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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:04,871 ♪ In the not too distant future ♪ 2 00:00:04,871 --> 00:00:08,007 ♪ Somewhere in time and space 3 00:00:08,007 --> 00:00:11,044 ♪ Mike Nelson and his robot pals ♪ 4 00:00:11,044 --> 00:00:14,180 ♪ Are caught in an endless chase ♪ 5 00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:17,350 ♪ Pursued by a woman whose name is Pearl ♪ 6 00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:20,387 ♪ An evil gal who wants to rule the world ♪ 7 00:00:20,387 --> 00:00:23,156 ♪ She threw a few things in her purse ♪ 8 00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:24,824 ♪ And in her rocket ship she hunts him ♪ 9 00:00:24,824 --> 00:00:26,860 ♪ All across the universe 10 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:29,662 ♪ I'll get you 11 00:00:29,662 --> 00:00:32,899 ♪ I'll send him cheesy movies 12 00:00:32,899 --> 00:00:35,201 ♪ The worst I can find 13 00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:36,536 ♪ La, la, la 14 00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:38,972 ♪ He'll have to sit and watch them all ♪ 15 00:00:38,972 --> 00:00:41,441 ♪ And I'll monitor his mind 16 00:00:41,441 --> 00:00:42,776 ♪ La, la, la 17 00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:45,245 ♪ Now keep in mind Mike can't control ♪ 18 00:00:45,245 --> 00:00:47,680 ♪ Where the movies begin or end ♪ 19 00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:48,681 ♪ La, la, la 20 00:00:48,681 --> 00:00:51,384 ♪ He'll try to keep his sanity 21 00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:56,356 ♪ With the help of his robot friends ♪ 22 00:00:57,157 --> 00:00:58,224 ♪ Robot roll call 23 00:00:58,224 --> 00:00:59,626 ♪ Cambot - You're on! 24 00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:00,960 ♪ Gypsy - Oh my stars! 25 00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:02,395 ♪ Tom Servo - Check me out. 26 00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:03,930 ♪ Crooooow - I'm different. 27 00:01:03,930 --> 00:01:07,167 ♪ If you're wondering how he eats and breathes ♪ 28 00:01:07,167 --> 00:01:09,469 ♪ And other science facts 29 00:01:09,469 --> 00:01:10,937 ♪ La, la, la 30 00:01:10,937 --> 00:01:13,206 ♪ Just repeat to yourself, it's just a show ♪ 31 00:01:13,206 --> 00:01:16,276 ♪ I should really just relax 32 00:01:16,276 --> 00:01:21,281 ♪ For Mystery Science Theater 3000 ♪ 33 00:01:23,283 --> 00:01:25,518 (rumbling) 34 00:01:26,352 --> 00:01:28,521 (beeping) 35 00:01:30,290 --> 00:01:32,525 (chains rattling) 36 00:01:32,525 --> 00:01:35,595 (mechanical buzzing) 37 00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:38,231 - Hi, everyone, Mike Nelson here. 38 00:01:38,231 --> 00:01:40,767 Hey, I'm sporting a mustache for the very first time. 39 00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:41,801 I'm a little worried about 40 00:01:41,801 --> 00:01:43,036 how Tom and Crow are gonna react. 41 00:01:43,036 --> 00:01:45,305 - Hey, Mike, a new mustache. 42 00:01:45,305 --> 00:01:47,407 Hey, it looks good, it really does. 43 00:01:47,407 --> 00:01:48,241 - You think? 44 00:01:48,241 --> 00:01:49,042 - Yeah, it's great. 45 00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:50,310 It looks good. 46 00:01:50,310 --> 00:01:52,445 - No kidding, well that went well. 47 00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:53,680 We'll be right back. 48 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,081 - Yeah, it's a look that challenges people. 49 00:01:55,081 --> 00:01:56,616 Good for you, Mike. 50 00:01:56,616 --> 00:01:58,918 - Yeah, it says, "I look like this and I don't even care." 51 00:01:58,918 --> 00:02:00,186 I say, go man, go! 52 00:02:00,186 --> 00:02:01,054 (chuckling) 53 00:02:01,054 --> 00:02:02,155 - Well, great, thanks. 54 00:02:02,155 --> 00:02:03,389 We'll be right back. 55 00:02:03,389 --> 00:02:05,158 - It gives you a sort of Howard Sprague allure. 56 00:02:05,158 --> 00:02:06,092 - Yeah. 57 00:02:06,092 --> 00:02:07,794 - Only not so overtly macho. 58 00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:09,462 - Oh yeah, an unqualified success, 59 00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:11,865 so long as no one looks directly at your face. 60 00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:13,032 - Right, right, right. 61 00:02:13,032 --> 00:02:14,267 - Right, well we'll be right back. 62 00:02:14,267 --> 00:02:16,469 - You've declared your contempt for the world. 63 00:02:16,469 --> 00:02:17,704 Go get 'em, sport. 64 00:02:17,704 --> 00:02:19,239 - Yeah, you've given me the confidence I need. 65 00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:22,142 You know, I'm gonna go get a big, stinky spiral cut ham 66 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,743 and stable it to my top lip. 67 00:02:23,743 --> 00:02:24,644 Thank you, Mike. 68 00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:25,979 - We'll be right back. 69 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,881 - Yep, get used to hearing the screams 70 00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:29,716 of small children and the elderly. 71 00:02:29,716 --> 00:02:32,185 - Mike's mustache to world, "I hate you 72 00:02:32,185 --> 00:02:35,488 "and I'm cutting myself off from all human contact." 73 00:02:35,488 --> 00:02:36,322 I like it. 74 00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:37,223 - Yeah, it's nice. 75 00:02:37,223 --> 00:02:39,792 (upbeat music) 76 00:02:44,264 --> 00:02:48,234 Wow, I never noticed, Mike, but your upper lip is huge. 77 00:02:48,234 --> 00:02:50,336 - Yeah, you look like a bowling ball with a slit in it. 78 00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:52,906 - You could ski down your nasolabial trough. 79 00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,641 (chuckling) - Good, very clever. 80 00:02:54,641 --> 00:02:55,642 Done? 81 00:02:55,642 --> 00:02:57,177 - Oh, sure. - Yeah, yeah. 82 00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:58,311 - Okay, good, can we check in with out evil captors then? 83 00:02:58,311 --> 00:02:59,812 - If you want. 84 00:02:59,812 --> 00:03:00,780 - You know, you might wanna consider a mustache. 85 00:03:00,780 --> 00:03:02,382 (chuckling) 86 00:03:02,382 --> 00:03:04,551 (snoring) 87 00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:08,588 - Hey, wake up! - Wake up, wake up, wake up! 88 00:03:08,588 --> 00:03:09,656 - What? What? 89 00:03:09,656 --> 00:03:11,090 - Let's go to Dairy Queen! 90 00:03:11,090 --> 00:03:13,326 - Who the hell are you? 91 00:03:13,326 --> 00:03:14,160 - I'm Buddy. 92 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:14,994 - I'm Scooter. 93 00:03:14,994 --> 00:03:15,929 - And I'm Darlene. 94 00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:17,263 - And we're space children. 95 00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:19,198 - Oh, children, yuck. 96 00:03:19,198 --> 00:03:20,133 - That's right 97 00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:22,335 and we're lost and hungry. 98 00:03:22,335 --> 00:03:23,169 - And why? 99 00:03:23,169 --> 00:03:25,438 Because we ran away. 100 00:03:25,438 --> 00:03:27,340 - Well, aren't you just the most delightful little-- 101 00:03:27,340 --> 00:03:28,174 (thudding) 102 00:03:28,174 --> 00:03:29,075 (laughing) 103 00:03:29,075 --> 00:03:30,043 - He's funny. 104 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,244 - Oh, I know, I know, I know. 105 00:03:31,244 --> 00:03:33,112 You can be our new mommy! 106 00:03:33,112 --> 00:03:34,647 (cheering) - Hold on. 107 00:03:34,647 --> 00:03:37,083 I ain't gonna be nobody's mommy. 108 00:03:37,083 --> 00:03:39,852 - Okay, you can be our new grandma! 109 00:03:39,852 --> 00:03:43,423 - Don't you ever say that again, capiche? 110 00:03:43,423 --> 00:03:46,826 All right, here's some Clove Gum and a church key. 111 00:03:46,826 --> 00:03:48,061 Now scram! 112 00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:49,629 - But we're hungry. 113 00:03:49,629 --> 00:03:51,130 - And I'm scared. (crying) 114 00:03:51,130 --> 00:03:53,166 - Oh, can't they stay, Grandma? 115 00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:55,335 - Don't push it, Bonzo. 116 00:03:55,335 --> 00:03:58,471 Brain Guy, make some traffic for these brats to play in. 117 00:03:58,471 --> 00:03:59,439 - Right, right. 118 00:03:59,439 --> 00:04:01,107 - Now you've made us mad. 119 00:04:01,107 --> 00:04:03,309 - We'll make you be nice. 120 00:04:03,309 --> 00:04:06,846 - [All] Nana, nana, boo-boo, pocket full of lunch. 121 00:04:06,846 --> 00:04:08,047 - Oh my! 122 00:04:08,047 --> 00:04:10,316 - [All] Big bad meanies, now start to punch! 123 00:04:10,316 --> 00:04:11,784 (thudding) 124 00:04:11,784 --> 00:04:13,052 - It's true, Pearl! 125 00:04:13,052 --> 00:04:16,322 They have powers far greater than my own. 126 00:04:16,322 --> 00:04:17,690 - We can do anything! 127 00:04:17,690 --> 00:04:19,292 - We're omnificent! 128 00:04:20,393 --> 00:04:22,228 - Nelson, do something! 129 00:04:23,529 --> 00:04:24,764 - Man, we gotta work these kids. 130 00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:26,032 They could be our ticket out of here. 131 00:04:26,032 --> 00:04:27,500 - Use psychology, Mike. 132 00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:28,935 I have all the right books here. 133 00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:32,472 Dr. Spock, Brazelton, the Great Santini. 134 00:04:32,472 --> 00:04:34,307 - Mike, I suggest reverse psychology. 135 00:04:34,307 --> 00:04:37,343 Tell them, "Don't not send us the movie that doesn't exist." 136 00:04:37,343 --> 00:04:38,277 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 137 00:04:38,277 --> 00:04:39,646 - How about guilt and shame? 138 00:04:39,646 --> 00:04:40,847 They worked on me. 139 00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:42,148 - No, no, no, Mike, kids are fragile 140 00:04:42,148 --> 00:04:43,483 but they need structure. 141 00:04:43,483 --> 00:04:46,052 Be firm but fair then offer them money. 142 00:04:46,052 --> 00:04:48,054 - Nah, just tell them we'll take away their pagers 143 00:04:48,054 --> 00:04:49,722 and their big pants and I don't know what else. 144 00:04:49,722 --> 00:04:52,458 - Okay, wait, wait, I've got it, okay. 145 00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:55,461 Hi, kids, you know, we've always been there for you, 146 00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:57,864 working so hard to provide for your future, 147 00:04:57,864 --> 00:04:59,265 so don't you dare send us a movie 148 00:04:59,265 --> 00:05:00,633 or it'll be the belt for you! 149 00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:02,669 What I mean, is, 150 00:05:02,669 --> 00:05:04,937 we'll give you Beanie Babies and a hundred dollars 151 00:05:04,937 --> 00:05:06,639 and cake and stuff if you don't send us the movie, 152 00:05:06,639 --> 00:05:09,275 unless you were planning to do the opposite of what we say, 153 00:05:09,275 --> 00:05:11,210 in that case, please send us the movie. 154 00:05:11,210 --> 00:05:13,479 Unless, you were planning to do the opposite of the opposite 155 00:05:13,479 --> 00:05:15,014 of what we say, in which case, 156 00:05:15,014 --> 00:05:16,849 we'll take away your cake and your hundred dollars 157 00:05:16,849 --> 00:05:18,718 and we'll tear up your Beanie Babies! 158 00:05:19,686 --> 00:05:20,753 We love you? 159 00:05:22,922 --> 00:05:26,225 (thudding) (groaning) 160 00:05:26,225 --> 00:05:27,660 - We've decided. 161 00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:30,463 - [All] Nana, nana, boo-boo, pocket full of groovy, 162 00:05:31,631 --> 00:05:34,734 send the silly satellite another crappy movie! 163 00:05:34,734 --> 00:05:35,568 - Yay! 164 00:05:36,869 --> 00:05:38,137 - D'oh! 165 00:05:38,137 --> 00:05:39,439 - Mike, you couldn't raise an earthworm. 166 00:05:39,439 --> 00:05:40,273 (alarm buzzing) 167 00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:41,741 - We got movie sign! 168 00:05:41,741 --> 00:05:43,309 - Big, dumb square head. 169 00:05:43,309 --> 00:05:45,078 (rumbling) 170 00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:48,047 (mechanical buzzing) 171 00:05:48,047 --> 00:05:50,049 (liquid dripping) 172 00:05:50,049 --> 00:05:52,218 (beeping) 173 00:05:53,219 --> 00:05:54,921 (creaking) 174 00:05:54,921 --> 00:05:55,755 - [Crow] Kids. 175 00:05:55,755 --> 00:05:56,689 - [Tom] Group "I, I, I." 176 00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:58,091 What a solipsitic film! 177 00:05:59,258 --> 00:06:00,526 - [Mike] I'm Myrl Schreib, 178 00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:03,596 I'll paint any movie for $49.95. 179 00:06:03,596 --> 00:06:04,964 - [Crow] Ah, comes from the Scandinavian, 180 00:06:04,964 --> 00:06:06,232 "Son of Five." 181 00:06:06,232 --> 00:06:08,701 (eerie whispering) 182 00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:09,869 - [Mike] What? 183 00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:10,703 - [Crow] What is that? 184 00:06:10,703 --> 00:06:13,039 (beeping) 185 00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:14,574 - [Mike] Big boys don't cry. 186 00:06:14,574 --> 00:06:15,975 Big boys don't cry. 187 00:06:15,975 --> 00:06:17,510 - [Crow] Mike, I think the voices in my head 188 00:06:17,510 --> 00:06:19,812 are a little louder than usual. 189 00:06:19,812 --> 00:06:21,481 - [Tom] Hey, a supermodel factory. 190 00:06:21,481 --> 00:06:23,783 - [Mike] Bag your own people and save at Super Value. 191 00:06:23,783 --> 00:06:24,951 (eerie whispering) 192 00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:27,620 - [Tom] Julia Childs' secret freezer. 193 00:06:27,620 --> 00:06:31,090 (eerie whispering) (electrical buzzing) 194 00:06:31,090 --> 00:06:32,425 - [Mike] Frozen bodies, do you have anything 195 00:06:32,425 --> 00:06:34,727 you'd like to share with the whole class? 196 00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:35,862 - [Crow] Hey, Stallone! 197 00:06:37,363 --> 00:06:39,031 (crowd cheering) 198 00:06:39,031 --> 00:06:41,567 - [Tom] What really happened to Shields and Yarnell. 199 00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:44,737 (eerie music) 200 00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:46,038 - [Mike] Hurray for the '70s! 201 00:06:46,038 --> 00:06:47,573 - [Crow] Shaun Cassidy for president! 202 00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:48,908 - [Tom] We want Billy Beer! 203 00:06:50,042 --> 00:06:51,978 - [Mike] Thaw-Master testing grounds. 204 00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:54,714 (crowd cheering) 205 00:06:54,714 --> 00:06:55,548 Hey. 206 00:06:55,548 --> 00:06:56,649 - [Crow] Biography. 207 00:06:56,649 --> 00:06:58,050 (Mike laughing) 208 00:06:58,050 --> 00:07:00,019 (crowd cheering) 209 00:07:00,019 --> 00:07:01,287 - [Man] Thank you, all! 210 00:07:01,287 --> 00:07:03,222 - [Mike] We want England Dan and John Ford Coley! 211 00:07:03,222 --> 00:07:04,791 - [Man] Hello and God bless you! 212 00:07:04,791 --> 00:07:06,125 - [Crow] Thank God that one policeman's there, 213 00:07:06,125 --> 00:07:08,161 he'd be torn apart. 214 00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:09,662 - You all know what I stand for. 215 00:07:09,662 --> 00:07:10,797 - [Tom] Biography. 216 00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:12,532 - I believe in this country. 217 00:07:12,532 --> 00:07:13,766 - [Mike] California? 218 00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:15,535 - Now I know that may sound corny. 219 00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:16,803 - [Crow] Cutting Medicare, what? 220 00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:18,704 - But you know why I wanna be president? 221 00:07:18,704 --> 00:07:22,942 I think it's time that I started paying back this country 222 00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:24,710 for some of the good things it's given me! 223 00:07:24,710 --> 00:07:25,678 - [Mike] Like "Biography." 224 00:07:25,678 --> 00:07:27,480 - Sure, we've got problems. 225 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:30,716 We're gonna solve them by standing by the old fashion ways 226 00:07:30,716 --> 00:07:33,119 that made this country great. 227 00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:35,588 And that is what I promise to you. 228 00:07:35,588 --> 00:07:37,023 - [Crow] Um, check the antenna. 229 00:07:37,023 --> 00:07:39,492 - From what I've been hearing the last few months, 230 00:07:39,492 --> 00:07:41,460 that's exactly what all of you have been waiting for. 231 00:07:41,460 --> 00:07:44,030 - [Tom] Mike, I think we're slipping into another dimension. 232 00:07:44,030 --> 00:07:46,098 - So that's what I'm going to give you. 233 00:07:46,098 --> 00:07:47,967 We've got two weeks to go, 234 00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:48,801 so let's go all the way! 235 00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:52,471 - [Mike] Tonight on "Biography," the story of Julius Caesar. 236 00:07:52,471 --> 00:07:55,608 Tomorrow night, funnyman Charlie Callas. 237 00:07:55,608 --> 00:07:58,711 (upbeat marching band music) 238 00:07:58,711 --> 00:07:59,979 - [Man] That's our boy. 239 00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:00,646 - [Crow] Oh, it's Peter Graves' dad. 240 00:08:00,646 --> 00:08:03,683 (dramatic music) 241 00:08:03,683 --> 00:08:05,651 - [Mike] And we have Cheryl Tiegs in the lead, 242 00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:07,987 Shelley Hack second, Willie Aames and Lance Kerwin 243 00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:10,122 and the DeFranco Family bringing up the rear. 244 00:08:10,122 --> 00:08:12,725 (Tom giggling) 245 00:08:12,725 --> 00:08:14,393 - [Tom] Hey, I think they're running to Elton John's 246 00:08:14,393 --> 00:08:15,695 funeral for a friend. 247 00:08:17,697 --> 00:08:20,233 - [Crow] Oh, please invent the sports bra soon. 248 00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:22,501 (dramatic music) 249 00:08:22,501 --> 00:08:25,771 (Mike chanting to music in deep voice) 250 00:08:25,771 --> 00:08:26,639 - [Tom] That's good. 251 00:08:26,639 --> 00:08:27,907 - [Mike] Thank you. 252 00:08:27,907 --> 00:08:29,041 - [Crow] I don't know what you've been told 253 00:08:29,041 --> 00:08:31,244 but new Adorne can really hold. 254 00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:32,979 (Mike chuckling) 255 00:08:32,979 --> 00:08:34,981 - [Tom] Parts is parts. 256 00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:37,216 - [Crow] Apparently E.E. Cummings write it. 257 00:08:37,216 --> 00:08:38,851 (dramatic music) 258 00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:41,120 - [Mike] Pablo Cruise concert tonight, pass it on. 259 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:43,689 - [Tom] Filmed at the Sydney Opera House High School. 260 00:08:45,491 --> 00:08:46,759 - Dick Sargent? 261 00:08:46,759 --> 00:08:48,261 Didn't he play Dick York on "Bewitched?" 262 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,531 - [Mike] Here, at Bruce Jenner University. 263 00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:54,200 - [Tom] Hi, I'm a chemical engineering student. 264 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,469 - [Mike] You know, these were the days when Michael York 265 00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:57,336 could open a movie. 266 00:08:57,336 --> 00:08:58,437 - [Tom] Yeah. 267 00:08:59,772 --> 00:09:02,174 - [Crow] Bounce, behave, bounce, behave, bounce, behave! 268 00:09:05,945 --> 00:09:08,781 - [Tom] Sid and Marty Krofft secret training camp. 269 00:09:09,982 --> 00:09:10,816 Doo! 270 00:09:10,816 --> 00:09:11,651 - [Mike] Doo! 271 00:09:11,651 --> 00:09:13,352 - [Crow] Doo! 272 00:09:13,352 --> 00:09:15,321 Oh, Mike, I'd like to introduce you to Paulette. 273 00:09:15,321 --> 00:09:16,255 Paulette, Mike. 274 00:09:16,255 --> 00:09:17,523 - [Mike] Hi, Paulette. 275 00:09:17,523 --> 00:09:19,559 - [Tom] Hey, no fair, Rosie took the subway! 276 00:09:20,693 --> 00:09:22,094 - [Crow] Regardless of race, 277 00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:23,963 black people are not allowed at this university. 278 00:09:23,963 --> 00:09:25,197 (Mike laughing) 279 00:09:25,197 --> 00:09:27,800 - [Mike] Hey, Joe Bob Briggs, track coach. 280 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:29,001 - Area 14 is clear. 281 00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:30,202 - [Tom] Clear? 282 00:09:30,202 --> 00:09:30,937 There's a bunch of people in back of you. 283 00:09:30,937 --> 00:09:31,637 - Yeah. - Dope. 284 00:09:31,637 --> 00:09:33,172 (laughing) 285 00:09:33,172 --> 00:09:35,207 - [Crow] And then he said, "Aye, sit on it, Potsie." 286 00:09:35,207 --> 00:09:38,177 - No, you don't have to, it was only a joke. 287 00:09:38,177 --> 00:09:39,011 - [Tom] Huh? 288 00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:42,148 - [Mike] Wow, they're raising a race of Becks. 289 00:09:42,148 --> 00:09:44,884 - [Crow] "Breaking Away 2: The Clonus Horror." 290 00:09:46,352 --> 00:09:48,187 - How could I know Grayson was going to throw a knee? 291 00:09:48,187 --> 00:09:49,956 - Yeah, but you didn't bet on the quarterback, 292 00:09:49,956 --> 00:09:50,957 you bet on the game. 293 00:09:50,957 --> 00:09:52,758 - Well I say the bet's off. 294 00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:53,593 - It's not off, it's on. 295 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,027 The bet's a bet! 296 00:09:55,027 --> 00:09:56,529 - What's a bet? 297 00:09:56,529 --> 00:09:58,197 - Nevermind, just put your helmet on and let's go. 298 00:09:58,197 --> 00:09:59,398 - [Tom] What's a helmet? 299 00:10:00,633 --> 00:10:02,068 - [Mike] Man, they're tough 300 00:10:02,068 --> 00:10:03,569 on the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders, aren't they? 301 00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:06,772 (whistle blowing) 302 00:10:06,772 --> 00:10:08,641 - [Crow] La Tour De Van Ness. 303 00:10:09,575 --> 00:10:10,910 - [Tom] And they're off. 304 00:10:12,878 --> 00:10:15,548 - [Mike] The Starland Vocal Band goes on a bike tour. 305 00:10:16,916 --> 00:10:18,951 - [Crow] Let's go film Tampon commercials, everybody! 306 00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:19,819 - What a bet. 307 00:10:19,819 --> 00:10:20,720 Oh brother. 308 00:10:22,054 --> 00:10:23,489 - [Tom] I think you're neat. 309 00:10:23,489 --> 00:10:25,658 - [Mike] I like how keen you are. 310 00:10:25,658 --> 00:10:28,494 - [Crow] Um, guys, this is supposed to be the 50 yard dash. 311 00:10:28,494 --> 00:10:29,328 Oh, nevermind. 312 00:10:29,328 --> 00:10:31,297 (Mike laughing) 313 00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:33,466 - [Mike] A little something for the ladies. 314 00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,301 - It's missionary position practice. 315 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:37,770 (Tom chuckling) 316 00:10:37,770 --> 00:10:39,772 (groaning) 317 00:10:39,772 --> 00:10:42,675 - [Tom] "Parts: The Village People Horror." 318 00:10:42,675 --> 00:10:44,977 (clapping) 319 00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:48,214 - [Mike] "The Long Time Companion Olympics." 320 00:10:48,214 --> 00:10:49,682 - Here you go. 321 00:10:49,682 --> 00:10:52,184 - [Crow] Winner of the International Jeffery Games. 322 00:10:53,819 --> 00:10:56,856 - [Mike] Saturn, a different kind of car company. 323 00:10:56,856 --> 00:10:58,924 - [Tom] Hey, LSD tabs everyone! 324 00:10:58,924 --> 00:11:01,394 Woo! 325 00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:03,229 - [Crow] I can't wait to dig into that party sub. 326 00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:06,298 - He shows no interest in what we're doing. 327 00:11:06,298 --> 00:11:07,133 Okay. 328 00:11:08,567 --> 00:11:10,436 - [Mike] A Van Patten family reunion. 329 00:11:13,806 --> 00:11:15,274 - [Tom] This is not sanctioned, gentlemen. 330 00:11:15,274 --> 00:11:17,109 You are doing this on your own. 331 00:11:18,310 --> 00:11:19,845 - [Crow] Hey, why's Gilligan there? 332 00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:22,848 (girls laughing) 333 00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:26,919 - [Mike] So life is a constant non-competitive track meet? 334 00:11:26,919 --> 00:11:28,954 - [Tom] Ah, yes, the adult McDonald's Playland. 335 00:11:28,954 --> 00:11:31,257 - [Man] George is quite strong. 336 00:11:31,257 --> 00:11:32,258 I think he's ready. 337 00:11:32,258 --> 00:11:33,526 - So do I. 338 00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:34,460 - [Mike] Huh? 339 00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:35,761 - Do you have his workup? 340 00:11:35,761 --> 00:11:36,595 - Right here. 341 00:11:39,932 --> 00:11:41,467 - [Crow] Sam! 342 00:11:41,467 --> 00:11:43,769 - [Mike] Professor Darrin and Dr. Super Mario Brother. 343 00:11:43,769 --> 00:11:46,772 (computers beeping) 344 00:11:46,772 --> 00:11:47,973 - I see no problems here. 345 00:11:48,941 --> 00:11:49,909 Do you? 346 00:11:49,909 --> 00:11:51,210 - All the tests were positive. 347 00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:53,112 - [Tom] Or negative, I can't remember which. 348 00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:57,116 - [Crow] Tonight, the brilliant career of Dick Sargent 349 00:11:57,116 --> 00:11:58,617 on "Biography." 350 00:11:58,617 --> 00:12:00,386 - Walker, Jameson. 351 00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:01,587 It's ready. 352 00:12:01,587 --> 00:12:03,189 - [Tom] Your bundt cake is ready. 353 00:12:03,189 --> 00:12:04,223 (beeping) 354 00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:06,192 - [Crow] "Hop On Pop: The Movie." 355 00:12:08,194 --> 00:12:09,662 - [Jameson] Let's go. 356 00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:12,031 - [Mike] This is Coco and Studly on the K-Rock Morning Stew. 357 00:12:12,031 --> 00:12:13,332 - Get it ready. 358 00:12:13,332 --> 00:12:15,367 - [Tom] Terrence McNally holds weird auditions. 359 00:12:15,367 --> 00:12:16,469 - Give it up! 360 00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:17,970 - George! 361 00:12:17,970 --> 00:12:19,205 - [Crow] He looks like the monster from "Rocky Horror." 362 00:12:19,205 --> 00:12:20,840 - Excellent, George. 363 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:22,041 - [Crow] Rocky. 364 00:12:22,041 --> 00:12:22,842 - I've got good news for you, George. 365 00:12:22,842 --> 00:12:24,009 You've been accepted. 366 00:12:24,009 --> 00:12:25,211 It's time to get ready. 367 00:12:25,211 --> 00:12:26,812 - [Mike] I got into Hamburger U.! 368 00:12:26,812 --> 00:12:28,814 - George, what was that all about? 369 00:12:28,814 --> 00:12:29,849 - I just qualified. 370 00:12:29,849 --> 00:12:31,016 I get to go to America. 371 00:12:31,016 --> 00:12:31,851 - When? 372 00:12:31,851 --> 00:12:32,918 - Later on. 373 00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:34,453 - Congratulations, George. 374 00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:35,387 - Thanks, Richard. 375 00:12:35,387 --> 00:12:36,722 Come on, I gotta go back. 376 00:12:36,722 --> 00:12:37,957 - Okay. 377 00:12:37,957 --> 00:12:39,525 - [Mike] And then I gotta get ready to go. 378 00:12:39,525 --> 00:12:41,494 (clapping) 379 00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:44,096 - [Crow] Happy Birthday, Jack Lord. 380 00:12:44,096 --> 00:12:45,531 (clapping) 381 00:12:45,531 --> 00:12:49,301 - [Tom] Oh, you got me a plate of drywall, thanks guys! 382 00:12:49,301 --> 00:12:51,437 (pleasant music) 383 00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:53,506 - [Mike] I guess this is, "later on." 384 00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:54,807 - [Crow] Apparently. 385 00:12:54,807 --> 00:12:56,642 - [Tom] Here are "Up With People Farms." 386 00:12:58,444 --> 00:12:59,945 - Thank you. 387 00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:02,681 It's good to know that I have all of you as friends. 388 00:13:02,681 --> 00:13:03,916 - [Mike] Except you. 389 00:13:03,916 --> 00:13:05,217 - And I know that soon, 390 00:13:05,217 --> 00:13:07,353 all of you will be joining me in America. 391 00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:08,587 - [Tom] Blink. 392 00:13:08,587 --> 00:13:10,523 - For that is the land where good friends live. 393 00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:12,925 We're always happy. 394 00:13:14,927 --> 00:13:16,128 Thanks. 395 00:13:16,128 --> 00:13:17,730 - [Crowd] Aaron Spelling's "Avalon." 396 00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:19,365 - [Tom] Adam Rich turned out bad. 397 00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:21,700 - [Mike] Cake. 398 00:13:22,902 --> 00:13:25,104 - [Crow] Have you heard from Billy Jack lately? 399 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:29,308 - [Tom] The party died out pretty quick there. 400 00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:31,710 (Crow giggling) 401 00:13:31,710 --> 00:13:33,913 - [Crow] It's fun where there are things. 402 00:13:33,913 --> 00:13:35,481 (pleasant music) 403 00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:37,750 - [Mike] He's just making sure he hates this. 404 00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:41,620 - [Tom] I love you, Talia Shire. 405 00:13:41,620 --> 00:13:43,522 - I should be joining you soon. 406 00:13:43,522 --> 00:13:45,457 - Well, of course you're going. 407 00:13:45,457 --> 00:13:47,927 You'll qualify very soon, you'll see. 408 00:13:47,927 --> 00:13:49,662 - [Mike] Ah, shucks. 409 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:50,462 - I've... 410 00:13:51,964 --> 00:13:53,499 I've grown accustomed to you. 411 00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:57,570 - [Crow] Like breathing out and breathing in. 412 00:13:57,570 --> 00:14:00,506 - I like having you touch me. 413 00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:01,440 - Me too. 414 00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:03,309 - [Tom] I like to touch me too. 415 00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:05,411 - But I can't turn America down. 416 00:14:05,411 --> 00:14:07,079 You know that. 417 00:14:07,079 --> 00:14:09,081 It's too important. 418 00:14:09,081 --> 00:14:09,915 - But-- 419 00:14:09,915 --> 00:14:10,983 (shushing) 420 00:14:10,983 --> 00:14:12,284 - [Mike] He's leaking air. 421 00:14:13,752 --> 00:14:15,821 - [Crow] Mmm, you taste like Lik-M-Aid. 422 00:14:17,156 --> 00:14:18,791 - [Tom] Oh yeah, right. 423 00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:20,025 - [Man] George? 424 00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:21,527 It's almost time to leave for America 425 00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:23,362 and we have to prepare for your trip, so let's go. 426 00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:24,430 - All right. - Now. 427 00:14:24,430 --> 00:14:25,364 - [Mike] Come on, grab all your 428 00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:27,299 too tight Munsingwear shirts. 429 00:14:27,299 --> 00:14:28,801 - Bye, everybody! 430 00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:29,702 - [Man] Don't worry, they'll be coming soon to America. 431 00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:30,536 Let's go, George. 432 00:14:32,004 --> 00:14:33,105 - [Crow] I'll stop at the Duty Free Shop in America 433 00:14:33,105 --> 00:14:35,341 and get you something neat! 434 00:14:35,341 --> 00:14:37,343 (dramatic chanting music) 435 00:14:37,343 --> 00:14:38,244 (Tom singing with music) 436 00:14:38,244 --> 00:14:39,812 - Bye. 437 00:14:39,812 --> 00:14:42,081 - [Tom] I'll miss your white bread blandness. 438 00:14:43,382 --> 00:14:45,017 - [Mike] I'll take over from here. 439 00:14:45,017 --> 00:14:46,118 (Tom chuckling) 440 00:14:46,118 --> 00:14:47,086 - Will it be all right? 441 00:14:47,086 --> 00:14:48,020 - [Crow] Hell no. 442 00:14:48,020 --> 00:14:49,555 - Of course it'll be all right. 443 00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:52,524 - [Tom] He's got the finely toned body of a pro golfer. 444 00:14:52,524 --> 00:14:55,361 (somber music) 445 00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:56,996 - [Mike] See... 446 00:14:56,996 --> 00:14:58,964 Look, I'm trying to walk away from you. 447 00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:02,935 - [Crow] HQ, my hat looks like a muffin, over. 448 00:15:02,935 --> 00:15:05,537 (upbeat music) 449 00:15:09,675 --> 00:15:11,210 - Come in, George, sit down. 450 00:15:11,210 --> 00:15:12,845 - [Tom] We're gonna remove all your teeth. 451 00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:16,248 - Well, George, you look like you're ready to go to America. 452 00:15:16,248 --> 00:15:17,116 - Yes I am. 453 00:15:18,117 --> 00:15:18,984 - How was your party? 454 00:15:18,984 --> 00:15:20,452 - Good. 455 00:15:20,452 --> 00:15:22,221 Dana, Richard, all my other friends were there. 456 00:15:22,221 --> 00:15:25,124 - Well, George, your party was step number one 457 00:15:25,124 --> 00:15:27,059 for your journey to America. 458 00:15:27,059 --> 00:15:27,960 But before you actually-- 459 00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:29,795 - [Crow] Blink. 460 00:15:29,795 --> 00:15:31,964 - A few little details to take care of. 461 00:15:31,964 --> 00:15:32,931 - [Crow] Like your death. 462 00:15:32,931 --> 00:15:33,766 - Drink this. 463 00:15:34,633 --> 00:15:35,467 - What is it? 464 00:15:35,467 --> 00:15:36,702 - [Tom] It's Sunny D. 465 00:15:36,702 --> 00:15:38,137 - It's step number two of your preparation. 466 00:15:39,305 --> 00:15:41,040 - [Mike] It's delicious hot dog water. 467 00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:42,541 - [Tom] Ew. 468 00:15:42,541 --> 00:15:45,244 - [Crow] I think he's ready to play quarters now, Doctor. 469 00:15:45,244 --> 00:15:46,512 - Good! 470 00:15:46,512 --> 00:15:48,614 (Tom singing "Mario Bros." theme music) 471 00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:52,318 - Now, George, I want you to play a game. 472 00:15:52,318 --> 00:15:53,152 - Okay. 473 00:15:53,152 --> 00:15:54,653 (Tom laughing) 474 00:15:54,653 --> 00:15:57,690 - I want you to start at a hundred and count backwards. 475 00:15:57,690 --> 00:16:00,793 - [Mike] Oh man, I should've studied. 476 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,594 - One hundred. 477 00:16:02,594 --> 00:16:04,096 99. 478 00:16:04,096 --> 00:16:05,331 98. (laughing) 479 00:16:05,331 --> 00:16:06,031 - [Tom] Yuck, it's turning him on. 480 00:16:06,031 --> 00:16:07,299 - [Mike] Eeh. 481 00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:08,133 - 96. 482 00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:10,302 95. 483 00:16:11,403 --> 00:16:13,572 - [Mike] Oh, I have the vapors. 484 00:16:13,572 --> 00:16:15,441 - [Crow] Dr. Luigi will be assisting me here. 485 00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:17,943 - This is standard procedure. 486 00:16:17,943 --> 00:16:20,212 Let's get him ready for transference. 487 00:16:20,212 --> 00:16:24,016 - [Jameson] Yes, maybe need it sooner than expected. 488 00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:26,819 - [Tom] Sir, does he have to be nude 489 00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:28,520 for a simple hangnail operation? 490 00:16:29,388 --> 00:16:31,623 (heart monitor beeping) 491 00:16:31,623 --> 00:16:33,492 - [Mario] Subject at standstill. 492 00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:35,427 - [Mike] First, we apply Seabreeze. 493 00:16:37,062 --> 00:16:39,398 - [Crow] I don't think he's a natural blonde, Doctor. 494 00:16:39,398 --> 00:16:41,500 (eerie music) 495 00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:42,334 - [Tom] Sam! 496 00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:46,271 (Mike singing "Mario Bros." theme music) 497 00:16:46,271 --> 00:16:48,040 - [Jameson] Standard density solution, please. 498 00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:50,876 - [Crow] We're the FDA, we can test on whoever we want! 499 00:16:52,244 --> 00:16:54,413 - [Mike] I'm going to remove the dumb parts of you. 500 00:16:55,547 --> 00:16:56,915 - [Tom] Sir, I volunteer to put the microchip 501 00:16:56,915 --> 00:16:58,183 in his butt cheek. 502 00:16:58,183 --> 00:17:00,219 (eerie music) 503 00:17:00,219 --> 00:17:01,453 - [Crow] Would you turn down 504 00:17:01,453 --> 00:17:03,322 your stupid Brian Eno CD, Doctor? 505 00:17:03,322 --> 00:17:05,324 - [Tom] I'm testing all tempos. 506 00:17:05,324 --> 00:17:08,193 - [Mike] Room service at the Chelsea Hotel. 507 00:17:08,193 --> 00:17:10,696 (eerie music) 508 00:17:12,498 --> 00:17:13,732 - [Tom] Now don't fill him with Smuckers 509 00:17:13,732 --> 00:17:16,435 like last time, Doctor, that wasn't funny. 510 00:17:16,435 --> 00:17:17,870 - [Jameson] Clear. 511 00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,805 - [Mike] Tire pressure, good, bay seven filter, good! 512 00:17:20,906 --> 00:17:22,207 - [Tom] I don't know. 513 00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:23,342 Whatever. 514 00:17:23,342 --> 00:17:24,410 I don't care. 515 00:17:25,577 --> 00:17:28,313 - [Crow] The Starbucks testing laboratory. 516 00:17:28,313 --> 00:17:30,783 (suction slurping) 517 00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:33,352 - [Tom] Ah, they're giving him the Keith Richards special. 518 00:17:33,352 --> 00:17:36,188 - [Crow] Gentlemen, we can make him dumber, blonder! 519 00:17:36,188 --> 00:17:39,458 (eerie music) 520 00:17:39,458 --> 00:17:41,293 - [Mario] Hemoglobin, three percent. 521 00:17:41,293 --> 00:17:43,228 - [Mike] "Burbank Hope." 522 00:17:43,228 --> 00:17:44,696 (opera music) 523 00:17:44,696 --> 00:17:47,332 - [Tom] Thank you, nurse, that was a nice aria. 524 00:17:47,332 --> 00:17:50,669 (heart monitor beeping) 525 00:17:52,137 --> 00:17:53,605 - [Mike] So they took the blood out of his right arm 526 00:17:53,605 --> 00:17:54,706 and put it into his left arm. 527 00:17:54,706 --> 00:17:56,108 - [Crow] I guess. 528 00:17:57,776 --> 00:17:59,645 - [Tom] Uh, Doctors, do you remember 529 00:17:59,645 --> 00:18:01,780 if we had an objective for this whole thing? 530 00:18:03,015 --> 00:18:05,617 (ominous music) 531 00:18:05,617 --> 00:18:06,552 (beeping) 532 00:18:06,552 --> 00:18:07,753 - [Crow] Oh, it's sperm races. 533 00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:09,021 - [Tom] Woo! 534 00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:10,222 - [Mike] Ah, use a turn signal, jerk! 535 00:18:11,557 --> 00:18:13,892 (heart monitor beeping) 536 00:18:13,892 --> 00:18:15,327 - [Tom] Now this is just for your trip, 537 00:18:15,327 --> 00:18:17,196 so you'll arrive in America fresh. 538 00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:20,399 (eerie music) 539 00:18:20,399 --> 00:18:22,034 - [Mike] Please, take this body home with you. 540 00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:23,936 No, we won't eat this, I'll bag this up for... 541 00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:26,038 No, I'm not going to eat the whole thing. 542 00:18:26,038 --> 00:18:28,807 - [Tom] Now they take him to "Mail Boxes Etc." 543 00:18:28,807 --> 00:18:31,276 (eerie music) 544 00:18:31,276 --> 00:18:32,911 - [Jameson] Vacuum, please. 545 00:18:32,911 --> 00:18:34,613 - [Crow] You try scrubbing it out. 546 00:18:36,315 --> 00:18:38,350 - [Mike] The real story of Taco Bell. 547 00:18:38,350 --> 00:18:40,185 (Tom giggling) 548 00:18:40,185 --> 00:18:43,989 - [Tom] Mmmm, fresh wood-smoked young Aryan man. 549 00:18:43,989 --> 00:18:46,658 (ominous music) 550 00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:50,829 - [Crow] I forgot my toothbrush for America! 551 00:18:50,829 --> 00:18:52,798 (George screaming) 552 00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:55,100 - [Mike] I don't care fore America so far. 553 00:18:55,100 --> 00:18:56,835 (George screaming) 554 00:18:56,835 --> 00:18:58,904 - [Tom] I wanted paper, not plastic. 555 00:18:58,904 --> 00:19:00,539 - [Crow] Oh, it's some kind of social comment 556 00:19:00,539 --> 00:19:03,442 on how we bag and freeze people in America, I suppose. 557 00:19:04,676 --> 00:19:09,414 ♪ They're dying in America, today ♪ 558 00:19:10,616 --> 00:19:12,518 - [Tom] "Growing Up Brady," chapter one. 559 00:19:12,518 --> 00:19:14,753 - [Crow] Beach patrol's a bit lost. 560 00:19:15,921 --> 00:19:17,089 (upbeat tempo music) 561 00:19:17,089 --> 00:19:21,660 (Mike singing "Sleigh Ride" tune) 562 00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:22,895 (girl yelping) 563 00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:24,396 - [Tom] Malibu Barbie is down! 564 00:19:26,865 --> 00:19:29,334 - [Crow] Oh, this is excellent cinematography, Mike. 565 00:19:31,937 --> 00:19:33,005 - [Richard] You okay? 566 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,673 - Yeah, I'm fine. 567 00:19:34,673 --> 00:19:36,108 I think I was just going too fast. 568 00:19:36,108 --> 00:19:39,144 - [Mike] I was making upwards of three miles per hour. 569 00:19:39,144 --> 00:19:40,045 - Oh. 570 00:19:40,045 --> 00:19:40,812 - You're ugly. - What? 571 00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:43,348 - Your ear. 572 00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:44,816 It's like mine, I just noticed it. 573 00:19:44,816 --> 00:19:46,618 - [Tom] Maybe because I just met you. 574 00:19:46,618 --> 00:19:47,452 - [Mike] Ew. 575 00:19:48,387 --> 00:19:49,321 - Where do you live? 576 00:19:49,321 --> 00:19:50,756 - [Crow] Later on. 577 00:19:50,756 --> 00:19:51,590 (Mike laughing) 578 00:19:51,590 --> 00:19:53,091 - Section eight. 579 00:19:53,091 --> 00:19:54,960 (Mike chuckling) 580 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:55,794 - This is Riley. 581 00:19:55,794 --> 00:19:57,262 - [Mike] Aces of Spies. 582 00:19:57,262 --> 00:20:00,198 - Two controls accidentally met on rural sector six. 583 00:20:00,198 --> 00:20:01,433 Please advise. 584 00:20:01,433 --> 00:20:03,335 - Separate them as quickly as possible. 585 00:20:03,335 --> 00:20:04,603 - [Tom] Duh, I? 586 00:20:05,971 --> 00:20:07,206 - [Jameson] What's going on? 587 00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,774 - [Mario] Two control plums met accidentally. 588 00:20:08,774 --> 00:20:09,841 - [Crow] Control "plums?" 589 00:20:09,841 --> 00:20:11,276 - Did they speak? - Yes. 590 00:20:12,477 --> 00:20:13,612 - This could prove to be interesting. 591 00:20:13,612 --> 00:20:15,447 - [Mike] But I doubt it. 592 00:20:15,447 --> 00:20:18,917 - Cancel your order, we'll monitor their interaction. 593 00:20:18,917 --> 00:20:21,219 - I think we should just deprogram them. 594 00:20:21,219 --> 00:20:22,421 (Tom groaning) 595 00:20:22,421 --> 00:20:24,189 - We won't do anything but monitor them. 596 00:20:24,189 --> 00:20:25,490 See how they respond. 597 00:20:25,490 --> 00:20:26,391 - Very well. 598 00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:27,893 - [Tom] Okay. 599 00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:28,760 - But if Walker finds out you're changing the pattern, 600 00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:30,395 he could get angry. 601 00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:31,663 You deal with him. 602 00:20:31,663 --> 00:20:32,898 - [Tom] Ah, go eat a mushroom, Mario. 603 00:20:34,766 --> 00:20:37,803 - [Crow] Jerk, well, I'm a lot taller than him. 604 00:20:37,803 --> 00:20:40,505 (computers beeping) 605 00:20:40,505 --> 00:20:41,673 - [Mike] Get me Endora. 606 00:20:41,673 --> 00:20:44,376 (buzzing) 607 00:20:44,376 --> 00:20:45,944 - Walker. 608 00:20:45,944 --> 00:20:49,381 - [Crow] Our campus features a low gym coach to clone ratio. 609 00:20:49,381 --> 00:20:51,717 - [Richard] Today a guide was driving towards me. 610 00:20:51,717 --> 00:20:52,618 - [Mike] Wow, neat. 611 00:20:53,819 --> 00:20:55,520 - [Richard] And he drove all the way around me. 612 00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:56,922 - [Tom] It can't be true! 613 00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:59,191 - Just so I couldn't see what he was carrying. 614 00:21:00,325 --> 00:21:01,593 Has that ever happened to anyone else? 615 00:21:01,593 --> 00:21:03,962 - [Crow] Can I have your pudding? 616 00:21:03,962 --> 00:21:06,231 - [Tom] Hello, is this thing on? 617 00:21:06,231 --> 00:21:08,734 - Doesn't anyone think that's a little strange? 618 00:21:08,734 --> 00:21:10,736 - [Mike] Uh, Bob, do you wanna move to a different table? 619 00:21:10,736 --> 00:21:12,904 - Guides may do strange things sometimes. 620 00:21:12,904 --> 00:21:15,073 - [Tom] Inside the RAND Corporation. 621 00:21:15,073 --> 00:21:17,909 - Because they have to watch out for many things for us. 622 00:21:17,909 --> 00:21:19,144 - Like what? 623 00:21:19,144 --> 00:21:21,279 - [Mike] Like this tuna wiggle recipe. 624 00:21:21,279 --> 00:21:22,414 - I don't know. 625 00:21:22,414 --> 00:21:23,649 Maybe so we don't get hurt. 626 00:21:23,649 --> 00:21:25,751 - [Tom] Look, I'm just Scott Baio. 627 00:21:25,751 --> 00:21:27,285 - It's easy to get hurt. 628 00:21:27,285 --> 00:21:28,720 - [Crow] Like when I got my butt caught in the toaster. 629 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:30,589 - Yeah but they're always talking to somebody 630 00:21:30,589 --> 00:21:32,457 and there's nobody there. 631 00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:34,760 Who are they talking to? 632 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:35,694 - Who knows? 633 00:21:35,694 --> 00:21:36,528 Eat. 634 00:21:36,528 --> 00:21:38,030 - [Tom] Me. 635 00:21:38,030 --> 00:21:38,864 Sorry. 636 00:21:43,035 --> 00:21:45,003 - [Mike] Aah, that was a good loose meat sandwich. 637 00:21:45,003 --> 00:21:47,239 - Wanna run before the class? 638 00:21:47,239 --> 00:21:48,774 - No thanks. 639 00:21:48,774 --> 00:21:51,510 - [Crow] I'm gonna go hem up my shorts a little more. 640 00:21:51,510 --> 00:21:52,577 (Tom giggling) 641 00:21:52,577 --> 00:21:54,112 - Where you going? 642 00:21:54,112 --> 00:21:54,946 - [Mike] Hey, cram it, Hal, you weren't interested, okay? 643 00:21:54,946 --> 00:21:56,281 - To be by myself. 644 00:21:58,750 --> 00:21:59,985 - Why? 645 00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:01,053 - [Crow] Oh, that guy's the class clown. 646 00:22:01,053 --> 00:22:02,854 Love that guy. (somber music) 647 00:22:02,854 --> 00:22:07,259 ♪ Rivers belong where they can ramble ♪ 648 00:22:07,259 --> 00:22:08,226 - [Mike] Pippin. 649 00:22:08,226 --> 00:22:09,027 - [Tom] Yeah. 650 00:22:10,362 --> 00:22:12,531 - [Crow] He's like a sensitive Steve Guttenberg. 651 00:22:13,432 --> 00:22:14,332 (Tom vocalizing glass breaking) 652 00:22:14,332 --> 00:22:15,801 - [Tom] Damn kids! 653 00:22:15,801 --> 00:22:18,136 (somber music) 654 00:22:18,136 --> 00:22:19,638 - [Mike] Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna do it. 655 00:22:19,638 --> 00:22:22,140 I'm gonna start a band called "Air Supply." 656 00:22:24,576 --> 00:22:27,379 - [Crow] Aah, have some sun, my little friend. 657 00:22:28,313 --> 00:22:29,681 ♪ I'm all out of lunch 658 00:22:29,681 --> 00:22:30,649 - [Tom] No. 659 00:22:30,649 --> 00:22:32,150 ♪ I'm all out of breath 660 00:22:32,150 --> 00:22:35,087 ♪ I'm all out of Africa 661 00:22:35,087 --> 00:22:36,254 - [Crowd] Air Supply. 662 00:22:36,254 --> 00:22:37,989 - [Tom] I don't know. 663 00:22:39,991 --> 00:22:42,360 - [Mike] The beer can struggles upstream to spawn. 664 00:22:44,930 --> 00:22:47,599 - [Crow] His feet are making a Don Martin noise. 665 00:22:47,599 --> 00:22:49,034 "Spolt, spolt." 666 00:22:49,034 --> 00:22:50,435 - [Mike] Yeah, I gotta get to the can. 667 00:22:50,435 --> 00:22:51,903 - [Tom] D'oh! 668 00:22:51,903 --> 00:22:54,406 I find so many neat things here at Love Canal. 669 00:22:55,707 --> 00:22:57,609 (somber music) 670 00:22:57,609 --> 00:22:58,810 - [Mike] The little bushman didn't know 671 00:22:58,810 --> 00:22:59,978 what to make of the can. 672 00:23:01,413 --> 00:23:03,982 - [Crow] Wow, snowmobilers must've come through there. 673 00:23:05,517 --> 00:23:06,918 - [Mike] I like bugs. 674 00:23:06,918 --> 00:23:08,453 (Tom chuckling) 675 00:23:08,453 --> 00:23:11,356 - [Tom] Wow, I guess I got a beer can collection now. 676 00:23:11,356 --> 00:23:12,657 - [Mike] Let's see, what am I thinking? 677 00:23:12,657 --> 00:23:14,459 Uh, "duh," that's right. 678 00:23:14,459 --> 00:23:16,027 (whooshing) 679 00:23:16,027 --> 00:23:17,729 (mechanical thudding) 680 00:23:17,729 --> 00:23:19,931 (beeping) 681 00:23:19,931 --> 00:23:22,100 (buzzing) 682 00:23:23,635 --> 00:23:26,805 (mechanical whooshing) 683 00:23:26,805 --> 00:23:28,240 (Crow chuckling) 684 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:29,775 - Hey, I wonder how things are going down there 685 00:23:29,775 --> 00:23:31,042 for them guys. 686 00:23:31,042 --> 00:23:31,977 - They're probably all sitting around 687 00:23:31,977 --> 00:23:33,411 on their butts play Candy Land. 688 00:23:33,411 --> 00:23:35,480 (laughing) 689 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:36,681 - One, two, three. 690 00:23:36,681 --> 00:23:38,049 One, two, three! 691 00:23:38,049 --> 00:23:39,584 - Grandma Pearl, I have to go. 692 00:23:39,584 --> 00:23:41,153 - I'm not your grandma. 693 00:23:41,153 --> 00:23:43,955 Besides, going is for babies. 694 00:23:43,955 --> 00:23:47,926 - Hey, you moved that, I saw, Uncle Brain Guy. 695 00:23:47,926 --> 00:23:50,128 - Can you back that up, shrimp? 696 00:23:51,496 --> 00:23:53,765 - Nana, nana, boo-boo, you're in a chocolate lake. 697 00:23:53,765 --> 00:23:56,635 - Okay, I'm in a chocolate lake! 698 00:23:56,635 --> 00:23:57,869 My own personal hell. 699 00:23:58,970 --> 00:24:00,172 - Hey, Uncle Brain Guy? 700 00:24:00,172 --> 00:24:01,840 Why do you always carry that salad bowl 701 00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:03,675 with a wrinkled ball in it? 702 00:24:03,675 --> 00:24:05,911 - Because I don't like you. 703 00:24:05,911 --> 00:24:07,979 - Grandma Pearl, it's your turn! 704 00:24:07,979 --> 00:24:09,247 - Yeah? 705 00:24:09,247 --> 00:24:11,850 Well Grandma Pearl says it's butt-kicking time. 706 00:24:13,285 --> 00:24:16,121 - Okay, we're having some fun, aren't we, sport, huh? 707 00:24:16,121 --> 00:24:18,323 Okay, let's throw Bobo the ball there, huh? 708 00:24:18,323 --> 00:24:19,324 You ready? 709 00:24:19,324 --> 00:24:20,325 Here we go. 710 00:24:20,325 --> 00:24:21,493 (groaning) (laughing) 711 00:24:21,493 --> 00:24:22,327 Oh, jeez. 712 00:24:23,528 --> 00:24:26,465 Happened to catch Tanta Bobo in the upper thigh. 713 00:24:26,465 --> 00:24:29,034 - Throw it to me again, Tanta Bobo! 714 00:24:29,034 --> 00:24:31,603 - I will, you delightful Muppet. 715 00:24:31,603 --> 00:24:32,571 Here we go, okay. 716 00:24:33,839 --> 00:24:35,006 Right in there. 717 00:24:35,006 --> 00:24:36,241 (groaning) (laughing) 718 00:24:36,241 --> 00:24:38,076 Oh, jeez, right in the tender vittles. 719 00:24:38,076 --> 00:24:39,344 - You're fun, Tanta Bobo. 720 00:24:39,344 --> 00:24:42,180 - Yes, well, Tanta Bobo has to go see 721 00:24:42,180 --> 00:24:43,782 Uncle Reconstructive Eurologist. 722 00:24:44,950 --> 00:24:47,319 (giggling) 723 00:24:47,319 --> 00:24:48,153 - Oh. 724 00:24:48,153 --> 00:24:50,722 (upbeat music) 725 00:24:55,660 --> 00:24:57,295 - [Crow] Boys and girls, today's film is called, 726 00:24:57,295 --> 00:24:59,564 "Virginity: Your Precious Gift." 727 00:25:01,299 --> 00:25:02,500 (crowd applauding) 728 00:25:02,500 --> 00:25:04,202 - [Tom] Ladies and gentlemen, Pat Boone. 729 00:25:05,370 --> 00:25:07,038 - [Mike] Welcome to "Bewitched-a-palooza!" 730 00:25:07,038 --> 00:25:08,673 - [Tom] Woo! 731 00:25:08,673 --> 00:25:09,808 - Good afternoon. 732 00:25:09,808 --> 00:25:10,976 - [Audience] Good afternoon! 733 00:25:10,976 --> 00:25:12,477 - [Crow] Good afternoon. 734 00:25:12,477 --> 00:25:16,114 - Now who knows what lesson we're going to have today? 735 00:25:17,015 --> 00:25:18,850 - [Mike] Yes, no, oh. 736 00:25:18,850 --> 00:25:20,352 - That's right. 737 00:25:20,352 --> 00:25:22,754 But before have Lesson 10-- 738 00:25:22,754 --> 00:25:24,022 - [Crow] We will offer a sign of peace. 739 00:25:24,022 --> 00:25:25,891 - Who can tell us about the others? 740 00:25:25,891 --> 00:25:27,259 - [Crow] Oh, oh, Mr. Kotter! 741 00:25:27,259 --> 00:25:28,126 Mr. Kotter! 742 00:25:29,694 --> 00:25:32,197 - In Lesson Number One, we learned about when we were babies 743 00:25:32,197 --> 00:25:34,900 and in Lesson Number Two, 744 00:25:34,900 --> 00:25:36,635 we heard about animals. 745 00:25:37,535 --> 00:25:39,304 No, that was Number three. 746 00:25:39,304 --> 00:25:40,505 - [Tom] Oh man. 747 00:25:40,505 --> 00:25:41,773 - [Man] In Number Two we learned about-- 748 00:25:41,773 --> 00:25:42,974 - [Crow] Ha, "number two." 749 00:25:42,974 --> 00:25:46,111 - How food is grown and all about our home. 750 00:25:46,111 --> 00:25:47,045 - Well done. 751 00:25:47,045 --> 00:25:48,580 - [Mike] For a total spaz. 752 00:25:48,580 --> 00:25:50,482 - Well now, I think we're ready for today's lesson. 753 00:25:50,482 --> 00:25:53,318 So just sit back and relax. 754 00:25:53,318 --> 00:25:56,054 - [Tom] And now a tribute to Dr. Bombay. 755 00:25:56,054 --> 00:25:57,756 (pleasant music) 756 00:25:57,756 --> 00:25:59,624 - [Mike] Hey, Darrin, down in front! 757 00:25:59,624 --> 00:26:00,892 - [Crow] Down in front! 758 00:26:00,892 --> 00:26:02,627 - [Woman Narrator] You enter America. 759 00:26:03,795 --> 00:26:06,531 First, a party with all your friends there 760 00:26:06,531 --> 00:26:08,066 to wish you good luck. 761 00:26:08,066 --> 00:26:09,334 - [Tom] A giant clam! 762 00:26:09,334 --> 00:26:10,769 - [Mike] Ah! 763 00:26:10,769 --> 00:26:11,970 - [Woman Narrator] Next, you'll be escorted by a guide 764 00:26:11,970 --> 00:26:14,639 past the door of the round building, 765 00:26:14,639 --> 00:26:17,542 the entranceway to America. 766 00:26:17,542 --> 00:26:21,379 This is the ultimate answer, the ideal. 767 00:26:21,379 --> 00:26:22,547 This is what you've all-- 768 00:26:22,547 --> 00:26:24,282 - [Mike] The cast of "Godspell." 769 00:26:24,282 --> 00:26:26,885 - [Woman Narrator] America, the land of beauty, 770 00:26:26,885 --> 00:26:29,721 where all your dreams will come true. 771 00:26:29,721 --> 00:26:30,555 - [Mike] America. 772 00:26:30,555 --> 00:26:31,823 - [Tom] Oh, America. 773 00:26:31,823 --> 00:26:33,224 - [Woman Narrator] You have all been trained. 774 00:26:33,224 --> 00:26:34,759 America, 775 00:26:34,759 --> 00:26:38,697 the happiness of your new world forever, forever, forever! 776 00:26:38,697 --> 00:26:40,498 - [Tom] Oh, they blew their budget on the echo chamber. 777 00:26:40,498 --> 00:26:41,800 (applauding) 778 00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:44,035 - [Crow] America not available in some areas. 779 00:26:44,035 --> 00:26:46,137 (applauding) 780 00:26:46,137 --> 00:26:47,372 - [Mike] Thank you, 781 00:26:47,372 --> 00:26:49,074 we'll now begin the Aunt Clara symposium. 782 00:26:49,074 --> 00:26:50,575 - Does anyone have any questions? 783 00:26:50,575 --> 00:26:52,978 - [Tom] Yeah, are you and Dick York friends? 784 00:26:52,978 --> 00:26:53,812 - Yes, Richard? 785 00:26:55,613 --> 00:26:58,316 - Dr. Jameson, I found something today 786 00:26:58,316 --> 00:27:00,552 that I think might be from America. 787 00:27:00,552 --> 00:27:02,587 It was floating in the river. 788 00:27:02,587 --> 00:27:03,521 - What is it? 789 00:27:03,521 --> 00:27:04,756 - [Crow] It's a Gambino, sir. 790 00:27:05,924 --> 00:27:07,459 - [Mike] Future anchorman, there. 791 00:27:09,294 --> 00:27:12,030 - [Tom] We chipped in and got you this beer. 792 00:27:12,030 --> 00:27:14,032 - This is not from America. 793 00:27:14,032 --> 00:27:15,500 It comes from the river. 794 00:27:15,500 --> 00:27:17,969 - [Crow] What, where you cloned from a sack of doorknobs? 795 00:27:17,969 --> 00:27:20,238 - I'll just keep it for the museum. 796 00:27:20,238 --> 00:27:21,706 - But it's mine. 797 00:27:21,706 --> 00:27:22,874 - [Mike] You wanna watch "Sonny & Cher" tonight, young man? 798 00:27:22,874 --> 00:27:26,044 - Richard, this belongs to all of us. 799 00:27:26,044 --> 00:27:27,645 - [Tom] Dick Sargent, Communist. 800 00:27:27,645 --> 00:27:28,480 - [Mike] Oooh. 801 00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:30,081 - Well, that's it. 802 00:27:30,081 --> 00:27:31,449 Good afternoon, all. 803 00:27:31,449 --> 00:27:33,118 If you have any further questions, 804 00:27:33,118 --> 00:27:34,853 please go to the confessional. 805 00:27:34,853 --> 00:27:36,755 (audience applauding) 806 00:27:36,755 --> 00:27:38,690 - [Crow] Stop that man, he has my can! 807 00:27:41,993 --> 00:27:44,896 - [Mike] Dick Sargent is the Bionic Woman. 808 00:27:44,896 --> 00:27:47,132 - Find out how this got through the water valves 809 00:27:47,132 --> 00:27:49,801 and who the hell was in charge of cleanup? 810 00:27:49,801 --> 00:27:51,102 I want them out of here! 811 00:27:51,102 --> 00:27:52,370 - [Crow] Mr. York? 812 00:27:52,370 --> 00:27:54,472 - [Mike] Mr. York, will you sign this, Mr. York? 813 00:27:56,875 --> 00:27:59,344 - [Crow] Line up to hear Firefall's latest hit. 814 00:28:00,879 --> 00:28:03,481 (somber music) 815 00:28:08,586 --> 00:28:09,954 - [Female Voice] How may we help you? 816 00:28:09,954 --> 00:28:11,156 - I have a question. 817 00:28:11,156 --> 00:28:12,757 - [Mike] I'll hang up and listen. 818 00:28:12,757 --> 00:28:17,629 - What does M-I-L-W-A-U-K-E-E spell? 819 00:28:17,629 --> 00:28:18,563 - [Female Voice] Please wait. 820 00:28:18,563 --> 00:28:20,532 - [Tom] It spells $2.99 a case. 821 00:28:22,267 --> 00:28:25,236 - [Female Voice] M-I-L-W-A-U-K-E-E 822 00:28:25,236 --> 00:28:27,706 appears to be some sort of nonsense spelling. 823 00:28:27,706 --> 00:28:30,608 - [Mike] Oh, it's Microsoft Spell Check by Phone. 824 00:28:30,608 --> 00:28:33,278 - Dr. Jameson told me it could be found in the river. 825 00:28:34,479 --> 00:28:35,713 - [Female Voiceover] One moment, please. 826 00:28:35,713 --> 00:28:38,183 - [Tom] Dr. Jameson is a big, dumb phony. 827 00:28:38,183 --> 00:28:39,684 - [Female Voiceover] There is a rare kind of mineral 828 00:28:39,684 --> 00:28:42,053 that is called "Milwaukee." 829 00:28:42,053 --> 00:28:45,156 It can only be found in certain parts of the river. 830 00:28:45,156 --> 00:28:46,691 - [Mike] Uh, do you buy that? 831 00:28:46,691 --> 00:28:48,827 - Can it be found in America? 832 00:28:48,827 --> 00:28:50,962 - [Female Voice] No, it can not. 833 00:28:50,962 --> 00:28:52,831 Is there anything else? 834 00:28:52,831 --> 00:28:54,232 - [Crow] Charles Van Dorken. 835 00:28:55,567 --> 00:28:58,369 - [Tom] They need better funding for their language lab. 836 00:28:58,369 --> 00:29:00,538 - [Female Voice] I'm glad we could help you. 837 00:29:02,674 --> 00:29:04,175 (Crow chuckling) 838 00:29:04,175 --> 00:29:07,779 - [Crow] You'd get better exercise sitting on a couch. 839 00:29:07,779 --> 00:29:09,881 - [Mike] Daddy, Rex Tree, the Lumpy Man! 840 00:29:09,881 --> 00:29:12,016 (Crow and Tom laughing) 841 00:29:12,016 --> 00:29:13,251 - [Crow] The "go as slow as you can 842 00:29:13,251 --> 00:29:15,019 "without tipping over" race. 843 00:29:15,019 --> 00:29:17,155 (Tom giggling) 844 00:29:17,155 --> 00:29:19,924 (pleasant music) 845 00:29:20,792 --> 00:29:22,093 - [Mike] A separate piece... 846 00:29:22,093 --> 00:29:23,061 Of crap! 847 00:29:23,061 --> 00:29:24,796 (Tom laughing) 848 00:29:24,796 --> 00:29:25,897 - [Tom] Oh hi, Richard! 849 00:29:25,897 --> 00:29:26,731 - [Crow] Hey, Richard! 850 00:29:26,731 --> 00:29:27,665 - [Mike] Hi, Richard! 851 00:29:29,734 --> 00:29:31,102 - [Tom] The rare tree dork. 852 00:29:34,105 --> 00:29:35,740 - [Crow] Thanks for the subpoena. 853 00:29:37,075 --> 00:29:39,043 - [Mike] "Parts: The Visible Panty Line Horror." 854 00:29:39,043 --> 00:29:40,044 - [Tom] Ugh. 855 00:29:41,479 --> 00:29:43,515 - [Crow] The clone yards of Ernest and Julio Gallo. 856 00:29:44,816 --> 00:29:46,451 - [Mike] We're done picking dirt. 857 00:29:47,752 --> 00:29:50,088 - [Tom] I guess Bing Crosby was selling hats. 858 00:29:52,357 --> 00:29:56,194 - [Crow] It says, "Please help me down from this tree." 859 00:29:56,194 --> 00:29:58,062 - [Tom] Oh, a lock of his back hair. 860 00:30:00,732 --> 00:30:02,400 - [Mike] "Would you like to share a quarter can 861 00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:04,402 "of water Old Mill with me?" 862 00:30:05,270 --> 00:30:08,773 (birds chirping) 863 00:30:08,773 --> 00:30:11,609 - [Tom] Oh, it's the refund for my nose job, good. 864 00:30:11,609 --> 00:30:12,911 - [Crow] Tome Jones, here. 865 00:30:15,914 --> 00:30:18,883 - [Mike] Okay, people, time to harvest more ticks. 866 00:30:18,883 --> 00:30:20,051 (whistle blowing) 867 00:30:20,051 --> 00:30:21,953 - [Tom] Bozo Circus is on the air! 868 00:30:21,953 --> 00:30:23,922 (singing circus tune) 869 00:30:23,922 --> 00:30:25,623 - [Lena] Hello, I'm Lena. 870 00:30:25,623 --> 00:30:26,891 - [Richard] I'm Richard. 871 00:30:26,891 --> 00:30:27,959 - [Crow] I'm Richard, I gotta remember that. 872 00:30:27,959 --> 00:30:29,627 I'm so bad with names. 873 00:30:29,627 --> 00:30:33,198 (crickets chirping) 874 00:30:33,198 --> 00:30:36,634 - [Mike] The scene was lit by an Indiglo watch apparently. 875 00:30:37,969 --> 00:30:38,937 - Hey. 876 00:30:38,937 --> 00:30:39,904 - [Tom] Kiss me, you feeb. 877 00:30:39,904 --> 00:30:41,172 - Why did you ask me here? 878 00:30:41,172 --> 00:30:42,674 - Because I wanted to talk to you. 879 00:30:42,674 --> 00:30:44,375 From the first day we met, 880 00:30:44,375 --> 00:30:46,744 I knew there was something different about you. 881 00:30:46,744 --> 00:30:47,579 - [Mike Deep Voice] There is? 882 00:30:47,579 --> 00:30:48,646 - You know what it is? 883 00:30:48,646 --> 00:30:49,781 Your eyes. 884 00:30:49,781 --> 00:30:51,015 They're so alive. 885 00:30:51,015 --> 00:30:52,884 - [Crow] Your nose, so truncated. 886 00:30:52,884 --> 00:30:54,452 - You know, I noticed the difference too. 887 00:30:54,452 --> 00:30:55,720 I mean, you're not like my friends. 888 00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:56,854 - [Tom] You're more icky. 889 00:30:56,854 --> 00:30:58,556 - Yours like mine, Richard. 890 00:30:58,556 --> 00:30:59,824 Why? 891 00:30:59,824 --> 00:31:01,926 - I don't know, Lena, I asked the confessional 892 00:31:01,926 --> 00:31:04,495 and it just said that it was all part of the plan. 893 00:31:04,495 --> 00:31:05,964 - [Mike] Like Dan Fogelberg said. 894 00:31:05,964 --> 00:31:06,931 - Yeah, me too. 895 00:31:08,433 --> 00:31:09,300 - Hey. 896 00:31:09,300 --> 00:31:10,235 - What? 897 00:31:10,235 --> 00:31:11,402 - It's getting a little cold. 898 00:31:11,402 --> 00:31:13,304 How about some firewood and a fire? 899 00:31:13,304 --> 00:31:15,106 - [Crow] Mmm, she burns good. 900 00:31:15,106 --> 00:31:16,407 - [Richard] How long before you leave? 901 00:31:16,407 --> 00:31:17,642 - [Tom] Later on. 902 00:31:17,642 --> 00:31:19,143 - For America? 903 00:31:19,143 --> 00:31:19,978 Oh, I don't know. 904 00:31:20,879 --> 00:31:22,146 - [Mike] Watch your head there. 905 00:31:22,146 --> 00:31:23,982 - We go when it's time and when we're ready. 906 00:31:23,982 --> 00:31:25,383 - Yeah, that's what they tell us. 907 00:31:25,383 --> 00:31:26,217 Constantly. 908 00:31:27,652 --> 00:31:29,287 Where do you work, Lena? 909 00:31:29,287 --> 00:31:31,055 - I work in the (muffled word). 910 00:31:31,055 --> 00:31:32,290 - Huh? - Oh, I like it, it's nice. 911 00:31:32,290 --> 00:31:33,391 - [Mike] I like the (gibberish word). 912 00:31:33,391 --> 00:31:35,193 - Gives me time to write. 913 00:31:35,193 --> 00:31:36,527 - Write? 914 00:31:36,527 --> 00:31:38,296 - Yeah, I write my thoughts and my ideas. 915 00:31:38,296 --> 00:31:39,530 - [Crow] I've already filled a Post-it note. 916 00:31:39,530 --> 00:31:41,366 - It was my special place for writing. 917 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:43,368 - It was? 918 00:31:43,368 --> 00:31:44,502 - [Tom] I'm not listening. 919 00:31:46,571 --> 00:31:47,605 - What's wrong? 920 00:31:47,605 --> 00:31:49,107 - Nothing's wrong. 921 00:31:49,107 --> 00:31:50,775 - Oh, come on, Lena, don't be like everyone else. 922 00:31:50,775 --> 00:31:52,377 You can tell me what's wrong. - Big slab. 923 00:31:52,377 --> 00:31:54,812 - Richard, we are not supposed to be talking like this. 924 00:31:54,812 --> 00:31:57,248 They told me it was not important. 925 00:31:57,248 --> 00:31:58,850 - What's not important? 926 00:31:58,850 --> 00:32:00,385 - [Crow] My gosh you're ugly. 927 00:32:01,886 --> 00:32:03,121 - His name was Allan 928 00:32:04,322 --> 00:32:06,524 and we met in compound four when we were 16. 929 00:32:06,524 --> 00:32:08,192 - [Mike] When I had a nose. 930 00:32:08,192 --> 00:32:09,460 - You know, he's beautiful, Richard. 931 00:32:09,460 --> 00:32:11,095 - [Tom] Not like you. 932 00:32:11,095 --> 00:32:13,197 - His hair was like the sun and his eye were green. 933 00:32:13,197 --> 00:32:14,699 No, he really was beautiful. 934 00:32:14,699 --> 00:32:16,634 - [Crow] There was this thing one time, I saw it. 935 00:32:16,634 --> 00:32:18,036 Boy, it was really neat too. 936 00:32:19,337 --> 00:32:22,340 - I never heard anybody talk like that before. 937 00:32:22,340 --> 00:32:23,641 - Oh, I'm sorry, then I won't-- 938 00:32:23,641 --> 00:32:25,109 - No, go on. 939 00:32:25,109 --> 00:32:28,546 - [Tom] I love it when you talk about your other boyfriend. 940 00:32:28,546 --> 00:32:30,114 - He was a friend. 941 00:32:30,114 --> 00:32:31,282 I mean, we were in love. 942 00:32:31,282 --> 00:32:32,784 - [Crow] Right. 943 00:32:32,784 --> 00:32:33,951 - And when it came time for him to go to America, 944 00:32:33,951 --> 00:32:35,053 we asked if he could stay. 945 00:32:35,053 --> 00:32:35,920 - [Crow] Oh sure, sure. 946 00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:37,121 - They said no. 947 00:32:37,121 --> 00:32:38,623 And we asked if I could go and they said no 948 00:32:38,623 --> 00:32:40,992 and finally they said he didn't have to go at all. 949 00:32:40,992 --> 00:32:42,193 - [Crow] Uh-huh. 950 00:32:42,193 --> 00:32:43,695 - And? 951 00:32:43,695 --> 00:32:45,863 - And he disappeared. 952 00:32:45,863 --> 00:32:47,098 - [Crow] Huh? 953 00:32:47,098 --> 00:32:48,266 - No one knows anything, not even his roommate. 954 00:32:48,266 --> 00:32:49,734 - [Mike] Let's crack the Pringles. 955 00:32:49,734 --> 00:32:51,803 - What must be must be. 956 00:32:51,803 --> 00:32:52,970 - Don't you get tired of hearing that? 957 00:32:52,970 --> 00:32:54,372 - [Crow] They're at EST camp. 958 00:32:56,307 --> 00:32:57,575 - [Lena] What's wrong? 959 00:32:57,575 --> 00:32:59,210 - I've never heard anyone say that. 960 00:32:59,210 --> 00:33:00,978 I mean, I've thought of that. 961 00:33:00,978 --> 00:33:02,180 - [Tom] I think. 962 00:33:02,180 --> 00:33:03,514 - But I've never heard anyone say it. 963 00:33:03,514 --> 00:33:06,384 Everyone here believes what must be must be. 964 00:33:06,384 --> 00:33:07,652 - Richard, stop! 965 00:33:07,652 --> 00:33:10,188 We're not supposed to be talking like that. 966 00:33:10,188 --> 00:33:12,357 - Why? There's nobody within miles of us. 967 00:33:12,357 --> 00:33:14,192 - [Mike] I used "agree" today. 968 00:33:14,192 --> 00:33:15,893 - You know, you're right. 969 00:33:15,893 --> 00:33:17,128 (Tom chuckling) 970 00:33:17,128 --> 00:33:18,196 - You know, Lena? 971 00:33:18,196 --> 00:33:19,130 - What? 972 00:33:19,130 --> 00:33:20,331 - I love it when you laugh. 973 00:33:20,331 --> 00:33:21,766 - [Crow] Boy, if only you had a nose. 974 00:33:22,633 --> 00:33:23,468 - I like you. 975 00:33:23,468 --> 00:33:25,336 - [Tom] You have skin. 976 00:33:25,336 --> 00:33:27,672 (pleasant music) 977 00:33:27,672 --> 00:33:29,741 - I like you a lot. 978 00:33:29,741 --> 00:33:31,809 - [Mike] Look at that, he has really feminine hands. 979 00:33:31,809 --> 00:33:33,778 (Crow laughing) 980 00:33:33,778 --> 00:33:36,681 - [Crow] Shouldn't we wrestle and slap each other now? 981 00:33:36,681 --> 00:33:39,283 (upbeat music) 982 00:33:44,756 --> 00:33:46,758 - [Mike] I guess I gotta go a little easier next time. 983 00:33:46,758 --> 00:33:48,292 - You know, right before I met you, 984 00:33:48,292 --> 00:33:51,863 I found a piece of metal and it had a word on it. 985 00:33:51,863 --> 00:33:54,565 - [Tom] Only you can prevent groin fires. 986 00:33:54,565 --> 00:33:55,733 - "Milwaukee." 987 00:33:57,001 --> 00:33:59,170 And I asked... - Wow. 988 00:33:59,170 --> 00:34:01,739 - If it came from America and they said no. 989 00:34:01,739 --> 00:34:02,974 - [Crow] Hmmm. 990 00:34:02,974 --> 00:34:04,108 - And then I asked the confessional 991 00:34:05,276 --> 00:34:07,845 and it said it was a plant from the ocean. 992 00:34:07,845 --> 00:34:10,314 - [Crow] She really was on top of Ol' Smokey, huh? 993 00:34:10,314 --> 00:34:11,582 (Tom chuckling) 994 00:34:11,582 --> 00:34:13,084 - You know, when I was a little girl 995 00:34:13,084 --> 00:34:15,119 and I lived in the north section, I saw something. 996 00:34:15,119 --> 00:34:16,587 - [Mike] Wow, that's amazing. 997 00:34:17,455 --> 00:34:19,390 - One day, I was out playing 998 00:34:19,390 --> 00:34:21,092 and I saw one of the guide cars. 999 00:34:21,092 --> 00:34:22,593 - [Tom] Really? 1000 00:34:22,593 --> 00:34:23,528 - And there was something there that was covered, 1001 00:34:23,528 --> 00:34:26,197 so I was curious and a peeked. 1002 00:34:26,197 --> 00:34:27,465 - [Richard] And? 1003 00:34:27,465 --> 00:34:28,633 - [Tom] She looks like Henry Silva in a wig. 1004 00:34:28,633 --> 00:34:30,835 - I saw one of the older members, Richard. 1005 00:34:30,835 --> 00:34:32,069 He was very still. 1006 00:34:32,069 --> 00:34:34,238 - [Mike] She fell asleep on dermabrasion wheel. 1007 00:34:34,238 --> 00:34:35,540 - [Crow] Ow. 1008 00:34:35,540 --> 00:34:36,641 - And they said he was asleep, 1009 00:34:36,641 --> 00:34:39,076 that sleep was very important. 1010 00:34:39,076 --> 00:34:40,978 But I'll never forget how odd it looked. 1011 00:34:40,978 --> 00:34:42,380 - [Tom] Do you like paper? 1012 00:34:42,380 --> 00:34:43,614 - We've gotta find out more. 1013 00:34:43,614 --> 00:34:45,116 - No. 1014 00:34:45,116 --> 00:34:46,551 I'm frightened. 1015 00:34:46,551 --> 00:34:48,085 - I am too. 1016 00:34:48,085 --> 00:34:49,620 But something's not right. 1017 00:34:51,022 --> 00:34:53,224 Unanswered questions, Lena, have to be answered. 1018 00:34:53,224 --> 00:34:55,927 - Richard, no, please. 1019 00:34:55,927 --> 00:34:57,995 I am frightened, you don't understand that. 1020 00:34:57,995 --> 00:34:59,464 - It'll be okay. 1021 00:34:59,464 --> 00:35:00,832 - [Mike] Come on, let's put out our flaming crotches 1022 00:35:00,832 --> 00:35:01,899 and we'll find your nose. 1023 00:35:01,899 --> 00:35:02,733 - Hey. 1024 00:35:03,668 --> 00:35:04,502 Trust me. 1025 00:35:04,502 --> 00:35:05,736 - [Crow] After all, 1026 00:35:05,736 --> 00:35:07,071 I look like the guy on "Three's Company." 1027 00:35:07,071 --> 00:35:08,339 - [Richard] Okay? 1028 00:35:08,339 --> 00:35:10,875 - [Mike] Is your face made out of clay or... 1029 00:35:10,875 --> 00:35:12,410 - Okay. 1030 00:35:12,410 --> 00:35:14,946 - [Tom] Now let's help Jack and Krissy move that couch. 1031 00:35:15,947 --> 00:35:17,115 (gunshot booming) - Ow! 1032 00:35:18,282 --> 00:35:22,820 (Mike, Crow and Tom huffing and groaning) 1033 00:35:24,188 --> 00:35:25,923 - [Mike] Des Moines Olympics are kind of a letdown, 1034 00:35:25,923 --> 00:35:27,358 aren't they? 1035 00:35:27,358 --> 00:35:28,826 - Richard. 1036 00:35:28,826 --> 00:35:30,361 Are you okay? 1037 00:35:30,361 --> 00:35:31,295 - I'm fine. 1038 00:35:31,295 --> 00:35:32,230 - [Crow] I'm just a puss. 1039 00:35:32,230 --> 00:35:33,598 - I see, well you slowed down. 1040 00:35:33,598 --> 00:35:35,633 I thought maybe it was your ankle or something. 1041 00:35:35,633 --> 00:35:37,668 - No, I just slowed down. 1042 00:35:37,668 --> 00:35:38,636 - I don't understand. 1043 00:35:38,636 --> 00:35:40,705 You can't just slow down. 1044 00:35:40,705 --> 00:35:42,607 When you're in a race you have to win. 1045 00:35:43,774 --> 00:35:44,909 - Why? 1046 00:35:44,909 --> 00:35:46,377 - Why? 1047 00:35:46,377 --> 00:35:47,612 What kind of a question is that? 1048 00:35:47,612 --> 00:35:49,213 - [Tom] I'm just your Time Life operator. 1049 00:35:49,213 --> 00:35:51,048 - Why get involved in a race at all 1050 00:35:51,048 --> 00:35:52,283 if you're not gonna give it all you've got? 1051 00:35:52,283 --> 00:35:54,018 - [Mike] Was this an after school special? 1052 00:35:54,018 --> 00:35:55,786 - I gave it all I wanted to give. 1053 00:35:55,786 --> 00:35:57,388 I just didn't feel like winning. 1054 00:35:58,256 --> 00:36:00,024 - I'll have to report this. 1055 00:36:00,024 --> 00:36:01,158 - To who? 1056 00:36:01,158 --> 00:36:02,560 - [Crow] To the council of loser clones. 1057 00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:03,794 - I'll have to report that too. 1058 00:36:03,794 --> 00:36:06,464 - [Tom] It's starting to stack up. 1059 00:36:06,464 --> 00:36:08,099 - Can I go now? 1060 00:36:08,099 --> 00:36:09,534 - Sure you can go. 1061 00:36:09,534 --> 00:36:11,235 - [Mike] Yeah, report my ass. 1062 00:36:11,235 --> 00:36:13,704 - [Tom] This is one of the 12 Steve Prefontaine movies 1063 00:36:13,704 --> 00:36:15,373 being released this year. 1064 00:36:15,373 --> 00:36:16,207 It's great. 1065 00:36:17,241 --> 00:36:19,043 - [Mike] "Crotch Fires and You." 1066 00:36:20,511 --> 00:36:23,447 - [Tom] Let's see, "Jake Cardigan pulled his hovercraft." 1067 00:36:24,549 --> 00:36:27,218 (ominous music) 1068 00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:31,622 - [Mike] Did I finish those cheese curls? 1069 00:36:31,622 --> 00:36:33,357 - [Tom] Doo, doo, doo. 1070 00:36:33,357 --> 00:36:34,926 (gasping) 1071 00:36:34,926 --> 00:36:36,394 - [Crow] I'm coming, Elizabeth. 1072 00:36:36,394 --> 00:36:37,328 I'm coming. 1073 00:36:37,328 --> 00:36:38,896 Elizabeth, I'm coming. 1074 00:36:38,896 --> 00:36:40,131 - [Mike] Feels like an elephant clone 1075 00:36:40,131 --> 00:36:42,300 is sitting on my chest. 1076 00:36:42,300 --> 00:36:44,302 - [Tom] The James Garner Story. 1077 00:36:45,336 --> 00:36:46,170 - [Crow] Beef. 1078 00:36:46,170 --> 00:36:48,372 It's what's for dinner. 1079 00:36:48,372 --> 00:36:49,874 Oh. 1080 00:36:49,874 --> 00:36:53,144 - [Mike] Hi, we're your heart attack consultants. 1081 00:36:53,144 --> 00:36:55,980 - [Tom] Let's get you out on that track, young man. 1082 00:36:55,980 --> 00:36:57,448 - [Mike] Oh, please be careful. 1083 00:36:57,448 --> 00:36:59,483 My chalky, spongy midsection. 1084 00:36:59,483 --> 00:37:02,153 (ominous music) 1085 00:37:02,153 --> 00:37:04,789 - [Crow] On Tuesdays you get extra prints for free! 1086 00:37:04,789 --> 00:37:07,458 - [Tom] God, the human body is hideous. 1087 00:37:07,458 --> 00:37:08,392 - Huh. 1088 00:37:08,392 --> 00:37:10,494 Well, I can't see anything. 1089 00:37:10,494 --> 00:37:11,929 - [Mike] You're dull and lumpy inside too. 1090 00:37:11,929 --> 00:37:13,831 - What did it feel like? 1091 00:37:13,831 --> 00:37:17,902 - It felt like a burning sensation in my chest. 1092 00:37:17,902 --> 00:37:19,403 - [Crow] Well, Richard, 1093 00:37:19,403 --> 00:37:20,738 did you makes a run for the boarder earlier today? 1094 00:37:21,639 --> 00:37:23,074 - Are you sleeping okay? 1095 00:37:23,074 --> 00:37:24,909 - Sure, fine. 1096 00:37:24,909 --> 00:37:27,011 It just happened so quick, I don't know what it is. 1097 00:37:27,011 --> 00:37:28,779 - [Tom] Have you been eating your boogers? 1098 00:37:28,779 --> 00:37:30,681 - Let me ask you, Richard? 1099 00:37:30,681 --> 00:37:31,882 Do you spend a lot of time in the country? 1100 00:37:31,882 --> 00:37:33,884 - Or down by the river? 1101 00:37:34,885 --> 00:37:36,187 - No. 1102 00:37:36,187 --> 00:37:37,021 Why? 1103 00:37:37,021 --> 00:37:38,256 - Oh, no reason. 1104 00:37:38,256 --> 00:37:39,423 It's just that the air by the river 1105 00:37:39,423 --> 00:37:40,825 is not really very good for you. 1106 00:37:40,825 --> 00:37:41,759 - [Tom] Uh-huh. 1107 00:37:41,759 --> 00:37:42,693 - We just thought that it might 1108 00:37:42,693 --> 00:37:43,494 have something to do with it. 1109 00:37:43,494 --> 00:37:44,428 - [Mike] Am I dead? 1110 00:37:44,428 --> 00:37:45,930 - What do you think it is? 1111 00:37:45,930 --> 00:37:48,032 - Oh, just a little attack of the nerves, I guess. 1112 00:37:48,032 --> 00:37:50,901 After all, you're probably excited about going to America. 1113 00:37:50,901 --> 00:37:52,370 - [Tom] Today! 1114 00:37:52,370 --> 00:37:53,938 - Yes. 1115 00:37:53,938 --> 00:37:55,206 You're scheduled to go in two days. 1116 00:37:55,206 --> 00:37:56,707 - [Crow] We traded you to Cincinnati. 1117 00:37:56,707 --> 00:38:00,444 - We were going to wait but you've been progressing so well, 1118 00:38:00,444 --> 00:38:02,213 we're letting you go early. 1119 00:38:02,213 --> 00:38:03,681 - Jeez. - Isn't that nice? 1120 00:38:03,681 --> 00:38:04,882 - [Mike] Ugh. 1121 00:38:04,882 --> 00:38:06,417 - Great. 1122 00:38:06,417 --> 00:38:08,886 - So why don't you go and get some sleep, all right? 1123 00:38:08,886 --> 00:38:11,088 Take these pills just before you go to bed, 1124 00:38:11,088 --> 00:38:12,490 I'm sure you're not going to have any trouble at all. 1125 00:38:12,490 --> 00:38:14,892 - [Mike] Can I bring my bike to America? 1126 00:38:14,892 --> 00:38:15,726 - Okay. 1127 00:38:18,062 --> 00:38:18,996 - [Tom] Nice gal. 1128 00:38:21,899 --> 00:38:24,235 - Well, did you hear enough? 1129 00:38:24,235 --> 00:38:25,469 - He's lying. 1130 00:38:25,469 --> 00:38:26,971 - [Crow] He looks like an adult fetus. 1131 00:38:28,272 --> 00:38:29,740 - [Mike] They found my nose! 1132 00:38:29,740 --> 00:38:31,976 - [Tom] The tight short clinic has been so much fun! 1133 00:38:31,976 --> 00:38:33,978 - I'm so happy to see you. 1134 00:38:33,978 --> 00:38:36,981 - [Crow] Allan and I are getting married, isn't that great?! 1135 00:38:38,716 --> 00:38:40,117 - Lena, we're being watched. 1136 00:38:40,117 --> 00:38:41,619 - Richard, what're you talking about? 1137 00:38:41,619 --> 00:38:43,020 - I tried a test last night. 1138 00:38:43,020 --> 00:38:45,656 I pretended I was sick when no one was around. 1139 00:38:45,656 --> 00:38:47,091 We are being watched. 1140 00:38:47,091 --> 00:38:48,159 - Richard, why would they watch us? 1141 00:38:48,159 --> 00:38:50,027 For what reason? 1142 00:38:50,027 --> 00:38:51,529 - [Richard] I don't know. 1143 00:38:51,529 --> 00:38:53,831 - [Mike] Maybe to see if we do that rubbing thing. 1144 00:38:53,831 --> 00:38:57,301 - [Tom] Let's go pray at the shrine of Dolly the sheep. 1145 00:38:57,301 --> 00:38:59,303 (wind howling) 1146 00:38:59,303 --> 00:39:01,605 - [Crow] Are you going to Bobby's America party? 1147 00:39:01,605 --> 00:39:03,474 - Lena, there's something strange happening here 1148 00:39:03,474 --> 00:39:05,142 that we're not allowed to know about. 1149 00:39:05,142 --> 00:39:06,310 - I know. 1150 00:39:06,310 --> 00:39:07,578 Richard, ever since you and I met, 1151 00:39:07,578 --> 00:39:09,513 the guides look at me strangely. 1152 00:39:09,513 --> 00:39:12,750 - Did you see the way they looked at us when we first met? 1153 00:39:12,750 --> 00:39:13,584 They got angry. 1154 00:39:14,552 --> 00:39:16,020 - Speak to the confessional. 1155 00:39:16,020 --> 00:39:19,123 - I don't get any answers from the confessional. 1156 00:39:19,123 --> 00:39:21,092 I think the only place I'm gonna find any answers 1157 00:39:21,092 --> 00:39:21,892 is America. 1158 00:39:21,892 --> 00:39:23,127 - [Crow] Today! 1159 00:39:23,127 --> 00:39:24,228 - And I'm gonna try and get there tonight. 1160 00:39:24,228 --> 00:39:25,363 - [Crow] Or today! 1161 00:39:25,363 --> 00:39:27,164 - But Richard, you're not qualified. 1162 00:39:27,164 --> 00:39:28,432 - Look, I saw the guides. 1163 00:39:28,432 --> 00:39:30,768 They took George up to the building in the hill 1164 00:39:30,768 --> 00:39:32,136 after his party. 1165 00:39:32,136 --> 00:39:34,205 I think that's a good place to start. 1166 00:39:34,205 --> 00:39:35,439 I'm gonna try and get in. 1167 00:39:35,439 --> 00:39:36,974 - [Tom] If my SATs are good enough. 1168 00:39:38,609 --> 00:39:39,543 - No. 1169 00:39:39,543 --> 00:39:41,011 - [Crow] You and your big nose! 1170 00:39:43,013 --> 00:39:45,683 - [Mike] So you wanna take your shirt off now or... 1171 00:39:47,384 --> 00:39:49,253 - Lena, I have to go. 1172 00:39:49,253 --> 00:39:50,421 I've got to find out. 1173 00:39:51,722 --> 00:39:53,424 Don't be frightened. 1174 00:39:53,424 --> 00:39:55,493 - I am frightened, Richard. 1175 00:39:55,493 --> 00:39:56,827 I'm very frightened. 1176 00:39:57,895 --> 00:39:59,830 I'm never gonna see you again. 1177 00:39:59,830 --> 00:40:02,032 - Of course you're gonna see me again. 1178 00:40:02,032 --> 00:40:03,968 I'm gonna go to America, find out the answers 1179 00:40:03,968 --> 00:40:04,869 and I'm gonna come back. 1180 00:40:04,869 --> 00:40:06,103 - Richard, why? 1181 00:40:06,103 --> 00:40:07,338 Why do you have to go to America? 1182 00:40:07,338 --> 00:40:08,572 - [Tom] Today! 1183 00:40:08,572 --> 00:40:10,274 - Because I have to find out for you and for me 1184 00:40:10,274 --> 00:40:11,509 and for everyone else. 1185 00:40:11,509 --> 00:40:13,377 - [Crow] For the baby I'm carrying. 1186 00:40:13,377 --> 00:40:15,446 - Lena, you can't say anything to anybody. 1187 00:40:15,446 --> 00:40:17,114 - [Tom] I'll leave you a lump of dough with hair on it 1188 00:40:17,114 --> 00:40:18,449 to remind you of me. 1189 00:40:18,449 --> 00:40:20,818 (dramatic music) - Lena. 1190 00:40:20,818 --> 00:40:23,020 - [Mike] She's trying to start his crotch on fire 1191 00:40:23,020 --> 00:40:23,888 with her mind. 1192 00:40:26,457 --> 00:40:29,193 - [Crow] Whoa, there at Chuck Berry's ranch. 1193 00:40:29,193 --> 00:40:30,895 - [Tom] Aren't these stables phony? 1194 00:40:30,895 --> 00:40:33,964 (electrical buzzing) 1195 00:40:36,500 --> 00:40:39,270 - [Crow] Yeah, Secretariat is a personal friend of mine. 1196 00:40:42,106 --> 00:40:44,675 (upbeat music) 1197 00:40:48,712 --> 00:40:50,281 (singing tune) 1198 00:40:50,281 --> 00:40:51,916 - Ah, red! 1199 00:40:51,916 --> 00:40:53,551 - Hey, that was blue, I saw. 1200 00:40:53,551 --> 00:40:54,518 - No it wasn't. 1201 00:40:54,518 --> 00:40:55,686 - You're in the molasses swamp. 1202 00:40:55,686 --> 00:40:56,654 - I am not. 1203 00:40:56,654 --> 00:40:58,022 - Yeah, he's in molasses swamp. 1204 00:40:58,022 --> 00:40:59,924 - [Both] You're in molasses swamp! 1205 00:40:59,924 --> 00:41:01,091 You're in molasses swamp! 1206 00:41:01,091 --> 00:41:02,660 You're in molasses swamp! 1207 00:41:02,660 --> 00:41:03,794 - Mike... - You're in molasses swamp! 1208 00:41:03,794 --> 00:41:05,196 - You know me. 1209 00:41:05,196 --> 00:41:06,330 I'm a patient woman. - You're in molasses swamp! 1210 00:41:06,330 --> 00:41:07,164 - Shut up! 1211 00:41:08,866 --> 00:41:11,836 Oh, momma, do I need a break. 1212 00:41:11,836 --> 00:41:15,773 I sure could use that old electronic babysitter right now. 1213 00:41:15,773 --> 00:41:19,076 So could you guys quick whip up a TV show, 1214 00:41:19,076 --> 00:41:21,078 maybe one of them public kid shows. 1215 00:41:21,078 --> 00:41:22,346 You know, educational. 1216 00:41:22,346 --> 00:41:25,416 You know the kind of crap I'm talking about. 1217 00:41:25,416 --> 00:41:26,817 (Bobo groaning) 1218 00:41:26,817 --> 00:41:27,952 (laughing) 1219 00:41:27,952 --> 00:41:30,654 - Ah, Mrs. Forrester, so you need me 1220 00:41:30,654 --> 00:41:33,424 and I have all the power. (laughing) 1221 00:41:33,424 --> 00:41:35,993 Once again you see there is nothing you can possess 1222 00:41:35,993 --> 00:41:38,095 which I cannot take away. 1223 00:41:38,095 --> 00:41:39,129 Too bad. 1224 00:41:39,129 --> 00:41:41,131 The Havidos could've warned you 1225 00:41:41,131 --> 00:41:42,867 if only you spoke Havidos. 1226 00:41:42,867 --> 00:41:45,436 (speaking foreign language) 1227 00:41:45,436 --> 00:41:46,403 - Ugh. 1228 00:41:46,403 --> 00:41:49,273 Oh, would you just help me out. 1229 00:41:49,273 --> 00:41:52,376 Hey, kids, "Satellite of Love" is on. 1230 00:41:52,376 --> 00:41:55,212 - Oh, I don't like that show, it's dumb. 1231 00:41:55,212 --> 00:41:56,780 - It's got robots. 1232 00:41:56,780 --> 00:41:59,316 - Robots are dumb, you're dumb. 1233 00:41:59,316 --> 00:42:01,919 - I took the liberty of making some fruit leather. 1234 00:42:01,919 --> 00:42:02,953 - What the hell is-- 1235 00:42:02,953 --> 00:42:04,922 - [Kids] Fruit leather! 1236 00:42:04,922 --> 00:42:06,123 (chiming music) 1237 00:42:06,123 --> 00:42:10,294 ♪ We'll have fun on the Satellite of Love ♪ 1238 00:42:10,294 --> 00:42:11,128 ♪ Today 1239 00:42:11,128 --> 00:42:13,998 (giggling) 1240 00:42:13,998 --> 00:42:15,466 - Hi, kids! - Hi. 1241 00:42:15,466 --> 00:42:17,868 - I'm Crow the... 1242 00:42:17,868 --> 00:42:19,103 Cow. (laughing) 1243 00:42:19,103 --> 00:42:22,373 And this is Tommy the timid tuna, right. 1244 00:42:22,373 --> 00:42:23,207 - Aaaww. 1245 00:42:23,207 --> 00:42:24,642 - Today's letter... 1246 00:42:27,845 --> 00:42:28,679 - A. 1247 00:42:29,980 --> 00:42:30,814 - A? 1248 00:42:32,316 --> 00:42:33,951 - [Both] A! 1249 00:42:33,951 --> 00:42:35,886 (laughing) 1250 00:42:35,886 --> 00:42:38,555 (clearing throat) 1251 00:42:38,555 --> 00:42:40,257 - Today's number. 1252 00:42:42,459 --> 00:42:43,661 - Three. 1253 00:42:43,661 --> 00:42:44,495 (gasping) 1254 00:42:44,495 --> 00:42:45,696 - Three? 1255 00:42:45,696 --> 00:42:47,698 (laughing) 1256 00:42:47,698 --> 00:42:48,866 So today... 1257 00:42:48,866 --> 00:42:50,601 Today we learned... 1258 00:42:50,601 --> 00:42:52,102 - A 1259 00:42:52,102 --> 00:42:54,038 and three. 1260 00:42:54,038 --> 00:42:55,639 ♪ Today we learned 1261 00:42:55,639 --> 00:42:57,241 ♪ A and three 1262 00:42:57,241 --> 00:42:59,577 ♪ Today we learned A and three 1263 00:42:59,577 --> 00:43:01,211 (laughing) 1264 00:43:01,211 --> 00:43:03,414 - I love you. 1265 00:43:03,414 --> 00:43:05,215 ♪ Today we learned 1266 00:43:05,215 --> 00:43:06,750 ♪ A and three 1267 00:43:06,750 --> 00:43:09,553 ♪ Today we learned A and three 1268 00:43:09,553 --> 00:43:10,754 (giggling) 1269 00:43:10,754 --> 00:43:11,589 - Moo. 1270 00:43:13,557 --> 00:43:15,626 - Great, thanks. 1271 00:43:15,626 --> 00:43:18,529 I'm gonna sneak out and see if I can find a casino 1272 00:43:18,529 --> 00:43:19,964 on this crumby planet. 1273 00:43:21,265 --> 00:43:25,269 (speaking foreign language) 1274 00:43:25,269 --> 00:43:29,239 (cheering) (upbeat Latin music) 1275 00:43:29,239 --> 00:43:30,074 - Woo! 1276 00:43:33,844 --> 00:43:37,514 (speaking foreign language) 1277 00:43:39,249 --> 00:43:40,084 - Agua. 1278 00:43:41,552 --> 00:43:42,786 Agua. 1279 00:43:42,786 --> 00:43:47,791 (cheering) (upbeat Latin music) 1280 00:43:48,993 --> 00:43:51,095 (crying) 1281 00:43:52,696 --> 00:43:55,933 I'll get you for this, Nelson! 1282 00:43:55,933 --> 00:43:57,601 (cheering) (upbeat Latin music) 1283 00:43:57,601 --> 00:43:58,602 (alarm buzzing) 1284 00:43:58,602 --> 00:44:02,072 (yelling foreign language) 1285 00:44:03,741 --> 00:44:05,342 (mechanical buzzing) 1286 00:44:05,342 --> 00:44:08,846 (water bubbling) 1287 00:44:08,846 --> 00:44:11,015 (beeping) 1288 00:44:12,049 --> 00:44:13,117 (door creaking) 1289 00:44:13,117 --> 00:44:14,618 - [Tom] Weee! 1290 00:44:14,618 --> 00:44:17,388 - [Crow] Super Dave Osborne come to turn down the bed. 1291 00:44:18,355 --> 00:44:19,823 - 807, secure. 1292 00:44:19,823 --> 00:44:23,160 - [Mike] Proceeding to number eight to re-pet the bunny. 1293 00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:24,928 - [Tom] Leave the hall light on! 1294 00:44:24,928 --> 00:44:26,597 Oh. 1295 00:44:26,597 --> 00:44:28,132 - [Mike] Well, I'm wet already. 1296 00:44:30,567 --> 00:44:33,237 - [Crow] I'm gonna get the last of the Frusen Glädjé. 1297 00:44:33,237 --> 00:44:34,705 (ominous music) 1298 00:44:34,705 --> 00:44:36,440 - [Tom] The director just points the camera at the lamp 1299 00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:38,409 and trusts the lamp to carry the scene. 1300 00:44:42,179 --> 00:44:43,414 - [Mike] I forgot to have 1301 00:44:43,414 --> 00:44:45,115 my nightly glass of cottage cheese. 1302 00:44:46,316 --> 00:44:47,851 - [Crow] He's gonna wake up the whole floor 1303 00:44:47,851 --> 00:44:50,821 and tell them about that damn can again. 1304 00:44:50,821 --> 00:44:52,623 - [Tom] Sssh, I don't wanna wake me. 1305 00:44:54,558 --> 00:44:56,126 - [Mike] It takes a dork. 1306 00:44:57,761 --> 00:44:59,229 - [Crow] You know, everything's so dramatic with him. 1307 00:44:59,229 --> 00:45:01,999 He's just going to the lavatory. 1308 00:45:01,999 --> 00:45:03,500 - [Tom] I'm gonna head to the student union 1309 00:45:03,500 --> 00:45:06,737 and shake a candy machine till a Clark Bar comes out. 1310 00:45:06,737 --> 00:45:09,573 (Mike giggling) 1311 00:45:09,573 --> 00:45:10,507 - [Mike] This movie was really 1312 00:45:10,507 --> 00:45:12,709 a promotional film for UW-Stout. 1313 00:45:16,113 --> 00:45:17,648 - [Tom] No one knew how to hit the shuttlecock. 1314 00:45:17,648 --> 00:45:18,849 They're all getting F's! 1315 00:45:20,250 --> 00:45:22,519 - [Mike] I work for the Clonus Project. 1316 00:45:22,519 --> 00:45:24,354 We get free coffee. 1317 00:45:24,354 --> 00:45:26,523 (eerie music) 1318 00:45:26,523 --> 00:45:28,625 - [Crow] I left my flute in the band room. 1319 00:45:29,626 --> 00:45:30,494 - [Tom] Ow! 1320 00:45:30,494 --> 00:45:31,528 - [Mike] Hi, Richard. 1321 00:45:35,966 --> 00:45:38,035 - [Tom] Yah, yep. 1322 00:45:38,035 --> 00:45:39,736 - Come on, it can wait five minutes, can't it? 1323 00:45:39,736 --> 00:45:41,105 I just poured myself a cup of coffee. 1324 00:45:41,105 --> 00:45:43,440 - [Crow] Now, now, now, Harvey, Harvey. 1325 00:45:44,608 --> 00:45:45,709 - Yeah, so? 1326 00:45:45,709 --> 00:45:46,944 - [Mike] You talking to me? 1327 00:45:46,944 --> 00:45:49,179 You telling me to put down my coffee? 1328 00:45:49,179 --> 00:45:50,614 - Look, Ernie, 1329 00:45:50,614 --> 00:45:52,449 it's clear over on the other side of the facility. 1330 00:45:52,449 --> 00:45:53,650 Have a heart. 1331 00:45:53,650 --> 00:45:55,853 - [Tom] I'm gonna free Randle McMurphy! 1332 00:45:55,853 --> 00:45:58,722 - [Crow] He's a nurse's aid that doesn't play by the rules. 1333 00:45:58,722 --> 00:45:59,923 (Tom singing tune) 1334 00:45:59,923 --> 00:46:00,924 - Okay. 1335 00:46:00,924 --> 00:46:02,426 Okay, I said I'm coming. 1336 00:46:02,426 --> 00:46:04,862 - [Mike] This job ain't worth the free puffy hats! 1337 00:46:04,862 --> 00:46:07,531 (ominous music) 1338 00:46:08,665 --> 00:46:10,467 - [Tom] I just authorized myself. 1339 00:46:12,236 --> 00:46:13,804 - [Crow] I'm gonna amortize the crap 1340 00:46:13,804 --> 00:46:15,739 out of some of these spreadsheets. 1341 00:46:15,739 --> 00:46:17,875 - [Mike] Just gonna change my nutritional chart 1342 00:46:17,875 --> 00:46:19,510 to include more pop. 1343 00:46:19,510 --> 00:46:23,046 (Mike chuckling) 1344 00:46:23,046 --> 00:46:24,481 You know, I think they cloned him from Timer, 1345 00:46:24,481 --> 00:46:25,816 the cheese mascot. 1346 00:46:25,816 --> 00:46:27,684 - [Tom] Let's face it, clones are rock stupid. 1347 00:46:27,684 --> 00:46:30,354 (ominous music) 1348 00:46:31,455 --> 00:46:33,857 - [Crow] Larry Dallas is "The Saint." 1349 00:46:35,292 --> 00:46:37,027 - [Mike] It might help him at this point 1350 00:46:37,027 --> 00:46:38,996 if he had an objective of some sort. 1351 00:46:40,297 --> 00:46:41,765 - [Crow] You know, the truth is out there. 1352 00:46:41,765 --> 00:46:42,833 - [Tom] Oh, neat. 1353 00:46:42,833 --> 00:46:44,301 - [Mike] Sure it is. 1354 00:46:44,301 --> 00:46:46,203 - [Tom] Let's see, "smoking crotch, smoking crotch, 1355 00:46:46,203 --> 00:46:48,005 "smoking crotch." 1356 00:46:48,005 --> 00:46:50,874 (ominous music) 1357 00:46:50,874 --> 00:46:52,442 - [Crow] Gotta see if there's hot dog tater bake 1358 00:46:52,442 --> 00:46:53,944 on next week's lunch menu. 1359 00:46:55,812 --> 00:46:58,248 - [Mike] The Clonus Project seems remarkably disorganized. 1360 00:46:58,248 --> 00:46:59,883 - [Crow] Yeah, they really need to get online. 1361 00:46:59,883 --> 00:47:02,386 - [Tom] Yeah. 1362 00:47:02,386 --> 00:47:05,289 (foreboding music) 1363 00:47:06,924 --> 00:47:09,626 (Tom chanting in demonic voice) 1364 00:47:09,626 --> 00:47:10,561 (Crow laughing) 1365 00:47:10,561 --> 00:47:13,664 - [Crow] That's pretty good. 1366 00:47:13,664 --> 00:47:16,767 - [Mike] What do you know, we aren't at war with Eurasia. 1367 00:47:17,801 --> 00:47:20,470 (ominous music) 1368 00:47:24,408 --> 00:47:25,676 - [Tom] As soon as I get to America 1369 00:47:25,676 --> 00:47:27,911 I'm going straight to Branson! 1370 00:47:27,911 --> 00:47:32,583 (Mike singing "Mission: Impossible" tune) 1371 00:47:32,583 --> 00:47:33,917 Marty, we'll march into Masina 1372 00:47:33,917 --> 00:47:35,886 and I'll sweep down from the north. 1373 00:47:35,886 --> 00:47:38,488 (somber music) 1374 00:47:39,656 --> 00:47:41,625 - [Crow] Yeah, I saw "The Dead" there, 1375 00:47:41,625 --> 00:47:42,960 I saw "The Dead" there. 1376 00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:44,795 Yah, saw "The Dead" there too. 1377 00:47:46,563 --> 00:47:47,965 - [Tom] The lip-less horror. 1378 00:47:49,333 --> 00:47:50,567 - [Mike] Now I get it. 1379 00:47:50,567 --> 00:47:52,236 I don't understand a thing. 1380 00:47:53,270 --> 00:47:54,338 - [Crow] Darn. 1381 00:47:55,806 --> 00:47:58,242 - [Tom] Hey, anybody ever been to Milwaukee?! 1382 00:47:58,242 --> 00:47:59,042 (Crow chuckling) (Tom shushing) 1383 00:47:59,042 --> 00:48:00,277 - [Crow] Sorry. 1384 00:48:01,678 --> 00:48:03,847 (Mike singing "Alfred Hitchcock Presents" music) 1385 00:48:03,847 --> 00:48:06,350 (military drumming) 1386 00:48:06,350 --> 00:48:08,252 Rat-a-tat-tat. 1387 00:48:08,252 --> 00:48:12,055 Old Milkwaukee, Blatz, Hooper, Howenstein, 1388 00:48:12,055 --> 00:48:13,790 Chief Oshkosh. 1389 00:48:13,790 --> 00:48:14,958 (footsteps thumping) 1390 00:48:14,958 --> 00:48:17,060 - [Mike] They'll never know I was here. 1391 00:48:17,060 --> 00:48:20,030 (somber music) 1392 00:48:20,030 --> 00:48:21,331 - [Tom] Security, huh? 1393 00:48:21,331 --> 00:48:23,166 A very complex security system. 1394 00:48:24,635 --> 00:48:26,303 - [Mike] This is probably the most interest 1395 00:48:26,303 --> 00:48:27,804 anyone has shown in Milwaukee. 1396 00:48:29,940 --> 00:48:31,408 - [Crow] He's trying to find a map 1397 00:48:31,408 --> 00:48:34,077 to the original Cunningham house on "Happy Days." 1398 00:48:34,077 --> 00:48:36,647 (somber music) 1399 00:48:38,181 --> 00:48:40,817 - [Tom] "Camp Reject was developed to house all the losers." 1400 00:48:46,823 --> 00:48:47,758 - [Mike] Wow, this guy's hideous! 1401 00:48:47,758 --> 00:48:48,625 Oh, it's me. 1402 00:48:50,727 --> 00:48:52,763 - [Crow] Thanks to Miss Taylor's fourth grad class 1403 00:48:52,763 --> 00:48:55,732 for transcribing our secret clone notes. 1404 00:48:55,732 --> 00:48:57,601 - [Tom] Yearbook staff, two, three. 1405 00:49:00,070 --> 00:49:02,339 - [Mike] They don't need to know this about me. 1406 00:49:03,740 --> 00:49:05,075 - [Crow] Maybe the ear clip is to trace 1407 00:49:05,075 --> 00:49:06,977 his migratory patterns? 1408 00:49:06,977 --> 00:49:08,278 (footsteps thumping) 1409 00:49:08,278 --> 00:49:10,347 - [Mike] Black helicopter, Roswell, 1410 00:49:10,347 --> 00:49:14,084 Area 51, Waco, formula for Coca-Cola. 1411 00:49:14,084 --> 00:49:17,254 (foreboding music) 1412 00:49:17,254 --> 00:49:19,723 - [Crow] Ah, here it is, "Parts: The Clonus Horror." 1413 00:49:19,723 --> 00:49:21,024 Should explain everything. 1414 00:49:22,392 --> 00:49:24,194 - [Tom] I have been wanting to read this book. 1415 00:49:26,196 --> 00:49:28,532 - [Mike] Great, someone taped "Models Inc." 1416 00:49:28,532 --> 00:49:30,300 (chuckling) 1417 00:49:30,300 --> 00:49:32,002 - [Crow] Uh, the network's down. 1418 00:49:32,002 --> 00:49:33,837 - [Tom] Yeah, I tried that. 1419 00:49:33,837 --> 00:49:35,539 - [Mike] Well, I'm not waiting up. 1420 00:49:38,575 --> 00:49:41,712 (foreboding music) 1421 00:49:41,712 --> 00:49:44,114 - [Tom] Good morning, Mr. Lump. 1422 00:49:44,114 --> 00:49:46,583 - [Narrator] Each cell in the human body contains-- 1423 00:49:46,583 --> 00:49:47,417 - [Mike] Hi. 1424 00:49:47,417 --> 00:49:48,852 - [Crow] Hi. 1425 00:49:48,852 --> 00:49:50,253 - [Narrator] It is these chromosomes, 1426 00:49:50,253 --> 00:49:51,955 one set from each parent, 1427 00:49:51,955 --> 00:49:54,291 that determine who and how we are. 1428 00:49:54,291 --> 00:49:55,826 - [Mike] Mom, I'm watching cartoons. 1429 00:49:55,826 --> 00:49:57,527 - [Narrator] Genetic roadmaps. 1430 00:49:57,527 --> 00:50:01,131 The process of reproduction finds a sperm cell 1431 00:50:01,131 --> 00:50:02,265 and an egg cell. 1432 00:50:02,265 --> 00:50:03,533 - [Crow] Excuse me. 1433 00:50:03,533 --> 00:50:04,768 Excuse me, please. 1434 00:50:04,768 --> 00:50:05,969 Excuse me, trying to get through. 1435 00:50:05,969 --> 00:50:07,637 - [Narrator] Joining and reproducing. 1436 00:50:07,637 --> 00:50:09,106 - [Tom] We've been hit! 1437 00:50:09,106 --> 00:50:10,741 - [Narrator] The cell is complete, 1438 00:50:10,741 --> 00:50:12,442 resulting in a separate organism 1439 00:50:12,442 --> 00:50:14,244 that shares the traits of its parents. 1440 00:50:14,244 --> 00:50:16,046 - [Mike] Mr. Mutant and Mrs. Freak. 1441 00:50:16,046 --> 00:50:17,748 - [Narrator] In 1931, 1442 00:50:17,748 --> 00:50:20,517 we successfully removed the nucleus of a female-- 1443 00:50:20,517 --> 00:50:21,752 - [Crow] Hey! 1444 00:50:21,752 --> 00:50:23,587 What's the idea, I was using that. 1445 00:50:23,587 --> 00:50:24,921 - [Narrator] The replacement nucleus, 1446 00:50:24,921 --> 00:50:26,757 which contained two sets of chromosomes-- 1447 00:50:26,757 --> 00:50:27,591 - [Tom] Duh. 1448 00:50:27,591 --> 00:50:29,159 Duh, duh. 1449 00:50:29,159 --> 00:50:31,128 Duh, duh, duh. 1450 00:50:31,128 --> 00:50:33,330 - [Narrator] Resulting in a second organism 1451 00:50:33,330 --> 00:50:35,832 exact in every respect to the first. 1452 00:50:35,832 --> 00:50:37,367 - [Mike] And butts were born. 1453 00:50:37,367 --> 00:50:39,669 - [Narrator] This process has come to be called "cloning." 1454 00:50:39,669 --> 00:50:40,937 - [Tom] Duh, duh, duh, duh. 1455 00:50:40,937 --> 00:50:42,172 - [Narrator] Armed with this technology 1456 00:50:42,172 --> 00:50:43,774 and unlimited funding, 1457 00:50:43,774 --> 00:50:46,176 we established "Clonus." (Crow laughing) 1458 00:50:46,176 --> 00:50:48,044 Isolated and secure, 1459 00:50:48,044 --> 00:50:50,614 Clonus is a breeder facility for clones. 1460 00:50:50,614 --> 00:50:52,182 - [Crow] Secret. 1461 00:50:52,182 --> 00:50:54,050 - [Narrator] Each a unique duplicate of a counterpart 1462 00:50:54,050 --> 00:50:56,887 either domestic or international. 1463 00:50:56,887 --> 00:50:58,455 - [Crow] And the food! 1464 00:50:58,455 --> 00:51:00,223 - [Narrator] One of the most serious problems encountered 1465 00:51:00,223 --> 00:51:02,692 was the suppression of individuality. 1466 00:51:02,692 --> 00:51:05,829 This problem proved temporary as medical technicians 1467 00:51:05,829 --> 00:51:07,831 learned that through simple lobotomies... 1468 00:51:07,831 --> 00:51:09,266 - [Crow] Ow. 1469 00:51:09,266 --> 00:51:10,300 - [Narrator] These clones could be made benign 1470 00:51:10,300 --> 00:51:11,334 and cooperative. 1471 00:51:11,334 --> 00:51:12,469 - [Mike] I like mittens. 1472 00:51:12,469 --> 00:51:13,937 (footsteps thumping) 1473 00:51:13,937 --> 00:51:16,706 - [Narrator] Further research led to the perfection of-- 1474 00:51:16,706 --> 00:51:17,641 - [Crow] Well that was a waste. 1475 00:51:17,641 --> 00:51:19,709 I didn't find out a thing. 1476 00:51:19,709 --> 00:51:21,044 - [Tom] Convenient he happened in to 1477 00:51:21,044 --> 00:51:22,579 the Department of Backstory. 1478 00:51:24,247 --> 00:51:26,917 (ominous music) 1479 00:51:28,585 --> 00:51:30,454 - [Mike] No one's guarding my father! 1480 00:51:32,656 --> 00:51:34,691 - [Crow] He's a renegade mime. 1481 00:51:34,691 --> 00:51:35,525 - [Tom] Okay. 1482 00:51:36,993 --> 00:51:38,595 I should be in Milwaukee by now. 1483 00:51:41,465 --> 00:51:43,099 - [Crow] "Chariots of Puss." 1484 00:51:44,601 --> 00:51:46,703 - [Mike] Trot, trot for my life. 1485 00:51:49,606 --> 00:51:50,807 - [Tom] Just his luck, 1486 00:51:50,807 --> 00:51:51,942 he's gonna get killed by Merv Griffin. 1487 00:51:54,311 --> 00:51:56,213 - [Jameson] Dr. Nelson, hold that elevator! 1488 00:51:56,213 --> 00:51:58,181 - [Mike] I can't, it's too big. 1489 00:51:58,181 --> 00:51:58,982 - [Crow] Nelson. 1490 00:52:01,084 --> 00:52:03,019 And he bumps right into Bruce Willis. 1491 00:52:05,388 --> 00:52:07,424 (bell ringing) 1492 00:52:07,424 --> 00:52:09,493 - [Tom] I think Yoshi parked up on seven. 1493 00:52:11,995 --> 00:52:14,998 - [Mike] Boy, the water's really good today. 1494 00:52:14,998 --> 00:52:17,467 - [Nelson] You got here early this morning, Dr. Jameson. 1495 00:52:17,467 --> 00:52:18,401 - I had to. 1496 00:52:18,401 --> 00:52:19,669 - [Tom] Rode in with Endora. 1497 00:52:19,669 --> 00:52:21,238 - A lot to do. 1498 00:52:21,238 --> 00:52:24,341 - [Crow] Ride the elevator ride at Six Flags Over Texas! 1499 00:52:24,341 --> 00:52:26,943 (Tom groaning) 1500 00:52:28,645 --> 00:52:31,147 (Tom gagging) 1501 00:52:35,185 --> 00:52:37,721 - [Mike] You going to Applebee's for Karen's birthday lunch? 1502 00:52:37,721 --> 00:52:39,022 - [Tom] I suppose we have to. 1503 00:52:39,022 --> 00:52:40,457 (Mike groaning) 1504 00:52:40,457 --> 00:52:41,758 - [Crow] This is what happens when Ottis Elevator 1505 00:52:41,758 --> 00:52:42,792 sponsors a movie. 1506 00:52:44,761 --> 00:52:46,029 Hey, hey, stop it! 1507 00:52:46,029 --> 00:52:48,832 - [Mike] Ah, don't do that. 1508 00:52:48,832 --> 00:52:50,667 - [Tom] Bill Muscleman, Private I. 1509 00:52:50,667 --> 00:52:51,968 - This is Davis in records. 1510 00:52:51,968 --> 00:52:53,870 There's something wrong, we've been busted into. 1511 00:52:53,870 --> 00:52:55,772 Sound the alert. 1512 00:52:55,772 --> 00:52:58,308 - [Mike] I hope he never becomes the naked prey. 1513 00:52:58,308 --> 00:52:59,743 - [Tom] Yeah. 1514 00:52:59,743 --> 00:53:01,177 (alarm buzzing) 1515 00:53:01,177 --> 00:53:02,112 - [Mike] You turn the light on. 1516 00:53:02,112 --> 00:53:03,413 That's why you're my assistant. 1517 00:53:03,413 --> 00:53:05,115 - [Crow] He didn't fluff! 1518 00:53:05,115 --> 00:53:06,349 - I don't care what it takes. 1519 00:53:06,349 --> 00:53:08,084 We gotta find it and get that tape! 1520 00:53:09,252 --> 00:53:10,520 - What'd they say? 1521 00:53:10,520 --> 00:53:11,321 (Tom singing "Mario Bros." theme music) 1522 00:53:11,321 --> 00:53:11,922 - They'll find it. 1523 00:53:13,557 --> 00:53:14,391 What're you worried about? 1524 00:53:14,391 --> 00:53:15,325 It can't get away. 1525 00:53:16,993 --> 00:53:20,564 (foreboding music) 1526 00:53:20,564 --> 00:53:23,166 (Tom growling) 1527 00:53:24,367 --> 00:53:27,938 (Crow whimpering) 1528 00:53:27,938 --> 00:53:29,606 - [Crow] It's the map of the shopping district 1529 00:53:29,606 --> 00:53:30,640 in Des Plaines. 1530 00:53:30,640 --> 00:53:33,209 (Mike chuckling) 1531 00:53:33,209 --> 00:53:35,979 (Tom whimpering) 1532 00:53:39,916 --> 00:53:43,253 - [Mike] A member of Mummenschanz is on the lamb. 1533 00:53:43,253 --> 00:53:44,788 - Oh, they're watching the "Mondrian" channel. 1534 00:53:44,788 --> 00:53:47,390 (Tom giggling) 1535 00:53:48,258 --> 00:53:50,760 (Mike whimpering) 1536 00:53:50,760 --> 00:53:53,530 (exciting music) 1537 00:53:57,100 --> 00:54:00,604 - [Tom] Maybe have to rethink their $11 security budget. 1538 00:54:00,604 --> 00:54:01,438 - [Mike As Woody Allen] "He's running through 1539 00:54:01,438 --> 00:54:02,772 "fields of wheat." 1540 00:54:02,772 --> 00:54:03,707 - [Tom] "Wheat." 1541 00:54:03,707 --> 00:54:05,709 - [Crow] "Plenty of wheat." 1542 00:54:05,709 --> 00:54:07,844 - [Crow] Lou Rawls is "The Equalizer." 1543 00:54:10,180 --> 00:54:11,281 - [Tom] Kind of a weird biathlon. 1544 00:54:11,281 --> 00:54:12,115 (gunshot booming) 1545 00:54:12,115 --> 00:54:13,717 Ow. 1546 00:54:13,717 --> 00:54:15,952 - [Crow] The bullets caused the Kettle Moraine. 1547 00:54:18,555 --> 00:54:20,890 - [Mike] I feel disappointment that I was shot. 1548 00:54:23,827 --> 00:54:25,395 - [Tom] There, there's the flavor! 1549 00:54:27,897 --> 00:54:30,267 - [Crow] Let's get our trained gnats after him! 1550 00:54:31,735 --> 00:54:34,738 - [Mike] Gentlemen, we have a soft, lumpy target search. 1551 00:54:34,738 --> 00:54:37,474 (suspenseful music) 1552 00:54:37,474 --> 00:54:39,209 - [Guide] He's been hit but not stopped. 1553 00:54:39,209 --> 00:54:41,077 He's headed toward the outer perimeter. 1554 00:54:43,046 --> 00:54:44,314 - [Tom] Pew, "ow." 1555 00:54:44,314 --> 00:54:45,448 Pew, "ow." 1556 00:54:45,448 --> 00:54:47,017 Pew, "ow." 1557 00:54:47,017 --> 00:54:47,851 Pew, "ow." 1558 00:54:49,119 --> 00:54:49,953 Pew. 1559 00:54:52,088 --> 00:54:53,657 - [Mike] I'm starting to think Peter Graves 1560 00:54:53,657 --> 00:54:55,625 didn't invest much time in this movie. 1561 00:54:57,027 --> 00:54:59,329 - [Crow] Oh, he jumped right into the soylent green factory. 1562 00:54:59,329 --> 00:55:00,797 - [Jameson] He's over the fence! 1563 00:55:00,797 --> 00:55:01,631 Damn it! 1564 00:55:01,631 --> 00:55:03,099 (computer beeping) 1565 00:55:03,099 --> 00:55:05,669 - [Tom] Would you stop playing pong back there please? 1566 00:55:07,504 --> 00:55:08,438 - Mr. Walker! 1567 00:55:08,438 --> 00:55:09,239 - [Mike] Mr. Texas Ranger. 1568 00:55:09,239 --> 00:55:10,540 - A clone has escaped. 1569 00:55:11,608 --> 00:55:12,776 - [Tom] Pew, "ow." 1570 00:55:12,776 --> 00:55:13,610 Pew, "ow." 1571 00:55:13,610 --> 00:55:15,078 Pew, woo, "ow." 1572 00:55:15,078 --> 00:55:18,014 Pew, "ow." 1573 00:55:18,014 --> 00:55:18,915 Pew, "ow." 1574 00:55:18,915 --> 00:55:20,183 (Mike laughing) Pew, "ow." 1575 00:55:20,183 --> 00:55:21,351 Pew. 1576 00:55:21,351 --> 00:55:22,552 - [Crow] He's taking a lot of hits. 1577 00:55:22,552 --> 00:55:24,054 (foreboding music) 1578 00:55:24,054 --> 00:55:26,523 Oh, I bet they're filming a truck commercial up there. 1579 00:55:27,924 --> 00:55:30,126 - [Mike] Look how many time a coyote fell off that. 1580 00:55:32,429 --> 00:55:35,565 - [Crow] I am Kurock. (whining) 1581 00:55:35,565 --> 00:55:37,400 - [Tom] Wow, this is one tough hole. 1582 00:55:40,003 --> 00:55:40,837 Do you think? 1583 00:55:40,837 --> 00:55:41,771 - [Crow] Do it! 1584 00:55:41,771 --> 00:55:42,806 - Yes! Jump! - Jump! 1585 00:55:42,806 --> 00:55:43,540 - Jump, do it, come on! - Come on! 1586 00:55:43,540 --> 00:55:44,374 You want to! 1587 00:55:44,374 --> 00:55:45,942 - [Tom] Yes! 1588 00:55:45,942 --> 00:55:47,143 - [Crow] Jump! 1589 00:55:47,143 --> 00:55:49,212 - [Mike] He walked right into Golan Heights. 1590 00:55:50,847 --> 00:55:52,982 - [Crow] Think how many new things there are out there 1591 00:55:52,982 --> 00:55:54,651 for him to not understand. 1592 00:55:56,052 --> 00:55:58,555 - [Tom] I'm dreaming about Pep Club. 1593 00:55:58,555 --> 00:56:00,623 - [Mike] I hope I get the part of Chrissy. 1594 00:56:00,623 --> 00:56:03,193 (Crow snoring) 1595 00:56:06,296 --> 00:56:08,164 - [Crow] You're late for Econ! 1596 00:56:08,164 --> 00:56:09,299 - What's the matter? 1597 00:56:09,299 --> 00:56:10,800 No! 1598 00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:12,969 - [Tom] You will enjoy our free continental breakfast! 1599 00:56:12,969 --> 00:56:14,771 - [Mike] He blends right in with the dimwitted, 1600 00:56:14,771 --> 00:56:16,272 overly-armed southwest. 1601 00:56:16,272 --> 00:56:18,208 - [Crow] Oh, the Ravenite Social Club social club. 1602 00:56:19,976 --> 00:56:22,746 - [Mike] It's the all white version of "Salaam Bombay." 1603 00:56:23,913 --> 00:56:25,381 - [Crow] This isn't exactly the naked city. 1604 00:56:25,381 --> 00:56:27,083 It's the clothing optional city. 1605 00:56:28,818 --> 00:56:30,453 - [Tom] There's gotta be a clone counseling center 1606 00:56:30,453 --> 00:56:31,621 around here somewhere. 1607 00:56:33,022 --> 00:56:34,891 - [Mike] Watch, he'll run into Chauncey Gardiner 1608 00:56:34,891 --> 00:56:37,727 coming the other way. (Tom laughing) 1609 00:56:37,727 --> 00:56:39,529 - [Tom] Hi Sanford, hi son. 1610 00:56:39,529 --> 00:56:41,731 - [Crow] Wow, the arcade's kind of under stocked. 1611 00:56:41,731 --> 00:56:43,666 - [Mike] "Don's Pinball Machine." 1612 00:56:46,269 --> 00:56:48,171 - [Crow] James Galway owns that porn theater. 1613 00:56:48,171 --> 00:56:51,641 - [Tom] "Oh, come right in and enjoy some wholesome porn." 1614 00:56:51,641 --> 00:56:55,111 (traffic commotion) 1615 00:56:55,111 --> 00:56:56,479 - [Crow] It's Juan Epstein. 1616 00:56:58,882 --> 00:56:59,883 - [Tom] Hey, Lionel. 1617 00:57:01,251 --> 00:57:03,119 - [Mike] Is that Harley Davidson or the Marlboro Man? 1618 00:57:03,119 --> 00:57:04,020 - [Crow] Can't tell. 1619 00:57:04,020 --> 00:57:04,988 That's Peter Fonda. 1620 00:57:04,988 --> 00:57:05,955 - [Tom] Gary Busey. 1621 00:57:05,955 --> 00:57:07,157 - [Mike] Malcolm Forbes. 1622 00:57:08,792 --> 00:57:10,326 - This is Unit Two. 1623 00:57:10,326 --> 00:57:11,961 I'm pursuing. 1624 00:57:11,961 --> 00:57:13,196 All right, 10-4. 1625 00:57:13,196 --> 00:57:14,731 - [Crow] This is "Then Came Bronson," over. 1626 00:57:16,132 --> 00:57:18,034 (foreboding music) 1627 00:57:18,034 --> 00:57:19,202 - [Mike] Ow, over. 1628 00:57:22,138 --> 00:57:25,241 (motor rumbling) 1629 00:57:25,241 --> 00:57:26,075 - [Tom] Pew, "ow." 1630 00:57:26,075 --> 00:57:27,443 Pew, "ow." 1631 00:57:27,443 --> 00:57:30,113 (Crow laughing) 1632 00:57:32,248 --> 00:57:33,850 - [Crow] Even though I've never seen one of these things, 1633 00:57:33,850 --> 00:57:35,351 I'm completely terrified! 1634 00:57:36,519 --> 00:57:38,822 (Tom whimpering) 1635 00:57:38,822 --> 00:57:40,323 Watch it! 1636 00:57:40,323 --> 00:57:43,159 - [Mike] Big tombstones for the big and tall man. 1637 00:57:43,159 --> 00:57:46,729 (exciting music) 1638 00:57:46,729 --> 00:57:49,532 Hey, I just wanted to tell you your zipper's down. 1639 00:57:52,769 --> 00:57:53,703 (gunshot booming) - [Tom] Ow! 1640 00:57:53,703 --> 00:57:55,004 Ow! 1641 00:57:55,004 --> 00:57:58,341 (Mike chuckling) 1642 00:57:58,341 --> 00:58:00,043 - [Mike] Hi, how are you? My name's Richard. 1643 00:58:00,043 --> 00:58:02,045 Can I borrow your bike, that's really nice of you. 1644 00:58:02,045 --> 00:58:04,380 - [Crow] Gotta get to the sculpture garden. 1645 00:58:04,380 --> 00:58:05,248 - [Boy] Hey, come back with that! 1646 00:58:05,248 --> 00:58:06,482 That's my bike! 1647 00:58:07,650 --> 00:58:10,753 - [Mike] Pacific blue afternoons. 1648 00:58:10,753 --> 00:58:13,923 - [Crow] Join us for the East LA Fun Ride. 1649 00:58:13,923 --> 00:58:16,693 (Tom whimpering) 1650 00:58:18,728 --> 00:58:22,232 - [Tom] Oh, the garbage ran in front of me! 1651 00:58:22,232 --> 00:58:24,200 - [Mike As Pee-Wee Herman] "I meant to do that." 1652 00:58:24,200 --> 00:58:25,869 - [Crow] UPS man, down! 1653 00:58:28,304 --> 00:58:29,305 - [Tom] What is he doing?! 1654 00:58:29,305 --> 00:58:30,707 - [Mike] Ew. 1655 00:58:30,707 --> 00:58:32,675 - [Crow] Stop it! No heaving, thrusting or splaying! 1656 00:58:34,043 --> 00:58:35,511 - [Mike] Honey, we got mimes. 1657 00:58:36,746 --> 00:58:39,048 - [Tom] You wanna of them perverts? 1658 00:58:39,048 --> 00:58:40,183 - Hey, fella. 1659 00:58:40,183 --> 00:58:41,651 - [Crow] Go suck someone else's garbage. 1660 00:58:41,651 --> 00:58:44,320 - You've been through some really heavy scenes. 1661 00:58:44,320 --> 00:58:45,555 Come on, I'll give you a hand. 1662 00:58:45,555 --> 00:58:47,056 - [Mike] Trust me, I'm Keenan Ivory Wynn. 1663 00:58:47,056 --> 00:58:48,424 - There's nothing to be afraid of. 1664 00:58:48,424 --> 00:58:50,260 Come on, I'll give you a hand. 1665 00:58:50,260 --> 00:58:52,896 Come on, you're all right, everything is fine. 1666 00:58:52,896 --> 00:58:54,130 Come on! 1667 00:58:54,130 --> 00:58:55,565 - [Tom] He talks like Ruth Gordon. 1668 00:58:55,565 --> 00:58:58,101 (Crow whining) 1669 00:58:58,101 --> 00:58:59,502 - Good Lord. 1670 00:58:59,502 --> 00:59:00,770 - [Crow] Oh boy. 1671 00:59:00,770 --> 00:59:02,105 - He isn't hurt, he had a bike accident. 1672 00:59:02,105 --> 00:59:03,373 Just get some hot water. 1673 00:59:03,373 --> 00:59:04,340 - Oh, I will. 1674 00:59:04,340 --> 00:59:05,575 Oh my gracious. 1675 00:59:05,575 --> 00:59:08,244 Take him in there, take him in the other room. 1676 00:59:08,244 --> 00:59:10,880 - [Mike As Aunt Bee] "Andy!" 1677 00:59:10,880 --> 00:59:12,282 - Sit down here. 1678 00:59:12,282 --> 00:59:13,549 Perfectly all right. 1679 00:59:13,549 --> 00:59:14,584 - [Crow] Soon as Tanta Kringle gets in here, 1680 00:59:14,584 --> 00:59:15,852 we'll get started. 1681 00:59:15,852 --> 00:59:17,987 - [Woman] There you go. 1682 00:59:17,987 --> 00:59:18,922 Oh, wow. 1683 00:59:18,922 --> 00:59:20,657 - [Richard] Can you help me? 1684 00:59:20,657 --> 00:59:22,292 They're after me 1685 00:59:22,292 --> 00:59:23,559 and I've got to find my-- 1686 00:59:23,559 --> 00:59:25,028 - Oh, hush now, here. 1687 00:59:25,028 --> 00:59:27,530 - [Tom] I'm just gonna pour ammonia in your eye. 1688 00:59:27,530 --> 00:59:30,366 - Anna will talk your leg off while she's fixing you up. 1689 00:59:31,668 --> 00:59:33,636 - He says I talk too much but I don't. 1690 00:59:34,504 --> 00:59:35,438 Oh. 1691 00:59:35,438 --> 00:59:36,773 - [Mike] You are a hunk of man. 1692 00:59:36,773 --> 00:59:39,309 - Try to get a word in edge-wise around him. 1693 00:59:39,309 --> 00:59:40,209 - What is that? 1694 00:59:40,209 --> 00:59:41,144 - What? 1695 00:59:41,144 --> 00:59:42,812 - Right there, what is that? 1696 00:59:42,812 --> 00:59:46,049 - Oh, Jake, that's an earring. 1697 00:59:46,049 --> 00:59:47,250 They're all wearing them. 1698 00:59:47,250 --> 00:59:49,152 - [Crow] That means he's a friend of Dorothy. 1699 00:59:49,152 --> 00:59:50,954 - Will you help me find my other part? 1700 00:59:50,954 --> 00:59:52,522 - [Tom] Help you find Arvo Pärt? 1701 00:59:52,522 --> 00:59:55,058 - This part you keep talking about. 1702 00:59:55,058 --> 00:59:56,893 - [Mike] Wow, that is one sexy bun. 1703 00:59:56,893 --> 00:59:58,661 - [Crow] Yeah, her hairstyle's cute too. 1704 00:59:58,661 --> 01:00:00,530 (Mike chuckling) 1705 01:00:00,530 --> 01:00:02,498 - [Tom] 53 hours of AOL?! 1706 01:00:05,802 --> 01:00:07,370 - This is your father. 1707 01:00:07,370 --> 01:00:09,205 - Let's see that. 1708 01:00:09,205 --> 01:00:10,039 Let's see it. 1709 01:00:10,039 --> 01:00:10,907 - All right, dear! 1710 01:00:10,907 --> 01:00:11,808 - I would like to. 1711 01:00:11,808 --> 01:00:13,009 - [Crow] Good improv. 1712 01:00:13,009 --> 01:00:14,010 - [Richard] I don't know who he is. 1713 01:00:14,010 --> 01:00:15,979 I only know I'm his clone. 1714 01:00:15,979 --> 01:00:16,813 - Clone? 1715 01:00:17,981 --> 01:00:19,482 Clone, now where have I heard that? 1716 01:00:19,482 --> 01:00:20,850 Clone. 1717 01:00:20,850 --> 01:00:21,951 Oh, I just-- 1718 01:00:21,951 --> 01:00:23,152 - [Tom] Well. 1719 01:00:23,152 --> 01:00:24,887 - Jake, do you know what a clone is? 1720 01:00:24,887 --> 01:00:27,090 - Just keep quiet for a moment, will you, Anna? 1721 01:00:27,090 --> 01:00:29,125 - Everybody knows what a clone is. 1722 01:00:29,125 --> 01:00:32,562 Let me see, I was reading in the Digest the other day. 1723 01:00:32,562 --> 01:00:33,763 - [Crow] Think. 1724 01:00:33,763 --> 01:00:34,697 - [Anna] And there was an article about-- 1725 01:00:34,697 --> 01:00:35,598 - [Jake] Anna, would you just-- 1726 01:00:35,598 --> 01:00:36,866 - [Anna] Tadpoles! 1727 01:00:36,866 --> 01:00:38,801 - Look, I broke into the main building. 1728 01:00:38,801 --> 01:00:42,038 I got that paper and the records of all my friends. 1729 01:00:42,038 --> 01:00:43,272 You know what they're trying to do? 1730 01:00:43,272 --> 01:00:44,874 I can prove they're trying to kill-- 1731 01:00:44,874 --> 01:00:46,409 - Sonny, sonny, please. 1732 01:00:46,409 --> 01:00:47,977 Just keep it down. 1733 01:00:47,977 --> 01:00:49,212 - [Tom] All the double-wides in LA, 1734 01:00:49,212 --> 01:00:51,647 he hold up with "The Lockhorns." 1735 01:00:51,647 --> 01:00:52,849 - The place. 1736 01:00:52,849 --> 01:00:55,218 - [Mike] A face inspired by a tuna melt. 1737 01:00:55,218 --> 01:00:56,486 - Clonus. 1738 01:00:56,486 --> 01:00:58,354 - [Crow] Oh, the horror down the street, sure. 1739 01:00:58,354 --> 01:01:00,523 - I'm going to help you find your father. 1740 01:01:01,624 --> 01:01:03,159 Now, I'm a newspaper reporter. 1741 01:01:03,159 --> 01:01:04,160 - He's retired. 1742 01:01:04,160 --> 01:01:06,162 Forced to at 65! 1743 01:01:06,162 --> 01:01:08,531 - I am a newspaper reporter! 1744 01:01:08,531 --> 01:01:10,366 You don't have to tell me right now who shot you. 1745 01:01:10,366 --> 01:01:13,770 - Yes, well you just leave him be, will you, Jake?! 1746 01:01:13,770 --> 01:01:15,271 Now, let's look at this address. 1747 01:01:15,271 --> 01:01:17,940 - [Mike] Keenan Wynn is Jack Perkins as Mr. Food. 1748 01:01:17,940 --> 01:01:19,575 - Well, I can tell him how to get there. 1749 01:01:19,575 --> 01:01:21,177 - No you can't tell him how to get there, 1750 01:01:21,177 --> 01:01:23,379 you're going with him, right now! 1751 01:01:23,379 --> 01:01:24,213 - Anna. 1752 01:01:24,213 --> 01:01:25,481 - What? 1753 01:01:25,481 --> 01:01:26,682 - [Crow] If you weren't pregnant, I'd leave you. 1754 01:01:26,682 --> 01:01:27,884 - Don't you think he's maybe a little... 1755 01:01:27,884 --> 01:01:30,319 (Crow whimpering like a puppy) 1756 01:01:30,319 --> 01:01:32,221 - Won't you take me to find my other part? 1757 01:01:32,221 --> 01:01:35,191 ♪ Won't you take me to find my other part ♪ 1758 01:01:35,191 --> 01:01:36,025 - We will! 1759 01:01:37,527 --> 01:01:38,795 - [Richard] Will you take me now? 1760 01:01:38,795 --> 01:01:40,029 - [Tom] Whoa! 1761 01:01:40,029 --> 01:01:41,497 - Yeah, I'll take you. 1762 01:01:41,497 --> 01:01:42,965 - Well, at last. 1763 01:01:42,965 --> 01:01:45,868 If he didn't, he'd never hear the last of it. 1764 01:01:45,868 --> 01:01:47,336 Well, don't sit there, go. 1765 01:01:47,336 --> 01:01:48,604 - I'm going! 1766 01:01:48,604 --> 01:01:50,606 I have to put on a necktie and a coat. 1767 01:01:51,808 --> 01:01:53,709 - [Crow] Do you realize how much I hate you?! 1768 01:01:53,709 --> 01:01:54,977 - Jake! 1769 01:01:54,977 --> 01:01:57,547 (upbeat music) 1770 01:02:01,417 --> 01:02:02,518 - [All] Whoa! 1771 01:02:03,619 --> 01:02:04,687 - [Mike] Oh, why? 1772 01:02:07,523 --> 01:02:08,791 - [Crow] "Agua." 1773 01:02:08,791 --> 01:02:10,693 - "Once we killed with stone clubs." 1774 01:02:10,693 --> 01:02:11,961 - [Crow] Richard Harris as Robert Bly. 1775 01:02:11,961 --> 01:02:14,063 - "Now we kill with atomic bombs." 1776 01:02:15,131 --> 01:02:15,965 Period. 1777 01:02:17,133 --> 01:02:18,267 Paragraph. 1778 01:02:18,267 --> 01:02:19,202 - [Mike] And erase it all. 1779 01:02:19,202 --> 01:02:21,070 - Are you through yet? 1780 01:02:21,070 --> 01:02:22,271 - Why, do I bore you? 1781 01:02:22,271 --> 01:02:23,639 - Today, yes. 1782 01:02:23,639 --> 01:02:24,874 - [Tom] Everyday, yes. 1783 01:02:24,874 --> 01:02:26,542 - What about the idea of taking today off? 1784 01:02:26,542 --> 01:02:28,144 No dull philosophy for you 1785 01:02:28,144 --> 01:02:31,047 and no boring speech writing for me. 1786 01:02:31,047 --> 01:02:33,149 - You bored campaigning with your Uncle Jeff? 1787 01:02:33,149 --> 01:02:35,451 - [Crow] Mark Spitz and Michael Caine at home. 1788 01:02:37,453 --> 01:02:39,055 - [Mike] Oh no, no, no, oh. 1789 01:02:39,055 --> 01:02:39,922 - [Crow] Oh boy. 1790 01:02:39,922 --> 01:02:40,756 Stay. 1791 01:02:40,756 --> 01:02:42,592 - [Tom] Don't. 1792 01:02:42,592 --> 01:02:45,194 - [Mike] Oh, we've found it, this is the horror. 1793 01:02:45,194 --> 01:02:47,463 - [Tom] Stop it! What have we ever done to you? 1794 01:02:48,664 --> 01:02:51,634 - And you try to blind those who cannot see. 1795 01:02:51,634 --> 01:02:53,269 - [Crow] With your shrink-wrapped batch. 1796 01:02:53,269 --> 01:02:55,104 - That's a good line. 1797 01:02:55,104 --> 01:02:56,405 Using that in the class? 1798 01:02:56,405 --> 01:02:58,241 - [Tom] A bad version of "Prick Up Your Ears." 1799 01:02:58,241 --> 01:02:59,175 - Who's red? 1800 01:02:59,175 --> 01:03:00,209 - Me. - Excuse me. 1801 01:03:00,209 --> 01:03:02,378 I beg your pardon. 1802 01:03:02,378 --> 01:03:03,779 Mr. Richard Knight? 1803 01:03:03,779 --> 01:03:04,981 - Yes. 1804 01:03:04,981 --> 01:03:05,915 - [Crow] The neighbors have got together 1805 01:03:05,915 --> 01:03:07,016 and bought your friend a robe. 1806 01:03:07,016 --> 01:03:08,484 - Richard Patrick Knight? 1807 01:03:08,484 --> 01:03:10,486 - [Richard] You have the advantage on me. 1808 01:03:10,486 --> 01:03:11,654 - I'm sorry. 1809 01:03:11,654 --> 01:03:13,289 My name is Jake Noble. 1810 01:03:13,289 --> 01:03:14,891 - [Mike] Napoleon imitator. 1811 01:03:14,891 --> 01:03:17,693 - I wonder if I could talk to you in private. 1812 01:03:17,693 --> 01:03:18,961 - This is my son, Rick. 1813 01:03:18,961 --> 01:03:20,796 We can certainly speak in front of him. 1814 01:03:20,796 --> 01:03:21,731 What is it that you want? 1815 01:03:21,731 --> 01:03:22,665 - [Tom] To cover his parts. 1816 01:03:22,665 --> 01:03:24,000 - Oh, I have your other son. 1817 01:03:24,000 --> 01:03:26,369 - Other son, what're you talking about? 1818 01:03:26,369 --> 01:03:28,337 What other son? 1819 01:03:28,337 --> 01:03:29,472 - The one who was shot. 1820 01:03:30,606 --> 01:03:32,308 The one who keeps talking about Clonus. 1821 01:03:33,776 --> 01:03:35,444 - Look, Mr. Noble, I don't know who you are, 1822 01:03:35,444 --> 01:03:36,946 I don't know what you want 1823 01:03:36,946 --> 01:03:38,981 but I've got a lot of work to do and my son, here-- 1824 01:03:38,981 --> 01:03:40,216 - He's right outside. 1825 01:03:40,216 --> 01:03:41,150 - [Crow] Let's show him what he's won. 1826 01:03:41,150 --> 01:03:42,552 - But I don't have another son. 1827 01:03:42,552 --> 01:03:43,386 - Oh, really? 1828 01:03:44,554 --> 01:03:46,122 Well then how do you explain this? 1829 01:03:47,290 --> 01:03:49,125 - [Mike] I got out of my car seat. 1830 01:03:49,125 --> 01:03:51,327 Oh, and you need to change me again. 1831 01:03:52,695 --> 01:03:54,263 - What is this, a joke? 1832 01:03:54,263 --> 01:03:57,133 - [Tom] Are you a clown, do you amuse me? 1833 01:03:57,133 --> 01:03:58,267 - [Mike] Another Scott Baio. 1834 01:03:58,267 --> 01:03:59,068 - [Tom] Wow! 1835 01:04:01,504 --> 01:04:04,407 - [Crow] Did the guys at the office set this up? 1836 01:04:04,407 --> 01:04:06,008 - Who are you? 1837 01:04:06,008 --> 01:04:07,443 - I'm you, Mr. Knight. 1838 01:04:07,443 --> 01:04:08,978 I'm your clone. 1839 01:04:08,978 --> 01:04:11,414 - [Tom] Oh, that's right, I ordered one and forgot. 1840 01:04:11,414 --> 01:04:14,717 (ominous music) 1841 01:04:14,717 --> 01:04:15,718 - [Walker] Don't tell me that. 1842 01:04:15,718 --> 01:04:17,386 - [Crow] It's dirty. 1843 01:04:17,386 --> 01:04:19,021 - [Walker] Damn it, why am I paying you 1844 01:04:19,021 --> 01:04:20,723 all of this money for security? 1845 01:04:20,723 --> 01:04:22,391 I don't care what it takes. 1846 01:04:22,391 --> 01:04:23,893 - [Mike] We should get cubicles. 1847 01:04:23,893 --> 01:04:27,163 - [Walker] If you can't handle it, I've got people who can. 1848 01:04:27,163 --> 01:04:29,432 Now I don't have to remind you what could happen to you 1849 01:04:29,432 --> 01:04:31,901 if that tape got into the wrong hands, do I? 1850 01:04:31,901 --> 01:04:32,902 - [Jameson] No, sir. 1851 01:04:33,803 --> 01:04:34,837 - [Walker] Well do I? 1852 01:04:34,837 --> 01:04:35,671 - [Jameson] No, sir. 1853 01:04:35,671 --> 01:04:36,505 - [Tom] Well do I? 1854 01:04:36,505 --> 01:04:37,740 - [Mike] No, sir. 1855 01:04:37,740 --> 01:04:39,208 - [Walker] I knew you'd see it my way. 1856 01:04:40,409 --> 01:04:41,310 - [Crow] I thought it was skin cream 1857 01:04:41,310 --> 01:04:42,612 but it was Elmer's Glue. 1858 01:04:44,380 --> 01:04:47,350 - [TV Narrator] An ongoing and self-supporting institution 1859 01:04:47,350 --> 01:04:49,352 of service and research. 1860 01:04:49,352 --> 01:04:51,187 - [Mike] At Oral Roberts University. 1861 01:04:51,187 --> 01:04:52,655 - That's incredible. 1862 01:04:52,655 --> 01:04:54,924 - Difficult to believe is more like it. 1863 01:04:54,924 --> 01:04:56,425 - [Tom] Will you wipe me, clone daddy? 1864 01:04:56,425 --> 01:04:57,293 - Get up! 1865 01:04:58,794 --> 01:05:00,630 - [Jake] What're you doing? 1866 01:05:00,630 --> 01:05:01,831 - [Mike] Oh. 1867 01:05:01,831 --> 01:05:03,366 - [Old Richard] He is a clone, my clone! 1868 01:05:03,366 --> 01:05:05,701 - [Crow] Ugh, like the movie wasn't horrible enough?! 1869 01:05:05,701 --> 01:05:08,437 - Someone took bits of you and created a duplicate. 1870 01:05:10,740 --> 01:05:12,742 - [Mike] Are you mad at me, clone daddy? 1871 01:05:13,709 --> 01:05:14,710 - Damned if I know. 1872 01:05:16,112 --> 01:05:17,747 - Now this place you keep talking about, Clonus. 1873 01:05:17,747 --> 01:05:19,348 - [Tom] Is there a bar? 1874 01:05:19,348 --> 01:05:21,684 - Is everybody from there a clone? 1875 01:05:21,684 --> 01:05:23,185 - No, they're all my friends 1876 01:05:23,185 --> 01:05:26,889 and then there are the guides and the doctors 1877 01:05:26,889 --> 01:05:28,958 and that's all I've ever seen on Clonus. 1878 01:05:28,958 --> 01:05:30,293 - Why? 1879 01:05:30,293 --> 01:05:33,062 Why Clonus and who's doing it? 1880 01:05:34,063 --> 01:05:35,097 - [Ricky] Where is Clonus? 1881 01:05:35,097 --> 01:05:36,732 - I don't know! 1882 01:05:36,732 --> 01:05:38,134 I am confused! 1883 01:05:38,134 --> 01:05:39,268 - [Crow] Put me in my Johnny Jump Up! 1884 01:05:39,268 --> 01:05:41,404 - I ran a long ways. 1885 01:05:42,872 --> 01:05:44,140 And then I came up to the boulders and I looked down 1886 01:05:44,140 --> 01:05:45,841 and this is what I saw. 1887 01:05:45,841 --> 01:05:47,543 - If he escape from Clonus. 1888 01:05:47,543 --> 01:05:49,011 - [Crow] Yeah. 1889 01:05:49,011 --> 01:05:51,547 - Somebody is probably looking for him right now. 1890 01:05:51,547 --> 01:05:52,748 Jake? 1891 01:05:52,748 --> 01:05:53,549 - [Mike] A nice roast beef sandwich 1892 01:05:53,549 --> 01:05:55,251 with horseradish on it. 1893 01:05:56,485 --> 01:05:57,820 - Well I hope you're right. 1894 01:05:57,820 --> 01:05:59,722 - [Tom] Do you cry a lot, clone daddy? 1895 01:05:59,722 --> 01:06:02,191 - We better proceed as if nobody, 1896 01:06:02,191 --> 01:06:04,327 nobody else knows you exist 1897 01:06:04,327 --> 01:06:05,628 or where you are. 1898 01:06:05,628 --> 01:06:07,129 - Professor. 1899 01:06:07,129 --> 01:06:09,298 You know that tip will blow the lid off of everything? 1900 01:06:09,298 --> 01:06:10,766 - [Crow] Speaking of, where's the bathroom? 1901 01:06:10,766 --> 01:06:12,568 - [Ricky] Yeah but what're we gonna do with it 1902 01:06:12,568 --> 01:06:13,436 in the meantime? 1903 01:06:13,436 --> 01:06:14,370 - I'll take it home. 1904 01:06:14,370 --> 01:06:15,638 - [Ricky] You? 1905 01:06:15,638 --> 01:06:16,572 - [Mike] I'm gonna tape golf over it. 1906 01:06:16,572 --> 01:06:18,674 - I know where to keep it. 1907 01:06:18,674 --> 01:06:19,842 - That's good. 1908 01:06:19,842 --> 01:06:22,545 Rick, is Jeff at home? 1909 01:06:22,545 --> 01:06:23,479 - Sure. 1910 01:06:23,479 --> 01:06:24,580 (Mike, Tom and Crow laughing) 1911 01:06:24,580 --> 01:06:26,716 - Fine, I wanna speak to Jeff 1912 01:06:26,716 --> 01:06:27,950 and meet him somewhere. 1913 01:06:27,950 --> 01:06:29,118 This whole thing is probably something 1914 01:06:29,118 --> 01:06:30,820 the public is not supposed to know about. 1915 01:06:30,820 --> 01:06:33,656 Jeff may have heard of this place, Clonus, 1916 01:06:33,656 --> 01:06:35,758 and can fill in some of the empty blanks. 1917 01:06:35,758 --> 01:06:36,959 - I don't think so, Dad, 1918 01:06:36,959 --> 01:06:38,294 because I know just about everything 1919 01:06:38,294 --> 01:06:39,195 that's going on with Jeff. 1920 01:06:39,195 --> 01:06:40,629 - [Tom] Uh-huh. 1921 01:06:40,629 --> 01:06:43,499 - Professor, are you talking about the Jeff Knight? 1922 01:06:43,499 --> 01:06:45,034 - Senator Knight's my brother. 1923 01:06:45,034 --> 01:06:46,302 - That's very interesting. 1924 01:06:46,302 --> 01:06:47,536 - Yeah, well, he'll know if anybody will 1925 01:06:47,536 --> 01:06:48,771 or know he'll know how to find out. 1926 01:06:48,771 --> 01:06:51,073 I'm going to try to call him. 1927 01:06:51,073 --> 01:06:54,176 - We'll go take care of everything, son. 1928 01:06:54,176 --> 01:06:56,846 - [Tom] And they all head into the closet. 1929 01:06:58,280 --> 01:06:59,949 - [Rick] Looks like you could use some new clothes. 1930 01:06:59,949 --> 01:07:01,417 Let me get you some. 1931 01:07:01,417 --> 01:07:02,618 Does your shoulder hurt? 1932 01:07:02,618 --> 01:07:04,120 - [Crow] Let me get you some boot-cut jeans, 1933 01:07:04,120 --> 01:07:05,621 some mesh cut off tees 1934 01:07:05,621 --> 01:07:07,223 and some tight cargo shorts. 1935 01:07:10,693 --> 01:07:12,361 - [Tom] Hey, short time companion. 1936 01:07:12,361 --> 01:07:13,629 - [Rick] You look so sad. 1937 01:07:15,297 --> 01:07:16,699 Everything's going to be all right. 1938 01:07:16,699 --> 01:07:17,933 - [Crow] So, you're stupid, hideous, 1939 01:07:17,933 --> 01:07:19,535 ugly and repulsive clone, so what? 1940 01:07:21,137 --> 01:07:21,971 Ugh, boy. 1941 01:07:21,971 --> 01:07:23,539 - This is not my world. 1942 01:07:23,539 --> 01:07:25,007 - [Mike] It's a marshmallow world. 1943 01:07:25,007 --> 01:07:26,642 - I am so alone here. 1944 01:07:26,642 --> 01:07:27,710 - [Tom] Well, there's the Ropers 1945 01:07:27,710 --> 01:07:29,478 and Jack Tripper downstairs. 1946 01:07:31,514 --> 01:07:32,348 - [Mike] Hello? 1947 01:07:33,582 --> 01:07:35,317 - [Crow] Grandma's back and she had Ensure. 1948 01:07:35,317 --> 01:07:36,886 - Rich, hey! 1949 01:07:36,886 --> 01:07:38,721 - [Tom] There he is. 1950 01:07:38,721 --> 01:07:39,655 - Sorry I'm late. 1951 01:07:39,655 --> 01:07:41,157 - It's okay, thanks for coming. 1952 01:07:41,157 --> 01:07:42,825 - Oh, well, you know, trying to get away from the campaign. 1953 01:07:42,825 --> 01:07:44,093 - Sorry, sorry. 1954 01:07:45,194 --> 01:07:46,629 - I hope Rick's taking the day off too. 1955 01:07:46,629 --> 01:07:47,797 - He sure is. 1956 01:07:47,797 --> 01:07:49,298 - [Tom] Peter Graves movie bookend. 1957 01:07:49,298 --> 01:07:53,269 - This supposed clone you mentioned on the telephone. 1958 01:07:53,269 --> 01:07:54,603 - [Crow] Is he cute? 1959 01:07:54,603 --> 01:07:55,738 - Where is he? 1960 01:07:55,738 --> 01:07:56,972 - My house, why? 1961 01:07:56,972 --> 01:07:57,907 - [Mike] He's need for "Biography." 1962 01:07:57,907 --> 01:08:00,376 - Well, because this is big. 1963 01:08:00,376 --> 01:08:01,410 It's really big. 1964 01:08:02,678 --> 01:08:04,780 Is the tape at your place too? 1965 01:08:04,780 --> 01:08:05,915 - How did you know about that? 1966 01:08:05,915 --> 01:08:07,883 I didn't say anything about a tape. 1967 01:08:07,883 --> 01:08:09,084 - Well, I just assumed. 1968 01:08:09,084 --> 01:08:10,319 Everything's on tape today, isn't it? 1969 01:08:10,319 --> 01:08:12,822 - No, you didn't assume, you know, didn't you? 1970 01:08:12,822 --> 01:08:15,090 - [Tom] All right, draw. 1971 01:08:15,090 --> 01:08:17,626 - [Jeff] Yeah, you saw the tape? 1972 01:08:17,626 --> 01:08:18,861 - Yeah and it's scary. 1973 01:08:18,861 --> 01:08:20,362 - [Crow] Adam Sandler's in it. 1974 01:08:21,897 --> 01:08:23,132 - All right, you know part of the story, 1975 01:08:23,132 --> 01:08:24,266 there is such a project. 1976 01:08:24,266 --> 01:08:25,968 - [Mike] On "Biography" tonight on A&E. 1977 01:08:25,968 --> 01:08:27,470 - It's still in the experimental stage. 1978 01:08:27,470 --> 01:08:29,472 - [Tom] It's called "Biography On Ice." 1979 01:08:29,472 --> 01:08:31,907 - But the fact that you know about it 1980 01:08:31,907 --> 01:08:33,843 leaves you sitting right on a keg of dynamite. 1981 01:08:33,843 --> 01:08:36,345 - [Mike] Oh, hey, and remember to watch "Biography." 1982 01:08:36,345 --> 01:08:38,180 Paul Lynde, tonight. 1983 01:08:38,180 --> 01:08:39,515 - [Crow] Climb aboard "The Monkey Business." 1984 01:08:39,515 --> 01:08:41,383 Donna Rice is waiting below deck. 1985 01:08:42,818 --> 01:08:45,721 - [Tom] We have brainstormed a lot of good biographies 1986 01:08:45,721 --> 01:08:46,555 on this baby. 1987 01:08:51,994 --> 01:08:53,429 - You're gonna find this hard to understand. 1988 01:08:53,429 --> 01:08:54,697 I know I do. 1989 01:08:54,697 --> 01:08:55,898 - [Mike] You can't be on "Biography." 1990 01:08:55,898 --> 01:08:58,133 - The whole thing is about organ transplants. 1991 01:08:58,133 --> 01:08:59,635 - What? 1992 01:08:59,635 --> 01:09:00,836 - That's right, hearts, kidneys, lungs, all that. 1993 01:09:00,836 --> 01:09:02,271 - [Crow] Thumbs, elbows, nasal hair. 1994 01:09:02,271 --> 01:09:04,373 - If a person needs an organ transplant, his clone, 1995 01:09:04,373 --> 01:09:06,675 which is an exact duplicate of him, 1996 01:09:06,675 --> 01:09:08,377 can provide him one very easily. 1997 01:09:08,377 --> 01:09:11,080 - They're used for transplants for who? 1998 01:09:11,080 --> 01:09:12,348 - Well, obviously not for everyone. 1999 01:09:12,348 --> 01:09:14,016 It wouldn't be practical or economical. 2000 01:09:14,016 --> 01:09:14,950 - [Tom] Or Republican. 2001 01:09:14,950 --> 01:09:17,119 - I see, for the select few. 2002 01:09:17,119 --> 01:09:20,022 Those the politicians decide. 2003 01:09:20,022 --> 01:09:23,792 While you try to create a master race. 2004 01:09:23,792 --> 01:09:25,961 - Consider the possibilities. 2005 01:09:25,961 --> 01:09:27,630 Supposed Einstein had lived. 2006 01:09:27,630 --> 01:09:29,865 Suppose Churchill or Roosevelt had been able to live 2007 01:09:29,865 --> 01:09:33,435 for nearly 200 years and still function for the world! 2008 01:09:33,435 --> 01:09:35,104 - Or Stalin or Hitler. 2009 01:09:35,104 --> 01:09:36,372 - [Crow] Yeah, right, exactly. 2010 01:09:36,372 --> 01:09:37,606 - Ever since we were little kids, 2011 01:09:37,606 --> 01:09:39,308 you've been doing that knight on a crusade. 2012 01:09:39,308 --> 01:09:41,143 There are a lot of things more important. 2013 01:09:41,143 --> 01:09:43,212 There is the good of the people. 2014 01:09:43,212 --> 01:09:44,613 - Good of the people?! 2015 01:09:44,613 --> 01:09:46,382 - [Tom] "Good of the people! Good of the people!" 2016 01:09:46,382 --> 01:09:47,550 (Mike laughing) 2017 01:09:47,550 --> 01:09:49,018 - He's been shot! 2018 01:09:49,018 --> 01:09:50,386 You're telling me that's for the good of the people? 2019 01:09:50,386 --> 01:09:52,521 - [Mike] Fine, then you host "Biography." 2020 01:09:52,521 --> 01:09:56,759 - Using that boy for transplants is premeditated murder. 2021 01:09:56,759 --> 01:09:59,762 Those people are being kept prisoner for a specific purpose, 2022 01:09:59,762 --> 01:10:01,630 which eventually leads to their death! 2023 01:10:01,630 --> 01:10:03,933 What happened to their human rights? 2024 01:10:03,933 --> 01:10:04,867 What? 2025 01:10:04,867 --> 01:10:05,801 - Well that's exactly the point. 2026 01:10:05,801 --> 01:10:06,969 Human rights. 2027 01:10:06,969 --> 01:10:09,305 Clones are not humans, they're things. 2028 01:10:09,305 --> 01:10:10,472 - They're people! 2029 01:10:10,472 --> 01:10:11,574 Exactly like us! 2030 01:10:11,574 --> 01:10:13,042 - No they're not. 2031 01:10:13,042 --> 01:10:14,343 If it weren't for us, they wouldn't even exist. 2032 01:10:14,343 --> 01:10:15,177 - [Tom] On "Biography." 2033 01:10:15,177 --> 01:10:16,679 - You're playing God. 2034 01:10:16,679 --> 01:10:18,180 Jeff, that's wrong! 2035 01:10:18,180 --> 01:10:20,683 - The ultimate intention is to help humanity, Rich. 2036 01:10:20,683 --> 01:10:22,785 - Then why keep it a secret? 2037 01:10:22,785 --> 01:10:24,053 - Because as soon as the word got out, 2038 01:10:24,053 --> 01:10:25,521 you know what would happen, 2039 01:10:25,521 --> 01:10:27,756 people would start yelling "corruption and evil." 2040 01:10:27,756 --> 01:10:29,458 They'd condemn the idea of immortality 2041 01:10:29,458 --> 01:10:30,759 as being against the purpose of creation. 2042 01:10:30,759 --> 01:10:31,694 (Tom mimicking ape) 2043 01:10:31,694 --> 01:10:32,861 Or some nonsense like that 2044 01:10:32,861 --> 01:10:34,063 and you know what they'd really be saying? 2045 01:10:34,063 --> 01:10:35,331 - [Mike] Bite me! 2046 01:10:35,331 --> 01:10:37,266 - "Why not me? Why can't I have one?" 2047 01:10:37,266 --> 01:10:39,068 - Now this can't be kept secret. 2048 01:10:39,068 --> 01:10:41,403 It's legally and morally wrong! 2049 01:10:41,403 --> 01:10:43,639 (rumbling) 2050 01:10:44,907 --> 01:10:47,276 (beeping) 2051 01:10:47,276 --> 01:10:49,111 (mechanical buzzing) 2052 01:10:49,111 --> 01:10:52,748 (chains rattling) 2053 01:10:52,748 --> 01:10:55,150 (thudding) 2054 01:10:55,150 --> 01:10:57,019 - Hey, what's going on down there, Mike? 2055 01:10:57,019 --> 01:11:00,322 - Well, the kids asked Mrs. Forrester a difficult question, 2056 01:11:00,322 --> 01:11:01,957 so they're having a serious talk. 2057 01:11:01,957 --> 01:11:03,325 You know, "that" talk. 2058 01:11:03,325 --> 01:11:04,293 - Ah. 2059 01:11:04,293 --> 01:11:06,462 Kirk versus Picard, huh? 2060 01:11:06,462 --> 01:11:08,497 Yeah, that's a tough one. 2061 01:11:08,497 --> 01:11:09,798 - Yeah, exactly. 2062 01:11:11,934 --> 01:11:14,536 - Oh, the facts of life. 2063 01:11:15,804 --> 01:11:18,674 Don't you kids get the "Spice Channel?" 2064 01:11:20,009 --> 01:11:23,912 - I believe it was a mediocre sitcom of the 1980s 2065 01:11:23,912 --> 01:11:25,781 starring Charlotte Rae. 2066 01:11:27,683 --> 01:11:28,517 Anyway... 2067 01:11:29,952 --> 01:11:32,021 - Now wouldn't you rather have Tanta Bobo show you 2068 01:11:32,021 --> 01:11:35,257 how to use a stick to catch some yummy, crunchy termites? 2069 01:11:35,257 --> 01:11:36,091 - No. 2070 01:11:37,159 --> 01:11:38,927 - Okay, okay, here we go then. 2071 01:11:38,927 --> 01:11:41,297 - When two brains love each other, 2072 01:11:41,297 --> 01:11:44,933 they may decide they want to share the same brain pan, 2073 01:11:44,933 --> 01:11:46,201 as it where. 2074 01:11:46,201 --> 01:11:48,537 - Every chick for herself, 2075 01:11:48,537 --> 01:11:51,707 that's the real facts of life, cookie. 2076 01:11:51,707 --> 01:11:55,244 If he wants to dance, he's gonna have to pay the band. 2077 01:11:55,244 --> 01:11:57,046 He wants to paint the house, 2078 01:11:57,046 --> 01:11:58,947 he's gonna have to buy the enamel. 2079 01:12:00,482 --> 01:12:01,517 And the primer. 2080 01:12:02,985 --> 01:12:05,220 And you still might wanna consider aluminum siding. 2081 01:12:05,220 --> 01:12:07,923 - Grandma Pearl, I don't know what you're talking about. 2082 01:12:07,923 --> 01:12:10,826 - I'm not sure I do either, darling. 2083 01:12:10,826 --> 01:12:13,262 But if he wants to sod the lawn-- 2084 01:12:13,262 --> 01:12:17,232 - Yes, lad, love is kind and tender and delicate. 2085 01:12:17,232 --> 01:12:19,201 The gentle pleasures of two people 2086 01:12:19,201 --> 01:12:21,337 connecting in love are many. 2087 01:12:22,504 --> 01:12:25,808 Love is a sort of gossamer beauty 2088 01:12:25,808 --> 01:12:27,076 and ignore it! 2089 01:12:27,076 --> 01:12:29,144 Thankfully we've moved beyond that nonsense. 2090 01:12:30,612 --> 01:12:33,348 - A really good mate's gonna be able to outrun you for a bit 2091 01:12:33,348 --> 01:12:35,617 but just grab hold of one leg and hang on tight, 2092 01:12:35,617 --> 01:12:38,554 you're gonna get kicked, that's always part of it. 2093 01:12:38,554 --> 01:12:41,056 And an advanced tool user's probably gonna nail you 2094 01:12:41,056 --> 01:12:42,324 with a few rocks. 2095 01:12:42,324 --> 01:12:43,726 And there are always rivals to fend off. 2096 01:12:43,726 --> 01:12:46,261 That's why we have the full charge. 2097 01:12:46,261 --> 01:12:48,731 Now I'm gonna demonstrate, so don't worry, don't be scared. 2098 01:12:48,731 --> 01:12:50,332 Just watch me. 2099 01:12:50,332 --> 01:12:53,102 (growling) 2100 01:12:53,102 --> 01:12:54,203 (gagging) 2101 01:12:54,203 --> 01:12:56,071 Good boy, you'll go far. 2102 01:12:57,873 --> 01:12:58,741 (chuckling) 2103 01:12:58,741 --> 01:13:01,210 (upbeat music) 2104 01:13:06,148 --> 01:13:08,150 - If I need another heart, what am I supposed to do? 2105 01:13:08,150 --> 01:13:09,852 - [Tom] I blew all my "Biography" money. 2106 01:13:09,852 --> 01:13:11,353 Went straight up my nose. 2107 01:13:11,353 --> 01:13:13,689 - That heart operation I had two years ago. 2108 01:13:13,689 --> 01:13:15,858 The heart came from my adult clone. 2109 01:13:15,858 --> 01:13:18,460 It's exactly the same as my old heart only younger 2110 01:13:18,460 --> 01:13:20,696 and stronger and without it, I wouldn't be alive today. 2111 01:13:20,696 --> 01:13:21,630 - [Mike] In fact, I'm not. 2112 01:13:21,630 --> 01:13:22,865 - My new clone is just a baby. 2113 01:13:22,865 --> 01:13:25,801 - [Rich] Now wait a minute, you have two? 2114 01:13:25,801 --> 01:13:26,969 - [Crow] Clone hog! 2115 01:13:26,969 --> 01:13:28,737 - I plan to be around a long time. 2116 01:13:28,737 --> 01:13:31,774 And, Rich, I am offering you a gift certificate to life 2117 01:13:31,774 --> 01:13:33,242 and you turn your back on me. 2118 01:13:33,242 --> 01:13:34,710 Your my brother and I love you. 2119 01:13:34,710 --> 01:13:37,179 Do you know the strings I had to pull to get you cloned? 2120 01:13:37,179 --> 01:13:39,148 - [Rich] How did they clone me without me knowing it? 2121 01:13:39,148 --> 01:13:40,082 - That's easy. 2122 01:13:40,082 --> 01:13:41,116 All it takes is one body cell. 2123 01:13:41,116 --> 01:13:42,918 It happened almost 30 years ago 2124 01:13:42,918 --> 01:13:45,120 during one of your physicals. 2125 01:13:45,120 --> 01:13:47,589 Rich, this is your chance for immortality. 2126 01:13:47,589 --> 01:13:49,358 You don't have to worry about dying 2127 01:13:49,358 --> 01:13:51,059 because there is a duplicate of you. 2128 01:13:51,059 --> 01:13:53,162 And if you don't believe it, go back and take a look 2129 01:13:53,162 --> 01:13:54,563 at that clone you have. 2130 01:13:54,563 --> 01:13:57,199 Its been conditioned for 30 years to make sure 2131 01:13:57,199 --> 01:14:00,068 that you and I stay brother for a long time. 2132 01:14:01,003 --> 01:14:02,671 - [Tom] Mom says hi, by the way. 2133 01:14:03,872 --> 01:14:06,241 - [Mike] Well, I've had my eye on a new spleen. 2134 01:14:08,243 --> 01:14:09,812 - I have to think about all this. 2135 01:14:09,812 --> 01:14:10,646 - All right. 2136 01:14:10,646 --> 01:14:12,314 All right, you do that. 2137 01:14:12,314 --> 01:14:14,149 Because there are people who will do anything 2138 01:14:14,149 --> 01:14:15,517 to make sure this is kept secret. 2139 01:14:15,517 --> 01:14:16,752 People I can't stop. 2140 01:14:16,752 --> 01:14:19,154 - Jeff, I really have to think about this. 2141 01:14:19,154 --> 01:14:21,023 Some of the things you've said are well taken. 2142 01:14:21,023 --> 01:14:22,658 (Crow and Mike laughing) 2143 01:14:22,658 --> 01:14:24,993 - All right, then you go on home, keep him there. 2144 01:14:24,993 --> 01:14:26,762 - [Mike] Nice boom mic. 2145 01:14:26,762 --> 01:14:27,996 - [Crow] I'll order you up 2146 01:14:27,996 --> 01:14:29,598 a gross of clones in the meantime. 2147 01:14:31,066 --> 01:14:32,267 - And, Rich. 2148 01:14:32,267 --> 01:14:33,101 - [Mike] Sorry I made you eat paste. 2149 01:14:33,101 --> 01:14:34,603 - Keep it capped. 2150 01:14:34,603 --> 01:14:37,372 Even I'm expendable if it means keeping Clonus alive. 2151 01:14:39,041 --> 01:14:40,309 - [Tom] So what happens if your clone 2152 01:14:40,309 --> 01:14:42,077 is a hard drinking, hard living clone? 2153 01:14:42,077 --> 01:14:45,080 - [Crow] Sorry, we need your liver to keep your clone alive. 2154 01:14:46,548 --> 01:14:48,050 Sail away! 2155 01:14:50,519 --> 01:14:52,020 - [Tom] I want my Teddy Grams. 2156 01:14:54,189 --> 01:14:55,591 - [Rich] Where is he? 2157 01:14:55,591 --> 01:14:57,492 - He's asleep and Jake went home. 2158 01:14:57,492 --> 01:14:58,327 - Ah. 2159 01:14:58,327 --> 01:14:59,261 - [Crow] Sure. 2160 01:14:59,261 --> 01:15:00,729 - What did Jeff have to say? 2161 01:15:00,729 --> 01:15:03,131 - [Mike] Well, "Biography" continues to do well. 2162 01:15:03,131 --> 01:15:05,701 - He said he'd look into it. 2163 01:15:05,701 --> 01:15:07,436 - He hadn't heard, huh? 2164 01:15:07,436 --> 01:15:09,304 (crying) - [Crow] I wet another bed. 2165 01:15:10,606 --> 01:15:13,208 - [Rick] Well, maybe we oughta call the papers. 2166 01:15:13,208 --> 01:15:16,144 - [Tom] Meatloaf sweats less than this guy. 2167 01:15:16,144 --> 01:15:17,513 - We have to help him get back. 2168 01:15:17,513 --> 01:15:18,814 He misses his girl. 2169 01:15:18,814 --> 01:15:20,015 He's just like us. 2170 01:15:20,015 --> 01:15:21,116 - [Mike] Oh, wait, that's not just like us. 2171 01:15:21,116 --> 01:15:22,117 - No he's not. 2172 01:15:22,117 --> 01:15:23,151 - [Mike] Wow. 2173 01:15:23,151 --> 01:15:24,620 - [Rich] He's a freak of nature. 2174 01:15:24,620 --> 01:15:25,654 - [Crow] Could you turn down the heat? 2175 01:15:25,654 --> 01:15:27,155 It's like 90 in here. 2176 01:15:27,155 --> 01:15:28,657 - [Rich] I'm just saying, whatever's going on 2177 01:15:28,657 --> 01:15:29,892 is out of our hands. 2178 01:15:29,892 --> 01:15:32,027 - [Tom] Can I watch "Lion King" again? 2179 01:15:32,027 --> 01:15:34,029 - No, Jeff thinks it's all a ruse. 2180 01:15:34,029 --> 01:15:36,064 Nothing to get seriously concerned about. 2181 01:15:36,064 --> 01:15:37,199 It's just something that's.... 2182 01:15:37,199 --> 01:15:38,700 (Tom slurping) 2183 01:15:38,700 --> 01:15:40,035 - If you're not gonna call the papers, 2184 01:15:40,035 --> 01:15:41,236 then I'm gonna do it. 2185 01:15:41,236 --> 01:15:42,471 - [Mike] I'm calling Michael Flatley. 2186 01:15:43,939 --> 01:15:44,840 - Damn it! 2187 01:15:44,840 --> 01:15:46,008 What is going on?! 2188 01:15:46,008 --> 01:15:46,942 (Tom laughing) 2189 01:15:46,942 --> 01:15:48,210 - [Rich] I can't tell you. 2190 01:15:48,210 --> 01:15:51,480 Honestly, son, please, now I can't tell you. 2191 01:15:51,480 --> 01:15:53,048 - [Rick] You turned him in, didn't you? 2192 01:15:53,048 --> 01:15:54,449 - [Tom] You're getting divorced because of me! 2193 01:15:54,449 --> 01:15:55,751 - Richard in, didn't you? 2194 01:15:55,751 --> 01:15:57,152 - [Crow] Sure! 2195 01:15:57,152 --> 01:15:58,654 - No, I didn't. 2196 01:15:58,654 --> 01:16:01,557 I just talked to Jeff and he told me the whole story. 2197 01:16:01,557 --> 01:16:02,958 He said do nothing 2198 01:16:02,958 --> 01:16:04,493 and he'll take care of it. 2199 01:16:06,395 --> 01:16:09,031 - [Tom] So you're not taking me to the Harlem Globetrotters. 2200 01:16:09,031 --> 01:16:12,534 (Tom whimpering) 2201 01:16:12,534 --> 01:16:15,203 (Mike laughing) 2202 01:16:16,571 --> 01:16:17,940 - All I know is you're talking crazy. 2203 01:16:17,940 --> 01:16:19,741 - [Mike] And I'm the posture prince. 2204 01:16:19,741 --> 01:16:21,410 - No I'm not. 2205 01:16:21,410 --> 01:16:23,178 - [Crow] I can't smoke chocolate, I know that now. 2206 01:16:23,178 --> 01:16:25,013 - Maybe because you're young it sounds that way. 2207 01:16:25,013 --> 01:16:27,950 But when you grow older there's a definite scheme to things. 2208 01:16:27,950 --> 01:16:28,784 You're born, 2209 01:16:28,784 --> 01:16:31,219 you run through life, 2210 01:16:31,219 --> 01:16:32,387 you wear out, 2211 01:16:33,288 --> 01:16:34,523 you die. 2212 01:16:34,523 --> 01:16:35,457 - [Tom] You have one illegitimate son. 2213 01:16:35,457 --> 01:16:39,528 Oh, dang! - So? 2214 01:16:39,528 --> 01:16:40,662 - So, 2215 01:16:40,662 --> 01:16:41,830 Clonus. 2216 01:16:41,830 --> 01:16:43,532 - [Crow] Walks into a bar and he-- 2217 01:16:43,532 --> 01:16:44,433 - I don't get it. 2218 01:16:44,433 --> 01:16:45,767 - [Tom] I'm not done. 2219 01:16:45,767 --> 01:16:50,272 - So Clonus replaces what's warn out. 2220 01:16:50,272 --> 01:16:53,342 - [Mike] Did I eat all the Kaboom or is there some left? 2221 01:16:53,342 --> 01:16:55,344 - [Rick] Have created this clone farm, 2222 01:16:55,344 --> 01:16:57,813 an organ bank, right? 2223 01:16:57,813 --> 01:16:58,747 - What's wrong? 2224 01:16:58,747 --> 01:17:00,082 - [Crow] With my line read. 2225 01:17:00,082 --> 01:17:01,650 - With wanting to live? 2226 01:17:01,650 --> 01:17:03,452 - [Tom] Nothing, unless it's you. 2227 01:17:03,452 --> 01:17:05,821 - You murder to do it. 2228 01:17:05,821 --> 01:17:07,889 - If they're not really human. 2229 01:17:07,889 --> 01:17:10,058 - [Crow] He needs to be damp mopped. 2230 01:17:10,058 --> 01:17:12,527 - [Rick] Dad, he's a human being. 2231 01:17:12,527 --> 01:17:13,495 - [Rich] No he's not. 2232 01:17:13,495 --> 01:17:15,197 - [Mike] He swallowed his lips! 2233 01:17:15,197 --> 01:17:16,031 - [Tom] Wow! 2234 01:17:17,199 --> 01:17:18,200 - No! 2235 01:17:18,200 --> 01:17:19,701 I'm just like you are! 2236 01:17:19,701 --> 01:17:21,336 - [Mike] Isn't that horrible?! 2237 01:17:23,438 --> 01:17:24,706 - [Crow] Duuuh. 2238 01:17:26,608 --> 01:17:28,710 - [Mike] Hey, a "Testosterossa." 2239 01:17:28,710 --> 01:17:30,212 - I wanna go back! 2240 01:17:30,212 --> 01:17:32,047 I have to go back. 2241 01:17:32,047 --> 01:17:33,715 - I wanna help you. 2242 01:17:33,715 --> 01:17:34,650 - No. 2243 01:17:34,650 --> 01:17:35,917 - [Tom] I just wet your car. 2244 01:17:35,917 --> 01:17:38,320 - Listen, I wanna help you get back. 2245 01:17:38,320 --> 01:17:40,389 - [Crow] I'll lend you my low-rise pants. 2246 01:17:42,457 --> 01:17:43,992 - Trust me. 2247 01:17:43,992 --> 01:17:45,761 - [Mike] Is this starting to feel funny to you too? 2248 01:17:47,129 --> 01:17:48,964 - [Tom] There's a stirring in my little clonus. 2249 01:17:50,332 --> 01:17:51,533 - [Crow] Oh, why don't you kiss him 2250 01:17:51,533 --> 01:17:53,135 instead of holding him to death?! 2251 01:17:56,071 --> 01:17:57,205 - [Mike] Now pull your top down 2252 01:17:57,205 --> 01:17:58,640 and pretend this never happened. 2253 01:17:58,640 --> 01:18:00,876 - [Tom] "Clonus: The Boys In the Band Horror." 2254 01:18:03,345 --> 01:18:04,579 - [Crow] It's official, Dad, 2255 01:18:04,579 --> 01:18:06,181 we don't know what you do for a living. 2256 01:18:06,181 --> 01:18:07,315 - You're gonna have to help us 2257 01:18:07,315 --> 01:18:08,817 or you're gonna have to kill me! 2258 01:18:08,817 --> 01:18:10,519 Because there's no way I'm gonna keep quiet about this. 2259 01:18:10,519 --> 01:18:13,355 - There's nothing I can do! 2260 01:18:13,355 --> 01:18:14,756 It's out of my hands. 2261 01:18:14,756 --> 01:18:16,491 - Didn't I hear you say just this morning 2262 01:18:16,491 --> 01:18:18,860 that we're all morally responsible for all of our acts? 2263 01:18:18,860 --> 01:18:20,796 - [Mike] Ah, you kids with your morals and your ethics 2264 01:18:20,796 --> 01:18:23,899 and your 8-track tapes, aaaah. 2265 01:18:23,899 --> 01:18:24,733 - All right. 2266 01:18:25,801 --> 01:18:26,968 All right, go. 2267 01:18:26,968 --> 01:18:28,537 - [Tom] And never darken my towels again. 2268 01:18:28,537 --> 01:18:29,738 - Quickly. 2269 01:18:29,738 --> 01:18:31,239 - [Mike] Thank you, Sir Dad. 2270 01:18:31,239 --> 01:18:33,675 - I'll take him back while you call the newspapers. 2271 01:18:33,675 --> 01:18:34,743 - I'll do it. 2272 01:18:34,743 --> 01:18:36,344 Son, 2273 01:18:36,344 --> 01:18:37,179 be careful. 2274 01:18:38,180 --> 01:18:39,448 Careful. 2275 01:18:39,448 --> 01:18:40,916 - [Tom] Okay, bye, me. 2276 01:18:40,916 --> 01:18:43,485 (Mike laughing) 2277 01:18:43,485 --> 01:18:44,953 - [Mike] "Starsky and Clone." 2278 01:18:46,354 --> 01:18:48,757 - [Tom] I wanna know if they're gonna listen to BTO. 2279 01:18:48,757 --> 01:18:51,026 (engine rumbling) 2280 01:18:51,026 --> 01:18:54,029 - [Crow] And Abraham drove Issac to the top of the mountain. 2281 01:18:56,164 --> 01:18:59,501 ♪ One more clone up in the canyon ♪ 2282 01:18:59,501 --> 01:19:00,435 - Damn you! - Sorry. 2283 01:19:00,435 --> 01:19:01,636 - [Tom] As long as they're here, 2284 01:19:01,636 --> 01:19:02,904 they should've filmed in a cloud. 2285 01:19:02,904 --> 01:19:04,906 - I don't care about anything right now. 2286 01:19:04,906 --> 01:19:05,740 Just Lena. 2287 01:19:06,908 --> 01:19:08,276 (faint speaking) 2288 01:19:08,276 --> 01:19:09,578 - [Crow] I can't hear what they're saying 2289 01:19:09,578 --> 01:19:11,146 and, frankly, I don't care. 2290 01:19:12,981 --> 01:19:15,350 - [Mike] Sorry about our pants toughing earlier. 2291 01:19:15,350 --> 01:19:16,718 - [Tom] The clone is tagged 2292 01:19:16,718 --> 01:19:18,920 and set free in its natural environment. 2293 01:19:18,920 --> 01:19:20,822 (dramatic choir music) 2294 01:19:20,822 --> 01:19:24,159 - [Crow] If you have to take a pee, I'll just turn around! 2295 01:19:24,159 --> 01:19:26,561 - [Mike] Where am I going again? 2296 01:19:26,561 --> 01:19:28,096 - [Tom] The Bulgarian folk choir. 2297 01:19:28,096 --> 01:19:29,397 They arrived in limousine. 2298 01:19:34,069 --> 01:19:35,203 - [Crow] Well, thanks for that liver, guys, 2299 01:19:35,203 --> 01:19:36,905 that was really nice of you. 2300 01:19:38,140 --> 01:19:41,143 (crickets chirping) 2301 01:19:43,011 --> 01:19:45,480 - [Mike] Hey, my clone's doing all right for himself. 2302 01:19:45,480 --> 01:19:46,948 - [Tom] Door-to-door "Biography." 2303 01:19:46,948 --> 01:19:48,683 I'd like to tell you about the fascinating life 2304 01:19:48,683 --> 01:19:49,518 of Charles Grodin. 2305 01:19:49,518 --> 01:19:51,553 - Rich, we have to talk. 2306 01:19:52,821 --> 01:19:55,056 - [Crow] Some coffee for your thugs? 2307 01:19:58,727 --> 01:20:01,463 - You might as well tell us now, there is no backing out. 2308 01:20:01,463 --> 01:20:03,365 - I've already told you, I don't know where he is 2309 01:20:03,365 --> 01:20:04,966 and I don't know where the tape is. 2310 01:20:04,966 --> 01:20:06,168 - [Jeff] No, you're lying to me. 2311 01:20:06,168 --> 01:20:07,769 - [Mike] I'm gonna have Barney rough you up. 2312 01:20:07,769 --> 01:20:09,137 - You're not sure, are you? 2313 01:20:10,572 --> 01:20:12,407 So you might as well tell these gentleman to kill me. 2314 01:20:12,407 --> 01:20:13,942 That's what they're here for, isn't it? 2315 01:20:13,942 --> 01:20:17,445 - Rich, I told you there were people I can't stop. 2316 01:20:17,445 --> 01:20:18,647 - Besides, if you kill me, 2317 01:20:18,647 --> 01:20:20,582 you only have a couple new parts, right? 2318 01:20:20,582 --> 01:20:21,883 - [Tom] The Sansabelt Murders. 2319 01:20:21,883 --> 01:20:22,717 - How does that work? 2320 01:20:22,717 --> 01:20:23,652 Can you do that? 2321 01:20:23,652 --> 01:20:25,020 Reprogram my mind so I that 2322 01:20:25,020 --> 01:20:26,888 I won't cause you so much trouble. 2323 01:20:26,888 --> 01:20:28,824 Maybe even dance at your inauguration. 2324 01:20:28,824 --> 01:20:30,325 - [Mike] Huge lamps of the '70's, 2325 01:20:30,325 --> 01:20:31,259 tonight on "Biography." 2326 01:20:31,259 --> 01:20:33,195 - Is it really worth it, Jeff? 2327 01:20:33,195 --> 01:20:34,462 When did you change? 2328 01:20:34,462 --> 01:20:35,964 - [Crow] Dressed like a liquor distributor. 2329 01:20:35,964 --> 01:20:37,532 - It is worth it 2330 01:20:37,532 --> 01:20:39,668 because I'm going to be president. 2331 01:20:39,668 --> 01:20:40,936 - Oh. 2332 01:20:40,936 --> 01:20:43,138 - [Mike] Oh, you'll be president, my butt. 2333 01:20:43,138 --> 01:20:46,441 - Jeff Knight, the people's choice. 2334 01:20:46,441 --> 01:20:48,109 - [Jeff] Damn it, where is the tape? 2335 01:20:48,109 --> 01:20:49,377 - I don't know, truly, I don't know. 2336 01:20:49,377 --> 01:20:51,446 Maybe it's on the way back to your clone farm. 2337 01:20:51,446 --> 01:20:54,583 Maybe it's on the way to the newspapers, who knows? 2338 01:20:54,583 --> 01:20:55,550 - [Tom] Smack on him! 2339 01:20:55,550 --> 01:20:56,651 - [Crow] Sit on his head! 2340 01:20:56,651 --> 01:20:59,821 (Rich groaning) 2341 01:20:59,821 --> 01:21:02,657 - [Mike] Oh, you're gonna write "dork' on his forehead. 2342 01:21:03,558 --> 01:21:07,028 - Cain raised up and slew Abel. 2343 01:21:07,028 --> 01:21:08,864 - [Tom] It was kinda like this because you're my brother, 2344 01:21:08,864 --> 01:21:10,131 get it? 2345 01:21:10,131 --> 01:21:11,600 - It's Pentothal, I want the truth. 2346 01:21:11,600 --> 01:21:13,702 - [Crow] I prefer Jack Perkins, there, I said it! 2347 01:21:15,170 --> 01:21:18,707 - That's a little too sophisticated for you, isn't it? 2348 01:21:19,608 --> 01:21:21,309 Who gives you your orders? 2349 01:21:21,309 --> 01:21:22,143 - Shut up! 2350 01:21:22,143 --> 01:21:23,345 - Certainly, 2351 01:21:23,345 --> 01:21:25,080 after all, you're only doing your duty. 2352 01:21:25,080 --> 01:21:27,082 Someone threatens your spare parts bank, 2353 01:21:27,082 --> 01:21:29,117 destroy him, it's clean, 2354 01:21:29,117 --> 01:21:30,385 simple, neat! 2355 01:21:30,385 --> 01:21:32,721 - [Mike] Close to all the shopping. 2356 01:21:32,721 --> 01:21:34,356 - Shut up! 2357 01:21:34,356 --> 01:21:35,790 - [Tom] He's going to be a bigger problem then Billy Carter. 2358 01:21:35,790 --> 01:21:38,593 - [Crow] Mistakes were made, brothers were killed. 2359 01:21:38,593 --> 01:21:40,729 - [Mike] Shoot, Mom's home! 2360 01:21:40,729 --> 01:21:43,298 (upbeat music) 2361 01:21:47,502 --> 01:21:48,403 - [Tom] Sure! 2362 01:21:48,403 --> 01:21:50,305 - Ricky, get out! 2363 01:21:50,305 --> 01:21:51,206 - Dad! 2364 01:21:51,206 --> 01:21:52,073 - [Crow] I'm home. 2365 01:21:53,708 --> 01:21:54,943 - [Tom] Give me your posture medal! 2366 01:21:54,943 --> 01:21:56,011 (groaning) 2367 01:21:56,011 --> 01:21:57,412 - What're you doing? 2368 01:21:57,412 --> 01:21:58,246 Ridged! 2369 01:21:58,246 --> 01:21:59,080 - [Crow] "Ridged?" 2370 01:21:59,080 --> 01:22:00,348 - Leave him alone! 2371 01:22:00,348 --> 01:22:01,116 Ridged! 2372 01:22:01,116 --> 01:22:01,950 - [Crow] Ribbit? 2373 01:22:01,950 --> 01:22:02,784 Frigid? 2374 01:22:04,085 --> 01:22:05,520 (bubbling) 2375 01:22:05,520 --> 01:22:06,321 - [Tom] You dead yet? 2376 01:22:06,321 --> 01:22:07,222 - I don't know! 2377 01:22:09,658 --> 01:22:11,259 - [Mike] Cut it out, you booger! 2378 01:22:12,427 --> 01:22:14,529 - [Tom] I think they found the outrage. 2379 01:22:14,529 --> 01:22:15,463 - [Crow] This is our pool! 2380 01:22:15,463 --> 01:22:17,599 Notice there's no pee in it! 2381 01:22:17,599 --> 01:22:20,435 (electric guitar music) 2382 01:22:20,435 --> 01:22:23,171 - [Tom] Soundtrack by Yngwie Malmsteen. 2383 01:22:23,171 --> 01:22:25,540 - [Mike] For God, Country and the Queen! 2384 01:22:27,042 --> 01:22:28,843 - [Tom As Old Woman] Boys, not in the house! 2385 01:22:28,843 --> 01:22:30,245 - [Crow] This is about a lot more 2386 01:22:30,245 --> 01:22:32,247 than super secret government clone projects. 2387 01:22:33,982 --> 01:22:35,483 - [Mike] Ah, kill and release. 2388 01:22:36,918 --> 01:22:39,654 - [Tom] Secret service is out from having a smoke. 2389 01:22:40,822 --> 01:22:43,558 - [Crow] Tonight on "Biography." 2390 01:22:43,558 --> 01:22:46,728 (Crow groaning) 2391 01:22:46,728 --> 01:22:47,662 - [Mike] He's not done. 2392 01:22:47,662 --> 01:22:49,497 The poker didn't come out clean. 2393 01:22:49,497 --> 01:22:52,267 - [Tom] Quick, rig the shag carpeting! 2394 01:22:52,267 --> 01:22:53,935 (foreboding music) 2395 01:22:53,935 --> 01:22:56,071 - [Crow] Can I have a wet nap? 2396 01:22:56,071 --> 01:22:58,239 - [Mike] Dale Evans wants her shirt back. 2397 01:22:58,239 --> 01:22:59,040 - Well, 2398 01:23:00,442 --> 01:23:01,476 that's that. 2399 01:23:01,476 --> 01:23:02,844 - [Mike] Turned on the gas. 2400 01:23:02,844 --> 01:23:05,280 - Whatever the hell they're called. 2401 01:23:05,280 --> 01:23:06,715 - [Crow] Mimi-skirted Grandma. 2402 01:23:06,715 --> 01:23:09,217 - It'll soon be over, I made sure of that. 2403 01:23:09,217 --> 01:23:11,119 - [Tom] Oh, and happy 50th anniversary. 2404 01:23:11,119 --> 01:23:12,087 - You know, I've been sitting here thinking 2405 01:23:12,087 --> 01:23:13,555 about that young man. 2406 01:23:13,555 --> 01:23:15,457 - [Crow] If I was 80 years younger, I would just. 2407 01:23:15,457 --> 01:23:19,060 - If everything they say about how he was born was true, 2408 01:23:20,895 --> 01:23:23,131 sure takes the fun out of it. 2409 01:23:23,131 --> 01:23:25,266 - Why, Anna, you salty old lady. 2410 01:23:25,266 --> 01:23:27,168 - [Mike] And I mean dehydrated. 2411 01:23:27,168 --> 01:23:29,471 - No, but I'm not dead yet. 2412 01:23:29,471 --> 01:23:30,739 - [Tom] Soon though, right? 2413 01:23:30,739 --> 01:23:32,374 - He will be all right, won't he? 2414 01:23:33,475 --> 01:23:35,810 He has his whole life in front of him. 2415 01:23:35,810 --> 01:23:37,912 - Anna, he will be fine. 2416 01:23:37,912 --> 01:23:38,747 - [Tom] Oh boy. 2417 01:23:38,747 --> 01:23:40,248 - [Crow] Here we go. 2418 01:23:40,248 --> 01:23:42,350 - That nice boy is taking him back to his girlfriend, 2419 01:23:42,350 --> 01:23:43,318 everything's gonna be fine. 2420 01:23:43,318 --> 01:23:44,519 Don't worry about it. 2421 01:23:44,519 --> 01:23:46,388 You mind if I just read the sports page? 2422 01:23:46,388 --> 01:23:47,222 - [Tom] Hunker down. 2423 01:23:47,222 --> 01:23:48,757 - [Crow] Just generic... 2424 01:23:48,757 --> 01:23:50,158 (explosion booming) (screaming) 2425 01:23:50,158 --> 01:23:52,093 Forgot about those cookies, sorry! 2426 01:23:52,093 --> 01:23:53,161 (Tom laughing) 2427 01:23:53,161 --> 01:23:54,396 - [Mike] Yeah, 2428 01:23:54,396 --> 01:23:56,865 Grandma and Grandpa will be fine on their own. 2429 01:23:56,865 --> 01:24:00,101 - [Tom] Brought to you by the Greater Nursing Home Council. 2430 01:24:00,101 --> 01:24:02,437 - [Crow] Never store your combustibles with your old people. 2431 01:24:02,437 --> 01:24:05,039 (somber music) 2432 01:24:07,175 --> 01:24:09,310 - [Mike] Later, a guy is somewhere in the dark 2433 01:24:09,310 --> 01:24:11,045 doing something. 2434 01:24:11,045 --> 01:24:13,515 - [Tom] This passes for a car chase in this movie. 2435 01:24:14,949 --> 01:24:18,920 - [Crow] And step and dance and kickball change, and yes. 2436 01:24:18,920 --> 01:24:21,790 ♪ Maria 2437 01:24:21,790 --> 01:24:24,526 (pleasant music) 2438 01:24:24,526 --> 01:24:25,727 - Lena? 2439 01:24:25,727 --> 01:24:26,961 - [Tom] Or extra Lena? 2440 01:24:28,696 --> 01:24:30,031 - [Mike] I'm not sure about this. 2441 01:24:30,031 --> 01:24:31,299 - [Crow] You know, this doesn't look like 2442 01:24:31,299 --> 01:24:32,934 it's headed towards a happy ending. 2443 01:24:32,934 --> 01:24:34,302 - [Mike] You know, any ending would make me 2444 01:24:34,302 --> 01:24:35,670 happier than I've ever been. 2445 01:24:35,670 --> 01:24:36,704 - [Crow] That's true. 2446 01:24:38,373 --> 01:24:40,708 - [Tom] She sees a squirrel and wants to go out. 2447 01:24:40,708 --> 01:24:41,910 (ominous music) 2448 01:24:41,910 --> 01:24:43,578 - [Mike] When track coaches go bad. 2449 01:24:43,578 --> 01:24:44,879 - [Crow] And they expect the audience 2450 01:24:44,879 --> 01:24:47,148 to feel bad about this, I guess. 2451 01:24:49,150 --> 01:24:49,984 - Lena! 2452 01:24:51,719 --> 01:24:53,254 - [Tom] Hi! 2453 01:24:53,254 --> 01:24:55,657 - [Mike] Oh, remember to duck when you go under helicopters. 2454 01:24:57,058 --> 01:24:58,126 - [Crow] Let me guess, he's gonna turn out his mouth 2455 01:24:58,126 --> 01:24:59,828 and look depressed for a change. 2456 01:24:59,828 --> 01:25:02,430 (ominous music) 2457 01:25:03,498 --> 01:25:04,432 - Welcome home, Richard. 2458 01:25:04,432 --> 01:25:05,600 - [Tom] I'm sorry, Ollie. 2459 01:25:06,835 --> 01:25:08,303 - Did you like America? 2460 01:25:08,303 --> 01:25:09,737 - [Mike] I liked "A Horse With No Name," 2461 01:25:09,737 --> 01:25:11,039 but after that... 2462 01:25:11,039 --> 01:25:13,274 (dramatic music) 2463 01:25:13,274 --> 01:25:14,509 - [Crow] She's gonna make a perfect 2464 01:25:14,509 --> 01:25:16,444 mid-afternoon talk show host, at least. 2465 01:25:16,444 --> 01:25:17,779 (Mike and Tom chuckling) 2466 01:25:17,779 --> 01:25:19,380 - [Tom In Creepy Voice] Hi. 2467 01:25:19,380 --> 01:25:20,615 - [Announcer] Fellow delegates, 2468 01:25:20,615 --> 01:25:23,218 our candidate is in the press room 2469 01:25:23,218 --> 01:25:24,752 and will be joining us shortly. 2470 01:25:24,752 --> 01:25:25,687 - [Mike] Wait, he's been killed. 2471 01:25:25,687 --> 01:25:26,955 - [Announcer] Your nominee, 2472 01:25:26,955 --> 01:25:29,858 the next president of the United States. 2473 01:25:29,858 --> 01:25:30,992 - [All] Biography! 2474 01:25:30,992 --> 01:25:32,327 Biography! 2475 01:25:32,327 --> 01:25:33,361 - [Crow] Yay! 2476 01:25:33,361 --> 01:25:34,295 - [Tom] Hey, it's... 2477 01:25:34,295 --> 01:25:35,363 Oh, I thought it was Dale. 2478 01:25:36,831 --> 01:25:37,665 Product placement. 2479 01:25:37,665 --> 01:25:38,800 Now I'm gonna buy NBC. 2480 01:25:40,034 --> 01:25:41,236 - [Walker] Ladies and gentlemen. 2481 01:25:41,236 --> 01:25:43,371 - [Mike] Does anyone have a kidney to spare? 2482 01:25:43,371 --> 01:25:45,173 - It is my pleasure this afternoon... 2483 01:25:45,173 --> 01:25:46,741 - [Crow] Ted Turner. 2484 01:25:46,741 --> 01:25:48,610 - To introduce to you 2485 01:25:48,610 --> 01:25:50,745 the next president of the United States. 2486 01:25:50,745 --> 01:25:51,913 - [Mike] Arrr, me buck-os. 2487 01:25:51,913 --> 01:25:53,448 - A man we all know and love. 2488 01:25:53,448 --> 01:25:54,749 - [Crow] Senator Gravy Skin. 2489 01:25:54,749 --> 01:25:56,284 - The true people's choice. 2490 01:25:56,284 --> 01:25:57,552 - [Tom] Gus Hall. 2491 01:25:57,552 --> 01:25:59,053 - Presidential nominee, 2492 01:25:59,988 --> 01:26:02,123 Senator Jeffery Knight. 2493 01:26:02,123 --> 01:26:03,725 - [Mike] Arrrrr. 2494 01:26:03,725 --> 01:26:05,293 - [Crow] And his lovely family. 2495 01:26:06,427 --> 01:26:07,695 - [Tom] Thank you, thank you. 2496 01:26:07,695 --> 01:26:10,698 I was killing my brother earlier today and, d'oh! 2497 01:26:10,698 --> 01:26:12,700 - Thank you, thank you, George Walker. 2498 01:26:12,700 --> 01:26:13,835 - [Mike] Arrrr. 2499 01:26:13,835 --> 01:26:15,069 - Ladies and gentlemen of the press, 2500 01:26:15,069 --> 01:26:16,571 let's get right to the questions. 2501 01:26:16,571 --> 01:26:18,373 - [Tom] Who's coming up this week on "Biography?" 2502 01:26:18,373 --> 01:26:19,240 - Miss Grady. 2503 01:26:19,240 --> 01:26:20,174 - [Crow] Grady! 2504 01:26:20,174 --> 01:26:21,676 - [Grady] Senator Knight, 2505 01:26:21,676 --> 01:26:24,178 what will your position be on the subject of human rights? 2506 01:26:24,178 --> 01:26:26,214 - [Jeff] Well, you know, I talked a great deal about that 2507 01:26:26,214 --> 01:26:28,082 during the campaign but I think it's important 2508 01:26:28,082 --> 01:26:29,183 to repeat it now. 2509 01:26:29,183 --> 01:26:31,119 As president, my position will be 2510 01:26:31,119 --> 01:26:33,688 that any suppression of rights or infringement-- 2511 01:26:33,688 --> 01:26:34,789 - [Mike] Wow. 2512 01:26:34,789 --> 01:26:35,857 - [Crow] Mm-hmm. 2513 01:26:35,857 --> 01:26:37,225 - [Mike] Get it?! 2514 01:26:37,225 --> 01:26:38,459 (Tom giggling) 2515 01:26:38,459 --> 01:26:40,428 - As such cannot and will not be tolerated. 2516 01:26:40,428 --> 01:26:41,996 - [Crow] Senator, I'm Brown from the Sun. 2517 01:26:41,996 --> 01:26:43,131 - Senator! 2518 01:26:43,131 --> 01:26:44,499 - [Jeff] Yes, gentleman in the back. 2519 01:26:44,499 --> 01:26:45,600 - Bernie, Daily Sun. 2520 01:26:45,600 --> 01:26:47,068 - [Tom] I love Bridget. 2521 01:26:47,068 --> 01:26:48,836 - Senator could you please tell us about Clonus. 2522 01:26:50,738 --> 01:26:52,373 - [Mike] Arrrr? 2523 01:26:52,373 --> 01:26:53,374 - [Crow] Yes, definitely. 2524 01:26:53,374 --> 01:26:54,609 Um, Brit Hume, front row. 2525 01:26:56,911 --> 01:26:59,080 - [Tom] I can barely hear my heart beating. 2526 01:27:00,648 --> 01:27:02,717 - [Mike] I'm a sad clown. 2527 01:27:02,717 --> 01:27:05,253 - [Crow] Boy, that clock never moves, does it? 2528 01:27:05,253 --> 01:27:06,821 (ominous music) 2529 01:27:06,821 --> 01:27:07,755 - [Tom] Was that a bad movie 2530 01:27:07,755 --> 01:27:09,190 or was I just in the wrong mood? 2531 01:27:09,190 --> 01:27:10,892 - [Crow] Oh, we can leave, all right! 2532 01:27:10,892 --> 01:27:11,726 - [Mike] Wait... 2533 01:27:11,726 --> 01:27:13,194 Oh. 2534 01:27:13,194 --> 01:27:14,395 Oh boy. 2535 01:27:14,395 --> 01:27:15,997 Executive producer, Walter Fiveson, 2536 01:27:15,997 --> 01:27:18,633 was a good friend of Supervising Executive Producer 2537 01:27:18,633 --> 01:27:19,767 Ray Dryden. 2538 01:27:19,767 --> 01:27:21,035 They grew up together in a log cabin 2539 01:27:21,035 --> 01:27:24,572 with a woman involved in casting, Susan Arnold. 2540 01:27:24,572 --> 01:27:27,208 - [Tom] But all was not as it seemed. 2541 01:27:27,208 --> 01:27:29,410 - [Crow] The arrival of Associate Producer 2542 01:27:29,410 --> 01:27:32,847 Peter R.J. Deyell, proved both groundbreaking 2543 01:27:32,847 --> 01:27:36,150 and heart wrenching for the young Liverpoolians. 2544 01:27:36,150 --> 01:27:38,553 - [Mike] And then Co-Producer Michael Lee 2545 01:27:38,553 --> 01:27:41,456 and Carolyn Haber and Michael Lee and Paul Berkowitz 2546 01:27:41,456 --> 01:27:43,491 and Joe Gianonne and Robert Cummings 2547 01:27:43,491 --> 01:27:45,960 and Michael Lacoe and some other guys 2548 01:27:45,960 --> 01:27:47,028 and Harley Pence. 2549 01:27:47,028 --> 01:27:48,262 - [Tom] I'll take it, Mike. 2550 01:27:48,262 --> 01:27:50,398 The oddly named, Timaree McCormick, 2551 01:27:50,398 --> 01:27:52,066 young and brilliant production assistant, 2552 01:27:52,066 --> 01:27:55,103 developed an unhealthy fixation of Joe Blasco, 2553 01:27:55,103 --> 01:27:57,305 founder of the Joe Blasco Makeup School. 2554 01:27:57,305 --> 01:27:58,840 - [Crow] I'll take it. 2555 01:27:58,840 --> 01:28:01,476 Dwight LaVers, a name known to millions, yet a dark mystery, 2556 01:28:01,476 --> 01:28:04,112 to even his closest friends. 2557 01:28:04,112 --> 01:28:05,880 - [Mike] Tomorrow, the fascinating world 2558 01:28:05,880 --> 01:28:09,050 of M.A "Ma" Schreibman who conquered his blindness 2559 01:28:09,050 --> 01:28:11,686 to become one of the most sought after visual consultants 2560 01:28:11,686 --> 01:28:13,121 in the business. 2561 01:28:13,121 --> 01:28:14,922 - [Tom] The thin stylings of Brogan DePard... 2562 01:28:14,922 --> 01:28:16,391 Brogan... 2563 01:28:16,391 --> 01:28:18,626 Paul Sharp and Ted Keep, two crisply-named young men, 2564 01:28:18,626 --> 01:28:20,128 tonight on "Biography." 2565 01:28:21,262 --> 01:28:23,831 - [Crow] Freeze Frame, the J. Geils Band. 2566 01:28:23,831 --> 01:28:26,267 Synonyms in the hearts of Americans everywhere. 2567 01:28:26,267 --> 01:28:28,503 (Mike laughing) 2568 01:28:28,503 --> 01:28:29,704 - [Mike] Ah! 2569 01:28:29,704 --> 01:28:31,906 Peter Graves, the underrated, underpaid 2570 01:28:31,906 --> 01:28:33,908 and incredibly handsome host of "Biography," 2571 01:28:33,908 --> 01:28:35,510 tonight on "Biography." 2572 01:28:35,510 --> 01:28:37,211 - [Crow] Tonight on "Biography," 2573 01:28:37,211 --> 01:28:39,981 Paulette Breen who turned down perfectly innocent 2574 01:28:39,981 --> 01:28:41,983 sexually advances from Peter Graves 2575 01:28:41,983 --> 01:28:43,651 on the set of the movie "Clonus," 2576 01:28:43,651 --> 01:28:45,820 who will never work in this town again. 2577 01:28:45,820 --> 01:28:47,989 - [Tom] James Mantell, in a striking coincidence, 2578 01:28:47,989 --> 01:28:50,391 shared a first name with the hulking, expressionless 2579 01:28:50,391 --> 01:28:52,593 pseudo cowboy, James Arness. 2580 01:28:52,593 --> 01:28:54,095 James Arness, 2581 01:28:54,095 --> 01:28:57,065 as a young boy, James Arness nurtured a howling bitterness 2582 01:28:57,065 --> 01:28:59,500 in the face of the awesomely superior talent 2583 01:28:59,500 --> 01:29:01,402 of his brother, Peter Graves. 2584 01:29:01,402 --> 01:29:03,404 Peter Graves' life and career were marked 2585 01:29:03,404 --> 01:29:06,174 by a generosity of spirit and loving attitude 2586 01:29:06,174 --> 01:29:08,443 towards his fell man, which were altogether missing 2587 01:29:08,443 --> 01:29:11,179 in the pitted soul if James Arness. 2588 01:29:11,179 --> 01:29:14,115 Often, James Arness' mother would remark to friends 2589 01:29:14,115 --> 01:29:17,719 that she loved her son, Peter Graves, so very, very much, 2590 01:29:17,719 --> 01:29:20,154 while she hates James Arness and cursed the day 2591 01:29:20,154 --> 01:29:22,657 her womb had been blighted with such a creature. 2592 01:29:22,657 --> 01:29:25,059 James Arness, ugly and stupid. 2593 01:29:25,059 --> 01:29:26,694 Tonight on "Biography." 2594 01:29:27,995 --> 01:29:29,230 - [Crow] Okay. 2595 01:29:29,230 --> 01:29:30,398 - [Mike] That's as good as it gets. 2596 01:29:30,398 --> 01:29:32,300 So, Peter Graves? - Biography. 2597 01:29:32,300 --> 01:29:33,634 - [Mike] Biography. 2598 01:29:33,634 --> 01:29:35,036 - Agua! 2599 01:29:35,036 --> 01:29:36,838 (rumbling) 2600 01:29:36,838 --> 01:29:38,706 (thudding) 2601 01:29:38,706 --> 01:29:40,842 (beeping) 2602 01:29:40,842 --> 01:29:42,643 (mechanical buzzing) 2603 01:29:42,643 --> 01:29:44,712 (chains rattling) 2604 01:29:44,712 --> 01:29:47,448 (buzzing) 2605 01:29:47,448 --> 01:29:49,884 (clearing throat) 2606 01:29:49,884 --> 01:29:52,653 So, what do you think of my new nose job? 2607 01:29:52,653 --> 01:29:54,722 - It's downright Bruce Jennerian. 2608 01:29:54,722 --> 01:29:57,225 - Yes, well I went a little deeper than I might have 2609 01:29:57,225 --> 01:30:00,428 because I feel I can always add more later if I wanted. 2610 01:30:01,262 --> 01:30:03,064 - Mike, Bobo's calling. 2611 01:30:03,064 --> 01:30:05,366 - What're you looking at? 2612 01:30:05,366 --> 01:30:07,902 - Please, Mike, keep it quiet. 2613 01:30:07,902 --> 01:30:10,171 Evil orphan space children were very fussy 2614 01:30:10,171 --> 01:30:11,439 getting down tonight. 2615 01:30:11,439 --> 01:30:14,175 I think they're off their routine. 2616 01:30:14,175 --> 01:30:16,778 - Aw, well I've got just the thing. 2617 01:30:16,778 --> 01:30:18,045 I wrote a little night music 2618 01:30:18,045 --> 01:30:20,148 inspired by a poem I've always loved. 2619 01:30:20,148 --> 01:30:24,418 The words are, "Sleep, oh fair one, sleep. 2620 01:30:24,418 --> 01:30:26,287 "The night is low and drowsy, 2621 01:30:26,287 --> 01:30:29,090 "your dreams are fair and deep. 2622 01:30:29,090 --> 01:30:33,127 "On feeble tender wings rest all Earthly things. 2623 01:30:33,127 --> 01:30:35,229 "Sleep, oh gentle lamb, 2624 01:30:35,229 --> 01:30:38,299 "till morning mother sun does bring." 2625 01:30:38,299 --> 01:30:39,967 - That's beautiful. 2626 01:30:39,967 --> 01:30:40,768 - Okay, Mike. 2627 01:30:43,104 --> 01:30:47,008 (exciting marching band music) 2628 01:30:48,776 --> 01:30:50,611 (crying) 2629 01:30:50,611 --> 01:30:52,413 - You are so dead, Nelson! 2630 01:30:52,413 --> 01:30:55,316 It is a John Agar film festival for you! 2631 01:30:56,317 --> 01:30:57,819 (thudding) (groaning) 2632 01:30:57,819 --> 01:30:59,787 (crying) 2633 01:30:59,787 --> 01:31:02,256 (somber music) 2634 01:32:00,648 --> 01:32:01,482 - Sure. 184866

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