Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:13,076 --> 00:00:15,110
( theme music playing )
2
00:00:16,858 --> 00:00:19,326
Announcer:
For the past few years ricky gervais,
3
00:00:19,391 --> 00:00:22,093
Stephen merchant,
and karl pilkington
4
00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:24,161
Have been meeting
regularly
5
00:00:24,221 --> 00:00:26,622
For a series
of pointless conversations.
6
00:00:26,686 --> 00:00:28,553
This is one of them.
7
00:00:28,611 --> 00:00:30,111
- Testing.
- Is that all right?
8
00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:32,199
( dings )
9
00:00:32,258 --> 00:00:35,460
Hello and welcome
to "the ricky gervais show"
10
00:00:35,534 --> 00:00:37,268
With me, ricky gervais,
stephen merchant...
11
00:00:37,324 --> 00:00:40,393
- Hello.
- ...And the little round-headed buffoon
12
00:00:40,464 --> 00:00:41,898
That is karl pilkington.
13
00:00:41,950 --> 00:00:43,551
Hi.
14
00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:51,851
Karl's been
on holiday again, hasn't he?
15
00:00:51,913 --> 00:00:54,414
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Yeah, 'cause you don't do anything.
16
00:00:54,479 --> 00:00:55,913
You have weekends off.
17
00:00:55,966 --> 00:00:59,101
You take at least
five or six weeks holiday a year
18
00:00:59,173 --> 00:01:00,707
Even though
you haven't got a job now--
19
00:01:00,762 --> 00:01:02,662
You're meant
to be doing this--
20
00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:04,354
- And you still go on holiday.
- So your whole life's a holiday, basically.
21
00:01:04,408 --> 00:01:05,575
Yeah, why did
you need a holiday?
22
00:01:05,624 --> 00:01:07,258
Do you putter around?
23
00:01:07,313 --> 00:01:10,882
Your big day last week was
going to the cobbler's.
24
00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:13,896
So why did you need
a break so much this week?
25
00:01:13,966 --> 00:01:17,268
It's just good
for your brain and that, isn't it?
26
00:01:17,343 --> 00:01:18,743
It opens it up a bit.
27
00:01:18,795 --> 00:01:19,929
You're not
evidence for that.
28
00:01:19,977 --> 00:01:21,544
Where did you go?
29
00:01:21,598 --> 00:01:23,432
- Gran canaria.
- For a week?
30
00:01:23,489 --> 00:01:25,190
- Yeah.
- Just sitting around?
31
00:01:25,245 --> 00:01:28,548
Um, well, there isn't
much else to do at gran canaria.
32
00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:30,456
I don't wanna go
slagging a place off,
33
00:01:30,514 --> 00:01:32,314
Because every time I seem
to talk about somewhere
34
00:01:32,371 --> 00:01:33,871
I get
into trouble for it...
35
00:01:33,925 --> 00:01:36,259
- Ricky: Right.
- ...But it's just a big rock.
36
00:01:36,323 --> 00:01:38,290
It's just volcanic,
ist it?
37
00:01:38,349 --> 00:01:41,317
And you must've
looked like a little barnacle on that.
38
00:01:41,388 --> 00:01:43,222
Have you
been there before?
39
00:01:43,279 --> 00:01:45,414
Karl:
Been near it before, to another rock,
40
00:01:45,474 --> 00:01:48,977
- But it was just--
- stephen: Why'd you go back?
41
00:01:54,998 --> 00:01:57,967
- They can't get away with it."
- stephen: They obviously are getting away with it.
42
00:01:58,037 --> 00:02:00,639
Why do you keep going
to these places that are rocks?
43
00:02:00,705 --> 00:02:02,606
Why don't you
investigate first? Ask your travel agent
44
00:02:02,664 --> 00:02:05,632
- "is this a giant rock?"
- because that's what you do, innit?
45
00:02:05,704 --> 00:02:07,571
You go
and find out yourself.
46
00:02:07,629 --> 00:02:09,162
When armstrong went
to the moon,
47
00:02:09,216 --> 00:02:10,750
What was
he expecting up there?
48
00:02:10,803 --> 00:02:12,537
That's fact
that that's a big rock
49
00:02:12,592 --> 00:02:14,093
And he still went
all that way.
50
00:02:14,146 --> 00:02:16,314
( laughs )
I don't know what the point was.
51
00:02:16,376 --> 00:02:17,976
No, so what
I'm saying is--
52
00:02:18,031 --> 00:02:19,531
What did you make
of this place?
53
00:02:19,583 --> 00:02:21,885
Did you enjoy gran canaria?
It was just a big rock but--
54
00:02:21,948 --> 00:02:23,816
- I bet the moon
was better. - Really?
55
00:02:23,873 --> 00:02:26,174
( chuckles )
what did you do?
56
00:02:26,237 --> 00:02:28,972
It was just--
it was a big hotel--
57
00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:31,742
Big, massive place where
there's loads of people
58
00:02:31,809 --> 00:02:34,544
- And you go for your dinner.
- That describes a hotel.
59
00:02:34,612 --> 00:02:36,746
- Yeah, sounds
like a hotel to me. - You've nailed that.
60
00:02:36,807 --> 00:02:38,508
I've been to a few.
That's sounds like it.
61
00:02:38,563 --> 00:02:40,631
Do you know what I mean?
It's the nice,
62
00:02:40,691 --> 00:02:42,992
Small ones where there's
just enough people,
63
00:02:43,054 --> 00:02:44,655
But this is,
like, mental.
64
00:02:44,709 --> 00:02:48,278
And it was all--
it was full of old people.
65
00:02:48,357 --> 00:02:52,093
- Stephen: Really?
- Karl: That's probably why it's called gran canaria,
66
00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:54,274
- 'cause it's just old people.
- Stephen: Grannies everywhere?
67
00:02:54,335 --> 00:02:56,336
Yeah, all right.
But what I thought I'd start doing
68
00:02:56,394 --> 00:03:00,030
Is start a diary.
69
00:03:00,109 --> 00:03:01,643
Okay. Why?
70
00:03:01,697 --> 00:03:04,131
Just 'cause
I had a bit of time on my hands
71
00:03:04,196 --> 00:03:06,597
And I just thought,
"write it down.
72
00:03:06,661 --> 00:03:09,329
- Write stuff down."
- and do you hope that this one day will become
73
00:03:09,396 --> 00:03:11,698
One of the great
literary documents like samuel pepys' diary?
74
00:03:11,761 --> 00:03:14,596
Karl:
I haven't heard of that. Is it any good?
75
00:03:14,664 --> 00:03:16,966
- ( chuckles )
- you never heard of samuel pepys' diary?
76
00:03:17,029 --> 00:03:19,898
- No, the--
- the most famous diary other than anne frank's?
77
00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:21,734
I've heard
of anne frank's,
78
00:03:21,791 --> 00:03:24,426
And I thought,
"if she's stuck in a loft,
79
00:03:24,492 --> 00:03:28,428
Knocking stuff up--
not much going on in her life at that point,
80
00:03:28,511 --> 00:03:29,978
Yet she was
still writing it down."
81
00:03:30,030 --> 00:03:31,898
Yeah, whereas you've
been to gran canaria.
82
00:03:31,956 --> 00:03:33,457
I'm on holiday,
so I thought, "there is stuff going on
83
00:03:33,509 --> 00:03:35,643
That I can chat about.
Start a diary."
84
00:03:35,704 --> 00:03:37,571
- Sure.
- You started a diary?
85
00:03:37,630 --> 00:03:39,030
- Yeah.
- And what are you gonna do?
86
00:03:39,082 --> 00:03:41,083
Did you keep it up
every day?
87
00:03:41,142 --> 00:03:43,410
- Yeah, just--
- oh, can I read it, please?
88
00:03:43,472 --> 00:03:45,406
Well, the diary's meant
to be something--
89
00:03:45,464 --> 00:03:47,965
Please, can I read
some out on this podcast?
90
00:03:48,031 --> 00:03:49,698
I-- karl.
91
00:03:49,753 --> 00:03:51,721
Some of it is only
relevant to me, so--
92
00:03:51,779 --> 00:03:53,880
Oh, this is--
please, give me it.
93
00:03:53,941 --> 00:03:56,743
- Oh my god.
- I mean, this isn't-- I haven't--
94
00:03:56,811 --> 00:03:59,846
- Look how big it is!
- ( both laugh )
95
00:03:59,919 --> 00:04:02,087
- It's one
of those desk diaries. - It's huge.
96
00:04:02,147 --> 00:04:05,616
It's about
a foot long and it's-- oh, that is amazing.
97
00:04:05,693 --> 00:04:07,628
Imagine if anne frank's
had been like that.
98
00:04:07,686 --> 00:04:09,187
As she got it out...
( mimics loud thump )
99
00:04:09,239 --> 00:04:11,874
...Everyone would've heard it
clank down on the desk.
100
00:04:11,941 --> 00:04:13,509
Yeah, but my writing's
quite big, isn't it?
101
00:04:13,562 --> 00:04:15,463
Oh, look. Give us that.
102
00:04:15,521 --> 00:04:18,356
Do you know about
joined-up writing? Have you heard about that?
103
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:20,793
- This is amazing.
- Sometimes you can't read it, so it's best to--
104
00:04:20,857 --> 00:04:24,293
Okay. Oh.
Oh, look. Oh my god.
105
00:04:24,369 --> 00:04:27,238
It starts on the first day.
This is wonderful.
106
00:04:27,307 --> 00:04:30,142
"going on holiday
to gran canaria today.
107
00:04:30,212 --> 00:04:33,547
Woke up to the news
that tony banks had died.
108
00:04:33,623 --> 00:04:35,724
There was a piece
on the news about
109
00:04:35,784 --> 00:04:38,386
How everyone was shocked.
Got me thinking
110
00:04:38,451 --> 00:04:40,619
About an invention
that would be good." ( laughs )
111
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:44,350
Right. "a watch that
counted down your life.
112
00:04:44,429 --> 00:04:46,864
If it says you've got
three days left,
113
00:04:46,928 --> 00:04:48,595
Go to the doctor's."
114
00:04:48,651 --> 00:04:50,852
- ( both laugh )
- yeah, like that.
115
00:04:50,947 --> 00:04:52,581
"told suzanne
about invention.
116
00:04:52,635 --> 00:04:54,336
She said
she wouldn't buy one,
117
00:04:54,392 --> 00:04:56,360
But she said that
about the ipod."
118
00:04:56,418 --> 00:04:59,053
How-- and how would
this device work, this watch?
119
00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:02,055
How would you know
when you're about to die?
120
00:05:02,125 --> 00:05:05,094
Is that a lot for
you to worry about? Presumably the boffins--
121
00:05:05,165 --> 00:05:07,767
No, all I was thinking is
that tony banks fella--
122
00:05:07,833 --> 00:05:09,801
He died and everyone
was shocked about it.
123
00:05:09,859 --> 00:05:11,627
But if you had
a little watch on--
124
00:05:11,683 --> 00:05:13,384
But how does it--
you can't just say
125
00:05:13,439 --> 00:05:15,440
"wouldn't it be good?"
how would this work?
126
00:05:15,499 --> 00:05:18,301
Yeah, I imagine you're
in the patent office going
127
00:05:18,370 --> 00:05:20,704
"I've got an idea."
"well, certainly. What's your idea?"
128
00:05:20,768 --> 00:05:22,402
"a watch that
counts down your life."
129
00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:24,424
"oh! How does
that work?"
130
00:05:24,482 --> 00:05:26,283
Just wear it.
Just pop it on your wrist.
131
00:05:26,339 --> 00:05:28,340
"no no, what do you mean,
'just pop it on your wrist'?
132
00:05:28,399 --> 00:05:30,634
How does it work?
'just pop it on your wrist.'"
133
00:05:30,696 --> 00:05:33,532
- Brilliant. You're an idiot.
- It's interesting that he goes on.
134
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:35,634
"the flight to gran canaria
was a bit bumpy.
135
00:05:35,695 --> 00:05:37,896
I thought about the clock
that counts down your life again
136
00:05:37,957 --> 00:05:40,626
And I wondered if
it would know if you were gonna die in a disaster."
137
00:05:40,692 --> 00:05:44,261
- ( laughs )
- now he's querying his own--
138
00:05:44,374 --> 00:05:45,974
He's wondering
if it would know.
139
00:05:46,028 --> 00:05:49,063
He's invented
this and now he-- ( laughs loudly )
140
00:05:50,486 --> 00:05:53,421
"a fella on the plane was
reading 'koi' mag.
141
00:05:53,492 --> 00:05:55,426
It was
a fishing magazine.
142
00:05:55,484 --> 00:05:58,386
I glanced and noticed
he was reading the 'pond of the month' article.
143
00:05:58,456 --> 00:06:01,191
Don't think
they could make it into a weekly magazine."
144
00:06:01,259 --> 00:06:03,761
To be fair to you,
I remember seeing a y
145
00:06:03,826 --> 00:06:05,727
On the train once
reading "carp monthly,"
146
00:06:05,784 --> 00:06:07,752
A magazine dedicated
entirely to carp,
147
00:06:07,810 --> 00:06:10,078
And it had
"carp of the month,"
148
00:06:10,141 --> 00:06:12,409
I just thought,
"once you're three months in
149
00:06:12,471 --> 00:06:14,906
The editor must be stressing.
'have we got anymore carp?
150
00:06:14,970 --> 00:06:16,504
Have we got a carp that's
actually done anything?'"
151
00:06:16,557 --> 00:06:18,291
Ricky:
I reckon if they use the same one twice,
152
00:06:18,348 --> 00:06:19,781
- There wouldn't
be many complaints. - Stephen: No one would notice.
153
00:06:19,834 --> 00:06:21,701
"well, that's the carp
they used two years ago."
154
00:06:21,759 --> 00:06:23,693
"there was a really fat
bloke on the plane.
155
00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:25,484
He was playing
on his p.S.P.
156
00:06:25,541 --> 00:06:27,008
While I waited
to go to the toilet.
157
00:06:27,060 --> 00:06:29,128
I looked at what game
he was playing-- it was darts.
158
00:06:29,188 --> 00:06:30,856
He's that fat and lazy.
159
00:06:30,910 --> 00:06:34,313
He can't even face playing
a more active game on a games console.
160
00:06:39,455 --> 00:06:42,056
Me and suzanne
got off the coach with a couple of old people.
161
00:06:42,123 --> 00:06:43,557
One of them was
in a wheelchair.
162
00:06:43,608 --> 00:06:45,375
I don't think it was
wise of him to come
163
00:06:45,432 --> 00:06:47,600
- To a volcanic island
with a wheelchair." - ( ricky laughing )
164
00:06:47,661 --> 00:06:50,029
"everywhere is pretty
rough pavement and slopey.
165
00:06:50,092 --> 00:06:53,695
I guess
I'll keep an eye on it as the week goes on.
166
00:06:53,773 --> 00:06:55,074
Day two in gran canaria."
167
00:06:55,125 --> 00:06:56,692
Brilliant.
We're only at day two.
168
00:06:56,746 --> 00:06:58,580
"the hotel is
a bit odd.
169
00:06:58,637 --> 00:07:01,339
I've never seen as many
cross-eyed people in one location."
170
00:07:01,406 --> 00:07:03,507
( ricky laughing )
171
00:07:05,391 --> 00:07:07,192
- That's enough, innit?
- Oh, that's amazing.
172
00:07:07,249 --> 00:07:09,483
- Well, you may have to let me
read a little bit more. - This is amazing.
173
00:07:09,545 --> 00:07:11,512
- Come back to it later.
- This is a brilliant diary.
174
00:07:11,572 --> 00:07:13,639
This might be
the best diary ever written.
175
00:07:13,699 --> 00:07:16,534
"while I sat listening
to the kinks on my ipod,
176
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:19,538
I wonder if everybody
thinks in their accent.
177
00:07:19,609 --> 00:07:22,911
I know I do." what's this?
What are you talking about?
178
00:07:22,986 --> 00:07:24,753
Just-- just that.
179
00:07:24,809 --> 00:07:29,446
You know,
when I sat there, lying on the lounger,
180
00:07:29,538 --> 00:07:31,605
And I was thinking
about stuff--
181
00:07:31,665 --> 00:07:33,632
How do you know
you think in your accent?
182
00:07:33,692 --> 00:07:36,627
- Tell me a typical thought.
- What I mean is
183
00:07:36,697 --> 00:07:40,333
Say if it was like--
if I saw something,
184
00:07:40,412 --> 00:07:42,580
You know how I say
"that's a bit weird, innit?"
185
00:07:42,641 --> 00:07:44,976
No, but I don't have to--
186
00:07:45,039 --> 00:07:46,473
When you think,
187
00:07:46,525 --> 00:07:49,060
I don't think the sentence
like I'm saying it.
188
00:07:49,125 --> 00:07:51,126
It's just a thought.
The thought appears--
189
00:07:51,185 --> 00:07:52,418
It's conceptual
and it's already there.
190
00:07:52,469 --> 00:07:55,637
It's not like I'll go,
"rick." "what?"
191
00:07:55,711 --> 00:07:57,879
"just looking at that fella
over there, were you?"
192
00:07:57,939 --> 00:08:01,208
"yeah, I was."
"I was thinking that's a bit weird."
193
00:08:01,282 --> 00:08:03,817
"oh, so was I."
I don't have to think out whole sentences.
194
00:08:03,884 --> 00:08:06,719
Stephen:
Whereas you have, "karl. Karl. Karl.
195
00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:08,254
Stop listening
to the kinks for a minute.
196
00:08:08,308 --> 00:08:10,475
Look over there--
more cross-eyed people."
197
00:08:10,536 --> 00:08:12,070
No, that's--
yeah, that's--
198
00:08:12,123 --> 00:08:14,691
- Is that how
your mind works? - In a way, yeah.
199
00:08:14,758 --> 00:08:16,258
- Brilliant.
- That explains a lot.
200
00:08:16,311 --> 00:08:19,881
That's great.
He has to think about whole sentences.
201
00:08:19,958 --> 00:08:21,859
'cause I thought
"that's weird, innit?"
202
00:08:21,917 --> 00:08:23,852
I didn't think
"that's weird, isn't it?"
203
00:08:23,910 --> 00:08:26,345
I thought,
"I actually think in my accent."
204
00:08:26,409 --> 00:08:28,577
And then I thought,
"does stephen hawking?
205
00:08:28,637 --> 00:08:30,839
Does he--
when he's doing his math and that--"
206
00:08:30,900 --> 00:08:32,868
I don't know
where he's from,
207
00:08:32,927 --> 00:08:34,427
So I don't know what
his accent would be like.
208
00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:37,615
I think he's from kent,
cambridge or oxford.
209
00:08:37,689 --> 00:08:40,424
- Right. So--
- so you think he might think--
210
00:08:40,491 --> 00:08:42,826
- In his voice.
In that voice-box thing. - Stephen: Computerized voice.
211
00:08:42,889 --> 00:08:44,423
I just wondered.
212
00:08:44,476 --> 00:08:48,112
"had lunch inside
today due to shite weather. Sat next to an old fella.
213
00:08:48,192 --> 00:08:51,060
Old men's ears
and noses carry on growing as they get older.
214
00:08:51,130 --> 00:08:53,397
Suzanne noticed
his fingers were fat too.
215
00:08:53,460 --> 00:08:55,294
Maybe they
continue to grow.
216
00:08:55,350 --> 00:08:57,685
Suzanne didn't laugh
when I said her arse had the same problem."
217
00:08:57,748 --> 00:09:01,284
( laughing )
oh, god.
218
00:09:02,477 --> 00:09:03,977
"day three.
Cloudy start to the day.
219
00:09:04,030 --> 00:09:05,397
Had pine chips
in the cafe.
220
00:09:05,448 --> 00:09:07,082
Had a bit
of an argument with suzanne
221
00:09:07,137 --> 00:09:09,038
'cause I thought
it was daft that we were paying for food
222
00:09:09,096 --> 00:09:10,896
When we were on
an all-inclusive holiday.
223
00:09:10,953 --> 00:09:14,188
Changed my mind when I saw
they sold pie though.
224
00:09:15,310 --> 00:09:17,211
The cafe was
called 'tattoo's.'
225
00:09:17,268 --> 00:09:18,836
The fella who owned it
didn't have any tattoos,
226
00:09:18,890 --> 00:09:21,325
But we never saw
his wife."
227
00:09:27,434 --> 00:09:29,835
- Oh, brilliant.
- "had a drink in a bar.
228
00:09:29,898 --> 00:09:31,799
Everyone sat and watched
one of the local cats
229
00:09:31,858 --> 00:09:34,092
- Lick its bollocks."
- ( ricky laughing )
230
00:09:38,207 --> 00:09:40,975
It's the greatest holiday
in the world!
231
00:09:44,826 --> 00:09:47,661
That's the entertainment
in that town!
232
00:09:47,730 --> 00:09:50,031
"went back to the hotel
to have a sleep before tea."
233
00:09:50,095 --> 00:09:52,129
I love the fact you're
talking about old people,
234
00:09:52,188 --> 00:09:55,424
- But you're just as bad.
- You've done nothing so far.
235
00:09:55,497 --> 00:09:57,465
He's done nothing.
He's having a kip.
236
00:09:57,524 --> 00:10:00,660
"woke up to news about ducks
being badly treated.
237
00:10:00,732 --> 00:10:02,767
There was
a really ugly one with bent legs."
238
00:10:02,826 --> 00:10:04,693
( ricky laughing )
239
00:10:04,751 --> 00:10:06,752
I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna die.
240
00:10:06,811 --> 00:10:08,779
Why does
he write this down?
241
00:10:08,837 --> 00:10:10,972
Oh, god. Oh.
242
00:10:11,032 --> 00:10:12,633
"there is a fat bloke
from bolton
243
00:10:12,721 --> 00:10:14,622
Who is in the pool
as I write this.
244
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:17,515
He's got a big tattoo
on his back, but I can't work out what it is."
245
00:10:17,584 --> 00:10:20,453
Dot dot dot,
"he just got out of the pool and burped."
246
00:10:20,522 --> 00:10:24,025
Just felt that you had
to keep us abreast of that?
247
00:10:24,102 --> 00:10:26,503
Everything's
in the diary.
248
00:10:26,568 --> 00:10:28,602
I just saw it
get to the point where you're going
249
00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:31,964
- "breathed in.
Breathed out again." - stephen: Yeah.
250
00:10:32,038 --> 00:10:34,606
"there was a big,
fat fella in the sea who kept his t-shirt on.
251
00:10:34,673 --> 00:10:36,574
If you're big and fat,
is there more a chance
252
00:10:36,631 --> 00:10:39,166
Of you getting burnt
'cause there's more of you on show?
253
00:10:39,231 --> 00:10:41,165
I asked suzanne
and she said she didn't know
254
00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:42,925
In that sort of
not-listening kind of way."
255
00:10:42,980 --> 00:10:45,315
- ( ricky chuckles )
- stephen: "I wanted to hang about
256
00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:47,379
To see if the fat bloke was
gonna get into the kayak,
257
00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:50,474
But suzanne said
we had to head back."
258
00:10:50,545 --> 00:10:52,713
- Just left him
waiting to see... - ( splashes )
259
00:10:52,774 --> 00:10:54,842
...If he's gonna capsize.
260
00:10:57,941 --> 00:11:01,344
"we go home today,
so we got up early to get the last bit of cloud."
261
00:11:02,872 --> 00:11:04,439
No, it's just
that it wasn't--
262
00:11:04,492 --> 00:11:06,794
It's not that sunny
all the time.
263
00:11:06,856 --> 00:11:09,491
I mean, I was sitting
in weather that
264
00:11:09,558 --> 00:11:12,260
If it was like that here,
there's no way I'd be sitting in the garden.
265
00:11:12,328 --> 00:11:14,228
- ( ricky laughs )
- but because you're on holiday,
266
00:11:14,287 --> 00:11:17,823
It's like "well,
we've got to sit in it. Put your coat on."
267
00:11:17,900 --> 00:11:19,634
So are you gonna continue
to write this diary?
268
00:11:19,689 --> 00:11:21,223
- Yeah, I--
- every single day?
269
00:11:21,277 --> 00:11:23,211
It's amazing.
Keep this diary up.
270
00:11:23,269 --> 00:11:25,037
- It's amazing.
- I will. I will keep it up,
271
00:11:25,093 --> 00:11:26,961
'cause what I found out
as well is,
272
00:11:27,018 --> 00:11:28,685
Earlier on
before I went away,
273
00:11:28,741 --> 00:11:30,675
I think
I did learn something
274
00:11:30,733 --> 00:11:32,201
And because
I wrote it down,
275
00:11:32,253 --> 00:11:36,756
I remembered it
a bit, so--
276
00:11:36,846 --> 00:11:38,480
What was that?
277
00:11:38,534 --> 00:11:40,402
I was just thinking
that I forgot it now...
278
00:11:40,459 --> 00:11:42,694
( both laugh )
279
00:11:42,756 --> 00:11:44,156
...But I remember
looking back at it
280
00:11:44,208 --> 00:11:45,408
And not having
to read it all
281
00:11:45,457 --> 00:11:47,091
Because I remembered
the end of it
282
00:11:47,146 --> 00:11:48,579
Before I read it,
if you know what I mean.
283
00:11:48,632 --> 00:11:50,499
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
284
00:11:53,562 --> 00:11:55,129
Harry from canterbury
wants to know
285
00:11:55,184 --> 00:11:58,019
Whether any of us have ever
had any cruel nicknames.
286
00:11:58,087 --> 00:12:00,889
He claims
that he's quite tall
287
00:12:00,959 --> 00:12:02,092
And rather hirsute,
288
00:12:02,140 --> 00:12:04,375
And he says he's often
called lurch or wolfie.
289
00:12:04,437 --> 00:12:07,673
He's always thought
that karl looks a bit like mr. Potato head.
290
00:12:07,746 --> 00:12:10,848
Yeah, there's
no potato that round,
291
00:12:10,921 --> 00:12:14,924
But I suppose
you could fashion a potato to be that round.
292
00:12:15,007 --> 00:12:17,475
Maybe if anyone
can carve a potato
293
00:12:17,541 --> 00:12:18,974
Into the roundest head ever,
294
00:12:19,026 --> 00:12:20,793
Pop a couple
of eyes on it...
295
00:12:20,850 --> 00:12:22,350
Make it look as much
like karl as possible.
296
00:12:22,403 --> 00:12:23,804
- Ricky: Exactly.
- Stephen: Yeah. Any nicknames?
297
00:12:23,855 --> 00:12:25,489
Did you ever have
a nickname, rick?
298
00:12:25,544 --> 00:12:27,078
No, I was boring.
I didn't have any.
299
00:12:27,132 --> 00:12:29,500
It was just around
the name, like "gerv" or something like that.
300
00:12:29,563 --> 00:12:30,997
No, I didn't have
nicknames.
301
00:12:31,049 --> 00:12:32,516
I always wanted
a nickname.
302
00:12:32,569 --> 00:12:34,937
I just thought
it was quite cool for some reason,
303
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,901
Particularly because
gangsters always seemed to have nicknames.
304
00:12:36,958 --> 00:12:39,593
- Lefty. Yeah.
- Fingers. Lefty, yeah.
305
00:12:39,661 --> 00:12:41,895
- Scarface.
- Yeah.
306
00:12:41,957 --> 00:12:43,624
And so I decided
307
00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:45,247
'cause no one was giving me
a nickname at school--
308
00:12:45,300 --> 00:12:47,134
It was kind of annoying--
or certainly not to my face--
309
00:12:47,192 --> 00:12:49,726
I decided to just
come up with one.
310
00:12:49,792 --> 00:12:51,960
I remember
I was at lunch once
311
00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:53,755
And I just said
to my mate phil--
312
00:12:53,810 --> 00:12:56,178
- How old were you?
- 12, 13.
313
00:12:56,310 --> 00:12:58,044
- Brilliant.
- I just said to him,
314
00:12:58,100 --> 00:13:00,635
"phil, I don't know
if you know me,
315
00:13:00,700 --> 00:13:03,702
But people aren't
calling me steve anymore.
316
00:13:03,774 --> 00:13:07,176
- Everyone's
calling me spud now." - ( ricky laughing )
317
00:13:08,636 --> 00:13:10,137
Now I don't know
why I thought "spud."
318
00:13:10,190 --> 00:13:12,158
It's weird we should talk
about mr. Potato head.
319
00:13:12,216 --> 00:13:14,384
I don't know why I thought
"spud" was a cool nickname.
320
00:13:14,445 --> 00:13:16,513
- I just sort of--
- it's a grown-up name, innit?
321
00:13:16,573 --> 00:13:18,273
It's also
'cause I think it sounded like--
322
00:13:18,329 --> 00:13:21,364
It was probably
something that you'd find in one of those kids' books,
323
00:13:21,435 --> 00:13:23,103
Like "the famous five"
or "the back street kids."
324
00:13:23,158 --> 00:13:25,159
There'd be spud.
I'd always imagined spud--
325
00:13:25,218 --> 00:13:27,653
He's not the leader
of the gang, but he's a reliable member.
326
00:13:27,718 --> 00:13:30,453
I think spud is
the biggest lorry driver
327
00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:32,955
In one particular sort
of car park.
328
00:13:33,019 --> 00:13:35,020
- "here comes spud."
- stephen: Yeah.
329
00:13:35,079 --> 00:13:36,980
And he gets out.
"all right, boys." he's big and massive.
330
00:13:37,038 --> 00:13:39,172
"spud can eat
two breakfasts."
331
00:13:39,234 --> 00:13:41,201
Exactly, yeah.
But in my mind
332
00:13:41,260 --> 00:13:43,661
It was that I would be,
one day, part of a gang.
333
00:13:43,725 --> 00:13:46,027
"I'm pinkie, this is jo-jo
and the tall guy is spud."
334
00:13:46,089 --> 00:13:47,923
That's be really cool.
335
00:13:47,981 --> 00:13:49,581
And he just went,
"oh, yeah, right."
336
00:13:49,634 --> 00:13:51,702
And no one started--
well, I was hoping he'd go,
337
00:13:51,763 --> 00:13:53,497
"you know, everyone's
calling steve 'spud.'"
338
00:13:53,552 --> 00:13:55,987
Yeah. "hey, spud."
the first time someone said "spud," you go "what?"
339
00:13:56,051 --> 00:13:57,919
- Yeah, exactly.
- You'd be really proud, wouldn't you?
340
00:13:57,976 --> 00:14:01,145
- No.
- Did you have a nickname?
341
00:14:01,218 --> 00:14:03,720
Um, not-- not rea--
342
00:14:03,785 --> 00:14:06,520
There was a lot
of people on the estate that I grew up on.
343
00:14:06,589 --> 00:14:09,557
Nicknames are big things
on estates and that.
344
00:14:09,628 --> 00:14:11,829
A lot of my dad's mates--
345
00:14:11,890 --> 00:14:15,893
What their nicknames did
was tell you about them.
346
00:14:15,976 --> 00:14:17,744
Do you know I always said
the elephant man's a good name?
347
00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:19,835
- Ricky: Yeah.
- 'cause you know what you're gonna get.
348
00:14:19,894 --> 00:14:21,962
If someone said,
"elephant man's popping around in a bit,
349
00:14:22,022 --> 00:14:24,190
- It wouldn't be a shock
when he walked in." - ( stephen laughs )
350
00:14:24,250 --> 00:14:29,388
- Yeah.
- So it worked in that sort of thing.
351
00:14:29,485 --> 00:14:32,721
There was
john the screw, all right?
352
00:14:32,795 --> 00:14:34,429
- John the screw.
- Yeah.
353
00:14:34,483 --> 00:14:36,451
Did he have sex
a lot or he worked in a prison?
354
00:14:36,509 --> 00:14:40,312
- Karl: No,
he had a d.I.Y. Shop. - ( both laughing )
355
00:14:42,318 --> 00:14:44,019
- So you had him.
- Right.
356
00:14:44,075 --> 00:14:45,675
There was
fred the veg.
357
00:14:45,730 --> 00:14:48,064
Ricky: Yeah?
I see what you mean.
358
00:14:48,127 --> 00:14:49,660
It's cause he had
the same I.Q. As you.
359
00:14:49,714 --> 00:14:52,149
- Stephen:
Or he was in a coma. - Ricky: Yeah.
360
00:14:54,037 --> 00:14:58,307
- Right?
- There was my uncle, tattoo stan.
361
00:14:58,393 --> 00:15:01,996
- Oh. Right.
- He had loads of tattoos
362
00:15:02,075 --> 00:15:04,576
- That he'd just done himself.
- Oh my god.
363
00:15:04,641 --> 00:15:07,609
The problem was,
because he did his tattoos himself,
364
00:15:07,681 --> 00:15:10,216
The ones
on his left arm were really good...
365
00:15:10,281 --> 00:15:12,949
- ( stephen and ricky laugh )
- ...Because he was right-handed.
366
00:15:13,017 --> 00:15:15,318
On his right arm,
rubbish.
367
00:15:15,380 --> 00:15:17,515
So that was him.
368
00:15:17,575 --> 00:15:21,678
- Oh, great.
- Then there was jimmy the hat.
369
00:15:21,764 --> 00:15:24,232
- Jimmy the hat?
- Yeah.
370
00:15:24,296 --> 00:15:25,964
- Did he always wear a hat?
- Karl: No, he didn't.
371
00:15:26,019 --> 00:15:29,054
That was the point there--
he never wore a hat.
372
00:15:29,126 --> 00:15:30,359
- That's amazing.
- Brilliant.
373
00:15:30,409 --> 00:15:31,776
How can you pick up
on someone
374
00:15:31,827 --> 00:15:33,861
Never wearing a hat?
How would you ever notice?
375
00:15:33,921 --> 00:15:35,621
"I've noticed something
about jimmy." "go on."
376
00:15:35,677 --> 00:15:37,644
"he doesn't wear a hat."
377
00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:39,571
Why was he not called
jimmy the parrot?
378
00:15:39,629 --> 00:15:41,530
'cause he never
carries a parrot.
379
00:15:41,587 --> 00:15:43,955
That's the way--
that's how they work.
380
00:15:44,018 --> 00:15:46,086
"here comes
jimmy three-legs." "why'd you call him that?"
381
00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:48,815
- "he hasn't got three legs."
- I didn't really have one,
382
00:15:48,882 --> 00:15:51,350
Apart from--
I had a c.B.
383
00:15:51,415 --> 00:15:54,684
You know, like when you'd
go on a c.B. Radio and have a chat--
384
00:15:54,758 --> 00:15:58,027
Oh, this was
a craze in the--
385
00:15:58,101 --> 00:16:00,169
Was it late '70s,
early '80s?
386
00:16:00,229 --> 00:16:03,665
- Early '80s.
- And it was just
387
00:16:03,742 --> 00:16:06,877
Short-band radio.
Everyone had these little handsets
388
00:16:06,949 --> 00:16:08,950
And they'd
speak to each other in the local area.
389
00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,911
Yeah, it was mainly--
I think it started off
390
00:16:10,968 --> 00:16:12,802
- With truck drivers.
- Lorry drivers, yeah. Truckers, yeah.
391
00:16:12,860 --> 00:16:14,660
There was that thing
from the 1970s--
392
00:16:14,717 --> 00:16:17,518
- "convoy."
- "convoy." yeah. Yeah.
393
00:16:17,588 --> 00:16:19,455
- Karl: Yeah,
so I had one of them... - ( radio whirring )
394
00:16:19,513 --> 00:16:21,414
...And my handle--
I had two of them--
395
00:16:21,471 --> 00:16:23,639
- Handle is
your nickname, your name? - Yeah, there's loads of code,
396
00:16:23,700 --> 00:16:25,401
- Code stuff.
- Ricky: Yeah.
397
00:16:25,456 --> 00:16:28,225
I had a couple.There wa-
398
00:16:28,293 --> 00:16:32,063
'cause there's
a lot of pilkingtons in manchester,
399
00:16:32,143 --> 00:16:33,944
So if someone
wants pilky02 in manchester, it's open.
400
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:36,435
You know what I mean?
They can have it.
401
00:16:36,499 --> 00:16:40,235
There is people
scrambling for-- " I want pilky01."
402
00:16:40,316 --> 00:16:43,051
( radio whirrs )
403
00:16:43,119 --> 00:16:45,487
And then because
I did boxing and that...
404
00:16:45,550 --> 00:16:47,685
- Ricky: Well,
you did it once. - Stephen: Yeah.
405
00:16:47,745 --> 00:16:49,846
...I had boxerboy,
406
00:16:49,907 --> 00:16:51,841
'cause I thought that's quite
a good image as well.
407
00:16:51,899 --> 00:16:53,967
That's kind
of like people going, "oh, don't mess with him."
408
00:16:54,026 --> 00:16:55,727
If he asks
what your handle is--
409
00:16:55,783 --> 00:16:58,584
"tell him."
"it's boxerboy."
410
00:16:58,654 --> 00:17:01,722
So I just had them two,
and I used to go on there.
411
00:17:01,794 --> 00:17:04,295
Pointless.
What is the point of this?
412
00:17:04,361 --> 00:17:06,128
- You just meet people.
- You don't meet people.
413
00:17:06,184 --> 00:17:08,586
You say, "what's your handle?"
"boxerboy. What's yours?"
414
00:17:08,650 --> 00:17:11,285
"uh, rubber duck "all ri"
415
00:17:11,352 --> 00:17:14,053
Karl:
No, but then you'll say-- you'll go,
416
00:17:14,121 --> 00:17:16,155
- "what's your 20?"
- what's that mean?
417
00:17:16,214 --> 00:17:19,517
- That's "where are you?"
- why didn't you say, "where are you?"
418
00:17:19,592 --> 00:17:21,960
Just in case
there's someone who's listening in--
419
00:17:22,023 --> 00:17:24,859
You hear about this
all the time--
420
00:17:24,928 --> 00:17:27,296
People listening,
jotting stuff down.
421
00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:30,595
Oh, right.
So just in case someone in the world doesn't know
422
00:17:30,668 --> 00:17:32,502
What "handle" means,
they're out of the loop.
423
00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:35,428
- They're out of the loop.
- It's not a difficult code to crack
424
00:17:35,498 --> 00:17:36,765
If you're trying
to track someone.
425
00:17:36,815 --> 00:17:38,349
It's hardly
the head of the mafia
426
00:17:38,402 --> 00:17:40,837
Talking to each other
because the fbi are on the wire.
427
00:17:40,901 --> 00:17:43,870
It's ridiculous.
"he keeps saying 'what's your handle?'
428
00:17:43,941 --> 00:17:45,575
And they come back
with something else.
429
00:17:45,630 --> 00:17:47,230
I can't work out
what's going on."
430
00:17:47,285 --> 00:17:49,786
It's like anything.
That's what codes--
431
00:17:49,851 --> 00:17:51,751
That's what codes
are all about, innit?
432
00:17:51,810 --> 00:17:54,645
- You set them up and that.
- Go on. Tell me the codes then.
433
00:17:54,714 --> 00:17:57,249
Reveal, at long last,
to the world what these codes are.
434
00:17:57,315 --> 00:17:59,282
- Yeah.
- All right, so "what's your 20?"
435
00:17:59,341 --> 00:18:01,208
- "where are you?"
- this is better than the enigma.
436
00:18:01,266 --> 00:18:02,966
- Right now here we go.
- What?
437
00:18:03,022 --> 00:18:05,456
"how many candles
are you burning?"
438
00:18:05,521 --> 00:18:08,623
Uh, does that mean
"how big is your car?" or something like that?
439
00:18:08,695 --> 00:18:10,763
- Horsepower
or something like that? - See? No that's not--
440
00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:12,290
- All right,
"what time is it?" - no, "how old are you?"
441
00:18:12,343 --> 00:18:14,577
- What? "how old
are you?" okay. - Right.
442
00:18:14,639 --> 00:18:17,040
"how many candles are
you burning?" of course.
443
00:18:17,104 --> 00:18:19,806
So what--
what's the answer come back?
444
00:18:19,874 --> 00:18:21,474
- You go, uh--
- "I'm 15."
445
00:18:21,529 --> 00:18:22,962
- 14.
- Brilliant.
446
00:18:23,015 --> 00:18:24,815
That code--
that code is--
447
00:18:24,872 --> 00:18:26,639
There's-- no one's
gonna work that out.
448
00:18:26,696 --> 00:18:28,163
I wish you had kept
a diary of this,
449
00:18:28,215 --> 00:18:30,383
- 'cause this has
been fascinating. - Now and again,
450
00:18:30,444 --> 00:18:33,513
Someone will come in
and go, "side on," right?
451
00:18:33,584 --> 00:18:35,819
- What's that mean?
- Karl: That means there's
452
00:18:35,881 --> 00:18:37,716
Someone out there
listening in to this chat
453
00:18:37,773 --> 00:18:39,841
- And going
"this sounds interesting." - yeah. No, it doesn't.
454
00:18:39,900 --> 00:18:41,400
- Unlikely.
- Yeah.
455
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:43,421
They want to join in,
so they go "side on."
456
00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:45,648
You go "side on.
Bring it in." right?
457
00:18:45,709 --> 00:18:47,410
And they go, "all right."
458
00:18:47,465 --> 00:18:50,701
Stephen:
How many candles are you burning?
459
00:18:50,775 --> 00:18:52,976
Yeah.
What's your 20?
460
00:18:53,038 --> 00:18:55,572
- Yeah.
- See you later. What's your 20?
461
00:18:55,638 --> 00:18:57,339
How many candles
are you burning?
462
00:18:57,394 --> 00:18:59,195
- Oh.
- I mean, it seems to me
463
00:18:59,251 --> 00:19:01,085
That what you should
have done is made a note
464
00:19:01,143 --> 00:19:03,477
The first time
so that when you then speak to them again,
465
00:19:03,541 --> 00:19:05,141
You don't need to ask
them those questions.
466
00:19:05,195 --> 00:19:09,598
Can I just confirm
that you're burning 15?
467
00:19:12,591 --> 00:19:13,758
It's that time again.
Do the jingle.
468
00:19:13,807 --> 00:19:17,210
Oh! Monkey news!
( squawks )
469
00:19:17,285 --> 00:19:19,753
( laughs )
sorry. Sorry.
470
00:19:19,818 --> 00:19:23,388
Okay. I'm gonna do
a really good one.
471
00:19:23,465 --> 00:19:26,000
- Stephen: Okay, go.
- Oh! Chimpanzee that!
472
00:19:26,065 --> 00:19:28,233
Monkey news, you...
( screeches )
473
00:19:28,294 --> 00:19:29,862
( beeping )
474
00:19:29,916 --> 00:19:32,785
You know it's nearly time
for the winter olympics again.
475
00:19:32,854 --> 00:19:35,456
- Is it?
- They sort of come around every four years.
476
00:19:35,522 --> 00:19:40,092
- Is it this year is it?
- Yeah and the last one that happened...
477
00:19:40,182 --> 00:19:43,485
- Four years ago yeah.
- ...There was a bit of an incident.
478
00:19:43,559 --> 00:19:45,627
Oh no. Do you
remember any winners that were monkeys
479
00:19:45,687 --> 00:19:48,189
- In any of the tournaments?
- Ricky: No. Course not.
480
00:19:48,253 --> 00:19:50,388
It's not going to be that
'cause it wouldn't be true.
481
00:19:50,449 --> 00:19:51,749
- Yeah.
- Anyway, one--
482
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:56,136
One of the popular events--
bobsleigh.
483
00:19:56,224 --> 00:19:58,492
Okay, right.
484
00:19:58,554 --> 00:20:00,755
You know--
you know how it works.
485
00:20:00,817 --> 00:20:02,517
- It's like a sled.
- Well, you need four men-- is it four men or five men?
486
00:20:02,573 --> 00:20:04,507
- Four men.
- It's definitely four men
487
00:20:04,565 --> 00:20:05,665
- That you need on--
- is it-- and two.
488
00:20:05,714 --> 00:20:07,381
And there's
two-team bobsleighs.
489
00:20:07,435 --> 00:20:09,069
But they're always men,
isn't that right, rick?
490
00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:11,993
Let me just clarify:
With the olympics you can't have animals taking part?
491
00:20:12,063 --> 00:20:14,664
No, and also--
well, no, 'cause they wouldn't be allowed;
492
00:20:14,731 --> 00:20:16,298
And two, there's no way
they could disguise it,
493
00:20:16,351 --> 00:20:19,153
Because not only
would they see it straightaway, right?
494
00:20:19,222 --> 00:20:21,323
- But they have blood tests...
- ( stephen chuckles ) okay.
495
00:20:21,383 --> 00:20:23,784
- ...Which would show up--
- so they'd definitely know if it was a non-human.
496
00:20:23,849 --> 00:20:25,282
Blood sts--
it's impossible.
497
00:20:25,335 --> 00:20:27,269
It'd be literally impossible
to have anything
498
00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:30,062
Other than a human involved
in a bobsleigh team.
499
00:20:30,130 --> 00:20:31,363
Fine. Okay.
So carry on.
500
00:20:31,414 --> 00:20:33,481
Anyway, the country was
doing really well
501
00:20:33,541 --> 00:20:35,442
- In the qualifying stages.
- Stephen: Oh yes.
502
00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:37,768
But the problem was
there was two members
503
00:20:37,830 --> 00:20:40,799
Who were getting
all the press and stuff.
504
00:20:40,869 --> 00:20:44,105
- Ricky: Oh right, yeah.
- Karl: So this one member was getting fed up
505
00:20:44,179 --> 00:20:46,180
Because the other two
were getting all the press and what have you,
506
00:20:46,239 --> 00:20:47,739
- So he said,
"I'm not happy with this." - stephen: Yeah.
507
00:20:47,793 --> 00:20:50,060
- Karl: "I'm jacking it in."
- stephen: Oh.
508
00:20:50,123 --> 00:20:51,590
So they were
like "you're joking. We've qualified.
509
00:20:51,642 --> 00:20:53,443
We're getting into
the main race."
510
00:20:53,500 --> 00:20:55,501
He said, "you can't
leave us now."
511
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:58,495
And he said,
"well, you�can do it all on your own before,
512
00:20:58,566 --> 00:21:00,967
The way you were acting
like you didn't need me.
513
00:21:01,031 --> 00:21:03,366
So I'm going."
so the clock's ticking.
514
00:21:03,428 --> 00:21:05,363
It's getting close
to the big race and everything.
515
00:21:05,421 --> 00:21:07,555
- Of course it is, yeah.
- They're like, "what are we gonna do here?"
516
00:21:07,617 --> 00:21:09,985
- The substitute
they took with them. - What they gonna do?
517
00:21:10,048 --> 00:21:12,149
- They would take
their substitute. - No, they didn't
518
00:21:12,210 --> 00:21:14,811
Have any other--
there'd been a lot of injuries and stuff.
519
00:21:14,878 --> 00:21:16,411
We'll just get
our mate to do it.
520
00:21:16,465 --> 00:21:18,800
Just get a mate, a friend
or the coach to do it.
521
00:21:18,862 --> 00:21:21,297
There's a lot
of responsibility on these people
522
00:21:21,361 --> 00:21:23,696
And you don't want
to let your country down and that.
523
00:21:23,759 --> 00:21:25,860
- And they're like,
"what are we gonna do?" - get a waiter or anyone.
524
00:21:25,921 --> 00:21:27,855
Anyway, the time comes
for the race.
525
00:21:27,913 --> 00:21:29,447
There seems to be
three people on it.
526
00:21:29,500 --> 00:21:31,001
There appears
to be three. Okay, yeah.
527
00:21:31,053 --> 00:21:32,487
- ( gunshot )
- karl: They start off.
528
00:21:32,539 --> 00:21:34,474
They're whizzing
around the track, faster than normal.
529
00:21:34,532 --> 00:21:36,500
- They're beating
their old record... - Stephen: Right amazing.
530
00:21:36,558 --> 00:21:38,826
...Because the new
fellow they've got is a little bit smaller.
531
00:21:38,888 --> 00:21:42,191
- Stephen: Oh.
- Is he in the bobsleigh or was he pushing?
532
00:21:42,266 --> 00:21:44,033
- He's-- he's in it.
- Oh, okay.
533
00:21:44,090 --> 00:21:45,891
He's wearing the uniform
and a helmet though. He's got something--
534
00:21:45,947 --> 00:21:48,048
He's got all of it on.
He's got the kit on.
535
00:21:48,108 --> 00:21:51,144
- Nobody knows who he is
but the country's loving it. - Stephen: Course they are.
536
00:21:51,215 --> 00:21:53,116
Karl: They're like,
"it looks like we gonna break all our records.
537
00:21:53,174 --> 00:21:55,576
- It's good that
they found someone new." - stephen:"yeah."
538
00:21:55,639 --> 00:21:58,007
"I bet the other
fella who left is kicking himself,
539
00:21:58,071 --> 00:21:59,771
Thinking,
'oh, I could have been part of this.'"
540
00:21:59,827 --> 00:22:01,794
- Anyway--
- this wasn't that bloke
541
00:22:01,854 --> 00:22:03,721
That had very short legs
and long arms, was it?
542
00:22:03,779 --> 00:22:06,347
Anyway what happened is
they're whizzing around the track and what have you...
543
00:22:06,447 --> 00:22:08,047
- Faster than ever, yeah.
- ...Faster than ever,
544
00:22:08,100 --> 00:22:10,569
And the press are like
"beating our records there."
545
00:22:10,634 --> 00:22:12,602
They started
taking photographs.
546
00:22:12,660 --> 00:22:14,928
- Oh.
- Lot of flashes from the cameras and stuff.
547
00:22:14,990 --> 00:22:19,060
- Stephen: Right, of course.
- Karl: Suddenly the bobsleigh goes a bit mental...
548
00:22:19,144 --> 00:22:22,413
- ( screeches )
- ...And whizzes off the track.
549
00:22:22,488 --> 00:22:24,455
Ambulance comes
rushing over
550
00:22:24,514 --> 00:22:27,382
And the other two members
are looking pretty nervous for some reason.
551
00:22:27,452 --> 00:22:30,520
They're saying, "look,
don't take the helmet off,
552
00:22:30,593 --> 00:22:32,827
Because you can do
more damage to the"--
553
00:22:32,890 --> 00:22:34,557
Well, don't tell
the paramedics how to do it.
554
00:22:34,611 --> 00:22:36,979
They know their job.
They know their job, please.
555
00:22:37,043 --> 00:22:39,144
They're like, "you know,
plus you know he doesn't--
556
00:22:39,204 --> 00:22:41,205
He came in
at the last minute, to help us out.
557
00:22:41,265 --> 00:22:43,065
He doesn't want everyone
to know who he is.
558
00:22:43,122 --> 00:22:45,256
- He's not after
the limelight..." - ricky: Yeah.
559
00:22:45,317 --> 00:22:47,151
"...Like some other members
we used to have.
560
00:22:47,208 --> 00:22:50,143
He's just was
helping his country out. Leave the helmet on."
561
00:22:50,214 --> 00:22:52,148
Anyway, they get him
in the ambulance,
562
00:22:52,206 --> 00:22:54,374
The other two are
looking a bit worried and what have you.
563
00:22:54,436 --> 00:22:56,303
- They're gutted that
they lost theace. - The little bloke--
564
00:22:56,360 --> 00:22:59,129
- Is the bloke not
saying anything? - He's in the ambulance now.
565
00:22:59,197 --> 00:23:01,699
- Is he not saying
anything, though? - It was reported that
566
00:23:01,764 --> 00:23:06,268
One of the ambulance
drivers said that on that dreadful night,
567
00:23:06,357 --> 00:23:10,794
When the country
lost out on a medal in the bobsleigh,
568
00:23:10,882 --> 00:23:14,885
He reported that there was
a monkey in the back of the ambulance.
569
00:23:14,968 --> 00:23:16,869
People were like going
"oh, you're joking."
570
00:23:16,927 --> 00:23:19,995
- I don't remember this.
I don't remember this. - This is it, you see,
571
00:23:20,068 --> 00:23:22,002
Because they swept it under
the carpet a little bit.
572
00:23:22,060 --> 00:23:23,961
- They were like
"this is crazy talk." - bullshit.
573
00:23:24,019 --> 00:23:26,287
- "this is crazy talk."
- it's bullshit. Absolute shit.
574
00:23:26,349 --> 00:23:28,083
- Where did you get this from?
- This is crazy talk, right?
575
00:23:28,139 --> 00:23:30,908
It is crazy talk,
and it's from the mouth of karl pilkington.
576
00:23:30,976 --> 00:23:34,178
But the weird thing is
that backed it up,
577
00:23:34,252 --> 00:23:37,220
The following week
there was a story of some people
578
00:23:37,291 --> 00:23:39,726
Who visited the zoo
and saw a chimp in a neck brace.
579
00:23:39,790 --> 00:23:41,858
( both laughing )
580
00:23:43,100 --> 00:23:45,401
And that's this week's
monkey news.
581
00:23:45,451 --> 00:23:50,001
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
49957
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.