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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 Translated By The Community Of WWW.MY-SUBS.COM 1 00:00:26,458 --> 00:00:31,372 sync and corrections by dreaMaker7 www.MY-SUBS.com 2 00:00:36,075 --> 00:00:38,752 - Hey, guys! - Morning! 3 00:00:39,784 --> 00:00:43,539 - How's it going, everybody? - 'Sup, Jason? 4 00:00:44,427 --> 00:00:49,257 - Hey, dudes. 'Sup? - What are you guys doing here? 5 00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:52,118 What do you mean? We're just... going to school. 6 00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:54,920 I thought you guys said you didn't need school. 7 00:00:54,946 --> 00:00:58,564 Yeah, you said you had a start-up company and that school was for douchebags. 8 00:00:59,746 --> 00:01:03,656 Oh, yeah, yeah, the start-up company thing didn't really work out. 9 00:01:04,470 --> 00:01:06,904 But you told us all to go [Bleep] ourselves. 10 00:01:06,930 --> 00:01:10,563 Ugh, no, no, you guys. Guys, what we said was... 11 00:01:10,589 --> 00:01:12,583 You told us your company was gonna make $10 million 12 00:01:12,609 --> 00:01:15,143 and the rest of us could go [Bleep] ourselves. 13 00:01:15,453 --> 00:01:20,194 - We were trying to be funny. - Yeah, well, no one's laughing, Kyle. 14 00:01:28,627 --> 00:01:30,007 Hey, Wendy. 15 00:01:30,467 --> 00:01:31,917 You're back? 16 00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:34,949 Yeah, the start-up company thing didn't work out. 17 00:01:34,975 --> 00:01:37,024 Oh, wow, I'm shocked. 18 00:01:38,162 --> 00:01:40,998 So, hey, I was gonna see if you still wanted to see that 19 00:01:41,049 --> 00:01:42,905 - stupid Maze Runner movie. -You broke up with me, Stan. 20 00:01:42,931 --> 00:01:46,134 You said you had to be "free to chase your dreams." 21 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:49,586 Wendy, I thought my life was going in a different direction and I just 22 00:01:49,612 --> 00:01:51,975 felt that I really had to give it everything I had. 23 00:01:52,043 --> 00:01:53,944 You know, I had to focus on one thing. 24 00:01:53,970 --> 00:01:55,256 Is that why you told Clyde 25 00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:58,757 that you broke up with me because you're about to be "dripping in bitches"? 26 00:01:59,595 --> 00:02:02,330 Why does everyone suddenly remember everything everybody says? 27 00:02:02,776 --> 00:02:05,906 I'm happy, Stan. I'm happy I know who you really are now. 28 00:02:05,932 --> 00:02:07,832 You're someone who can't be counted on. 29 00:02:07,858 --> 00:02:10,402 You're someone who can just bail on the people you love. 30 00:02:16,311 --> 00:02:20,063 - Dude, people are pissed off at us. - [Muffled] 31 00:02:20,089 --> 00:02:23,399 Doesn't anyone understand the significance of "I'm sorry" anymore? 32 00:02:23,425 --> 00:02:25,264 Yeah, well said, Kyle. Good point. 33 00:02:25,290 --> 00:02:27,402 What happened to the significance? 34 00:02:27,428 --> 00:02:30,197 Well, I guess let's just be thankful we're not Butters. 35 00:02:30,223 --> 00:02:32,249 They won't even let him come back to school. 36 00:02:32,409 --> 00:02:34,310 All right, everyone, thanks for coming. 37 00:02:34,336 --> 00:02:36,704 As you know, we urgently need to discuss the matter 38 00:02:36,738 --> 00:02:41,233 of Butters stotch, who set fire to the school gymnasium and is now asking to come back. 39 00:02:41,259 --> 00:02:43,193 - Are we all set to start? - Almost. 40 00:02:43,261 --> 00:02:45,162 We're just waiting on Mr. Mackey... again. 41 00:02:45,230 --> 00:02:46,964 Aw, do we need Mackey here? 42 00:02:47,031 --> 00:02:49,722 Yeah, all he's gonna talk about is how he's gluten-free now and he feels 43 00:02:49,755 --> 00:02:51,322 so [Bleep] amazing. 44 00:02:51,383 --> 00:02:53,689 Well, you have to admit he does look a little better. 45 00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:55,081 He doesn't look any different to me. 46 00:02:55,107 --> 00:02:56,857 In the cheeks, you don't think he looks a little fuller? 47 00:02:56,883 --> 00:02:58,777 It's just the new diet fad. 48 00:02:58,816 --> 00:03:01,018 Sorry I'm late. I had to stop and get my own 49 00:03:01,085 --> 00:03:03,353 breakfast because I figured y'all would be having donuts, 50 00:03:03,421 --> 00:03:05,889 but I'm actually gluten-free, so I can't have donuts, mkay. 51 00:03:05,957 --> 00:03:09,180 Yes, Mr. Mackey, we're all aware that you're gluten-free now. 52 00:03:09,206 --> 00:03:13,729 I'm just saying that I personally feel so [Bleep] amazing. 53 00:03:13,755 --> 00:03:17,088 Can we discuss the gymnasium and get out of here, please? 54 00:03:17,114 --> 00:03:20,699 Right, so, the issue, as you all know, is that Butters set fire 55 00:03:20,725 --> 00:03:24,290 to the gymnasium last week and ran away laughing and flipping everyone off. 56 00:03:24,316 --> 00:03:26,032 That's probably gluten, mkay. 57 00:03:26,058 --> 00:03:28,877 - Oh, God. - Gluten causes sluggishness, 58 00:03:28,903 --> 00:03:31,827 irritability, and nearly all behavioral problems. 59 00:03:31,853 --> 00:03:34,893 I seriously cannot take hearing about gluten anymore. 60 00:03:34,919 --> 00:03:37,432 See, that's probably the gluten talking, mkay. 61 00:03:37,458 --> 00:03:40,126 If you cut out gluten, you don't ever get pissed off. 62 00:03:40,408 --> 00:03:45,015 Really? I might just give this gluten-free thing a try. How does it work? 63 00:03:45,041 --> 00:03:48,146 Oh, no, don't try... Oh, God, here we go. 64 00:03:57,031 --> 00:03:59,065 I don't know what we're gonna do. 65 00:03:59,091 --> 00:04:01,726 It's been, like, four hours and people still won't talk to us. 66 00:04:01,752 --> 00:04:05,093 - [Muffled] - You know what we gotta do, guys? 67 00:04:05,119 --> 00:04:07,020 We gotta throw a big [Bleep] party. 68 00:04:07,046 --> 00:04:08,005 A party? 69 00:04:08,031 --> 00:04:09,704 Yeah, how do you make everyone like you? 70 00:04:09,730 --> 00:04:11,650 You have a big party and invite everyone and then 71 00:04:11,676 --> 00:04:14,809 - everyone thinks you're cool. - Dude, that would have to be, like, the best party ever. 72 00:04:14,835 --> 00:04:16,575 Well, I'm down. Between the four of us, 73 00:04:16,601 --> 00:04:18,135 we can throw the sweetest party ever, 74 00:04:18,161 --> 00:04:20,600 and these assholes won't even remember us being dicks to them! 75 00:04:20,626 --> 00:04:23,410 Hey, that might work, but it can't be a party for us. 76 00:04:23,436 --> 00:04:25,810 Right, it's gotta be an awesome party for... 77 00:04:25,836 --> 00:04:29,528 For someone that we love who needs us and that we refuse to bail on! 78 00:04:29,554 --> 00:04:31,055 - What? - No, no, he's right! 79 00:04:31,081 --> 00:04:33,964 We gotta make it for someone in need so that people have to go. 80 00:04:33,990 --> 00:04:35,437 We lure people in with a cause and 81 00:04:35,463 --> 00:04:36,809 then hit 'em over the head with the best party ever! 82 00:04:36,835 --> 00:04:38,951 We're gonna have pizza and cake and a sweet band. 83 00:04:38,977 --> 00:04:40,129 A band! Holy shit, Stan! 84 00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:42,265 Didn't you say your dad knows somebody who knows Lorde? 85 00:04:42,291 --> 00:04:44,559 Yeah, he said some guy at work is Lorde's Uncle or something. 86 00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:48,300 - Oh, my God, we've got Lorde to play live. - This will be awesome! 87 00:04:48,326 --> 00:04:50,461 So who do we throw the party for? 88 00:04:50,487 --> 00:04:54,316 What do you mean? We have a friend who needs us right now, and we can't let him down. 89 00:04:54,348 --> 00:04:56,666 [Pink's Get the Party Started] >> ♪ So you better get ♪ 90 00:04:56,751 --> 00:04:58,418 ♪ this party started ♪ ♪ get this party started ♪ 91 00:04:58,452 --> 00:05:01,087 - ♪ oh ♪ - All right, that was Get the 92 00:05:01,113 --> 00:05:04,996 Party Started, and joining me in the studio now are four local 93 00:05:05,022 --> 00:05:09,155 boys who are gearing up to throw the most epic party ever. 94 00:05:09,181 --> 00:05:12,177 - Is that right, boys? - Yeah, it's going to be this weekend. 95 00:05:12,203 --> 00:05:15,179 You know, we just wanted to give back to the community and show everyone a good time. 96 00:05:15,205 --> 00:05:18,007 Now this party is also for a good cause because it's to honor 97 00:05:18,033 --> 00:05:20,908 a little boy with diabetes, Scott Malkinson. 98 00:05:20,934 --> 00:05:23,825 - Is that correct? - Yeah, you know, diabetes affects us all, 99 00:05:23,851 --> 00:05:25,527 but it mostly affects Scott Malkinson. 100 00:05:25,553 --> 00:05:27,822 Yeah, and we just... you know, we can't turn our back on him. 101 00:05:27,848 --> 00:05:30,585 It must be pretty special having a big party in your honor, Scott. 102 00:05:30,611 --> 00:05:32,345 How does it feel? 103 00:05:32,371 --> 00:05:34,777 I actually have plans this weekend. 104 00:05:34,803 --> 00:05:36,771 [Mocking] "I actually have plans this weekend. 105 00:05:36,797 --> 00:05:38,232 I'm Scott malkinson. I've got diabetes." 106 00:05:38,258 --> 00:05:40,359 All right, well, we got lots of people calling in. 107 00:05:40,385 --> 00:05:42,021 Caller, what's your question? 108 00:05:42,047 --> 00:05:43,762 Are you guys making this up? 109 00:05:43,788 --> 00:05:46,002 Nope! We're gonna have all the pizza you can eat, 110 00:05:46,028 --> 00:05:49,196 20 different cakes, and Lorde is going to play live. 111 00:05:49,835 --> 00:05:52,470 - All the pizza we can eat? - Believe it, dude. 112 00:05:52,496 --> 00:05:54,499 All right, this better be good. 113 00:05:54,525 --> 00:05:57,383 All right, it's sure to be a blast. Phone lines are going crazy! 114 00:05:57,409 --> 00:05:58,413 Sweet! 115 00:05:58,439 --> 00:06:00,078 Next caller, what's your question? 116 00:06:00,104 --> 00:06:03,438 Yes, will there be gluten-free options for people at this party? 117 00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:04,870 Excuse me? 118 00:06:04,896 --> 00:06:07,798 Well, I've been gluten-free for about a day now, and I have 119 00:06:07,824 --> 00:06:12,322 to say I feel so amazing. I just want to make sure there's food for all of us. 120 00:06:12,348 --> 00:06:15,559 - Mark in fairplay, you had a comment? - Yeah, I agree with the last caller. 121 00:06:15,585 --> 00:06:17,193 I was in a restaurant and ordered 122 00:06:17,219 --> 00:06:19,824 the gluten-free quinoa salad, and a guy right next to 123 00:06:19,850 --> 00:06:23,867 me was eating a sandwich. It's like, "Get your secondhand gluten away from me!" 124 00:06:23,893 --> 00:06:26,971 All right, all right, next caller, you got a question for the boys. 125 00:06:26,997 --> 00:06:29,911 Yeah, I swear if I hear another person talk about about being gluten-free, 126 00:06:29,937 --> 00:06:31,708 I'm gonna piss in their face. 127 00:06:31,734 --> 00:06:33,377 What the hell is gluten? 128 00:06:33,596 --> 00:06:35,031 Hello, everyone. 129 00:06:35,057 --> 00:06:39,549 My name is John Garner and I'm a nutrition advisor from the USDA. 130 00:06:39,776 --> 00:06:41,681 I want to clarify the USDA's 131 00:06:41,707 --> 00:06:45,991 position on a healthy diet. There's been a lot of confusion about gluten lately... 132 00:06:46,017 --> 00:06:48,032 people saying that gluten is the cause of cancer, 133 00:06:48,058 --> 00:06:50,827 gluten should be avoided, gluten can make your dick fly off... 134 00:06:50,853 --> 00:06:51,885 but let's set the record straight. 135 00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:53,543 Make your dick fly off? 136 00:06:53,569 --> 00:06:55,650 People believe that omitting gluten will make you healthier, 137 00:06:55,676 --> 00:06:57,285 but of course that's a bunch of hooey 138 00:06:57,311 --> 00:06:59,968 Hooey is the preservative found in processed foods, 139 00:06:59,994 --> 00:07:02,175 that we now believe is the main culprit of obesity. 140 00:07:02,201 --> 00:07:04,159 You might say, "Well, there's fat in butter too," 141 00:07:04,185 --> 00:07:05,551 but that's just poppycock. 142 00:07:05,577 --> 00:07:08,308 Poppycock first came from India, and is key ingredient in red meat, 143 00:07:08,334 --> 00:07:10,398 which we now realize is good for you along with hooey. 144 00:07:10,424 --> 00:07:12,124 The good hooey, not the bad hooey. 145 00:07:12,192 --> 00:07:13,659 - So what is gluten? - Yes! 146 00:07:13,685 --> 00:07:16,005 - Thank you! - Simply put, gluten is the 147 00:07:16,031 --> 00:07:20,121 protein found in flour when you take all the starch away. 148 00:07:20,147 --> 00:07:23,181 Flour is of course just wheat. And when you add a liquid to flour, 149 00:07:23,207 --> 00:07:25,718 you get dough. Dough that makes bread, donuts, 150 00:07:25,744 --> 00:07:28,527 pasta, and all the hooey-free foods that humans enjoy. 151 00:07:28,553 --> 00:07:31,622 Now, if we wash the dough of all its starch, we can actually 152 00:07:31,648 --> 00:07:34,417 distill the wheat down, minus the water, minus the starch, and 153 00:07:34,443 --> 00:07:36,653 what we're left with is pure gluten. 154 00:07:36,679 --> 00:07:40,239 Not a bioweapon, just harmless flour protein. 155 00:07:40,923 --> 00:07:44,992 - Then eat it. - Excuse me? 156 00:07:45,018 --> 00:07:49,373 If it's not dangerous, then eat that pure concentrated gluten, mkay? 157 00:07:55,118 --> 00:07:58,203 Uh, all right... 158 00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:06,126 Huh, heh. [Grunting and groaning] 159 00:08:06,851 --> 00:08:08,449 [screams] 160 00:08:11,690 --> 00:08:14,507 Oh, you see that? His dick's flying off. 161 00:08:16,561 --> 00:08:19,053 [Crowd screaming] 162 00:08:20,781 --> 00:08:22,820 Oh, my God! 163 00:08:22,846 --> 00:08:25,719 These people don't even know! Hurry! You gotta go! 164 00:08:25,745 --> 00:08:29,355 Oh, Jesus! Hey, it isn't safe in there! 165 00:08:31,536 --> 00:08:33,487 - Get out of there! - Get out! You're not safe! 166 00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:35,879 You gotta get out! Hurry! You gotta go! 167 00:08:40,696 --> 00:08:43,204 What about powerbars? The powerbars? 168 00:08:43,230 --> 00:08:44,536 - Yes! - Hamburger helper? 169 00:08:44,562 --> 00:08:46,470 That's all gluten! 170 00:08:46,496 --> 00:08:49,526 There's hot dog buns in that cupboard, Sharon! 171 00:08:49,552 --> 00:08:51,900 Hey, dad, I need to talk you about this party we're having. 172 00:08:51,926 --> 00:08:55,226 - Oh, my God, the wheat thins! - It's in the triscuits too, Randy! 173 00:08:55,252 --> 00:08:56,490 Wait, wait! I might need those! 174 00:08:56,516 --> 00:08:58,835 This stuff will make your dick fly off, Stan! 175 00:08:58,861 --> 00:09:01,029 - Don't forget the freezer! - Oh, God! 176 00:09:01,310 --> 00:09:04,816 Chicken nuggets, breaded! Frozen burritos, flour! 177 00:09:04,842 --> 00:09:07,010 - Ice cream! What about ice cream? - I don't know. 178 00:09:07,036 --> 00:09:10,447 - Look at the ingredients! - Heavy cream, sugar, chocolate syrup... 179 00:09:10,473 --> 00:09:12,485 no, ice cream's good for you. 180 00:09:12,511 --> 00:09:14,192 - All right, that's all of it! - You sure? 181 00:09:14,218 --> 00:09:16,290 - All right, you got those? - I can get both of these, yeah. 182 00:09:16,316 --> 00:09:18,380 All right, come on! 183 00:09:26,876 --> 00:09:28,688 Hey, Cartman. 184 00:09:28,714 --> 00:09:30,219 Kyle! It's all gone! 185 00:09:30,245 --> 00:09:32,485 They've taken it all! Why are they doing this? 186 00:09:32,511 --> 00:09:34,780 - Kyle! Kyle! - Dude, calm down. 187 00:09:34,806 --> 00:09:37,486 There's no snacks left, Kyle! They took all the snacks and the 188 00:09:37,512 --> 00:09:39,965 pizza and the cake and we're not gonna have a party! 189 00:09:39,991 --> 00:09:42,426 Who took all the pizza and cake? 190 00:09:42,452 --> 00:09:44,432 [Crowd shouting in distance] 191 00:09:47,519 --> 00:09:49,503 What the hell? 192 00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:51,519 Kyle! 193 00:10:05,213 --> 00:10:07,631 Yeah! Get it! Get it all! 194 00:10:07,682 --> 00:10:09,322 Yeah, that's it! Burn, you bastard! 195 00:10:09,348 --> 00:10:11,482 What are you doing? My farm! 196 00:10:11,508 --> 00:10:16,248 Son of a bitch! Did you not know or did you just not care? Keee-ya! 197 00:10:20,753 --> 00:10:22,863 There's panic all over the country, 198 00:10:22,889 --> 00:10:25,365 and you're telling me you don't have any kind of containment on this thing? 199 00:10:25,391 --> 00:10:27,025 We're working as fast as we can, sir. 200 00:10:27,051 --> 00:10:29,844 Are you sure it's gluten that started the reaction? 201 00:10:29,870 --> 00:10:31,778 We gave these rats an injection of concentrated 202 00:10:31,804 --> 00:10:33,666 whole wheat bread a just a short time ago. 203 00:10:33,692 --> 00:10:37,124 You can see it already is having a negative effect. 204 00:10:42,179 --> 00:10:44,821 We told people that whole wheat bread was healthy. 205 00:10:44,847 --> 00:10:48,193 Isn't wheat the ingredient in pasta that makes it healthy? 206 00:10:48,219 --> 00:10:51,720 No. We believe now that that's poppycock. 207 00:10:51,746 --> 00:10:53,308 All right, listen up! 208 00:10:53,334 --> 00:10:56,135 We have the obligation to make this thing right 209 00:10:56,161 --> 00:10:58,843 and tell people what is and isn't safe to eat. 210 00:10:58,869 --> 00:11:01,050 We are the USDA! 211 00:11:01,076 --> 00:11:04,712 Without us, people would be eating dirt and... chairs. 212 00:11:05,136 --> 00:11:08,631 Whatever it takes, stop this crisis. 213 00:11:09,894 --> 00:11:11,492 [Rat squeals] 214 00:11:12,464 --> 00:11:14,191 [Coughs] 215 00:11:17,447 --> 00:11:20,516 Cartman, come on, dude. You have to get up. 216 00:11:20,542 --> 00:11:25,184 What's the point? Everyone hates us at school and our party's gonna suck. 217 00:11:25,210 --> 00:11:27,013 We can't let our party suck. 218 00:11:27,039 --> 00:11:29,777 What kind of epic party can you have without pizza and cake? 219 00:11:29,803 --> 00:11:32,961 - Now all we've got is Lorde. - That's right, we've still got Lorde. 220 00:11:32,987 --> 00:11:36,402 - You talked to your dad, right, Stan? - I'll be back. 221 00:11:37,063 --> 00:11:39,397 You know what I'm gonna miss most? 222 00:11:39,423 --> 00:11:42,931 Pancakes. I keep having dreams of Aunt Jemima. 223 00:11:42,957 --> 00:11:46,454 She's trying to tell me something. But then she just fades away. 224 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:48,581 Cartman, we can't do this alone. 225 00:11:48,607 --> 00:11:50,985 - You have to get up. -There's nothing left, you guys. 226 00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:52,766 The world is upside down. 227 00:11:52,792 --> 00:11:55,994 Things aren't gonna get better, they're gonna get worse. 228 00:11:57,176 --> 00:11:59,051 [Doorbell rings] 229 00:11:59,626 --> 00:12:01,196 Yes? 230 00:12:01,222 --> 00:12:04,900 Hello, sir. We've had word of a possible gluten exposure in your home. 231 00:12:04,926 --> 00:12:07,742 - May we come in? - Gluten? Oh, not here. 232 00:12:07,768 --> 00:12:10,651 - Can we come in, please? - Well, sure! 233 00:12:11,539 --> 00:12:13,609 [Detector clicks] 234 00:12:15,515 --> 00:12:17,003 What's going on? 235 00:12:17,799 --> 00:12:19,792 [Detector clicks] 236 00:12:22,344 --> 00:12:24,314 Well, that's just a beer. 237 00:12:24,340 --> 00:12:27,843 - Oh, Jesus. - Beer is all wheat, dad! 238 00:12:27,869 --> 00:12:29,901 Shut up! Beer's bad for you? 239 00:12:29,927 --> 00:12:31,779 We're gonna need you to come with us, sir. 240 00:12:31,805 --> 00:12:33,973 - Don't touch me. - Look, I'm okay. 241 00:12:33,999 --> 00:12:35,184 You want to see my dick? 242 00:12:35,210 --> 00:12:37,188 We just need you to be in quarantine for a while 243 00:12:37,214 --> 00:12:41,219 - until everyone figures out what's going on. - No, not Papa Johns! 244 00:12:41,245 --> 00:12:45,553 I don't wanna go to papa Johns! You can't make me go to Papa Johns! 245 00:12:47,710 --> 00:12:49,629 How long do I have to stay here? 246 00:12:49,655 --> 00:12:53,165 Until the USDA gets control of the situation, sir. 247 00:12:53,191 --> 00:12:55,259 - What am I supposed to eat? - It's okay. 248 00:12:55,285 --> 00:12:57,861 There's lots of toppings. Just eat the toppings. 249 00:12:58,809 --> 00:13:02,019 How'd you get exposed? Bagels? 250 00:13:02,045 --> 00:13:04,671 - Gravy? - Beer. 251 00:13:05,083 --> 00:13:08,686 - I didn't know it had gluten. - There's always something. 252 00:13:08,712 --> 00:13:14,917 For me it was the soy sauce. Sneaky, sneaky soy sauce. 253 00:13:15,229 --> 00:13:17,786 We're trying to get a handle on just how much gluten there is 254 00:13:17,812 --> 00:13:20,603 out there, but it seems impossible to contain. 255 00:13:20,629 --> 00:13:23,423 And we have no idea how to tell people to protect themselves? 256 00:13:23,449 --> 00:13:24,902 We've been running simulations, 257 00:13:24,928 --> 00:13:28,138 but they're problematic because they don't relate to our current schematics. 258 00:13:28,164 --> 00:13:30,336 Here, look. This is what we have been recommending 259 00:13:30,362 --> 00:13:33,274 for the past three years... five basic food groups, not four. 260 00:13:33,300 --> 00:13:34,376 We were wrong about that. 261 00:13:34,402 --> 00:13:36,520 We now realize, of course, that the largest of these groups 262 00:13:36,546 --> 00:13:38,563 we've been recommending is basically poison. 263 00:13:38,673 --> 00:13:41,759 So to combat the gluten, we're trying every possible 264 00:13:41,785 --> 00:13:43,733 combination of the four remaining food groups, 265 00:13:43,759 --> 00:13:47,797 - but so far, no answers. - Sir, the Feds are here. 266 00:13:47,823 --> 00:13:50,325 - Oh, shit. - Tom Vilsack? 267 00:13:50,351 --> 00:13:52,782 - Yes. - Michael Taylor, FDA. 268 00:13:52,816 --> 00:13:55,401 Yeah, thank you, but this is a USDA problem. 269 00:13:55,427 --> 00:13:58,044 Anything involving meat and dairy is our problem too. 270 00:14:01,336 --> 00:14:03,727 Dad? Dad! 271 00:14:04,452 --> 00:14:08,727 Stan! Hey... how's my boy? 272 00:14:09,437 --> 00:14:11,634 Daddy's gonna be all right, okay? 273 00:14:11,660 --> 00:14:15,097 Yeah, dad, you know that guy at work you said is Lorde's Uncle or something? 274 00:14:15,123 --> 00:14:17,088 I can't touch you or hug you, 275 00:14:17,114 --> 00:14:19,758 but... but I'm right with you. Do you understand? 276 00:14:19,784 --> 00:14:21,742 Yeah, you remember you said that Lorde, the singer, 277 00:14:21,768 --> 00:14:24,473 - her Uncle worked with you? - How is your mom? 278 00:14:24,499 --> 00:14:27,540 - Your sister? - This is a quarantined area, kid, 279 00:14:27,566 --> 00:14:30,149 - yore gonna have to go. - No, no, no, not yet! Dad! 280 00:14:30,175 --> 00:14:33,302 - That's my son, you bastard! - I'm sorry! All right? 281 00:14:33,335 --> 00:14:35,477 Dad, who's the guy at work that knows Lorde? 282 00:14:35,503 --> 00:14:37,671 - Let me go! Dad! - Stan! 283 00:14:37,697 --> 00:14:41,277 - Let me talk to my dad! - [screaming] Stan! 284 00:14:41,303 --> 00:14:45,640 [Whimpering] [Coughs] 285 00:14:45,666 --> 00:14:47,718 You call this a party? Your party sucks! 286 00:14:47,751 --> 00:14:49,873 - Come on, guys, let's go! - No food at a party? 287 00:14:49,899 --> 00:14:52,649 - And I thought I was handicapped! - What's wrong with you? 288 00:14:52,692 --> 00:14:54,640 Where's the food? 289 00:14:54,666 --> 00:14:56,033 - I hate your party! - I hate your party! 290 00:14:56,059 --> 00:14:58,186 - Where's the food? - What a loser! 291 00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:02,496 [Somber music] ♪ ♪ 292 00:15:04,779 --> 00:15:06,532 [Heartbeat thumping] Hello, Eric. 293 00:15:07,620 --> 00:15:12,591 - Come on over here, sugar. - Aunt Jemima. 294 00:15:13,268 --> 00:15:15,317 There's people in trouble, Eric. 295 00:15:15,343 --> 00:15:19,724 - They need to be shown the way. - I don't know the way, Aunt Jemima. 296 00:15:19,750 --> 00:15:24,654 You need to get to the USDA, child. They lookin' for a sign. 297 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:27,232 I don't even know what that means. 298 00:15:27,258 --> 00:15:31,027 When you're stuck, look to the pyramids. 299 00:15:31,542 --> 00:15:34,044 Are you going to eat those pancakes? 300 00:15:34,070 --> 00:15:41,677 They got it wrong, child. The world is upside down. 301 00:15:41,703 --> 00:15:46,983 - Ohh, trippy. - Tell 'em they gots it backwards. 302 00:15:47,009 --> 00:15:49,412 They got what backwards? 303 00:15:51,581 --> 00:15:53,901 - Loser! - This party sucks! 304 00:15:54,701 --> 00:15:56,240 [screams] 305 00:16:01,789 --> 00:16:03,179 Oh! Oh! 306 00:16:04,687 --> 00:16:06,492 [Beep] I want pancakes. 307 00:16:07,312 --> 00:16:09,851 ♪ 308 00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:14,440 You can't just keep us in here. 309 00:16:14,466 --> 00:16:16,223 - [Metal clatters] - We're out. 310 00:16:16,249 --> 00:16:19,351 We're all out of toppings. There's nothing left to eat. 311 00:16:20,025 --> 00:16:22,160 They're just gonna let us starve to death? 312 00:16:22,228 --> 00:16:25,163 They don't care about us. Face it. 313 00:16:25,231 --> 00:16:26,945 We're already dead to them. 314 00:16:28,125 --> 00:16:31,287 Well, then I guess I might as well eat. 315 00:16:31,313 --> 00:16:33,054 There's nothing left! I told you! 316 00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:35,950 - There's plenty of pizza dough. - Are you crazy? 317 00:16:35,976 --> 00:16:40,480 I'm crazy hungry! [Munching] 318 00:16:40,506 --> 00:16:45,217 Oh, [Bleep], it's so good. I want more. 319 00:16:46,528 --> 00:16:49,883 [Groans] It's been so long. 320 00:16:50,319 --> 00:16:52,827 Oh, my God, you... 321 00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:56,225 But... you're okay. 322 00:16:57,367 --> 00:17:01,168 You don't think it's a little ridiculous that wheat protein is toxic? 323 00:17:01,194 --> 00:17:03,278 This whole thing was a setup, man! 324 00:17:03,304 --> 00:17:05,004 A setup? But by who? 325 00:17:05,030 --> 00:17:06,864 Oh, my God. We... we have to get a hold of 326 00:17:06,890 --> 00:17:08,591 someone who can get the word out! 327 00:17:08,617 --> 00:17:10,552 Maybe Papa John can help us. If we can get a hold of him, 328 00:17:10,578 --> 00:17:12,312 then maybe we can... [Groans] 329 00:17:14,091 --> 00:17:15,564 [Small boom] 330 00:17:16,788 --> 00:17:17,858 Aw. 331 00:17:20,856 --> 00:17:22,890 There's a health crisis going on, 332 00:17:22,916 --> 00:17:24,952 and it's spreading faster than anyone realizes. 333 00:17:24,978 --> 00:17:27,069 For a long time, we ignored it, 334 00:17:27,095 --> 00:17:28,846 thought it would only affect the poor, 335 00:17:28,872 --> 00:17:30,887 people who ate eggo waffles and pizza pockets. 336 00:17:30,913 --> 00:17:33,196 But gluten can attack anyone. 337 00:17:33,476 --> 00:17:36,645 This is not a time to party. This is a time to get serious. 338 00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:39,104 We're calling on everyone to spend this weekend learning 339 00:17:39,130 --> 00:17:41,932 about gluten and how to protect yourself and your family, 340 00:17:41,958 --> 00:17:44,693 because we don't know how much time we have. 341 00:17:44,948 --> 00:17:46,835 All right, time for action indeed. 342 00:17:46,861 --> 00:17:49,162 Let's go to the phone lines. Go ahead, caller. 343 00:17:49,188 --> 00:17:51,856 I knew you guys were gonna bail on the party. 344 00:17:51,882 --> 00:17:53,883 We're not bailing on the party. 345 00:17:53,909 --> 00:17:56,107 We just think there's more important things right now. 346 00:17:56,133 --> 00:17:58,902 Uh-huh, you guys couldn't get Lorde to play, could you? 347 00:17:58,928 --> 00:18:01,691 All right, let's go to Jamie in Como. Go ahead. 348 00:18:01,717 --> 00:18:02,923 It's like you... 349 00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:05,024 you say you're gonna throw the most epic party of the decade 350 00:18:05,050 --> 00:18:06,544 and then you rip it away. 351 00:18:06,570 --> 00:18:09,138 It's kind of like telling everyone to go [Bleep] themselves. 352 00:18:09,164 --> 00:18:11,100 Okay, let's watch the language there. 353 00:18:11,126 --> 00:18:12,994 Next caller, you're on the air. 354 00:18:13,020 --> 00:18:15,210 Why were you doing this party, Stan? 355 00:18:15,646 --> 00:18:18,327 Was it because you made people mad at school or 356 00:18:18,353 --> 00:18:20,729 because you just wanted to be a big shot? 357 00:18:20,755 --> 00:18:24,732 I... we... we wanted to bring people together and help Scott Malkinson, but... 358 00:18:24,758 --> 00:18:27,777 So then in a time when people really need to come together, you cancel on him? 359 00:18:27,803 --> 00:18:30,104 I'm pretty sure Scott Malkinson still has diabetes. 360 00:18:30,130 --> 00:18:32,819 That is correct, yes, I do. 361 00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:35,694 You couldn't put on the party you were hoping to put on, was that it? 362 00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:39,303 - Jesus Christ, dude. - Wendy, there is a health crisis right now... 363 00:18:39,329 --> 00:18:41,788 Right. And when things change or things come up, 364 00:18:41,814 --> 00:18:45,036 you don't forget about everything you've promised people. 365 00:18:45,377 --> 00:18:47,571 We had no idea what to serve people to eat, okay? 366 00:18:47,597 --> 00:18:49,598 - We were gonna look stupid! - Thought so. 367 00:18:49,624 --> 00:18:51,700 - [Phone line clicks] - Ooooh. 368 00:18:51,726 --> 00:18:54,928 All right, next caller is Eric. Are you there, Eric? 369 00:18:54,954 --> 00:18:56,788 - Kyle! - Cartman? 370 00:18:56,814 --> 00:18:58,504 Kyle, what does USDA stand for? 371 00:18:58,530 --> 00:19:01,190 Aunt Jemima said USDA has to look at the pyramids! 372 00:19:02,526 --> 00:19:05,675 It's dinnertime on the east coast in less than an hour. 373 00:19:05,701 --> 00:19:07,056 People are going to die! 374 00:19:07,082 --> 00:19:10,313 Sir, we've got a boy on the hotline who says he might know something! 375 00:19:10,339 --> 00:19:12,774 - Who is this? - My name isn't important. 376 00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:16,202 What matters is that "The answer is in the pyramid." 377 00:19:16,228 --> 00:19:20,128 The pyramid? That's ancient stuff you're talking about. Are you sure? 378 00:19:20,154 --> 00:19:22,134 Bring up the pyramid! 379 00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:23,486 [clicks] 380 00:19:23,658 --> 00:19:25,556 Well, what is it? What is it for? 381 00:19:25,734 --> 00:19:27,668 We built the pyramid a long time ago 382 00:19:27,694 --> 00:19:29,451 to illustrate how much people should eat of the four 383 00:19:29,477 --> 00:19:30,630 basic food groups. 384 00:19:30,656 --> 00:19:34,051 Sir, we abandoned the pyramid when Michelle Obama got involved. 385 00:19:34,077 --> 00:19:36,979 The pyramid doesn't work. We've already tried it. 386 00:19:37,005 --> 00:19:39,607 - It's upside down. - What? 387 00:19:39,633 --> 00:19:42,168 Sir, the pyramid is upside down! 388 00:19:42,194 --> 00:19:45,484 - Turn the pyramid upside down. - You can't be serious. 389 00:19:45,510 --> 00:19:47,430 That would put butter and fat at the top of the... 390 00:19:47,456 --> 00:19:51,092 - Flip the damn food pyramid! - This is not FDA approved! 391 00:19:51,118 --> 00:19:53,352 It's dinnertime on the east coast in ten minutes! 392 00:19:53,378 --> 00:19:56,613 - Now do it! - [Keyboard clacking] 393 00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:01,630 - [Electronic tones] - Sir, we've got a match. 394 00:20:02,233 --> 00:20:04,829 Nutrition is stabilizing. 395 00:20:04,855 --> 00:20:10,226 - We've got a well-balanced vaccine, sir! - [Cheers and applause] 396 00:20:11,381 --> 00:20:13,966 Get the president on the phone. 397 00:20:13,992 --> 00:20:17,821 Tell him... to have some steak with his butter. 398 00:20:22,965 --> 00:20:26,238 [Upbeat pop music] ♪ ♪ 399 00:20:34,010 --> 00:20:37,210 Well, I gotta admit, you guys throw a pretty sweet party. 400 00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:39,487 Hey, we'd do anything for our bros, man! 401 00:20:39,681 --> 00:20:41,715 Would you guys care for a frozen butter pop? 402 00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:44,577 We're good, Scott. Stop bugging us. 403 00:20:44,617 --> 00:20:46,467 We really dodged a bullet, young man. 404 00:20:46,493 --> 00:20:49,056 Thanks to you, America knows what to eat again. 405 00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:51,440 Yeah, well, I'm glad people aren't mad at you anymore. 406 00:20:51,466 --> 00:20:52,838 I know what that feels like. 407 00:20:52,893 --> 00:20:54,711 We're gonna get a better view of the stage. 408 00:20:54,737 --> 00:20:57,655 Yeah, yeah, enjoy the party. 409 00:21:01,257 --> 00:21:04,560 Wait till my girls see that I was at a party with Lorde! 410 00:21:04,620 --> 00:21:06,974 I'm glad the food is good. Lorde sucks. 411 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,279 Yeah, she isn't as hot in person. 412 00:21:09,305 --> 00:21:10,701 ♪ Yeah yeah yeah ♪ 413 00:21:10,727 --> 00:21:12,661 ♪ I am Lorde, I am Lorde ♪ ♪ yeah yeah yeah ♪ 414 00:21:12,687 --> 00:21:15,409 ♪ Lorde lorde call me Lorde ♪ ♪ yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ 415 00:21:15,435 --> 00:21:17,321 - Hey, Wendy, you having fun? - Yeah, sure. 416 00:21:17,347 --> 00:21:19,368 You guys really pulled it off. 417 00:21:19,394 --> 00:21:23,239 Yeah, well, I just couldn't sit around while my dad was locked away. 418 00:21:23,265 --> 00:21:27,535 - I love him and he needed me. - You're so transparent, Stan. 419 00:21:27,561 --> 00:21:31,263 - What does that mean? - You wanna dance? 420 00:21:32,858 --> 00:21:35,025 ♪ We love the city ♪ 421 00:21:35,051 --> 00:21:37,469 ♪ Yeah yeah yeah ♪ ♪ 'cause I am Lorde ♪ 422 00:21:37,495 --> 00:21:39,514 ♪ I am Lorde ♪ ♪ Lorde Lorde Lorde Lorde ♪ 423 00:21:39,540 --> 00:21:41,424 ♪ yeah yeah yeah ♪ 424 00:21:41,450 --> 00:21:45,254 sync and corrections by dreaMaker7 www.MY-SUBS.com 425 00:22:03,446 --> 00:22:04,412 - Police say late last night, 426 00:22:04,447 --> 00:22:05,846 they apprehended Rodney gullivan, 427 00:22:05,882 --> 00:22:09,050 and found a gun and narcotics in his truck. 428 00:22:09,085 --> 00:22:12,320 He was charged with possession and assault on his fiancee, 429 00:22:12,355 --> 00:22:15,356 and she is in the hospital recovering tonight. 430 00:22:15,391 --> 00:22:16,524 Meanwhile, another woman 431 00:22:16,559 --> 00:22:18,426 was sexually assaulted by Benjamin braider 432 00:22:18,461 --> 00:22:19,860 of Indianapolis. 433 00:22:19,896 --> 00:22:23,197 The unidentified woman suffered a broken rib and a split lip. 434 00:22:23,232 --> 00:22:25,333 She's in stable condition tonight. 435 00:22:25,368 --> 00:22:26,934 Well, that's it for sports. 436 00:22:26,969 --> 00:22:28,702 Chuck. 36685

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