All language subtitles for Rel s01e04 One Night Stand.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,253 --> 00:00:04,326 Rel is taped in front of a live studio audience. 2 00:00:04,336 --> 00:00:06,671 Oh, this the part right here. 3 00:00:06,672 --> 00:00:08,272 Here we go. 4 00:00:08,273 --> 00:00:11,909 My billionaire girlfriend is... she's gone, and... 5 00:00:11,910 --> 00:00:15,313 now I got to go back to a life of just turning tricks. 6 00:00:15,314 --> 00:00:17,381 Mm, mm, mm. 7 00:00:17,382 --> 00:00:19,183 I guess that's just the life of a... 8 00:00:20,486 --> 00:00:23,321 ...pretty man. 9 00:00:23,322 --> 00:00:25,523 Male sex? 10 00:00:25,524 --> 00:00:27,658 Anyone want some male sex? 11 00:00:27,659 --> 00:00:29,527 (HORN HONKS) 12 00:00:29,528 --> 00:00:31,729 I'll take some male sex. 13 00:00:31,730 --> 00:00:35,233 Gloria! You came back. 14 00:00:35,234 --> 00:00:38,336 Yes. Yes, I did. I did come back. 15 00:00:38,337 --> 00:00:40,171 MAN (OVER TV): Oh, Gloria. 16 00:00:40,172 --> 00:00:43,074 What are you waiting for? Come on. 17 00:00:43,075 --> 00:00:45,309 Take the leap. 18 00:00:45,310 --> 00:00:47,345 You mean the leap of love? 19 00:00:47,346 --> 00:00:48,880 Yes. 20 00:00:48,881 --> 00:00:50,948 Here we go. (GRUNTS) 21 00:01:01,627 --> 00:01:03,628 Okay, this is stupid. 22 00:01:03,629 --> 00:01:05,763 Why is Paul Melvins your favorite actor? 23 00:01:05,764 --> 00:01:09,000 I mean he does some of the corniest movies I've ever seen. 24 00:01:09,001 --> 00:01:10,568 He jumped through a moonroof. 25 00:01:10,569 --> 00:01:13,070 Both of his legs should be broken. 26 00:01:13,071 --> 00:01:15,406 What you don't get is the... 27 00:01:15,407 --> 00:01:18,275 the legs represent the power of love. 28 00:01:19,211 --> 00:01:21,178 Also, nobody I know 29 00:01:21,179 --> 00:01:23,414 has ever been told "I love you" from a balcony. 30 00:01:23,415 --> 00:01:25,216 Look, that's because you don't know anybody with a balcony. 31 00:01:25,217 --> 00:01:26,784 Okay? And I'm not gonna let you keep talking 32 00:01:26,785 --> 00:01:28,185 about Paul Melvins like that. 33 00:01:28,186 --> 00:01:30,221 That dude is a theatrical genius, okay? 34 00:01:30,222 --> 00:01:31,789 I put him up there with Sidney Poitier, 35 00:01:31,790 --> 00:01:33,124 uh, Denzel Washington, 36 00:01:33,125 --> 00:01:34,725 uh, uh, uh, uh... Tyrese Gibson. 37 00:01:36,695 --> 00:01:38,095 Hey, listen, the point is 38 00:01:38,096 --> 00:01:40,097 none of this ever happens in real life. 39 00:01:40,098 --> 00:01:41,866 Ain't no happily-ever-afters. 40 00:01:41,867 --> 00:01:43,234 (SIGHS) It takes somebody like you 41 00:01:43,235 --> 00:01:44,735 to say that, because you've never been 42 00:01:44,736 --> 00:01:46,516 in a relationship longer than three months. 43 00:01:47,272 --> 00:01:49,206 And that was too long. 44 00:01:49,207 --> 00:01:50,575 And the only reason why it lasted 45 00:01:50,576 --> 00:01:52,810 is because we had jury duty together. 46 00:01:52,811 --> 00:01:56,113 That's exactly why Paul Melvins movies go over your head. 47 00:01:56,114 --> 00:01:59,216 Rel, these corny-ass movies are making you too sentimental. 48 00:01:59,217 --> 00:02:01,118 You need to find a girl to smash. 49 00:02:01,119 --> 00:02:02,553 Look, I'm not like that, okay? 50 00:02:02,554 --> 00:02:03,921 I can't just sleep with any woman. 51 00:02:03,922 --> 00:02:05,322 I'm not a slut. 52 00:02:07,259 --> 00:02:09,927 First of all, you don't got to say it like that. 53 00:02:09,928 --> 00:02:13,397 Ain't nothing wrong with having enjoyable and uncommitted sex. 54 00:02:13,398 --> 00:02:15,900 I'm telling you, it'll stop you from killing people. 55 00:02:17,135 --> 00:02:18,936 You know what? 56 00:02:18,937 --> 00:02:20,571 Instead of banning assault weapons, 57 00:02:20,572 --> 00:02:22,340 they should have government-funded hoes 58 00:02:22,341 --> 00:02:24,575 who just go around, and they should just be... 59 00:02:24,576 --> 00:02:27,845 Okay, no. L-L-Look, look, look... 60 00:02:27,846 --> 00:02:30,715 Brittany, I don't have time for one of your weird theories. 61 00:02:30,716 --> 00:02:32,316 Look, I want a connection. 62 00:02:32,317 --> 00:02:34,285 I-I want a soul mate and... 63 00:02:34,286 --> 00:02:35,519 Look, everybody can't be like you. 64 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:36,954 (CHUCKLES): I mean, 65 00:02:36,955 --> 00:02:38,823 you treat all dudes you mess with like dogs. 66 00:02:38,824 --> 00:02:40,124 That's not true. 67 00:02:40,125 --> 00:02:43,127 People love and trust their dogs, Rel. 68 00:02:43,128 --> 00:02:45,630 Now, look, sex is just sex sometimes. 69 00:02:45,631 --> 00:02:47,632 That's all it is, and that's all you need. 70 00:02:47,633 --> 00:02:49,834 (SIGHS) Look, I don't know if you know this. 71 00:02:49,835 --> 00:02:51,635 I ain't even told nobody this, okay? 72 00:02:54,873 --> 00:02:57,608 I ain't been with nobody since Shannon left. 73 00:02:57,609 --> 00:02:59,543 Everybody know that. 74 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:05,383 Listen, Rel, you need some ass to get over ass. All right? 75 00:03:05,384 --> 00:03:07,284 Right now, your body is in a place 76 00:03:07,285 --> 00:03:09,720 where you're physically just stuck on one person, 77 00:03:09,721 --> 00:03:12,690 and you need to shock your system with new ass. 78 00:03:12,691 --> 00:03:15,192 (SIGHS) God, I don't know, man. 79 00:03:15,193 --> 00:03:17,962 Like, I don't want to get back with my wife or nothing, 80 00:03:17,963 --> 00:03:20,398 you know, but I really don't want to close that door. 81 00:03:20,399 --> 00:03:22,566 And if I... if I sleep with another woman, 82 00:03:22,567 --> 00:03:25,036 it'll just make me feel like the marriage is actually over. 83 00:03:25,037 --> 00:03:27,405 (CHUCKLES): Dude, your marriage was over 84 00:03:27,406 --> 00:03:29,206 when your wife cheated on you. 85 00:03:29,207 --> 00:03:32,209 Your marriage was over when she took the kids to Ohio. 86 00:03:32,210 --> 00:03:34,045 Your marriage was over when she... 87 00:03:34,046 --> 00:03:35,546 Look, I don't need a third one, 88 00:03:35,547 --> 00:03:37,314 'cause the first two was pretty damn good. 89 00:03:38,517 --> 00:03:40,551 This how we do it in the Chi 90 00:03:40,552 --> 00:03:41,986 On the West Side 91 00:03:41,987 --> 00:03:43,621 Where we always keep it tippin' 92 00:03:43,622 --> 00:03:45,256 Man, that ain't no lie 93 00:03:45,257 --> 00:03:47,658 Oh, oh, oh. 94 00:03:50,996 --> 00:03:53,364 Uh-oh, Rel on the prowl tonight. 95 00:03:53,365 --> 00:03:55,566 - Who you going after? - What are you talking about? 96 00:03:55,567 --> 00:03:57,268 Come on, man. You're alone at the bar. 97 00:03:57,269 --> 00:03:59,336 That's creeping 101. I know the game. 98 00:03:59,337 --> 00:04:00,871 You trying to get laid tonight. 99 00:04:00,872 --> 00:04:03,941 No, man. I don't think I'm ready yet, man. 100 00:04:03,942 --> 00:04:05,443 I understand. 101 00:04:05,444 --> 00:04:07,344 But, yo, what about this girl right here? 102 00:04:10,582 --> 00:04:12,349 I mean, she decent, but... 103 00:04:12,350 --> 00:04:14,852 (SIGHS) she got balls on the back of her socks. 104 00:04:16,254 --> 00:04:18,789 Oh, what about shorty right here? 105 00:04:19,925 --> 00:04:21,192 That ain't no shorty, man. 106 00:04:21,193 --> 00:04:23,060 That's my friend's mama. 107 00:04:24,563 --> 00:04:25,896 Oh, yeah. 108 00:04:25,897 --> 00:04:27,698 - What about her? - REL: Oh. 109 00:04:27,699 --> 00:04:29,333 Okay. (CHUCKLES) 110 00:04:30,302 --> 00:04:32,403 Aw, damn it. 111 00:04:33,638 --> 00:04:36,774 She got a long-ass purse strap, man. 112 00:04:36,775 --> 00:04:40,277 Like her purse got a seat belt. 113 00:04:40,278 --> 00:04:42,313 Look, if you're gonna have all these specific requirements, 114 00:04:42,314 --> 00:04:44,849 man, you're gonna have to try online dating. 115 00:04:44,850 --> 00:04:46,550 Look, man, there's no romance in that, man 116 00:04:46,551 --> 00:04:48,419 You can't get a woman's essence through an app. 117 00:04:48,420 --> 00:04:50,421 - You know, it's just pictures. - Nah. 118 00:04:50,422 --> 00:04:53,190 I'm on this app right now called Phone Pheromones. 119 00:04:53,191 --> 00:04:54,759 - What? - Yeah. 120 00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:56,494 You pick your date by a scent profile. 121 00:04:56,495 --> 00:04:58,629 I set mine to cheese scents, right, 122 00:04:58,630 --> 00:05:00,431 but I think I did it wrong, though. 123 00:05:00,432 --> 00:05:03,167 I thought I was gonna get a girl that likes cheese like I do. 124 00:05:03,168 --> 00:05:04,468 - Mm-hmm. - They sent me 125 00:05:04,469 --> 00:05:07,037 a chick that smells like cheese. 126 00:05:08,507 --> 00:05:09,974 You know, I hit it once or twice, 127 00:05:09,975 --> 00:05:11,809 but, you know, I can't be wifing a chick 128 00:05:11,810 --> 00:05:14,612 that smell like Gouda. 129 00:05:14,613 --> 00:05:15,980 Look, see, that's what I'm saying. 130 00:05:15,981 --> 00:05:17,648 That's not for me, bro. I... 131 00:05:17,649 --> 00:05:19,016 I need a connection, man. 132 00:05:19,017 --> 00:05:20,584 I-I don't want to just be with some random person. 133 00:05:20,585 --> 00:05:22,586 You know, if I met the perfect woman right now, 134 00:05:22,587 --> 00:05:24,321 I would be so happy. 135 00:05:24,322 --> 00:05:26,056 I'd be out the game, you know? 136 00:05:26,057 --> 00:05:27,525 Uh, hey. 137 00:05:27,526 --> 00:05:29,326 Is that lemon drop for me? 138 00:05:29,327 --> 00:05:30,995 No. 139 00:05:30,996 --> 00:05:32,997 It's my... it's my drink. I bought it with my money. 140 00:05:32,998 --> 00:05:35,032 You just walked in here. I don't know how you think... 141 00:05:35,033 --> 00:05:37,067 You know, I mean, like... 142 00:05:37,068 --> 00:05:39,203 Oh, you were kidding. 143 00:05:39,204 --> 00:05:40,604 - (LAUGHS) Right. - (LAUGHS) I didn't know that... 144 00:05:40,605 --> 00:05:42,473 - that was a joke. I mean... - Right. It was.. 145 00:05:42,474 --> 00:05:44,175 I'm sorry. That-that was funny. My-my bad. 146 00:05:44,176 --> 00:05:46,010 - It's okay. - But, um... 147 00:05:46,011 --> 00:05:48,445 I don't want to give you this. I've been drinking out of it. 148 00:05:48,446 --> 00:05:50,481 Can I buy you your own lemon drop? 149 00:05:50,482 --> 00:05:51,882 - Oh, I'd love that. - Jake, could you... 150 00:05:51,883 --> 00:05:54,518 - could you get, uh... What's your name? - Charlene. 151 00:05:54,519 --> 00:05:56,009 Could you get Charlene a-a lemon drop? 152 00:05:56,010 --> 00:05:57,199 All right. Cool. 153 00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,155 Hey, Charlene. I'm-I'm Rel. Nice to meet you. 154 00:05:59,156 --> 00:06:00,256 Hey. 155 00:06:00,926 --> 00:06:02,660 (REL AND CHARLENE LAUGHING) 156 00:06:02,661 --> 00:06:04,161 I'm telling you. 157 00:06:04,162 --> 00:06:05,496 Okay, look, I-I got one for you. 158 00:06:05,497 --> 00:06:07,231 - Okay, this-this a real one, too. - Okay. All right. 159 00:06:07,232 --> 00:06:10,467 Now, who's your favorite all-time white Bulls player? 160 00:06:10,468 --> 00:06:12,369 - You ready? One... - Yep. 161 00:06:12,370 --> 00:06:14,738 BOTH: Two, three. 162 00:06:14,739 --> 00:06:16,307 - Jud Buechler. - Jud Buechler. All righty. 163 00:06:16,308 --> 00:06:17,908 - Girl... - (LAUGHS) 164 00:06:17,909 --> 00:06:20,211 This is... I ain't gonna lie... this is crazy to me. 165 00:06:20,212 --> 00:06:22,213 - You know what I mean? - I know. 166 00:06:22,214 --> 00:06:24,381 - Mm. - Mm. 167 00:06:24,382 --> 00:06:26,717 Ooh. 168 00:06:26,718 --> 00:06:30,154 Ugh, I hate women that wear long purse straps. 169 00:06:30,155 --> 00:06:30,751 Huh. 170 00:06:30,752 --> 00:06:32,523 You're just asking for somebody to snatch it. 171 00:06:32,524 --> 00:06:36,093 See, long purse straps are my number one pet peeve. 172 00:06:36,094 --> 00:06:38,062 Tell me more. 173 00:06:38,063 --> 00:06:39,930 (CHARLENE GROANS) 174 00:06:39,931 --> 00:06:42,700 - It's so fun. - It is. 175 00:06:42,701 --> 00:06:45,569 - It's been a good night. - I know. And the thing... 176 00:06:45,570 --> 00:06:48,772 I think he wants us to leave. 177 00:06:48,773 --> 00:06:50,708 - No, we should be... - (CHUCKLES) 178 00:06:50,709 --> 00:06:52,910 Damn, Jake. All right, we'll get out of here. Uh... 179 00:06:52,911 --> 00:06:54,011 (REL AND CHARLENE LAUGH) 180 00:06:54,012 --> 00:06:55,412 Hey, are-are you hungry? 181 00:06:55,413 --> 00:06:57,147 You want to come get a "guy-ro" with me? 182 00:06:57,148 --> 00:06:59,250 Ooh, yes. And thank you for saying "guy-ro." 183 00:06:59,251 --> 00:07:01,285 'Cause I hate when people say "gyro." 184 00:07:01,286 --> 00:07:03,287 - Me, too. "Gyro." - Or "yer..." Whatever. 185 00:07:03,288 --> 00:07:05,477 All right, be safe, playboy. You, too, sweetie. 186 00:07:05,478 --> 00:07:06,223 All right. 187 00:07:06,224 --> 00:07:09,526 Selfish bastards. 188 00:07:09,527 --> 00:07:12,229 - - BOTH: Mmm... 189 00:07:16,434 --> 00:07:17,768 (CHARLENE LAUGHS) 190 00:07:17,769 --> 00:07:19,570 Mm. Hmm? 191 00:07:19,571 --> 00:07:22,539 - Mm. Mm. - (REL CHUCKLES) 192 00:07:24,743 --> 00:07:27,044 193 00:07:31,249 --> 00:07:33,250 Wow, this is... 194 00:07:33,251 --> 00:07:35,252 this is unbelievable, man. 195 00:07:35,253 --> 00:07:37,288 It feels like we're in a real-life Paul Melvins movie. 196 00:07:37,289 --> 00:07:39,390 - (CHUCKLES) - Hmm. Yeah, if Paul Melvins 197 00:07:39,391 --> 00:07:42,259 was ten times as handsome. 198 00:07:42,260 --> 00:07:44,461 Girl, I don't know what you're trying to get, 199 00:07:44,462 --> 00:07:47,331 - but you're gonna get it. - (LAUGHS) About time. 200 00:07:47,332 --> 00:07:49,934 Let's go back to your place. 201 00:07:49,935 --> 00:07:51,869 You-you want to go back to my place? 202 00:07:51,870 --> 00:07:53,604 Oh, yeah. 203 00:07:53,605 --> 00:07:56,240 Shibbity damn dobos. 204 00:07:58,476 --> 00:08:00,778 (CHARLENE PANTING, MOANING) 205 00:08:00,779 --> 00:08:03,948 (CHARLENE LAUGHS) 206 00:08:03,949 --> 00:08:06,784 That was just what I needed. 207 00:08:06,785 --> 00:08:09,019 (REL EXHALES, PANTS) 208 00:08:13,158 --> 00:08:15,159 - Oh... - I know. I mean... 209 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:17,649 I didn't know I could still do all that. 210 00:08:17,650 --> 00:08:18,495 (LAUGHS) 211 00:08:18,496 --> 00:08:21,131 Ah. You know something? It was magical. 212 00:08:21,132 --> 00:08:22,466 - (SIGHS) - You know why? 213 00:08:22,467 --> 00:08:23,701 - Why? - Because I'm with you. 214 00:08:23,702 --> 00:08:25,769 - (LAUGHS) - Oh, that's so sweet. 215 00:08:25,770 --> 00:08:27,271 - Thank you. - (GIGGLES) 216 00:08:27,272 --> 00:08:29,039 (BOTH SIGH) 217 00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:31,342 You know something? We should do this. 218 00:08:31,343 --> 00:08:33,510 We just did. (LAUGHS) 219 00:08:33,511 --> 00:08:35,646 No, no, no, no, no. Come here. I'm serious. 220 00:08:35,647 --> 00:08:38,449 Like... this should be a thing. 221 00:08:38,450 --> 00:08:41,418 Like, this should be something special. 222 00:08:41,419 --> 00:08:43,387 - CHARLENE: Mmm. - Hmm? 223 00:08:44,289 --> 00:08:45,489 Boop. 224 00:08:45,490 --> 00:08:47,624 (GIGGLES) 225 00:08:47,625 --> 00:08:48,926 (REL CHUCKLES) 226 00:09:02,574 --> 00:09:04,341 Hey, baby. 227 00:09:13,385 --> 00:09:15,886 Uh, Charlene? 228 00:09:15,887 --> 00:09:18,188 Charlene? 229 00:09:20,892 --> 00:09:22,759 Charlene? 230 00:09:23,695 --> 00:09:25,696 Charlene? 231 00:09:28,767 --> 00:09:31,268 Soul mate? Where you at, baby? 232 00:09:31,269 --> 00:09:34,004 You in the kitchen making me some coffee? 233 00:09:35,373 --> 00:09:37,007 Charlene. 234 00:09:39,611 --> 00:09:40,978 Charlene? 235 00:09:42,180 --> 00:09:44,114 Charlene 236 00:09:44,115 --> 00:09:46,483 Soul mate? 237 00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:52,472 Look it just doesn't make sense why she would leave. 238 00:09:52,473 --> 00:09:54,007 That was... that was both of our 239 00:09:54,008 --> 00:09:56,009 best night of our lives, you know? 240 00:09:57,359 --> 00:09:59,526 Wait a minute. What if she went out 241 00:09:59,527 --> 00:10:01,962 to get us some breakfast biscuits... 242 00:10:01,963 --> 00:10:05,566 and she got kidnapped, man? 243 00:10:05,567 --> 00:10:07,268 You better hope that didn't happen, 244 00:10:07,269 --> 00:10:09,069 'cause you don't want to be a black man 245 00:10:09,070 --> 00:10:11,071 that was the last person to see a woman alive. 246 00:10:11,072 --> 00:10:13,607 Well, should I call the police or something? 247 00:10:13,608 --> 00:10:15,709 Man, police can't help you. Oh. 248 00:10:15,710 --> 00:10:18,612 But you can call Liam Neeson, 'cause your girl been Taken. 249 00:10:18,613 --> 00:10:21,882 See, Dad, you got to stop joking around, man. 250 00:10:21,883 --> 00:10:23,651 Me and Charlene really connected. 251 00:10:23,652 --> 00:10:26,287 Like, like, we held each other in... in each other's arms, 252 00:10:26,288 --> 00:10:28,088 and... and she booped me. 253 00:10:29,257 --> 00:10:31,659 What the hell is a "boop"? 254 00:10:31,660 --> 00:10:33,260 You know, it's... 255 00:10:33,261 --> 00:10:34,561 Boop. 256 00:10:34,562 --> 00:10:36,230 - Hey, don't touch me there! - See...? 257 00:10:40,035 --> 00:10:41,802 You see what I'm saying? 258 00:10:41,803 --> 00:10:43,270 That-that-that... that's what I'm talking about. 259 00:10:43,271 --> 00:10:44,972 You see how intimate that is? 260 00:10:44,973 --> 00:10:47,241 Man, look, I don't know what happened that night, but... 261 00:10:47,242 --> 00:10:49,777 okay, look on the good side... at least you got some sex, 262 00:10:49,778 --> 00:10:52,413 and you didn't get robbed. 263 00:10:52,414 --> 00:10:54,748 See, see, Dad, it's more than sex, you know what I mean? 264 00:10:54,749 --> 00:10:56,817 And her not robbing me should prove that even further. 265 00:10:56,818 --> 00:10:59,653 Well... I wish I was in your shoes, 266 00:10:59,654 --> 00:11:01,155 you know what I'm saying? 267 00:11:01,156 --> 00:11:04,258 Your wife is just separated from you. 268 00:11:04,259 --> 00:11:05,993 My wife is dead. 269 00:11:05,994 --> 00:11:08,128 She's up in Heaven looking down at me, 270 00:11:08,129 --> 00:11:10,631 watching my every move, spying on me. 271 00:11:10,632 --> 00:11:13,100 Okay, full disclosure. 272 00:11:13,101 --> 00:11:15,502 In a moment of weakness, I tried to hook up 273 00:11:15,503 --> 00:11:17,705 - with Veronica from the dry cleaners... - NAT: Wait. 274 00:11:17,706 --> 00:11:19,173 You're talking about Veronica with the... 275 00:11:19,174 --> 00:11:22,309 Yeah, yeah, that's why I tried to hook up. 276 00:11:22,310 --> 00:11:24,712 So, I got back to her place, you know, and I'm not feeling good 277 00:11:24,713 --> 00:11:26,447 about myself, but I'm there, and she said, 278 00:11:26,448 --> 00:11:28,382 "Can I go to the bathroom and put on something sexy?" 279 00:11:28,383 --> 00:11:30,351 So I'm waiting, and lights start flickering, man, 280 00:11:30,352 --> 00:11:32,853 so I said, that's your mama trying to tell me to go. 281 00:11:32,854 --> 00:11:34,087 So I got out. 282 00:11:35,323 --> 00:11:37,424 Thank God you're here. 283 00:11:38,626 --> 00:11:41,128 Congratulations, Rel. You smashed. 284 00:11:41,129 --> 00:11:43,497 - (CHUCKLES) - Hey, no, no, no, Brittany, 285 00:11:43,498 --> 00:11:44,965 I didn't smash. 286 00:11:44,966 --> 00:11:47,301 Me and Charlene made love, you know, and... 287 00:11:47,302 --> 00:11:49,470 and I woke up, and she was gone. 288 00:11:49,471 --> 00:11:51,839 Oh, you mean, like, a one-night stand? 289 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:54,706 It's okay. Life is not a Paul Melvins movie. 290 00:11:54,707 --> 00:11:56,874 - It was just sex. That's all right. - No, no, no, no, no. 291 00:11:56,875 --> 00:11:58,710 We had a real connection, man. 292 00:11:58,711 --> 00:12:00,078 It felt like we had potential 293 00:12:00,079 --> 00:12:02,313 to be the next, you know, Jay and Bey. 294 00:12:02,314 --> 00:12:04,048 - No, no, you mean Jay and Bee. - No, no. 295 00:12:04,049 --> 00:12:05,550 I said "Jay and Bey," 'cause it's B-E-Y." It's a "Y" 296 00:12:05,551 --> 00:12:07,218 at the end of the "Bey." You know what I mean? 297 00:12:07,219 --> 00:12:08,486 So what you're saying is, it's the Bey-Hive 298 00:12:08,487 --> 00:12:09,554 - and Queen Bey. - No, no, no. 299 00:12:09,555 --> 00:12:10,788 We got a Queen Bee already. 300 00:12:10,789 --> 00:12:12,023 - It's Lil' Kim, okay? - No, if you take... 301 00:12:12,024 --> 00:12:14,525 (STAMMERS) No, that's beside the point! Okay? 302 00:12:14,526 --> 00:12:16,027 We got to find Charlene. 303 00:12:16,028 --> 00:12:18,362 Okay, well, did you check her social media? 304 00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:20,198 Do you know her last name? 305 00:12:20,199 --> 00:12:23,000 Yeah, Charlene... 306 00:12:23,001 --> 00:12:24,402 something. 307 00:12:24,403 --> 00:12:26,671 Rel, she didn't give you her last name? 308 00:12:26,672 --> 00:12:28,206 That says it all, man. 309 00:12:28,207 --> 00:12:30,908 No, no. See, names are overrated. 310 00:12:30,909 --> 00:12:32,510 Okay? 311 00:12:32,511 --> 00:12:34,345 Did Romeo and Juliet have last names? 312 00:12:34,346 --> 00:12:36,380 Yes. 313 00:12:36,381 --> 00:12:39,784 Their last names was the whole problem. 314 00:12:39,785 --> 00:12:41,919 (SIGHS) You know, you know something, screw this, man. 315 00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:45,423 Look, I'm-I'm-a... I'm-a go find her, y'all, and, look... 316 00:12:45,424 --> 00:12:49,160 if Romeo and Juliet could make it, me and Charlene can. 317 00:12:52,564 --> 00:12:54,065 Refresh my memory. 318 00:12:54,066 --> 00:12:57,201 What happened at the end of Romeo and Juliet? 319 00:12:57,202 --> 00:12:59,403 She takes fake poison. 320 00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:02,440 He finds her dead, thinks she's really dead, but she ain't. 321 00:13:02,441 --> 00:13:05,743 So he takes real poison, and he really dies. 322 00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:09,347 So she wake up, see him dead, stabs herself to death. 323 00:13:09,348 --> 00:13:11,349 White kids. 324 00:13:17,790 --> 00:13:19,924 Okay, look, she-she was about this tall, right, 325 00:13:19,925 --> 00:13:21,459 and-and she had on this shirt 326 00:13:21,460 --> 00:13:23,294 that complemented her brown eyes, and her eyes 327 00:13:23,295 --> 00:13:25,029 had little speckles of hazel in 'em. 328 00:13:25,030 --> 00:13:26,497 Specks of hazel? 329 00:13:26,498 --> 00:13:28,933 She might be sick, man. Be careful out there. 330 00:13:28,934 --> 00:13:31,102 (SIGHS) Jake, she's not sick, okay? 331 00:13:31,103 --> 00:13:33,104 That was just her essence... it's purple 332 00:13:33,105 --> 00:13:35,807 like the majestic African queen she descends from. 333 00:13:35,808 --> 00:13:40,244 Nah, man, I ain't seen no purple bitches up in here. 334 00:13:43,816 --> 00:13:45,983 Look, man, thanks for stopping. Uh, I don't know if you 335 00:13:45,984 --> 00:13:48,252 remember me from last night. Uh, I was with a beautiful girl. 336 00:13:48,253 --> 00:13:50,655 - We rode in your cab? - Oh, I know. I remember thinking, 337 00:13:50,656 --> 00:13:52,657 "What is she doing with him?" 338 00:13:52,658 --> 00:13:55,760 - Okay, so you know her? - Oh, yeah. Charlene. 339 00:13:55,761 --> 00:13:58,296 Brother, that is perfect, man. Just give me her address. 340 00:13:58,297 --> 00:13:59,730 Nah, man. 341 00:13:59,731 --> 00:14:02,400 My days of helping stalkers are over. 342 00:14:02,401 --> 00:14:04,202 What are you talking about? I'm not a stalker. 343 00:14:04,203 --> 00:14:05,937 Yeah, that's what they all say. 344 00:14:05,938 --> 00:14:07,338 What you mean, "That's what they all say"? 345 00:14:07,339 --> 00:14:08,806 No, no. I'm serious. I'm not a stalk... 346 00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:10,408 Can-can I at least get her building number? 347 00:14:10,409 --> 00:14:12,143 I'll just wait in the bushes till she come out. 348 00:14:12,144 --> 00:14:13,444 Sounds stalky. 349 00:14:13,445 --> 00:14:15,246 It's not! Shoot. 350 00:14:16,348 --> 00:14:17,615 Here you go, man. 351 00:14:17,616 --> 00:14:19,283 Can I help you? 352 00:14:19,284 --> 00:14:21,018 Listen, man, I was here last night 353 00:14:21,019 --> 00:14:23,621 with the woman of my dreams, and she... she actually paid 354 00:14:23,622 --> 00:14:26,290 with a credit card. Is there any way I could get her receipt? 355 00:14:26,291 --> 00:14:28,659 Wait. So you made the woman of your dreams pay for dinner? 356 00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:31,229 Uh, yes, because she wanted to. 357 00:14:31,230 --> 00:14:34,165 But, look, all I need is her last name. 358 00:14:34,166 --> 00:14:35,666 Listen, man, I don't know what they do 359 00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:37,301 with the receipts around here, man. 360 00:14:37,302 --> 00:14:39,036 They just started letting me work at this register, 361 00:14:39,037 --> 00:14:41,339 and I've been here for five years. 362 00:14:41,340 --> 00:14:43,841 Oh. What about one of these cameras, man? Like, is there 363 00:14:43,842 --> 00:14:45,473 any way we could look at the footage and maybe zoom down 364 00:14:45,474 --> 00:14:47,378 at the receipt and then... and actually get her name? 365 00:14:47,379 --> 00:14:48,813 Man, those cameras don't work. 366 00:14:48,814 --> 00:14:50,214 My boss just put 'em there to stop crime. 367 00:14:50,215 --> 00:14:52,350 They ain't even pointing at nothing. 368 00:14:52,351 --> 00:14:55,887 (MAN CLEARS THROAT) 369 00:14:55,888 --> 00:14:58,122 - (REGISTER CLACKS OPEN) - Okay, sorry about that, brother. 370 00:14:58,123 --> 00:15:00,291 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 371 00:15:03,886 --> 00:15:06,741 Man, I'm all out of ideas, I'm out of leads. 372 00:15:06,742 --> 00:15:08,276 I don't know what to do, man. 373 00:15:08,277 --> 00:15:09,677 All I know is that Charlene... 374 00:15:09,678 --> 00:15:11,679 Charlene's still got my heart, yo. 375 00:15:13,110 --> 00:15:14,877 Oh, Charlene. 376 00:15:16,747 --> 00:15:18,915 Charlene! 377 00:15:18,916 --> 00:15:20,692 I miss you so much! 378 00:15:20,693 --> 00:15:23,228 MAN: It was a one-night stand. Shut up! 379 00:15:23,229 --> 00:15:25,664 You know something, man? Mind your own damn business. 380 00:15:25,665 --> 00:15:28,299 You don't know my life. You shut up! 381 00:15:29,745 --> 00:15:31,803 Rel, everybody's gonna know your life 382 00:15:31,804 --> 00:15:33,705 if you keep yelling out the damn window! 383 00:15:33,706 --> 00:15:35,440 - Man! - (CELL PHONE RINGS) 384 00:15:37,143 --> 00:15:39,144 Hello? 385 00:15:39,145 --> 00:15:40,679 Hey, Rel, man, she's here. 386 00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:42,614 - Who? - The girl. 387 00:15:42,615 --> 00:15:45,717 The girl. The purple chick with the African essence. 388 00:15:45,718 --> 00:15:47,485 I knew I'd find her. 389 00:15:47,486 --> 00:15:49,421 Yeah, technically, I found her. 390 00:15:49,422 --> 00:15:51,356 Okay, look, just keep her there, man. 391 00:15:51,357 --> 00:15:53,258 I'll be on... right on my way, okay? 392 00:15:53,259 --> 00:15:54,726 All right. 393 00:15:54,727 --> 00:15:56,828 (REL CHUCKLES) 394 00:15:58,464 --> 00:16:00,932 - Guess what, huh? - What? 395 00:16:00,933 --> 00:16:03,234 Charlene has been found. That's right. 396 00:16:03,235 --> 00:16:05,670 Uh-huh. Love wins, Brittany. 397 00:16:12,044 --> 00:16:14,979 Why does he keep leaving me alone in his apartment? 398 00:16:18,851 --> 00:16:20,952 Hey, where is she? 399 00:16:21,887 --> 00:16:23,321 (CHUCKLING): Oh-ho. 400 00:16:23,322 --> 00:16:25,490 Prepare to get your heart strings played, brother. 401 00:16:25,491 --> 00:16:27,292 (LAUGHS) 402 00:16:27,293 --> 00:16:28,927 (UNDER BREATH): See what we got here. 403 00:16:28,928 --> 00:16:30,628 Oh. 404 00:16:30,629 --> 00:16:32,931 ("NOW THAT WE FOUND LOVE" BY HEAVY D & THE BOYZ PLAYS) 405 00:16:32,932 --> 00:16:34,299 - Yeah - (LAUGHS) 406 00:16:35,634 --> 00:16:38,436 Yeah, yeah 407 00:16:38,437 --> 00:16:40,905 Now that we've found love 408 00:16:40,906 --> 00:16:43,375 - What are we gonna do? - (BOTH LAUGH) 409 00:16:43,376 --> 00:16:45,610 - Hey, baby. - Hey. 410 00:16:45,611 --> 00:16:47,545 Now that we've found love, what we gonna 411 00:16:47,546 --> 00:16:49,280 - boop about it? - Ooh! (LAUGHS) 412 00:16:49,281 --> 00:16:51,116 (BOTH LAUGHING) 413 00:16:51,117 --> 00:16:53,785 Uh, hey, Rel, I'm gonna just say... 414 00:16:53,786 --> 00:16:55,420 Oh, wait, wait, wait. 415 00:16:55,421 --> 00:16:58,156 Stop right there, baby. Look, um, 416 00:16:58,157 --> 00:17:00,625 I know you probably think I'm like the other guys, you know, 417 00:17:00,626 --> 00:17:02,260 who only think about just sleeping with you. 418 00:17:02,261 --> 00:17:03,795 No, that's not my M.O., you know. 419 00:17:03,796 --> 00:17:07,365 I really believe that we, uh... we're soul mates. 420 00:17:07,366 --> 00:17:09,401 Whoa. (CHUCKLES) 421 00:17:09,402 --> 00:17:11,503 Rel, look, um... 422 00:17:11,504 --> 00:17:14,639 I had a real great time with you last night, 423 00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:18,276 but if I can be honest, I kind of wanted it to be just that... 424 00:17:18,277 --> 00:17:20,145 last night. 425 00:17:20,146 --> 00:17:23,148 I mean, I feel like, um... I just... I feel like 426 00:17:23,149 --> 00:17:25,316 we had, like, this really deep connection. I mean... 427 00:17:25,317 --> 00:17:27,685 we took a pedicab ride, and... 428 00:17:27,686 --> 00:17:29,788 - we ate "guy-ros" together, and... - That was fun. 429 00:17:29,789 --> 00:17:32,323 You know, I genuinely loved all of those things, 430 00:17:32,324 --> 00:17:34,325 but that's not all that I am. 431 00:17:34,326 --> 00:17:36,161 I hope it's not all you are. 432 00:17:36,162 --> 00:17:41,166 Last night was magical, but in a way where two strangers 433 00:17:41,167 --> 00:17:44,169 just get caught up in genuine attraction. 434 00:17:44,170 --> 00:17:46,771 It was a one-night relationship, 435 00:17:46,772 --> 00:17:48,740 but a beautiful one. 436 00:17:48,741 --> 00:17:51,009 I mean... (SIGHS) 437 00:17:51,010 --> 00:17:52,944 - It was something about... - I know. 438 00:17:56,315 --> 00:17:58,316 Where your glasses at? 439 00:17:58,317 --> 00:18:01,319 Oh, I don't wear those every day. 440 00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:03,955 I mean, that was just a fashion thing. 441 00:18:03,956 --> 00:18:06,157 I got 20/20. (CHUCKLES) 442 00:18:06,158 --> 00:18:07,725 Huh? 443 00:18:07,726 --> 00:18:09,360 You know, but I had fun. 444 00:18:09,361 --> 00:18:11,229 You know, maybe we could... do this... 445 00:18:11,230 --> 00:18:14,899 So... you don't need glasses? 446 00:18:14,900 --> 00:18:16,401 No. (LAUGHS) 447 00:18:16,402 --> 00:18:17,836 So you just... 448 00:18:17,837 --> 00:18:19,304 you just wear it as a fashion thing? 449 00:18:19,305 --> 00:18:20,738 - (LAUGHS) - Right. (LAUGHS) 450 00:18:20,739 --> 00:18:22,373 You can actually see? (LAUGHS) 451 00:18:22,374 --> 00:18:23,908 - Right. (LAUGHS) - Wow. 452 00:18:23,909 --> 00:18:25,977 Do you got a blinged-out wheelchair somewhere, too, 453 00:18:25,978 --> 00:18:29,414 or... a decorative asthma pump? (CHUCKLES) 454 00:18:29,415 --> 00:18:31,549 - Wait. What? - How do I say this? 455 00:18:31,550 --> 00:18:35,220 Um... this is wrong. 456 00:18:35,221 --> 00:18:36,888 Let me tell you something. 457 00:18:36,889 --> 00:18:39,190 Growing up, the trauma I went through 458 00:18:39,191 --> 00:18:40,925 for wearing glasses is ridiculous, okay? 459 00:18:40,926 --> 00:18:42,694 You didn't get called "four-eyes," okay?' 460 00:18:42,695 --> 00:18:44,262 Nobody called you a librarian. Nobody mistaked you 461 00:18:44,263 --> 00:18:45,763 for a substitute teacher, they coming to your desk 462 00:18:45,764 --> 00:18:47,131 to sign their name for attendance. 463 00:18:47,132 --> 00:18:48,566 - Okay. Okay, Rel. - Huh? 464 00:18:48,567 --> 00:18:50,268 I think you're overreacting. Let me just go. 465 00:18:50,269 --> 00:18:52,270 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not overreacting. 466 00:18:52,271 --> 00:18:54,873 All right. Bye, Rel. 467 00:18:54,874 --> 00:18:57,041 Should be ashamed of yourself. 468 00:18:57,042 --> 00:18:58,543 I'm not. 469 00:19:06,151 --> 00:19:08,052 - Now that we found love - (REL SPUTTERS) 470 00:19:08,053 --> 00:19:09,921 What are we gonna do with it? 471 00:19:09,922 --> 00:19:11,055 Lemon drop? 472 00:19:12,892 --> 00:19:15,026 (SIGH) You know something, man? 473 00:19:15,027 --> 00:19:16,761 I just... 474 00:19:16,762 --> 00:19:19,063 Maybe I made too much of a big deal out of it. 475 00:19:19,064 --> 00:19:20,698 At the end of the day, I didn't even know 476 00:19:20,699 --> 00:19:22,467 who she really was, you know? 477 00:19:22,468 --> 00:19:25,370 But... honestly, you know, shibbity dobos. 478 00:19:26,772 --> 00:19:29,240 I had a great time. 479 00:19:29,241 --> 00:19:32,143 What makes me feel even better is that... 480 00:19:32,144 --> 00:19:35,280 my best friend loves me enough to come check on me. 481 00:19:35,281 --> 00:19:37,115 Oh, no. (LAUGHS) 482 00:19:37,116 --> 00:19:39,017 I'm actually here waiting for one of my dips. 483 00:19:39,018 --> 00:19:41,152 (BRITTANY LAUGHS) 484 00:19:44,223 --> 00:19:45,623 Ready to get up out of here, Brittany? 485 00:19:45,624 --> 00:19:47,725 I am. 486 00:19:53,799 --> 00:19:55,500 (APPLAUSE) 487 00:19:55,501 --> 00:19:58,503 This is... (LAUGHS) 488 00:19:59,965 --> 00:20:03,167 Oh, God. This is, uh... 489 00:20:03,168 --> 00:20:04,936 I'm at a loss for words. 490 00:20:04,937 --> 00:20:08,606 I mean, you know, who would've thought for Pretty Man, 491 00:20:08,607 --> 00:20:12,477 I would win Best Leading Actor playing a male prostitute? 492 00:20:12,478 --> 00:20:15,179 Which I'm actually... I really was a male prostitute, 493 00:20:15,180 --> 00:20:19,050 and it's very unique that, uh, you would give someone 494 00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:21,986 who's actually the character they played 495 00:20:21,987 --> 00:20:24,021 the award for Best Leading Actor. 496 00:20:24,022 --> 00:20:26,891 Uh, first, I would like to thank, um... 497 00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:29,360 and this is unusual... my pimp. 498 00:20:29,361 --> 00:20:33,397 Uh, Marvin, thank you so much for the training, 499 00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:37,001 the slaps, the, uh... 500 00:20:37,002 --> 00:20:42,840 the abuse that prepared me to really dive into this character 501 00:20:42,841 --> 00:20:46,511 and make people all over America relate 502 00:20:46,512 --> 00:20:49,514 to a male prostitute and his struggle. 503 00:20:49,515 --> 00:20:52,083 Uh, I would also like to thank my, 504 00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,552 uh, parents, who I never knew. 505 00:20:54,553 --> 00:20:56,821 This is why I, you know, jumped into prostitution, 506 00:20:56,822 --> 00:20:59,590 because, uh, I raised myself on the streets, 507 00:20:59,591 --> 00:21:02,493 and that's where I was found by the pimp 508 00:21:02,494 --> 00:21:06,531 who pretty much raised me and had me selling my body. 509 00:21:06,532 --> 00:21:08,399 Um... I also... 510 00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:11,002 - (SMOOTH ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS) - Wait. Hey! No. 511 00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:13,070 Hey, no, you're not gonna play me off here. 512 00:21:13,071 --> 00:21:14,906 No, no. No, I'm not done yet! 513 00:21:14,907 --> 00:21:17,608 Look, look, Richard Dreyfuss was up here for 45 minutes, 514 00:21:17,609 --> 00:21:20,011 and no one said anything, okay? 515 00:21:20,012 --> 00:21:21,612 Okay, damn it, I'm getting this out. 516 00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:25,549 As soon as a black man wins an award, you... 517 00:21:25,583 --> 00:21:29,639 Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com. 518 00:21:29,689 --> 00:21:34,239 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 38388

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