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♪ There's a place you gotta go ♪
2
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:07,805
♪ For learning all you oughta
know about the facts of life ♪
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00:00:07,874 --> 00:00:09,507
♪ The facts of life ♪
4
00:00:09,576 --> 00:00:11,543
♪ When your books are
what you're there about ♪
5
00:00:11,612 --> 00:00:13,545
♪ But looks are
what you care about ♪
6
00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:16,681
♪ The time is right to
learn the facts of life ♪
7
00:00:16,751 --> 00:00:19,684
♪ When the world never seems ♪
8
00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:23,688
♪ To be living up
to your dreams ♪
9
00:00:23,758 --> 00:00:25,757
♪ It's time you
started finding out ♪
10
00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:28,727
♪ What everything is all about ♪
11
00:00:28,795 --> 00:00:31,163
♪ When the boys you
used to hate you date ♪
12
00:00:31,232 --> 00:00:33,732
♪ I guess you best
investigate the facts of life ♪
13
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:36,168
♪ The facts of life ♪
14
00:00:36,237 --> 00:00:38,470
♪ If you hear 'em
from your brother ♪
15
00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:40,472
♪ Better clear 'em
with your mother ♪
16
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:43,175
♪ Gotta get 'em
right The facts of life ♪
17
00:00:43,243 --> 00:00:46,445
♪ When the world never seems ♪
18
00:00:46,513 --> 00:00:50,482
♪ To be living up
to your dreams ♪
19
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:54,286
♪ It's time you started finding
out the facts of life are all about ♪♪
20
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:58,823
How does it look,
huh? Pretty good. Okay.
21
00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:03,095
Ah, girls, girls. We
can't take all morning.
22
00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:05,212
We gotta get these
decorations to the Harvest
23
00:01:05,236 --> 00:01:07,032
Fair before there's
a change of season.
24
00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:09,367
Whoo-hoo! Mrs.
Garrett, look who's here.
25
00:01:09,436 --> 00:01:11,836
- Hi, Mrs. Garrett.
- Ah! Fellas. Mr. Drummond.
26
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:14,873
You're early. Good.
27
00:01:14,941 --> 00:01:16,908
Well, we missed you.
28
00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:19,744
Besides, my two boys have
never seen a Harvest Fair.
29
00:01:19,814 --> 00:01:23,615
Never been to a Harvest Fair? Willis,
how did you know when it was autumn?
30
00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:26,818
In New York it's easy.
The muggers dress warmer.
31
00:01:26,886 --> 00:01:29,521
Mrs. Garrett, it's
tough catching the pig.
32
00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:32,524
He's a great broken-field runner.
Should I load him on the bus?
33
00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:34,592
Aw, you know what you oughta do?
34
00:01:34,661 --> 00:01:37,930
Dump him in the tub first. He's
got ring around the collar all over.
35
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:42,734
Oh, hi. What are you
doing in a girls' school?
36
00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:46,171
I was gonna ask
you the same thing.
37
00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:49,975
Aw, your first date,
Cindy. Just your type.
38
00:01:50,044 --> 00:01:53,145
You'd probably go
for taller pigs, Blair.
39
00:01:54,815 --> 00:01:57,782
Hey, where's my little Arnold?
40
00:01:57,852 --> 00:02:01,653
Oh, he'll be right along. He sent us
on ahead to see if the coast was clear.
41
00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:05,757
It's okay, Arnold. There
aren't any girls in here. Hey!
42
00:02:05,825 --> 00:02:08,961
Hi, Arnold.
43
00:02:09,029 --> 00:02:13,065
Aw, you lied to me. We're
not brothers anymore.
44
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:15,434
From now on, we're
distant cousins.
45
00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:18,770
Oh, come here, Arnold.
46
00:02:18,838 --> 00:02:21,306
Now, what's this
sudden aversion to girls?
47
00:02:21,375 --> 00:02:24,176
You call my whole life "sudden"?
48
00:02:24,245 --> 00:02:28,212
Don't worry, Arnold. In a few years
you'll think of women as being necessities.
49
00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:30,715
If that's true, my
future looks bleak.
50
00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:37,055
Well, Arnold, girls aren't
so bad. They grow on you.
51
00:02:37,124 --> 00:02:39,791
Where? Where?
52
00:02:39,859 --> 00:02:41,938
Mrs. Garrett, the real reason
that we came up early...
53
00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:44,307
was to try to talk you
into coming back. Yeah.
54
00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:47,299
- Don't you miss
living with us?
- Oh, sure.
55
00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:50,735
Wouldn't Marlin Perkins
miss his Wild Kingdom?
56
00:02:52,539 --> 00:02:56,475
Oh, Arnold, you're so darling.
Ooh. Gimme a break, please.
57
00:02:58,078 --> 00:03:01,045
Ah, come on. Loosen
up, Arnold. Girls don't bite.
58
00:03:01,115 --> 00:03:04,160
Well, I know girls don't bite.
It's just that girls like to kiss.
59
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:09,087
And you take your life in your
hands with the ones that wear braces.
60
00:03:09,156 --> 00:03:11,155
You don't have to
worry about me, Arnold.
61
00:03:11,225 --> 00:03:13,625
I don't like kissin'
either. I'm into sports.
62
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,960
Hey, this one's almost human.
63
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,029
You wouldn't pull
my leg, would you?
64
00:03:18,098 --> 00:03:21,766
Why not? You could
use a few inches.
65
00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:29,974
Kimberly, let's all go over to
the hotel and change for the fair.
66
00:03:30,044 --> 00:03:32,655
Fine. See you later, Mrs. Garrett.
Bye-bye. Okay. Bye-bye, Mrs. Garrett.
67
00:03:32,679 --> 00:03:34,724
We'll see you later. Bye, Kim.
68
00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:37,682
Good bye, Arnold.
69
00:03:39,586 --> 00:03:42,754
Don't move. I want to forget
you just the way you are.
70
00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:45,957
Well, Mrs. Garrett,
71
00:03:46,025 --> 00:03:49,261
this housemother thing isn't
permanently temporary, is it?
72
00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:51,407
Oh, no. I'll be back. I promise.
73
00:03:51,431 --> 00:03:53,543
Good, because we've been
having a rough time. Yeah?
74
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:56,735
Ever since you left, everything's
upside down and topsy-turvy.
75
00:03:56,803 --> 00:04:00,238
I think I've been wearing
Arnold's underwear.
76
00:04:00,307 --> 00:04:04,342
Well, that'll keep
you on your toes.
77
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:07,179
Come on, you guys.
Tug-of-war practice time.
78
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,881
We've got to get on the ball
before we get our brains knocked in.
79
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:12,929
Listen, slugger. Some of us
want to talk about the dance.
80
00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:15,432
Now, come on now. You
just plant your foot right here.
81
00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:19,035
Would you mind not
pawing me? You are strange.
82
00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:22,160
Oh, nothing's strange
about her. It's her job.
83
00:04:22,229 --> 00:04:24,396
Cindy is captain of
the games committee.
84
00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:29,401
Yes. Well, some of us girls are interested
in what happens after her silly games...
85
00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:31,603
The dance and the boys.
86
00:04:31,671 --> 00:04:33,938
Something superjock
wouldn't know about.
87
00:04:34,008 --> 00:04:37,175
How would you like me to fix it so
you could breathe through your ears?
88
00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:41,824
All right, girls. Girls, this is
a school for young ladies,
89
00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:43,948
not a training camp
for the Roller Derby.
90
00:04:44,018 --> 00:04:47,219
Don't worry. I have more
important things on my mind,
91
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,721
like Gregg Hockney.
92
00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:53,358
Gregg Hockney.
Oh, he's a real hunk.
93
00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:56,861
Mrs. Garrett, come quick!
The pig is loose on the bus!
94
00:04:56,930 --> 00:05:01,032
Well, don't get so excited,
Tootie. He can't drive a stick shift.
95
00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:03,101
Morning, girls. Thank you.
96
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:06,210
Here I am, the only headmaster
that makes house calls.
97
00:05:06,273 --> 00:05:10,675
How are you, girls? We're
women. Okay, Mr. Bradley?
98
00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:13,145
I'm sorry, Molly.
I keep forgetting.
99
00:05:13,213 --> 00:05:15,813
You're a woman.
100
00:05:17,383 --> 00:05:19,584
This is my first
year at Eastland...
101
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:22,386
and my first Harvest
Fair, so be gentle.
102
00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:26,157
I'll be depending heavily on Miss Mahoney
to show me the ropes. She's an old pro.
103
00:05:27,394 --> 00:05:29,427
I don't mean she's
an old pro. I-I mean,
104
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:32,497
she's... been around.
105
00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:34,566
Oh, no. I don't mean
she's been around.
106
00:05:34,634 --> 00:05:38,135
I mean, she's been around
the school for a long, long time.
107
00:05:38,204 --> 00:05:41,205
For not... not that long.
108
00:05:42,942 --> 00:05:45,577
Hardly more than a girl. Oh...
109
00:05:46,646 --> 00:05:48,680
Mr. Bradley, I'm not
coy about my age.
110
00:05:48,748 --> 00:05:52,917
I don't care who knows
it. I'm 32-ooh years old.
111
00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:55,653
Thirty-two?
112
00:05:55,722 --> 00:05:58,690
Wow, so that's
what it looks like.
113
00:05:59,759 --> 00:06:01,760
Natalie,
114
00:06:01,828 --> 00:06:05,330
at 32, a woman
is in her full prime.
115
00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:08,266
And it's not as far away
as you girls may think.
116
00:06:08,335 --> 00:06:11,603
Some of you are about to
burgeon into womanhood.
117
00:06:11,672 --> 00:06:14,306
I thought all of us
were "burgeons."
118
00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:17,942
Can we stay later at
the dance this year?
119
00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:20,772
- What's the curfew?
- Nancy, you know
the curfew. 10:00.
120
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:23,249
I'm glad you brought
that up. It is Saturday,
121
00:06:23,273 --> 00:06:25,350
and I think we
should relax the rules.
122
00:06:25,419 --> 00:06:27,485
Change the rules...
123
00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:30,955
that have made this school's
reputation for 54 years?
124
00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:33,491
I didn't say change,
just bend them a little.
125
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:36,895
Old rules don't always
apply to, uh, today's woman.
126
00:06:36,963 --> 00:06:41,599
I'm going to dispense with
the 10:00 curfew and make it...
127
00:06:41,668 --> 00:06:45,670
- 11:30.
- All right! Okay!
128
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:47,739
Mr. Bradley,
129
00:06:47,807 --> 00:06:51,175
once we make a rule at
Eastland, we stick to it.
130
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:53,778
Do you know what
that means? Yes.
131
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:56,614
You have sticky rules.
132
00:06:56,683 --> 00:06:59,517
Change tonight's
curfew to 11:40.
133
00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:04,689
Mr. Bradley,
134
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:08,259
I know that you come from
the public school system,
135
00:07:08,327 --> 00:07:12,597
but Eastland is a private
school with its own private rules.
136
00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:15,467
Good, then keep them private.
137
00:07:15,536 --> 00:07:18,537
Girls, change that to 11:50.
138
00:07:20,674 --> 00:07:22,974
You're going to let
them stay up till 11:50?
139
00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:25,677
I'm in bed by 11:50. Perfect.
140
00:07:25,746 --> 00:07:29,346
They can tuck you in when
they come home from the dance.
141
00:07:31,384 --> 00:07:34,251
Now, we'll talk about
something really important.
142
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:38,189
Who is going to represent Eastland at
the Interschool Harvest Queen contest?
143
00:07:38,257 --> 00:07:40,325
Well, since I am the...
144
00:07:40,394 --> 00:07:44,329
reigning Harvest Queen
for two years in a row,
145
00:07:44,398 --> 00:07:46,398
naturally, I'll be
in the contest.
146
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,578
All righty. Well, count me out.
147
00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:51,202
Nobody's judging
me on my cleavage.
148
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,973
I guess Molly
speaks for everyone?
149
00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:58,476
Not for me. I
nominate Cindy. Cindy?
150
00:07:58,544 --> 00:08:02,113
Cindy's great! The
best athlete in school.
151
00:08:02,181 --> 00:08:06,117
At least that'll keep it from
being a total flesh parade.
152
00:08:06,185 --> 00:08:09,854
Come on, Cindy. No
way, honestly. Forget it.
153
00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:12,702
Oh, hi, Mrs.
Garrett. Mr. Bradley.
154
00:08:12,726 --> 00:08:14,771
Guess what, Mrs. Garrett?
155
00:08:14,795 --> 00:08:17,072
Cindy's going to run against
Blair for Harvest Queen.
156
00:08:17,096 --> 00:08:20,331
Super! Now we're gonna have
an honest-to-goodness race.
157
00:08:20,399 --> 00:08:23,568
But really, I can't. I don't
even own a party dress.
158
00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:26,203
You can wear the
one my sister gave me.
159
00:08:26,272 --> 00:08:29,073
I grew out of it
before I grew into it.
160
00:08:30,444 --> 00:08:33,277
It happens to the
best of us, dear.
161
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:37,315
Well, I think I'll go thread up the
sewing machine. Alterations on me.
162
00:08:37,383 --> 00:08:39,361
All right now, Cindy. Can
I put your name down?
163
00:08:39,385 --> 00:08:41,686
- Well, wait a minute...
- Ah, terrific.
164
00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:45,456
Okay, gals... girls.
I mean, women.
165
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,592
On to the fair.
166
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:50,494
Sue Ann, I've got
another problem.
167
00:08:50,563 --> 00:08:52,830
I don't know what
to do at a dance.
168
00:08:52,899 --> 00:08:55,733
Oh, that's a cinch. Lesson one:
169
00:08:55,802 --> 00:08:58,248
try to seem flattered when
the nerd asks you to dance.
170
00:08:58,272 --> 00:09:02,607
Yeah, say, "Gosh, thanks, nerd."
171
00:09:03,910 --> 00:09:07,879
Don't say anything.
Just grab him.
172
00:09:07,948 --> 00:09:12,216
And remember, Cindy, you're
supposed to be the girl. Try not to lead.
173
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:14,953
Oh, come on. Let's go upstairs
and teach her some steps.
174
00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:17,500
I've got some great Donna
Summer records. Great, come on.
175
00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:20,536
Uh, Sue Ann. Thanks
a lot for nominating me.
176
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,394
I love you. Come on.
177
00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:27,732
Cindy, what's wrong with
you? What do you mean?
178
00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:31,970
All this touching and
hugging girls, and "I love you."
179
00:09:32,038 --> 00:09:34,171
Boy, are you strange.
180
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,474
Well, I didn't mean anything.
181
00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:38,542
I'll just bet.
182
00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:41,879
You better think
about what you mean.
183
00:09:46,185 --> 00:09:50,221
A couple of tucks
here and there,
184
00:09:50,289 --> 00:09:54,258
and Cindy's going to be one
foxy lady at the dance tonight.
185
00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:57,194
What are you
gonna wear? Nothing.
186
00:09:58,365 --> 00:10:01,399
When do you arrive?
I don't want to miss it.
187
00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:06,337
I meant, nothing special.
I have no one to impress.
188
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:08,372
Oh, hey.
189
00:10:08,442 --> 00:10:10,486
Don't you have a date tonight?
190
00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:13,912
No. I'm going with Mr. Bradley.
191
00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:17,949
We are both
chaperoning the dance.
192
00:10:18,017 --> 00:10:20,852
Oh, and who's
chaperoning the two of you?
193
00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:22,921
Don't make me titter.
194
00:10:24,891 --> 00:10:29,527
Me? Fall for a man who could sack
and burn every tradition we have?
195
00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:32,296
The Attila the Hun of Eastland?
196
00:10:32,366 --> 00:10:34,399
Sounds like you really like him.
197
00:10:34,468 --> 00:10:36,601
You called him "hon."
198
00:10:36,670 --> 00:10:39,103
You may find humor in this,
199
00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:41,539
but after what he did
to our curfew today,
200
00:10:41,607 --> 00:10:45,476
nothing that happens
here could surprise me.
201
00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:48,846
Mrs. Garrett, can
I hide in here?
202
00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:52,484
Why sure, honey. What's the
matter? What ain't the matter?
203
00:10:52,552 --> 00:10:55,319
There I was, girls
to the left of me,
204
00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:58,389
girls to the right of me,
patting, poking, pinching.
205
00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:01,392
Uh, any dents in my cheeks?
206
00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:04,696
No permanent damage.
You look darling.
207
00:11:04,764 --> 00:11:09,333
That's what the girls said when they
dressed me up as Elmer Fudd the farmer.
208
00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:13,204
It's a curse to be darling. Oh.
209
00:11:13,272 --> 00:11:15,540
Come in.
210
00:11:15,609 --> 00:11:18,309
Ah. There you are.
211
00:11:18,377 --> 00:11:21,312
No sale, sister. Don't
look for no action here.
212
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:24,448
I don't have time
for you, child.
213
00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:26,818
Good, 'cause I'm gone.
214
00:11:31,290 --> 00:11:34,036
Mrs. Garrett, Cindy's dropped
out of the queen's race.
215
00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:36,761
She's locked herself in her
room, and she won't talk to anyone.
216
00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:40,698
Oh, dear. I better go up to her.
217
00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:48,739
Go away. I don't
want to talk to anyone.
218
00:11:48,808 --> 00:11:53,177
But I'm a little chocolate
cupcake, and I got no place to go.
219
00:11:56,449 --> 00:12:01,185
Ah, just in time. I was about to
do my imitation of a glass of milk.
220
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:05,489
I'm not hungry. And thanks,
but I don't need that dress.
221
00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:08,192
What? You mean, you're...
222
00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:10,907
You're going to go to
the Harvest Ball like that?
223
00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:13,364
I mean, whoever heard
of queens in jeans?
224
00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:17,134
Now, you know they need
a real girl for Harvest Queen.
225
00:12:17,203 --> 00:12:21,639
Mrs. Garrett, look at me. I
like football jerseys and pants.
226
00:12:21,708 --> 00:12:24,141
There's nothing about
me that's feminine.
227
00:12:24,210 --> 00:12:26,355
Now, what on earth
do you mean by that?
228
00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:28,913
See, this dress isn't me.
229
00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:31,148
I'm not Blair.
230
00:12:31,217 --> 00:12:34,385
I'd much rather have a baseball
glove with a good pocket.
231
00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:36,453
Yeah, but that
doesn't prove anything.
232
00:12:36,522 --> 00:12:38,689
You know, even Blair
would love baseball...
233
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:42,493
if Gucci came out
with a catcher's mitt.
234
00:12:42,561 --> 00:12:44,629
Nothing would make
Blair like baseball.
235
00:12:44,698 --> 00:12:47,632
- And she was right about me.
- Right about what?
236
00:12:47,701 --> 00:12:51,435
About me hugging and
touching girls all the time.
237
00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:53,504
Not caring about boys.
238
00:12:53,573 --> 00:12:58,842
Mrs. Garrett,
maybe Blair is right.
239
00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:00,912
Maybe I'm not normal.
240
00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:14,926
Oh, you sure have built one
heck of a pocket in this glove.
241
00:13:14,994 --> 00:13:19,296
You know, just because Blair said
something thoughtless and insensitive,
242
00:13:19,365 --> 00:13:22,011
doesn't mean that you have
to let it knock you for a loop.
243
00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:25,970
Yeah, well, how many girls are built
like a boy and think only about sports?
244
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:28,083
Well, none that I can think of.
245
00:13:28,107 --> 00:13:31,242
Except for Billie Jean
King, Nadia Comaneci,
246
00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:34,423
Wilma Rudolph, Dorothy
Hamill... Okay, I get the idea.
247
00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:37,348
All right. And as far
as looking like a boy,
248
00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:39,150
when I was growing
up on our farm in
249
00:13:39,174 --> 00:13:41,419
Wisconsin, they used
to use me for a beanpole.
250
00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:44,889
Yeah. Well, only for one summer.
251
00:13:46,225 --> 00:13:49,794
Then that little time clock
inside my body took over,
252
00:13:49,863 --> 00:13:51,863
just like yours will,
253
00:13:51,932 --> 00:13:56,467
and I started to get
curvier and curvier...
254
00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:59,103
and curvier.
255
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:02,173
Well, my time clock
just isn't working.
256
00:14:02,241 --> 00:14:05,076
I'm 14 already, and I
don't even like guys.
257
00:14:05,145 --> 00:14:07,779
And why do you think
you don't like guys?
258
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,881
They make me nervous.
259
00:14:09,949 --> 00:14:12,283
Oh, I know, I know.
260
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,852
They used to make
me nervous too.
261
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:18,189
And once in a
while, they still do.
262
00:14:18,257 --> 00:14:22,626
Well, maybe Blair is right. I
don't feel nervous around girls.
263
00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:25,863
You know me, I'm always
hugging and all that junk.
264
00:14:25,932 --> 00:14:28,900
I gotta stop that.
Don't you dare.
265
00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:32,103
Up her at the school,
these girls are your family.
266
00:14:32,171 --> 00:14:35,172
There's nothing wrong
with hugging and touching.
267
00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:38,454
It shows that you're a loving
person, and that's good.
268
00:14:38,478 --> 00:14:41,090
The only people who
will tell you it's wrong...
269
00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:43,147
are the ones who
can't reach out...
270
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,349
and do it themselves.
271
00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:51,889
I'd make somebody
a great brother.
272
00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:56,928
You know, maybe if you'd shake me real
hard, that would get my time clock going.
273
00:14:56,996 --> 00:14:59,421
Don't worry about
your time clock. It'll
274
00:14:59,445 --> 00:15:02,200
start tickin' when it's
ready, I promise you.
275
00:15:02,268 --> 00:15:04,546
That's the way my
mother explained it to me.
276
00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:07,471
Well, my mom had
my dad explain it.
277
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,774
He told me that sex
was like a big garden,
278
00:15:09,843 --> 00:15:12,110
and each person
was like a flower,
279
00:15:12,178 --> 00:15:15,546
and when you love someone,
you have to put fertilizer on them.
280
00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:20,151
Anyway, I think the
time clock sounds better.
281
00:15:20,219 --> 00:15:24,889
All right. Let's see how terrific
you're gonna look in this dress.
282
00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:28,359
There.
283
00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:30,762
Oh, Cindy.
284
00:15:31,865 --> 00:15:34,498
You look beautiful.
285
00:15:35,568 --> 00:15:37,728
I don't think I look so great.
286
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:41,372
Now, who are you gonna
believe, you or the mirror?
287
00:15:42,975 --> 00:15:46,110
I don't know. But
I'll tell you one thing.
288
00:15:46,179 --> 00:15:48,845
If Blair ever says I don't
look feminine again,
289
00:15:48,914 --> 00:15:52,249
I'm just going to have
to punch her out. All right.
290
00:15:52,318 --> 00:15:54,563
Now, you ought to go
downstairs and tell her that.
291
00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:59,457
Oh, no. I'm never talking to
Blair again unless she apologizes.
292
00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:03,894
But she'll never do that.
Cindy, never say never.
293
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:07,498
Oh, by the way, I'll give you a
tip on, uh, how to be feminine.
294
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:10,101
Get rid of that little
white mustache.
295
00:16:10,169 --> 00:16:12,609
You look like Colonel Sanders.
296
00:16:14,373 --> 00:16:16,373
See you later.
297
00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:25,183
Hello?
298
00:16:25,251 --> 00:16:28,219
Man in the room.
Everybody decent?
299
00:16:28,287 --> 00:16:31,955
- Yes. Hi, Mr. Bradley.
- Oh, hello, Blair.
300
00:16:32,025 --> 00:16:36,160
How do I look? Oh, perfect.
Just button the top button.
301
00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:38,529
There is no top button.
302
00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:41,432
Put one on and button it.
303
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:43,405
What's this I hear
about Cindy not running
304
00:16:43,429 --> 00:16:45,403
for queen? Do you
know anything about that?
305
00:16:45,471 --> 00:16:47,717
Not really. We
had a little tiff. Ah.
306
00:16:47,741 --> 00:16:50,842
Ah, Mrs. Garrett. Mr. Bradley.
307
00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:53,510
I'm going to have a
little talk with Cindy. Oh?
308
00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:56,213
Yes, I'm fairly skilled
at this sort of thing.
309
00:16:56,282 --> 00:16:59,816
Ah, it may sound silly, but in
college, I was know as the...
310
00:16:59,885 --> 00:17:02,063
Sigmund Freud of Sigma Chi.
311
00:17:02,087 --> 00:17:04,821
Oh! Not that silly.
312
00:17:04,890 --> 00:17:08,059
Sorry. Thought
I'd have a little...
313
00:17:08,127 --> 00:17:10,272
man-to-man talk with Cindy.
314
00:17:10,296 --> 00:17:14,231
No, not man-to-man. I mean,
man-to-girl... to-woman... Oh...
315
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:16,934
Relax, Mr. Bradley. She
worked it out all by herself.
316
00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:19,781
Well, that's too bad. I mean,
that's not too bad, it's good.
317
00:17:19,805 --> 00:17:23,541
But it's too bad I didn't talk to her.
I could have cleared everything up.
318
00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:25,609
Oh, don't worry. It's
all cleared up now.
319
00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:28,512
Well, glad I could be of help.
320
00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:31,748
Oh, yes. Thank you
very much, Mr. Bradley.
321
00:17:32,751 --> 00:17:34,930
What do you think, Mrs. Garrett?
322
00:17:34,954 --> 00:17:38,489
Wow.
323
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:40,824
Now, I know you might
think it's cut a bit low...
324
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:44,462
and the eye shadow a bit heavy,
but this is the look that's selling.
325
00:17:44,530 --> 00:17:47,309
Oh, no, no, no. I think
it's just right for you, Blair.
326
00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:50,145
After all, you're the expert
on tricks to attract men.
327
00:17:50,169 --> 00:17:52,002
I guess so.
328
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:55,117
Oh, golly. I bet you could
have any man you wanted.
329
00:17:55,141 --> 00:17:57,541
Yeah, probably.
330
00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:59,776
And I bet you have.
331
00:17:59,845 --> 00:18:02,313
Where'd you hear
something like that?
332
00:18:02,382 --> 00:18:05,883
Oh, no. It's pretty obvious
you've been around.
333
00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:10,087
No, I haven't been. I don't
do those kind of things.
334
00:18:10,156 --> 00:18:13,602
Oh, come on. The way you get
yourself up. You're so sophisticated,
335
00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:16,493
you smoke, and you
talk a good game.
336
00:18:16,562 --> 00:18:19,796
That's just talk. Honest.
337
00:18:19,865 --> 00:18:23,167
Well, you know what they say: "If
you're advertising, you must be selling."
338
00:18:24,237 --> 00:18:26,437
I'm not that kind of girl.
339
00:18:26,505 --> 00:18:30,474
You can ask any guy
I've dated. I'm a tease.
340
00:18:32,578 --> 00:18:35,146
A tease? Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.
341
00:18:35,214 --> 00:18:37,348
You sure could have fooled me.
342
00:18:37,416 --> 00:18:40,618
You just can't jump to
conclusions about people that way.
343
00:18:40,686 --> 00:18:42,786
That's right.
344
00:18:42,856 --> 00:18:45,923
It's all just appearances,
isn't it, Blair?
345
00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:49,060
And you're absolutely right
about jumping to conclusions.
346
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:51,295
I'm sure Cindy
would agree with ya.
347
00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:55,799
- Cindy?
- It seems you jumped
to a conclusion about her.
348
00:18:55,869 --> 00:18:59,670
But you've seen her, Mrs. Garrett.
She looks more like a boy than a girl.
349
00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:02,806
Ah-ah! Appearances.
350
00:19:02,876 --> 00:19:06,810
You mean, like what you
just thought about me. Hmm.
351
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:09,491
Okay, I shouldn't have made
that crack about her being strange.
352
00:19:09,515 --> 00:19:13,750
- That was the crack.
- I didn't mean it, I... I just said it.
353
00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:15,819
Mm-hmm.
354
00:19:15,889 --> 00:19:19,423
I should apologize. Mmm.
355
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:22,004
And one piece of advice:
the sooner, the better.
356
00:19:22,028 --> 00:19:25,629
- You mean now?
- Now is definitely sooner.
357
00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:28,232
I'll go get her. I'll help ya.
358
00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:30,867
Cindy!
359
00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:37,874
Yes, Mrs. Garrett? Uh, Cindy...
360
00:19:37,943 --> 00:19:39,943
I'm the one that
wanted to see you.
361
00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:43,914
Yeah? What about?
362
00:19:43,982 --> 00:19:47,784
Look, uh, I'm gonna do something
that I've never done before in my life,
363
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:50,621
and I'm not going
to be very good at it.
364
00:19:52,991 --> 00:19:56,594
I apologize. I-I
was really rotten.
365
00:19:58,564 --> 00:20:02,466
I guess someone who could
admit they're rotten really isn't.
366
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:06,037
Now, I want you to run
against me for Harvest Queen.
367
00:20:06,105 --> 00:20:09,340
Because the truth is, you
could give me a real battle.
368
00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:11,409
Now, how about it?
369
00:20:11,477 --> 00:20:13,710
Woman against woman?
370
00:20:13,779 --> 00:20:16,012
Well, since you put it that way.
371
00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:29,059
- Hi, Mrs. Garrett.
- Hi, gang.
372
00:20:29,128 --> 00:20:31,695
Hey, Arnold, I saw you at
the dance a couple of times.
373
00:20:31,764 --> 00:20:34,804
You looked so happy, I figured
the girls must have left you alone.
374
00:20:34,833 --> 00:20:36,834
Nah, he found himself a woman.
375
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:40,871
Who didn't pinch him or tickle him or
squeeze him. All she did was stuff him.
376
00:20:40,939 --> 00:20:42,974
Yep, that's my girl.
377
00:20:43,042 --> 00:20:46,310
She just waltzed me over
to the barbecued chicken,
378
00:20:46,379 --> 00:20:50,147
and she discoed me over
to the banana cream pie.
379
00:20:51,650 --> 00:20:55,186
And don't forget the tango
to the turkey tetrazzini.
380
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:57,254
Come on.
381
00:20:57,323 --> 00:20:59,315
Well, Mrs. Garrett,
you've had a little time
382
00:20:59,339 --> 00:21:01,492
to think about it. Please,
won't you come back?
383
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:03,561
Yes, I will.
384
00:21:03,629 --> 00:21:06,075
Just as soon as they find a
decent replacement for me here.
385
00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:10,234
In the meantime, I promise to send
you a care package once a week.
386
00:21:10,303 --> 00:21:12,169
Mrs. Garrett.
387
00:21:12,237 --> 00:21:15,237
Cindy. Oh, excuse me.
388
00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:17,519
I forgot all about
the Harvest Queen.
389
00:21:17,543 --> 00:21:20,088
I was busy. I had to leave
early and get all the stuff out.
390
00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:23,358
Cindy... Oh, Cindy,
391
00:21:23,382 --> 00:21:26,850
did you win? No. It was
a clean sweep for Blair.
392
00:21:26,919 --> 00:21:28,952
She won the crown...
393
00:21:29,021 --> 00:21:31,622
and she also won Gregg Hockney.
394
00:21:31,690 --> 00:21:33,857
Yes. Whoever said it
was lonely at the top...
395
00:21:33,926 --> 00:21:36,594
was looking up from the bottom.
396
00:21:36,662 --> 00:21:38,895
Congratulations, dear.
397
00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:41,265
Didn't Cindy tell you?
She was first runner-up:
398
00:21:41,334 --> 00:21:43,712
Corn Maiden of the Harvest.
399
00:21:43,736 --> 00:21:46,169
Oh, that's terrific, Cindy.
400
00:21:46,239 --> 00:21:48,239
Yeah, it was really nice.
401
00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:51,052
But something much more important
happened to me. What's that?
402
00:21:51,076 --> 00:21:53,076
Well, there I was,
403
00:21:53,146 --> 00:21:55,557
just sitting there, staring at
Gregg Hockney. Mm-hmm.
404
00:21:55,581 --> 00:21:57,581
And guess what?
405
00:21:57,650 --> 00:22:01,285
Your time clock started.
Ticktock, ticktock.
406
00:22:01,354 --> 00:22:03,354
Yeah, but much faster.
407
00:22:03,422 --> 00:22:06,690
And the best thing of all
was, Gregg winked at me.
408
00:22:06,759 --> 00:22:09,025
He what?
409
00:22:29,415 --> 00:22:31,348
♪ There's a place you gotta go ♪
410
00:22:31,417 --> 00:22:33,451
♪ For learning all you
oughta know about ♪
411
00:22:33,519 --> 00:22:36,053
♪ The facts of life
The facts of life ♪
412
00:22:36,122 --> 00:22:38,722
♪ When your books are
what you're there about ♪
413
00:22:38,791 --> 00:22:40,724
♪ But looks are
what you care about ♪
414
00:22:40,793 --> 00:22:43,561
♪ The time is right to
learn the facts of life ♪
415
00:22:43,629 --> 00:22:47,064
♪ When the world never seems ♪
416
00:22:47,132 --> 00:22:50,767
♪ To be living up
to your dreams ♪
417
00:22:50,836 --> 00:22:52,836
♪ It's time you
started finding out ♪
418
00:22:52,905 --> 00:22:56,139
♪ What everything
is all about ♪♪
32350
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