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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,709 --> 00:00:02,210 [theme song] 2 00:00:02,310 --> 00:00:10,418 ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show", starring Dick Van Dyke 3 00:00:10,519 --> 00:00:13,922 Rose Marie, Morey Amsterdam, Larry 4 00:00:14,022 --> 00:00:18,994 Matthews and Mary Tyler Moore. 5 00:00:19,094 --> 00:00:23,431 And special guest star, Vic Damone. 6 00:00:23,531 --> 00:00:25,534 BUDDY SORRELL: Well, Rob, there's the script, all done. 7 00:00:25,634 --> 00:00:27,002 Boy, I can't wait till I get home. 8 00:00:27,102 --> 00:00:31,239 Pickle's fixing my favorite tonight, canned soup. 9 00:00:31,339 --> 00:00:32,641 Wait a minute, nobody leaves. 10 00:00:32,741 --> 00:00:34,242 There's a change in the show this week. 11 00:00:34,342 --> 00:00:35,510 Oh, now wait a minute now. 12 00:00:35,610 --> 00:00:38,013 Why is there a change in the show? 13 00:00:38,113 --> 00:00:40,181 Will you-- hold it a minute, will you, guys? 14 00:00:40,282 --> 00:00:42,617 All Mel said was there's a change in the show. 15 00:00:42,717 --> 00:00:44,152 Maybe the change will make you happy. 16 00:00:44,252 --> 00:00:46,021 Yeah, the only change that would make me happy would be 17 00:00:46,121 --> 00:00:48,356 the firing of all the hairless producers that 18 00:00:48,456 --> 00:00:49,791 look like pot-bellied penguins. 19 00:00:53,128 --> 00:00:55,363 Buddy, would you-- would you save the insults, please? 20 00:00:55,463 --> 00:00:56,298 What for? 21 00:00:56,398 --> 00:00:58,466 He's here now. 22 00:00:58,567 --> 00:01:00,001 What's the big problem? 23 00:01:00,101 --> 00:01:01,903 Well, it's about the guest spot in the show this week. 24 00:01:02,003 --> 00:01:04,706 Ah, we just lost Sophia Loren. 25 00:01:04,806 --> 00:01:08,376 How could anybody lose Sophia Loren? 26 00:01:08,476 --> 00:01:09,945 It was never definite. 27 00:01:10,045 --> 00:01:12,047 Well, look, it doesn't make any difference whether it's 28 00:01:12,147 --> 00:01:13,114 Sophia Loren or not. 29 00:01:13,214 --> 00:01:14,783 I think any sexy star can do the sketch. 30 00:01:14,883 --> 00:01:15,684 Yeah, that's right. 31 00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:18,386 How about Lassie? 32 00:01:18,486 --> 00:01:19,788 We've got someone. 33 00:01:19,888 --> 00:01:21,122 I wonder who he came up with now. 34 00:01:21,222 --> 00:01:22,057 I don't know. 35 00:01:22,157 --> 00:01:22,791 You know him. 36 00:01:22,891 --> 00:01:24,125 Leave it to him, boy. 37 00:01:24,225 --> 00:01:27,028 Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Ric Vallone. 38 00:01:27,128 --> 00:01:30,398 [cheering] 39 00:01:35,036 --> 00:01:37,005 Rob Petrie, our head writer. 40 00:01:37,105 --> 00:01:38,006 Hi, Ric. 41 00:01:38,106 --> 00:01:40,008 And Sally Rogers, his collaborator. 42 00:01:40,108 --> 00:01:42,744 Well, you're no Sophia Loren, but boy, am I glad. 43 00:01:42,844 --> 00:01:44,412 I'm glad you're no Rock Hudson. 44 00:01:44,512 --> 00:01:45,513 [chuckles] 45 00:01:45,613 --> 00:01:46,648 Hey, I'm Buddy Sorrell. 46 00:01:46,748 --> 00:01:48,149 I just bought your new album. 47 00:01:48,249 --> 00:01:49,284 You're the one. 48 00:01:49,384 --> 00:01:51,753 Oh, Rob, I was telling Mr. Vallone that you all 49 00:01:51,853 --> 00:01:53,421 might have a meeting tonight to discuss 50 00:01:53,521 --> 00:01:54,589 his appearance on the show. 51 00:01:54,689 --> 00:01:55,590 Sure, don't worry about it. 52 00:01:55,690 --> 00:01:56,524 We'll take care of him. 53 00:01:56,624 --> 00:01:57,425 Fine, fine. 54 00:01:57,525 --> 00:01:58,960 You're in good hands. 55 00:01:59,060 --> 00:02:00,962 Why don't you get out of here and stop looking so bald? 56 00:02:05,900 --> 00:02:07,268 Listen, I could take you all out to dinner. 57 00:02:07,369 --> 00:02:09,004 We could discuss the show and hit around some ideas. 58 00:02:09,104 --> 00:02:11,640 Yeah, but you don't have to take up all of us. 59 00:02:11,740 --> 00:02:12,741 [chuckles] 60 00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:14,242 Oh, no, that's true. 61 00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:15,543 That's right. 62 00:02:15,643 --> 00:02:17,112 Oh, that's not necessary for all of us to go. 63 00:02:17,212 --> 00:02:19,614 Ah, Buddy, didn't you say you had something to do tonight? 64 00:02:19,714 --> 00:02:21,616 No, I-- oh, yeah. 65 00:02:21,716 --> 00:02:22,884 Yeah, I got a-- 66 00:02:22,984 --> 00:02:24,052 I got a little thing going with my wife. 67 00:02:24,152 --> 00:02:25,286 I think they call it marriage. 68 00:02:25,387 --> 00:02:26,688 [chuckles] 69 00:02:26,788 --> 00:02:28,390 Yeah, and I've got to, ah-- 70 00:02:28,490 --> 00:02:30,759 Help your wife can some plums. 71 00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:32,360 You're low on plums? 72 00:02:32,460 --> 00:02:35,597 Oh, practically plum-less. 73 00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:36,831 If it's all right with you, Ric, Sally 74 00:02:36,931 --> 00:02:37,732 will work with you tonight. 75 00:02:37,832 --> 00:02:38,666 It's all right. 76 00:02:38,767 --> 00:02:40,101 I'd prefer it. 77 00:02:40,201 --> 00:02:44,739 Where would you like to eat, baby? 78 00:02:44,839 --> 00:02:46,408 How about my mother's place? 79 00:02:49,444 --> 00:02:50,912 Your mother's? 80 00:02:51,012 --> 00:02:52,480 Yeah, and then after dinner, if you want to have my hand 81 00:02:52,580 --> 00:02:54,983 in marriage, Dad will be handy. 82 00:02:55,083 --> 00:02:56,484 How about an expensive restaurant? 83 00:02:56,584 --> 00:02:58,219 We can ask the waiter, I'll phone your dad from there. 84 00:02:58,319 --> 00:02:59,220 Oh, good. 85 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:00,755 Let's go to a real crowded restaurant 86 00:03:00,855 --> 00:03:02,157 and maybe they'll start a nasty rumor about us. 87 00:03:02,257 --> 00:03:03,591 [chuckles] - Hey, I can use the publicity. 88 00:03:03,691 --> 00:03:05,193 Hey, listen, fellas. 89 00:03:05,293 --> 00:03:06,961 If you don't hear from us in a week, mind your own business. 90 00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:16,971 Hey. 91 00:03:17,072 --> 00:03:18,740 Doo-doo-loo, doo-doo-doo. 92 00:03:21,109 --> 00:03:24,112 What do you mean, doo-doo-loo, doo-doo-doo? 93 00:03:24,212 --> 00:03:25,046 What? 94 00:03:25,146 --> 00:03:25,980 Yeah. 95 00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:26,981 No. 96 00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:28,983 Believe me, doo-doo-do. 97 00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:39,761 Good, good. I think I got it. 98 00:03:39,861 --> 00:03:40,728 I hope so, darling. 99 00:03:40,829 --> 00:03:41,763 It's getting awfully late. 100 00:03:41,863 --> 00:03:44,966 [clunking of typewriter] 101 00:03:45,066 --> 00:03:48,470 [laughs] 102 00:03:58,446 --> 00:03:59,314 What is it, darling? 103 00:03:59,414 --> 00:04:00,248 What is it? 104 00:04:00,348 --> 00:04:02,117 [laughter] 105 00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:05,587 Well, darling, what's so funny? 106 00:04:05,687 --> 00:04:06,688 Rob, what is it? 107 00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:07,622 What is it? 108 00:04:07,722 --> 00:04:10,391 It's rotten. 109 00:04:10,492 --> 00:04:12,360 I thought you said you had it. 110 00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:13,628 Ah, honey, you know me. 111 00:04:13,728 --> 00:04:14,929 When I get tired, I start getting punchy 112 00:04:15,029 --> 00:04:17,165 and I laugh at the straight lines. 113 00:04:17,265 --> 00:04:20,068 Oh, boy, I hope Sally comes up with something. 114 00:04:20,168 --> 00:04:22,036 That was awfully nice of you to let her have the evening 115 00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:23,104 off with Ric Vallone. 116 00:04:23,204 --> 00:04:25,240 I thought you'd appreciate that. 117 00:04:25,340 --> 00:04:27,709 You, ah, don't think Sally could attract a man like Ric, 118 00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:28,977 do you? 119 00:04:29,077 --> 00:04:30,779 Ah, from what I hear, Ric Vallone is one 120 00:04:30,879 --> 00:04:32,914 of the original untcatchables. 121 00:04:33,014 --> 00:04:34,749 Not even you could catch him. 122 00:04:34,849 --> 00:04:36,084 You know something, darling? 123 00:04:36,184 --> 00:04:40,488 For a married man, you say the nicest things. 124 00:04:40,588 --> 00:04:41,689 I feel I'm no fool. 125 00:04:41,789 --> 00:04:42,724 Look at all the great treatment I get. 126 00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:45,226 [chuckles] 127 00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:47,729 [doorbell rings] 128 00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:48,663 Honey, would you get that? 129 00:04:48,763 --> 00:04:49,898 I'm busy. 130 00:04:52,767 --> 00:04:53,868 So am I. 131 00:04:53,968 --> 00:04:56,237 Well, that's right, you are. 132 00:04:56,337 --> 00:04:58,573 Ah, I'll get it if you'll walk me. 133 00:04:58,673 --> 00:04:59,507 OK. 134 00:04:59,607 --> 00:05:00,408 All right. 135 00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:01,409 Will you walk me back? 136 00:05:01,509 --> 00:05:02,310 Sure. 137 00:05:02,410 --> 00:05:03,578 Oh. 138 00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:04,746 Who do you suppose it is? 139 00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:06,314 I don't know. 140 00:05:06,414 --> 00:05:07,549 But whoever it is better be very embarrassed when they find 141 00:05:07,649 --> 00:05:08,516 out what they just disturbed. 142 00:05:08,616 --> 00:05:10,185 You wouldn't. 143 00:05:10,285 --> 00:05:11,152 Hey, Sal. 144 00:05:11,252 --> 00:05:11,853 Hi, there. 145 00:05:11,953 --> 00:05:12,854 We disturbing anything? 146 00:05:12,954 --> 00:05:15,456 Yeah, we were naked, 147 00:05:15,557 --> 00:05:16,891 Come on in. 148 00:05:16,991 --> 00:05:18,726 OK, but we can't stay very long unless you've got 149 00:05:18,826 --> 00:05:20,995 homemade lasagna in the fridge. 150 00:05:21,095 --> 00:05:23,298 Boy, talk about me being a nut. 151 00:05:23,398 --> 00:05:24,098 I'm sorry. 152 00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:25,300 Laura, this is Ric Vallone. 153 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,802 Ric Vallone, this is my wife, Laura. 154 00:05:27,902 --> 00:05:28,736 How do you do? 155 00:05:28,837 --> 00:05:29,971 Hi, nice meeting you. 156 00:05:30,071 --> 00:05:31,039 Heard an awful lot about your lasagna. 157 00:05:31,139 --> 00:05:32,507 LAURA PETRIE: Oh. [chuckles] 158 00:05:32,607 --> 00:05:34,609 By the way, Laura, do you have any homemade lasagna? 159 00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:35,877 Lasagna? 160 00:05:35,977 --> 00:05:37,679 No, we have bread pudding with raisins. 161 00:05:37,779 --> 00:05:38,613 Ah, no. 162 00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:40,048 Come on, let's go. 163 00:05:40,148 --> 00:05:41,516 Hey, look, you guys, at least have a cup of coffee. 164 00:05:41,616 --> 00:05:42,784 No, I'm sorry, Rob. 165 00:05:42,884 --> 00:05:44,485 We're on the lookout for homemade lasagna 166 00:05:44,586 --> 00:05:45,820 and this is our fifth stop. 167 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:47,288 We swore not to give up until we found some. 168 00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:48,356 Right. 169 00:05:48,456 --> 00:05:49,290 [slaps knee] Why didn't I think of it? 170 00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:50,491 What, what? 171 00:05:50,592 --> 00:05:51,826 My aunt makes the greatest lasagna of all time. 172 00:05:51,926 --> 00:05:52,727 Good. 173 00:05:52,827 --> 00:05:53,695 Where does she live? 174 00:05:53,795 --> 00:05:55,763 Rome. 175 00:05:55,864 --> 00:05:56,864 You two go back to your necking. 176 00:05:56,965 --> 00:05:58,132 We're off to Rome. 177 00:05:58,233 --> 00:05:59,701 - Oh, nice almost meeting you. - Goodbye. 178 00:05:59,801 --> 00:06:01,236 See ya. 179 00:06:01,336 --> 00:06:04,539 SALLY AND RIC: (SINGING) Awesome lasagna, homemade lasagna. 180 00:06:09,878 --> 00:06:10,812 Well, walk me back? 181 00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:12,146 Mm-hmm. 182 00:06:12,247 --> 00:06:13,481 What do you make of those two? - I don't know. 183 00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:15,149 Either they're both crazy about lasagna 184 00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:17,619 or they're both just crazy. 185 00:06:17,719 --> 00:06:20,188 Or Sally's crazy about him. 186 00:06:20,288 --> 00:06:21,389 What? 187 00:06:21,489 --> 00:06:24,359 She had the unmistakable look of a girl smitten. 188 00:06:24,459 --> 00:06:25,293 Oh, now come on. 189 00:06:25,393 --> 00:06:27,061 How can you tell a thing like that? 190 00:06:27,161 --> 00:06:29,497 Darling, you're talking to a girl who once had that look. 191 00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:32,233 Well, did you notice if the look happened to be-- 192 00:06:32,333 --> 00:06:34,435 You mean, is Ric as interested in her? 193 00:06:34,535 --> 00:06:35,670 Yeah. 194 00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:37,272 No, I don't think so. 195 00:06:37,372 --> 00:06:38,907 Oh, boy. 196 00:06:39,007 --> 00:06:42,977 Buddy was right, doo-doo-loo, doo doo doo. 197 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:47,148 [MUSIC PLAYING - VIC DAMONE, "THE MOST 198 00:06:47,248 --> 00:06:48,549 BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD"] 199 00:06:48,650 --> 00:06:51,386 (SINGING) The most beautiful girl in the world 200 00:06:51,486 --> 00:06:56,457 picks my ties out, eats my candy, drinks my brandy. 201 00:06:56,557 --> 00:07:01,129 The most beautiful girl in the world. 202 00:07:01,229 --> 00:07:06,000 The most beautiful star in the world isn't Garbo, 203 00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:10,305 isn't Dietrich, but the sweet trick who can make me 204 00:07:10,405 --> 00:07:14,809 believe it's a beautiful world. 205 00:07:14,909 --> 00:07:15,843 Social? 206 00:07:15,943 --> 00:07:20,648 Not a bit, natural kind of wit. 207 00:07:20,748 --> 00:07:26,821 She'd shine anyway, and she hasn't got platinum hair. 208 00:07:26,921 --> 00:07:32,327 The most beautiful house in the world has a mortgage. 209 00:07:32,427 --> 00:07:33,494 What do I care? 210 00:07:33,594 --> 00:07:36,698 It's goodbye, care, when my slippers are 211 00:07:36,798 --> 00:07:41,169 next to the ones that belong to one 212 00:07:41,269 --> 00:07:44,439 and only beautiful girl in the world. 213 00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:04,892 The most beautiful house in the world has a mortgage. 214 00:08:04,992 --> 00:08:06,794 What do I care? 215 00:08:06,894 --> 00:08:09,197 It's goodbye, care, with my slippers 216 00:08:09,297 --> 00:08:16,571 are next to the ones that belong to the one and only-- 217 00:08:16,671 --> 00:08:20,141 oh, one and only-- 218 00:08:20,241 --> 00:08:24,412 one and only beautiful girl in the world. 219 00:08:36,591 --> 00:08:38,860 I want to tell you something, boy for a singer, 220 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:40,895 he's got some voice. 221 00:08:40,995 --> 00:08:42,096 Oh, yeah, that's good. 222 00:08:42,196 --> 00:08:43,498 I think that about wraps up the spot. 223 00:08:43,598 --> 00:08:44,599 Oh, great. 224 00:08:44,699 --> 00:08:46,300 Listen, when am I due back for rehearsal? 225 00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:47,769 I'd like to go down to my tailor's for a few minutes. 226 00:08:47,869 --> 00:08:51,539 A few minutes, what you having, a pair of shorts made? 227 00:08:51,639 --> 00:08:53,608 No, we won't need you for a while, Ric. 228 00:08:53,708 --> 00:08:54,642 How about Sally? 229 00:08:54,742 --> 00:08:55,576 Can she come along? 230 00:08:55,676 --> 00:08:57,011 Ah, yeah, I guess. 231 00:08:57,111 --> 00:08:58,780 Why, what'd you have in mind? 232 00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:01,482 I'd like you to help me pick out some suit material. 233 00:09:01,582 --> 00:09:03,584 Well, only if you do something with me. 234 00:09:03,684 --> 00:09:04,519 Like what? 235 00:09:04,619 --> 00:09:05,887 Like eloping. 236 00:09:05,987 --> 00:09:06,921 Only if we have time. 237 00:09:07,021 --> 00:09:08,489 Good. 238 00:09:08,589 --> 00:09:09,891 Goodbye, fellas. 239 00:09:09,991 --> 00:09:10,825 MEL COOLEY: Hi. 240 00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:11,826 Goodbye. 241 00:09:17,899 --> 00:09:19,200 What was that all about? 242 00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:21,836 Ah, I think we got a little twosome going here. 243 00:09:21,936 --> 00:09:23,004 Twosome? 244 00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:24,338 Yeah, but something tells me it's 245 00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:25,773 gonna wind up being a onesome. 246 00:09:25,873 --> 00:09:28,009 Don't you think Ric's really interested in Sally? 247 00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:29,143 Do you? 248 00:09:29,243 --> 00:09:30,545 ROB PETRIE: The think is, Buddy, I 249 00:09:30,645 --> 00:09:32,313 think maybe Ric possibly sees some things in Sally 250 00:09:32,413 --> 00:09:33,881 that we take for granted. 251 00:09:33,981 --> 00:09:36,050 Oh, like her bank book? 252 00:09:36,150 --> 00:09:38,853 No, but an attractive girl with a good figure 253 00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:39,954 and a sense of humor. 254 00:09:40,054 --> 00:09:41,155 You know what I think, Rob? 255 00:09:41,255 --> 00:09:42,390 Who cares. 256 00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:50,331 I think you're absolutely right. 257 00:09:50,431 --> 00:09:51,899 Well, I certainly hope so. 258 00:09:51,999 --> 00:09:53,801 You know, since I'm the one who kind of threw them together, 259 00:09:53,901 --> 00:09:57,839 I think I better check and find out just what's going on. 260 00:09:57,939 --> 00:09:59,941 --and that's the show, all except for the good nights. 261 00:10:00,041 --> 00:10:01,142 Where are the good nights? 262 00:10:01,242 --> 00:10:02,143 Here are the good nights. 263 00:10:02,243 --> 00:10:03,678 Oh, good night. 264 00:10:03,778 --> 00:10:05,079 Now listen, Rob. 265 00:10:05,179 --> 00:10:06,481 Speaking of good nights, do you mind if I leave a little early? 266 00:10:06,581 --> 00:10:08,683 I've got a date with my gondolier. 267 00:10:08,783 --> 00:10:09,684 With Ric? 268 00:10:09,784 --> 00:10:11,352 Yeah, we're going to a lasagna luau. 269 00:10:14,222 --> 00:10:17,024 Lasagna luau, that sounds like a lot of fun. 270 00:10:17,124 --> 00:10:18,626 And you know what, Rob? 271 00:10:18,726 --> 00:10:21,195 I just think the evening might end up in a marriage proposal. 272 00:10:21,295 --> 00:10:23,865 You-- you mean he might ask? 273 00:10:23,965 --> 00:10:24,799 Who he? 274 00:10:24,899 --> 00:10:25,867 I might ask. 275 00:10:28,369 --> 00:10:31,939 [chuckles] You had me scared there for a minute. 276 00:10:32,039 --> 00:10:34,842 He almost scared myself. 277 00:10:34,942 --> 00:10:39,113 Rob, you know I catch myself smiling all day long 278 00:10:39,213 --> 00:10:41,249 for no reason at all. 279 00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:42,783 Gee, it's a wonderful feeling. 280 00:10:42,884 --> 00:10:44,285 I sure hope it lasts. 281 00:10:44,385 --> 00:10:46,521 Oh, so do I, Sal. 282 00:10:46,621 --> 00:10:48,489 Well, I don't want to miss my luau. 283 00:10:48,589 --> 00:10:49,857 Arrivederci. 284 00:10:49,957 --> 00:10:50,892 Have a good time. 285 00:11:03,104 --> 00:11:04,805 Buddy, you were right. 286 00:11:04,906 --> 00:11:05,907 Ask Ric to come in, will you? 287 00:11:06,007 --> 00:11:07,208 I want to talk to him. 288 00:11:20,988 --> 00:11:21,822 Hi, Rob. 289 00:11:21,923 --> 00:11:22,757 You wanna see me? 290 00:11:22,857 --> 00:11:24,292 Yeah, yeah. 291 00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:25,593 Where's my girl? 292 00:11:25,693 --> 00:11:27,695 Oh, she went home-- went home. 293 00:11:27,795 --> 00:11:28,763 Oh. 294 00:11:28,863 --> 00:11:30,364 She's a-- she's a great girl, ain't she? 295 00:11:30,464 --> 00:11:32,266 Yeah, she's the greatest. 296 00:11:32,366 --> 00:11:33,768 RIC VALLONE: Well, what you want to see me about? 297 00:11:33,868 --> 00:11:36,637 Ah, what a-- what did I wanna see you about? 298 00:11:36,737 --> 00:11:41,409 Well, Ric, what-- what I wanted to see you about, we-- we'd 299 00:11:41,509 --> 00:11:44,512 touched on the subject just a second ago. 300 00:11:44,612 --> 00:11:45,246 We did? 301 00:11:45,346 --> 00:11:48,082 Yeah, Sally. 302 00:11:48,182 --> 00:11:50,851 Ric, I've known Sal a long time. 303 00:11:50,952 --> 00:11:51,886 Oh, you're lucky. 304 00:11:51,986 --> 00:11:53,187 I wish I'd known her a long time. 305 00:11:53,287 --> 00:11:54,488 She is a riot. 306 00:11:54,589 --> 00:11:56,223 Yeah, that-- she is that. 307 00:11:56,324 --> 00:11:57,391 She's also something else, Ric. 308 00:11:57,491 --> 00:12:00,595 She's a very easily bruised person. 309 00:12:00,695 --> 00:12:01,629 Who Sally? 310 00:12:01,729 --> 00:12:02,363 Get out. 311 00:12:02,463 --> 00:12:03,264 She's a rock. 312 00:12:03,364 --> 00:12:04,432 Yeah, she's a rock. 313 00:12:04,532 --> 00:12:05,866 What a comfortable girl to be with. 314 00:12:05,967 --> 00:12:09,403 ROB PETRIE: Yeah, comfortable. 315 00:12:09,503 --> 00:12:12,440 Ric, um, I'm gonna ask you something 316 00:12:12,540 --> 00:12:14,675 and I hope you don't think I'm prying. 317 00:12:14,775 --> 00:12:16,577 No, you can go right ahead and think I'm prying 318 00:12:16,677 --> 00:12:18,279 because that's what I'm doing. 319 00:12:18,379 --> 00:12:19,580 What you getting at? 320 00:12:19,680 --> 00:12:21,182 Well, Ric, when you walked in here just now, 321 00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:22,216 you looked around the room. 322 00:12:22,316 --> 00:12:25,319 You said, hey, where's my girl? 323 00:12:25,419 --> 00:12:28,189 Did you mean it? 324 00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:29,557 Mean what? 325 00:12:29,657 --> 00:12:31,692 I mean, is Sally really your girl? 326 00:12:31,792 --> 00:12:33,828 You know, she thinks of you as her guy. 327 00:12:36,330 --> 00:12:37,565 Oh, no. 328 00:12:37,665 --> 00:12:39,233 That answers my question. 329 00:12:39,333 --> 00:12:40,901 Hey, Rob, Sally's a great girl and everything. 330 00:12:41,002 --> 00:12:42,603 But-- and we've had a lot of fun together, 331 00:12:42,703 --> 00:12:43,804 but that's all it was, fun. 332 00:12:43,904 --> 00:12:45,506 Did you ever tell her you liked her? 333 00:12:45,606 --> 00:12:48,009 Oh, sure, and I do like her. 334 00:12:48,109 --> 00:12:49,276 Look, I haven't even kissed her. 335 00:12:49,377 --> 00:12:50,611 I haven't even tried to kiss her. 336 00:12:50,711 --> 00:12:52,146 Yeah, that's even worse. 337 00:12:52,246 --> 00:12:53,814 Telling a girl you like her and then not trying to kiss 338 00:12:53,914 --> 00:12:57,184 her is like admitting you're serious about her. 339 00:12:57,285 --> 00:13:00,087 You're right. 340 00:13:00,187 --> 00:13:03,157 And you say she bruises easily? 341 00:13:03,257 --> 00:13:05,526 Oh, like the old Russian royalty. 342 00:13:09,797 --> 00:13:13,934 Well, ah, what do you think I ought to do? 343 00:13:14,035 --> 00:13:15,836 Well, Ric, I've been thinking about it a lot. 344 00:13:15,936 --> 00:13:17,004 Yeah. 345 00:13:17,104 --> 00:13:18,005 I don't know. 346 00:13:24,011 --> 00:13:24,912 I got it. 347 00:13:25,012 --> 00:13:28,549 I'll tell her I love her like a sister. 348 00:13:28,649 --> 00:13:29,950 You'd better wish. 349 00:13:30,051 --> 00:13:31,252 That's about the worst thing you can tell a girl. 350 00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:32,787 I know, I know. 351 00:13:32,887 --> 00:13:35,423 If only you were married, then you could be a scoundrel 352 00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:39,060 and leave her and go back to your wife. 353 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:41,295 It's not a bad idea. 354 00:13:41,395 --> 00:13:42,663 What, get married? 355 00:13:42,763 --> 00:13:43,864 No, no. 356 00:13:43,964 --> 00:13:47,234 Let her leave you because you're such a scoundrel. 357 00:13:47,334 --> 00:13:48,502 But I'm not, she knows I'm not. 358 00:13:48,602 --> 00:13:51,672 Yeah, you're not a scoundrel. 359 00:13:51,772 --> 00:13:53,674 No, you're fine when you're sober, 360 00:13:53,774 --> 00:13:57,378 but she doesn't know how mean and how abusive 361 00:13:57,478 --> 00:13:58,379 you are when you're drunk. 362 00:13:58,479 --> 00:14:00,181 [chuckles] Me, drunk? 363 00:14:00,281 --> 00:14:01,215 You kidding? 364 00:14:01,315 --> 00:14:02,683 Two drinks and I fall asleep. 365 00:14:02,783 --> 00:14:04,251 Well, you're an actor, aren't you, Ric? 366 00:14:04,351 --> 00:14:05,486 I mean, you could act like a drunk. 367 00:14:05,586 --> 00:14:06,854 Sally can't stand drunks. 368 00:14:06,954 --> 00:14:07,955 No, I don't know. 369 00:14:08,055 --> 00:14:09,523 I just don't know. 370 00:14:09,623 --> 00:14:11,092 Look, would you rather tell her that she's 371 00:14:11,192 --> 00:14:13,861 like a sister to you? 372 00:14:13,961 --> 00:14:14,995 I'd rather get drunk. 373 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:22,470 Really, Laura, it was a very nice dinner. 374 00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:24,372 Thank you, Sally. 375 00:14:24,472 --> 00:14:27,308 Don't you think old Rob, um, sort of overdid 376 00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:28,642 it a little bit with the wine? 377 00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:31,345 I mean, two different kinds of wine? 378 00:14:31,445 --> 00:14:32,880 Well, Ric brought his own. 379 00:14:32,980 --> 00:14:34,415 I know, but Rob could have served 380 00:14:34,515 --> 00:14:35,850 everybody with that wine. 381 00:14:35,950 --> 00:14:37,618 It was a big bottle and Ric ended 382 00:14:37,718 --> 00:14:39,687 up drinking it all by himself. 383 00:14:39,787 --> 00:14:42,590 Rob was just trying to be a good host. 384 00:14:42,690 --> 00:14:44,892 Yeah, I guess so. 385 00:14:44,992 --> 00:14:46,627 I wonder what they're doing in there. 386 00:14:46,727 --> 00:14:48,662 They said something about having some brandy. 387 00:14:53,534 --> 00:14:54,969 How do you feel? 388 00:14:55,069 --> 00:14:56,203 Not too good. 389 00:14:56,303 --> 00:14:58,139 You know I drank a full quarter of this grape juice. 390 00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:03,611 Listen, I hope Laura isn't too angry. 391 00:15:03,711 --> 00:15:06,147 I couldn't eat a bite of a dinner. 392 00:15:06,247 --> 00:15:09,183 She's angry, but I'll explain the whole thing to her later. 393 00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:10,651 Was that about the color of brandy? 394 00:15:10,751 --> 00:15:12,019 A little more water, just a touch. 395 00:15:12,119 --> 00:15:15,723 Little more water, OK. 396 00:15:15,823 --> 00:15:18,225 Oh, let me put some of this in, make it smell right. 397 00:15:18,325 --> 00:15:20,161 Good. 398 00:15:20,261 --> 00:15:21,395 OK. 399 00:15:21,495 --> 00:15:22,797 Hey, I got an idea. - What? 400 00:15:22,897 --> 00:15:24,131 Put some all in your hands. 401 00:15:24,231 --> 00:15:27,168 Smelling like a drunk will help the illusion. 402 00:15:27,268 --> 00:15:28,068 There. 403 00:15:28,169 --> 00:15:29,436 Good. 404 00:15:29,537 --> 00:15:32,039 OK, there you are. 405 00:15:32,139 --> 00:15:33,107 Aren't you gonna have any? 406 00:15:33,207 --> 00:15:34,375 No, no. 407 00:15:34,475 --> 00:15:37,812 It's much worse if you're a solitary drunk. 408 00:15:37,912 --> 00:15:41,048 Now let me drunken up a little here. 409 00:15:41,148 --> 00:15:43,417 So you've got to have the collar open, that's it. 410 00:15:43,517 --> 00:15:44,652 That's right. 411 00:15:44,752 --> 00:15:45,553 You got to get the coat back a little. 412 00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:46,687 Am I that drunk? 413 00:15:46,787 --> 00:15:47,388 Uh-huh. 414 00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:49,089 Oh, are you that drunk? 415 00:15:49,190 --> 00:15:51,725 Now start being abusive. 416 00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:53,060 Ah, Ric. 417 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,496 Listen, don't you think you've had about enough to drink. 418 00:15:55,596 --> 00:15:57,331 You take care of yourself, doctor. 419 00:15:57,431 --> 00:16:01,001 A few drinks won't even get me a buzz. 420 00:16:01,101 --> 00:16:04,004 Now but Ric, you're already had a whole bottle of wine. 421 00:16:04,104 --> 00:16:07,875 I've been drinking since I'm 16 and I know my cacapity. 422 00:16:12,646 --> 00:16:14,048 There's almost a quarter of a bottle 423 00:16:14,148 --> 00:16:15,382 of brandy in that snifter. 424 00:16:15,483 --> 00:16:17,785 Are you afraid I'm gonna drink up all your cheap brandy? 425 00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:24,124 Here, go buy yourselves five bottles of that cheap stuff. 426 00:16:24,225 --> 00:16:27,795 Mr. Vallone, I don't want to forget that I'm your hostess. 427 00:16:27,895 --> 00:16:28,796 Hostess? 428 00:16:28,896 --> 00:16:32,867 Oh, some hostess, serving me chicken 429 00:16:32,967 --> 00:16:34,869 when I'm drinking red wine. 430 00:16:39,940 --> 00:16:41,675 Some hostess, hey, fatso? 431 00:16:46,580 --> 00:16:47,581 Isn't he adorable? 432 00:16:47,681 --> 00:16:49,016 [chuckles] 433 00:16:49,116 --> 00:16:49,950 It's all right, honey. 434 00:16:50,050 --> 00:16:52,019 Ric's-- Ric's just kind of kidding. 435 00:16:52,119 --> 00:16:53,254 Now come on, Ric. 436 00:16:53,354 --> 00:16:55,956 I got something to ask you. 437 00:16:56,056 --> 00:17:00,494 You have such pretty blonde hair. 438 00:17:00,594 --> 00:17:02,563 How come you dye the roots black? 439 00:17:09,403 --> 00:17:10,671 He really doesn't mean it. 440 00:17:10,771 --> 00:17:12,239 I'm gonna belt him. 441 00:17:15,309 --> 00:17:16,844 I feel like such a rat. 442 00:17:16,944 --> 00:17:18,812 Listen, there are good rats and there are bad rats. 443 00:17:18,913 --> 00:17:20,047 And you're a good rat. 444 00:17:23,851 --> 00:17:25,920 Don't you think she's disgusted enough with me? 445 00:17:26,020 --> 00:17:27,121 No. 446 00:17:27,221 --> 00:17:28,956 Look, not until she says to me, Rob, get me a cab. 447 00:17:29,056 --> 00:17:30,057 I'm going home. 448 00:17:30,157 --> 00:17:31,926 I don't know how much more of this I can do. 449 00:17:32,026 --> 00:17:33,827 Look, let's go one more round. 450 00:17:33,928 --> 00:17:35,229 Pick a fight with me. 451 00:17:35,329 --> 00:17:36,463 We'll wrestle around a little bit, that'll do it. 452 00:17:36,563 --> 00:17:37,364 Come on, let's fight. 453 00:17:37,464 --> 00:17:38,332 Wait, wait, wait. 454 00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:39,366 What do we fight about? 455 00:17:39,466 --> 00:17:41,835 Ah, insult Laura's cooking. 456 00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:43,203 I did that, I did that. 457 00:17:43,304 --> 00:17:44,104 Oh, you did that. 458 00:17:44,204 --> 00:17:45,773 Ah, break a lamp. 459 00:17:45,873 --> 00:17:47,041 Don't break a lamp. 460 00:17:51,378 --> 00:17:52,379 I got it. 461 00:17:52,479 --> 00:17:54,515 Flirt with my wife. 462 00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:55,916 Flirt with your wife? 463 00:17:56,016 --> 00:17:58,886 Yes, there's nothing more revolting than a guy who 464 00:17:58,986 --> 00:18:02,222 flirts with the host's wife. 465 00:18:02,323 --> 00:18:04,658 Ric, I think you've had about enough of that. 466 00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:08,729 I'll be the jug of that. 467 00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:12,700 Hi, ladies. 468 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:13,901 Did you miss us? 469 00:18:14,001 --> 00:18:15,869 LAURA PETRIE: I can't say that we did. 470 00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:20,608 You know, you're not much of a cook, but for a housewife-- 471 00:18:20,708 --> 00:18:23,477 [clicks tongue] 472 00:18:23,577 --> 00:18:24,778 Rob? 473 00:18:24,878 --> 00:18:27,414 Oh, Ric, that's about enough of that, Ric. 474 00:18:27,514 --> 00:18:29,316 Ric, why don't you just sit down. 475 00:18:29,416 --> 00:18:30,918 Sit down? 476 00:18:31,018 --> 00:18:33,454 When I was just about to twist with this very lovely matron. 477 00:18:33,554 --> 00:18:34,421 Come on, baby. Let's twist. 478 00:18:34,521 --> 00:18:35,322 Rob? 479 00:18:35,422 --> 00:18:36,256 Mr. Vallone [inaudible]. 480 00:18:36,357 --> 00:18:37,224 No, Ric. 481 00:18:37,324 --> 00:18:38,192 Ric! 482 00:18:38,292 --> 00:18:39,326 Look, Ric, that's enough. 483 00:18:39,426 --> 00:18:41,295 My wife doesn't like to dance with drunken bums. 484 00:18:41,395 --> 00:18:43,030 Who you calling a drunken bum? 485 00:18:43,130 --> 00:18:45,032 What? 486 00:18:45,132 --> 00:18:47,434 Hey, honey. 487 00:18:47,534 --> 00:18:48,636 Blondie, get out of the way. 488 00:18:48,736 --> 00:18:49,570 I want to do the twist. 489 00:18:49,670 --> 00:18:51,171 My pleasure. 490 00:18:51,271 --> 00:18:54,441 (SINGING) With the very lovely matron, the most beautiful girl 491 00:18:54,541 --> 00:18:55,342 in the world. 492 00:18:55,442 --> 00:18:56,310 Where you going? 493 00:18:56,410 --> 00:18:57,378 The party's just starting. 494 00:19:00,314 --> 00:19:01,382 We got her gone. 495 00:19:01,482 --> 00:19:03,083 Do you think we did enough, we've done enough? 496 00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:05,519 No, not until she says get me a cab, I'm going home. 497 00:19:05,619 --> 00:19:06,687 Now let's do a little more. 498 00:19:06,787 --> 00:19:08,022 All right, you drunken bum. Now-- 499 00:19:08,122 --> 00:19:09,189 I wanna dance with your wife. 500 00:19:09,289 --> 00:19:10,658 I want to do a twist with your wife. 501 00:19:10,758 --> 00:19:12,226 [inaudible] you come into a guy's house 502 00:19:12,326 --> 00:19:14,495 and you flirt with his wife, you know what you got coming? 503 00:19:14,595 --> 00:19:17,264 You got this coming. 504 00:19:17,364 --> 00:19:19,299 Rob, what have you done? 505 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:20,534 Well, I just, ah-- 506 00:19:20,634 --> 00:19:22,136 I'm sorry you kids had to see that. 507 00:19:22,236 --> 00:19:23,737 I-- had to be done. 508 00:19:23,837 --> 00:19:25,172 I just-- I just tapped him a light one. 509 00:19:25,272 --> 00:19:26,707 It was a glancing blow. 510 00:19:26,807 --> 00:19:27,875 Oh, Rob. 511 00:19:27,975 --> 00:19:30,010 Well, I'm sorry, Sal. 512 00:19:30,110 --> 00:19:32,446 I-- I should have belted him during dinner. 513 00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:34,214 He had it coming, didn't he? 514 00:19:34,314 --> 00:19:37,951 I bet you didn't know he was that kind of a guy, did you? 515 00:19:38,052 --> 00:19:40,120 No, but I'm sure finding out. 516 00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:43,390 Sally, I'm so sorry the evening turned out this way. 517 00:19:43,490 --> 00:19:45,759 Oh, don't feel badly, Laura. 518 00:19:45,859 --> 00:19:47,094 Would you like Bob to drive you home? 519 00:19:47,194 --> 00:19:48,996 No, no, that isn't necessary. 520 00:19:49,096 --> 00:19:51,565 If you'll just bring him to and put him in the car, 521 00:19:51,665 --> 00:19:53,801 I'll drive him home. 522 00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:57,438 You got-- you wanna drive him home? 523 00:19:57,538 --> 00:20:00,507 Of course, the poor baby. 524 00:20:00,607 --> 00:20:01,542 What, poor baby? 525 00:20:01,642 --> 00:20:03,243 What do you mean, poor baby? 526 00:20:03,343 --> 00:20:06,513 Why, don't you remember what he called you during dinner? 527 00:20:06,613 --> 00:20:07,514 Fatso. 528 00:20:07,614 --> 00:20:10,717 Ha, he said it again, see. 529 00:20:10,818 --> 00:20:11,952 Rob, rob, look, I know. 530 00:20:12,052 --> 00:20:13,420 He doesn't need a hit in the head. 531 00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:16,356 All he needs is a little understanding and compassion. 532 00:20:16,457 --> 00:20:18,058 Under-- compassion? 533 00:20:18,158 --> 00:20:20,060 Don't you remember what he said about your black roots? 534 00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:21,628 LAURA PETRIE: Rob. - I know, I know. 535 00:20:21,728 --> 00:20:23,197 Well, he did. 536 00:20:23,297 --> 00:20:24,798 Rob, would you just help me get him into the car, please? 537 00:20:24,898 --> 00:20:26,100 Oh, wait a minute, Sally. 538 00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:27,835 You can't be serious about driving him home. 539 00:20:27,935 --> 00:20:29,470 Didn't you see him trying to flirt with Laura? 540 00:20:29,570 --> 00:20:30,771 I know, I know. 541 00:20:30,871 --> 00:20:32,039 Rob, please help me get him into the car. 542 00:20:32,139 --> 00:20:33,807 But what are you gonna do with him, Sal? 543 00:20:33,907 --> 00:20:36,043 I'm gonna pour about 10 gallons of black coffee 544 00:20:36,143 --> 00:20:37,144 into him. 545 00:20:37,244 --> 00:20:38,779 ROB PETRIE: What-- what do you mean coffee? 546 00:20:38,879 --> 00:20:39,713 He can't drink coffee. 547 00:20:39,813 --> 00:20:40,747 He's a boozer. 548 00:20:40,848 --> 00:20:42,049 He throws it down all the time. 549 00:20:42,149 --> 00:20:43,717 You saw him, he-- he insulted her cooking. 550 00:20:43,817 --> 00:20:44,985 Honey, you saw him. 551 00:20:45,085 --> 00:20:46,453 He was gonna punch me right in the nose. 552 00:20:46,553 --> 00:20:48,422 Rob, you gonna help me or not? 553 00:20:48,522 --> 00:20:51,125 Well, oh, I'll help you, Sal. 554 00:20:51,225 --> 00:20:52,626 (WHISPERS) You should have kissed her. 555 00:20:52,726 --> 00:20:54,061 What'd you say? 556 00:20:54,161 --> 00:20:56,363 I said he's a weak sister, you drunken bum, you. 557 00:20:56,463 --> 00:20:58,398 Boy, if anybody ever insulted my black roots the way 558 00:20:58,499 --> 00:21:00,868 he did yours, I'd give him the gate fast enough. 559 00:21:00,968 --> 00:21:02,870 Oh, what a drunken bum. 560 00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:06,640 What a drunken bum he is. 561 00:21:06,740 --> 00:21:08,308 I don't understand it. 562 00:21:08,408 --> 00:21:10,777 I don't understand-- how in the world could she feel sorry 563 00:21:10,878 --> 00:21:13,847 for such a mean, miserable bum. 564 00:21:13,947 --> 00:21:16,350 If only he hadn't got drunk. 565 00:21:16,450 --> 00:21:17,751 What-- what do you mean? 566 00:21:17,851 --> 00:21:19,987 Well, it's obvious that he was drinking tonight because he was 567 00:21:20,087 --> 00:21:21,288 uncomfortable about something. 568 00:21:21,388 --> 00:21:22,322 What? 569 00:21:22,422 --> 00:21:23,991 Yes, he wanted to bolster his courage 570 00:21:24,091 --> 00:21:25,826 so he could let Sally down easily. 571 00:21:25,926 --> 00:21:27,394 Now he stuck with her. 572 00:21:27,494 --> 00:21:28,996 What do you mean-- what do you mean he's stuck with her? 573 00:21:29,096 --> 00:21:32,266 The maternal instinct, Sally thinks he needs her. 574 00:21:32,366 --> 00:21:33,700 Yeah. 575 00:21:33,801 --> 00:21:37,971 Boy, what a stupid plan he had. 576 00:21:38,071 --> 00:21:39,206 That was a plan? 577 00:21:39,306 --> 00:21:39,973 Well, yeah. 578 00:21:40,073 --> 00:21:40,974 I mean, it must have been. 579 00:21:41,074 --> 00:21:42,576 It must've been a plan. 580 00:21:45,279 --> 00:21:47,314 I mean, the way he was-- the way he 581 00:21:47,414 --> 00:21:49,850 was drinking there, man, he was really sucking them down there. 582 00:21:49,950 --> 00:21:50,784 Wasn't he? 583 00:21:50,884 --> 00:21:52,352 He certainly was. 584 00:21:52,452 --> 00:21:57,391 Wow, a quart of grape juice and four snifters of warm tea. 585 00:21:57,491 --> 00:21:59,793 How, ah-- how did-- how did you-- how did you know? 586 00:21:59,893 --> 00:22:01,728 Darling, if I've told you once, 587 00:22:01,829 --> 00:22:03,764 I've told you a thousand times. 588 00:22:03,864 --> 00:22:05,032 I'm a woman. 589 00:22:10,838 --> 00:22:12,206 I better write that down. 590 00:22:22,316 --> 00:22:24,751 It's here someplace, I know. 591 00:22:24,851 --> 00:22:26,920 Oh, there it is. 592 00:22:27,020 --> 00:22:29,089 Alan says, you mean on our stage 593 00:22:29,189 --> 00:22:33,393 there's something that has 400 legs and goes, bah bah. 594 00:22:33,493 --> 00:22:35,495 What is it? 595 00:22:35,596 --> 00:22:38,932 It's our glee club of 200 singing the whiffenpoof song. 596 00:22:42,236 --> 00:22:43,737 Why don't you ever number the pages? 597 00:22:43,837 --> 00:22:44,972 I'm sorry, Rob. 598 00:22:45,072 --> 00:22:45,906 I didn't have time to number the pages. 599 00:22:46,006 --> 00:22:47,975 I got a date tonight. 600 00:22:48,075 --> 00:22:49,343 Hey, listen, fellas. 601 00:22:49,443 --> 00:22:50,677 You don't mind if I leave early tonight, huh? 602 00:22:50,777 --> 00:22:51,778 No, go ahead, Sal. 603 00:22:51,879 --> 00:22:52,779 Who's the lucky guy tonight? 604 00:22:52,879 --> 00:22:53,680 Who else? 605 00:22:53,780 --> 00:22:54,748 My drunken crooner. 606 00:22:54,848 --> 00:22:56,283 Goodnight. 607 00:22:56,383 --> 00:23:00,687 (SINGING) Lasa-- lasagna homemade. 608 00:23:00,787 --> 00:23:01,688 Oh, boy. 609 00:23:01,788 --> 00:23:03,056 You're a dandy fixer upper. 610 00:23:03,156 --> 00:23:04,791 Now she's more nuts about him than ever. 611 00:23:04,891 --> 00:23:06,460 She even hooked him for another date. 612 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:08,762 Oh, boy. 613 00:23:08,862 --> 00:23:09,997 Ric is never gonna forgive me. 614 00:23:10,097 --> 00:23:11,899 I should have never butted into that. 615 00:23:11,999 --> 00:23:14,434 Only one thing you can do now, buy a few thousand 616 00:23:14,534 --> 00:23:16,837 of his albums. 617 00:23:16,937 --> 00:23:17,771 Hi. 618 00:23:17,871 --> 00:23:19,106 Oh, hi. 619 00:23:19,206 --> 00:23:20,040 Don't step on a jokes. 620 00:23:20,140 --> 00:23:20,941 Watch that punch liner. 621 00:23:21,041 --> 00:23:22,709 Did Sally leave? 622 00:23:22,809 --> 00:23:24,077 Yeah, Sally left. 623 00:23:24,177 --> 00:23:25,512 She's all gone and you're safe. 624 00:23:25,612 --> 00:23:26,413 Safe? 625 00:23:26,513 --> 00:23:27,214 What you mean safe? 626 00:23:27,314 --> 00:23:29,016 I wanted to drive her home. 627 00:23:29,116 --> 00:23:30,717 Ric, I don't like to pry. 628 00:23:30,817 --> 00:23:32,252 Oh, yes you do. 629 00:23:36,690 --> 00:23:39,826 You wanna know how come I made a date with her tonight, right? 630 00:23:39,927 --> 00:23:41,528 Just for my own education, why did you? 631 00:23:41,628 --> 00:23:42,696 Yeah. 632 00:23:42,796 --> 00:23:43,330 You know what she did last night? 633 00:23:43,430 --> 00:23:44,698 What? 634 00:23:44,798 --> 00:23:48,769 After she took me home, she sang me a medley of lullabies. 635 00:23:48,869 --> 00:23:50,037 I've never met anyone like her. 636 00:23:50,137 --> 00:23:51,071 You know something? 637 00:23:51,171 --> 00:23:52,706 Last night, you were terrible. 638 00:23:52,806 --> 00:23:54,174 You insulted that poor girl. 639 00:23:54,274 --> 00:23:56,009 You flirted with my wife and you were 640 00:23:56,109 --> 00:23:58,679 a thoroughly obnoxious drunk. 641 00:23:58,779 --> 00:24:00,814 And she forgave me. 642 00:24:00,914 --> 00:24:02,382 She said she understood me. 643 00:24:02,482 --> 00:24:04,084 A girl with that much understanding, 644 00:24:04,184 --> 00:24:07,020 I just got to get to know better. 645 00:24:07,120 --> 00:24:10,590 Ric, you-- you're not angry with me? 646 00:24:10,691 --> 00:24:12,693 Angry, are you kidding? 647 00:24:12,793 --> 00:24:16,463 She even owns her own mink coat. 648 00:24:16,563 --> 00:24:17,564 (SINGING) Oh, lasagna. 649 00:24:23,737 --> 00:24:26,807 You know something, I don't understand this at all. 650 00:24:26,907 --> 00:24:30,043 Last night, he treated her like the wrath of the whole world. 651 00:24:30,143 --> 00:24:32,346 And today, she apologized to him. 652 00:24:32,446 --> 00:24:36,950 Rob, you know what I think? 653 00:24:37,050 --> 00:24:38,385 What? 654 00:24:38,485 --> 00:24:39,753 I think we ought to go home and beat up our wives. 655 00:24:44,057 --> 00:24:47,527 [theme song] 45010

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