Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:10,633 --> 00:00:12,800
OK, that's it.
2
00:00:12,867 --> 00:00:14,967
I get to pick the next 5 movies.
3
00:00:15,035 --> 00:00:16,968
What? It was great!
4
00:00:17,036 --> 00:00:18,637
Yeah, a kid gets sliced in half
5
00:00:18,705 --> 00:00:20,938
by a surfboard.
6
00:00:21,005 --> 00:00:23,639
There's a feel-good moment.
7
00:00:23,773 --> 00:00:25,607
It was called Slaughter Beach.
8
00:00:25,674 --> 00:00:27,175
What were you expecting?
9
00:00:27,243 --> 00:00:28,909
Come on, you gotta admit
10
00:00:28,977 --> 00:00:31,878
that killer was pretty
freakin' scary, huh?
11
00:00:31,946 --> 00:00:33,378
Surf's up.
12
00:00:33,446 --> 00:00:34,879
Don't do that!
13
00:00:34,947 --> 00:00:36,180
Why? Does it freak you out
14
00:00:36,247 --> 00:00:38,014
when I say Surf's up?
15
00:00:38,081 --> 00:00:39,714
Stop it! Stop what?
16
00:00:39,782 --> 00:00:40,815
That voice!
17
00:00:40,883 --> 00:00:44,717
What voice? This is
just the way I talk.
18
00:00:44,785 --> 00:00:47,019
Would you like an
English muffin?
19
00:00:47,086 --> 00:00:48,653
Come on! I mean it, stop it!
20
00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:50,086
You know these movies
give me nightmares.
21
00:00:50,154 --> 00:00:51,689
Here, take the garbage out.
22
00:00:51,756 --> 00:00:53,222
Fine.
23
00:01:03,462 --> 00:01:04,395
Hello?
24
00:01:04,463 --> 00:01:07,130
Doug, Lowering Voice: Surf's up.
25
00:01:12,166 --> 00:01:15,601
It's a shame you had to
leave the beach so early.
26
00:01:15,669 --> 00:01:18,303
You were with the boy
who played guitar.
27
00:01:18,371 --> 00:01:21,237
Well, he don't sing no more.
28
00:01:22,973 --> 00:01:27,040
Carrie? Hello?
29
00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:05,127
All right, toothpaste,
razor blades, Kleenex.
30
00:02:05,196 --> 00:02:07,862
Do we need anything else?
31
00:02:07,930 --> 00:02:10,898
Yeah, I'm getting this.
32
00:02:10,965 --> 00:02:12,065
A ball?
33
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,233
Yeah, I'm getting a ball.
34
00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:14,833
All right, put it back.
35
00:02:17,169 --> 00:02:18,869
I'm not putting it back.
36
00:02:18,937 --> 00:02:21,170
What do you need a ball for?
37
00:02:21,238 --> 00:02:22,538
For bouncing.
38
00:02:22,672 --> 00:02:24,172
All right, come on. Put it back.
Stop it.
39
00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:25,339
Put it back! Fine.
40
00:02:25,407 --> 00:02:26,340
If I'm not allowed
to get a ball,
41
00:02:26,408 --> 00:02:28,341
then you're not
allowed to get...
42
00:02:28,409 --> 00:02:30,475
your tampons. Yeah!
43
00:02:30,543 --> 00:02:31,642
Yeah.
44
00:02:31,709 --> 00:02:34,411
Bye-bye, "Sure and
Natural for light days."
45
00:02:34,478 --> 00:02:35,878
All right, give it to me.
Don't be an idiot.
46
00:02:35,945 --> 00:02:38,112
All right, let me just pick up
our pictures and we can go.
47
00:02:39,681 --> 00:02:41,981
So, it's Saturday night.
What are we gonna do?
48
00:02:42,050 --> 00:02:44,216
You wanna go to a movie?
49
00:02:44,284 --> 00:02:45,650
Eh, I don't wanna
deal with parking.
50
00:02:45,717 --> 00:02:46,685
You wanna rent?
51
00:02:46,752 --> 00:02:48,318
Then you gotta make
the 2 trips...
52
00:02:48,386 --> 00:02:51,653
One to rent and one to return.
53
00:02:51,721 --> 00:02:53,355
It never ends.
54
00:02:54,856 --> 00:02:56,456
Hi. I dropped off some
film the other day.
55
00:02:56,524 --> 00:02:57,457
Heffernan?
56
00:02:57,525 --> 00:03:00,025
Let me take a look.
57
00:03:00,092 --> 00:03:03,126
Yeah, here they are, right here.
58
00:03:03,194 --> 00:03:05,060
I can ring the rest of that
stuff up for you here, too.
59
00:03:05,128 --> 00:03:07,128
Oh. Great. Thank you.
60
00:03:07,196 --> 00:03:09,396
We don't have to wait in
that line up front? No.
61
00:03:09,464 --> 00:03:11,231
I mean, you'd ring us up
62
00:03:11,298 --> 00:03:13,132
even if we weren't
getting pictures?
63
00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:15,133
Yeah.
64
00:03:15,201 --> 00:03:18,235
That is a hot little
secret, my friend.
65
00:03:18,302 --> 00:03:19,436
That everything?
66
00:03:19,503 --> 00:03:20,469
Oh, I just have to pick up
67
00:03:20,537 --> 00:03:22,704
my dad's heart medicine.
I'll be right back.
68
00:03:24,339 --> 00:03:27,874
And I can't get a ball.
69
00:03:30,510 --> 00:03:34,477
All right, what do we got here?
70
00:03:34,545 --> 00:03:35,810
You barbecuing.
71
00:03:35,878 --> 00:03:38,179
Our fender when we got hit.
72
00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:39,346
Oh!
73
00:03:39,414 --> 00:03:41,414
This is when you made me
take that picture of you
74
00:03:41,482 --> 00:03:42,847
in front of that
place, Doug's Diner,
75
00:03:42,915 --> 00:03:45,383
'cause it was kind of
like it was your diner.
76
00:03:46,717 --> 00:03:48,285
Oh, yeah.
77
00:03:48,352 --> 00:03:50,186
Doug's Diner.
78
00:03:51,954 --> 00:03:53,521
Oh, look, my cousin Becky.
79
00:03:53,588 --> 00:03:55,322
OK, general rule:
If I'm not in it,
80
00:03:55,389 --> 00:03:58,256
don't need to see it.
81
00:04:03,227 --> 00:04:04,227
Hello?
82
00:04:04,294 --> 00:04:06,961
Oh, hey, Dad.
83
00:04:07,028 --> 00:04:08,496
I don't know, where are you?
84
00:04:09,397 --> 00:04:11,431
I'm right here.
85
00:04:12,733 --> 00:04:15,366
Welcome to the future, kids.
I am now the proud owner
86
00:04:15,434 --> 00:04:17,267
of a cellular telephone.
87
00:04:17,335 --> 00:04:19,669
Oh. Good for you, Dad.
88
00:04:19,737 --> 00:04:21,269
I was in the mall this evening,
89
00:04:21,337 --> 00:04:24,071
I saw a booth, and
I couldn't resist.
90
00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:26,440
This little phone is
gonna set me free.
91
00:04:26,506 --> 00:04:29,106
I could have a business
meeting from the beach.
92
00:04:31,309 --> 00:04:32,375
Yeah, if you had a business
93
00:04:32,444 --> 00:04:35,943
or a way to get to the beach.
94
00:04:36,011 --> 00:04:36,878
Anyway, if you need to reach me,
95
00:04:36,945 --> 00:04:40,446
my number: 555-LOGS.
96
00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:42,681
Logs? Yes.
97
00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:45,015
It's a phone number and a word.
98
00:04:45,083 --> 00:04:46,416
Marvelous!
99
00:04:50,353 --> 00:04:54,288
I'm guessing they
didn't have 555-NUTBAG.
100
00:04:54,355 --> 00:04:58,222
All right, let's see what's
in the second packet here.
101
00:05:00,458 --> 00:05:02,525
Wait a minute. What?
102
00:05:02,593 --> 00:05:04,993
I think we got someone
else's pictures.
103
00:05:05,060 --> 00:05:07,628
Yeah, it says "Hofferman" here,
104
00:05:07,696 --> 00:05:09,462
not "Heffernan."
105
00:05:09,530 --> 00:05:10,796
We got someone else's pictures?
106
00:05:10,864 --> 00:05:12,264
Yeah, I guess so.
107
00:05:12,332 --> 00:05:13,698
Great, let me see 'em.
108
00:05:13,766 --> 00:05:15,566
Doug!
109
00:05:15,633 --> 00:05:17,466
You can't look at
somebody else's pictures!
110
00:05:17,534 --> 00:05:19,035
That's wrong!
111
00:05:19,103 --> 00:05:21,103
Oh, is it wrong to look at
other people's pictures?
112
00:05:21,237 --> 00:05:22,436
Give!
113
00:05:25,071 --> 00:05:26,371
All right, well, then slow down.
114
00:05:26,439 --> 00:05:28,506
Slow down.
115
00:05:28,573 --> 00:05:30,474
Nice-looking couple.
116
00:05:30,542 --> 00:05:32,908
Mid-thirties, well-dressed.
117
00:05:32,976 --> 00:05:35,142
Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Hofferman.
118
00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:38,445
Or maybe Dr. And Mrs. Hofferman.
119
00:05:38,513 --> 00:05:41,447
Or maybe Mr. And Dr. Hofferman.
120
00:05:41,515 --> 00:05:43,782
Yeah, like she's a
doctor and he's not.
121
00:05:43,849 --> 00:05:46,382
Like that happens ever.
122
00:05:47,618 --> 00:05:48,983
Oh, look.
123
00:05:49,051 --> 00:05:52,252
They ran that 10k
in Corona Park.
124
00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:54,020
And here they are scuba-diving.
125
00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:56,622
Man, these people
really get out, huh?
126
00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:59,423
Here they are hiking.
127
00:05:59,490 --> 00:06:01,924
Geez, this guy is playing guitar
128
00:06:01,991 --> 00:06:04,759
on top of a mountain!
129
00:06:04,827 --> 00:06:06,794
Are you gettin'
what I'm gettin'?
130
00:06:06,861 --> 00:06:08,994
Uh, he no-likey girls so much?
131
00:06:10,530 --> 00:06:11,463
No!
132
00:06:11,531 --> 00:06:13,531
These people are amazing!
133
00:06:13,598 --> 00:06:15,332
I mean, look at their
pictures compared to ours!
134
00:06:15,399 --> 00:06:16,866
That's not a fair comparison.
135
00:06:16,934 --> 00:06:18,600
They're doctors!
136
00:06:19,935 --> 00:06:22,169
Doug, they run, they...
they hike,
137
00:06:22,237 --> 00:06:23,570
they scuba-dive.
138
00:06:23,638 --> 00:06:25,304
I mean, I can't even
find one of us here
139
00:06:25,372 --> 00:06:27,305
where we're even standing up!
140
00:06:29,474 --> 00:06:31,074
Come on. Whatever.
141
00:06:31,142 --> 00:06:34,576
No, I'm serious.
I mean, we suck!
142
00:06:36,245 --> 00:06:38,011
It is Saturday night,
and what have we done?
143
00:06:38,079 --> 00:06:40,212
We went to a drugstore,
144
00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:41,946
and now we're lying
around eating pizza,
145
00:06:42,014 --> 00:06:43,781
even too lame to rent a movie.
146
00:06:43,848 --> 00:06:46,182
I mean, we should be
out there doing stuff!
147
00:06:46,250 --> 00:06:47,583
If you'll recall,
148
00:06:47,651 --> 00:06:50,518
I wanted to buy a ball and
someone wouldn't let me.
149
00:06:54,187 --> 00:06:55,220
Doug, come on!
150
00:06:55,287 --> 00:06:57,087
I mean, we're letting
our lives go by.
151
00:06:57,155 --> 00:06:58,756
We should be scuba-diving.
152
00:06:58,824 --> 00:06:59,923
Uh-boy.
153
00:06:59,990 --> 00:07:01,890
Come on, you said you
wanted to learn to scuba.
154
00:07:01,958 --> 00:07:03,858
When?! When we were dating.
155
00:07:03,926 --> 00:07:05,159
Of course I said it
when we were dating!
156
00:07:05,226 --> 00:07:08,494
I was trying to make you
think I went outside!
157
00:07:09,896 --> 00:07:10,962
All right, well, I still think
158
00:07:11,029 --> 00:07:12,563
we need to live a
little bit more.
159
00:07:12,630 --> 00:07:13,697
All because of these people?
160
00:07:13,765 --> 00:07:15,130
Carrie, we don't even
know who they are!
161
00:07:15,198 --> 00:07:17,532
They could be ax-murderers!
162
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:20,735
At least that's an activity!
163
00:07:20,802 --> 00:07:22,335
Fine! We'll be ax-murderers.
164
00:07:22,403 --> 00:07:25,870
Can we start with 555-LOGS-ie?
165
00:07:30,473 --> 00:07:32,407
Hey, man.
166
00:07:32,475 --> 00:07:34,541
Carrie's making us
go scuba-diving.
167
00:07:34,609 --> 00:07:37,477
You and me?
168
00:07:37,544 --> 00:07:39,244
No, me and her.
169
00:07:39,312 --> 00:07:41,445
She wants us to be more active.
170
00:07:41,513 --> 00:07:43,613
Can you picture
me in a wet suit?
171
00:07:44,849 --> 00:07:47,382
Ooh, yeah, I just did,
172
00:07:47,450 --> 00:07:49,851
and it wasn't zipped up.
173
00:07:49,918 --> 00:07:53,252
OK, why wasn't it zipped up?
174
00:07:53,319 --> 00:07:55,053
I don't know. It just popped
into my head unzipped.
175
00:07:55,121 --> 00:07:57,187
I'm no happier about
this than you are.
176
00:07:58,256 --> 00:07:59,722
Oh, this is brutal.
177
00:07:59,790 --> 00:08:02,624
I gotta figure out some way
to get her off of scuba.
178
00:08:02,692 --> 00:08:03,691
I gotta come up with something
179
00:08:03,759 --> 00:08:05,092
that'll make her think
we're being active,
180
00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:07,060
but in reality is very easy.
181
00:08:07,128 --> 00:08:08,127
You got anything?
182
00:08:08,194 --> 00:08:10,194
What about tennis?
183
00:08:14,864 --> 00:08:17,532
OK, uh... archery.
184
00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:19,299
Already look enough like Cupid.
185
00:08:19,367 --> 00:08:21,934
Don't need the bow and arrow.
186
00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:24,202
Hold on.
187
00:08:26,404 --> 00:08:27,704
Hello?
188
00:08:27,772 --> 00:08:29,205
Arthur: Deacon, it's Arthur.
189
00:08:29,273 --> 00:08:31,840
I've recently purchased
a cellular telephone,
190
00:08:31,908 --> 00:08:33,274
and I wanted to update
191
00:08:33,342 --> 00:08:35,008
my contact information
so I could be reached
192
00:08:35,076 --> 00:08:36,109
at any time, day or night.
193
00:08:36,177 --> 00:08:37,943
My new number is 555-LOGS.
194
00:08:38,011 --> 00:08:40,445
I look forward to
hearing from you soon.
195
00:08:42,580 --> 00:08:44,213
Who is this again?
196
00:08:47,616 --> 00:08:50,617
Instructor: So, just to get the
feel of breathing underwater,
197
00:08:50,684 --> 00:08:53,017
I'm gonna ask you to put your
regulator in your mouth,
198
00:08:53,085 --> 00:08:54,785
let the air out of your B.C.,
199
00:08:54,853 --> 00:08:57,053
and float gently
down to the bottom.
200
00:08:57,121 --> 00:08:59,455
Take a couple of
breaths down there,
201
00:08:59,522 --> 00:09:01,289
and then just come right back up.
OK?
202
00:09:01,356 --> 00:09:03,356
You three first.
203
00:09:22,135 --> 00:09:24,035
He loves the water.
204
00:09:26,504 --> 00:09:27,570
Hon?
205
00:09:50,084 --> 00:09:52,317
Thank you very much.
206
00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:53,652
Arthur, I hate leaving you here.
207
00:09:53,719 --> 00:09:55,152
Are you sure you don't
want to finish our walk?
208
00:09:55,219 --> 00:09:56,919
Absolutely. I've got
my caramel coffee,
209
00:09:56,987 --> 00:09:58,154
my cell phone,
210
00:09:58,221 --> 00:09:59,554
I'm part of the modern world,
211
00:09:59,622 --> 00:10:01,088
and I'm loving it!
212
00:10:01,156 --> 00:10:03,757
OK, well, I'll see you later.
213
00:10:03,824 --> 00:10:05,924
Have a nice afternoon. If you
need to reach me, I'm at...
214
00:10:05,992 --> 00:10:08,593
555-LOGS. Yeah, I know.
215
00:10:08,661 --> 00:10:10,960
Would you like to hear
my humorous ring again?
216
00:10:11,028 --> 00:10:12,428
Oh, no, thanks.
217
00:10:12,496 --> 00:10:13,462
Didn't you like it?
218
00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:15,430
It's the theme from
the movie Arthur.
219
00:10:15,498 --> 00:10:18,264
Which is funny 'cause
you're Arthur.
220
00:10:18,332 --> 00:10:19,932
That's right. Yeah, it's just...
221
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:22,200
most people don't
have the whole song.
222
00:10:22,268 --> 00:10:23,434
Anyway, I gotta go.
223
00:10:23,502 --> 00:10:25,769
I'll see you Tuesday.
224
00:10:38,309 --> 00:10:40,376
Hey. Nothing.
225
00:10:40,444 --> 00:10:42,311
Sitting in Starbucks.
226
00:10:42,379 --> 00:10:44,613
Actually, I already saw that.
It's awful.
227
00:10:46,682 --> 00:10:48,281
I got one, too.
228
00:10:56,754 --> 00:10:58,854
Hello? Oh, hey.
229
00:10:58,921 --> 00:10:59,855
Yeah, I was just wondering
230
00:10:59,922 --> 00:11:01,355
if you wanna get
manicures later.
231
00:11:17,765 --> 00:11:19,965
Hi. Um...
232
00:11:20,033 --> 00:11:21,800
do you have anything for
when you're scuba-diving
233
00:11:21,867 --> 00:11:25,968
and you panic and you drag a
kid under the water, and...
234
00:11:26,036 --> 00:11:28,637
and he bites you?
235
00:11:28,705 --> 00:11:30,304
Uh, I'm not sure.
236
00:11:30,372 --> 00:11:32,806
Anything like "Bite Be Gone"
237
00:11:32,873 --> 00:11:36,574
or "Boy-bite Be Gone"?
238
00:11:37,942 --> 00:11:38,876
You could try this.
239
00:11:38,943 --> 00:11:40,576
Oh, great. Thank you.
240
00:11:41,979 --> 00:11:46,313
So you used a child as
your flotation device?
241
00:11:46,381 --> 00:11:48,314
Classy move.
242
00:11:48,382 --> 00:11:50,282
This is all Carrie's fault, OK?
243
00:11:50,349 --> 00:11:51,916
And she's not letting
go of this, either.
244
00:11:51,984 --> 00:11:54,250
Last night I heard her
talking about hang gliding.
245
00:11:54,318 --> 00:11:57,319
Yeah, I'm the guy you want
dangling over a little town.
246
00:11:57,387 --> 00:12:00,054
Ugh, this is ridiculous.
247
00:12:00,121 --> 00:12:02,621
I mean, we get one roll
of strangers' pictures,
248
00:12:02,690 --> 00:12:04,322
and all of a sudden, she
wants us to be them.
249
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:07,058
I'm sure their lives aren't
like that all the time.
250
00:12:07,125 --> 00:12:09,425
What do you mean?
251
00:12:09,493 --> 00:12:11,026
I mean, I'm sure if you saw
their next roll of pictures,
252
00:12:11,094 --> 00:12:12,828
they'd be watching TV
in their underwear
253
00:12:12,896 --> 00:12:14,095
just like the rest of us.
254
00:12:15,963 --> 00:12:17,064
You know what? You're right.
255
00:12:17,131 --> 00:12:19,231
Where you going?
256
00:12:19,299 --> 00:12:22,000
I'm gonna see if the Hoffermans
have any more pictures here.
257
00:12:22,067 --> 00:12:24,068
You can't steal these
people's pictures again.
258
00:12:24,135 --> 00:12:25,768
Hey, we returned the last pack
259
00:12:25,836 --> 00:12:26,768
and everything worked out fine.
260
00:12:26,836 --> 00:12:29,269
Now, make yourself useful and...
261
00:12:29,337 --> 00:12:31,171
create a distraction.
262
00:12:33,139 --> 00:12:34,372
Fine.
263
00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:36,841
I'll go walk by the watches.
264
00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:41,677
Hi. Uh...
265
00:12:41,745 --> 00:12:44,845
just wanted to check to see
if I had any pictures ready.
266
00:12:44,913 --> 00:12:45,713
What's the name?
267
00:12:45,780 --> 00:12:47,246
Uh, it's, uh...
268
00:12:47,314 --> 00:12:49,147
Heoffrmnmm.
269
00:12:49,215 --> 00:12:51,515
What was that? Hoeoffernmn.
270
00:12:51,583 --> 00:12:53,083
I'm sorry. One more time?
271
00:12:54,318 --> 00:12:57,086
Hofferman, OK? I'm Mr.
Hofferman.
272
00:12:57,153 --> 00:12:59,120
Might be under Dr. Hofferman.
273
00:13:01,122 --> 00:13:03,089
They're right here.
Great, thank you.
274
00:13:04,423 --> 00:13:05,690
Deacon: Hey, you got 'em?
275
00:13:05,758 --> 00:13:09,258
Yup, let's see what the
Hoffermans are up to this week.
276
00:13:10,493 --> 00:13:12,260
Whoa. What?
277
00:13:12,328 --> 00:13:14,327
Hoffernipple.
278
00:13:23,167 --> 00:13:25,500
Hey, sweet thang!
What's going on?
279
00:13:25,568 --> 00:13:27,102
Well, I'm guessing you're not up
280
00:13:27,169 --> 00:13:28,702
for a second try at scuba,
281
00:13:28,770 --> 00:13:30,770
so I'm looking into
a few hiking trails
282
00:13:30,838 --> 00:13:32,104
I think you can handle.
283
00:13:32,172 --> 00:13:33,437
Great. Bring it on.
284
00:13:33,505 --> 00:13:34,605
Really?
285
00:13:34,607 --> 00:13:37,907
I was expecting you
to cry or run at me.
286
00:13:39,009 --> 00:13:40,975
What? No! You know,
I've been thinking
287
00:13:41,043 --> 00:13:43,611
about these Hofferman
folks, and you're right.
288
00:13:43,678 --> 00:13:46,445
They do know a little
something about living life.
289
00:13:48,114 --> 00:13:49,447
Really?
290
00:13:49,514 --> 00:13:51,715
Well, I am glad
you feel that way
291
00:13:51,782 --> 00:13:53,015
because I was looking at
their pictures again...
292
00:13:53,083 --> 00:13:54,016
What?
293
00:13:54,084 --> 00:13:55,116
I thought you returned those.
294
00:13:55,184 --> 00:13:56,551
I kept the doubles.
295
00:13:56,618 --> 00:13:59,253
But, look, I didn't see
this the first time.
296
00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:00,753
They have a dog!
297
00:14:00,821 --> 00:14:02,154
Let's get a dog.
298
00:14:02,222 --> 00:14:04,555
Sure, sure, we could get a dog.
Yeah?
299
00:14:04,622 --> 00:14:06,723
And here's a few other
things we can do.
300
00:14:08,658 --> 00:14:10,059
What's that?
301
00:14:10,127 --> 00:14:12,659
The next set of
Hofferman pictures.
302
00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:14,161
Oh, my God, you stole 'em?
303
00:14:14,229 --> 00:14:15,161
Get 'em out! Get 'em out!
304
00:14:15,229 --> 00:14:16,528
OK, all right.
305
00:14:16,596 --> 00:14:18,296
This one here,
that's my favorite.
306
00:14:19,865 --> 00:14:21,731
She's making him a waffle.
307
00:14:21,799 --> 00:14:25,333
No, she's making him a
waffle in lacy lingerie.
308
00:14:25,401 --> 00:14:28,036
So what are you saying?
You want me to do this?
309
00:14:28,102 --> 00:14:30,270
This and...
310
00:14:30,337 --> 00:14:31,703
this.
311
00:14:33,973 --> 00:14:35,973
And a little of this...
312
00:14:38,175 --> 00:14:40,575
and assuming we can find
the right kind of chair,
313
00:14:40,642 --> 00:14:42,076
this.
314
00:14:44,511 --> 00:14:46,611
Good God!
315
00:14:46,679 --> 00:14:48,512
I'm not doing any
of those things!
316
00:14:48,580 --> 00:14:49,914
But Mrs. Hofferman did.
317
00:14:49,981 --> 00:14:51,915
Yeah, well, I'm not a ho.
318
00:14:51,982 --> 00:14:54,182
And I'm not a scuba-diver,
319
00:14:54,250 --> 00:14:56,216
but guess what we did
last Saturday, sister?
320
00:14:56,284 --> 00:14:58,418
Yeah. Get some rest.
321
00:15:13,327 --> 00:15:14,994
Yeah, hi. I told you
to sell those shares.
322
00:15:15,061 --> 00:15:16,295
I don't want to hold onto them.
323
00:15:18,697 --> 00:15:19,630
You're kidding?!
324
00:15:19,697 --> 00:15:20,764
Hey, Mom.
325
00:15:20,832 --> 00:15:21,998
Yeah, I'm off today.
326
00:15:22,065 --> 00:15:23,298
Actually, the show started.
327
00:15:23,365 --> 00:15:24,298
Girl: Did you download
their new song?
328
00:15:24,366 --> 00:15:25,466
You're welcome.
329
00:15:25,534 --> 00:15:27,101
No deal. Can you wait for me?
330
00:15:27,168 --> 00:15:29,769
Aaaaah!
331
00:15:32,904 --> 00:15:36,205
All right, you're a dirty batter girl.
Gimme the look!
332
00:15:37,674 --> 00:15:40,341
OK, that's angry batter girl.
333
00:15:40,409 --> 00:15:41,641
OK, could you just take
the picture, please?
334
00:15:41,709 --> 00:15:43,342
Thank you. OK.
335
00:15:43,409 --> 00:15:45,477
Now, pick up a piece of bacon.
336
00:15:45,544 --> 00:15:47,145
All right.
337
00:15:47,213 --> 00:15:48,912
Slap it! Slap it around!
338
00:15:48,980 --> 00:15:50,446
Doug, come on!
339
00:15:50,513 --> 00:15:51,314
There you go.
340
00:15:51,381 --> 00:15:53,081
All right, food's all cooking.
341
00:15:53,149 --> 00:15:54,249
What's next?
342
00:15:54,317 --> 00:15:56,417
Uh, I'm not really sure.
343
00:15:56,484 --> 00:15:58,318
We can do the sex,
then the waffles,
344
00:15:58,385 --> 00:16:01,052
or the waffles, then the sex.
What do you think?
345
00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:02,954
I don't know, honey. This
is kind of your baby.
346
00:16:03,021 --> 00:16:08,456
OK, then I choose
sex, then waffles!
347
00:16:08,524 --> 00:16:11,558
Gotta admit, thought you
were gonna go the other way.
348
00:16:11,626 --> 00:16:13,493
I did. All right!
349
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:14,860
Let's get cracking. OK.
350
00:16:14,927 --> 00:16:16,794
Get in here. All right.
351
00:16:26,166 --> 00:16:28,701
Aah! Bacon grease!
352
00:16:28,768 --> 00:16:29,901
What are you doing?!
353
00:16:29,969 --> 00:16:33,236
I was trying to unplug
the waffle iron.
354
00:16:33,304 --> 00:16:34,737
What are you worrying
about that now for?!
355
00:16:34,805 --> 00:16:35,872
This is the sex part!
356
00:16:35,940 --> 00:16:37,973
You worry about that
during the waffle part!
357
00:16:38,041 --> 00:16:39,640
I am sorry. It's hard to focus
358
00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:42,642
with a piercing whistle in my ear.
This...
359
00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:44,376
This whole thing is ridiculous.
360
00:16:44,443 --> 00:16:46,711
You know, let's just forget it.
Thanks for nothing.
361
00:16:46,778 --> 00:16:48,478
I told you this was
a stupid idea.
362
00:16:48,546 --> 00:16:51,247
Yeah, well, Mrs. Hofferman
didn't think it was so stupid.
363
00:16:51,315 --> 00:16:54,081
You don't see her freaking
out over the waffle iron.
364
00:16:54,149 --> 00:16:55,683
Oh, my God. You are
not getting on me
365
00:16:55,750 --> 00:16:56,783
about this, are you?
366
00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:59,051
Oh, OK, all right. Who's this?
367
00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:02,319
Uhh! Uhh! I'm gonna die!
368
00:17:02,387 --> 00:17:05,888
I'm in 4 feet of water!
369
00:17:05,955 --> 00:17:07,522
Well, excuse me for not knowing
370
00:17:07,589 --> 00:17:09,323
how to breathe underwater!
371
00:17:09,391 --> 00:17:12,057
I'm not a walrus. Shuttie.
372
00:17:15,995 --> 00:17:18,128
OK, you know what else you
don't know how to do?
373
00:17:18,196 --> 00:17:20,863
Keep a room nice. I
mean, look at this.
374
00:17:20,930 --> 00:17:23,264
Mr. Hofferman doesn't throw his
clothes all over the floor.
375
00:17:23,332 --> 00:17:25,332
No gum wrappers on the dresser.
376
00:17:25,399 --> 00:17:26,632
That's maybe 'cause Mrs.
Hofferman
377
00:17:26,700 --> 00:17:28,700
lets him go to the Knick
game with his buddies.
378
00:17:28,768 --> 00:17:31,668
Well, why wouldn't she when
he buys her roses like these?
379
00:17:31,736 --> 00:17:33,570
When was the last time
you bought me roses?
380
00:17:33,637 --> 00:17:35,404
Well, maybe I would
if you would...
381
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:38,239
And we're back to
the chair thing.
382
00:17:38,306 --> 00:17:40,907
All right, you know what?
383
00:17:40,974 --> 00:17:42,542
Why don't you just find Mrs.
Hofferman
384
00:17:42,609 --> 00:17:44,342
and have waffle sex with her?
385
00:17:44,410 --> 00:17:46,043
Why don't you find Mr. Hofferman
386
00:17:46,110 --> 00:17:47,309
and go scuba-diving with him?
387
00:17:47,377 --> 00:17:48,645
I bet you his guitar sounds
388
00:17:48,712 --> 00:17:51,079
even fruitier underwater!
389
00:17:51,147 --> 00:17:53,213
The fruitiest thing I've
ever seen underwater
390
00:17:53,281 --> 00:17:54,781
is you, my friend!
391
00:17:59,185 --> 00:18:02,385
Look, what are we doing here?
392
00:18:02,453 --> 00:18:03,953
I don't know.
393
00:18:04,021 --> 00:18:06,355
The Hoffermans...
394
00:18:06,422 --> 00:18:08,222
they're destroying us.
395
00:18:08,290 --> 00:18:10,556
I know.
396
00:18:10,624 --> 00:18:12,557
Look, we gotta stop trying
to be the Hoffermans.
397
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:14,225
I mean, we're the Heffernans.
398
00:18:14,292 --> 00:18:15,959
It's like the Hoffermans,
only slightly worse.
399
00:18:16,027 --> 00:18:17,527
And that's OK.
400
00:18:18,695 --> 00:18:20,795
Exactly.
401
00:18:20,863 --> 00:18:23,397
555-LOGS!
402
00:18:27,233 --> 00:18:28,833
I don't know, part
of me really wants
403
00:18:28,901 --> 00:18:30,634
to try out to be on Survivor,
404
00:18:30,702 --> 00:18:32,068
but another part of me is like,
405
00:18:32,136 --> 00:18:34,836
do I really want to expose
myself in that way, you know?
406
00:18:34,904 --> 00:18:38,238
Excuse me.
407
00:18:38,306 --> 00:18:40,173
Hello?
408
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:41,907
Oh, hi, Mrs. Gilgore.
409
00:18:41,975 --> 00:18:43,708
Uh-huh. Sure, sure.
410
00:18:43,775 --> 00:18:44,708
Yeah, hold on for one second.
411
00:18:44,775 --> 00:18:45,709
Cupcake, it's your mommy.
412
00:18:45,776 --> 00:18:46,843
She's on the phone.
She misses you
413
00:18:46,910 --> 00:18:48,378
and wants to say hello.
414
00:18:48,445 --> 00:18:50,312
Oh, for God's sake.
415
00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:52,380
How dare you get a
cell phone call!
416
00:18:52,447 --> 00:18:54,047
You're a dog, Cupcake!
417
00:18:54,115 --> 00:18:55,382
A dog!
418
00:18:56,782 --> 00:18:58,282
You wipe that smug
look off your face
419
00:18:58,350 --> 00:18:59,717
or I'll do it for you.
420
00:18:59,784 --> 00:19:00,917
Arthur, maybe we should just...
421
00:19:00,985 --> 00:19:02,684
Give me that!
422
00:19:02,752 --> 00:19:04,153
Do you understand that there are
423
00:19:04,221 --> 00:19:06,154
human beings out there
who need love?!
424
00:19:06,222 --> 00:19:07,821
Think about it.
425
00:19:07,889 --> 00:19:09,889
I curse the day I ever
bought this thing.
426
00:19:09,956 --> 00:19:12,891
Uhh!
427
00:19:12,958 --> 00:19:14,691
Um, that was mine.
428
00:19:19,528 --> 00:19:21,395
So this is how we spend
our Saturday nights.
429
00:19:21,463 --> 00:19:22,696
This is great.
430
00:19:22,763 --> 00:19:24,763
We love each other, and
we love the drugstore.
431
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:26,864
Nothing to be ashamed of.
432
00:19:29,133 --> 00:19:30,233
I'm getting a ball this time.
433
00:19:30,301 --> 00:19:31,567
You can't stop me.
434
00:19:35,904 --> 00:19:37,571
Where are you going?
435
00:19:37,639 --> 00:19:39,105
Nowhere.
436
00:19:39,172 --> 00:19:40,472
I just want to see
if the Hoffermans
437
00:19:40,539 --> 00:19:42,074
have any more pictures.
438
00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:44,075
Carrie, let it go.
439
00:19:44,142 --> 00:19:45,274
We don't care, remember?
440
00:19:45,342 --> 00:19:47,076
I know, I know. I just...
441
00:19:47,143 --> 00:19:49,310
I just want to see their
dog one last time.
442
00:19:49,377 --> 00:19:51,245
Clerk: May I help you?
443
00:19:51,312 --> 00:19:53,080
Yes, I was wondering if
our pictures are ready?
444
00:19:53,148 --> 00:19:54,981
The name's Hofferman.
445
00:19:57,150 --> 00:19:58,115
Hi.
446
00:19:58,183 --> 00:19:59,916
Hi. Hello.
447
00:20:01,652 --> 00:20:04,985
Would you look at them?
448
00:20:05,053 --> 00:20:07,621
OK, I admit they're magnificent.
449
00:20:07,689 --> 00:20:09,822
But think of it this way,
450
00:20:09,889 --> 00:20:10,922
they're here in a drugstore
451
00:20:10,989 --> 00:20:12,691
on a Saturday night, too.
452
00:20:12,758 --> 00:20:13,890
They're no better than us.
453
00:20:13,958 --> 00:20:15,092
You're right. You're right.
454
00:20:15,159 --> 00:20:16,326
Anything else?
455
00:20:16,393 --> 00:20:17,426
Yeah, the suntan lotion.
456
00:20:17,494 --> 00:20:18,493
Going somewhere good?
457
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:19,694
Mr. Hofferman: Actually, yes.
458
00:20:19,761 --> 00:20:21,261
We're leaving tomorrow for
the Galápagos Islands
459
00:20:21,329 --> 00:20:23,329
to do some research
for our book.
460
00:20:23,396 --> 00:20:24,796
Damn it!
461
00:20:32,169 --> 00:20:35,103
Why did we have to get their
pictures in the first place?
462
00:20:35,171 --> 00:20:36,437
There's gotta be
one couple in here
463
00:20:36,504 --> 00:20:38,271
that'll make us seem good.
464
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,307
Aha.
465
00:20:43,375 --> 00:20:44,740
The "Sosdorffs." Yeah.
466
00:20:44,808 --> 00:20:46,276
Let's see what you got.
467
00:20:47,777 --> 00:20:49,810
Wow, nice sailboat.
468
00:20:51,245 --> 00:20:52,512
Come on, help me.
469
00:20:56,782 --> 00:21:00,116
Oh, man, this couple
knows Halle Berry!
470
00:21:01,751 --> 00:21:03,952
Dump the bin! Dump the bin!
32129
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