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1
00:00:07,273 --> 00:00:09,041
This is messed up.
2
00:00:09,042 --> 00:00:10,609
Telling us we're
going to Cooper's,
3
00:00:10,610 --> 00:00:11,877
then dragging us to the mall.
4
00:00:11,878 --> 00:00:13,244
We're going to Cooper's, okay?
5
00:00:13,245 --> 00:00:15,413
As soon I get Carrie her
anniversary present.
6
00:00:15,414 --> 00:00:18,417
You should get her a
massaging foot soaker.
7
00:00:18,418 --> 00:00:20,619
I got one, and mine
feel like butter.
8
00:00:20,620 --> 00:00:23,005
Okay, thanks for
ruining butter for me.
9
00:00:23,006 --> 00:00:25,941
Come on. Do you have any idea
what you're gonna get her?
10
00:00:25,942 --> 00:00:27,877
I know exactly what
I'm getting her.
11
00:00:27,878 --> 00:00:29,728
She actually circled the
earrings in this ad.
12
00:00:29,729 --> 00:00:31,897
Then she sketched out
a map of the mall
13
00:00:31,898 --> 00:00:33,298
so I don't get lost.
14
00:00:33,299 --> 00:00:35,834
Look, see the "X"
at Cinnabon there?
15
00:00:35,835 --> 00:00:38,270
"You are probably here. "
16
00:00:38,271 --> 00:00:40,189
Fredrico DeMali?
17
00:00:40,190 --> 00:00:41,891
No. Doug Heffernan.
18
00:00:41,892 --> 00:00:44,259
Oh, no. I was asking
if you'd like to try
19
00:00:44,260 --> 00:00:46,061
our new Fredrico DeMali cologne.
20
00:00:46,062 --> 00:00:47,529
Oh. No. No, thanks.
21
00:00:47,530 --> 00:00:49,315
I'm good with my Midnight Steel.
22
00:00:49,316 --> 00:00:51,466
Midnight Steel?
23
00:00:51,467 --> 00:00:53,452
Isn't that kind of '90s?
24
00:00:53,453 --> 00:00:55,237
Actually, '80s.
25
00:00:55,238 --> 00:00:56,872
Come on, try it. I
mean, you wouldn't
26
00:00:56,873 --> 00:00:58,040
still wear the clothes
27
00:00:58,041 --> 00:00:59,742
you wore in the '80s, would you?
28
00:00:59,743 --> 00:01:02,310
All right, yeah. I'll take a blast.
Sure.
29
00:01:05,949 --> 00:01:08,500
Wow! That smells awesome.
30
00:01:08,501 --> 00:01:11,720
Goes great with your body chemistry.
Really?
31
00:01:11,721 --> 00:01:12,955
She's right. That's a winner.
32
00:01:12,956 --> 00:01:14,924
Oh, my God. You smell yummy.
33
00:01:14,925 --> 00:01:17,426
Okay, I'll take the
biggest bottle you have.
34
00:01:54,046 --> 00:01:55,563
Oh! Ten of clubs.
35
00:01:55,564 --> 00:01:57,666
Miracle card. Gin!
36
00:01:57,667 --> 00:02:00,102
That's 80 bucks you owe me.
37
00:02:00,103 --> 00:02:02,153
I know. You don't have
to rub my face in it.
38
00:02:03,205 --> 00:02:05,240
Douglas, he's rubbing
it in my face again.
39
00:02:05,241 --> 00:02:06,675
Hey, don't know what it is,
40
00:02:06,676 --> 00:02:08,910
but I hope I'm upstairs
before the rubbing starts.
41
00:02:10,730 --> 00:02:13,782
Okay. One more game,
double or nothing.
42
00:02:13,783 --> 00:02:16,452
No, Arthur, I'm not playing
until you pay me the 80 bucks.
43
00:02:16,453 --> 00:02:18,169
I told you before,
just put it on my tab.
44
00:02:18,170 --> 00:02:19,471
Why can't you get that through
45
00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:21,573
that pineapple-shaped
head of yours?!
46
00:02:21,574 --> 00:02:22,875
Okay, you know what?
47
00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:25,244
When you win, I pay right away,
48
00:02:25,245 --> 00:02:28,080
and when I win, you don't
pay, and you insult my head.
49
00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:31,967
Are you insinuating I'm
not good for the money?
50
00:02:31,968 --> 00:02:33,802
No, I'm not insinuating.
You don't pay.
51
00:02:33,803 --> 00:02:35,887
Then you are insinuating it.
52
00:02:38,725 --> 00:02:39,941
Hey, there, lucky lady.
53
00:02:39,942 --> 00:02:42,094
Hey, honey. I was thinking
for our anniversary,
54
00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:43,979
we should go to Chez Henri.
55
00:02:43,980 --> 00:02:47,016
It's this really romantic
French restaurant.
56
00:02:47,017 --> 00:02:49,050
Or we do a bunch of Jell-O shots
57
00:02:49,051 --> 00:02:51,487
and bowl drunk.
58
00:02:51,488 --> 00:02:54,222
We did that for my birthday.
59
00:02:55,942 --> 00:02:58,027
Come on, baby. Do it for me.
60
00:02:58,028 --> 00:02:59,043
All right. okay.
61
00:02:59,044 --> 00:03:00,945
All right. All right. Oh, great.
Thank you.
62
00:03:00,946 --> 00:03:02,013
Okay.
63
00:03:02,014 --> 00:03:04,033
Eww.
64
00:03:04,034 --> 00:03:06,452
What is that smell?
65
00:03:06,453 --> 00:03:07,402
Oh, I was at the mall today,
66
00:03:07,403 --> 00:03:09,337
and I treated myself
to a new cologne.
67
00:03:09,338 --> 00:03:13,042
Fredrico DeMali.
68
00:03:13,043 --> 00:03:14,776
Gotta be honest with you, honey.
69
00:03:14,777 --> 00:03:17,680
That one's rough.
70
00:03:17,681 --> 00:03:19,298
No, no. You just
gotta get in there.
71
00:03:19,299 --> 00:03:20,599
Yeah, I was in there, okay?
72
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:23,635
Now, Midnight Steel. Now,
that's your scent, honey.
73
00:03:23,636 --> 00:03:25,137
All right, for our anniversary,
74
00:03:25,138 --> 00:03:27,239
I think you should
wear the blue suit.
75
00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:28,240
The brown one's nice,
76
00:03:28,241 --> 00:03:31,009
but it still has
grass stains on it.
77
00:03:31,010 --> 00:03:32,561
How did you do that again?
78
00:03:32,562 --> 00:03:34,195
Okay, you know what?
For the last time,
79
00:03:34,196 --> 00:03:37,666
I was at that funeral, and
a softball game broke out.
80
00:03:37,667 --> 00:03:39,718
It happens. All right.
81
00:03:45,824 --> 00:03:47,459
What are you doing, hon?
82
00:03:47,460 --> 00:03:48,676
I want you to get
the full effect.
83
00:03:48,677 --> 00:03:51,446
Just let it mix with
my body chemistry.
84
00:03:53,633 --> 00:03:56,018
And I already told
you that cologne:
85
00:03:56,019 --> 00:03:57,452
swing and a miss.
86
00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:00,389
That's not what
other people say.
87
00:04:00,390 --> 00:04:01,507
What other people?
88
00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:03,158
Oh, Deacon and Danny, and,
89
00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:05,427
oh, well, this girl at the
mall said I smelled yummy.
90
00:04:05,428 --> 00:04:06,594
Well, I don't care
91
00:04:06,595 --> 00:04:08,931
what some skank at the
mall thinks, okay?
92
00:04:08,932 --> 00:04:11,716
You don't wear cologne
for other women.
93
00:04:11,717 --> 00:04:13,885
You wear it for me. That's
why I have you wear
94
00:04:13,886 --> 00:04:16,155
Midnight Steel,
because I like it.
95
00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:18,156
All right, so take the
cologne back to the mall
96
00:04:18,157 --> 00:04:20,893
and get your money back.
Okay, babe? Thanks.
97
00:04:25,664 --> 00:04:26,931
Ah, Spencer.
98
00:04:26,932 --> 00:04:29,501
Oh, Arthur. What did you want
me to come down here for?
99
00:04:29,502 --> 00:04:30,869
You said you want
me to pay you back,
100
00:04:30,870 --> 00:04:32,287
so I'm paying you back.
101
00:04:32,288 --> 00:04:33,505
Where's my money?
102
00:04:33,506 --> 00:04:34,639
I'm not paying you in money.
103
00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:35,974
That's crass.
104
00:04:35,975 --> 00:04:38,343
I'm paying you with
the magical bliss
105
00:04:38,344 --> 00:04:40,629
that is American cinema.
106
00:04:40,630 --> 00:04:42,214
Arthur, I'd rather
have my money.
107
00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:43,649
Well, I'd rather be
drinking mai tais
108
00:04:43,650 --> 00:04:46,051
with the Lennon Sisters, but
that ain't gonna happen.
109
00:04:46,052 --> 00:04:47,386
Now follow me.
110
00:04:47,387 --> 00:04:49,321
Wait, Arthur, the
entrance is right here.
111
00:04:49,322 --> 00:04:50,988
That's the sucker's way in.
112
00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:56,194
Arthur, I'm not doing this.
113
00:04:56,195 --> 00:04:57,496
It's illegal. It's stealing.
114
00:04:57,497 --> 00:04:58,797
It's not stealing.
115
00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:01,165
They build this into the
price, like shoplifting.
116
00:05:01,166 --> 00:05:02,233
What if we get caught?
117
00:05:02,234 --> 00:05:04,168
Oh, sprout some figs, will you?
118
00:05:04,904 --> 00:05:06,288
Let's do it.
119
00:05:06,289 --> 00:05:07,805
Okay, as soon as
the usher's gone,
120
00:05:07,806 --> 00:05:09,006
we'll grab our seats.
121
00:05:09,007 --> 00:05:10,975
So there's no confusion,
I'm an aisle man.
122
00:05:10,976 --> 00:05:12,377
Yeah, whatever.
123
00:05:14,012 --> 00:05:15,680
Okay, let's do it.
124
00:05:21,554 --> 00:05:22,921
Hey.
125
00:05:22,922 --> 00:05:24,022
What's up, Crime Dawg?
126
00:05:25,558 --> 00:05:27,226
How come you never
do that for me?
127
00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:29,360
Huh? You know, nicknames.
128
00:05:29,361 --> 00:05:32,997
Crime Dawg, Doug Town, D- Unit.
129
00:05:32,998 --> 00:05:34,433
How come you never do it for me?
130
00:05:34,434 --> 00:05:35,767
What do you wanna be called?
131
00:05:35,768 --> 00:05:37,452
Well, I'm not supposed
to come up with it.
132
00:05:37,453 --> 00:05:39,104
You're supposed to
come up with it.
133
00:05:39,105 --> 00:05:40,689
I don't wanna come up with it.
134
00:05:40,690 --> 00:05:42,123
Well, why not? You
do it for him.
135
00:05:42,124 --> 00:05:44,359
Just come up with a
nickname for me.
136
00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:46,845
How about Whiny Beyotch?
137
00:05:48,214 --> 00:05:50,782
Thank you.
138
00:05:50,783 --> 00:05:51,833
Here's your hot wings.
139
00:05:51,834 --> 00:05:54,236
Oh. Cool.
140
00:05:54,237 --> 00:05:55,504
Hm. Hey, what happened
141
00:05:55,505 --> 00:05:57,873
to that great cologne
you had on yesterday?
142
00:05:57,874 --> 00:05:59,858
Oh, I, uh, decided not
to wear it today.
143
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:03,095
I went back to my
old Midnight Steel.
144
00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:05,363
Oh, yeah. My dad wears that.
145
00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:09,101
You're not wearing
the DeMali anymore?
146
00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:11,019
No. You know what?
Carrie didn't like it.
147
00:06:11,020 --> 00:06:13,188
Well, if the scent's up
for grabs, I'll take it.
148
00:06:13,189 --> 00:06:14,673
It's all yours, man. Enjoy.
149
00:06:14,674 --> 00:06:15,874
Ha. Boy,
150
00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:17,676
when I was married we
had our own troubles,
151
00:06:17,677 --> 00:06:21,230
but my wife never
told me how to smell.
152
00:06:21,231 --> 00:06:23,899
No, she was too busy taking
"naps" with the gardener.
153
00:06:25,184 --> 00:06:27,635
She wasn't taking "naps" with
the gardener, all right?
154
00:06:27,636 --> 00:06:30,939
She was taking "naps"
with the landscaper.
155
00:06:30,940 --> 00:06:32,908
The gardener was the lookout.
156
00:06:32,909 --> 00:06:36,778
Anyway, I'm sorry Carrie
banned DeMali from you,
157
00:06:36,779 --> 00:06:39,614
but, hey, your loss is my gain.
158
00:06:39,615 --> 00:06:41,083
And he wasn't just a landscaper.
159
00:06:41,084 --> 00:06:42,584
He was also a
licensed contractor.
160
00:06:42,585 --> 00:06:43,885
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
161
00:06:43,886 --> 00:06:45,353
Whoa, whoa, back it up here.
162
00:06:45,354 --> 00:06:48,473
She doesn't ban me from things, okay?
I decide.
163
00:06:48,474 --> 00:06:50,408
Okay, so one day, you woke up
164
00:06:50,409 --> 00:06:52,711
and decided to throw
out your PlayStation?
165
00:06:53,763 --> 00:06:55,697
No, that was Carrie,
but she was right.
166
00:06:55,698 --> 00:06:58,734
I was headed for some
serious thumb trouble.
167
00:06:58,735 --> 00:07:00,402
Oh. Well, how about
the football pool,
168
00:07:00,403 --> 00:07:03,572
the go-cart, and your,
uh, red cowboy boots?
169
00:07:05,107 --> 00:07:07,359
I loved those boots.
170
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,077
And you loved your mustache.
171
00:07:09,078 --> 00:07:13,999
Yeah.
172
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,300
Oh, my God. Little by little,
173
00:07:15,301 --> 00:07:17,469
she's been taking over my world.
174
00:07:17,470 --> 00:07:18,870
It's not really
little by little.
175
00:07:18,871 --> 00:07:21,924
It's more like big,
decisive chunks.
176
00:07:21,925 --> 00:07:24,425
How long have you guys
known this was going on?
177
00:07:24,426 --> 00:07:25,761
I guess it's been about, uh,
178
00:07:25,762 --> 00:07:28,213
10 years this Friday.
179
00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:30,232
Well, let me tell you
both something. Okay?
180
00:07:30,233 --> 00:07:32,100
It ends here. I'm sorry, man,
181
00:07:32,101 --> 00:07:33,552
but I'm taking my scent back.
182
00:07:33,553 --> 00:07:37,272
And I'm going home right
now to take my life back.
183
00:07:37,273 --> 00:07:39,307
Right after I finish my wings.
184
00:07:45,264 --> 00:07:47,733
You and I have to
have a little talk.
185
00:07:47,734 --> 00:07:49,634
Yes, we do, Doug. Do
you know what I found
186
00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:52,336
in your pants pocket
in the hamper today?
187
00:07:52,337 --> 00:07:54,005
The car insurance payment
188
00:07:54,006 --> 00:07:56,575
that I asked you to
mail three weeks ago.
189
00:07:56,576 --> 00:07:58,309
Now, tomorrow at work,
I'm gonna have to
190
00:07:58,310 --> 00:08:00,746
spend my entire lunch
hour on the phone
191
00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:03,632
with the insurance company
to straighten this out.
192
00:08:03,633 --> 00:08:06,268
I will mail out all the
bills from now on. Okay?
193
00:08:06,269 --> 00:08:07,970
As a matter of fact,
don't touch the mail
194
00:08:07,971 --> 00:08:09,271
at all ever. Okay?
195
00:08:12,474 --> 00:08:15,743
You can run, but
you cannot hide.
196
00:08:22,151 --> 00:08:23,602
All right, I'm headed out,
197
00:08:23,603 --> 00:08:26,370
and I will pick up your suit
from the dry cleaners, okay?
198
00:08:26,371 --> 00:08:28,373
Mm. Wow, great. Sounds
like I'm gonna be
199
00:08:28,374 --> 00:08:30,408
the sharpest-dressed
guy at Chez Henri.
200
00:08:30,409 --> 00:08:32,027
You know, in my weight class.
201
00:08:32,028 --> 00:08:34,495
All right, I'm late. I gotta go.
Love you.
202
00:10:03,286 --> 00:10:05,603
Man, I can't believe you stood
up to Carrie like that.
203
00:10:05,604 --> 00:10:07,089
I didn't think you
had it in you.
204
00:10:07,090 --> 00:10:10,625
Oh, I got it in me and on me.
205
00:10:10,626 --> 00:10:13,962
I am DeMali-licious.
206
00:10:13,963 --> 00:10:15,764
So she wasn't even mad?
207
00:10:15,765 --> 00:10:17,081
I didn't give her a
chance to get mad.
208
00:10:17,082 --> 00:10:18,550
I said, "I'm wearing
the cologne,
209
00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:20,969
and deal with it, woman. "
210
00:10:20,970 --> 00:10:22,820
So, what's next?
211
00:10:22,821 --> 00:10:24,806
You gonna bring back
those red cowboy boots?
212
00:10:24,807 --> 00:10:27,125
Hey, I want 'em
back, they're back.
213
00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:29,144
My feet, my rules.
214
00:10:29,145 --> 00:10:30,061
Here you go.
215
00:10:30,062 --> 00:10:32,630
Mm, mm. These wings smell good.
216
00:10:32,631 --> 00:10:35,033
Not half as good as you.
217
00:10:35,034 --> 00:10:37,752
Well, in about two minutes,
I'm gonna smell like both.
218
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,314
What's the usher doing?
219
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:52,384
He's groping an old lady.
220
00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:55,653
No. He's helping her to a seat.
221
00:10:57,356 --> 00:10:59,524
So is this instead of paying me
222
00:10:59,525 --> 00:11:01,843
the money you borrowed?
223
00:11:01,844 --> 00:11:04,679
He takes the price of the
ticket off of your tab.
224
00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:07,432
Oh, no, no. Arthur, I'm low on rent.
I need cash.
225
00:11:07,433 --> 00:11:09,100
Well, bring your landlord down,
226
00:11:09,101 --> 00:11:11,653
and you can pay off
your rent in movies.
227
00:11:11,654 --> 00:11:14,389
No. He won't take
anything but cash.
228
00:11:14,390 --> 00:11:16,224
Trust me.
229
00:11:55,231 --> 00:11:58,616
That usher keeps staring at us.
230
00:11:58,617 --> 00:12:00,217
He's staring at you
because your head
231
00:12:00,218 --> 00:12:01,418
is shaped like a pineapple.
232
00:12:01,419 --> 00:12:04,689
My-
233
00:12:04,690 --> 00:12:06,991
My head is not shaped
like a pineapple.
234
00:12:06,992 --> 00:12:09,127
If anything, it's
shaped like a honeydew.
235
00:12:09,128 --> 00:12:10,579
Oh, you wish.
236
00:12:10,580 --> 00:12:12,914
I'm gonna go to the concession
stand and get some candy.
237
00:12:12,915 --> 00:12:17,335
No need. A. Spooner
is open for business.
238
00:12:17,336 --> 00:12:19,236
You expect me to buy
candy from you?
239
00:12:19,237 --> 00:12:20,538
No, you don't actually buy it.
240
00:12:20,539 --> 00:12:22,139
He just knocks the
price off your tab.
241
00:12:22,140 --> 00:12:24,108
Milk Duds, please.
242
00:12:25,894 --> 00:12:28,563
Excuse me. Evening, my good sir.
243
00:12:28,564 --> 00:12:30,348
How goes the ushering?
244
00:12:30,349 --> 00:12:32,083
Fine. Listen, I don't recall
245
00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:33,518
seeing you three come in.
246
00:12:33,519 --> 00:12:35,770
We like to keep a low profile.
247
00:12:35,771 --> 00:12:37,955
We're celebrities.
248
00:12:39,358 --> 00:12:41,125
Enjoy the show.
249
00:12:56,125 --> 00:12:57,459
Hey, babe.
250
00:12:57,460 --> 00:12:59,561
Hey.
251
00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:06,718
Wow. That's a nice
pen over here.
252
00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:08,803
Oh, yeah? Yeah, real nice.
I like it.
253
00:13:08,804 --> 00:13:10,272
Well, good. You can keep it.
254
00:13:10,273 --> 00:13:11,923
Cool.
255
00:13:23,207 --> 00:13:24,635
Hey, babe, why don't
you come over here
256
00:13:24,636 --> 00:13:27,405
and read the sports section?
257
00:13:27,406 --> 00:13:29,708
Sounds good. Just, uh,
258
00:13:29,709 --> 00:13:33,127
gonna grab a snack first.
Just getting a snack.
259
00:13:40,452 --> 00:13:42,653
Mm. So good.
260
00:14:19,941 --> 00:14:21,376
Oh, Doug?
261
00:14:21,377 --> 00:14:22,827
Yeah?
262
00:14:22,828 --> 00:14:26,014
Don't forget to rub some
peanut butter on your wrists.
263
00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:33,972
I like peanut butter.
264
00:14:33,973 --> 00:14:36,424
I can't believe you.
265
00:14:36,425 --> 00:14:38,993
Sneaking around,
wearing the cologne
266
00:14:38,994 --> 00:14:41,730
that I specifically
asked you not to wear.
267
00:14:41,731 --> 00:14:43,414
I only wore it when you
wouldn't be around,
268
00:14:43,415 --> 00:14:45,182
and then when I came
home, I washed it off,
269
00:14:45,183 --> 00:14:46,818
and I put on the
stuff you liked.
270
00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:48,486
I mean, it never affected you.
271
00:14:48,487 --> 00:14:50,822
Oh, I see. So if I went out
272
00:14:50,823 --> 00:14:52,257
and had an affair,
that'd be okay,
273
00:14:52,258 --> 00:14:55,160
as long as I washed afterwards?
274
00:14:55,161 --> 00:14:58,830
Absolutely. I assumed you've
been doing that for years.
275
00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:00,181
Doug, this is not funny.
276
00:15:00,182 --> 00:15:02,000
Oh, come on.
277
00:15:02,001 --> 00:15:05,236
I know you want me to feel
bad about this, but I don't.
278
00:15:05,237 --> 00:15:07,205
Okay, you control every
aspect of my life,
279
00:15:07,206 --> 00:15:08,423
and I'm sick of it.
280
00:15:08,424 --> 00:15:10,308
What? That's ridiculous.
281
00:15:10,309 --> 00:15:13,211
No, it isn't, Carrie. You
tell me what to wear,
282
00:15:13,212 --> 00:15:16,414
uh, what I can eat, what
presents to get for you,
283
00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:17,599
even what I say.
284
00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:19,350
That is not true. Oh, no?
285
00:15:19,351 --> 00:15:21,619
Then why aren't I allowed
to say the expression,
286
00:15:21,620 --> 00:15:24,556
"for all intensive
purposes," hm?
287
00:15:26,542 --> 00:15:30,862
Because it's "intents
and purposes," moron.
288
00:15:30,863 --> 00:15:32,697
Look, Doug, come-
289
00:15:32,698 --> 00:15:33,931
Honey, listen to me.
290
00:15:33,932 --> 00:15:36,451
I know you like the cologne,
291
00:15:36,452 --> 00:15:38,786
but I asked you not to wear
it out of respect for me,
292
00:15:38,787 --> 00:15:41,673
because that's what respect.
293
00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:43,190
I'm the one who
has to sacrifice.
294
00:15:43,191 --> 00:15:44,542
That's what it feels like.
295
00:15:44,543 --> 00:15:45,693
That's not true.
296
00:15:45,694 --> 00:15:47,762
How about when we first met?
Huh?
297
00:15:47,763 --> 00:15:50,932
I had a certain look that
men found attractive.
298
00:15:50,933 --> 00:15:52,683
Slutty?
299
00:15:53,985 --> 00:15:57,222
That was the look, yes.
300
00:15:57,223 --> 00:15:59,457
Point is, you told me
it made you insecure,
301
00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:00,642
so I gave it up.
302
00:16:00,643 --> 00:16:01,709
You should've given it up.
303
00:16:01,710 --> 00:16:03,344
You looked like a
Van Halen groupie.
304
00:16:03,345 --> 00:16:05,146
And you used so much hair spray,
305
00:16:05,147 --> 00:16:07,181
we couldn't light a match for a week.
It was like-
306
00:16:09,985 --> 00:16:13,571
The point is, Doug,
I stopped for you.
307
00:16:13,572 --> 00:16:16,324
You know what? I like this
cologne, and I'm taking a stand.
308
00:16:16,325 --> 00:16:18,159
Oh, this is where you're
gonna take a stand,
309
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:20,078
on how you smell?
310
00:16:20,079 --> 00:16:22,914
How about taking a stand on
securing our financial future,
311
00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:26,167
or finally getting healthy
so you can live past 40?
312
00:16:26,168 --> 00:16:29,220
Nah, sticking with smell.
313
00:16:29,221 --> 00:16:31,222
Okay, you know what, Doug?
You're right.
314
00:16:31,223 --> 00:16:32,924
We shouldn't control each other.
315
00:16:32,925 --> 00:16:35,360
You know, tomorrow night
is our 10th anniversary,
316
00:16:35,361 --> 00:16:38,095
and I am going to have
dinner at Chez Henri,
317
00:16:38,096 --> 00:16:39,681
and you don't even
need to show up.
318
00:16:39,682 --> 00:16:41,432
Oh. Oh, believe me,
I'm showing up.
319
00:16:41,433 --> 00:16:44,001
Five of those 10 years are mine.
320
00:16:45,471 --> 00:16:48,139
And you know what? For
all intensive purposes,
321
00:16:48,140 --> 00:16:49,807
this conversation, she's over.
322
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:52,393
Hey. Hey! Ahh!
323
00:16:52,394 --> 00:16:53,995
Aah!
324
00:17:00,619 --> 00:17:03,922
Um, I'll take the
Sour Patch Kids.
325
00:17:03,923 --> 00:17:06,090
Okay, cross $4 off
my tab, please.
326
00:17:06,091 --> 00:17:07,691
Yesterday these were $3.
327
00:17:07,692 --> 00:17:12,229
All right, fine. Four dollars.
Gosh.
328
00:17:12,230 --> 00:17:14,131
Okay, they're
dimming the lights.
329
00:17:14,132 --> 00:17:17,969
Usher's making his
last pass through.
330
00:17:33,536 --> 00:17:36,704
Well, well, well.
What have we here?
331
00:17:36,705 --> 00:17:38,456
They made me do it.
He made us do it.
332
00:17:38,457 --> 00:17:40,458
I just wanted my rent money.
333
00:17:40,459 --> 00:17:43,328
Let me ask you, what
tipped you off?
334
00:17:43,329 --> 00:17:44,662
I smelled that cologne.
335
00:17:44,663 --> 00:17:45,997
Oh, good going, Arthur.
336
00:17:45,998 --> 00:17:48,065
It smells good. What is that?
337
00:17:53,738 --> 00:17:55,373
If I scored you a bottle,
338
00:17:55,374 --> 00:17:57,674
would you let me
skate on this one?
339
00:18:12,558 --> 00:18:14,492
Good evening, sir.
340
00:18:14,493 --> 00:18:17,111
Hi. Heffernan, party of two.
341
00:18:17,112 --> 00:18:19,079
Mm-hm. My wife's
coming from work,
342
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:20,999
so she'll be here in
a couple minutes.
343
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,199
Right this way.
344
00:18:24,703 --> 00:18:26,103
I see you noticing the boots.
345
00:18:26,104 --> 00:18:27,372
Heh, heh. Yes.
346
00:18:27,373 --> 00:18:30,141
Yeah. It's gonna make
a little statement,
347
00:18:30,142 --> 00:18:33,127
you know? Show the
wife who's boss.
348
00:18:33,128 --> 00:18:35,646
How delightful. Yes.
349
00:18:42,554 --> 00:18:44,589
Okay.
350
00:18:45,690 --> 00:18:48,393
Ahem. Thank you. Yes.
351
00:18:49,728 --> 00:18:51,479
You look nice.
352
00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:53,948
Yeah, you know what?
I feel nice.
353
00:18:53,949 --> 00:18:56,901
Kind of takes me back
to when we first met.
354
00:18:56,902 --> 00:18:58,819
Right. It's like a
stroll down memory lane.
355
00:18:58,820 --> 00:18:59,904
Yeah-
356
00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:05,543
Oh. I see you found them.
357
00:19:05,544 --> 00:19:07,545
Yes, I did.
358
00:19:07,546 --> 00:19:10,214
By the way, there's a dead
squirrel in the attic.
359
00:19:10,215 --> 00:19:13,034
Good to know.
360
00:19:13,035 --> 00:19:14,302
Oh, you know what?
361
00:19:14,303 --> 00:19:16,838
I feel like I'm losing
a little height here.
362
00:19:16,839 --> 00:19:20,558
Ahem. I'll just go ahead
and fix that right now.
363
00:19:21,427 --> 00:19:23,227
Carrie, don't you do that.
364
00:19:23,228 --> 00:19:24,545
I will do it.
365
00:19:24,546 --> 00:19:28,933
And don't you control me, Doug.
Heh.
366
00:19:28,934 --> 00:19:30,284
Okay. You want to
play it that way?
367
00:19:30,285 --> 00:19:31,736
Yeah. You know what?
368
00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:36,607
Feeling a little low on DeMali.
369
00:19:36,608 --> 00:19:38,442
Don't be ridiculous. Oh,
is that ridiculous?
370
00:19:38,443 --> 00:19:41,061
Yeah. Mm-mm-mm-mm. Mm.
371
00:19:41,062 --> 00:19:42,880
Oh, really? Okay.
372
00:19:42,881 --> 00:19:44,666
Oh, please. Please
don't do this.
373
00:19:44,667 --> 00:19:45,933
I'll do it. Stop yourself.
374
00:19:45,934 --> 00:19:47,568
Yeah, look at that, huh?
375
00:19:47,569 --> 00:19:49,921
Ooh, your menu's stinky.
Stop being ridiculous.
376
00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:51,522
Aah! Ow!
377
00:19:56,311 --> 00:19:58,479
Aah.
378
00:20:05,721 --> 00:20:07,105
What are we doing here, Doug?
379
00:20:07,106 --> 00:20:09,890
I can't see.
380
00:20:12,194 --> 00:20:14,545
Honey, look,
381
00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:17,314
I'm sorry if I come
off controlling,
382
00:20:17,315 --> 00:20:18,683
it's just because I love you,
383
00:20:18,684 --> 00:20:20,351
and I just want
what's best for you.
384
00:20:22,905 --> 00:20:25,039
I love you too. I'm sorry, Car.
385
00:20:26,258 --> 00:20:27,557
How about this?
386
00:20:29,210 --> 00:20:32,747
If I go back to my old cologne,
387
00:20:32,748 --> 00:20:34,665
can I get my PlayStation back?
388
00:20:34,666 --> 00:20:36,417
Will the boots go
back in the attic?
389
00:20:36,418 --> 00:20:38,169
Soon as you get rid
of the squirrel.
390
00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:39,837
Deal.
391
00:20:39,838 --> 00:20:41,506
Okay.
392
00:20:41,507 --> 00:20:42,807
Happy anniversary.
393
00:20:42,808 --> 00:20:45,359
Happy anniversary. I love you.
394
00:20:45,360 --> 00:20:47,261
Let's just have a nice meal.
395
00:20:47,262 --> 00:20:48,963
Okay.
396
00:20:48,964 --> 00:20:51,031
I'm afraid I'm going to
have to ask you to leave.
397
00:20:51,032 --> 00:20:52,967
Yeah, saw it coming. Okay. Okay.
398
00:20:52,968 --> 00:20:55,803
All right. Sorry about that.
Yeah.
399
00:20:59,774 --> 00:21:01,492
Ah.
400
00:21:01,493 --> 00:21:02,693
Here you go, sir.
401
00:21:02,694 --> 00:21:04,595
I'll take that
when you're ready.
402
00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:11,469
So have you enjoyed your dinner?
403
00:21:11,470 --> 00:21:13,087
Oh, it was fabulous, Arthur.
404
00:21:13,088 --> 00:21:14,288
Best meal I ever had.
405
00:21:14,289 --> 00:21:16,190
It's the least I can do
after letting you two
406
00:21:16,191 --> 00:21:17,925
take the fall at
the movie theater.
407
00:21:17,926 --> 00:21:19,677
Well, this more than
makes up for it.
408
00:21:19,678 --> 00:21:21,479
As far as I'm
concerned, we are even.
409
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:22,947
Yeah, your slate is clean.
410
00:21:22,948 --> 00:21:24,682
Good.
411
00:21:25,767 --> 00:21:27,718
Now every man for himself.
29192
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