All language subtitles for 13 - The Alan Brady Show Presents

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek Download
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,408 --> 00:00:01,543 [theme music playing] 2 00:00:01,643 --> 00:00:04,312 ANNOUNCER 1: "The Dick Van Dyke Show," 3 00:00:04,412 --> 00:00:13,655 starring Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey Amsterdam, Larry 4 00:00:13,755 --> 00:00:16,691 Matthews, and Mary Tyler Moore. 5 00:00:21,529 --> 00:00:22,597 ANNOUNCER 2: And now live from New 6 00:00:22,697 --> 00:00:24,499 York, "The Alan Brady Show." 7 00:00:24,599 --> 00:00:27,168 [applause] 8 00:00:32,474 --> 00:00:34,175 And now here's the star of our show, 9 00:00:34,276 --> 00:00:37,245 the man who gives you laughter as a gift all year round, 10 00:00:37,345 --> 00:00:38,580 Alan Brady. 11 00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:41,249 [applause] 12 00:00:46,021 --> 00:00:47,322 Ladies and gentlemen, tonight-- 13 00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:49,357 tonight our show's going to be a little different. 14 00:00:49,457 --> 00:00:50,659 You see, it's a special show. 15 00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:52,661 And to tell you all about it I'd like 16 00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:55,664 to bring out the head writer of "The Alan Brady Show," 17 00:00:55,764 --> 00:00:57,098 Robert Petrie. 18 00:00:57,198 --> 00:00:58,333 Come on out, Rob. 19 00:00:58,433 --> 00:01:01,036 [applause] 20 00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:04,005 Come on, walk in. 21 00:01:08,009 --> 00:01:08,710 Hey, Rob. 22 00:01:08,810 --> 00:01:10,478 Tell 'em all about our show. 23 00:01:10,579 --> 00:01:11,947 Well, what are you going to do? 24 00:01:12,047 --> 00:01:14,282 Well, somebody's got to feed these poor reindeer. 25 00:01:14,382 --> 00:01:16,084 Donna, Blitzen, Betty, come on. 26 00:01:22,857 --> 00:01:24,359 Ladies-- ladies-- 27 00:01:24,459 --> 00:01:25,660 hi. 28 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:28,663 Oh, that-- oh. 29 00:01:36,037 --> 00:01:37,906 Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to explain 30 00:01:38,006 --> 00:01:40,642 why we're here this eve-- 31 00:01:40,742 --> 00:01:43,044 instead of-- instead of our regular show, Alan-- 32 00:01:43,144 --> 00:01:48,583 Alan has asked me do something a little different this year on-- 33 00:01:48,683 --> 00:01:49,617 on the show. 34 00:01:49,718 --> 00:01:51,119 And I'd like to explain what-- 35 00:01:51,219 --> 00:01:53,621 what it is that we're going to do. 36 00:01:53,722 --> 00:01:59,027 Al-- and I will-- 37 00:01:59,127 --> 00:02:01,029 I will explain what we're going to do 38 00:02:01,129 --> 00:02:07,836 right after this very important message 39 00:02:07,936 --> 00:02:11,506 from-- from our sponsor. 40 00:02:11,606 --> 00:02:14,109 [band playing] 41 00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:25,387 Hello, ladies and gentlemen, we're 42 00:02:25,487 --> 00:02:29,791 back now to tell you what-- 43 00:02:29,891 --> 00:02:32,560 what-- why-- why we're all here. 44 00:02:32,660 --> 00:02:34,996 Actually it all started about a week ago. 45 00:02:35,096 --> 00:02:37,832 Buddy Sorrell, Sally Rogers, and myself 46 00:02:37,932 --> 00:02:40,869 had-- were just kind of lounging around our office there. 47 00:02:40,969 --> 00:02:43,772 And we had written a show and turned it into Mr. Brady. 48 00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:45,073 We were in a holiday spirit. 49 00:02:46,374 --> 00:02:47,542 This Christmas lists gets a little longer every year. 50 00:02:47,642 --> 00:02:48,877 [rickety knocking] 51 00:02:48,977 --> 00:02:50,412 Is that-- somebody's kicking at the door. 52 00:02:50,512 --> 00:02:52,847 Either that or the termites are taking dancing lessons. 53 00:02:55,483 --> 00:02:56,284 Hey! 54 00:02:56,384 --> 00:02:57,986 Look at that. 55 00:02:58,086 --> 00:02:59,954 Rob, that's got to be Laura, or Santa Claus 56 00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:02,924 has got the wildest legs I ever saw. 57 00:03:03,024 --> 00:03:05,093 Funny feeling in my wallet that's Laura behind there. 58 00:03:05,193 --> 00:03:07,829 Oh, will you stop with the jokes and help me. 59 00:03:07,929 --> 00:03:09,230 Oh, boy, what a haul! 60 00:03:09,330 --> 00:03:12,400 Oh, just what I always wanted, a beautiful wife. 61 00:03:13,968 --> 00:03:15,236 Not so sure you're going to want me when the bills come in. 62 00:03:15,336 --> 00:03:16,237 Uh-huh. 63 00:03:16,337 --> 00:03:17,338 Well, who cares. 64 00:03:17,439 --> 00:03:19,140 Boy, when Alan seas our Christmas script, 65 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,209 he's going to give us a bonus and the rest of the week off. 66 00:03:21,309 --> 00:03:22,343 - Wee! - Rob? 67 00:03:22,444 --> 00:03:27,549 I just wanted-- oh, all right, let's have it. 68 00:03:27,649 --> 00:03:30,251 Welcome, Mel, and season's greetings. 69 00:03:32,887 --> 00:03:34,289 That's all, no insult? 70 00:03:34,389 --> 00:03:36,758 Never on the holidays. 71 00:03:36,858 --> 00:03:38,359 Hey, Mel, how'd Alan like the script? 72 00:03:38,460 --> 00:03:39,894 Well, the first thing I want to tell you 73 00:03:39,994 --> 00:03:41,763 is that Alan was crazy about it, every word. 74 00:03:41,863 --> 00:03:42,697 All right! 75 00:03:42,797 --> 00:03:44,299 Beautiful! 76 00:03:44,399 --> 00:03:45,233 [interposing voices] 77 00:03:45,333 --> 00:03:46,167 Take some of these. 78 00:03:46,267 --> 00:03:47,869 [whistles] Wait. 79 00:03:47,969 --> 00:03:51,039 Mel, what is the second thing you wanted to say? 80 00:03:51,139 --> 00:03:52,974 We're not using the script. 81 00:03:53,074 --> 00:03:53,708 Huh? 82 00:03:53,808 --> 00:03:55,777 We're not using it? 83 00:03:55,877 --> 00:03:57,345 Why aren't we using it? 84 00:03:57,445 --> 00:03:59,447 What is it that everyone says "The Alan Brady Show" lacks? 85 00:03:59,547 --> 00:04:00,448 A good producer. 86 00:04:03,051 --> 00:04:04,219 What are you talking about, Mel? 87 00:04:04,319 --> 00:04:06,454 They say it lacks heart warmth. 88 00:04:06,554 --> 00:04:08,389 Well, if you want heart warmth, all you have to do 89 00:04:08,490 --> 00:04:11,793 is eat a large pizza before you go to bed. 90 00:04:11,893 --> 00:04:13,828 Mel, that script had heart. 91 00:04:13,928 --> 00:04:16,431 It had warmth, plus an awful lot of our brains in it. 92 00:04:16,531 --> 00:04:18,233 I don't see why you told Alan not to use it. 93 00:04:18,333 --> 00:04:20,001 Because somebody gave him a big mouth and he 94 00:04:20,101 --> 00:04:23,037 opened it before Christmas. 95 00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:25,273 If you'll all be quiet and listen to my explanation, 96 00:04:25,373 --> 00:04:26,474 you'll understand. 97 00:04:26,574 --> 00:04:28,109 Oh, Laura, this will be of special interest to you. 98 00:04:28,209 --> 00:04:29,010 Me? 99 00:04:29,110 --> 00:04:30,011 Yes. 100 00:04:30,111 --> 00:04:31,713 I simply told Alan that we-- since we 101 00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:33,548 had so many talented people on our staff 102 00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:36,217 and behind the scenes, this would be a good opportunity 103 00:04:36,317 --> 00:04:38,620 for the audiences to meet them and their families, 104 00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:40,188 sort of a Christmas party. 105 00:04:40,288 --> 00:04:41,656 "The Perry Como Show" used to do that. 106 00:04:41,756 --> 00:04:42,624 - Exactly. - Yeah. 107 00:04:42,724 --> 00:04:43,925 Exactly. 108 00:04:44,025 --> 00:04:46,127 In other words, Mel, we all perform, huh? 109 00:04:46,227 --> 00:04:47,662 Well, you do so well at parties. 110 00:04:47,762 --> 00:04:50,865 Well, a network television show is a pretty big party. 111 00:04:50,965 --> 00:04:53,034 Yeah, what does Alan want us to do? 112 00:04:53,134 --> 00:04:54,869 Well, anything you want. 113 00:04:54,969 --> 00:04:56,404 Oh, good. 114 00:04:56,504 --> 00:04:58,239 Then during the commercials I'll advertise for a fella. 115 00:05:00,875 --> 00:05:01,743 Might be kind of fun. 116 00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:02,677 What do you think, honey? 117 00:05:02,777 --> 00:05:04,145 Well, I don't know. 118 00:05:04,245 --> 00:05:05,580 Oh, you mean you don't think it's a good idea, Laura? 119 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:08,783 I don't know whether I'll sing or dance or both. 120 00:05:08,883 --> 00:05:10,151 Maybe you and I should do a number together? 121 00:05:10,251 --> 00:05:11,653 Oh. We'll do it, Mel. 122 00:05:11,753 --> 00:05:13,555 But we're going to have to change the name of the show 123 00:05:13,655 --> 00:05:14,756 to an evening with Laura Petrie. 124 00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:15,657 Oh. 125 00:05:15,757 --> 00:05:16,991 No, no, no, no, no. 126 00:05:17,091 --> 00:05:19,627 The show will be called "Alan Brady Presents." 127 00:05:19,727 --> 00:05:20,962 Presents what? 128 00:05:21,062 --> 00:05:22,497 Well, that's what we'll have to figure 129 00:05:22,597 --> 00:05:24,899 out between now and Christmas. 130 00:05:28,169 --> 00:05:30,872 Well, let's see what they figured out. 131 00:05:30,972 --> 00:05:31,906 Ready, Rob? 132 00:05:32,006 --> 00:05:33,374 Ready now. 133 00:05:33,474 --> 00:05:36,044 [music playing] 134 00:05:55,964 --> 00:05:59,133 Ladies and gentlemen, many great men have 135 00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:01,502 been immortalized in song-- 136 00:06:01,603 --> 00:06:07,242 Davy Crockett and his cap, Casey and his bat, 137 00:06:07,342 --> 00:06:12,247 John Brown and his body, not to forget 138 00:06:12,347 --> 00:06:14,115 Yankee Doodle and his dandy. 139 00:06:17,051 --> 00:06:21,389 Tonight we immortalize yet another great man in song. 140 00:06:27,729 --> 00:06:30,298 [plays notes] 141 00:06:42,377 --> 00:06:44,946 [plays note] 142 00:06:50,718 --> 00:06:53,888 (SINGING) Alan Brady. 143 00:06:53,988 --> 00:06:55,657 Alan Brady. 144 00:06:55,757 --> 00:06:58,426 Alan Brady. 145 00:06:58,526 --> 00:07:00,595 Alan Brady. 146 00:07:00,695 --> 00:07:02,997 Alan Brady. 147 00:07:03,097 --> 00:07:04,832 Alan Brady. 148 00:07:04,932 --> 00:07:07,502 Alan Brady. 149 00:07:07,602 --> 00:07:08,569 Alan Brady. 150 00:07:15,677 --> 00:07:18,279 [applause] 151 00:07:22,917 --> 00:07:24,052 [speaking] Oh. 152 00:07:28,022 --> 00:07:32,694 [sniffs] [hums a note] 153 00:07:32,794 --> 00:07:41,836 (SINGING) Alan Brady, Alan Brady, Alan Brady, Alan Brady. 154 00:07:41,936 --> 00:07:44,839 Alan Brady. 155 00:07:44,939 --> 00:07:46,607 Alan Brady. 156 00:07:46,708 --> 00:07:49,377 Alan Brady. 157 00:07:49,477 --> 00:07:52,480 Buddy Sorrell. 158 00:07:52,580 --> 00:07:55,583 [applause] 159 00:07:57,051 --> 00:07:58,186 [speaking] OK. 160 00:08:11,532 --> 00:08:14,135 [applause] 161 00:08:18,906 --> 00:08:20,208 [hums note] 162 00:08:20,308 --> 00:08:22,777 (SINGING) Alan Brady. 163 00:08:22,877 --> 00:08:25,513 Alan Brady. 164 00:08:25,613 --> 00:08:27,648 Alan Brady. 165 00:08:27,749 --> 00:08:29,317 Sally Rogers. 166 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:41,696 [applause] 167 00:08:44,866 --> 00:08:47,668 [speaking] We will begin again, if you please. 168 00:08:47,769 --> 00:08:50,304 [hums note] 169 00:08:50,405 --> 00:08:53,908 (SINGING) Laura Petrie. 170 00:08:54,008 --> 00:08:56,577 [applause] 171 00:09:21,702 --> 00:09:23,504 (SINGING) Alan Brady. 172 00:09:23,604 --> 00:09:25,907 Alan Brady. 173 00:09:26,007 --> 00:09:27,275 Alan Brady. 174 00:09:30,244 --> 00:09:32,280 [speaking] I can trust him. 175 00:09:32,380 --> 00:09:35,149 He's Alan Brady's brother-in-law. 176 00:09:35,249 --> 00:09:37,985 [speaking] Melvin Cooley. 177 00:09:38,085 --> 00:09:40,621 [applause] 178 00:09:53,201 --> 00:09:55,837 Robert Petrie. 179 00:09:55,937 --> 00:09:58,906 [applause] 180 00:10:01,275 --> 00:10:06,514 S Claus, North Pole. 181 00:10:06,614 --> 00:10:10,651 Dear Santa, (SINGING) I recall each Christmas 182 00:10:10,751 --> 00:10:13,187 when I was a child. 183 00:10:13,287 --> 00:10:18,226 Santa's gifts would make my little heart grow wild. 184 00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:23,264 But now that I'm a woman fully grown, 185 00:10:23,364 --> 00:10:28,936 there's just one gift I'd really love to own. 186 00:10:33,808 --> 00:10:37,011 [swing music playing] 187 00:10:37,111 --> 00:10:41,315 Santa, send a fella into my life, 188 00:10:41,415 --> 00:10:45,820 someone who is shopping around for a wife. 189 00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:50,625 I would like to order something Cary Grant-y. 190 00:10:50,725 --> 00:10:55,830 But I'd even settle for a James Durante. 191 00:10:55,930 --> 00:10:57,298 Santa, send a fella. 192 00:10:57,398 --> 00:10:59,300 That's my request. 193 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:03,804 As long as he's still breathing, he passes the test. 194 00:11:03,905 --> 00:11:08,342 I get the fancy paper and the pretty bow. 195 00:11:08,442 --> 00:11:12,446 Just him them up, Santa, let him go. 196 00:11:12,547 --> 00:11:17,485 Now, your answer may be, dear madam, 197 00:11:17,585 --> 00:11:21,389 it's better to give than to receive. 198 00:11:21,489 --> 00:11:25,993 And my reply will be, you're right. 199 00:11:26,093 --> 00:11:30,998 Give me an Adam on Christmas Eve. 200 00:11:31,098 --> 00:11:33,367 I'll be waiting, Santa. 201 00:11:33,467 --> 00:11:35,336 Don't let me down. 202 00:11:35,436 --> 00:11:40,041 There must be lots of bachelors all over town. 203 00:11:40,141 --> 00:11:44,979 If he's older, younger, shorter, tall, he's my cup of tea. 204 00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:49,216 Santa, send a fella to me. 205 00:11:49,317 --> 00:11:54,488 If Mr. Cupid knows about my lack of affection, 206 00:11:54,589 --> 00:11:59,126 how come is arrows have such a lousy sense of direction? 207 00:11:59,227 --> 00:12:01,295 They say the Army builds men. 208 00:12:01,395 --> 00:12:05,600 I wish they'd build one for me. 209 00:12:05,700 --> 00:12:10,471 Santa, send a fella to me-- ee. 210 00:12:21,148 --> 00:12:24,318 [applause] 211 00:12:26,087 --> 00:12:29,023 MAN: Package for Miss Sally Rogers. 212 00:12:29,123 --> 00:12:32,326 Package for Miss Sally Rogers. 213 00:12:32,426 --> 00:12:33,694 Package? 214 00:12:33,794 --> 00:12:35,162 For me? 215 00:12:35,262 --> 00:12:37,198 Gee, I ordered a fella. 216 00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:42,670 Maybe-- Uh! 217 00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:48,609 [applause] 218 00:12:51,746 --> 00:12:55,082 Maybe I should have been a little more specific. 219 00:12:55,182 --> 00:12:56,083 What'd you expect? 220 00:12:56,183 --> 00:12:58,919 It's the end of the season. 221 00:12:59,020 --> 00:13:01,055 You're lucky to get anything. 222 00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:02,356 I asked Santa to send me something 223 00:13:02,456 --> 00:13:03,324 with a shape like this. 224 00:13:03,424 --> 00:13:06,027 Look what I got. 225 00:13:06,127 --> 00:13:10,231 Now a little musical Christmas gift for you folk out there. 226 00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:12,166 [piano playing] 227 00:13:12,266 --> 00:13:13,167 Wait a minute! 228 00:13:13,267 --> 00:13:14,502 Wait a minute! 229 00:13:14,602 --> 00:13:15,970 I'm playing a cello solo. 230 00:13:16,070 --> 00:13:17,104 What is this? 231 00:13:17,204 --> 00:13:18,205 Well, I'm going to accompany you. 232 00:13:18,305 --> 00:13:19,807 I don't need any accompaniment. 233 00:13:19,907 --> 00:13:21,008 Why not? 234 00:13:21,108 --> 00:13:23,044 Jascha Heifetz has as a whole symphony behind him. 235 00:13:23,144 --> 00:13:26,080 Yeah, he's afraid to play alone. 236 00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:27,415 Not me. 237 00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:29,650 This is a solo instrument, and I am soloing. 238 00:13:29,750 --> 00:13:31,085 Well, now, look, don't worry. 239 00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:34,021 I'll play so soft you can hardly know I'm here. 240 00:13:34,121 --> 00:13:35,022 I hope so. 241 00:13:35,122 --> 00:13:36,090 I'll give you an arpeggio. 242 00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:37,124 Listen. 243 00:13:40,661 --> 00:13:41,395 See? 244 00:13:41,495 --> 00:13:42,263 You don't even know I'm here. 245 00:13:42,363 --> 00:13:45,032 I thought you left. 246 00:13:45,132 --> 00:13:46,100 Don't forget it's my solo. 247 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:47,034 OK. 248 00:13:47,134 --> 00:13:49,370 [cello playing] 249 00:13:49,470 --> 00:13:52,039 [piano playing] 250 00:14:07,655 --> 00:14:09,356 Your shoe, I believe. 251 00:14:09,457 --> 00:14:12,126 Next time my foot. 252 00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:13,160 My solo. 253 00:14:13,260 --> 00:14:14,295 This is the Christmas season. 254 00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:15,396 Give a little. 255 00:14:15,496 --> 00:14:16,964 I'm sorry. 256 00:14:17,064 --> 00:14:19,600 It's just every time I hear a song I just have to play it. 257 00:14:19,700 --> 00:14:21,769 Any song you don't know? 258 00:14:21,869 --> 00:14:22,570 Just one. 259 00:14:22,670 --> 00:14:23,404 BUDDY SORRELL: What's that? 260 00:14:23,504 --> 00:14:24,605 "Jingle Bells." 261 00:14:24,705 --> 00:14:25,940 You don't know "Jingle Bells?" 262 00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:26,941 No. 263 00:14:31,679 --> 00:14:34,482 [plays "jingle bells"] 264 00:14:43,624 --> 00:14:46,427 [piano playing] 265 00:14:50,231 --> 00:14:51,398 Wait a minute! 266 00:14:51,499 --> 00:14:52,666 I thought you didn't know "Jingle Bells." 267 00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:54,068 I didn't know that was "Jingle Bells!" 268 00:14:54,168 --> 00:14:56,737 [indistinct arguing] 269 00:14:59,340 --> 00:15:00,574 Merry Christmas! 270 00:15:00,674 --> 00:15:01,575 Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! 271 00:15:01,675 --> 00:15:05,179 Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho! 272 00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:06,547 Oh, Merry Christmas! 273 00:15:06,647 --> 00:15:09,650 Ho, ho, ho, ho! 274 00:15:09,750 --> 00:15:10,417 Oh, ho! 275 00:15:10,518 --> 00:15:11,986 Merry Christmas! 276 00:15:12,086 --> 00:15:13,320 Ho, ho, ho, ho! 277 00:15:13,420 --> 00:15:15,856 Ho ho. 278 00:15:15,956 --> 00:15:17,391 Oh. 279 00:15:17,491 --> 00:15:19,360 Hey, Santa, doesn't look like you're 280 00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:22,363 doing too well over there. 281 00:15:22,463 --> 00:15:23,597 Hey, you know something? 282 00:15:23,697 --> 00:15:25,332 I think I know what your trouble is. 283 00:15:25,432 --> 00:15:28,135 You're not ho-ho-ing enough. 284 00:15:28,235 --> 00:15:31,005 I don't believe I've seen you do one ho all day. 285 00:15:31,105 --> 00:15:34,108 Come one, let me see you give out with a ho, ho, ho. 286 00:15:34,208 --> 00:15:35,676 (WOMAN'S VOICE) Ho, ho, ho. 287 00:15:43,184 --> 00:15:46,353 Take off that beard. 288 00:15:46,454 --> 00:15:47,788 Ah-ha! 289 00:15:47,888 --> 00:15:49,690 You didn't fool me for a minute. 290 00:15:49,790 --> 00:15:50,858 You're no Santa Claus. 291 00:15:50,958 --> 00:15:52,159 You're a lady. 292 00:15:52,259 --> 00:15:54,962 Sir, please don't tell the Santa Claus people on me. 293 00:15:55,062 --> 00:15:57,665 Who's gonna tell? 294 00:15:57,765 --> 00:15:58,999 I'm glad you're a lady. 295 00:15:59,099 --> 00:16:00,367 - You are? - Yeah. 296 00:16:00,467 --> 00:16:02,203 You know, as a matter of fact, I've been standing over here 297 00:16:02,303 --> 00:16:06,974 all day saying, that Santa Claus over there is driving me crazy. 298 00:16:07,074 --> 00:16:11,345 I never-- I never smelled such a sweet Santa Claus. 299 00:16:11,445 --> 00:16:12,746 Thank you. 300 00:16:12,847 --> 00:16:14,915 Say, you sound very young yourself to be a Santa. 301 00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:18,052 As a matter of fact, I am rather young. 302 00:16:18,152 --> 00:16:24,625 [gasps] 303 00:16:24,725 --> 00:16:27,695 As a matter of fact, I actually do this just because. 304 00:16:27,795 --> 00:16:29,063 You need the money too? 305 00:16:29,163 --> 00:16:32,433 No, I am a wealthy young playboy in disguise. 306 00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:35,169 And I think that I love you. 307 00:16:35,269 --> 00:16:38,138 Will you come away with me and we'll be married on my yacht? 308 00:16:38,239 --> 00:16:39,406 Oh, go on. 309 00:16:39,506 --> 00:16:42,076 You don't have any yacht. 310 00:16:42,176 --> 00:16:44,345 Are you kidding? 311 00:16:44,445 --> 00:16:46,113 That's the smallest thing I own! 312 00:16:49,583 --> 00:16:52,186 (SINGING) I got a summer place in Newport. 313 00:16:52,286 --> 00:16:53,487 [speaking] That's rich! 314 00:16:53,587 --> 00:16:55,322 (SINGING) When the snow flies I'm in Nice. 315 00:16:55,422 --> 00:16:56,624 [speaking] Nice is nice. 316 00:16:56,724 --> 00:16:58,525 (SINGING) I could name a couple of Broadway 317 00:16:58,626 --> 00:17:00,828 shows in which I have a piece. 318 00:17:00,928 --> 00:17:02,229 [speaking] "My Fair Lady?" 319 00:17:02,329 --> 00:17:05,266 (SINGING) I've got yards and yards of green backs 320 00:17:05,366 --> 00:17:06,934 and a diamond mine are two. 321 00:17:07,034 --> 00:17:08,535 [speaking] Why are you telling me all this? 322 00:17:08,636 --> 00:17:11,972 (SINGING) It seems that I have everything but you. 323 00:17:12,072 --> 00:17:13,841 [speaking] Look, money isn't everything. 324 00:17:13,941 --> 00:17:16,377 (SINGING) I got a voice like Perry Como. 325 00:17:16,477 --> 00:17:17,645 [speaking] Ooh, he's good. 326 00:17:17,745 --> 00:17:18,946 (SINGING) I can act like Shirley Booth. 327 00:17:19,046 --> 00:17:20,614 [speaking] Didn't she win an Emmy? 328 00:17:20,714 --> 00:17:23,751 (SINGING) And they say that I look just like Stanley 329 00:17:23,851 --> 00:17:26,220 Laurel in his youth. 330 00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:31,425 I can trip the light fantastic like Astaire and Kelly do. 331 00:17:31,525 --> 00:17:32,826 [speaking] Aw, you're marvelous. 332 00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:36,230 (SINGING) It seems that I have everything but you. 333 00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:41,535 I'm the last of the red-hot spenders. 334 00:17:41,635 --> 00:17:44,572 I'm the chairman of the board. 335 00:17:44,672 --> 00:17:47,675 I lend to money lenders. 336 00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:49,543 There's nothing I can't afford. 337 00:17:49,643 --> 00:17:50,711 [speaking] Oh, boy! 338 00:17:50,811 --> 00:17:52,212 (SINGING) I got a wild imagination. 339 00:17:52,313 --> 00:17:53,581 [speaking] That I believe! 340 00:17:53,681 --> 00:17:56,817 (SINGING) So it comes as no surprise. 341 00:17:56,917 --> 00:17:59,653 All the things that I've been telling you 342 00:17:59,753 --> 00:18:01,555 are just a pack of lies. 343 00:18:01,655 --> 00:18:02,823 [speaking] I knew it! 344 00:18:02,923 --> 00:18:05,592 (SINGING) Though my office may be empty 345 00:18:05,693 --> 00:18:10,431 and my talents may be few, I know that I'd 346 00:18:10,531 --> 00:18:14,134 have everything if I had you. 347 00:18:39,293 --> 00:18:42,796 (SINGING) You're the handsomest-looking fella, 348 00:18:42,896 --> 00:18:46,500 and I'll never let you go. 349 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:53,607 So won't you come and join me right under the mistletoe. 350 00:18:53,707 --> 00:18:55,576 You got a voice like Louis Armstrong. 351 00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:56,844 Yeah, yeah. 352 00:18:56,944 --> 00:18:59,246 (SINGING) And your actions are uncouth. 353 00:18:59,346 --> 00:19:02,950 And I think that all the gold you have 354 00:19:03,050 --> 00:19:05,819 could hardly fill a tooth. 355 00:19:05,919 --> 00:19:11,759 Though your pockets may be empty and your talents may be few, 356 00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:17,331 if this is a proposal then I'll say-- 357 00:19:17,431 --> 00:19:20,300 I do. 358 00:19:20,401 --> 00:19:22,970 [applause] 359 00:19:32,613 --> 00:19:35,783 [music, "little drummer boy"] 360 00:19:38,919 --> 00:19:45,192 (SINGING) Come, they told me, pah-rum, pum-pum, pum. 361 00:19:48,328 --> 00:19:54,501 A newborn king to see, pah-rum, pum-pum, pum. 362 00:19:57,404 --> 00:20:01,108 I have no gift to bring-- 363 00:20:01,208 --> 00:20:08,048 pah-rum, pum-pum, pum-- that's fit to give 364 00:20:08,148 --> 00:20:13,620 our king, pah-rum, pum-pum, pum, rum, pah-pum, 365 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:16,290 pum, rum, pah-pum, pum. 366 00:20:18,492 --> 00:20:29,336 Shall I play for you, pah-rum, pum-pum, pum, on my drum? 367 00:20:36,977 --> 00:20:43,283 Mary nodded, pah-rum, pum-pum, pum. 368 00:20:46,019 --> 00:20:52,426 The ox and lamb kept time, pah-rum, pum-pum, pum. 369 00:20:55,229 --> 00:21:01,368 I played my drum for him, pah-rum, pum-pum, pum. 370 00:21:04,571 --> 00:21:10,077 I played my best for him, pah-rum, pum-pum, pum, rum, 371 00:21:10,177 --> 00:21:14,348 pum-pum, pum, rum pum-pum, pum. 372 00:21:21,655 --> 00:21:32,432 Then he smiled at me, pah-rum, pum-pum, pum, me and my drum. 373 00:21:36,403 --> 00:21:37,371 Me and my drum. 374 00:21:42,743 --> 00:21:45,345 [applause] 375 00:21:52,686 --> 00:21:55,289 [military-style music playing] 376 00:21:57,057 --> 00:21:59,693 (SINGING) I am a fine musician. 377 00:21:59,793 --> 00:22:01,528 I practice every day. 378 00:22:01,628 --> 00:22:05,499 And people come from miles around just to hear me play. 379 00:22:05,599 --> 00:22:09,870 Mu trum-- my trumpet, they love to hear my trumpet. 380 00:22:09,970 --> 00:22:11,972 Tah-dah-dah-dah, tut, tut, tut-tut tut, 381 00:22:12,072 --> 00:22:14,174 tuh, tuh tut, tut, tuh. 382 00:22:17,244 --> 00:22:19,780 (SINGING) I am a fine musician. 383 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:21,448 And I get lots of pay. 384 00:22:21,548 --> 00:22:25,519 And when I play my tuba people throw money my way. 385 00:22:25,619 --> 00:22:29,656 My tuba, my tuba, they love to hear my tuba. 386 00:22:29,756 --> 00:22:33,227 Oompah, oompah, oompah-oompah, oompah, oompah, oom-pah-oom. 387 00:22:33,327 --> 00:22:35,395 (SINGING) Tat-tadda-tat tat, tat-dadda-tat, 388 00:22:35,495 --> 00:22:38,065 tat, tat, tat, tat, tat. 389 00:22:41,869 --> 00:22:43,770 (SINGING) I am a fine musician. 390 00:22:43,870 --> 00:22:45,806 My music is so gay. 391 00:22:45,906 --> 00:22:49,610 And everybody dances when they hear me play. 392 00:22:49,710 --> 00:22:54,014 My trombone, my trombone, they love to hear my trombone. 393 00:22:54,114 --> 00:22:55,782 Da, da, dun-dun, da. 394 00:22:55,882 --> 00:22:57,351 Da, da-da, da, da-dun da. 395 00:22:57,451 --> 00:23:09,863 [ALL VOCALIZING THEIR INSTRUMENT SOUNDS] 396 00:23:09,963 --> 00:23:11,865 (SINGING) I am a fine musician. 397 00:23:11,965 --> 00:23:13,600 That's what the people say. 398 00:23:13,700 --> 00:23:17,671 And all the children follow me when they hear me play. 399 00:23:17,771 --> 00:23:21,775 My piccolo, my piccolo, they love to hear my piccolo. 400 00:23:21,875 --> 00:23:23,877 Deedle-ee, dee, dee, deedle-ee dee, dee. 401 00:23:23,977 --> 00:23:25,812 Deedle, deedle, dee, dee, deedle, deedle, dee. 402 00:23:25,912 --> 00:23:36,490 [ALL VOCALIZING THEIR INSTRUMENT SOUNDS] 403 00:23:36,590 --> 00:23:39,660 (SINGING) We all are fine musicians. 404 00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:41,495 We practice every day. 405 00:23:41,595 --> 00:23:45,499 And if you'd like to join us we'll show you the way. 406 00:23:45,599 --> 00:23:46,433 Come join us. 407 00:23:46,533 --> 00:23:47,567 Come join us. 408 00:23:47,668 --> 00:23:49,436 Just take a part and join us. 409 00:23:49,536 --> 00:23:52,306 [ALL VOCALIZING THEIR INSTRUMENT SOUNDS] 410 00:24:00,947 --> 00:24:02,082 (SINGING) Deedle-ee, dee, dee. 411 00:24:02,182 --> 00:24:04,117 Deedle-ee, dee, dee. 412 00:24:04,217 --> 00:24:05,952 Deedle, deedle, dee-- dee-- 413 00:24:06,053 --> 00:24:07,287 [tearfully] deedle-deedle, dee. 414 00:24:11,058 --> 00:24:13,660 [applause] 415 00:24:21,034 --> 00:24:23,637 [HUMMING "THE DICK VAN DYKE" THEME MUSIC] 416 00:24:33,780 --> 00:24:36,750 [theme music playing] 417 00:25:06,747 --> 00:25:08,382 . 28844

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.