All language subtitles for [SubtitleTools.com] Secrets of Playboy S02E07 - Mulheres Uniformizadas_track3_[eng]

I didn't think a regular girl
could get in "Playboy."

I said, "You know, I am a cop."
And she goes, "What?"

I said, "I'm a cop."
She goes, "Where?"

I said, "NYPD."

Wearing my Air Force uniform
was very empowering,

like a coat of armor.

When I put on the uniform,
it gave me the strength

to be able
to run down the street,

tackle a guy,
arrest him, and lock him up.

I love this photo 'cause this is
the, like, "I'm a badass.

I'm gonna, like,
have amazing sex with you,

and then
I'm going to whup your ass."

I didn't think posing
for "Playboy" was a big deal,

but it blew up.

I never would have thought

it would
get the attention it did.

They said, "We're opening
an investigation on you."

I was like, "Ooh,
an investigation. On what?"

It makes no sense.
I didn't break the law.

I didn't commit a crime.

I was stripped
of what was mine--

something that I earned,

something that I worked
really hard to get.

And when something is
wrongfully taken away from you,

it cuts deep.

[motor revving]

My name is Hugh Hefner.

I'm editor-publisher
of "Playboy" magazine.

REPORTER: Playboy is one

of the most famous brand names
in the world.

It was simply to include sex as

one natural part of a package
for a male audience.

KARI ANN: When I made the choice
to do "Playboy,"

I didn't realize all
the choices that I was making

that came with that choice.

PITZULO: We don't judge the men
for buying the "Playboy"s,

but we judge the women
for posing for "Playboy."

JILL:
I was never Jill anymore.

I was Jill
that posed for "Playboy."

ASHLEY: I just gave in
and knew that I was

probably gonna go to hell.

ZOE:
It got to a certain point

where it wasn't fun anymore.

SONDRA:
This process was very painful,

but I should be able to tell
my story as I lived it.

GUERRERO: In 1979,

"Playboy" featured
its very first woman in uniform,

Army Specialist Colleen Donovan.

The spread was a hit,
and the following year,

the magazine featured
an entire pictorial

dedicated to women
of the Armed Forces.

This time,
the photos caused controversy.

Throughout the years,

"Playboy" continued
to feature women in uniform

within its pages,

a decision that would alter
the lives

of many of the women who posed
forever.

Carol Shaya joined the NYPD

right out of college.

As a rookie, she had
one of the toughest beats--

the Bronx's 42nd Precinct.

At home,
Carol had just gotten married,

and the newlyweds decided,
almost as a joke,

to send some recent photos
of Carol to "Playboy" Magazine.

To her surprise, something that
started out as a laugh

ended up
changing her entire life.

-Hi.
-Hello, Carol.

-Nice to meet you.
-So nice to meet you.

-Pleasure.
-Thank you for being here.

Thank you for having me.

-Have a seat.
-Thank you.

You're wearing your shield.

I am. I'm wearing--this one,

I think, is my dad,
and this one is mine.

So, I'm 6140,
and my dad was 614.

-Amazing.
-Yeah.

Your father was
a Port Authority officer.

Correct.

He was doing this job
that was helping people,

protecting people.
-Correct.

-Did you admire that?
-I loved it.

I held my dad, like,
to a very high standard.

He was, to me, special,
and, you know,

I was kind of, like,
Daddy's girl.

So, how did you become
an NYPD officer?

I didn't know that I would
become a cop in the future.

I thought I was going to be
a criminal attorney.

And I was
in St. John's University,

and they were like,

"Well, why don't you go
to the police academy?

You're gonna get 68 credits,"
I think was the amount,

"and they're going to go towards
your criminal justice degree."

And I said, that's a great idea.

So I went into the academy
in 1990.

Once I went
into the police academy

and had that, like, experience,
I was like, oh, I want to see

what it's really like
on the street.

And then you become, yourself,
a cop.

Right. In 1991,
I became a police officer.

You were, at one point,
patrolling

a very tough neighborhood.

Yeah, the South Bronx,

where I can honestly say
it was culture shock.

Drugs on every corner,
everywhere you looked.

It was crazy over there.
Very dangerous.

How were you treated there by
the guys that you worked with?

They were not against me,

but I felt the need to be
stronger

and tougher
than the way I looked.

Yeah, I would get looks,
but it didn't bother me.

I was like, all right,
that's cute. Whatever.

-You didn't feel uncomfortable?
-No.

So, you were in the Bronx.
Then what happened next?

I get married to another cop.

He was a sergeant, and we were
going on our honeymoon.

So we went on this nice cruise,
and we took these photos.

It was like me in a bikini
and stuff like that.

So, when we got home,

and we looked at the pictures
and everything,

he goes,
"You should, like, model."

And I was like,
"No, I can't model,"

and he's like, "Why not?"

I said, "To be a model,
you need to be like, 5'11"."

He goes, "What about 'Playboy'?"
I go, "'Playboy'?"

I mean, the women
that were in "Playboy,"

come on, iconic women.

I looked at "Playboy" as

being the most amazing magazine
to get in.

I didn't think a regular girl
could get in "Playboy."

He goes,
"Yeah, let me send them,

and let's see what happens."

When he sent those photos,

did he let "Playboy" know
that you were an NYPD officer?

No. They didn't know.

It was less than a week.

The phone rings.

"Hi.
This is Playboy Enterprises.

This is Marilyn Grabowski."

I'm like, "Is this for real?"

She goes,
"Yes, we love your photos,

and I wanna know, would you be
open to doing a test shoot?

We'll fly you to Chicago."

And I'm like, okay.

What goes through your mind

when you actually have
to get naked for the camera?

I felt a little shy,

but "Playboy" had a funny way

of making you feel
very comfortable.

I had a robe, and I was
undressed so infrequently,

'cause most of the time
they're doing things,

lighting, they have
somebody else doing whatever.

And the makeup people,
the camera people,

everybody is just
so professional

that they're not
even looking at you here.

They're talking to you.

After the test shoot,

I go back
to Marilyn Grabowski's office,

and I sit in the chair,

and we start talking
about the negotiation now.

I says,
"Well, what do you guys pay?"

She goes, "Oh, we--"

at that time, it was, like,
$20,000 or $30,000.

I said, "$20,000 or 30,000?
That's it?"

I go, "No."
I said, "That's not enough."

And she goes, "Why?"
I said, "Well, I don't know."

I said, "You know, I am a cop."
And she goes, "What?"

I said, "I'm a cop."

She goes, "Where?"
I said, "NYPD."

She goes, "Do you have
your badge on you?"

I go, "Yeah,"
and I go into my bag,

and I show her my badge,
and she's like,

"Oh, okay. I'm gonna
get back to you."

How much did you end up
making in "Playboy"?

$100,000.

Wow.

So you went from $20,000
to $30,000 to $100,000?

-Correct.
-Amazing.

So, they knew this was
gonna be a very big story.

Yes, I guess they did,
and I had no clue.

Did you ever tell anybody
that you worked for,

a commanding officer or anybody,

that you were testing
for "Playboy"?

No. A cop works outside
of their job,

you have to file
for off-duty employment.

I never said the word "Playboy."

-No.
-Never.

But in my off-duty application,
it did say, "Nude modeling."

And nobody said anything to you?

-No. Not at all.
-No.

So, after the test shoot,
I go back to work,

my normal life and everything,
and then I get the call.

They said, "Do you want to pose
in uniform or do you not?"

I go, "Oh, I'd love to."
Like, I didn't even think of it.

And they said, "Okay, but we
can't use your actual uniform.

We have to use, like,
a replica."

I said, "Okay.
I'm okay with that."

And I posed in "Playboy,"
August of 1994 on the cover.

"NYPD Nude--New York's Finest."

I had a lot of fun
during the photo shoot.

This one with the handcuffs--
I was proud of myself.

It didn't scare me.

I chose to come off this way.

I liked being a cop.

I was proud of it.

I wanted to announce it
to the world.

So, you're not at all,
at this point, worried about

what your commanding officer
is gonna think?

-No, not at all.
-No.

For me, I was like,
all right, so what?

I posed nude for a magazine.
Who cares? It's "Playboy."

Okay, so when the issue
came out, what happened to you?

Oh, my God, it blew up.
It blew up.

I never would have thought it
would get the attention it did.

It was crazy.

When the issue came out,
what happened to you?

The media was relentless.

A lovely young officer
named Carol Shaya

has posed nude in "Playboy,"

and that has the NYPD Blue
seeing red.

I certainly don't think
posing nude is right.

You're supposed to be
a role model as a policewoman.

She was
one of New York's Finest,

but now the lady in blue
is being blackballed

for flashing more than
her badge in "Playboy" Magazine.

I'd go to work.
There were news trucks

sitting
in front of the precinct.

I'd be on patrol, and there was

news trucks
following my police car.

Sorry, no comment.

[horns honking in distance]

So, now that is affecting
my job,

and I'm like, "What are
you guys doing, man?

I got to go to work."

I'm just gonna stop you
for one minute...

-Yes.
-...and say, if I had been

working in the New York media
at that time,

I absolutely would have been
following you...

-[laughs]
-...down the sidewalk...

-Well, that's--
-...and trying to interview you.

That's what happened.

Meanwhile, your dad,
a Port Authority cop...

Mm-hmm.

What did he think when you posed
for "Playboy" as a cop?

Oh, he was not happy.

My father did not speak to me
for six months after I posed.

He was proud
when I became a cop.

At Madison Square Garden,
when I had my ceremony,

he stood there so proud, like,
his daughter's a cop like him.

So with me posing for "Playboy,"

he just couldn't wrap his head
around it at the time.

You felt like you had
disappointed your dad?

Yeah, I did. When my dad kinda
turned his back on me,

it broke me.

He didn't want everybody
and their mother

seeing his daughter naked.

So, yeah, I understood.

In terms of your job, was there
ever any clause anywhere

that says you cannot pose nude
in "Playboy" Magazine?

No. Nothing like that.

You just have to abide
by the rules and regulations

that everyone else has
to abide in.

What about other cops?
What did they say to you?

I can honestly say, to my face,
not one bad comment.

Everyone I knew was fine,

but there were women
that didn't stand beside me.

And the Policewomen Endowment
is basically an organization

that helped support

the women's movement
in the NYPD.

And they came after me, saying,

"We don't stand behind you,
and we don't support you."

REPORTER:
Lieutenant Karen Krizan,

who heads the Patrolwomen's
Endowment Association,

says other female officers

are paying the price
for Shaya's notoriety.

We have women
that are out on foot posts,

that, um, civilians drive by
in the cars and start either

screaming obscenities at them
or ask them if they have, um,

in nice terms, I can say
breasts that look like Carol's.

So, when they came after me,
saying,

"Oh, you know,
you posed for 'Playboy,'

and you got paid,
and I go, hold on.

First of all, cops make nothing.

When I came out of the academy,
my salary was $24,977.

It was nothing.

It was hard to get by,
to be quite honest.

My intention
was never to hurt females.

It was nice to show
that female cops

could still be feminine
and do a male job.

So, what happens next?

The NYPD put me
on a departmental trial

because I posed nude
for a magazine in uniform...

...even though
the uniform was a "replica."

I used the uniform
for financial gain,

is what they claimed.

But the trial commissioner said,

"Police Officer Shaya
followed the rules,

and we have no legal grounds
to terminate her."

So, I got through the trial.

It was like, oh,
it felt good to win,

but then one day the news is on,
and all of a sudden, I hear,

you know,
"Police Officer Carol Shaya

has been terminated
from the NYPD."

I was like, what?

And that is how
I found out I got fired.

I was pissed.

I went through a pissed stage.

Then I went through
a really sad stage,

like a grieving process.

I just lost a big part of me.

I overshadowed somebody who did
not want to be overshadowed.

Bill Bratton,
former Police Commissioner.

He loved the media,

and here is some female cop
getting more media than he did.

Being in the paper every week

and being on "Page Six"
all the time,

it was bringing
a lot of attention to me.

He was the one who was bothered.

So you thought that
Bill Bratton was jealous of you?

100%.

He said that you monetized
the NYPD uniform.

Meanwhile,
he was under investigation

for ethics violations.

That's true. I remember that.

GUERRERO: Because he had just
signed a book deal,

so he had profited

because of his relationship
with the NYPD.

Around the same time,
there was a male NYPD officer

who posed for "Playgirl"...
-Correct.

-...and he was not fired.
-Correct.

It's as sexist as it can be.

I still feel like
there's sexism in the NYPD.

I don't think
that'll ever go away.

But it was a lot worse
back when I was on the job.

And you know what?
There's that double standard.

If a man can do whatever
he wants outside of work,

why can't we?

So, you see how people are gonna
think this is hypocritical.

Absolutely.

Men have done a lot worse.

They have committed crimes
and not been terminated.

After I lost my job,

I was heartbroken
because I loved my job.

I loved what I did. I could
have stayed there my whole life.

I was so proud to be
a police officer in the NYPD.

My oath was
to protect and serve.

I had no idea
that posing for "Playboy"

would take that away from me.

And when something is
wrongfully taken away from you,

it cuts deep.

Coming from a family with
a strong military background,

Michelle Manhart
enlisted in the Air Force

when she was just 16.

In her 14-year military career,
Michelle served

in Germany and Kuwait before
becoming a drill sergeant.

But when "Playboy" came to
San Antonio looking for models

for an upcoming issue,
Michelle answered their call.

-Hi, Michelle.
-Hello. How are you?

-Good to meet you.
-So good to meet you.

-Have a seat.
-Thank you.

First of all,
thank you for your service.

[laughs] Thanks.

You are a badass.

[laughs]

Only on Tuesdays.
I just say only on Tuesdays.

I'm so excited to meet you.

-Thank you.
-Um...

There's so many questions
I have for you,

but the first thing
I wanna ask you is

when was the first time
you ever saw a "Playboy,"

and what did you think?

I do remember when I was 8,

I saw my first "Playboy,"

and I remember
the women were so glamorous.

There was just
this mystique about them

that was very beautiful.

It was like
this odd dream of mine.

Like, it was this thought that
I wanted to be in "Playboy,"

and I had said that day,

"I'm--I'm gonna do that
someday." [chuckles]

You have had
a really interesting life,

and your childhood was
pretty difficult, I would say.

You ended up leaving home early.

Can you tell me
what happened and--and why?

There were times
that my mom and I

didn't get along very well,

and we had gotten into
a very large fight at one point,

and so she "kicked me out,"

and I was forced to leave home.

And I was still a kid.

I look at it,
and I'm like, oh, I was 14.

I didn't know
that it was abnormal,

but I had a lot of support.

I had a really good friend
at the time.

Her mom let me live there
for a while.

How did you end up
this...girl, this teenager,

joining the military?

I was getting close
to graduation,

and I had talked
to a friend of mine,

and she was talking
about joining the military.

I had a lot of family members
that had already served,

and so I was like,
ah, I'll go check this out.

A lot of the offices
will show videos

or have photos on the wall,

and one of them was
the basic training video

in the Air Force office.

I just remember seeing these
people yelling at trainees,

and I just thought that,
oh, my God, that's so fun.

You get to yell all day.
I was like, I wanna do that.

What do I have to do
to do that right there?

And the recruiter laughed at me
and was like,

"Oh, you--you can't just
do that, but you could do that."

And so it was like, mm, let me--
let me open this door for you.

But, like, I knew
I needed something

to get my life on track,
or I was going to,

who knows, end up where.

My mother signed
her parental rights away,

releasing me to the military.

So, I went to graduation,

walked across the stage,
got my diploma,

and literally left
for the Air Force that day.

I would think
that coming from a place

where you left home
as a young girl

to having this opportunity
to have a career,

to have a roof over your head,
to have three meals a day,

must have been very appealing.

Oh, very much. But I just
think the idea of the military

was very appealing to me.

-Yeah. The discipline of it.
-Yes.

-Serving your country.
-Yes.

So, eventually in your career,

you became a D.I.,
a drill instructor.

Mm-hmm. That was 2003.

What about being
a drill instructor

appealed to you?

Just the idea of, like,
shaping people,

being able to be a part
of building something.

The Air Force is
gonna continue, right?

We--We leave,
it's gonna keep going,

but if you could become
a part of it

and put your footstep in there
and know that you made

a difference for somebody,
you helped to change one life,

it makes you feel complete,
or at least it does me.

And so I just loved it.

Best job I ever had.

At this point in your life,
you'd been there for

over a decade in the Air Force.
-Yeah.

You wanted to be there
for 20 years.

-Yes.
-At least.

100%. I felt so perfectly
where I was supposed to be.

Then what happened
with "Playboy"?

My husband was
taking a, um, art class,

and he was talking about how
they perceived nudity in "art."

And then we got
on the topic of "Playboy,"

and later I got on my computer,
and I typed in Playboy.com.

Which I had
never been to before.

And I was scrolling and looking
at different things.

I had seen this area
at the bottom

that was, like,

"Recruiting near you"
or "Coming near you"

or something like that,
and I clicked it.

It said that they were going
to be in San Antonio, Texas,

the very next day.

-The next day?
-Yes.

I knew this was meant to be.

So, I talked
to my husband about it,

and he was like,
"You should go."

And so, what happened?
You just show up?

I did. I just showed up.

First, they brought us
into a room

and did, like,
a typical interview.

Did they know at this point
that you're in the Air Force?

I'm sure they did, because
I remember we had to fill out,

you know, like, when you go to
the doctor, you fill out this--

A form. "What do you
do for a living?" kind--

Yes. Right.
And then from there,

you went into a next room,
and they're--

this room's filming, um,
and they want you to be sensual,

and I'm not very good at that.
[laughs]

Did they ask you
to take your clothes off?

They did,
and it was uncomfortable

because
I'm very self-conscious naked.

-So, who was in the room?
-The cameraperson.

There was a female
asking questions,

and then there was one more,

and it was kind of, like,
overwhelming 'cause, you know,

here I am,
and I know it's real,

but at the same time,
I'm like, is it?

Like, this is weird. I've never
been asked to do this.

I was trying
to be sensual and cute

and take off my clothes
slowly on the couch,

and--and then I left. [laughs]

So, how long was it before
you hear back from "Playboy"?

The same day.

-You heard back from
"Playboy"...
-I did.

...the day that you auditioned
for them?

I did. I got a phone call,
and they said, you know,

"We really like the way
that you are on camera,

and, um, we want to talk to you

about doing
an actual photo shoot."

And I was just like,
"Yes. I don't care. Yes.

My answer's yes."

-So, "Playboy" sends a team...
-They did.

-...to shoot you...
-Right.

-...in San Antonio.
-Correct.

They said they were shooting

for Employee of the Month.

Employee of the Month
is just one photo,

and then it had
some stats below it.

So, we shot for that,
and then everything went back.

And as you know,
Hef reviews everything.

And I got a phone call.

They said,
"So, Hef reviewed your photos,

and he said
there's too many great photos,

so he wants to give you
an entire spread." [chuckles]

Wow.

I thought it was a joke.
I literally told them,

"Ha ha, this is funny"
on the phone.

And it wasn't a joke.
It was very, very real.

At some point,
did the alarm bells go off

for you in any
of the documents you signed,

any of the rules
you had to live by

by being in the Air Force?

Did you ever hear
or have anyone say to you,

"You are not ever allowed
to pose nude for a magazine?

Never. Never.
Was there ever anything

that was ever said
to me about that side.

My career was
so important to me.

I would never even have
taken the photos

if I thought it was taboo,

but when the magazine came out,

my whole life
was flipped upside down.

Playboy said,
"We wanna photograph you.

We're interested
in putting you in the magazine."

Correct. They wanted
to make a bigger feature.

What it was
is they wanted to perceive

that women in the military
can yell at people, fight wars,

serve their country honorably,

but when they come home
at night,

they're women who wanna be
treated like women.

So, they wanted to show
that we do have

these two sides to us.

I get why
Playboy would want that.

-Yeah.
-So, you shoot?

-We spent a week shooting.
-Good experience?

And it was awesome.

You know, a lot of
different scenes and poses,

and everything was wonderful.

I love this photo 'cause
it reminds me of, like,

this is the female human version
of a praying mantis right here.

I'm gonna, like, have
amazing sex with you,

and then I'm gonna
whup your ass,

or maybe I'm gonna whup your ass
and then have sex with you.

Either way,
you're getting your ass whupped.

GUERRERO: The photos themselves,
were you completely nude?

MICHELLE: In some, yes.

And then were there ever parts
of your uniform

that were shown or anything
in the nude photos?

No. When I was even
partially dressed at all,

I was not wearing a uniform.

I didn't wear my hat
and disrespect it.

But they featured you as
an Air Force...

-Correct.
-...drill sergeant.

-Right.
-And, in fact,

didn't the Air Force provide
some pictures of you

-Correct.
-..to "Playboy"?

Yes.

"Playboy" wanted approval to use
photos when I was serving.

And so those photos
were checked off that,

yes, these are real.
They're not fake, you know?

GUERRERO: The military approved
these photos?

Mm-hmm. Yeah, these are
real photos.

-These are not, like--
-For "Playboy"?

-Yeah.
-So you actually told

your supervisor that you were
going to pose for "Playboy"?

-Yes.
-And they approved this?

Yes.

Wow.

I was never given

any idea that anything
was going to be wrong with this.

There was no red flags.

So, but you're proud
of the pictures?

-Yes.
-You're excited about it.

My spread was called
"Tough Love."

"Tough Love."

-"Tough Love."
-Yeah.

And my issue of "Playboy"
came out in February of 2007.

So, they sent me an early copy,

which I think is what they do
most of the time.

I took that copy
into my supervisor

to let him see it, and it went
from there to his boss.

And I wasn't
really given any thought

that anything was wrong,

but I just felt the air
was weird.

Went in the next day,
went to my supervisor,

and I, you know, asked, um,

"Hey, I left that magazine
with you.

I just need to make sure
I get it back."

And he said, "Okay, well,

we're having a discussion
about it."

And by the end of the day,

my whole life
was flipped upside down.

Later, they walked in,

told me that I needed
to remove my campaign hat,

that I needed to, um,
not report back to work.

I was gonna report
to somewhere different.

Your bosses then
make it very clear

that you're in big trouble.

They said, "We're opening
an investigation on you."

-Ooh.
-And I-I was like,

"Ooh, an investigation. On what?
I've given you a previous copy.

I've told you everything.
You were well aware of it.

What could
you possibly investigate?"

I didn't know what was going on.
They wouldn't tell me anything.

For the next, probably week,
uh, no one would talk to me.

And that is when
the magazine came out.

GUERRERO: Tell me about
the reaction from the public.

MICHELLE: So, the public was
actually very supportive.

Very supportive.

They were like,
"this is awesome."

But to the bosses,
this wasn't great.

It was like,
"This is unacceptable.

This is unbecoming of--
of an NCO."

I-I guess something
that I didn't think about

is how this would make
other women

in the Air Force feel.

And one of them even said
that, "She"--myself--

"has set women in the military
back 200 years."

How did that make you feel,
to hear that?

It hurt, because I thought
I was doing something right.

My commander at the time
was a female.

She said,
"I was so proud of you,

and now I have lost
all respect for you,"

and that probably hit me
more than anything,

because she knows how passionate
that I was for the military.

For her to say those things
based off of a photograph,

that hit. That hit hard.

And then on the base that
I was at, there were people,

you know, pointing, staring,
talking, whispering.

And finally
I found out from a friend

that everyone I worked with

was given a direct order
not to speak to me.

-So, you were shunned.
-Oh, it was a horrible feeling.

And then after that,

they told me that
their investigation was over,

and they were going
to punish me under the UCMJ--

Uniform Code of
Military Justice,

which is the laws
that we must abide by

under the weight management
section, and--

Wait, like you were overweight
or underweight?

So the weight management program
is all about, like,

"having a good appearance"
for the military.

Nothing in there
did I fall under. Nothing.

But because it was
"not becoming of an NCO"

to look that way is how they
were able to, like, use that.

So, I ended up not completing
and finishing out

with the time,
but I was enlisted.

They were just like,
"We don't need you anymore."

-So, you were discharged?
-Yes, honorably--

-Honorably discharged.
-Yes.

But you were never allowed
to wear your uniform again.

No.

Being discharged is something

I will never forget.

That was
the hardest moment for me.

When you posed for "Playboy,"
you were honorably discharged...

-Yes.
-...by the Air Force.

Correct.
But I didn't break any rules.

I didn't do anything wrong.

Did I maybe upset some people?
Yes.

From the time you are
16 years old, 17 years old,

the Air Force is your family.

-Right.
-How painful was it

to lose your military family
in this way?

Um, I went
through a lot of emotions.

There's a special camaraderie
that comes

with being in the military

because, you know
at the end of the day,

when you're standing
on that line,

they've got your back.

So, yeah,
I miss the camaraderie.

I miss the family,
but at the same time,

I was very angry
because I fought

for our country and for
the First Amendment right.

But I myself can't have that?
That's unacceptable.

So I thought, the Air Force is
no longer for me.

I felt betrayed.

I felt like I was being thrown
away again, you know?

It was kind of like my childhood
was coming back around.

Oh, I did something wrong,
so just kick me out, you know?

My mom kicked me out.
Now the Air Force kicks me out.

But I've given you
14 years of my life.

I've given you a lot of time
that I missed out

with my children.

I've given you so much
of my heart and soul,

and my body aches all the time

from all the stuff
I've been through.

I felt unwanted, unneeded.

I felt again, I had no purpose.

I had nothing else.

That's all I knew.

I think at first

there was a grieving process,

you know,
'cause I've lost my identity.

I've lost who I was, and I had
to become a new person.

But there were times, um,
like on Veterans Day

when, um, my husband got to go
speak to our child's school.

That was very tough

'cause I didn't get asked
to come speak.

Even though I was
still a veteran,

I didn't get asked to put
my uniform on and come speak.

They asked him.

Even now when I--
when I've gone to my--

both of my children have
graduated basic training

and their tech schools--

going and not being
in my uniform for them,

those are hard. Hard.

Those hit me the worst.

Serving our country
was a big honor.

I was very proud to be able
to have that honor.

But then I was stripped
of that honor.

I was stripped
of what was mine,

something that was finally mine,
something that I earned,

something that I worked
really hard to get.

And it was stripped away from me
because I posed in "Playboy."

Carol and Michelle, before you
posed for "Playboy,"

both of you were thriving
in male-dominated fields.

You were a drill sergeant.
You were a cop.

And both of you were fired
or dismissed, essentially,

after having posed
for "Playboy."

To me, it's infuriating
to hear your stories.

Honestly,
I feel furious for you.

CAROL: I felt like that
for a long time.

I was angry
for a really long time,

and I had a resentment in me.

I was bitter, and I think
that came from a lot of hurt.

-How about you, Michelle?
-I'm upset, of course,

at the end of the day that I
didn't get to finish that goal

I set out to do--
that large, 20-year goal,

and in the long run, I guess
I just now make smaller goals

so they're always obtainable.

That's sad to me. Like, why
should you make smaller goals?

Right. I mean, you're--
you're--you are correct.

I'm sad that my career ended.

I would like it
to have been different,

but I can't change the past.

You know, I always say, what did
we do that was so wrong?

Maybe we got--
attracted too much attention.

Well, that attention also
created a huge spotlight.

Do you think
more women were made aware

of the potential of
being a cop or in the Air Force

because of you posing
and all the attention you got?

I know firsthand
that's the case, because I--

-You were told that.
-I was told it.

I got millions of phone calls
back in the day.

I still get messages

and Facebook messages
from people saying,

"Oh, I became a cop
because of you.

I didn't think I could do it,
but when I saw that you did it,

I felt empowered to do it."
And I bet you,

you get
a lot of messages like that.

Maybe they're not looking
at joining the Air Force,

but they--I feel
that my pictorial more

brought them to say,
"Oh, I can go out

and be a tomboy and still..."
-Right.

...you know, kind of a thing

instead of being held
to this one standard.

I'm sure not one single woman
decided not to be

in the Air Force
because you posed nude.

-Is that fair to say?
-I would say yes.

Yeah.

What does me or--or Carol
getting naked in a magazine

have to do with whether or not
we can do our jobs?

My oath was not
to not have a life

and not be able to be me,

to be a woman,
to shelter myself.

My oath was
to protect and serve.

What is me taking
my clothes off

have to do with me being able

to protect and serve
the community?

In your case, Michelle,
you had spent

14 years doing this,
and you loved your job.

The other members
of the Air Force

felt like your family,

when you were coming
from a place

where you didn't have a family,
so I'm sure, if nothing else,

being fired, it was shocking.

-To say the least, yeah.
-Yeah.

I'll just say that I--

there were times
I wasn't in a good place.

You know?

And typically when
we leave the military,

there is a whole process that
goes with leaving the military.

Even if you're kicked out,

let's say you committed
a murder,

I did not receive that.

-Wow.
-I was in the military one day,

and literally at 7 a.m.,

I got a phone call
from my lawyer that said,

"Hey, guess what? You're
no longer in the military."

So I'm just gonna say
there were times

I was not in a good place.

-We're gonna bring in a video...
-CAROL: Okay.

-...that we wanna show you guys.
-Oh.

And get your response to this...

-Okay.
-...on the back end.

Melissa Williams still
operates her OnlyFans page.

It's a popular website
where people can post photos

and videos for
their money-paying subscribers,

and the content is
often sexual in nature.

Melissa Williams spent
28 years in law enforcement,

but away from work,
she could be found

on her OnlyFans page wearing
little and sometimes nothing.

Co-workers did find out
and filed a complaint,

stating, "Lieutenant Williams'
poor judgment

was a discredit
to the Sheriff's Office."

Did you ever think
about applying

for secondary employment
from the Sheriff's Department?

No, because it was never started
to make money.

It just happened to make money.

But rather than face an
Internal Affairs investigation,

she agreed to a $30,000
release agreement to retire.

WILLIAMS:
I did not leave out of shame.

It was the right thing
for myself and my family.

This just happened recently.

-[sighs]
-2021.

I am dying to know
what the two of you

think about this story.

Let's start with you.

I can see in your face
you have something to say.

[laughs] I'm, like, angry. Uh...

I just don't understand
what she did wrong.

Something that was told to me,
which I'm sure was told to you

and was told to her, is that,

"Oh, people aren't
gonna respect you."

CAROL: Right.

"Oh, they've seen
this other side of you."

[stammers] This frustrates me.
Can you tell?

-[laughs]
-A person can go out

on a Friday night and go home
with five different people.

You're not getting
in trouble for that.

I mean, we're--I don't
understand where this line is

that, "Oh, this is wrong.
Oh, well, because,

oh, people are gonna see you
on that, and then they're--

you're gonna be in uniform,
and they're gonna think,

"Oh, I don't have to
listen to you beca--"

This shows
that nothing has changed.

Carol, what did you think?

Now she's making money

and did not seek
off-duty employment,

so the department used that
to come after her.

Okay, so this gets to one of
the things that frustrates me.

It seems like they are
trying to find some clause...

-That's what they do.
-...some rule that they broke

because they can't just say,
"I think you're a slut."

Right.

They're not
allowed to say that.

They can't fire you for that.
So instead they say,

"Oh, she didn't fill out
the proper form,

and she's making money
doing this." Isn't that crazy?

-That's ridiculous.
-It is crazy.

Like you said, they're finding,

you know, a string to pull at.
-Right.

Because what if she sat at home

and made cups
in her off-duty time,

and she sold those?

Would that be considered
off-duty employment,

or is it just because
it's of a sexual nature?

I think you're getting
at something really interesting.

What I feel like is the center
of this is the fact that

it's extremely upsetting
for men in power

to see women using
their sexuality to make money

online or in magazines.

But they don't have
a problem looking at it.

-Who's looking at it? Men.
-Men. [laughs]

Predominantly.
I mean, now, everybody.

-Yeah. [laughs]
-But, yes, double standards.

So many double standards, which
we've been talking about...

-CAROL: Yeah.
-...this entire episode.

And when I look at you,
it makes me wonder,

the fact that you were in these
male-dominated industries

and doing so well,

do you think that--
that kind of strikes fear

into men especially?

I'm not gonna say fear. I'm
gonna say we intimidate them.

But then when
this happened to us,

we had superior men
that came in and said,

"Ha ha, you thought
you were the 'A' dog.

Now I'm gonna come in
and take over

and show you
what it's really like."

Well, I wanna say that
I appreciate you being here,

and I really appreciate you guys
clearing up a lot of things.

And this is
your opportunity, finally,

to say what is important that
you leave behind today. Carol?

For me, honestly, it's just

I kind of feel like
I turned the table

from cop to perpetrator
when I posed for "Playboy."

Meanwhile, I risked my life.

I did so much for that job,

and I was proud of it,

and I never thought twice
when I was risking my life.

But yet here I am kind of
feeling like I'm being treated

like a perpetrator.

We've talked a lot about what
happened to you in the Air Force

and what happened
to that 14-year career.

What do you want people to know
about you and your journey?

I want people to know
that I'm not mad at the military

in the sense of I'm very proud
that I was able to serve.

I am upset at the decisions

of those that were assigned
above me.

If I was under, you know,
a different area,

maybe the results
would have been different.

Wearing my uniform gave me
a purpose

and made me real,

made me human,
made me important.

I was very proud to be
able to have that honor,

but then I was stripped
of that honor

because I posed in "Playboy."

CAROL: This is me the day that
I turned in my gun and shield.

That was
a very emotional day for me,

so it kind of chokes me up
a little bit seeing it.

I felt like my heart was
ripped out of my chest.

So, losing my uniform
after I posed for "Playboy"

really felt
like I lost a part of me.

A lot of heartache
came from that.

I lost my suit of armor,

and I will never
wrap my head around why.

I met the standard of beauty
on one criteria,

but on other criteria,
I was not even in the ballpark.

Did Black women fit "Playboy's"
standard of beauty?

No. It looked like S&M.

That's not someone
you put on a pedestal.

You just have sex
with that person.

When they decided to hire me,
people were like,

"This is disgusting.
She's horrible."

We shattered the idea that

there's a perfect ideal
of beauty.