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1
00:00:12,834 --> 00:00:14,234
[ Siren wails ]
2
00:00:14,334 --> 00:00:17,501
Yeah, 11, Charlie, uh, 51,
uh, coming in Reno.
3
00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:20,801
We're, uh, chasing suspect.
Firing at vehicle.
4
00:00:20,901 --> 00:00:23,367
Jones returning fire
and missing!
5
00:00:23,467 --> 00:00:25,634
Whoa-ho-ho! Whoa-ho!
Damn it!
6
00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:27,834
Hey, here,
you want my clip?
7
00:00:27,934 --> 00:00:30,200
Hold the wheel.
Hold the wheel.
8
00:00:30,300 --> 00:00:31,200
Whoo!
9
00:00:31,300 --> 00:00:32,868
[ Gunshots ]
10
00:00:32,968 --> 00:00:35,300
Whoa, there you are!
11
00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:37,267
Whoa! Look out!
12
00:00:37,367 --> 00:00:38,267
[ Crash ]
13
00:00:38,367 --> 00:00:40,200
[ Siren wails ]
14
00:00:43,501 --> 00:00:46,601
Oh-ho! Ohh-h-h!
15
00:00:52,033 --> 00:00:54,234
Aah! Aah! Aah!
16
00:00:54,334 --> 00:00:56,367
Hey, dog. Yeah.
17
00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:04,667
Ho, ho! Ho!
18
00:01:14,567 --> 00:01:16,133
[ Siren wailing ]
19
00:01:21,534 --> 00:01:23,868
Oh, wow.
There he is, huh?
20
00:01:23,968 --> 00:01:28,267
Okay, gang, I just got off the
phone with Carson city,
21
00:01:28,367 --> 00:01:31,267
and it's true the FBI
is coming in
22
00:01:31,367 --> 00:01:34,400
to take a look at
the investigation.
23
00:01:34,501 --> 00:01:37,501
So please promise me the most
important thing ...
24
00:01:37,601 --> 00:01:40,801
Let's not act like dicks
in front of the FBI, okay?
25
00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:43,734
We're gonna be law-enforcement
professionals.
26
00:01:43,834 --> 00:01:45,567
Gimme a "yes, sir."
Come on.
27
00:01:45,667 --> 00:01:47,367
Yes, sir.
Yes, siryes, siryes, sir.
28
00:01:47,467 --> 00:01:49,067
Thank you. Thank you.
[ Sighs ]
29
00:01:49,167 --> 00:01:50,701
It kind of looks like
he's got a boner.
30
00:01:50,801 --> 00:01:52,100
[ Laughter ]
31
00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:53,334
Let's look and see.
32
00:01:53,434 --> 00:01:54,834
No, no, no, no, no!
33
00:01:54,934 --> 00:01:57,234
Don't touch anything
until the FBI's here.
34
00:01:57,334 --> 00:01:59,868
Speak of the devil.
Let's get into ranks.
35
00:01:59,968 --> 00:02:02,067
Form into ranks.
Form into ranks.
36
00:02:02,167 --> 00:02:04,133
What do you mean?
Like, a line?
37
00:02:04,234 --> 00:02:06,734
Well, like ranks.
No, no, I don't mean ...
38
00:02:06,834 --> 00:02:09,033
I just mean ...
Like a professional.
39
00:02:09,133 --> 00:02:11,801
Don't do a conga line.
Do like a ...
40
00:02:11,901 --> 00:02:14,667
Just stand in a ...
That looks stupid.
41
00:02:14,767 --> 00:02:17,300
We look stupid.
Okay, here we go.
42
00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:20,434
All right, good work, team.
Good evening.
43
00:02:20,534 --> 00:02:21,834
No need to salute.
44
00:02:21,934 --> 00:02:24,367
I'm agent Cowan.
This is agent Richards.
45
00:02:24,467 --> 00:02:26,300
Hi, I'm lieutenant Dangle
and this is ...
46
00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:27,901
Should I go through...?
No need.
47
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:31,567
Um...So...
48
00:02:31,667 --> 00:02:34,167
There's the guy, I guess.
49
00:02:34,267 --> 00:02:36,467
That's why we're here.
50
00:02:36,567 --> 00:02:37,767
Yeah. Duh.
51
00:02:37,868 --> 00:02:39,934
So, what we're gonna need
you guys to do
52
00:02:40,033 --> 00:02:42,767
is get on the other side of that
tape and secure the perimeter.
53
00:02:42,868 --> 00:02:45,200
Go stand on the other side
of the tape?
54
00:02:45,300 --> 00:02:47,000
Okay, I got it.
I'm sorry.
55
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:49,834
Yeah, so we'll just go over
there and do, uh...
56
00:02:49,934 --> 00:02:52,334
Thank you for leaping
over the evidence.
57
00:02:52,434 --> 00:02:54,467
I want to get
some pictures here.
58
00:02:54,567 --> 00:02:56,133
I want to lift some prints.
59
00:02:56,234 --> 00:02:58,534
I want you to check the treads
on the sneaks.
60
00:02:58,634 --> 00:03:00,701
I want to hear about it
right away.
61
00:03:00,801 --> 00:03:04,167
The thing is, I just don't see
what's so great about the FBI.
62
00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:06,801
I know everybody here gets a,
you know ...
63
00:03:06,901 --> 00:03:08,934
A boner every time
they come by.
64
00:03:09,033 --> 00:03:11,267
Um, what's so great
about it?
65
00:03:11,367 --> 00:03:15,501
They wear suits and handle
the fluids of dead people, okay.
66
00:03:15,601 --> 00:03:17,467
Um, that is not sexy to me.
67
00:03:17,567 --> 00:03:21,400
Uh, I like being in the streets
with the common people.
68
00:03:21,501 --> 00:03:23,133
I like driving the car.
69
00:03:23,234 --> 00:03:26,667
And I'm not going through
that background check.
70
00:03:26,767 --> 00:03:27,968
Forget about it.
71
00:03:28,067 --> 00:03:30,901
[ Speaking indistinctly ]
72
00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:33,100
Well, uh...
73
00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:36,234
Perimeter's, uh...
74
00:03:36,334 --> 00:03:38,434
Thank you.
We appreciate that.
75
00:03:38,534 --> 00:03:39,868
Secure, I guess.
76
00:03:39,968 --> 00:03:42,667
We've a very important job
for you guys.
77
00:03:42,767 --> 00:03:47,133
We're gonna need two large
latte's, one 2%, one nonfat.
78
00:03:47,234 --> 00:03:50,901
We're gonna need a small,
easy mocha-mocha,
79
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,300
very little whip.
80
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,767
We're gonna need three
café au laits ...
81
00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:58,334
One with vanilla, one with
cinnamon, one with chocolate.
82
00:03:58,434 --> 00:03:59,801
Two ice coffees ...
83
00:03:59,901 --> 00:04:02,501
One dark, one with heavy sugar,
light cream.
84
00:04:02,601 --> 00:04:04,501
Wait, that's, like,
20 coffees.
85
00:04:04,601 --> 00:04:07,133
Oh, no, that's the kind
that goes in the...
86
00:04:07,234 --> 00:04:09,000
Exactly.
I got it. I got it.
87
00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:11,033
Wonderful.
Thank you very much.
88
00:04:11,133 --> 00:04:12,667
Good work.
Right, uh...
89
00:04:12,767 --> 00:04:15,067
Is that more coffee than ...
No, no, no.
90
00:04:15,167 --> 00:04:18,567
She said it weird because it is
the right amount of coffees,
91
00:04:18,667 --> 00:04:21,267
but she said what's in them
in a weird order.
92
00:04:21,367 --> 00:04:23,334
Did you remember
what they were?
93
00:04:23,434 --> 00:04:25,367
I wasn't even
paying attention.
94
00:04:25,467 --> 00:04:27,567
Nobody even makes
that around here.
95
00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:30,200
Obviously, it was blah,
blah, blah to me.
96
00:04:32,901 --> 00:04:34,434
Having the FBI in town
97
00:04:34,534 --> 00:04:37,000
is a little bit like being
chaperoned, you know?
98
00:04:37,100 --> 00:04:39,434
And I don't feel like we need
a chaperone.
99
00:04:39,534 --> 00:04:42,567
I feel like we're perfectly
capable at enforcing the law.
100
00:04:42,667 --> 00:04:44,100
We have a mission today.
101
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:46,167
We have this kind of junky,
old microwave.
102
00:04:46,267 --> 00:04:47,634
It does not work very well,
103
00:04:47,734 --> 00:04:49,534
and it smells like
spaghetti sauce.
104
00:04:49,634 --> 00:04:51,434
We've had it for about
five years.
105
00:04:51,534 --> 00:04:53,534
It cooks things
about halfway through.
106
00:04:53,634 --> 00:04:56,000
And the county will not give us
a new microwave
107
00:04:56,100 --> 00:04:58,000
until this one
is officially broken.
108
00:04:58,100 --> 00:05:01,100
So, without further ado.
109
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:03,067
Honey,
this is the last time
110
00:05:03,167 --> 00:05:05,400
you will ever burn a bag
of my popcorn.
111
00:05:05,501 --> 00:05:07,501
Okay,
let's break the microwave.
112
00:05:07,601 --> 00:05:10,367
This magic pop is gonna get
this thing to break.
113
00:05:10,467 --> 00:05:13,367
You're never supposed to put
metal in a microwave,
114
00:05:13,467 --> 00:05:15,300
so this should do it.
Let's see.
115
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:18,033
Get away, get away,
get away, get away!
116
00:05:22,100 --> 00:05:23,334
No, it burned a little bit.
117
00:05:23,434 --> 00:05:25,734
Throw in some marshmallows.
118
00:05:32,334 --> 00:05:33,767
Pretty good.
119
00:05:33,868 --> 00:05:37,501
And if it doesn't work, at least
it'll be kind of yummy.
120
00:05:41,934 --> 00:05:43,601
I got a grenade.
121
00:05:43,701 --> 00:05:45,634
You have a grenade?
122
00:05:45,734 --> 00:05:47,234
That'll do it.
123
00:05:47,334 --> 00:05:48,601
Absolutely.
124
00:05:48,701 --> 00:05:51,234
It's worth a shot, right?
125
00:05:58,901 --> 00:05:59,801
Contact.
126
00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:01,467
Fire in the hole!
127
00:06:01,567 --> 00:06:03,501
[ Engine turns over ]
128
00:06:03,601 --> 00:06:04,901
Oh-ho!
129
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:06,167
Whoo!
130
00:06:06,267 --> 00:06:07,334
Wow!
131
00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:08,934
Microwave! Yes!
132
00:06:09,033 --> 00:06:12,000
A new microwave
is on the way!
133
00:06:12,100 --> 00:06:13,767
Is that tear gas?
134
00:06:13,868 --> 00:06:15,100
[ Coughing ]
135
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:17,567
You put tear gas in there?
136
00:06:17,667 --> 00:06:22,067
[ Siren wails ]
137
00:06:22,167 --> 00:06:23,400
Halt! Freeze!
138
00:06:23,501 --> 00:06:25,667
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Where you going, sir?
139
00:06:25,767 --> 00:06:28,534
Oh, I'm glad you all showed up.
Thank goodness, man.
140
00:06:28,634 --> 00:06:30,100
Uh, somebody came in here.
141
00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:32,300
I think something awful
happened in here.
142
00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:33,801
Somebody robbed this place.
143
00:06:33,901 --> 00:06:35,834
What are you doing
with money, sir?
144
00:06:35,934 --> 00:06:37,968
Why do you have money
in your pocket?
145
00:06:38,067 --> 00:06:39,901
W-what's that?
It's money, sir.
146
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,767
This ... this ... this money ...
This my money right here.
147
00:06:42,868 --> 00:06:45,167
You got anything else
we should know about?
148
00:06:45,267 --> 00:06:46,868
Me?
Yeah, what do you got?
149
00:06:46,968 --> 00:06:48,934
Yeah, I have a gun.
Yeah, you do.
150
00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:51,601
Why do you have a weapon, sir?
Is that yours?
151
00:06:51,701 --> 00:06:54,434
No, that's ... that's not my gun.
That's not mine.
152
00:06:54,534 --> 00:06:55,701
That's not your gun?
153
00:06:55,801 --> 00:06:57,133
No, I got it. I had it.
154
00:06:57,234 --> 00:06:59,334
I'm gonna be honest
with you all.
155
00:06:59,434 --> 00:07:01,434
I had it,
but that's not my gun.
156
00:07:01,534 --> 00:07:03,334
No, I-I-I didn't rob
this at all.
157
00:07:03,434 --> 00:07:05,400
The ones that did it,
they ... they was like,
158
00:07:05,501 --> 00:07:07,667
"aw, hey, you want to rob
this store with me?"
159
00:07:07,767 --> 00:07:09,634
I was like, "no, man.
I can't do that.
160
00:07:09,734 --> 00:07:12,000
The police, they don't like
that kind of stuff."
161
00:07:12,100 --> 00:07:14,100
They was like,
"[Bleep] the police."
162
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:16,000
They said,
"[Bleep] the police"?
163
00:07:16,100 --> 00:07:18,100
They said,
"[Bleep] officer Garcia."
164
00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:20,000
They said,
"[Bleep] officer"...?
165
00:07:20,100 --> 00:07:22,000
Were they colored?
They was black.
166
00:07:22,100 --> 00:07:24,300
It was five of them ...
Five black dudes.
167
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:26,901
You probably could still catch
them over there.
168
00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:29,434
There they go,
and they're stupid.
169
00:07:29,534 --> 00:07:31,033
[ Sighs ]
170
00:07:31,133 --> 00:07:34,734
Good thing you all showed up.
I'm ... I'm gonna go home.
171
00:07:34,834 --> 00:07:37,334
No, you're not.
You ain't going home.
172
00:07:37,434 --> 00:07:40,033
You know I got to bring you in,
right?
173
00:07:40,133 --> 00:07:42,501
I don't know that.
174
00:07:50,701 --> 00:07:54,834
If I were in the FBI,
I'd be in a lot of situations
175
00:07:54,934 --> 00:07:57,901
where the chief or whoever
is like,
176
00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:02,067
"you rolled the dice,
and you lost this time, Jim.
177
00:08:02,167 --> 00:08:05,334
You're off the case."
And then, uh...
178
00:08:05,434 --> 00:08:06,801
In some kind of way,
179
00:08:06,901 --> 00:08:09,534
you would just figure out
and solve the crime.
180
00:08:09,634 --> 00:08:12,567
Yeah, later when I'm doing
sit-ups or something,
181
00:08:12,667 --> 00:08:15,400
I'd think, "Wait a second.
Why wasn't the ...
182
00:08:15,501 --> 00:08:18,567
Why wasn't the gun in the other
hand or something?"
183
00:08:18,667 --> 00:08:20,534
No, I feel like
I'm FBI ma...
184
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:23,100
At least, maybe I'm
FBI movie material.
185
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:26,934
As far as joining the FBI
is concerned,
186
00:08:27,033 --> 00:08:29,100
let's put it this way,
187
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:33,567
I failed a test to be
a member of a book club.
188
00:08:33,667 --> 00:08:35,167
Thanks for coming
so quickly.
189
00:08:35,267 --> 00:08:37,067
Not a problem, sir.
What's going on?
190
00:08:37,167 --> 00:08:40,567
I just was assaulted just now
by two youths,
191
00:08:40,667 --> 00:08:43,734
and, um, they knocked me
over my chair,
192
00:08:43,834 --> 00:08:45,801
and they stole my snow cone
193
00:08:45,901 --> 00:08:48,567
that I wasn't even
finished with.
194
00:08:48,667 --> 00:08:50,934
What kind of snow cone
are we talking about?
195
00:08:51,033 --> 00:08:53,734
It was the rainbow one with the
fourth of July colors.
196
00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:56,200
They're only seasonal, too,
this time of year.
197
00:08:56,300 --> 00:08:58,133
Yeah, you can't get them
all year.
198
00:08:58,234 --> 00:09:00,234
Finally you get one,
and this happens.
199
00:09:00,334 --> 00:09:01,968
You must've only eaten
the top
200
00:09:02,067 --> 00:09:04,033
because I see your lips
are not blue.
201
00:09:04,133 --> 00:09:06,434
Right. I didn't get to the blue
or the white.
202
00:09:06,534 --> 00:09:08,334
What is your name,
first of all?
203
00:09:08,434 --> 00:09:10,567
My name is Craig.
Hi, Craig. I'm Trudy.
204
00:09:10,667 --> 00:09:13,501
Trudy, nice to meet you.
Craig's my favorite boy name.
205
00:09:13,601 --> 00:09:14,868
Really? That's nice.
206
00:09:14,968 --> 00:09:16,801
No one's ever said that
to me before.
207
00:09:16,901 --> 00:09:19,100
You have a kitty cat there.
Do you have cats?
208
00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:20,767
I love cats.
I have a houseful.
209
00:09:20,868 --> 00:09:22,767
Do you love cats?
I've got seven cats.
210
00:09:22,868 --> 00:09:24,300
You have seven cats?!
211
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:26,400
Yeah, they're all the hairless
kind, though,
212
00:09:26,501 --> 00:09:28,834
because I'm allergic to most
kind of dander.
213
00:09:28,934 --> 00:09:31,634
Those are my favorite kind,
but I can't afford them.
214
00:09:31,734 --> 00:09:33,734
Well, I put most of my money
in that.
215
00:09:33,834 --> 00:09:36,100
I smell a snow-cone date
coming.
216
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:37,534
That's what I smell.
217
00:09:37,634 --> 00:09:39,934
I just got out of
a relationship.
218
00:09:40,033 --> 00:09:43,734
Do you date people that you
have to come in contact with?
219
00:09:43,834 --> 00:09:45,501
Is that something you do?
220
00:09:45,601 --> 00:09:49,934
You know, Trudy is off on
Thursday and Friday nights.
221
00:09:50,033 --> 00:09:51,234
Oh, really?
222
00:09:51,334 --> 00:09:53,367
Fyi, I don't know what
your schedule is.
223
00:09:53,467 --> 00:09:56,434
And she just got a VCR,
so...
224
00:09:56,534 --> 00:09:59,634
I did, actually.
I got a combo.
225
00:09:59,734 --> 00:10:02,701
I got a 15-inch combo
VCR/TV.
226
00:10:02,801 --> 00:10:06,000
I just got the "saved by the
bell" tapes, the whole series,
227
00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:08,133
and I don't have a VCR
to watch it.
228
00:10:08,234 --> 00:10:10,267
Do you want to finish taking
this down,
229
00:10:10,367 --> 00:10:12,601
and then you can just slip him
your number?
230
00:10:12,701 --> 00:10:14,734
Oh, I don't have to give him
my number.
231
00:10:14,834 --> 00:10:15,901
He can call 911.
232
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,634
I'll give you a call then.
233
00:10:17,734 --> 00:10:20,067
Call 911, and when they say,
"what's your emergency?"
234
00:10:20,167 --> 00:10:21,467
Say, "is Trudy there?"
235
00:10:21,567 --> 00:10:23,234
Okay, and they'll patch me
through.
236
00:10:23,334 --> 00:10:25,534
And if I'm out on a call,
have them get me.
237
00:10:25,634 --> 00:10:27,734
'Cause I can always be
called off a call.
238
00:10:27,834 --> 00:10:29,701
Nothing really happens
in this town
239
00:10:29,801 --> 00:10:31,267
that I need to be there for.
240
00:10:38,801 --> 00:10:41,868
I will give you $50,
Dangle, per second
241
00:10:41,968 --> 00:10:45,767
that you could stick your head
under this blanket.
242
00:10:45,868 --> 00:10:46,901
Per second?
243
00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:48,734
Uh, per minute.
$50 a minute.
244
00:10:48,834 --> 00:10:50,100
How about $1 a second?
245
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,167
I'll stick my head
under there.
246
00:10:52,267 --> 00:10:54,868
You think I won't stick my head
under there?
247
00:10:54,968 --> 00:10:56,801
Go ahead.
Jones, you with me?
248
00:10:56,901 --> 00:10:58,334
[ Speaking indistinctly ]
249
00:10:58,434 --> 00:11:00,968
I'm not going under here,
though.
250
00:11:01,067 --> 00:11:03,501
I'll stick my head
by the side.
251
00:11:03,601 --> 00:11:04,701
I'll get it.
252
00:11:04,801 --> 00:11:07,868
All the way in, too.
All the way in.
253
00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:10,400
All the way.
Don't breathe.
254
00:11:10,501 --> 00:11:14,868
1...2...3...4...5...
255
00:11:14,968 --> 00:11:18,501
[ Cheering, clapping ]
256
00:11:18,601 --> 00:11:19,701
Eww!
257
00:11:19,801 --> 00:11:22,067
Look at that.
258
00:11:22,167 --> 00:11:26,467
Ooh!
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
259
00:11:26,567 --> 00:11:29,334
Garcia, I'll bet you
a month of my salary
260
00:11:29,434 --> 00:11:32,667
that you can't get in there
for about a half-hour.
261
00:11:32,767 --> 00:11:34,834
A month's salary.
Easy money!
262
00:11:34,934 --> 00:11:37,367
A month's salary.
You all heard it.
263
00:11:37,467 --> 00:11:39,400
Do it! Do it!
Do it! Do it!
264
00:11:39,501 --> 00:11:42,834
Don't do it. Don't do it.
Don't do it. Don't do it.
265
00:11:42,934 --> 00:11:44,334
Garcia?
266
00:11:44,434 --> 00:11:47,267
Don't you call me crying in
the middle of the night ...
267
00:11:47,367 --> 00:11:48,501
Go get 'em!
268
00:11:48,601 --> 00:11:49,801
[ Laughter ]
269
00:11:49,901 --> 00:11:50,968
Idiots.
270
00:11:51,067 --> 00:11:55,567
What are you officers
doing in here?
271
00:11:55,667 --> 00:11:58,968
[ Radio static ]
272
00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:00,300
Shut up, shut up.
273
00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:02,767
Is there someone
in that freezer?
274
00:12:02,868 --> 00:12:03,968
We were, uh...
275
00:12:04,067 --> 00:12:06,400
Open that freezer door
right now!
276
00:12:06,501 --> 00:12:08,234
I have a goddamn radio on!
277
00:12:08,334 --> 00:12:10,834
Do you know how dangerous
this is?!
278
00:12:10,934 --> 00:12:13,834
That's for dead people,
not living idiots.
279
00:12:13,934 --> 00:12:15,501
Let's move it out.
280
00:12:15,601 --> 00:12:18,734
Why don't we secure the
perimeter, I guess, or the hall?
281
00:12:18,834 --> 00:12:20,501
Has this body been touched?
282
00:12:20,601 --> 00:12:22,534
When a body comes down
to the morgue,
283
00:12:22,634 --> 00:12:24,968
it's completely covered by
a sheet except for its feet.
284
00:12:25,067 --> 00:12:27,334
I know. Isn't that weird?
It's weird. It's weird.
285
00:12:27,434 --> 00:12:30,067
It looks like you people have
been playing with this body.
286
00:12:30,167 --> 00:12:31,501
No, no, no, no, no.
287
00:12:31,601 --> 00:12:32,701
I was in there.
288
00:12:32,801 --> 00:12:34,367
[ Claps ] Out! Come on.
289
00:12:34,467 --> 00:12:37,334
You know, let's just move it
out, please.
290
00:12:37,434 --> 00:12:38,934
Thank you, lieutenant.
291
00:12:39,033 --> 00:12:41,267
I can't deal with this kind
of incompetence.
292
00:12:41,367 --> 00:12:43,400
You guys want some coffee
or something?
293
00:12:43,501 --> 00:12:44,801
No, we're fine. Thank you.
294
00:12:44,901 --> 00:12:46,300
Sandwiches or something?
295
00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:48,334
We could use a closed door
and some quiet.
296
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:49,467
Thank you.
297
00:12:49,567 --> 00:12:51,100
Check.
Check.
298
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:54,267
You know, I thought about
joining the FBI
299
00:12:54,367 --> 00:12:55,834
for about 20 minutes
300
00:12:55,934 --> 00:12:59,267
after I saw, uh, that movie
with Jodie foster
301
00:12:59,367 --> 00:13:03,000
and the guy who was eating
people in his basement.
302
00:13:03,100 --> 00:13:05,334
But I was really, really stoned.
303
00:13:05,434 --> 00:13:09,033
And honestly, I also thought
for about 20 minutes
304
00:13:09,133 --> 00:13:11,834
about making a dress
out of people.
305
00:13:11,934 --> 00:13:13,067
Hello, there.
306
00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:14,367
How you doing?
307
00:13:14,467 --> 00:13:15,400
Good.
308
00:13:15,501 --> 00:13:16,901
Right on time, too.
309
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,300
You got the money?
310
00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:20,300
Yeah, I got a ...
I got a ...
311
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:21,501
How much?
312
00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:24,400
$400, burning a hole
in my pocket.
313
00:13:24,501 --> 00:13:26,734
All right.
Are you ready?
314
00:13:26,834 --> 00:13:30,367
What do I get for the ...
For the $400 there?
315
00:13:30,467 --> 00:13:32,067
A lot.
Oh, yeah?
316
00:13:32,167 --> 00:13:35,467
Um, why don't you get ready?
Take off your glasses.
317
00:13:35,567 --> 00:13:37,234
Wow, you're very handsome.
318
00:13:37,334 --> 00:13:40,767
Thank you very much.
My mom always said so, I guess.
319
00:13:40,868 --> 00:13:42,133
Now, what do we do?
320
00:13:42,234 --> 00:13:43,601
Just close your eyes.
321
00:13:43,701 --> 00:13:46,067
Phew! All right.
322
00:13:58,667 --> 00:14:02,133
Had a fantasy about being
a FBI when I was a little boy.
323
00:14:02,234 --> 00:14:05,067
I thought that'd be real cool
to solve crimes,
324
00:14:05,167 --> 00:14:07,701
go to write chalk outlines
on the ground
325
00:14:07,801 --> 00:14:11,167
and stick needles into people
and poke them with things.
326
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:13,701
But as I got older, I felt,
"you know what?
327
00:14:13,801 --> 00:14:16,167
"I want to work with people
on the streets.
328
00:14:16,267 --> 00:14:18,434
I want to be in touch with my
gente."
329
00:14:18,534 --> 00:14:20,400
That's "my people" in Spanish.
330
00:14:20,501 --> 00:14:23,534
Uh, I don't want to be far above
in a lab coat or a windbreaker
331
00:14:23,634 --> 00:14:25,067
or a special hat.
332
00:14:25,167 --> 00:14:27,334
Good afternoon, class.
My name is officer Garcia.
333
00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:29,334
This is my partner,
officer Jones.
334
00:14:29,434 --> 00:14:31,801
We're here from the Reno County
sheriff's department
335
00:14:31,901 --> 00:14:33,634
and the community outreach
program
336
00:14:33,734 --> 00:14:35,567
to talk to you about a subject
today
337
00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:37,667
that most folks aren't
comfortable with.
338
00:14:37,767 --> 00:14:39,868
Now, as citizens
of this great community,
339
00:14:39,968 --> 00:14:42,834
we'd all like to believe that
kids don't carry guns to school.
340
00:14:42,934 --> 00:14:45,200
We'd all like to wish that that
weren't true.
341
00:14:45,300 --> 00:14:46,767
But we know, and you know,
342
00:14:46,868 --> 00:14:48,701
that kids do have guns at
school, okay?
343
00:14:48,801 --> 00:14:50,601
You guys have a whole lot
of them.
344
00:14:50,701 --> 00:14:53,067
As officers of the law,
we want to let you know
345
00:14:53,167 --> 00:14:55,400
there's not a damn thing
we can do about it.
346
00:14:55,501 --> 00:14:56,868
We really can't do anything
347
00:14:56,968 --> 00:14:58,834
about you guys having guns
in school.
348
00:14:58,934 --> 00:15:00,801
But what we can do
is show you
349
00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:03,334
how to fire these weapons
safely and correctly, okay?
350
00:15:03,434 --> 00:15:05,701
Let's say you have one of these
in your hand, okay?
351
00:15:05,801 --> 00:15:07,200
Which you should never have.
352
00:15:07,300 --> 00:15:08,868
Okay, what we want
to teach you today
353
00:15:08,968 --> 00:15:10,734
is one word
that's gonna help you out
354
00:15:10,834 --> 00:15:12,701
should you find yourself
in a situation,
355
00:15:12,801 --> 00:15:14,400
and you can't talk
something out,
356
00:15:14,501 --> 00:15:16,167
and you need
one of these firearms.
357
00:15:16,267 --> 00:15:18,734
And that one word is safe.
S-a-f-e.
358
00:15:18,834 --> 00:15:20,767
Steady, okay?
359
00:15:20,868 --> 00:15:25,501
Aim, fire, boom,
everybody's okay.
360
00:15:25,601 --> 00:15:27,767
If we can teach you to fire
that firearm correctly,
361
00:15:27,868 --> 00:15:29,601
you can take your man down,
right? Boom!
362
00:15:29,701 --> 00:15:31,367
And we don't have
the scatter effect.
363
00:15:31,467 --> 00:15:33,200
There's not
the watermelon seeds.
364
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:35,000
It's not a big picnic
of people on the ground.
365
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:36,934
Some of you ladies,
you're pretty,
366
00:15:37,033 --> 00:15:39,434
and I'm sure you're gonna get
dates to the prom.
367
00:15:39,534 --> 00:15:41,634
You might find a little bit
more security
368
00:15:41,734 --> 00:15:43,767
if you had one of these
little numbers.
369
00:15:43,868 --> 00:15:45,634
Okay, that's a 9mm,
all right?
370
00:15:45,734 --> 00:15:48,067
It's nice, light, fits in your
dress, your purse.
371
00:15:48,167 --> 00:15:50,334
Some of you men that are on
the wrestling team
372
00:15:50,434 --> 00:15:52,434
might want to skip over
the lady-type guns
373
00:15:52,534 --> 00:15:54,467
and go right to your .357
or your .44.
374
00:15:57,300 --> 00:16:00,300
I think the FBI guys here seem
like they're all over it.
375
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:02,334
They seem like
a really good team.
376
00:16:02,434 --> 00:16:05,868
They speak...
in paragraph form.
377
00:16:05,968 --> 00:16:07,200
Yeah.
378
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:10,400
Like, you never hear "uh"
coming out of their mouth.
379
00:16:10,501 --> 00:16:12,300
Or "what" or "he was, like."
380
00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:15,934
They never say, "the bad guy
was, like, coming in the door."
381
00:16:16,033 --> 00:16:17,567
We say that all the time.
382
00:16:17,667 --> 00:16:20,300
It's like they go
to some kind of damn ...
383
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,534
Vocabulary school
or like gram...
384
00:16:22,634 --> 00:16:25,133
Grammar, grammar.
385
00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:26,167
Talk.
386
00:16:26,267 --> 00:16:27,167
Talk.
387
00:16:27,267 --> 00:16:29,167
It's very impressive.
388
00:16:29,267 --> 00:16:33,133
Hi, mom. [ Smooch ]
How are you?
389
00:16:33,234 --> 00:16:36,200
Dad, I know.
[ Laughs ]
390
00:16:36,300 --> 00:16:38,834
I really don't have anything new
to report
391
00:16:38,934 --> 00:16:41,434
except, oh, only the greatest
thing ever.
392
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:45,934
I...Met a boy...
393
00:16:46,033 --> 00:16:49,667
And [Sighs] his name is Craig
with a "C."
394
00:16:49,767 --> 00:16:54,734
I mean, I know you've told me
before, um, you know,
395
00:16:54,834 --> 00:16:57,667
chances are if a guy shows
interest in me,
396
00:16:57,767 --> 00:17:00,934
it's probably some ploy to get
something from me
397
00:17:01,033 --> 00:17:04,901
or there's a good chance I could
get molested or raped or...
398
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:07,934
You know, end up pregnant
or dead, you know.
399
00:17:08,033 --> 00:17:13,567
Basically, what I'm asking is
for your permission...
400
00:17:13,667 --> 00:17:17,934
To have our wedding here
on your plot.
401
00:17:18,033 --> 00:17:21,033
And I asked Marcus, who runs the
place, about having you dug up,
402
00:17:21,133 --> 00:17:22,968
and it would cost a [Bleep]
fortune,
403
00:17:23,067 --> 00:17:25,167
and I don't think I can afford
it right now
404
00:17:25,267 --> 00:17:27,133
on the salary that they're
giving me.
405
00:17:27,234 --> 00:17:29,200
And also, it might be kind of
creepy.
406
00:17:38,334 --> 00:17:39,834
Hey. Hey, hey, hey.
407
00:17:39,934 --> 00:17:42,334
I just talked to the lady,
and they want one of us
408
00:17:42,434 --> 00:17:45,000
to introduce them
for the press conference.
409
00:17:45,100 --> 00:17:47,200
All right!
Dangle, Dangle, Dangle?
410
00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:48,501
I want to say ...
411
00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:50,601
I'm the most presentational
here.
412
00:17:50,701 --> 00:17:52,367
I got
the show-business career.
413
00:17:52,467 --> 00:17:54,601
You don't want to look
like you're racist.
414
00:17:54,701 --> 00:17:58,100
Pick somebody black so you can
show the color on the force.
415
00:17:58,200 --> 00:17:59,434
It's gonna be...
416
00:17:59,534 --> 00:18:01,801
Who remembers their names,
first off?
417
00:18:01,901 --> 00:18:03,234
Officer James Garcia.
418
00:18:03,334 --> 00:18:04,767
No, the names of the guys.
419
00:18:04,868 --> 00:18:07,234
Special agent Starling
is one of them.
420
00:18:07,334 --> 00:18:09,868
You're thinking of
"Silence of the lambs."
421
00:18:09,968 --> 00:18:11,467
Oh.
422
00:18:11,567 --> 00:18:14,000
Uh...Oh!
423
00:18:14,100 --> 00:18:16,434
Good afternoon.
Sorry, good afternoon.
424
00:18:16,534 --> 00:18:18,567
My name is
lieutenant Jim Dangle
425
00:18:18,667 --> 00:18:20,767
of the Reno sheriff's
department.
426
00:18:20,868 --> 00:18:22,300
And from here,
427
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:26,567
I would like to turn things over
to special agents...
428
00:18:26,667 --> 00:18:28,400
Uh, Cowan and Richards.
429
00:18:28,501 --> 00:18:31,767
So let's give a big,
Reno, Nevada, welcome
430
00:18:31,868 --> 00:18:35,367
for the FBI serial-killing
investigation team.
431
00:18:35,467 --> 00:18:36,767
Whoo!
432
00:18:36,868 --> 00:18:38,167
Whoo!
433
00:18:38,267 --> 00:18:39,934
Good afternoon.
434
00:18:40,033 --> 00:18:43,734
I'm special agent Cowan from the
federal bureau of investigation,
435
00:18:43,834 --> 00:18:47,767
and I would like to let you know
that last night at 11:53 P.M.,
436
00:18:47,868 --> 00:18:51,434
we arrested the serial killer
known as "the junkyard dog"
437
00:18:51,534 --> 00:18:53,334
just outside of Reno, Nevada.
438
00:18:53,434 --> 00:18:54,701
Whoo!
439
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:57,601
As of yet, we have no further
information
440
00:18:57,701 --> 00:18:59,534
that we are able to release.
441
00:18:59,634 --> 00:19:01,968
We can tell you
that nine victims
442
00:19:02,067 --> 00:19:04,801
have been attributed
to the junkyard dog
443
00:19:04,901 --> 00:19:07,934
with two pending investigations
in Las Vegas.
444
00:19:08,033 --> 00:19:10,367
I will be bringing back to you
more information
445
00:19:10,467 --> 00:19:11,601
as it becomes available.
446
00:19:11,701 --> 00:19:12,701
Thank you very much.
447
00:19:12,801 --> 00:19:14,000
Whoo!
Whoo!
448
00:19:14,100 --> 00:19:15,734
[ Scattered applause ]
449
00:19:15,834 --> 00:19:17,000
Yeah!
450
00:19:17,100 --> 00:19:19,234
All right,
way to go FBI, huh?
451
00:19:19,334 --> 00:19:20,968
Wow, everybody's leaving.
452
00:19:21,067 --> 00:19:22,601
Oh, yeah.
453
00:19:22,701 --> 00:19:24,100
Aw, man!
454
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:25,834
All right.
455
00:19:25,934 --> 00:19:27,567
Do you have
anymore questions?
456
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,467
They don't have anymore
questions.
457
00:19:29,567 --> 00:19:32,100
They wanted somebody to go get
them some coffee.
458
00:19:34,801 --> 00:19:35,834
[ No audi ]
459
00:19:35,934 --> 00:19:38,267
Yeah, they're making
their toast.
460
00:19:38,367 --> 00:19:39,767
We should do that.
461
00:19:39,868 --> 00:19:42,901
Well, hey, folks,
to securing the perimeter.
462
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,534
And buying the coffee.
463
00:19:44,634 --> 00:19:46,200
And buying the coffee.
464
00:19:46,300 --> 00:19:48,133
All kinds of...other stuff.
465
00:19:48,234 --> 00:19:49,567
We did a good job.
466
00:19:49,667 --> 00:19:52,601
Hey, we should send them
something, right?
467
00:19:52,701 --> 00:19:55,200
That's classy.
That's a good idea.
468
00:19:55,300 --> 00:19:57,601
Like a...
Like a muffin basket.
469
00:19:57,701 --> 00:19:59,834
Some shots.
No, some drinks.
470
00:19:59,934 --> 00:20:02,901
Shots or something ...
That would be good.
471
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:06,100
Jello shots?
Are always good.
472
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:07,801
"To the FBI"...
473
00:20:07,901 --> 00:20:11,367
Special agent Cowan
and Richards.
474
00:20:11,467 --> 00:20:14,701
Cowan, Richards,
and the rest.
475
00:20:14,801 --> 00:20:16,567
And et al. Et al.
476
00:20:16,667 --> 00:20:18,634
And crew? And crew?
477
00:20:18,734 --> 00:20:19,934
Oh, hey...
478
00:20:20,033 --> 00:20:21,167
[ Clears throat ]
479
00:20:21,267 --> 00:20:22,968
Hi.
Hi. Hi. Hi.
480
00:20:23,067 --> 00:20:24,067
Good evening.
481
00:20:24,167 --> 00:20:25,701
Congratulations to all of you.
482
00:20:25,801 --> 00:20:28,200
I wanted to thank you for your
superlative work.
483
00:20:28,300 --> 00:20:30,200
Your assistance was invaluable.
484
00:20:30,300 --> 00:20:33,033
And to thank you, we've gotten
you this bottle of champagne.
485
00:20:33,133 --> 00:20:36,834
So enjoy and have
a wonderful night.
486
00:20:36,934 --> 00:20:37,901
Thank you.
487
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,400
That was so classy.
488
00:20:39,501 --> 00:20:40,734
Bye, you guys.
489
00:20:40,834 --> 00:20:42,067
Take care.
490
00:20:42,167 --> 00:20:44,634
See you next time
somebody gets murdered.
491
00:20:44,734 --> 00:20:45,634
Yeah!
492
00:20:45,734 --> 00:20:46,834
Drive good!
493
00:20:46,934 --> 00:20:48,968
Did you see that?
That was classy!
494
00:20:49,067 --> 00:20:51,334
I didn't even know
they had champagne.
495
00:20:51,434 --> 00:20:53,234
We are such douche bags.
496
00:20:53,334 --> 00:20:54,367
Is it cold?
497
00:21:04,167 --> 00:21:07,801
Uh, ich bin ein berliner.
498
00:21:07,901 --> 00:21:09,734
Hitler! Hitler! Hitler!
499
00:21:09,834 --> 00:21:12,567
It's Kennedy.
That's not Hitler.
500
00:21:12,667 --> 00:21:17,434
Uh, ask not what you're doing in
your country, uh, but, uh ...
501
00:21:17,534 --> 00:21:21,300
Yeah, yeah.
Also Kennedy.
502
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:23,400
I got something.
I got something.
503
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:26,200
She's throwing up.
504
00:21:26,300 --> 00:21:27,767
Are you gonna throw up?
505
00:21:27,868 --> 00:21:28,968
I was gonna burp.
506
00:21:29,067 --> 00:21:29,968
[ Belches ]
507
00:21:30,067 --> 00:21:31,834
[ Cheers and applause ]
508
00:21:31,884 --> 00:21:36,434
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