Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:38,918
'Arthur Dent,
a perfectly ordinary Earthman,
2
00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:42,157
'was rather surprised
when his friend Ford Prefect
3
00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:45,511
'suddenly revealed himself
to be from a small planet
4
00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:47,870
'in the vicinity of Betelgeuse
5
00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:51,231
'and not from Guildford after all.
6
00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:54,432
'He was even more surprised
when, minutes later,
7
00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:56,949
'Earth was unexpectedly demolished
8
00:00:57,160 --> 00:01:00,118
'to make way
for a new hyperspace by-pass.
9
00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:03,312
'But this was as nothing
to their joint surprise
10
00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:07,433
'when they were rescued from certain
death by a stolen spaceship
11
00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:12,156
'manned by Ford's semi-cousin,
the infamous Zaphod Beeblebrox,
12
00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:15,875
'and by Trillian, a rather nice
young astrophysicist
13
00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:19,231
'Arthur once met at a party
in Islington.
14
00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:23,752
'However, all four of them are soon
totally overwhelmed by surprise
15
00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:27,555
'when they discover that
the ancient world of Magrathea,
16
00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:32,117
'a planet legendary for its trade
in manufacturing other planets,
17
00:01:32,320 --> 00:01:35,676
'is not as dead
as it was supposed to be.
18
00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:37,836
'For Zaphod, Ford and Trillian,
19
00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:41,999
'surprise is pushed to its
very limits when THIS happened...'
20
00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:44,270
(WHOOSHING)
21
00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:47,233
'And when Arthur encounters
Slartibartfast,
22
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:49,670
'the Magrathean coastline designer
23
00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:52,269
'who won an award for his work
on Norway
24
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,948
'and learns that the history
of mankind
25
00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:58,550
'was only being run for the benefit
of a few white mice,
26
00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:01,274
'surprise is no longer adequate
27
00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:04,438
'and he is forced to resort
to astonishment.'
28
00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:05,914
Mice?!
29
00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:10,996
Mind your head.
30
00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:13,156
E-Excuse the mess.
31
00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:18,831
Most unfortunate - a diode blew in
one of the life support computers.
32
00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:21,429
When we came to revive
our cleaning staff,
33
00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:24,638
we discovered they'd been dead
for 30,000 years.
34
00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:29,231
Who's going to clear away the bodies?
That's what no one has an answer for.
35
00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:33,797
Mice? Look, are we talking
about the same things?
36
00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:38,071
Mice are white furry creatures
with a cheese fixation,
37
00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:41,875
women standing screaming on tables
in early '60s sitcoms.
38
00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:46,756
Earthman, it is sometimes hard
to follow your mode of speech.
39
00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:50,990
I have been asleep
inside this planet of Magrathea
40
00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:54,749
for...um...five million years
41
00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:59,909
and know little of these early '60s
sitcoms of which you speak.
42
00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:03,874
These creatures you call mice
are not quite as they appear.
43
00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:06,594
They are merely the protrusion
into our dimension
44
00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:10,759
of vast hyper-intelligent,
pan-dimensional beings.
45
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:17,353
This business with the cheese
and the squeaking is just a front.
46
00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:19,915
They have been experimenting on you.
47
00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:24,671
Ahh! No, look, you've got it wrong!
It was us! We experimented on THEM!
48
00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:28,634
Making them run down mazes,
ring bells, eat bits of cheese!
49
00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:31,070
And, by analysing their behaviour,
50
00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:34,192
were learned all sorts of things
about ourselves!
51
00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:36,550
- Such subtlety!
- Well...
52
00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:39,718
Well, how better to disguise
their true natures,
53
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,798
how better to guide your way
of thinking,
54
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,468
than to be right down there
amongst you?
55
00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:48,672
Suddenly running down the maze
the wrong way,
56
00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:51,436
eating the wrong bit of cheese,
57
00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:54,393
unexpectedly dropping dead
of myxomatosis.
58
00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:58,559
Finely calculated,
the cumulative effect is enormous.
59
00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:02,719
Just sit...back...back.
60
00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:06,071
I must tell you
that your planet and people
61
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:09,158
have formed the matrix
of an organic computer
62
00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:12,352
running a 10-million-year
research programme
63
00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:16,917
into the ultimate question of Life,
the Universe...and Everything.
64
00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:22,114
They are particularly clever,
hyper-intelligent, pan-dimensional beings.
65
00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:26,472
(TANN0Y) Attention! Slartibartfastand the visiting Earth creature
66
00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:31,037
report to the work's reception areaimmediately... Repeat, immediately!
67
00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:35,199
However, in the field of management
relations, they're shocking.
68
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:38,631
- Really?
- Every time they give me an order,
69
00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:40,990
I want to jump on a table and scream.
70
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:43,395
Yes, I can see
that would be a problem.
71
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:47,158
'There are many problems
connected with life,
72
00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:49,828
'of which some of
the most pressing are...
73
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:51,996
'Why are people born?
74
00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:54,436
'Why do they die?
75
00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:57,791
'And why do they spend
so much of the intervening time
76
00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,956
'wearing digital watches?
77
00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:06,471
'Many millions of years ago,
a race of hyper-intelligent beings
78
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:10,958
'became so fed-up with the bickering
about the meaning of life
79
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:14,869
'that they decided to sit down
and solve it once and for all.
80
00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:17,230
'To this end, they built themselves
81
00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:20,989
'a stupendous super-computer
called Deep Thought
82
00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,509
'that was so amazingly intelligent
83
00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:26,996
'that even before its data banks
had been connected up,
84
00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:29,350
'it started
from first principles with:
85
00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:36,669
'And deduced the existence
of rice pudding and income tax
86
00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:39,633
'before anyone managed
to turn it off.'
87
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,796
Do not be alarmed.
88
00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:46,199
'Only after Deep Thought
has been programmed
89
00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:49,676
'with all the knowledge
in the Universe, do two men,
90
00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:53,839
'selected of all their race,
approach it.'
91
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:01,355
(LOUD CREAKING AND RUMBLING)
92
00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:08,835
(C0MPUTER) What is this great taskfor which I, Deep Thought,
93
00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:11,873
the second greatest computerin the Universe
94
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:16,676
of Time and Space,have been called into existence?
95
00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:21,951
- Your task, O computer...
- No, wait a minute!
96
00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:24,790
Did he say ''second greatest''?
97
00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:28,990
O Deep Thought, are you not,
as we designed you to be,
98
00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:33,318
the greatest, the most powerful
computer of all time?
99
00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:38,799
I described myself asthe second greatest and such I am!
100
00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:41,875
Can we just clear this up?
101
00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:45,072
O Deep Thought,
are you not a greater computer
102
00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:49,751
than the Milliard Gargantubrain which
can count all the atoms in a star?
103
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:56,229
A Milliard Gargantubrain?A mere abacus! Mention it not!
104
00:06:56,440 --> 00:07:00,877
Are you not a greater analyst
than the Googleplex Star Thinker
105
00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:03,514
in the 7th Galaxy
of Light and Ingenuity?
106
00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:07,269
The Googleplex Star Thinker?
107
00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:11,314
Molest me notwith this pocket calculator stuff!
108
00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:13,829
But are you not
a more fiendish disputant
109
00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:19,637
than the Great Hyperlobic Omnicognate
Neutron Wrangler on Ciceronicus 12?!
110
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:22,479
The Great 0mnicognateNeutron Wrangler
111
00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:26,832
could talk all four legsoff an Arcturan megadonkey,
112
00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:31,511
but only I could persuade itto go for a walk afterwards!
113
00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:34,314
Then...what is the problem?
114
00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:36,875
There is no problem!
115
00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:42,878
I speak of none but the computerthat is to come after me!
116
00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:46,038
I think this is getting
needlessly messianic.
117
00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:50,677
A computer whose merestoperational parameters
118
00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:53,553
I am not worthy to calculate,
119
00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:59,835
but which it will be my destinyeventually to design!
120
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:03,155
Can we get on and ask the question?
121
00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:05,316
Oh, all right.
122
00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:12,198
O Great Computer, the task we have
designed you to perform is this.
123
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:15,472
We want you to tell us the answer.
124
00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:18,670
The answer?
125
00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:21,838
- The answer to what?
- Life!
126
00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:25,077
- The Universe!
- Everything!
127
00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:27,475
Tricky.
128
00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:29,636
But...can you do it?
129
00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:34,113
Yes, I can do it.
130
00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:37,234
You mean...there IS an answer?
131
00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:40,878
- A simple answer?
- Yes.
132
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,311
Life, the Universe and Everything.
133
00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:46,476
There is an answer.
134
00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:50,992
- There is an answer! At last!
- But I'll have to think about it.
135
00:08:56,560 --> 00:08:58,630
- We demand admission!
- Now what?
136
00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:02,674
- You can't keep us out!
- We demand you cannot keep us out!
137
00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:10,749
- Who are you? Get out of here!
- I am Majikthise!
138
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:13,997
And I demand that I am Vroomfondel!
139
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:18,754
It's all right,
you don't need to demand that!
140
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:21,235
All right, I am Vroomfondel...
141
00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:26,033
..and that is not a demand,
that is a solid fact!
142
00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:28,196
What we demand is solid facts!
143
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:31,551
No, we don't! That is precisely
what we DON'T demand!
144
00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:33,716
We don't demand solid facts!
145
00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:37,196
What we demand is a total absence
of solid facts!
146
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:42,758
I demand that I may, or may not,
be Vroomfondel!
147
00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:48,036
- Who are you?
- We are philosophers.
148
00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:50,435
- Though we may not be!
- Yes, we are!
149
00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:53,359
We are definitely here
as representatives
150
00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:57,951
of the Amalgamated Union
of Philosophers, Sages, and Luminaries,
151
00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:00,469
and we want the machine off now!
152
00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:02,636
We demand that you get rid of it!
153
00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:07,118
- What's the problem?
- The problem is demarcation, mate!
154
00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:11,472
We demand that demarcation
may or may not be the problem!
155
00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:14,114
Let the machines
get on with the adding up
156
00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:17,073
and WE'LL take care
of the eternal verities!
157
00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:19,589
By law, the quest for ultimate truth
158
00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:23,156
is the inalienable prerogative
of your working thinkers!
159
00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:26,432
Any machine goes and finds 'em,
we're out of a job!
160
00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:30,633
What's the use of our arguing
half the night whether there may...
161
00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:32,796
- Or may not!
- ..be a god...
162
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:36,629
..if this machine gives you
his phone number in the morning!
163
00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:38,114
That's right!
164
00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:42,916
We demand rigidly defined areas
of doubt and uncertainty!
165
00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:47,033
Might I make an observation
at this point?
166
00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:48,958
Keep out of this!
167
00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:53,517
We demand that that machine not be
allowed to think about this problem!
168
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,676
(THUNDERCLAP)
169
00:10:56,520 --> 00:11:00,798
If I might make an observation!
170
00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:06,474
All I wanted to say was this.
171
00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:10,229
My circuitsare now irrevocably committed
172
00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:12,954
to calculating the answer
173
00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:18,553
to the ultimate questionof Life, the Universe and Everything,
174
00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:23,390
but the program will take mea little while to run.
175
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:28,871
- How long?
- Seven and a half...
176
00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:34,677
- What, not till next week?!
- ..million...years!
177
00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:40,716
- How long?!
- I said I'd have to think about it.
178
00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:45,471
And it occurs to me that runninga program like this
179
00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:48,433
is bound to createconsiderable interest
180
00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:51,552
in the whole areaof popular philosophy.
181
00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:55,036
- Yes?
- Keep talking.
182
00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:58,672
Everyone's going to havehis own theory
183
00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:02,919
about what answer I'm eventuallygoing to come up with
184
00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:06,874
and who better to capitaliseon that media market
185
00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:09,514
than you yourselves?
186
00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:13,554
So long as you can keep violentlydisagreeing with each other
187
00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:16,752
and slagging each other offin the popular press,
188
00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:21,112
and so long asyou have clever agents,
189
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:26,075
you can keep yourselveson the gravy train for life!
190
00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:32,678
Bloody hell!
Now, that's what I call thinking!
191
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:37,513
'Ere, Vroomfondel, how come
we never think of things like that?
192
00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:39,676
Dunno.
193
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:44,189
I think our minds must be
too highly trained, Majikthise.
194
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:52,798
Very salutary, but what about
the Earth and mice?
195
00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,550
All will become clear to you.
196
00:12:57,160 --> 00:13:02,109
Are you not anxious to hear what the
computer said 7.5 million years later?
197
00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:05,471
Erm...yes...quite.
198
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,356
(DISK SMASHES)
199
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:31,950
The time is nearly upon us!
200
00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:35,118
7.5 million years we've waited.
201
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:38,955
75,000 generations
202
00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:43,233
since our ancestors set this program
in motion and, in all that time,
203
00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:46,716
we shall be the first to hear
the computer speak.
204
00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:49,830
It's an awesome prospect.
205
00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:51,996
(RUMBLING)
206
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:55,756
Deep Thought is about to speak!
207
00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:00,830
(DEEP TH0UGHT) Good evening.
208
00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:04,716
G-Good evening.
209
00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:08,156
(THUNDEROUS RUMBLING)
210
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:17,396
O...Deep Thought...
211
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:20,831
..do you have... Have you...?
212
00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:23,600
An answer for you?
213
00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:26,360
Yes, I have.
214
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:29,950
- There really is one?
- There really is one.
215
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:32,879
To everything?
The secret of the Universe?
216
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:35,878
The great questions of Life
and Everything?
217
00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:38,719
- Yes.
- Are you ready to give it to us?
218
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:41,229
- I am.
- Now?!
219
00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:44,237
Now!
220
00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:46,112
Wow!
221
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:49,949
Though I don't thinkyou're going to like it.
222
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,598
Doesn't matter! We must know it!
223
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:57,190
- Now?
- Yes...now.
224
00:14:57,400 --> 00:14:59,356
All right.
225
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:14,153
- Well?
- You're really not going to like it.
226
00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:15,793
Tell us!
227
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:19,276
- The answer to the great question...
- Yes?
228
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:22,995
..of Life, the Universeand Everything...
229
00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:24,679
- Yes?
- ..is...
230
00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:26,199
- Yes?
-..is...
231
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:30,632
- (BOTH) Yes?!
- ..42!
232
00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:36,116
It was a tough assignment.
233
00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:38,356
(BOTH) 42?!
234
00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:45,589
Is that all you've got to show
for 7.5 million years' work?!
235
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:48,796
I think the problem
236
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,912
is that you've never knownwhat the question is.
237
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,516
But it was the GREAT question,
238
00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:59,358
the ultimate question of Life,
the Universe and Everything!
239
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:03,357
Yes, but what actually is it?
240
00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:06,236
Well...
241
00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:09,116
..just everything!
242
00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:12,357
You know...everything!
243
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,516
Exactly.
244
00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:18,474
You have to knowwhat the question actually is
245
00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:21,319
in order to knowwhat the answer means.
246
00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:24,832
Well, can you please tell us
the question?
247
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:27,914
- The Ultimate Question?
- Yes!
248
00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:32,712
0f Life, the Universeand Everything?
249
00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:35,639
- Yes!
- Tricky.
250
00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:39,672
But can you do it?
251
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:43,716
No.
252
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:47,913
But I'll tell you who can.
253
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,153
Tell us!
254
00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:52,316
(THUNDERCLAP)
255
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:58,115
I speak of none but the computerthat is to come after me.
256
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:02,279
A computer whose merestoperational parameters
257
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:05,438
I am not worthy to calculate!
258
00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:08,598
Yet I will design it for you!
259
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:13,828
A computer which can calculatethe Answer to the Ultimate Question,
260
00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:18,192
a computer of such infiniteand subtle complexity
261
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:20,356
that organic life itself
262
00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:24,155
shall form partof its operational matrix.
263
00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:29,798
You yourselves shall take on newforms and go down into the computer
264
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:33,788
to navigateits 10-million-year program!
265
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:38,559
Yes, I shall designthis computer for you
266
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:41,718
and I shall name it also unto you
267
00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:46,277
and it shall be called the Earth!
268
00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:51,995
Oh, what a dull name.
269
00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:54,156
So there you have it.
270
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:58,993
Deep Thought designed the Earth,
we built it and you lived on it.
271
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:03,159
The Vogons destroyed it 5 minutes
before the program was completed.
272
00:18:03,360 --> 00:18:06,716
10 million years of planning
and work gone.
273
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:09,150
Well, that's bureaucracy for you.
274
00:18:09,360 --> 00:18:11,510
Do you know, this explains a lot,
275
00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:14,951
because all my life
I've had this feeling in my bones
276
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:18,311
something sinister was happening
in the Universe.
277
00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:20,476
No one would tell me what it was.
278
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:23,877
That's just perfectly normal
paranoia.
279
00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:27,072
- Everyone in the Universe has that.
- Everyone?
280
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:29,632
Everyone.
281
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:31,796
Maybe that means something!
282
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:35,959
That outside the Universe we know,
some alien intelligence is...
283
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:38,116
Maybe. Who cares?
284
00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:41,471
Perhaps I'm old,
but the chances of finding out
285
00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:44,638
what really is going on
are so absurdly remote
286
00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:49,277
the only thing to do is to say, ''Hang
the sense of it'' and keep occupied.
287
00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:53,996
Look at me. I design coastlines.
I got an award for Norway.
288
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:57,875
Where's the sense in that?
None that I can make out.
289
00:18:58,080 --> 00:19:00,230
I've been doing fjords all my life.
290
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:05,230
For a fleeting moment, they become
fashionable. I get a major award.
291
00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:08,955
In this replacement Earth,
I've been given Africa to do.
292
00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:13,119
I'm doing it with with fjords
because I happen to like them.
293
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:17,393
I'm old-fashioned enough to think
they give a lovely baroque feel
294
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,556
to a continent.
295
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:23,639
They tell me it's not equatorial
enough. What does it matter?
296
00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:26,513
Science has achieved
wonderful things,
297
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:29,632
but I'd far rather be happy
than right any day.
298
00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:33,549
- And are you?
- No. That's where it all falls down.
299
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:37,036
Pity. Sounded like
rather a good lifestyle otherwise.
300
00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:42,075
(TANN0Y) Slartibartfast and the Earthcreature report to the reception area.
301
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:45,317
Now? To meet mice?
You want me to meet mice now?
302
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:47,750
It won't be a great social occasion.
303
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:49,712
(TANN0Y) At once!
304
00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:52,639
I seem to be having difficulty
with MY lifestyle.
305
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:55,400
- I beg your pardon?
- What? Sorry.
306
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:58,956
- Fatuous thing to say, really.
- I thought so.
307
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:04,879
'It is, of course, well known
that careless talk costs lives,
308
00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:08,516
'but the full scale of the problem
is not always appreciated.
309
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:11,075
'At the very moment Arthur said:
310
00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:14,272
I seem to be having difficulty
with MY lifestyle.
311
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:18,871
'a freak wormhole opened up in the
fabric of the space-time continuum
312
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:21,469
'and carried his words
far back in time
313
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:26,071
'across almost infinite reaches
of space to a distant galaxy
314
00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:28,430
'where strange and warlike beings
315
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:32,519
'were poised on the brink
of frightful interstellar battle.
316
00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:36,352
'The two leaders
were meeting for the last time.
317
00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:39,358
'A silence fell across
the conference table
318
00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:44,873
'as the commander of the Vl'hurgs,
in his red jewelled battle shorts,
319
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:49,358
'gazed levelly at the G'Gugvunt
leader squatting opposite him
320
00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:52,438
'in a cloud of green,
sweet-smelling steam
321
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:55,632
'and, with a million
be-weaponed star cruisers
322
00:20:55,840 --> 00:21:00,595
'poised to unleash electric death
at his single word of command,
323
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:04,076
'challenged the vile creature
to take back what it said
324
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:06,475
'about his mother.
325
00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:10,796
'The creature stirred
in its sickly broiling vapour
326
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,956
'and at that moment the words...
327
00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:15,720
I seem to be having difficultywith MY lifestyle.
328
00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:18,070
'..drifted across the table.
329
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,840
'Unfortunately,
in the Vl'hurg tongue,
330
00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:23,793
'this was the most dreadful insult
imaginable
331
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:28,073
'and there was nothing for it
but to fight terrible war!'
332
00:21:31,120 --> 00:21:33,076
(COMPUTER GAME-TYPE BLEEPS)
333
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:52,152
'Eventually, after their galaxy
had been decimated
334
00:21:52,360 --> 00:21:54,920
'over a few thousand years,
it was realised
335
00:21:55,120 --> 00:21:57,873
'the whole thing
had been a ghastly mistake.
336
00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:02,039
'So the two opposing battle fleets
settled their differences
337
00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:05,198
'in order to launch
a joint attack on our galaxy,
338
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:09,632
'now positively identified as
the source of the offending remark.
339
00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:12,274
'For thousands more years,
the mighty ships
340
00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:15,040
'tore across the empty wastes
of space
341
00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:18,630
'and finally dived,
streaming onto the planet Earth
342
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:22,116
'where, due to a terrible
miscalculation of scale,
343
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:27,599
'the entire battle fleet was
accidently swallowed by a small dog.
344
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:32,071
'Those who study the interplay
of cause and effect
345
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:36,353
'in the history of the Universe
say this goes on all the time,
346
00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:39,358
'but that they are powerless
to prevent it.
347
00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:43,038
'Meanwhile,
Arthur is about to be confronted
348
00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:46,312
'with the terrible reality
of all he has learnt.'
349
00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:49,711
Arthur, you're safe!
350
00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:52,236
Am I? Oh, good.
351
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:54,431
(THEY CHAT AMONGST THEMSELVES)
352
00:22:57,320 --> 00:23:00,869
- Hi. Come in. Food.
- What happened to you?
353
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:03,753
Well, our hosts here
have been gassing us
354
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:06,474
and zapping our minds
and being weird,
355
00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:10,559
and are now giving us this amazingly
keen meal to make it up to us.
356
00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:14,116
Have some Vegan rhino cutlet!
It's exit!
357
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:16,276
Hosts? I don't see any hosts!
358
00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:18,675
Ugh! There are mice on the table!
359
00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:25,796
Yes...sorry.
I...wasn't quite prepared for...
360
00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:30,271
Let me introduce you.
361
00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:32,755
- This is Benjy mouse.
- Hi, there!
362
00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:36,077
- And this is...Frankie mouse.
- Pleased to meet you!
363
00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:39,752
- Aren't they...
- The mice I brought from Earth.
364
00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:41,234
Well...
365
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:43,715
Try some grated Arcturan megadonkey.
366
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:45,990
Ahem! Excuse me!
367
00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:48,839
(BENJY)
Yes, Slartibartfast, you may go!
368
00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:50,393
What?
369
00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:55,799
Oh, very well, I'll go and get on
with some of my fjords, then.
370
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:57,956
They won't be necessary.
371
00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:00,879
I don't think we'll be needing
the new Earth.
372
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:02,638
What?!
373
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:07,072
I've got a thousand glaciers poised
and ready to roll over Africa!
374
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:10,477
Thank you, Slartibartfast,
that will be all!
375
00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:13,114
Yes, sir. Thank you very much.
376
00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:15,753
Well...
377
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:18,076
..goodbye, Earthman.
378
00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:22,193
Sorry about your planet.
Hope the lifestyle comes together!
379
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,949
- (BENJY) Now to business!
- Oh, yeah. To business!
380
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:28,833
- To business!
- I beg your pardon?!
381
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:33,238
I'm sorry, I thought
you were proposing a toast!
382
00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:37,752
Earth creature, we've been running
your planet for 10 million years
383
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:40,428
in order to find
the Ultimate Question.
384
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:43,791
As we were about to see the fruit
of millions of years of work,
385
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:45,991
you let your planet get blown up!
386
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:49,317
- The best-laid plans of mice.
- And men.
387
00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:52,751
- What?
- Best-laid plans of mice and men.
388
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:55,349
What have men got to do with it?
389
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:57,869
We've got to have that Question!
390
00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:00,719
I'm sorry I can't help you.
Shall we be off?
391
00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:05,550
Get this, you are a last generation
product of that computer matrix.
392
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:08,877
You were there
before your planet got the finger.
393
00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:12,755
Your brain was a part
of the configuration of the program.
394
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:14,916
Of the whatty?
395
00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:17,718
- Drink?
- I will.
396
00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:21,879
The mice seem to think the Question
might be buried in your brain.
397
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:24,833
- Is that what they think?
- Yes. They wanna buy it.
398
00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:28,271
- What, the Question?
- No, no, your brain!
399
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:30,592
- What?
- What?
400
00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:32,074
What?
401
00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:35,795
- That's all right. Who'd miss it?
- Thank you!
402
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:39,595
I thought you said you could read
his brain electronically.
403
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:42,234
Yes, but we'd have
to get it out first.
404
00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:46,234
- It's got to be prepared, diced.
- Thank you!
405
00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:48,874
It could be replaced
if it's important.
406
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:51,355
Yes, an electronic brain.
407
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:54,074
- A simple one should suffice.
- Simple?
408
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:59,115
Program it to say ''What?'' and ''Where's
the tea?'' Who'd know the difference?
409
00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:00,594
- What?
- See?
410
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:03,439
- I'd notice!
- You'd be programmed not to!
411
00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:05,312
Let's get out!
412
00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:09,479
- Sorry, mice, old mates, no deal.
- Let's not be hasty...!
413
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:13,832
(TANN0Y) Emergency! Hostilealien police in Section 8A!
414
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:16,713
- Defence stations...!
- Galactic police!
415
00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:19,354
Hell and bats' dos,
we gotta go whoosh!
416
00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:23,436
- Creatures, where are you going?
- Out, out, out!
417
00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:28,077
But the Question!
Think of the issues at stake!
418
00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:30,635
- Which way?
- Any way!
419
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:33,400
- This way!
- (MOUSE) Don't you understand?
420
00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:39,835
Don't you understand how much money
we can make appearing on chat shows?
421
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:42,508
All this fuss
about an Earthling brain!
422
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:46,398
- Let's go, let's go!
- Where are we gonna go?!
423
00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:48,556
(PANIC-STRICKEN JABBERING)
424
00:26:51,120 --> 00:26:53,839
(JABBERING CONTINUES INSIDE LIFT)
425
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:05,390
Over there!
426
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:08,398
Which way?
427
00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:12,070
- At a wild guess, I'd say...
- This way.
428
00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:13,554
Yeah.
429
00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:18,117
OK, Beeblebrox, hold it right there,
we got you covered!
430
00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:22,597
- Cops!
- Anyone else want a guess?
431
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:25,075
Yeah...this way!
432
00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:30,192
We don't wanna shoot you, Beeblebrox.
433
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:32,356
Suits me fine!
434
00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:36,637
- Back to the lift?
- Back to the lift!
435
00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:45,035
Hey, I thought they said
they didn't want to shoot at us!
436
00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:48,437
- I thought so!
- You said you didn't wanna shoot us!
437
00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:51,359
It isn't easy being a cop!
438
00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:54,440
- What did he say?
- It isn't easy being a cop.
439
00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:56,790
- That's his problem!
- I think so!
440
00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:01,437
Listen, we've enough problems of our
own having you there shooting at us!
441
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:05,349
If you'd like to avoid laying
your personal problems on us,
442
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:07,994
I think we'd all find it
easier to cope!
443
00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:10,750
Now, look, buddy,
444
00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:15,636
you're not dealing with any dumb,
two-bit, trigger-pumping morons
445
00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:21,119
with low hairlines, little
piggy eyes and no conversation!
446
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:24,756
We're a couple of caring,
intelligent guys
447
00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:28,350
you'd probably really like
if you met us socially.
448
00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:31,518
I don't go around gratuitously
shooting people
449
00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:35,076
and then brag about it
in seedy space rangers bars.
450
00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:37,953
I go around
gratuitously shooting people,
451
00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:41,470
then I agonise about it afterwards
to my girlfriend!
452
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:45,639
- And I write novels!
- Yeah, he writes them in crayon.
453
00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:48,991
Though I haven't had
any published yet
454
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:54,069
so I'd better warn ya,
I'm in a mean mood!
455
00:28:56,000 --> 00:29:00,391
- Who are these guys?
- I preferred them shooting.
456
00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:04,593
So are you gonna come quietly
or you gonna let us blast ya out?
457
00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:06,791
Which would you prefer?
458
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:17,716
You still there?
459
00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:19,990
(ALL) Yeah!
460
00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:22,589
We didn't enjoy that at all.
461
00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:26,429
- We could tell!
- Now, listen to this, Beeblebrox.
462
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:29,438
- And you'd better listen good!
- Why?
463
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:35,672
Er...because it's gonna be
very intelligent
464
00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:38,917
and quite interesting...and humane.
465
00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:45,469
OK, shoot. I mean, fire away!
466
00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:47,636
No, no, I mean...!
467
00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:50,629
Sorry, misunderstanding there.
468
00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:56,389
Beeblebrox, either you all
give yourselves up
469
00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:58,556
and let us beat you up a little,
470
00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:03,311
though not too much because we are
firmly opposed to needless violence,
471
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:07,672
or...er...or we blow up
this entire planet!
472
00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:12,838
And one or two others
we noticed on the way over!
473
00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:15,270
That's crazy! You wouldn't do that!
474
00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:17,436
Yes, we would!
475
00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:21,474
- I think we would, wouldn't we?
- Yes, we'd have to. No question.
476
00:30:21,680 --> 00:30:24,035
- But why?
- Tell her.
477
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:26,196
- You tell her!
- You tell her!
478
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:28,630
- You tell her!
- You tell her!
479
00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:31,356
Will one of you tell her!
480
00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:35,874
(BOTH) It isn't easy being a cop!
481
00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:41,236
(Listen...if we keep them talking,
maybe their brains will seize up.)
482
00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:44,591
Shall we...shoot them up again
for a while?
483
00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:46,472
- Why not?
- Yeah.
484
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:48,238
Wait...
485
00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:54,508
Well, that just about wraps it up
for this lifetime, I guess.
486
00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:58,713
Well...it's really been nice
running into you again, Zaphod.
487
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:04,310
(BOTH) # Zaglabor astragard
488
00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:08,957
# Hootrimansion Bambriar... #
489
00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:13,039
- What the hell are you doing?!
- A Betelgeuse death anthem.
490
00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:16,994
It means, ''After this,
things can only get better.''
491
00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:23,716
# Zaglabor astragard!
492
00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:28,710
# Hootrimansion Bambriar... #
40958
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.