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1
00:00:06,623 --> 00:00:08,991
- all of U.S. intelligence
2
00:00:08,992 --> 00:00:09,926
in more than 50 years...
3
00:00:09,927 --> 00:00:12,295
Do you mind? I'm trying to read.
4
00:00:12,296 --> 00:00:13,346
That's yesterday's news.
5
00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,314
I need up-to-the-minute
coverage.
6
00:00:15,315 --> 00:00:18,384
President's says he's happy to
have it, but has not yet...
7
00:00:18,385 --> 00:00:20,686
There you go, all right? There.
8
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:22,388
I can't hear. Okay,
well, I can't read.
9
00:00:22,389 --> 00:00:23,789
Yea- Here, fine. You know what?
10
00:00:23,790 --> 00:00:25,657
There. Closed captioning.
11
00:00:25,658 --> 00:00:27,093
You happy now?
12
00:00:27,094 --> 00:00:30,362
Huh, those clever Japanese
have done it again.
13
00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:32,698
"Investigators believe
a faulty hair dryer
14
00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:34,200
"was the cause of the blaze.
15
00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:35,634
"Speaking of bad-hair days,
16
00:00:35,635 --> 00:00:38,488
here's Curtis with the weather.
Chuckles. "
17
00:00:38,489 --> 00:00:40,056
You-? You're kidding, right?
18
00:00:40,057 --> 00:00:43,342
Sorry, I'm having
trouble following this.
19
00:00:43,343 --> 00:00:44,710
You can help me
if you could read
20
00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:46,662
the part of Sue Simmons.
21
00:00:46,663 --> 00:00:48,898
Yeah, it's not gonna happen.
22
00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:52,635
"There is a cold front
rolling in from the north,
23
00:00:52,636 --> 00:00:55,037
colliding with a
high-pressure symptom. "
24
00:00:55,038 --> 00:00:56,839
It's "system. "
25
00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:57,689
It says "symptom. "
26
00:00:57,690 --> 00:00:59,558
Okay, well, they obviously
made a mistake!
27
00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:01,327
Well, how can I trust
anything they say?!
28
00:01:01,328 --> 00:01:02,928
Okay, fine, here you go!
Okay? There!
29
00:01:02,929 --> 00:01:04,330
That loud enough?
30
00:01:04,331 --> 00:01:06,599
"On the lighter
side of the news,
31
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,534
"a cat was rescued
from a well today.
32
00:01:08,535 --> 00:01:09,901
"When asked to comment,
33
00:01:09,902 --> 00:01:14,974
the fire chief said the
mission was purr-fect. "
34
00:01:54,815 --> 00:01:56,432
Let's go.
35
00:02:13,450 --> 00:02:15,484
Okay.
36
00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:29,981
Come on.
37
00:02:39,810 --> 00:02:42,011
Nothing fit her, huh?
38
00:02:42,979 --> 00:02:45,097
That is not good.
39
00:02:45,098 --> 00:02:46,298
It gets worse.
40
00:02:46,299 --> 00:02:48,200
Guess what she came down
the stairs wearing.
41
00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:50,753
Sweatpants.
42
00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:53,239
So what? Lot of girls
wear sweatpants.
43
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:55,074
My sweatpants.
44
00:02:55,075 --> 00:02:56,876
Ooh.
45
00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:58,711
Why don't you tell her she
needs to lose weight?
46
00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:01,214
Oh, yeah, that's a good idea. Why
don't I just write up a list
47
00:03:01,215 --> 00:03:02,781
of other women I
wanna have sex with?
48
00:03:02,782 --> 00:03:05,384
"Here. Hey, huh? Hey, honey,
you knew some of these.
49
00:03:05,385 --> 00:03:08,387
The- Some are you are friends.
You know 'em all. "
50
00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:09,955
Idiot.
51
00:03:09,956 --> 00:03:11,323
Uh, this is a tough one.
52
00:03:11,324 --> 00:03:13,309
I had the same
situation with Kelly.
53
00:03:13,310 --> 00:03:14,510
But she just lost weight.
54
00:03:14,511 --> 00:03:16,345
Yeah, only 'cause she
got food poisoning.
55
00:03:16,346 --> 00:03:18,113
Hm.
56
00:03:18,114 --> 00:03:20,349
So in order for
your plan to work,
57
00:03:20,350 --> 00:03:22,318
I gotta give Carrie some
undercooked chicken
58
00:03:22,319 --> 00:03:24,019
or something. Whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
59
00:03:24,020 --> 00:03:25,888
It wasn't a plan to give
her food poisoning.
60
00:03:25,889 --> 00:03:27,056
I just got lucky.
61
00:03:28,859 --> 00:03:30,109
Yeah, and not for nothing, guy,
62
00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:31,893
but, uh, aren't you a
little out of line,
63
00:03:31,894 --> 00:03:33,929
you know, getting on
Carrie about her weight?
64
00:03:33,930 --> 00:03:37,333
You're not exactly
Mackenzie Phillips.
65
00:03:37,334 --> 00:03:38,701
Really? I'm not exactly Mac-?
66
00:03:38,702 --> 00:03:40,469
I'm not Mackenzie Phillips?
67
00:03:41,954 --> 00:03:43,806
Look, she knows this
is what I looked like
68
00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:44,940
when I met her, okay?
69
00:03:44,941 --> 00:03:49,812
This was all in the Doug
brochure, as advertised.
70
00:03:49,813 --> 00:03:51,680
I'm just worried about
where she's headed.
71
00:03:51,681 --> 00:03:53,799
I mean, I don't want
her catching me.
72
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,784
Well, why don't you just
start eating a lot more?
73
00:03:55,785 --> 00:03:57,637
You know, stay one step ahead.
74
00:03:57,638 --> 00:03:58,921
I'm gonna do that anyway,
75
00:03:58,922 --> 00:04:01,474
but, I just- I don't know.
I think maybe if I can-
76
00:04:01,475 --> 00:04:03,158
You know, I'm gonna
stop you right there.
77
00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:05,194
I'm your boy, and I'm
looking out for you.
78
00:04:05,195 --> 00:04:08,230
You're playing with fire.
Just let it go.
79
00:04:08,231 --> 00:04:09,532
I know it's tricky,
but if I could-
80
00:04:09,533 --> 00:04:11,033
Bup-bup-bup-ba!
81
00:04:12,201 --> 00:04:13,235
Let it go.
82
00:04:13,236 --> 00:04:14,436
If there's a way that I can-
83
00:04:14,437 --> 00:04:16,104
Ah!
84
00:04:18,308 --> 00:04:21,509
Let it go.
85
00:04:28,535 --> 00:04:30,268
What are we doing here?
86
00:04:30,269 --> 00:04:31,804
Doug, they're our neighbors.
87
00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:33,171
We should be supportive
88
00:04:33,172 --> 00:04:35,608
and buy one of their
pieces of crap.
89
00:04:36,843 --> 00:04:38,777
We can throw it out
when we get home.
90
00:04:40,163 --> 00:04:42,314
Why would Lou Ferrigno
need a jar opener?
91
00:04:42,315 --> 00:04:44,816
He's the strongest
man in the world.
92
00:04:45,969 --> 00:04:48,571
That's probably why
he's selling it.
93
00:04:48,572 --> 00:04:49,538
Oh, look,
94
00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:51,840
here's something we can use.
95
00:04:51,841 --> 00:04:52,908
A deep-fryer?
96
00:04:52,909 --> 00:04:54,943
Yeah, can make our
own french fries,
97
00:04:54,944 --> 00:04:56,645
some fried chicken.
98
00:05:00,733 --> 00:05:03,035
I don't wanna waste our money on that.
I don't know.
99
00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:05,254
It's a dollar.
100
00:05:05,855 --> 00:05:07,506
Still, it's just, uh-
101
00:05:07,507 --> 00:05:09,941
Hey, what about this?
Look at this.
102
00:05:09,942 --> 00:05:12,811
Yeah, we already have
a stationary bike.
103
00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:14,780
Your regular bike.
104
00:05:15,632 --> 00:05:16,798
Hey, guys.
105
00:05:16,799 --> 00:05:17,983
Hey! Hi.
106
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:18,867
Hey, Lou.
107
00:05:18,868 --> 00:05:20,803
How are you? How's
the sale going?
108
00:05:20,804 --> 00:05:22,421
Okay, I guess. Oh,
Lou's just cranky
109
00:05:22,422 --> 00:05:24,756
because I'm making him sell
all of his video games.
110
00:05:24,757 --> 00:05:27,526
I'm telling you, the
man was addicted.
111
00:05:27,527 --> 00:05:29,912
Hey, better video games
than steroids, huh?
112
00:05:31,148 --> 00:05:34,283
We don't joke about that, Doug.
113
00:05:34,284 --> 00:05:36,468
Hey, so what's the story
with this bad boy?
114
00:05:36,469 --> 00:05:38,403
Oh, well, if you're
interested in this,
115
00:05:38,404 --> 00:05:40,138
we're selling our home gym.
116
00:05:40,139 --> 00:05:41,874
I'll even sweeten the pot.
117
00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:43,258
If you buy it,
118
00:05:43,259 --> 00:05:45,411
I'll train you both for free.
119
00:05:45,412 --> 00:05:50,132
You hear that? He'll-
He'll train us... both.
120
00:05:50,133 --> 00:05:51,483
We'll let you two
think about it.
121
00:05:51,484 --> 00:05:53,085
Okay. Okay?
122
00:05:54,704 --> 00:05:56,455
Both.
123
00:05:56,456 --> 00:05:58,057
That's a pretty sweet deal, huh?
124
00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:00,175
Well, yes, Doug, but you
still belong to three gyms
125
00:06:00,176 --> 00:06:01,410
that you never go to.
126
00:06:01,411 --> 00:06:02,928
Would it really be fair to them?
127
00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:04,246
See, that's the thing.
128
00:06:04,247 --> 00:06:06,281
If you're training with
me, I'd be inspired.
129
00:06:06,282 --> 00:06:07,349
I'd stick with it.
130
00:06:07,350 --> 00:06:09,251
Okay, you know what?
Let's do it.
131
00:06:09,252 --> 00:06:11,737
I can stand to lose
a couple pounds.
132
00:06:11,738 --> 00:06:13,905
This is not about you. It's
about me, but whatever.
133
00:06:13,906 --> 00:06:15,874
I mean, if that
happens, it's great.
134
00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:17,410
This is awesome, huh?
135
00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:18,744
God, I can't picture
Lou Ferrigno
136
00:06:18,745 --> 00:06:20,112
playing tennis, huh?
137
00:06:27,754 --> 00:06:30,956
Douglas, look what I came across
on the Game Show Channel.
138
00:06:30,957 --> 00:06:32,491
Glen and I would like
139
00:06:32,492 --> 00:06:34,343
to for Of Mice and Men.
Is that you?
140
00:06:34,344 --> 00:06:36,212
You never told me you
were on a game show.
141
00:06:36,213 --> 00:06:38,063
I've actually told you
several dozen times.
142
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:39,965
Thanks for listening.
143
00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:43,385
Look at you.
144
00:06:43,386 --> 00:06:45,954
You look so young and sane.
145
00:06:48,275 --> 00:06:51,309
Lee Meriwether couldn't
keep her paws off me.
146
00:06:51,310 --> 00:06:52,478
Get it?
147
00:06:52,479 --> 00:06:53,712
Paws.
148
00:06:53,713 --> 00:06:56,148
She was one of three Catwomen.
149
00:06:57,434 --> 00:06:59,485
So did you win the 10,000?
150
00:06:59,486 --> 00:07:01,487
Would I be living in
this dump if I did?
151
00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:04,757
Probably, yeah.
152
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:07,326
Contestants appearing
on The $10,000 Pyramid
153
00:07:07,327 --> 00:07:09,662
will receive a year's
supply of Rice-A-Roni,
154
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:12,264
the San Francisco treat.
155
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:14,800
Wait a minute!
156
00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:17,202
I never got any Rice-A-Roni!
157
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,272
Come on, two more.
158
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:22,541
You said "two more" five ago.
159
00:07:22,542 --> 00:07:24,643
Do it! God.
160
00:07:24,644 --> 00:07:26,345
All right, I'm just saying,
161
00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:28,246
you suck at math, that's all.
162
00:07:28,247 --> 00:07:30,683
There. Okay? You happy?
163
00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:32,467
Oh, my God, Doug,
that was torture.
164
00:07:32,468 --> 00:07:36,321
First the bike and then three
sets on every station.
165
00:07:36,322 --> 00:07:38,190
Hey, you know, the first
time is never easy.
166
00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:39,592
Like the first time
we had to trim
167
00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:41,059
your father's nails, huh?
168
00:07:43,363 --> 00:07:44,747
Now we wait for him
to fall asleep.
169
00:07:44,748 --> 00:07:47,515
It's a lot less kicking.
That's all I'm saying.
170
00:07:49,251 --> 00:07:50,418
Let's get ready on the bike
171
00:07:50,419 --> 00:07:52,087
and get the blood flowing.
All right.
172
00:07:52,088 --> 00:07:54,322
just don't make me too
skinny there, buddy.
173
00:07:57,927 --> 00:07:59,061
Okay, this is very easy.
174
00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:00,762
I'm just telling you
that right now.
175
00:08:00,763 --> 00:08:02,330
Could do this all day.
176
00:08:07,837 --> 00:08:08,937
You can stop now.
177
00:08:08,938 --> 00:08:10,205
Thank you.
178
00:08:11,541 --> 00:08:12,775
Carrie really did this?
179
00:08:12,776 --> 00:08:17,078
Yeah, but she did the
whole 10 minutes.
180
00:08:17,079 --> 00:08:18,781
I'm gonna write some
notes on the chart,
181
00:08:18,782 --> 00:08:20,148
and you give me 20 curls.
182
00:08:20,149 --> 00:08:21,332
Hey, how about I do the notes,
183
00:08:21,333 --> 00:08:23,452
you do the curls, huh? Ha-ha-ha.
184
00:08:23,453 --> 00:08:26,505
Now 30, funny man.
185
00:08:28,458 --> 00:08:29,524
Come on, all the way up.
186
00:08:29,525 --> 00:08:30,525
All right.
187
00:08:30,526 --> 00:08:33,128
Count them off. All right.
188
00:08:33,129 --> 00:08:35,697
One. Oh, wow, a Game Boy?
189
00:08:35,698 --> 00:08:37,165
Yeah. Carla made me sell mine.
190
00:08:37,166 --> 00:08:38,733
Two. You mind if I, uh...?
191
00:08:38,734 --> 00:08:41,803
Three. No, go ahead.
192
00:08:41,804 --> 00:08:44,639
Four.
193
00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:46,375
Five.
194
00:08:48,428 --> 00:08:51,747
Seventeen.
195
00:08:55,935 --> 00:08:57,903
...four, 25!
196
00:09:01,841 --> 00:09:04,143
Ah, 30!
197
00:09:18,841 --> 00:09:21,042
Okay, that was great, Lou.
198
00:09:21,043 --> 00:09:22,110
I'll see you Wednesday.
199
00:09:23,580 --> 00:09:25,947
I hope he burns in hell.
200
00:09:27,883 --> 00:09:29,017
You ready to hit it, Doug?
201
00:09:29,018 --> 00:09:30,285
Absolutely.
202
00:09:30,286 --> 00:09:32,221
Uh, first, I just
wanna save a game
203
00:09:32,222 --> 00:09:33,622
I was playing before.
204
00:09:35,157 --> 00:09:36,692
You have PlayStation?
205
00:09:36,693 --> 00:09:39,094
No, I have PlayStation 2.
206
00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:42,964
There. Okay, I'm a
lump of clay, Lou.
207
00:09:42,965 --> 00:09:45,033
Sculpt me.
208
00:09:45,034 --> 00:09:46,652
Is that "The Getaway"?
209
00:09:46,653 --> 00:09:47,902
Yes, it is.
210
00:09:47,903 --> 00:09:50,456
Anyway, what do you say we hit it?
Come on.
211
00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:53,759
"The Getaway" was
my favorite game.
212
00:09:55,628 --> 00:09:57,128
Hey, you know,
here's a crazy idea.
213
00:09:57,129 --> 00:09:59,364
Uh, why don't you, uh,
you know, play a game
214
00:09:59,365 --> 00:10:01,166
while I do my warm-ups?
215
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:03,285
Oh, I don't know.
Carla would kill me.
216
00:10:03,786 --> 00:10:06,638
I don't see Carla here.
217
00:10:06,639 --> 00:10:08,907
What I do see is a
state-of-the-art video game
218
00:10:08,908 --> 00:10:11,609
hooked up to a big-screen TV.
219
00:10:11,610 --> 00:10:13,611
Mm, no, I can't.
220
00:10:13,612 --> 00:10:15,013
I'm a trainer. I
have to do my job.
221
00:10:15,014 --> 00:10:16,848
Okay, here's the thing, Lou.
222
00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:20,786
You really wanna play
that video game,
223
00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:23,656
and I really don't
wanna get into shape.
224
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:26,025
I'm with you so far. All right.
225
00:10:26,026 --> 00:10:27,943
So I was thinking, instead
of letting our wives
226
00:10:27,944 --> 00:10:29,110
decide what we should do,
227
00:10:29,111 --> 00:10:30,946
maybe we should use
my workout time
228
00:10:30,947 --> 00:10:34,082
to do what we wanna do, hm?
229
00:10:34,083 --> 00:10:36,318
It'll be our little secret.
230
00:11:43,118 --> 00:11:44,202
Hey, Dad.
231
00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:45,354
Ah, darling,
232
00:11:45,355 --> 00:11:47,740
could you, uh, do
me a small favor?
233
00:11:47,741 --> 00:11:48,673
What?
234
00:11:48,674 --> 00:11:50,275
I need you to help
me get a lawyer,
235
00:11:50,276 --> 00:11:54,128
so I can sue the boyish
grin off Dick Clark's face.
236
00:11:56,232 --> 00:11:59,484
Okay, once again, he
did not steal the idea
237
00:11:59,485 --> 00:12:02,171
for New Year's Rockin'
Eve from you.
238
00:12:02,172 --> 00:12:04,105
I never claimed he stole
the "Rockin'" part.
239
00:12:04,106 --> 00:12:06,407
All right, what's the problem?
240
00:12:06,408 --> 00:12:07,709
When I was on Pyramid,
241
00:12:07,710 --> 00:12:09,711
I was promised a year's
supply of Rice-A-Roni,
242
00:12:09,712 --> 00:12:11,130
and I never got it.
243
00:12:11,131 --> 00:12:12,881
Did you get that in writing?
244
00:12:12,882 --> 00:12:14,382
They announced it on the show.
245
00:12:14,383 --> 00:12:15,650
It's an oral agreement.
246
00:12:15,651 --> 00:12:16,918
Oral.
247
00:12:16,919 --> 00:12:20,189
Okay, stop using that word.
248
00:12:20,190 --> 00:12:22,790
So can you help me?
No, I'm sorry.
249
00:12:22,791 --> 00:12:26,094
Why do you always take
Dick Clark's side?
250
00:12:27,863 --> 00:12:31,567
Hey.
251
00:12:31,568 --> 00:12:32,668
How was your workout?
252
00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,436
Oh, just brutal, as usual.
253
00:12:34,437 --> 00:12:36,071
I'll tell you,
that Lou comes off
254
00:12:36,072 --> 00:12:37,205
like a gentle giant in public,
255
00:12:37,206 --> 00:12:38,206
but come workout time,
256
00:12:38,207 --> 00:12:41,243
he's one scary bastard.
257
00:12:41,244 --> 00:12:42,411
I know. I know.
He's a tough one.
258
00:12:42,412 --> 00:12:44,212
But you know what? You
gotta stick with it.
259
00:12:44,213 --> 00:12:45,613
I mean, look at me.
260
00:12:45,614 --> 00:12:47,916
I haven't fit in this suit in months.
I lot 6 pounds.
261
00:12:47,917 --> 00:12:49,234
I don't care about numbers.
262
00:12:49,235 --> 00:12:51,086
I'm just happy that
you're healthier.
263
00:12:51,087 --> 00:12:53,187
You getting results too?
Are you kidding me?
264
00:12:53,188 --> 00:12:55,224
Look at that. Feel this.
Feel it.
265
00:12:55,225 --> 00:12:57,859
Huh? Huh? Huh?
266
00:12:58,377 --> 00:13:00,095
Yes. Yes, honey.
267
00:13:00,096 --> 00:13:02,197
You're really- You're-
You're getting there.
268
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:04,065
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
269
00:13:04,066 --> 00:13:05,684
Thank you for noticing.
270
00:13:05,685 --> 00:13:07,652
All right.
271
00:13:14,009 --> 00:13:16,344
Hey, why don't you get Lou
the "Spider-Man 2" game?
272
00:13:16,345 --> 00:13:18,046
Yeah, I'm gonna get
the Incredible Hulk
273
00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:19,314
a Spider-Man game.
274
00:13:19,315 --> 00:13:21,083
Who raised you?
275
00:13:22,085 --> 00:13:23,085
Hey, Deac,
276
00:13:23,086 --> 00:13:24,086
you have "ATV 3," right?
277
00:13:24,087 --> 00:13:25,337
How is it?
278
00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:26,872
Instead of going
through this trouble,
279
00:13:26,873 --> 00:13:29,091
why don't you actually
let Lou train you?
280
00:13:29,092 --> 00:13:31,209
Maybe that way, you won't
get winded throwing darts.
281
00:13:31,944 --> 00:13:33,262
What is your problem?
282
00:13:33,263 --> 00:13:34,930
I just think this is wrong.
283
00:13:34,931 --> 00:13:36,498
I'm only cheating myself.
284
00:13:36,499 --> 00:13:37,466
And Carrie.
285
00:13:37,467 --> 00:13:39,066
And Carrie, right. And Lou.
286
00:13:39,067 --> 00:13:41,068
Got him hooked on
video games again.
287
00:13:41,069 --> 00:13:42,270
Right, me, Carrie, and Lou.
288
00:13:42,271 --> 00:13:43,722
Just cheating the three of us.
289
00:13:43,723 --> 00:13:44,772
So you came up with a way
290
00:13:44,773 --> 00:13:46,674
to get her to lose weight
without knowing it.
291
00:13:46,675 --> 00:13:48,443
I just can't believe you.
292
00:13:48,444 --> 00:13:50,478
Oh, my God, you're jealous.
293
00:13:50,479 --> 00:13:51,579
That's what it is.
294
00:13:51,580 --> 00:13:52,931
You're damn right I'm jealous.
295
00:13:52,932 --> 00:13:55,033
I- I mean, you found a way
to beat the system, man.
296
00:13:55,034 --> 00:13:56,334
Oh, I not only beat the system,
297
00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:57,535
it was first-round KO.
298
00:14:00,206 --> 00:14:01,706
And I'm just getting started.
299
00:14:01,707 --> 00:14:02,807
What do you mean?
300
00:14:02,808 --> 00:14:04,892
Well, you know that now
I can control Carrie
301
00:14:04,893 --> 00:14:06,795
through Lou, right? Right.
302
00:14:06,796 --> 00:14:08,497
If she can lose 6 pounds
at the current pace,
303
00:14:08,498 --> 00:14:10,549
imagine I have Lou
kick it up a notch.
304
00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:11,800
You're making a mistake.
305
00:14:11,801 --> 00:14:12,768
I'm not making a mistake,
306
00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:14,503
and I'm gonna change
other things.
307
00:14:14,504 --> 00:14:15,487
Look, do you know
308
00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:17,155
how to cut things off when-?
309
00:14:17,156 --> 00:14:19,257
Let it go.
310
00:14:26,015 --> 00:14:28,383
Hey. Hey.
311
00:14:28,384 --> 00:14:30,485
What's that? It's my dinner.
312
00:14:30,486 --> 00:14:33,121
All of a sudden, Lou's
got me on a liquid diet.
313
00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:34,689
Really?
314
00:14:34,690 --> 00:14:37,192
Yes, and he doubled
my time on the bike,
315
00:14:37,193 --> 00:14:38,527
he increased my weights,
316
00:14:38,528 --> 00:14:41,613
and then he said get
some blond highlights.
317
00:14:48,037 --> 00:14:49,971
That's weird, but I
would just do it.
318
00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:55,160
Oh, dear God. I can't do this.
319
00:14:55,161 --> 00:14:56,929
What? I can't do this.
Doug, I am-
320
00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:58,730
I am achy, I'm tired
all the time,
321
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:00,098
and now I'm drinking this crap?
322
00:15:00,099 --> 00:15:01,350
I think I'm gonna quit.
323
00:15:01,351 --> 00:15:02,867
Y- y-you can't quit.
You can't quit.
324
00:15:02,868 --> 00:15:04,536
I- I mean, I- It's
not fair to me.
325
00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:05,721
You- You can't.
326
00:15:05,722 --> 00:15:07,606
Doug, you can still
keep working out.
327
00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:08,690
Not- Not without you.
328
00:15:08,691 --> 00:15:10,792
I mean, the- The whole
drive behind this thing
329
00:15:10,793 --> 00:15:12,460
is that we're doing
it together for me.
330
00:15:12,461 --> 00:15:15,030
That's- It really is. You're
the wind beneath my wings.
331
00:15:15,031 --> 00:15:17,482
Without wind, wings are useless.
332
00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:18,800
I'm pretty sure wings still work
333
00:15:18,801 --> 00:15:20,402
even though there's no wind.
334
00:15:20,403 --> 00:15:23,338
Okay, an Oscar-winning song is wrong.
All right.
335
00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:25,624
Come on, Carrie.
Okay, honey, fine,
336
00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:27,408
I will keep going for you.
337
00:15:27,409 --> 00:15:28,676
Thank you. For me.
338
00:15:28,677 --> 00:15:30,678
There you go. Gosh.
339
00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:32,547
You wanna talk about brutal,
340
00:15:32,548 --> 00:15:33,932
Lou's got me on light beer.
341
00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:41,590
It's hard going
down, I tell you.
342
00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:47,845
What do you want?
343
00:15:47,846 --> 00:15:50,515
Uh, sorry to interrupt
your exercise session,
344
00:15:50,516 --> 00:15:53,151
but Lou has some important
documents for me
345
00:15:53,152 --> 00:15:55,420
vis-à-vis Rice-A-Roni-gate.
346
00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:57,021
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
347
00:15:58,441 --> 00:15:59,708
Lou you have
anything for Arthur?
348
00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:00,975
In my bag.
349
00:16:02,761 --> 00:16:04,246
Say, uh, what's
going on in here?
350
00:16:04,247 --> 00:16:05,280
What do you mean?
351
00:16:05,281 --> 00:16:06,248
He's training me.
352
00:16:06,249 --> 00:16:07,398
You're playing solitaire,
353
00:16:07,399 --> 00:16:09,183
and he's playing some
television game.
354
00:16:09,184 --> 00:16:10,335
What gives, eh?
355
00:16:10,336 --> 00:16:12,254
You ask too many
questions, old man.
356
00:16:12,255 --> 00:16:14,539
Too many or not enough?
357
00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:15,606
Too many.
358
00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:27,135
Now, uh, Mr. Spooner,
my assistant tells me
359
00:16:27,136 --> 00:16:29,938
this is an urgent matter for Mr.
Clark.
360
00:16:29,939 --> 00:16:32,557
Yes, if you recall,
I was a contestant
361
00:16:32,558 --> 00:16:36,144
on The $10,000 Pyramid in 1976.
362
00:16:36,145 --> 00:16:37,813
Actually, I don't. Why not?
363
00:16:37,814 --> 00:16:39,981
I was in the 3rd grade.
364
00:16:39,982 --> 00:16:41,700
Anyway, I never got
my Rice-A-Roni.
365
00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:44,385
Again, the show's been
off the air for years.
366
00:16:44,386 --> 00:16:46,872
Uh, I'm not sure they even
still make Rice-A-Roni.
367
00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:47,856
Oh, they make it, all right,
368
00:16:47,857 --> 00:16:51,126
in a variety of
mouth-watering flavors.
369
00:16:51,127 --> 00:16:55,530
Okay, well, uh, instead
of Rice-A-Roni,
370
00:16:55,531 --> 00:16:58,333
how about I, uh, give you...
371
00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:02,003
this book? I don't wanna read!
372
00:17:02,004 --> 00:17:03,422
I wanna eat!
373
00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:06,608
But, sir- I want
my year's supply
374
00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:08,643
of Rice-A-Roni, plus all
the extra Rice-A-Roni
375
00:17:08,644 --> 00:17:13,432
I would have accrued in interest
over the past three decades!
376
00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:16,651
Yeah, uh...
377
00:17:16,652 --> 00:17:17,719
no?
378
00:17:20,756 --> 00:17:22,156
Didn't wanna use this,
379
00:17:22,157 --> 00:17:23,958
but you forced my hand.
380
00:17:25,244 --> 00:17:26,995
Wait a minute.
381
00:17:28,748 --> 00:17:30,582
Hello?
382
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:33,568
Darling, Lou has an envelope
for me out in the garage.
383
00:17:33,569 --> 00:17:34,870
So?
384
00:17:34,871 --> 00:17:36,638
I need you to fax me the
photo of Dick Clark
385
00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:38,874
locked in a muddy embrace
with Fannie Flag.
386
00:17:38,875 --> 00:17:40,709
It's from The Battle
of the Network Stars.
387
00:17:40,710 --> 00:17:41,843
Dad- No, I can't.
388
00:17:41,844 --> 00:17:43,344
I'm about to get in
the shower here.
389
00:17:43,345 --> 00:17:45,297
I need it! Hold on!
390
00:18:07,152 --> 00:18:09,704
What the hell is going on here?
391
00:18:09,705 --> 00:18:10,705
We're training.
392
00:18:10,706 --> 00:18:12,624
You were fast asleep.
393
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:14,910
I was resting between sets.
394
00:18:14,911 --> 00:18:17,579
And you, how can you
let this happen?
395
00:18:17,580 --> 00:18:20,165
I'm weak. But please
don't tell my wife.
396
00:18:20,166 --> 00:18:22,017
Just get outta here.
397
00:18:22,018 --> 00:18:24,836
Could I at least save my
game to the memory card?
398
00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:28,056
So weak.
399
00:18:28,057 --> 00:18:31,176
So this has been going on
400
00:18:31,177 --> 00:18:32,427
during your training sessions.
401
00:18:32,428 --> 00:18:35,764
Lou plays video games
while you sleep and eat.
402
00:18:35,765 --> 00:18:36,882
And read.
403
00:18:37,633 --> 00:18:38,850
And all that crap
404
00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:40,818
about me being "the wind
beneath your wings. "
405
00:18:40,819 --> 00:18:42,687
Did you even work out at all?
406
00:18:44,006 --> 00:18:46,358
Define "at all. "
407
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:47,609
Doug, if you didn't
wanna work out,
408
00:18:47,610 --> 00:18:49,577
why didn't you just let
me quit when I wanted to
409
00:18:49,578 --> 00:18:50,645
and end the whole thing?
410
00:18:50,646 --> 00:18:52,046
Because I wanted to help you.
411
00:18:52,047 --> 00:18:54,465
You said you could stand to
lose like 10 or 15 pounds.
412
00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:55,833
I- I just-
413
00:18:58,354 --> 00:19:03,124
I said I could stand to
lose a couple of pounds.
414
00:19:03,125 --> 00:19:04,275
Hm? Yeah.
415
00:19:05,344 --> 00:19:06,777
I said a couple of pounds.
416
00:19:06,778 --> 00:19:09,548
You just said 10 or 15.
417
00:19:09,549 --> 00:19:10,948
A couple, that's a
figure of speech,
418
00:19:10,949 --> 00:19:12,650
like when I say I'm
going to White Castle
419
00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:14,419
and getting a couple of burgers.
420
00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:17,756
Everyone knows it's 10, 15.
421
00:19:18,257 --> 00:19:19,840
Oh, I see.
422
00:19:19,841 --> 00:19:22,377
So you kept up
this whole charade
423
00:19:22,378 --> 00:19:24,679
because you wanted
me to lose weight?
424
00:19:25,364 --> 00:19:27,214
Define "charade. "
425
00:19:27,215 --> 00:19:29,517
Okay, so you think I'm fat now?
No!
426
00:19:29,518 --> 00:19:31,969
Yeah- No, obviously you do.
I mean, just admit it.
427
00:19:31,970 --> 00:19:34,038
Be a man and just say it.
428
00:19:35,491 --> 00:19:36,491
This is a trap.
429
00:19:36,492 --> 00:19:39,828
No, it is not a trap.
430
00:19:39,829 --> 00:19:42,780
It feels like a trap because...
431
00:19:42,781 --> 00:19:44,148
I have the same
bad feeling I did
432
00:19:44,149 --> 00:19:47,985
when you made me agree you have
a slight, slight mustache.
433
00:19:49,104 --> 00:19:51,238
Doug, this is not a trap.
434
00:19:51,239 --> 00:19:53,307
I just wanna know my
husband's honest feelings.
435
00:19:53,308 --> 00:19:54,776
That's all.
436
00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:58,396
Okay, I guess...
437
00:19:58,397 --> 00:20:00,732
it wouldn't hurt you if
you lost a few pounds.
438
00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:01,849
Ow!
439
00:20:01,850 --> 00:20:03,551
Look, why is it okay
that you can get on me
440
00:20:03,552 --> 00:20:04,719
about my weight every day,
441
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:05,920
but I can't say a thing to you
442
00:20:05,921 --> 00:20:07,439
if you need to drop a few?
443
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:10,408
Because that's just
the way it is.
444
00:20:10,409 --> 00:20:12,993
Carrie, look, all
right- Look, come here.
445
00:20:12,994 --> 00:20:14,829
I got carried away, all right?
446
00:20:14,830 --> 00:20:17,097
I swear to you, I don't even
care what size you are.
447
00:20:17,098 --> 00:20:18,833
I love you no matter what.
448
00:20:18,834 --> 00:20:19,867
Thank you.
449
00:20:19,868 --> 00:20:21,502
I appreciate that, Doug.
450
00:20:21,503 --> 00:20:25,173
However, I still think you need
to lose more than 30 pounds.
451
00:20:25,174 --> 00:20:26,424
What?! Yeah, that's right.
452
00:20:26,425 --> 00:20:27,942
More than 30-? That's right.
453
00:20:27,943 --> 00:20:29,210
You heard me, okay?
454
00:20:29,211 --> 00:20:30,445
And this is how
we're gonna do it.
455
00:20:30,446 --> 00:20:31,612
I'm gonna keep working out
456
00:20:31,613 --> 00:20:34,249
only to be supportive of you,
457
00:20:34,250 --> 00:20:36,151
because I don't need
to lose weight.
458
00:20:36,152 --> 00:20:37,452
Isn't that right, Doug?
459
00:20:41,173 --> 00:20:42,891
I'm supposed to say
yes here, right?
460
00:20:42,892 --> 00:20:46,477
I don't know. You can
say whatever you want.
461
00:20:47,145 --> 00:20:48,313
I wanna say yes.
462
00:20:48,314 --> 00:20:49,530
Yes, that would be correct.
463
00:20:49,531 --> 00:20:51,365
Yeah. So you know
what we're gonna do?
464
00:20:51,366 --> 00:20:52,934
We're gonna clean
out the cupboards
465
00:20:52,935 --> 00:20:53,935
of all the junk food,
466
00:20:53,936 --> 00:20:55,302
starting with the Ring Dings-
467
00:20:55,303 --> 00:20:58,689
Yeah, about the
Ring Dings, um...
468
00:20:58,690 --> 00:21:02,226
You ate them during
your "workouts"?
469
00:21:03,445 --> 00:21:04,579
I wanna say yes.
470
00:21:04,580 --> 00:21:06,298
Ugh.
471
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:17,192
Good. Now, let's go
hit the weights.
472
00:21:26,736 --> 00:21:29,037
Hey, kids, so, what do
you feel like tonight?
473
00:21:29,038 --> 00:21:32,090
Original or
Cajun-chicken flavor?
32966
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