Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,222 --> 00:00:03,462
Keep your voice down.
That pig's been sniffing round.
2
00:00:03,462 --> 00:00:07,862
I think we're missing a book,
50 Great Coastal Walks Of The British Isles Volume II.
3
00:00:07,862 --> 00:00:10,302
There's nothing that might
help jog her memory even?
4
00:00:10,302 --> 00:00:15,742
The important thing is that
in the time she has left she has a stress free environment.
5
00:00:15,742 --> 00:00:18,222
Who could have sent it to you?
They're all dead.
6
00:00:18,222 --> 00:00:21,022
Perhaps Robin would like to come
over tomorrow night. One thing.
7
00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:22,942
I mustn't touch any peanuts.
8
00:00:22,942 --> 00:00:25,702
I was once hospitalised
by a Bakewell tart.
9
00:00:25,702 --> 00:00:30,342
Who is he? Fill me in.
His name's Sharouz and he's Iranian. Oh, my God.
10
00:00:30,342 --> 00:00:31,742
Will you marry him for me?
11
00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:35,022
Have you located the dwarf?
Not at present, no.
12
00:00:35,022 --> 00:00:38,382
You've still got a few tricks up
your sleeve haven't you?
13
00:00:38,382 --> 00:00:40,502
No loose ends, Kelvin.
14
00:01:02,502 --> 00:01:04,502
I bet my agent's
been looking for me.
15
00:01:06,502 --> 00:01:08,062
I wonder if I've had any auditions?
16
00:01:08,062 --> 00:01:12,262
Apparently Sky
are redoing Time Bandits.
17
00:01:12,262 --> 00:01:16,142
Come on, Kerry, just let me go!
18
00:01:16,142 --> 00:01:17,822
I am letting you go, Robert.
19
00:01:17,822 --> 00:01:22,102
I'm going to release you from
your old life. What's that mean?
20
00:01:22,102 --> 00:01:24,102
You're not going to eat me, are you?
21
00:01:24,102 --> 00:01:27,582
No, Robert. You're going to eat me.
22
00:01:29,942 --> 00:01:31,502
It's a Wiccan love spell.
23
00:01:32,462 --> 00:01:35,662
You're going to love me
forever, Robert.
24
00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:39,302
Here we go, the delivery man's been.
25
00:01:39,302 --> 00:01:41,942
Good. I hope they've got everything.
Let's have a look.
26
00:01:43,782 --> 00:01:48,422
Mighty God and Goddess,
hear my pleas.
27
00:01:48,422 --> 00:01:52,622
See my heart and know my desire.
28
00:01:52,622 --> 00:01:58,582
I take this poppet and I
pass it three times through the smoke of the incense.
29
00:01:58,582 --> 00:02:00,862
Can you light the incense, Grandma?
30
00:02:00,862 --> 00:02:04,942
Erm, they didn't have incense
so they've done a replacement.
31
00:02:04,942 --> 00:02:09,702
What is it?
It's a Glade Air Freshener.
32
00:02:09,702 --> 00:02:13,182
Magnolia vanilla.
Quite nice, actually.
33
00:02:13,182 --> 00:02:16,022
Give us three squirts then.
34
00:02:21,382 --> 00:02:24,982
Here is salt for tears.
35
00:02:24,982 --> 00:02:29,902
And here are rose petals
for enduring love.
36
00:02:29,902 --> 00:02:30,942
Did they have rose petals?
37
00:02:30,942 --> 00:02:33,662
No. Flat leaf parsley.
38
00:02:33,662 --> 00:02:36,742
Great. Have they got
anything we actually ordered?
39
00:02:36,742 --> 00:02:41,222
Now, they didn't have any rosemary,
but they sent a big bag of Haribos.
40
00:02:41,222 --> 00:02:43,262
I don't know how
they've arrived at that.
41
00:02:43,262 --> 00:02:44,942
Bring it here.
42
00:02:44,942 --> 00:02:48,262
They just fob you off
with all the old stock.
43
00:02:48,262 --> 00:02:52,822
Look how withered those parsnips are.
No, they're my fingers. Sorry.
44
00:02:52,822 --> 00:02:54,582
It's all right.
45
00:02:54,582 --> 00:02:57,542
I'm just trying to find the sell
by date on these Yakults.
46
00:03:01,542 --> 00:03:04,982
Sorry I'm late, I got stuck behind
a blind Brownie in Paperchase.
47
00:03:04,982 --> 00:03:06,022
Hiya, Shahrouz.
48
00:03:06,022 --> 00:03:09,302
Hello. Now, to cut a long story
sideways,
49
00:03:09,302 --> 00:03:11,662
I've got two cards to show
you for the invitations.
50
00:03:11,662 --> 00:03:14,382
One's heavy ivory and the other's
got a pink marble effect.
51
00:03:14,382 --> 00:03:17,462
I do have a favourite, but
I'm not going to tell you which one.
52
00:03:17,462 --> 00:03:19,182
We weren't going to bother.
53
00:03:19,182 --> 00:03:22,902
It's only going to be you
and the witnesses. You're joking, aren't you?
54
00:03:22,902 --> 00:03:25,542
I've got 14 cousins coming
over from the Isle of Man!
55
00:03:25,542 --> 00:03:27,862
They're looking into
Ryan Air flights as we speak.
56
00:03:27,862 --> 00:03:31,902
It's only a registry office,
we're going to be in and out. Keep it simple.
57
00:03:31,902 --> 00:03:34,182
Oh, sorry, I've got
the shit end of the stick here.
58
00:03:34,182 --> 00:03:35,982
I thought you wanted the full effect.
59
00:03:35,982 --> 00:03:38,462
No, we just want it really low key,
get it over with.
60
00:03:38,462 --> 00:03:41,502
I don't know if it's possible,
but we could do it this afternoon.
61
00:03:42,622 --> 00:03:45,382
Today? Yeah,
there's been a cancellation.
62
00:03:45,382 --> 00:03:48,342
It works for me because
I'm back on Cranford from tomorrow.
63
00:03:48,342 --> 00:03:50,822
I don't know, Chris.
It's such short notice.
64
00:03:50,822 --> 00:03:55,062
What are we going to do about
the reception? Get a Chinese?
65
00:03:58,662 --> 00:04:03,022
And are you happy with that,
Shahrouz, because it's your wedding day too. Yes.
66
00:04:07,702 --> 00:04:10,542
I'd better go and and get
myself organised, hadn't I?
67
00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:12,582
Don't go mad.
It's only a piece of paper.
68
00:04:12,582 --> 00:04:15,742
Course it is.
Just like these, hey?
69
00:04:35,702 --> 00:04:38,542
Afternoon, Mr L. Is that you,
Tealeaf?
70
00:04:38,542 --> 00:04:40,702
Yeah. You order cranberry juice?
71
00:04:40,702 --> 00:04:42,502
What's that? Never mind.
72
00:04:42,502 --> 00:04:46,262
Oh, these eardrops are useless.
Do you want your post?
73
00:04:46,262 --> 00:04:49,542
Is there anything from NASA?
Doesn't look like it.
74
00:04:49,542 --> 00:04:54,382
Oh, they're fools to themselves
Tealeaf, fools to themselves.
75
00:04:54,382 --> 00:04:58,662
Someone's sent you
a page from a book. Eh?
76
00:04:58,662 --> 00:05:01,102
It's the last page.
77
00:05:01,102 --> 00:05:03,622
It's been ripped out.
Just says "the end".
78
00:05:03,622 --> 00:05:05,702
What book is it?
79
00:05:05,702 --> 00:05:07,862
Lady Don't Fall Backwards.
80
00:05:07,862 --> 00:05:09,542
Looks like it's a mystery.
81
00:05:09,542 --> 00:05:11,862
Yes, I know it.
82
00:05:11,862 --> 00:05:16,422
Look on the envelope,
is there a return address?
83
00:05:16,422 --> 00:05:18,142
Yeah. It's... Don't tell me.
84
00:05:18,142 --> 00:05:23,302
23 Railway Cuttings, East Cheam.
85
00:05:23,302 --> 00:05:25,222
That's it. Who lives there?
86
00:05:25,222 --> 00:05:29,102
Anthony Aloysius St John Hancock.
87
00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:32,942
Bastard.
88
00:05:34,462 --> 00:05:39,182
He said, "Don't talk to me like that,
you're the one who ate a kangaroo's anus on television."
89
00:05:39,182 --> 00:05:40,942
I said, "That was calamari.
90
00:05:40,942 --> 00:05:43,262
"Don't you know it's all
filmed at Shepperton?"
91
00:05:45,142 --> 00:05:48,782
Yes, it's done in a studio
on the back lot, yes, like Capricorn One.
92
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:51,102
It's very clever.
93
00:05:51,102 --> 00:05:55,662
I'd better go. I've got a man
hovering. Bye, Matthew.
94
00:05:55,662 --> 00:05:57,622
Matthew Kelly.
95
00:05:57,622 --> 00:06:00,102
So, can I help you?
96
00:06:00,102 --> 00:06:03,782
Detective Inspector Finney,
Metropolitan Police.
97
00:06:03,782 --> 00:06:07,782
I'm trying to trace one of your
cast members. Robert Greenspan?
98
00:06:07,782 --> 00:06:09,702
Oh, yes, little Blusher.
99
00:06:09,702 --> 00:06:13,342
I'm afraid you're a bit late,
he skipped town already.
100
00:06:13,342 --> 00:06:15,662
Got involved in a love
triangle from what I gather.
101
00:06:15,662 --> 00:06:18,502
I try not to fraternise.
You don't know where he is now?
102
00:06:18,502 --> 00:06:21,222
I've no idea, but I can give you
his agent's telephone number.
103
00:06:21,222 --> 00:06:24,422
Did you see him wearing
a locket? It would have had a letter K on it.
104
00:06:24,422 --> 00:06:27,462
No, the Biggins rule
is no jewellery allowed.
105
00:06:27,462 --> 00:06:30,662
I once saw Bonnie Langford
nearly lose an eye
106
00:06:30,662 --> 00:06:33,942
on a swinging Tiffany pendant,
it was horrific.
107
00:06:33,942 --> 00:06:38,422
Here. Well, thank you.
You've been most helpful.
108
00:06:38,422 --> 00:06:40,822
Oh, one last thing. Yes?
109
00:06:40,822 --> 00:06:43,462
Do they really film
it all at Shepperton?
110
00:06:57,542 --> 00:07:01,422
It's been years since
I did a proper dinner party.
111
00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:04,142
When your dad was alive,
I was a right Fanny Craddock.
112
00:07:04,142 --> 00:07:07,422
Will Robin want cheese and crackers?
I've only got Laughing Cow.
113
00:07:07,422 --> 00:07:09,782
I don't think he'll get
as far as the cheese.
114
00:07:09,782 --> 00:07:12,942
That's true. I'm crushing
a full jumbo bag of peanuts
115
00:07:12,942 --> 00:07:15,662
into his Angel Delight,
that'll do the trick.
116
00:07:15,662 --> 00:07:17,742
I'm putting it into this
dish with fishes on.
117
00:07:17,742 --> 00:07:20,102
Just in case you end up serving him.
118
00:07:20,102 --> 00:07:24,302
Why would I end up serving him?
I'm having a drink tonight, David.
119
00:07:24,302 --> 00:07:26,862
I've worked all day
preparing this meal.
120
00:07:26,862 --> 00:07:29,382
You shouldn't be drinking, Mam.
Not in your condition.
121
00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:34,702
What condition? I'm as fit as
a flea, doctor said so. Bottoms up.
122
00:07:34,702 --> 00:07:36,382
DOORBELL RINGS
123
00:07:39,822 --> 00:07:43,062
Welcome. Hello, David.
124
00:07:43,062 --> 00:07:45,022
Sorry I'm a bit early.
125
00:07:46,542 --> 00:07:49,422
Oh, now you remember Emily,
don't you?
126
00:07:51,742 --> 00:07:53,902
Yes, I do.
127
00:07:53,902 --> 00:07:58,702
Oh. Erm, I was rather hoping
Emily might join us.
128
00:07:58,702 --> 00:08:04,062
For dinner? Yes. I thought
perhaps she could take minutes.
129
00:08:04,062 --> 00:08:06,182
To do what?
130
00:08:06,182 --> 00:08:09,582
Well, there's lots to discuss,
131
00:08:09,582 --> 00:08:13,942
besides which, I think I might
be in there, as they say.
132
00:08:16,142 --> 00:08:17,662
OK.
133
00:08:21,782 --> 00:08:25,662
Mum, there's a girl here as well.
134
00:08:25,662 --> 00:08:28,542
Emily. Hi. Oh.
135
00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:30,542
Well, that's all right, isn't it?
136
00:08:30,542 --> 00:08:33,102
I'm sure we've got enough
to go round.
137
00:08:33,102 --> 00:08:37,542
I wasn't sure what we were having
so I brought one of each.
138
00:08:37,542 --> 00:08:39,862
Buy one get one free.
139
00:08:39,862 --> 00:08:44,822
Lovely. Well, if you'd like
to go through and sit soft,
140
00:08:44,822 --> 00:08:49,662
and I'll send David out shortly
to circulate with the crudities.
141
00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:54,782
What are we going to do?
142
00:08:56,502 --> 00:08:59,742
Two for the price of one.
143
00:09:02,702 --> 00:09:04,822
And do we have a match?
144
00:09:04,822 --> 00:09:08,622
Thank you!
Let's give Emma a big hand!
145
00:09:08,622 --> 00:09:10,622
Here, have this one.
146
00:09:10,622 --> 00:09:13,942
Can I have it back, actually?
147
00:09:13,942 --> 00:09:17,902
I need it back.
I only say that as part of the act. Get the stripper on!
148
00:09:17,902 --> 00:09:19,422
All right. He's on in a minute.
149
00:09:19,422 --> 00:09:22,142
I've seen him getting ready.
Talk about red raw stump.
150
00:09:22,142 --> 00:09:25,142
Now then, for this next trick
I need the assistance
151
00:09:25,142 --> 00:09:27,822
of someone with whom
I have never met before.
152
00:09:27,822 --> 00:09:29,142
Any volunteers?
153
00:09:30,582 --> 00:09:35,182
No, no. Oh, come on.
There must be someone!
154
00:09:40,462 --> 00:09:42,582
What about you, madam?
155
00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:47,622
Oh! Oh!
156
00:09:47,622 --> 00:09:50,022
Sorry, I... I dropped off.
157
00:09:50,022 --> 00:09:52,182
Is it my bit now?
158
00:09:52,182 --> 00:09:56,222
Shut up. Round of applause
for this young lady!
159
00:09:57,742 --> 00:09:58,822
Now then...
160
00:09:58,822 --> 00:10:03,182
Wait a minute, I were on the
other side of you before, weren't I?
161
00:10:03,182 --> 00:10:08,622
Oh, no, we swapped it round,
didn't we, because of your hook?
162
00:10:08,622 --> 00:10:10,582
Go on.
163
00:10:10,582 --> 00:10:13,622
We've never met each other before,
have we?
164
00:10:13,622 --> 00:10:15,262
No. That's right.
165
00:10:15,262 --> 00:10:18,262
So I'd like to do a bit
of mind-reading for you, if I may?
166
00:10:18,262 --> 00:10:20,902
Oh, that sounds nice.
167
00:10:20,902 --> 00:10:23,342
So, if I can give you this.
I want you to...
168
00:10:23,342 --> 00:10:27,142
To think of a shape
and I've to draw... Let me tell you.
169
00:10:27,142 --> 00:10:29,662
Just draw a simple shape on there.
Don't let me see it.
170
00:10:29,662 --> 00:10:31,502
Tell me when you're done.
171
00:10:31,502 --> 00:10:33,582
Oh, I love the smell of these.
172
00:10:33,582 --> 00:10:37,062
Yeah. Just do your picture,
and I'm going to read your mind.
173
00:10:39,582 --> 00:10:40,982
OK.
174
00:10:44,182 --> 00:10:46,342
I've done it!
175
00:10:46,342 --> 00:10:48,022
Right, before you
turn over your pad...
176
00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:51,022
You definitely thought of that thing
you had to think of? I did.
177
00:10:51,022 --> 00:10:52,862
You didn't change your mind? No.
178
00:10:52,862 --> 00:10:54,622
Right. Turn over your pad.
179
00:10:56,022 --> 00:10:57,502
LAUGHTER
180
00:10:57,502 --> 00:11:00,102
Oh, what's that? I thought
you were thinking of a cat.
181
00:11:00,102 --> 00:11:05,822
Well, I were. But it were really
scratching me, so I put it in a box.
182
00:11:08,302 --> 00:11:10,942
Well, there you go. Two cats.
183
00:11:10,942 --> 00:11:13,542
But with one in a box.
184
00:11:15,182 --> 00:11:17,702
Thank you, you can
sit back down now.
185
00:11:17,702 --> 00:11:21,942
Can I wait in the car, actually?
I'm really frozzed in here.
186
00:11:21,942 --> 00:11:24,382
Have you got the key? Yeah.
187
00:11:33,022 --> 00:11:35,942
What's this? It's the display
you asked for, Ma'am.
188
00:11:35,942 --> 00:11:38,342
So we can keep track
of the investigation.
189
00:11:38,342 --> 00:11:41,422
No, no, no, this is Prime Suspect!
190
00:11:41,422 --> 00:11:44,302
It's the 21st century, we're
not hunting the Yorkshire Ripper.
191
00:11:44,302 --> 00:11:46,022
Where's my plasma screen?
192
00:11:46,022 --> 00:11:47,942
It's... It's on order, Ma'am.
193
00:11:47,942 --> 00:11:50,542
Good.
194
00:11:50,542 --> 00:11:53,302
And I want to operate it
from a button under here somewhere.
195
00:11:53,302 --> 00:11:55,622
Now where are we?
196
00:11:55,622 --> 00:11:59,102
Well, we think we've located
Robert Greenspan, he's the, er...
197
00:11:59,102 --> 00:12:02,822
the, the little...
The dwarf, you can say it.
198
00:12:02,822 --> 00:12:05,782
Yes, and we expect
to have questioned him by the end of the day.
199
00:12:05,782 --> 00:12:08,342
Right. Keep me posted.
200
00:12:08,342 --> 00:12:11,542
Ah, good,
the Sony catalogue's arrived.
201
00:12:11,542 --> 00:12:13,942
And if he doesn't know
anything Ma'am? Hmm?
202
00:12:15,862 --> 00:12:21,222
Oh, kill him. 290 centimetres.
What's that in inches then?
203
00:12:21,222 --> 00:12:23,742
MOBILE VIBRATES
204
00:12:23,742 --> 00:12:26,462
Hello?
205
00:12:26,462 --> 00:12:28,702
Look, I told you
not to ring me again.
206
00:12:28,702 --> 00:12:32,342
I can't see you tonight,
I'm going to the opera with Charles.
207
00:12:32,342 --> 00:12:35,702
Of course I still love you, that's
the problem. Please don't call me.
208
00:12:35,702 --> 00:12:38,662
No, don't even next. It's over.
209
00:12:43,942 --> 00:12:45,902
Who are you? Get out of my room!
210
00:12:45,902 --> 00:12:48,022
GUNSHOTS
211
00:12:51,262 --> 00:12:54,222
Sorry, what am I meant to do now?
212
00:12:54,222 --> 00:12:58,462
You're meant to fall down dead.
You've just been shot.
213
00:12:58,462 --> 00:13:00,542
That's it, sorry, I couldn't...
214
00:13:00,542 --> 00:13:02,782
There's so much to think about.
All right, cut.
215
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:04,462
We have to reset the squibs.
216
00:13:04,462 --> 00:13:07,022
Sorry, everyone!
217
00:13:07,022 --> 00:13:08,622
I think I got my line wrong anyway.
218
00:13:08,622 --> 00:13:10,782
Didn't I say next
instead of text?
219
00:13:10,782 --> 00:13:12,382
Oh, God, I look such a mess.
220
00:13:12,382 --> 00:13:14,582
No, you don't.
221
00:13:14,582 --> 00:13:16,422
You look beautiful.
222
00:13:17,942 --> 00:13:19,702
We all missed you.
223
00:13:19,702 --> 00:13:22,542
It wasn't the same after
you and Kerry left.
224
00:13:22,542 --> 00:13:24,222
They didn't recast you know,
225
00:13:24,222 --> 00:13:28,222
they just put on two garden gnomes,
which I think was a bit... do you?
226
00:13:28,222 --> 00:13:29,942
I'm sorry about that.
227
00:13:29,942 --> 00:13:32,862
It got a bit confusing, what
with your accident and everything.
228
00:13:32,862 --> 00:13:34,462
I know. I'm a lot better now,
229
00:13:34,462 --> 00:13:37,062
but I'm still having trouble
with my lines.
230
00:13:37,062 --> 00:13:41,542
Sarah! Look if we lose this,
if this goes and if this goes
231
00:13:41,542 --> 00:13:44,502
and if this goes, we can lose
the bitch by Thursday.
232
00:13:44,502 --> 00:13:45,622
So, just do it.
233
00:13:45,622 --> 00:13:48,902
Listen, Debbie. I want you
to look after something for me.
234
00:13:48,902 --> 00:13:52,022
All right, but I am allergic to cats.
235
00:13:52,022 --> 00:13:55,542
No, it's not alive. A dead cat?
236
00:13:55,542 --> 00:14:00,022
I'm not sure, Robert. How did it die?
It's not... it's this.
237
00:14:03,462 --> 00:14:05,662
That's pretty.
What does the H stand for?
238
00:14:05,662 --> 00:14:07,622
It's a K.
Is it? Looks like an H.
239
00:14:07,622 --> 00:14:10,182
No, it's definitely a K.
240
00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:12,382
Ah, did Kerry give it to you?
241
00:14:12,382 --> 00:14:14,102
No, it's another K.
242
00:14:15,502 --> 00:14:18,622
MAN SCREAMS
243
00:14:18,622 --> 00:14:21,182
To be honest, I stole it
from someone a couple of years ago.
244
00:14:21,182 --> 00:14:26,422
Don't ask me why, I just took it.
But she was already dead.
245
00:14:26,422 --> 00:14:28,142
Like the cat.
246
00:14:28,142 --> 00:14:31,222
Oh, no, that's a curly C, isn't it?
247
00:14:31,222 --> 00:14:34,262
Biggins rang to tell me the police
have been asking about it,
248
00:14:34,262 --> 00:14:37,742
so I need someone to look after it
for me, just for a little while.
249
00:14:37,742 --> 00:14:40,182
Of course!
Don't worry, it'll be safe with me.
250
00:14:40,182 --> 00:14:43,582
Can we come on, please?! Line up.
I've got to go.
251
00:14:43,582 --> 00:14:46,182
Well, it was lovely seeing you again!
Are you busy?
252
00:14:46,182 --> 00:14:49,662
I've got an audition
this afternoon, for Time Bandits.
253
00:14:49,662 --> 00:14:52,742
But if you ever fancy...
you know, grabbing a drink?
254
00:14:52,742 --> 00:14:55,062
Yes.
255
00:14:55,062 --> 00:14:58,222
We should do a reunion. All of the...
256
00:14:58,222 --> 00:15:02,942
you. Not the gnomes.
Just the live ones.
257
00:15:02,942 --> 00:15:05,502
Yeah. That'd be nice.
258
00:15:05,502 --> 00:15:07,022
Got to go!
259
00:15:08,702 --> 00:15:11,782
Debbie, you forgot this.
260
00:15:13,582 --> 00:15:14,862
What is it?
261
00:15:14,862 --> 00:15:16,542
That's pretty. Is that an H?
262
00:15:18,422 --> 00:15:21,142
This is Jeremy Goode
from Brooke Street Library.
263
00:15:21,142 --> 00:15:24,862
Just to let you know that
50 Great Coast Walks Of The British Isles is still
264
00:15:24,862 --> 00:15:29,662
outstanding and the fine
stands at 35 pence, made payable in full when you return the book.
265
00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:32,582
If I don't hear from you,
I'll call you again in ten minutes.
266
00:15:32,582 --> 00:15:35,182
Excuse me, dear,
I wonder if you could help me.
267
00:15:35,182 --> 00:15:39,062
I'm looking for
a book for my grandson.
268
00:15:39,062 --> 00:15:43,222
It's the final one about
the boy who's a wizard, erm...
269
00:15:43,222 --> 00:15:46,382
Oh, you know the one. No, sorry.
270
00:15:46,382 --> 00:15:49,222
He's a boy with glasses on.
271
00:15:49,222 --> 00:15:52,902
And they made a film of it.
272
00:15:52,902 --> 00:15:57,542
He does magic and he has a friend
with ginger hair.
273
00:15:57,542 --> 00:16:00,382
Oh, you must know, it's very famous.
274
00:16:00,382 --> 00:16:03,902
No. I promised I would pick it up
for him, you see.
275
00:16:03,902 --> 00:16:08,302
He's in the hospital and I just
can't recall. Lord Of The Rings?
276
00:16:08,302 --> 00:16:12,222
No, that's not it. P... P...
277
00:16:12,222 --> 00:16:13,742
Mary Poppins?
278
00:16:13,742 --> 00:16:16,462
No. No, he has a scar there.
279
00:16:16,462 --> 00:16:18,582
Oh, please help me.
280
00:16:18,582 --> 00:16:21,622
Is it 50 Great Coastal Walks
Of The British Isles, Volume II?
281
00:16:21,622 --> 00:16:23,862
That book's on loan
although it is overdue.
282
00:16:23,862 --> 00:16:26,382
I'll just call and see if
I can't find out for you.
283
00:16:26,382 --> 00:16:28,742
No, it's not a study book,
it's fiction.
284
00:16:28,742 --> 00:16:30,542
Harry Potter! It's Harry Potter.
285
00:16:30,542 --> 00:16:33,382
Harry Potter,
Harry Potter, Harry Potter!
286
00:16:33,382 --> 00:16:35,902
That's it! Thank you.
287
00:16:36,982 --> 00:16:41,342
No need to be such a prick about it,
was there, dear?
288
00:17:08,182 --> 00:17:12,822
She's here. Oh, thank God for that.
Are we ready, then?
289
00:17:12,822 --> 00:17:14,782
She just asked me to play this.
290
00:17:29,262 --> 00:17:31,862
♪ This is my moment
291
00:17:31,862 --> 00:17:38,702
♪ This is my perfect moment with you
292
00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:45,542
♪ This is what God meant
293
00:17:45,542 --> 00:17:51,142
♪ This is my perfect moment
with you... ♪
294
00:17:51,142 --> 00:17:56,342
Hello, Hattie. I've waited my
whole life for this moment.
295
00:18:00,422 --> 00:18:03,662
Welcome, Hattie, Shahrouz.
296
00:18:03,662 --> 00:18:07,822
Before we begin, I always
like to get this question out of the way first.
297
00:18:07,822 --> 00:18:13,262
Is there any person here present who
knows of any just or lawful reason
298
00:18:13,262 --> 00:18:16,502
why these two persons should not
be joined in matrimony?
299
00:18:18,102 --> 00:18:21,102
Let them speak now
or forever hold their peace.
300
00:18:21,102 --> 00:18:23,942
(Don't worry. I won't say anything.)
301
00:18:28,982 --> 00:18:34,022
The artist.
The blood donor, the missing page.
302
00:18:34,022 --> 00:18:35,782
Bacon radio?
303
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:37,662
The radio ham.
304
00:18:37,662 --> 00:18:41,102
How much do you know about Hancock?
305
00:18:41,102 --> 00:18:43,982
Not a lot.
I saw that Will Smith film.
306
00:18:43,982 --> 00:18:46,222
No, that was ridiculous!
307
00:18:46,222 --> 00:18:47,982
Totally miscast.
308
00:18:47,982 --> 00:18:51,822
No, Tony Hancock was a popular
British actor and comedian
309
00:18:51,822 --> 00:18:56,182
who had a failed stab
at a Hollywood career and took his own life in 1968.
310
00:18:56,182 --> 00:18:59,622
Oh, yeah, you hate him, don't you?
Yes, I do.
311
00:19:01,142 --> 00:19:02,862
He was my best friend.
312
00:19:04,822 --> 00:19:07,942
We met in the Air Force in 1942,
313
00:19:07,942 --> 00:19:10,982
auditioned for ENSA together.
314
00:19:10,982 --> 00:19:16,062
Tony was always ambitious,
but I just wanted the quiet life.
315
00:19:16,062 --> 00:19:19,902
After the war, I settled down with
a little Wren I'd met in Weston.
316
00:19:21,422 --> 00:19:24,822
Tony was my best man.
Godfather to our kiddie too.
317
00:19:26,582 --> 00:19:29,342
Until the accident.
318
00:19:29,342 --> 00:19:31,902
Ironic, really.
319
00:19:31,902 --> 00:19:33,942
Little Billy was nine years old,
320
00:19:33,942 --> 00:19:36,382
fell out of a tree,
lost a lot of blood.
321
00:19:36,382 --> 00:19:40,982
They needed a donor fast,
so I volunteered, but they said no.
322
00:19:40,982 --> 00:19:44,062
Wrong blood type.
323
00:19:44,062 --> 00:19:47,462
My wife said,
"We'd better call Tony."
324
00:19:49,582 --> 00:19:52,862
What, he was the father? Yes.
325
00:19:52,862 --> 00:19:55,022
I loved that boy with all my heart,
326
00:19:55,022 --> 00:19:59,022
but I walked out on him that day
and I've never seen him since.
327
00:19:59,022 --> 00:20:02,582
Billy Lomax ceased to exist.
328
00:20:02,582 --> 00:20:05,062
But Billy Hancock...
329
00:20:05,062 --> 00:20:10,942
Well, I never knew
what became of him...until now.
330
00:20:10,942 --> 00:20:14,142
So, you mean he's the one who's
been sending you this stuff?
331
00:20:14,142 --> 00:20:16,382
Oh, he's been trying
to contact me for years.
332
00:20:16,382 --> 00:20:20,382
Wants to get his claws into my
commodities, but I won't let him.
333
00:20:20,382 --> 00:20:24,262
You promise me, Tealeaf,
promise me you'll never let him inside this house!
334
00:20:24,262 --> 00:20:27,422
OK, OK, whatever, chill out, bro.
335
00:20:27,422 --> 00:20:30,262
What do you want me to do
with this stuff? Bin it!
336
00:20:30,262 --> 00:20:32,382
In with the plums.
337
00:20:44,822 --> 00:20:48,462
You've not eaten much of your main,
Robin, are you not hungry?
338
00:20:48,462 --> 00:20:52,102
I'm still rather full after
the first course, to be honest.
339
00:20:52,102 --> 00:20:55,462
Some people wouldn't
serve porridge as a starter, but we love it, don't we?
340
00:20:55,742 --> 00:20:59,062
Yeah. It can be savoury or sweet.
341
00:21:00,462 --> 00:21:01,782
It was delicious, thank you.
342
00:21:01,782 --> 00:21:06,062
Er, what's in this?
It's just lumps of fish finger.
343
00:21:06,062 --> 00:21:10,102
David nibbles all the
breadcrumbs off, then I plop them in a Marie Rose sauce.
344
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:12,142
That's lovely.
345
00:21:12,142 --> 00:21:15,022
It's me own recipe. It's salad cream
with ketchup mixed in.
346
00:21:15,022 --> 00:21:19,302
Tip for you, Emily. Thanks.
Can we have the puddings now?
347
00:21:19,302 --> 00:21:22,502
No, let the mains go down, David,
everyone's stuffed. I want it!
348
00:21:24,702 --> 00:21:26,262
All right.
349
00:21:26,262 --> 00:21:28,582
You get it out the fridge.
We'll side these plates.
350
00:21:31,782 --> 00:21:33,782
Sorry to drag you
into all this, Emily.
351
00:21:33,782 --> 00:21:37,662
Remember, the pudding with the
peanuts is the dish with the fish.
352
00:21:37,662 --> 00:21:39,702
The two that are blue
are for me and for you.
353
00:21:39,702 --> 00:21:41,342
What about Emily?
354
00:21:41,342 --> 00:21:43,782
Nothing rhymes with that,
just give her a pear.
355
00:21:43,782 --> 00:21:46,062
HE MUTTERS TO HIMSELF
356
00:21:53,022 --> 00:21:56,582
Everything all right, David?
Um, yeah.
357
00:21:56,582 --> 00:22:00,502
The two that are blue are
for me and for you.
358
00:22:00,502 --> 00:22:01,982
This is the dish for Emily's fish.
359
00:22:01,982 --> 00:22:06,462
Oh, I don't want
any pudding, thanks. Oh.
360
00:22:06,462 --> 00:22:08,782
So blue for the Robin
and blue for the guest.
361
00:22:08,782 --> 00:22:10,902
You have the pear
and I'll have the rest.
362
00:22:10,902 --> 00:22:12,822
Now I have two.
363
00:22:12,822 --> 00:22:14,742
What's going on? Who's got what?
364
00:22:14,742 --> 00:22:18,622
I'm not sure, but I think
the pair that are blue...
365
00:22:18,622 --> 00:22:20,302
This one is yours.
366
00:22:20,302 --> 00:22:23,862
And these are ours.
Now eat up, everyone.
367
00:22:37,142 --> 00:22:39,542
Mmm...
368
00:22:44,862 --> 00:22:48,942
I'm sorry that's rock hard,
it's just come out the fridge.
369
00:23:04,582 --> 00:23:05,822
Hello?
370
00:23:17,542 --> 00:23:18,902
Hello. >
371
00:23:18,902 --> 00:23:20,942
Hello.
372
00:23:21,982 --> 00:23:25,462
Next time, try and remember
what we rehearsed.
373
00:23:26,982 --> 00:23:28,582
All right.
374
00:23:28,582 --> 00:23:30,462
It's late for me, is this.
375
00:23:30,462 --> 00:23:33,862
I'm normally tucked up.
You all right getting back in?
376
00:23:33,862 --> 00:23:36,182
Don't worry about me.
377
00:23:37,702 --> 00:23:39,702
All right, then. Same time tomorrow.
378
00:23:39,702 --> 00:23:41,702
We'll have a go
at that zigzag lady.
379
00:23:41,702 --> 00:23:45,342
MOBILE PHONE: 'I am J-O-L-L-Y,
I am J-O-L-L-Y,
380
00:23:45,342 --> 00:23:50,382
'I think I'm, I'm sure I am,
I am J-O-L-L-Y.'
381
00:23:52,662 --> 00:23:54,502
Hello?
382
00:23:54,502 --> 00:23:58,982
'Am I speaking to Mr Jolly?' Yeah.
383
00:23:58,982 --> 00:24:02,902
'I have a client who
wishes to arrange a booking.
384
00:24:02,902 --> 00:24:05,062
'Are you available tomorrow
afternoon?'
385
00:24:05,062 --> 00:24:09,382
Um, just let me check that for you.
386
00:24:10,702 --> 00:24:14,182
Yeah, it looks like I'm free.
Whose party is it?
387
00:24:14,182 --> 00:24:17,862
'I will text you the details once
I have confirmed with the client.
388
00:24:17,862 --> 00:24:21,222
'Do you wish for a wire
transfer or cash?' Cash.
389
00:24:21,222 --> 00:24:25,342
Actual cash
would be better for me.
390
00:24:25,342 --> 00:24:29,262
Um, can I ask,
how much is the tariff?
391
00:24:29,262 --> 00:24:32,302
'It will be the usual. 1,200 euros'.
392
00:24:34,102 --> 00:24:40,102
Good. Um... does that
include petrol money?
393
00:24:40,102 --> 00:24:43,062
RETCHING FROM BATHROOM
394
00:24:47,982 --> 00:24:49,302
So...
395
00:24:55,942 --> 00:24:59,382
How long have you worked for,
er...
396
00:24:59,382 --> 00:25:02,342
what's his name, Robin?
397
00:25:02,342 --> 00:25:07,902
Not long, actually.
I saw an advert in the paper.
398
00:25:07,902 --> 00:25:12,022
Apparently, the company
lost a lot of members recently.
399
00:25:12,022 --> 00:25:15,422
LAUGHS: They certainly have,
haven't they, David?
400
00:25:15,422 --> 00:25:16,902
Mum! What?
401
00:25:16,902 --> 00:25:19,142
I'm just trying
to get the party going.
402
00:25:21,342 --> 00:25:23,182
Sorry about that.
403
00:25:23,182 --> 00:25:27,062
I think perhaps the dessert may have
contained some nuts.
404
00:25:27,062 --> 00:25:29,462
No, it was banana flavour.
405
00:25:29,462 --> 00:25:31,982
But wouldn't you have
died if you'd eaten nuts?
406
00:25:31,982 --> 00:25:36,382
No, it's not an allergy,
it's a gastric reaction.
407
00:25:36,382 --> 00:25:37,942
I'll be fine in the morning.
408
00:25:37,942 --> 00:25:40,502
Well, thanks for a lovely evening.
409
00:25:40,502 --> 00:25:43,302
You're not going! Haven't done
any games yet, or singing.
410
00:25:43,302 --> 00:25:45,582
Mum, I think we need to let them go.
411
00:25:45,582 --> 00:25:48,262
You're boring, David.
He never wants me to have any fun.
412
00:25:48,262 --> 00:25:51,982
We have got work in the morning...
Sit down, you! It's party time.
413
00:25:51,982 --> 00:25:54,382
David, fetch the green
suitcase from under the bed.
414
00:25:54,382 --> 00:25:56,302
Don't, Mum. Yes, they're seeing it!
415
00:25:56,302 --> 00:25:59,262
They won't like it. Fine.
416
00:25:59,262 --> 00:26:02,342
I'll get it myself.
417
00:26:07,342 --> 00:26:08,382
She's not well.
418
00:26:08,382 --> 00:26:12,182
She's just...letting her hair down.
419
00:26:12,182 --> 00:26:15,422
This is your fault.
What's it got to do with me?
420
00:26:15,422 --> 00:26:17,982
You shouldn't have sent
her the letter. It's set her off.
421
00:26:17,982 --> 00:26:19,022
What's this?
422
00:26:21,582 --> 00:26:23,662
I never sent her this.
423
00:26:23,662 --> 00:26:26,822
What does it mean?
424
00:26:26,822 --> 00:26:28,342
What have you done?
425
00:26:28,342 --> 00:26:34,982
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome
Miss Tina Turner!
426
00:26:34,982 --> 00:26:39,742
RECORDING: # I call you, I need you
And my heart's on fire
427
00:26:44,862 --> 00:26:49,062
♪ You come to me, come to me
wild and wire... ♪
428
00:26:51,342 --> 00:26:54,142
Mum, sit down. Oh, shut up!
Come on, Emily.
429
00:26:54,142 --> 00:26:56,382
You shouldn't be doing this.
The doctor said...
430
00:26:56,382 --> 00:26:58,702
What did he say?
"Don't do your Tina?
431
00:26:58,702 --> 00:27:02,222
"Don't have any fun"?
Please! You don't realise...
432
00:27:02,222 --> 00:27:05,262
♪ You're simply the best, whoo... ♪
433
00:27:05,262 --> 00:27:09,382
Mum! ♪ ..Better than
all the rest... ♪
434
00:27:09,382 --> 00:27:11,662
Stop it! Why should I?
435
00:27:11,662 --> 00:27:14,422
Because you've got cancer!
436
00:27:14,422 --> 00:27:17,022
MUSIC STOPS
437
00:27:17,022 --> 00:27:20,382
ROBIN PASSES WIND
I'm so sorry.
438
00:27:22,262 --> 00:27:24,942
Do you want a hand with
the tidying up?
439
00:27:28,062 --> 00:27:30,462
Just go now, please. I don't mind...
440
00:27:30,462 --> 00:27:31,982
Get out.
441
00:27:51,662 --> 00:27:53,142
How long have I got?
442
00:27:55,702 --> 00:27:57,782
I don't know.
443
00:27:57,782 --> 00:28:00,062
Not long, the doctor said.
444
00:28:01,662 --> 00:28:04,382
I'm sorry, Mum.
445
00:28:05,942 --> 00:28:10,702
Those'll need putting in the fridge,
and, um...
446
00:28:10,702 --> 00:28:13,702
if you could do the bins for me,
David.
447
00:28:13,702 --> 00:28:15,222
I think I'll go to bed.
448
00:28:26,182 --> 00:28:29,222
I should take this off, actually,
could have my eye out.
449
00:28:29,222 --> 00:28:32,182
I once heard this horrible
story about Bonnie Langford...
450
00:28:54,342 --> 00:28:58,422
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
451
00:28:58,422 --> 00:29:02,982
E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk
452
00:29:03,032 --> 00:29:07,582
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
36060
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.