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1
00:00:03,703 --> 00:00:05,670
- Give me all of his--
- hey, hey, hey!
2
00:00:05,671 --> 00:00:06,771
Hey, you got
to help me out here.
3
00:00:06,772 --> 00:00:08,439
The guy in cell "g"
is trying to hang himself.
4
00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:10,675
Come on. Hurry. Come on.
5
00:00:10,676 --> 00:00:12,744
Don't do it! Don't do it!
6
00:00:12,745 --> 00:00:15,613
- Sir, do not hang yourself.
7
00:00:15,614 --> 00:00:17,916
- Oh, baby, I'm already hung.
8
00:00:17,917 --> 00:00:19,016
[music playing]
9
00:00:19,017 --> 00:00:21,219
- Whoo!
10
00:00:21,220 --> 00:00:23,354
- Ah, baby!
11
00:00:23,355 --> 00:00:24,256
- Happy birthday.
12
00:00:24,257 --> 00:00:26,691
- Oh, my god.
13
00:00:26,692 --> 00:00:29,160
- Agh! Agh!
14
00:00:30,696 --> 00:00:32,830
-Whoo!
- Come here.
15
00:00:34,734 --> 00:00:37,501
- What? I'm just--
- come here. Oh.
16
00:00:43,008 --> 00:00:44,742
- Go, go, go!
17
00:00:44,743 --> 00:00:46,511
[zap]
18
00:00:55,121 --> 00:00:57,855
- Ho ho! Ho!
19
00:00:57,856 --> 00:00:59,458
- Ha ha ha!
20
00:01:01,727 --> 00:01:03,995
- Hey, where's your--
oh! Oh! Oh!
21
00:01:05,064 --> 00:01:07,531
Ooh!
22
00:01:07,532 --> 00:01:10,535
Captioning made possible by
mtv networks
23
00:01:10,536 --> 00:01:13,772
Captioned by the national
captioning institute --www.Ncicap.Org--
24
00:01:13,773 --> 00:01:15,006
- This is pretty exciting.
25
00:01:15,007 --> 00:01:18,943
Did everybody read the memo
about our beautiful sister city?
26
00:01:18,944 --> 00:01:20,145
- No.
- No.
27
00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:22,580
- Our sister city
of wanganui, new zealand?
28
00:01:22,581 --> 00:01:23,981
- Heh.
29
00:01:23,982 --> 00:01:25,884
No. I think I heard this one,
but go ahead and tell it.
30
00:01:25,885 --> 00:01:27,552
- It's not a joke.
31
00:01:27,553 --> 00:01:28,954
- Oh.
32
00:01:28,955 --> 00:01:33,391
- The prefect of wanganui--
- what's a prefect?
33
00:01:33,392 --> 00:01:35,026
- Like a mayor.
34
00:01:35,027 --> 00:01:37,295
Of wanganui, will be coming
to visit our fair city
35
00:01:37,296 --> 00:01:39,497
And meeting
with the mayor, I guess,
36
00:01:39,498 --> 00:01:42,633
And a couple of us will need
to escort him around town.
37
00:01:42,634 --> 00:01:44,602
- I want to go.
- I already picked. It's ok.
38
00:01:44,603 --> 00:01:46,304
- Who'd you pick?
39
00:01:46,305 --> 00:01:48,473
- The people that
need to know will know.
40
00:01:48,474 --> 00:01:49,874
- Oh.
41
00:01:49,875 --> 00:01:52,677
- Let me guess. You're going.
42
00:01:52,678 --> 00:01:54,646
- Yes.
43
00:01:54,647 --> 00:01:57,982
I was gonna go
do it with kimball.
44
00:01:57,983 --> 00:02:00,652
- Oh.
- Yeah.
45
00:02:00,653 --> 00:02:03,187
- Huh. You assume just because
he's a colored fella,
46
00:02:03,188 --> 00:02:05,189
We're gonna say something
offensive or something?
47
00:02:05,190 --> 00:02:07,158
- How do you know he's colored?
48
00:02:07,159 --> 00:02:09,460
- Wanganui--I'm guessing
he ain't chinese.
49
00:02:09,461 --> 00:02:12,130
- But it's new zealand.
I thought they were white there.
50
00:02:12,131 --> 00:02:13,765
- Can I give an english lecture?
51
00:02:13,766 --> 00:02:15,633
Can I give
an english lesson now?
52
00:02:15,634 --> 00:02:17,536
We don't say "colored" anymore,
by the way.
53
00:02:17,537 --> 00:02:20,505
- National advancement for the
association of colored people.
54
00:02:20,506 --> 00:02:23,575
- But we don't say
"crackers," right, anymore?
55
00:02:23,576 --> 00:02:26,477
- You say "crackers"
all the time.
56
00:02:26,478 --> 00:02:29,647
- No. I don't say--
I write it in my report. I don't say it.
57
00:02:29,648 --> 00:02:31,315
- First thing--
"good morning, cracker."
58
00:02:31,316 --> 00:02:33,451
That's the very first thing
you said to me this morning.
59
00:02:33,452 --> 00:02:35,386
- Hold it down.
I'd like to commend trudy.
60
00:02:35,387 --> 00:02:37,622
Trudy, would you pass up
your notes for a second here?
61
00:02:37,623 --> 00:02:39,023
- Sure.
62
00:02:39,024 --> 00:02:41,025
- I'd like to take a moment.
I don't do this very often.
63
00:02:41,026 --> 00:02:43,128
I don't single any of you out
64
00:02:43,129 --> 00:02:45,363
And commend you
on a job well done,
65
00:02:45,364 --> 00:02:47,165
But I'd like to commend trudy
66
00:02:47,166 --> 00:02:49,967
Because all the time that
I've been up here talking,
67
00:02:49,968 --> 00:02:53,304
Trudy has drawn several things--
68
00:02:53,305 --> 00:02:56,241
Turtle lady here
69
00:02:56,242 --> 00:03:00,245
And then lobster crab man
with double penis
70
00:03:00,246 --> 00:03:03,648
And then a monster-mouth baby
71
00:03:03,649 --> 00:03:06,283
With teats and sideways vagina.
72
00:03:14,593 --> 00:03:16,227
[music playing on radio]
73
00:03:16,228 --> 00:03:20,665
[police radio chatter]
74
00:03:20,666 --> 00:03:23,001
- Ma'am, would you mind
turning down the music?
75
00:03:23,002 --> 00:03:24,602
[turns music down]
76
00:03:24,603 --> 00:03:25,770
- Hi.
77
00:03:25,771 --> 00:03:27,638
- How you doing?
- Ok. How are you?
78
00:03:27,639 --> 00:03:30,574
- Ma'am, I suspect
that if I were to search this here vehicle,
79
00:03:30,575 --> 00:03:32,543
I might find me
a little marijuana.
80
00:03:32,544 --> 00:03:33,944
- Oh, no.
81
00:03:33,945 --> 00:03:36,447
- No. No way. No marijuana?
82
00:03:36,448 --> 00:03:40,819
No paraphernalia? No bongs?
83
00:03:40,820 --> 00:03:43,654
No scales? Nothing at all?
84
00:03:43,655 --> 00:03:45,322
- Definitely not.
85
00:03:45,323 --> 00:03:48,059
- You're telling me
this van is totally clean of all illicit substances?
86
00:03:48,060 --> 00:03:49,727
- Totally illicit.
87
00:03:49,728 --> 00:03:51,262
- So you didn't mind
if I were to come in
88
00:03:51,263 --> 00:03:52,863
And maybe poke around
your glove box?
89
00:03:52,864 --> 00:03:54,532
- That'd be great.
90
00:03:54,533 --> 00:03:59,370
- See, I noticed all
your stickers out there, with the "legalize it."
91
00:03:59,371 --> 00:04:02,339
- Oh, yeah.
This is my neighbor's car.
92
00:04:02,340 --> 00:04:04,041
- Neighbor's car, you got?
- Yeah.
93
00:04:04,042 --> 00:04:06,878
- I'm gonna check
underneath your dash here.
94
00:04:06,879 --> 00:04:08,780
- We're headed out
to a sit-in up north
95
00:04:08,781 --> 00:04:10,749
For this tree that's gonna die.
96
00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:12,650
- Yeah. A sit-in, you got.
97
00:04:12,651 --> 00:04:14,853
You don't mind if were to check
underneath the vehicle, would you?
98
00:04:14,854 --> 00:04:16,821
- No. That'd be great.
- Yeah. It'd be great.
99
00:04:16,822 --> 00:04:18,089
- Groovy.
100
00:04:18,090 --> 00:04:21,459
- You see...Us police officers
101
00:04:21,460 --> 00:04:24,361
Ain't quite as dumb
as you hippies think we are.
102
00:04:24,362 --> 00:04:25,963
Sometimes what they do is,
103
00:04:25,964 --> 00:04:29,200
They strap keys of marijuana
underneath the vehicle
104
00:04:29,201 --> 00:04:30,835
Because they think we ain't
gonna search there,
105
00:04:30,836 --> 00:04:33,004
But goddamn.
106
00:04:33,005 --> 00:04:36,073
Well, nah.
You appear to be clean.
107
00:04:36,074 --> 00:04:39,310
You just try and mind
the speed limits, all right?
108
00:04:39,311 --> 00:04:43,347
- I'll try. Have a groovy day.
109
00:04:46,785 --> 00:04:48,519
- You have a good day now.
110
00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:51,623
- Thanks, officer.
111
00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:52,656
- Shit!
112
00:04:57,029 --> 00:04:58,295
- I wish we had had time
to look up
113
00:04:58,296 --> 00:05:01,166
A little bit
of the wanganui language.
114
00:05:01,167 --> 00:05:03,500
[police radio chatter]
115
00:05:03,501 --> 00:05:04,736
- I do, too.
116
00:05:04,737 --> 00:05:06,271
- Well, I did have time,
to be honest, last night,
117
00:05:06,272 --> 00:05:07,638
But I ended up--
- you just didn't.
118
00:05:07,639 --> 00:05:09,907
- No. I curled up
in front of "the o.C.,"
119
00:05:09,908 --> 00:05:13,411
And I had a big pint
of chubby hubby,
120
00:05:13,412 --> 00:05:18,549
And then my morbidly obese
friend margaret called,
121
00:05:18,550 --> 00:05:20,317
And she got talking,
and she's crying.
122
00:05:20,318 --> 00:05:23,421
She was all upset because
they're mad at her at her job.
123
00:05:23,422 --> 00:05:26,490
Anyway, long story short,
I didn't learn any wanganui.
124
00:05:26,491 --> 00:05:28,693
- The white zone
is for immediate loading
125
00:05:28,694 --> 00:05:30,695
And unloading of passengers...
126
00:05:30,696 --> 00:05:33,098
- You know, I don't know if he's
gonna be able to read this sign.
127
00:05:33,099 --> 00:05:35,399
So I hope we can recognize him
128
00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:37,936
Because I don't think he even
speaks a word of english.
129
00:05:37,937 --> 00:05:40,004
Wait a second. Hello.
130
00:05:40,005 --> 00:05:41,539
- Ah.
- Wow.
131
00:05:41,540 --> 00:05:43,474
- Your excellency.
132
00:05:43,475 --> 00:05:47,278
- Hail prefect of wanganui.
133
00:05:47,279 --> 00:05:51,816
- Welcome to reno--
biggest little city--
134
00:05:51,817 --> 00:05:54,585
- Oh, he is--mmm.
135
00:05:54,586 --> 00:05:56,320
- New people, new customs.
- How do you do?
136
00:05:56,321 --> 00:06:00,158
- How do you do?
Welcome to reno--
137
00:06:00,159 --> 00:06:03,594
Jewel of the silver state,
sister...City...
138
00:06:03,595 --> 00:06:05,563
- Can you believe that?
- He's kissing the ground.
139
00:06:05,564 --> 00:06:07,565
Reno/tahoe international airport
140
00:06:07,566 --> 00:06:11,035
Is honored that you would
kiss its concrete, and we--
141
00:06:11,036 --> 00:06:13,204
- Our concrete is not worthy.
142
00:06:13,205 --> 00:06:14,605
- We...Go down? We go down.
143
00:06:14,606 --> 00:06:16,073
We go down.
We go down.
144
00:06:16,074 --> 00:06:17,842
Your excellency,
welcome to reno--
145
00:06:17,843 --> 00:06:21,246
Sister city of wanganui,
jewel of the silver state.
146
00:06:21,247 --> 00:06:23,113
- Oh, my goodness.
- Oh, hello.
147
00:06:23,114 --> 00:06:24,883
Hello. It's a ritual.
- Oh, my goodness.
148
00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:26,150
- It's ok. It's a ritual.
149
00:06:26,151 --> 00:06:27,284
Different people,
different ways.
150
00:06:27,285 --> 00:06:29,654
We shall hasten you
to the mayor's office.
151
00:06:29,655 --> 00:06:32,890
The mayor is our...
152
00:06:32,891 --> 00:06:35,660
Numero-uno chieftain.
153
00:06:35,661 --> 00:06:38,963
Your excellency?
Visiting dignitary.
154
00:06:38,964 --> 00:06:41,532
- Prefect of wanganui.
- That's the smell.
155
00:06:41,533 --> 00:06:44,736
This is the way to our carriage.
156
00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:49,306
- Oh, I know what'll get him in.
Hey, look at that.
157
00:06:49,307 --> 00:06:50,641
- That's right.
Oh, good. He likes that.
158
00:06:50,642 --> 00:06:51,742
He likes that.
He's taking the bait.
159
00:06:51,743 --> 00:06:53,644
Good, good, good.
Good, good. Here we go.
160
00:06:53,645 --> 00:06:54,945
And he's in. Got him.
161
00:06:54,946 --> 00:06:56,147
- Oh, I got him.
162
00:06:56,148 --> 00:06:57,715
- Got him. Get the foot.
Get the foot. Get the foot.
163
00:06:57,716 --> 00:07:02,720
Oh, you are a powerful,
powerful man
164
00:07:02,721 --> 00:07:04,355
With a powerful smell.
165
00:07:04,356 --> 00:07:05,590
- Oh, dear.
166
00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:07,124
- The white zone
is for immediate loading
167
00:07:07,125 --> 00:07:09,594
And unloading
of passengers only.
168
00:07:09,595 --> 00:07:12,630
There is no parking
in the white zone.
169
00:07:16,668 --> 00:07:18,937
[bell rings]
170
00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:20,904
- We've been assigned
to come on down
171
00:07:20,905 --> 00:07:24,142
To one of the local high schools
for their career day.
172
00:07:24,143 --> 00:07:27,545
So what we're gonna do is,
we have to get 25 signatures
173
00:07:27,546 --> 00:07:29,747
By the end of the day,
or we don't get paid.
174
00:07:29,748 --> 00:07:31,482
- It should be easy.
- Yeah.
175
00:07:31,483 --> 00:07:33,384
- Plus, we're giving away
free magic sponges.
176
00:07:33,385 --> 00:07:34,819
You put them in water,
and they grow,
177
00:07:34,820 --> 00:07:38,189
And they become a sponge that
says, "help us clean up reno."
178
00:07:38,190 --> 00:07:40,725
It's just for fun.
It's just for later. They remember.
179
00:07:40,726 --> 00:07:42,861
- Yeah. They're at home washing
their hands, and they think,
180
00:07:42,862 --> 00:07:45,362
"oh, yeah. I signed up
for the police academy."
181
00:07:45,363 --> 00:07:49,367
- Today's army will give you
more of an opportunity
182
00:07:49,368 --> 00:07:52,136
And prepare you more for life
than anything else you can do.
183
00:07:52,137 --> 00:07:54,038
You can go to faraway
exotic places,
184
00:07:54,039 --> 00:07:55,373
Meet interesting people...
185
00:07:55,374 --> 00:07:57,241
[machine gun firing]
186
00:07:57,242 --> 00:07:58,609
And force
the american will on them--
187
00:07:58,610 --> 00:08:01,145
Democracy, liberty, justice.
188
00:08:01,146 --> 00:08:02,880
Does that sound like something
you guys would want to do?
189
00:08:02,881 --> 00:08:03,981
- Yeah!
190
00:08:03,982 --> 00:08:04,983
- Give me a "hoo-ha."
191
00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:06,584
- Hoo-ha!
- All right.
192
00:08:06,585 --> 00:08:09,120
- Sign up for
the sheriff's department.
193
00:08:11,189 --> 00:08:15,593
- Free sponges. Magic sponges.
194
00:08:15,594 --> 00:08:17,094
- One sponge per customer.
195
00:08:17,095 --> 00:08:19,697
- Hey, guys, welcome
to the peace corps table.
196
00:08:19,698 --> 00:08:21,232
I'm catalina.
197
00:08:21,233 --> 00:08:23,201
Just thought I'd
tell you a little bit about the organization.
198
00:08:23,202 --> 00:08:25,136
It's really incredible.
199
00:08:25,137 --> 00:08:27,271
We get a lot of celebrities,
200
00:08:27,272 --> 00:08:29,740
You know,
coming to work with us.
201
00:08:29,741 --> 00:08:31,775
And one time, I met bono.
202
00:08:31,776 --> 00:08:32,810
I know.
203
00:08:35,781 --> 00:08:38,849
- Is our sign upside down?
No. It's good.
204
00:08:47,893 --> 00:08:50,561
- Ok. Just tell us
exactly what happened.
205
00:08:50,562 --> 00:08:51,929
- Our daughter
has been kidnapped.
206
00:08:51,930 --> 00:08:53,932
We're in town for
the junior miss pageant
207
00:08:53,933 --> 00:08:57,501
At the convention center,
and we drove in from carson,
208
00:08:57,502 --> 00:08:59,203
And we turned our backs
for a second.
209
00:08:59,204 --> 00:09:00,471
- And how tall is she?
210
00:09:00,472 --> 00:09:02,940
- Dakota fanning's height.
- Which is what?
211
00:09:02,941 --> 00:09:04,742
- Which is around
whatever dakota fanning--
212
00:09:04,743 --> 00:09:07,011
You know, adorable.
Height--adorable.
213
00:09:07,012 --> 00:09:08,946
- What does she look like?
How old is she?
214
00:09:08,947 --> 00:09:10,481
- She's about 6, but she can--
215
00:09:10,482 --> 00:09:13,084
- She can play definitely around
4, and she can look older.
216
00:09:13,085 --> 00:09:14,985
If you put her in lifts,
she can do 8.
217
00:09:14,986 --> 00:09:16,487
So I would say
in a 4-and-8 range.
218
00:09:16,488 --> 00:09:18,255
- She's gone out for 8.
She had a callback.
219
00:09:18,256 --> 00:09:21,526
She's never booked 8,
but she can read 4 to 10.
220
00:09:21,527 --> 00:09:24,829
- On her birth certificate, what
year does it say she was born?
221
00:09:24,830 --> 00:09:26,564
- It says 7/4/99.
222
00:09:26,565 --> 00:09:28,065
- It says July--July 4.
223
00:09:28,066 --> 00:09:29,767
- Actually,
her real birthday is 7/5--
224
00:09:29,768 --> 00:09:31,368
- But July 4 is so much cuter.
225
00:09:31,369 --> 00:09:33,170
- Phyllis thought it would
be cute if it was the 4th.
226
00:09:33,171 --> 00:09:35,506
- Ok. I just need 1999.
That's all I need.
227
00:09:35,507 --> 00:09:37,742
- When I say "miss america,"
what day do you think of?
228
00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:39,043
July 5?
229
00:09:39,044 --> 00:09:40,378
- I think of our daughter's
birthday, which is July 5.
230
00:09:40,379 --> 00:09:41,445
- He works in a computer store.
I mean--"ha ha!"--boring.
231
00:09:41,446 --> 00:09:43,147
- Ok. What's your
daughter's name?
232
00:09:43,148 --> 00:09:44,682
- She goes by schk'ayler.
233
00:09:44,683 --> 00:09:47,385
- Oh, god. There's a note.
I'm so sorry. There's a note.
234
00:09:47,386 --> 00:09:49,520
- Oh, my god.
How could we forget?
235
00:09:49,521 --> 00:09:50,988
- Here. Here. The kidnappers--
236
00:09:50,989 --> 00:09:52,490
- I thought you gave that
to them already.
237
00:09:52,491 --> 00:09:55,492
- "mom and dad, I have run away.
238
00:09:55,493 --> 00:09:57,294
"don't try to follow me.
239
00:09:57,295 --> 00:09:59,196
Sorry. Love, lauren."
240
00:09:59,197 --> 00:10:00,631
- The kidnappers--
241
00:10:00,632 --> 00:10:02,633
- Wait. You said
her name was schk'ayler. This says lauren.
242
00:10:02,634 --> 00:10:03,935
- That's her real name.
243
00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:05,069
On her birth certificate,
it's lauren,
244
00:10:05,070 --> 00:10:06,437
But schk'ayler
is her professional name.
245
00:10:06,438 --> 00:10:09,273
- Ok. What does she answer to
if we yell to her?
246
00:10:09,274 --> 00:10:10,908
- Schk'ayler or lauren.
247
00:10:10,909 --> 00:10:16,180
- Schk'ayler.
S-c-h-k'a-y-l-e-r.
248
00:10:16,181 --> 00:10:18,315
- We're gonna go,
and we're gonna look for her.
249
00:10:18,316 --> 00:10:19,750
We're gonna call it in.
250
00:10:19,751 --> 00:10:22,319
We're gonna even do
an amber alert.
251
00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:25,122
- Could we maybe--
just to get the name out there,
252
00:10:25,123 --> 00:10:26,924
Could we make it
a schk'ayler alert?
253
00:10:26,925 --> 00:10:29,193
- No, we can't.
We can't, and we won't...
254
00:10:29,194 --> 00:10:30,694
- How did that amber
get that gig?
255
00:10:30,695 --> 00:10:32,063
- And we'll put the amber alert
256
00:10:32,064 --> 00:10:35,999
Out after about 5 p.M.,
if it takes that long, ok?
257
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:38,836
Jackasses.
258
00:10:43,208 --> 00:10:46,377
- How you doing, sweet pea?
- Hi, kitten.
259
00:10:46,378 --> 00:10:50,815
- You are so right.
Mommy and daddy are crazy.
260
00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:52,316
You know what we
gonna do, though?
261
00:10:52,317 --> 00:10:54,585
We're gonna take you
to get an ice cream. How about that?
262
00:10:54,586 --> 00:10:56,687
They don't let you
eat ice cream, do they?
263
00:10:56,688 --> 00:10:59,590
We're gonna fatten you up
before we take you back. How about that?
264
00:11:06,631 --> 00:11:09,000
[snoring]
265
00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:12,436
- Wangala nua.
266
00:11:12,437 --> 00:11:14,939
- Just do it the way
we did it before.
267
00:11:14,940 --> 00:11:17,174
This is our city hall.
268
00:11:17,175 --> 00:11:18,909
- This is the hall of the city.
269
00:11:18,910 --> 00:11:24,548
Our leader is in the interior
awaiting your excellency.
270
00:11:24,549 --> 00:11:27,017
- I think it sounds like
"blah blah blah" to him.
271
00:11:27,018 --> 00:11:30,420
Oh, yes.
Our natural horticulture.
272
00:11:30,421 --> 00:11:32,423
That's actually
a cigarette butt.
273
00:11:32,424 --> 00:11:36,661
- [inhales]
274
00:11:36,662 --> 00:11:40,598
- Ah, miss striker.
Perfect timing.
275
00:11:40,599 --> 00:11:41,832
- Welcome.
276
00:11:41,833 --> 00:11:44,135
On behalf of the mayor's office,
welcome to reno.
277
00:11:44,136 --> 00:11:46,803
Welcome. I'm miss striker.
278
00:11:46,804 --> 00:11:49,173
- Don't be alarmed.
It's a form of...
279
00:11:49,174 --> 00:11:50,441
- It's what they do.
280
00:11:50,442 --> 00:11:51,675
- Worship.
281
00:11:51,676 --> 00:11:54,678
- Come on. We're so excited
that you're here.
282
00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:56,614
- Mm!
- Ok. All right.
283
00:11:56,615 --> 00:11:58,682
- There we go. Ahh.
284
00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:02,553
- Sir?
- Are they gone?
285
00:12:02,554 --> 00:12:05,056
- Your honor? Your excellency?
286
00:12:12,030 --> 00:12:14,398
- No, no, no.
- Absolutely not.
287
00:12:14,399 --> 00:12:16,033
Not in a million years.
288
00:12:16,034 --> 00:12:17,468
- Really?
- Yeah.
289
00:12:17,469 --> 00:12:19,971
- Why? Why?
290
00:12:19,972 --> 00:12:21,572
- Come out of there.
291
00:12:21,573 --> 00:12:23,574
- Nobody take that booth.
That booth belongs to me.
292
00:12:27,412 --> 00:12:29,514
- Hello.
- Hi, ladies.
293
00:12:29,515 --> 00:12:31,515
- Hi.
- How we doing?
294
00:12:31,516 --> 00:12:34,285
- Not so good.
- We're having a little problem.
295
00:12:34,286 --> 00:12:37,154
- Oh, yeah?
- We can't figure this jack out.
296
00:12:37,155 --> 00:12:39,089
- You can't figure it out?
- Is this a jack?
297
00:12:39,090 --> 00:12:42,126
- Ha ha! Yes. It is a jack.
- You got a flat tire?
298
00:12:42,127 --> 00:12:43,961
- Yeah. Right here.
299
00:12:43,962 --> 00:12:45,596
- I'll just go ahead
and call a tow truck, then.
300
00:12:45,597 --> 00:12:46,897
- No. No, no, no, no, no.
301
00:12:46,898 --> 00:12:49,433
We don't--
I have a jack back here.
302
00:12:49,434 --> 00:12:52,736
I have a jack
in my trunk.
303
00:12:52,737 --> 00:12:55,005
Hey, calm down, ok?
304
00:12:55,006 --> 00:12:57,041
- Well, ok.
- We got this.
305
00:12:57,042 --> 00:12:59,510
Work with me.
Follow my lead, and...
306
00:12:59,511 --> 00:13:01,912
- I'm gonna show you where
your v-block is here.
307
00:13:01,913 --> 00:13:03,747
What your v-block is,
308
00:13:03,748 --> 00:13:05,082
Is that's where you're
gonna put your jack.
309
00:13:05,083 --> 00:13:08,286
Anywhere else on the car,
you're gonna damage the frame.
310
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:10,487
- How's that sound? Yeah.
- Well, hold on. Hold on.
311
00:13:10,488 --> 00:13:13,491
See, now, hear that? Hear that?
Now watch this.
312
00:13:13,492 --> 00:13:15,593
See this little doohickey
right here?
313
00:13:15,594 --> 00:13:17,428
It's connected to your
air filter and your carburetor.
314
00:13:17,429 --> 00:13:19,030
I'm just gonna twist that
a little bit.
315
00:13:19,031 --> 00:13:20,865
See the difference?
316
00:13:20,866 --> 00:13:23,100
- You guys are so nice.
- Oh, no, no, no.
317
00:13:23,101 --> 00:13:24,335
- Thank you so much.
318
00:13:24,336 --> 00:13:25,502
I don't know
what we would've done.
319
00:13:25,503 --> 00:13:27,038
- No. Don't worry
about it, you know?
320
00:13:27,039 --> 00:13:28,405
That's what we do, you know?
321
00:13:28,406 --> 00:13:31,775
You guys pay taxes for us to,
you know, help you guys out.
322
00:13:31,776 --> 00:13:33,243
- Pretty clean now.
- No.
323
00:13:33,244 --> 00:13:36,047
You better do it
a little bit more.
324
00:13:40,418 --> 00:13:42,486
- Welcome to reno's finest,
heywood.
325
00:13:42,487 --> 00:13:45,356
Heywood jablowme.
326
00:13:49,460 --> 00:13:51,095
Real cute.
- That was awkward.
327
00:13:51,096 --> 00:13:53,297
- Real cute.
What have we got here?
328
00:13:53,298 --> 00:13:54,665
- We got a lot of names.
329
00:13:54,666 --> 00:13:56,367
- We got ben dover.
- Yeah?
330
00:13:56,368 --> 00:14:01,472
- We got fartie lange,
dick gozinia.
331
00:14:01,473 --> 00:14:03,340
The hamburglar.
332
00:14:03,341 --> 00:14:05,242
- Yeah. I don't know
if that one is for real.
333
00:14:05,243 --> 00:14:07,077
- Yeah.
- Who threw the frisbee?
334
00:14:07,078 --> 00:14:08,779
- Excuse me?
- Whose frisbee is this?
335
00:14:08,780 --> 00:14:10,280
Does it belong to you?
336
00:14:10,281 --> 00:14:11,882
- It belongs to our table,
but no one here threw it.
337
00:14:11,883 --> 00:14:13,784
- Please control
your frisbees, ma'am, ok,
338
00:14:13,785 --> 00:14:15,353
Because it wound up over there.
339
00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:18,155
That's sensitive, delicate,
expensive army equipment.
340
00:14:18,156 --> 00:14:20,357
- Right. Why don't you
control your military
341
00:14:20,358 --> 00:14:22,993
So that they stop killing
civilians and innocent children?
342
00:14:22,994 --> 00:14:24,661
- Why don't you go hug a tree?
343
00:14:24,662 --> 00:14:26,364
Lady, before you start
flapping your cakehole,
344
00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:28,332
I can kill you with this frisbee
33 different ways.
345
00:14:28,333 --> 00:14:30,400
- Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight!
346
00:14:30,401 --> 00:14:32,970
- That's interesting.
- We get to kill people, too.
347
00:14:32,971 --> 00:14:36,273
Sign up. 18-week course.
You get to carry a gun.
348
00:14:36,274 --> 00:14:39,343
- You should try to promote
friendship and peace.
349
00:14:39,344 --> 00:14:41,312
- We have 47,000 american troops
350
00:14:41,313 --> 00:14:43,947
In sri lanka right now
doing exactly that.
351
00:14:43,948 --> 00:14:45,883
It's a peacekeeping
humanitarian effort.
352
00:14:45,884 --> 00:14:47,551
No guns, sister.
353
00:14:47,552 --> 00:14:50,321
- Excuse me.
We have 17 people working in our station right now,
354
00:14:50,322 --> 00:14:53,056
Except two are out
on maternity leave.
355
00:14:53,057 --> 00:14:55,693
It's a great opportunity
to meet people
356
00:14:55,694 --> 00:14:57,795
And talk on telephones
and drive cars.
357
00:14:57,796 --> 00:14:59,430
- Keep the peace
in your own streets
358
00:14:59,431 --> 00:15:01,365
And shoot at people
who are americans.
359
00:15:01,366 --> 00:15:02,466
- Damn right.
360
00:15:11,176 --> 00:15:13,010
- So you're 21.
- Yeah.
361
00:15:13,011 --> 00:15:14,411
- Just turned.
- Just turned?
362
00:15:14,412 --> 00:15:16,480
Wow, that's a fun age.
- I know.
363
00:15:16,481 --> 00:15:17,748
- Are you gonna do
a little drinking?
364
00:15:17,749 --> 00:15:19,850
- How old are you? 42?
365
00:15:19,851 --> 00:15:21,351
[hip-hop music playing]
366
00:15:21,352 --> 00:15:23,420
- Ok. Here's left. Left.
367
00:15:23,421 --> 00:15:24,588
- Yeah. Ok.
368
00:15:24,589 --> 00:15:25,856
- Ok?
- Ok.
369
00:15:25,857 --> 00:15:27,157
- Now I'm gonna
dial it up right.
370
00:15:27,158 --> 00:15:28,692
Right, right, right.
371
00:15:28,693 --> 00:15:30,027
- Yeah. Yep. That's--
- good.
372
00:15:30,028 --> 00:15:31,528
- What do you guys think?
Does that sound good?
373
00:15:31,529 --> 00:15:33,063
- That sounds better. Yeah.
374
00:15:33,064 --> 00:15:35,232
- Ok. Here we go.
Here we go with the fader.
375
00:15:35,233 --> 00:15:37,167
Here we go. There we go
with the fader right there.
376
00:15:37,168 --> 00:15:39,503
Got it?
- Yeah. Oh, yeah.
377
00:15:39,504 --> 00:15:41,004
Yes, yes, yes.
- Wow.
378
00:15:41,005 --> 00:15:42,105
- That's how it fires.
379
00:15:42,106 --> 00:15:43,374
Go ahead and fire one
into the hillside there.
380
00:15:43,375 --> 00:15:44,808
- Really?
- Yeah. Go ahead.
381
00:15:44,809 --> 00:15:45,842
- Go ahead.
382
00:15:45,843 --> 00:15:46,844
[gunshot]
383
00:15:46,845 --> 00:15:48,078
- Whoa. Ok.
384
00:15:48,079 --> 00:15:49,180
- I don't know.
385
00:15:49,181 --> 00:15:50,881
You guys should
meet up with us, though. Yeah.
386
00:15:50,882 --> 00:15:53,550
- Do you have a pen?
- Oh, yeah.
387
00:15:53,551 --> 00:15:56,186
Do I have a pen? Come on, now.
388
00:15:56,187 --> 00:15:58,588
- Put it in your pocket for you.
- Oh. Well, yeah.
389
00:15:58,589 --> 00:16:00,423
- There you go.
- Ha ha ha!
390
00:16:00,424 --> 00:16:02,393
- All right.
Well, it was nice meeting you.
391
00:16:02,394 --> 00:16:04,528
- Well, it was good to meet you.
- Nice to meet you. Thank you.
392
00:16:04,529 --> 00:16:06,463
- Ok.
- Bye-bye, ladies.
393
00:16:06,464 --> 00:16:10,100
- Bye-bye.
- Bye, edie. Bye, jada.
394
00:16:10,101 --> 00:16:12,403
All right. There you go.
395
00:16:12,404 --> 00:16:15,239
- Yeah. Ha ha!
396
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:16,607
You.
397
00:16:16,608 --> 00:16:19,376
- We got an a.P.B.
For a 2005 red dodge viper,
398
00:16:19,377 --> 00:16:21,244
Two caucasian women,
399
00:16:21,245 --> 00:16:25,349
Nevada license--
charlie, roger, henry, 5-7-6.
400
00:16:25,350 --> 00:16:28,252
- Wait, uh...
- Uh...
401
00:16:28,253 --> 00:16:33,357
- Get the--
- they got my keys.
402
00:16:33,358 --> 00:16:35,459
Got my keys.
403
00:16:35,460 --> 00:16:36,760
- Our shirts are in there.
404
00:16:42,734 --> 00:16:43,734
[machine gun firing]
405
00:16:43,735 --> 00:16:45,235
- Ha ha ha!
406
00:16:45,236 --> 00:16:49,105
- Take that, you motherfucking
cocksucker!
407
00:16:49,106 --> 00:16:52,176
I ought to blow
your fucking brains out.
408
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:53,377
- There you go.
409
00:16:53,378 --> 00:16:56,479
- Ha ha ha! This is fun.
This is fun.
410
00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:59,749
- Or jambo, actually,
as we say in kenya.
411
00:16:59,750 --> 00:17:01,952
That's south african for "hi."
412
00:17:01,953 --> 00:17:05,522
So you can learn
other languages, too, and--
413
00:17:05,523 --> 00:17:07,724
- What a day, huh? What a day.
414
00:17:07,725 --> 00:17:09,226
- Actually, I was trying
to save the pizza
415
00:17:09,227 --> 00:17:11,661
For people who sign up,
but, um--
416
00:17:11,662 --> 00:17:14,532
- I think it's great, what you
chicks are doing, you know?
417
00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:18,601
I really believe
in, like, all that, uh...
418
00:17:18,602 --> 00:17:20,670
Singing across borders
419
00:17:20,671 --> 00:17:23,407
And teaching
the little orientals how to play basketball.
420
00:17:23,408 --> 00:17:26,910
I think, you know, you do--
I'm into all that shit.
421
00:17:26,911 --> 00:17:28,946
- Thanks. Actually, we--
422
00:17:28,947 --> 00:17:33,017
We do a lot more than
teach sports to orientals,
423
00:17:33,018 --> 00:17:35,085
And, actually, they prefer
to be called asian.
424
00:17:35,086 --> 00:17:37,654
Oriental, um--
you would call this oriental.
425
00:17:37,655 --> 00:17:39,523
Oriental is a thing,
not a person.
426
00:17:39,524 --> 00:17:40,991
- I don't like to think
that way.
427
00:17:40,992 --> 00:17:42,526
I like to think
of them as people.
428
00:17:46,564 --> 00:17:49,934
- You know, teachers
get the exact same
429
00:17:49,935 --> 00:17:52,669
Medical and dental that we get.
430
00:17:52,670 --> 00:17:56,740
- Yeah. That's--
I mean, I always thought about be a teacher.
431
00:17:56,741 --> 00:17:58,308
- I'm not great
with kids, I guess.
432
00:17:58,309 --> 00:18:00,010
- Yeah.
433
00:18:00,011 --> 00:18:03,213
- You know, if I'm gonna be
around...People with guns,
434
00:18:03,214 --> 00:18:05,248
I'd rather be armed.
435
00:18:05,249 --> 00:18:08,419
- Yeah. Isn't that the truth?
436
00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:10,453
- Have a good flight
back to wanganui now.
437
00:18:10,454 --> 00:18:12,256
- Mm.
438
00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:13,657
- Your excellency.
439
00:18:13,658 --> 00:18:15,058
- We got half, uh...
440
00:18:15,059 --> 00:18:16,292
- Yeah.
We got about 30 minutes.
441
00:18:16,293 --> 00:18:17,761
- Yeah.
- Wonderful.
442
00:18:17,762 --> 00:18:20,764
Car is this way.
Your excellenc--oh, dear.
443
00:18:20,765 --> 00:18:22,265
Where'd he go? Hey! Hey!
444
00:18:22,266 --> 00:18:24,434
- No, no, no, no, no.
445
00:18:24,435 --> 00:18:25,769
- Ok.
446
00:18:25,770 --> 00:18:30,840
[dripping]
447
00:18:30,841 --> 00:18:33,209
- "bush."
448
00:18:42,754 --> 00:18:45,255
- Ow!
449
00:18:45,256 --> 00:18:49,260
- Did I hear you say that
you were in peru in '03?
450
00:18:49,261 --> 00:18:50,861
- Yeah. I was in peru in '03.
451
00:18:50,862 --> 00:18:52,062
- Because I was there.
452
00:18:52,063 --> 00:18:53,531
- Really?
- Yeah.
453
00:18:53,532 --> 00:18:55,999
We were on that
irrigation mission, you know?
454
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:57,300
We were trying to--
455
00:18:57,301 --> 00:19:00,504
- We were sanitizing the water
for the irrigation mission.
456
00:19:00,505 --> 00:19:02,273
I mean, you couldn't
probably see me.
457
00:19:02,274 --> 00:19:04,308
I was in camouflage,
but I was there.
458
00:19:04,309 --> 00:19:06,377
- I have to admit, I had no idea
459
00:19:06,378 --> 00:19:08,678
That the army
did that kind of thing.
460
00:19:08,679 --> 00:19:10,580
- Absolutely.
- I'm really impressed.
461
00:19:10,581 --> 00:19:12,081
- Really?
- Yeah.
462
00:19:12,082 --> 00:19:16,386
I mean, would you be interested
in getting a...Tea, or--
463
00:19:16,387 --> 00:19:18,789
You probably drink coffee.
I could try it.
464
00:19:18,790 --> 00:19:20,424
- Yeah. I do drink coffee.
465
00:19:20,425 --> 00:19:23,259
- Yeah? We could do, like,
an herbal tea/coffee thing.
466
00:19:23,260 --> 00:19:24,595
- That would be fun.
- Yeah.
467
00:19:24,596 --> 00:19:26,664
- You're not allergic
to latex, are you?
468
00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:28,399
- No...
469
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:29,566
- All right.
470
00:19:29,567 --> 00:19:30,800
- Not that I know.
471
00:19:30,801 --> 00:19:32,102
- I, uh...
472
00:19:32,103 --> 00:19:36,006
I don't know if I can
abandon my post, really.
473
00:19:36,007 --> 00:19:38,375
- We'll watch stuff for you,
if you want.
474
00:19:38,376 --> 00:19:39,843
- Would you?
- Yeah.
475
00:19:39,844 --> 00:19:41,445
Nobody'll try anything
with us here.
476
00:19:41,446 --> 00:19:42,713
It's what we do.
477
00:19:42,714 --> 00:19:44,948
- Thank you. Ok.
So let's go get that drink.
478
00:19:44,949 --> 00:19:46,416
- Great. Thanks a lot.
479
00:19:46,417 --> 00:19:48,686
- Ok. We'll see you later.
480
00:19:50,588 --> 00:19:52,590
- Go. Go.
481
00:20:03,101 --> 00:20:05,703
- Your excellency.
- Your excellency.
482
00:20:05,704 --> 00:20:07,671
- Reno/tahoe--
no. Don't--
483
00:20:07,672 --> 00:20:10,640
Don't touch that!
Your excellency.
484
00:20:10,641 --> 00:20:15,411
We have been greatly honored
by your visit...
485
00:20:15,412 --> 00:20:17,981
And now we must part ways.
486
00:20:17,982 --> 00:20:22,186
- Thank you for the honor,
your--ohh.
487
00:20:22,187 --> 00:20:25,288
- Fuck it. Goddamn.
Ok. Last time. Last time.
488
00:20:25,289 --> 00:20:27,858
Ok. Very good. No, no.
We did it.
489
00:20:27,859 --> 00:20:29,793
We already did it. Very good.
Big medicine. Bye-bye.
490
00:20:29,794 --> 00:20:31,461
- Iron bird.
Iron bird will leave.
491
00:20:31,462 --> 00:20:33,497
No! No!
He's going the wrong way.
492
00:20:33,498 --> 00:20:35,598
- Ok. Let's go.
- Well...
493
00:20:35,599 --> 00:20:36,967
- He'll figure it out.
- We got him here safe.
494
00:20:36,968 --> 00:20:38,802
- Yeah. Hey...
495
00:20:38,803 --> 00:20:40,570
[chuckles]
496
00:20:40,571 --> 00:20:42,305
Is the circus in town?
497
00:20:42,306 --> 00:20:44,174
- Ha ha ha!
498
00:20:44,175 --> 00:20:45,742
"ooga-booga-booga.
499
00:20:45,743 --> 00:20:47,510
Uhh-uhh."
500
00:20:47,511 --> 00:20:50,247
Ha ha ha!
501
00:20:50,248 --> 00:20:52,715
Ha ha! Ohh, man.
502
00:20:52,716 --> 00:20:55,218
- What's up, blood?
503
00:20:55,219 --> 00:20:57,454
"take me to--
must eat fay wray."
504
00:20:57,455 --> 00:20:58,822
- "please bring spear."
505
00:20:58,823 --> 00:21:00,156
[both chuckle]
506
00:21:00,157 --> 00:21:03,160
Captioning made possible by
mtv networks
507
00:21:03,161 --> 00:21:05,528
- Giving any
hitler hand jobs later, sir?
508
00:21:05,529 --> 00:21:06,797
- Ok, first of all--
all right--
509
00:21:06,798 --> 00:21:08,998
Dropping the h-bomb
at the top--uncomfortable.
510
00:21:08,999 --> 00:21:10,734
Right now,
both of you--
511
00:21:10,735 --> 00:21:12,369
Freebies,
for realsies.
512
00:21:12,370 --> 00:21:14,338
You and me--
one smooch.
513
00:21:14,339 --> 00:21:16,806
You and me--
one smooch, no cost.
514
00:21:16,807 --> 00:21:18,975
- You and us--
no smooch.
515
00:21:18,976 --> 00:21:22,913
- I'm this close
to really laying one on you, ok,
516
00:21:22,914 --> 00:21:25,716
Because it's tempting--
it's tempting--
517
00:21:25,717 --> 00:21:29,386
But I think it might
be the cheeto crumbs in your beard,
518
00:21:29,387 --> 00:21:31,721
But I've got to say
not today.
519
00:21:31,722 --> 00:21:32,990
- I have a comb.
520
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:37,590
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