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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,737 --> 00:00:06,304 boo be dee, ba be dee 2 00:00:06,338 --> 00:00:07,606 ba be dee boo 3 00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:14,412 [both scatting] 4 00:00:14,447 --> 00:00:15,680 coconut clusters 5 00:00:15,714 --> 00:00:18,183 coconut nut clusters 6 00:00:18,217 --> 00:00:20,419 [both scatting] 7 00:00:24,389 --> 00:00:25,356 Hey! 8 00:00:25,391 --> 00:00:26,657 [laughs] 9 00:00:26,692 --> 00:00:27,893 Sheriff's department! 10 00:00:27,927 --> 00:00:29,994 Yeah, we're selling coconut nut clusters 11 00:00:30,028 --> 00:00:32,163 For the sheriffs' athletics league! 12 00:00:32,197 --> 00:00:34,999 Man: Get off my property, motherfuckers! Pigs! 13 00:00:35,034 --> 00:00:36,200 Whoa. All right. Whoa. 14 00:00:36,235 --> 00:00:38,336 - I'll slap you so hard-- - sir, we're just selling ca-- 15 00:00:38,370 --> 00:00:39,171 [gunshot] 16 00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:40,505 Uhh! Aah! 17 00:00:40,539 --> 00:00:41,773 Man: You'll never take me alive, mother fuckers! 18 00:00:41,807 --> 00:00:42,707 Go! Go! Oh, my god! 19 00:00:42,742 --> 00:00:44,209 I'm hit! 20 00:00:45,578 --> 00:00:46,944 Sheriff's department! Freeze! 21 00:00:46,979 --> 00:00:48,413 Get on the ground! Freeze! 22 00:00:48,447 --> 00:00:50,282 [gunfire] 23 00:00:54,286 --> 00:00:55,420 [shouts indistinctly] 24 00:00:55,454 --> 00:00:56,654 Oh! 25 00:00:56,688 --> 00:00:58,823 What? What? 26 00:00:58,857 --> 00:00:59,691 [gunshots] 27 00:01:00,459 --> 00:01:00,892 All right. 28 00:01:00,926 --> 00:01:02,961 [grunting] 29 00:01:02,995 --> 00:01:03,895 [indistinct shouting and chatter] 30 00:01:03,929 --> 00:01:05,863 There's a tornado! No, no, no! 31 00:01:07,566 --> 00:01:09,901 Hell, no! We won't blow! 32 00:01:11,537 --> 00:01:12,537 [siren blaring] yeah! 33 00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:14,606 No, no, no... He's my friend. 34 00:01:16,608 --> 00:01:19,277 [grunts] 35 00:01:19,311 --> 00:01:21,947 Right on the ground. Put it right on the ground. 36 00:01:21,981 --> 00:01:23,181 Aah! 37 00:01:24,483 --> 00:01:25,450 [siren blaring] 38 00:01:25,485 --> 00:01:28,119 Captioning made possible by mtv networks 39 00:01:28,153 --> 00:01:29,187 Good morning, gang. 40 00:01:29,221 --> 00:01:30,521 All, yawning: Good morning. 41 00:01:30,556 --> 00:01:31,956 It's coconut nut cluster day! 42 00:01:31,990 --> 00:01:33,224 [cheering] 43 00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:34,726 Get out there! 44 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:36,160 Get out there. Hoo hoo hoo! 45 00:01:36,195 --> 00:01:37,595 Move these coconut nut clusters. 46 00:01:37,629 --> 00:01:38,630 You're doing something good 47 00:01:38,664 --> 00:01:40,064 For the sheriffs' athletic league 48 00:01:40,099 --> 00:01:42,801 And it's not a contest... 49 00:01:42,835 --> 00:01:45,436 But whoever sells the most coconut nut clusters 50 00:01:45,470 --> 00:01:47,806 Gets 2 tickets to... 51 00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:50,808 The washoe community players production of our town. 52 00:01:50,843 --> 00:01:52,944 [gasps] so it's not a compet-- 53 00:01:52,978 --> 00:01:54,145 Again, I'd like to stress it's not a competition, 54 00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:55,146 But in parenthesis, 55 00:01:55,181 --> 00:01:56,147 Yes, it is a competition. 56 00:01:56,181 --> 00:01:57,215 Oh, yeah, it is. 57 00:01:57,249 --> 00:01:58,216 So get out there. 58 00:01:58,250 --> 00:01:59,885 Move them coconut nut clusters. 59 00:01:59,919 --> 00:02:00,985 2 things to remember-- 60 00:02:01,020 --> 00:02:02,286 You're doing something good 61 00:02:02,321 --> 00:02:03,454 For them little 'tards 62 00:02:03,488 --> 00:02:06,024 In the sheriffs' athletics league... 63 00:02:06,058 --> 00:02:07,358 And--and... 64 00:02:07,392 --> 00:02:09,260 Still getting paid for a regular work day. 65 00:02:09,294 --> 00:02:11,529 Is there anything mandatory that we have to say 66 00:02:11,563 --> 00:02:13,097 When we knock on a door? 67 00:02:13,131 --> 00:02:14,466 I have a suggestion for you. 68 00:02:14,500 --> 00:02:17,836 Don't be hatin' on these candies, beeyotches. 69 00:02:17,870 --> 00:02:19,370 Give up the dizzos 70 00:02:19,405 --> 00:02:22,673 So these kids can have some brizzos. 71 00:02:22,708 --> 00:02:24,242 I don't even know what you just said. 72 00:02:24,276 --> 00:02:25,410 That's why I'm not working 73 00:02:25,444 --> 00:02:26,344 The ethnic neighborhood. 74 00:02:26,378 --> 00:02:28,045 I'm in the old age homes today. 75 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:29,347 Dangle: That's probably for the best. 76 00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:34,252 Dangle: There it is. 77 00:02:34,286 --> 00:02:35,586 Right there with the balloons. 78 00:02:35,621 --> 00:02:37,555 - Oh, man. - Son of a bitch. 79 00:02:37,589 --> 00:02:38,757 How you doing tonight? 80 00:02:38,791 --> 00:02:41,058 Hello! Welcome to the carnival. 81 00:02:41,093 --> 00:02:42,160 - Yeah? - Yes. 82 00:02:42,194 --> 00:02:43,494 Can I help you gentlemen? 83 00:02:43,529 --> 00:02:45,497 You're a little too old for the rides, I think, so-- 84 00:02:45,531 --> 00:02:47,599 [all laughing] 85 00:02:47,633 --> 00:02:48,533 Don't touch him. 86 00:02:48,567 --> 00:02:49,867 Don't ever touch him! 87 00:02:49,901 --> 00:02:51,636 Don't ever touch either of us, you understand me? 88 00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:53,004 I wasn't going to touch you. 89 00:02:53,038 --> 00:02:55,773 I would like to, uh, ask you a question. 90 00:02:55,807 --> 00:02:57,442 Anything. 91 00:02:57,476 --> 00:03:00,077 And it has to do with, uh, the sign. 92 00:03:00,112 --> 00:03:02,180 Oh, jeez. 93 00:03:02,214 --> 00:03:03,414 Megan's law. 94 00:03:03,448 --> 00:03:06,484 Why does the sign over your door say... 95 00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:08,086 [both]: "house of mystery"? 96 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:09,387 Well, now... That is because-- 97 00:03:09,421 --> 00:03:10,422 [stammering] 98 00:03:10,456 --> 00:03:12,023 If the kids pay extra, you can go in there 99 00:03:12,058 --> 00:03:13,458 And I turn the lights out, 100 00:03:13,492 --> 00:03:14,492 And of course, they also-- 101 00:03:14,526 --> 00:03:15,926 I blindfold them and they can just-- 102 00:03:15,961 --> 00:03:17,796 - Feel around? - Feel all around. 103 00:03:17,830 --> 00:03:19,130 That's why they called us, you know. 104 00:03:19,164 --> 00:03:20,131 Well, why-- 105 00:03:20,165 --> 00:03:20,999 We had reports-- 106 00:03:21,033 --> 00:03:22,133 - We had reports. - Of some fella... 107 00:03:22,167 --> 00:03:23,968 - Blindfolding children-- - yes. 108 00:03:24,002 --> 00:03:25,703 And telling them to just "feel around." 109 00:03:25,737 --> 00:03:26,671 Yes, hooray! 110 00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:27,939 What's-- [stammering] 111 00:03:27,973 --> 00:03:29,841 It's--it's carnival! 112 00:03:29,875 --> 00:03:32,410 So I don't even understand why that's a problem, 113 00:03:32,445 --> 00:03:33,711 Because... 114 00:03:33,746 --> 00:03:34,712 There were 2 reports. 115 00:03:34,746 --> 00:03:36,648 The other report was that a gentleman 116 00:03:36,682 --> 00:03:39,217 Was taking youngsters-- 117 00:03:39,251 --> 00:03:40,118 Yes. 118 00:03:40,152 --> 00:03:41,553 Putting them on an electronic horsey ride 119 00:03:41,587 --> 00:03:43,722 And spraying them with a garden hose. 120 00:03:43,756 --> 00:03:45,490 And putting it on youtube. 121 00:03:45,524 --> 00:03:47,058 Well, ok, if those-- 122 00:03:47,093 --> 00:03:49,227 If somebody's filming that and putting it on youtube, 123 00:03:49,262 --> 00:03:51,729 That's not my business. I'm not-- 124 00:03:51,763 --> 00:03:53,698 That's--how can I keep the youtubers away? 125 00:03:53,732 --> 00:03:54,232 How could you keep? 126 00:03:54,266 --> 00:03:54,899 How could you keep?! 127 00:03:54,933 --> 00:03:56,501 It's taking over the nation! 128 00:03:56,535 --> 00:03:58,470 - Don't ever touch me! Ever! - Don't touch him. 129 00:03:58,504 --> 00:03:59,370 We've been over this. 130 00:03:59,404 --> 00:04:00,171 Don't touch him 131 00:04:00,206 --> 00:04:01,172 And why aren't you crouching in fear? 132 00:04:01,206 --> 00:04:02,207 Why aren't you crouched in fear? 133 00:04:02,241 --> 00:04:03,207 Crouch. 134 00:04:03,242 --> 00:04:05,543 Have you been supplying change for the children? 135 00:04:05,577 --> 00:04:07,211 That's the call we got. 136 00:04:07,246 --> 00:04:09,347 They can reach right in and get the change, see? 137 00:04:09,381 --> 00:04:10,281 I can prove it. 138 00:04:10,315 --> 00:04:11,549 There's change all over here. 139 00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:12,650 Look at this. Look at this change-- 140 00:04:12,685 --> 00:04:13,751 If I reach into this change purse, 141 00:04:13,785 --> 00:04:15,587 I'm not going to feel anything else, am I? 142 00:04:15,621 --> 00:04:16,788 [laughing] what else would you feel? 143 00:04:16,822 --> 00:04:17,922 Hands up, please. 144 00:04:17,956 --> 00:04:18,757 Hands up. 145 00:04:18,791 --> 00:04:19,456 Put your hands like this. 146 00:04:19,491 --> 00:04:20,725 What? Wait, wait-- the police! 147 00:04:20,759 --> 00:04:22,360 No, not there! Ohh! Mm-hmm. 148 00:04:22,394 --> 00:04:24,995 Yep. Yep. Mm-hmm. 149 00:04:25,030 --> 00:04:25,563 Got it. 150 00:04:25,597 --> 00:04:27,098 Ok. That is my penis. 151 00:04:27,132 --> 00:04:27,932 Yep. 152 00:04:27,967 --> 00:04:28,667 Why are you chaining yourself to me? 153 00:04:28,701 --> 00:04:29,567 - Here we go. - Oh! Oh! 154 00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:30,201 Come on. 155 00:04:30,236 --> 00:04:31,803 Ok, that's-- that is tight. 156 00:04:36,708 --> 00:04:38,910 Coconut nut clusters are like... 157 00:04:38,944 --> 00:04:42,280 Little sprinkled bits of happy sunshine 158 00:04:42,314 --> 00:04:43,314 Covered in chocolate. 159 00:04:43,349 --> 00:04:44,582 And every crunch-- 160 00:04:44,616 --> 00:04:45,716 [crunches] 161 00:04:45,751 --> 00:04:48,019 Sounds like the laughter of happy children 162 00:04:48,053 --> 00:04:50,588 Who are getting to play on brand-new... 163 00:04:50,623 --> 00:04:52,557 Playground equipment. 164 00:04:52,591 --> 00:04:53,858 New field hockey equipment. 165 00:04:53,893 --> 00:04:54,959 New kickball equipment. 166 00:04:54,993 --> 00:04:56,961 [lips smacking] 167 00:04:56,995 --> 00:04:59,531 When you bite into one of these, 168 00:04:59,565 --> 00:05:02,366 You're biting into someone's dreams. 169 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:03,067 Sheriff's department. 170 00:05:03,102 --> 00:05:04,568 What is going on here? 171 00:05:04,603 --> 00:05:06,237 This is interesting. [laughs] 172 00:05:06,271 --> 00:05:07,505 Don't be alarmed, sir. 173 00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:09,340 We're just going door-to-door 174 00:05:09,375 --> 00:05:11,776 Selling some coconut nut clusters. 175 00:05:11,810 --> 00:05:14,212 You're kidding me! Oh, my goodness! 176 00:05:14,246 --> 00:05:15,212 Wow, that's wonderful! 177 00:05:15,247 --> 00:05:16,280 I've got a real sweet tooth. 178 00:05:16,315 --> 00:05:17,448 How did you know? 179 00:05:17,482 --> 00:05:19,283 Am I under surveillance? 180 00:05:19,317 --> 00:05:20,352 [all laughing] 181 00:05:20,386 --> 00:05:21,419 I've got a question. 182 00:05:21,453 --> 00:05:22,454 What are we doing standing out here 183 00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:23,454 Talking in the hot sun, 184 00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:24,455 When we could be inside 185 00:05:24,489 --> 00:05:25,657 Enjoying the cool air-conditioning? 186 00:05:25,691 --> 00:05:26,390 That's a good question! 187 00:05:26,425 --> 00:05:27,926 I don't know the answer to that. 188 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:29,561 Tell me. What's the story here? 189 00:05:29,595 --> 00:05:31,929 Well, um, I'm deputy jones. This is-- 190 00:05:31,963 --> 00:05:33,598 Deputy kimball. [laughs] 191 00:05:33,632 --> 00:05:35,300 We're selling these coconut nut clusters 192 00:05:35,334 --> 00:05:37,468 For the sheriffs' athletics league, and, uh-- 193 00:05:37,502 --> 00:05:39,937 Coconut nut-- that sounds fantastic. 194 00:05:39,972 --> 00:05:41,139 They're real good. 195 00:05:41,173 --> 00:05:42,440 So how many can we put you down for? 196 00:05:42,475 --> 00:05:44,775 Hmm, gosh. Well, how many can you spare? 197 00:05:44,809 --> 00:05:47,445 - Um...All of 'em? - 36? That's the whole box! 198 00:05:47,479 --> 00:05:48,213 Can I clean out the store? 199 00:05:48,247 --> 00:05:49,680 Because I'd love to do that. 200 00:05:49,715 --> 00:05:51,249 Please do! 201 00:05:51,283 --> 00:05:52,116 Can I write you a check? 202 00:05:52,150 --> 00:05:53,284 - Yes, please. - You sure can. 203 00:05:53,319 --> 00:05:55,353 To the reno sheriff's department. 204 00:05:55,387 --> 00:05:58,523 "dear nancy... 205 00:05:58,557 --> 00:06:01,659 "my way of thanking you 206 00:06:01,693 --> 00:06:03,928 For 8 years of marriage." 207 00:06:03,962 --> 00:06:04,862 Aw. 208 00:06:04,897 --> 00:06:05,496 That's nice, huh? 209 00:06:05,530 --> 00:06:07,198 That is sweet. 210 00:06:07,232 --> 00:06:08,132 Condsiderate. Yeah. 211 00:06:08,167 --> 00:06:08,733 And then I'll just say, 212 00:06:08,767 --> 00:06:11,168 "p.S. Sorry... 213 00:06:11,203 --> 00:06:13,705 For the mess." 214 00:06:13,739 --> 00:06:14,805 [laughs] 215 00:06:14,839 --> 00:06:16,241 Ok. 216 00:06:16,275 --> 00:06:18,009 Great! 217 00:06:18,043 --> 00:06:20,078 [sniffs] 218 00:06:20,112 --> 00:06:21,779 [gunshot] [gasps] 219 00:06:32,758 --> 00:06:34,592 He didn't sign the check. 220 00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:43,968 We're supposed to be cracking down on bars in washoe county 221 00:06:44,003 --> 00:06:45,303 That serve alcohol to minors, 222 00:06:45,337 --> 00:06:47,171 So I've been ordered to take part 223 00:06:47,206 --> 00:06:49,173 In an undercover sting operation 224 00:06:49,208 --> 00:06:51,643 Uh, using this secret hidden camera there, 225 00:06:51,677 --> 00:06:53,010 State of the art. 226 00:06:53,045 --> 00:06:54,211 Say hi, tammy. 227 00:06:54,246 --> 00:06:55,746 Hello. 228 00:06:55,781 --> 00:06:57,147 Uh, she's only 20, 229 00:06:57,182 --> 00:06:59,150 So if she goes in, orders a drink and pays for it, 230 00:06:59,185 --> 00:07:00,284 We get to make the bust. 231 00:07:00,319 --> 00:07:02,153 Easy-peasy-japane-- 232 00:07:11,063 --> 00:07:12,797 There you go, buddy. Hello. 233 00:07:12,831 --> 00:07:13,798 Hi. What can I get you? 234 00:07:13,832 --> 00:07:16,100 Hi. Um... 235 00:07:16,134 --> 00:07:19,837 I would like an alcoholic beverage, sir. 236 00:07:22,908 --> 00:07:25,509 Whoo! Whoo. Wow. Wow. 237 00:07:25,543 --> 00:07:27,511 Straight down the hatch, huh? 238 00:07:27,546 --> 00:07:29,580 Whoo. Whoo. That was good. 239 00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:31,816 How much do I owe you? 240 00:07:32,651 --> 00:07:34,218 Eh, that one's on the house. 241 00:07:34,253 --> 00:07:35,386 Go ahead. Drink that one, too. 242 00:07:35,420 --> 00:07:36,587 That one's on me. 243 00:07:36,621 --> 00:07:37,789 Hey, she just settled up. 244 00:07:37,823 --> 00:07:38,856 She just gave me this 245 00:07:38,890 --> 00:07:40,992 And she just handed it to me to hand to you. 246 00:07:41,026 --> 00:07:42,727 This one's on me. 247 00:07:46,732 --> 00:07:48,299 Ahh! 248 00:07:48,333 --> 00:07:49,700 Go, tammy! Go, tammy! Go! Go! 249 00:07:49,734 --> 00:07:50,635 Whoo! Go! Go! Go! Go! 250 00:07:50,669 --> 00:07:54,038 Don't go. Don't! Don't! Don't! Don't! 251 00:07:54,072 --> 00:07:55,740 Best night of my life! 252 00:07:55,774 --> 00:07:57,475 Whoo! Ha ha ha! 253 00:07:57,509 --> 00:07:58,543 [sighs] 254 00:07:58,577 --> 00:08:00,244 [crying] now it's all right. 255 00:08:00,279 --> 00:08:01,813 Easy, easy, easy. It's ok. 256 00:08:01,847 --> 00:08:03,915 I like this stuff. Come on up here. 257 00:08:03,949 --> 00:08:04,915 Watch your head. Watch your head. 258 00:08:04,950 --> 00:08:06,316 Come on up. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 259 00:08:06,351 --> 00:08:08,452 Chinese in the mother fucking house! 260 00:08:08,486 --> 00:08:09,454 Whoo! Oh! 261 00:08:09,488 --> 00:08:11,689 Whoa, whoa. Uhh! 262 00:08:11,723 --> 00:08:13,091 Uhh... 263 00:08:13,125 --> 00:08:14,726 [gasping] 264 00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:15,793 She'd like to settle up, I think, 265 00:08:15,827 --> 00:08:17,028 Is what she was saying. 266 00:08:18,263 --> 00:08:19,396 [grunts] bartender. 267 00:08:19,431 --> 00:08:21,232 Think she's got something to tell you. 268 00:08:21,266 --> 00:08:24,335 This guy just stuck his thumb up my ass! 269 00:08:24,370 --> 00:08:25,202 What?! 270 00:08:25,237 --> 00:08:26,937 I didn't stick a thumb up anybody's-- 271 00:08:26,972 --> 00:08:28,438 You're out of here, grandpa. 272 00:08:28,473 --> 00:08:29,740 I didn't stick a thumb up-- 273 00:08:29,775 --> 00:08:31,509 Bartender: No, I told you. 274 00:08:31,543 --> 00:08:33,411 Uhh! 275 00:08:33,445 --> 00:08:34,912 [thud] 276 00:08:37,216 --> 00:08:38,516 [deep inhale] hmm. 277 00:08:38,550 --> 00:08:39,716 I want a cigarette. 278 00:08:39,751 --> 00:08:41,919 No, no, no, no. You gotta be 18 and over to smoke here. 279 00:08:41,953 --> 00:08:44,522 What are you? 15? 16? 280 00:08:47,492 --> 00:08:48,526 It's that time. 281 00:08:48,561 --> 00:08:50,094 Yay! 282 00:08:50,128 --> 00:08:52,563 We love coconut nut clusters time of year. 283 00:08:52,597 --> 00:08:54,632 It's like christmas, but it's-- 284 00:08:54,666 --> 00:08:55,700 With candy bars! 285 00:08:55,734 --> 00:08:57,802 And we don't get 'em, we sell 'em! 286 00:08:57,836 --> 00:09:00,604 Which is different than christmas, but... 287 00:09:00,639 --> 00:09:01,539 Same feeling! 288 00:09:01,574 --> 00:09:03,608 In my heart. 289 00:09:03,642 --> 00:09:05,376 [car door closes] jones: You ok? 290 00:09:05,411 --> 00:09:06,410 Yeah. Yeah, I'm good. 291 00:09:06,445 --> 00:09:08,613 We're gonna do this. 292 00:09:08,647 --> 00:09:09,914 [sniffs] 293 00:09:17,589 --> 00:09:19,290 [grunts] no, you don't! 294 00:09:19,324 --> 00:09:20,424 No, you don't! Hey! 295 00:09:20,458 --> 00:09:21,425 We got here first! Ha! 296 00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:22,526 Coconut nut clusters! 297 00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:23,527 [laughs] 298 00:09:23,562 --> 00:09:25,296 In your face! 299 00:09:28,867 --> 00:09:30,334 Oh! Oh, my god! 300 00:09:30,368 --> 00:09:31,335 Oh, my god. Aah! 301 00:09:31,370 --> 00:09:32,603 [yelling in chinese] 302 00:09:32,637 --> 00:09:33,604 [jones screaming] 303 00:09:33,638 --> 00:09:34,605 Oh, my god! 304 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:35,606 Kimball: Jones, get in the car! 305 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:37,474 Oh, she got jones! Oh, my god! 306 00:09:37,509 --> 00:09:38,743 [jones grunting] 307 00:09:38,777 --> 00:09:40,111 Oh, my god! 308 00:09:40,145 --> 00:09:41,913 [both screaming] 309 00:09:50,387 --> 00:09:51,253 You have the right to an attorney. 310 00:09:51,288 --> 00:09:52,821 If you cannot afford an attorney, 311 00:09:52,856 --> 00:09:53,789 An attorney will be-- 312 00:09:53,824 --> 00:09:54,457 Dangle: Make a path, people. Make a path. 313 00:09:54,492 --> 00:09:55,658 Make a path. Make a path. 314 00:09:55,693 --> 00:09:57,493 [man groans] all right, sir. 315 00:09:57,528 --> 00:09:58,794 Oh, dear lord. 316 00:09:58,829 --> 00:09:59,996 Oh, it's worse than I thought. 317 00:10:00,031 --> 00:10:00,997 It looks worse in the daylight. 318 00:10:01,031 --> 00:10:02,031 Sir. [man sobbing] 319 00:10:02,066 --> 00:10:03,299 Ok. Oh, dear. 320 00:10:03,333 --> 00:10:04,667 That really does-- it's really... 321 00:10:04,701 --> 00:10:05,834 Man: Is it all the way to the hilt? 322 00:10:05,869 --> 00:10:07,236 It's not all the way to the hilt, 323 00:10:07,271 --> 00:10:08,404 But it's in there pretty good. 324 00:10:08,438 --> 00:10:09,272 I don't want to touch it. 325 00:10:09,306 --> 00:10:10,907 I don't want to make anything worse. 326 00:10:10,941 --> 00:10:13,876 So his version of events is... 327 00:10:13,911 --> 00:10:16,112 [stammering] you were praising 328 00:10:16,146 --> 00:10:17,780 His civil war sword-- 329 00:10:17,815 --> 00:10:18,914 No. 330 00:10:18,948 --> 00:10:19,849 What's that? 331 00:10:19,883 --> 00:10:21,951 [british accent] it's not a civil war sword. 332 00:10:21,985 --> 00:10:23,686 This-- that item is not? 333 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:24,320 It's not? 334 00:10:24,354 --> 00:10:25,722 The item up my anus. 335 00:10:25,756 --> 00:10:27,523 Yes? [clears throat] 336 00:10:27,558 --> 00:10:29,058 Is not a real civil war sword. 337 00:10:29,093 --> 00:10:30,793 You're kidding me. It looks fantastic. 338 00:10:30,828 --> 00:10:32,161 It may look fantastic, 339 00:10:32,195 --> 00:10:33,563 But there are certain markings on it 340 00:10:33,597 --> 00:10:35,365 That clearly show it's a fake. 341 00:10:35,399 --> 00:10:36,699 Man: Ah, be careful. 342 00:10:36,733 --> 00:10:38,601 Uhh. 343 00:10:38,636 --> 00:10:40,904 The rope is fake here. This bulbous part here. 344 00:10:40,938 --> 00:10:41,704 Yeah? 345 00:10:41,738 --> 00:10:42,705 - Light as a feather. - Really? 346 00:10:42,740 --> 00:10:45,007 The real thing would be heavy and weigh you down. 347 00:10:45,041 --> 00:10:45,808 What is-- 348 00:10:45,842 --> 00:10:47,009 An expert will tell you, clearly, 349 00:10:47,043 --> 00:10:49,111 That's al-u-minum. 350 00:10:49,146 --> 00:10:49,745 Oh! 351 00:10:49,780 --> 00:10:50,746 Aluminum? 352 00:10:50,781 --> 00:10:51,981 Al-u-minum. 353 00:10:52,016 --> 00:10:52,848 Right. 354 00:10:52,883 --> 00:10:55,151 Now, my left thumb is covering 355 00:10:55,185 --> 00:10:57,720 The obvioreal giveaway. 356 00:10:57,754 --> 00:10:58,721 Just keep breathing. Keep breathing. 357 00:10:58,755 --> 00:11:01,157 Yes. Bingo! 358 00:11:01,192 --> 00:11:02,191 Dangle: Breathe for me. 359 00:11:02,225 --> 00:11:03,425 Excuse me! 360 00:11:03,460 --> 00:11:05,328 Might be a bad time, but I-- 361 00:11:05,362 --> 00:11:06,262 I bought this on ebay. 362 00:11:06,296 --> 00:11:07,329 I'm quite sure this is 363 00:11:07,364 --> 00:11:09,632 From the post-revolutionary period. 364 00:11:09,666 --> 00:11:11,667 Uhh... 365 00:11:11,702 --> 00:11:12,702 It's a... 366 00:11:12,736 --> 00:11:14,970 It's a fake. 367 00:11:15,005 --> 00:11:17,707 Only an idiot would think this was real. 368 00:11:17,741 --> 00:11:20,243 Aah! You bastard! 369 00:11:25,816 --> 00:11:26,783 $85. 370 00:11:26,817 --> 00:11:28,117 Oh, my god. 85 bucks. 371 00:11:28,151 --> 00:11:29,518 85? We're double-- 372 00:11:29,552 --> 00:11:30,553 We doubled last year. 373 00:11:30,587 --> 00:11:32,422 We doubled last year. 374 00:11:32,456 --> 00:11:33,589 My god. 375 00:11:33,623 --> 00:11:36,259 Think about how many dodge balls this is gonna buy 376 00:11:36,293 --> 00:11:38,495 For them retards. 377 00:11:38,529 --> 00:11:40,396 [muffled] oh, my gosh. 378 00:11:40,431 --> 00:11:41,764 Like, a lot! 379 00:11:43,333 --> 00:11:43,933 We won't-- 380 00:11:43,967 --> 00:11:44,700 I'm not sure how much 381 00:11:44,734 --> 00:11:46,435 A dodge ball goes for these days-- 382 00:11:46,469 --> 00:11:47,370 Mm-hmm? 383 00:11:47,404 --> 00:11:49,272 But they can't be much more than 2 or $3. 384 00:11:49,306 --> 00:11:52,141 No, so $85... 385 00:11:52,175 --> 00:11:56,078 Buys 2, 4, 42 dodge balls. 386 00:11:57,081 --> 00:11:58,448 - Mmm. - That's good, huh? 387 00:11:58,482 --> 00:11:59,515 This is really good. 388 00:11:59,549 --> 00:12:01,050 Like buying you a damn coconut tree. 389 00:12:01,084 --> 00:12:02,385 - Mm-hmm. - He's diabetic! He's diabetic! 390 00:12:02,419 --> 00:12:03,485 He's diabetic! 391 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:05,220 Oh! Oh, my god! 392 00:12:05,255 --> 00:12:06,623 Are you alright? 393 00:12:06,657 --> 00:12:08,057 We're selling coconut clusters 394 00:12:08,092 --> 00:12:10,026 For the sheriffs' athletics league. 395 00:12:10,060 --> 00:12:11,227 Yeah, you know, for the kids. 396 00:12:11,261 --> 00:12:12,561 Uh, dances and everything. 397 00:12:12,595 --> 00:12:14,396 Oh, this is so nice. 398 00:12:14,431 --> 00:12:17,901 Nobody's been to see me in such a long time. 399 00:12:17,935 --> 00:12:19,302 Oh, you are kidding. 400 00:12:19,336 --> 00:12:20,369 I can't imagine that. 401 00:12:20,403 --> 00:12:23,106 Why would they do that? 402 00:12:26,109 --> 00:12:28,544 [chuckles] uh... 403 00:12:45,929 --> 00:12:47,030 Man: Hey! 404 00:12:47,064 --> 00:12:48,931 What are you guys selling over there? 405 00:12:50,834 --> 00:12:53,435 Both: Coconut nut clusters. 406 00:12:53,470 --> 00:12:54,804 Can I get some of those? 407 00:12:54,838 --> 00:12:55,805 [truck accelerating] 408 00:12:55,839 --> 00:12:57,039 Look out! 409 00:12:57,073 --> 00:12:59,175 No! No! 410 00:12:59,209 --> 00:13:00,709 Jones: Aah! 411 00:13:00,743 --> 00:13:01,944 [screams] 412 00:13:01,979 --> 00:13:03,513 [both screaming] 413 00:13:03,547 --> 00:13:05,348 God damn it! No! 414 00:13:05,382 --> 00:13:07,417 Come on! 415 00:13:07,451 --> 00:13:08,550 [truck approaching] 416 00:13:08,585 --> 00:13:11,287 Oh, no! Jonesy! 417 00:13:11,322 --> 00:13:13,755 No! 418 00:13:19,863 --> 00:13:22,131 Now as part of your parole agreement, 419 00:13:22,166 --> 00:13:24,667 You are required to... 420 00:13:24,702 --> 00:13:28,004 Either be employed or apply for employment 421 00:13:28,038 --> 00:13:29,171 Once every 2 weeks. 422 00:13:29,206 --> 00:13:30,706 Do you feel like you've complied with that? 423 00:13:30,740 --> 00:13:31,808 Yes. 424 00:13:31,842 --> 00:13:33,909 Where did you apply for a job last, terry? 425 00:13:33,943 --> 00:13:35,010 I have a job. 426 00:13:35,045 --> 00:13:36,579 Where? 427 00:13:36,613 --> 00:13:37,913 Think... Think. 428 00:13:37,947 --> 00:13:40,282 It's an instrument store. It's called talk to the band. 429 00:13:40,317 --> 00:13:42,718 Talk to the band. 430 00:13:42,753 --> 00:13:43,886 Talk to the band. 431 00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:44,887 What kind of instruments they sell 432 00:13:44,922 --> 00:13:45,788 At talk to the band, terry? 433 00:13:45,822 --> 00:13:46,889 Not that I don't believe you, 434 00:13:46,923 --> 00:13:48,825 And don't--don't take my incredulousness 435 00:13:48,859 --> 00:13:50,826 As disbelief. 436 00:13:50,860 --> 00:13:52,962 But what kind of instruments do they sell? 437 00:13:52,996 --> 00:13:53,830 Tubas... 438 00:13:53,864 --> 00:13:54,697 Tubas. 439 00:13:54,731 --> 00:13:56,065 What do you do there at talk to the band? 440 00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:57,199 You sell tubas, terry? 441 00:13:57,234 --> 00:13:59,268 Yeah, if people are, like, I want a tuba, 442 00:13:59,302 --> 00:14:00,736 I'm, like, yeah. They're, like, I want to buy it. 443 00:14:00,771 --> 00:14:02,104 I'm, like, buy it. They're, like, I will. 444 00:14:02,138 --> 00:14:03,339 I'm, like, shut up. 445 00:14:03,374 --> 00:14:04,640 They're, like, why did you just say that? 446 00:14:04,675 --> 00:14:05,874 I'm, like, get out of my face. 447 00:14:05,909 --> 00:14:07,277 And they leave. 448 00:14:07,311 --> 00:14:09,345 I feel like that sale-- it went really bad there, terry. 449 00:14:09,380 --> 00:14:10,980 That was a bad sale. Let's go again. 450 00:14:11,014 --> 00:14:13,282 - Uh, hey, excuse me. - What? 451 00:14:13,316 --> 00:14:14,617 Gentleman in the roller skates. 452 00:14:14,652 --> 00:14:16,052 Yes, I'd like to purchase a tuba. 453 00:14:16,086 --> 00:14:17,052 Great. 454 00:14:17,086 --> 00:14:18,287 What about this one here? 455 00:14:18,322 --> 00:14:19,922 Buy it. 456 00:14:19,957 --> 00:14:21,457 Well, now I don't feel like I should. 457 00:14:21,491 --> 00:14:22,225 Why? 458 00:14:22,259 --> 00:14:23,225 Why don't you buy it? 459 00:14:23,260 --> 00:14:24,293 Why you just buy it? 460 00:14:24,327 --> 00:14:26,194 I'm going to take my tuba buying dollar 461 00:14:26,229 --> 00:14:27,830 To another store across the street. 462 00:14:27,865 --> 00:14:31,267 Fine. I don't care. Your face sucks. 463 00:14:31,301 --> 00:14:32,635 See? 464 00:14:32,669 --> 00:14:34,103 I feel like that went as bad as the first one. 465 00:14:34,137 --> 00:14:35,104 How long you been employed 466 00:14:35,139 --> 00:14:36,372 At talk to the band, terry? 467 00:14:36,406 --> 00:14:37,906 One day. 468 00:14:37,941 --> 00:14:38,474 One day. 469 00:14:38,509 --> 00:14:39,508 How many sales? 470 00:14:39,542 --> 00:14:41,143 I feel like you've blown 2 tuba sales here, 471 00:14:41,177 --> 00:14:42,812 Just sitting talking to us. 472 00:14:51,521 --> 00:14:54,055 Man: I will not be denied 473 00:14:54,090 --> 00:14:55,990 my rights as americans 474 00:14:56,025 --> 00:14:56,758 Sheriff's department. 475 00:14:56,793 --> 00:14:57,759 to give pleasure 476 00:14:57,793 --> 00:15:01,130 in the country I was born 477 00:15:01,164 --> 00:15:03,832 you can say that I'm not worthy 478 00:15:03,866 --> 00:15:05,533 of giving you pleasure 479 00:15:05,568 --> 00:15:09,871 but someone up above tells me you're wrong 480 00:15:09,906 --> 00:15:10,939 I'll bite. What is your issue? 481 00:15:10,973 --> 00:15:11,974 Ok, here's the deal. 482 00:15:12,008 --> 00:15:14,343 I come over here to offer my services, all right? 483 00:15:14,377 --> 00:15:16,011 'cause I see that they have all these ladies. 484 00:15:16,046 --> 00:15:18,280 But hey! Let's get a gigalo in here. 485 00:15:18,314 --> 00:15:20,482 Let's get some man meat in here, right? 486 00:15:20,516 --> 00:15:21,916 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So I offer my services 487 00:15:21,951 --> 00:15:22,851 To give pleasure. 488 00:15:22,885 --> 00:15:24,085 And they go, I'm sorry. 489 00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:25,654 You're not good-looking enough. 490 00:15:25,688 --> 00:15:27,589 And I know I'm not easy on the eyes. 491 00:15:27,623 --> 00:15:30,292 I know that god did not tap me with a beauty stick. 492 00:15:30,326 --> 00:15:31,393 All right? 493 00:15:31,427 --> 00:15:32,927 But I guarantee you when those lights are off, 494 00:15:32,962 --> 00:15:35,731 They're gonna be like, I was glad andrew was there. 495 00:15:35,765 --> 00:15:38,200 When I got this. This. 496 00:15:38,234 --> 00:15:40,769 - Oh, my god. - This...This to give! 497 00:15:40,803 --> 00:15:42,804 This is a gentlemen's club. 498 00:15:42,838 --> 00:15:45,873 Yes, and I am a gentlemen who is ready to give club, 499 00:15:45,908 --> 00:15:47,976 So to speak. Club meaning sex. 500 00:15:48,010 --> 00:15:49,144 You start your own club. 501 00:15:49,179 --> 00:15:50,278 You know how much overhead is involved 502 00:15:50,313 --> 00:15:51,346 With getting a business here? 503 00:15:51,380 --> 00:15:52,280 Look at all the things. 504 00:15:52,315 --> 00:15:54,416 You've got tables. You've got chairs. 505 00:15:54,450 --> 00:15:56,351 You've got hot dogs and chips. 506 00:15:56,386 --> 00:15:57,853 You've got rubbers. You've got-- 507 00:15:57,887 --> 00:15:59,621 This used to be an old gas station, ok? 508 00:15:59,655 --> 00:16:01,122 Oh, this place used to be a gas station. 509 00:16:01,157 --> 00:16:02,857 Why don't you go down to a gas station? 510 00:16:02,892 --> 00:16:04,126 I think your talents are better served 511 00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:05,160 For a gas station. 512 00:16:05,194 --> 00:16:06,728 - Okay. Fine. - Alright? That's what I'm sayi. 513 00:16:06,762 --> 00:16:07,562 Your little novelty acts. 514 00:16:07,597 --> 00:16:08,363 Well, good luck getting me out of here 515 00:16:08,397 --> 00:16:10,665 To your fantasy gas station 516 00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:12,067 Where all dreams come true. 517 00:16:12,101 --> 00:16:13,101 - Good luck. - Yeah, you're right, good luck. 518 00:16:13,136 --> 00:16:14,402 I will not be fo-- 519 00:16:14,437 --> 00:16:15,637 - Ok, you know what? - Good luck to me. 520 00:16:15,671 --> 00:16:17,405 I had this on when I came in here, all right? Big deal. 521 00:16:17,439 --> 00:16:19,474 And you're gonna have it on when you go. 522 00:16:22,111 --> 00:16:23,712 Hey, there, cindy. How you doin'? 523 00:16:23,746 --> 00:16:25,881 Se?�??or guapo, right? Is that right? 524 00:16:25,915 --> 00:16:26,815 I learned some spanish. 525 00:16:26,849 --> 00:16:28,350 Guapo's right. That's right. 526 00:16:28,384 --> 00:16:29,284 Se?�??or guapo. 527 00:16:29,318 --> 00:16:31,119 Oh, boy. I hope I'm not out of line. 528 00:16:31,154 --> 00:16:34,189 Uh...Uh, there's a, uh, 529 00:16:34,223 --> 00:16:37,326 Board night and puzzle night at the cougar club tonight. 530 00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:38,560 Yeah, what kind game they have? 531 00:16:38,594 --> 00:16:40,962 Oh, they have, uh, they have risk. 532 00:16:40,997 --> 00:16:42,531 They have monopoly. 533 00:16:42,565 --> 00:16:43,932 - You don't-- - is there one game... 534 00:16:43,966 --> 00:16:44,933 Pardon? 535 00:16:44,968 --> 00:16:47,368 Where you close your eye, ok? 536 00:16:47,403 --> 00:16:49,404 And then you lie down? 537 00:16:49,438 --> 00:16:52,874 Ok? And then something's going to happen to you. 538 00:16:52,908 --> 00:16:54,309 You don't know what. 539 00:16:54,344 --> 00:16:55,343 You want to play that game? 540 00:16:55,378 --> 00:16:58,213 With me? 541 00:17:01,451 --> 00:17:04,285 I don't know if there's cocaine in 'em or... 542 00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:06,288 Or what, but people cannot get enough 543 00:17:06,322 --> 00:17:07,855 Of these nut clusters. 544 00:17:07,890 --> 00:17:11,360 And I just can't get enough of saying nut clusters. 545 00:17:11,394 --> 00:17:12,995 I love it. 546 00:17:13,029 --> 00:17:15,263 Yeah. Nut cluster. 547 00:17:16,366 --> 00:17:18,667 - I'm holding your nut cluster. - Oh! 548 00:17:18,701 --> 00:17:21,603 Well. [chuckles] 549 00:17:21,637 --> 00:17:22,603 - He blushes. - You got mine-- 550 00:17:22,638 --> 00:17:24,572 - He blushes. - Yeah. You got me. 551 00:17:24,607 --> 00:17:26,608 Oh, such a child. 552 00:17:27,510 --> 00:17:29,711 [gasping] 553 00:17:33,916 --> 00:17:36,117 [grunting] 554 00:17:37,987 --> 00:17:39,454 [clears throat] 555 00:17:50,333 --> 00:17:51,867 G-g-g-good evening. 556 00:17:51,901 --> 00:17:54,702 We're from the sheriff's department. 557 00:17:54,737 --> 00:17:56,104 Would you like to feel good 558 00:17:56,138 --> 00:17:58,940 About yourself and your community? 559 00:17:58,975 --> 00:18:01,176 Why not buy a coconut... 560 00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:03,711 Nut cluster? 561 00:18:03,746 --> 00:18:05,947 It's for the sheriffs' athletics league. 562 00:18:05,981 --> 00:18:07,916 They're only a dollar apiece, 563 00:18:07,950 --> 00:18:09,818 And they give kids 564 00:18:09,852 --> 00:18:12,654 Who normally wouldn't have a chance at a better life... 565 00:18:14,656 --> 00:18:17,492 You forgot to mention they're tax-deductible. 566 00:18:19,896 --> 00:18:21,129 Dangle? 567 00:18:32,742 --> 00:18:36,011 Hola. Yo soy oficio deputy garcia 568 00:18:36,045 --> 00:18:37,879 De reno sheriff's department. 569 00:18:37,914 --> 00:18:47,955 [speaking spanish] 570 00:18:47,956 --> 00:19:07,141 [speaking spanish] 571 00:19:15,583 --> 00:19:16,916 Oh, my god. I think we've hit 572 00:19:16,951 --> 00:19:18,050 Every house on this block. 573 00:19:18,085 --> 00:19:18,618 Yeah. 574 00:19:18,652 --> 00:19:19,820 And we've made a sale, 575 00:19:19,854 --> 00:19:20,854 Made a sale, made a sale, made a sale. 576 00:19:20,888 --> 00:19:24,023 This is my 34th coconut nut cluster of the day. 577 00:19:24,058 --> 00:19:25,792 We might be out of houses in this neighborhood. 578 00:19:25,826 --> 00:19:27,260 [indistinct] 579 00:19:27,295 --> 00:19:28,328 - Oh, no, you don't. - Have a bite! 580 00:19:28,362 --> 00:19:29,762 - No, you don't. - Have a bite! 581 00:19:29,797 --> 00:19:33,399 - You know you want a coconut-- - god damn it, I do. 582 00:19:33,434 --> 00:19:34,701 [indistinct] 583 00:19:34,736 --> 00:19:36,136 Aah! [laughing] 584 00:19:36,170 --> 00:19:38,338 Coco--mmm. 585 00:19:38,373 --> 00:19:40,273 Mmm. Oh. 586 00:19:40,308 --> 00:19:41,374 Oh. 587 00:19:41,409 --> 00:19:42,109 You all right? 588 00:19:42,143 --> 00:19:42,909 You just bit my lip a little bi. 589 00:19:42,943 --> 00:19:43,677 Oh, my god. You're really bleeding. 590 00:19:43,711 --> 00:19:44,310 Oh, my god. 591 00:19:44,345 --> 00:19:45,178 Oh, you're gushing blood. 592 00:19:45,213 --> 00:19:46,479 You're gushing blood. I'm gushing what? 593 00:19:46,514 --> 00:19:47,547 You're gushing blood. Here, let me-- 594 00:19:47,582 --> 00:19:50,583 Here. Just put pressure on it. 595 00:19:50,618 --> 00:19:52,452 Put pressure on it. 596 00:19:54,555 --> 00:19:55,788 Mmm. 597 00:19:55,823 --> 00:19:57,357 Um, you don't need to do the thing 598 00:19:57,391 --> 00:19:59,192 You're doing with your tongue there. 599 00:20:05,967 --> 00:20:07,667 We might be at the best coconut nut cluster sale day 600 00:20:07,702 --> 00:20:09,202 To date, by the way, gang. 601 00:20:09,236 --> 00:20:10,136 [cheering] 602 00:20:10,170 --> 00:20:11,838 I got clemmie. You're at 97. 603 00:20:11,873 --> 00:20:13,473 - Am I in the lead? - 97?! 604 00:20:13,508 --> 00:20:15,375 140. Hold on. Whoa! 605 00:20:15,409 --> 00:20:16,743 [all murmuring] 606 00:20:16,777 --> 00:20:17,544 'cause I'm gonna match it, 607 00:20:17,578 --> 00:20:20,046 And buy us all... A-a pie. 608 00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:21,214 A pizza pie. 609 00:20:21,248 --> 00:20:22,816 - Oh! Jim! - So we all win. 610 00:20:22,850 --> 00:20:23,983 Beer's on me. 611 00:20:24,018 --> 00:20:25,785 - Beer's on you? - Beer's on me. 612 00:20:25,819 --> 00:20:26,853 That's so nice. Thank you. 613 00:20:26,887 --> 00:20:28,288 Put that away. 614 00:20:28,322 --> 00:20:29,355 [all talking at once] 615 00:20:29,390 --> 00:20:31,658 Weigel: Best day ever. 616 00:20:31,692 --> 00:20:33,026 All: Whoo! 617 00:20:33,060 --> 00:20:34,060 I would read off who won-- 618 00:20:34,095 --> 00:20:35,295 I'm not even gonna read off who won. 619 00:20:35,329 --> 00:20:37,130 Jim, I have $30. 620 00:20:37,164 --> 00:20:38,598 I only made 30, but let me explain. 621 00:20:38,632 --> 00:20:40,900 I actually didn't sell any today, 622 00:20:40,935 --> 00:20:42,769 But I ate 32 bars. 623 00:20:42,803 --> 00:20:43,870 Dengle: And you're paying for 'em. 624 00:20:43,904 --> 00:20:45,538 And I'm paying for them. 625 00:20:54,714 --> 00:20:56,382 Uh-uh. 626 00:20:58,785 --> 00:21:00,753 [both scatting] 627 00:21:00,787 --> 00:21:02,754 Captioning made possible by mtv networks 628 00:21:02,789 --> 00:21:05,991 Captioned by the national captioning institute --www.Ncicap.Org-- 629 00:21:16,636 --> 00:21:18,370 [sobbing] 630 00:21:18,420 --> 00:21:22,970 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 41557

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