
502
00:16:52,551 --> 00:16:56,789
It's in the last paragraph of Neil's letter.
503
00:16:56,889 --> 00:16:57,890
Hi.
504
00:16:57,990 --> 00:16:59,992
I'm wearing a green knit suit with matching
505
00:17:00,092 --> 00:17:02,227
blouse and kit shoes.
506
00:17:02,328 --> 00:17:04,396
It's only $90 at Antoine.
507
00:17:06,332 --> 00:17:07,433
I don't know.
508
00:17:07,533 --> 00:17:08,467
You know, the food is terrible here,
509
00:17:08,567 --> 00:17:10,035
but it's my favorite restaurant.
510
00:17:10,135 --> 00:17:13,606
[laughs] Yeah, we were-- we were here the other, ah, night.
511
00:17:13,706 --> 00:17:14,940
You very nervous about something?
512
00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:16,141
No, why?
513
00:17:16,241 --> 00:17:17,409
Well, you're crumbling my crackers.
514
00:17:17,509 --> 00:17:19,712
Oh, I thought you were having some soup.
515
00:17:19,812 --> 00:17:21,480
That's my lunch.
516
00:17:21,580 --> 00:17:23,015
Just tell me what's on your mind.
517
00:17:23,115 --> 00:17:24,316
Well, I--
518
00:17:24,416 --> 00:17:26,652
This is a Japanese silk dress by Shumata.
519
00:17:26,752 --> 00:17:29,989
Remove the top and you have a bare back.
520
00:17:30,089 --> 00:17:32,858
Remove the sash, here, and you have a bare midriff.
521
00:17:32,958 --> 00:17:35,561
Only $190.
522
00:17:35,661 --> 00:17:37,062
Buy it, you got a bare bank book.
523
00:17:37,162 --> 00:17:39,365
[laughter]
524
00:17:39,465 --> 00:17:40,699
What were you saying, Rob?
525
00:17:40,799 --> 00:17:43,869
Well, [clears throat] Mr. Sampson, it's about
526
00:17:43,969 --> 00:17:44,937
the letter I sent you.
527
00:17:45,037 --> 00:17:46,305
Ooh, about this Neil Schenk.
528
00:17:46,405 --> 00:17:47,940
Yes, I got it this morning.
529
00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:48,974
Very, very flattering.
530
00:17:49,074 --> 00:17:49,875
Yeah, I read it.
531
00:17:49,975 --> 00:17:50,909
Why, I mean--
532
00:17:51,010 --> 00:17:51,810
You say what?
533
00:17:51,910 --> 00:17:53,279
How-- how much is that?
534
00:17:53,379 --> 00:17:54,179
I beg your pardon.
535
00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:55,381
How much?
536
00:17:55,481 --> 00:17:57,016
Well, of all the nerve!
537
00:18:05,858 --> 00:18:07,326
You can't tell the models without a menu.
538
00:18:07,426 --> 00:18:08,527
[chuckles] That's right.
539
00:18:08,627 --> 00:18:09,862
Rob, you were talking about this Neil
540
00:18:09,962 --> 00:18:11,563
Schenk and that wonderful letter you wrote.
541
00:18:11,664 --> 00:18:12,765
Yeah.
542
00:18:12,865 --> 00:18:14,400
You know, I have read a lot of-- lot of letters
543
00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:15,934
of recommendation in my time, but that was the most
544
00:18:16,035 --> 00:18:17,369
flattering I have ever read.
545
00:18:17,469 --> 00:18:19,004
This, ah, Schenk must be quite a boy.
546
00:18:19,104 --> 00:18:20,572
Oh, he's still quite a boy.
547
00:18:20,673 --> 00:18:22,841
Robbie, you know how highly we think of you at the agency.
548
00:18:22,941 --> 00:18:26,345
Now anybody that you approve of that strongly is in.
549
00:18:26,445 --> 00:18:28,947
You know, frankly, until we got your letter,
550
00:18:29,048 --> 00:18:30,482
he wasn't even in the running.
551
00:18:30,582 --> 00:18:32,651
Ah, Mr. Sampson, I'd like to kick that around a little.
552
00:18:32,751 --> 00:18:34,586
Sure, if you wanna make a personal pitch, fine.
553
00:18:34,687 --> 00:18:37,790
Well, what I would like to do is unpitch it.
554
00:18:37,890 --> 00:18:38,490
I don't follow you.
555
00:18:38,590 --> 00:18:39,925
Mr. Sampson, I, ah--
556
00:18:40,025 --> 00:18:42,127
I didn't write that letter.
557
00:18:42,227 --> 00:18:43,529
What are you saying?
558
00:18:43,629 --> 00:18:45,764
Well, I'm saying that I didn't write that letter.
559
00:18:45,864 --> 00:18:46,532
Wait a minute.
560
00:18:46,632 --> 00:18:48,067
Let me get this straight.
561
00:18:48,167 --> 00:18:50,936
You didn't write the letter, but you signed the letter?
562
00:18:51,036 --> 00:18:52,338
Well, yeah, but I--
563
00:18:52,438 --> 00:18:54,206
I don't endorse it.
564
00:18:54,306 --> 00:18:55,374
Who wrote it?
565
00:18:55,474 --> 00:18:57,576
Well, ah, Neil Schenk composed it.
566
00:18:57,676 --> 00:18:58,977
BILL SAMPSON: Oh, really.
567
00:18:59,078 --> 00:19:00,145
Is any of it true?
568
00:19:00,245 --> 00:19:01,780
Well, partly, yeah.
569
00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:05,451
He can say yes in four languages.
570
00:19:05,551 --> 00:19:07,286
Robbie, I'm a little disappointed in you.
571
00:19:07,386 --> 00:19:08,620
Well, me too.
572
00:19:08,721 --> 00:19:10,222
Now wait a minute, I want to understand this.
573
00:19:10,322 --> 00:19:11,790
Why did you sign the letter?
574
00:19:11,890 --> 00:19:14,860
Ah, Mr. Sampson, did you ever have an old friend who, just
575
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:17,663
by accident, did you a favor that turned out, just
576
00:19:17,763 --> 00:19:20,265
by a string of events, to be the biggest break in your life
577
00:19:20,366 --> 00:19:23,001
and he won't let you forget it?
578
00:19:23,102 --> 00:19:24,103
George Crenshaw.
579
00:19:24,203 --> 00:19:25,437
Yeah.
580
00:19:25,537 --> 00:19:27,372
Ah, who's George Crenshaw?
581
00:19:27,473 --> 00:19:29,742
Oh, he's my Neil Schenk.
582
00:19:29,842 --> 00:19:33,078
He introduced me to my wife years ago.
583
00:19:33,178 --> 00:19:35,314
Now he thinks that's an open invitation to spend
584
00:19:35,414 --> 00:19:37,750
Christmas with us every year.
585
00:19:37,850 --> 00:19:40,419
I guess everybody's got one of those, huh?
586
00:19:40,519 --> 00:19:42,087
Well, I just was so afraid you're gonna take
587
00:19:42,187 --> 00:19:43,789
that recommendation seriously.
588
00:19:43,889 --> 00:19:45,257
Well, we did.
589
00:19:45,357 --> 00:19:48,127
Well, I guess I have to thank you for touching bases with me
590
00:19:48,227 --> 00:19:49,261
on this.
591
00:19:49,361 --> 00:19:51,630
But I-- you know I'd hate killing
592
00:19:51,730 --> 00:19:53,265
Neil's chances for the job.
593
00:19:53,365 --> 00:19:54,166
You hate it?
594
00:19:54,266 --> 00:19:55,234
Listen.
595
00:19:55,334 --> 00:19:56,902
Do you know that your Neil Schenk
596
00:19:57,002 --> 00:19:59,338
was my only reason for not considering
597
00:19:59,438 --> 00:20:00,706
Crenshaw for the job?
598
00:20:00,806 --> 00:20:01,707
Oh.
599
00:20:06,044 --> 00:20:08,180
It's gonna be so tough to tell Neil.
600
00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:09,314
Yeah.
601
00:20:09,415 --> 00:20:10,549
Yeah, I know what.
602
00:20:10,649 --> 00:20:11,884
You write the letter and I'll sign it.
603
00:20:11,984 --> 00:20:14,987
[laughs]
604
00:20:15,921 --> 00:20:17,322
Hey, is that stretch beautiful?
605
00:20:17,423 --> 00:20:19,391
First he signs that gorgeous letter of mine,
606
00:20:19,491 --> 00:20:20,959
then he takes Sampson out to lunch
607
00:20:21,059 --> 00:20:22,961
and makes a personal pitch for me.
608
00:20:23,061 --> 00:20:25,297
Now who else would do a thing like that, huh?
609
00:20:25,397 --> 00:20:28,100
Ah, don't look at me.
610
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:29,701
I guess that Rob's a $1, right?
611
00:20:29,802 --> 00:20:35,240
Yeah, next to him, boy, Peter Pan was a dirty old man.
612
00:20:35,340 --> 00:20:36,408
Gee, I don't know how to thank you.
613
00:20:36,508 --> 00:20:39,077
In fact, I'm not even going to try.
614
00:20:39,178 --> 00:20:42,014
Well, here comes the Prince of good fellowship now.
615
00:20:42,114 --> 00:20:43,148
Hi, Neil.
616
00:20:43,248 --> 00:20:44,516
Ah, listen, can I talk to you alone a minute?
617
00:20:44,616 --> 00:20:45,818
NEIL SCHENK: Why?
618
00:20:45,918 --> 00:20:47,386
Let's let everybody hear the good news, huh?
619
00:20:47,486 --> 00:20:48,620
Well, I can tell them later.
620
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:50,189
BUDDY SORRELL: What do you mean later?
621
00:20:50,289 --> 00:20:51,990
And we sit here all week long listening to your problems,
622
00:20:52,090 --> 00:20:53,458
a little bit of good news and you want
623
00:20:53,559 --> 00:20:55,327
to throw us out of the office. - Buddy.
624
00:20:55,427 --> 00:20:56,462
What?
625
00:20:56,562 --> 00:20:57,796
I got some real good news for you.
626
00:20:57,896 --> 00:20:59,398
They got fresh apples in the vending machine.
627
00:20:59,498 --> 00:21:00,499
Yeah, winesap or delicious?
628
00:21:00,599 --> 00:21:01,433
Macintosh.
629
00:21:01,533 --> 00:21:03,869
Oh, boy, my favorite.
630
00:21:03,969 --> 00:21:05,938
You gotta know how to handle him.
631
00:21:06,038 --> 00:21:10,843
Hey, ah, I'll fill you in on the details later, Sal-Sal.
632
00:21:10,943 --> 00:21:11,710
OK, Neil-Neil.
633
00:21:11,810 --> 00:21:12,945
ROB PETRIE: You two going out?
634
00:21:13,045 --> 00:21:14,813
Oh, would you say no-no to Neil-Neil?
635
00:21:14,913 --> 00:21:17,749
[laughs] Yeah, we're gonna celebrate.
636
00:21:17,850 --> 00:21:20,018
Hey, I got terrific tickets to that new Broadway
637
00:21:20,118 --> 00:21:21,420
hit, "Love is Love."
638
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:22,454
Toughest tickets in town--
639
00:21:22,554 --> 00:21:23,789
I got four front row, center.
640
00:21:23,889 --> 00:21:25,591
You, me, Laura, Sally will have a ball.
641
00:21:25,691 --> 00:21:26,892
Look, Neil--
642
00:21:26,992 --> 00:21:28,760
Oh, look, I wanna show you my appreciation.
643
00:21:28,861 --> 00:21:30,796
[laughs]
644
00:21:30,896 --> 00:21:31,496
Neil.
645
00:21:31,597 --> 00:21:32,431
What?
646
00:21:32,531 --> 00:21:33,498
Never do that again.
647
00:21:33,599 --> 00:21:34,399
Do what?
648
00:21:34,500 --> 00:21:35,868
Sock me in the jaw.
649
00:21:35,968 --> 00:21:37,269
Well, I've always done that.
650
00:21:37,369 --> 00:21:39,972
I've always hated it.
651
00:21:40,072 --> 00:21:41,840
I'll never do it again [chuckles] because, you know,
652
00:21:41,940 --> 00:21:43,342
I wanna be a buddy with you and I'm gonna
653
00:21:43,442 --> 00:21:44,810
be around here an awful lot.
654
00:21:44,910 --> 00:21:46,478
And I sure wouldn't wanna do anything that bugs you.
655
00:21:46,578 --> 00:21:47,746
You know what I mean?
656
00:21:47,846 --> 00:21:49,081
Look, you're not gonna be around, Neil.
657
00:21:49,181 --> 00:21:50,716
Yeah, we're gonna be working here together.
658
00:21:50,816 --> 00:21:51,817
But I won't get in your way, I'll just do my stuff.
659
00:21:51,917 --> 00:21:55,354
Neil, you didn't get the job!
660
00:21:55,454 --> 00:21:57,422
I-- I didn't what?
661
00:21:57,522 --> 00:21:58,457
You didn't get the job.
662
00:21:58,557 --> 00:22:01,026
I'm sorry.
663
00:22:01,126 --> 00:22:04,329
I didn't get the job?
664
00:22:04,429 --> 00:22:05,631
I knew it.
665
00:22:05,731 --> 00:22:07,099
They probably hired some relative, right?
666
00:22:07,199 --> 00:22:09,501
No, they didn't.
667
00:22:09,601 --> 00:22:11,737
Well, [chuckles] that's the breaks.
668
00:22:11,837 --> 00:22:13,672
Listen, at least you tried, pal.
669
00:22:13,772 --> 00:22:15,440
No, I didn't try, Neil.
670
00:22:15,541 --> 00:22:17,442
Oh, I made the lunch with Sampson,
671
00:22:17,542 --> 00:22:19,044
but I couldn't make myself do it.
672
00:22:19,144 --> 00:22:21,346
I told him that you weren't right for the job
673
00:22:21,446 --> 00:22:23,982
because that's the way I feel.
674
00:22:24,082 --> 00:22:28,320
Oh, you-- you feel like that, huh?
675
00:22:28,420 --> 00:22:33,025
Ha, oh, boy.
676
00:22:33,125 --> 00:22:34,459
Oh, that's it, huh?
677
00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:36,995
I'm afraid so.
678
00:22:37,095 --> 00:22:42,434
Well, I guess that ends it, huh?
679
00:22:42,534 --> 00:22:45,170
Looks like it.
680
00:22:45,270 --> 00:22:49,341
Ha, you get the breaks, you don't get the breaks.
681
00:22:49,441 --> 00:22:52,644
Ah, look, stretch, about tonight
682
00:22:52,744 --> 00:22:54,479
It's OK, Neil.
683
00:22:54,579 --> 00:22:55,781
I'll ah--
684
00:22:55,881 --> 00:22:57,549
I'll pick you up at 7:00 instead of 7:30.
685
00:22:57,649 --> 00:23:00,118
That way, we can get in a couple of cocktails before the show.
686
00:23:00,218 --> 00:23:01,186
We're still going?
687
00:23:01,286 --> 00:23:02,621
- Oh, sure we're gonna go. - Wait a minute.
688
00:23:02,721 --> 00:23:03,589
You're not mad at me?
689
00:23:03,689 --> 00:23:04,556
Oh, no.
690
00:23:04,656 --> 00:23:05,657
How can I get mad at you?
691
00:23:05,757 --> 00:23:07,192
You're one of my best contacts.
692
00:23:07,292 --> 00:23:08,760
Neil, I turned you down.
693
00:23:08,860 --> 00:23:10,462
That's OK, I appreciate it.
694
00:23:10,562 --> 00:23:11,396
You know why?
695
00:23:11,496 --> 00:23:12,497
You got integrity.
696
00:23:12,598 --> 00:23:15,867
And one thing I love is integrity.
697
00:23:15,968 --> 00:23:17,402
Wait a-- wait a minute.
698
00:23:17,502 --> 00:23:18,537
Does that take the place of that?
699
00:23:18,637 --> 00:23:19,438
Yeah.
700
00:23:19,538 --> 00:23:21,373
Go back to that.
701
00:23:21,473 --> 00:23:24,977
[laughter]
702
00:23:29,648 --> 00:23:31,083
Well, here we are, safe at home, huh.
703
00:23:31,183 --> 00:23:32,117
Yep.
704
00:23:32,217 --> 00:23:33,352
Hey, the show was terrific, wasn't it?
705
00:23:33,452 --> 00:23:34,319
Oh, it was wonderful.
706
00:23:34,419 --> 00:23:35,721
Yeah, I had a great time.
707
00:23:35,821 --> 00:23:37,856
Hey, I-- I better be dashing along if I'm gonna
708
00:23:37,956 --> 00:23:39,057
make Cape Cod by midnight.
709
00:23:39,157 --> 00:23:40,859
Well, so long, kids. - Goodbye.
710
00:23:40,959 --> 00:23:42,527
- Good to see you again. - Great, Neil.
711
00:23:42,628 --> 00:23:43,762
Thank you.
712
00:23:47,833 --> 00:23:49,601
Well, that's that.
713
00:23:49,701 --> 00:23:50,636
I better put this in water.
714
00:23:50,736 --> 00:23:51,937
Uh-huh.
715
00:23:52,037 --> 00:23:54,206
It was nice of Neil to give me this corsage.
716
00:23:54,306 --> 00:23:56,308
Yes, it was.
717
00:23:56,408 --> 00:23:57,809
Will you stop gloating.
718
00:23:57,909 --> 00:23:58,944
I'm not gloating.
719
00:23:59,044 --> 00:24:00,712
I'm just welcoming you to the I did
720
00:24:00,812 --> 00:24:03,048
a favor for Neil's Schenk club.
721
00:24:03,148 --> 00:24:04,750
Do you think he'll return my car?
722
00:24:04,850 --> 00:24:07,119
(SIGHS) Well, I don't know, honey.
723
00:24:09,421 --> 00:24:11,256
One thing about Neil, he may be a lot of things,
724
00:24:11,356 --> 00:24:12,824
but he's not a thief.
725
00:24:12,924 --> 00:24:14,493
He just borrowed your station wagon to drive up Cape Cod.
726
00:24:14,593 --> 00:24:16,995
Can we be sure he'll come back?
727
00:24:17,095 --> 00:24:19,865
Honey, there's one thing sure about Neil Schenk.
728
00:24:19,965 --> 00:24:22,401
He always comes back.
729
00:24:22,501 --> 00:24:23,602
Hey, there's no gas in a car.
730
00:24:23,702 --> 00:24:24,970
Could I borrow your credit card?
731
00:24:25,070 --> 00:24:28,373
Oh, jeez.
732
00:24:28,473 --> 00:24:33,278
[theme song]
51088