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1
00:00:05,416 --> 00:00:06,849
Hey, Dad.
2
00:00:06,917 --> 00:00:10,116
Kids, I've made the most
incredible discovery.
3
00:00:10,183 --> 00:00:13,249
What, that I can't see
Sportscenter through you?
4
00:00:13,317 --> 00:00:15,350
No. This. I stumbled upon
5
00:00:15,418 --> 00:00:18,684
a little slice of heaven
called the Dollar Store.
6
00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:20,418
Guess how much I paid for this.
7
00:00:20,485 --> 00:00:22,351
I don't know. How much?
8
00:00:22,419 --> 00:00:23,419
A dollar!
9
00:00:23,487 --> 00:00:24,720
Wow!
10
00:00:24,754 --> 00:00:28,320
Not sure you needed
Jhericurl, though.
11
00:00:28,387 --> 00:00:31,020
For a dollar, how
could I not need it?
12
00:00:31,088 --> 00:00:32,622
I'm telling you, Douglas,
you should go there.
13
00:00:32,689 --> 00:00:34,455
The prices are unbeatable.
14
00:00:34,523 --> 00:00:36,089
Hmm... unless you go down
15
00:00:36,156 --> 00:00:37,856
to the 99 Cents Store.
16
00:00:37,924 --> 00:00:39,289
The what?
17
00:00:39,357 --> 00:00:41,323
The 99 Cents Store. It's
exactly like the Dollar Store,
18
00:00:41,390 --> 00:00:43,190
only everything's
a penny cheaper.
19
00:00:45,624 --> 00:00:48,392
Those bastards saw me
coming a mile away!
20
00:00:53,061 --> 00:00:54,725
That was fun.
21
00:01:30,002 --> 00:01:35,135
OK, boys, breakfast is served.
22
00:01:35,202 --> 00:01:38,302
I thought you were goin'
to Dunkin' Donuts.
23
00:01:38,369 --> 00:01:39,637
Change in plans.
24
00:01:39,704 --> 00:01:42,804
Ling Gardens is now open 24/7.
25
00:01:42,871 --> 00:01:45,638
OK, just because a restaurant
is open 24-hours-a-day,
26
00:01:45,705 --> 00:01:47,106
doesn't mean you
have to eat there
27
00:01:47,172 --> 00:01:48,805
24-hours-a-day.
28
00:01:48,873 --> 00:01:51,773
That's exactly what it means.
29
00:01:51,841 --> 00:01:53,305
Oh, how sad it that?
30
00:01:53,373 --> 00:01:55,107
All those loaders going after
31
00:01:55,174 --> 00:01:56,706
the one open driver spot.
32
00:01:56,774 --> 00:01:59,375
Look at 'em filling out
their applications.
33
00:01:59,443 --> 00:02:01,208
They're adorable.
34
00:02:01,276 --> 00:02:03,142
You just want to
squeeze 'em, you know?
35
00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:07,409
I wish I could keep a tiny
little loader at home as a pet.
36
00:02:07,477 --> 00:02:09,110
My kids would love that.
37
00:02:09,178 --> 00:02:10,343
And Sanchez...
38
00:02:10,411 --> 00:02:13,178
I don't even think his
feet can reach the pedals.
39
00:02:13,245 --> 00:02:14,643
Watch this.
40
00:02:14,711 --> 00:02:15,945
Hey, Sanchez,
41
00:02:16,012 --> 00:02:18,011
what'd you say your favorite
kind of bagel was again?
42
00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:19,145
The plain.
43
00:02:19,213 --> 00:02:20,145
Was it sesame?
44
00:02:20,213 --> 00:02:22,913
The plain. The plain!
45
00:02:26,682 --> 00:02:28,814
Hey, look. Your cousin Danny's
46
00:02:28,881 --> 00:02:29,948
grabbing' an application.
47
00:02:30,015 --> 00:02:31,615
Doug: Oh, crap!
48
00:02:31,683 --> 00:02:32,614
What?
49
00:02:32,682 --> 00:02:33,615
Now he's gonna be all over me
50
00:02:33,683 --> 00:02:34,648
to help him out
51
00:02:34,716 --> 00:02:36,982
and write him a letter
of recommendation.
52
00:02:37,050 --> 00:02:38,049
Hey, buddy.
53
00:02:38,117 --> 00:02:39,916
Hey, where the heck is
all the soy sauce?!
54
00:02:39,984 --> 00:02:41,517
This is crazy. I gotta go back.
55
00:02:41,584 --> 00:02:42,850
There's soy sauce right here.
56
00:02:42,918 --> 00:02:43,917
Yeah, I know, I know.
That's what I'm saying.
57
00:02:43,985 --> 00:02:45,818
There's too much. I
gotta bring some back.
58
00:02:50,354 --> 00:02:51,318
I don't know, we
exchanged numbers,
59
00:02:51,386 --> 00:02:52,819
but he hasn't called me.
60
00:02:52,887 --> 00:02:54,787
Maybe I should just
give him a call.
61
00:02:54,855 --> 00:02:55,553
Don't you dare!
62
00:02:55,621 --> 00:02:57,054
If this Tito fellow can't see
63
00:02:57,122 --> 00:02:58,187
how special you are,
64
00:02:58,255 --> 00:02:59,188
then he's not worth it.
65
00:02:59,256 --> 00:03:01,122
I guess.
66
00:03:01,189 --> 00:03:02,122
You're smart, successful,
67
00:03:02,189 --> 00:03:03,488
and other than being
a little light
68
00:03:03,556 --> 00:03:04,522
in the bazoom,
69
00:03:04,589 --> 00:03:06,657
very attractive.
70
00:03:06,724 --> 00:03:09,890
OK, now you've got me blushing.
71
00:03:09,958 --> 00:03:10,890
You know, Arthur,
72
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,258
at first you were
just this person
73
00:03:12,325 --> 00:03:13,991
that I walked, but I gotta say,
74
00:03:14,059 --> 00:03:15,291
now you've become so much more.
75
00:03:15,359 --> 00:03:18,291
You've become kind
of like family.
76
00:03:18,359 --> 00:03:20,826
Now you've got me blushing.
77
00:03:20,894 --> 00:03:23,393
Well, I better go. Cupcake's
sending up warning signals.
78
00:03:23,461 --> 00:03:24,360
Oh, yes.
79
00:03:24,428 --> 00:03:26,627
That certainly was Cupcake.
80
00:03:26,695 --> 00:03:27,760
Bye.
81
00:03:27,828 --> 00:03:29,395
Good-bye.
82
00:03:32,796 --> 00:03:34,963
I was just paid a
wonderful compliment.
83
00:03:35,030 --> 00:03:36,963
Holly said I was
like family to her.
84
00:03:37,030 --> 00:03:39,331
Wow. She have a basement?
85
00:03:42,031 --> 00:03:45,398
Don't worry, Douglas,
I love it here.
86
00:03:48,534 --> 00:03:50,233
Hey. Hey.
87
00:03:50,301 --> 00:03:52,633
Listen, the wind is
blowing our trash can
88
00:03:52,701 --> 00:03:53,666
down the middle of the street.
89
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:54,733
I know. I saw it.
90
00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:56,601
Those things get rolling
pretty good, huh?
91
00:04:03,269 --> 00:04:06,337
Hello. Oh, hey, Danny.
92
00:04:06,405 --> 00:04:07,970
I'm not here!
93
00:04:08,037 --> 00:04:09,870
Uh, no, he's not here.
94
00:04:09,938 --> 00:04:11,472
He's um...
95
00:04:11,539 --> 00:04:13,371
out jogging.
96
00:04:16,939 --> 00:04:18,905
He's at Jack in the Box.
97
00:04:20,807 --> 00:04:22,006
Yeah.
98
00:04:22,074 --> 00:04:24,108
Oh, that's great, Danny.
99
00:04:24,175 --> 00:04:26,308
I'm sure you'll get it.
100
00:04:26,375 --> 00:04:27,374
Yeah, yeah.
101
00:04:27,442 --> 00:04:28,708
He'll be happy to
do that for you.
102
00:04:28,775 --> 00:04:30,374
OK, honey. Bye-bye.
103
00:04:30,442 --> 00:04:33,643
What is your problem?
104
00:04:33,711 --> 00:04:35,643
Did you just say to him I'd write
a letter of recommendation?
105
00:04:35,711 --> 00:04:37,477
Yeah. Why is that
such a big deal?
106
00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:39,143
Beca... he only wants
to be a driver
107
00:04:39,211 --> 00:04:40,443
'cause I'm a driver!
108
00:04:40,512 --> 00:04:42,244
He's copying me again.
109
00:04:42,312 --> 00:04:43,477
Copying you?
110
00:04:43,545 --> 00:04:45,845
Yeah. When we were kids, I
got a Reggie Jackson mitt.
111
00:04:45,913 --> 00:04:47,712
2 weeks later, he got one.
112
00:04:47,779 --> 00:04:48,979
When I dropped out
of junior college,
113
00:04:49,046 --> 00:04:51,013
he dropped out of
junior college.
114
00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:54,146
Then just last month, I went
on that juice diet... he did.
115
00:04:54,214 --> 00:04:57,280
Did he gain 10 pounds on it?
116
00:04:57,348 --> 00:04:59,548
Look, you know what? There's no
point in even discussing this,
117
00:04:59,616 --> 00:05:00,849
because the bottom line is
118
00:05:00,917 --> 00:05:02,749
Danny's not right for this job.
119
00:05:02,817 --> 00:05:03,749
Oh, why's that?
120
00:05:03,817 --> 00:05:04,783
Because when it
comes to driving,
121
00:05:04,850 --> 00:05:06,716
he just doesn't have... it.
122
00:05:06,784 --> 00:05:10,750
OK, and by "it," do you
mean a driver's license?
123
00:05:11,986 --> 00:05:14,985
Uh, excuse me, it's a
class "C" license.
124
00:05:15,052 --> 00:05:16,819
And don't knock it. It's
paid for slightly less
125
00:05:16,886 --> 00:05:18,386
than 1/2 of all of this.
126
00:05:18,454 --> 00:05:21,653
Just be a good guy and write
the letter for your cousin.
127
00:05:21,721 --> 00:05:22,953
Here...
128
00:05:23,021 --> 00:05:24,654
Unbelievable.
129
00:05:27,490 --> 00:05:29,989
Does "dumb-ass" have a hyphen?
130
00:05:30,056 --> 00:05:32,423
Give it to me.
131
00:05:34,823 --> 00:05:35,823
All right,
132
00:05:35,890 --> 00:05:37,622
I'd like to introduce
the newest driver
133
00:05:37,690 --> 00:05:40,058
to the IPS family,
Danny Heffernan.
134
00:05:40,125 --> 00:05:43,224
You're now a member of
an elite force, son.
135
00:05:43,292 --> 00:05:46,026
With great honor comes
great responsibility.
136
00:05:46,094 --> 00:05:47,625
Make us proud.
137
00:05:47,694 --> 00:05:49,026
All right, next item.
138
00:05:49,094 --> 00:05:50,526
One of you pinheads
broke my stapler.
139
00:05:50,594 --> 00:05:51,459
Until further notice,
140
00:05:51,527 --> 00:05:52,694
my stapler is off-limits.
141
00:05:52,761 --> 00:05:54,661
That's it. Hit the
streets, everybody.
142
00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:56,861
Heffernan, show your
cousin the ropes.
143
00:06:01,930 --> 00:06:03,763
Hey, thanks a lot for
writin' that letter, buddy.
144
00:06:03,831 --> 00:06:05,362
So, what's the dealio?
145
00:06:05,430 --> 00:06:06,530
Am I gettin' a good truck?
146
00:06:06,597 --> 00:06:08,164
What's my route?
Where am I goin'?
147
00:06:08,231 --> 00:06:09,764
You know what? Your
first delivery
148
00:06:09,832 --> 00:06:12,164
is to Shut It Up Industries.
149
00:06:14,766 --> 00:06:15,732
You're not a loader anymore.
150
00:06:15,799 --> 00:06:17,199
You're a driver. Act like one.
151
00:06:17,266 --> 00:06:18,499
Right.
152
00:06:18,567 --> 00:06:20,667
All right, here she is.
153
00:06:20,735 --> 00:06:21,700
So, what's the
first thing you do
154
00:06:21,768 --> 00:06:22,966
when you get in in the morning?
155
00:06:23,034 --> 00:06:24,367
Uh, perimeter check.
156
00:06:24,435 --> 00:06:26,768
Tire pressure, door
gates, and fluid levels.
157
00:06:28,168 --> 00:06:30,168
Oh, boy.
158
00:06:30,236 --> 00:06:31,868
What? That's what it
says in the manual.
159
00:06:31,936 --> 00:06:35,537
I know what it says
in the manual, OK?
160
00:06:35,604 --> 00:06:36,537
I'm here to teach you
161
00:06:36,604 --> 00:06:39,504
what's not in the manual.
All right?
162
00:06:46,207 --> 00:06:47,406
Do you hear that? Come here.
163
00:06:49,807 --> 00:06:50,773
You know what that is?
164
00:06:52,642 --> 00:06:55,641
Uh... We Will Rock You?
165
00:06:59,175 --> 00:07:01,076
No. Listen!
166
00:07:02,910 --> 00:07:04,743
You got a rivet missing.
167
00:07:04,811 --> 00:07:06,544
Mm-hmm. Hey, can I
have the keys now,
168
00:07:06,612 --> 00:07:07,510
or are you just gonna...
169
00:07:07,578 --> 00:07:08,677
The keys.
170
00:07:08,745 --> 00:07:11,412
He wants the keys.
He wants the keys.
171
00:07:11,479 --> 00:07:13,378
You just don't get it, do you?
172
00:07:13,445 --> 00:07:14,779
You know, this job is a lot more
173
00:07:14,847 --> 00:07:16,279
than just driving a truck.
174
00:07:17,313 --> 00:07:18,680
What else is it?
175
00:07:18,748 --> 00:07:20,181
Customer relations!
176
00:07:20,215 --> 00:07:21,247
You know, when I first started,
177
00:07:21,314 --> 00:07:22,980
there was this lady, Mrs.
Janowski.
178
00:07:23,048 --> 00:07:24,748
She would hardly open
the door for me.
179
00:07:24,815 --> 00:07:26,414
Now she bakes me sugar cookies
180
00:07:26,482 --> 00:07:27,849
in all different shapes.
181
00:07:27,916 --> 00:07:29,881
You know, your stars, your
squares, your hearts.
182
00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:32,450
OK, now that you've explained
to me what a shape is,
183
00:07:32,518 --> 00:07:34,050
can I hit the road, or...
184
00:07:34,118 --> 00:07:36,351
Are you questioning
my training methods?
185
00:07:36,418 --> 00:07:38,752
No. No, no, no.
186
00:07:38,819 --> 00:07:41,585
Tap the truck, get a cookie.
Got it!
187
00:07:41,653 --> 00:07:44,652
You know what? I knew making you
a driver was a big mistake.
188
00:07:44,719 --> 00:07:47,854
Mistake? Why'd you write that
letter of recommendation?
189
00:07:47,919 --> 00:07:49,487
I didn't. Carrie did.
190
00:07:49,555 --> 00:07:50,787
What? Yeah.
191
00:07:50,855 --> 00:07:52,687
The truth is, I don't think
you can handle this job.
192
00:07:52,755 --> 00:07:54,287
It's driving and walking.
193
00:07:54,355 --> 00:07:56,422
Get over yourself.
194
00:07:56,489 --> 00:07:59,956
OK, if it's so easy, hotshot,
195
00:08:00,024 --> 00:08:01,156
why don't you take
my route today,
196
00:08:01,224 --> 00:08:02,555
and I'll take the trainee route?
197
00:08:02,623 --> 00:08:04,323
I'll talk to O'Boyle right
now and make that happen
198
00:08:04,391 --> 00:08:05,358
if you want me to.
199
00:08:05,425 --> 00:08:07,091
Fine. OK. Here you go.
200
00:08:07,158 --> 00:08:08,691
Welcome to zone 8.
201
00:08:08,758 --> 00:08:10,225
Or as you'll be calling it,
202
00:08:10,293 --> 00:08:12,792
"I can't do it."
203
00:08:18,395 --> 00:08:20,060
Hey, Arthur, you were
right about Tito.
204
00:08:20,128 --> 00:08:21,060
He called me last night
205
00:08:21,128 --> 00:08:22,594
begging me to go out
with him again.
206
00:08:22,661 --> 00:08:23,628
Well, if there's
one thing I know,
207
00:08:23,696 --> 00:08:25,528
it's how to get a man.
208
00:08:25,596 --> 00:08:27,329
OK, Arthur, ready for your walk?
209
00:08:27,396 --> 00:08:28,362
You betcha.
210
00:08:28,430 --> 00:08:29,895
Oh, I got you a little something
211
00:08:29,963 --> 00:08:32,330
just to say thanks
for being so nice.
212
00:08:32,397 --> 00:08:34,363
Well, what is this?
213
00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:37,597
"World's greatest grandfather."
214
00:08:37,664 --> 00:08:39,698
You know, you're like
a grandfather to me.
215
00:08:39,766 --> 00:08:41,899
A grandfather?!
216
00:08:41,967 --> 00:08:43,966
Why don't you just kick
me in the marbles?!
217
00:08:45,067 --> 00:08:46,733
What? Why are you mad?
218
00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:48,399
Because I'm not
like a grandfather.
219
00:08:48,467 --> 00:08:49,934
I'm like a father to you.
220
00:08:50,001 --> 00:08:52,234
I didn't mean to say that
you were old or anything.
221
00:08:52,301 --> 00:08:53,667
It has nothing to do with age.
222
00:08:53,736 --> 00:08:54,869
It's about stature.
223
00:08:54,937 --> 00:08:56,068
What?!
224
00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:58,169
Grandfathers are a dime a dozen.
225
00:08:58,237 --> 00:09:00,369
That's why everyone
get's 2 of them.
226
00:09:00,436 --> 00:09:02,870
Fathers are the real McCoy.
227
00:09:02,938 --> 00:09:05,370
They're the wind
beneath your wings.
228
00:09:05,438 --> 00:09:08,071
If you can't see
that I'm your wind,
229
00:09:08,139 --> 00:09:09,604
then you're dead to me!
230
00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:21,140
Oh... got too rough for
you out there, huh?
231
00:09:21,208 --> 00:09:23,307
You quit in the
middle of the day.
232
00:09:23,375 --> 00:09:26,142
What's the matter, the
packages too heavy?
233
00:09:26,210 --> 00:09:29,709
You couldn't see over
the steewing wheel?
234
00:09:31,477 --> 00:09:32,443
Yeah, you were right, Doug.
235
00:09:32,510 --> 00:09:34,977
I couldn't do your
route as fast as you.
236
00:09:35,045 --> 00:09:37,477
I could only do it
46 minutes faster
237
00:09:37,545 --> 00:09:39,378
than you've ever done it.
238
00:09:39,446 --> 00:09:40,877
Heh heh heh heh.
239
00:09:42,213 --> 00:09:43,613
Ooh, hear that tappin'?
240
00:09:43,681 --> 00:09:46,880
That's the sound of this
loader dustin' your ass!
241
00:09:46,947 --> 00:09:48,080
That's gotta hurt!
242
00:09:57,016 --> 00:09:58,150
Think of it this way.
243
00:09:58,217 --> 00:10:00,116
What would you
rather be, a piano,
244
00:10:00,184 --> 00:10:01,784
or a grand piano?
245
00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:04,316
A canyon, or a Grand Canyon?
246
00:10:04,384 --> 00:10:07,418
An ole opry, or a
Grand Ole Opry?
247
00:10:07,485 --> 00:10:10,251
I ain't buyin' your soap, lady.
248
00:10:10,319 --> 00:10:11,452
Arthur, Arthur, listen.
249
00:10:11,519 --> 00:10:13,118
I'm sorry that the trophy
hurt your feelings.
250
00:10:13,186 --> 00:10:14,953
Just give it to me and
I'll take it back.
251
00:10:15,020 --> 00:10:16,587
Why, you want to swap it out
252
00:10:16,653 --> 00:10:18,720
for a "world's best
fourth cousin" trophy?
253
00:10:18,788 --> 00:10:20,821
No, Arthur, I just want
to get this over with
254
00:10:20,889 --> 00:10:22,554
so we can go on our walk.
255
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:23,655
Well, it's not gonna be over
256
00:10:23,723 --> 00:10:25,222
until you admit what's obvious
257
00:10:25,290 --> 00:10:26,421
to everyone else!
258
00:10:26,489 --> 00:10:27,889
Fine. Fine. You're
like a father to me.
259
00:10:27,957 --> 00:10:30,155
You are exactly like
a father to me!
260
00:10:30,223 --> 00:10:32,090
I am?
261
00:10:32,157 --> 00:10:33,223
Yes.
262
00:10:33,291 --> 00:10:34,391
Come here.
263
00:10:37,392 --> 00:10:38,692
Feels good, doesn't it?
264
00:10:39,793 --> 00:10:41,992
That's it, let it out.
265
00:10:46,728 --> 00:10:47,727
Hey, babe.
266
00:10:47,794 --> 00:10:49,494
You!
267
00:10:49,561 --> 00:10:51,561
What's the matter with...
268
00:10:51,629 --> 00:10:52,793
Aa-aa-aah! Doug...
269
00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:54,095
Aaa-eee-aah!
270
00:10:57,663 --> 00:10:59,130
What is going on with you?
271
00:10:59,197 --> 00:11:00,230
You just had to help
272
00:11:00,298 --> 00:11:02,063
your precious little
Danny, didn't you?
273
00:11:02,131 --> 00:11:04,131
Why? What happened? Did
he screw up or something?
274
00:11:04,198 --> 00:11:05,098
No, he did great.
275
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:06,965
He did my route faster
than I've ever done it.
276
00:11:07,032 --> 00:11:08,398
He did better than you?
277
00:11:08,466 --> 00:11:10,600
I don't know why
you're so shocked.
278
00:11:10,667 --> 00:11:11,665
According to your letter,
279
00:11:11,733 --> 00:11:13,166
he's "infinitely talented."
280
00:11:13,234 --> 00:11:15,134
Oh, come on, I had
to write something.
281
00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:18,234
I couldn't say he
was a stumpy loser.
282
00:11:18,301 --> 00:11:19,168
I can't believe this.
283
00:11:19,236 --> 00:11:20,867
Well, what's the
big deal anyway?
284
00:11:20,936 --> 00:11:22,168
It was his first day.
285
00:11:22,236 --> 00:11:23,403
I got smoked by a rookie.
286
00:11:23,470 --> 00:11:25,403
I'm a disgrace to my shorts!
287
00:11:25,469 --> 00:11:26,436
You know what?
288
00:11:26,503 --> 00:11:28,637
Give these to someone
who deserves 'em.
289
00:11:28,704 --> 00:11:30,203
I gotta be honest with you.
290
00:11:30,271 --> 00:11:33,137
I don't think anyone
deserves these.
291
00:11:34,804 --> 00:11:36,239
Doug, come on. Don't
get down on yourself.
292
00:11:36,305 --> 00:11:37,838
You're a great driver.
293
00:11:37,906 --> 00:11:39,405
No, I'm not. Yes, you are.
294
00:11:39,473 --> 00:11:41,006
No, I'm not! You can't
be great at something
295
00:11:41,074 --> 00:11:42,939
if you're not as good
as a stumpy loser.
296
00:11:43,007 --> 00:11:46,607
Unless it's a stumpy
loser contest.
297
00:11:46,675 --> 00:11:49,107
It's OK, baby. Really.
298
00:11:49,175 --> 00:11:50,742
No, it's not. Look...
299
00:11:50,809 --> 00:11:54,376
God... if he can just waltz
in there on his first day
300
00:11:54,442 --> 00:11:57,042
and do better than me, then...
301
00:11:57,110 --> 00:11:58,943
what does it all mean? I mean...
302
00:11:59,011 --> 00:12:01,843
why do we even
bother gettin' up?
303
00:12:01,910 --> 00:12:04,044
Well, you have other
things in your life
304
00:12:04,112 --> 00:12:05,410
other than driving.
305
00:12:05,478 --> 00:12:06,979
Like what?
306
00:12:07,046 --> 00:12:10,545
Well... you have me...
307
00:12:10,581 --> 00:12:13,047
and your health... sort of.
308
00:12:15,081 --> 00:12:16,414
You know what it is?
309
00:12:16,481 --> 00:12:18,148
It's like...
310
00:12:18,215 --> 00:12:21,149
I... I take pride in my work.
311
00:12:21,216 --> 00:12:23,049
Before today, I really thought
312
00:12:23,116 --> 00:12:24,349
I brought something
special to the job.
313
00:12:24,417 --> 00:12:27,916
Something that nobody
else but me could bring.
314
00:12:27,984 --> 00:12:29,649
Really?
315
00:12:29,717 --> 00:12:31,050
Yeah.
316
00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:33,985
You know, sometimes at
the end of the day,
317
00:12:34,052 --> 00:12:36,317
you know, after I
had a great run...
318
00:12:36,385 --> 00:12:39,986
I actually thought God
put me on this earth
319
00:12:40,053 --> 00:12:43,120
to get people their packages.
320
00:12:43,188 --> 00:12:44,621
Really?
321
00:12:44,688 --> 00:12:45,619
Yes!
322
00:12:45,687 --> 00:12:46,620
Doug, I'm sorry.
323
00:12:46,688 --> 00:12:47,854
Don't take this the wrong way,
324
00:12:47,922 --> 00:12:50,488
but maybe you're expecting
a little too much
325
00:12:50,555 --> 00:12:53,656
out of your truck driving job.
326
00:12:53,724 --> 00:12:56,089
I mean, I don't get any
fulfillment from my job.
327
00:12:56,156 --> 00:12:57,123
What about last week?
328
00:12:57,190 --> 00:12:58,591
You said you had a
great day at work.
329
00:12:58,658 --> 00:12:59,591
Oh, I wore some tight pants
330
00:12:59,658 --> 00:13:01,425
and got some good feedback.
331
00:13:03,159 --> 00:13:05,025
I wouldn't suggest that for you.
332
00:13:07,292 --> 00:13:08,225
Look, come...
333
00:13:08,292 --> 00:13:10,026
Honey, I... I don't
know what to say.
334
00:13:10,094 --> 00:13:12,725
I mean, we're not
doctors, you know.
335
00:13:12,793 --> 00:13:14,726
We're not saving lives
with what we do.
336
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,461
We have jobs, you know?
337
00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:19,429
We punch in, we cash our checks,
338
00:13:19,496 --> 00:13:22,362
and then we come
home to each other.
339
00:13:22,429 --> 00:13:25,262
And that should be enough, OK?
340
00:13:25,330 --> 00:13:26,430
I'm gonna go change.
341
00:13:35,599 --> 00:13:36,898
Woman: Oh, Johnny...
342
00:13:36,966 --> 00:13:38,366
my sister Linda...
343
00:13:38,434 --> 00:13:41,167
Woman: Big money! Big money!
344
00:13:41,234 --> 00:13:43,701
Man: Unemployed?
Need a job quick?
345
00:13:43,768 --> 00:13:45,968
Well, become a truck driver.
346
00:13:46,035 --> 00:13:48,035
No education, no problem.
347
00:13:48,102 --> 00:13:51,235
No experience, no problem.
348
00:13:51,303 --> 00:13:54,702
If you can sit down,
you can be a driver.
349
00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:00,904
Don't worry, guys,
we'll get going
350
00:14:00,972 --> 00:14:02,104
as soon as we pick up Arthur.
351
00:14:02,172 --> 00:14:03,304
Arthur?
352
00:14:04,739 --> 00:14:06,206
Right here, darling.
353
00:14:06,274 --> 00:14:07,872
What's going on?
354
00:14:07,940 --> 00:14:10,374
You told me once you never
learned to ride a bike,
355
00:14:10,441 --> 00:14:12,440
and I intend to teach you.
356
00:14:12,507 --> 00:14:15,275
Oh, Arthur, that's sweet, but
you really don't need...
357
00:14:15,343 --> 00:14:17,442
Am I like a father
to you or not?!
358
00:14:17,509 --> 00:14:19,209
You're like a father to me.
You're like a father to me.
359
00:14:19,277 --> 00:14:20,942
Well, climb aboard. OK.
360
00:14:21,010 --> 00:14:24,210
Now, I've set up a
series of cones for you
361
00:14:24,278 --> 00:14:25,375
in the alley.
362
00:14:25,443 --> 00:14:28,044
You'll notice the degree
of difficulty increases
363
00:14:28,112 --> 00:14:30,877
as you approach
Queens Boulevard.
364
00:14:34,078 --> 00:14:36,145
Godspeed!
365
00:14:41,348 --> 00:14:42,580
Hi.
366
00:14:42,648 --> 00:14:44,281
Hey, man.
367
00:14:44,349 --> 00:14:46,249
What are you doing?
368
00:14:46,316 --> 00:14:47,615
I'm reading a book.
369
00:14:50,383 --> 00:14:51,649
OK...
370
00:14:53,950 --> 00:14:55,584
you know what?
371
00:14:55,652 --> 00:14:57,150
Let me ask you something.
372
00:14:58,585 --> 00:15:01,984
Do you like our jobs here?
373
00:15:02,052 --> 00:15:03,785
I mean, are you proud
of what you do?
374
00:15:03,853 --> 00:15:07,486
I drive boxes around Queens.
375
00:15:09,454 --> 00:15:11,386
I know, but when you do it well,
376
00:15:11,454 --> 00:15:13,688
do you think you're making
some small difference
377
00:15:13,756 --> 00:15:15,354
in the world?
378
00:15:15,421 --> 00:15:18,721
I drive boxes...
379
00:15:18,789 --> 00:15:21,189
around Queens.
380
00:15:21,256 --> 00:15:22,589
Then why are you here?
381
00:15:22,657 --> 00:15:23,956
What do you even do this for?
382
00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:25,456
Uh, paycheck, benefits,
383
00:15:25,524 --> 00:15:26,589
I don't know how to farm...
384
00:15:26,657 --> 00:15:29,490
I mean, what are you
looking for, player?
385
00:15:29,558 --> 00:15:31,691
You know what? Forget it, man.
Go back to your book.
386
00:15:36,793 --> 00:15:37,759
What?
387
00:15:37,827 --> 00:15:39,193
Oh, yeah,
388
00:15:39,260 --> 00:15:41,226
little change in the
schedule there.
389
00:15:41,294 --> 00:15:43,994
Uh, you... you gave
Danny my route.
390
00:15:44,062 --> 00:15:46,593
Well, I gotta go with
the hot hand, Doug.
391
00:15:46,661 --> 00:15:48,095
You just drive the trainee route
392
00:15:48,163 --> 00:15:49,296
a few more weeks, huh?
393
00:15:49,363 --> 00:15:51,662
And tell Palmer stop
with the readin'.
394
00:15:51,730 --> 00:15:53,130
It's creepin' me out.
395
00:15:56,230 --> 00:15:58,631
Hey, you know, there are 2
unwritten rules at IPS.
396
00:15:58,699 --> 00:15:59,964
Eyes forward at the urinal,
397
00:16:00,032 --> 00:16:02,065
and you never steal
another guy's route.
398
00:16:02,133 --> 00:16:03,631
And you broke 'em both.
399
00:16:04,866 --> 00:16:06,266
I didn't steal your route, OK?
400
00:16:06,333 --> 00:16:08,000
And at the urinal, again,
401
00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:10,066
I thought I saw a quarter
next to your foot!
402
00:16:13,001 --> 00:16:14,868
You are so out of line on this!
403
00:16:14,935 --> 00:16:15,968
How am I out of line?
404
00:16:16,036 --> 00:16:17,600
Best drivers get
the best routes.
405
00:16:17,669 --> 00:16:18,869
You taught me that.
406
00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:20,336
Oh... so now you think
407
00:16:20,403 --> 00:16:21,569
you're a better driver than me?
408
00:16:21,637 --> 00:16:23,736
Look, I don't want
to fight, all right?
409
00:16:23,804 --> 00:16:25,670
I just want to have some of Mrs.
Janowski's
410
00:16:25,738 --> 00:16:27,804
fresh-baked sugar cookies
411
00:16:27,872 --> 00:16:29,805
on my first day.
412
00:16:29,873 --> 00:16:31,904
That's it, man.
413
00:16:31,972 --> 00:16:34,405
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
414
00:16:34,473 --> 00:16:37,505
You two have a problem, you
settle it the IPS way.
415
00:16:37,573 --> 00:16:41,006
Tonight, Old Dugan Road.
8:00 sharp.
416
00:16:41,074 --> 00:16:42,141
Oh, yeah!
417
00:16:42,209 --> 00:16:43,474
That's what I'm talking about.
418
00:16:43,542 --> 00:16:46,142
Uh, actually, I got an
allergist thing at 7:30.
419
00:16:46,210 --> 00:16:47,575
I might be a little late.
420
00:16:47,643 --> 00:16:52,276
All right. Tonight. Old Dugan Road.
8:00-ish!
421
00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:13,382
Hey, did you, uh...
422
00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:14,482
You soup me up under there?
423
00:17:14,549 --> 00:17:16,448
Oh, no. I couldn't
figure out how.
424
00:17:16,516 --> 00:17:18,116
But you're good on wiper fluid.
425
00:17:19,283 --> 00:17:20,316
Good luck, brother.
426
00:17:30,085 --> 00:17:31,052
Doug.
427
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:32,219
What are you doing here?
428
00:17:32,286 --> 00:17:33,220
I called the depot
429
00:17:33,287 --> 00:17:34,419
and they told me
what was going on.
430
00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:36,320
Carrie, you're not stopping me.
I'm doing this.
431
00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:37,487
I didn't come to stop you, OK?
432
00:17:37,554 --> 00:17:39,420
I just came to give you this.
433
00:17:41,121 --> 00:17:42,322
A packet of tartar sauce?
434
00:17:42,389 --> 00:17:43,854
Yeah. You brought it home
435
00:17:43,922 --> 00:17:45,621
from your first lunch break
436
00:17:45,689 --> 00:17:47,655
of your first day at IPS.
437
00:17:47,722 --> 00:17:50,223
Remember back when you
used to eat fish?
438
00:17:50,290 --> 00:17:53,823
Oh, yeah. Captain
Eddie's tartar sauce.
439
00:17:53,891 --> 00:17:56,323
Yeah. You asked me to keep it because
of the fortune on the back. Read it.
440
00:17:57,892 --> 00:18:01,658
"The most important thing
in life is drive."
441
00:18:01,725 --> 00:18:03,960
Yeah. Remember you said
it was like a sign
442
00:18:04,027 --> 00:18:05,593
that you were meant to do this?
443
00:18:05,661 --> 00:18:07,226
And, you know what?
You were right, Doug.
444
00:18:07,228 --> 00:18:08,426
Your job is important.
445
00:18:08,494 --> 00:18:11,294
I'm just sorry I didn't
see that sooner.
446
00:18:11,361 --> 00:18:13,062
Are those my isotoners?
447
00:18:13,129 --> 00:18:15,194
I couldn't find mine.
448
00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:17,695
OK, let's get going, guys.
449
00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:19,496
All right. Hey, good luck.
Good luck.
450
00:18:19,563 --> 00:18:20,497
All right, now, listen.
451
00:18:20,563 --> 00:18:22,997
You kick that stumpy loser's ass!
OK?
452
00:18:24,664 --> 00:18:25,598
Hi, Danny.
453
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,599
Go on the drop!
454
00:20:00,687 --> 00:20:04,019
Danny: No... no!
455
00:20:04,086 --> 00:20:05,387
Having some problems there, ace?
456
00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:06,854
No, no. I'm fine.
457
00:20:09,088 --> 00:20:10,689
You ain't gonna
start it like that.
458
00:20:10,756 --> 00:20:12,254
I... I know what I'm doing.
459
00:20:12,356 --> 00:20:15,589
Stop pumping the gas!
It's fuel injection.
460
00:20:15,656 --> 00:20:17,756
It floods if you pump it.
You should know that!
461
00:20:17,823 --> 00:20:18,856
Stop yelling at me!
462
00:20:18,923 --> 00:20:20,457
Well, you're doing it wrong.
463
00:20:20,524 --> 00:20:23,124
You're right. Damn it!
464
00:20:23,192 --> 00:20:26,558
Aw... I can't do this.
465
00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:28,125
You win.
466
00:20:28,193 --> 00:20:29,160
You're the better driver.
467
00:20:29,227 --> 00:20:30,759
You're always been
the better driver.
468
00:20:30,826 --> 00:20:32,959
What are you talking about?
You beat me at my own route.
469
00:20:33,027 --> 00:20:35,893
Aw, I cheated, OK?
470
00:20:35,961 --> 00:20:38,228
I started early and
worked through lunch.
471
00:20:38,296 --> 00:20:40,394
I didn't even deliver
all my packages.
472
00:20:40,462 --> 00:20:41,896
Your truck was empty when
you brought it back.
473
00:20:41,962 --> 00:20:43,861
Yeah, well, my apartment's not.
474
00:20:43,928 --> 00:20:45,262
What?!
475
00:20:45,330 --> 00:20:46,696
It's just...
476
00:20:46,764 --> 00:20:49,097
you've always been better
than me at everything.
477
00:20:49,164 --> 00:20:51,764
Just once I wanted to
beat you at something.
478
00:20:51,831 --> 00:20:54,464
But I'm just a stupid loader,
479
00:20:54,532 --> 00:20:55,698
and that's all I'll ever be.
480
00:20:55,766 --> 00:20:58,199
Oh, stop your cryin', would you?
481
00:20:58,266 --> 00:21:01,565
You're a driver for the
International Parcel Service!
482
00:21:01,633 --> 00:21:03,233
Have some pride, man.
483
00:21:03,300 --> 00:21:06,434
Now open the choke and
put it in neutral.
484
00:21:06,501 --> 00:21:07,700
I can't.
485
00:21:07,768 --> 00:21:09,268
Do it!
486
00:21:11,402 --> 00:21:14,667
There. Now turn
the ignition key,
487
00:21:14,735 --> 00:21:17,136
and just tap the accelerator.
488
00:21:18,271 --> 00:21:19,670
All right.
489
00:21:19,737 --> 00:21:21,704
Now put it in reverse.
490
00:21:21,772 --> 00:21:23,138
OK.
491
00:21:25,006 --> 00:21:26,038
Why'd I put it in reverse.
492
00:21:26,106 --> 00:21:28,138
'Cause now you're goin'
backwards, friend.
493
00:21:37,042 --> 00:21:39,041
Arthur, look. I'm doing it!
494
00:21:39,109 --> 00:21:40,408
I'm doing it!
495
00:21:40,476 --> 00:21:42,241
Very good, honey.
34112
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