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1
00:00:00,149 --> 00:00:02,811
I'm proud of you, getting this job.
2
00:00:02,981 --> 00:00:04,905
- Are you a waiter?
- Butler!
3
00:00:05,075 --> 00:00:07,425
Can someone get me down?
Me legs are numb!
4
00:00:07,730 --> 00:00:09,545
David! Go home.
5
00:00:09,850 --> 00:00:10,710
Sorry, Mum.
6
00:00:10,970 --> 00:00:12,638
I did a bad murder.
7
00:00:12,808 --> 00:00:15,095
Did anyone else apart from him
see you do that murder?
8
00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:17,990
That's three more witnesses
we've got to get rid of.
9
00:00:18,251 --> 00:00:19,952
Are you happy with that?
Being drowned?
10
00:00:20,122 --> 00:00:21,686
Go fill a bath, David.
11
00:00:22,371 --> 00:00:23,549
Now, David!
12
00:00:29,913 --> 00:00:33,750
Synch: mpm & nitrogenc
13
00:01:47,331 --> 00:01:50,265
You're listening to Movie Magic
with me, Henry Kelly.
14
00:01:50,618 --> 00:01:53,092
Just when you thought it was safe
to go back in the shower,
15
00:01:53,262 --> 00:01:55,542
that was, of course,
the unmistakable sound
16
00:01:55,712 --> 00:01:58,110
of Bernard Herrmann
with the score for Alfred...
17
00:02:18,771 --> 00:02:21,501
Well, shall I put the kettle on?
I'm absolutely gasping.
18
00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:23,680
So was he.
19
00:02:23,919 --> 00:02:25,296
Oh, yeah! Funny that.
20
00:02:25,525 --> 00:02:27,590
Like when you say
you're dying for the toilet.
21
00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:29,449
It doesn't mean you're gonna die.
22
00:02:29,619 --> 00:02:32,432
Unless your stools are black.
What colour are your stools, David?
23
00:02:33,763 --> 00:02:35,970
- Banoffee pie.
- That's all right, then.
24
00:02:36,140 --> 00:02:37,782
We're getting good at this.
25
00:02:37,952 --> 00:02:39,950
That was easier than the last one.
26
00:02:40,213 --> 00:02:43,334
Mind you, it wasn't as satisfying.
Bit like a Chinese.
27
00:02:43,504 --> 00:02:46,342
Is that why these serial killers
can't stop, David?
28
00:02:47,721 --> 00:02:51,105
The god-like power over human life
enables serial killers to compensate
29
00:02:51,275 --> 00:02:54,754
for childhood humiliations
or adult inadequacies,
30
00:02:55,453 --> 00:02:56,844
leading to feelings of potency
31
00:02:57,014 --> 00:02:59,736
and superiority which cannot be
attained in their day-to-day lives.
32
00:03:00,114 --> 00:03:02,397
Yeah, like I say : it's moreish.
33
00:03:03,652 --> 00:03:04,833
Look, David.
34
00:03:05,003 --> 00:03:06,933
It's them pyramid tea bags!
35
00:03:07,323 --> 00:03:08,977
I've always wanted
to try one of these.
36
00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:11,937
Apparently,
you get a bigger flavour.
37
00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:14,723
And he's got
a Lord Of The Rings mug, David.
38
00:03:14,893 --> 00:03:16,839
Do you want it?
I'm happy with a plain one.
39
00:03:17,009 --> 00:03:19,134
- I'm not bothered!
- What's the matter?
40
00:03:19,698 --> 00:03:21,433
I can't get this tie undone.
41
00:03:21,603 --> 00:03:22,692
Stupid knot!
42
00:03:24,622 --> 00:03:26,182
Because you bite your nails.
43
00:03:26,352 --> 00:03:27,502
Give it here.
44
00:03:29,438 --> 00:03:31,491
This was your dad's tie, you know.
45
00:03:32,019 --> 00:03:34,486
He'd have been really proud
to see you wearing it.
46
00:03:34,656 --> 00:03:36,103
I don't want to talk about him.
47
00:03:36,273 --> 00:03:39,224
Well, he would have been proud.
Seeing how you've turned out.
48
00:03:39,442 --> 00:03:41,949
He always said you'd end up
doing something with your hands.
49
00:03:42,396 --> 00:03:44,553
Like mending cars,
not doing strangles!
50
00:03:44,723 --> 00:03:47,348
"Our David may not be
the sharpest knife in the drawer",
51
00:03:47,518 --> 00:03:50,223
he used to say, "but he'll end up
with his name in the papers one day.
52
00:03:50,393 --> 00:03:51,895
"You mark my words."
53
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:55,310
That reminds me,
we can tick him off now, can't we?
54
00:03:55,983 --> 00:03:57,619
What was his name again?
55
00:03:57,789 --> 00:04:00,551
- Dad's name?
- No! The chappie in the box.
56
00:04:01,228 --> 00:04:03,614
Martin. Martin Pike.
57
00:04:04,306 --> 00:04:06,252
There we are.
That's another one done.
58
00:04:06,422 --> 00:04:08,606
Right, who shall we do next?
What about him?
59
00:04:08,776 --> 00:04:09,976
Snooty bugger.
60
00:04:10,702 --> 00:04:12,010
Can we not stop now?
61
00:04:13,125 --> 00:04:16,343
You're being blackmailed, remember?
It's either them or you.
62
00:04:18,135 --> 00:04:19,885
How do we know he's dead?
63
00:04:20,667 --> 00:04:22,017
Course he's dead.
64
00:04:24,721 --> 00:04:26,167
Look at that face.
65
00:04:28,697 --> 00:04:32,197
What would you say that is,
like a royal blue? Or a duck-egg blue?
66
00:04:32,954 --> 00:04:34,004
Cornflower.
67
00:04:34,458 --> 00:04:36,844
Yeah, well, he's brown bread now,
isn't he? Dead.
68
00:04:37,014 --> 00:04:39,426
What shall we do? Leave him here
or dump him in the canal?
69
00:04:39,596 --> 00:04:41,498
- Leave him.
- We could chop him up in the bath,
70
00:04:41,668 --> 00:04:43,910
if that'd make you feel better.
Like Donald Neilson.
71
00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:47,065
Dennis Nilsen! Donald Neilson
was the Black Panther!
72
00:04:47,235 --> 00:04:50,277
- Totally different murderer!
- I'm always getting them two mixed up.
73
00:04:52,673 --> 00:04:54,543
Why couldn't I see Dad's body?
74
00:04:55,813 --> 00:04:56,639
When?
75
00:04:57,646 --> 00:04:58,804
When he died.
76
00:05:00,296 --> 00:05:02,930
We were at the police station.
You had to tell them what you'd done.
77
00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:04,802
Don't go dredging up the past.
78
00:05:05,485 --> 00:05:07,228
I'm going to have
a quick dust round.
79
00:05:07,398 --> 00:05:09,569
I know what you're like
with your dandruff, Shake'n'Vac.
80
00:05:09,739 --> 00:05:11,944
- You go and check the toilet.
- What for?
81
00:05:12,114 --> 00:05:12,965
Them!
82
00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:15,567
CSI'd have a field day
with your pubics.
83
00:05:15,737 --> 00:05:17,364
Go have a wee
and hose them all down.
84
00:05:17,534 --> 00:05:19,578
- I don't want one!
- Just try, David.
85
00:05:19,748 --> 00:05:22,650
You've had four smoothies today already.
I'm not getting halfway home
86
00:05:22,820 --> 00:05:24,821
and having you
with your trousers steaming.
87
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,976
Put that stuff back on the trunk.
88
00:05:36,842 --> 00:05:38,379
Test me on the poisoners.
89
00:05:38,549 --> 00:05:40,559
- Not now, David.
- I want it!
90
00:05:43,107 --> 00:05:44,771
Which poisoner killed
the most victims?
91
00:05:44,941 --> 00:05:47,707
I know why you're doing this
and I'm not going down that road again.
92
00:05:47,877 --> 00:05:50,130
Answer: Marcel Petiot, 27.
93
00:05:50,300 --> 00:05:52,918
Which doctor administered
lethal doses of hydrobromide?
94
00:05:53,088 --> 00:05:55,178
I dunno. Dr. Legg off EastEnders.
95
00:05:55,348 --> 00:05:57,145
Answer: Dr. Hawley Harvey Crippen.
96
00:05:57,315 --> 00:06:00,013
I don't like this china dog.
Alsatians frighten me.
97
00:06:00,243 --> 00:06:02,583
Who murdered her seven-year-old stepson
with rat poison?
98
00:06:02,753 --> 00:06:04,866
- Answer: Mary Ann Cotton.
- I'm not listening.
99
00:06:05,036 --> 00:06:07,577
Which cross-eyed serial killer
murdered Matilda Clover
100
00:06:07,747 --> 00:06:09,838
and was hanged
on November 19th, 1892?
101
00:06:10,008 --> 00:06:11,471
Answer: Dr Thomas Neill Cream.
102
00:06:11,641 --> 00:06:14,406
And who put 39 sleeping pills
in his dad's Smash?
103
00:06:14,576 --> 00:06:17,630
- Answer: David Sowerbutts.
- I was trying to help him!
104
00:06:20,789 --> 00:06:22,239
He looked so tired.
105
00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:26,276
I wanted to help him sleep.
106
00:06:28,869 --> 00:06:30,519
You certainly did that.
107
00:06:32,379 --> 00:06:34,410
I know you hate me for what I done.
108
00:06:38,750 --> 00:06:40,047
I don't hate you.
109
00:06:42,001 --> 00:06:43,701
We've been through this.
110
00:06:44,307 --> 00:06:45,307
In fact...
111
00:06:45,741 --> 00:06:47,072
in many ways...
112
00:06:47,630 --> 00:06:49,030
it was a blessing.
113
00:06:51,128 --> 00:06:53,640
What's brought all this on?
Killing that man?
114
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:56,531
Come here, you daft sod.
115
00:06:58,930 --> 00:07:00,780
You're my hero, aren't you?
116
00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:03,320
My little Superman.
117
00:07:04,020 --> 00:07:05,820
And you never forget that!
118
00:07:07,775 --> 00:07:09,771
Shall we put
the cheering-up tape on?
119
00:07:10,299 --> 00:07:11,859
Are you sure? I've brought it!
120
00:07:12,029 --> 00:07:14,281
- OK!
- Come on, let's have a laugh!
121
00:07:15,429 --> 00:07:17,310
We'll soon have you sorted out.
122
00:07:18,513 --> 00:07:22,415
You know, your uncle Paul said
he could put this on a DVD for you.
123
00:07:22,585 --> 00:07:24,586
That'd be good, wouldn't it?
Would you like?
124
00:07:24,756 --> 00:07:26,106
I'm not bothered.
125
00:07:29,816 --> 00:07:31,091
One, two
126
00:07:31,561 --> 00:07:33,305
One, two, three, go!
127
00:07:34,510 --> 00:07:35,870
Clap your hands!
128
00:07:39,268 --> 00:07:40,268
Sleep!
129
00:07:42,399 --> 00:07:43,699
Wave your hands!
130
00:07:46,273 --> 00:07:47,374
Hitch a ride!
131
00:07:49,727 --> 00:07:50,727
Sneeze!
132
00:07:52,954 --> 00:07:54,154
Go for a walk!
133
00:07:56,370 --> 00:07:57,724
Let's see you swim!
134
00:08:00,020 --> 00:08:01,020
Now ski!
135
00:08:03,773 --> 00:08:04,773
Spray!
136
00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:08,707
Macho man!
137
00:08:10,912 --> 00:08:12,212
Sound your horn!
138
00:08:14,395 --> 00:08:15,595
Ring the bell!
139
00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:22,459
Kiss!
140
00:08:24,484 --> 00:08:25,734
Comb your hair!
141
00:08:28,510 --> 00:08:29,810
Wave your hands!
142
00:08:31,295 --> 00:08:32,890
Come on, wave your hands!
143
00:08:35,273 --> 00:08:36,340
Superman!
144
00:08:40,025 --> 00:08:41,379
Clap your hands...
145
00:08:42,931 --> 00:08:45,146
- Now you're looking really good!
- What was that?
146
00:08:45,316 --> 00:08:46,935
Now you've go the hang of it
147
00:08:47,265 --> 00:08:49,665
We're gonna try it one more time...
148
00:09:40,799 --> 00:09:41,797
Mr Pike?
149
00:09:42,933 --> 00:09:44,983
Martin Pike, are you all right?
150
00:09:46,250 --> 00:09:48,396
I can see you.
Could you let me in, please?
151
00:09:50,455 --> 00:09:52,455
You're turning towards me now.
152
00:09:55,004 --> 00:09:56,504
Standing on one leg.
153
00:09:58,159 --> 00:09:59,536
Scratching your left ear.
154
00:09:59,706 --> 00:10:00,706
Right ear.
155
00:10:04,517 --> 00:10:05,817
Swimming, is it?
156
00:10:06,927 --> 00:10:07,927
Flying!
157
00:10:08,819 --> 00:10:10,712
Yes, I'm pretty sure I can see you.
158
00:10:19,537 --> 00:10:20,887
Sorry about that.
159
00:10:21,109 --> 00:10:22,159
Not at all.
160
00:10:22,444 --> 00:10:23,994
Can't be too careful.
161
00:10:24,734 --> 00:10:25,934
Jason Griffin.
162
00:10:26,317 --> 00:10:27,969
We spoke on the telephone.
163
00:10:30,498 --> 00:10:31,648
That's right.
164
00:10:33,171 --> 00:10:34,621
I'm glad you're in.
165
00:10:35,222 --> 00:10:37,666
I was beginning to think
I'd got the wrong address.
166
00:10:39,524 --> 00:10:41,589
This is my correct home.
167
00:10:42,609 --> 00:10:44,824
You've a lovely flat.
Have you been here long?
168
00:10:45,351 --> 00:10:46,969
- About ten minutes.
- Sorry?
169
00:10:47,359 --> 00:10:48,359
Years.
170
00:10:49,258 --> 00:10:50,258
Ten years.
171
00:10:51,541 --> 00:10:55,534
My mum died and left it to me
in her last will and ornaments.
172
00:10:56,229 --> 00:10:57,279
Testaments.
173
00:10:58,202 --> 00:10:59,502
I think she did.
174
00:11:04,045 --> 00:11:06,339
- We spoke on the phone?
- That's right.
175
00:11:06,557 --> 00:11:08,897
You said I could pay a visit
some time this afternoon.
176
00:11:09,067 --> 00:11:12,410
- You want to use the toilet?
- No, no. Not just yet, thank you.
177
00:11:12,580 --> 00:11:14,580
Did I hear a whistling kettle?
178
00:11:17,228 --> 00:11:20,015
Never mind. Shall we get
straight down to business?
179
00:11:24,328 --> 00:11:25,980
Let's do some business.
180
00:11:26,899 --> 00:11:27,794
Good-oh.
181
00:11:28,368 --> 00:11:30,995
As I said on the telephone,
I'm in the area
182
00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:34,164
investigating a series of murders.
183
00:11:34,991 --> 00:11:36,803
I wondered if you had
any information.
184
00:11:37,434 --> 00:11:39,134
There's nothing in that!
185
00:11:40,415 --> 00:11:41,826
Just decorative, then?
186
00:11:41,996 --> 00:11:44,442
Lovely piece, actually.
Is it Queen Anne?
187
00:11:46,228 --> 00:11:47,628
It's a wooden box.
188
00:11:47,900 --> 00:11:49,082
We'll soon find out.
189
00:11:49,252 --> 00:11:51,681
The inscription is usually
just inside the lid...
190
00:11:52,117 --> 00:11:54,317
Who's for a nice cup of tea, then?
191
00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:58,389
I'm ever so sorry.
I'm Mrs Pike, I'm Martin's mum.
192
00:12:01,047 --> 00:12:03,708
But Mr Pike was just
telling me that you were...
193
00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:05,374
Well, dead.
194
00:12:06,297 --> 00:12:07,302
The other one.
195
00:12:07,472 --> 00:12:09,246
The other mum. The poor one!
196
00:12:09,452 --> 00:12:11,202
It's like Blood Brothers.
197
00:12:11,621 --> 00:12:13,192
I was just admiring your chest.
198
00:12:13,362 --> 00:12:15,751
Really? You should have seen 'em
before he got his gums on 'em.
199
00:12:15,921 --> 00:12:18,160
Pinky and Perky, my husband
used to call 'em.
200
00:12:18,699 --> 00:12:20,328
I meant the Queen Anne chest.
201
00:12:20,603 --> 00:12:21,847
Quite a nice piece.
202
00:12:22,421 --> 00:12:25,815
Yeah, that. We don't really use it
for anything much any more,
203
00:12:25,985 --> 00:12:27,185
do we? Just...
204
00:12:28,340 --> 00:12:29,774
broken glass,
205
00:12:30,864 --> 00:12:31,864
nettles,
206
00:12:32,217 --> 00:12:33,089
dead...
207
00:12:33,362 --> 00:12:34,901
wasps, that sort of thing.
208
00:12:35,071 --> 00:12:37,501
You're better off not even
looking at it, to be honest.
209
00:12:37,671 --> 00:12:39,531
- We don't, do we?
- No, it's shit.
210
00:12:40,255 --> 00:12:41,255
Don't!
211
00:12:44,748 --> 00:12:47,103
- Would you like a tea, Mr...
- Oh, yes, please.
212
00:12:49,012 --> 00:12:50,423
Chief Inspector Griffin.
213
00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:52,880
As in...
214
00:12:53,498 --> 00:12:55,081
police inspector, not...
215
00:12:55,373 --> 00:12:56,623
parking meters?
216
00:12:58,505 --> 00:13:00,210
If only it was so frivolous!
217
00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:02,524
No, I was just saying, Mrs Pike,
218
00:13:02,694 --> 00:13:05,754
I'm in the area investigating
a recent series of murders.
219
00:13:05,924 --> 00:13:07,868
- Shitting heaven!
- It seems your son here
220
00:13:08,038 --> 00:13:10,201
may have a link
to one or more of the victims.
221
00:13:10,792 --> 00:13:11,813
- Have you?
- No!
222
00:13:11,983 --> 00:13:13,869
Well, there you are.
Thanks for coming!
223
00:13:14,901 --> 00:13:17,115
I still have to file a report,
I'm afraid.
224
00:13:17,285 --> 00:13:18,853
Cross the I's, dot the T's.
225
00:13:21,512 --> 00:13:23,812
Stop fiddling with your tie, Martin!
226
00:13:24,300 --> 00:13:26,800
38 and he still can't do
a proper knot.
227
00:13:27,983 --> 00:13:28,983
Allow me.
228
00:13:35,792 --> 00:13:39,084
Most of the plods have clip-ons,
of course, for safety reasons,
229
00:13:39,532 --> 00:13:41,677
but once you reach
the rank of inspector,
230
00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:45,216
a good old fashioned Windsor knot
is the order of the day.
231
00:13:46,167 --> 00:13:49,012
Must be exciting,
having a murder to crack.
232
00:13:49,677 --> 00:13:52,921
Well, it can be,
but this case is rather baffling.
233
00:13:53,506 --> 00:13:56,406
We have nothing to go on.
No DNA, no forensics.
234
00:13:57,116 --> 00:13:58,299
But we'll get there.
235
00:13:58,469 --> 00:14:00,489
We'll bait our traps
and wait patiently
236
00:14:00,659 --> 00:14:03,512
for the perpetrator to slip up,
which they always do.
237
00:14:05,474 --> 00:14:06,748
Make no mistake.
238
00:14:07,195 --> 00:14:09,245
Whoever committed these murders
239
00:14:09,811 --> 00:14:12,472
- will swing for it.
- You can't hang murderers!
240
00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:18,911
Not since Allen and Evans in 1964.
241
00:14:19,419 --> 00:14:20,419
Of course,
242
00:14:20,635 --> 00:14:22,493
I was speaking metaphorically.
243
00:14:22,723 --> 00:14:23,723
Alas,
244
00:14:24,173 --> 00:14:26,288
I'm just here to tick boxes, really.
245
00:14:26,518 --> 00:14:28,296
You make it sound
like working in a bank.
246
00:14:28,466 --> 00:14:29,914
What do you mean by that?
247
00:14:30,336 --> 00:14:32,043
Nothing.
It's you make it sound boring.
248
00:14:32,213 --> 00:14:35,680
Don't you have a wall with photos
of dead bodies on and arrows and that?
249
00:14:35,850 --> 00:14:37,211
- He does!
- Really?
250
00:14:37,381 --> 00:14:38,792
He wanted to be a policeman,
251
00:14:38,962 --> 00:14:41,324
but his head
wouldn't fit in the helmets.
252
00:14:41,928 --> 00:14:44,166
So you fancied yourself
as a copper, did you?
253
00:14:45,728 --> 00:14:47,428
It's a noble profession.
254
00:14:47,908 --> 00:14:50,925
But these days,
it's all just filing and paperwork.
255
00:14:51,958 --> 00:14:54,080
My real passion is for sleuthing.
256
00:14:54,482 --> 00:14:58,325
Sifting the evidence for clues...
proper Sherlock Holmes stuff.
257
00:14:59,055 --> 00:15:02,486
It's all about waiting for the murderer
to make his first silly mistake.
258
00:15:02,871 --> 00:15:04,117
That's when it gets
259
00:15:04,287 --> 00:15:05,587
really exciting.
260
00:15:05,900 --> 00:15:08,642
Yeah. You're always saying that,
aren't you, David?
261
00:15:10,825 --> 00:15:11,825
David?
262
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:16,215
I mean...
263
00:15:16,445 --> 00:15:17,445
Martin.
264
00:15:18,665 --> 00:15:19,815
David was...
265
00:15:21,155 --> 00:15:22,605
Can't remember now.
266
00:15:22,905 --> 00:15:23,905
A whatsit.
267
00:15:25,285 --> 00:15:26,585
A Freudian clit.
268
00:15:28,025 --> 00:15:29,025
Indeed.
269
00:15:29,545 --> 00:15:31,735
Well, this is what
I'm talking about, Mrs Pike.
270
00:15:31,905 --> 00:15:34,055
A good detective
would not only find the clues,
271
00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:36,705
but know how to interpret them.
You mentioned Dr Freud.
272
00:15:36,875 --> 00:15:38,785
He believed that deep down,
every man
273
00:15:38,955 --> 00:15:41,435
wishes to sleep with his mother
and kill his father.
274
00:15:44,565 --> 00:15:46,175
Well, one out of two's not bad.
275
00:15:46,345 --> 00:15:47,995
- I was trying to help him!
- Go
276
00:15:48,165 --> 00:15:50,405
and get the inspector a biscuit,
Martin.
277
00:15:50,575 --> 00:15:52,665
There's some chocolate Hobnobs
in the cupboard.
278
00:15:52,835 --> 00:15:53,935
Whereabouts?
279
00:15:54,105 --> 00:15:55,405
In the cupboard.
280
00:15:56,055 --> 00:15:57,805
Next to the knife drawer.
281
00:15:59,385 --> 00:16:00,485
What drawer?
282
00:16:03,185 --> 00:16:04,985
The knife drawer.
283
00:16:09,095 --> 00:16:10,195
What drawer?
284
00:16:13,965 --> 00:16:15,115
Knife drawer.
285
00:16:16,625 --> 00:16:18,175
Oh, the knife drawer.
286
00:16:23,355 --> 00:16:26,255
He won't be long. Shall we sit soft?
287
00:16:26,875 --> 00:16:27,875
So...
288
00:16:28,045 --> 00:16:30,895
did you know any
of Martin's colleagues, Mrs Pike?
289
00:16:31,065 --> 00:16:33,465
Did any of them ever visit
the house?
290
00:16:33,635 --> 00:16:35,905
I don't interfere with his work.
291
00:16:36,075 --> 00:16:38,125
I don't even know what he does.
292
00:16:38,435 --> 00:16:40,025
Really? You surprise me.
293
00:16:40,195 --> 00:16:42,915
You seem like the sort of woman
who would take more of an interest.
294
00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:44,085
Gloves!
295
00:16:46,765 --> 00:16:48,115
Forgot my gloves.
296
00:16:52,335 --> 00:16:54,485
He's... allergic to chocolates...
297
00:16:54,725 --> 00:16:55,895
the Hobnobs.
298
00:16:56,165 --> 00:16:58,115
A Mars Bar would kill him.
299
00:16:58,375 --> 00:17:01,045
Martin doesn't like me
looking over his shoulder.
300
00:17:01,215 --> 00:17:03,475
He's very independent.
I don't like fussing him.
301
00:17:03,645 --> 00:17:04,645
No, of course.
302
00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:07,915
Well, from what I can gather,
he's very popular at work.
303
00:17:08,275 --> 00:17:11,625
Can you think of anyone who would
want to harm Martin, Mrs Pike?
304
00:17:11,795 --> 00:17:13,915
Or the rest of his colleagues,
for that matter?
305
00:17:17,555 --> 00:17:18,915
I don't know.
306
00:17:19,485 --> 00:17:20,745
Just let me...
307
00:17:21,495 --> 00:17:23,545
think about that for you.
308
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:26,915
No, no. I mean,
309
00:17:27,085 --> 00:17:29,705
he put the neighbour's window
through with a rugby ball,
310
00:17:29,875 --> 00:17:31,625
but that were years ago.
311
00:17:31,795 --> 00:17:34,745
It would probably be a
more recent acquaintance.
312
00:17:48,185 --> 00:17:49,185
Hobnob?
313
00:17:52,695 --> 00:17:53,695
Thank you.
314
00:17:57,295 --> 00:18:00,195
I brought a knife in case
you only wanted half.
315
00:18:02,995 --> 00:18:05,395
I'll be naughty
and have a whole one.
316
00:18:06,325 --> 00:18:08,185
I was just saying
to your mother, Martin,
317
00:18:08,355 --> 00:18:10,545
the police are looking
for someone with a vendetta.
318
00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:14,205
So he likes ice cream?
319
00:18:15,085 --> 00:18:18,435
He means a grudge, Martin,
someone you've P'd off.
320
00:18:19,115 --> 00:18:21,985
Speaking of which, do you mind
if I quickly use your bathroom?
321
00:18:22,155 --> 00:18:23,585
No, that's fine.
322
00:18:23,755 --> 00:18:25,855
Thank you. Whereabouts...
323
00:18:27,355 --> 00:18:28,655
Yes, it's...
324
00:18:29,665 --> 00:18:32,225
through there and up the stairs
325
00:18:32,455 --> 00:18:34,205
and, you know, the usual.
326
00:18:34,785 --> 00:18:36,385
OK. So, left or right?
327
00:18:39,995 --> 00:18:41,095
Where is it?
328
00:18:41,595 --> 00:18:42,945
Follow the smell.
329
00:18:54,555 --> 00:18:56,075
What were you thinking?
330
00:18:56,245 --> 00:18:58,495
- Just stick it in him!
- I couldn't! The clock rang.
331
00:18:58,665 --> 00:19:00,515
We must get rid of him.
Tell him you've to go.
332
00:19:00,685 --> 00:19:02,155
- Where?
- Make something up.
333
00:19:02,325 --> 00:19:04,755
- Shall I say bowling?
- Not bowling. Something urgent.
334
00:19:04,925 --> 00:19:06,855
Tell him you've gotta go
and get a prescription.
335
00:19:07,025 --> 00:19:08,435
- What for?
- I don't know.
336
00:19:08,605 --> 00:19:09,605
A tampack?
337
00:19:09,775 --> 00:19:12,055
- What would you do with a tampack?
- I'd say it was for you.
338
00:19:12,225 --> 00:19:15,085
I can't get a pipe cleaner up there
these days, never mind a tampack.
339
00:19:15,255 --> 00:19:18,275
I think he knows. He can tell.
He nearly found the body.
340
00:19:18,445 --> 00:19:20,085
Because you told him, tell-tale!
341
00:19:20,255 --> 00:19:22,105
- We've got to move it.
- We haven't got time!
342
00:19:22,275 --> 00:19:25,205
- We have if he's doing a plop.
- What if it's a wee?
343
00:19:31,515 --> 00:19:33,635
We'll be all right
if he washes his hands.
344
00:19:34,875 --> 00:19:36,175
Oh, the dirty pig!
345
00:19:46,165 --> 00:19:47,645
- Just a sec.
- Hello?
346
00:19:47,815 --> 00:19:49,175
Yeah, it's me,
347
00:19:49,345 --> 00:19:52,475
I've got myself stuck
in front of the door for some reason.
348
00:19:52,645 --> 00:19:55,845
- Shall I try again now?
- I can't let go of the handle...
349
00:19:56,015 --> 00:19:59,715
It might be cramp.
No, I'm all right now. Come in.
350
00:20:05,735 --> 00:20:06,735
Come,
351
00:20:07,585 --> 00:20:08,895
come with me.
352
00:20:09,065 --> 00:20:12,255
I've remembered something about
the murders. But only look at me.
353
00:20:12,425 --> 00:20:13,775
That's excellent.
354
00:20:14,425 --> 00:20:16,745
- I've left my pad in the bathroom.
- No!
355
00:20:16,915 --> 00:20:20,025
I'll get that for you.
Just sit yourself down.
356
00:20:22,005 --> 00:20:23,305
You were saying?
357
00:20:23,845 --> 00:20:25,795
- Can I have your coat?
- Sorry?
358
00:20:25,965 --> 00:20:27,765
Give me your coat,
you must be boiling.
359
00:20:27,935 --> 00:20:29,745
- That's all right.
- You will feel better.
360
00:20:29,915 --> 00:20:31,345
- No, really.
- No bother!
361
00:20:31,515 --> 00:20:33,455
- I'd rather not.
- Take it off!
362
00:20:36,915 --> 00:20:38,915
I'll just take that for you.
363
00:20:39,585 --> 00:20:41,485
You'll have somebody's eye out.
364
00:20:42,975 --> 00:20:44,775
I remember seeing somebody
365
00:20:45,015 --> 00:20:46,805
hanging around outside the flat.
366
00:20:46,975 --> 00:20:48,175
When was this?
367
00:20:48,785 --> 00:20:49,785
Tuesday.
368
00:20:51,455 --> 00:20:54,035
He was wearing a hat,
a big hat with mirrors on,
369
00:20:54,205 --> 00:20:55,565
and he had long hair.
370
00:20:55,735 --> 00:20:58,245
- And he was wearing a coat.
- Could you describe it?
371
00:20:58,635 --> 00:20:59,935
I think so, yes.
372
00:21:00,215 --> 00:21:01,715
Right, just a sec!
373
00:21:13,355 --> 00:21:15,205
How do you think I'm doing?
374
00:21:16,375 --> 00:21:18,105
- What?
- Am I doing OK?
375
00:21:18,275 --> 00:21:20,365
I think it's going quite well,
don't you?
376
00:21:21,305 --> 00:21:23,405
- What do you mean?
- The audition.
377
00:21:23,645 --> 00:21:25,495
I could have turned up
as the murderer,
378
00:21:25,665 --> 00:21:27,975
but there'd be more scope
if I played the inspector.
379
00:21:28,145 --> 00:21:30,335
I didn't realise your mother
would be in on the auditions.
380
00:21:30,505 --> 00:21:34,505
Will she have a say in the casting?
I'm nervous, I keep trumping. It stinks.
381
00:21:34,675 --> 00:21:37,235
- Bottom burps.
- I know. It's cos I had a breakfast.
382
00:21:37,405 --> 00:21:39,005
So you're not a real policeman?
383
00:21:39,175 --> 00:21:41,215
Of course not!
I work for the Abbey National.
384
00:21:41,385 --> 00:21:44,635
But I'd love to do more acting.
So when I saw your advert I thought,
385
00:21:44,805 --> 00:21:46,735
"Yeah, why not?"
I love murder mysteries.
386
00:21:46,905 --> 00:21:50,195
So, do you get to have a meal
with the guests as you give them clues?
387
00:21:50,365 --> 00:21:51,815
Yeah. You do, yeah.
388
00:21:52,075 --> 00:21:54,745
So you don't think
I done the murders?
389
00:21:55,805 --> 00:21:57,795
I loved that when you come in
with the knife!
390
00:21:57,965 --> 00:22:00,865
I was quite scared, actually!
I thought you were going to kill me!
391
00:22:01,035 --> 00:22:03,575
- I think you should go now.
- Oh, don't say that!
392
00:22:03,775 --> 00:22:06,495
Is it because I didn't stay
in character? That is not a problem.
393
00:22:06,665 --> 00:22:10,185
I once spent a whole weekend as
a fisherman. We were at some festival.
394
00:22:10,355 --> 00:22:12,695
It wasn't paid, but they gave us
a meal at Rick Stein's.
395
00:22:12,865 --> 00:22:14,945
You should go.
Mum won't like what you've done.
396
00:22:15,115 --> 00:22:16,285
Has she said that?
397
00:22:16,475 --> 00:22:18,255
It's all right. I'll up the ante.
398
00:22:18,425 --> 00:22:20,555
- I'll pretend to arrest you.
- Don't do that!
399
00:22:20,725 --> 00:22:23,015
It'll show my range.
I haven't done angry, yet.
400
00:22:23,185 --> 00:22:24,965
I came off a number three tour
last year.
401
00:22:25,135 --> 00:22:26,715
It was Poppins in the West End.
402
00:22:26,885 --> 00:22:29,775
I was walk-on cover Bert but
they had me covering Mr Banks, as well.
403
00:22:29,945 --> 00:22:32,735
I never went on, but I knew
every one of them plots.
404
00:22:32,905 --> 00:22:34,740
We did the Torch, the Wyvern,
the Glebe,
405
00:22:34,965 --> 00:22:37,375
and then back to the Pomegranate
for Christmas...
406
00:22:37,615 --> 00:22:39,945
No, no, don't call her back yet.
I'm not ready.
407
00:22:40,525 --> 00:22:41,525
Here I am.
408
00:22:41,865 --> 00:22:42,935
I got his pad.
409
00:22:43,105 --> 00:22:45,919
What are you
shouting your mouth off about?
410
00:22:46,165 --> 00:22:48,020
What's the matter?
411
00:22:48,535 --> 00:22:50,405
Nothing. It's all right now.
412
00:22:50,575 --> 00:22:52,763
Martin, can I have a word?
413
00:22:53,925 --> 00:22:57,225
- He's not a real...
- Shut up, it's important. Listen to me.
414
00:22:57,395 --> 00:23:00,615
Go bring the car round the back
of the flats. We'll get rid of him.
415
00:23:02,375 --> 00:23:04,995
They can't touch us if they've got
no evidence. I saw it all on a Quincy.
416
00:23:05,165 --> 00:23:07,085
- But, Mum!
- Just do as you're told.
417
00:23:12,605 --> 00:23:14,385
- Here's your pad.
- Thank you.
418
00:23:14,555 --> 00:23:18,365
So, have you caught many famous
criminals then, Inspector Griffin?
419
00:23:18,535 --> 00:23:20,585
Not yet. But I'm working on it.
420
00:23:20,975 --> 00:23:23,205
In fact, I might have just made an
important breakthrough
421
00:23:23,375 --> 00:23:25,335
in the case
I'm investigating at the moment.
422
00:23:25,905 --> 00:23:26,905
Really?
423
00:23:27,265 --> 00:23:28,265
Oh, yes.
424
00:23:31,775 --> 00:23:34,805
It didn't take me long, Mrs Pike.
425
00:23:36,695 --> 00:23:37,745
To do what?
426
00:23:38,495 --> 00:23:40,995
To work out that the murderer was...
427
00:23:42,455 --> 00:23:43,855
your son.
428
00:23:44,935 --> 00:23:47,205
Don't talk wet.
He wouldn't hurt a fly.
429
00:23:47,375 --> 00:23:48,955
All the clues were there.
430
00:23:49,125 --> 00:23:51,635
The Queen Anne chest,
the plate of Hobnobs,
431
00:23:51,805 --> 00:23:53,664
the lipstick on the wine glass.
432
00:23:54,025 --> 00:23:57,765
- We haven't had wine.
- Your son has made a full confession.
433
00:23:57,935 --> 00:24:00,455
I am arresting him
for the murder of three people.
434
00:24:00,625 --> 00:24:03,675
If you'd care to accompany us
down to the station?
435
00:24:05,115 --> 00:24:06,415
Oh, God!
436
00:24:07,725 --> 00:24:10,025
I suppose it all had
to come out eventually.
437
00:24:10,595 --> 00:24:12,185
I blame meself for what happened.
438
00:24:12,355 --> 00:24:14,665
You don't have to say anything
without a lawyer being present.
439
00:24:14,835 --> 00:24:16,195
It's too late for that.
440
00:24:17,055 --> 00:24:19,505
David's dad died
when he was ten years old.
441
00:24:20,075 --> 00:24:21,375
He was poisoned.
442
00:24:22,175 --> 00:24:24,375
David put sleeping pills
in his food.
443
00:24:25,015 --> 00:24:26,705
But that wasn't what killed him.
444
00:24:28,055 --> 00:24:29,155
It was me.
445
00:24:30,515 --> 00:24:31,515
You?
446
00:24:32,245 --> 00:24:34,485
I'd been poisoning him for weeks.
447
00:24:35,335 --> 00:24:37,135
He used to beat me, you see,
Inspector.
448
00:24:37,305 --> 00:24:39,475
It's what people did
before they had tellys.
449
00:24:40,065 --> 00:24:42,405
One day, I just snapped.
450
00:24:43,745 --> 00:24:46,085
I filled the salt cellar
with caustic soda.
451
00:24:46,255 --> 00:24:49,655
Watched him sprinkle his way
to a slow and painful death.
452
00:24:50,415 --> 00:24:52,335
David could see him
getting weaker and weaker.
453
00:24:52,505 --> 00:24:55,015
He thought he was helping him out,
giving him a rest.
454
00:24:55,685 --> 00:24:58,235
But those sleeping pills
were the final straw.
455
00:24:58,735 --> 00:25:00,085
He never woke up.
456
00:25:00,835 --> 00:25:03,055
And I let David take the blame.
457
00:25:04,195 --> 00:25:06,885
All those years,
in and out of mental hospitals,
458
00:25:07,555 --> 00:25:11,555
struggling with the guilt. I just
sat at home and played me Bontempi.
459
00:25:13,265 --> 00:25:14,565
He's my monster,
460
00:25:15,095 --> 00:25:16,095
Inspector.
461
00:25:17,395 --> 00:25:18,595
I created him.
462
00:25:23,145 --> 00:25:24,145
Sorry,
463
00:25:24,405 --> 00:25:26,745
is this still part of the improv?
I'm not trying to block you,
464
00:25:26,915 --> 00:25:29,455
- but I'm really confused now.
- What?
465
00:25:29,625 --> 00:25:31,825
Mum, the car's here.
I think we should go now.
466
00:25:31,995 --> 00:25:34,135
It's all right.
I've told the inspector everything.
467
00:25:34,305 --> 00:25:36,665
He's not an inspector.
He works at Abbey Nationals.
468
00:25:36,835 --> 00:25:39,275
Only days. I can still do evenings
and weekends,
469
00:25:39,445 --> 00:25:41,965
which I imagine we'd mainly be doing.
Have I got it?
470
00:25:42,135 --> 00:25:45,515
- What you on about?
- He's not a real police, he's an actor.
471
00:25:45,685 --> 00:25:48,525
An actor? I wondered
why that pad was full of scribbles.
472
00:25:48,695 --> 00:25:51,135
- David, lock the door.
- Are we doing another one?
473
00:25:51,305 --> 00:25:53,595
- I need time to think.
- Do you mean another improv?
474
00:25:53,765 --> 00:25:56,495
I'll have to think of a different
character. I can do a good Scotch,
475
00:25:56,665 --> 00:25:59,595
"Och hallo, there's been a murrrder,
you say?"
476
00:25:59,765 --> 00:26:02,675
Mum, I don't want to do this one!
He's got nothing to do with it.
477
00:26:03,985 --> 00:26:05,335
No, you're right.
478
00:26:05,555 --> 00:26:07,385
It's all been play-acting,
hasn't it?
479
00:26:07,555 --> 00:26:09,335
Everything you said
about the murders.
480
00:26:09,505 --> 00:26:12,785
Everything I said, just then.
It was all made up.
481
00:26:13,555 --> 00:26:15,365
So, yeah, you can go.
482
00:26:16,235 --> 00:26:19,225
Well, thanks again
for the opportunity,
483
00:26:19,395 --> 00:26:23,085
- and like I say, I really am keen.
- We're keen too, aren't we, David?
484
00:26:23,255 --> 00:26:25,425
- You did good.
- Have you ever done Shakespeare?
485
00:26:25,595 --> 00:26:27,655
Because you would be
a shit-hot Caliban.
486
00:26:27,825 --> 00:26:29,305
- Thank you.
- No, no, thank you.
487
00:26:29,475 --> 00:26:32,745
I'd say I loved all that stuff you were
doing about killing your husband.
488
00:26:32,915 --> 00:26:34,035
- What?
- Nothing.
489
00:26:34,205 --> 00:26:35,885
It was really good!
All this stuff about
490
00:26:36,055 --> 00:26:39,239
putting poison in the salt cellar
and killing him slowly over weeks.
491
00:26:39,409 --> 00:26:42,495
We'll let you know.
We've got all your details, haven't we?
492
00:26:42,665 --> 00:26:44,575
If you do call,
just let it keep ringing.
493
00:26:44,745 --> 00:26:47,625
- I can't answer if I'm bathing Dad.
- We will.
494
00:26:47,795 --> 00:26:50,045
If someone else answers,
tell him to keep knocking, I am in.
495
00:26:50,215 --> 00:26:51,576
I haven't enough time.
496
00:26:51,746 --> 00:26:54,135
- I almost lost Poppins cos of that.
- Right, bye.
497
00:27:01,595 --> 00:27:02,895
Oh, what a mess!
498
00:27:04,235 --> 00:27:05,335
An actor?
499
00:27:05,845 --> 00:27:07,439
What was he doing here?
500
00:27:08,925 --> 00:27:10,723
I'll make us
a nice fresh pot of tea.
501
00:27:11,285 --> 00:27:12,635
What did he mean?
502
00:27:13,585 --> 00:27:14,925
What? What about?
503
00:27:15,095 --> 00:27:16,815
About you killing Dad?
504
00:27:18,845 --> 00:27:22,365
I was just making stuff up. I don't know
what I was saying. I was playing along.
505
00:27:23,065 --> 00:27:25,285
When I was in the hospital,
people kept making jokes
506
00:27:25,455 --> 00:27:27,405
about putting poison in the salt.
507
00:27:28,295 --> 00:27:29,905
I never knew what they meant.
508
00:27:31,005 --> 00:27:32,855
It was just something to say, David.
509
00:27:33,655 --> 00:27:36,685
They were probably trying to make you
laugh. You had had a nervous breakdown!
510
00:27:37,415 --> 00:27:39,555
I don't want to do any more murders.
511
00:27:40,235 --> 00:27:41,935
Well, you don't have to.
512
00:27:43,045 --> 00:27:45,745
There are other ways
of sorting things out.
513
00:27:47,185 --> 00:27:49,555
Leave that to me.
You've got your own mind
514
00:27:49,725 --> 00:27:52,385
and no-one can make you do
anything you don't want to do.
515
00:27:54,575 --> 00:27:56,825
- Thanks, Mum.
- That's all right.
516
00:27:58,325 --> 00:27:59,825
Come here, Superman.
517
00:28:00,475 --> 00:28:01,625
Knock, knock.
518
00:28:02,055 --> 00:28:03,395
Sorry, I'm not earwigging.
519
00:28:03,565 --> 00:28:06,765
I got all the way downstairs,
realised I'd forgot me coat.
520
00:28:16,165 --> 00:28:17,915
I'm hoping that's a prop.
521
00:28:27,925 --> 00:28:29,275
What are you doing?
522
00:28:31,255 --> 00:28:33,205
You shouldn't have come here.
523
00:28:33,795 --> 00:28:34,995
Have I got it?
524
00:28:35,675 --> 00:28:36,675
I'm sorry.
525
00:28:41,225 --> 00:28:43,375
Superman!
526
00:28:45,795 --> 00:28:47,095
Clap your hands!
527
00:28:48,755 --> 00:28:50,805
Now you're looking really good!
528
00:28:50,975 --> 00:28:52,735
Now you've got the hang of it!
529
00:28:52,905 --> 00:28:56,630
We're gonna try it one more time
We're gonna do it again, OK?
530
00:28:58,165 --> 00:28:59,265
Sleep!
531
00:29:01,845 --> 00:29:03,405
Wave your hands!
532
00:29:15,245 --> 00:29:16,745
Let's see you swim!
533
00:29:18,785 --> 00:29:20,185
And ski!
534
00:29:22,745 --> 00:29:23,745
Spray!
535
00:29:23,795 --> 00:29:28,345
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