All language subtitles for Rumpole s04e01 and the Old, Old Story.eng

Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org

(Tyres screech)
(Horn blares)

(Policeman) Hugo Spencer Lutterworth?

I'm here to charge you with the
attempted murder of Arnold Gleason.

I have to warn you that anything you say
may be taken down and...

(Laughter)

...and of course, our dear friend
Marigold Featherstone

and Guthrie, that's her husband,

one of your brother judges, of course.

He's such an old dear friend
of the Rumpoles.

Anyway, he's away in Chester at
the moment doing a longish rape case.

And poor Marigold had to go to some
frightfully smart rave-up, as she put it.

Well, you know Marigold, Judge,
so amusing always.

Anyway, she most kindly gave us their
tickets for the Scales of Justice Dinner

and I persuaded Rumpole
to take me out on a spree.

Oh, Mrs Rumpole, you know you must
have great powers of advocacy.

I don't think it was
anything to do with me.

He said it was a chance to get a free
hack at the claret at the Savoy.

Anyway, I made him dig out his old
dinner jacket from the mothballs.

I do think he looks most distinguished,
don't you... for Rumpole?

- For Rumpole, I would say...
- For Rumpole, of course. Ahem!

Oh, good gracious, is that the time?

Ah, the learned judge
is looking at the time!

I remember when Judge Quentin Starkie
of London Sessions looked at the time.

During a case of indecent assault,

the sort of thing that always went on
in the cinemas around Bethnal Green,

this girl was giving evidence. She was
highly embarrassed by the whole thing.

But, nevertheless, she wanted to see
her assailant get his comeuppance.

- So she said to the Judge...
- Rumpole!

"This bloke put his hand up my skirt,
my lord.

"This bloke sitting next to me
in the one and nines..."

(Judge's voice)
"Put his hand up your skirt?"

And old Quentin looked at the clock.
He saw it was dead on lunch time.

"Put his hand up your skirt, did he?
I suggest we leave it there till 2.10."

Course, they don't have them
nowadays, do they?

Indecent assault in flick houses,
of course they do!

- Only the other day at Uxbridge.
- No, I meant one and nine pennies.

Oh, well, perhaps you're right.

Well, never mind, just think of it
as a story from my distant past.

A damn good one, though, hey,
wherever it happened. Ha-ha!

- Yes, well, Gwynneth, are you ready?
- Yes.

We shall have to break up the party.

- Good night, darling.
- Night.

Delightful to meet you, Mrs Rumpole.
Quite delightful.

I hope we meet again.

(Hilda) Telling that disgusting story
about the girl in the Odeon!

(Horace) It was the Regal, Hilda,
the Regal in Bethnal Green.

For the hundredth time,
you must be getting senile.

Old jokes are always welcome,
like old poetry, old wine, old books...

The Judge didn't know where to look.

Ah, yeah! Mr Justice Hugh
Gwent-Evans.

A genuine Welsh bore with about as
many laughs in him as a post-mortem.

(Hilda) He was a perfect gentleman,
which is more than we can say of you.

Telling a blue joke with the Judge's wife
sitting right beside you.

Hilda, it was the Savoy Hotel,
not the chapel in the valley!

Wherever it was, a fine fool
you made of yourself tonight, Rumpole!

Rumpole!

What on earth are you doing, Rumpole?

Saying goodbye!

- Still Gloucester Road, madam?
- Yes. Straight on to Gloucester Road.

What do you think of the prosecution,
Mr Rumpole?

'I think if it were conducted
by a nervous first-year law student

'with a serious speech impediment,
they'd still get a conviction.'

Well, we do face certain difficulties.

You were in partnership with Gleason
in this garden centre business?

I drew the partnership agreement.
I've got it here.

Yes, well, don't bother about that now,
Mr Driscoll.

And you were having a walk-out
with Gleason's wife.

I don't want Amanda's name mentioned.

You may not, but the prosecution
will mention it about every ten minutes.

Listen, someone drained the brake fluid
from Gleason's estate car.

- There's no dispute about that.
- No dispute at all.

Was that someone you?

- Is Amanda all right?
- Nobody's tampered with her brakes.

She's not being questioned,
not arrested?

There is no statement
from Mrs Gleason

among the prosecution documents.

- They're not going to arrest her?
- Not so far as we know.

Can't we find out?

I suppose that Mr Driscoll could have
a chat with the prosecution solicitor.

Just by way of an idle chat
over the telephone.

Find out if there's any intention
of proceeding against Mrs Gleason.

I can't decide anything until I know.

What offence do you think
she might be charged with?

I'd rather not say until I know
she's all right. You do understand?

No, Mr Lutterworth, I'm afraid I don't.

This isn't "Gardeners' Question Time".

We're not here for a cosy chat
about the herbaceous borders,

but to discuss matters of life and death.

Gardening is a matter of life and death.

Plants either do well or you pull
them out to destroy them ruthlessly.

'Give an answer like that in court
and you'll go down for seven years.'

Well, we'll let the solicitor
have his chat.

Then we'll come back to see you.
Perhaps you'll tell me your story then.

Well, the scene of the crime.

It's not a particularly steep slope.

It's so out of Hugo Lutterworth's
character.

- You know him well, do you?
- For years. His father, too.

Great naturalists. Mad for rural
preservation, all that sort of thing.

Hugo was almost painfully honest,
though.

That's why he needed a bit of protection
in the partnership agreement.

Quite a lot of traffic
at the bottom there, look.

Mmm...

I suppose now this has happened,
Gleason will want to sell the place.

Quite a sharp turn
as you come out of the gates?

One of these bloody supermarket's
been after the place for years.

- Of course, Hugo refused to sell.
- Ah?

Preservation of the environment
and all that.

Ah!

Oh well, I... Domestic harmony
seems to be restored.

Can I help you, sir?

Oh, I rather doubt it.

Oh, well, I suppose
I'd rather buy a geranium.

I'm back, Henry.

- Back home, Mr Rumpole?
- Er...

Yes, more or less,
in a manner of speaking.

Any messages, are there?

None at all, Mr Rumpole.
Nobody rang.

Nobody loves you, Mr Rumpole.

Mrs Rumpole rang, did she?

No, sir. Mrs Rumpole didn't ring.

Oh, er... Mr Ballard
was asking for you, though, sir.

He particularly wants you
at the chambers meeting.

Something of immediate concern
to you, he says.

Oh, here. You might as well have this.

(Chatter)

(Tap)

Standards in chambers
must be maintained.

We must give the impression
of a tight and happy ship to visitors.

Aye aye, Captain.

In Lincoln's Inn, they had trouble
with a tenant cooking in his room.

Old Maurice MacKay had a pupil
from the Gold Coast, I recollect.

One day, he gave a birthday party.

He roasted half a sheep in the middle
of poor old Maurice's Turkey carpet.

These articles were found
in a downstairs lavatory

when the clerks arrived this morning.

Does anyone lay claim to them?

Well, they're not mine.

Course, they didn't have
take-away dinners back then.

They appear to be articles
of antique shaving tackle.

He ended up as Prime Minister
somewhere.

- Who did?
- Old Maurice MacKay's pupil.

The chap who cooked the sheep.

Rumpole, do you know anything
about these objects?

I never plead guilty, my lord.

Sorry I can't stay and join in the fun.

Have to get to a place in the country.

- Your country cottage, Horace?
- No, Uncle Tom. Worsfield jail.

Our chambers should be a smokeless
zone, in particular, no more cheroots.

- Cheroots?
- Panatellas, Whiffs, Manikins.

They're banned in law courts
and places of worship.

They're outlawed in most parts of
the railway and a number of factories.

We must stand shoulder to shoulder
with the Clean Air Brigade.

Well, I doubt whether you'll get
Horace Rumpole to agree with you.

We may not have to worry
what Horace Rumpole agrees with

for very much longer.

- Look at that!
- What about it?

(Ballard) What about it?
Circumstantial evidence, I agree.

But it all adds up
to an almost unanswerable case.

I'm glad Horace Rumpole's practice
is thriving.

Oh? Is it? I hadn't heard.

A fellow must be in funds to enjoy
the luxury of having himself shaved.

Either that or he is,
for one reason or another,

without a razor.

- What are you going to do about it?
- I'll tell you.

- I'm going to work late in chambers.
- Good heavens!

- Rumpole's in your chambers, isn't he?
- Yes, Judge.

In my chambers, at the moment!

It's a bad business,
a most shocking business.

If you start with one,
it leads to the other.

- What exactly?
- Adultery.

- Rumpole?
- Leading to attempted murder.

- Never!
- That's the sort of case he does.

He's coming down before me
at Worsfield next week.

Ah! A case.

His wife seems
a perfectly charming woman.

- Whose wife?
- Rumpole's.

Oh, you thought that, did you?

A good deal to put up with,
I've no doubt.

He told a most distasteful story
at the Scales of Justice dinner.

(Stutters) Er... excuse me, Judge.

Er... some... papers
I... simply... have to look at.

Rumpole! Come out!

I know perfectly well you're in there.

Rumpole... Damn! Oh!

You're an early bird, Mr Ballard.

Trying to catch the worm,
Mrs Slammery.

Have you by any chance
seen Mr Rumpole?

Mother of God, no!
He'll not be here yet awhile.

Morning, Ballard. Top of the morning
to you, Mrs Slammery.

Rumpole! What exactly are you up to?

I'm coming to work, Ballard.

I've been doing it for the last 40 years.
Find that unusual?

(Panting)

I see you make yourself...
quite at home here, Rumpole.

Mm-hm... Mm-hm...

A fellow could easily sleep
on that Chesterfield.

- Care for 40 winks?
- Filthy ashtray.

Mrs Slammery hasn't flicked
her magic duster yet.

I'd better warn you, I'm proposing
chambers become smoke-free

in accordance with medical advice.

- What?
- It's not enough to abstain oneself.

The other fellow's poison
gets up one's nose.

You intend to ban smoking
in chambers?

- That's my intention.
- You can't!

The proposal will surely
command general support.

- It's entirely unconstitutional.
- What?

It's against our ancient rights
of freedom.

Those great principles of justice
our fathers fought and bled for.

It's clean contrary to Magna Carta.

I bow to your superior knowledge
of history, Rumpole.

Could you just remind me which clause
in Magna Carta deals with smoking?

No free man shall be taken
or imprisoned

or distrained on or exiled

or denied the comfort
of an occasional cheroot

unless by the lawful judgment
of his peers.

You're remarkably ignorant
of the common law of England,

however encyclopaedic your knowledge
of the Rent Laws and the Factories Act.

Talking of the Factory Act...

- Do we have to?
- We do.

- These chambers...
- To which you are a newcomer!

...are designated as a place of work.
This is not a dosshouse!

As your head, I am not
in the business of running an hotel

or some sort of Salvation Army hostel.

What are you suggesting?

I'm suggesting that
you've been living in here...

sleeping rough... Ah!

Last night, I saw a pyjama leg.

Ha-ha! I'm not surprised.
Retiring for the night.

When I called in here, late,

after dining in hall
with Mr Justice Gwent-Evans,

I distinctly saw a leg in pyjamas

beating a hasty retreat
towards your room, Rumpole.

- Lay off it, Ballard.
- I intend to pursue this matter.

- For the benefit of other tenants.
- Please.

Lay off the booze.

Keep off the sauce,
cut down on the quaffing.

I know what you benchers
get up to at high table in hall.

- No wonder you're seeing things.
- Things?

Pyjama legs now. It'll be elephants
tomorrow, or little pink mice.

Lie down, sleep it off before you go
blundering across the room

and make a complete pig's breakfast
of a planning appeal.

I am absolutely firm on my principles.

This is not the end of the inquiry.

- Remember Topping?
- Topping?

He tried to save money by moving
into his chambers in Lincoln's Inn.

He was found eating tins of spaghetti
bolognese on the electric fire.

Hilary Topping was given
three months' notice to quit.

Cut down on the port, Ballard!

May you find the strength
to kick the habit!

I shall pray for you.

(Door closes)

(Mouths words)

You shouldn't have come here.
Don't come again.

I wanted to...

Wanted to...

You've got nothing to worry about.

"We must be free or die, who speak
the tongue that Shakespeare spake.

"The faith and morals hold
which Milton held.

"In everything we are sprung
of Earth's first blood,

"have titles manifold."

(Bang)

Ahem! Who is it?

- Ballard knows all about it.
- Ballard knows all about what?

You, Rumpole, eating
his take-away curries in chambers.

How on earth?

After 50 years of mixing with criminals,
you might have picked up a few tips.

Don't leave the evidence
in your waste-paper basket.

I don't see that that proves a thing.

What's wrong with a fellow, after
an exhausting day on a long case,

having chicken vindaloo
on his way home?

- But you're not, are you?
- Not what?

You're not on your way home!

- Perhaps not exactly.
- What do you mean?

You're either on your way home
or you're not.

You mean you make a vague shot at
Froxbury Court and sometimes miss?

(Sighs) Not exactly!

Oh, Rumpole,
do try and answer the question.

I put it to you...

- you are living in chambers.
- Not exactly living.

The "Oxford Book of English Verse"
is your regular bedside reading.

Why don't you answer? Are you afraid
you might be incriminated?

Oh, I fancy a bit of Wordsworth
before dropping off.

- There's nothing the matter with that.
- No, no, nothing at all.

So the "Oxford Book of English Verse"
is to be found

on your bedside table
in the Gloucester Road.

Of course!

Then what, may I ask, is it doing here

with "Blood Stains I Have Known"
by Professor Ackerman

and an out-of-date
"Archbold on Crime"?

Perhaps I bought another copy.

"Horace Rumpole.
Littlewick School. 1923.

"Cursed be he who steals this book."

- I brought it in to prepare a case.
- Which case?

- Which what?
- Case! Am I not speaking clearly?

An attempted murder. I have a client
who's a successful gardener.

A very unsuccessful murderer.
I have to address a jury.

No. That case
doesn't start till next week.

- How do you know?
- Because I'm prosecuting!

- Good God!
- Yes, exactly.

The game is up, Rumpole.

- Who taught you to cross-examine?
- You did.

Ah! The best teacher... All right,
guv, you've got me bang to rights.

You know perfectly well
criminals don't say that any more.

Look, what's wrong with a fellow
having a few anecdotes?

- Where would I be without them?
- Yes!

Hilda take exception to one of them,
did she?

Excellent story
at the Scales of Justice dinner.

You remember? You were there.

- Went down rather well, I thought.
- Did you?

- What did Hilda say about it?
- I prefer not to remember.

The word "senile"
featured in her address to the jury.

I opened the cab door
and found freedom.

Well, you will have
to go back some time.

"It is not to be thought of

"that the flood of my freedom, which,
to the open sea of the world's praise

"from vast antiquity hath flowed
with pomp of waters, should perish."

Look, what about an hotel?

I did think of the Savoy, but I couldn't
quite manage it on legal aid.

Anyway, I wanted
to save a bit of money.

I shall support Hilda in the manner
to which she's become accustomed.

Can't you do any better than that?

Anyway, you can't stay here!

After Topping, Ballard will have you
out of here like a shot!

Topping cooked spaghetti bolognese!

And you import curry! I'd have said
the offence is a great deal worse.

They're on to you.

You stay here one more night
and you'll lose your tenancy.

Now, what are we going to do
about you, hmm?

Oh, well.

I suppose there's nothing else
for it, is there? No...

Just until you find somewhere else,
you understand?

(Children giggle)

Mr Rumpole, aren't you
going to eat your Muesli?

Looks like something they put
in the bottom of birdcages.

It's awfully good for you.
Makes you go regularly.

Pommeroy's claret does that for me
very nicely, thank you.

- Can I help you with that, Rumpole?
- No, no, no, certainly not.

I said I didn't want to be
the slightest trouble.

Besides, you've got
an important prosecution.

It's all right, I haven't been peeping.

(Burps) Ahem!

I can't understand why on earth
people have to smoke.

I can't understand why on earth
people have to suck gob-stoppers.

I never suck gob-stoppers,
they're bad for your teeth.

For one so young, you seem
remarkably careful of your health.

Let me tell you something,
Tristan, and you too, Isolde,

if you care to listen.

No pleasure on earth is worth sacrificing

for the sake of five extra years
in the geriatric ward

of the Sunset Old People's Hospital
in Weston-Super-Mare.

My teacher says they're going
to make all smoking illegal.

They're going to send you
to prison for it.

What have you given birth to, Portia?

A couple of prosecuting counsel?

My teacher says
you shouldn't be allowed to smoke

even if you are all by yourself,
sitting in a field in the open air.

Why ever not?

You might set yourself alight
with the matches.

They'd have to cure your burns
on the NHS.

All right, children. Time for school.

- Have you got their lunches?
- Yes, we're equipped with sandwiches.

Come on.
Your blazer, thank you. Bye.

Bye-bye, darling.

Daddy, how long is that man
going to live here?

- Ssh!
- Daddy!

(Door bangs)

(Radio) - '... you and Pat are up to.
- Oh, absolutely.'

'We're both frightfully interested
in organic farming, aren't we, darling? '

("The Archers" theme tune plays)

(Doorbell rings)

- Oh!
- Hilda, hello, dear.

- Hello.
- Er... have you got a few minutes?

Yes, of course.

- Sorry to drop in on you like this.
- Not at all. Come in.

- I hope it's not an awkward moment.
- Not at all, as it happens.

- It all looks extremely nice.
- Well, it's been a chance to clean up.

- Tea? There is a pot.
- Yes, I'd love some.

Oh, good! Sit down, do.

I'll fetch a cup.

It must've been a ghastly shock for you.

I understand he left you in a taxi
halfway down the Mall.

Oh, is that where Rumpole left me?
I find it so hard to remember.

Well, I'm sure you're being terribly brave.
It must be difficult.

Difficult? Getting the flat cleaned up,

not finding the stub ends of cigars
in all my saucers,

being able to listen to "The Archers",

which Rumpole always finds
exceedingly irritating.

And stretching out in bed
with a hot drink

and "Daily Telegraph" crossword puzzle.

We've been so concerned, Claude and I.

We really don't want to see
old friends splitting up.

Oh, I'm not splitting up.

Don't worry about me.
I'm perfectly intact.

Yes.

Well, I know that Horace
regrets that moment of insanity.

Marriage means such a lot to him.

Does it?

You've been seeing something
of Rumpole recently?

Yes, as a matter of fact,
he's staying with us.

Oh. Then you're the one
who's being brave.

You must know every one
of his stories by heart.

I know that he's just waiting
to get back to you.

All it needs, Hilda, is the smallest sign
of how desperately you need him.

- Just waiting, is he?
- Oh, yes!

Well, you can tell Rumpole for me
that I'm in no hurry.

Absolutely no hurry at all.

He can stay away as long as he likes.

Oh...

"Until he got settled", that's what I said.

I never bargained
for the cooked breakfasts.

Hmm...

You have to face up to Rumpole.

She doesn't want him back.
He may be with us forever.

You invited him to stay, Phylli.

You ought to tell him to go.

A chap's got to face up to
the consequences of a rash invitation.

Claude, I am not a chap!

It's the old, old story,
members of the jury.

A young and attractive wife
married to an elderly husband

who had, perhaps, lost some
of his charm for her over the years.

So she allowed herself
to drift into a love affair

with her husband's partner, the no doubt
physically more attractive young man,

Hugo Lutterworth,
the defendant in this case.

After we have called our evidence,
and in spite of the ingenious arguments

you may hear from my learned friend,
Mr Rumpole,

you will be in no doubt

that the defendant Lutterworth
deliberately and with full intent

tried to murder Captain Gleason
by severing his brakes

and causing his estate car to crash
into that very dangerous junction.

Members of the jury,
it's difficult for us,

who no doubt have stable homes
and contented marriages,

to understand the lengths to which
some unhappy people will go

in inflicting pain and suffering on others.

Did you see the defendant Lutterworth?

Don't lead, Portia.

Did you see anyone you knew?

I saw Mr Lutterworth. He had
the bonnet of the estate car open

and was doing something,
I couldn't see what.

Did that arouse your suspicion?

My Lord, we're not trying my client
on this witness's suspicions.

I will allow the question, Mr Rumpole.

- Were you suspicious?
- Not really.

Mr Lutterworth
often did things to the cars.

He said he understood them.

Yes. Coming to the next day...

The next day being the day...

when Mr Gleason's car crashed.

'AII right, no need to rub it in.'

Were you passing the greenhouse
when you saw...

Don't tell her, just ask her what she saw.

My learned friend wants you
to tell us what you saw.

I saw Mr Lutterworth...

Yes, what was he doing?

He was kissing Mrs Gleason, my lord.

You mean to say the defendant
was kissing his partner's wife

in full view of the workforce
of the garden centre?

In my full view, My Lord.

- Did you find that shocking?
- I did, my lord.

Thank you very much.

This judge is suffering from a bad case
of premature adjudication.

I'm sorry, what did you say?

I said, "There'll be a full explanation,"
my lord.

I'm sure the jury will be most interested
to hear it when the time comes.

Have you any questions
for this witness?

People who live in glasshouses
shouldn't kiss each other!

- Was that a question?
- More in the nature of an observation.

You said Mr Lutterworth looked after
the vehicles in the garden centre.

Did you ever hear Mr Gleason ask
Mr Lutterworth to look at his vehicle?

I... I can't remember.
He may have done.

- May have done on this occasion?
- I suppose it's possible.

- Is that all, Mr Rumpole?
- For the moment, yes.

Very well.

Members of the jury,
we will leave it there until...

...2.10, my lord.

Court rise.

Hilda! Hilda!

Hilda, what on earth?

The Judge invited me down to lunch.

Mr Justice Gwent-Evans
has been very kind to me, Rumpole.

At least you could have let me know.

It came as a shock to see you
in the seat of judgement.

How could I let you know?

I keep looking around the flat
and you're nowhere to be found.

- The Judge is just coming.
- Thank you, Posnet.

Tell him I'll be waiting here.

That's Posnet, the Judge's clerk.
Quite a sweetie.

- Hilda!
- By the way, that case of yours.

Have you noticed the way that Mrs
Gleason keeps looking at your client?

Quite an exhibition, isn't it?
She never takes her eyes off him.

- Hilda!
- Oh, there's the Judge.

We're lunching at his lodgings.

Oh, do thank Phyllida so much
for looking after you for me.

Such a relief to know you're settled.
Long may it continue.

Thank you.

You seem to be trying to find
something to ask, Mr Rumpole.

Bricks without straw, Driscoll, old
darling. Bricks entirely without straw.

Yes. She never took her eyes off him.

- She was rubbing at him, rather.
- What's happened, Mr Rumpole?

A bit of a miracle, old cock.
A bit of a turn-up for the books.

She Who Must Be Obeyed has come up
with a sort of leading inspiration.

By the way, that partnership agreement.

Gleason and Lutterworth carved up
the garden centre between them...

I have it in the office.
You didn't seem particularly interested.

I know.
Well, perhaps that was wrong of me.

Yes, that may have been
very wrong of me.

Detective Sergeant Wilmer,

I understand that the braking systems

on Captain Gleason's car

were so deliberately damaged
as to render the brakes inoperable?

That's obvious, Mr Rumpole.

I am grateful to Your Lordship.
My point exactly!

In fact, this was a crime
which was bound to be detected.

By anyone inspecting
the braking systems, yes.

One other matter, Sergeant Wilmer.

Was the braking system
examined for fingerprints?

None of your clients' fingerprints
were found, Mr Rumpole.

Perhaps the area had been wiped clean.

Not entirely, we found some fingerprints.

- Oh, did you identify them?
- No.

- Oh?
- Well, er...

Since they were not Mr Lutterworth's,
we didn't investigate any further.

Did you not?

Well, would you take steps to discover
if they were the prints of anyone else

who might give evidence in this case?

"Lawyers as Christians". Hmm.

"The Suffragan Bishop of Sidcup
will give an address

"on the Christian approach
to the Rent Acts."

Good God!
"Anyone interested cordially invited.

"Sherry and sandwiches
will be served after the discussions.

"Samuel Ballard, QC, President."

Sherry and sandwiches...

- (Knock)
- Come in!

Ah, Rumpole.

Ah, Erskine-Brown.
I... I'll be seeing you later at home.

Yes, well... this is it.

I wanted to have a word with you.
Ahem. Phylli's idea, really.

A brief word, old darling. I am studying
the law of partnership, in depth.

Of course, yes. Horace...

It's been tremendous fun
having you to stay with us

for a short while,
just till you get fixed up.

Ah, you enjoyed some of the old stories.
Better than watching the telly. Ha-ha!

I've got lots of them
for the long winter evenings.

Oh, good...

- We'd love that.
- Mm-hm.

- Phylli and I would love that.
- That solves your problem.

- Our problem, yes, but not Hilda's.
- Hilda's?

Phylli went to see her.
She's most terribly upset.

Your wife? She seemed very bobbish.

No, no, Hilda's, well...
terribly down and Ionely.

She wants you back
desperately, Horace.

We were both rather upset about it.

Claude, I have good news for you.

- You're going back to her.
- No!

Hilda is as bright as a button.

She's as happy as the day is long.

She's chummed up with a rather
nauseating brand of Welsh judge

and she's having an exotic social life
round Worsfield Court.

She wanted you to know she's grateful
to you and Phylli for putting me up

and long may the arrangement continue.
That makes you happy, doesn't it?

- Er...
- Doesn't it?

Well...

- In fact, it's rather dashed your hopes.
- Oh, I...

You wanted to get rid of me,
out of the matrimonial home.

Say no more.

I can take a hint.

I can tell when your children
simulate terminal bronchitis

every time I walk into a room, that
it was time for me to be moving on.

The only thing is, old darling,
you've got to help me find another billet.

- How am I expected to do that?
- I'll tell you.

All you have to do
is to attend this shindig.

We have heard evidence that your wife
visited Lutterworth in prison.

Yes, I heard that.

Despite that, what is your present
attitude towards your marriage?

I am still prepared
to give it another chance.

In spite of an attempt that may
have been made on your life?

In spite of that, yes.

Thank you very much,
Captain Gleason.

Thank you, Captain Gleason.

Yes?

- My lord, I wonder if I might sit down?
- Of course, Captain Gleason.

A glass of water. Usher,
a glass of water for Captain Gleason.

Are you sure you're feeling all right?

It's just that I have had
a little heart trouble, my lord.

Well, you sit down
and take it quite easily.

You won't be long,
will you, Mr Rumpole?

No, my lord, not very long.

And I shall try to adopt
my very best bedside manner.

Captain Gleason,

Hugo Lutterworth
looked after the vehicles

in the garden centre from time to time?

He did, yes!

If they wanted maintenance, a service or
something of that nature, would he do it?

He said he didn't trust garages.

On the day before the accident,
had you told Mr Lutterworth

that your estate car wasn't running very
smoothly, and asked him to look at it?

- I can't remember.
- Oh, can you not?

Didn't he tell you he'd adjusted
the points or the spark-plugs?

- He may have done.
- So you may have asked him to look.

It's possible. I haven't very much talent
with mechanical objects.

- You never looked at your car yourself?
- Never.

- Never lifted the bonnet?
- Never. I had it filled up at the garage.

And Hugo Lutterworth
did the rest, hmm?

Did rather too much
on that particular occasion.

(Quiet laughter)

Well, you say that, Captain Gleason,
but looking back on it,

wouldn't you say that my client had
done you a simply enormous favour?

I have no idea what you mean.

- (Judge) Neither have I, Mr Rumpole.
- You know exactly what I mean!

Had you not received
an impressive offer

for the garden centre site from
an immense chain of supermarkets?

Might not your greenhouses
have become the promenade

for the purchase of everything
from butterscotch to bedsteads?

My lord, I really can't see that
my business affairs can be relevant.

Neither can I. Mrs Erskine-Brown,
do you object to the question?

No, no, my lord, not at this stage.

Thank you. I'll be moving out soon.

Well, Captain Gleason?

We have had an offer for the site, yes.

Yes, and Mr Lutterworth
was determined not to sell.

That's what he said.

Because he believed
in flowers and badgers

and butterflies and woodland folk
and all that sort of thing.

But you did want to sell
and make a thumping great profit?

I was in favour
of the Arcadia Stores' offer, yes.

Yes.

Captain Gleason,
I would like the Court

to see the partnership agreement

between you and my client,
Mr Lutterworth.

Mr Rumpole, how can this possibly
be relevant to this charge?

Oh, but it goes right to the heart
of the matter, my lord.

It is the simple solution to what I'm sure
Your Lordship and members of the jury

have found a very puzzling case.

I can't speak for the jury, of course,

but I haven't found it
in the least puzzling.

Not puzzling?

An alleged criminal that does everything
in the presence of witnesses?

An attempted murder

where the victim suffers nothing
but a few cuts and bruises?

I would have thought that was grounds
for considerable puzzlement.

- Even to Your Lordship.
- Why do you think that I...

Ahem!

Why do you say that
I ought to look at this document?

I believe my learned friend
has no objection.

I'll be moving out by Thursday.

My lord, we wouldn't wish to shut out
any document which might be relevant.

Now, look at it, will you please,
Captain Gleason?

The other members of the jury
have their copies.

Look at paragraph 12.
Would you read it aloud, please?

If either of the said partners
shall perform an act which is

prejudicial to the interests
of the partnership

or shall be convicted of a criminal...

Or shall be convicted
of a criminal offence!

You see how it goes on.

All his rights in the partnership
property and income

and all other benefits due to him
from the said partnership

shall revert immediately
to the other partner.

- Congratulations.
- Excuse me?

Well, you have done rather well,
haven't you, out of this little case.

- I take the greatest exception to that.
- Oh, do you indeed?

All you had to do was to drain the
brake fluid from your car, and crash,

sustain a few cuts and bruises,

and you become the sole proprietor
of the Woodland Folk garden centre,

which you can flog to the supermarket
and make yourself a fortune.

Mr Rumpole, that isn't all he had to do.

Oh, I am immensely grateful
to Your Lordship.

Your Lordship has my point exactly.

Quick as a flash. I knew Your Lordship
would be there before us all.

There was one other thing
you had to do.

You had to get Mr Lutterworth
convicted of a crime

and you would be laughing all the way
to your new villa on the Costa Brava.

I haven't got a villa on the Costa Brava.

Oh, sorry, Marbella, is it?

All the same, I congratulate you.
You have come into a fortune.

I don't know how that clause got in there.

You have to get rid of Hugo Lutterworth
from the partnership.

I suspect your wife
wanted to get rid of him too.

Their brief affair was all over,
as far as she was concerned.

No!

- My lord, I'm... not feeling very well!
- Oh, my God, Arnold!

(Amanda) Oh, God!

(Judge) We'll adjourn now.
(Usher) Court rise.

Ah, Rumpole.
We've got it for you, the, er...

- The fingerprint evidence.
- Ah!

The good Captain's dabs,
and in all the right places.

Such an incompetent crook!
Still, they always are, aren't they?

The ones who get caught, yes.

- How did you know?
- Oh, really, Portia.

Wasn't it obvious?

Bye.

(Slurs) The thing
about the Bishop of Sidcup...

is that he's... absolutely firm
on his principles.

He knows exactly where he stands.

- (Tyres screech)
- Yes, but do you?

Huh, what?

You know how you stand, Ballard.

A little bit unsteadily,
if you ask my opinion.

You're not about to drive this thing,
are you?

Of course I am!
Back to Waltham Cross.

How many sherries did you have?

Three! No more than three,
Erskine-Brown.

At least five. Way over the limit.

I mean, do get in and drive, but...

- If you ever want to be a judge...
- What?

Drunk driving... (Tuts)

The Lord Chancellor is going to
cross you right off his list of possibles.

And in front
of the Waltham Cross magistrates,

a fellow in chambers was telling me it's
automatic prison on the Breathalyser.

Three weeks inside.
Stamp out this menace!

The sort of thing you get
in front of a bench of teetotallers.

But I've missed the 11.15.

I don't think there's another,
Erskine-Brown.

- What am I going to do?
- It's entirely up to you, Ballard.

Waltham Cross, now, let me see.

I'm afraid it's not on my route.

Good night, Ballard.

Hmm... could you lend me...
a spot of cash... for a minicab?

I left my cheque-book at...

home!

Morning, Ballard.
I've brought you a cup of tea.

What's this? Sleeping rough.

Do you think this is the Sally Ann?
What will the chaps think?

You're using their chambers
as a common boarding house.

You're not going to tell them.

It is my clear and professional duty.

I mean, this isn't living accommodation!

You're clearly in breach
of the terms of your lease.

What's the matter, old darling?

- Mrs Ballard have enough of you?
- There is no Mrs Ballard.

No...

I don't suppose there is.

- Er... Rumpole, I've been thinking.
- Don't overdo it!

I've been thinking.

It would be better if we approached
the question of smoking in chambers

on a purely voluntary basis.

- Now you're talking.
- After all...

You were able to point out to me
the provisions of Magna Carta.

And the European Convention
on Human Rights.

What's that got to...

No citizen shall be persecuted
on the grounds of race or colour

or because he lights up occasionally.

Well, they may be right.

So, having given the matter
my mature consideration...

And no consideration, I'm sure,
can be maturer than yours.

...we needn't put smoking on the agenda
for our next meeting.

In view of that, er...

it may not be necessary for you

to mention the question of any person...

- Oh, dossing down in chambers?
- Exactly!

- I think we understand each other.
- Yes.

That's what I admire about you, Ballard.

You're so firm on your principles.

I believe the Bishop of Sidcup
was a tremendous hit.

("The Archers" theme music plays)
(Door closes)

(Music stops)

Ahem!

- We won the case, you know.
- So you should have.

I mean we won it, Hilda!

It was your idea.
You thought of the bull point.

The way the girl
kept looking at him in court.

I'm not Daddy's daughter for nothing.

Daddy had 45 years at the bar.

Old CH Wystan knew nothing
whatever about bloodstains,

but we'll let that pass.

What are you doing here, Rumpole?

Doing? Oh, I brought you a geranium.
Hope you like it.

Looks as though it's seen better days.

Well, you could say that of all of us,
couldn't you?

Anyway, I live here.

- Don't I?
- Do you?

I haven't noticed recently.

Oh, I expect you've been busy,
sweeping under beds and, er...

listening to everyday stories
of country folk.

That's exactly what I've been doing.

You can't come and go as you please.

- Don't think that I'm...
- Running a hotel!

- How did you know I'd say that?
- Most people do.

Let me pour you a G&T, Hilda,

to celebrate your famous victory.

It's not every day
you win a case in court, Hilda.

- Daddy won a case once.
- Extraordinary.

- What did you say?
- Nothing out of the ordinary.

When CH Wystan... when Daddy
was a young man at the bar,

he did a "dock brief".
He defended a pickpocket for nothing.

The fellow was accused
of stealing a watch.

Really?

Daddy got the fellow off. It was his first
success. He was as pleased as punch.

And as he was leaving
the London Sessions,

this pickpocket came up to him
and said,

"Mr Wystan, I'm so grateful to you.

"You saved me from prison.
I have no money to give you

"but I can offer you this."

And what do you think the fellow did?

- I have no idea.
- He offered Daddy the watch!

- You've heard it before?
- No, I promise you, never.

Take that plant to the kitchen and
offer it some water. It looks exhausted.

(Mouths words)

Best watched using Open Subtitles MKV Player

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0