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"To my so-called wife, I have removed
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"what you left of the tea biscuits
to the office for safekeeping.
4
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"Are you determined to eat me into
bankruptcy? Your so-called husband."
5
00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:04,476
(Pop music)
6
00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:07,116
(Music stops)
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00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:22,799
"My so-called husband,
if you want your shirts washed,
8
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:26,839
"take them down to the office
and let her do them.
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00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:30,390
"She does everything else for you,
doesn't she?
10
00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:33,358
"Your so-called wife."
11
00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:35,158
Eat up now.
12
00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:39,757
I may have a little surprise for you when
you come home from school today.
13
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,556
Nine across.
14
00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:50,154
"Shelley's happy tipple."
15
00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:53,471
- Two words, six six.
- Aren't you ever going to work?
16
00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:57,872
"Blythe Spirit"! I've got this crossword
fellow over a barrel.
17
00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:02,238
- Or are you going to sit around all day?
- Our business is not what it was.
18
00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:06,757
Oh, come on!
I've got to get this kitchen shipshape.
19
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:10,754
Shipshape! Aye-aye, Captain.
Stir your stumps, you landlubbers.
20
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:15,469
- I haven't finished.
- Get to Chambers.
21
00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:20,668
Nothing is happening in Chambers.
Business is terrible.
22
00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:24,071
There's an unexpected outbreak
of lawfulness.
23
00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:27,152
Somebody ought to write
to "The Times" about it.
24
00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:28,992
What have I had the last month?
25
00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:32,072
One small break-and-enter,
two careless drivers.
26
00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:36,711
Daddy always got to Chambers
dead on nine every day of his life.
27
00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:40,190
Daddy, old C H Wystan, always got to
Chambers dead on nine
28
00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:43,750
and spent the whole morning
on the "Times" crossword puzzle.
29
00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:47,959
I do it at home. That's the difference
between us. You ought to be grateful.
30
00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:50,588
- Grateful?
- For the companionship.
31
00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:55,038
I want you out of the house, Rumpole,
don't you understand, so I can clear up?
32
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:59,113
"Woman, in our hours of ease,
uncertain, coy, and hard to please."
33
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:03,193
Just a little peace, so that I can be alone
to get on with things.
34
00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:07,956
Oh, yes, when I'm late of an evening
having popped into Pommeroys
35
00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:12,318
to strengthen myself to face the inner
circle, you never seem grateful
36
00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:15,358
to have been left alone
to get on with things.
37
00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:18,796
You have been wasting time.
That's what I resent.
38
00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:22,191
"I wasted time
and now doth time waste me."
39
00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:24,920
Chattering away
to that idiot Frobisher.
40
00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:27,071
"What time hath made me now..."
41
00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:30,118
- I don't suppose he's got any work.
- Who?
42
00:04:30,280 --> 00:04:33,158
Oh, George? No, he's feeling a draught.
43
00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:37,154
All the decent villains are on holiday
in the Costa Brava.
44
00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:40,471
They've no consideration
for the legal profession.
45
00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:44,428
You can't even take crime seriously.
46
00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:47,797
Sometimes I wonder
what I'm doing here!
47
00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:52,958
Doing? Well, presumably you're getting
the coffee cups all shipshape
48
00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:55,350
to be piped on deck as teacups at 4:00.
49
00:04:55,520 --> 00:05:00,435
What's the point? With Nick gone,
it all seems quite unnecessary.
50
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:04,593
- Nick?
- Your son has gone back to America.
51
00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:06,716
I suppose you've noticed.
52
00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:08,199
Well...
53
00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:12,433
Why do we bother to keep all this place
going? That's what I ask myself.
54
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,670
All this? Ha!
55
00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:19,118
It's only a flat in the Gloucester Road,
Hilda. It's hardly Chatsworth, is it?
56
00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:22,477
You know what I mean.
We used to be a family.
57
00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:26,030
We had to try, at least for Nick's sake.
58
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,430
- Aw...
- Oh, why don't you go to work?
59
00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:32,718
- Nick will be back.
- Do you believe that?
60
00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:37,431
When he's got married, when he's got
his job at the university in Baltimore,
61
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:39,352
why should he come back?
62
00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:42,478
To see us, hear the news,
know what I'm doing in court.
63
00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:47,668
What you're doing in court? You haven't
been doing anything in court apparently!
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00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:49,796
(Telephone rings)
65
00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:53,676
Oh! Course he'll be back.
66
00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:58,556
- Hello?
- 'Mr Rumpole? '
67
00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:02,395
- It's Mrs Rumpole speaking.
- 'Clerk Henry. Could I have a word? '
68
00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:06,872
I'll see if I can catch him. He's just
dashing out of the door to work.
69
00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:08,951
It's your clerk, Henry.
70
00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:10,553
Oh, Henry!
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00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:14,838
- I thought he'd forgotten all about me.
- Rumpole, you haven't shaved!
72
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,513
Oh, Hilda!
73
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:19,717
- Hello, Henry?
- 'I've got a conference for you, sir.'
74
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,519
Did you say a con? Is crime looking up?
75
00:06:22,680 --> 00:06:24,636
'No, Family Division.'
76
00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:27,837
Daddy would never speak to his clerk
before he'd even shaved!
77
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,594
'Named Perfect. 11:00 if that's all right.'
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00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:33,672
- 11:00. Right, Henry.
- 'Thank you very much.'
79
00:06:33,840 --> 00:06:38,072
- What is it?
- Er... It's a divorce.
80
00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:43,431
(Rumpole) 'Divorce.
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00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:46,068
'Ah, got to take what you can nowadays.
82
00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:50,033
'I suppose divorce
is in a fairly healthy state.
83
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:52,668
'Figures are rising.
84
00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:58,039
'What's harder to understand is the
enormous popularity of marriage.
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00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:01,510
'Take that little scene
at breakfast this morning.
86
00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:08,756
'I begin to wonder how it ever became
so popular. I mean! Is that home life?
87
00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:12,037
'The Froxbury Mansions
with She Who Must Be Obeyed.
88
00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:18,468
'That's work.
That's hard, back-breaking toil.
89
00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:26,715
'Ah! It's a relief to get down
to the Temple for relaxation.
90
00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:35,074
'Ah! Chambers.
91
00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:37,756
'That's home.
92
00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:48,112
'Peace and quiet.'
93
00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:07,835
- Good God!
- Morning, Mr Rumpole.
94
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:14,394
Henry! Henry, there is a woman
seated in my chair.
95
00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:16,118
Miss Phyllida Trant, sir.
96
00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:20,751
Been with us a few months. Ex-pupil of
Mr Erskine-Brown. Have you met her?
97
00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:24,879
I've met the occasional whiff
of French perfume in the hall.
98
00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:29,033
- Anxious to widen her experience.
- She will if she wears that.
99
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:32,476
She wants to sit in on your divorce
case. I've got the brief.
100
00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:36,553
- Thripp v Thripp. You're the wife.
- Am I? Jolly good.
101
00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:42,272
�150! These are the sort of Thripps
to breed from, Henry.
102
00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:47,911
I don't know if you've noticed. There is
a boy loitering with an aeroplane.
103
00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:51,516
- He's here for the conference.
- Does he want a divorce too?
104
00:08:51,680 --> 00:08:55,195
He's the child of the family, Mr Rumpole,
in Thripp v Thripp.
105
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:58,796
And, I rather gather,
the chief bone of contention.
106
00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:01,997
So long now. Sorry to have interrupted
your day at home.
107
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:05,835
You can interrupt my day at home
any day you like for a fee of �150!
108
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:09,757
- Phyllida what? Rhymed with ant.
- Trant, sir.
109
00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:14,072
- You don't mind her sitting in, do you?
- Henry, couldn't you put her off?
110
00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:17,118
- Tell her a divorce is sacrosanct.
- Excuse me.
111
00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:20,716
It's like a priest having a lady friend
in for a confessional.
112
00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:24,111
I told her you have no objections.
She's keen to practise.
113
00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:27,955
- Why can't she practise at home?
- Few chambers are without a woman.
114
00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:29,997
It's not good for our image.
115
00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:33,118
Albert never wanted a woman
in Chambers.
116
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:36,317
Can we change it to 4:30
if that's agreeable?
117
00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:38,232
He said there was no lavatory!
118
00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:42,154
As soon as you came into the room,
I felt safe somehow, Mr Rumpole.
119
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:44,788
I knew Norman and I
would be safe with you.
120
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:46,996
- Norman?
- The child of the family.
121
00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:49,799
Yes, thank you, Miss Trant...
122
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:54,192
The young aviator outside. Well, now,
Mrs Thripp, if I am to help you,
123
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,271
you must do your best to help me.
124
00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:59,876
Anything. What is it exactly you want?
125
00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:03,749
Well, a couple of black eyes
would come in extremely handy.
126
00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:08,072
Mr Rumpole means, has your husband
ever used physical violence?
127
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:12,437
Well, no, not actual violence.
128
00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:16,309
Pity. Mr Thripp doesn't show
a very helpful attitude.
129
00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:20,075
- You see, if we are to prove cruelty...
- We don't have to, do we?
130
00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:24,631
It's intolerable conduct
since the Divorce Law Reform Act 1969.
131
00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:28,588
(Rumpole) 'It's not the frivolity
that makes women intolerable.
132
00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:31,672
'It's the ghastly enthusiasm,
133
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:35,628
'that mustered keenness
to get into the lacrosse team,
134
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:40,271
'that relentless drive to learn
the Divorce Law Reform Act by heart.
135
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:43,477
'That, and the French perfume! '
136
00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:45,790
Divorce Law Reform Act. What year?
137
00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,552
1969.
138
00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:50,996
You know how it is. You pop
to the Bailey for five minutes,
139
00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:53,628
they pass
another Divorce Law Reform Act!
140
00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:55,791
Thank you for your assistance.
141
00:10:55,960 --> 00:11:02,035
Now then, what is this intolerable
conduct exactly?
142
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:03,400
He doesn't speak.
143
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:04,071
He doesn't speak.
144
00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:08,392
A little silence can come as a relief
in the wear and tear of married life.
145
00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:13,429
I don't think you quite understand.
He hasn't spoken to me for three years.
146
00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:16,312
Three years?
147
00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:20,393
Good God.
Well, how does he communicate?
148
00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:22,391
By means of notes.
149
00:11:22,560 --> 00:11:24,516
Notes?
150
00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:32,678
- "If you and your so-called son..."
- That's how he writes about Norman.
151
00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:36,230
"If you and your so-called son
want to swim in hot water,
152
00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:39,631
"you can go to the public baths.
Your so-called husband."
153
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:43,190
- He put a padlock on the geyser.
- Really?
154
00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:47,672
- What profession is this Scrooge?
- Chartered accountant.
155
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:51,276
Oh, that doesn't surprise me in the least!
156
00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:56,275
Yes, typed on an Italian portable, I'd say.
About ten years old.
157
00:11:56,440 --> 00:11:58,590
My husband's got an old Olivetti.
158
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:01,035
- He can't really type.
- Yes...
159
00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:06,033
- Mrs Thripp.
- Mr Rumpole.
160
00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:10,113
Now, let me understand.
Is there perhaps someone else?
161
00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:12,430
Someone else.
162
00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:16,354
You are obviously an attractive -
an extremely attractive - woman.
163
00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:18,431
Thank you, Mr Rumpole.
164
00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:22,479
- No other fish in your particular sea?
- One man is quite enough for me.
165
00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:25,791
Really? I take it
you are still living with your husband.
166
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:30,272
Living with him? Of course I'm living
with him. The flat's in joint names.
167
00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:34,877
Wouldn't you be better off somewhere
else? I mean, anywhere else?
168
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:37,998
- Mrs Thripp has a mother in Ruislip.
- Thank you.
169
00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:43,280
As your solicitor points out, anybody's
mother in Ruislip would be preferable
170
00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:46,671
to living with an accountant
who padlocks your geyser!
171
00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:49,274
- Move out?
- Unless you're a glutton for...
172
00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:54,195
- Let him get away with it?
- Mrs Thripp, your flat in Muswell Hill,
173
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:59,559
scene of historic events though it may
well be, is not the field at Waterloo.
174
00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:04,157
If you withdrew to pleasanter pastures,
there would be no defeat.
175
00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:07,869
- No national disaster.
- She is anxious about the furniture.
176
00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:09,109
Furniture?
177
00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:12,078
Her husband might dispose
of the lounge suite.
178
00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:15,357
He's always hated it
and it was a present from my mother.
179
00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:20,719
How much human suffering can be
extracted from a lounge suite?
180
00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:22,916
I don't believe it's the furniture.
181
00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:25,196
Won't you take me on, Mr Rumpole?
182
00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:30,992
My dear lady, of course I'll take you on.
That's what I'm here for.
183
00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:36,553
An old taxi waiting in the rank. Snap
your fingers, I'll run you anywhere.
184
00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:41,999
But it would be of some assistance if we
knew what destination you had in mind.
185
00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:46,676
- I told Mr Perfect what I want.
- Mrs Thripp wants a divorce.
186
00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:52,119
I want my husband taken to court.
Those are my instructions, Mr Rumpole.
187
00:13:55,520 --> 00:14:01,470
"To my so-called wife, I am going out
to my Masonic ladies night tomorrow.
188
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:04,029
"Wednesday.
189
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:06,998
"It's a pity I haven't got
a lady to take with me.
190
00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:12,717
"Don't bother to wait up for me.
191
00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:17,476
"Your so-called husband."
192
00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:21,910
Things are looking up, George.
193
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:26,915
There's light at the end of the tunnel.
I got a brief today for 150 quid. Divorce.
194
00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:28,877
That's funny, so did I.
195
00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:31,156
Sure to last at least six days.
196
00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:34,995
That's six refreshers at �50 a day.
Think of that, George.
197
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:38,914
At least that much can be said
for the institution of marriage.
198
00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:40,354
(Laughter)
199
00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:43,159
- You never married.
- Never felt the need of it.
200
00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:46,073
"With one chained friend,
perhaps a jealous foe,
201
00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:49,550
"the dreariest and longest journey go."
202
00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:52,632
Maggie, another couple
of large clarets, please.
203
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:56,429
I've had an insight into marriage
since reading that divorce brief...
204
00:14:56,600 --> 00:15:01,435
If we were married, we couldn't sit like
this. You'd worry what time I got home.
205
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:03,909
Then you wouldn't be pleased
to see me.
206
00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:07,152
I really don't know why a person
puts up with marriage.
207
00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:12,952
When a woman starts conversing with
her husband by means of little notes!
208
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:17,272
Good Lord, got one of those? Thanks,
love. I'll settle with you in a minute.
209
00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:21,149
And she cut the ends off his trousers.
210
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,595
Sounds a sordid sort of case. Cheers.
211
00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:27,878
He was going out for the evening to
his lodge. Know what this Jezebel did?
212
00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:31,715
Only snips the ends
off his evening trousers.
213
00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:33,996
With her nail scissors.
214
00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:37,596
That's intolerable conduct, that is,
under the 1969 act.
215
00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:40,320
Hope you keep up
with divorce-law reform.
216
00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:44,678
Moss Bros was closed and the wretched
fellow had to turn up at the Caf� Royal
217
00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:48,594
with bags that looked
as if they had been gnawed by rats.
218
00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:51,194
Rumpole, that is marriage for you.
219
00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:56,115
- Do you live alone now, George?
- At the Royal Borough Hotel.
220
00:15:56,280 --> 00:16:00,159
- Since my poor sister died.
- Snug as a bug there, are you?
221
00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:03,039
Television in the residents' lounge.
222
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:06,192
- Coloured television.
- Oh!
223
00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:09,318
- Rumpole, you must dine with me there.
- Love to.
224
00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:12,830
Bring Hilda if you'd care to.
225
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:16,356
She'd liked that.
Coloured television, that'd be a treat.
226
00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:18,636
Quiet, of course, but the point is,
227
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:22,634
a man can keep his trousers
more or less safe from destruction.
228
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,756
Royal Borough Hotel.
229
00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:32,676
Hilda!
230
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:51,194
(Belches)
231
00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:53,715
All quiet on the Western Front.
232
00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:07,118
"If you condescend to come home,
your dinner in oven."
233
00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:09,189
Oven?
234
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,111
Ow!
(Telephone rings)
235
00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:20,269
Yuk!
236
00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,913
- Hello?
- 'I just happened to ring you.
237
00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:34,755
'I feel so alone in the world,
so terribly Ionely.'
238
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:37,593
Look, it's not terribly convenient now.
239
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:41,036
'Don't say that. It's my life.
How can you say that? '
240
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:43,634
All right, then, a quick word.
241
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:46,951
'He's going to say
the most terrible things about me.
242
00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:50,192
- 'I've got to see you.'
- Oh...
243
00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:54,148
Shall we say 4:00 tomorrow afternoon?
244
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,959
But not here.
245
00:17:57,120 --> 00:18:02,956
- 'I don't know how I can wait.'
- My dear, we've waited for three years!
246
00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:07,910
Now, I look forward to seeing you then.
Good night, beloved lady.
247
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:10,036
(Hangs up)
248
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,356
Oh, Hilda!
249
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:28,954
- Good morning, all.
- Your divorce is waiting in your room.
250
00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:32,669
- Yes, right, Henry.
- Divorcing now, Rumpole?
251
00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:37,118
Yes, Erskine-Brown.
Still foreclosing on mort-gauges?
252
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:42,354
That sort of thing. I hear you've got my
ex-pupil helping you out in your divorce.
253
00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:47,150
That'll be good, Phyllida. You'll see a bit
of the seamy side with Rumpole.
254
00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:49,629
Not a bad idea
to enlarge your repertoire.
255
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:52,075
Getting bogged down with all that crime.
256
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:56,472
Crime, yes. Seems a better, cleaner
place down the Old Bailey these days.
257
00:18:56,640 --> 00:19:02,158
- We got anyone to send to Deptford?
- Don't you find criminals depressing?
258
00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:05,995
Depressing? Not a bit of it!
They're usually so well behaved.
259
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:08,754
- Really?
- They knock somebody on the head.
260
00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:13,516
Rob a few banks. Causes at most
a temporary inconvenience.
261
00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:18,595
They don't write to each other nasty little
notes. They don't lock up the geyser.
262
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:23,880
They don't indulge in three years of
silence to celebrate the passage of love.
263
00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:26,076
Love? You're an expert on that now?
264
00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:30,074
"Rumpole On Love" should sell a bomb
at the Solicitors' Law Stationers.
265
00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:33,869
...said for criminal customers...
- No sugar, Diane, thank you.
266
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:38,079
...usually, they're locked up on bail
pending trial.
267
00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:40,356
- Did you say 2:30, Henry?
- No, 2:00.
268
00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:42,397
Can't ring you up all hours.
269
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:45,757
Get involved in a divorce case,
your life's not your own.
270
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:51,631
Used to have all the facts of divorce
cases printed in detail in "The Times".
271
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:54,997
- Hello, Uncle Tom.
- Made amusing reading.
272
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:58,994
Now, all this rubbish they print now
about the Common Market,
273
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:01,390
much more amusing. No one for me?
274
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:04,916
- Nothing at the moment.
- You don't want to work, Uncle Tom.
275
00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:07,674
There was a time
when I had far more briefs
276
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,479
than you seem to pick up,
Erskine-Brown.
277
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:15,589
Now all I get are invitations to ensure
my life. A bit late for that now.
278
00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:18,832
Mrs Thripp, sir.
She has been waiting 20 minutes.
279
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:22,276
I'm going! Oh, sorry.
280
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:27,796
There is... There is something
at least to be said for divorce.
281
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,793
Really? Do tell us.
Speaking as an expert.
282
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:34,430
It's not nearly as squalid
as foreclosing on mortgages.
283
00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:37,630
Rumpole of the boudoir.
284
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:40,789
Ha ha, very funny, Erskine-Brown.
285
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:45,153
I do wish you hadn't done this,
Mrs Thripp.
286
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:49,037
"My so-called husband,
if you want your shirts washed,
287
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,430
"take them to the office. Let her do them.
288
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:54,273
"She does everything else for you,
doesn't she?"
289
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:57,557
- Why did you type this?
- I was provoked.
290
00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:00,917
The other side supplied
photostats of the documents.
291
00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:03,480
Yes, of course! I see you and your
husband both use the same typewriter
292
00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:06,472
Yes, of course! I see you and your
husband both use the same typewriter
293
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:09,712
for your mutual correspondence.
294
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:13,111
- Whom did you suspect?
- Whom?
295
00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:16,113
- Of doing his washing for him.
- I thought...
296
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:20,239
We had him watched, Mr Rumpole.
He has an elderly secretary.
297
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:24,439
Apparently, she's a grandmother. There
doesn't seem to be anyone else.
298
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:28,115
There doesn't seem to be anyone else
for either of you.
299
00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:32,191
Three years for that. Put it away.
300
00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:34,271
Norman.
301
00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:36,396
They... Excuse me.
302
00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:42,479
They allege that you assaulted
his trousers.
303
00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:44,551
No, I didn't do that, Mr Rumpole.
304
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:47,234
- His trousers were damaged.
- The cleaners.
305
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:49,960
- Who sent them to the cleaners?
- He must have.
306
00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:52,076
I don't know.
307
00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:56,436
You said you were provoked into this.
What provoked you?
308
00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:59,910
- That note he wrote me.
- Well, which one?
309
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:02,799
- Ah, this one?
- Yes.
310
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:08,796
I'm going out to my Masonic ladies night.
It's a pity I have no lady to take with me.
311
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:11,918
- The notes are undated.
- I can see that, Miss Trant.
312
00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:17,636
- Tell me, did he go to this night?
- Yes. The trousers weren't that bad!
313
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,199
And you minded him going?
314
00:22:19,360 --> 00:22:21,351
- Of course I minded.
- Why?
315
00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:24,956
- I wanted to go with him, of course.
- You what?
316
00:22:25,120 --> 00:22:28,237
Go with a man who hasn't
spoken to you in three years,
317
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:30,630
writes notes, padlocks your geyser?
318
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:32,756
I don't know.
319
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:36,037
I don't know why I wanted
to go with him.
320
00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:42,435
All right, Mrs Thripp. I'm only asking the
questions your husband's barrister will.
321
00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:47,555
- You think it's hopeless?
- You may not make a good witness.
322
00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:50,871
I do not think that she may not
make a good witness.
323
00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:54,077
You may know all about
divorce-law reform, Miss Trant.
324
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:59,189
I know all about witnesses. Mrs Thripp
will make an excellent witness.
325
00:22:59,360 --> 00:23:00,713
Well done, Mrs Thripp.
326
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:04,077
You broke down at the right moment
of cross-examination.
327
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:09,792
Ah! "It's a pity I haven't got
a lady to take with me."
328
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:13,839
There is not a man sitting as a judge
in the Family Division
329
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:17,436
who will not find this note
absolutely intolerable!
330
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:20,919
Sorry, Miss Trant.
331
00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:23,913
Another brief? For me?
332
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:26,992
There you are, sir.
Oh, you shouldn't have!
333
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:28,991
It never rains but it pours.
334
00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:32,470
I got you �25 this time,
before the Dock Street magistrates.
335
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:35,438
- Archie McFee.
- An old girl, Mrs Wainscot, sir.
336
00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:37,909
Charged with keeping
a disorderly house.
337
00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:40,548
What, Henry, an old pro?
338
00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:42,392
Has it come to this?
339
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:46,633
Plodding the pavements, flogging my
aged charms around Dock Street?
340
00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:51,959
Ah, 25 quid. That's not bad
for a short time in Dock Street.
341
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:55,673
Yes...
342
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:58,991
It makes you wonder
what I could earn up the West End.
343
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:06,957
(Clears throat)
344
00:24:07,120 --> 00:24:10,396
- I wanted to ask your advice.
- Really, Miss Trant?
345
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:13,230
You mean you don't know it all?
346
00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:17,678
I'm prosecuting. Henry got me the brief.
The Dock Street stipe.
347
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:20,957
- Oh, really!
- Archibald McFee.
348
00:24:21,120 --> 00:24:24,669
- Yes, old Archie.
- A disorderly house.
349
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:29,953
An open-and-shut case. The police
observations are perfectly clear.
350
00:24:30,120 --> 00:24:32,190
Why is Mrs Wainscot defending?
351
00:24:32,360 --> 00:24:35,511
The old trout has a taste
for keeping out of Holloway.
352
00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:38,672
- Most unreasonable.
- What I wanted to ask you was...
353
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:42,073
Yes?
354
00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:46,552
How much law should I take? How many
books will this magistrate want
355
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:48,551
on the prosecution case?
356
00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:50,676
Hmm.
357
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:55,832
My dear Miss Trant, old Archie McFee
is a legal beaver.
358
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,116
Double First in Jurisprudence.
359
00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:00,236
Reads "Russell On Crime" in bed.
360
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:03,039
Takes the appeal cases
on holiday with him.
361
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:06,237
You want to pot
the old bawdy-house keeper, eh?
362
00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:10,871
Well, if you take my advice, you will
quote every case you can think of.
363
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:15,989
Old Archie will love it. How many books
do you need? Fill the taxi with them!
364
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:20,354
Section eight of the 1761 statute, sir.
365
00:25:21,360 --> 00:25:26,115
"Any person who acts or behaves,
him or herself, as master or mistress
366
00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:29,955
"or as the person having the care,
government or management
367
00:25:30,120 --> 00:25:32,395
"of any bawdy house
or disorderly house
368
00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:35,597
"shall be deemed
to be the keeper thereof."
369
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:40,675
Now, if I might refer you to Singleton
and Ellison 18951 QB, page 607...
370
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,638
Do you have to refer me to it,
Miss Trant?
371
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:47,076
Oh, yes, sir. I'm sure
you'll find it most helpful.
372
00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:51,279
(Rumpole) 'Miss Trant looked shocked
when she discovered I was defending.
373
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:54,193
'Now she'll discover
I have deceived her.
374
00:25:54,360 --> 00:25:56,669
'Archie McFee can't stand law,
375
00:25:56,840 --> 00:26:02,597
'his sole interests being rose-growing
and catching the 3:45 back to Esher.
376
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:06,958
'Can't she see the fury
rising the level of his stiff collar
377
00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:10,669
'as he glares at the clock
and longs for Waterloo Station? '
378
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:18,511
It is of great interest that under R V
Jones that all women under 21 years
379
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:22,389
are girls, although females
may be women at the age of 18.
380
00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:26,553
- I suppose it interests you, Miss Trant!
- Oh, yes, indeed, sir.
381
00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:30,713
Turning now, if you will, Sir,
to the Sexual Offences Act 1896...
382
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:33,872
(Rumpole) 'Rumpole,
you've done it again.
383
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:37,919
'The prosecution is sinking
under the dead weight of the law.'
384
00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:40,640
Is that all from the prosecution,
Miss Trant?
385
00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:44,793
Do you want to refer me to any books
on behalf of the defence, Mr Rumpole?
386
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:48,430
(Rumpole) 'Cheer up, you'll be off
to the station in three minutes.'
387
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:53,276
Sir, my learned friend has referred you
to many books. I remind you of only one,
388
00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:58,275
a well-known book in which it is written,
"Thou shalt not bear false witness."
389
00:26:58,440 --> 00:27:03,434
I would apply that to the observations
of the police officer in this case.
390
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:06,672
Yes, I'm not satisfied
this charge is made out.
391
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:08,796
Summons dismissed!
392
00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:12,158
With costs, Miss Trant!
393
00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:20,438
Yes, my dear, Mr Perfect has already
told me we've a hearing in two weeks.
394
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:28,391
So you see, there's no need
to ring me at home about it.
395
00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:31,791
We all have our lives to lead.
Of a sort...
396
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:35,354
No, no, be reasonable.
397
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:40,275
In two short weeks, you'll be free.
Think of that, my dear!
398
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:43,273
And keep smiling. Bye-bye.
399
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:45,396
(Hangs up)
400
00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:57,475
I'm having tea with Dodo tomorrow.
401
00:27:57,640 --> 00:27:58,629
Dodo?
402
00:27:58,800 --> 00:28:02,395
Dodo Perkins and I were tremendously
close at Wycombe Abbey.
403
00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:04,915
That Dodo? The live one!
404
00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:08,231
- Yes, of course.
- She's living in Hampshire nowadays.
405
00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:10,755
She's running her own teashop.
406
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:14,708
Nice part of the country, Hants.
You won't have seen her for ages.
407
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:20,910
We correspond. I sent her a postcard -
"Let's meet when next you're up."
408
00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:23,753
I want to ask her advice
about something.
409
00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:24,955
Yes?
410
00:28:25,120 --> 00:28:27,839
We may go shopping,
perhaps have tea at Harrods.
411
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:30,992
- Go easy on the chocolate gateau.
- What?
412
00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:34,038
I'd hate to see the profits
from my disorderly house
413
00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:37,556
vanishing down Dodo's little red lane.
414
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:42,878
Rumpole... Dodo never liked you.
415
00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:45,033
Do you know that?
416
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:55,796
You...
417
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:05,715
Come, Miss Trant,
you mustn't despair.
418
00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:07,836
After you've been so helpful.
419
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:10,719
- Don't mention it.
- I know I'll never make it.
420
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:13,678
I know the law.
I was top student in my year.
421
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:18,436
Ah, yes, but knowing the law has almost
nothing to do with being a lawyer.
422
00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:22,639
An open-and-shut case. I had all
the police observations and I lost it.
423
00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:29,239
That wasn't about the law. You didn't
know enough about Archie McFee.
424
00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:34,349
- You just made rings around me.
- Never underestimate crafty Rumpole.
425
00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:37,592
It seems ungrateful
after you've been so kind to me.
426
00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:41,958
- I wish you wouldn't keep saying that.
- I have to give it up. I have to!
427
00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:46,318
No, you can't. Once you're a lawyer,
you become addicted.
428
00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:49,756
It's like smoking
or any other habit-forming drug.
429
00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:52,718
You become hooked
on cross-examination.
430
00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:56,395
You get a taste for great gulps of air
from the cells.
431
00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:58,835
- You'll find out.
- No, I won't, ever.
432
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:04,517
We all have our disappointments,
you know. I certainly do.
433
00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:07,672
Did you know I did
the Penge bungalow murders?
434
00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:13,720
Without a leader. And the great
Brighton Benefit Club forgery case.
435
00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:18,192
Which is where I got
my vast knowledge of typewriters.
436
00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:23,275
What am I doing now? Mucking about
with disorderly houses. Even a divorce!
437
00:30:23,440 --> 00:30:29,595
So there you are. Look,
do you mind if I give you a bit of advice?
438
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:32,274
Do you knew what your mistake is
in court?
439
00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:37,036
I would suggest a little more
of the feminine qualities.
440
00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:40,510
Ask anyone in the Temple,
how does Rumpole behave in court?
441
00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:45,959
Answer?
Rumpole woos. Rumpole insinuates.
442
00:30:46,120 --> 00:30:49,669
Rumpole wraps his fingers lovingly
around the jury box
443
00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:53,913
or lies on his back purring,
"If Your Lordship pleases..."
444
00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:56,355
like old Mrs Wainscot of Dock Street.
445
00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:59,876
- That's ridiculous.
- Lawyers and tarts, Miss Trant.
446
00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:03,237
The two oldest professions in the world.
447
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:03,560
And we always aim to please.
448
00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:06,438
And we always aim to please.
449
00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:11,756
Hilda!
450
00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:22,516
(Whistles tune)
451
00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:37,396
Ah, there we are!
452
00:31:44,560 --> 00:31:49,031
- Is that your suitcase?
- You can stay out as late as you like!
453
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:51,919
You can spend all the time that you like
with her.
454
00:31:52,080 --> 00:31:56,153
- With her? Who?
- I've heard her on the telephone!
455
00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:59,118
Hilda, that is a client.
Don't be ridiculous.
456
00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:02,955
- I have lived with you for 28 years.
- Man and boy!
457
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:06,635
I have never known you to be
telephoned by a client at home.
458
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:11,032
Hilda, I usually have
quiet, undemanding clients.
459
00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:17,036
Murderers don't fuss. Robbers guess
the outcome and are calm and resigned.
460
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:22,035
Divorcing ladies are different. They are
inclined to ring up constantly.
461
00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:25,158
- So I have noticed.
- They are always out on bail.
462
00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:29,393
They are not locked up in Brixton
pending the hearing.
463
00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:33,872
More's the pity.
I'm going to stay with Dodo, Rumpole.
464
00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:36,838
I'm going to stay with Dodo
and help her out.
465
00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:40,151
- At the teashop?
- It's far better that I should leave you
466
00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:42,276
to get on with your harem.
467
00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:45,477
Hilda, my client
has an unhappy marriage
468
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:50,031
which may well provide you and Dodo
with another tea at Harrods.
469
00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:54,515
- That can't be why you're leaving.
- No, no, it isn't.
470
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:56,398
Then why?
471
00:32:56,560 --> 00:33:00,553
- You've changed, Rumpole.
- Hilda...
472
00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:04,156
You don't go to work in the mornings.
And as for a gin bottle!
473
00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:08,074
- You marked that. Unforgivable.
- Then don't forgive me.
474
00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:10,708
An Englishman's gin bottle
is his castle!
475
00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:12,836
(Telephone rings)
476
00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:22,308
- Taxi, yes, I'm just coming.
- 'Could I speak to Mr Rumpole? '
477
00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:27,916
Yes... He's here.
478
00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:37,873
It's for you.
479
00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:48,516
It's her.
480
00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:57,036
Did you enjoy your pommes de terre� I'anglaise, Rumpole?
481
00:33:57,200 --> 00:33:59,668
Boiled spuds, excellent!
482
00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:03,753
- Hilda will be sorry to have missed this.
- Where is Hilda exactly?
483
00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:09,677
Down in Hampshire in the country,
helping an old friend with her teashoppy.
484
00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:14,356
Well, now Nick's in America,
not much for her to do at home.
485
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:18,433
- Hilda cares for veal, does she?
- Rather, yes. She'll be disappointed.
486
00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:22,912
We always have veal on the Monday,
so we know where we are. Good Lord!
487
00:34:23,080 --> 00:34:25,719
I've got this wretched divorce case
tomorrow.
488
00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:30,112
The other side have stolen a march
on us. They've expedited the hearing.
489
00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:31,838
Really?
490
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:34,070
- George...
- Rumpole?
491
00:34:34,240 --> 00:34:38,472
- What's your divorce case about?
- I told you, I'm the husband.
492
00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:44,272
- Just I've got one too. I'm a wife.
- Horrible case. Sure I told you.
493
00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:48,319
"We allege this monstrous female
savaged me trousers."
494
00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:50,869
- What else?
- What else? Isn't that enough?
495
00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:54,794
- No, what else?
- Hasn't spoken to me for three years.
496
00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:58,519
She won't speak to you?
497
00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:00,830
You mean you haven't spoken to her!
498
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:03,309
Well, she started it, and the bath water.
499
00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:09,116
- What about the bath water?
- 14 baths a week. The cost!
500
00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:13,078
I haven't had a bath there
in over a month.
501
00:35:13,240 --> 00:35:15,913
I have to go all the way
to Mother's in Ruislip!
502
00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:18,958
- You put a padlock on the geyser!
- Rumpole!
503
00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:22,590
- You're against me!
- Of course I am. I'm the wife.
504
00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:26,196
You are trying to put me out
of the house, George, and my child!
505
00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:30,558
Your child?
You have alienated Norman's affections!
506
00:35:30,720 --> 00:35:32,676
- What?
- You turned him against me!
507
00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:35,877
- Rubbish!
- Go away! What do you mean?
508
00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:39,077
I never heard such unmitigated
nonsense in all my life.
509
00:35:39,240 --> 00:35:43,597
Bring that up in court, I shall cut you
into pieces and give you to the usher.
510
00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:47,196
- I have behaved like a saint.
- Yes, you! Joan of Arc!
511
00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:50,636
- You're Job himself, I suppose?
- Had to be to put up with you!
512
00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:53,030
You are nothing but a great big bully!
513
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:56,954
You're all fine and brave when dealing
with someone weaker than you.
514
00:35:57,120 --> 00:36:02,148
- Oh, yes, you! You weaker than me!
- See how you stand up in court.
515
00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:04,595
Let's see you in cross-examination.
516
00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:08,799
I wouldn't rely too much on cross-
examination. What about the evidence?
517
00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:12,350
I intend producing my evening trousers
as an exhibit!
518
00:36:12,520 --> 00:36:15,796
- Your trousers will prove nothing!
- Really, won't they?
519
00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:19,714
Anyone can lacerate his own trousers
with a pair of nail scissors.
520
00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:21,598
- Has been done before!
- Lies.
521
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:24,149
- Thank you for the dinner.
- Lies, lies!
522
00:36:24,320 --> 00:36:26,515
George, in the still of the night,
523
00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:31,037
it may occur to you to do the decent
thing and let this case go undefended.
524
00:36:37,840 --> 00:36:41,037
(Rumpole) 'Oh, dear,
what did I tell Mrs Thripp?
525
00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:44,476
"'No man sitting as a judge
in the Family Division could bear
526
00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:46,756
'to see a woman treated in this way."
527
00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:49,718
'Course I didn't know
who we'd get then, did I?
528
00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:53,792
'I'm given to believe
that Mrs Justice Apelby
529
00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:57,509
'is the only genuine male
chauvinist pig in the building.
530
00:36:58,680 --> 00:37:01,797
'They tell me when she goes
on circuit and tries murders,
531
00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:07,114
'she puts on a thin line of lipstick
before summing up to the jury.
532
00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:11,193
'It's the nearest Her Ladyship ever gets
to the art of seduction.
533
00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:18,758
- 'Oh, a frosty look at us! '
- Thripp versus Thripp.
534
00:37:18,920 --> 00:37:21,593
(Rumpole) 'And a frosty look at George.
535
00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:23,512
'The score is love-all.
536
00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:27,356
'That must be Thripp.
537
00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:32,196
'I must say, we could have hoped
for something about twice the size.
538
00:37:32,360 --> 00:37:35,591
'He's hardly perfect casting
for the part of Bluebeard.'
539
00:37:35,760 --> 00:37:38,593
- Yes, Mr Rumpole.
- (Rumpole) 'Ready for the off.'
540
00:37:40,120 --> 00:37:45,274
- If Your Ladyship pleases...
- Mr Rumpole! I don't please.
541
00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:49,319
These lists of grievances and
complaints don't please me in the least.
542
00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:53,519
Is there no chance of the parties seeing
sense and coming to a compromise?
543
00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:57,878
No chance whatever.
This is a fight to the end, M'Lady,
544
00:37:58,040 --> 00:38:02,636
as my learned friend will assure you...
(Whispers) Tell her, George.
545
00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:06,793
Yes, it is indeed a fight, M'Lady,
due to last at least six days.
546
00:38:07,680 --> 00:38:11,116
Very well.
Tell me about it, Mr Rumpole.
547
00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:18,590
This is probably one of the strangest
cases this court may ever have heard.
548
00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:22,597
The story of a Bluebeard
who kept his wife
549
00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:25,433
a virtual prisoner
in their flat in Muswell Hill,
550
00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:28,990
denied her the simple comforts
of biscuit and bath water,
551
00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:31,674
denied her the comforts
of his conversation
552
00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:34,479
but communicated with her
only by means of...
553
00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:38,679
brusque, bitter and insulting little notes!
554
00:38:38,840 --> 00:38:41,434
- Mr Rumpole.
- Yes, M'Lady?
555
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:44,956
- May I remind you of something?
- Certainly, M'Lady.
556
00:38:45,120 --> 00:38:49,671
The jury box is empty.
This is a trial by judge alone.
557
00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:53,358
I don't require to be swayed
by your oratory,
558
00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:56,557
which is no doubt effective
in criminal cases.
559
00:38:56,720 --> 00:39:02,750
- Just give me the relevant dates.
- Yes... My Lady...
560
00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:08,040
"You and your so-called son can be off
to your mother's in Ruislip!
561
00:39:08,720 --> 00:39:11,951
"Let her pay for the light
you leave blazing in the toilet."
562
00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:20,677
- Pinned up on my kitchen cupboard.
- Your kitchen...
563
00:39:20,840 --> 00:39:22,796
Just a moment, Mr Rumpole!
564
00:39:26,520 --> 00:39:28,476
Very well.
565
00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:30,673
Now, then, Mrs Thripp.
566
00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:34,719
What was the effect upon you
of this heartbreaking notice to quit?
567
00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:39,032
- She stayed for more, apparently!
- If Your Ladyship pleases...
568
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:43,876
- You didn't go, did you?
- Perhaps she was afraid to, My Lady.
569
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:47,191
Really, M'Lady,
my learned friend mustn't lead.
570
00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:50,750
(Rumpole) 'Relax, George. Stop going
up and down like a yoyo! '
571
00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:54,196
- It's true, I just didn't know...
- More slowly, please!
572
00:39:54,360 --> 00:39:58,512
More slowly, please...
Mrs Thripp.
573
00:39:58,680 --> 00:40:02,798
I just didn't know what my husband
would do if I left him.
574
00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:06,714
But what sort of thing did you fear
he might do?
575
00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:10,236
- I just didn't know.
- Mrs Thripp,
576
00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:15,599
you put up with this conduct from
your husband for three years. Why?
577
00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:22,678
- I suppose I was sorry for him.
- Sorry for him, why?
578
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:26,838
- He'd never manage on his own.
- Mr Thripp!
579
00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:29,798
Is there anything
in your conduct to your wife
580
00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:32,235
of which you are thoroughly ashamed?
581
00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:34,791
(Rumpole) 'A good question, that.
582
00:40:34,960 --> 00:40:37,918
'Lf he says yes,
he's made a damaging admission.
583
00:40:38,080 --> 00:40:40,833
'Lf he says no,
he's a self-satisfied idiot.'
584
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:43,275
- No.
- (Rumpole) 'Self-satisfied idiot.'
585
00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:48,230
Really, Mr Thripp?
You have behaved absolutely perfectly?
586
00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:53,110
(Rumpole) 'Exactly my point, I think.
15-Iove, first game, second set.'
587
00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:56,431
"I am going out
to my Masonic ladies night.
588
00:40:56,600 --> 00:40:59,876
"It's a pity I haven't got
a lady to take with me."
589
00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:03,120
- That how a perfect husband behaves?
- Perhaps not.
590
00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:07,837
- Or was that the cruellest cut of all?
- I was annoyed with her.
591
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:12,949
Annoyed? You wrote these bitter words
out of mere annoyance?
592
00:41:13,120 --> 00:41:17,716
- I had asked her to the ladies night.
- Asked her?
593
00:41:19,480 --> 00:41:22,392
- I left a note for her, naturally.
- Naturally!
594
00:41:22,560 --> 00:41:25,597
Mr Rumpole,
will you ask the witness to speak up?
595
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:30,880
- Would you speak up, Mr Thripp?
- I left a note for her, naturally.
596
00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:36,239
Naturally, yes. You couldn't do anything
so human as to speak with her?
597
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:40,552
- She didn't reply.
- I'm not surprised getting this!
598
00:41:40,720 --> 00:41:44,918
Mr Thripp, did you actually want
your wife to accompany you?
599
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:47,036
Oh, yes, indeed.
600
00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:50,078
What? This termagant
who overfills your baths,
601
00:41:50,240 --> 00:41:54,995
refuses to wash shirts, you were looking
forward to a pleasant evening with her?
602
00:41:56,520 --> 00:42:00,354
- Well, I had no one else to go with.
- And would rather her than no one.
603
00:42:00,520 --> 00:42:03,637
Of course I would!
She's my wife, isn't she?
604
00:42:03,800 --> 00:42:07,270
I suggest all these charges
against your wife are untrue.
605
00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:11,752
- They are not untrue.
- But you wanted her to go with you.
606
00:42:11,920 --> 00:42:16,311
You wanted to flaunt her on your arm
at the Caf� Royal. Why?
607
00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:21,150
Well, come, Mr Thripp,
answer the question.
608
00:42:21,320 --> 00:42:24,039
It can't possibly be
because you love her?
609
00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:26,954
Yes.
610
00:42:28,280 --> 00:42:31,113
- I do.
- Do what, Mr Thripp?
611
00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:34,596
Do...
612
00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:36,793
...Iove her...
613
00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:40,914
(Rumpole) 'Oh, Rumpole... '
(Judge) Mr Rumpole.
614
00:42:41,080 --> 00:42:43,389
'... have you asked one question
too many? '
615
00:42:43,560 --> 00:42:46,950
- Yes, Your Ladyship?
- It is really too late for common sense?
616
00:42:47,120 --> 00:42:52,194
- Common sense, My Lady.
- A final attempt at a reconciliation.
617
00:42:52,360 --> 00:42:55,909
George, I feel our precious divorce
slipping away from us.
618
00:42:56,080 --> 00:42:58,389
I have no power to order this, of course,
619
00:42:58,560 --> 00:43:02,109
but it does seem to me Mr and Mrs
Thripp might meet in chambers
620
00:43:02,280 --> 00:43:05,670
to explore the possibilities
of a reconciliation.
621
00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:10,436
There is one important consideration.
I refer to young Norman Thripp,
622
00:43:10,600 --> 00:43:14,593
the child of the family. I shall adjourn
now until tomorrow morning.
623
00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:17,316
(Clerk) Be upstanding!
624
00:43:29,280 --> 00:43:33,319
- Been in there a long time, Horace.
- Doesn't look too promising, George.
625
00:43:40,560 --> 00:43:42,869
They shouldn't
allow women on the bench.
626
00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:46,032
Apelby!
Don't know what she thinks she's doing,
627
00:43:46,200 --> 00:43:48,077
depriving us of our refreshers.
628
00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:54,919
Well, gentlemen, I think we shall
be withdrawing the case tomorrow.
629
00:43:55,080 --> 00:43:57,753
We still have one or two things
to talk over.
630
00:43:57,920 --> 00:44:02,869
Talk over? Well, we'll have
to see about that. Excuse me.
631
00:44:05,320 --> 00:44:07,788
- Come along, Norman.
- He's been so good.
632
00:44:07,960 --> 00:44:09,154
Norman!
633
00:44:09,320 --> 00:44:11,276
(Mimics engine)
634
00:44:15,720 --> 00:44:18,109
He's been playing at being a secretary.
635
00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:44,276
(Mrs Thripp) Norman!
636
00:44:47,040 --> 00:44:49,270
- Ah, good morning.
- Good morning.
637
00:44:49,440 --> 00:44:53,797
Well, Mrs Thripp, I suppose we come
to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
638
00:44:53,960 --> 00:44:56,758
- What do you mean?
- You're dropping the case.
639
00:44:56,920 --> 00:45:01,516
I'm going on with the case. Last night,
butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.
640
00:45:01,680 --> 00:45:06,435
I got this this morning, leaning against
the cornflakes packet at breakfast.
641
00:45:06,600 --> 00:45:10,149
"The old barrister you dug up
is going to lose this case."
642
00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:14,393
Oh, really? "I'll have you and your
so-called son out of here in a week."
643
00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:16,755
Good morning, Mr Thripp. Come along.
644
00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:20,469
He's mad.
I can't live with a maniac, Mr Rumpole.
645
00:45:20,640 --> 00:45:23,279
This is typed on a standard Imperial.
646
00:45:27,280 --> 00:45:31,637
We've got to beat him. I've got to think
of Norman caged up with a man like that!
647
00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:33,552
Norman, of course!
648
00:45:33,720 --> 00:45:37,349
As the judge said, we've got to think
of the child of the family.
649
00:45:37,520 --> 00:45:39,909
Look, we've got half an hour.
650
00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:43,675
Yes, do you think Norman
would appreciate a little stroll?
651
00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:46,957
- I'm sure we'd be glad to.
- No, not we, Mrs Thripp.
652
00:45:47,120 --> 00:45:50,396
In this instance,
I'd like to speak to Norman alone.
653
00:45:50,560 --> 00:45:52,437
Norman, do you like doughnuts?
654
00:45:54,240 --> 00:45:56,196
It's a rum business, marriage.
655
00:45:57,600 --> 00:46:01,115
- Have you ever been married, Norman?
- Course not!
656
00:46:01,280 --> 00:46:05,239
Married people have odd ways of
showing their love and devotion.
657
00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:07,356
- Have they?
- Yes.
658
00:46:07,520 --> 00:46:13,436
Some whisper endearments. Some send
each other abusive little notes.
659
00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:16,194
Some even have to get
as far as the divorce court
660
00:46:16,360 --> 00:46:18,954
to prove they can't do
without each other.
661
00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:21,634
- Want another doughnut?
- I'm all right.
662
00:46:21,800 --> 00:46:27,272
All right? Yes, you were all right
when they really looked like separating.
663
00:46:27,440 --> 00:46:30,432
- I don't know what you mean.
- Really?
664
00:46:31,680 --> 00:46:34,911
When they were each trying
to win you over to their side...
665
00:46:36,360 --> 00:46:37,395
Hmm.
666
00:46:37,560 --> 00:46:41,439
When you got a new present every
week from Mum and a rival from Dad -
667
00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:43,750
tanks, planes, guns -
668
00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:46,559
developed into a sort of arms race
between them.
669
00:46:46,720 --> 00:46:52,238
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Their mad impulse to kiss and make up
670
00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:55,597
must threaten your source of supply.
671
00:46:55,760 --> 00:46:59,070
- Mine too, come to that.
- I don't mind if they get together.
672
00:46:59,240 --> 00:47:02,073
- It's their business, isn't it?
- Their business.
673
00:47:02,240 --> 00:47:04,834
- I'm not stopping them.
- Oh, really?
674
00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:07,230
Of course I'm not!
675
00:47:07,400 --> 00:47:09,595
I don't do much divorce, you know.
676
00:47:11,200 --> 00:47:15,716
Now I'm just beginning to realise why.
It's crime, mainly.
677
00:47:15,880 --> 00:47:19,953
I was in
the great Brighton Benefit Club forgery.
678
00:47:20,720 --> 00:47:23,314
What's forgery?
679
00:47:23,480 --> 00:47:25,630
Oh, you are good!
680
00:47:26,480 --> 00:47:29,233
Oh, you'll come out wonderfully
681
00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:31,960
in your interview with the police!
682
00:47:32,120 --> 00:47:35,271
The genuine voice of innocence.
"What's forgery?"
683
00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:39,434
That is forgery, Norman.
684
00:47:39,600 --> 00:47:42,319
Examine it closely.
685
00:47:42,480 --> 00:47:45,313
- All the other notes were typewritten.
- So's this.
686
00:47:45,480 --> 00:47:50,713
Typewritten on the old Olivetti
that your parents keep in Muswell Hill.
687
00:47:50,880 --> 00:47:55,237
That is typed on a standard Imperial
with a small gap in the capital S.
688
00:47:55,400 --> 00:47:58,233
Here, borrow my glass.
689
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:06,789
Well, what about it?
690
00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:11,033
That note was typewritten on the
standard Imperial in my Chambers,
691
00:48:11,200 --> 00:48:15,079
that Diane hammers out
my learned opinions upon.
692
00:48:15,240 --> 00:48:20,872
The standard Imperial you were playing
with so innocently last night.
693
00:48:21,040 --> 00:48:24,077
I put it to you, Norman,
you typed that last note
694
00:48:24,240 --> 00:48:29,268
in a desperate attempt to keep this
highly profitable divorce case going.
695
00:48:31,680 --> 00:48:34,433
(Sighs)
I didn't see any gap in the capital S.
696
00:48:34,600 --> 00:48:36,875
Ha! Didn't you?
697
00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:40,350
- The judge will.
- What judge?
698
00:48:40,520 --> 00:48:43,876
The judge who tries you for forgery,
699
00:48:44,040 --> 00:48:46,918
a word you understand perfectly!
700
00:48:47,080 --> 00:48:48,832
I'll take the evidence.
701
00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:52,436
Ah! I will take the evidence, please!
702
00:48:55,160 --> 00:48:57,116
Thank you.
703
00:48:57,280 --> 00:49:01,512
You know what they gave the chief
villain in the Brighton case?
704
00:49:01,680 --> 00:49:03,636
Four years.
705
00:49:04,680 --> 00:49:07,592
Four long years.
706
00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:10,956
Have another doughnut.
707
00:49:14,480 --> 00:49:18,234
As your lawyer,
I can only see one way out for you -
708
00:49:18,400 --> 00:49:22,757
a full confession to your mum and dad,
soon as you finish your doughnut.
709
00:49:24,320 --> 00:49:26,993
Let me give you another word of advice.
710
00:49:27,160 --> 00:49:30,869
Settle for being a chartered accountant
like your dad.
711
00:49:31,040 --> 00:49:34,271
You have absolutely no talent for crime.
712
00:49:35,680 --> 00:49:39,958
I am delighted to inform you the parties
have now achieved a reconciliation.
713
00:49:40,120 --> 00:49:42,350
You will not be troubled with this case.
714
00:49:42,520 --> 00:49:45,910
- Then the petition will be dismissed.
- It's your fault, Rumpole.
715
00:49:46,080 --> 00:49:49,072
- As Your Ladyship pleases.
- You amateur detective!
716
00:49:49,240 --> 00:49:53,199
- Hardly amateur, George.
- And the cross charges in the answer.
717
00:49:53,360 --> 00:49:57,478
As Your Ladyship pleases. We might
be sitting here with our refreshers.
718
00:49:57,640 --> 00:50:01,189
It was the irresistible challenge
of the typewritten evidence.
719
00:50:01,360 --> 00:50:04,875
- I think you should stick to crime.
- Yes, I will in the future.
720
00:50:05,040 --> 00:50:08,589
- The husband will pay the costs.
- Be upstanding.
721
00:50:10,640 --> 00:50:14,155
You absolutely bugger up the work
in the Family Division.
722
00:50:14,320 --> 00:50:15,275
Really?
723
00:50:17,600 --> 00:50:19,556
Hilda!
724
00:50:20,720 --> 00:50:22,950
Oh, what am I saying?
725
00:50:23,120 --> 00:50:26,556
No answer, came the stern reply.
726
00:50:26,720 --> 00:50:28,631
Rumpole?
727
00:50:29,440 --> 00:50:31,396
Hilda?
728
00:50:35,480 --> 00:50:37,436
Hilda?
729
00:50:38,200 --> 00:50:42,193
Well, what's the matter?
Fall out with Dodo?
730
00:50:42,360 --> 00:50:46,148
- Have a scene over a drop scone?
- You're back early.
731
00:50:46,320 --> 00:50:49,756
Daddy was never back home
at 3:00 in the afternoon!
732
00:50:49,920 --> 00:50:52,753
- No.
- Daddy stayed in Chambers till 6:00.
733
00:50:52,920 --> 00:50:56,799
Regular as clockwork every day
of his life. What about your divorce?
734
00:50:56,960 --> 00:50:59,030
- I solved it.
- The six refreshers?
735
00:50:59,200 --> 00:51:01,156
Gone with the wind, I fear.
736
00:51:01,320 --> 00:51:04,278
Yes, old George
was terribly disappointed.
737
00:51:04,440 --> 00:51:07,557
He's got to support a small hotel
in Kensington, you know.
738
00:51:07,720 --> 00:51:10,154
You've got no responsibilities,
of course!
739
00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:12,788
I don't suppose
you've even had any tea.
740
00:51:12,960 --> 00:51:17,476
I had to pit my wits, Hilda,
against a very formidable opponent.
741
00:51:17,640 --> 00:51:21,269
- What, George Frobisher?
- Dear, no, not old George.
742
00:51:21,440 --> 00:51:26,230
- An 11 -year-old child.
- You're going to seed, Rumpole.
743
00:51:26,400 --> 00:51:28,868
Can't even keep a divorce case going.
744
00:51:29,040 --> 00:51:32,112
Do you know why my divorce case
collapsed under me?
745
00:51:33,760 --> 00:51:35,478
The clients were reconciled.
746
00:51:35,640 --> 00:51:40,839
(Rumpole) 'Because however awful it is,
however silent and unendurable it is,
747
00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:46,677
'however much they hate each other's
guts over the three-piece lounge suite,
748
00:51:46,840 --> 00:51:48,831
'they can't stand to be alone.'
749
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:54,597
Isn't that strange, Hilda? They'd rather
have war together than a Ionely peace.
750
00:51:54,760 --> 00:51:58,230
If I'd stayed any longer,
you'd have gone to seed completely.
751
00:51:58,400 --> 00:52:03,315
"Woman, in our hours of ease,
uncertain, coy, and hard to please."
752
00:52:03,480 --> 00:52:06,392
You'd have stayed home all day
doing the crossword,
753
00:52:06,560 --> 00:52:08,232
delving into the gin bottle.
754
00:52:08,400 --> 00:52:12,712
"And variable as the shade
by the light quivering aspen made..."
755
00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:16,839
If you're going to the loo, Rumpole,
remember to switch off the light!
756
00:52:17,000 --> 00:52:22,313
"When pain and anguish ring the brow,
a ministering angel, thou."
757
00:52:22,480 --> 00:52:24,675
It's for your own good, Rumpole.
758
00:52:24,840 --> 00:52:26,717
I'm telling you for your own good.
759
00:52:27,717 --> 00:52:37,717
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