All language subtitles for Roommates s01e06 The Mark-A-Like.eng

The umbrella in the drink
is not the strongest chick magnet.

It attracts a certain kind of woman.

They're called men.

You are at the apartment for a month
and you still haven't asked katie out.

- What are you waiting for?
- She come off the break-up with Ben.

Before I make my move,
I wanna be sure she's ready to move on.

I need a clear sign,

like a flashing neon sign saying,
"Go for it, Mark."

Waiting on a clear sign from a woman...
Do you even like sex?

Oh my god. You guys
are not gonna believe this.

Katie's ex is here

and he's with another woman.

And a hot one too.
Good for him.

I mean... that bastard.

Katie broke up with him three weeks ago.
It's dating etiquette.

You're not supposed to be seen in public
with someone else for at least a month.

- How could that girl over Katie?
- Katie's way cuter.

Did you see those cheap rhinestones
glued on her nails?

With breasts like that,
I don't care if she has arms.

I mean... that bastard.

Not good.

- Katie's on her way right now.
- This will devastate her.

I'll call and tell her to go
someplace else.

- Too late.
- Hey, guys.

Order me a beer.
I've gotta go to the bathroom.

- What's the hurry?
- I've been on the D train for 45 min.

Passed "hurry", coming up
on "get the hell out of my way".

You know what?
The bathrooms here are terrible.

There's a great one around the corner...
They play soft jazz. Let's go.

What is wrong with you people?

I didn't expect to see you here.

But I figured we were bound
to run into each other sooner or later.

We're both adults,
so it's cool, right?

Totally cool.
Are you kidding?

- Good seeing you.
- Good seeing you.

- Looks like we dodged a bullet.
- Just one little thing.

You know what's funny?
We dated six months,

we shared secrets,

bared our souls, and we just broke up
and you're already out with some tramp.

I'm sure you're very nice.

But you know what?

If you can move on, so can I.

Maybe I'll go out with the first guy
that I see.

Hot wings.

- Wanna go out tonight?
- Totally.

Stay. I'm making a point.

And the point is that I am moving on
from you.

Love the nails!
Moving on, jerk.

There's your sign. Go after her.

Not you!

-- Room-A-Team --

VO: pluch, -Ori-

www.sub-way.fr

Shooting star.

Naked lady.

Katie's moving on.
She's ready to start dating again.

- It's my chance. I'm gonna ask her out.
- Great.

I'll help.
Pretend I'm katie and ask me out.

- What? Why?
- You know how you are around girls.

You get nervous, stammer and then
you throw in random spanish words.

I do not.

That's why we practice. You're in denial
about the holes in your game.

This is important.
Now ask.

Fine.

I was just...

- You didn't even let me finish.
- Be forceful. Go.

We've been living
together for a while now...

Boring.
I got a ton of guys to pick from.

Sweep me off my feet.

Do you want to get a drink?

- Dinner?
- I'm washing my hair.

- Concert?
- I'm drying my hair.

Come on.
You're killing my confidence.

Sorry. I always wanted to know
what it was like to play hard to get.

You're ready.
Now go ask Katie out.

- Thanks.
- Call me.

Why is there a mattress
in the hallway?

We're having a ben purge.

I'm getting rid of everything
that reminds me of Ben.

- It's like, I'm cleansing my life.
- It's a benema.

Great. I'll help.

- That was mine.
- Sorry.

That was a gift from my mom, jerk.

It feels so good to be starting fresh.
It's kind of exciting.

- I'm back out there.
- Anyhoo,

I thought maybe we could...

You know, with the benema and all,

we could, you know,

grab a drink.

It'd beloco.

I have to go get a mattress.
They're having a midnight madness sale

over at club bed.
You wanna come with me?

That would be no problema, senorita.

I'll go grab my purse.

They're serving wine at a bed store.

Fancy.

Guess they wanna get you drunk
to get you into bed.

Thanks for coming with me.

- I don't know that much about beds.
- I'm great in bed...

Great with beds!
You know. I know a lot about beds.

- Cheers.
- To moving on.

To moving on.

So you wanna hop into bed?

Sure.

This one seems nice.
What do you think?

Here. Sit by me.

I wanna see what it feels
like to watch tv in bed.

Never thought I'd be here in bed
drinking wine with Katie Bowman.

Look at me in bed drinking wine
with Mark Fletcher.

It's crazy.

Loco loco.

I like this one.
I could get used to this

me too.

So listen,

- I was thinking...
- Check out that bed. Great.

I'm gonna go get something.

Have you asked Katie out yet?

I was about to,
but I spilled some wine.

You smuggled wine into a bed store?

You dog.

- So how's it going?
- It's a minor setback,

- but it's going really well.
- That's great.

You're not speaking
any spanish, are you?

I used to think
she was only into guys like Ben but

- I start to think I could be her type.
- Of course you're her type.

Repeat after me:
"I am Katie's type".

I am Katie's type.

- Again.
- I am Katie's type.

Good. Now go get her.
Make me proud.

Call me.

I am Katie's type.

I am Katie's type.

- Guess what?
- You bought a bed?

- I have a date.
- With who?

With me.

I turn away for two seconds
and katie is on a date with a guy

who looks like me,
dresses like me...

Thom, he is me.

I see.
He's your clone.

- In a matter of speaking.
- Or he could actually be your clone.

- He couldn't.
- Stranger things have happened.

They haven't.

This is terrible. I've actually missed
my chance with Katie with me.

Look on the bright side:
it means you are Katie's type.

What use is that?
What if he marries her?

Awesome.
Then it's not just a passing fancy.

Maybe this goes deeper.
Maybe there's only a certain

amount of sex in NY for people
who look like me,

and he's been taking all of it.

That would explain a lot.

Those evil clones.

He is not a clone.

Right.

Of course.

Not a clone.

- You finally beat me at something.
- I play a lot while I'm at home.

The silver lining to long-term
unemployment.

Chill, man.

I'm a little tense.

Cause Katie's on a date?
Don't worry.

She'll be back any minute complaining
about what a loser he is.

I found a winner!

Oh my god.

Eric is amazing!

- See?
- So you like him?

He's such a great guy.
It's nice to talk to a guy

without thinking he wants
to get you into bed,

especially since he's a bed salesman.

Bed salesman...
It's a good angle.

Everybody be here tomorrow night.
Eric is cooking us dinner.

Have you seen my lucky bra?

Wait. Lucky bra?
Why would you need that?

All bras are lucky.

They get to hold breasts all day.

It's for me.

I like to feel pretty
even if no one is gonna see it.

And pretty equals confident
equals sexy equals bed.

He's not trying to get me into bed.

Buying a girl a bed
to get her into bed.

It's so simple.

You guys, stop eating.
Eric is cooking us dinner.

I know.
Just loading up in case it sucks.

- He's a mattress salesman after all.
- And a chef.

A chef who works at a mattress store.

Maybe he'll make us a sheet cake.

Or pigs in a blanket.

Wait.

Run through it.

- You smell nice.
- Thank you.

Great place!

- Oh my.
- Told you.

Eric, you remember Mark
from the store?

- What's up, man?
- What's up, man?

- Im hope.
- Nice to meet you.

I understand
you're a mattress salesman.

Do people need new mattresses often?

Sleep is very vital
for long life and health.

Rough game though,
tough to make a living.

Not really. I own the store.

He has four locations.

Any more like you at home?
They can be ugly. I don't care.

I'm more of an artist.

I'm an actor. I act.
I like to feed the soul.

I like to feed myself.

- You two kinda look alike.
- I noticed that at the store.

There may be a slight resemblance.

Who knows? Maybe we are related.
My dad was a traveling salesman.

Funny, my mom's a whore.
What's for dinner?

I thought I'd bake a chick

with a garlic de provence sachet
and a nice three-pepper risotto.

This is a nightmare.

I could take it when she was dating ben.
He's nothing like me, but this guy?

He's more successful, more compelling,
more interesting version of me.

I think he might sleep
with both of 'em.

- Do you have any white pepper?
- White pepper.

You mean salt?

I mean white pepper.
The risotto won't be the same without.

Eric wants some
white pepper... fetch.

I really appreciate it,
little brother.

No problem.

You wanna come with me,
to make sure I get the right thing?

I would, but the risotto keeps sticking,
and I need katie's help to stir.

Seriously, do you have a cousin?

He could be stupid or in jail.
I really don't care.

It's open.

Thom, this is a nightmare.
What are you doing?

Enjoying my new 7 foot big screen tv.

That's the same Tiny TV
you've always had.

Not through
this high-powered telescope.

David hasselhoff's
coming out of the ocean

and he looks like a giant
attacking Los Angeles.

- So how's it going with the big dinner?
- Horrible.

Eric sent me out
to get white pepper.

He's making a three-pepper risotto

and roasted chicken with
an herbs de provence sachet.

Sounds delicious.

It doesn't.

It sounds pretentious
and high in sodium.

So this guy's on your home court
and he's playing his game.

He's a chef and he's making dinner,
so you gotta get back there

- and start doing what you're good at.
- Right! You're right.

What am I good at?

I got it. Math.
You're great at math.

There's no one that's faster
at quadratic equations than you.

Challengin to an olympics of the mind
and wowing Katie

with my knowledge of coefficients
is no match

for a jerk-faced chef bed salesman.

Mark, this guy may look like you,
but he's not you.

Everybody has something that makes them
unique and she needs to see that.

So you get back there,

and you find your own version
of a a three-pepper risotto.

OK. I'll do it.

Take your time. Don't force it.

- Got it.
- And save me some of that chicken.

- That chicken was so damn good.
- Do you eat those crumbs on your chin?

- Thanks, Eric.
- Thanks.

- Not the same without the pepper.
- Please.

Your dinner was great.

And so was your hard-to-believe story

about how you lost your watch on the top
of mount Everest...

I have bad luck with watches.

Last year I lost one
when I was swimming the English channel.

Mark, didn't you almost drown
on the log ride at wave town?

- Please let us help with the dishes.
- We insist.

The good news is:
he hasn't had sex with her yet.

If he had, he wouldn't
be working this hard.

- That's a relief.
- But if they do last,

they're going to have
gorgeous babies.

Who's up for some video games?

Can anybody even move after Eric's
incredibly fattening gut bomb?

Few more meals like that, we will have
to take down walls to get us out.

It was only 380 calories per serving.
It's very healthy.

Healthy and delicious,
just like you.

Maybe you two want some alone time.

They seem really comfortable doing stuff
in front of everybody.

I'm sorry. We're being rude.
Eric came to meet all of you guys.

You should get to know him.
He could be around a while.

Let's hope so.
How are you with fish?

- That's next time. And I eat a brag.
- You don't.

My salmon recipe was featured
in "yummy light cooking" magazine.

You know what?
Let's box.

I love this game.

- Care to take me on, champ?
- Love to.

- Watch out. I'm pretty good.
- Me too.

- You are good.
- I play a lot.

Keep your left up, Mark!

- Care to take it down a level?
- No, I got you right where I want ya.

- Dude!
- I didn't mean to hit below the belt.

- No rough stuff down there, please.
- Only if it's by special request.

Sorry. I'm sorry,
it was an accident. Are you okay?

I just got hit in the face.

Again, really sorry.

What's with you? You've been
a jerk to me since I got here.

I got you pepper.

You just hit the mattress king
of Brooklyn.

And I apologized already,
your highness.

You think this is funny?
I'm shooting my commercial tomorrow.

I'm gonna have black eyes.
I'm gonna look unrested.

That's death for a mattress salesman.

Mark's an actor and he looks like you.
Maybe he could do it.

- I'm really very good.
- You think anybody could replace me?

- Please.
- Calm down, it was an accident.

An accident?
You wanna know what wasn't an accident?

Was me killing myself
cooking for all you guys,

just so I could get Katie into bed.

Great! I just said that out loud.
That's probably not gonna happen now.

- Is it?
- I think you should leave.

Back to my place.

I am liking this guy more and more.

How's it going?

You okay after
Eric's little meltdown?

Sorry you're not gonna go off and live
happy ever after in mattress kingdom.

It's for the best.

At least I didn't date him for a year
before I found out he was crazy.

That's something.

So listen...

You were saying how you're ready
to start dating again.

You were right.
I jumped in too soon.

I'm not so sure about that.

I really have
a broken man-picker.

I can't pick men.

Sure there have been a few bad apples,
but you can't just give up.

I'm not giving up,
I'm just giving my man-picker a rest.

Don't give it too much of a rest.
You have to use it or lose it.

- It's just that Eric was such a Jerk.
- A good-looking jerk.

I probably would have jumped
at the first guy who asked me out.

- Of course you would have.
- Night, mark.

She's resting her man-picker...

Tired of sleeping alone,
or just tired?

I'm the mattress king of brooklyn,

and I've got exclusive
VIP Passes for you

to club bed...
New york's hottest mattress destination.

Step behind the velvet rope,

pour yourself a glass of wine
and experience a...

Cut!

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