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Translated By The Community Of WWW.MY-SUBS.COM
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sync and corrections by dreaMaker7
www.MY-SUBS.com
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- Hey, guys!
- Morning!
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00:00:39,784 --> 00:00:43,539
- How's it going, everybody?
- 'Sup, Jason?
4
00:00:44,427 --> 00:00:49,257
- Hey, dudes. 'Sup?
- What are you guys doing here?
5
00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:52,118
What do you mean?
We're just... going to school.
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I thought you guys said you
didn't need school.
7
00:00:54,946 --> 00:00:58,564
Yeah, you said you had a start-up company
and that school was for douchebags.
8
00:00:59,746 --> 00:01:03,656
Oh, yeah, yeah, the start-up company
thing didn't really work out.
9
00:01:04,470 --> 00:01:06,904
But you told us all to go
[Bleep] ourselves.
10
00:01:06,930 --> 00:01:10,563
Ugh, no, no, you guys.
Guys, what we said was...
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00:01:10,589 --> 00:01:12,583
You told us your company was
gonna make $10 million
12
00:01:12,609 --> 00:01:15,143
and the rest of us could go
[Bleep] ourselves.
13
00:01:15,453 --> 00:01:20,194
- We were trying to be funny.
- Yeah, well, no one's laughing, Kyle.
14
00:01:28,627 --> 00:01:30,007
Hey, Wendy.
15
00:01:30,467 --> 00:01:31,917
You're back?
16
00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:34,949
Yeah, the start-up company
thing didn't work out.
17
00:01:34,975 --> 00:01:37,024
Oh, wow, I'm shocked.
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00:01:38,162 --> 00:01:40,998
So, hey, I was gonna see if
you still wanted to see that
19
00:01:41,049 --> 00:01:42,905
- stupid Maze Runner movie.
-You broke up with me, Stan.
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00:01:42,931 --> 00:01:46,134
You said you had to be "free to
chase your dreams."
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00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:49,586
Wendy, I thought my life was going
in a different direction and I just
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00:01:49,612 --> 00:01:51,975
felt that I really had to give
it everything I had.
23
00:01:52,043 --> 00:01:53,944
You know, I had to focus on one thing.
24
00:01:53,970 --> 00:01:55,256
Is that why you told Clyde
25
00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:58,757
that you broke up with me because
you're about to be "dripping in bitches"?
26
00:01:59,595 --> 00:02:02,330
Why does everyone suddenly remember
everything everybody says?
27
00:02:02,776 --> 00:02:05,906
I'm happy, Stan. I'm happy
I know who you really are now.
28
00:02:05,932 --> 00:02:07,832
You're someone who can't be counted on.
29
00:02:07,858 --> 00:02:10,402
You're someone who can just
bail on the people you love.
30
00:02:16,311 --> 00:02:20,063
- Dude, people are pissed off at us.
- [Muffled]
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00:02:20,089 --> 00:02:23,399
Doesn't anyone understand the
significance of "I'm sorry" anymore?
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00:02:23,425 --> 00:02:25,264
Yeah, well said, Kyle. Good point.
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What happened to the significance?
34
00:02:27,428 --> 00:02:30,197
Well, I guess let's just be
thankful we're not Butters.
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00:02:30,223 --> 00:02:32,249
They won't even let him
come back to school.
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00:02:32,409 --> 00:02:34,310
All right, everyone, thanks for coming.
37
00:02:34,336 --> 00:02:36,704
As you know, we urgently
need to discuss the matter
38
00:02:36,738 --> 00:02:41,233
of Butters stotch, who set fire to the school
gymnasium and is now asking to come back.
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00:02:41,259 --> 00:02:43,193
- Are we all set to start?
- Almost.
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00:02:43,261 --> 00:02:45,162
We're just waiting on
Mr. Mackey... again.
41
00:02:45,230 --> 00:02:46,964
Aw, do we need Mackey here?
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00:02:47,031 --> 00:02:49,722
Yeah, all he's gonna talk about is how
he's gluten-free now and he feels
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00:02:49,755 --> 00:02:51,322
so [Bleep] amazing.
44
00:02:51,383 --> 00:02:53,689
Well, you have to admit he
does look a little better.
45
00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:55,081
He doesn't look any different to me.
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00:02:55,107 --> 00:02:56,857
In the cheeks, you don't
think he looks a little fuller?
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00:02:56,883 --> 00:02:58,777
It's just the new diet fad.
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00:02:58,816 --> 00:03:01,018
Sorry I'm late.
I had to stop and get my own
49
00:03:01,085 --> 00:03:03,353
breakfast because I figured
y'all would be having donuts,
50
00:03:03,421 --> 00:03:05,889
but I'm actually gluten-free, so
I can't have donuts, mkay.
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00:03:05,957 --> 00:03:09,180
Yes, Mr. Mackey, we're all
aware that you're gluten-free now.
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00:03:09,206 --> 00:03:13,729
I'm just saying that I personally
feel so [Bleep] amazing.
53
00:03:13,755 --> 00:03:17,088
Can we discuss the gymnasium
and get out of here, please?
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00:03:17,114 --> 00:03:20,699
Right, so, the issue, as you all know,
is that Butters set fire
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00:03:20,725 --> 00:03:24,290
to the gymnasium last week and ran
away laughing and flipping everyone off.
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00:03:24,316 --> 00:03:26,032
That's probably gluten, mkay.
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00:03:26,058 --> 00:03:28,877
- Oh, God.
- Gluten causes sluggishness,
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00:03:28,903 --> 00:03:31,827
irritability, and nearly all
behavioral problems.
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00:03:31,853 --> 00:03:34,893
I seriously cannot take
hearing about gluten anymore.
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00:03:34,919 --> 00:03:37,432
See, that's probably the
gluten talking, mkay.
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00:03:37,458 --> 00:03:40,126
If you cut out gluten, you don't
ever get pissed off.
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00:03:40,408 --> 00:03:45,015
Really? I might just give this gluten-free
thing a try. How does it work?
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00:03:45,041 --> 00:03:48,146
Oh, no, don't try...
Oh, God, here we go.
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00:03:57,031 --> 00:03:59,065
I don't know what we're gonna do.
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00:03:59,091 --> 00:04:01,726
It's been, like, four hours and
people still won't talk to us.
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00:04:01,752 --> 00:04:05,093
- [Muffled]
- You know what we gotta do, guys?
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00:04:05,119 --> 00:04:07,020
We gotta throw a big [Bleep] party.
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00:04:07,046 --> 00:04:08,005
A party?
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00:04:08,031 --> 00:04:09,704
Yeah, how do you make
everyone like you?
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00:04:09,730 --> 00:04:11,650
You have a big party and
invite everyone and then
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00:04:11,676 --> 00:04:14,809
- everyone thinks you're cool. - Dude, that
would have to be, like, the best party ever.
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00:04:14,835 --> 00:04:16,575
Well, I'm down. Between the four of us,
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00:04:16,601 --> 00:04:18,135
we can throw the sweetest party ever,
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00:04:18,161 --> 00:04:20,600
and these assholes won't even
remember us being dicks to them!
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00:04:20,626 --> 00:04:23,410
Hey, that might work, but it
can't be a party for us.
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00:04:23,436 --> 00:04:25,810
Right, it's gotta be an
awesome party for...
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00:04:25,836 --> 00:04:29,528
For someone that we love who needs
us and that we refuse to bail on!
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00:04:29,554 --> 00:04:31,055
- What?
- No, no, he's right!
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00:04:31,081 --> 00:04:33,964
We gotta make it for someone in
need so that people have to go.
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00:04:33,990 --> 00:04:35,437
We lure people in with a cause and
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00:04:35,463 --> 00:04:36,809
then hit 'em over the head
with the best party ever!
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00:04:36,835 --> 00:04:38,951
We're gonna have pizza and cake
and a sweet band.
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00:04:38,977 --> 00:04:40,129
A band! Holy shit, Stan!
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00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:42,265
Didn't you say your dad knows
somebody who knows Lorde?
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00:04:42,291 --> 00:04:44,559
Yeah, he said some guy at
work is Lorde's Uncle or something.
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00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:48,300
- Oh, my God, we've got Lorde to play live.
- This will be awesome!
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00:04:48,326 --> 00:04:50,461
So who do we throw the party for?
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00:04:50,487 --> 00:04:54,316
What do you mean? We have a friend who
needs us right now, and we can't let him down.
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00:04:54,348 --> 00:04:56,666
[Pink's Get the Party Started]
>> ♪ So you better get ♪
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♪ this party started ♪
♪ get this party started ♪
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- ♪ oh ♪
- All right, that was Get the
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00:05:01,113 --> 00:05:04,996
Party Started, and joining me
in the studio now are four local
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00:05:05,022 --> 00:05:09,155
boys who are gearing up to throw
the most epic party ever.
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00:05:09,181 --> 00:05:12,177
- Is that right, boys?
- Yeah, it's going to be this weekend.
95
00:05:12,203 --> 00:05:15,179
You know, we just wanted to give back to
the community and show everyone a good time.
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00:05:15,205 --> 00:05:18,007
Now this party is also for a
good cause because it's to honor
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00:05:18,033 --> 00:05:20,908
a little boy with diabetes,
Scott Malkinson.
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00:05:20,934 --> 00:05:23,825
- Is that correct?
- Yeah, you know, diabetes affects us all,
99
00:05:23,851 --> 00:05:25,527
but it mostly affects Scott Malkinson.
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00:05:25,553 --> 00:05:27,822
Yeah, and we just... you know,
we can't turn our back on him.
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00:05:27,848 --> 00:05:30,585
It must be pretty special having
a big party in your honor, Scott.
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00:05:30,611 --> 00:05:32,345
How does it feel?
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00:05:32,371 --> 00:05:34,777
I actually have plans this weekend.
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00:05:34,803 --> 00:05:36,771
[Mocking] "I actually have
plans this weekend.
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00:05:36,797 --> 00:05:38,232
I'm Scott malkinson.
I've got diabetes."
106
00:05:38,258 --> 00:05:40,359
All right, well, we got lots
of people calling in.
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00:05:40,385 --> 00:05:42,021
Caller, what's your question?
108
00:05:42,047 --> 00:05:43,762
Are you guys making this up?
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00:05:43,788 --> 00:05:46,002
Nope! We're gonna have all the pizza you can eat,
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00:05:46,028 --> 00:05:49,196
20 different cakes, and Lorde
is going to play live.
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00:05:49,835 --> 00:05:52,470
- All the pizza we can eat?
- Believe it, dude.
112
00:05:52,496 --> 00:05:54,499
All right, this better be good.
113
00:05:54,525 --> 00:05:57,383
All right, it's sure to be a blast.
Phone lines are going crazy!
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00:05:57,409 --> 00:05:58,413
Sweet!
115
00:05:58,439 --> 00:06:00,078
Next caller, what's your question?
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00:06:00,104 --> 00:06:03,438
Yes, will there be gluten-free
options for people at this party?
117
00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:04,870
Excuse me?
118
00:06:04,896 --> 00:06:07,798
Well, I've been gluten-free
for about a day now, and I have
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00:06:07,824 --> 00:06:12,322
to say I feel so amazing. I just want
to make sure there's food for all of us.
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00:06:12,348 --> 00:06:15,559
- Mark in fairplay, you had a comment?
- Yeah, I agree with the last caller.
121
00:06:15,585 --> 00:06:17,193
I was in a restaurant and ordered
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00:06:17,219 --> 00:06:19,824
the gluten-free quinoa salad,
and a guy right next to
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00:06:19,850 --> 00:06:23,867
me was eating a sandwich. It's like,
"Get your secondhand gluten away from me!"
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00:06:23,893 --> 00:06:26,971
All right, all right, next caller, you
got a question for the boys.
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00:06:26,997 --> 00:06:29,911
Yeah, I swear if I hear another person
talk about about being gluten-free,
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00:06:29,937 --> 00:06:31,708
I'm gonna piss in their face.
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00:06:31,734 --> 00:06:33,377
What the hell is gluten?
128
00:06:33,596 --> 00:06:35,031
Hello, everyone.
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00:06:35,057 --> 00:06:39,549
My name is John Garner and I'm
a nutrition advisor from the USDA.
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00:06:39,776 --> 00:06:41,681
I want to clarify the USDA's
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00:06:41,707 --> 00:06:45,991
position on a healthy diet. There's been
a lot of confusion about gluten lately...
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00:06:46,017 --> 00:06:48,032
people saying that gluten
is the cause of cancer,
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00:06:48,058 --> 00:06:50,827
gluten should be avoided,
gluten can make your dick fly off...
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00:06:50,853 --> 00:06:51,885
but let's set the record straight.
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00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:53,543
Make your dick fly off?
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00:06:53,569 --> 00:06:55,650
People believe that omitting gluten
will make you healthier,
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00:06:55,676 --> 00:06:57,285
but of course that's a bunch of hooey
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00:06:57,311 --> 00:06:59,968
Hooey is the preservative
found in processed foods,
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00:06:59,994 --> 00:07:02,175
that we now believe is
the main culprit of obesity.
140
00:07:02,201 --> 00:07:04,159
You might say, "Well,
there's fat in butter too,"
141
00:07:04,185 --> 00:07:05,551
but that's just poppycock.
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00:07:05,577 --> 00:07:08,308
Poppycock first came from India,
and is key ingredient in red meat,
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00:07:08,334 --> 00:07:10,398
which we now realize is good
for you along with hooey.
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00:07:10,424 --> 00:07:12,124
The good hooey, not the bad hooey.
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00:07:12,192 --> 00:07:13,659
- So what is gluten?
- Yes!
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00:07:13,685 --> 00:07:16,005
- Thank you!
- Simply put, gluten is the
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00:07:16,031 --> 00:07:20,121
protein found in flour when you
take all the starch away.
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00:07:20,147 --> 00:07:23,181
Flour is of course just wheat. And
when you add a liquid to flour,
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00:07:23,207 --> 00:07:25,718
you get dough.
Dough that makes bread, donuts,
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00:07:25,744 --> 00:07:28,527
pasta, and all the hooey-free
foods that humans enjoy.
151
00:07:28,553 --> 00:07:31,622
Now, if we wash the dough of
all its starch, we can actually
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00:07:31,648 --> 00:07:34,417
distill the wheat down, minus
the water, minus the starch, and
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00:07:34,443 --> 00:07:36,653
what we're left with is pure gluten.
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00:07:36,679 --> 00:07:40,239
Not a bioweapon, just harmless
flour protein.
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00:07:40,923 --> 00:07:44,992
- Then eat it.
- Excuse me?
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00:07:45,018 --> 00:07:49,373
If it's not dangerous, then eat
that pure concentrated gluten, mkay?
157
00:07:55,118 --> 00:07:58,203
Uh, all right...
158
00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:06,126
Huh, heh.
[Grunting and groaning]
159
00:08:06,851 --> 00:08:08,449
[screams]
160
00:08:11,690 --> 00:08:14,507
Oh, you see that?
His dick's flying off.
161
00:08:16,561 --> 00:08:19,053
[Crowd screaming]
162
00:08:20,781 --> 00:08:22,820
Oh, my God!
163
00:08:22,846 --> 00:08:25,719
These people don't even know!
Hurry! You gotta go!
164
00:08:25,745 --> 00:08:29,355
Oh, Jesus!
Hey, it isn't safe in there!
165
00:08:31,536 --> 00:08:33,487
- Get out of there!
- Get out! You're not safe!
166
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:35,879
You gotta get out!
Hurry! You gotta go!
167
00:08:40,696 --> 00:08:43,204
What about powerbars?
The powerbars?
168
00:08:43,230 --> 00:08:44,536
- Yes!
- Hamburger helper?
169
00:08:44,562 --> 00:08:46,470
That's all gluten!
170
00:08:46,496 --> 00:08:49,526
There's hot dog buns in that cupboard, Sharon!
171
00:08:49,552 --> 00:08:51,900
Hey, dad, I need to talk you about
this party we're having.
172
00:08:51,926 --> 00:08:55,226
- Oh, my God, the wheat thins!
- It's in the triscuits too, Randy!
173
00:08:55,252 --> 00:08:56,490
Wait, wait! I might need those!
174
00:08:56,516 --> 00:08:58,835
This stuff will make
your dick fly off, Stan!
175
00:08:58,861 --> 00:09:01,029
- Don't forget the freezer!
- Oh, God!
176
00:09:01,310 --> 00:09:04,816
Chicken nuggets, breaded!
Frozen burritos, flour!
177
00:09:04,842 --> 00:09:07,010
- Ice cream! What about ice cream?
- I don't know.
178
00:09:07,036 --> 00:09:10,447
- Look at the ingredients!
- Heavy cream, sugar, chocolate syrup...
179
00:09:10,473 --> 00:09:12,485
no, ice cream's good for you.
180
00:09:12,511 --> 00:09:14,192
- All right, that's all of it!
- You sure?
181
00:09:14,218 --> 00:09:16,290
- All right, you got those?
- I can get both of these, yeah.
182
00:09:16,316 --> 00:09:18,380
All right, come on!
183
00:09:26,876 --> 00:09:28,688
Hey, Cartman.
184
00:09:28,714 --> 00:09:30,219
Kyle! It's all gone!
185
00:09:30,245 --> 00:09:32,485
They've taken it all!
Why are they doing this?
186
00:09:32,511 --> 00:09:34,780
- Kyle! Kyle!
- Dude, calm down.
187
00:09:34,806 --> 00:09:37,486
There's no snacks left, Kyle!
They took all the snacks and the
188
00:09:37,512 --> 00:09:39,965
pizza and the cake and we're not
gonna have a party!
189
00:09:39,991 --> 00:09:42,426
Who took all the pizza and cake?
190
00:09:42,452 --> 00:09:44,432
[Crowd shouting in distance]
191
00:09:47,519 --> 00:09:49,503
What the hell?
192
00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:51,519
Kyle!
193
00:10:05,213 --> 00:10:07,631
Yeah! Get it!
Get it all!
194
00:10:07,682 --> 00:10:09,322
Yeah, that's it!
Burn, you bastard!
195
00:10:09,348 --> 00:10:11,482
What are you doing? My farm!
196
00:10:11,508 --> 00:10:16,248
Son of a bitch! Did you not know
or did you just not care? Keee-ya!
197
00:10:20,753 --> 00:10:22,863
There's panic all over the country,
198
00:10:22,889 --> 00:10:25,365
and you're telling me you don't have
any kind of containment on this thing?
199
00:10:25,391 --> 00:10:27,025
We're working as fast as we can, sir.
200
00:10:27,051 --> 00:10:29,844
Are you sure it's gluten that
started the reaction?
201
00:10:29,870 --> 00:10:31,778
We gave these rats an
injection of concentrated
202
00:10:31,804 --> 00:10:33,666
whole wheat bread a just a short time ago.
203
00:10:33,692 --> 00:10:37,124
You can see it already is
having a negative effect.
204
00:10:42,179 --> 00:10:44,821
We told people that whole
wheat bread was healthy.
205
00:10:44,847 --> 00:10:48,193
Isn't wheat the ingredient in
pasta that makes it healthy?
206
00:10:48,219 --> 00:10:51,720
No. We believe now that that's poppycock.
207
00:10:51,746 --> 00:10:53,308
All right, listen up!
208
00:10:53,334 --> 00:10:56,135
We have the obligation
to make this thing right
209
00:10:56,161 --> 00:10:58,843
and tell people what is
and isn't safe to eat.
210
00:10:58,869 --> 00:11:01,050
We are the USDA!
211
00:11:01,076 --> 00:11:04,712
Without us, people would be
eating dirt and... chairs.
212
00:11:05,136 --> 00:11:08,631
Whatever it takes, stop this crisis.
213
00:11:09,894 --> 00:11:11,492
[Rat squeals]
214
00:11:12,464 --> 00:11:14,191
[Coughs]
215
00:11:17,447 --> 00:11:20,516
Cartman, come on, dude.
You have to get up.
216
00:11:20,542 --> 00:11:25,184
What's the point? Everyone hates us
at school and our party's gonna suck.
217
00:11:25,210 --> 00:11:27,013
We can't let our party suck.
218
00:11:27,039 --> 00:11:29,777
What kind of epic party can
you have without pizza and cake?
219
00:11:29,803 --> 00:11:32,961
- Now all we've got is Lorde.
- That's right, we've still got Lorde.
220
00:11:32,987 --> 00:11:36,402
- You talked to your dad, right, Stan?
- I'll be back.
221
00:11:37,063 --> 00:11:39,397
You know what I'm gonna miss most?
222
00:11:39,423 --> 00:11:42,931
Pancakes. I keep having
dreams of Aunt Jemima.
223
00:11:42,957 --> 00:11:46,454
She's trying to tell me something.
But then she just fades away.
224
00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:48,581
Cartman, we can't do this alone.
225
00:11:48,607 --> 00:11:50,985
- You have to get up.
-There's nothing left, you guys.
226
00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:52,766
The world is upside down.
227
00:11:52,792 --> 00:11:55,994
Things aren't gonna get better,
they're gonna get worse.
228
00:11:57,176 --> 00:11:59,051
[Doorbell rings]
229
00:11:59,626 --> 00:12:01,196
Yes?
230
00:12:01,222 --> 00:12:04,900
Hello, sir. We've had word of a
possible gluten exposure in your home.
231
00:12:04,926 --> 00:12:07,742
- May we come in?
- Gluten? Oh, not here.
232
00:12:07,768 --> 00:12:10,651
- Can we come in, please?
- Well, sure!
233
00:12:11,539 --> 00:12:13,609
[Detector clicks]
234
00:12:15,515 --> 00:12:17,003
What's going on?
235
00:12:17,799 --> 00:12:19,792
[Detector clicks]
236
00:12:22,344 --> 00:12:24,314
Well, that's just a beer.
237
00:12:24,340 --> 00:12:27,843
- Oh, Jesus.
- Beer is all wheat, dad!
238
00:12:27,869 --> 00:12:29,901
Shut up!
Beer's bad for you?
239
00:12:29,927 --> 00:12:31,779
We're gonna need you to come with us, sir.
240
00:12:31,805 --> 00:12:33,973
- Don't touch me.
- Look, I'm okay.
241
00:12:33,999 --> 00:12:35,184
You want to see my dick?
242
00:12:35,210 --> 00:12:37,188
We just need you to be in
quarantine for a while
243
00:12:37,214 --> 00:12:41,219
- until everyone figures out what's going on.
- No, not Papa Johns!
244
00:12:41,245 --> 00:12:45,553
I don't wanna go to papa Johns!
You can't make me go to Papa Johns!
245
00:12:47,710 --> 00:12:49,629
How long do I have to stay here?
246
00:12:49,655 --> 00:12:53,165
Until the USDA gets control
of the situation, sir.
247
00:12:53,191 --> 00:12:55,259
- What am I supposed to eat?
- It's okay.
248
00:12:55,285 --> 00:12:57,861
There's lots of toppings.
Just eat the toppings.
249
00:12:58,809 --> 00:13:02,019
How'd you get exposed? Bagels?
250
00:13:02,045 --> 00:13:04,671
- Gravy?
- Beer.
251
00:13:05,083 --> 00:13:08,686
- I didn't know it had gluten.
- There's always something.
252
00:13:08,712 --> 00:13:14,917
For me it was the soy sauce.
Sneaky, sneaky soy sauce.
253
00:13:15,229 --> 00:13:17,786
We're trying to get a handle
on just how much gluten there is
254
00:13:17,812 --> 00:13:20,603
out there, but it seems
impossible to contain.
255
00:13:20,629 --> 00:13:23,423
And we have no idea how to
tell people to protect themselves?
256
00:13:23,449 --> 00:13:24,902
We've been running simulations,
257
00:13:24,928 --> 00:13:28,138
but they're problematic because they
don't relate to our current schematics.
258
00:13:28,164 --> 00:13:30,336
Here, look. This is what we
have been recommending
259
00:13:30,362 --> 00:13:33,274
for the past three years...
five basic food groups, not four.
260
00:13:33,300 --> 00:13:34,376
We were wrong about that.
261
00:13:34,402 --> 00:13:36,520
We now realize, of course, that
the largest of these groups
262
00:13:36,546 --> 00:13:38,563
we've been recommending is
basically poison.
263
00:13:38,673 --> 00:13:41,759
So to combat the gluten,
we're trying every possible
264
00:13:41,785 --> 00:13:43,733
combination of the four
remaining food groups,
265
00:13:43,759 --> 00:13:47,797
- but so far, no answers.
- Sir, the Feds are here.
266
00:13:47,823 --> 00:13:50,325
- Oh, shit.
- Tom Vilsack?
267
00:13:50,351 --> 00:13:52,782
- Yes.
- Michael Taylor, FDA.
268
00:13:52,816 --> 00:13:55,401
Yeah, thank you, but this is a USDA problem.
269
00:13:55,427 --> 00:13:58,044
Anything involving meat and
dairy is our problem too.
270
00:14:01,336 --> 00:14:03,727
Dad? Dad!
271
00:14:04,452 --> 00:14:08,727
Stan! Hey... how's my boy?
272
00:14:09,437 --> 00:14:11,634
Daddy's gonna be all right, okay?
273
00:14:11,660 --> 00:14:15,097
Yeah, dad, you know that guy at work
you said is Lorde's Uncle or something?
274
00:14:15,123 --> 00:14:17,088
I can't touch you or hug you,
275
00:14:17,114 --> 00:14:19,758
but... but I'm right with you.
Do you understand?
276
00:14:19,784 --> 00:14:21,742
Yeah, you remember you said
that Lorde, the singer,
277
00:14:21,768 --> 00:14:24,473
- her Uncle worked with you?
- How is your mom?
278
00:14:24,499 --> 00:14:27,540
- Your sister?
- This is a quarantined area, kid,
279
00:14:27,566 --> 00:14:30,149
- yore gonna have to go.
- No, no, no, not yet! Dad!
280
00:14:30,175 --> 00:14:33,302
- That's my son, you bastard!
- I'm sorry! All right?
281
00:14:33,335 --> 00:14:35,477
Dad, who's the guy at work
that knows Lorde?
282
00:14:35,503 --> 00:14:37,671
- Let me go! Dad!
- Stan!
283
00:14:37,697 --> 00:14:41,277
- Let me talk to my dad!
- [screaming] Stan!
284
00:14:41,303 --> 00:14:45,640
[Whimpering] [Coughs]
285
00:14:45,666 --> 00:14:47,718
You call this a party?
Your party sucks!
286
00:14:47,751 --> 00:14:49,873
- Come on, guys, let's go!
- No food at a party?
287
00:14:49,899 --> 00:14:52,649
- And I thought I was handicapped!
- What's wrong with you?
288
00:14:52,692 --> 00:14:54,640
Where's the food?
289
00:14:54,666 --> 00:14:56,033
- I hate your party!
- I hate your party!
290
00:14:56,059 --> 00:14:58,186
- Where's the food?
- What a loser!
291
00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:02,496
[Somber music] ♪
♪
292
00:15:04,779 --> 00:15:06,532
[Heartbeat thumping] Hello, Eric.
293
00:15:07,620 --> 00:15:12,591
- Come on over here, sugar.
- Aunt Jemima.
294
00:15:13,268 --> 00:15:15,317
There's people in trouble, Eric.
295
00:15:15,343 --> 00:15:19,724
- They need to be shown the way.
- I don't know the way, Aunt Jemima.
296
00:15:19,750 --> 00:15:24,654
You need to get to the USDA, child.
They lookin' for a sign.
297
00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:27,232
I don't even know what that means.
298
00:15:27,258 --> 00:15:31,027
When you're stuck, look to the pyramids.
299
00:15:31,542 --> 00:15:34,044
Are you going to eat those pancakes?
300
00:15:34,070 --> 00:15:41,677
They got it wrong, child.
The world is upside down.
301
00:15:41,703 --> 00:15:46,983
- Ohh, trippy.
- Tell 'em they gots it backwards.
302
00:15:47,009 --> 00:15:49,412
They got what backwards?
303
00:15:51,581 --> 00:15:53,901
- Loser!
- This party sucks!
304
00:15:54,701 --> 00:15:56,240
[screams]
305
00:16:01,789 --> 00:16:03,179
Oh! Oh!
306
00:16:04,687 --> 00:16:06,492
[Beep] I want pancakes.
307
00:16:07,312 --> 00:16:09,851
♪
308
00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:14,440
You can't just keep us in here.
309
00:16:14,466 --> 00:16:16,223
- [Metal clatters]
- We're out.
310
00:16:16,249 --> 00:16:19,351
We're all out of toppings.
There's nothing left to eat.
311
00:16:20,025 --> 00:16:22,160
They're just gonna let us
starve to death?
312
00:16:22,228 --> 00:16:25,163
They don't care about us. Face it.
313
00:16:25,231 --> 00:16:26,945
We're already dead to them.
314
00:16:28,125 --> 00:16:31,287
Well, then I guess I might as well eat.
315
00:16:31,313 --> 00:16:33,054
There's nothing left! I told you!
316
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:35,950
- There's plenty of pizza dough.
- Are you crazy?
317
00:16:35,976 --> 00:16:40,480
I'm crazy hungry!
[Munching]
318
00:16:40,506 --> 00:16:45,217
Oh, [Bleep], it's so good. I want more.
319
00:16:46,528 --> 00:16:49,883
[Groans] It's been so long.
320
00:16:50,319 --> 00:16:52,827
Oh, my God, you...
321
00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:56,225
But... you're okay.
322
00:16:57,367 --> 00:17:01,168
You don't think it's a little ridiculous
that wheat protein is toxic?
323
00:17:01,194 --> 00:17:03,278
This whole thing was a setup, man!
324
00:17:03,304 --> 00:17:05,004
A setup? But by who?
325
00:17:05,030 --> 00:17:06,864
Oh, my God. We... we have to get a hold of
326
00:17:06,890 --> 00:17:08,591
someone who can get the word out!
327
00:17:08,617 --> 00:17:10,552
Maybe Papa John can help us.
If we can get a hold of him,
328
00:17:10,578 --> 00:17:12,312
then maybe we can... [Groans]
329
00:17:14,091 --> 00:17:15,564
[Small boom]
330
00:17:16,788 --> 00:17:17,858
Aw.
331
00:17:20,856 --> 00:17:22,890
There's a health crisis going on,
332
00:17:22,916 --> 00:17:24,952
and it's spreading faster
than anyone realizes.
333
00:17:24,978 --> 00:17:27,069
For a long time, we ignored it,
334
00:17:27,095 --> 00:17:28,846
thought it would only affect the poor,
335
00:17:28,872 --> 00:17:30,887
people who ate eggo
waffles and pizza pockets.
336
00:17:30,913 --> 00:17:33,196
But gluten can attack anyone.
337
00:17:33,476 --> 00:17:36,645
This is not a time to party.
This is a time to get serious.
338
00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:39,104
We're calling on everyone to
spend this weekend learning
339
00:17:39,130 --> 00:17:41,932
about gluten and how to protect
yourself and your family,
340
00:17:41,958 --> 00:17:44,693
because we don't know how much time we have.
341
00:17:44,948 --> 00:17:46,835
All right, time for action indeed.
342
00:17:46,861 --> 00:17:49,162
Let's go to the phone lines.
Go ahead, caller.
343
00:17:49,188 --> 00:17:51,856
I knew you guys were gonna
bail on the party.
344
00:17:51,882 --> 00:17:53,883
We're not bailing on the party.
345
00:17:53,909 --> 00:17:56,107
We just think there's more
important things right now.
346
00:17:56,133 --> 00:17:58,902
Uh-huh, you guys couldn't get
Lorde to play, could you?
347
00:17:58,928 --> 00:18:01,691
All right, let's go to
Jamie in Como. Go ahead.
348
00:18:01,717 --> 00:18:02,923
It's like you...
349
00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:05,024
you say you're gonna throw the
most epic party of the decade
350
00:18:05,050 --> 00:18:06,544
and then you rip it away.
351
00:18:06,570 --> 00:18:09,138
It's kind of like telling everyone
to go [Bleep] themselves.
352
00:18:09,164 --> 00:18:11,100
Okay, let's watch the language there.
353
00:18:11,126 --> 00:18:12,994
Next caller, you're on the air.
354
00:18:13,020 --> 00:18:15,210
Why were you doing this party, Stan?
355
00:18:15,646 --> 00:18:18,327
Was it because you made
people mad at school or
356
00:18:18,353 --> 00:18:20,729
because you just wanted to be a big shot?
357
00:18:20,755 --> 00:18:24,732
I... we... we wanted to bring people
together and help Scott Malkinson, but...
358
00:18:24,758 --> 00:18:27,777
So then in a time when people really
need to come together, you cancel on him?
359
00:18:27,803 --> 00:18:30,104
I'm pretty sure Scott Malkinson
still has diabetes.
360
00:18:30,130 --> 00:18:32,819
That is correct, yes, I do.
361
00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:35,694
You couldn't put on the party you
were hoping to put on, was that it?
362
00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:39,303
- Jesus Christ, dude.
- Wendy, there is a health crisis right now...
363
00:18:39,329 --> 00:18:41,788
Right. And when things change or things
come up,
364
00:18:41,814 --> 00:18:45,036
you don't forget about everything
you've promised people.
365
00:18:45,377 --> 00:18:47,571
We had no idea what to serve
people to eat, okay?
366
00:18:47,597 --> 00:18:49,598
- We were gonna look stupid!
- Thought so.
367
00:18:49,624 --> 00:18:51,700
- [Phone line clicks]
- Ooooh.
368
00:18:51,726 --> 00:18:54,928
All right, next caller is Eric.
Are you there, Eric?
369
00:18:54,954 --> 00:18:56,788
- Kyle!
- Cartman?
370
00:18:56,814 --> 00:18:58,504
Kyle, what does USDA stand for?
371
00:18:58,530 --> 00:19:01,190
Aunt Jemima said USDA has to
look at the pyramids!
372
00:19:02,526 --> 00:19:05,675
It's dinnertime on the east
coast in less than an hour.
373
00:19:05,701 --> 00:19:07,056
People are going to die!
374
00:19:07,082 --> 00:19:10,313
Sir, we've got a boy on the hotline
who says he might know something!
375
00:19:10,339 --> 00:19:12,774
- Who is this?
- My name isn't important.
376
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:16,202
What matters is that
"The answer is in the pyramid."
377
00:19:16,228 --> 00:19:20,128
The pyramid? That's ancient stuff
you're talking about. Are you sure?
378
00:19:20,154 --> 00:19:22,134
Bring up the pyramid!
379
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:23,486
[clicks]
380
00:19:23,658 --> 00:19:25,556
Well, what is it? What is it for?
381
00:19:25,734 --> 00:19:27,668
We built the pyramid a long time ago
382
00:19:27,694 --> 00:19:29,451
to illustrate how much people
should eat of the four
383
00:19:29,477 --> 00:19:30,630
basic food groups.
384
00:19:30,656 --> 00:19:34,051
Sir, we abandoned the pyramid
when Michelle Obama got involved.
385
00:19:34,077 --> 00:19:36,979
The pyramid doesn't work.
We've already tried it.
386
00:19:37,005 --> 00:19:39,607
- It's upside down.
- What?
387
00:19:39,633 --> 00:19:42,168
Sir, the pyramid is upside down!
388
00:19:42,194 --> 00:19:45,484
- Turn the pyramid upside down.
- You can't be serious.
389
00:19:45,510 --> 00:19:47,430
That would put butter and fat
at the top of the...
390
00:19:47,456 --> 00:19:51,092
- Flip the damn food pyramid!
- This is not FDA approved!
391
00:19:51,118 --> 00:19:53,352
It's dinnertime on the east
coast in ten minutes!
392
00:19:53,378 --> 00:19:56,613
- Now do it!
- [Keyboard clacking]
393
00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:01,630
- [Electronic tones]
- Sir, we've got a match.
394
00:20:02,233 --> 00:20:04,829
Nutrition is stabilizing.
395
00:20:04,855 --> 00:20:10,226
- We've got a well-balanced vaccine, sir!
- [Cheers and applause]
396
00:20:11,381 --> 00:20:13,966
Get the president on the phone.
397
00:20:13,992 --> 00:20:17,821
Tell him... to have some steak
with his butter.
398
00:20:22,965 --> 00:20:26,238
[Upbeat pop music] ♪
♪
399
00:20:34,010 --> 00:20:37,210
Well, I gotta admit, you guys
throw a pretty sweet party.
400
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:39,487
Hey, we'd do anything for our bros, man!
401
00:20:39,681 --> 00:20:41,715
Would you guys care for a
frozen butter pop?
402
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:44,577
We're good, Scott.
Stop bugging us.
403
00:20:44,617 --> 00:20:46,467
We really dodged a bullet, young man.
404
00:20:46,493 --> 00:20:49,056
Thanks to you, America knows
what to eat again.
405
00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:51,440
Yeah, well, I'm glad people
aren't mad at you anymore.
406
00:20:51,466 --> 00:20:52,838
I know what that feels like.
407
00:20:52,893 --> 00:20:54,711
We're gonna get a better view of the stage.
408
00:20:54,737 --> 00:20:57,655
Yeah, yeah, enjoy the party.
409
00:21:01,257 --> 00:21:04,560
Wait till my girls see that I
was at a party with Lorde!
410
00:21:04,620 --> 00:21:06,974
I'm glad the food is good. Lorde sucks.
411
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,279
Yeah, she isn't as hot in person.
412
00:21:09,305 --> 00:21:10,701
♪ Yeah yeah yeah ♪
413
00:21:10,727 --> 00:21:12,661
♪ I am Lorde, I am Lorde ♪
♪ yeah yeah yeah ♪
414
00:21:12,687 --> 00:21:15,409
♪ Lorde lorde call me Lorde ♪
♪ yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪
415
00:21:15,435 --> 00:21:17,321
- Hey, Wendy, you having fun?
- Yeah, sure.
416
00:21:17,347 --> 00:21:19,368
You guys really pulled it off.
417
00:21:19,394 --> 00:21:23,239
Yeah, well, I just couldn't sit around
while my dad was locked away.
418
00:21:23,265 --> 00:21:27,535
- I love him and he needed me.
- You're so transparent, Stan.
419
00:21:27,561 --> 00:21:31,263
- What does that mean?
- You wanna dance?
420
00:21:32,858 --> 00:21:35,025
♪ We love the city ♪
421
00:21:35,051 --> 00:21:37,469
♪ Yeah yeah yeah ♪
♪ 'cause I am Lorde ♪
422
00:21:37,495 --> 00:21:39,514
♪ I am Lorde ♪
♪ Lorde Lorde Lorde Lorde ♪
423
00:21:39,540 --> 00:21:41,424
♪ yeah yeah yeah ♪
424
00:21:41,450 --> 00:21:45,254
sync and corrections by dreaMaker7
www.MY-SUBS.com
425
00:22:03,446 --> 00:22:04,412
- Police say late last night,
426
00:22:04,447 --> 00:22:05,846
they apprehended
Rodney gullivan,
427
00:22:05,882 --> 00:22:09,050
and found a gun
and narcotics in his truck.
428
00:22:09,085 --> 00:22:12,320
He was charged with possession
and assault on his fiancee,
429
00:22:12,355 --> 00:22:15,356
and she is in the hospital
recovering tonight.
430
00:22:15,391 --> 00:22:16,524
Meanwhile, another woman
431
00:22:16,559 --> 00:22:18,426
was sexually assaulted
by Benjamin braider
432
00:22:18,461 --> 00:22:19,860
of Indianapolis.
433
00:22:19,896 --> 00:22:23,197
The unidentified woman suffered
a broken rib and a split lip.
434
00:22:23,232 --> 00:22:25,333
She's in stable condition
tonight.
435
00:22:25,368 --> 00:22:26,934
Well, that's it for sports.
436
00:22:26,969 --> 00:22:28,702
Chuck.
36685
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