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1
00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,486
To our hustle!
2
00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:12,856
Ah!
3
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:15,236
This is how I was
meant to travel.
4
00:00:15,260 --> 00:00:17,156
Private, high emissions...
5
00:00:17,180 --> 00:00:19,656
We blazed through the
airport. Zero security.
6
00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:21,956
I stuffed a bunch of Teddy
bears with baking soda
7
00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,456
just to see if they'd catch it.
8
00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:25,206
They didn't. Ah!
9
00:00:25,230 --> 00:00:27,956
- Rock 'n' roll!
- There are no rules for the rich!
10
00:00:27,980 --> 00:00:30,546
Oh, dawnie, please
don't ruin this for us.
11
00:00:30,570 --> 00:00:33,926
Yeah, no big moral stands
about playing our old songs.
12
00:00:33,950 --> 00:00:36,636
I'm not gonna say anything.
13
00:00:36,660 --> 00:00:40,676
This is just a rich lady's birthday party.
Everybody does these and for worse people.
14
00:00:40,700 --> 00:00:44,226
Beyoncé performed for the gaddafis,
Usher performed for the gaddafis,
15
00:00:44,250 --> 00:00:46,226
bon jovi performed
for the gaddafis.
16
00:00:46,250 --> 00:00:47,726
Time wipe, four minutes later,
17
00:00:47,750 --> 00:00:50,726
the gaddafi examples finally
wrap up with Nelly furtado.
18
00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:53,106
I'm not gonna screw
up this gig. It's 30 grand.
19
00:00:53,130 --> 00:00:55,816
Yeah, and we need every
single cent for radio city.
20
00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:58,616
We need costumes,
dancers, professional hmu
21
00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:01,616
because two of us are straight-up
roadkill without makeup on.
22
00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:04,826
You know what? This might
be real cocaine in this one.
23
00:01:04,850 --> 00:01:06,286
Because back in the day,
24
00:01:06,310 --> 00:01:09,916
Stephen dorff did give me a
Teddy bear for Valentine's day.
25
00:01:09,940 --> 00:01:12,666
Am I talking like twice
as loud as I should be?
26
00:01:12,690 --> 00:01:16,030
Yeah, I'll be fine, even though
our old music was pretty toxic.
27
00:01:16,700 --> 00:01:19,176
♪ Second wife is the best life ♪
28
00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:21,806
♪ ooh, my stepson is hot ♪
29
00:01:21,830 --> 00:01:25,436
You know what? If this money
supports our real art, I'm good.
30
00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:27,396
Bob Dylan did Victoria's secret,
31
00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:29,896
ozzy Osbourne did I
can't believe it's not butter!
32
00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:32,226
Time wipe, she ends
with Matt Damon for crypto.
33
00:01:32,250 --> 00:01:34,606
I wanna do a list too.
It's alphabetical dogs.
34
00:01:34,630 --> 00:01:36,420
Affenpinscher,
Afghan, airedale...
35
00:01:37,470 --> 00:01:42,366
♪ Gonna be famous 5eva
'cause 4eva's too short ♪
36
00:01:42,390 --> 00:01:43,786
♪ it's too short ♪
37
00:01:43,810 --> 00:01:50,020
♪ gonna be famous 3-gether
'cause that's one more than 2-gether ♪
38
00:01:50,770 --> 00:01:56,756
♪ gonna be famous 5eva
'cause 4eva's too short ♪
39
00:01:56,780 --> 00:01:59,336
♪ so, what are
you waiting five? ♪
40
00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:03,740
♪ Girls5eva ♪
41
00:02:08,290 --> 00:02:10,766
...weimaraner, yorkie-poo,
Yorkshire terrier,
42
00:02:10,790 --> 00:02:13,500
- yugoslavian hound, and zebra dog!
- Nailed it!
43
00:02:14,050 --> 00:02:15,106
Ooh. This place is nice.
44
00:02:15,130 --> 00:02:17,760
This looks like a
Taylor swift video!
45
00:02:20,590 --> 00:02:22,776
- Girls5eva!
- Hi!
46
00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:26,366
I'm Danny, Taffy's assistant,
best friend, and food surrogate.
47
00:02:26,390 --> 00:02:28,826
She is so excited
you're playing her party.
48
00:02:28,850 --> 00:02:30,876
- So are we!
- So are we.
49
00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:33,706
- Okay.
- Oh, my god, it's amazing.
50
00:02:33,730 --> 00:02:37,126
Apple is serving me an
album of "lunch lord memories."
51
00:02:37,150 --> 00:02:40,136
- Oh, I miss my normie.
- You two are cute together.
52
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,216
- Yeah.
- Is that sheawn's son?
53
00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:43,580
Oh, maybe.
54
00:02:44,370 --> 00:02:45,766
Girls5eva!
55
00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:47,926
Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
56
00:02:47,950 --> 00:02:51,000
- I'm Taffy england!
- Oh, hi!
57
00:02:53,170 --> 00:02:55,646
Ooh, your stairs have curves.
58
00:02:55,670 --> 00:02:57,776
- Wow.
- And look at all your jewelry.
59
00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:01,606
Oh, birthday, birthday, anniversary,
fight, Christmas, Christmas fight,
60
00:03:01,630 --> 00:03:03,986
dog mother's day,
dog died, car accident,
61
00:03:04,010 --> 00:03:06,446
birthday, birthday,
wasn't pregnant, new dog,
62
00:03:06,470 --> 00:03:08,746
felt ignored at a
buccaneers game,
63
00:03:08,770 --> 00:03:10,366
- juneteenth, birthday...
- Um.
64
00:03:10,390 --> 00:03:12,456
What do you think juneteenth is?
65
00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:14,336
The start of summer. Whoo!
66
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,046
- Hey, Taffy.
- Mm-hm?
67
00:03:16,070 --> 00:03:19,416
When I do baskets at the
party, how many do you want?
68
00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:21,926
Should I do your age?
Would that be cute?
69
00:03:21,950 --> 00:03:24,176
So cute, Rebecca lobo.
70
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:25,556
Is that really Rebecca lobo?
71
00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:28,976
Because when I do coke, I
always see Rebecca lobo.
72
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:32,396
- Wait, we're not the only ones performing?
- Nope.
73
00:03:32,420 --> 00:03:34,896
You guys are gonna die,
74
00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:37,646
because the theme
of my birthday party is:
75
00:03:37,670 --> 00:03:39,816
"My posters come to life!"
76
00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:43,236
Every poster I had on my
teenage bedroom wall, it's here,
77
00:03:43,260 --> 00:03:45,140
brought to life by money.
78
00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:48,116
Rebecca lobo, you guys,
79
00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:51,576
a real monet, Zeke
from California high.
80
00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:54,496
Oh, Zeke was so cool.
81
00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:57,046
Christ. Who melted Zeke?
82
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:59,336
He was in his 50s when
they shot that show.
83
00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:02,466
Oh, my gosh! Pixie
Jones is gonna be here?
84
00:04:02,490 --> 00:04:06,950
She was my absolute favorite
guest on summer & kev's variety hour.
85
00:04:08,580 --> 00:04:10,660
♪ What if the world was round ♪
86
00:04:11,620 --> 00:04:15,120
♪ and love made a sound? ♪
87
00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:19,050
♪ And what if the
trees could vote? ♪
88
00:04:20,090 --> 00:04:23,446
♪ Would we still turn
them into boats? ♪
89
00:04:23,470 --> 00:04:25,906
- I love this party.
- Me too!
90
00:04:25,930 --> 00:04:27,446
But can I be secret?
91
00:04:27,470 --> 00:04:30,196
I'm most excited that
you guys are here.
92
00:04:30,220 --> 00:04:33,576
Seriously, I used to stare
up at your guys' poster...
93
00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:35,036
Rip Ashley, by the way.
94
00:04:35,060 --> 00:04:37,836
...and pretend I
was in girls5eva.
95
00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:39,746
Like, I know all the choreo.
96
00:04:39,770 --> 00:04:40,770
Yes!
97
00:04:41,230 --> 00:04:43,216
- Yes, yes, yes.
- Oh, wait, and the boobs.
98
00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:44,570
Oh, yeah. Drop it.
99
00:04:48,280 --> 00:04:49,846
By the power of grayskull!
100
00:04:49,870 --> 00:04:51,806
Torque.
101
00:04:51,830 --> 00:04:53,136
Amazing, right?
102
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:55,476
I was so bummed
when you two broke up.
103
00:04:55,500 --> 00:04:57,686
It was actually just a
publicity relationship
104
00:04:57,710 --> 00:05:00,170
because his wife he met
in high school was boring.
105
00:05:02,590 --> 00:05:06,526
We never got to be alone together,
even though I did develop feelings.
106
00:05:06,550 --> 00:05:09,326
Torque was so hot.
107
00:05:09,350 --> 00:05:11,390
I wonder what he looks like now.
108
00:05:13,020 --> 00:05:14,366
- Oh, my...
- That's actually him.
109
00:05:14,390 --> 00:05:15,706
Why was he so still?
110
00:05:15,730 --> 00:05:18,770
This could be trouble.
111
00:05:20,940 --> 00:05:23,046
You know you guys were
my first concert, right?
112
00:05:23,070 --> 00:05:25,676
You were on the bill for the
Disney summer spectacular
113
00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:27,610
hosted by jar jar
binks and bill cosby.
114
00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:29,950
- Oh, yeah.
- Fun memory.
115
00:05:30,620 --> 00:05:33,056
'Cause backstage, Fred
durst and kid rock realized
116
00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:35,346
you could fill super
soakers with liquid shit.
117
00:05:35,370 --> 00:05:37,686
Yeah.
118
00:05:37,710 --> 00:05:40,920
- Can I talk to you for a sec?
- I'm gonna go over here now.
119
00:05:42,210 --> 00:05:44,856
Dude, your vibe sucks.
120
00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:47,276
- I might know someone with some coke.
- Okay.
121
00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:50,066
Listen, just let it all
out, so you act normal.
122
00:05:50,090 --> 00:05:51,486
Just tell me what
you're burying.
123
00:05:51,510 --> 00:05:54,866
I'm sorry I'm not feeling
nostalgic about the 2000s.
124
00:05:54,890 --> 00:05:57,116
I'm embarrassed, okay?
125
00:05:57,140 --> 00:05:59,576
There was a countdown
clock to when we became legal,
126
00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:02,296
and yet there wasn't
one for Frankie muniz.
127
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,916
- Did you want one, you creep?
- No.
128
00:06:04,940 --> 00:06:08,176
- I'm just proud we're finally artists now.
- Don't say "artists."
129
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:09,506
We've honed our craft.
130
00:06:09,530 --> 00:06:12,056
- Or "craft."
- I'm just not interested in looking back.
131
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:15,660
I think the best move here
is you don't talk to Taffy at all.
132
00:06:16,790 --> 00:06:18,120
Okay, I won't.
133
00:06:20,420 --> 00:06:21,500
Thank you.
134
00:06:23,420 --> 00:06:26,260
I need a vodka orbitz,
extra weird little balls.
135
00:06:27,010 --> 00:06:28,026
Oh, god.
136
00:06:28,050 --> 00:06:30,946
Hey, girl.
137
00:06:30,970 --> 00:06:31,970
Torque.
138
00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:35,236
We haven't seen each other
since our publicists broke us up
139
00:06:35,260 --> 00:06:37,366
to promote snackwell's
cookies for one.
140
00:06:37,390 --> 00:06:39,206
How's purse holder?
141
00:06:39,230 --> 00:06:41,286
What was her name, your wife?
142
00:06:41,310 --> 00:06:44,166
I don't know. We
weren't into labels.
143
00:06:44,190 --> 00:06:45,246
But we're done.
144
00:06:45,270 --> 00:06:49,450
We couldn't handle being long
distance when I shot step up in space...
145
00:06:50,070 --> 00:06:51,256
In space.
146
00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:54,426
- ♪ Step up in space ♪
- ♪ space, space ♪
147
00:06:54,450 --> 00:06:56,716
♪ searching for the best
dancer in the universe ♪
148
00:06:56,740 --> 00:06:57,830
Your move, Mars.
149
00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:00,460
So...
150
00:07:01,370 --> 00:07:02,396
You're single?
151
00:07:02,420 --> 00:07:04,106
- Mm-hm.
- Hmm.
152
00:07:04,130 --> 00:07:07,356
You wanna know something,
like, kind of embarrassing?
153
00:07:07,380 --> 00:07:08,436
It's about you.
154
00:07:08,460 --> 00:07:12,366
If it's about the time I puked at
benihana and it started cooking,
155
00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:16,826
and the guy tried to flip
it into his hat, then no.
156
00:07:16,850 --> 00:07:19,520
I know we weren't
a legit couple...
157
00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:24,980
But I always wondered what it
would have been like if we were.
158
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:29,416
I gotta go do a Mike check.
159
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:32,070
'Cause my friend Mike is having
a really hard time right now.
160
00:07:32,700 --> 00:07:34,426
Then I gotta do a mic check.
161
00:07:34,450 --> 00:07:39,096
Then maybe you and I can
have some alone time for real?
162
00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:41,806
Mm.
163
00:07:41,830 --> 00:07:43,540
We'll see, kitty cat.
164
00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:58,850
- Surprise!
- What the hell?
165
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:00,706
Hi!
166
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:03,576
Oh, pretty bird,
you look so good!
167
00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:06,376
Pixie, it's me, your
old friend summer.
168
00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:09,296
Oh, I know. I wear pants now.
169
00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:12,626
You think we're friends?
You ruined my song!
170
00:08:12,650 --> 00:08:19,120
♪ And what if god
had a daughter? ♪
171
00:08:22,410 --> 00:08:25,266
♪ Ah-Scooby
a-Scooby-dooby-dooby ♪
172
00:08:25,290 --> 00:08:29,316
♪ skee-ba-da-ba
la-la, la-Lee-la... ♪
173
00:08:29,340 --> 00:08:33,776
♪ Shoney's and shoney's
and shrimpfest is back ♪
174
00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:35,696
Why did you start scatting?
175
00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:38,276
I don't know, I was just
really, like, into the music.
176
00:08:38,300 --> 00:08:40,406
I was feeling the vibe.
You were scatting too.
177
00:08:40,430 --> 00:08:43,366
Because you pointed at me
and shouted, "now you scat!"
178
00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:44,730
Now you scat!
179
00:08:45,850 --> 00:08:48,246
♪ Scattered, smothered ♪
180
00:08:48,270 --> 00:08:51,296
♪ chunked, peppered,
diced, and covered ♪
181
00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:55,886
♪ that's how I
want my potatoes ♪
182
00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:59,886
That song was supposed to be
my next single, but it became a joke.
183
00:08:59,910 --> 00:09:01,846
But jokes are so fun.
184
00:09:01,870 --> 00:09:03,846
Like Mrs. Maisel.
185
00:09:03,870 --> 00:09:07,016
That lady is not even Jewish,
and neither is Tony shalhoub.
186
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:09,106
Thanks to you, my
label didn't even release
187
00:09:09,130 --> 00:09:10,606
"what if the world was round?"
188
00:09:10,630 --> 00:09:13,106
Oh!
189
00:09:13,130 --> 00:09:15,856
Frank caliendo
played me on mad TV.
190
00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:17,470
Oh, pixie.
191
00:09:29,190 --> 00:09:30,796
Oh, dawn. Hey, girl, hey!
192
00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:32,336
Can you do "sweet'n low daddy"?
193
00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:35,070
It is my favorite song from
the heartbreakers soundtrack.
194
00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:39,176
♪ We're looking for a
sweet'n low daddy ♪
195
00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:43,716
♪ a love that's artificial but his
wallet makes us happy, happy ♪
196
00:09:43,740 --> 00:09:47,186
- ♪ but real talk ♪
- ♪ real talk ♪
197
00:09:47,210 --> 00:09:53,436
♪ when are you gonna die? ♪
198
00:09:53,460 --> 00:09:55,696
♪ When are you gonna die?! ♪
199
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,656
Please? Pretty, pretty please?
200
00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:59,760
Look, I had your costumes made.
201
00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:03,060
Remember this little lady?
202
00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:06,496
Thank you. You are my
best friend. I would die for you.
203
00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:08,116
Oh, crandall, baby, come here.
204
00:10:08,140 --> 00:10:09,956
Do you wanna meet
dawn from girls5eva?
205
00:10:09,980 --> 00:10:11,270
No way, fuck you!
206
00:10:11,900 --> 00:10:13,246
Not you, babe, work.
207
00:10:13,270 --> 00:10:14,376
Love you.
208
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:15,546
Hi, dawn.
209
00:10:15,570 --> 00:10:18,676
Nah, just tell them you found
the bones somewhere else.
210
00:10:18,700 --> 00:10:20,216
That's it, that's it.
211
00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:24,080
Yes, we'll get this
construction going.
212
00:10:24,830 --> 00:10:25,846
Gloria, get up.
213
00:10:25,870 --> 00:10:28,080
Ah!
214
00:10:29,460 --> 00:10:31,436
I am so jetlagged.
215
00:10:31,460 --> 00:10:33,766
We didn't change time zones.
You crashed from the coke.
216
00:10:33,790 --> 00:10:35,226
I can't leave my mouth locked.
217
00:10:35,250 --> 00:10:37,356
Taffy married a sweet'n
low daddy and it's our fault.
218
00:10:37,380 --> 00:10:39,856
I am gonna put you
in a goddamn bag.
219
00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:42,656
Our old shitty songs wormed
into her squishy teen brain
220
00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:44,736
and made her want this:
221
00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:46,036
That's hilarious.
222
00:10:46,060 --> 00:10:47,536
When's the funeral?
223
00:10:47,560 --> 00:10:48,826
I love it.
224
00:10:48,850 --> 00:10:51,286
- What else you got in there?
- Oh, sweetie, for you...
225
00:10:51,310 --> 00:10:53,916
We didn't invent the
idea of a sugar daddy.
226
00:10:53,940 --> 00:10:56,546
Women have always
traded puss for boots.
227
00:10:56,570 --> 00:10:57,916
Puss for boots!
228
00:10:57,940 --> 00:10:59,466
We found the clever one.
229
00:10:59,490 --> 00:11:02,466
- Danny's fun. I'm going with him.
- Oh, my god.
230
00:11:02,490 --> 00:11:04,530
- Party, Danny?
- Hmm. Let's do it.
231
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,700
- Oh, my god.
- Dawn!
232
00:11:09,620 --> 00:11:12,096
Torque is giving me a
massive home alone doorknob.
233
00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:14,226
- A what?
- You know in home alone?
234
00:11:14,250 --> 00:11:18,276
When Kevin heats up that
doorknob until it's glowing red-hot?
235
00:11:18,300 --> 00:11:19,896
I have that for torque.
236
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:22,866
Ugh. Don't use a
Christmas movie like that.
237
00:11:22,890 --> 00:11:28,036
But, wow, you've been with the
lunch lord for what, like four months?
238
00:11:28,060 --> 00:11:30,496
- This is a record for you, wickie.
- Excuse me?
239
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:34,336
Well, no offense, but usually, you
just kind of do whatever you want
240
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,836
- and not think about anybody else.
- Receipts!
241
00:11:36,860 --> 00:11:39,296
You were in love with
bell until biv was interested,
242
00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:41,836
and then you ditched biv as
soon as devoe came calling.
243
00:11:41,860 --> 00:11:43,296
Oh, she gonna pork torque?
244
00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:46,056
She's at the part where she's
pretending she doesn't know what to do.
245
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,846
I'm not pretending.
This is serious.
246
00:11:47,870 --> 00:11:50,386
This time I'm really
not sure what to do!
247
00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:52,556
Oh! Forget you.
248
00:11:52,580 --> 00:11:55,186
Oh, god. Who can
I talk to about this?
249
00:11:55,210 --> 00:11:57,436
Who will listen and
treat me like a person?
250
00:11:57,460 --> 00:12:00,566
Oh.
251
00:12:00,590 --> 00:12:02,050
This might be awkward.
252
00:12:04,220 --> 00:12:08,446
Dawnie, pixie did not
like how I sang her song.
253
00:12:08,470 --> 00:12:10,366
Oh. When you scatted?
254
00:12:10,390 --> 00:12:12,206
Did you not like it either?
255
00:12:12,230 --> 00:12:15,310
Don't feel bad, sum. We all
took regrettable swings back then.
256
00:12:16,980 --> 00:12:18,876
Shabba!
257
00:12:18,900 --> 00:12:21,376
This is rap dance.
258
00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:23,336
Rap dance is like this:
259
00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:24,506
Bam! Bam!
260
00:12:24,530 --> 00:12:26,200
And: Bam! Bam!
261
00:12:27,490 --> 00:12:30,056
But... I can't have
pixie hate me.
262
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:31,226
I'm summer.
263
00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:33,346
Being hated is a part
of being a grownup.
264
00:12:33,370 --> 00:12:35,436
You just have to suck
it up and deal, summer.
265
00:12:35,460 --> 00:12:38,016
No, I have to figure
out a way to fix this
266
00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:40,066
and make up for what
I did to her back then.
267
00:12:40,090 --> 00:12:42,470
Is the hgh working, baby?
268
00:12:44,220 --> 00:12:46,140
Same, girl, same.
269
00:12:47,010 --> 00:12:50,906
Okay, I have a problem,
and you take me seriously.
270
00:12:50,930 --> 00:12:53,206
Torque is here,
271
00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:55,730
and I have a home
alone doorknob for him.
272
00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:57,706
Okay.
273
00:12:57,730 --> 00:12:59,586
A little weird you calling me,
274
00:12:59,610 --> 00:13:03,466
but I did say you could
always tell me anything.
275
00:13:03,490 --> 00:13:06,700
So I guess I
appreciate your honesty.
276
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:10,966
And I know you two have
history, and he's gorgeous.
277
00:13:10,990 --> 00:13:12,306
He is, right?
278
00:13:12,330 --> 00:13:13,410
I'm sorry.
279
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:18,710
Well, end of the day,
I'd probably forgive you.
280
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:20,356
I'd be sad.
281
00:13:20,380 --> 00:13:24,106
I'd cry, and listen to
Annie Lennox in the tub,
282
00:13:24,130 --> 00:13:26,880
and tell everybody I'm fine.
283
00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:31,196
But inside of me... I'm dying.
284
00:13:31,220 --> 00:13:32,366
You'd forgive me?
285
00:13:32,390 --> 00:13:34,230
Okay, bye!
286
00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:39,666
Taffy asked me to do a
big introduction for her,
287
00:13:39,690 --> 00:13:41,626
but she can't hear
me behind these doors,
288
00:13:41,650 --> 00:13:44,666
and I'm leaving in three months
to be a cruise prostitute, so...
289
00:13:44,690 --> 00:13:47,990
Taffy england!
290
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,830
I'm 37!
291
00:14:01,250 --> 00:14:04,606
Brava! You look
super krunk, Taffy.
292
00:14:04,630 --> 00:14:06,986
It's the iconic catsuit
from the video!
293
00:14:07,010 --> 00:14:09,946
From weird al's "oops,
I farted again" parody.
294
00:14:09,970 --> 00:14:11,406
Couldn't get Britney's.
295
00:14:11,430 --> 00:14:14,156
Speaking of great stories,
tell me about crandall.
296
00:14:14,180 --> 00:14:16,706
- Is this your house he moved into, or...?
- Or.
297
00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:19,746
Crandall's the super rich
one. I think from real estate.
298
00:14:19,770 --> 00:14:22,916
He owns a baseball team with a
name that honors a group's heritage.
299
00:14:22,940 --> 00:14:24,916
And you guys met...?
300
00:14:24,940 --> 00:14:26,216
At a swarovski.
301
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:29,086
I was working, and he came
in looking for a gift for his wife.
302
00:14:29,110 --> 00:14:31,176
He described her, and she
sounded like she sucked,
303
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,676
and I was like, "you can do
so much better," and he did.
304
00:14:33,700 --> 00:14:34,830
Mm.
305
00:14:35,910 --> 00:14:39,556
♪ Your wife sucks
we're better than her ♪
306
00:14:39,580 --> 00:14:41,396
♪ never met her once ♪
307
00:14:41,420 --> 00:14:43,646
♪ but, but we're
better than her ♪
308
00:14:43,670 --> 00:14:46,186
Um... - Taffy...
- Mm?
309
00:14:46,210 --> 00:14:47,356
...you seem super smart.
310
00:14:47,380 --> 00:14:51,156
Yeah, it was my idea to kill the egrets
so we could build a pickleball court.
311
00:14:51,180 --> 00:14:55,236
Look, hey, I am proof that it's
never too late to follow your dreams.
312
00:14:55,260 --> 00:14:58,076
So tell me, what did you wanna
be when you were younger?
313
00:14:58,100 --> 00:15:00,286
Did you ever want
more for yourself?
314
00:15:00,310 --> 00:15:02,786
More? What more could I want?
315
00:15:02,810 --> 00:15:03,956
I have the most.
316
00:15:03,980 --> 00:15:06,836
I throw amazing parties and I've
been to every country with a nordstrom.
317
00:15:06,860 --> 00:15:08,256
No, sorry, sorry.
318
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:13,006
I just thought maybe you might have
had dreams of cutting hair or something.
319
00:15:13,030 --> 00:15:15,806
The hair I get comes pre-cut, so
that doesn't even make any sense.
320
00:15:15,830 --> 00:15:18,266
And I didn't pay you to, like,
come here and judge my life.
321
00:15:18,290 --> 00:15:20,306
- No, no, no.
- You know what?
322
00:15:20,330 --> 00:15:24,056
Maybe I'm misremembering.
Maybe I never had a girls5eva poster.
323
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:26,816
No, no. Yes, you did.
324
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:29,696
Rebecca lobo can
just do more baskets.
325
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,696
Wait, how many more?
326
00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:33,656
An artist prepares!
327
00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:34,850
What did you do?
328
00:15:35,550 --> 00:15:36,656
Nothing.
329
00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:39,520
She just changed her mind
and now she hates posters.
330
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:42,520
You said something, didn't you?
331
00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:47,086
Oh, you are so lucky that I
am riding the dopamine serpent,
332
00:15:47,110 --> 00:15:51,626
and the only thing in the world I want
right now is to be the hero and fix this!
333
00:15:51,650 --> 00:15:54,426
Please welcome
the cast of bring it on,
334
00:15:54,450 --> 00:15:58,386
except for Kirsten Dunst
and Gabrielle union!
335
00:15:58,410 --> 00:16:00,516
Bring it on! Bring it on!
336
00:16:00,540 --> 00:16:02,556
- Taffy, wait!
- What?
337
00:16:02,580 --> 00:16:05,106
You wanna judge me too?
Just 'cause I married a rich oldie
338
00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:07,936
and take an als drug 'cause one
of the side effects is Fuller lashes?
339
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:09,486
Nah, I'm cool.
340
00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:11,646
Look, don't worry about dawn.
341
00:16:11,670 --> 00:16:13,236
We all hate that bitch.
342
00:16:13,260 --> 00:16:15,236
I'm lying. You're my sister.
343
00:16:15,260 --> 00:16:17,786
I don't want her
performing at my party.
344
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:20,980
What if she didn't? What
if you did her part instead?
345
00:16:22,180 --> 00:16:24,456
Come on, you said
you know the choreo.
346
00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:25,600
What?
347
00:16:27,060 --> 00:16:30,650
You want me to be in
girls5eva tonight? Really?
348
00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:33,586
Oh, my god, yes! Yes!
349
00:16:33,610 --> 00:16:35,586
So this fixes everything.
350
00:16:35,610 --> 00:16:38,636
You could be up onstage,
you could be doing your thing,
351
00:16:38,660 --> 00:16:42,306
and the lady you're mad at
isn't up there ruining it. Blam-o!
352
00:16:42,330 --> 00:16:44,500
I know how to get
pixie to like me again.
353
00:16:45,250 --> 00:16:47,670
Hey, Taffy. Could I
borrow you for a sec?
354
00:16:48,380 --> 00:16:50,396
Oh, hi. No, no, no!
355
00:16:50,420 --> 00:16:56,156
Taffy, you have to let pixie sing
"what if the world was round?" Tonight.
356
00:16:56,180 --> 00:16:57,736
That song with all the scatting?
357
00:16:57,760 --> 00:17:00,736
- There's not supposed to be any in it!
- No, that was all me.
358
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:03,906
Pixie deserves to
sing her beautiful song
359
00:17:03,930 --> 00:17:07,126
the way that she wrote
it, and I promise you,
360
00:17:07,150 --> 00:17:10,166
I am gonna keep my mouth shut.
361
00:17:10,190 --> 00:17:11,280
Starting...
362
00:17:11,940 --> 00:17:12,940
Now.
363
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,280
Sure. Why not? I'm happy again.
364
00:17:20,620 --> 00:17:23,950
Man, you're still
gorgeous, sexy.
365
00:17:25,660 --> 00:17:26,670
Meow, meow.
366
00:17:27,420 --> 00:17:28,420
Pretty kitty.
367
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:30,266
Let me look at you.
368
00:17:30,290 --> 00:17:32,210
Two can play at that game.
369
00:17:33,130 --> 00:17:36,276
♪ Something is glowing ♪
370
00:17:36,300 --> 00:17:38,816
♪ oh, no, is it showing? ♪
371
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:42,536
♪ Got a home alone doorknob ♪
372
00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:45,406
♪ ooh, yeah, yes ♪
373
00:17:45,430 --> 00:17:49,126
- ♪ it's gonna get sexy ♪
- ♪ sexy ♪
374
00:17:49,150 --> 00:17:51,666
♪ so watch out, Joe pesci ♪
375
00:17:51,690 --> 00:17:55,030
♪ got a home alone doorknob ♪
376
00:17:56,650 --> 00:17:58,160
What is happening to me?
377
00:17:58,700 --> 00:17:59,756
I feel sick,
378
00:17:59,780 --> 00:18:03,346
like Kevin when he's
home alone for the first time
379
00:18:03,370 --> 00:18:05,290
and he eats all that ice cream.
380
00:18:06,710 --> 00:18:07,710
Wait.
381
00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:11,380
Who's Kevin?
382
00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:16,340
♪ What if the world was round ♪
383
00:18:17,090 --> 00:18:19,890
♪ from shore to shore? ♪
384
00:18:21,260 --> 00:18:25,220
♪ What if bullets were kisses? ♪
385
00:18:25,850 --> 00:18:29,140
♪ Would there even be war...? ♪
386
00:18:30,100 --> 00:18:32,520
She looks so happy.
387
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:34,570
But I don't know,
388
00:18:35,820 --> 00:18:38,546
does it feel like maybe
it's missing something?
389
00:18:38,570 --> 00:18:40,466
- Summer, no. Do not.
- I...
390
00:18:40,490 --> 00:18:43,096
I just feel, dawn, like it
might be a little bit better...
391
00:18:43,120 --> 00:18:45,926
- I know what you're thinking. It won't.
- It's begging for it!
392
00:18:45,950 --> 00:18:47,580
You've gotta let me scat!
393
00:18:48,410 --> 00:18:52,630
♪ Scooby, Scooby-doo,
not scrappy ♪
394
00:18:53,630 --> 00:18:55,436
♪ Brian boitano ♪
395
00:18:55,460 --> 00:18:57,816
What the dick are you doing?
396
00:18:57,840 --> 00:18:59,486
♪ Jazzy, jazzy, jazzy ♪
397
00:18:59,510 --> 00:19:01,430
That's it. I quit music.
398
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:07,350
♪ Hey, Kelly and Ryan ♪
399
00:19:08,390 --> 00:19:09,520
Damn it, summer.
400
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:13,520
Dawn! Guess I'm you tonight. Ah!
401
00:19:14,230 --> 00:19:16,336
Cool. Well, have fun.
402
00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:18,940
- I'm happy to sit this one out.
- Why?
403
00:19:19,530 --> 00:19:20,716
Um...
404
00:19:20,740 --> 00:19:24,346
You know, I'm not really
a big fan of our early stuff.
405
00:19:24,370 --> 00:19:26,080
I don't love the messages,
406
00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:30,016
and I'd feel bad if they
became like a life road map
407
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:32,146
for some impressionable
young girls.
408
00:19:32,170 --> 00:19:34,476
- Are you talking about me?
- Taffy...
409
00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:37,000
Taffy, I'm so sorry.
410
00:19:37,630 --> 00:19:40,396
I feel terrible that I made you.
411
00:19:40,420 --> 00:19:43,720
But I've moved past
it and you can too.
412
00:19:44,260 --> 00:19:47,446
- Inside every woman is a cape...
- You think you made me?
413
00:19:47,470 --> 00:19:49,810
You wanna know
why girls5eva is here?
414
00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:52,576
Because we're your heroes?
415
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:53,497
No.
416
00:19:53,521 --> 00:19:56,820
Because you made me feel like I felt
back when I had your poster on my wall,
417
00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:59,506
back before I found out
my dad had a second family
418
00:19:59,530 --> 00:20:01,466
and I lit all those fires,
and my mom got blamed,
419
00:20:01,490 --> 00:20:02,546
and we lost the apartment,
420
00:20:02,570 --> 00:20:05,820
and I had to drop out of school
and dig graves behind the vet's office.
421
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:07,967
Okay.
422
00:20:07,991 --> 00:20:10,016
That's what people love
about nostalgia, dumb-dumb.
423
00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:12,596
Makes them feel like they did
when life was easy. You know?
424
00:20:12,620 --> 00:20:15,016
Probably because you didn't
know any better. But for me?
425
00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:18,920
Listening to girls5eva is like, you
know, smelling dunkaroos, okay?
426
00:20:19,550 --> 00:20:22,026
So get over yourself
and let me enjoy my party.
427
00:20:22,050 --> 00:20:24,026
Yep. Okay.
428
00:20:24,050 --> 00:20:26,406
- Happy birthday.
- You're doing the same thing, by the way.
429
00:20:26,430 --> 00:20:27,616
- Excuse me?
- Come on.
430
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:30,116
Back with your girl
group from 20 years ago?
431
00:20:30,140 --> 00:20:33,076
You think you're too good
for "sweet'n low daddy"
432
00:20:33,100 --> 00:20:35,746
or "I'm a guy's girl,
parentheses, girls r crazy,"
433
00:20:35,770 --> 00:20:37,980
but there's something
you miss about it too, so...
434
00:20:39,730 --> 00:20:44,530
Are you a chameleon on a stop
sign? 'Cause you just got read.
435
00:20:45,740 --> 00:20:48,806
♪ Doggy feet are just paws ♪
436
00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:52,016
Yay!
437
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:54,516
- Oh, thank you.
- That sucked!
438
00:20:54,540 --> 00:20:55,556
Why did you do that?
439
00:20:55,580 --> 00:20:57,106
Oh!
440
00:20:57,130 --> 00:20:59,540
Not cool, monkey from friends!
441
00:21:00,170 --> 00:21:02,026
Oh, my gosh.
442
00:21:02,050 --> 00:21:03,840
No one likes what I did?
443
00:21:04,590 --> 00:21:05,590
Except I do.
444
00:21:06,130 --> 00:21:08,026
That was my opinion.
445
00:21:08,050 --> 00:21:12,036
Like, not kev's, not Randy's,
446
00:21:12,060 --> 00:21:15,270
not my teenage Bible
with the Jesus that surfs.
447
00:21:15,890 --> 00:21:17,600
I just got it from me.
448
00:21:22,070 --> 00:21:24,280
Maybe there is a "me" inside me.
449
00:21:29,830 --> 00:21:31,660
You've shown a lot
of growth, summer.
450
00:21:35,830 --> 00:21:38,750
♪ How many times do I
have to try to tell you? ♪
451
00:21:39,670 --> 00:21:42,396
♪ These are the questions... ♪
452
00:21:42,420 --> 00:21:44,970
- Lunch lord.
- Oh, come on.
453
00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:47,526
You're calling me right after?
454
00:21:47,550 --> 00:21:49,366
Fine. How was it?
455
00:21:49,390 --> 00:21:50,696
There was no it.
456
00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:53,656
It was like you stopped me, but
you're hundreds of miles away.
457
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:55,956
How did you do
that? Are you a witch?
458
00:21:55,980 --> 00:21:57,536
I'm not a witch.
459
00:21:57,560 --> 00:22:00,036
But is it possible that you...?
460
00:22:00,060 --> 00:22:03,166
Thought about you being
sad and it made me sad.
461
00:22:03,190 --> 00:22:06,256
Like Kevin when
he missed his family.
462
00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:07,676
Even buzz.
463
00:22:07,700 --> 00:22:09,240
And that's a new
feeling for you?
464
00:22:10,370 --> 00:22:12,870
Are you nodding and
thinking I can see it?
465
00:22:13,490 --> 00:22:16,556
Wow. Wickie, you're
like a starter person.
466
00:22:16,580 --> 00:22:18,556
But I'm proud of you.
467
00:22:18,580 --> 00:22:20,016
I love you.
468
00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:21,226
I love you too.
469
00:22:21,250 --> 00:22:24,276
And just so we're clear, if you
ever have sex with anyone else,
470
00:22:24,300 --> 00:22:27,590
I will hunt down everything
you love and kill it in front of you.
471
00:22:29,220 --> 00:22:31,300
No, you hang up first. No...
472
00:22:32,970 --> 00:22:38,116
And now girls5eva minus
dawn, but with Taffy england!
473
00:22:38,140 --> 00:22:40,876
Can you see me?
474
00:22:40,900 --> 00:22:42,270
Baby, I'm so sparkly!
475
00:22:42,900 --> 00:22:45,456
I am glad to be back
here with you guys.
476
00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:46,666
Okay.
477
00:22:46,690 --> 00:22:50,716
♪ Bills are piling up don't
wanna work for nothing ♪
478
00:22:50,740 --> 00:22:54,716
♪ wanna find myself a daddy
to get me all my somethings ♪
479
00:22:54,740 --> 00:22:59,160
♪ put on my camo 'kini because
we're going daddy hunting... ♪
480
00:22:59,750 --> 00:23:01,936
Oh, this song brings me back.
481
00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:03,976
We used to play the
heartbreakers soundtrack
482
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:05,726
in the locker room after a win.
483
00:23:05,750 --> 00:23:07,316
Must bring you back too.
484
00:23:07,340 --> 00:23:08,630
No, not really.
485
00:23:10,220 --> 00:23:13,156
I mean, I remember
singing it at Wembley.
486
00:23:13,180 --> 00:23:14,616
I was 19.
487
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:16,310
O-town opened for us.
488
00:23:16,970 --> 00:23:19,310
God, I was fearless!
489
00:23:19,940 --> 00:23:22,060
I didn't know it'd all be
gone in a matter of months.
490
00:23:23,730 --> 00:23:25,086
But life happens.
491
00:23:25,110 --> 00:23:28,780
You know, you grow up, nobody
thinks you're special anymore.
492
00:23:29,610 --> 00:23:32,756
Somebody calls you a cunt at
the Duane reade. Stuff like that.
493
00:23:32,780 --> 00:23:35,330
That was a longer
reply than I expected.
494
00:23:37,660 --> 00:23:40,460
God, Taffy's right. I
do miss something.
495
00:23:41,250 --> 00:23:42,250
I miss her.
496
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:46,630
And when I'm onstage,
I feel like her again...
497
00:23:47,750 --> 00:23:49,146
And I like it.
498
00:23:49,170 --> 00:23:52,180
Then get up there.
I won't judge you.
499
00:23:54,140 --> 00:23:56,236
Go! Get up there!
500
00:23:56,260 --> 00:23:59,906
Okay. I don't like this
song, but I want in!
501
00:23:59,930 --> 00:24:03,126
♪ Won't lift a finger it's
too heavy with diamonds ♪
502
00:24:03,150 --> 00:24:07,046
♪ bat our eyelashes until
we get a private island ♪
503
00:24:07,070 --> 00:24:09,126
♪ never have to
meet his parents ♪
504
00:24:09,150 --> 00:24:11,320
♪ 'cause they
died during Nixon ♪
505
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:15,386
♪ died during Nixon, yeah! ♪
506
00:24:15,410 --> 00:24:19,766
♪ Ten men by the pool
sipping coco rummies ♪
507
00:24:19,790 --> 00:24:23,476
♪ our tummies, hip, no thighs
and all them rich daddy dummies ♪
508
00:24:23,500 --> 00:24:25,726
♪ time to bag
ourselves a daddy ♪
509
00:24:25,750 --> 00:24:27,936
♪ to buy me so much money ♪
510
00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:31,396
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
511
00:24:31,420 --> 00:24:33,446
♪ our true love is Benjamin ♪
512
00:24:33,470 --> 00:24:35,156
♪ last name, Franklin ♪
513
00:24:35,180 --> 00:24:37,616
♪ would marry a
daddy as old as him ♪
514
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:39,866
♪ if he caters to
my every whim ♪
515
00:24:39,890 --> 00:24:43,076
♪ we're looking for a
sweet'n low daddy ♪
516
00:24:43,100 --> 00:24:44,826
♪ a love that's artificial ♪
517
00:24:44,850 --> 00:24:47,706
♪ but his wallet makes
us happy, happy ♪
518
00:24:47,730 --> 00:24:49,496
♪ where's that diners club? ♪
519
00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:51,506
♪ We want a tiger cub ♪
520
00:24:51,530 --> 00:24:53,506
♪ don't need to graduate ♪
521
00:24:53,530 --> 00:24:55,926
♪ 'cause we're elder bait ♪
522
00:24:55,950 --> 00:24:59,176
- ♪ but real talk ♪
- ♪ real talk ♪
523
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:05,436
♪ when are you gonna die? ♪
524
00:25:05,460 --> 00:25:07,266
♪ When are you gonna die?! ♪
525
00:25:07,290 --> 00:25:10,566
♪ Won't lift a finger it's
too heavy with diamonds ♪
526
00:25:10,590 --> 00:25:14,606
♪ bat our eyelashes until
we get a private island ♪
527
00:25:14,630 --> 00:25:16,446
♪ never have to
meet his parents ♪
528
00:25:16,470 --> 00:25:19,486
♪ 'cause they
died during Nixon ♪
529
00:25:19,510 --> 00:25:22,696
♪ died during Nixon, yeah! ♪
530
00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:26,116
♪ 'Cause we're that type of
girls who only want one thing ♪
531
00:25:26,140 --> 00:25:27,456
♪ what's that one thing? ♪
532
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:30,126
♪ It's infinity
things, bling, bling! ♪
533
00:25:30,150 --> 00:25:34,796
♪ 'Cause we're looking
for a sweet'n low daddy ♪
534
00:25:34,820 --> 00:25:36,636
♪ a love that's artificial ♪
535
00:25:36,660 --> 00:25:39,490
♪ but his wallet makes
us happy, happy ♪
40654
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