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1
00:00:00,105 --> 00:00:02,342
[chuckles]
Remember last night
2
00:00:02,375 --> 00:00:04,076
when we had pizza
at that art gallery?
3
00:00:04,109 --> 00:00:05,244
It was so fun.
4
00:00:05,278 --> 00:00:06,445
- That was two nights ago.
- No.
5
00:00:06,478 --> 00:00:07,746
Yeah, we had pizza
with Kyle,
6
00:00:07,779 --> 00:00:09,448
and then we went
to Brandon's art opening.
7
00:00:09,481 --> 00:00:11,583
Okay, then what did we do
last night, then?
8
00:00:11,617 --> 00:00:13,118
Last night,
we went to Janet's.
9
00:00:13,152 --> 00:00:14,420
We had Indian food.
10
00:00:14,454 --> 00:00:16,056
And then Lisa came over
and showed us her tattoo.
11
00:00:16,088 --> 00:00:17,189
Right. Okay.
12
00:00:17,222 --> 00:00:18,490
This is gonna sound crazy.
13
00:00:18,524 --> 00:00:21,827
What did we do tonight?
14
00:00:21,861 --> 00:00:23,263
I don't remember.
15
00:00:23,295 --> 00:00:24,730
When did Jimmy
get back from Europe?
16
00:00:24,763 --> 00:00:25,765
Two years ago?
17
00:00:25,798 --> 00:00:27,067
How crazy was that?
18
00:00:27,100 --> 00:00:28,067
He seems happy.
19
00:00:28,100 --> 00:00:29,101
When was his wedding?
20
00:00:29,134 --> 00:00:30,736
That was last summer.
21
00:00:30,770 --> 00:00:31,504
No, this summer.
22
00:00:31,537 --> 00:00:33,472
[gasps]
No, three summers ago.
23
00:00:33,506 --> 00:00:35,174
No.
24
00:00:35,207 --> 00:00:36,341
- This winter.
- This winter.
25
00:00:36,375 --> 00:00:37,476
It was freezing.
26
00:00:37,509 --> 00:00:38,477
When was Christmas?
27
00:00:38,511 --> 00:00:40,112
They didn't do it.
28
00:00:40,146 --> 00:00:41,713
So Brandon
had his art opening.
29
00:00:41,746 --> 00:00:43,149
That sucked.
30
00:00:43,182 --> 00:00:44,584
No, no, no,
you're confusing that
31
00:00:44,616 --> 00:00:46,753
with Ronaldo's art opening
that we went to
32
00:00:46,786 --> 00:00:48,221
about a year ago...
33
00:00:48,253 --> 00:00:49,388
Right.
34
00:00:49,421 --> 00:00:50,589
At that gallery,
and you really hated it.
35
00:00:50,622 --> 00:00:51,824
Because there was
nothing there.
36
00:00:51,857 --> 00:00:52,858
Yeah, it was
very conceptual.
37
00:00:52,892 --> 00:00:54,426
Hope I don't miss it.
38
00:00:54,460 --> 00:00:55,829
Well, you won't
because you already went.
39
00:00:55,862 --> 00:00:58,198
Time is just all
blending in together.
40
00:00:58,230 --> 00:00:59,198
It is for me too.
41
00:00:59,231 --> 00:01:00,165
But it's all right.
42
00:01:00,198 --> 00:01:01,468
I think this is what happens.
43
00:01:01,501 --> 00:01:03,670
All right, well,
good night, Carrie.
44
00:01:03,703 --> 00:01:05,272
Good night, Fred.
45
00:01:09,909 --> 00:01:11,611
Slept like a ton of bricks.
46
00:01:13,712 --> 00:01:15,114
[screams]
47
00:01:15,147 --> 00:01:16,115
[glass shatters]
48
00:01:16,149 --> 00:01:17,250
[screams]
49
00:01:17,283 --> 00:01:18,885
[whimpers]
50
00:01:18,918 --> 00:01:20,553
- [screams]
- [glass shatters]
51
00:01:20,585 --> 00:01:23,555
[Washed Out's
"Feel It All Around" playing]
52
00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:57,470
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
53
00:01:58,456 --> 00:01:59,858
I-I'm sorry for screaming.
54
00:01:59,891 --> 00:02:01,161
I--
55
00:02:01,193 --> 00:02:02,361
I was just kind of horrified.
56
00:02:02,395 --> 00:02:04,164
Well, I'm horrified too.
57
00:02:04,197 --> 00:02:05,164
Look at this.
58
00:02:05,198 --> 00:02:06,432
Look.
59
00:02:06,465 --> 00:02:07,866
I know; the grays came in
all at once.
60
00:02:07,900 --> 00:02:09,301
What am I, Old Man Winter?
61
00:02:09,335 --> 00:02:10,302
Must have been some kind
of a mistake.
62
00:02:10,336 --> 00:02:11,437
I'm sure about it.
63
00:02:11,469 --> 00:02:12,604
It just doesn't make any sense.
64
00:02:12,638 --> 00:02:14,606
Fred, it makes sense that
65
00:02:14,639 --> 00:02:16,241
you would go gray
at your age.
66
00:02:16,275 --> 00:02:17,510
What do you mean,
"my age"?
67
00:02:17,543 --> 00:02:18,944
How old are you?
68
00:02:18,978 --> 00:02:20,313
Well, let's figure it out.
69
00:02:20,346 --> 00:02:22,414
Um, high school,
that's, like, 18.
70
00:02:22,448 --> 00:02:23,716
College, 22.
71
00:02:23,748 --> 00:02:25,317
Um, played music,
and I stopped playing music.
72
00:02:25,350 --> 00:02:27,620
So I met you-- 32?
73
00:02:27,652 --> 00:02:28,520
Fred.
74
00:02:28,554 --> 00:02:29,955
What? I'm not 32?
75
00:02:29,989 --> 00:02:31,290
No.
76
00:02:31,324 --> 00:02:32,725
I'm very 32.
77
00:02:32,758 --> 00:02:33,859
You're not.
78
00:02:33,893 --> 00:02:37,430
How old do I look if I just
pass by you really fast?
79
00:02:37,462 --> 00:02:40,733
If I-- if I'm like this.
80
00:02:40,765 --> 00:02:43,602
Um, 44?
81
00:02:43,635 --> 00:02:46,305
Like, about to turn 45?
82
00:02:46,338 --> 00:02:47,606
This is horrifying.
83
00:02:47,639 --> 00:02:49,474
You know, I needed
some warnings for this.
84
00:02:49,508 --> 00:02:50,909
Wasn't your 40th birthday
a warning?
85
00:02:50,943 --> 00:02:53,446
No, something physical,
something like, you know,
86
00:02:53,479 --> 00:02:54,781
a bum knee or just like--
87
00:02:54,813 --> 00:02:57,282
you have to, like--
it has to be gradual.
88
00:02:57,316 --> 00:02:58,350
Well, how old
does it say you are
89
00:02:58,383 --> 00:02:59,551
on your driver's license?
90
00:02:59,585 --> 00:03:00,920
I don't know;
there's--
91
00:03:00,953 --> 00:03:02,487
there was a number on there,
but I scratched it out.
92
00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:03,655
It was, like,
too upsetting.
93
00:03:03,688 --> 00:03:05,290
There's a way to verify
your age.
94
00:03:05,324 --> 00:03:06,859
There has to be.
95
00:03:06,891 --> 00:03:09,495
Okay, Mom, how old am I?
96
00:03:09,527 --> 00:03:12,331
You, you're my sweet
baby boy.
97
00:03:12,365 --> 00:03:14,600
- Mm...
- Love you forever.
98
00:03:14,633 --> 00:03:15,901
Love you forever.
99
00:03:15,935 --> 00:03:19,004
Okay, what year
was Fred born in, though?
100
00:03:19,038 --> 00:03:22,408
Oh, it feels like
it was just yesterday.
101
00:03:22,441 --> 00:03:24,009
But technically,
it wasn't yesterday.
102
00:03:24,043 --> 00:03:25,010
Was it yesterday?
103
00:03:25,044 --> 00:03:26,379
It feels like it.
104
00:03:26,412 --> 00:03:27,747
December 4th.
105
00:03:27,780 --> 00:03:29,848
You were an early
winter solstice gift.
106
00:03:29,882 --> 00:03:32,018
- That's right.
- Yes, you were.
107
00:03:32,050 --> 00:03:33,385
What year?
108
00:03:33,419 --> 00:03:35,487
- And you loved horsies.
- I really did.
109
00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:37,923
You did,
especially palominos.
110
00:03:37,956 --> 00:03:39,891
Really?
Now, see, I don't remember that.
111
00:03:39,925 --> 00:03:40,793
You were. You were.
112
00:03:40,825 --> 00:03:42,495
- I liked palominos, huh?
- Hey, guys?
113
00:03:42,527 --> 00:03:44,263
You did.
114
00:03:44,296 --> 00:03:46,799
He seems to be an adult
that doesn't know how old he is.
115
00:03:46,831 --> 00:03:49,801
I mean, that reflects a little
bit poorly of you as a mom.
116
00:03:49,835 --> 00:03:51,504
Are you saying
I'm a bad mother?
117
00:03:51,537 --> 00:03:53,039
No, no, no,
she's not saying that.
118
00:03:53,072 --> 00:03:55,441
Oh, remember I took you
to that Fleetwood Mac concert?
119
00:03:55,473 --> 00:03:57,276
- That's right.
- That's right.
120
00:03:57,310 --> 00:03:58,844
Oh, okay.
What album?
121
00:03:58,877 --> 00:04:01,413
- When was that?
- "Rumours."
122
00:04:01,447 --> 00:04:02,981
- 1977.
- 1977.
123
00:04:03,014 --> 00:04:04,650
What a great album.
What a great tour, I bet.
124
00:04:04,683 --> 00:04:05,817
Is it-- How old were you?
125
00:04:05,850 --> 00:04:07,353
I had such a good t--
My first concert
126
00:04:07,385 --> 00:04:08,388
was when I was ten.
127
00:04:08,420 --> 00:04:10,522
Ten years old, yes.
128
00:04:10,555 --> 00:04:12,724
So wait, if your first concert
was when you were 10
129
00:04:12,757 --> 00:04:16,028
and your first concert
was in 1977, you're 48.
130
00:04:16,062 --> 00:04:18,531
48?
131
00:04:18,564 --> 00:04:21,334
Well, I am barely 48.
132
00:04:21,367 --> 00:04:23,836
That's physically impossible
if you're Fred's biological mom.
133
00:04:23,869 --> 00:04:25,738
Are you sure you're not
skipping the '80s?
134
00:04:25,771 --> 00:04:27,439
You should be happy.
This explains everything.
135
00:04:27,473 --> 00:04:29,542
You're 48 years old.
That's why you're gray.
136
00:04:29,574 --> 00:04:31,944
Your gray hair looks
so nice on you.
137
00:04:31,976 --> 00:04:34,846
Shut up, Mom.
Why don't you go gray?
138
00:04:34,879 --> 00:04:36,649
Freddie!
139
00:04:38,018 --> 00:04:39,652
I need proof, Carrie.
140
00:04:39,686 --> 00:04:41,087
I need, like, visual evidence
141
00:04:41,121 --> 00:04:43,123
that I'm this age.
142
00:04:43,155 --> 00:04:44,691
Where are all my photos?
143
00:04:44,724 --> 00:04:46,093
Everything on my phone
is only for, like,
144
00:04:46,126 --> 00:04:47,094
the last year.
145
00:04:47,126 --> 00:04:47,860
Mm-hmm.
146
00:04:47,895 --> 00:04:49,596
And then everything
on my laptop
147
00:04:49,628 --> 00:04:51,664
is, like, only the last,
like, couple years.
148
00:04:51,698 --> 00:04:53,801
I need to see evidence
of that last 18 years.
149
00:04:53,833 --> 00:04:55,035
I know it's in here somewhere.
150
00:04:55,068 --> 00:04:56,703
I feel like I'm, like,
Rip Van Winkle
151
00:04:56,736 --> 00:04:57,938
and I just woke up.
152
00:04:57,970 --> 00:04:59,639
You're not Rip Van Winkle,
and also,
153
00:04:59,672 --> 00:05:01,841
you haven't been sleeping.
154
00:05:01,874 --> 00:05:04,011
I know I have
some photos in here.
155
00:05:04,044 --> 00:05:05,979
Okay.
156
00:05:06,011 --> 00:05:07,180
This is honestly--
157
00:05:07,213 --> 00:05:08,481
It's gonna take--
158
00:05:08,515 --> 00:05:09,983
2002, ha-ha!
159
00:05:10,015 --> 00:05:11,785
I feel like you're really
going down, like,
160
00:05:11,818 --> 00:05:13,454
a real nostalgia hole
right now.
161
00:05:13,487 --> 00:05:15,455
Look, finally.
162
00:05:15,489 --> 00:05:16,457
All my disks are in here.
163
00:05:16,489 --> 00:05:17,590
But I need the key for this.
164
00:05:17,624 --> 00:05:18,592
Do you have it?
165
00:05:18,624 --> 00:05:21,761
Is there a key holder somewhere?
166
00:05:21,794 --> 00:05:23,963
Fred, please just put stuff
on the iCloud.
167
00:05:23,996 --> 00:05:27,600
But I have it all
scattered across all this stuff.
168
00:05:27,633 --> 00:05:29,470
Hey, do you know if, like,
a Jaz drive
169
00:05:29,503 --> 00:05:30,737
can hold a zip disk?
170
00:05:30,770 --> 00:05:32,072
I would say no.
171
00:05:32,104 --> 00:05:32,939
It doesn't.
172
00:05:32,972 --> 00:05:34,107
I-I just don't understand.
173
00:05:34,140 --> 00:05:36,075
Like, a picture is not gonna
be the thing
174
00:05:36,109 --> 00:05:39,179
that's gonna help you
feel the passage of time.
175
00:05:39,212 --> 00:05:42,716
Okay, I need more of these
stickers so I can label these.
176
00:05:42,749 --> 00:05:44,150
You just did the old man
glasses thing.
177
00:05:44,184 --> 00:05:47,487
No, I didn't; I just
can't read it without this.
178
00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:48,855
Let's do this.
179
00:05:48,888 --> 00:05:51,023
Let's-- let's open these all up,
and let's--
180
00:05:51,056 --> 00:05:52,124
[phone chimes]
181
00:05:52,157 --> 00:05:54,160
Did you get this text
from the mayor that says,
182
00:05:54,193 --> 00:05:55,929
"Come meet me at my office"?
183
00:05:55,962 --> 00:05:58,632
No. Ooh, maybe he
has a crush on you.
184
00:05:58,664 --> 00:06:00,534
No, he doesn't.
185
00:06:00,566 --> 00:06:04,504
Oh, my God,
remember this?
186
00:06:04,537 --> 00:06:06,773
Happy birthday!
187
00:06:10,678 --> 00:06:11,680
[humming]
188
00:06:11,712 --> 00:06:12,980
- Hello?
- Hey!
189
00:06:13,013 --> 00:06:14,515
Hey, you look great.
190
00:06:14,549 --> 00:06:16,484
Well-- am I supposed
to be here?
191
00:06:16,517 --> 00:06:17,986
Yes!
Come in. Come in.
192
00:06:18,019 --> 00:06:19,821
Yeah.
You're wearing a robe.
193
00:06:19,854 --> 00:06:21,789
Yeah, sit down.
Don't you remember?
194
00:06:21,823 --> 00:06:22,823
Mm-mm.
195
00:06:22,856 --> 00:06:24,525
Well, let me
refresh your memory.
196
00:06:24,558 --> 00:06:25,659
Okay.
197
00:06:25,693 --> 00:06:29,731
Five years ago today,
you and I,
198
00:06:29,763 --> 00:06:34,335
Carrie y Mayor,
made a deal.
199
00:06:34,368 --> 00:06:36,037
It's pretty cool
they're serving pizza
200
00:06:36,070 --> 00:06:37,105
at an art gallery.
201
00:06:37,137 --> 00:06:38,606
Right?
It's really good.
202
00:06:38,638 --> 00:06:40,474
Yeah, it's kind of
kids' food.
203
00:06:40,508 --> 00:06:41,710
- It is kids' food.
- Yeah.
204
00:06:41,743 --> 00:06:43,478
Are you thinking
about having kids?
205
00:06:43,510 --> 00:06:47,414
I mean, uh, sure,
yeah, you know,
206
00:06:47,448 --> 00:06:48,883
if I was with the right person.
207
00:06:48,916 --> 00:06:51,452
Well, listen, five years,
if you haven't found anybody,
208
00:06:51,486 --> 00:06:54,622
um, let's get together,
and we'll have a baby.
209
00:06:54,654 --> 00:06:56,457
[laughter]
210
00:06:56,491 --> 00:06:57,625
- Wow, okay.
- Sure.
211
00:06:57,657 --> 00:06:59,893
- Yeah.
- Okay, see you in five years.
212
00:06:59,926 --> 00:07:03,364
That was just a silly little,
like, "ha-ha."
213
00:07:03,397 --> 00:07:04,866
You know, small talk.
214
00:07:04,899 --> 00:07:06,835
Now I feel bad.
I thought it was real.
215
00:07:06,868 --> 00:07:08,635
People make
these kind of vague
216
00:07:08,669 --> 00:07:10,505
future romance pacts
all the time.
217
00:07:10,537 --> 00:07:13,508
It's just a way of putting off,
like, a bad sex idea,
218
00:07:13,541 --> 00:07:14,743
like, indefinitely.
219
00:07:14,775 --> 00:07:16,410
So how many kids
do you have?
220
00:07:16,443 --> 00:07:18,946
- None, 'cause just--
- Well, now's the chance.
221
00:07:18,979 --> 00:07:23,917
In fact, I have right here
a canister of prime,
222
00:07:23,950 --> 00:07:26,854
Grade A...
223
00:07:26,887 --> 00:07:28,789
- Is that your sperm?
- Yes.
224
00:07:28,823 --> 00:07:30,558
You just keep that here
in the office?
225
00:07:30,590 --> 00:07:32,693
Every mayor does.
226
00:07:32,726 --> 00:07:35,729
Every mayor has a canister
of sperm in a beer fridge
227
00:07:35,762 --> 00:07:36,931
behind their desk.
228
00:07:36,964 --> 00:07:40,402
What about female mayors?
229
00:07:40,435 --> 00:07:41,536
They don't have sperm.
230
00:07:41,568 --> 00:07:42,936
This is very embarrassing.
231
00:07:42,969 --> 00:07:46,106
No, it's not.
It's perfect.
232
00:07:46,140 --> 00:07:48,476
- This is weird. This is weird.
- I know it's a little weird.
233
00:07:48,508 --> 00:07:50,010
It's something I have
to kind of chew over.
234
00:07:50,044 --> 00:07:51,613
Speaking of chewing,
I opened a tin
235
00:07:51,645 --> 00:07:53,681
of celebratory gum.
236
00:07:53,714 --> 00:07:55,850
12 bucks, so you know
it's gonna be good, right?
237
00:07:55,883 --> 00:07:57,085
I mean,
I'm a little offended
238
00:07:57,118 --> 00:07:58,686
you didn't just go
for a champagne.
239
00:07:58,719 --> 00:08:00,421
This is better
than a champagne.
240
00:08:00,455 --> 00:08:01,688
It's $12 gum.
241
00:08:01,722 --> 00:08:05,092
You're gonna love this, Carrie.
242
00:08:05,125 --> 00:08:07,428
Mmm, that is so tasty.
243
00:08:07,462 --> 00:08:08,496
It's just gum.
244
00:08:08,529 --> 00:08:09,998
Mmm.
Take all the time you need.
245
00:08:10,030 --> 00:08:11,665
- Okay. It's just--
- I know it's a big decision.
246
00:08:11,698 --> 00:08:13,600
But don't think of it
as having my baby.
247
00:08:13,633 --> 00:08:15,169
Think of it
as having your baby.
248
00:08:15,202 --> 00:08:17,070
Right, but that's
your sperm, right?
249
00:08:17,104 --> 00:08:19,873
Yeah.
Mmm.
250
00:08:19,907 --> 00:08:21,875
Well, thanks; I'll, you know,
give it some thought.
251
00:08:21,909 --> 00:08:22,811
Okay.
252
00:08:22,844 --> 00:08:23,977
Hey, can't wait
to have a lot
253
00:08:24,010 --> 00:08:26,548
of little Carries
running around, huh?
254
00:08:26,581 --> 00:08:28,049
[intense music]
255
00:08:28,082 --> 00:08:29,951
I'm not homeless.
I'm sentimental.
256
00:08:29,983 --> 00:08:36,457
257
00:08:36,491 --> 00:08:37,692
Hello?
258
00:08:39,861 --> 00:08:42,230
- Hello?
- Hello!
259
00:08:42,263 --> 00:08:43,531
Hi, how are you?
260
00:08:43,563 --> 00:08:46,767
- Um, I have--
- I'm good.
261
00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:48,235
- So I have all this stuff.
- Mm-hmm.
262
00:08:48,269 --> 00:08:50,705
And all my photos
and everything are on there
263
00:08:50,737 --> 00:08:52,973
and, like, all these devices,
this hard drive.
264
00:08:53,006 --> 00:08:56,077
And I just want to, like,
put it all in one place.
265
00:08:56,110 --> 00:08:58,712
Ah, okay, yeah,
you want the cloud.
266
00:08:58,746 --> 00:08:59,880
Yeah.
267
00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:01,149
I can move everything
to the cloud.
268
00:09:01,182 --> 00:09:02,082
Thank you.
269
00:09:02,116 --> 00:09:04,017
All of your stuff
will be in one place...
270
00:09:04,050 --> 00:09:05,619
- Thank you.
- For six months.
271
00:09:05,653 --> 00:09:06,621
And what happens
after that?
272
00:09:06,654 --> 00:09:07,621
The river.
273
00:09:07,654 --> 00:09:08,755
What is the river?
274
00:09:08,789 --> 00:09:10,625
The river is just like
the cloud,
275
00:09:10,658 --> 00:09:12,693
except they're not
compatible in any way.
276
00:09:12,726 --> 00:09:13,694
Right.
277
00:09:13,727 --> 00:09:14,695
If you try to move a file
278
00:09:14,728 --> 00:09:15,963
from the cloud to the river,
279
00:09:15,996 --> 00:09:17,866
the file will get
destroyed immediately,
280
00:09:17,899 --> 00:09:19,833
and your keyboard
will get really hot.
281
00:09:19,866 --> 00:09:21,736
- So I don't want that.
- I've tried the river.
282
00:09:21,769 --> 00:09:22,938
And?
283
00:09:25,939 --> 00:09:27,909
Yes?
284
00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:28,943
Yeah.
285
00:09:28,976 --> 00:09:29,710
What?
286
00:09:29,744 --> 00:09:31,779
There is still
a few bugs in it.
287
00:09:31,812 --> 00:09:34,549
All I want-- I need evidence
of my life.
288
00:09:34,582 --> 00:09:36,918
How old do you think I am?
289
00:09:36,951 --> 00:09:39,521
67.
290
00:09:39,553 --> 00:09:42,256
68?
291
00:09:42,289 --> 00:09:43,891
This is the problem, okay?
292
00:09:43,924 --> 00:09:45,526
I'm practically a teenager.
293
00:09:45,559 --> 00:09:48,029
Oh, are you familiar
with the concept of entropy?
294
00:09:48,062 --> 00:09:48,863
Vaguely.
295
00:09:48,895 --> 00:09:50,931
Entropy is the idea
that everything
296
00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:53,768
is sort of descending
into chaos and disorder.
297
00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:56,937
Aging, forgetting, rotting,
that's all entropy.
298
00:09:56,971 --> 00:09:59,573
Even if we're all decaying,
I still want something
299
00:09:59,606 --> 00:10:02,943
somewhat permanent that I can,
in my lifetime, enjoy.
300
00:10:02,976 --> 00:10:04,312
Well, I'm saying
nothing is permanent
301
00:10:04,345 --> 00:10:05,313
because of entropy.
302
00:10:05,346 --> 00:10:07,015
Would you like to stop entropy?
303
00:10:07,048 --> 00:10:07,881
Yeah.
304
00:10:07,915 --> 00:10:10,217
Well, then you must
stop time itself.
305
00:10:10,250 --> 00:10:13,087
Okay, is there a way
we can arrange to stop time?
306
00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:15,222
I'm not that special
a specialist.
307
00:10:15,255 --> 00:10:18,992
Is there some kind
of a super specialist?
308
00:10:19,025 --> 00:10:22,195
Matt, Mike,
is the astrophysicist
309
00:10:22,228 --> 00:10:24,064
off his lunch break?
310
00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:28,303
So you're the manager here?
311
00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:30,805
I'm an astrophysicist,
if that's what you mean.
312
00:10:30,837 --> 00:10:32,606
Okay, let me tell you
what the problem is.
313
00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:34,875
I'm basically 32, okay?
314
00:10:34,909 --> 00:10:36,843
I'm into music.
I walk around.
315
00:10:36,876 --> 00:10:38,579
Have a cup of coffee,
you know, like,
316
00:10:38,612 --> 00:10:40,814
wear, like, cool clothes,
got a little shirt,
317
00:10:40,847 --> 00:10:42,015
you know, little black pants.
318
00:10:42,049 --> 00:10:43,650
And then you guys
come in going,
319
00:10:43,683 --> 00:10:46,353
"No, uh, there's been a mistake;
you're 48."
320
00:10:46,386 --> 00:10:49,590
"Us guys," do you mean
the science community because--
321
00:10:49,624 --> 00:10:50,992
Yeah, you guys messed up.
322
00:10:51,025 --> 00:10:53,294
And when that happens,
you should own up to it
323
00:10:53,327 --> 00:10:54,729
and fix it.
324
00:10:54,761 --> 00:10:57,030
I don't know
what I can do for you.
325
00:10:57,063 --> 00:10:58,665
We can't make time
go backwards.
326
00:10:58,698 --> 00:11:00,133
That's not something
that happens.
327
00:11:00,167 --> 00:11:01,769
Your passage of time
explanation,
328
00:11:01,802 --> 00:11:03,303
it isn't applying to me.
329
00:11:03,337 --> 00:11:05,740
- Uh, it applies to everyone.
- It's false advertising.
330
00:11:05,773 --> 00:11:08,276
- It applies to everyone.
- It's false advertising.
331
00:11:08,308 --> 00:11:10,211
- I don't see how--
- It's false advertising.
332
00:11:10,244 --> 00:11:11,145
I mean, say it.
333
00:11:11,178 --> 00:11:12,914
That's-- that's what it is.
334
00:11:12,947 --> 00:11:15,383
I don't see
how it's false advertising.
335
00:11:15,415 --> 00:11:17,318
So if Hershey chocolate says,
336
00:11:17,351 --> 00:11:18,952
"We've got this great
chocolate bar,"
337
00:11:18,986 --> 00:11:20,121
and all of a sudden,
you open it up,
338
00:11:20,154 --> 00:11:21,990
and it's yogurt,
what is that?
339
00:11:22,023 --> 00:11:23,291
It's false...
340
00:11:23,323 --> 00:11:24,891
Advertising.
341
00:11:24,924 --> 00:11:26,894
Do you turn away people
when they complain?
342
00:11:26,927 --> 00:11:28,830
Generally, we try
and hear people out
343
00:11:28,862 --> 00:11:30,765
if they have an alternate
scientific theory.
344
00:11:30,798 --> 00:11:32,900
Okay,
my scientific theory is--
345
00:11:32,933 --> 00:11:35,336
the o-opposite one
I'd like to offer you is,
346
00:11:35,369 --> 00:11:37,872
give me my money back.
347
00:11:37,904 --> 00:11:41,842
This isn't
a retail transaction.
348
00:11:41,875 --> 00:11:42,876
This is science.
349
00:11:42,909 --> 00:11:44,044
I'm not gonna leave.
350
00:11:44,077 --> 00:11:46,213
Okay, you have to do something.
351
00:11:46,246 --> 00:11:48,382
I can't change
the laws of physics.
352
00:11:48,415 --> 00:11:49,784
Is there a black hole?
353
00:11:49,817 --> 00:11:51,952
Can you find a black hole
for me?
354
00:11:51,986 --> 00:11:54,021
I beg your pardon?
355
00:11:54,054 --> 00:11:56,256
I've seen "Interstellar."
I've seen movies.
356
00:11:56,289 --> 00:12:00,827
And certainly, you have it
within your power
357
00:12:00,861 --> 00:12:03,365
as a manager to get me
a black hole.
358
00:12:08,235 --> 00:12:09,637
[sighs]
359
00:12:13,707 --> 00:12:15,043
Was that so hard?
360
00:12:15,076 --> 00:12:16,344
You know, you're lucky
I'm not my dad.
361
00:12:16,376 --> 00:12:18,380
He'd have his finger
in your face.
362
00:12:20,915 --> 00:12:22,517
Okay, so you
are thinking
363
00:12:22,550 --> 00:12:24,419
about having a child.
364
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:25,755
Yeah, I mean,
365
00:12:25,788 --> 00:12:28,457
I'm in the very early stages
of considering it.
366
00:12:28,490 --> 00:12:29,625
Still on the fence.
367
00:12:29,658 --> 00:12:31,327
Well, let's take a look
at the chart
368
00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:32,827
and see what the chart says
about your fence.
369
00:12:32,861 --> 00:12:35,331
And according to this,
you're a couple years away
370
00:12:35,364 --> 00:12:36,599
from being an old spinster.
371
00:12:36,631 --> 00:12:38,534
Okay, so if I don't
have a kid,
372
00:12:38,567 --> 00:12:39,769
then I'm just an old spinster?
373
00:12:39,802 --> 00:12:41,204
That's what it says
right here.
374
00:12:41,236 --> 00:12:42,270
It says,
"couple years away
375
00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:43,639
from being an old spinster."
376
00:12:43,672 --> 00:12:44,941
That's not on the form.
377
00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:46,308
No, that's not on the form.
378
00:12:46,342 --> 00:12:47,375
But these are the terms
people use.
379
00:12:47,409 --> 00:12:48,476
I don't make them up.
380
00:12:48,510 --> 00:12:49,477
I guess I think that there
381
00:12:49,510 --> 00:12:50,545
should be more positive terms.
382
00:12:50,578 --> 00:12:51,546
Is there one?
383
00:12:51,579 --> 00:12:52,681
- Sad woman.
- No.
384
00:12:52,715 --> 00:12:53,683
- Sad neighbor.
- No.
385
00:12:53,716 --> 00:12:55,384
The lady who went to Peru
386
00:12:55,417 --> 00:12:56,752
with Gail three years ago?
387
00:12:56,784 --> 00:12:58,353
Why can't I just be
Gail's friend?
388
00:12:58,386 --> 00:12:59,588
I don't see that
catching on.
389
00:12:59,621 --> 00:13:00,589
I mean, who's Gail?
390
00:13:00,622 --> 00:13:01,623
And actually, if anything,
391
00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:02,757
you want to get to know Gail
392
00:13:02,790 --> 00:13:03,792
and not her friend.
393
00:13:03,826 --> 00:13:05,494
You know what?
I prefer old slut.
394
00:13:05,526 --> 00:13:07,295
Why don't people just
call me old slut?
395
00:13:07,328 --> 00:13:08,997
Hey, don't be so hard
on yourself.
396
00:13:09,030 --> 00:13:11,633
You're an old spinster.
Let's leave it at that, huh?
397
00:13:11,667 --> 00:13:14,003
All right, let's take a look
at the old ticker.
398
00:13:14,035 --> 00:13:15,804
I thought that's the heart,
the ticker.
399
00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:17,640
Uh, well, let's call it
the tinkler.
400
00:13:17,673 --> 00:13:18,541
[laughs]
401
00:13:18,573 --> 00:13:20,342
Whoa, it's deserted in here.
402
00:13:20,375 --> 00:13:21,510
It's like an old folks' home.
403
00:13:21,543 --> 00:13:23,846
"Hey, nobody comes
and visits me!
404
00:13:23,879 --> 00:13:25,748
I'm lonely!"
405
00:13:25,780 --> 00:13:27,717
Spiderwebs.
406
00:13:27,750 --> 00:13:29,619
Hey, Janine, can we get
some new spiderwebs?
407
00:13:29,651 --> 00:13:30,785
These are clumping.
408
00:13:30,818 --> 00:13:32,921
Uh, whoa,
is that Walt Disney?
409
00:13:32,954 --> 00:13:34,456
Hello, sir!
410
00:13:34,490 --> 00:13:36,325
I see they're keeping you
nice and cold.
411
00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:37,626
[laughs]
412
00:13:37,659 --> 00:13:39,828
'Cause he's said
to have been frozen.
413
00:13:39,861 --> 00:13:42,265
You know, I'm saying your cooch
is kind of cold.
414
00:13:42,298 --> 00:13:44,500
Is there a female OB-GYN?
415
00:13:44,533 --> 00:13:46,869
There are female OB-GYNs,
but I can tell you this
416
00:13:46,901 --> 00:13:48,837
right now-- and I'm gonna
get in a lot of trouble;
417
00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:51,539
I can promise you that--
but they're not funny.
418
00:13:51,573 --> 00:13:53,909
Your uterine lining
has deteriorated 40%.
419
00:13:53,942 --> 00:13:57,480
Loss of tissue,
narrowing of fallopian tubes...
420
00:13:57,513 --> 00:13:59,382
- Okay, I get it.
- Decrease of estrogen--
421
00:13:59,414 --> 00:14:00,750
I-I get it.
You know what?
422
00:14:00,783 --> 00:14:02,818
I actually prefer
the cartoon doctor.
423
00:14:02,851 --> 00:14:04,486
Spooky!
424
00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:06,588
Ooh, is that a bat?
[chuckles]
425
00:14:06,621 --> 00:14:08,056
It's not a bat,
because it's a spider,
426
00:14:08,090 --> 00:14:10,893
because I don't know where
the new girl puts the bats.
427
00:14:10,925 --> 00:14:12,427
We used to have bats!
428
00:14:12,461 --> 00:14:14,430
Anyway, listen,
I think you look good.
429
00:14:14,462 --> 00:14:16,365
If you, uh, want to pop out
a Goonie or two
430
00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:20,002
out of this old pirate's cove,
I think you've got time.
431
00:14:20,034 --> 00:14:21,837
Oh, you're actually
being serious?
432
00:14:21,870 --> 00:14:23,405
Okay, look,
we've had some fun.
433
00:14:23,438 --> 00:14:24,573
We had some laughs.
434
00:14:24,606 --> 00:14:26,475
Uh, I know you had
a great time.
435
00:14:26,507 --> 00:14:28,643
For me, yeah,
it's been a hoot.
436
00:14:28,677 --> 00:14:30,779
But I think, at the end,
we kind of surprised
437
00:14:30,813 --> 00:14:32,948
both of ourselves
by getting at something real.
438
00:14:32,981 --> 00:14:35,583
I want to see you go out there
and make a life for yourself.
439
00:14:35,616 --> 00:14:37,385
Get a baby inside you, huh?
440
00:14:37,419 --> 00:14:38,721
I'm fine.
441
00:14:38,754 --> 00:14:41,390
I went into this business
not just to make money.
442
00:14:41,423 --> 00:14:45,727
I went in this business
to meet women.
443
00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,630
[sighs]
444
00:14:51,433 --> 00:14:52,702
Get out of here,
you old slut.
445
00:14:54,035 --> 00:14:55,737
What do you guys think
of the mayor?
446
00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:57,606
Well, I voted for him twice.
447
00:14:57,639 --> 00:14:58,874
I meant it more like,
what do you think
448
00:14:58,906 --> 00:15:02,344
of him as a man,
as a partner?
449
00:15:02,377 --> 00:15:03,645
- Really?
- Yes.
450
00:15:03,678 --> 00:15:04,880
- Okay.
- Wow.
451
00:15:04,913 --> 00:15:06,414
He wants to have a baby
with me.
452
00:15:06,448 --> 00:15:07,750
And I do want to have a kid.
453
00:15:07,783 --> 00:15:09,085
And you're actually
thinking about this.
454
00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:10,552
Absolutely.
Is that crazy?
455
00:15:10,586 --> 00:15:11,854
I would take his sperm,
456
00:15:11,886 --> 00:15:14,756
and I already have
a husband and children.
457
00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:16,625
I would also take his sperm.
458
00:15:16,658 --> 00:15:18,461
Right, through
a turkey baster; you're not--
459
00:15:18,494 --> 00:15:19,995
Well, I was sort of saying
I would sleep with him,
460
00:15:20,028 --> 00:15:22,664
actually, yeah,
even though I'm married.
461
00:15:22,698 --> 00:15:24,766
You know,
you're gonna get fat.
462
00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:26,501
- You mean pregnant.
- That is fat. That is fat.
463
00:15:26,534 --> 00:15:28,002
My arms used to look
like my wrists.
464
00:15:28,035 --> 00:15:32,073
Your ass doesn't grow out.
It grows to the side.
465
00:15:32,106 --> 00:15:33,775
But not in a fun way.
466
00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:37,645
I will say this-- my boobs
have never looked better.
467
00:15:37,678 --> 00:15:39,148
My boobs sagged a bunch.
468
00:15:39,180 --> 00:15:40,582
Yeah, well--
469
00:15:40,616 --> 00:15:41,784
Is there anybody else
on the table?
470
00:15:41,817 --> 00:15:43,085
I mean, have you considered
anyone else?
471
00:15:43,117 --> 00:15:44,786
That's exactly
what I'm thinking.
472
00:15:44,819 --> 00:15:46,654
I guess there's friends
that I'm closer to
473
00:15:46,688 --> 00:15:48,124
that I haven't really
considered.
474
00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:50,425
Look, there are different
kinds of qualities in life.
475
00:15:50,458 --> 00:15:52,727
You know, you have, of course,
money, success.
476
00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:53,928
And then you have
other things--
477
00:15:53,962 --> 00:15:56,999
compassion,
friendship, kindness...
478
00:15:57,031 --> 00:15:58,933
Well, what about that--
what about
479
00:15:58,967 --> 00:16:00,669
the guy you live with,
the little cute--
480
00:16:00,702 --> 00:16:01,803
Oh, yeah, with the glasses.
481
00:16:01,837 --> 00:16:02,871
Well, that might be weird,
482
00:16:02,904 --> 00:16:04,073
because we know each other
so well.
483
00:16:04,106 --> 00:16:05,408
- Frank.
- Frank.
484
00:16:05,441 --> 00:16:06,776
- It's not Frank.
- How tall is Frank?
485
00:16:06,808 --> 00:16:09,010
5...
486
00:16:09,044 --> 00:16:10,980
[groans]
487
00:16:11,013 --> 00:16:12,948
If she said 5'11",
I would've been like meh-meh.
488
00:16:12,981 --> 00:16:14,850
You know, we all have
our flaws, Carrie, but--
489
00:16:14,882 --> 00:16:15,917
I mean, really,
if you're not--
490
00:16:15,951 --> 00:16:17,720
how's your baby gonna model?
491
00:16:17,752 --> 00:16:19,454
I mean, miniature stuff maybe,
but that's about it.
492
00:16:19,487 --> 00:16:21,656
I guess I wasn't hoping
that my kid would be a model.
493
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:23,159
Maybe you're not ready
to be a mother.
494
00:16:23,192 --> 00:16:24,894
I'm excited for you.
495
00:16:24,927 --> 00:16:26,695
For the first time in my life,
I feel like you're really
496
00:16:26,727 --> 00:16:27,996
gonna make something
of yourself.
497
00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:30,598
And, Carrie, darn it,
I'm proud of you.
498
00:16:30,631 --> 00:16:31,766
What sort of a theme
should we do
499
00:16:31,799 --> 00:16:32,767
for the baby shower?
500
00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:33,969
Winnie the Pooh.
501
00:16:36,639 --> 00:16:39,476
[dramatic music]
502
00:16:39,508 --> 00:16:44,116
503
00:16:44,565 --> 00:16:46,946
_
504
00:16:47,816 --> 00:16:50,921
[muffled breathing]
505
00:16:53,188 --> 00:16:54,757
No!
506
00:16:54,791 --> 00:16:57,828
No!
I changed my mind!
507
00:17:00,062 --> 00:17:03,934
Carrie, don't forget about me.
508
00:17:07,837 --> 00:17:10,941
[electronic beeping,
whooshing]
509
00:17:29,458 --> 00:17:31,861
Wow, look at all these photos.
510
00:17:33,495 --> 00:17:34,997
[chuckles]
511
00:17:35,031 --> 00:17:37,067
- Hey, little Freddie.
- Uncle Manuel, hi.
512
00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:38,368
What seems to be
the problem?
513
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,202
Well, my hair went gray.
I panicked.
514
00:17:40,235 --> 00:17:41,905
And now I'm in this black hole.
515
00:17:41,937 --> 00:17:44,107
Oh, yeah, my hair
went gray at 33.
516
00:17:44,139 --> 00:17:45,475
- It did?
- Yeah.
517
00:17:45,507 --> 00:17:47,843
But I didn't jump
into a black hole.
518
00:17:47,877 --> 00:17:49,279
Just dyed my hair
and moved on.
519
00:17:49,311 --> 00:17:51,147
Really?
You dyed your hair?
520
00:17:51,179 --> 00:17:54,316
Oh, yeah, it really
sets the clock back.
521
00:17:54,350 --> 00:17:57,052
Okay.
Well, it's nice to see you.
522
00:17:57,086 --> 00:17:59,489
Nice to see you.
Say hi to your mom.
523
00:17:59,522 --> 00:18:01,191
Good luck, Freddie.
524
00:18:03,826 --> 00:18:05,462
Hey, Doctor!
525
00:18:05,494 --> 00:18:06,929
Mr. Scientist.
526
00:18:06,963 --> 00:18:09,398
- Yes?
- Can you get me out of here?
527
00:18:09,432 --> 00:18:12,001
Well, scientifically,
that's impossible.
528
00:18:12,033 --> 00:18:14,337
But then again,
none of this makes any sense.
529
00:18:14,369 --> 00:18:15,839
So...
530
00:18:15,871 --> 00:18:19,007
I figured out all I have
to do is dye my hair.
531
00:18:19,041 --> 00:18:21,377
Dyeing your hair
isn't really significant.
532
00:18:21,409 --> 00:18:25,047
You really need to do something
worthwhile with your life,
533
00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:27,050
you want to really change.
534
00:18:28,885 --> 00:18:29,986
[electronic beeping,
whooshing]
535
00:18:30,019 --> 00:18:32,489
[echoing]
Worthwhile.
536
00:18:35,390 --> 00:18:37,293
I got to do something
with my life.
537
00:18:40,562 --> 00:18:42,532
Hi.
538
00:18:42,564 --> 00:18:44,167
It's nice out, huh?
539
00:18:47,469 --> 00:18:49,004
House is looking good.
540
00:18:50,807 --> 00:18:54,176
[tender music]
541
00:18:54,209 --> 00:18:56,446
- Hey.
- Hey.
542
00:18:56,478 --> 00:18:58,447
So I have some
pretty big news to tell you.
543
00:18:58,481 --> 00:19:00,316
Well, I've got
some pretty big news too.
544
00:19:00,349 --> 00:19:01,250
What?
545
00:19:01,283 --> 00:19:03,186
Well, I've been thinking
about my life,
546
00:19:03,218 --> 00:19:04,920
and I worry that I've
wasted a lot of time,
547
00:19:04,954 --> 00:19:06,990
so I thought
that one thing I could do--
548
00:19:07,023 --> 00:19:09,024
Fred,
549
00:19:09,058 --> 00:19:11,194
do you want to have
a baby with me?
550
00:19:11,226 --> 00:19:15,798
551
00:19:15,831 --> 00:19:17,233
Yeah.
552
00:19:17,265 --> 00:19:18,935
Great.
553
00:19:18,967 --> 00:19:20,069
When do you want
to do it?
554
00:19:20,101 --> 00:19:21,271
Right now.
555
00:19:21,303 --> 00:19:22,805
- Up we go?
- Yeah, let's do it.
556
00:19:22,839 --> 00:19:24,474
Great, okay.
Let me get this off, and then--
557
00:19:24,506 --> 00:19:25,475
Okay.
558
00:19:25,507 --> 00:19:26,408
I get to see you naked.
559
00:19:26,443 --> 00:19:28,912
I know.
Have you seen my penis before?
560
00:19:28,945 --> 00:19:32,215
I want you
to have my baby
561
00:19:32,247 --> 00:19:35,484
my baby,
my baby
562
00:19:35,517 --> 00:19:37,352
I think there's
a bat in here, literally.
563
00:19:37,386 --> 00:19:39,355
I-I'd like a new--
not literally.
564
00:19:39,388 --> 00:19:40,223
Clitorally.
565
00:19:40,255 --> 00:19:41,490
Is there another doctor?
566
00:19:41,523 --> 00:19:43,126
Uh, I really wouldn't
recommend it.
567
00:19:43,158 --> 00:19:45,227
His name's Herb Spiderman.
568
00:19:45,261 --> 00:19:46,995
- He was in there.
- Nurse!
569
00:19:47,029 --> 00:19:48,231
Okay, well,
let me make a call,
570
00:19:48,263 --> 00:19:52,901
because I just found
a cell phone from 1993.
571
00:19:52,935 --> 00:19:54,369
This was before vibrate.
572
00:19:54,403 --> 00:19:56,206
I don't even know
what it was doing up there.
573
00:19:56,238 --> 00:19:57,973
I'm naughty.
I'm a naughty gyno.
574
00:19:58,006 --> 00:19:59,109
I'm gonna lose my job.
575
00:19:59,610 --> 00:20:01,075
[dramatic music]
576
00:20:01,077 --> 00:20:03,179
- This is it.
- We're having sex.
577
00:20:03,212 --> 00:20:05,415
You made him mad,
didn't you?
578
00:20:05,447 --> 00:20:08,016
- Are you Carrie?
- Yeah.
579
00:20:08,050 --> 00:20:09,219
Hi.
580
00:20:09,252 --> 00:20:11,421
[indistinct]
...Frankie Armistein.
581
00:20:11,454 --> 00:20:13,990
I want you to take
good care of him, okay?
582
00:20:14,023 --> 00:20:15,190
Get on the boat.
583
00:20:15,224 --> 00:20:17,527
Hey, get back here!
584
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:19,361
Hi, two tickets
to "Mum," please.
585
00:20:19,395 --> 00:20:20,363
I've had enough.
586
00:20:20,396 --> 00:20:22,065
[squawking]
587
00:20:22,098 --> 00:20:24,334
Well, it sounds like you two
have been on quite an adventure.
588
00:20:24,367 --> 00:20:26,002
[dramatic music]
589
00:20:26,003 --> 00:20:30,003
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
590
00:20:30,053 --> 00:20:34,603
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
41141
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