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-Tall, semi-dry, nonfat cap.-Thank you.
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Uh ... hello. I don't mean to disturb you,but I am desperate for you to
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know my name: Hammond Dearing.
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-Okay. Got it.-Have we ever met or seen each other before?
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-I don't think so.-That's a shame.
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Because I've been making your special drinkse-every morning for almost three months now,
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handing them to you every single day, and ...
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I was just hoping maybe once
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you'd pause to look at my face.
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-I guess I didn't.-Well, would you?
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-Okay. Bye-bye.-Wait. Just ... one more second!
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Look, I understand you being wary of strangers,but if you knew maybe a little bit about me ----
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I actually feel I do.Which is why I'm walking away now.
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But is it 'cause I'm a guywho makes cappuccinos for a living?
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Uh, no. It's becausemy cappuccino is getting cold.
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Uh, hold on! Just one more second.Would you have dinner with me?
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Uh ... Hammond? Mm-hm.you're beginning to get annoying.
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Oh, gee. And I sort of wanted youto reject me on a good note.
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-Look. I -----Sorry. I shouldn't have done that.
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But my ex told me I'm a good kisser,and I figure, well ... go with strength.
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Mm. That's a good thingthat you make a cold cappuccino. ...
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And, um, your ex? She lied.
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-The guy who makes the cappuccinos?-Yes.
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-The little foamy?-Yes.
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Mm. He actually asked you out.
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What? Did he think you werea waitress or something?
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I don't know.
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Ick. Nothing worse than getting hit onby one of the little people. ...
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-John. Sweetie. Fly.-Oh. Uh ... you don't like little people?
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Oh, I don't mean little short. I mean little.You know, janitor, cappuccino maker.
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So, if I was a janitor, you ...you wouldn't go out with me?
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-Well ... of course, I would.-Ally? Are they here yet?
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-Who?-Lesbians. Are they here?
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Uh, no, Richard. And only one lesbian is due in.
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-Oh ...-Uh, can I ... ask you why,
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-why is that men are so fascinated by lesbians?-Do you know what they do together in private?
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-What?-They have sex.
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Heterosexual women have sex, too.
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But with men. There's nothing specialabout a woman interacting with a penis,
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unless it's your own. Am I right, John?
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-Your ten o'clock is here.-Lesbians. Excellent. Off we go.
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So ... seriously, you,you would not date a janitor?
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-No. Would you date a janitette?-A jan. Uh, ha ... Ye-yes.
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Hhh. Typical! As long as she's beautiful,
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it doesn't matter to a man what she is inside.
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They say chauvinism is dead. Not here!
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It's not that I oppose alimony.But we were never really married.
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How can you say that, Evan?We were married for three years.
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But you're gay.
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You were never sexually attracted to me.It's fraud.
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Look. These are the same argumentsmade at trial court.
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You lost and nullification ----
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We didn't lose.They certified it to the court of appeals
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because they recognizedthat we may have a case.
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All right. Let's, let's not get off track.You do not deny being gay?
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-No.-Fine. And, uh, forgive my intrusiveness.
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You, you made love to him, even thoughyou were really attracted to women?
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Yes.
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-And ... uh, a little three-some action -----Richard!
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I'm the one who got hurt,and I'm the one being asked to pay?
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-Evan, I tried to love you.-Yeah, sure.
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-Maybe if you were with the right guy -----Richard!!
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Look. We offered you forty thousand. ==.
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And if that's your final offer,then I guess we go to appeals.
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-Fine.-Fine.
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-Fine.-Fine.
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Tall, percent half-and-half, no-whip mocha.It took me most of the day, but I've forgiven you.
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-I'm glad. I was concerned.-Okay. It was wrong for me to just kiss you like that.
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But if given the opportunity,I think I could redeem myself.
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Hmm. H-how about you give me my drink,and I'll grant you redemption?
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Aren't you at least curious aboutwhy I'd want to go out with you?
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No. It's always the wrong guys who hit on me.
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And you feel comfortable just makingquick judgments about people?
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I feel comfortable with this one:
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Now, are you going to give me my drink,or do I have to call the manager?
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How about you call for the owner?Better yet, let him buy you dinner?
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-.. You own ... the store?-And three others. ...
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Oh, that makes a difference?I'm not a majordomo anymore.
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You might have to admit you prejudged me.
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Mm. I admit it was wrong for me todump a cappuccino on your head ...
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-Mm-hm.-The owner -- he should get chocolate.
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Nelle dropped these off. Your divorce papers.
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She marked up a couple of things.
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-Okay. Thanks.-Good night.
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-Sandy? ... Nothing. Night.-Are you okay?
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Does it seem strange ...to have a marriage end so simple?
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-Couple of drafts, couple of signatures.-It's all a little, uh ...
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If you need to talk ...
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You don't want to talk aboutwhat I'm dying to talk about, Sandy.
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-What?-Nothing. Maybe I'll meet you down at the bar.
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-What?-I think it's no secret I'm, uh ... I'm attracted to you.
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But it would be inappropriate.You work for me.
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Plus, it's still so soon --my breakup. It's way too soon to.
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And it'd be totally unfair for me to, uh ...It'd be stupid for you.
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Oh, I'm not even presumingyou'd be interested. But ...
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I go home every night to an empty place and,instead of missing Georgia, I miss you.
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I even started putting up pictures of Ally,trying to miss her,
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but can't get my mind off you. Sorry.Sorry, I shouldn't have said that.
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With a good lawyer, you could sue me.But you did ask.
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-It wouldn't be a good idea?-No ... it wouldn't.
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The Sweenie interrogatories are done.We just need Mrs. Sweenie's signature.
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-I'll call her.-Good. The opinion letter for Jenny Marshal is right here.
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-Good.-Good.
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-Sandy? Are we going to talk about it?-I'd rather not.
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-Okay. Why?-Because I think it was a mistake.
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-It was only a kiss. That -----Which I think was a mistake!
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-Okay. Why?-I would have to be ...
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the biggest idiot in the world to get involved with you.
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You're a card-carrying male chauvinist pig,who is my boss, coming off a divorce,
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going through some sort of midlife crisis.It would be so dumb to let myself ...
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Would it be okay if we just pretend last night didn't happen?
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-Sure.-Thank you.
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I'll be right up-front about it:I have a fetish for lesbians.
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It's the pioneer in me. Uncharted territory ----
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Richard, if you don't behave,I'm going to ask you to leave.
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-Now, I'm nervous enough without your nonsense.-You take the no-fault issues. I will speak to privacy.
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-Okay.-Just relax. You'll ----
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All rise!
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I thought there were three judges.
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There are.They're just giving him a head start.
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Uh ... who, who, wha-wha-what,what, what is he doing here?
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Hammond Dearing.Don't let his youth fool you. He can be prickly.
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This court is now in session.
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The Honorable Justices Greeves, Morisonand Dearing are presiding. Be seated.
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Ms. McBeal? Wow.At long last I know your name.
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For the record, I twice asked counselfor the petitioner out on a date,
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and she twice dumped espresso roast my head.
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If the parties have a problem,let's address that first.
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-Counsel, are you okay with me sitting?-Uh ... she dumped coffee on you?
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-That's correct.-I'm okay with that.
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-Ms. McBeal? Mr. Cage?-What about you? A-are you going to be biased?
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If I thought so, I'd recuse myself.
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He is the most progressive of the three.
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We definitely want him up there,given what we're asking for.
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We're fine, Your Honor.
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Okay. You're trying to vitiate a marriageon the grounds of fraud
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because the wife is gay.Is that the question?
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Uh, yes, Your Honor. Uh ...a marriage is a contract and, like any contract,
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there has to be a meeting of the minds.
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Here, there clearly wasn't.Uh, my client had no idea ----
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You're saying a marriage contract containsthe implied promise of heterosexuality?
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Yes. Uh, in fact, in some states,a marriage isn't even legal
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-until it is consummated [sexually] -----This isn't one of those states.
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Certainly, if Evan Stevens knew that,that Lisa Treadway was a lesbian,
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he, he would not have ----
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Is it possible Ms. Treadway didn't considersexual attraction to be material to the marriage?
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Not material to the marriage?
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What if Ms. Treadway was heterosexualbut she just wasn't attracted to your client?
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Should we declare that marriagea fraud and nullify it?
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Well ... aw ... um ...
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If a woman marries a manshe has no sexual interest in,
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and she doesn't tell him --
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yes, I think it's fraud and I thinkthe marriage should be nullified.
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You make no room for the possibilitythat there are couples who,
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even on their wedding day, are not terriblyinclined toward one another physically?
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-Well ...-We should annul all those unions?
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No, no no no no no no no no,uh, yes, o-of course,
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uh, well, we have couples. F-f-for example,
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I'm sure that, when ugly people marry,they're not always physically drawn to each other,
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but they still want to get married,and if they can only find another ugly person ...
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I, I cannot believe that I am ...saying this. Uh, uh, le-let me, um ...
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-go back.-That'd be wise.
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It is one thing for two people to get marriedto each other without any sexual interest.
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Tha-tha-that's one thing.But it is quite another
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when one of the would-be spousesconceals his or her sexual orientation.
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That is just fraudulent.
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So, I'm about to get married.I have no interest sexually in my partner,
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and I marry her anywaybecause I love her with all my heart.
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I think she'd make a wonderfulpartner and a great mother,
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and I take her for my wife. That's okay?
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Yes.
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If I'm heterosexual. But if I'm gay,I'm not entitled to that same opportunity?
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You're twisting my words.Well, why don't you untwist them?
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If you were gay and you toldyour fiance that you were gay,
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and you still both agreed toget married, that's fine.
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But if you don't tell, that's fraud.
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What if he or she were bisexual?Still a duty to disclose?
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Well, I ... um, I, I, well, yes.
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So, you're suggesting to this court that, by marrying,
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a person should legally forfeitcertain rights to privacy?
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That's not what I'm saying.
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You're either saying that, Ms. McBeal,or you're confusing this court terribly.
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You know, maybe you and I shouldstep out and get a cup of coffee.
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How often did your client and his wifemake love prior to their marriage?
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Well, I certainly don't know.
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Well, if sexual chemistry is materialto the validity of the union, shouldn't you know?
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-Look. You know what I'm talking about.-Uh ... Your Honor, if I may?
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No. No. You may not. Um,i-if a person goes down the aisle,
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the person that he or she is marryinghas the right to assume that he's straight.
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And the gay person has a legal dutyto reveal his sexual preference?
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-Yes.-Okay. We understand your position.
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Thank you.
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Ms. Thomas, I don't thinkwe need to hear from you. Do we?
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No. The petitioner's motion to annulthe marriage is denied. We're adjourned.
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Excuse me!?
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First of all, what the hell is the deal youworking in a coffee shop?
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I told you -- I own it. What?
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Does a barrister have a dutyto tell his customers he's a judge
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before forking over a cappuccino?I suppose I defrauded you.
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The hostility in that remark alone tells me
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that you have bias in this case!And you, you ----
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No, no, no. The hostilitysuggests my impatience
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with motions brought by attorneyswhich are a waste of this court's time.
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This is a no-fault state, Ms. McBeal.
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The very reason for whichis to preempt the courts
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from asking the very questionyou waltzed in here raising!
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No-fault goes to blaming people in a marriage.
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This issue concerned whetherthere was a valid marriage to begin with.
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And, though the questionmay be a waste of your time,
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it wasn't preempted by the legislature, Your Anus!
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I, I mean ... Honor.
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-Spouses lie to each other all the time.-Whether she is straight or gay is ----
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Yes. People marry for all kinds of reasons.Some just companionship,
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some for tax benefits,some just to be co-parents.
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The point is, the courts don'tget in there and ask why.
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Legally, one takes the other for better or worse.
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You evidently make the assumption gay is worse.
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-Maybe you're right -----Uh, no! I do not make that assumption, you pig!
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-You're in contempt!-Oh, oh, gee. That'll keep me up nights.
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-Security! Show Ms. McBeal to a jail cell.-What?
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You can dump coffee on my headwhen I'm a civilian. But in here, I'm a judge.
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-A horrible one!-Take her away now.
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-Sandy, hello.-Hi, John.
224
00:17:18,894 --> 00:17:25,761
-Is everything, um, okay?-What? ... Oh ... Sure.
225
00:17:25,761 --> 00:17:31,933
-Really?-Yeah.
226
00:17:31,933 --> 00:17:34,254
Oh, there you are. We're all going down to the bar.
227
00:17:34,254 --> 00:17:37,596
-You want to come?-I can wait.
228
00:17:37,596 --> 00:17:41,831
-Nelle, who, who was that who was just here?-Excuse me?
229
00:17:41,831 --> 00:17:46,240
-There was someone else just here. Did you see her?-Oh, Billy's secretary.
230
00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:48,524
Yes. Do you know her name?
231
00:17:48,524 --> 00:17:54,116
Yeah. It's, uh ... Billy's secretary, hmm.Oh, Elaine probably knows it. Why?
232
00:17:54,116 --> 00:17:58,554
No, just curious. Yeah, I'll,I'll meet you down at the bar.
233
00:17:58,554 --> 00:18:02,454
-Hmm. Great.-Mm-hm.
234
00:18:11,027 --> 00:18:12,994
To be so close and not get to touch ...
235
00:18:12,994 --> 00:18:15,337
I'm sure another lesbian will come along, sweetie.
236
00:18:15,337 --> 00:18:19,812
-Did you know that Ally's in jail?-Hum a few bars.
237
00:18:19,812 --> 00:18:25,273
-Dance?Oh, that's sweet. But I'm busy this lifetime.Maybe the next one?
238
00:18:25,273 --> 00:18:31,830
-Come on.-Such a cruel joke God making two of them.
239
00:18:42,446 --> 00:18:45,204
I can't pretend it didn't happen.
240
00:18:45,204 --> 00:18:49,236
What are you looking for, Billy?Pretty smile with no complications?
241
00:18:49,236 --> 00:18:52,934
Maybe I'm just looking for a dance --I admit it's possible.
242
00:18:52,934 --> 00:18:58,529
Maybe I'm just looking to be adored a little.If I was your brother or your best friend,
243
00:18:58,529 --> 00:19:02,959
I'd give you a hundred reasons not to dancewith the guy sitting across from you.
244
00:19:02,959 --> 00:19:11,550
As the guy sitting across from you,dance with me.
245
00:19:25,476 --> 00:19:31,195
Good night, Billy.
246
00:19:37,408 --> 00:19:51,790
Ughh ... Aw ... well, gee.
247
00:19:51,790 --> 00:19:53,213
An apology gets you out.
248
00:19:53,213 --> 00:19:57,005
Great. I am deeply sorrythat you're such an ass!
249
00:19:57,005 --> 00:20:08,670
-Let me in.-So, what do you want now?
250
00:20:08,670 --> 00:20:10,996
You really didn't have any legal meritto your case, okay?
251
00:20:10,996 --> 00:20:13,123
-I think you know that.-That doesn't mean I should be jailed.
252
00:20:13,123 --> 00:20:15,248
You're in jail for calling me a horrible pig.
253
00:20:15,248 --> 00:20:19,146
I called you a horrible judge.You're an ordinary pig.
254
00:20:19,146 --> 00:20:22,116
Wh-wh-wha-what is with this,this coffee thing, anyway?
255
00:20:22,116 --> 00:20:25,420
It's my only opportunity to interactwith the people on the street.
256
00:20:25,420 --> 00:20:27,702
Sitting on the appeals court,all I see are lawyers
257
00:20:27,702 --> 00:20:31,387
dressed in their little designer outfits.
258
00:20:31,387 --> 00:20:34,393
You know, as a judge, you should know better
259
00:20:34,393 --> 00:20:37,175
than to commit a sexual assaultagainst somebody.
260
00:20:37,175 --> 00:20:39,631
I shouldn't have kissed you.I'm sorry. And I did apologize.
261
00:20:39,631 --> 00:20:40,565
Wh-wh-wh-what were you thinking?
262
00:20:40,565 --> 00:20:42,971
Well, only that you seemed vile,I still had a trace of the flu,
263
00:20:42,971 --> 00:20:44,815
and perhaps I could get you sick.
264
00:20:44,815 --> 00:20:47,213
Okay, Ally, look. We could sit heretrading shots all night.
265
00:20:47,213 --> 00:20:51,710
-Hmm, you would lose.-Well, p-perhaps. Or ----
266
00:20:51,710 --> 00:20:54,667
-I am not getting dinner with you.-I can't get dinner, actually.
267
00:20:54,667 --> 00:20:58,917
I did have that flu last week and got my staff sick,and I'm short on personnel.
268
00:20:58,917 --> 00:21:05,068
I'm sentencing you to community service.I need you to make espressos tonight.
269
00:21:05,068 --> 00:21:07,933
Uh ... uh, y-y-you know,you can't make me do that.
270
00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:09,253
-But I can ask.-Mm ...
271
00:21:09,253 --> 00:21:14,295
-Come on. You might enjoy it.-Mm-mm-hm ...
272
00:21:17,796 --> 00:21:21,192
-I thought you're coming down.-I am.
273
00:21:21,192 --> 00:21:25,454
Well, could you speed it up?I'm getting hit on left and right. It's tiresome.
274
00:21:25,454 --> 00:21:35,383
-Well, not by any janitors, I hope.-What's going on with you? Is there a problem?
275
00:21:35,383 --> 00:21:39,130
-You're an elitist, Nelle.-And?
276
00:21:39,130 --> 00:21:44,894
-And it bothers me that you draw class distinctions.-Oh, please ...
277
00:21:44,894 --> 00:21:50,795
-Well, why wouldn't you date a janitor-Because I prefer men who have ambition.
278
00:21:50,795 --> 00:21:54,313
-And janitors don't?-Well, maybe they do, but the ones I've met ----
279
00:21:54,313 --> 00:21:56,906
F-f-f-f... Well, name three you've met.
280
00:21:56,906 --> 00:22:00,665
Hey, look. I don't see you chasingafter shoeshine girls or ----
281
00:22:00,665 --> 00:22:02,471
Well, I have no problem with a shoeshine girl.
282
00:22:02,471 --> 00:22:04,964
If she were cute.So, does that make you better?
283
00:22:04,964 --> 00:22:07,655
You don't draw class distinctionsif she's a looker?
284
00:22:07,655 --> 00:22:11,322
-Well, aren't you the open-minded one.-No. I give all people respect.
285
00:22:11,322 --> 00:22:15,300
But I got it from you immediately,before even saying hello.
286
00:22:15,300 --> 00:22:17,993
Not because I was a lawyer, or educated.
287
00:22:17,993 --> 00:22:21,367
It had more to do with my beingbeautiful and your wanting to have sex!
288
00:22:21,367 --> 00:22:23,779
-No! Tha-tha-tha-that ...-You're a hypocrite, John.
289
00:22:23,779 --> 00:22:27,068
Men make class distinctions all the time.They just go to body parts.
290
00:22:27,068 --> 00:22:31,661
And you think that basing them on ...on economic status and, and ... job title?
291
00:22:31,661 --> 00:22:33,679
Makes a hell of a lot more sense -- yes.
292
00:22:33,679 --> 00:22:38,470
Uh, uh ... well ... uh, Sandy. Okay?You, you didn't even know her name.
293
00:22:38,470 --> 00:22:39,744
Sandy who?
294
00:22:39,744 --> 00:22:42,776
Well, exactly! Billy's secretary.You didn't even know her name.
295
00:22:42,776 --> 00:22:46,332
And you probably wouldn't either,if she weren't so pretty.
296
00:22:46,332 --> 00:22:48,968
And maybe if I weren't a senior partner,a man with money ----
297
00:22:48,968 --> 00:22:53,048
But you are, John.I fell for your package, you fell for mine.
298
00:22:53,048 --> 00:22:56,071
The packaging counted.Why should we apologize for it?
299
00:22:56,071 --> 00:23:06,745
-You should apologize for it.-Well, I don't. ... I don't.
300
00:23:10,007 --> 00:23:15,134
Uh, dollar twenty-five, please. ... Thank you.
301
00:23:15,134 --> 00:23:17,192
Triple-shot, tall, percent, no-whip,half-and-half, semi-dry latte,
302
00:23:17,192 --> 00:23:19,440
-double-cap, ==.-Um ... W-w-w-w-wait, wait, wait,
303
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:23,209
You, you can't just bark it out like that.Ju-just, s-s-s-slow down.
304
00:23:23,209 --> 00:23:28,818
-Tall black coffee.-Oh ... oh, that's funny.
305
00:23:28,818 --> 00:23:33,156
-Well.-Ha ha.
306
00:23:33,156 --> 00:23:35,957
-Perfect.-Now, now, there. Now, that looks good on you.
307
00:23:35,957 --> 00:23:43,093
Well, I'll leave it, then. Thank you.Um, may I help you, ma'am?
308
00:23:43,093 --> 00:23:45,463
-Ally?-Sandy!
309
00:23:45,463 --> 00:23:50,606
-What are you ... doing back there?-Uh, uh, long story. Crazy judge.
310
00:23:50,606 --> 00:24:00,414
-Well. Wh-wh-wh-what can I, uh, get for you?-Uh, just a ... decaf, small.
311
00:24:00,414 --> 00:24:19,416
Ah. ... You don't exactly seem likeyour perky self. What's wrong?
312
00:24:19,416 --> 00:24:22,146
-A guy?-A guy.
313
00:24:22,146 --> 00:24:25,669
-Hmm, tell me.-Just coming off a divorce ...
314
00:24:25,669 --> 00:24:29,151
I like him, but I don't want to behis rebound relationship, which ----
315
00:24:29,151 --> 00:24:32,212
You think you would be.Wh-wh-wh-what does he say?
316
00:24:32,212 --> 00:24:38,878
Oh, he says ...he actually says all the right things.
317
00:24:38,878 --> 00:24:47,571
-Well, you, you love him?-I like him. I ... could maybe ...
318
00:24:47,571 --> 00:24:56,180
-Hm ...-It's Billy.
319
00:24:56,180 --> 00:25:03,247
Oh. ... Y ... oh. Uh, well, he's, well,Bill-Billy? He's um ... B-Billy?
320
00:25:03,247 --> 00:25:07,711
-I'm out of my mind.-Well, the thing is that he seems to be out of his.
321
00:25:07,711 --> 00:25:14,535
Look. I'm, am a friend of Georgia's.E-even though I realize that it's over ..
322
00:25:14,535 --> 00:25:18,980
Yeah.
323
00:25:18,980 --> 00:25:26,011
Sandy. I, I'm the last person in the worldto give anybody advice about love or...
324
00:25:26,011 --> 00:25:34,810
well, anything. But I do know two things.Well, three, actually.
325
00:25:34,810 --> 00:25:40,315
Um, first, under the bleached head,he's one of the greatest guys I've ever met.
326
00:25:40,315 --> 00:25:49,809
Second, being loved by him or loving him,it's, uh, pretty special.
327
00:25:49,809 --> 00:25:55,993
And third, if he's even a "maybe,"you got to check it out.
328
00:25:55,993 --> 00:26:01,275
'Cause guys who could be right or,or even remotely could be "the one, "
329
00:26:01,275 --> 00:26:10,916
they don't come along often, if ever.
330
00:26:49,332 --> 00:26:53,461
John? ... John! ... That's your angry dance.
331
00:26:53,461 --> 00:27:01,261
And I can explain that, Richard. I'M ANGRY!!!
332
00:27:01,261 --> 00:27:06,286
-Oh, well, uh uh ... what's wrong?-Nelle is a rich, bitch, elitist snob!
333
00:27:06,286 --> 00:27:09,463
You know she actually considers itbeneath her to date a janitor?
334
00:27:09,463 --> 00:27:12,405
I mean, how do I even go homeat night to a woman like that?
335
00:27:12,405 --> 00:27:14,718
-Well, there could be worse things.-Like what?
336
00:27:14,718 --> 00:27:16,789
Well, y-you could go home to find her with a janitor.
337
00:27:16,789 --> 00:27:22,811
-Oh, balls!-John, it's a good thing.
338
00:27:22,811 --> 00:27:28,197
Most women, when they get married,they want that big, big house;
339
00:27:28,197 --> 00:27:31,133
and the husband has to work, work, workto be able to build her that big, big, big house;
340
00:27:31,133 --> 00:27:33,675
and while he's working, she gets lonelyand shtups the contractor.
341
00:27:33,675 --> 00:27:37,208
Circle of life John. You're better off with Nelle.
342
00:27:37,208 --> 00:27:40,462
-Do you mean that?-Let, let me tell you. The little jingle aside,
343
00:27:40,462 --> 00:27:44,147
all men are not created equal.Some are big and strong, some are short and fat,
344
00:27:44,147 --> 00:27:47,345
some are clever, some are strange,some are handsome, some aren't.
345
00:27:47,345 --> 00:27:50,087
And for those non-handsome,short, strange little men --
346
00:27:50,087 --> 00:27:52,068
I think we know who we're talking about, John --
347
00:27:52,068 --> 00:27:55,307
he needs an equalizer.The equalizer is money.
348
00:27:55,307 --> 00:27:58,133
Let me say it again -- Money.Let's go for a trilogy --
349
00:27:58,133 --> 00:28:01,606
Money. You, you're afunny, little man with money.
350
00:28:01,606 --> 00:28:05,096
And Nelle loves money.Instead of condemning her for her values,
351
00:28:05,096 --> 00:28:10,759
you, you, you should be grateful. Otherwise,what chance on this earth do you stand of getting her?
352
00:28:10,759 --> 00:28:19,588
Thank you, Richard. As always,your perspective is refreshing.
353
00:29:00,271 --> 00:29:02,680
I-i-it's, it's better than practicing law!
354
00:29:02,680 --> 00:29:05,199
You, you, you just give your client a cup of coffee and,
355
00:29:05,199 --> 00:29:07,186
-and he walks away.-Satisfied!
356
00:29:07,186 --> 00:29:10,502
A-and the most fulfilling part is,I look very good in an apron.
357
00:29:10,502 --> 00:29:11,919
-Yes, you do!-What about you?
358
00:29:11,919 --> 00:29:13,445
Uh ... in an apron?
359
00:29:13,445 --> 00:29:17,049
Well, you seem happier in itthan you do in the robe.
360
00:29:17,049 --> 00:29:21,059
Well, the robe has its perks.
361
00:29:21,059 --> 00:29:28,462
Ah. This is me. I'd invite you infor a cup of coffee, but ...
362
00:29:28,462 --> 00:29:30,828
You'd dump it on my head.There's the chance.
363
00:29:30,828 --> 00:29:36,159
Ha. Look. Is there any possibilityI could get a real date out of all this?
364
00:29:36,159 --> 00:29:41,453
-There's a pos-si-bili-ty.-Tomorrow night?
365
00:29:41,453 --> 00:29:46,064
I'd have to check. I kind of date a lot.
366
00:29:46,064 --> 00:29:53,872
Tomorrow night would probably work.Good night, Hammond.
367
00:29:53,872 --> 00:30:09,906
-Good night. ... This isn't a kiss.-This would just be a polite peck good-night.
368
00:30:09,906 --> 00:30:21,476
-Well, tha-that was very courteous.-Night. ... Ally?
369
00:30:21,476 --> 00:30:26,031
Your case -- did you really believeall that stuff you were saying?
370
00:30:26,031 --> 00:30:30,813
Actually, yeah. Why?
371
00:30:30,813 --> 00:30:46,254
Well, in the spirit of honesty, then,I guess I should tell you. I'm bisexual.
372
00:30:50,332 --> 00:30:52,379
-What are you going to do?-I don't know.
373
00:30:52,379 --> 00:30:54,904
This is worse than the last one.He just turned out to be homeless.
374
00:30:54,904 --> 00:30:58,098
-W-would you date a bisexual man?-Yes.
375
00:30:58,098 --> 00:31:00,554
So, why are you seeing this as such a crisis?
376
00:31:00,554 --> 00:31:01,916
Well, I'm trying to look at it through your eyes.
377
00:31:01,916 --> 00:31:04,656
-When are you going to see him again?-Mmm, tonight.
378
00:31:04,656 --> 00:31:06,169
Are you sure you didn't agree tomeet with him sooner?
379
00:31:06,169 --> 00:31:10,629
It would explain why he's here.
380
00:31:10,629 --> 00:31:16,863
-Hammond! Bi! Hi! Hello!-I couldn't sleep. Can we talk?
381
00:31:16,863 --> 00:31:21,335
Sure. ... Elaine!
382
00:31:21,335 --> 00:31:24,378
I know it might seem inappropriate for meto stay and listen, but just this once ...
383
00:31:24,378 --> 00:31:36,204
-Elaine!-Fine.
384
00:31:36,204 --> 00:31:37,666
Why couldn't you sleep?
385
00:31:37,666 --> 00:31:41,729
I kept seeing your face.You looked a little ... thrown.
386
00:31:41,729 --> 00:31:47,663
Well, I, I was probably just, um ...Well, I, I'm so sick and tired of,
387
00:31:47,663 --> 00:31:51,459
of guys at the end of a date telling methat they're bisexual. It gets old.
388
00:31:51,459 --> 00:31:57,726
-Right. And now you're covering.-I, I was thrown.
389
00:31:57,726 --> 00:32:06,150
-Does my disclosure ... make a difference?-Yes.
390
00:32:06,150 --> 00:32:12,198
-Why?-Well, um ... The truth is, I,
391
00:32:12,198 --> 00:32:14,797
I don't actually date, Hammond.
392
00:32:14,797 --> 00:32:19,727
I mean, not for the fun of it, anyway. I,I more like audition potential husbands.
393
00:32:19,727 --> 00:32:25,543
And, and if I don't see any potential in it,I, I don't waste my time.
394
00:32:25,543 --> 00:32:28,466
Uh-huh. And you see no potential in mebecause I'm bisexual?
395
00:32:28,466 --> 00:32:33,741
-Yes.-Well, which brings me back to "why?"
396
00:32:33,741 --> 00:32:42,970
I ... suppose I associate a lifestyle ofpromiscuity with bisexuality.
397
00:32:42,970 --> 00:32:48,040
It may not be fair, but I do.I suppose I'm, I'm insecure
398
00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:51,242
that a bisexual man has sexual needsthat I can't fulfill. I ...
399
00:32:51,242 --> 00:32:54,474
I suppose I'd like to think of my husbandtaking my son to a ball game
400
00:32:54,474 --> 00:32:58,409
and, and not having to worry whetherdaddy is checking out the pitcher's glutes.
401
00:32:58,409 --> 00:33:03,095
I, I suppose I'm, I'm nervous about my kids
402
00:33:03,095 --> 00:33:13,419
being teased because of their father's sexual ...I suppose I'm, I'm worried about diseases.
403
00:33:13,419 --> 00:33:20,384
I suppose, in the end, I'm far morehomophobic than I ever imagined.
404
00:33:20,384 --> 00:33:24,448
-May I respond?-Go ahead.
405
00:33:24,448 --> 00:33:27,212
As for your concern over promiscuity --
406
00:33:27,212 --> 00:33:30,615
when any person gets married,he or she pledges fidelity.
407
00:33:30,615 --> 00:33:34,378
For you to assume a bisexual person isless able to be monogamous --
408
00:33:34,378 --> 00:33:38,066
that is a prejudice. As fortaking my son to a ball game --
409
00:33:38,066 --> 00:33:41,627
well, if your straight husband took your daughterto a women's basketball game,
410
00:33:41,627 --> 00:33:44,577
and you were concerned about daddychecking out the point guard's glutes;
411
00:33:44,577 --> 00:33:47,319
you'd have issues to work onwith your husband, straight or not.
412
00:33:47,319 --> 00:33:50,292
As for your fears of your kids being teased --that's cowardice.
413
00:33:50,292 --> 00:33:53,168
Your fears of disease --ignorance, bias, take your pick.
414
00:33:53,168 --> 00:33:56,313
As for your all too comfortable resignationto being homophobic
415
00:33:56,313 --> 00:33:59,960
without the will to root out the whyor the compulsion to address it --
416
00:33:59,960 --> 00:34:05,225
that's as sad as it is inexcusable.
417
00:34:05,225 --> 00:34:10,959
You make for a great judge, Hammond.And a good guy.
418
00:34:10,959 --> 00:34:15,665
Bu-bu-but the only thing that isreally relevant in this discussion is that ...
419
00:34:15,665 --> 00:34:22,837
I don't want to go out with you.
420
00:34:38,554 --> 00:34:41,732
-Do you really want to try this?-Sandy, I'm beginning to think you're crazy.
421
00:34:41,732 --> 00:34:45,732
-Do you really want to try this?-You know I do.
422
00:34:45,732 --> 00:34:49,176
There have to be ground rules.No physical contact in this office.
423
00:34:49,176 --> 00:34:52,018
-Okay.-No flirting, no unprofessional behavior,
424
00:34:52,018 --> 00:34:55,529
-and no sudden expectations of me doing your laundry.-I would never.
425
00:34:55,529 --> 00:34:59,402
-No lying. If there's any relapse with Georgia -----That won't happen.
426
00:34:59,402 --> 00:35:01,871
-No physical contact in this office.-You said that once.
427
00:35:01,871 --> 00:35:03,816
-No Palmer girls.-Already gone.
428
00:35:03,816 --> 00:35:06,299
No contact, unprofessional ...
429
00:35:06,299 --> 00:35:15,176
Sandy, I would do nothing to jeopardizeyour job or carreer. I, uh, respect ...
430
00:35:15,176 --> 00:35:21,016
-Uh, peh-eh, peh-eh, er ...-Excellent. She'll sue. Excellent.
431
00:35:21,016 --> 00:35:27,261
-Great. It's already out in the open.-Yeah.
432
00:35:40,141 --> 00:35:46,948
Nelle, hi. How's it going?Met any cute custodians lately?
433
00:35:46,948 --> 00:35:53,786
-Kidding. Ally, everything okay?-Fine.
434
00:35:53,786 --> 00:35:59,028
Look, uh ... I might be a little off base here,but, uh ... I don't know, it ...
435
00:35:59,028 --> 00:36:00,988
it seems in court there mayhave been some chemistry
436
00:36:00,988 --> 00:36:04,898
between you and one of those judges.A-and looking at you now,
437
00:36:04,898 --> 00:36:12,102
I, I can't help but wonder it --is he bi? Elaine hinted.
438
00:36:12,102 --> 00:36:15,812
Hhh. I think my fear came from ignorance, Richard.
439
00:36:15,812 --> 00:36:19,245
Ally, the thing you have to remember:
440
00:36:19,245 --> 00:36:22,338
Fifty percent of all marriages end in divorcebecause men cheat.
441
00:36:22,338 --> 00:36:24,385
Fifty percent of married men cheat?
442
00:36:24,385 --> 00:36:26,650
Oh, no, no, no, no. Uh, fifty percent get caught.
443
00:36:26,650 --> 00:36:28,394
What I'm trying to say is, men have urges.
444
00:36:28,394 --> 00:36:29,794
They're victims of their urges.
445
00:36:29,794 --> 00:36:32,672
Imagine if Clinton were bi, it could have beenLinda Tripp under that desk.
446
00:36:32,672 --> 00:36:34,038
That isn't funny, Richard.
447
00:36:34,038 --> 00:36:36,421
Wait. My point is,what are your odds with this guy?
448
00:36:36,421 --> 00:36:39,953
-He wants to sleep with everything.-That is the same bigotry I was guilty of.
449
00:36:39,953 --> 00:36:46,043
I, I let my fears just take me over and ...and now a good man is gone.
450
00:36:46,043 --> 00:36:53,003
Well, well, if you feel that way ... Is it too late?
451
00:36:53,003 --> 00:37:03,496
-No. ... No, Richard. It ... it isn't. It isn't.-Great.
452
00:37:06,614 --> 00:37:07,829
Can I talk to you?
453
00:37:07,829 --> 00:37:09,777
Actually, I'm cleaning up my office at the moment,
454
00:37:09,777 --> 00:37:12,498
which I assume would be a turnoff to you.
455
00:37:12,498 --> 00:37:14,343
Will you drop this janitor crap?
456
00:37:14,343 --> 00:37:18,461
I can't drop it. You're a stuck-up,intolerant snob, Nelle.
457
00:37:18,461 --> 00:37:19,652
Why don't you just admit it?
458
00:37:19,652 --> 00:37:22,601
John, have you any clueas to how weird you are?
459
00:37:22,601 --> 00:37:36,991
-Look at this. ---Oh, and how about this one? Look what I put up with.
460
00:37:36,991 --> 00:37:42,873
I date a man who has remotes fortoilets, my shoes, my hairpins;
461
00:37:42,873 --> 00:37:46,054
who can't make love to meunless he pretends he's Barry White.
462
00:37:46,054 --> 00:37:51,356
His nose whistles. And what?You now accuse me of not being tolerant?
463
00:37:51,356 --> 00:37:53,440
Would you date me if I didn't have money?
464
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:56,666
Of course. But would I have beenas attracted to you
465
00:37:56,666 --> 00:37:59,261
if you weren't successful?Quite possibly no.
466
00:37:59,261 --> 00:38:03,105
And that's what troubles me.Well, then, you're a dweeb.
467
00:38:03,105 --> 00:38:06,089
Uh ... did you say "dweeb"?
468
00:38:06,089 --> 00:38:08,455
When you were in high school,the girls would laugh at you --
469
00:38:08,455 --> 00:38:10,887
John, you've told me yourself.The guys would pick on you,
470
00:38:10,887 --> 00:38:12,827
and the girls would giggle on you.You'd say to yourself,
471
00:38:12,827 --> 00:38:17,516
"One day they'll see, one day I'll berich and successful, they'll like me then!"
472
00:38:17,516 --> 00:38:18,296
And what happens?
473
00:38:18,296 --> 00:38:22,787
You go out and you become rich and successful,and everybody likes you.
474
00:38:22,787 --> 00:38:27,326
And you can't handle it! If you want people
475
00:38:27,326 --> 00:38:31,295
to embrace who you used to be, then,why don't you go back to
476
00:38:31,295 --> 00:38:37,971
being the dweeb you were in high school?
477
00:39:19,007 --> 00:39:31,011
I can jump up and down if I want!
478
00:39:53,334 --> 00:39:56,076
Did you come to dump coffee on my head?
479
00:39:56,076 --> 00:40:04,039
No. No, I, I came ... Hh. Well,I've been rethinking and, uh ...
480
00:40:04,039 --> 00:40:12,859
-And?-And, um ...
481
00:40:12,859 --> 00:40:23,706
I agree that I am completely guilty of bigotry and ...
482
00:40:23,706 --> 00:40:34,304
-And?-And ... uh ... I just can't get by it.
483
00:40:34,304 --> 00:40:40,980
I realize that it's my loss,but I just ... I can't get by it.
484
00:40:40,980 --> 00:40:42,593
Last night, I heard you advise a woman:
485
00:40:42,593 --> 00:40:47,447
"If, if a guy could even remotely be the one,how can you not check it out?"
486
00:40:47,447 --> 00:40:58,930
I know. But, um ...But sometimes prejudice wins out
487
00:40:58,930 --> 00:41:17,480
-Is that what you came to tell me?-No. ... I guess I came to say goodbye.
45129
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