All language subtitles for The King of Queens (1998) - S06E09 - Thanks Man (1080p BluRay x265 RCVR)

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,274 --> 00:00:13,128 Ok, all basted and ready for the home stretch. 2 00:00:23,774 --> 00:00:25,031 Why didn't you just open the oven 3 00:00:25,056 --> 00:00:26,323 before you picked up the Turkey? 4 00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:29,833 Ok, you know what? Now that you're here, 5 00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:30,964 why don't you open the oven. 6 00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:33,367 Before I dump hot Turkey juice all over your privates?! 7 00:00:34,158 --> 00:00:36,602 I do believe someone's flirtin' with me. 8 00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:38,704 Ok. Thank you. 9 00:00:38,772 --> 00:00:41,640 All right. Well, that's it. 10 00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:43,299 Now, if you'll excuse me, 11 00:00:43,359 --> 00:00:45,995 those yams are not gonna candy themselves. 12 00:00:46,062 --> 00:00:47,329 Wow, this is amazing. 13 00:00:47,729 --> 00:00:48,746 You're cookin' a meal, 14 00:00:48,815 --> 00:00:50,849 and there's no smoke alarms goin' off, 15 00:00:50,917 --> 00:00:53,685 no dogs howlin' in the alley. 16 00:00:53,752 --> 00:00:56,487 I know! I'm just as surprised as you are! 17 00:00:56,555 --> 00:00:58,573 Can you believe that I'm actually gonna pull off 18 00:00:58,641 --> 00:01:01,242 a home-cooked Thanksgiving dinner for 10 people? 19 00:01:01,310 --> 00:01:03,996 I mean, that beats my previous record by... 20 00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:05,831 10! 21 00:01:07,133 --> 00:01:08,466 Oh, gravy's done. 22 00:01:08,534 --> 00:01:09,785 Oh, sweet! 23 00:01:09,852 --> 00:01:10,919 Off, off, off! 24 00:01:10,987 --> 00:01:13,088 Sorry. I heard a bell. I'm like a fighter that way. 25 00:01:13,156 --> 00:01:15,057 So what can I have? 26 00:01:15,125 --> 00:01:16,859 You can eat anything over here, all right? 27 00:01:16,926 --> 00:01:18,493 Just get something out of the refrigerator. 28 00:01:18,561 --> 00:01:20,778 So any word from your dad upstate? 29 00:01:20,846 --> 00:01:23,581 Yes, um... apparently he had a fight with his cousin-in-law, 30 00:01:23,649 --> 00:01:26,017 and they have to eat Thanksgiving dinner in shifts. 31 00:01:26,085 --> 00:01:27,953 It's gonna be weird 32 00:01:28,020 --> 00:01:30,621 having our Thanksgiving without him, right? 33 00:01:30,689 --> 00:01:31,773 Yeah, I'm really gonna miss the sight 34 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:34,376 of a 10-course meal gettin' caught in the man's mustache. 35 00:01:35,495 --> 00:01:37,111 Ah, leftover pizza, 36 00:01:37,179 --> 00:01:40,214 just under the 5-day limit. 37 00:01:41,785 --> 00:01:43,919 Wait, whoa. What are you doing? No. 38 00:01:43,987 --> 00:01:44,953 Gonna reheat pizza. 39 00:01:45,021 --> 00:01:46,988 The broccoli is cooking in there. 40 00:01:47,056 --> 00:01:49,273 So? Can't I grab a ride for 30 seconds? 41 00:01:49,341 --> 00:01:52,044 No! Then the broccoli's gonna taste like pepperoni! 42 00:01:52,111 --> 00:01:54,012 And a parade will be thrown in your honor. 43 00:01:54,079 --> 00:01:57,782 Ok, here's what I need you to do: 44 00:01:57,850 --> 00:01:59,450 First, leave. 45 00:01:59,519 --> 00:02:00,652 Second, set the table. 46 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:01,953 You think you can manage that? 47 00:02:02,021 --> 00:02:03,321 What's this? 48 00:02:03,389 --> 00:02:04,355 The silver place settings 49 00:02:04,423 --> 00:02:05,957 your parents gave us for our wedding. 50 00:02:06,025 --> 00:02:06,908 Why is it in this? 51 00:02:07,060 --> 00:02:08,760 Am I taking them on vacation? 52 00:02:08,827 --> 00:02:09,995 You're killing me here. 53 00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:11,196 Please, just go. 54 00:02:11,263 --> 00:02:12,764 I'm gonna go get some sodas out of the garage. 55 00:02:21,643 --> 00:02:22,793 Oh, wow. 56 00:02:26,084 --> 00:02:27,618 I'm eatin' with this one. 57 00:02:36,756 --> 00:02:37,922 Hello. 58 00:02:37,990 --> 00:02:40,275 Finally, somebody home. Hey, sorry to bother you. 59 00:02:40,343 --> 00:02:42,060 Any way I could use your phone? 60 00:02:42,128 --> 00:02:44,279 Uh... what's up? 61 00:02:44,347 --> 00:02:45,914 My car died a couple blocks from here. 62 00:02:45,982 --> 00:02:47,415 Engine seized up. 63 00:02:47,483 --> 00:02:49,217 That's rough. I mean, I'm not much of a car guy, 64 00:02:49,285 --> 00:02:51,770 but I know when I seize up, I not feel so good. 65 00:02:54,390 --> 00:02:55,774 Sure, come on in. Thanks, man. 66 00:02:55,841 --> 00:02:56,958 It's gettin' cold out there. 67 00:02:57,026 --> 00:02:58,660 I picked the wrong day to lose my chapstick. 68 00:02:58,727 --> 00:03:00,262 Oh, been there. 69 00:03:00,329 --> 00:03:01,329 That's why I keep mine 70 00:03:01,397 --> 00:03:02,897 in the little pocket above the big pocket. 71 00:03:02,965 --> 00:03:03,965 That's for chapstick. 72 00:03:04,033 --> 00:03:05,467 A lot of people don't know that. 73 00:03:05,535 --> 00:03:07,068 Phone's right there. 74 00:03:07,136 --> 00:03:08,470 Thanks. 75 00:03:15,144 --> 00:03:16,744 Whoa! Hello. 76 00:03:16,812 --> 00:03:17,879 And you are? 77 00:03:17,946 --> 00:03:19,847 That guy said I could use the phone. 78 00:03:19,915 --> 00:03:21,550 Oh, ok. 79 00:03:26,321 --> 00:03:28,707 Doug? What is a man with an eye patch 80 00:03:28,775 --> 00:03:30,025 doing in our kitchen? 81 00:03:30,093 --> 00:03:31,260 His car broke down. 82 00:03:31,327 --> 00:03:33,561 And you just let him in here? 83 00:03:33,629 --> 00:03:34,329 Yeah, he was stranded. 84 00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:35,414 What do you expect me to do? 85 00:03:35,481 --> 00:03:36,781 Have you ever met this man before? 86 00:03:36,849 --> 00:03:37,410 No. 87 00:03:37,435 --> 00:03:40,051 And have you seen this "car" that supposedly broke down? 88 00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:41,086 No. 89 00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:42,754 Could you offer me any assurance 90 00:03:42,822 --> 00:03:44,156 that we're not about to die? 91 00:03:44,223 --> 00:03:47,125 Will you relax? It's fine. 92 00:03:47,193 --> 00:03:49,377 I let people in here all the time. 93 00:03:49,445 --> 00:03:52,230 Oh! Ok, that's a relief. 94 00:03:52,298 --> 00:03:54,416 Excuse me, what's your address here? 95 00:03:54,483 --> 00:03:56,184 Oh, it's 3121 Aberdeen. 96 00:03:56,252 --> 00:03:57,419 Thanks. 97 00:03:57,486 --> 00:03:58,386 Ow! 98 00:04:00,456 --> 00:04:03,191 You don't just give a stranger our address. 99 00:04:03,259 --> 00:04:04,792 It's on the door! 100 00:04:04,860 --> 00:04:07,895 It's not like I gave him my pin number. 101 00:04:07,963 --> 00:04:11,032 Actually, I do use that as my pin number. 102 00:04:11,100 --> 00:04:14,368 You know what? Just get rid of him, ok? 103 00:04:19,292 --> 00:04:21,643 Ok, my buddy's coming to pick me up. 104 00:04:21,710 --> 00:04:22,794 Uh, there's a diner on the corner. 105 00:04:22,862 --> 00:04:24,529 Why don't you wait for your buddy over there, ok? 106 00:04:24,596 --> 00:04:25,614 It's closed. 107 00:04:25,681 --> 00:04:27,348 Everything around here's closed. 108 00:04:27,416 --> 00:04:28,250 You mind if I wait here? 109 00:04:28,401 --> 00:04:30,218 Sure. 110 00:04:30,286 --> 00:04:33,588 I mean, outside, if you don't mind. 111 00:04:33,656 --> 00:04:35,273 Ok. 112 00:04:35,340 --> 00:04:37,008 Inside would be fine normally, 113 00:04:37,076 --> 00:04:38,576 but we're gettin' ready for company, 114 00:04:38,644 --> 00:04:39,778 and we're gonna be vacuuming. 115 00:04:39,845 --> 00:04:40,979 It's gonna be real noisy in here. 116 00:04:41,047 --> 00:04:42,513 I think you'll like it better out here. 117 00:04:42,581 --> 00:04:44,849 So just make yourself comfortable, 118 00:04:44,917 --> 00:04:46,033 although I'd avoid that chair 119 00:04:46,101 --> 00:04:48,870 unless you like getting poked by something cold and rusty. 120 00:04:50,706 --> 00:04:51,673 Right. 121 00:04:51,741 --> 00:04:53,775 So how long till your buddy gets here? 122 00:04:53,842 --> 00:04:55,459 Uh, well, he's coming from Baltimore, 123 00:04:55,527 --> 00:04:56,961 so I guess about 4 hours. 124 00:05:01,115 --> 00:05:02,783 Ok, then. 125 00:05:07,890 --> 00:05:11,693 Ok, here she is! Happy Thanksgiving! 126 00:05:16,015 --> 00:05:17,081 Yoo-hoo! 127 00:05:17,149 --> 00:05:19,617 Hello! Hi! 128 00:05:22,838 --> 00:05:23,772 Right. 129 00:05:23,839 --> 00:05:24,973 Well, I got mine. 130 00:05:25,041 --> 00:05:27,008 What are the rest of you havin'? 131 00:05:28,294 --> 00:05:29,994 All right, let me carve this bad boy up. 132 00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:31,996 Ok, in the meantime, everybody serve yourselves. 133 00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:33,398 I got some stuffing... 134 00:05:33,466 --> 00:05:34,799 All right. 135 00:05:34,867 --> 00:05:36,968 And some sweet potatoes. 136 00:05:37,036 --> 00:05:37,969 You got that? 137 00:05:38,037 --> 00:05:40,439 And some fresh green beans. 138 00:05:40,506 --> 00:05:43,241 Son of an ass! 139 00:05:43,309 --> 00:05:44,992 Obviously not a bean guy. 140 00:05:45,060 --> 00:05:47,562 No, he's watching the football game on his little TV. 141 00:05:47,630 --> 00:05:50,265 The man has a serious gambling problem. 142 00:05:52,651 --> 00:05:54,503 Well, as long as he's having a good time. 143 00:05:54,570 --> 00:05:57,055 Ok, everybody, in the meantime, here you go. 144 00:05:57,123 --> 00:05:58,990 Come on. Scoop and pass. Scoop and pass! 145 00:05:59,058 --> 00:06:01,293 Let's go. Move it along. 146 00:06:08,250 --> 00:06:10,135 Wow, he looks cold. 147 00:06:10,202 --> 00:06:12,470 They say it's gonna get below 30 tonight, 148 00:06:12,537 --> 00:06:14,438 not counting windchill. 149 00:06:14,506 --> 00:06:17,158 Is that man going to freeze, daddy? 150 00:06:17,226 --> 00:06:18,393 I don't know, son. 151 00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:24,132 No! Don't worry. 152 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:25,566 I noticed when he came inside, 153 00:06:25,634 --> 00:06:27,835 he had a whole thermal thing underneath his clothes. 154 00:06:27,904 --> 00:06:30,405 He's actually warmer out there than we are in here. 155 00:06:32,108 --> 00:06:33,658 Carve. 156 00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:34,976 Ok, so enough about him. 157 00:06:35,044 --> 00:06:37,211 Let's enjoy each other's company, shall we? 158 00:06:37,279 --> 00:06:39,481 Yeah. Hey, let's change the subject. 159 00:06:39,549 --> 00:06:42,684 Um, anyone seen the new wim wenders film? 160 00:06:45,538 --> 00:06:47,755 Well, it's better than talking about that guy. 161 00:06:47,823 --> 00:06:49,974 Man, he give me the creeps. 162 00:06:50,042 --> 00:06:52,109 Really? I kind of think he's cute. 163 00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:53,511 What?! 164 00:06:53,579 --> 00:06:56,264 Yeah, when I came in, I saw that he has a nice smile, 165 00:06:56,331 --> 00:06:58,566 and his eye is so blue. 166 00:07:00,535 --> 00:07:03,371 Hey, anyone see the Thanksgiving parade this morning? 167 00:07:03,439 --> 00:07:04,706 See that rockette? 168 00:07:04,774 --> 00:07:07,041 She took a nosedive right off the side of the float. 169 00:07:07,109 --> 00:07:08,543 So funny. 170 00:07:08,611 --> 00:07:09,311 I didn't see it. 171 00:07:09,378 --> 00:07:10,495 I couldn't stop laughing. 172 00:07:22,591 --> 00:07:24,759 Hey, try the stuffing. No raisins. 173 00:07:26,762 --> 00:07:27,729 What? 174 00:07:27,797 --> 00:07:29,363 Fix this. Fix what? 175 00:07:29,431 --> 00:07:30,748 Ok, in case you haven't noticed, idiot, 176 00:07:30,816 --> 00:07:33,150 everybody's obsessed with your porch pal out there. 177 00:07:33,218 --> 00:07:34,985 Nobody's eating. It's completely awkward. 178 00:07:35,053 --> 00:07:36,154 What do you want me to do? 179 00:07:36,222 --> 00:07:37,155 The guy's waiting for his buddy to pick him up, 180 00:07:37,223 --> 00:07:38,623 he's got nowhere else to go. 181 00:07:38,690 --> 00:07:41,393 The only other option is to let him wait inside here. 182 00:07:41,460 --> 00:07:44,262 Inside? Are you really that stupid? 183 00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:46,497 Stupid with kindness. 184 00:07:46,565 --> 00:07:48,900 Doug, please, just close the curtains then. 185 00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:50,718 I'm not doing that. It's rude. 186 00:07:50,786 --> 00:07:52,136 Rude? Ok, I'm sorry. 187 00:07:52,204 --> 00:07:54,038 I guess I'm not up to speed on the rules of etiquette 188 00:07:54,106 --> 00:07:57,074 involving one-eyed porch psychos. 189 00:07:58,578 --> 00:08:00,328 Now, look, I worked my ass off 190 00:08:00,396 --> 00:08:01,596 to make a nice Thanksgiving meal, 191 00:08:01,663 --> 00:08:03,264 and I want people to enjoy it, 192 00:08:03,332 --> 00:08:04,665 so you're gonna march in there, 193 00:08:04,733 --> 00:08:05,950 you're gonna close the curtains, 194 00:08:06,018 --> 00:08:07,118 and then you're gonna make a funny joke 195 00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:08,286 to get everybody in a good mood again, ok? 196 00:08:08,354 --> 00:08:09,520 Now go! 197 00:08:09,588 --> 00:08:11,389 Fine, but for the record, 198 00:08:11,457 --> 00:08:13,425 you're way scarier than patchy. 199 00:08:15,945 --> 00:08:17,328 Hey, how's it goin'? 200 00:08:17,396 --> 00:08:18,463 It's just a little bright in here. 201 00:08:18,531 --> 00:08:20,765 Gonna close the curtains. 202 00:08:22,584 --> 00:08:23,868 Here we go. 203 00:08:23,936 --> 00:08:25,370 All right. 204 00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:27,105 Ok, that's good. 205 00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:30,575 Ahem, here we are. 206 00:08:30,643 --> 00:08:32,243 Might as well get this one, too. 207 00:08:32,311 --> 00:08:33,712 Sure. 208 00:08:33,795 --> 00:08:36,463 All right! Who wants some Turkey now? 209 00:08:36,515 --> 00:08:38,349 Show of drumsticks, huh? 210 00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:48,460 Everything is so delicious, Carrie. 211 00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:49,594 It's so good. 212 00:08:49,662 --> 00:08:51,946 Yeah, and free. 213 00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,666 Yes, but tipping is appreciated. 214 00:08:54,734 --> 00:08:56,201 Pass me the broccoli, please. 215 00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:06,595 What a wonderfully awkward Thanksgiving you've created. 216 00:09:06,663 --> 00:09:09,998 Major! Major, get back to the table! 217 00:09:10,065 --> 00:09:11,232 Please do something about your son. 218 00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:12,701 He just wants to look at the freak outside. 219 00:09:12,768 --> 00:09:14,002 We all do. 220 00:09:15,370 --> 00:09:16,671 Just get him back here. 221 00:09:16,739 --> 00:09:18,740 Major, you heard your mother. 222 00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:19,641 Major! 223 00:09:19,708 --> 00:09:22,210 I just wanted to see if the pirate is dead. 224 00:09:22,278 --> 00:09:23,962 He's not a pirate, and he's not dead. 225 00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:25,630 Is he? 226 00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:30,735 Ok, who's ready for a second round of stuffing? Lou? 227 00:09:30,803 --> 00:09:32,553 Look, it's not my place to say this, 228 00:09:32,622 --> 00:09:34,255 but have you considered letting that man 229 00:09:34,323 --> 00:09:36,257 wait inside the house? 230 00:09:36,325 --> 00:09:37,559 Inside the house. 231 00:09:37,627 --> 00:09:40,462 Huh. What a kind and generous thought. 232 00:09:41,781 --> 00:09:44,749 We don't think it's a good idea, Lou. 233 00:09:44,817 --> 00:09:45,800 Why not? 234 00:09:45,868 --> 00:09:47,235 Well, because we've never met this man before. 235 00:09:47,302 --> 00:09:48,870 For all we know, he could be an ax murderer. 236 00:09:48,938 --> 00:09:50,872 Who needs another roll? 237 00:09:50,939 --> 00:09:53,041 I will take one, 238 00:09:53,108 --> 00:09:54,142 and I'll tell you something. 239 00:09:54,210 --> 00:09:55,477 I agree with you, sister. 240 00:09:55,545 --> 00:09:56,628 You work in the subway, 241 00:09:56,696 --> 00:09:57,863 you see a lot of sickos, 242 00:09:57,930 --> 00:10:01,500 and this guy has my spidey-sense tingling. 243 00:10:01,567 --> 00:10:03,268 Really? 244 00:10:03,335 --> 00:10:06,104 He doesn't seem like a sicko at all to me, 245 00:10:06,171 --> 00:10:08,006 and I've known my share of sickos. 246 00:10:08,074 --> 00:10:10,408 I still keep in touch with some of them. 247 00:10:10,476 --> 00:10:13,778 Well, Holly, you make a persuasive case. You do. 248 00:10:13,846 --> 00:10:16,548 Um, but we're still not gonna let him in. 249 00:10:16,615 --> 00:10:19,134 Oh! You fumblin' bitch! 250 00:10:19,202 --> 00:10:21,069 Sorry. 251 00:10:21,137 --> 00:10:22,670 Happy Thanksgiving. 252 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:25,290 Listen, car, for what it's worth, 253 00:10:25,357 --> 00:10:26,924 I wouldn't let a raggedy-looking stranger 254 00:10:26,992 --> 00:10:28,460 in my house on Thanksgiving. 255 00:10:28,527 --> 00:10:30,528 Thank you. See? It's not just me. 256 00:10:30,596 --> 00:10:32,363 Lou and Holly, they agree with me. 257 00:10:32,431 --> 00:10:33,565 Deac, what about you? 258 00:10:33,632 --> 00:10:35,266 I mean, you'd be ok letting this guy in, right? 259 00:10:35,334 --> 00:10:36,751 Well, if he was a brother I would, 260 00:10:36,819 --> 00:10:39,053 but not this dude. 261 00:10:39,121 --> 00:10:41,272 Isn't that just a form of racism? 262 00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:42,356 Look, I'm just looking at the facts. 263 00:10:42,424 --> 00:10:43,825 Black dude might steal your wallet, 264 00:10:43,892 --> 00:10:45,327 but the psychos who chop up families? 265 00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:47,462 All white boys. 266 00:10:47,530 --> 00:10:50,031 Honkies! Yes! 267 00:10:50,099 --> 00:10:51,700 All right, the bottom line here is, 268 00:10:51,768 --> 00:10:53,134 I assume the best about people, 269 00:10:53,202 --> 00:10:54,536 you assume the worst. 270 00:10:54,604 --> 00:10:57,138 You build walls, I build Bridges. 271 00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:01,009 You couldn't build a TV stand. 272 00:11:01,076 --> 00:11:03,244 The instructions were in Japanese. 273 00:11:03,312 --> 00:11:06,164 Face it, Doug, you're way off on this one. 274 00:11:06,232 --> 00:11:07,749 I mean, did you get a look at this guy? 275 00:11:07,817 --> 00:11:10,418 I mean, the way he's dressed and the eye patch? 276 00:11:10,485 --> 00:11:12,604 What the hell does his eye patch have to do with anything? 277 00:11:12,671 --> 00:11:15,207 Maybe a missile was headed for an elementary school, 278 00:11:15,274 --> 00:11:17,042 and he threw his eye in the way! 279 00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:19,511 It was like, zzz! "Aah!" 280 00:11:19,578 --> 00:11:20,778 Man's a hero. 281 00:11:20,846 --> 00:11:23,131 I'm just saying a normal guy who loses an eye, 282 00:11:23,198 --> 00:11:24,532 he doesn't go with a patch. 283 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:26,668 I mean, a glass eye, maybe, 284 00:11:26,736 --> 00:11:28,703 or a pair of dark Ray-Bans. 285 00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:30,672 I mean, you don't see Ray Charles walking around 286 00:11:30,740 --> 00:11:32,440 wearing an eye patch, do you? 287 00:11:32,508 --> 00:11:34,443 Actually, he would need 2 eye patches. 288 00:11:36,178 --> 00:11:38,229 That's a bad look right there. 289 00:11:38,297 --> 00:11:39,680 Think about who wears an eye patch- 290 00:11:39,748 --> 00:11:40,681 captain hook, 291 00:11:40,749 --> 00:11:42,950 the villain from the James Bond movie- 292 00:11:43,018 --> 00:11:44,419 all bad guys. 293 00:11:44,487 --> 00:11:46,154 What about bazooka Joe? 294 00:11:46,221 --> 00:11:47,889 Bazooka Joe. Couldn't be nicer. 295 00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:49,157 Please! Have you read those comics? 296 00:11:49,224 --> 00:11:50,525 He's very sarcastic. 297 00:11:50,593 --> 00:11:52,344 All right, come on, you guys. 298 00:11:52,411 --> 00:11:54,713 This has nothing to do with the guy's eye patch. 299 00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:56,447 Ok, maybe he is a nice guy 300 00:11:56,515 --> 00:11:58,666 who got a missile in the eye, all right? 301 00:11:58,734 --> 00:12:00,368 But maybe he's not! 302 00:12:00,436 --> 00:12:03,471 And if there's a 1% chance that he could be a demented killer, 303 00:12:03,539 --> 00:12:05,606 why should we take the risk? 304 00:12:05,674 --> 00:12:07,308 The guy is freezing out there, all right? 305 00:12:07,376 --> 00:12:08,776 You want the headline in the post to read tomorrow, 306 00:12:08,844 --> 00:12:11,946 "man dies on porch of happy Thanksgiving dinner"? 307 00:12:12,014 --> 00:12:13,598 How about this for a headline? 308 00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:15,867 "10 people carved in Thanksgiving massacre." 309 00:12:15,935 --> 00:12:18,170 I mean, it writes itself! 310 00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:23,591 Oh, God, do you think he heard us? 311 00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:27,779 Even so, how would he know we were talking about him? 312 00:12:27,846 --> 00:12:30,782 Maybe the fact that we said "eye patch" about 600 times. 313 00:12:34,236 --> 00:12:35,570 What are you- what are you doing?! 314 00:12:35,638 --> 00:12:36,905 I'm gonna see what he wants, ok? 315 00:12:36,973 --> 00:12:38,439 It's a little late to pretend we're not home. 316 00:12:38,508 --> 00:12:40,174 All right, well, keep the chain on the door. 317 00:12:40,242 --> 00:12:42,544 Yeah, cause' no one can get through one of these. 318 00:12:44,279 --> 00:12:45,346 Yeah? 319 00:12:45,414 --> 00:12:47,315 Hey, uh, any chance I could use your bathroom? 320 00:12:47,383 --> 00:12:48,683 Oh, yeah, sure, no problem. 321 00:12:48,751 --> 00:12:50,435 One second, please. I'm in my bra. 322 00:12:52,304 --> 00:12:54,706 Ok, this is where I draw the line, ok? 323 00:12:54,773 --> 00:12:56,006 I'm not gonna insult the man's dignity 324 00:12:56,074 --> 00:12:58,008 by making him take a pee in our bushes! 325 00:12:58,076 --> 00:12:59,877 Why not? You do. 326 00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:01,763 Not in the front! 327 00:13:01,831 --> 00:13:03,398 I'm lettin' him in. 328 00:13:03,466 --> 00:13:04,165 Ok, but wait a minute. 329 00:13:04,233 --> 00:13:06,684 You follow him upstairs, 330 00:13:06,752 --> 00:13:07,752 he goes to the bathroom, 331 00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:09,687 and then he's right back outside, ok? 332 00:13:09,755 --> 00:13:12,156 All right, everybody, keep eating, look normal. 333 00:13:12,224 --> 00:13:13,224 Hey, man, come on in. 334 00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:14,442 Sorry about that. 335 00:13:14,510 --> 00:13:15,777 Hey, you got a nice little setup there, huh? 336 00:13:15,845 --> 00:13:19,146 Just sittin' there, watchin' the pretty girls walk by? 337 00:13:19,214 --> 00:13:20,598 It's at the top of the stairs. 338 00:13:20,666 --> 00:13:21,766 Great. 339 00:13:21,834 --> 00:13:24,002 What are you, blind?! 340 00:13:26,272 --> 00:13:28,873 Uh... football referee's... 341 00:13:28,941 --> 00:13:30,274 Blind. 342 00:13:30,342 --> 00:13:31,776 I like your coat. 343 00:13:33,412 --> 00:13:36,063 I like your pants. I'm Holly. Hi! 344 00:13:36,131 --> 00:13:36,864 Hi. 345 00:13:40,102 --> 00:13:41,603 Ok. Go. Go! 346 00:13:41,670 --> 00:13:42,870 Deac, you go, too. Check on him. 347 00:13:42,938 --> 00:13:44,071 Ok, ok. 348 00:13:48,611 --> 00:13:49,711 What's he doin'? 349 00:13:51,236 --> 00:13:52,269 Number one. 350 00:13:57,386 --> 00:13:59,320 Jeez, what'd he have, a big gulp? 351 00:14:00,889 --> 00:14:03,391 Now he's washin' his hands. How many psycho killers you know 352 00:14:03,459 --> 00:14:04,792 wash their hands after they pee? 353 00:14:04,860 --> 00:14:05,826 Couldn't tell you. 354 00:14:05,894 --> 00:14:07,061 He's comin'. 355 00:14:07,129 --> 00:14:08,663 Uh, there. How's that? 356 00:14:08,731 --> 00:14:09,831 Is that any better? 357 00:14:09,898 --> 00:14:11,065 Uh, up a little on the left. 358 00:14:11,133 --> 00:14:12,434 All right, there you go. 359 00:14:12,501 --> 00:14:13,634 Now, stop worryin' about our pictures 360 00:14:13,702 --> 00:14:14,869 and enjoy your dinner already. 361 00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:16,504 Well, now I can. 362 00:14:24,869 --> 00:14:26,570 Well, thanks a lot. 363 00:14:26,595 --> 00:14:28,195 Sorry to disturb your dinner. 364 00:14:28,384 --> 00:14:30,035 What? No, no, no, no. 365 00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:33,847 Hey, mister. Mister. 366 00:14:33,872 --> 00:14:35,173 Major? Why do you 367 00:14:35,198 --> 00:14:37,949 have to be outside? Are you a pirate? 368 00:14:38,243 --> 00:14:40,845 Yes. Yes, I am a pirate. 369 00:14:40,913 --> 00:14:43,815 I just came ashore for a few days to fix my ship. 370 00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,517 Can you fix my game boy? 371 00:14:45,584 --> 00:14:48,086 Major, leave the man alone. He's... 372 00:14:48,153 --> 00:14:49,387 Busy. 373 00:14:50,939 --> 00:14:51,973 Let me see. 374 00:14:53,209 --> 00:14:54,709 Oh, you might just need to poke 375 00:14:54,776 --> 00:14:57,612 the little reset button with somethin' sharp. 376 00:14:57,679 --> 00:14:58,379 Ca- 377 00:15:04,052 --> 00:15:05,987 there you go. Good as new. 378 00:15:06,054 --> 00:15:07,155 Thanks. 379 00:15:12,144 --> 00:15:14,328 Ok. Well, I guess I'll go back out there. 380 00:15:21,403 --> 00:15:23,204 All right, this is ridiculous. 381 00:15:23,271 --> 00:15:25,206 The guy's obviously harmless. 382 00:15:25,273 --> 00:15:26,841 You don't know that. 383 00:15:26,909 --> 00:15:29,060 He just fixed a child's game boy and washed his hands after making. 384 00:15:29,128 --> 00:15:30,862 How much proof do we need?! 385 00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,913 Hey, no amount of proof is gonna change my gut 386 00:15:32,981 --> 00:15:35,015 tellin' me this guy isn't right. 387 00:15:35,083 --> 00:15:36,000 Oh, will you knock it off? 388 00:15:36,068 --> 00:15:37,368 It's not this guy you're scared of. 389 00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:38,536 It's the whole world! 390 00:15:38,603 --> 00:15:40,838 That's why the subway's a perfect job for you. 391 00:15:40,906 --> 00:15:42,473 You can hide in your little glass booth all day. 392 00:15:42,541 --> 00:15:43,908 Do they even need you, by the way, 393 00:15:43,976 --> 00:15:45,676 with the whole Metro card thing? 394 00:15:45,744 --> 00:15:48,229 Shut up. Shut up! 395 00:15:50,232 --> 00:15:51,666 What are you doin'? 396 00:15:51,734 --> 00:15:52,767 You know what? If we're not letting him in here, 397 00:15:52,835 --> 00:15:53,968 I'm goin' out there. 398 00:15:54,036 --> 00:15:55,353 That's what happened 399 00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:56,387 on the first Thanksgiving. The pilgrims 400 00:15:56,539 --> 00:15:58,006 didn't know the Indians, but they decided 401 00:15:58,073 --> 00:16:00,307 to trust them and bring them food. 402 00:16:00,375 --> 00:16:03,694 Yes, and then the Indians scalped them. 403 00:16:03,762 --> 00:16:06,981 I think you both have the story pretty wrong. 404 00:16:07,048 --> 00:16:08,282 You know what? The point is, 405 00:16:08,350 --> 00:16:10,018 sometimes you gotta do the right thing, 406 00:16:10,085 --> 00:16:12,286 and that's exactly what I'm doin' - the right thing. 407 00:16:12,354 --> 00:16:14,622 And I don't care if I have to do it alone! 408 00:16:16,191 --> 00:16:17,725 Deac, could you, uh, help me with the door handles? 409 00:16:20,696 --> 00:16:21,662 Thank you! 410 00:16:23,131 --> 00:16:24,632 Do you want to just grab my jacket? Oh. 411 00:16:26,034 --> 00:16:26,967 Yeah. 412 00:16:27,035 --> 00:16:28,469 Thank you! 413 00:16:31,890 --> 00:16:33,692 You know what? I agree with Doug. 414 00:16:33,759 --> 00:16:35,960 I mean, it really is the right thing to do, 415 00:16:36,028 --> 00:16:40,164 and I think when you have a chance to do... 416 00:16:40,232 --> 00:16:42,500 To do the right thing, you should do it. You know? 417 00:16:42,568 --> 00:16:43,968 'Cause at the end of the day, 418 00:16:44,036 --> 00:16:45,553 the, uh... The right thing... 419 00:16:46,855 --> 00:16:48,556 Is right. Ok. 420 00:16:50,459 --> 00:16:51,392 I'm just gonna... 421 00:16:51,460 --> 00:16:53,528 Take this wine with me, too. 422 00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:55,346 We wanna go, too, mama! 423 00:16:55,381 --> 00:16:57,665 Yeah! We wanna eat with the pirate! 424 00:16:57,733 --> 00:16:58,966 No. Absolutely not. 425 00:16:59,034 --> 00:17:00,668 Dad, can we? 426 00:17:00,736 --> 00:17:03,671 Um... look, maybe it's all right. 427 00:17:03,739 --> 00:17:05,339 That man could be dangerous! 428 00:17:05,407 --> 00:17:07,508 I know, but they're just gonna keep nagging. 429 00:17:10,412 --> 00:17:12,213 Deacon, that's not a good enough reason. 430 00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:13,781 You know, maybe we should take them out there. Ok? 431 00:17:13,849 --> 00:17:15,850 I mean, look, do you want 'em to grow up to be afraid of the world? 432 00:17:15,917 --> 00:17:17,752 They could end up like... like... 433 00:17:17,819 --> 00:17:19,019 Uhh... 434 00:17:22,608 --> 00:17:23,908 Ok, coats and mittens. 435 00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:25,677 Yay! Yay! 436 00:17:25,744 --> 00:17:27,378 All right. But if you guys go outside, 437 00:17:27,445 --> 00:17:30,598 you can say good-bye to desserts. I'm serious. 438 00:17:33,268 --> 00:17:34,468 They're right. 439 00:17:35,904 --> 00:17:37,338 All of them. I... 440 00:17:37,405 --> 00:17:39,507 I am afraid of the world. 441 00:17:39,574 --> 00:17:42,810 I sit behind my bulletproof glass every day, 442 00:17:42,878 --> 00:17:46,480 all day, and... My only thought is... 443 00:17:46,548 --> 00:17:49,316 God, I hope the glass really is bulletproof. 444 00:17:52,420 --> 00:17:55,189 Well, I'm through living in fear! 445 00:17:55,256 --> 00:17:56,958 I'm going out there, damn it! 446 00:18:00,195 --> 00:18:02,196 You're... coming, too, right, Lou? 447 00:18:04,199 --> 00:18:05,617 I have to follow my heart. 448 00:18:05,684 --> 00:18:08,018 Yeah. Follow your friggin' heart, Lou. 449 00:18:10,372 --> 00:18:13,340 Oh, come on, baby! Go! Go, go, go! 450 00:18:13,408 --> 00:18:16,060 No one to beat but the kicker! Go! 451 00:18:16,128 --> 00:18:17,195 Oh, my God! 452 00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:19,797 How do you get tackled by a guy from Sweden?! 453 00:18:24,536 --> 00:18:26,570 Ohhh! God! 454 00:18:29,475 --> 00:18:30,475 Where is everybody? 455 00:18:32,244 --> 00:18:33,894 Ahh, don't worry about them. It's just you and me, 456 00:18:33,962 --> 00:18:35,696 Danny boy. What do you need? Stuffing? 457 00:18:35,764 --> 00:18:37,365 Uh... broccoli? 458 00:18:37,432 --> 00:18:39,334 Nah. Just lost a fortune. 459 00:18:39,401 --> 00:18:41,202 Need some air. 460 00:18:58,029 --> 00:18:59,563 I can't believe that. 461 00:19:01,088 --> 00:19:02,405 Live and learn, huh? Yeah. 462 00:19:02,527 --> 00:19:04,994 Uh, I... I haven't seen 'em for years. 463 00:19:05,127 --> 00:19:06,127 Um... hi. 464 00:19:07,458 --> 00:19:11,495 I just wanted to tell you, Mr. stranger... 465 00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:13,445 That I was the, uh, the main person 466 00:19:13,521 --> 00:19:15,555 who didn't want you to come in tonight. 467 00:19:16,757 --> 00:19:20,026 I guess I've just never been a... a trusting person. 468 00:19:20,594 --> 00:19:23,023 I'm one of those few people who, um... 469 00:19:23,048 --> 00:19:25,616 Actually uses the ATM rearview mirror. 470 00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:28,664 Anyway... 471 00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:31,035 In the true spirit of Thanksgiving, 472 00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:33,305 I'd like to invite you inside with us. 473 00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:36,508 For the rest of our dinner, if you'd like. 474 00:19:38,096 --> 00:19:40,531 Well, I... I don't, uh... know what to say. 475 00:19:40,556 --> 00:19:43,669 I mean... before any of you came out, 476 00:19:43,694 --> 00:19:46,181 I was thinkin' about how nice you people were... 477 00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:49,321 Just to let a perfect stranger use your phone and your bathroom 478 00:19:49,388 --> 00:19:51,223 and to wait out here on your porch? 479 00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:53,825 I certainly never expected any of this. 480 00:19:53,892 --> 00:19:57,395 I-I'd just love to make a toast to you... 481 00:19:57,463 --> 00:19:58,996 A Thanksgiving toast. 482 00:19:59,064 --> 00:19:59,965 That'd be great. 483 00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:01,450 Absolutely. Yeah. 484 00:20:01,517 --> 00:20:03,818 Whoops. There's my buddy's car right now, 485 00:20:03,886 --> 00:20:05,353 stoppin' at that traffic light. 486 00:20:05,421 --> 00:20:07,138 I recognize the bad paint job. 487 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:09,808 Uh, we got a long drive, 488 00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:11,609 so if I could just use your bathroom one more time, 489 00:20:11,677 --> 00:20:13,110 then I'll make my toast and be on my way? 490 00:20:13,178 --> 00:20:14,779 Oh. Absolutely. Sure. 491 00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:16,581 I'll get the wine poured in the meantime. 492 00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:17,949 Can I have some wine? 493 00:20:18,017 --> 00:20:20,051 Sure you can... In about 14 years. 494 00:20:25,257 --> 00:20:27,476 See? Turns out he's a great guy. 495 00:20:27,543 --> 00:20:30,312 And you want to hear the kicker? Jets fan. Oh. 496 00:20:30,379 --> 00:20:32,546 Hey, Holly, did you get his number yet? 497 00:20:32,614 --> 00:20:34,282 Uh, no, not yet, but when he comes back out, 498 00:20:34,349 --> 00:20:36,952 if you all could just talk amongst yourselves... ohhh... 499 00:20:37,019 --> 00:20:38,419 You bad girl. 500 00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:40,421 All I can say... This has 501 00:20:40,489 --> 00:20:42,474 turned out to be one of the nicest thanksgivings 502 00:20:42,541 --> 00:20:43,708 I've ever had. 503 00:20:43,775 --> 00:20:45,092 Ohhh... Ohhh... 504 00:20:46,445 --> 00:20:47,778 Hey, here comes his friend. 505 00:20:47,846 --> 00:20:48,879 The guy caught a break. 506 00:20:48,947 --> 00:20:50,281 There's a parking space right in front. 507 00:21:08,133 --> 00:21:09,434 Crap! 508 00:21:11,904 --> 00:21:14,072 He got our silverware, our stereo, 509 00:21:14,139 --> 00:21:16,558 her purse, her purse, and his little TV. 510 00:21:17,826 --> 00:21:19,894 Told you he wouldn't kill us. 511 00:21:25,184 --> 00:21:27,619 I will wait for you. I promise. 512 00:21:28,477 --> 00:21:30,909 But in the meantime, um... 513 00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:33,241 Can I get my purse back? 36174

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