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1
00:00:01,401 --> 00:00:03,335
( harmonica wails )
2
00:00:05,071 --> 00:00:06,972
$5.
3
00:00:06,973 --> 00:00:08,607
( laughs )
4
00:00:08,608 --> 00:00:10,676
What are you,
a wimp?
5
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:13,178
Put your money
where your mouth is.
6
00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:15,047
All right, $10.
7
00:00:15,048 --> 00:00:17,082
You're a sucker.
You're gonna lose.
8
00:00:17,083 --> 00:00:18,684
Get your turtle.
9
00:00:22,989 --> 00:00:26,558
( groaning )
oh god.
10
00:00:26,559 --> 00:00:28,961
Okay, on the count
of three. Ready?
11
00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:31,397
Both:
one, two, three.
12
00:00:31,398 --> 00:00:32,798
Come on,
lightning.
13
00:00:32,799 --> 00:00:33,966
Go down, jerry.
14
00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:36,535
- come on, lightning
- jerry, check it out.
15
00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:38,537
Come on, lightning.
Come on, lightning.
16
00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:41,206
Come on, jerry, crawl.
Crawl like the wind.
17
00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:43,509
What are
you doing?
18
00:00:44,811 --> 00:00:47,312
Baby vs. Turtle,
sport of kings.
19
00:00:47,313 --> 00:00:48,881
Come on, jerry.
20
00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:52,551
You're using our
baby brother for sport? That is sick.
21
00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:55,287
When he was asleep
we were using him for third base.
22
00:00:55,288 --> 00:00:58,290
You're gonna
traumatize this kid.
23
00:00:58,291 --> 00:01:01,593
No, growing up in
this household is gonna traumatize the kid.
24
00:01:01,594 --> 00:01:04,997
Beating the turtle is his only
shot at self-esteem.
25
00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:06,799
Come on, jerry.
26
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,635
You're lucky,
Darlene, the kid was gonna lose.
27
00:01:09,636 --> 00:01:12,738
He didn't stand a chance
against lightning.
28
00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:15,341
As ridiculous
as this is, d.J.,
29
00:01:15,342 --> 00:01:17,643
Jerry clearly could've
beaten that turtle.
30
00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:21,246
Yeah, maybe
in a distance race, but not in a sprint.
31
00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:22,948
My baby brother
32
00:01:22,949 --> 00:01:25,317
Could mop the floor
with that reptile.
33
00:01:25,318 --> 00:01:28,687
Yeah, well I
got 10 bucks that says otherwise.
34
00:01:30,490 --> 00:01:32,725
You're on.
35
00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:34,727
Come on, lightning.
Come on.
36
00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:36,228
Come on, jerry.
37
00:01:36,229 --> 00:01:37,963
Crawl, damn it!
38
00:01:37,964 --> 00:01:40,799
Crawl like the wind.Come on, jerry.
39
00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:43,435
( door shuts )
40
00:01:45,405 --> 00:01:47,039
Give me five
on the turtle.
41
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,942
- come on, jerry!
- come on, lightning!
42
00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:44,463
D.J., d.J., what the
heck are you doing?
43
00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:47,166
The picture's all screwy.
I'm just trying to fix it.
44
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,635
Never never
punch a tv, son.
45
00:02:49,636 --> 00:02:52,304
There are tools for
situations like this.
46
00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:59,411
Hey, everyone,
guess what? Guess what?
47
00:02:59,412 --> 00:03:03,148
You cracked 5'4".
48
00:03:03,149 --> 00:03:05,951
I got a job.
I got a really great job.
49
00:03:05,952 --> 00:03:09,621
Call a mover.
Call a really great mover.
50
00:03:09,622 --> 00:03:11,256
I don't think
you need a mover
51
00:03:11,257 --> 00:03:14,593
For five sweatsocks
and a tear stained diary.
52
00:03:14,594 --> 00:03:16,628
Congratulations.
53
00:03:16,629 --> 00:03:19,598
Now nothing in
this world can hold you back
54
00:03:19,599 --> 00:03:23,635
Except your association
with this family.
55
00:03:23,636 --> 00:03:27,072
I'm really proud of you, pal.
If you save up for a couple of months
56
00:03:27,073 --> 00:03:29,074
You can get that studio
apartment you had your eye on.
57
00:03:29,075 --> 00:03:30,676
No, I don't even need
it anymore.
58
00:03:30,677 --> 00:03:32,144
That's the best part
of the job.
59
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:35,414
I have to work weekends,
but they provide meals and housing.
60
00:03:35,415 --> 00:03:38,917
David, you've
become a priest.
61
00:03:41,454 --> 00:03:42,955
No, it's even
better than that.
62
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:46,658
I am going to be
working at edelweiss gardens amusement park.
63
00:03:46,659 --> 00:03:50,162
Oh, wow!
That's like the coolest place in the whole state.
64
00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:52,464
Last year a whole family
got crushed to death
65
00:03:52,465 --> 00:03:55,401
On one of those
twirling beer steins.
66
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:58,537
That's how
I want to go.
67
00:03:58,538 --> 00:04:01,440
I met the recruiter
today at the mall.
68
00:04:01,441 --> 00:04:02,975
They interviewed
me on the spot
69
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:06,311
And said that I
was perfect edelweiss gardens material.
70
00:04:06,312 --> 00:04:09,214
Rock on, liebchen.
71
00:04:09,215 --> 00:04:11,517
Remember how sad
we were last week
72
00:04:11,518 --> 00:04:13,252
When we had to
leave disneyworld?
73
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,988
Now it's gonna be
like I get to live in an amusement park.
74
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:17,956
You get to wear
shorts and knee socks.
75
00:04:17,957 --> 00:04:21,160
You won't look
like too much of a fem.
76
00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:28,167
No, actually they
said they can probably find a place for me
77
00:04:28,168 --> 00:04:31,570
In their art department.
I'm gonna go call Darlene
78
00:04:31,571 --> 00:04:34,106
And then i'm
gonna leave notice at the pizza place.
79
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,975
Hey, don't forget
your severance pizzas.
80
00:04:47,987 --> 00:04:50,022
Nice room, David.
81
00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:52,291
No windows
to wash.
82
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,760
Kind of like
living in an empty swimming pool.
83
00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:57,363
Yeah, with no
pesky distractions.
84
00:04:57,364 --> 00:04:59,131
Is it night?
Is it day?
85
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,567
Did I miss spring?
86
00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:03,736
It used to
be a days inn.
87
00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:06,805
Wow, they really
fixed this place up.
88
00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:08,841
Don't these
banks and banks
89
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:11,076
Of fluorescent lights
drain your energy?
90
00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:13,312
I think they
give you energy.
91
00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:19,385
Hi, everybody, i'm doug.
I'll be david's roommate.
92
00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:21,120
You must be David.
93
00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:22,421
Yeah, hi.
94
00:05:22,422 --> 00:05:24,957
My my my, what
a fun looking group.
95
00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:30,929
It's not even noon
yet and the kid's plastered.
96
00:05:30,930 --> 00:05:34,333
This is Mr.
And Mrs. Conner, and this is Jackie.
97
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,902
Hi, everyone.
It's great to have you here.
98
00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:38,437
But you should
know in the future
99
00:05:38,438 --> 00:05:40,539
There are no
visitors allowed in the men's residence.
100
00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:43,475
You don't have to
worry about that.
101
00:05:43,476 --> 00:05:45,210
David's not
very popular.
102
00:05:45,211 --> 00:05:47,046
( all laugh )
103
00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:49,048
Okay.
104
00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:50,949
Well...
105
00:05:50,950 --> 00:05:54,853
I'll get your "welcome
to edelweiss" packet from Mr. Schlosser's office.
106
00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:56,188
Who's Mr. Schlosser?
107
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:58,457
He's our
chief instructor.
108
00:05:58,458 --> 00:06:01,894
He's terrific.
And i'm not just saying that 'cause I have to.
109
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:07,066
Man, if he's not
employee of the week,
110
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:08,634
I'd like to
see who is.
111
00:06:08,635 --> 00:06:10,102
Hey, look--
112
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:11,737
The guy who
founded the joint.
113
00:06:11,738 --> 00:06:15,641
I heard he had
himself frozen after he died.
114
00:06:15,642 --> 00:06:19,645
Remind me not to
eat the snow cones around here.
115
00:06:19,646 --> 00:06:21,947
You're going to
be busy, David.
116
00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:24,817
You got breakfast at 6:00,
calisthenics at 7:00,
117
00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:27,653
Animatronics
repair class at 8:00.
118
00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:31,023
You're gonna do more
before 9:00 a.M. Than most people do all day.
119
00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:32,791
Sounds pretty
grueling, bud.
120
00:06:32,792 --> 00:06:35,761
You sure you
just don't want to get married?
121
00:06:35,762 --> 00:06:37,930
Here you go, David,
everything you'll need.
122
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:40,632
Doug, I was looking
at your itinerary there. I got to tell you--
123
00:06:40,633 --> 00:06:43,235
You shouldn't
read things on the wall in here, Jackie.
124
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:49,608
Say goodbye now, David.
125
00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:52,378
Smile practice
in 15 minutes,
126
00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:55,314
Where you learn
to be friendly to the customers.
127
00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:01,053
Wow, it's amazing.
128
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:03,489
It's like he's
got one regular smile, you know,
129
00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:06,291
And then
there's that one.
130
00:07:06,292 --> 00:07:08,827
Man, David,
you're gonna be a busy boy around here.
131
00:07:08,828 --> 00:07:11,530
( laughing )
David can handle it.
132
00:07:11,531 --> 00:07:13,899
He's one of us now.
133
00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:16,869
There it is again.
134
00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:20,406
Well... I guess we ought
to get out of your hair.
135
00:07:20,407 --> 00:07:23,108
Yeah, you guys
probably want to take some time,
136
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,610
Get acquainted,
you know...
137
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:27,946
Talk about your
girlfriends back in the states.
138
00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:31,050
Well, thanks
for helping me move in here.
139
00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:34,887
And thanks for,
you know, everything.
140
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:37,790
We're still gonna
be seeing you all the time, David.
141
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:39,291
Jackie:
well, yeah.
142
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:42,661
Yeah, now that
you can get us into the park for free.
143
00:07:42,662 --> 00:07:46,298
Ha ha! Or--
or even if we have to pay.
144
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:50,202
You know, 'cause
that would be darn well worth it.
145
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:52,271
We should go.
146
00:07:54,607 --> 00:07:57,009
You're gonna be
okay here, right, David?
147
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:59,278
Oh yeah, sure.
148
00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:03,982
Uh, well...
149
00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:07,386
Remember to
write us every day.
150
00:08:07,387 --> 00:08:10,656
And don't forget
to include a photo of yourself
151
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:13,992
Holding up that
day's newspaper.
152
00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:29,341
How did you get used
to these ties?
153
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,343
Getting up
so early?
154
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:33,412
( chuckles )
one sets one's mind to it--
155
00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:37,149
Simply a matter of
dominating the will.
156
00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:40,619
Oh, see, i'm usually
the dominatee.
157
00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:44,089
Good morning.
158
00:08:44,090 --> 00:08:45,691
All:
morning, Mr. Schlosser.
159
00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:48,427
Good morning,
Mr. Schlosser.
160
00:08:48,428 --> 00:08:50,629
Are you fresh
to our ranks?
161
00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:52,164
Yes, sir.David healy.
162
00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:55,134
Uh... Ahoy.
163
00:08:55,135 --> 00:08:56,769
Sir.
164
00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:58,837
And how are
we fitting in?
165
00:08:58,838 --> 00:09:00,939
Oh, pretty good.
Pretty good.
166
00:09:00,940 --> 00:09:03,409
Nice people.
I've already met some of you.
167
00:09:05,011 --> 00:09:07,479
Couldn't tell you
which ones, but...
168
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:11,517
Thank you,
Mr. Healy.
169
00:09:11,518 --> 00:09:15,421
Today's topic is
character assimilation.
170
00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:18,357
This is where
you learn not just to play
171
00:09:18,358 --> 00:09:22,227
But to be the park's
signature mascot
172
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:24,797
Hans the hare.
173
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:27,733
( laughing )
174
00:09:29,369 --> 00:09:30,869
Sorry.
175
00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:34,239
It's just that button nose,
I couldn't help myself.
176
00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:37,643
Yes, hans
is very funny.
177
00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:39,645
( all laughing )
178
00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:44,416
But remember, hans is not
purely a comedian
179
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:47,453
Like a stan laurel
or a sinbad;
180
00:09:47,454 --> 00:09:51,023
Hans is an all-around
entertainer.
181
00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:54,326
He sings, he dances,
he has a fitness video.
182
00:09:55,862 --> 00:09:59,298
It's a full-body workout.
It's wonderful.
183
00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:04,470
Now that you've
read your "hans the hare" manual
184
00:10:04,471 --> 00:10:07,072
Tell me...
185
00:10:07,073 --> 00:10:09,575
What is this hans
186
00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:12,044
Doing wrong?
187
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:15,014
Hans does not
wave constantly, but intermittently.
188
00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:17,649
Good!
189
00:10:17,650 --> 00:10:20,853
Hans only
spins clockwise.
190
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:23,055
Excellent!
191
00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:25,090
David healy...
192
00:10:25,091 --> 00:10:27,726
What is hans
doing wrong now?
193
00:10:27,727 --> 00:10:31,597
Uh, his ears
aren't pointing to 10:00 and 2:00?
194
00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:38,303
Look, i'm sorry.
195
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,639
I didn't have time to read
my manual last night.
196
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,375
I was so tired after those
wind sprints.
197
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:47,446
Class, help
Mr. Healy.
198
00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:50,082
All:
hans doesn't sit.
199
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:53,986
"a sitting bunny
is an invitation to mayhem."
200
00:10:56,723 --> 00:10:58,590
Listen,
Mr. Schlosser,
201
00:10:58,591 --> 00:11:01,860
I'm not sure i'm
supposed to be here learning about how to play hans.
202
00:11:01,861 --> 00:11:05,497
I draw, I paint.
I was told I was going to be in the art department.
203
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:06,965
How many
of you here
204
00:11:06,966 --> 00:11:09,668
Are on the waiting list
for the art department?
205
00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:13,238
Mr. Healy,
206
00:11:13,239 --> 00:11:17,142
If you're having second
thoughts about joining the edelweiss family
207
00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:20,212
Then by all
means vacate your room and leave.
208
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:23,215
Vacate my room?
209
00:11:24,884 --> 00:11:27,720
No no, Mr. Schlosser,
i'll stay.
210
00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:29,588
I'll stay and i'll be
the best damn--
211
00:11:29,589 --> 00:11:30,756
( all gasp )
212
00:11:30,757 --> 00:11:34,560
Darn hans the hare
there ever was.
213
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:47,072
I thought I was done
filling out forms when we got this prison job.
214
00:11:47,073 --> 00:11:48,874
Every day they
send me something new.
215
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,743
- i'm getting writer's cramp.
- ( knocking on door )
216
00:11:50,744 --> 00:11:54,513
See if they
got any forms for workman's comp.
217
00:11:54,514 --> 00:11:56,782
Hey, I heard
something on the news
218
00:11:56,783 --> 00:12:00,386
About these government
contractors getting all these kickbacks, you know?
219
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:03,655
Find out
how that works.
220
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:07,092
Hi, Mrs. Conner.
May I come in?
221
00:12:07,093 --> 00:12:10,896
I'm sorry, but we
already subscribe to "the watchtower."
222
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:12,831
What the hell are
you knocking for?
223
00:12:12,832 --> 00:12:14,867
I haven't lived here
for two whole weeks.
224
00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:16,969
I don't want
to be impolite.
225
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:22,574
May I remind
you where you are, young man?
226
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,611
I'm just trying
to be nice.
227
00:12:25,612 --> 00:12:28,380
At edelweiss
we're supposed to be nice all the time.
228
00:12:28,381 --> 00:12:30,616
Guess it just
kind of stuck with me.
229
00:12:30,617 --> 00:12:32,985
So how is everyone?
230
00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:35,320
Oh, everyone
is just fine.
231
00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:38,424
But I won't be
till you take off that stupid tie.
232
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:41,393
I need it so
I can shoot up.
233
00:12:41,394 --> 00:12:43,395
I'd really
rather keep it on.
234
00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:45,297
Besides, I like
looking nice.
235
00:12:45,298 --> 00:12:47,266
We have this little
hans the hare motto:
236
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,568
"my teeth brushed white,
clothes wrinkle-free,
237
00:12:49,569 --> 00:12:52,905
I'm hans the hare,
and I love me."
238
00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:57,710
Then we kind of
hop around a little.
239
00:12:57,711 --> 00:13:00,746
You won't be
doing that here.
240
00:13:00,747 --> 00:13:03,549
What other stuff
they got you doing there?
241
00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:07,519
Well, first they had me
on the crusades adventure
242
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:10,422
But soon I might be working
on the fortress of fun
243
00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:12,991
Or maybe even
das glass-bottom boot.
244
00:13:14,728 --> 00:13:16,862
Have they got
any adventures
245
00:13:16,863 --> 00:13:19,231
That don't have something
to do with war?
246
00:13:19,232 --> 00:13:21,200
You know, like
something happy
247
00:13:21,201 --> 00:13:23,936
Like little
bears or elves
248
00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:26,872
Or-- you know, this
is out of my area, but you know what I mean.
249
00:13:26,873 --> 00:13:29,575
I'm sure there
are other rides,
250
00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:31,610
But I don't know
the whole park yet.
251
00:13:31,611 --> 00:13:34,346
You'd better not let
hans the hare find out about that.
252
00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:35,814
He'll give you
some demerits.
253
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:37,783
How did you know
about the demerits?
254
00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:39,852
You've got to
be kidding me.
255
00:13:39,853 --> 00:13:42,654
No, all it takes
is six demerits and then they send you
256
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:45,157
To the edelweiss
correction school for a month.
257
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:48,527
Correction school?
What's that, some kind of brainwashing camp?
258
00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:50,529
No, it says right on
the brochure
259
00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:52,364
"this is not
a brainwashing camp."
260
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:54,700
Yeah and I put
the correct weight
261
00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:56,869
On my driver's license.
262
00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:59,405
Mrs. Conner,
this might not mean much to you
263
00:13:59,406 --> 00:14:02,307
But it's very
important to me that I make this job work.
264
00:14:02,308 --> 00:14:05,511
Hey, David,
looking good.
265
00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:09,882
I'm going to go
comb my hair.
266
00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:12,951
I'm feeling a
little unkempt.
267
00:14:12,952 --> 00:14:16,388
Thank you for
the compliment, Mr. Conner.
268
00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:20,693
Would you
look at that?
269
00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:22,227
Our david's
turning into a man.
270
00:14:22,228 --> 00:14:23,362
No he's not.
271
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:25,330
He's turning
into some kind of
272
00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:28,200
Buttoned down corporate
rabbit robot.
273
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:30,769
And the really
scary thing is, did you see that tie?
274
00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:33,138
It's not
even a clip-on.
275
00:14:33,139 --> 00:14:35,941
Come on, Roseanne,
he's just trying to be part of a team.
276
00:14:35,942 --> 00:14:38,310
Team sports made
me what I am today.
277
00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:40,979
( scoffs )
278
00:14:40,980 --> 00:14:43,816
You made me
what I am today.
279
00:14:43,817 --> 00:14:45,718
But team sports
got me ready for you.
280
00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:48,620
We've got to
help him, Dan.
281
00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:50,889
No, we've got to let go.
He's over 18.
282
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:54,193
Remember, as much
as we love David he's not really our son.
283
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:57,429
Well, not according to
our last tax returns.
284
00:15:07,207 --> 00:15:09,675
Pardon me, hans.
285
00:15:09,676 --> 00:15:11,844
Oh, hi.
You can call me David.
286
00:15:11,845 --> 00:15:13,612
That's all right, hans.
287
00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:16,415
You know, i've
always had a thing for hans the hare.
288
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:19,318
I often dream that i'm
even married to hans.
289
00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:21,653
I know that's silly.
290
00:15:21,654 --> 00:15:25,157
Or is it?
291
00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:31,563
Team leader
in the room.
292
00:15:31,564 --> 00:15:34,900
All right, everyone,
we're expecting a full park today
293
00:15:34,901 --> 00:15:37,670
And I want to see
a lot of children with happy faces
294
00:15:37,671 --> 00:15:39,672
Because a
happy face is...
295
00:15:39,673 --> 00:15:42,274
All:
a repeat customer.
296
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:44,276
People...
297
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:47,913
Today ends the two-
week probation period
298
00:15:47,914 --> 00:15:51,417
Of our newest
hans the hare.
299
00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:54,053
And in keeping
with the grand
300
00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:57,523
Edelweiss gardens
tradition...
301
00:15:57,524 --> 00:16:01,460
Hans, today your head
will be placed on
302
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:05,197
By none other than
the very first ever hans the hare.
303
00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:16,542
Never do anything to
disgrace the bunny.
304
00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:26,752
Where's David healy?
305
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:31,357
How did you get past
the security goats?
306
00:16:33,827 --> 00:16:36,462
Well, actually
I had no problem at all.
307
00:16:36,463 --> 00:16:37,830
Perhaps it was my...
308
00:16:37,831 --> 00:16:40,132
Lucky rabbit's foot.
309
00:16:41,935 --> 00:16:44,470
Ma'am i'm going to
have to ask you to leave the magic rabbit hole.
310
00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:46,805
Pal, i'm gonna have to
ask you to kiss my ass.
311
00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:54,046
Which one of you
is David healy?
312
00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:56,715
They have no identity.
313
00:16:56,716 --> 00:17:00,352
They won't answer
to any name except the one we've given them.
314
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,955
David healy:
315
00:17:02,956 --> 00:17:06,158
The kid who
secretly hates animals;
316
00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:09,762
The kid who
told me the buffalo got what they deserved.
317
00:17:09,763 --> 00:17:12,331
Which one of you
is David now?
318
00:17:16,670 --> 00:17:18,303
Hans! Put your
head back on.
319
00:17:18,304 --> 00:17:19,638
Don't do it, David.
320
00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:22,441
Once the head
is on it does not come off.
321
00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:24,109
David, no.
322
00:17:24,110 --> 00:17:26,578
You don't know
how many pimply- faced teenagers
323
00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:28,914
Have put their
heads in there.
324
00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:31,650
( intoning )
hans, follow your training.
325
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:34,219
I trained you
first, David.
326
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:36,555
Here, sniff my
hand to remember.
327
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:39,758
Mrs. Conner, why
are you doing this?
328
00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:41,560
Why are you trying
to make me go home?
329
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,328
( sighs )
five words, David:
330
00:17:43,329 --> 00:17:45,698
You're dressed
like a rabbit.
331
00:17:45,699 --> 00:17:48,467
They're giving me
a job, a place to stay.
332
00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:49,802
I've been at
your house too long.
333
00:17:49,803 --> 00:17:51,603
But David, you don't
have to sell out
334
00:17:51,604 --> 00:17:54,406
Everything you
believe in just to pay the rent.
335
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:55,808
I like it here.
336
00:17:55,809 --> 00:17:57,409
No you don't, David.
337
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,378
You just think you do
because it's so easy.
338
00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:00,879
They do all your
thinking for you.
339
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:03,682
They make all your
decisions for you.
340
00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:06,085
They say "hop" and
you say "how high?"
341
00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:09,488
Three inches.
342
00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:11,256
Wake up, David.
343
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:13,525
This place wants
to be disneyworld,
344
00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:15,961
But it's just some
creepy fascist copy.
345
00:18:15,962 --> 00:18:18,897
Today it's, "hi,
i'm hans the hare. Welcome to the park."
346
00:18:18,898 --> 00:18:22,501
But tomorrow it's, "I was
only following orders."
347
00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:24,737
I don't know
what to do.
348
00:18:24,738 --> 00:18:27,339
Well, I do.
You're gonna go home with me now.
349
00:18:27,340 --> 00:18:30,642
That is if--
if they let you.
350
00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:34,079
Of course, Mr. Healy
is free to leave.
351
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:38,050
All edelweiss
gardens employees have complete freedom.
352
00:18:38,051 --> 00:18:41,353
You say they
have freedom,
353
00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:43,722
But do they really?
354
00:18:43,723 --> 00:18:46,892
Are they free
after work to go sit and have a beer
355
00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:49,695
And trash their
boss like you can on any other job?
356
00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:51,463
No!
357
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:53,265
And yet this place claims
358
00:18:53,266 --> 00:18:55,367
To represent
what america stands for.
359
00:18:57,837 --> 00:18:59,972
Well, my america
stands for more
360
00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:03,409
Than $5 to park,
$30 to get in,
361
00:19:03,410 --> 00:19:07,046
And $5 tasteless
bunny-shaped hamburgers.
362
00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:10,049
Now if you
will excuse us,
363
00:19:10,050 --> 00:19:12,718
David and I are going
to get in my crappy car,
364
00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:15,320
Drive along that
polluted river
365
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:18,557
Where we could get
carjacked or forced off the road by drunks,
366
00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:21,694
Pull up in front of
our house and run in before we are robbed.
367
00:19:21,695 --> 00:19:24,296
Because that, mister,
is my america
368
00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:27,466
And I thank god
we're free to enjoy it.
369
00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:29,234
Come on, David.
370
00:19:39,079 --> 00:19:41,647
No, Mrs. Conner,
I want to go back to edelweiss gardens
371
00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:45,050
So I can help people
have fun again.
372
00:19:45,051 --> 00:19:48,754
All right, let's
go over this
373
00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:50,723
One more time:
374
00:19:52,726 --> 00:19:56,128
Your name
is David healy.
375
00:19:56,129 --> 00:19:58,897
You frown,
you're introspective
376
00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:00,599
And you mope.
377
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:04,036
I'm not listening.
I'm not listening. I'm not listening.
378
00:20:04,037 --> 00:20:06,405
Listen to me, David.
379
00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:09,942
We don't whistle
while we work.
380
00:20:11,778 --> 00:20:13,879
We grumble
and complain
381
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,949
And encourage others
to do likewise.
382
00:20:16,950 --> 00:20:18,550
No no no!
383
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,219
- no no no no!
- yes yes yes!
384
00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:23,722
Let me tell you a
little something about your edelweiss gardens, David.
385
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:26,558
It's mediocre food
386
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:29,294
And mediocre
fun at best.
387
00:20:29,295 --> 00:20:30,963
And you know why
I know that, David?
388
00:20:30,964 --> 00:20:34,767
Because I am an expert
on what is mediocre.
389
00:20:34,768 --> 00:20:36,702
( panting )
390
00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:40,339
That's good.
391
00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:42,307
You hate me now,
don't you, David? Admit it.
392
00:20:42,308 --> 00:20:45,177
You're feeling hate.
You hate me right now, don't you?
393
00:20:45,178 --> 00:20:46,712
No. No, I don't.
394
00:20:46,713 --> 00:20:50,315
You're a paying
customer and I respect and admire you.
395
00:20:52,185 --> 00:20:54,520
Liar!
396
00:20:56,056 --> 00:20:58,724
Break, damn you, break.
397
00:20:58,725 --> 00:21:00,626
Listen to me, David.
398
00:21:00,627 --> 00:21:04,229
Rabbits and geese and goats
are not people.
399
00:21:05,832 --> 00:21:08,267
They don't sing and dance.
400
00:21:08,268 --> 00:21:09,902
They're food!
401
00:21:09,903 --> 00:21:13,472
No!
402
00:21:13,473 --> 00:21:15,841
( sobbing )
403
00:21:15,842 --> 00:21:18,310
( sighs )
404
00:21:21,881 --> 00:21:25,517
There, there.
405
00:21:25,518 --> 00:21:27,319
Welcome home, son.
406
00:21:27,369 --> 00:21:31,919
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