Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,591
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
2
00:00:05,392 --> 00:00:07,526
Harper! Don't leave your
bike in the driveway.
3
00:00:07,594 --> 00:00:09,829
Grandma, I'm naked.
4
00:00:09,896 --> 00:00:12,231
Don't leave your bike in the driveway.
5
00:00:12,299 --> 00:00:14,100
Okay, I won't do it again.
6
00:00:14,167 --> 00:00:16,202
I know you won't, because
I just ran over it.
7
00:00:16,269 --> 00:00:18,070
What? Grandma!
8
00:00:18,138 --> 00:00:20,072
Don't leave your bike in the driveway!
9
00:00:23,977 --> 00:00:25,845
Hey, what was Harper yelling about?
10
00:00:25,912 --> 00:00:27,279
Nothing.
11
00:00:27,347 --> 00:00:29,248
I just walked in on him
while he was taking a shower.
12
00:00:29,316 --> 00:00:30,750
Mom, you can't do that.
13
00:00:30,817 --> 00:00:33,052
- He needs his privacy.
- Why?
14
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,020
I've pulled bigger pieces
of meat out of my teeth
15
00:00:35,088 --> 00:00:40,059
- than what I saw there.
- Okay, that's why he needs his privacy.
16
00:00:40,127 --> 00:00:43,462
Ay, please.
I walked in on you all the time.
17
00:00:43,530 --> 00:00:45,931
Didn't hurt you.
It hurt me,
18
00:00:45,999 --> 00:00:49,301
seeing you there with yourself,
pulling the string.
19
00:00:49,369 --> 00:00:53,239
I wanted to poke my eyes out.
20
00:00:53,306 --> 00:00:55,241
You know, I wish you
had poked your eyes out.
21
00:00:55,308 --> 00:00:57,977
Then, I could've got a German
shepherd to take care of you.
22
00:00:58,044 --> 00:01:01,414
[mimics barking]
Lunch!
23
00:01:01,481 --> 00:01:03,516
Can I tell you something
and you won't get mad?
24
00:01:03,583 --> 00:01:05,484
Here we go again.
25
00:01:05,552 --> 00:01:09,288
He's not your son.
He doesn't look anything like you!
26
00:01:09,356 --> 00:01:11,791
Okay, Mom, I was there
the day he came out.
27
00:01:11,858 --> 00:01:15,529
Yeah, but were you
there the day he went in?
28
00:01:16,596 --> 00:01:18,798
Okay, you know what?
We're done here, all right?
29
00:01:18,865 --> 00:01:21,200
That white whore is bleeding you dry,
30
00:01:21,268 --> 00:01:23,068
and ese blanquito
is not even yours.
31
00:01:23,136 --> 00:01:26,839
He's illegal. You're harboring
an illegal in this house.
32
00:01:26,907 --> 00:01:28,107
[laughs]
33
00:01:28,175 --> 00:01:31,010
Oh, really? Only one?
34
00:01:31,077 --> 00:01:32,945
Oh, my god. You too?
35
00:01:33,013 --> 00:01:35,147
- Oh.
- Nice to see you too, George.
36
00:01:35,215 --> 00:01:36,682
So Harper has a bassoon lesson today,
37
00:01:36,750 --> 00:01:38,284
and guess what he left at my house.
38
00:01:38,351 --> 00:01:43,923
- [laughs] The bassoon?
- Yeah.
39
00:01:43,990 --> 00:01:45,424
I mean, you don't...
40
00:01:45,492 --> 00:01:47,726
you don't think he did
it on purpose, do you?
41
00:01:47,794 --> 00:01:48,861
No, Mac. You know what?
42
00:01:48,929 --> 00:01:50,663
Every teenage boy wants to play
43
00:01:50,730 --> 00:01:52,665
an instrument that sounds like a fart.
44
00:01:52,732 --> 00:01:54,433
All right, time for my solo.
45
00:01:54,501 --> 00:01:56,170
[mimics bassoon]
46
00:01:58,238 --> 00:02:01,574
Well, Ivy league schools
are desperate for woodwinds.
47
00:02:01,641 --> 00:02:05,044
That fart could propel
him right into Yale.
48
00:02:05,111 --> 00:02:07,713
Oh, here is Mr. Yomake's bill.
49
00:02:07,781 --> 00:02:11,150
Pfft. Bill?
50
00:02:11,218 --> 00:02:12,418
Are you serious?
51
00:02:12,486 --> 00:02:15,554
This fool wants to
charge me $150 an hour?
52
00:02:15,622 --> 00:02:18,023
Well, Mr. Yomake plays
with the philharmonic.
53
00:02:18,091 --> 00:02:21,427
I could teach Harper for free
with my hand and my armpit.
54
00:02:21,495 --> 00:02:27,233
[sighs] For now, can you just
get Harper to his lesson on time?
55
00:02:27,300 --> 00:02:31,370
- Alma.
- Mackenzie.
56
00:02:35,442 --> 00:02:36,675
[door closes]
57
00:02:36,743 --> 00:02:38,844
I think you're starting
to warm up to her.
58
00:02:41,314 --> 00:02:46,519
Hey, you're paying a chino
$150 to do what?
59
00:02:46,586 --> 00:02:47,820
Make rice with his feet?
60
00:02:47,888 --> 00:02:49,255
[laughs]
61
00:02:49,322 --> 00:02:52,057
Mom, Mr. Yomake plays for
the philharmonic, okay?
62
00:02:52,125 --> 00:02:53,592
He's teaching Harper
how to play the bassoon,
63
00:02:53,660 --> 00:02:56,428
and it's none of your business.
Go back in there.
64
00:02:56,496 --> 00:02:59,565
Oh.
So it's none of my business
65
00:02:59,633 --> 00:03:04,069
that you're spending money
on a kid that's not even yours.
66
00:03:04,137 --> 00:03:06,939
Okay.
I don't wanna hear it anymore, okay?
67
00:03:07,007 --> 00:03:09,341
And when Harper's in
the bathroom, stay out.
68
00:03:09,409 --> 00:03:12,912
- Please respect his privacy.
- I'll respect Harper's privacy
69
00:03:12,979 --> 00:03:17,816
when he goes and lives with
his real family, the o'Briens.
70
00:03:17,884 --> 00:03:19,819
[groovy rock music]
71
00:03:20,887 --> 00:03:22,888
'Sup, fool?
72
00:03:22,956 --> 00:03:25,691
1x04 - Having My Baby
73
00:03:30,697 --> 00:03:34,733
Why can't you cook carne asada
or empanadas?
74
00:03:34,801 --> 00:03:38,237
Whatever you're cooking smells like ass.
75
00:03:38,305 --> 00:03:39,939
It's healthy, Ma. It's kale.
76
00:03:40,006 --> 00:03:43,108
What do you want me to tell you?
It smells like ass.
77
00:03:43,176 --> 00:03:44,510
Dad, Dad.
78
00:03:44,578 --> 00:03:46,845
Can I have $30? You can
take it out of my allowance.
79
00:03:46,913 --> 00:03:49,815
We don't give money to strangers.
80
00:03:49,883 --> 00:03:52,785
Lay off him, Mom.
What's it for, Harper?
81
00:03:52,852 --> 00:03:55,271
This kid at school is
selling me a very rare "jace,
82
00:03:55,272 --> 00:03:57,690
the mind sculptor" card to
go with my ancestral recall.
83
00:03:57,757 --> 00:04:00,993
English. Doesn't anybody
speak English in this house?!
84
00:04:01,061 --> 00:04:03,762
[sighs] Dad, it's a magic:
The gathering card,
85
00:04:03,830 --> 00:04:06,432
this awesome game where
wizards called "planeswalkers"
86
00:04:06,499 --> 00:04:08,334
battle each other with
spells and enchantments.
87
00:04:08,401 --> 00:04:10,436
Mm-hmm, yeah.
I'll tell you what. Just go.
88
00:04:10,503 --> 00:04:13,305
- Don't tell me any more.
- Thanks, Dad.
89
00:04:13,373 --> 00:04:15,741
- Hey, little man.
- Hey, Uncle Tio.
90
00:04:15,809 --> 00:04:18,043
Studying again?
91
00:04:18,111 --> 00:04:20,980
Look, go outside. Experience life.
92
00:04:21,047 --> 00:04:24,950
That's how you learn things.
Like today, I learned
93
00:04:25,018 --> 00:04:30,289
you can't use a stack of
empty beer cans as a car jack.
94
00:04:30,357 --> 00:04:34,827
Luckily, I was born with
an uncrushable windpipe.
95
00:04:34,894 --> 00:04:39,498
- But my ear hurts a lot.
- I'll remember that.
96
00:04:39,566 --> 00:04:40,899
[chuckles]
97
00:04:40,967 --> 00:04:43,369
Yo, Georgie, hey. You're
not gonna believe this.
98
00:04:43,436 --> 00:04:47,606
Some fool in my Corvette
club installed a chain-link
99
00:04:47,607 --> 00:04:51,777
steering wheel in his
'74 Stingray, just like mine.
100
00:04:51,845 --> 00:04:55,702
- So?
- So he's copying me!
101
00:04:56,650 --> 00:04:59,318
Tio, he's not copying you.
He's Mexican, okay?
102
00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:00,819
And let me tell you something.
103
00:05:00,887 --> 00:05:02,788
They're putting a chain-link
fence around this country.
104
00:05:02,856 --> 00:05:05,474
You should be concerned
with that if you ever want
105
00:05:05,475 --> 00:05:09,762
- to see your wife again.
- Not really.
106
00:05:09,829 --> 00:05:12,097
I need some money for some fancy rims.
107
00:05:12,165 --> 00:05:13,432
What do you need fancy rims for?
108
00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:15,634
Tio, your car is on
blocks in the front yard.
109
00:05:15,702 --> 00:05:19,304
Just like his.
He's copying me.
110
00:05:19,372 --> 00:05:22,341
- Forget it.
- Just give him the money.
111
00:05:22,342 --> 00:05:23,876
Don't be such a cheap-ass.
112
00:05:23,943 --> 00:05:25,744
Oh, so it's okay to give
Tio hundreds of dollars,
113
00:05:25,812 --> 00:05:28,147
but not 30 to my own son?
114
00:05:28,214 --> 00:05:31,216
Tio's blood.
115
00:05:31,284 --> 00:05:33,452
Hey, I thought we settled
this. Harper is my son.
116
00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:36,321
Okay, estupido.
117
00:05:36,389 --> 00:05:38,457
Prove it.
118
00:05:38,525 --> 00:05:40,459
"E-Z paternity test"?
Where'd you get this?
119
00:05:40,527 --> 00:05:43,962
I keep 'em laying around just in case.
You know.
120
00:05:44,030 --> 00:05:46,061
Oh. [groans]
121
00:05:49,269 --> 00:05:52,337
That white thief whore
is taking you for a ride.
122
00:05:52,405 --> 00:05:54,406
You were always gullible.
123
00:05:54,474 --> 00:05:56,875
Remember when he was 12, Tio?
124
00:05:56,943 --> 00:06:00,913
We took him to that Dodger game,
but it was sold out?
125
00:06:00,980 --> 00:06:02,448
Come on, not that story again.
126
00:06:02,515 --> 00:06:04,850
We sent you to buy
tickets from the sculptor.
127
00:06:04,918 --> 00:06:06,151
[both laugh]
128
00:06:06,219 --> 00:06:07,486
We get to the gate,
129
00:06:07,554 --> 00:06:10,155
and we find out they
were for the day before.
130
00:06:10,223 --> 00:06:11,924
[laughs]
You remember that, George?
131
00:06:11,991 --> 00:06:13,459
How could I forget?
132
00:06:13,526 --> 00:06:15,803
All the way home, "what day
is it, George? What day is it?"
133
00:06:15,838 --> 00:06:16,995
[laughs]
134
00:06:17,063 --> 00:06:21,834
- Gullible George.
- Yeah, like the monkey. [laughs]
135
00:06:24,070 --> 00:06:26,972
Why is it so hard to believe
Mackenzie stepped out on you?
136
00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:28,774
You were working all the time back then.
137
00:06:28,842 --> 00:06:31,176
Yeah, and there was that
blond vato at the club.
138
00:06:31,244 --> 00:06:35,180
- He was always giving her the sex eye.
- Who is that, Sean?
139
00:06:35,248 --> 00:06:37,382
Mackenzie's tennis instructor?
Oh, come on, Tio.
140
00:06:37,450 --> 00:06:38,851
He wasn't giving her the sex eye.
141
00:06:38,918 --> 00:06:41,520
Oh, yeah, that white
whore was getting some.
142
00:06:41,588 --> 00:06:45,157
Will you stop calling the mother
of my only child a "white whore?"
143
00:06:45,225 --> 00:06:48,794
If she was more of a whore,
we'd probably still be married.
144
00:06:48,862 --> 00:06:51,029
Don't you wanna be 100% sure?
145
00:06:51,097 --> 00:06:52,631
Oh, my god.
Okay, listen to me.
146
00:06:52,699 --> 00:06:56,568
I'm done talking about Sean
and sex eyes and DNA tests.
147
00:06:56,636 --> 00:06:59,471
I know Harper is my blood in here.
148
00:07:07,738 --> 00:07:10,774
- I thought you did great out there.
- Dad, I suck.
149
00:07:10,841 --> 00:07:12,442
And why does golf take so long?
150
00:07:12,510 --> 00:07:15,845
Well, maybe we would've played faster
if you didn't make snow
151
00:07:15,846 --> 00:07:18,515
- angels in the sand trap.
- I got bored.
152
00:07:18,582 --> 00:07:22,519
- Hi, honey. How'd it go?
- It was long.
153
00:07:22,586 --> 00:07:23,686
[sighs]
Stick with tennis, honey.
154
00:07:23,754 --> 00:07:25,255
What's wrong with golf?
155
00:07:25,322 --> 00:07:29,092
It's athletics for alcoholics.
156
00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:30,026
[Sean] Harper.
157
00:07:30,094 --> 00:07:32,262
- Sean!
- Hey.
158
00:07:32,329 --> 00:07:33,663
Missed you out there on the court today.
159
00:07:33,731 --> 00:07:37,400
- I had to play golf with him.
- Oh.
160
00:07:37,468 --> 00:07:40,837
- Hey, George.
- Oh, my god. Hi, Sean.
161
00:07:40,905 --> 00:07:44,174
Senor Lopez, you forgot
to sign for your round.
162
00:07:44,241 --> 00:07:45,608
Hey, let's get a shot
for the club newsletter.
163
00:07:45,676 --> 00:07:48,111
- Oh, I'm sorry, excuse me.
- Sorry.
164
00:07:50,047 --> 00:07:51,614
Wow.
165
00:07:51,682 --> 00:07:56,186
They look like the perfect
all-American family.
166
00:07:56,253 --> 00:07:58,621
Yeah.
Thanks a lot, Martin.
167
00:07:58,689 --> 00:08:00,623
All right, Harper.
You ready for lunch?
168
00:08:00,691 --> 00:08:02,325
Actually, Harper and I have plans.
169
00:08:02,393 --> 00:08:05,028
- We do?
- Yeah, we do now.
170
00:08:05,095 --> 00:08:07,897
Very special
father-and-son plans.
171
00:08:07,965 --> 00:08:11,301
Well, okay, then.
I'll see you at home, honey.
172
00:08:11,368 --> 00:08:12,902
- Bye.
- See you later, George.
173
00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:17,507
Yeah. Oh, my god.
You rock. Bye, Sean.
174
00:08:22,513 --> 00:08:26,916
So this was your favorite place
when you were a kid?
175
00:08:26,984 --> 00:08:30,421
Yep. What do you think?
176
00:08:31,689 --> 00:08:33,523
To be honest, I was kind of expecting
177
00:08:33,591 --> 00:08:37,660
someplace with roller
coasters and fast rides.
178
00:08:37,728 --> 00:08:40,796
You wanna go fast?
Order the number 6.
179
00:08:42,266 --> 00:08:43,967
I don't understand. Why are we here?
180
00:08:44,034 --> 00:08:45,602
I've had lots of Mexican food before.
181
00:08:45,669 --> 00:08:49,806
Flamin' hot cheetos don't count, Harper.
182
00:08:49,874 --> 00:08:53,243
Do they have a burrito in a bowl here?
183
00:08:53,310 --> 00:08:55,245
That's not even a thing.
184
00:08:55,312 --> 00:08:58,982
- It is at chipotle.
- Chipotle?
185
00:08:59,049 --> 00:09:02,018
Harper, this is authentic, man.
This is the real deal.
186
00:09:02,086 --> 00:09:03,753
This is getting back to your roots.
187
00:09:03,821 --> 00:09:07,790
- I mean, do you feel it, son?
- I feel it's greasy.
188
00:09:07,858 --> 00:09:11,594
Yes, it's greasy.
The grease holds the flavor together.
189
00:09:11,662 --> 00:09:12,695
[laughs]
190
00:09:12,763 --> 00:09:14,948
It's only good if it's
greasy, if it's running
191
00:09:14,949 --> 00:09:17,133
down your chin and you're
wiping it off your face.
192
00:09:17,201 --> 00:09:19,302
My dermatologist told me
I shouldn't touch my face.
193
00:09:19,370 --> 00:09:20,603
Oh.
194
00:09:22,172 --> 00:09:24,007
Dad. Dad, look in the window.
195
00:09:24,074 --> 00:09:25,742
They got a "C" health rating.
196
00:09:25,809 --> 00:09:28,211
Yeah, that's a...
that's a Mexican "C."
197
00:09:28,279 --> 00:09:32,315
You see, 'cause it's red.
That means "caliente."
198
00:09:32,383 --> 00:09:35,018
Stop looking at it.
199
00:09:35,085 --> 00:09:37,086
Stop looking at it.
200
00:09:42,693 --> 00:09:45,094
"En-free-joe-lattas"?
201
00:09:45,162 --> 00:09:47,530
Enfrijoladas.
202
00:09:47,598 --> 00:09:52,435
"Em-panda dee
mole knee-grow"?
203
00:09:52,503 --> 00:09:55,038
Empanada de mole negro.
204
00:09:55,105 --> 00:09:57,073
Just order the chicken tacos.
205
00:09:57,141 --> 00:10:01,244
Okay, I'm going to wash my hands.
Do they have a bathroom?
206
00:10:04,048 --> 00:10:07,550
What kind of place you think this is?
Yes, of course.
207
00:10:07,618 --> 00:10:09,018
Go out the back, make a left.
208
00:10:09,086 --> 00:10:11,621
The 76 gas station at the corner.
209
00:10:11,689 --> 00:10:14,490
Hey, let me know if you
need help carrying the key.
210
00:10:17,962 --> 00:10:20,530
- Ready to order, amigo?
- Yeah, hey.
211
00:10:20,597 --> 00:10:21,898
[chuckles]
212
00:10:21,966 --> 00:10:24,000
Hey, the "C" that's in
the window, que paso?
213
00:10:24,068 --> 00:10:28,071
Eh, they caught me on a day
that I wasn't expecting them.
214
00:10:28,138 --> 00:10:30,373
So where's that little
white kid you came in with?
215
00:10:30,441 --> 00:10:33,209
Did he get chorro already?
[chuckles]
216
00:10:33,277 --> 00:10:36,646
No, my son... he went to the
bathroom to wash his hands.
217
00:10:36,714 --> 00:10:38,247
[laughs]
218
00:10:38,315 --> 00:10:42,151
Your son? Yeah, right.
219
00:10:42,219 --> 00:10:44,821
Yeah, I know he doesn't look
like me, but that's my son.
220
00:10:44,888 --> 00:10:47,657
[speaking Spanish]
221
00:10:47,725 --> 00:10:49,058
[laughter]
222
00:10:49,126 --> 00:10:50,693
[speaking Spanish]
223
00:10:50,761 --> 00:10:54,063
Hey, we don't adopt them.
They adopt us.
224
00:10:54,131 --> 00:10:55,865
[laughs]
225
00:10:55,933 --> 00:10:58,935
Yeah, keep laughing.
Yeah, just let me order, all right?
226
00:10:59,003 --> 00:11:02,171
How about some
enfrijoladas con queso y crema?
227
00:11:02,239 --> 00:11:05,241
And what will Harry Potter have?
228
00:11:05,309 --> 00:11:08,845
[laughter]
229
00:11:08,912 --> 00:11:14,751
- His name is Harper.
- Oh. Harper.
230
00:11:14,818 --> 00:11:19,022
What will Harper Potter have?
231
00:11:19,089 --> 00:11:21,224
I got his birth certificate,
if you don't believe me.
232
00:11:21,291 --> 00:11:25,128
Hombre, we all got birth certificates.
I got two of them.
233
00:11:26,964 --> 00:11:28,965
So what are you really, man, huh?
234
00:11:29,033 --> 00:11:31,034
The driver?
Personal soccer coach?
235
00:11:31,101 --> 00:11:32,535
The "manny?"
236
00:11:32,603 --> 00:11:35,495
Hey, homey.
How much is the ransom?
237
00:11:35,530 --> 00:11:38,412
[laughter]
238
00:11:42,446 --> 00:11:44,280
- Come on.
- Where are we going?
239
00:11:44,348 --> 00:11:45,982
We're going to chipotle, where a Mexican
240
00:11:46,050 --> 00:11:49,352
can be treated with the
respect that he deserves.
241
00:11:49,420 --> 00:11:50,420
Vamonos, Harper!
242
00:11:50,487 --> 00:11:53,667
- I don't know what that means!
- Come on!
243
00:11:59,175 --> 00:12:02,877
Yo, Georgie.
I need to use your computer fast, man.
244
00:12:02,945 --> 00:12:06,181
- My "weefee" is down.
- Your weefee?
245
00:12:06,248 --> 00:12:10,485
Yeah, my weefee.
Don't you know nothing about computers?
246
00:12:10,553 --> 00:12:13,021
Weefee. [scoffs]
My wireless system is down.
247
00:12:13,089 --> 00:12:16,424
The wi-fi, Bill Gates.
[scoffs]
248
00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:19,561
Oh.
249
00:12:19,629 --> 00:12:21,162
Oh, you finally gonna do the test, huh?
250
00:12:21,230 --> 00:12:23,198
What? No. Pshh.
251
00:12:23,265 --> 00:12:26,267
Hey, look. Georgie.
252
00:12:26,335 --> 00:12:29,638
Junior's got a guy that
takes tests for people.
253
00:12:29,705 --> 00:12:32,107
He can get you a "no" every time.
254
00:12:32,174 --> 00:12:34,643
I don't want a "no."
I want a "yes."
255
00:12:34,710 --> 00:12:40,181
You know what, Georgie?
Junior's got a guy for that too.
256
00:12:40,249 --> 00:12:42,283
No, Tio, you know what, man?
257
00:12:42,351 --> 00:12:45,487
I just... I just want the truth.
258
00:12:45,554 --> 00:12:48,323
You got doubts, Georgie. I can tell.
259
00:12:48,391 --> 00:12:50,692
And you have qualms,
260
00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:54,896
and qualms are more worser than doubts.
261
00:12:54,964 --> 00:12:58,133
And your qualms and your doubts
262
00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:03,204
- are giving me palpitation concerns.
- All right.
263
00:13:03,272 --> 00:13:05,874
You know what?
Keep your qualms to yourself.
264
00:13:05,941 --> 00:13:08,243
I have doubts.
265
00:13:08,310 --> 00:13:11,579
- Ay-yi-yi.
- What's wrong, Mom?
266
00:13:11,647 --> 00:13:13,381
George, can you come
and look at my foot?
267
00:13:13,449 --> 00:13:15,050
I think I did something to it.
268
00:13:15,117 --> 00:13:17,385
[chuckles]
I'm not touching that thing.
269
00:13:17,453 --> 00:13:20,989
You don't need to touch it.
Just look at it.
270
00:13:21,057 --> 00:13:23,091
All right. Lift up your hoof.
271
00:13:23,159 --> 00:13:26,261
[grunting]
272
00:13:26,328 --> 00:13:30,899
- Ow!
- You're taking that test.
273
00:13:30,966 --> 00:13:33,401
Now all I need is a hair from Harper,
274
00:13:33,469 --> 00:13:34,936
and finally, we'll know for sure.
275
00:13:35,004 --> 00:13:36,337
Ow.
276
00:13:36,405 --> 00:13:38,807
Yeah, hey, Georgie, like that vato
277
00:13:38,874 --> 00:13:43,622
Jerry Lewis king said,
"let the truth be free!"
278
00:13:48,384 --> 00:13:52,754
George, do you have
an illegitimate child?
279
00:13:56,459 --> 00:13:59,561
- Tio told you?
- Oh, my god.
280
00:13:59,628 --> 00:14:04,265
In Mazatlan.
His name is Armando,
281
00:14:04,333 --> 00:14:06,568
and he's the tiniest
bullfighter in the world.
282
00:14:06,635 --> 00:14:09,237
Ha, ha!
Armando, come down!
283
00:14:09,305 --> 00:14:12,240
You and daddy can love each
other in the light, mijo!
284
00:14:17,313 --> 00:14:19,814
I was looking at your
credit card statement online,
285
00:14:19,882 --> 00:14:21,216
and this came up.
286
00:14:21,283 --> 00:14:23,685
Why are you looking at
my credit card statements?
287
00:14:23,753 --> 00:14:26,654
Right here.
A charge for a paternity test?
288
00:14:26,722 --> 00:14:28,089
Oh.
289
00:14:28,157 --> 00:14:30,391
Look me in the eye and tell
me you did not order that kit.
290
00:14:30,459 --> 00:14:34,262
I did not order that kit.
291
00:14:34,330 --> 00:14:37,766
My Mom did.
292
00:14:37,833 --> 00:14:39,434
She doesn't think that Harper is my son.
293
00:14:39,502 --> 00:14:43,538
- And you believed her?
- No. Of course not.
294
00:14:43,606 --> 00:14:48,209
It's just that... [sighs]
at the club, okay?
295
00:14:48,277 --> 00:14:53,681
Seeing you and Harper and Sean,
you guys looked happy.
296
00:14:53,749 --> 00:14:57,023
You guys looked like a family.
297
00:14:57,353 --> 00:15:01,756
Sit down, George.
I should probably tell you this
298
00:15:01,824 --> 00:15:03,658
before the test results come back.
299
00:15:06,996 --> 00:15:12,967
- Sean and I did have a fling.
- Sean?
300
00:15:13,035 --> 00:15:15,603
It was when you were
spending all that time away,
301
00:15:15,671 --> 00:15:18,039
promoting La Energia.
302
00:15:18,107 --> 00:15:22,777
I was lonely.
Very lonely.
303
00:15:22,845 --> 00:15:26,514
One day after tennis, it just happened.
304
00:15:26,582 --> 00:15:28,516
- Nine months later, I had Harper.
- Oh.
305
00:15:28,584 --> 00:15:31,319
Every day, I prayed
he would look more like you.
306
00:15:31,387 --> 00:15:34,622
He just never did.
307
00:15:37,827 --> 00:15:41,362
- Oh, my god.
- I'm so sorry, George.
308
00:15:41,430 --> 00:15:43,731
[sighs]
309
00:15:43,799 --> 00:15:47,168
I don't know what to say
310
00:15:47,236 --> 00:15:50,705
because that story
is total... [snickers]
311
00:15:50,773 --> 00:15:53,274
Bull-cheese!
[laughs]
312
00:15:55,144 --> 00:15:56,878
Bull-cheese?
313
00:15:56,946 --> 00:15:58,313
Come on, where do you
get that, whole foods?
314
00:15:58,380 --> 00:15:59,848
Come on. [laughs]
315
00:15:59,915 --> 00:16:01,015
[sighs]
316
00:16:01,083 --> 00:16:05,453
I would never have a fling with Sean.
What is wrong with you?
317
00:16:05,521 --> 00:16:06,855
Well, I mean, you know, Harper.
318
00:16:06,922 --> 00:16:10,992
I mean, Mac, he doesn't look like me.
He doesn't sound like me.
319
00:16:11,060 --> 00:16:14,529
- What am I supposed to think?
- Not that I cheated.
320
00:16:14,597 --> 00:16:18,233
I would never cheat on you.
I loved you.
321
00:16:18,300 --> 00:16:22,403
Come on... [sighs]
I loved how you worked harder
322
00:16:22,471 --> 00:16:25,907
when people said you'd
never be a success.
323
00:16:25,975 --> 00:16:27,775
I even loved how close
you were with your mother,
324
00:16:27,843 --> 00:16:31,512
which is the sickest thing
I have ever seen.
325
00:16:31,580 --> 00:16:34,415
But I loved you in spite of that.
326
00:16:34,483 --> 00:16:35,950
[chuckles]
327
00:16:36,018 --> 00:16:38,052
Do you even want Harper to be your son?
328
00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:39,921
You know I do. I love Harper.
329
00:16:39,989 --> 00:16:45,126
Well, so just be happy he is yours,
and leave it at that.
330
00:16:47,062 --> 00:16:50,098
- Mackenzie.
- Alma.
331
00:16:54,470 --> 00:16:55,670
[door closes]
332
00:16:55,738 --> 00:16:58,006
I don't like the way she says my name.
333
00:17:02,211 --> 00:17:05,947
- Victoria's Secret?
- Oh, good. My thongs are here.
334
00:17:06,015 --> 00:17:08,917
I didn't know depends made thongs.
335
00:17:08,984 --> 00:17:12,553
- Oh.
- Oh, I know that look.
336
00:17:12,621 --> 00:17:15,556
Those are the paternity results.
337
00:17:15,624 --> 00:17:19,627
Come on, cobarde.
Open it.
338
00:17:19,695 --> 00:17:20,828
[sighs]
339
00:17:20,896 --> 00:17:22,263
I'm not sure if I want to, all right?
340
00:17:22,331 --> 00:17:24,399
I feel a little bit
guilty for sending it in.
341
00:17:24,466 --> 00:17:26,801
Georgie, you didn't send 'em in.
We did.
342
00:17:26,869 --> 00:17:31,005
And lo and behold, I was very discreet.
343
00:17:31,073 --> 00:17:35,910
Go ahead, George.
Or are you afraid?
344
00:17:35,978 --> 00:17:38,513
[sighs]
345
00:17:41,750 --> 00:17:43,051
Yes! Ha!
346
00:17:43,118 --> 00:17:45,320
All 20 markers. Look at
that, a perfect match.
347
00:17:45,387 --> 00:17:46,621
Read it and weep.
348
00:17:46,689 --> 00:17:49,238
Oh, I forgot.
You can't read or weep.
349
00:17:49,273 --> 00:17:50,917
[chuckles]
350
00:17:52,594 --> 00:17:55,863
I know what I know en mi corazon.
351
00:17:59,101 --> 00:18:01,336
Georgie, let's get drunk.
352
00:18:01,403 --> 00:18:04,706
That's what junior does every
time he finds out he has a kid.
353
00:18:04,773 --> 00:18:09,344
Oh, Tio, man, I'm...
I'm not in the mood.
354
00:18:09,411 --> 00:18:12,347
You're like a lady, Georgie.
355
00:18:12,414 --> 00:18:16,317
One minute, you want a kid.
Next minute, you don't want a kid.
356
00:18:16,385 --> 00:18:18,920
You should get your tubes tied.
357
00:18:21,724 --> 00:18:23,558
You know, when there was a chance
358
00:18:23,625 --> 00:18:26,594
that Harper wasn't mine,
I kind of understood
359
00:18:26,662 --> 00:18:28,997
why we didn't have anything in common.
360
00:18:29,064 --> 00:18:31,733
And now, what do I got?
361
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:34,836
I got a kid I can't connect with.
362
00:18:34,903 --> 00:18:37,438
[sighs] That's almost worse.
363
00:18:37,506 --> 00:18:42,578
That's heavy, Georgie.
And deep.
364
00:18:43,645 --> 00:18:45,780
That's heavily deep.
365
00:18:50,132 --> 00:18:53,702
Hey, Dad.
Oh, you're busy. I'll come back.
366
00:18:53,769 --> 00:18:55,704
Oh, no. Harper, come on.
367
00:18:55,771 --> 00:18:59,207
Come on in. What's going on?
368
00:18:59,275 --> 00:19:02,911
I heard you and Mom
fighting about me the other day.
369
00:19:02,979 --> 00:19:05,613
What exactly did you hear?
370
00:19:05,681 --> 00:19:07,882
That you think someone
else might be my dad.
371
00:19:10,219 --> 00:19:14,155
You know, I did think that.
372
00:19:14,223 --> 00:19:18,693
Clearly, you and I are not alike.
[chuckles]
373
00:19:18,761 --> 00:19:20,729
I mean, Harper, there's nothing
about you that's Mexican, man.
374
00:19:20,796 --> 00:19:25,667
- You don't even like the food.
- I can't even pronounce it.
375
00:19:25,735 --> 00:19:26,835
And I hate golf.
376
00:19:26,902 --> 00:19:31,506
I know,
and that's the whitest part about me.
377
00:19:31,574 --> 00:19:35,744
Harper, you like science fiction.
It gives me a headache.
378
00:19:35,811 --> 00:19:39,981
If Mexicans liked the future,
we wouldn't always be late.
379
00:19:40,049 --> 00:19:44,285
So are you my Dad?
380
00:19:44,353 --> 00:19:48,257
According to the paternity test, I am.
381
00:19:48,457 --> 00:19:50,091
Are you happy about that?
382
00:19:50,159 --> 00:19:54,896
Yes, Harper.
I'm very happy about that.
383
00:19:58,334 --> 00:20:01,536
I just wish you were...
you were a little bit darker.
384
00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:06,941
What about you?
Are you happy that I'm your dad?
385
00:20:07,009 --> 00:20:11,646
Totally.
We just have nothing in common.
386
00:20:12,014 --> 00:20:14,682
Yeah, well, listen.
That's the good part.
387
00:20:14,750 --> 00:20:16,017
Now, we got time to work on that.
388
00:20:16,085 --> 00:20:20,055
- Would you learn tennis?
- No.
389
00:20:20,122 --> 00:20:22,724
Hey, but what about that magic-thingy,
390
00:20:22,792 --> 00:20:25,293
bloodsucker card that you bought?
I'd like to see that.
391
00:20:25,361 --> 00:20:28,463
Turns out it was fake.
I was totally ripped off.
392
00:20:28,531 --> 00:20:34,502
- You got ripped off?
- Dad, they misspelled "magic."
393
00:20:34,570 --> 00:20:36,905
You should've seen the way
the guys were laughing at me.
394
00:20:36,972 --> 00:20:40,708
I wanted to run away,
but I just stood there.
395
00:20:40,776 --> 00:20:42,610
'Cause it felt like your
legs were made out of lead?
396
00:20:42,678 --> 00:20:45,980
- Yeah.
- And your face got all sweaty,
397
00:20:46,048 --> 00:20:48,149
and you felt like you were gonna puke?
398
00:20:48,217 --> 00:20:50,718
Exactly. How did you know?
399
00:20:50,786 --> 00:20:53,154
Pshh, you think you're the only Lopez
400
00:20:53,222 --> 00:20:55,857
to get ripped off over
a worthless piece of paper?
401
00:20:55,925 --> 00:20:59,427
How do you think the
Mexicans lost California?
402
00:20:59,495 --> 00:21:01,629
The native Americans,
they got the casinos.
403
00:21:01,697 --> 00:21:03,965
And what did we get?
The missions.
404
00:21:06,602 --> 00:21:07,969
Let's go in the kitchen,
405
00:21:08,037 --> 00:21:09,737
make a couple of
peach-banana smoothies,
406
00:21:09,805 --> 00:21:11,773
and your dad will tell you a story.
407
00:21:11,841 --> 00:21:13,575
It was the first game of a doubleheader
408
00:21:13,642 --> 00:21:16,411
at Dodger stadium,
Harper, totally sold out.
409
00:21:16,479 --> 00:21:19,280
The only people that had
tickets were the sculptors.
410
00:21:20,696 --> 00:21:23,940
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
411
00:21:23,990 --> 00:21:28,540
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
31682
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.