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[theme music]
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ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show,"
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starring Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey Amsterdam, Larry
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Matthews, and Mary Tyler Moore.
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Honey?
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Yes?
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Honey, wake up a second.
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Rob, the coffee's in the pot, the toast is on the table,
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and the eggs are in the oven.
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Honey, I don't care if the frost is on the pumpkin,
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I want you to wake up for just a second.
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What is it?
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Honey, I want to ask you something very important.
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Well, what's the matter?
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Would you marry Mel Cooley?
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Oh, Rob.
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Honey, look at that.
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Rob!
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Honey, turn around here and take a good look
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at your husband's head.
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Rob, why do you always pick the hours between 7:00 and 9:00
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AM to get cute.
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Honey, I don't think it's very cute to be going bald.
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Going what?
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Going bald, honey.
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I'm losing my hair.
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Oh, Rob, come on.
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I haven't told you about it, but I've been keeping
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track for the last few weeks.
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Keeping track?
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Of what?
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Of my hair, honey.
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I didn't tell you because I didn't
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want you to get upset about it.
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I'm not upset.
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Well, you're gonna be when you see how fast they're going.
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Hair's been leaving my head faster than rats
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off a sinking ship, honey.
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Rob, you have as much hair today as you
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did the day I married you.
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Oh, nice try, honey.
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Look at that, 27 that's the count today.
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27?
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Yeah, 27 hairs in that basin, and maybe 28.
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There was one possible in there.
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It was either a long one of mine or a short one of yours,
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I don't know.
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And they say women are vain.
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Boy!
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Is that all you can say, "Boy?"
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Well, what do you want me to say, Rob, that I'll love you
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no matter what, that I'll stick with you through thick or thin,
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so to speak?
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That's a rotten joke and a rotten attitude.
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Rob, you know, you really are being childish.
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You can't tell me that you wouldn't
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hate being married to a baldy.
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Rob, darling, I love you, not your hair.
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If you were going bald, I'd love you bald.
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It's a terrible moment for a man.
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It's a turning point.
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- Come here. - What do you want?
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Come here, bend down.
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Let's take a look.
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Well, easy, don't pull 'em out.
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All right, lift up Rob, your hair is so thick,
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I can hardly see your scalp in most places.
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Yeah, but you can in some places, can't you?
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Only at the part.
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I don't care what you say, honey, it's coming out,
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27 hairs a day.
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Yesterday, it was 31, tomorrow 50, 100 the next--
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Honey, don't do that.
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When your hair starts to go, especially a man's,
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when it starts to go, it's [imitates explosion],, boing,
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boing.
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And so you're afraid that if you're going bald--
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and I don't say you are-- but that if you are, I won't find
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you attractive anymore?
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Well, it's only natural, isn't it?
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Come here.
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Does that answer your question?
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Sure does.
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29, 30, 31.
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Give me your other hand.
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Oh, Rob.
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32.
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Will you hold still, please.
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My arms are getting tired.
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Who you knitting this for, King Kong?
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I'm not knitting anything.
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Well, what is that?
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It's a wool bowling ball.
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I can't stand noise.
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Hey, here's our fearless leader.
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What's the verdict on the script?
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- Great. - Hey!
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Oh, good!
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Beautiful!
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Then who's the surprise guest?
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Are you ready?
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Ricardo Vincente.
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Oh, I love him.
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That's no surprise.
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That's right, half the women in the country love him.
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Well, I happen to know his secret.
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You do?
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Why don't you use it?
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Hey, Rob, Ricardo Vincente, really?
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In the flesh.
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I hope so.
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Oh, well, then I got a great idea for the sketch.
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Now Ricardo comes out on stage and carries me away
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and the both of us are never heard from again.
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You know what Alan wants to do with him?
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The fact that he is so handsome, we'll use as a monster sketch
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and really ugly him up.
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Oh, that's sacrilege.
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Hey, you want to make him ugly?
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Just pull off his toupee.
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Vicente wears a toupee?
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He wears a rug?
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Ear to ear carpeting.
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I don't believe you.
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My cousin Ira the makeup man, he told me about it.
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Buddy, you're kidding.
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You know those close up scenes he makes in the movies
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where the beautiful dame is there with her fingers
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going through his locks? - Yeah.
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On those days he don't even show up at the studio,
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he just sends in his hair.
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Oh, I'm crushed.
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Give me that.
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Thank you, warden.
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Well, uh, Sal, what's so bad that he's bald?
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Oh, that doesn't make any difference at all.
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I just happen to be in love with a Brazilian honeydew melon.
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You're just trying to make me feel good.
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You starting?
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You starting again?
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Now look, first of all, you're not going bald.
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And even if you were, a man doesn't become less attractive
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just because he's bald.
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Some men are more attractive.
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Rob--
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You just lost your argument.
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Rob, that sketch for Ricardo should
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only be about two minutes.
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Right.
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Mel, Mel, Mel, you've met Ricardo Vincente.
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Is he, uh--
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As a newborn baby.
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Well, I don't care, I'd still like to burp him.
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You see, Rob, there are still women who love bald headed men.
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When did you first, uh--
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first realize that, you know, you were beginning to get bald?
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When a nearsighted ostrich jumped on his head
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and tried to hatch it.
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I mean, Mel, did it come out like in little clumps
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or just little by little.
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You were serious this morning.
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You're still worried about your going bald, aren't you?
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Well, yeah, there's that possibility.
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Oh, well, don't worry about it, Rob.
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I'll get you a new head.
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Start now.
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Because the way it's coming out, in little clumps,
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every time I comb my hair, 28 hairs in the basin
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this morning.
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Oh, 28 is nothing.
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What do you mean nothing?
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On him, it would be a forest.
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Buddy.
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Rob, listen, just because your hair is falling out
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does not necessarily mean you're going to be bald.
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Well, I hope you're right, Mel.
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Believe me.
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And even if you were, there's nothing you can do about it.
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Ask me, I've tried everything.
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I've had my head peeled, massaged, aerified, creamed,
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nothing helps.
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You don't have to be so happy about it.
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Well, I'm not, Rob.
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Believe me, I'd love to have your head of hair.
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You can have it.
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Follow me around with a net.
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I bet old nosy here would be thrilled
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to death if I lost my hair.
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As long as your head were still attached to it.
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I wish you kept your hair and lost the rest of you.
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Hey, Buddy, you better cut that out.
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One of these days, he's gonna turn on you.
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What's the difference?
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He's the same on both sides.
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Oh, come on now, Rob.
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Stop worrying, you're not losing your hair.
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Just run your fingers through it and see what happens.
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You two want me to leave you alone?
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Oh.
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A boy my age shouldn't be getting bald already.
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You don't have to.
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I know a guy--
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Hold it!
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Hold it!
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Don't listen to him.
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The last guy he had sold me a diet for 25 bucks.
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So?
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So all I lost was the 25 bucks.
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Look this is a legit barber.
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He's got a secret formula that really works.
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Buddy, none of those things work.
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The whole thing's hereditary.
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Ah, hereditary, baloney!
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Look at my hair, and both my father and mother were bald.
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Didn't I tell you not to listen to him.
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Listen, you've got to get a haircut anyway, don't you?
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- Well, yeah. - All right, so go to Irwin.
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If you lose your hair, what's the difference?
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Well, I don't like to change barbers.
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You know my guy knows my hair.
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He ain't gonna know it for long.
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Well, you got a point there.
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He's over on east 48th street, Dino's Barbershop.
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Ask for Irwin, he's the owner.
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Irwin's the owner and it's called Dino's?
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Who's gonna trust a barber named Irwin?
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Yeah, you're right.
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OK, Rob, let's take a look at the old noggin.
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Who is your regular barber?
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Oh, I go to Vinnie's.
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Good shop, good shop.
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Of course, you pay a little more for the name
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and the decorations there, but he's got good [inaudible]..
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Oh, they're fine, yeah.
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Yeah.
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Uh, you take vitamins?
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Well, yeah, once a while.
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Good, good.
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Hurts, huh?
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Well, yeah.
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That's good.
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It's got good fiber and good roots.
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Well, what do you think?
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Well, what I say is-- oh, you never died this or nothing,
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did you?
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No.
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No, I didn't think so.
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Let's see, natural oil content and, uh,
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you have very good resilience, very
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adequate scalp elasticness.
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So?
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So like everybody else, I think you've been
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taken your hair for granted.
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Well, it sure hasn't been intentional.
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Well, what I mean is, you're up
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in the morning, a fast hot shower, quick comb
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and brush, and summertime lots of wind and sun,
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that's you, right?
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Well.
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Yeah, I'll bet you've even gone
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swimming without a bathing cap.
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I would look kind of silly, wouldn't I?
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Your wife wears one, don't she?
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Brushes her hair 50 times every night, right?
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Well, I'm not sure.
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Is she bald?
267
00:09:51,616 --> 00:09:53,551
Well, no, but I thought that was, you know,
268
00:09:53,651 --> 00:09:54,385
hormones and everything.
269
00:09:54,485 --> 00:09:56,954
That too, that's part of it.
270
00:09:57,054 --> 00:10:00,425
But the main thing is regular serious hair
271
00:10:00,525 --> 00:10:02,360
care with a reputable expert.
272
00:10:02,460 --> 00:10:04,429
Irwin, do you think I'm going bald?
273
00:10:04,529 --> 00:10:08,132
You've been asking for it.
274
00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:10,802
But you started your hair care at the right time
275
00:10:10,902 --> 00:10:11,969
at the right place.
276
00:10:12,069 --> 00:10:13,204
Take a look at this.
277
00:10:16,507 --> 00:10:19,277
That's the whole story on a nutshell.
278
00:10:19,377 --> 00:10:20,912
Oh?
279
00:10:21,012 --> 00:10:25,283
All this is going on on your head multiplied by thousands.
280
00:10:25,383 --> 00:10:26,951
It's kind of weird looking, isn't it?
281
00:10:27,051 --> 00:10:30,788
If treated right, that's a beautiful working machine.
282
00:10:30,888 --> 00:10:34,892
If not, [imitates fart].
283
00:10:34,992 --> 00:10:36,461
Here is the hair.
284
00:10:36,561 --> 00:10:40,731
And that's the follicle, the epidermis, and the oil glands,
285
00:10:40,832 --> 00:10:42,366
and the papilla.
286
00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:47,872
And all together, that's a diagram of a growing hair.
287
00:10:50,541 --> 00:10:54,612
And these things all together are working around the clock
288
00:10:54,712 --> 00:10:57,882
with only one common end, and that
289
00:10:57,982 --> 00:11:02,553
is to keep these babies up here from winding up down there.
290
00:11:02,653 --> 00:11:05,723
Oh, boy, Irwin, I thought you said I had good roots.
291
00:11:05,823 --> 00:11:07,692
Good roots, lousy papilla.
292
00:11:11,262 --> 00:11:14,265
Irwin, do you think maybe I need the stuff.
293
00:11:14,365 --> 00:11:15,867
Buddy told me about the stuff you have.
294
00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:17,935
You don't need to whisper.
295
00:11:18,035 --> 00:11:20,271
It's not illegal.
296
00:11:20,371 --> 00:11:22,807
Bob, I'm not a crazy witch doctor.
297
00:11:22,907 --> 00:11:26,177
I'm just a plain, ordinary guy who knows more about hair
298
00:11:26,277 --> 00:11:28,880
than anybody in the world.
299
00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:31,349
Irwin, how come your head--
300
00:11:31,449 --> 00:11:34,352
My luck, I didn't discover my formula until it
301
00:11:34,452 --> 00:11:35,653
was too late to help me.
302
00:11:35,753 --> 00:11:37,154
What do you think I ought to do, Irwin?
303
00:11:37,255 --> 00:11:39,790
First thing, stop worrying.
304
00:11:39,891 --> 00:11:44,228
Second, follow these simple, easy to follow instructions
305
00:11:44,328 --> 00:11:46,931
on hair health and use this.
306
00:11:47,031 --> 00:11:50,501
Oh, what's-- what's in there, or is that a secret.
307
00:11:50,601 --> 00:11:54,171
No secret, the exact quantities, that's a secret.
308
00:11:54,272 --> 00:11:56,240
But the ingrediments, that's just cam-- common,
309
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:57,775
ordinary sense.
310
00:11:57,875 --> 00:12:00,311
Well, it's got oil in there, that's for sure.
311
00:12:00,411 --> 00:12:01,512
That's right.
312
00:12:01,612 --> 00:12:02,747
Lanolin?
313
00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:05,183
I'm strictly from the vegetable oil school myself.
314
00:12:05,283 --> 00:12:06,417
Vegetable?
315
00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:11,255
100% pure, polyunsaturated olive oil.
316
00:12:11,355 --> 00:12:13,791
What else is in there, alcohol?
317
00:12:13,891 --> 00:12:16,360
Worst kind of poison.
318
00:12:16,460 --> 00:12:20,932
No, Rob, I had to find a liquid that would purify
319
00:12:21,032 --> 00:12:26,470
the scalp, acidic enough so as to cleanse it and yet vegetable
320
00:12:26,571 --> 00:12:28,973
enough so as to nourish and to blend
321
00:12:29,073 --> 00:12:30,575
properly with the olive oil.
322
00:12:30,675 --> 00:12:31,676
Oh, what is it?
323
00:12:31,776 --> 00:12:32,677
Vinegar.
324
00:12:35,279 --> 00:12:36,614
That's oil and vinegar?
325
00:12:42,153 --> 00:12:43,721
Irwin, that's a salad dressing.
326
00:12:46,290 --> 00:12:48,559
To a chef, maybe it's a salad dressing.
327
00:12:48,659 --> 00:12:51,362
To me, it's a life-giving elixir.
328
00:12:51,462 --> 00:12:52,830
Well, doesn't it smell.
329
00:12:52,930 --> 00:12:57,969
No, the eggs take away the whole smell.
330
00:12:58,069 --> 00:12:59,103
Eggs?
331
00:12:59,203 --> 00:13:02,406
You never heard of an egg shampoo?
332
00:13:02,506 --> 00:13:05,309
The albumin gives the hair body.
333
00:13:05,409 --> 00:13:06,811
Well, if you had some anchovies and croutons,
334
00:13:06,911 --> 00:13:10,214
you could make Caesar salad out of this.
335
00:13:10,314 --> 00:13:11,816
Well, it's kind of silly.
336
00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:13,551
Is penicillin silly?
337
00:13:13,651 --> 00:13:14,919
This got penicillin in it?
338
00:13:15,019 --> 00:13:19,590
No, but you know how they found penicillin?
339
00:13:19,690 --> 00:13:22,426
Growing in a pot of hot water used to cook sweet corn.
340
00:13:22,526 --> 00:13:23,995
Oh, that's right, I remember.
341
00:13:24,095 --> 00:13:26,664
So who's to say what's silly.
342
00:13:26,764 --> 00:13:29,934
Well, I guess it's worth a try at that.
343
00:13:30,034 --> 00:13:30,901
What have you got to lose?
344
00:13:31,002 --> 00:13:32,203
Yeah.
345
00:13:32,303 --> 00:13:34,305
Well, then tell me, when I put it on my hair,
346
00:13:34,405 --> 00:13:35,806
do I comb it or toss it?
347
00:13:42,113 --> 00:13:45,783
28, 29, 30.
348
00:13:45,883 --> 00:13:48,319
Rob, darling, are you coming to bed?
349
00:13:48,419 --> 00:13:49,887
It's 11:30.
350
00:13:49,987 --> 00:13:52,323
Honey, I gotta finish five minutes of massage.
351
00:13:52,423 --> 00:13:54,759
[imitating chimpanzee]
352
00:13:54,859 --> 00:13:55,793
Boy.
353
00:13:59,730 --> 00:14:02,500
OK, I got two applications of the junk
354
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:05,336
and five minutes of massage.
355
00:14:05,436 --> 00:14:06,871
Aren't you going to comb it?
356
00:14:06,971 --> 00:14:08,039
Well, 'til I've finished.
357
00:14:08,139 --> 00:14:09,173
Well, what now?
358
00:14:09,273 --> 00:14:10,508
I've still get an exercise to do.
359
00:14:13,144 --> 00:14:14,345
You're kidding.
360
00:14:14,445 --> 00:14:15,813
No, honey.
361
00:14:15,913 --> 00:14:17,515
The blood going into your head stimulates the growth
362
00:14:17,615 --> 00:14:18,816
of good hair on your scalp.
363
00:14:18,916 --> 00:14:20,951
Then how come your feet are so bald.
364
00:14:21,052 --> 00:14:23,187
Oh, it's not funny.
365
00:14:23,287 --> 00:14:24,789
Well, darling--
366
00:14:24,889 --> 00:14:26,924
I don't make fun of you when you do your ballet exercises.
367
00:14:27,024 --> 00:14:30,094
Oh, Rob, you can't expect me to take this seriously.
368
00:14:30,194 --> 00:14:32,563
Laura, losing your hair is serious.
369
00:14:32,663 --> 00:14:34,031
Well, that may very well be, darling,
370
00:14:34,131 --> 00:14:36,600
but none of this nonsense is going to stop.
371
00:14:36,701 --> 00:14:40,337
Wait a minute, honey, I'm losing count 16, 17, 18.
372
00:14:40,438 --> 00:14:41,238
Lettuce and tomatoes.
373
00:14:41,338 --> 00:14:43,174
19, 20.
374
00:14:43,274 --> 00:14:44,508
What'd you say?
375
00:14:44,608 --> 00:14:46,110
Lettuce and tomatoes, I've been sitting here
376
00:14:46,210 --> 00:14:47,244
wanting lettuce and tomatoes.
377
00:14:47,344 --> 00:14:49,380
Now I know why, it's that smell.
378
00:14:52,616 --> 00:14:54,085
It's not supposed to smell.
379
00:14:54,185 --> 00:14:57,054
Rob, I don't care what it's not supposed to, what's in it?
380
00:14:57,154 --> 00:14:58,989
Well, I don't know exactly.
381
00:14:59,090 --> 00:14:59,924
What's in it?
382
00:15:00,024 --> 00:15:01,258
Oh, very smart.
383
00:15:01,358 --> 00:15:03,561
Buddy sends you to a magic barber who gives you something
384
00:15:03,661 --> 00:15:05,663
to put on your hair that you're afraid of losing
385
00:15:05,763 --> 00:15:07,231
and you don't even know what's in it?
386
00:15:07,331 --> 00:15:08,899
Well, I know kind of what's in it.
387
00:15:08,999 --> 00:15:09,834
It's got oil.
388
00:15:09,934 --> 00:15:12,103
You know, it's got olive oil in it.
389
00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:13,771
Olive oil?
390
00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:14,705
And vinegar.
391
00:15:14,805 --> 00:15:16,774
All right, olive oil and vinegar.
392
00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:21,145
But the eggs are supposed to take away the smell.
393
00:15:21,245 --> 00:15:24,281
A salad dressing on your hair?
394
00:15:24,381 --> 00:15:26,884
Well, it can't hurt me, and it might do me a lot of good.
395
00:15:26,984 --> 00:15:30,121
Can you get your money back if it makes your hair fall out?
396
00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:32,656
Is that all you care about, getting your money back?
397
00:15:32,757 --> 00:15:35,192
Oh, I've told you 20 times today, I don't
398
00:15:35,292 --> 00:15:36,794
think you're losing your hair.
399
00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:38,763
But if you think you are, well, then go to somebody dependable,
400
00:15:38,863 --> 00:15:42,166
a doctor or a dermatologist, not some friend of Buddy's.
401
00:15:42,266 --> 00:15:43,567
You're worried too.
402
00:15:43,667 --> 00:15:46,537
I am not worried, Rob, it just makes good sense.
403
00:15:46,637 --> 00:15:48,139
You may be right, honey.
404
00:15:48,239 --> 00:15:49,907
If Irwin's stuff doesn't work on me, well, I'll go to a doctor.
405
00:15:50,007 --> 00:15:51,742
As a matter of fact, I need a checkup anyway.
406
00:15:51,842 --> 00:15:53,911
I'll go to see a doctor, OK?
407
00:15:54,011 --> 00:15:54,912
OK.
408
00:15:55,012 --> 00:15:56,280
Now go wash that stuff out of your hair
409
00:15:56,380 --> 00:15:57,481
and let's get some sleep.
410
00:15:57,581 --> 00:15:58,716
Well, honey, as long as it's in there,
411
00:15:58,816 --> 00:15:59,984
I might as well leave it.
412
00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:01,385
It could be great.
413
00:16:01,485 --> 00:16:04,088
Rob, you are not going to put a head full of oil and vinegar
414
00:16:04,188 --> 00:16:05,389
on my good pillowcases.
415
00:16:05,489 --> 00:16:06,857
I wasn't planning to.
416
00:16:06,957 --> 00:16:08,392
Well, then where were you going to sleep,
417
00:16:08,492 --> 00:16:09,660
in the refrigerator?
418
00:16:13,197 --> 00:16:15,933
I'm supposed to sleep with my head wrapped in a towel.
419
00:16:16,033 --> 00:16:19,203
No sense washing my hair now anyway, I'd catch a cold.
420
00:16:19,303 --> 00:16:20,371
Would you help me put this on?
421
00:16:20,471 --> 00:16:21,605
Oh, really.
422
00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:30,681
Get it good.
423
00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:32,049
You're folding my ear up.
424
00:16:32,149 --> 00:16:34,084
I see.
425
00:16:34,185 --> 00:16:35,920
Good night, sheik.
426
00:16:36,020 --> 00:16:38,622
You watch it, I'll sell you in a slave market.
427
00:17:01,212 --> 00:17:03,647
Ron, darling, come on, it's getting late, dear.
428
00:17:03,747 --> 00:17:05,249
Time to get up. - OK, I'm up.
429
00:17:05,349 --> 00:17:06,250
I'm up.
430
00:18:02,573 --> 00:18:04,475
[screaming]
431
00:18:04,575 --> 00:18:06,477
Rob, darling, stop screaming.
432
00:18:06,577 --> 00:18:07,378
Screaming, honey, look!
433
00:18:07,478 --> 00:18:08,412
All my hair is gone!
434
00:18:08,512 --> 00:18:09,346
I'm bald!
435
00:18:09,446 --> 00:18:10,481
Yes, I can see that.
436
00:18:10,581 --> 00:18:11,415
Looks kind of cute.
437
00:18:11,515 --> 00:18:12,349
I like you bald.
438
00:18:12,449 --> 00:18:13,350
What, like me?
439
00:18:13,450 --> 00:18:14,818
Cute?
440
00:18:14,919 --> 00:18:16,520
Honey, I look like a drugstore dummy in the department
441
00:18:16,620 --> 00:18:17,855
store window or something.
442
00:18:17,955 --> 00:18:19,990
Well, I did tell you not to use that stuff.
443
00:18:20,090 --> 00:18:22,393
Well, who cares what happened or how it happened,
444
00:18:22,493 --> 00:18:23,861
it happened.
445
00:18:23,961 --> 00:18:26,196
The towel, all my hair's in that towel,
446
00:18:26,297 --> 00:18:27,264
I'm gonna get it and replant it.
447
00:18:27,364 --> 00:18:28,599
Rob!
448
00:18:28,699 --> 00:18:29,934
It's not in the towel.
449
00:18:30,034 --> 00:18:31,802
Did you shave my head for a joke?
450
00:18:34,471 --> 00:18:36,073
It's not a joke, dear.
451
00:18:36,173 --> 00:18:38,475
Don't you realize, Rob, you're dreaming.
452
00:18:38,576 --> 00:18:39,376
Of course, it's a dream.
453
00:18:39,476 --> 00:18:40,844
Oh, boy.
454
00:18:40,945 --> 00:18:43,113
Wait a minute, it can't be any kind of a dream.
455
00:18:43,213 --> 00:18:44,882
If I was dreaming I'd be saying I'm dreaming.
456
00:18:44,982 --> 00:18:46,817
You can't tell me that I'm dreaming.
457
00:18:46,917 --> 00:18:49,286
People who are in other people's dreams can't tell them
458
00:18:49,386 --> 00:18:50,220
they're dreaming.
459
00:18:50,321 --> 00:18:51,488
Why not?
460
00:18:51,589 --> 00:18:53,123
Well, because you don't know I'm dreaming.
461
00:18:53,223 --> 00:18:55,392
You don't even know whether I'm asleep or not.
462
00:18:55,492 --> 00:18:56,593
I do too.
463
00:18:56,694 --> 00:18:58,329
I saw you go to sleep just last night.
464
00:19:00,764 --> 00:19:02,333
I know what it is.
465
00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:06,971
I'm not dream-- you're having a dream and I'm in it.
466
00:19:07,071 --> 00:19:09,540
How would I know you're dreaming?
467
00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:11,608
Well, how did it happen, honey?
468
00:19:11,709 --> 00:19:12,977
That stuff.
469
00:19:13,077 --> 00:19:15,045
I know what it is, a severe shock.
470
00:19:15,145 --> 00:19:16,714
What kind of a shock did you have?
471
00:19:16,814 --> 00:19:17,881
What shock?
472
00:19:17,982 --> 00:19:20,017
You don't call going bald a shock?
473
00:19:22,519 --> 00:19:24,888
Honey, what am I gonna do?
474
00:19:24,989 --> 00:19:27,291
Well, the first thing I'd do is go to Irwin,
475
00:19:27,391 --> 00:19:31,161
tell him you're dissatisfied, and get your money back.
476
00:19:31,261 --> 00:19:32,196
Where's my hat?
477
00:19:35,065 --> 00:19:36,300
Hey, honey.
478
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:38,302
Yes, dear?
479
00:19:38,402 --> 00:19:39,536
Is this really a dream?
480
00:19:39,637 --> 00:19:41,705
Of course it's a dream, darling.
481
00:19:41,805 --> 00:19:44,341
Now you go to Irwin and get your money back.
482
00:19:44,441 --> 00:19:45,576
Yeah, my hair back.
483
00:19:45,676 --> 00:19:47,611
I'm gonna go get my hair back.
484
00:19:47,711 --> 00:19:50,014
You're lucky you came just in time.
485
00:19:50,114 --> 00:19:51,648
You're not gonna give me any salad dressing.
486
00:19:51,749 --> 00:19:54,551
No, I got the new stuff with the new miracle
487
00:19:54,651 --> 00:19:58,622
ingrediment and PS138.
488
00:19:58,722 --> 00:19:59,523
What is it?
489
00:19:59,623 --> 00:20:00,457
Mayonnaise.
490
00:20:00,557 --> 00:20:01,592
Mayonnaise?
491
00:20:01,692 --> 00:20:02,726
How could we have been so stupid?
492
00:20:02,826 --> 00:20:03,894
Now, put it on there.
493
00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:06,196
There, yeah, yeah.
494
00:20:06,296 --> 00:20:07,097
Feel good?
495
00:20:07,197 --> 00:20:08,032
Oh, delicious.
496
00:20:08,132 --> 00:20:10,134
Taste's good and is good for you.
497
00:20:10,234 --> 00:20:12,603
By the time you get back to the office,
498
00:20:12,703 --> 00:20:15,706
you'll have a whole new head.
499
00:20:15,806 --> 00:20:17,341
Hiya, baldy, we been waiting for you.
500
00:20:17,441 --> 00:20:18,742
You know? How do you know?
501
00:20:18,842 --> 00:20:20,144
Laura, told us.
502
00:20:20,244 --> 00:20:21,412
She said it was a dream, but we didn't believe her.
503
00:20:21,512 --> 00:20:22,646
Hi, sheik.
504
00:20:22,746 --> 00:20:24,548
Laura, how did you get here?
505
00:20:24,648 --> 00:20:26,050
I flew, as a matter of fact.
506
00:20:26,150 --> 00:20:27,951
I flew with Irwin. - Hi, Irwin.
507
00:20:28,052 --> 00:20:28,886
Flew?
508
00:20:28,986 --> 00:20:30,487
Of course, it's easy to in dreams.
509
00:20:30,587 --> 00:20:31,555
And I ran.
510
00:20:31,655 --> 00:20:32,456
It's not a dream.
511
00:20:32,556 --> 00:20:33,590
It is too.
512
00:20:33,690 --> 00:20:35,192
If it was a dream, you wouldn't
513
00:20:35,292 --> 00:20:36,727
have gone to all the trouble to come down here in your jammies.
514
00:20:36,827 --> 00:20:38,228
Wow, don't worry, Rob.
515
00:20:38,328 --> 00:20:40,664
I told you I would knit you a toupee, and I did.
516
00:20:40,764 --> 00:20:41,799
Look, it's mole hair.
517
00:20:41,899 --> 00:20:44,702
Yeah, because you got no mo' hair.
518
00:20:44,802 --> 00:20:46,236
[laughing]
519
00:20:46,336 --> 00:20:47,604
That's not funny.
520
00:20:47,704 --> 00:20:48,972
Oh, for a dream, it's funny.
521
00:20:49,073 --> 00:20:50,674
Listen, and it comes in all colors.
522
00:20:50,774 --> 00:20:52,076
It comes in red, orange, blue.
523
00:20:52,176 --> 00:20:53,877
You want argyle? - I don't need it.
524
00:20:53,977 --> 00:20:54,845
I don't need anything.
525
00:20:54,945 --> 00:20:56,447
Get your money back.
526
00:20:56,547 --> 00:21:00,084
Irwin gave me some new special stuff with mayonnaise added.
527
00:21:00,184 --> 00:21:01,885
And I can feel it growing right now.
528
00:21:01,985 --> 00:21:03,754
That stuff of Irwin's never works.
529
00:21:03,854 --> 00:21:04,722
Never works, huh?
530
00:21:04,822 --> 00:21:05,956
Look at that.
531
00:21:09,393 --> 00:21:12,196
What's the matter?
532
00:21:12,296 --> 00:21:13,564
Is it all messed up?
533
00:21:13,664 --> 00:21:14,698
Uh-huh.
534
00:21:14,798 --> 00:21:17,234
Rob, you've got a head of lettuce.
535
00:21:17,334 --> 00:21:18,235
Lettuce?
536
00:21:18,335 --> 00:21:19,703
It can't be lettuce.
537
00:21:19,803 --> 00:21:20,671
He's right.
538
00:21:20,771 --> 00:21:21,738
Maybe it's cabbage.
539
00:21:21,839 --> 00:21:23,006
It is lettuce.
540
00:21:23,107 --> 00:21:24,141
How have I got lettuce?
541
00:21:24,241 --> 00:21:25,242
Well, if you use salad dressing,
542
00:21:25,342 --> 00:21:28,345
you can't expect to grow meatloaf.
543
00:21:28,445 --> 00:21:32,783
Now you'll have to sleep with your head in the refrigerator.
544
00:21:32,883 --> 00:21:34,151
What am I gonna do?
545
00:21:34,251 --> 00:21:35,119
I got a guy.
546
00:21:35,219 --> 00:21:35,819
A barber?
547
00:21:35,919 --> 00:21:37,554
No, a gardener.
548
00:21:37,654 --> 00:21:38,489
Where's my hair?
549
00:21:38,589 --> 00:21:39,423
Oh, let's look.
550
00:21:39,523 --> 00:21:43,694
[interposing voices]
551
00:21:43,794 --> 00:21:46,697
Thanks for your hair.
552
00:21:46,797 --> 00:21:48,398
Mel, that's my hair.
553
00:21:48,499 --> 00:21:49,366
That's my hair.
554
00:21:49,466 --> 00:21:50,334
Give me my hair back!
555
00:21:50,434 --> 00:21:51,301
Give me my hair back!
556
00:21:51,401 --> 00:21:52,636
- Rob, darling, wake up. - Give me--
557
00:21:52,736 --> 00:21:53,437
Huh? What's the--
558
00:21:53,537 --> 00:21:54,238
- Rob. - What?
559
00:21:54,338 --> 00:21:55,272
Huh?
560
00:21:55,372 --> 00:21:56,473
Darling, you were having a bad dream.
561
00:21:56,573 --> 00:21:57,774
Yeah, I'm still having it.
562
00:21:57,875 --> 00:21:59,409
This is the second time I've wakened in it.
563
00:21:59,510 --> 00:22:00,777
Well, it's no wonder, too.
564
00:22:00,878 --> 00:22:02,746
You slept with that silly turban on all night,
565
00:22:02,846 --> 00:22:04,348
it would give anyone a nightmare.
566
00:22:04,448 --> 00:22:06,116
That's just what you said in the dream, honey.
567
00:22:06,216 --> 00:22:09,019
Rob, come on, let's take that silly turban off
568
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:10,387
and wash your hair.
569
00:22:26,670 --> 00:22:28,505
Oh, Rob, your hair!
570
00:22:28,605 --> 00:22:30,507
Rob, your beautiful hair!
571
00:22:30,607 --> 00:22:31,742
Honey, honey, wake up. Wake up.
572
00:22:31,842 --> 00:22:32,643
Wake up.
573
00:22:32,743 --> 00:22:33,677
Ah!
574
00:22:33,777 --> 00:22:34,878
You were having a nightmare.
575
00:22:34,978 --> 00:22:35,979
Rob, am I awake?
576
00:22:36,079 --> 00:22:37,047
Well, sure you are, honey.
577
00:22:37,147 --> 00:22:38,348
- Rob, are you? - Sure.
578
00:22:38,448 --> 00:22:39,249
Are you sure?
579
00:22:39,349 --> 00:22:40,184
I'm awake.
580
00:22:40,284 --> 00:22:41,251
Oh, Rob.
581
00:22:41,351 --> 00:22:44,254
Rob, don't ever take off that towel.
582
00:22:44,354 --> 00:22:45,355
Why?
583
00:22:45,455 --> 00:22:47,991
Because under it, you are either bald
584
00:22:48,091 --> 00:22:50,961
or you have a head of lettuce.
585
00:22:51,061 --> 00:22:53,397
Boy, that must have been some dream you were having.
586
00:22:53,497 --> 00:22:54,231
Oh, Rob.
587
00:22:54,331 --> 00:22:57,834
Ha, well, here goes nothing.
588
00:22:57,935 --> 00:23:00,070
Oh, Rob!
589
00:23:00,170 --> 00:23:02,272
That beautiful brown helmet!
590
00:23:02,372 --> 00:23:03,273
Oh!
591
00:23:07,344 --> 00:23:08,846
You were worried about me losing my hair,
592
00:23:08,946 --> 00:23:10,848
I go to the doctor once, and look what happens.
593
00:23:10,948 --> 00:23:12,316
Oh, Rob.
594
00:23:12,416 --> 00:23:14,918
Oh, Rob.
595
00:23:15,018 --> 00:23:16,520
You know that, didn't you?
596
00:23:16,620 --> 00:23:18,322
He said Irwin's stuff couldn't have possibly hurt me at all.
597
00:23:18,422 --> 00:23:20,657
All it did was give me bad dreams.
598
00:23:20,757 --> 00:23:23,327
You know, I didn't know that people shed certain seasons
599
00:23:23,427 --> 00:23:24,428
just like dogs do.
600
00:23:24,528 --> 00:23:25,395
Are you relieved?
601
00:23:25,495 --> 00:23:26,630
Well, yeah, especially since he said
602
00:23:26,730 --> 00:23:28,232
you'd go bald long before I do.
603
00:23:30,834 --> 00:23:32,469
Wait, not yet, 20 seconds.
604
00:23:32,569 --> 00:23:35,339
Huh?
605
00:23:35,439 --> 00:23:36,940
Oh, Rob.
606
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:38,308
Well, the doctor--
607
00:23:38,408 --> 00:23:40,377
I haven't had a good night's sleep in so long,
608
00:23:40,477 --> 00:23:43,447
the doctor said standing on your head's good for you.
609
00:23:43,547 --> 00:23:44,381
Really?
610
00:23:44,481 --> 00:23:45,649
Yeah.
611
00:23:45,749 --> 00:23:47,918
Well, I guess I could use a good night's sleep, too.
612
00:23:58,095 --> 00:24:03,500
[theme music]
42364
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