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1
00:00:04,598 --> 00:00:05,760
Hey, honey.
2
00:00:05,828 --> 00:00:07,258
Hey, what do you got? What do you got?
What do you got?
3
00:00:07,326 --> 00:00:08,922
Hang on. You got my arm in there.
Hang on!
4
00:00:08,990 --> 00:00:10,121
Would you relax?
5
00:00:10,189 --> 00:00:11,019
I'm sorry. I get excited
6
00:00:11,087 --> 00:00:12,450
when the grocery bags arrive.
7
00:00:12,517 --> 00:00:14,747
It's like Christmas, only...
8
00:00:14,814 --> 00:00:17,908
I don't have to
get you anything.
9
00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:19,606
Yeah, well, there's a
box of Tide in the car.
10
00:00:19,674 --> 00:00:20,971
Can you go get that?
11
00:00:21,038 --> 00:00:24,133
Not unless it's cherry flavored.
12
00:00:24,201 --> 00:00:25,398
Oh, here it is,
13
00:00:25,465 --> 00:00:27,760
underneath the broccoli.
14
00:00:27,828 --> 00:00:29,590
Cool Ranch Doritos.
15
00:00:29,658 --> 00:00:30,923
"Now zestier."
16
00:00:30,990 --> 00:00:32,253
I'm glad they warned me.
17
00:00:32,321 --> 00:00:33,719
Honey, honey...
18
00:00:33,785 --> 00:00:35,947
Honey, wait. Why don't
you just try an apple?
19
00:00:36,014 --> 00:00:37,113
Oh, come on, all right?
20
00:00:37,181 --> 00:00:39,343
You buy 'em, they sit
there, you throw 'em out.
21
00:00:39,410 --> 00:00:41,772
Let's stop the dance.
22
00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:43,736
Come on. You know how
you're always telling me
23
00:00:43,804 --> 00:00:46,232
you can't breathe and
your heart feels bad?
24
00:00:46,299 --> 00:00:47,596
This can help.
25
00:00:49,128 --> 00:00:50,559
All right, fine. I don't care...
26
00:00:50,627 --> 00:00:51,990
Is that a whole salami?
27
00:00:52,091 --> 00:00:53,222
Focus... Focus, Doug.
28
00:00:53,289 --> 00:00:54,020
Focus.
29
00:00:54,087 --> 00:00:55,218
All right. All right.
30
00:00:55,286 --> 00:00:56,416
What's the big deal?
31
00:00:56,484 --> 00:00:57,948
It doesn't matter.
32
00:00:59,013 --> 00:01:00,245
Not bad.
33
00:01:00,312 --> 00:01:01,675
See? What did I tell you?
34
00:01:01,743 --> 00:01:03,472
What's the matter?
What's the matter?
35
00:01:05,669 --> 00:01:07,865
I ate the sticker!
36
00:01:10,629 --> 00:01:13,923
This is why I don't eat apples!
37
00:01:57,757 --> 00:01:59,587
What's goin' on?
38
00:02:05,546 --> 00:02:07,675
And the Holy Spirit. Amen.
39
00:02:07,743 --> 00:02:09,505
Bless me, Father,
for I have sinned.
40
00:02:09,572 --> 00:02:11,004
It has been...
41
00:02:11,070 --> 00:02:12,966
since my last confession.
42
00:02:13,034 --> 00:02:14,664
I'm sorry, how long?
43
00:02:15,897 --> 00:02:17,858
14 years.
44
00:02:17,926 --> 00:02:18,725
Whoa.
45
00:02:18,792 --> 00:02:20,122
Yeah.
46
00:02:20,189 --> 00:02:21,320
Yeah, yeah. You
know, I was gonna
47
00:02:21,388 --> 00:02:22,850
come in sooner, but I just...
48
00:02:22,918 --> 00:02:25,347
I figured you were a
very busy guy, and...
49
00:02:25,415 --> 00:02:27,976
all I had was repeat
offenses, and...
50
00:02:28,044 --> 00:02:29,973
I just... I wanted to wait
until I had something
51
00:02:30,041 --> 00:02:32,370
that really... would
blow your collar off.
52
00:02:32,437 --> 00:02:34,034
And do you?
53
00:02:34,101 --> 00:02:35,466
Oh, yeah.
54
00:02:37,196 --> 00:02:38,760
Carrie: You almost
ready there, chief?
55
00:02:38,827 --> 00:02:39,925
Just about.
56
00:02:42,223 --> 00:02:44,617
Is that how you're
gonna wear your tie?
57
00:02:44,685 --> 00:02:47,446
It took me, like, 30 tries.
It looks fine.
58
00:02:47,513 --> 00:02:50,942
It looks fine if
you're Oliver Hardy.
59
00:02:51,009 --> 00:02:52,041
Fix it, OK?
60
00:02:52,108 --> 00:02:53,937
And button up your
shirt all the way.
61
00:02:54,004 --> 00:02:57,065
Have you met my neck?
62
00:02:57,133 --> 00:03:00,692
Well, listen... I want you to act
like a grown-up tonight, OK?
63
00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:01,925
Yeah, yeah.
64
00:03:01,993 --> 00:03:03,888
That means none of
your funny noises
65
00:03:03,956 --> 00:03:05,718
during the ceremony.
66
00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:08,182
Hey, if somebody bends
over during a quiet patch,
67
00:03:08,250 --> 00:03:09,912
it's open season.
68
00:03:09,980 --> 00:03:11,344
Doug, I'm serious.
69
00:03:11,411 --> 00:03:13,174
This wedding is special to me.
70
00:03:13,242 --> 00:03:14,505
Special. Please.
71
00:03:14,573 --> 00:03:15,670
It is!
72
00:03:15,738 --> 00:03:17,001
I set Jake and Samantha up.
73
00:03:17,069 --> 00:03:18,665
I mean, I saw these two people,
74
00:03:18,733 --> 00:03:21,162
I knew they would be perfect
for each other, and they were.
75
00:03:21,230 --> 00:03:22,460
They're soul mates.
76
00:03:22,527 --> 00:03:23,991
Get ahold of
yourself, would you?
77
00:03:24,058 --> 00:03:25,654
I mean, you set her
up with 26 guys,
78
00:03:25,722 --> 00:03:28,683
you finally found one who didn't try
to push her out of his moving car.
79
00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:30,414
It wasn't that many guys.
80
00:03:30,482 --> 00:03:32,811
Are you kidding me? There
was Steve, my cousin Danny,
81
00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:34,709
the guy you met online
at Waldbaum's...
82
00:03:34,777 --> 00:03:36,306
All right, so it took a while.
83
00:03:36,373 --> 00:03:38,602
She's my friend. I wanted to make
sure she found somebody great.
84
00:03:38,669 --> 00:03:40,366
You always say how
annoying she is.
85
00:03:40,434 --> 00:03:41,930
Exactly. She's my
annoying friend.
86
00:03:41,998 --> 00:03:44,493
OK? You have a
garage full of them.
87
00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:47,522
Hopefully now she'll spend less
time being my annoying friend
88
00:03:47,589 --> 00:03:49,719
and more time being
his annoying wife.
89
00:03:49,786 --> 00:03:52,415
OK, how about this? No tie,
unbuttoned down to here
90
00:03:52,481 --> 00:03:54,910
like a Bee Gee.
91
00:03:56,243 --> 00:03:58,038
Nancy Wilson: ♪ The
best is yet to come
92
00:03:58,106 --> 00:04:03,030
♪ And, babe, won't it be fine? ♪
93
00:04:03,098 --> 00:04:05,228
♪ The best is yet to come
94
00:04:05,296 --> 00:04:08,855
♪ On the day you're mine ♪
95
00:04:08,923 --> 00:04:10,320
♪ Come the day you're mine... ♪
96
00:04:10,388 --> 00:04:11,584
What could be better
97
00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:13,681
than dancing with
my handsome son?
98
00:04:13,749 --> 00:04:15,978
OK. Keep the hands
10:00 and 2:00, Mom.
99
00:04:16,044 --> 00:04:17,177
That's it.
100
00:04:17,244 --> 00:04:19,605
All right, folks, let's get
this party started, now.
101
00:04:19,673 --> 00:04:21,503
Who wants to shake
their groove thang?
102
00:04:21,571 --> 00:04:24,897
Whoo!
103
00:04:28,227 --> 00:04:29,025
Come on, Dougie!
104
00:04:31,755 --> 00:04:34,583
Uh... I think I left my
groove thang on the table,
105
00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:36,213
and I'm pretty sure
you don't have one,
106
00:04:36,280 --> 00:04:37,245
so I...
107
00:04:37,347 --> 00:04:38,310
Aw, come on,
108
00:04:38,345 --> 00:04:39,941
don't be such a negative Nelly.
109
00:04:40,008 --> 00:04:41,972
Uh, Spence, my mom wants
to dance with you.
110
00:04:42,039 --> 00:04:43,403
Oh, sweet!
111
00:04:46,598 --> 00:04:47,796
Say cheese!
112
00:04:47,863 --> 00:04:48,795
Cut it out.
113
00:04:48,862 --> 00:04:50,459
Ooh, that's a good one.
114
00:04:50,526 --> 00:04:51,690
What's goin' on?
115
00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:53,721
They put all these disposable
cameras on the tables
116
00:04:53,789 --> 00:04:55,450
for us to take pictures.
117
00:04:55,518 --> 00:04:56,883
Say, "I was dumped
by the bride."
118
00:04:56,950 --> 00:04:58,213
Shut up!
119
00:04:58,282 --> 00:04:59,412
I loved her.
120
00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:01,376
Guy, you went out with
her for, like, a month.
121
00:05:01,443 --> 00:05:03,705
You don't know what we had!
122
00:05:03,772 --> 00:05:05,535
That's the money shot.
123
00:05:05,603 --> 00:05:07,766
Hour 4 of wedding.
124
00:05:07,834 --> 00:05:09,330
Kill me.
125
00:05:09,398 --> 00:05:11,659
Help me out here and wing those
candies at him. Come on.
126
00:05:11,727 --> 00:05:12,658
OK.
127
00:05:15,954 --> 00:05:17,584
Doug. Doug.
128
00:05:17,652 --> 00:05:19,880
Why are you throwing
candy at his head?
129
00:05:19,948 --> 00:05:22,043
It's a wedding.
130
00:05:22,111 --> 00:05:23,974
Hey, guys!
131
00:05:24,041 --> 00:05:26,869
We're married!
132
00:05:26,937 --> 00:05:28,466
Yes, you are!
133
00:05:28,534 --> 00:05:29,965
You guys having fun?
134
00:05:30,032 --> 00:05:31,297
Uh-huh. Oh, yeah.
135
00:05:31,364 --> 00:05:33,526
You know what? I almost wore
that exact same dress tonight.
136
00:05:33,594 --> 00:05:35,723
How awkward would
that have been?
137
00:05:35,791 --> 00:05:37,021
Awkward or sexy.
138
00:05:40,550 --> 00:05:41,846
Oh, you guys, thank you so much
139
00:05:41,914 --> 00:05:43,510
for throwing that
brunch tomorrow.
140
00:05:43,578 --> 00:05:44,676
Oh, no problem.
141
00:05:44,743 --> 00:05:45,441
Just my way
142
00:05:45,509 --> 00:05:47,005
of sending you off in style.
143
00:05:47,073 --> 00:05:49,867
Now that you're married, we're
probably not gonna talk as much...
144
00:05:49,935 --> 00:05:51,000
Sure we will. No, we won't!
145
00:05:51,067 --> 00:05:52,098
No, we won't.
146
00:05:52,164 --> 00:05:53,195
But, um...
147
00:05:53,263 --> 00:05:55,259
we'll always have a bond,
148
00:05:55,326 --> 00:05:57,523
an unspoken bond.
149
00:05:57,591 --> 00:05:59,087
Oh, that's true.
150
00:05:59,155 --> 00:06:01,749
And thanks to you,
I've got my husband
151
00:06:01,817 --> 00:06:03,746
and my best friend.
152
00:06:03,814 --> 00:06:05,277
P-uke!
153
00:06:07,442 --> 00:06:09,105
You had to invite him.
154
00:06:09,173 --> 00:06:11,068
I was just trying to be nice.
155
00:06:11,136 --> 00:06:12,234
OK, great. Whatever.
156
00:06:12,301 --> 00:06:14,131
Excuse us.
157
00:06:15,297 --> 00:06:16,893
Hey, guys!
158
00:06:16,961 --> 00:06:18,957
We're married!
159
00:06:20,289 --> 00:06:21,519
OK.
160
00:06:21,586 --> 00:06:22,418
They saw us,
161
00:06:22,486 --> 00:06:24,381
she danced with her
clearly gay father.
162
00:06:24,449 --> 00:06:25,879
Can we leave?
163
00:06:25,946 --> 00:06:28,042
No. We have to stay at
least another hour.
164
00:06:28,110 --> 00:06:29,374
I have a toast to make.
165
00:06:29,442 --> 00:06:30,705
Another hour?
166
00:06:30,772 --> 00:06:33,102
Nothing good ever happens
when we dress up.
167
00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:36,363
I have to go. Samantha
has to pee again
168
00:06:36,431 --> 00:06:39,524
and I'm in charge of
lifting her dress.
169
00:06:39,592 --> 00:06:41,721
Great. She gets to have fun.
170
00:06:45,916 --> 00:06:48,012
Oh, boy.
171
00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:49,676
You didn't happen to bring
172
00:06:49,744 --> 00:06:52,372
a deck of cards or a
television set, did you?
173
00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:53,171
No.
174
00:06:55,834 --> 00:06:58,263
Can we work with this at all...
top hat?
175
00:06:58,331 --> 00:06:59,760
What, like, burn it
176
00:06:59,828 --> 00:07:03,056
with some Jake and
Samantha matches?
177
00:07:03,124 --> 00:07:03,854
Hey, look.
178
00:07:03,921 --> 00:07:06,284
Abrathumb Lincoln.
179
00:07:08,483 --> 00:07:11,610
You know, we put these things
out at our wedding, too.
180
00:07:11,678 --> 00:07:13,074
You know what some guy did?
181
00:07:13,142 --> 00:07:16,402
He went to the bathroom and
took a picture of his ass.
182
00:07:24,025 --> 00:07:25,189
Who?
183
00:07:25,256 --> 00:07:26,421
I have no idea,
184
00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:28,383
but when we got those
pictures back,
185
00:07:28,451 --> 00:07:30,415
it was pretty damn funny.
186
00:07:32,446 --> 00:07:33,608
Give me that.
187
00:07:42,398 --> 00:07:43,660
Hey.
188
00:07:43,728 --> 00:07:45,157
Hey, thanks again
189
00:07:45,225 --> 00:07:47,022
for throwing us this brunch.
190
00:07:47,089 --> 00:07:48,352
Oh, no problem. Are
you having fun?
191
00:07:48,420 --> 00:07:50,118
So much fun. And look at Jake.
192
00:07:50,185 --> 00:07:51,880
Isn't he adorable?
193
00:07:53,780 --> 00:07:55,377
Yes. Very adorable.
194
00:07:55,443 --> 00:07:57,572
No, seriously. Look at him.
195
00:08:02,666 --> 00:08:04,428
OK, I'm gonna take a break now.
196
00:08:04,496 --> 00:08:05,826
All right? You save my spot.
197
00:08:05,894 --> 00:08:07,690
OK, I'll save your spot.
198
00:08:12,484 --> 00:08:13,414
Oh...
199
00:08:13,482 --> 00:08:14,412
Oh, I'm sorry.
200
00:08:15,479 --> 00:08:16,843
How are you doing?
201
00:08:16,910 --> 00:08:18,608
Oh, hello. We haven't met.
202
00:08:18,675 --> 00:08:20,538
I'm Jake's Aunt Flora.
203
00:08:20,606 --> 00:08:23,000
Oh, I'm Deacon Palmer. I
know Jake from softball.
204
00:08:23,067 --> 00:08:23,933
Oh, how wonderful.
205
00:08:33,585 --> 00:08:36,646
Well, it's been nice
visiting with you.
206
00:08:36,713 --> 00:08:39,342
You, too.
207
00:08:39,410 --> 00:08:41,505
So Jamaica... That's a
nice place to honeymoon.
208
00:08:41,573 --> 00:08:42,836
You been?
209
00:08:42,904 --> 00:08:45,399
Me? No. I don't leave America.
210
00:08:45,466 --> 00:08:47,030
How long's the flight?
211
00:08:47,097 --> 00:08:48,793
It's about 3 hours.
212
00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:50,225
Oh, that's not too bad.
213
00:08:50,293 --> 00:08:52,654
You watch a movie, maybe
a little mile-high club,
214
00:08:52,722 --> 00:08:54,485
next think you know,
you're landing.
215
00:08:54,553 --> 00:08:56,116
What's a mile-high club?
216
00:08:56,184 --> 00:08:58,911
It's a... It's a card game.
217
00:09:00,644 --> 00:09:03,239
Actually, we just got the
disposable cameras developed,
218
00:09:03,307 --> 00:09:06,899
so we'll kill a little time going
through all those pictures.
219
00:09:06,967 --> 00:09:09,130
Oh, that should be fun.
220
00:09:09,198 --> 00:09:10,794
You got 'em back already?
221
00:09:10,861 --> 00:09:12,125
Let's look at them now.
222
00:09:12,193 --> 00:09:13,889
What? No. No, no, no.
223
00:09:13,957 --> 00:09:15,053
Yeah, we should. Honey!
224
00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:16,386
Break out the pictures.
225
00:09:16,453 --> 00:09:17,550
No, no, that's all right.
226
00:09:17,617 --> 00:09:18,615
They're upstairs in my purse.
227
00:09:18,681 --> 00:09:19,614
I like cookies. Cookies!
228
00:09:19,681 --> 00:09:20,945
Come on, let's get some cookies.
229
00:09:21,013 --> 00:09:22,442
I'll be right back!
230
00:09:22,510 --> 00:09:24,639
My God, she's getting the pictures.
What am I gonna do?
231
00:09:24,707 --> 00:09:27,001
Relax, man. No one's gonna
know it's your behind.
232
00:09:27,069 --> 00:09:28,933
OK, it's not my be-hind,
233
00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:30,963
it was my be-front.
234
00:09:32,428 --> 00:09:34,257
What?
235
00:09:36,323 --> 00:09:38,918
I went the other way. I
wanted to mix it up.
236
00:09:40,649 --> 00:09:41,746
Oh, man.
237
00:09:41,814 --> 00:09:43,177
My mother's sitting right there.
238
00:09:43,245 --> 00:09:44,608
Samantha: Here we go!
239
00:09:44,675 --> 00:09:47,772
Doug: Hey, let me see.
What have we got here?
240
00:09:47,838 --> 00:09:48,868
I got, uh...
241
00:09:48,936 --> 00:09:51,198
No, no, no, no! Get off!
242
00:09:51,266 --> 00:09:52,962
No. Jeez.
243
00:10:00,419 --> 00:10:02,548
Oh, look at this.
244
00:10:02,616 --> 00:10:04,711
The flower girl.
245
00:10:04,779 --> 00:10:06,042
Doug, isn't she precious?
246
00:10:06,110 --> 00:10:07,573
Oh, yeah, she's priceless.
247
00:10:10,337 --> 00:10:12,599
Oh, my God!
248
00:10:13,766 --> 00:10:16,261
What is with my hair?
249
00:10:19,456 --> 00:10:21,486
Flora: Oh, my!
250
00:10:22,419 --> 00:10:24,347
It's a picture of a man's...
251
00:10:24,415 --> 00:10:25,746
Oh, my.
252
00:10:28,409 --> 00:10:33,002
And it's wearing a
little top hat.
253
00:10:40,724 --> 00:10:42,086
Let me see that.
254
00:10:42,154 --> 00:10:44,451
Oh, Mommy, please, go blind now!
255
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:49,476
This is sick.
256
00:10:50,675 --> 00:10:52,239
It's like a car wreck.
257
00:10:52,305 --> 00:10:54,169
I can't look away.
258
00:10:55,301 --> 00:10:56,665
Give me those.
259
00:10:57,798 --> 00:11:00,526
Who would do
something like this?
260
00:11:00,594 --> 00:11:02,090
I know who did it.
261
00:11:02,158 --> 00:11:03,255
It was Danny.
262
00:11:03,322 --> 00:11:04,020
What?
263
00:11:04,088 --> 00:11:05,119
Yeah.
264
00:11:05,186 --> 00:11:06,350
The picture on the roll
265
00:11:06,418 --> 00:11:07,515
before this last one...
266
00:11:07,583 --> 00:11:09,846
Danny. Danny. Danny.
267
00:11:09,914 --> 00:11:10,977
Danny!
268
00:11:11,044 --> 00:11:12,740
I didn't... I didn't do that.
269
00:11:12,808 --> 00:11:14,538
Carrie: OK... coffee
270
00:11:14,606 --> 00:11:18,898
and slightly burnt
cinnamon buns are served.
271
00:11:22,860 --> 00:11:24,089
What's going on? What happened?
272
00:11:24,157 --> 00:11:25,888
Danny thought it'd be funny
to take a picture of...
273
00:11:25,955 --> 00:11:27,885
I'm telling you, it's not me!
274
00:11:27,952 --> 00:11:31,113
I told you we shouldn't have invited him.
Drunken idiot.
275
00:11:31,181 --> 00:11:33,109
Well, maybe it's not him, Jake.
276
00:11:33,177 --> 00:11:34,574
Oh, yeah, stick up for him...
277
00:11:34,642 --> 00:11:36,071
I am not sticking up for him!
278
00:11:36,139 --> 00:11:37,770
We'll talk about this later.
279
00:11:42,197 --> 00:11:44,524
Guy, that is messed up.
280
00:11:57,473 --> 00:12:00,369
Doug, I've been hearing
people's sins for 20 years,
281
00:12:00,436 --> 00:12:03,530
but this one's
pretty disturbing.
282
00:12:03,597 --> 00:12:07,125
Don't people confess
murders to you?
283
00:12:07,193 --> 00:12:09,254
Still...
284
00:12:10,918 --> 00:12:13,014
Well, it gets worse.
285
00:12:15,079 --> 00:12:18,374
Nice going, you
picture-taking moron.
286
00:12:18,441 --> 00:12:19,638
I just got off the
phone with Samantha.
287
00:12:19,705 --> 00:12:20,969
Her and Jake had a huge fight.
288
00:12:21,037 --> 00:12:23,167
You know that they're not
going on their honeymoon?
289
00:12:23,234 --> 00:12:24,864
They may break up over this.
290
00:12:24,930 --> 00:12:26,328
For the millionth
time, I didn't do it!
291
00:12:26,396 --> 00:12:27,993
I would never do
something like this.
292
00:12:28,059 --> 00:12:29,589
Doug, back me up.
293
00:12:29,657 --> 00:12:31,487
Certainly. It doesn't seem
like something you would do.
294
00:12:31,555 --> 00:12:35,314
Although you were pretty hammered
and angry at the wedding.
295
00:12:35,382 --> 00:12:37,311
Now that I think of it,
296
00:12:37,378 --> 00:12:39,208
I do remember you
grabbing a camera.
297
00:12:39,276 --> 00:12:40,241
Really?
298
00:12:40,309 --> 00:12:42,570
Yeah. You ran off saying
something like...
299
00:12:42,637 --> 00:12:44,966
"I'll show them," or...
300
00:12:45,034 --> 00:12:46,731
"I'll get them."
301
00:12:47,795 --> 00:12:48,992
Something like that.
302
00:12:49,060 --> 00:12:50,523
Oh, my God.
303
00:12:50,625 --> 00:12:52,388
Maybe I did do it.
304
00:12:52,456 --> 00:12:54,385
Oh, yeah? It's all coming
back to you now, is it?
305
00:12:54,453 --> 00:12:56,115
You know, Dan, let me
tell you something.
306
00:12:56,183 --> 00:12:57,380
When everybody
called you a loser,
307
00:12:57,448 --> 00:12:59,045
I was the only one who
stuck up for you, OK?
308
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,542
But do you know
what I'm realizing?
309
00:13:00,610 --> 00:13:01,740
They were right.
310
00:13:01,808 --> 00:13:02,472
Your ex-wife,
311
00:13:02,540 --> 00:13:03,870
the guys at I.P.S.,
312
00:13:03,937 --> 00:13:05,202
your grandmother...
313
00:13:05,269 --> 00:13:06,999
They were right on the money.
314
00:13:09,031 --> 00:13:10,193
I gotta go.
315
00:13:10,261 --> 00:13:11,459
Oh, where you gonna go?
316
00:13:11,527 --> 00:13:13,455
You gonna go moon a bar mitzvah?
317
00:13:14,522 --> 00:13:15,686
Idiots.
318
00:13:16,852 --> 00:13:18,781
It's amazing.
319
00:13:18,849 --> 00:13:20,178
What's that?
320
00:13:20,246 --> 00:13:23,608
How a simple photograph
can wreak such havoc.
321
00:13:32,429 --> 00:13:35,322
Will you stop staring at that?
322
00:13:35,390 --> 00:13:36,488
I can't help it.
323
00:13:36,555 --> 00:13:38,085
Something about this
324
00:13:38,152 --> 00:13:39,449
just doesn't add up.
325
00:13:39,517 --> 00:13:41,646
Mm. What do you mean?
326
00:13:41,714 --> 00:13:42,911
I got a gut,
327
00:13:42,978 --> 00:13:45,407
and that gut tells me
that this schvantz
328
00:13:45,475 --> 00:13:48,135
doesn't belong to the
man they think it does.
329
00:13:55,958 --> 00:13:57,888
Hey, I forgot my deodorant.
330
00:13:57,956 --> 00:13:59,219
Can I use yours?
331
00:13:59,286 --> 00:14:00,551
Afraid not.
332
00:14:00,618 --> 00:14:02,548
Unfortunately, I have
just enough for me.
333
00:14:08,906 --> 00:14:09,636
What's your problem, man?
334
00:14:09,704 --> 00:14:11,500
You've been acting
pissy all day.
335
00:14:11,567 --> 00:14:13,032
You know damn well
what my problem is.
336
00:14:13,099 --> 00:14:14,195
No, I don't.
337
00:14:14,263 --> 00:14:15,793
You made me take that picture.
338
00:14:15,861 --> 00:14:16,992
What?
339
00:14:17,060 --> 00:14:17,791
Yeah. I had no concept
340
00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:19,122
of novelty wedding photographs
341
00:14:19,190 --> 00:14:20,355
till you showed up.
342
00:14:20,421 --> 00:14:22,283
I was just telling a story
343
00:14:22,351 --> 00:14:23,515
to fill the dead air.
344
00:14:23,583 --> 00:14:25,512
You're the one who said,
"Give me the camera."
345
00:14:25,579 --> 00:14:27,708
And that little top hat?
That was all you.
346
00:14:27,776 --> 00:14:30,537
Excuse me for classin'
it up a little.
347
00:14:30,605 --> 00:14:32,168
What's the big deal, anyway?
348
00:14:32,237 --> 00:14:34,865
Danny's the one who got blamed.
You're off the hook.
349
00:14:34,933 --> 00:14:36,163
Look, I feel guilty, OK,
350
00:14:36,230 --> 00:14:38,825
that Jake and Samantha are not
even speaking to each other,
351
00:14:38,892 --> 00:14:40,223
and everybody hates Danny.
352
00:14:40,291 --> 00:14:41,555
So come clean, man.
353
00:14:41,622 --> 00:14:42,553
I can't.
354
00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:43,984
Then everybody will hate me.
355
00:14:44,052 --> 00:14:45,116
Spence: Hey.
356
00:14:45,184 --> 00:14:46,979
Next time you guys
leave the steam room,
357
00:14:47,046 --> 00:14:48,378
you want to let me know?
358
00:14:48,446 --> 00:14:51,340
I've been talking to myself
for, like, half an hour.
359
00:14:51,407 --> 00:14:52,637
Sorry.
360
00:14:52,704 --> 00:14:54,402
Oh, God. Arthur.
361
00:14:54,469 --> 00:14:56,399
What are you doing here?
362
00:14:56,466 --> 00:14:57,896
I was right.
363
00:14:57,963 --> 00:15:00,326
It wasn't Danny in the picture.
364
00:15:00,394 --> 00:15:01,192
Yes, it was.
365
00:15:01,259 --> 00:15:03,022
He... said he did it.
366
00:15:03,089 --> 00:15:04,220
The kid's been framed.
367
00:15:04,288 --> 00:15:07,282
Framed like a $4.00
paint-by-numbers,
368
00:15:07,349 --> 00:15:10,244
and by someone
very close to him.
369
00:15:10,312 --> 00:15:12,607
Isn't that so...
370
00:15:12,674 --> 00:15:13,672
Spence?
371
00:15:18,433 --> 00:15:19,862
Bravo, son.
372
00:15:19,930 --> 00:15:21,361
You're exonerated...
373
00:15:21,428 --> 00:15:23,690
with flying colors.
374
00:15:27,919 --> 00:15:31,512
It's very sweet of you to
drive me to the airport.
375
00:15:31,579 --> 00:15:34,872
Well, you're... You're
too old to hitch.
376
00:15:34,940 --> 00:15:35,706
So you, uh,
377
00:15:35,773 --> 00:15:38,101
you had a good trip, right?
378
00:15:38,169 --> 00:15:39,499
How could I have a good trip?
379
00:15:39,566 --> 00:15:42,595
Your cousin ruined the whole
wedding with that awful picture.
380
00:15:42,662 --> 00:15:46,189
You know, Danny never
had any sense.
381
00:15:46,256 --> 00:15:47,454
Give him a break, all right?
382
00:15:47,522 --> 00:15:49,252
I'm sure he feels
really bad, you know?
383
00:15:49,318 --> 00:15:51,814
And I bet if he had to do it over
again, he wouldn't have done it.
384
00:15:51,882 --> 00:15:53,345
Well, it'd be great if he
could go back in time.
385
00:15:53,413 --> 00:15:54,909
Does he have a time machine?
386
00:15:54,977 --> 00:15:56,240
No. No.
387
00:15:56,307 --> 00:15:59,169
He doesn't have the sense
to have a time machine.
388
00:15:59,235 --> 00:16:00,899
I'll tell you what
the problem is.
389
00:16:00,967 --> 00:16:03,296
Every Sunday when Danny
should have been in church,
390
00:16:03,365 --> 00:16:04,894
you know what he was doing?
391
00:16:04,961 --> 00:16:07,556
He was watching The Three
Stooges on television.
392
00:16:07,623 --> 00:16:09,554
You don't get yourself
on the right path
393
00:16:09,620 --> 00:16:12,016
watching grown men poke
each other in the eye.
394
00:16:12,084 --> 00:16:13,381
Could we just drop this, Ma?
395
00:16:13,449 --> 00:16:15,545
I mean, we're taking a beautiful
trip to the airport...
396
00:16:15,611 --> 00:16:17,874
Look, Marriott.
397
00:16:17,942 --> 00:16:20,371
I can't stop thinking
about that picture.
398
00:16:20,439 --> 00:16:21,734
Ugh.
399
00:16:21,802 --> 00:16:24,929
That image is burned
into my brain.
400
00:16:24,997 --> 00:16:26,394
No.
401
00:16:26,462 --> 00:16:28,091
No, no, no. It's not burned.
402
00:16:28,159 --> 00:16:29,856
I see it when I close my eyes.
403
00:16:29,923 --> 00:16:32,218
Don't close 'em. You
just keep them open.
404
00:16:32,286 --> 00:16:34,815
I thank God that you're
a good boy, Douglas.
405
00:16:34,916 --> 00:16:37,144
I thank God.
406
00:16:40,175 --> 00:16:42,935
Anyway, so I just dropped
her off at the airport,
407
00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:44,600
and here I am.
408
00:16:44,668 --> 00:16:46,097
Uh-huh.
409
00:16:46,165 --> 00:16:47,762
So what are we looking at here?
410
00:16:47,829 --> 00:16:50,491
10 Hail Marys? A dozen Our Fathers?
What you got?
411
00:16:50,558 --> 00:16:53,087
Well, Doug, what I think
you should be doing
412
00:16:53,154 --> 00:16:55,083
is confessing to the
people you've hurt.
413
00:16:55,150 --> 00:16:58,079
That's the only way you'll be
able to make peace with God.
414
00:16:58,146 --> 00:17:00,076
Right.
415
00:17:00,143 --> 00:17:01,906
It's just... D-D-Did
you hear the part
416
00:17:01,974 --> 00:17:05,967
about the picture being burnt
into my mother's brain?
417
00:17:06,034 --> 00:17:08,230
Well, nobody said
this would be easy.
418
00:17:08,297 --> 00:17:10,860
I just think that's
what you need to do.
419
00:17:10,928 --> 00:17:12,990
OK. Um, can I get
a second opinion?
420
00:17:13,058 --> 00:17:15,719
Could you, like, tag out and
get Father Biskup in here?
421
00:17:15,787 --> 00:17:18,215
Doug, you can hide
422
00:17:18,282 --> 00:17:19,878
from the truth,
423
00:17:19,946 --> 00:17:21,910
but you can't hide from God.
424
00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:24,871
How about 60 Hail Marys? 60.
425
00:17:24,939 --> 00:17:26,369
And a new pair of Nikes for you.
426
00:17:26,437 --> 00:17:27,999
What are you, like an 11?
427
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:30,230
Doug...
428
00:17:35,157 --> 00:17:36,387
What are you doing?
429
00:17:36,454 --> 00:17:38,317
Just to the right of the top hat
430
00:17:38,385 --> 00:17:41,379
I've discovered a small
piece of the trouser label.
431
00:17:41,447 --> 00:17:44,641
I think it may break
this case wide open!
432
00:17:44,709 --> 00:17:46,305
Give me that.
433
00:17:46,373 --> 00:17:49,035
Who are you trying to protect?
434
00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:51,364
Hey, I'm making a pile
for the dry cleaners.
435
00:17:51,432 --> 00:17:52,728
You got anything?
436
00:17:52,796 --> 00:17:54,094
Uh, no.
437
00:17:54,161 --> 00:17:56,390
But I do want to tell you...
438
00:17:56,457 --> 00:17:59,152
I can't believe all this wedding
crap that got in your pockets.
439
00:17:59,220 --> 00:18:00,749
I mean, look at this.
440
00:18:00,818 --> 00:18:03,745
Matches, mints. You went a little
crazy with the yarmulkes here.
441
00:18:03,814 --> 00:18:06,241
Oh, look. One of the
little top hats.
442
00:18:06,309 --> 00:18:07,939
Good evening, governor.
443
00:18:09,637 --> 00:18:11,067
Those hats are funny, huh?
444
00:18:11,135 --> 00:18:12,398
Yeah.
445
00:18:12,465 --> 00:18:14,661
Kind of make you want to do
something wacky, you know?
446
00:18:14,729 --> 00:18:16,359
They do.
447
00:18:17,158 --> 00:18:18,557
That's, uh, probably
448
00:18:18,625 --> 00:18:22,051
where my head was at when I...
449
00:18:22,118 --> 00:18:23,549
uh...
450
00:18:24,615 --> 00:18:26,544
When I took the picture.
451
00:18:26,612 --> 00:18:27,841
What?
452
00:18:27,909 --> 00:18:29,440
The picture. The bad picture.
453
00:18:29,507 --> 00:18:32,267
The picture everybody's talking about.
I took it.
454
00:18:32,335 --> 00:18:33,865
Wait a minute. That was you?
455
00:18:33,900 --> 00:18:37,127
What would make you do
something like that?
456
00:18:37,194 --> 00:18:38,525
I was bored to tears, Carrie!
457
00:18:38,593 --> 00:18:41,388
I begged you to let me
leave that wedding!
458
00:18:41,456 --> 00:18:44,749
And you let Danny take
all the blame for it?
459
00:18:44,817 --> 00:18:46,447
The crowd seemed to
be going that way
460
00:18:46,515 --> 00:18:48,111
and I jumped on board.
461
00:18:48,178 --> 00:18:49,941
Doug, you're just...
462
00:18:50,008 --> 00:18:50,972
You're just evil.
463
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:53,370
I mean, do you realize
what you did to Danny?
464
00:18:53,437 --> 00:18:55,866
Do you realize you may have
broken up a marriage here?
465
00:18:55,933 --> 00:18:57,430
I'm aware of that, OK?
I feel bad.
466
00:18:57,497 --> 00:18:58,994
It's just a stupid thing
467
00:18:59,062 --> 00:18:59,860
that spun out of control.
468
00:18:59,927 --> 00:19:01,589
Well, you gotta tell
everybody the truth.
469
00:19:01,657 --> 00:19:03,154
I can't! You have to.
470
00:19:03,222 --> 00:19:04,419
Carrie, my mother's
seen the picture, OK?
471
00:19:04,486 --> 00:19:07,248
It's burnt into her brain!
472
00:19:07,316 --> 00:19:08,513
Is that the picture?
473
00:19:08,580 --> 00:19:09,512
Yeah. You've never seen it?
474
00:19:09,579 --> 00:19:10,577
No.
475
00:19:13,306 --> 00:19:14,371
You know what?
476
00:19:14,438 --> 00:19:15,402
Um...
477
00:19:15,469 --> 00:19:16,400
maybe you're right.
478
00:19:16,467 --> 00:19:17,932
Maybe we should just
let this thing go.
479
00:19:17,999 --> 00:19:19,595
Really? Yeah.
480
00:19:19,663 --> 00:19:20,861
Yeah, because, you know,
481
00:19:20,929 --> 00:19:22,691
people already think
Danny's a screwup.
482
00:19:22,759 --> 00:19:25,220
One more thing ain't gonna
make or break that, right?
483
00:19:25,287 --> 00:19:26,552
And if Jake and Samantha
484
00:19:26,620 --> 00:19:28,348
could break up over
something this stupid,
485
00:19:28,416 --> 00:19:30,945
then they weren't gonna make it anyway.
You know?
486
00:19:31,013 --> 00:19:32,876
What... What's going on here?
487
00:19:32,943 --> 00:19:34,207
Nothing.
488
00:19:34,275 --> 00:19:35,405
Just a second ago
489
00:19:35,473 --> 00:19:38,001
you said I had to tell the
truth and that I'm evil.
490
00:19:38,069 --> 00:19:39,233
No, I mean "evil,"
491
00:19:39,299 --> 00:19:41,162
like devilish, you
know, naughty.
492
00:19:41,230 --> 00:19:42,894
Adorable. You know?
493
00:19:42,961 --> 00:19:44,324
You're embarrassed of it.
494
00:19:44,392 --> 00:19:47,354
You don't want people
to know that's me!
495
00:19:47,421 --> 00:19:50,282
Well... Well, hon, it's
not your best picture.
496
00:19:50,350 --> 00:19:51,148
You know?
497
00:19:51,216 --> 00:19:52,445
I don't...
498
00:19:52,513 --> 00:19:54,576
I don't know if it was the angle
499
00:19:54,644 --> 00:19:56,139
or the lighting. It just...
500
00:19:56,207 --> 00:19:58,136
This... This picture
does not represent
501
00:19:58,204 --> 00:20:00,400
what I know to be the truth.
502
00:20:00,468 --> 00:20:03,096
That is a very nice picture.
503
00:20:03,164 --> 00:20:04,760
Nice? It's a mug shot.
504
00:20:04,828 --> 00:20:07,455
Yeah. People always wear
top hats in mug shots.
505
00:20:07,523 --> 00:20:09,619
Doug, take my word for it, OK?
506
00:20:09,687 --> 00:20:11,783
This picture doesn't
do you justice.
507
00:20:11,851 --> 00:20:14,612
Now, a lot of my friends from
work saw it at the brunch,
508
00:20:14,679 --> 00:20:17,107
and I don't think we need to
advertise that this is you.
509
00:20:17,175 --> 00:20:18,273
Oh.
510
00:20:18,340 --> 00:20:20,104
I'm telling. I'm
telling the world!
511
00:20:20,172 --> 00:20:21,868
I wouldn't do that
if I were you.
512
00:20:21,935 --> 00:20:23,065
I'm doin' it.
513
00:20:23,133 --> 00:20:24,297
Doug, OK, how about this?
514
00:20:24,365 --> 00:20:25,794
We take a new picture, OK?
515
00:20:25,862 --> 00:20:27,825
I mean, people only
saw it for a second.
516
00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:29,255
They would never
know the difference.
517
00:20:29,323 --> 00:20:31,287
We could get great lighting,
you know, good camera...
518
00:20:31,353 --> 00:20:33,050
Give me that!
519
00:20:33,118 --> 00:20:35,613
Can we just airbrush
it a little?
520
00:20:38,210 --> 00:20:41,405
So, anyway, I want
to apologize again
521
00:20:41,472 --> 00:20:44,533
to Jake and Samantha.
522
00:20:44,601 --> 00:20:46,497
Hopefully now that you know
the truth about this picture,
523
00:20:46,564 --> 00:20:48,127
you'll get back on the road
524
00:20:48,195 --> 00:20:50,723
to a long, happy life together.
525
00:20:50,790 --> 00:20:52,987
Sorry, also, to my cousin Danny,
526
00:20:53,055 --> 00:20:55,982
who I "framed."
527
00:20:57,548 --> 00:21:00,675
Enjoy that new
bowling ball, buddy.
528
00:21:00,743 --> 00:21:02,173
I also want to apologize
529
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:04,470
to anybody else I've offended...
530
00:21:04,538 --> 00:21:06,831
and to the community at large.
531
00:21:06,899 --> 00:21:08,629
Now, back to the picture.
532
00:21:08,697 --> 00:21:11,591
Who likes what they see?
Show of hands.
533
00:21:13,056 --> 00:21:16,184
Doug: Come on. Don't be shy.
534
00:21:25,239 --> 00:21:26,534
Excuse me.
535
00:21:26,602 --> 00:21:28,366
Don't you work with my
daughter Carrie Heffernan
536
00:21:28,433 --> 00:21:29,530
at the law firm?
537
00:21:29,597 --> 00:21:31,294
Carrie? Yes, I do.
538
00:21:31,362 --> 00:21:32,958
So you must have been at
the wedding last weekend.
539
00:21:33,026 --> 00:21:34,522
I sure was.
540
00:21:38,417 --> 00:21:40,647
You're free to go, sir.
36698
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