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1
00:00:05,738 --> 00:00:07,939
Whoa, wait a minute. Leave that.
2
00:00:08,007 --> 00:00:09,074
What is it?
3
00:00:09,142 --> 00:00:10,942
I don't know, but
Jimmy Smits is in it.
4
00:00:11,010 --> 00:00:13,178
That's all I need to know.
5
00:00:13,246 --> 00:00:15,414
Ah, so you like
your Jimmy, do you?
6
00:00:15,482 --> 00:00:17,616
Honey, I love you more
than anyone in the world,
7
00:00:17,683 --> 00:00:19,184
but if I actually
had a shot at him,
8
00:00:19,252 --> 00:00:22,154
I'd have to shove you
in front of a bus.
9
00:00:22,222 --> 00:00:24,389
Ok, fair enough. So,
uh, do I get one?
10
00:00:24,457 --> 00:00:25,557
One what?
11
00:00:25,625 --> 00:00:27,025
A fantasy person.
12
00:00:27,093 --> 00:00:28,893
You know, it's like,
we each get to pick
13
00:00:28,961 --> 00:00:30,262
that one person on the planet
14
00:00:30,330 --> 00:00:32,564
that if by some crazy fluke
15
00:00:32,632 --> 00:00:34,533
we actually got a
chance to be with them,
16
00:00:34,601 --> 00:00:37,436
the other just has to
grin and let it happen.
17
00:00:38,404 --> 00:00:40,439
All right. I like it.
18
00:00:40,507 --> 00:00:41,540
So you're going with Jimmy?
19
00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:43,442
Gimme a second, will you?
20
00:00:44,977 --> 00:00:48,046
It's a big planet. I
don't wanna blow it.
21
00:00:48,114 --> 00:00:50,282
Ok, do the Baldwin
brothers count as one?
22
00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:51,517
No.
23
00:00:51,584 --> 00:00:52,518
Ok.
24
00:00:53,353 --> 00:00:55,654
Uh, Mel Gibson.
25
00:00:55,721 --> 00:00:57,088
You're sure?
26
00:00:57,157 --> 00:00:59,591
Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure. You
can't go wrong with Mel.
27
00:00:59,659 --> 00:01:00,959
Ok.
28
00:01:01,027 --> 00:01:02,761
All right, who's yours?
29
00:01:02,828 --> 00:01:05,830
Um, Julia Roberts...
30
00:01:05,898 --> 00:01:07,832
Nah.
31
00:01:07,900 --> 00:01:10,435
I think I'm just gonna go with that
girl that does your nails. Goodnight.
32
00:01:25,987 --> 00:01:27,921
All right, are you comfortable?
Ready to go?
33
00:01:27,989 --> 00:01:29,256
I'm ready.
34
00:01:29,324 --> 00:01:32,626
Ok. Got the movie,
got a box of dots,
35
00:01:32,694 --> 00:01:36,196
a box of milk duds, and
a backup box of dots.
36
00:01:37,732 --> 00:01:40,801
Doug, when you plan a
Saturday night, look out!
37
00:01:41,603 --> 00:01:42,603
Dot me, baby.
38
00:01:42,671 --> 00:01:43,737
Ok, there you are.
39
00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:48,809
Oh, I didn't know we were
gonna watch a motion picture.
40
00:01:48,876 --> 00:01:50,243
Hi, dad.
41
00:01:50,312 --> 00:01:53,447
You should warn a fella
when it's movie night.
42
00:01:53,515 --> 00:01:56,450
Actually, we, uh, we assumed
that you had other plans.
43
00:01:56,518 --> 00:01:57,518
Well, you're in luck.
44
00:01:57,585 --> 00:02:00,287
Tonight, my dance
card is wide open.
45
00:02:02,056 --> 00:02:03,324
All right.
46
00:02:03,391 --> 00:02:05,859
So what have we here:
Shoot-'em-up, Sci-Fi,
47
00:02:06,728 --> 00:02:08,495
erotic thriller?
48
00:02:12,967 --> 00:02:14,301
It's a mystery, I think.
49
00:02:14,369 --> 00:02:16,403
Oh, nothing like
a good whodunit.
50
00:02:16,471 --> 00:02:18,905
Shh. Ok, here we go. Come on.
51
00:02:18,973 --> 00:02:20,607
"F.B.I. Warning,
52
00:02:20,675 --> 00:02:24,812
federal law provides severe
civil and criminal..."
53
00:02:24,879 --> 00:02:26,447
Fast forwarding.
54
00:02:26,514 --> 00:02:29,850
Here we go. All
right, here we go.
55
00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:33,787
Pentagon, October 1962.
56
00:02:33,855 --> 00:02:36,657
On the Eve of the Cuban
missile crisis...
57
00:02:36,725 --> 00:02:37,891
Arthur,
58
00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:39,893
we can read.
59
00:02:40,662 --> 00:02:42,329
A thousand pardons.
60
00:02:47,034 --> 00:02:49,870
Why is that guy
shaving his beard?
61
00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:52,005
Did I get here before you?
62
00:02:52,073 --> 00:02:54,808
I'm just trying to follow
the story, Douglas.
63
00:02:54,876 --> 00:02:57,110
That's fine. Follow it without talking.
Could you do that.
64
00:02:57,178 --> 00:02:59,079
Shh. Not me, him. Shh!
65
00:03:00,782 --> 00:03:01,915
Hey!
66
00:03:11,493 --> 00:03:14,227
What did he put into that bag?
67
00:03:15,997 --> 00:03:17,865
Arthur, every time you
ask me a question,
68
00:03:17,932 --> 00:03:18,965
I can't watch the movie.
69
00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:20,434
Then I don't know
what's going on!
70
00:03:20,502 --> 00:03:22,870
Then you should get
a simpler movie!
71
00:03:22,937 --> 00:03:24,772
Oh, I'm gettin' a beer.
72
00:03:24,839 --> 00:03:25,873
Crack one for me, will you?
73
00:03:25,940 --> 00:03:26,774
Yeah.
74
00:03:31,646 --> 00:03:33,113
Aw, look at you.
75
00:03:33,180 --> 00:03:35,449
Babe, you're missing the movie.
76
00:03:35,517 --> 00:03:38,485
God, the universe is so big.
77
00:03:38,553 --> 00:03:40,921
Why did he have to end up here?
78
00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:42,723
Why couldn't he be...
79
00:03:43,725 --> 00:03:45,492
Like, there?
80
00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:47,160
Ok, you know what?
81
00:03:47,228 --> 00:03:48,562
Tonight, when he's sleeping,
82
00:03:48,630 --> 00:03:51,665
I'm gonna hold a
pillow over his face.
83
00:03:51,733 --> 00:03:53,901
What, nothing for that?
84
00:03:53,968 --> 00:03:56,303
I just wish we had the house
to ourselves, one time.
85
00:03:56,370 --> 00:03:58,204
Believe me, I would
love that, too.
86
00:03:58,272 --> 00:03:59,272
Yeah.
87
00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:01,508
Know when we first
bought the place?
88
00:04:01,576 --> 00:04:05,612
Every weekend we'd just bunker in,
get take-out, and walk around naked.
89
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:06,814
Yeah.
90
00:04:06,881 --> 00:04:09,450
And you'd tell me to
put some clothes on.
91
00:04:10,151 --> 00:04:11,251
Yeah.
92
00:04:11,319 --> 00:04:12,619
Well, that party's over.
93
00:04:12,687 --> 00:04:14,721
Honey, I'm sorry
he's gotta be here.
94
00:04:14,789 --> 00:04:16,690
He's not a bad guy. It's just...
95
00:04:16,758 --> 00:04:18,826
I wish we could, you
know, get rid of him.
96
00:04:19,894 --> 00:04:21,662
For a weekend.
97
00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:23,363
Well, you know what?
Maybe we can.
98
00:04:23,431 --> 00:04:25,031
What do you mean?
99
00:04:25,099 --> 00:04:27,067
Well, maybe we can ask somebody
to take him for a couple of days,
100
00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:28,702
you know, as a favor.
101
00:04:28,770 --> 00:04:30,471
You ever save anybody's life?
102
00:04:30,538 --> 00:04:33,173
No. Damn it, I had so
many chances, too.
103
00:04:34,175 --> 00:04:35,241
Ok, you know what?
104
00:04:35,309 --> 00:04:37,043
Tomorrow we'll just
start asking people.
105
00:04:37,111 --> 00:04:38,512
I mean, there's
gotta be somebody.
106
00:04:38,580 --> 00:04:40,113
Absolutely. You
know what we'll do?
107
00:04:40,181 --> 00:04:42,683
We'll get everyone we know drunk
and just see where he sticks.
108
00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:43,817
It's a plan.
109
00:04:43,885 --> 00:04:46,653
Next weekend, it's
just you and me, bub.
110
00:04:46,721 --> 00:04:49,055
Why did he put the
bag in the locker?
111
00:04:49,123 --> 00:04:50,924
I'm not even in there!
112
00:04:55,697 --> 00:04:56,763
Hey, man, so, you ok?
113
00:04:56,831 --> 00:04:58,164
You, uh, need another beer?
114
00:04:58,232 --> 00:05:00,133
Moose, it's 4:00
in the afternoon.
115
00:05:00,201 --> 00:05:02,870
What are you trying
to do, get me drunk?
116
00:05:02,937 --> 00:05:05,105
Whoa, look at this. We caught
a break, Arthur's here.
117
00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:07,107
Capt. Artie, is it ok
if we hang with you?
118
00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:08,876
I don't give a crap.
119
00:05:10,512 --> 00:05:12,178
So, you wanna hang?
120
00:05:12,814 --> 00:05:15,115
Whatever.
121
00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:17,851
I don't know why this guy
insists on buying a "u."
122
00:05:17,919 --> 00:05:20,854
Some people have their
brains in their asses.
123
00:05:22,089 --> 00:05:23,390
Brains in the ass.
124
00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:25,458
That's not even possible.
125
00:05:25,527 --> 00:05:28,228
Where does he come
up with this stuff?
126
00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:30,864
Cup holder! It's cup holder.
127
00:05:30,932 --> 00:05:33,066
Oh, this guy ought to be shot.
128
00:05:34,969 --> 00:05:37,303
Shot. Oh, man, once
he gets going,
129
00:05:37,371 --> 00:05:40,541
you just, you know what you do? You
pull up a chair and enjoy the show.
130
00:05:40,608 --> 00:05:42,809
I thought you said he
always drives you nuts.
131
00:05:42,877 --> 00:05:46,179
Well, sure, I did, but that was
until I spent the weekend with him.
132
00:05:46,247 --> 00:05:48,615
Then, you know, I got it.
You know.
133
00:05:49,984 --> 00:05:52,485
Oh, I just... I just
got a crazy idea.
134
00:05:52,554 --> 00:05:54,120
What?
135
00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:56,289
You should... you should take him
for, like, a weekend, you know.
136
00:05:56,357 --> 00:05:59,192
Keep him at your place. I'm cool with it.
Hey, you need another beer?
137
00:05:59,260 --> 00:06:00,360
Sorry, moose.
138
00:06:00,428 --> 00:06:02,062
I ain't taking the old
man off your hands.
139
00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:04,230
Oh, come on, rich.
Just for one weekend.
140
00:06:04,298 --> 00:06:06,366
Forget it! I'm gonna head
down to the firehouse.
141
00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:08,268
Hopefully, there's
a fire somewhere.
142
00:06:08,335 --> 00:06:09,870
Hey, he likes fires, huh?
143
00:06:09,938 --> 00:06:12,706
He starts 'em, you put 'em out.
There's a weekend right there.
144
00:06:16,878 --> 00:06:18,178
Dad, you want any dessert?
145
00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:19,546
No, thanks.
146
00:06:19,614 --> 00:06:21,514
I'm stuffed to the
gills with lasagna.
147
00:06:21,583 --> 00:06:24,517
Now it's time to go
upstairs and pay the band.
148
00:06:30,825 --> 00:06:32,225
So, did you find anybody yet?
149
00:06:32,293 --> 00:06:33,660
No. How about you?
150
00:06:33,728 --> 00:06:35,261
No.
151
00:06:35,329 --> 00:06:37,363
I made the mistake of
asking my aunt Patti first,
152
00:06:37,431 --> 00:06:38,932
and she must have
tipped people off
153
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:41,935
because I can't get a
phone call returned.
154
00:06:42,003 --> 00:06:43,704
Can't we just drive him
out to the country
155
00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:45,405
and let him go?
156
00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:51,544
Nah, he'll find his way back.
157
00:06:52,446 --> 00:06:53,614
I guess.
158
00:06:53,681 --> 00:06:55,782
Well, everybody said no, huh?
159
00:06:55,850 --> 00:06:57,117
Even your cousin Danny?
160
00:06:57,184 --> 00:06:58,418
Oh, I didn't ask him.
161
00:06:58,486 --> 00:07:00,854
What? Why not? He idolizes you.
162
00:07:00,922 --> 00:07:02,055
He'd do anything for you.
163
00:07:02,123 --> 00:07:03,523
I know. That's the
exact problem.
164
00:07:03,591 --> 00:07:05,592
My whole life he's been
trying to be my best friend.
165
00:07:05,660 --> 00:07:08,161
He's like those little fish
that glom onto the bigger fish.
166
00:07:08,229 --> 00:07:09,362
What do you call those?
167
00:07:09,430 --> 00:07:10,597
Uh, plankton? No.
168
00:07:10,665 --> 00:07:12,032
Barnacles?
169
00:07:12,100 --> 00:07:13,166
No. What else you got?
170
00:07:13,234 --> 00:07:14,534
Just call him!
171
00:07:14,602 --> 00:07:16,336
No, I don't wanna call him.
All right!
172
00:07:16,403 --> 00:07:19,305
I've worked very hard at keeping my
distance. I wanna keep it that way.
173
00:07:19,373 --> 00:07:21,541
All right, don't get
your panties in a bunch.
174
00:07:22,744 --> 00:07:24,177
Douglas, I forget.
175
00:07:24,245 --> 00:07:27,047
Is your toothbrush the
green one or the blue one?
176
00:07:28,449 --> 00:07:29,449
Blue.
177
00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:30,817
Oh, my God.
178
00:07:35,657 --> 00:07:37,691
All right. All right. All right.
179
00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:42,896
Dad.
180
00:07:42,964 --> 00:07:44,597
Dad. Dad.
181
00:07:44,666 --> 00:07:45,598
Huh!
182
00:07:45,667 --> 00:07:47,034
Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you.
183
00:07:47,101 --> 00:07:49,770
Oh, you're lucky I
didn't throw a kick.
184
00:07:49,837 --> 00:07:51,237
What are you listening to?
185
00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:53,106
Oh, it's my self-help tape.
186
00:07:53,174 --> 00:07:55,441
Do you realize I'm the one
who gets in my own way?
187
00:07:55,509 --> 00:07:57,243
Yes, I do.
188
00:07:57,311 --> 00:08:01,214
Uh, dad, Doug and I are having,
uh, sort of a problem.
189
00:08:01,282 --> 00:08:02,783
Um, yeah, uh...
190
00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:04,284
You know my cousin Danny
191
00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:05,686
w-who owns the pizza place?
192
00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:08,021
No, but press on.
193
00:08:08,089 --> 00:08:11,457
Well, anyway, he's... he's got
a guy out sick this weekend.
194
00:08:11,525 --> 00:08:14,761
Do you happen to know anyone
who could possibly fill in?
195
00:08:14,829 --> 00:08:16,697
Hmm, let me see.
196
00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:19,866
Oh, I knew a fellow in the army
who would be perfect for this.
197
00:08:19,934 --> 00:08:23,403
The only thing is his legs were
blown off by a Nazi mortar.
198
00:08:24,138 --> 00:08:25,572
And he's dead.
199
00:08:27,274 --> 00:08:28,374
Sorry.
200
00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:31,878
Nice going.
201
00:08:31,946 --> 00:08:33,180
I was trying to be subtle.
202
00:08:33,247 --> 00:08:35,248
Doug, he didn't even know
what you were talking about.
203
00:08:35,316 --> 00:08:37,150
Oh, he knew. He knew.
You knew. You knew.
204
00:08:37,218 --> 00:08:40,153
All right. Stop it. All right.
Stop it. Let me handle this.
205
00:08:42,190 --> 00:08:44,124
Still us, dad.
206
00:08:44,192 --> 00:08:46,126
So, you find anyone yet?
207
00:08:47,394 --> 00:08:49,562
Uh, no.
208
00:08:49,630 --> 00:08:52,866
But, you know, actually, Doug
and I had this crazy idea.
209
00:08:52,934 --> 00:08:55,702
Uh, why don't you, uh, help
Danny at the pizza place?
210
00:08:55,770 --> 00:08:58,471
Me? I'm flattered.
211
00:08:58,539 --> 00:09:01,641
So, I guess I gotta wear
some sort of leotard?
212
00:09:04,545 --> 00:09:06,512
Did you hear "pizza place"?
213
00:09:10,351 --> 00:09:12,786
Listen, Danny, thanks again for,
uh, helping out with Arthur.
214
00:09:12,854 --> 00:09:15,421
Oh, come on. This is great. I
mean, just to see you again.
215
00:09:15,489 --> 00:09:18,825
You know, gotta tell this guy to
call me back once in a while.
216
00:09:18,893 --> 00:09:21,928
I know, I'm bad. I don't call back.
I'm not a phone guy.
217
00:09:21,996 --> 00:09:24,530
Aw, I'm just kidding around with you.
Giving you a hard time.
218
00:09:24,598 --> 00:09:27,100
Listen, listen, we're... we're
throwing together a dart league,
219
00:09:27,168 --> 00:09:30,370
and, uh, we got some room.
Can I sign you up?
220
00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:33,573
You know, I think
I'm already in one.
221
00:09:34,776 --> 00:09:36,509
Oh, uh, just... Just a second.
222
00:09:36,577 --> 00:09:38,945
Yello, Angelo’s. How ya do, huh?
223
00:09:39,013 --> 00:09:41,114
Ok, a large pie,
224
00:09:41,182 --> 00:09:44,785
right half pepperoni. Ok.
225
00:09:44,852 --> 00:09:47,587
Hey, Giuseppe! Hey, when
you gonna bocce ball?
226
00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:50,924
Ok, 15 minutes.
227
00:09:53,094 --> 00:09:56,263
Listen, you can never be
in too many dart leagues.
228
00:09:56,330 --> 00:09:57,597
Right.
229
00:09:57,665 --> 00:09:59,065
We should get going,
what do you say?
230
00:09:59,133 --> 00:10:00,500
Wait, wait. Before you do, here,
231
00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:04,271
why don't you, uh, take
home a couple of pies, huh?
232
00:10:04,338 --> 00:10:05,371
Uh, you don't have to.
233
00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:08,008
I know, I don't have to.
I want to.
234
00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:10,243
Let me give you some money.
235
00:10:10,311 --> 00:10:12,012
He wants to give me money.
236
00:10:12,079 --> 00:10:13,780
Would you get outta
here with the money!
237
00:10:13,848 --> 00:10:17,083
Just take me to a mets game like
you promised me 6 years ago, huh?
238
00:10:18,652 --> 00:10:20,287
Right. Ok.
239
00:10:20,354 --> 00:10:22,422
So, what are those, toppings?
240
00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:25,225
Uh, dad, we're leaving now.
241
00:10:25,293 --> 00:10:28,128
Now, I want you to listen to
Danny and do what he says, ok?
242
00:10:28,196 --> 00:10:29,429
Gimme a kiss goodbye.
243
00:10:29,496 --> 00:10:30,831
Not at work.
244
00:10:32,166 --> 00:10:33,700
Ok, bye-bye.
245
00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:37,804
I wanna watch movies.
246
00:10:37,872 --> 00:10:40,307
I wanna... I wanna take a bath.
I wanna... I wanna...
247
00:10:40,374 --> 00:10:41,541
Write it down. Write it down.
248
00:10:41,608 --> 00:10:43,009
Make a list. Make a list.
249
00:10:43,077 --> 00:10:45,812
Ok, I wanna, um... I
wanna blast the stereo.
250
00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:48,114
I wanna have sex in the kitchen.
251
00:10:48,182 --> 00:10:50,317
Oh, yeah, put me
down for that, too.
252
00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:53,286
Oh, man, I... I...
I wanna eat pizza.
253
00:10:53,354 --> 00:10:55,355
I wanna run around naked.
I wanna, I wanna...
254
00:11:23,953 --> 00:11:25,154
Dougie.
255
00:11:26,355 --> 00:11:29,257
Well, I guess we're
in the living room,
256
00:11:29,325 --> 00:11:32,928
so we can't fool around.
257
00:11:32,996 --> 00:11:35,463
Oh, wait a minute. Yes, we can.
258
00:11:37,433 --> 00:11:40,069
For the sweet love of God,
you gotta get off me.
259
00:11:43,606 --> 00:11:45,640
Ok, now I feel sexy.
260
00:11:47,210 --> 00:11:49,011
I ate too much.
261
00:11:49,079 --> 00:11:52,715
Oh, my God, Doug, how
many slices did you have?
262
00:11:52,782 --> 00:11:55,383
Put it this way, I
shattered my old record.
263
00:11:56,953 --> 00:11:58,921
Your father wasn't here.
I got excited.
264
00:11:58,988 --> 00:12:01,523
Doug, you can eat
pizza when he's here.
265
00:12:01,591 --> 00:12:05,961
I know, it just tastes better
when he's gone. I was in a zone.
266
00:12:06,029 --> 00:12:07,896
So what about us? I
mean, the whole reason
267
00:12:07,964 --> 00:12:09,231
for getting rid of my father
268
00:12:09,298 --> 00:12:10,999
was so we could do
stuff together.
269
00:12:11,067 --> 00:12:13,335
It's ok. It's ok. It's
only Friday, you know?
270
00:12:13,402 --> 00:12:14,469
Just let me sleep this off,
271
00:12:14,537 --> 00:12:15,804
and tomorrow, I promise,
272
00:12:15,872 --> 00:12:18,273
we'll... we'll go crazy, all right.
I swear.
273
00:12:32,388 --> 00:12:33,789
Oh, hey, baby, you're up.
274
00:12:33,857 --> 00:12:36,158
I was just gonna go out for a few hours.
Do you mind?
275
00:12:36,226 --> 00:12:37,325
What? Where are you going?
276
00:12:37,393 --> 00:12:38,827
I wanna get my hair done.
277
00:12:38,895 --> 00:12:39,928
But this is a big day.
278
00:12:39,996 --> 00:12:41,730
Come on, I made us
a great breakfast.
279
00:12:41,798 --> 00:12:43,431
Huh? There's food to be had,
280
00:12:43,499 --> 00:12:45,200
orgasms to be faked.
281
00:12:48,204 --> 00:12:50,438
Oh, honey, that is so sweet.
282
00:12:50,506 --> 00:12:53,642
And look, you made the
whole pound of bacon.
283
00:12:53,709 --> 00:12:55,944
I had to. It expires in 3 weeks.
284
00:12:56,980 --> 00:12:58,546
Come on, stay.
285
00:12:58,614 --> 00:13:00,315
Honey, I already made
the appointment.
286
00:13:00,383 --> 00:13:03,185
Come on, you know I always feel
sexier after I get my hair done.
287
00:13:03,253 --> 00:13:04,552
Yeah, same here.
288
00:13:04,620 --> 00:13:06,655
All right. I'll grab a
shower while you're gone.
289
00:13:06,722 --> 00:13:07,956
You know, clean myself up,
290
00:13:08,024 --> 00:13:09,291
bang out a couple of pushups.
291
00:13:09,358 --> 00:13:11,093
Hey, why don't you
start with the shower
292
00:13:11,161 --> 00:13:12,795
and see how you feel, ok?
293
00:13:15,431 --> 00:13:18,000
Who's next? Who's next?
Yes, sir.
294
00:13:18,067 --> 00:13:20,102
Give me a slice with,
uh, mushrooms.
295
00:13:20,170 --> 00:13:23,405
All right. Oh, got
you a beauty here.
296
00:13:23,472 --> 00:13:25,007
Throw a little red
pepper on that,
297
00:13:25,074 --> 00:13:26,441
and it's gonna sing.
298
00:13:26,509 --> 00:13:27,943
That'll be $2.
299
00:13:33,316 --> 00:13:34,449
Ok, they're legit.
300
00:13:34,517 --> 00:13:36,451
Thank you for
coming to Angelo's.
301
00:13:39,122 --> 00:13:42,757
Uh, Arthur, you probably don't
have to check the ones.
302
00:13:43,592 --> 00:13:45,160
I see I've upset you.
303
00:13:45,228 --> 00:13:48,596
Shall I consider this
a formal reprimand?
304
00:13:48,664 --> 00:13:50,199
Oh, no. No, no. No, no.
305
00:13:50,266 --> 00:13:51,533
You're doing a great job, here.
306
00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:54,002
Thank you. I must say
your cousin was right.
307
00:13:54,070 --> 00:13:56,238
You are a terrific guy.
308
00:13:56,306 --> 00:13:57,572
He said that?
309
00:13:57,640 --> 00:13:59,241
Oh, yeah, in the car
ride over here.
310
00:13:59,309 --> 00:14:01,176
He was going on and on.
311
00:14:01,244 --> 00:14:04,479
I started getting a little nauseous.
I had to tune him out.
312
00:14:04,547 --> 00:14:06,882
Really? I... I... I
can't believe it.
313
00:14:06,950 --> 00:14:09,151
All my life, I... I thought
he just didn't like me.
314
00:14:09,219 --> 00:14:11,419
Well, that's the way
it is with Doug.
315
00:14:11,487 --> 00:14:13,889
He has a hard time
showin' his love.
316
00:14:13,957 --> 00:14:16,091
I mean, sometimes
he acts like...
317
00:14:16,159 --> 00:14:18,227
He doesn't want me around.
318
00:15:14,350 --> 00:15:15,350
Hey.
319
00:15:17,653 --> 00:15:19,254
Ok, it's showtime.
320
00:15:33,736 --> 00:15:35,470
I can't believe these people.
321
00:15:35,538 --> 00:15:36,738
They totally ruined my hair.
322
00:15:36,806 --> 00:15:38,673
I am so pissed!
323
00:15:39,542 --> 00:15:40,675
Hey.
324
00:15:42,211 --> 00:15:43,711
It's horrible, right?
325
00:15:43,779 --> 00:15:45,280
What's wrong with it?
326
00:15:45,348 --> 00:15:46,881
Ok, how about it's
totally uneven,
327
00:15:46,950 --> 00:15:48,883
and he made this
part way too light.
328
00:15:50,053 --> 00:15:51,586
Well, if it bothers
you that much,
329
00:15:51,654 --> 00:15:53,055
put on a wig.
330
00:15:53,923 --> 00:15:55,257
A blond one.
331
00:15:56,926 --> 00:15:58,526
Would you stop it?
332
00:15:58,594 --> 00:15:59,794
I look horrible.
333
00:15:59,862 --> 00:16:01,529
No, you don't. Yes, I do.
334
00:16:01,597 --> 00:16:03,332
Look, I know what you need.
335
00:16:03,399 --> 00:16:06,701
You just need yourself a nice
climb up mount Dougmore.
336
00:16:08,471 --> 00:16:10,839
Doug, I am not even close
to being in the mood.
337
00:16:10,906 --> 00:16:12,207
You can't see this?
338
00:16:12,275 --> 00:16:13,908
Carrie, I'm all set to go, here.
339
00:16:13,977 --> 00:16:15,543
Well, I'm sorry. What
do you want me to do,
340
00:16:15,611 --> 00:16:18,613
just lie down and go
through the motions?
341
00:16:18,681 --> 00:16:19,914
If you want to.
342
00:16:21,817 --> 00:16:23,018
All right, here's the deal.
343
00:16:23,086 --> 00:16:25,287
Why don't you take yourself
a nice hot shower,
344
00:16:25,355 --> 00:16:27,922
and then after, you can redo
your hair the way you like it,
345
00:16:27,991 --> 00:16:30,325
like, all sexy. Ok?
346
00:16:30,393 --> 00:16:31,426
Yeah, let me do that.
347
00:16:31,494 --> 00:16:32,527
All right, that's a girl.
348
00:16:33,629 --> 00:16:34,896
Oh! All right, you go suds up.
349
00:16:34,964 --> 00:16:36,865
I'll get rid of whoever this is.
350
00:16:41,137 --> 00:16:42,137
You!
351
00:16:43,106 --> 00:16:44,139
Me?
352
00:16:44,207 --> 00:16:45,173
You!
353
00:16:47,110 --> 00:16:48,010
What?
354
00:16:48,077 --> 00:16:50,112
Arthur told me what you said.
355
00:16:50,179 --> 00:16:51,246
A-a-about?
356
00:16:51,314 --> 00:16:53,348
That I'm a terrific guy.
357
00:16:53,416 --> 00:16:55,384
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I
mentioned that, yeah.
358
00:16:55,451 --> 00:16:57,685
Come on, let me buy you a beer
in your kitchen. Let's go.
359
00:16:57,753 --> 00:16:59,554
Uh, actually,
c-Carrie's upstairs.
360
00:16:59,622 --> 00:17:01,390
Oh, don't worry. I gotta get
back to the shop, anyway.
361
00:17:01,457 --> 00:17:02,657
Come on, quick beer.
362
00:17:02,725 --> 00:17:04,359
Ok.
363
00:17:04,427 --> 00:17:05,827
Remember when we were kids,
364
00:17:05,895 --> 00:17:08,330
we would, uh, pin those
towels around our necks?
365
00:17:08,398 --> 00:17:10,165
Yeah, I think I remember that.
366
00:17:10,233 --> 00:17:11,566
Oh, sure you do. Sure you do.
367
00:17:11,634 --> 00:17:13,268
You'd pretend to
be, uh, superman,
368
00:17:13,336 --> 00:17:15,003
and I was your sidekick...
369
00:17:15,671 --> 00:17:16,571
Towel boy.
370
00:17:16,639 --> 00:17:18,573
Towel boy, that's right! Yeah!
371
00:17:18,641 --> 00:17:20,675
Ah, those were fun times.
372
00:17:20,743 --> 00:17:22,077
Hmm.
373
00:17:22,145 --> 00:17:23,778
So, Doug, what... you know, what...
what went wrong?
374
00:17:23,846 --> 00:17:25,447
How did we drift apart?
375
00:17:25,515 --> 00:17:28,483
Was it me, because I... I know I
can come on like a ton of bricks.
376
00:17:28,551 --> 00:17:30,352
No, no, you're fine. I mean,
377
00:17:30,420 --> 00:17:32,254
you were a bit of a pain in
the ass when we were kids,
378
00:17:32,321 --> 00:17:34,222
but I guess, you know,
I never let it go.
379
00:17:34,290 --> 00:17:35,590
You know what? I'm... I'm sorry.
380
00:17:35,658 --> 00:17:37,159
Well, whatever happened,
381
00:17:37,226 --> 00:17:39,761
I'm just glad we were able to
hang out a little, you know?
382
00:17:39,828 --> 00:17:41,463
Well, listen, I...
I'm gonna get going.
383
00:17:41,531 --> 00:17:43,298
And you know what?
Maybe, sometime,
384
00:17:43,366 --> 00:17:45,100
w-we'll do that mets
game together, huh?
385
00:17:45,168 --> 00:17:47,169
Yeah, whenever. I'm not pushin'.
386
00:17:47,236 --> 00:17:49,438
Hey, remember the last one
we went to back in '86?
387
00:17:49,505 --> 00:17:52,040
Oh, yeah, right. When you
threw my keys in the urinal.
388
00:17:52,108 --> 00:17:54,142
Right, right. But I made
it up to you, though.
389
00:17:54,210 --> 00:17:56,644
Remember I took you to Tracy
Matello's birthday party, huh?
390
00:17:56,712 --> 00:17:57,679
You remember that?
391
00:17:57,746 --> 00:17:59,514
Yeah, I remember.
392
00:17:59,582 --> 00:18:01,349
That's the night everyone
started calling me stumpy.
393
00:18:01,417 --> 00:18:03,585
Yeah, that was because of me.
I... I started that.
394
00:18:03,652 --> 00:18:05,787
Remember, you were wearing
that stupid turtleneck,
395
00:18:05,854 --> 00:18:07,322
dancing on the floor out there,
396
00:18:07,390 --> 00:18:10,692
and I was like, "hey,
nice move there, stumpy!"
397
00:18:11,427 --> 00:18:13,027
That was all me.
398
00:18:13,096 --> 00:18:15,029
Do you know that people
still call me that?
399
00:18:15,098 --> 00:18:17,332
Oh, really? That's funny.
400
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,134
It is. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
401
00:18:19,202 --> 00:18:20,835
Did you ever try to get a
girl to go out with you
402
00:18:20,903 --> 00:18:22,270
when your nickname is stumpy?
403
00:18:22,338 --> 00:18:24,906
God! I... I can't
believe that was you!
404
00:18:24,974 --> 00:18:26,641
You did that to me!
405
00:18:28,111 --> 00:18:29,478
No, actually, it was Rick Usher.
406
00:18:29,545 --> 00:18:31,480
That's who it was, Rick
Usher, I remember.
407
00:18:31,547 --> 00:18:33,582
Yeah, yeah, sure. Blame the dead kid.
You know?
408
00:18:33,649 --> 00:18:35,049
It was you!
409
00:18:35,118 --> 00:18:36,418
Now, wait till my therapist
410
00:18:36,486 --> 00:18:38,286
gets this piece of the puzzle!
411
00:18:46,129 --> 00:18:47,462
It was just a nickname.
412
00:18:47,530 --> 00:18:50,132
Oy! Can I get a
little focus here?
413
00:18:50,199 --> 00:18:53,368
How can I focus? I
ruined the guy's life.
414
00:18:53,436 --> 00:18:55,770
Stumpy's funny though, right?
415
00:18:55,838 --> 00:18:57,472
Doug, if you're
trying to get me hot,
416
00:18:57,540 --> 00:19:00,675
repeating the word "stumpy"
is not gonna help.
417
00:19:00,743 --> 00:19:03,145
I just feel so guilty.
418
00:19:03,212 --> 00:19:05,079
Ok, well, look at it this way.
419
00:19:05,148 --> 00:19:07,249
Now he hates you. Now he
won't call you as much.
420
00:19:07,316 --> 00:19:08,483
I don't want him to hate me.
421
00:19:08,551 --> 00:19:10,885
I want him to love
me and not call me.
422
00:19:10,953 --> 00:19:12,120
Ok, so what are you saying?
423
00:19:12,188 --> 00:19:13,555
Are we gonna fool around or not?
424
00:19:13,623 --> 00:19:15,023
Look, I'll do whatever you want.
425
00:19:15,090 --> 00:19:16,391
I'm just telling you right now,
426
00:19:16,459 --> 00:19:18,393
I can't give you
all the engines.
427
00:19:21,297 --> 00:19:24,132
Doug, it's Saturday, ok?
428
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:27,302
Our weekend without my
father is over tomorrow.
429
00:19:27,370 --> 00:19:29,804
Fine. We'll fool around
in the morning, ok?
430
00:19:31,374 --> 00:19:32,907
Just go to sleep now.
431
00:19:34,544 --> 00:19:35,810
It's 7:30.
432
00:19:37,413 --> 00:19:39,113
Shut up, weird hair.
433
00:19:48,957 --> 00:19:51,059
Hey, it's Sunday morning.
434
00:19:51,126 --> 00:19:52,794
You wanna have sex?
435
00:19:54,029 --> 00:19:55,763
Do ya? Do ya?
436
00:19:55,831 --> 00:19:58,266
Do ya? Do ya?
437
00:19:58,334 --> 00:19:59,568
Stop.
438
00:19:59,635 --> 00:20:00,968
Hey, come on. Wake
up, I want sex.
439
00:20:01,036 --> 00:20:02,937
Your hair looks good now.
440
00:20:05,575 --> 00:20:07,242
Doug, I'm sleeping.
441
00:20:09,645 --> 00:20:11,246
Did you feel that?
442
00:20:11,780 --> 00:20:12,914
Oh, no.
443
00:20:14,350 --> 00:20:15,617
Oh, honey!
444
00:20:16,285 --> 00:20:18,320
It's a Dougquake!
445
00:20:18,387 --> 00:20:21,155
Oh, God! Oh, boy!
446
00:20:21,224 --> 00:20:22,957
Quick, under a doorjamb!
447
00:20:23,025 --> 00:20:24,158
Under a doorjamb!
448
00:20:24,227 --> 00:20:25,460
Find one!
449
00:20:25,528 --> 00:20:26,695
Stop it.
450
00:20:31,967 --> 00:20:33,468
Aftershocks!
451
00:20:36,572 --> 00:20:38,806
You are so dead.
452
00:20:38,874 --> 00:20:40,408
You are so dead!
453
00:20:42,811 --> 00:20:44,279
You want a piece of me?
454
00:20:44,347 --> 00:20:45,980
Come on, sex in the kitchen.
455
00:20:52,121 --> 00:20:53,455
Dad, what are you doing?
456
00:20:53,522 --> 00:20:55,457
I thought you weren't
coming home until tonight.
457
00:20:55,524 --> 00:20:56,991
Danny gave me the boot.
458
00:20:57,059 --> 00:20:58,826
What? Why?
459
00:20:58,894 --> 00:21:01,329
I don't know. Something
about Doug being an idiot.
460
00:21:01,397 --> 00:21:03,565
So, what are you kids up to?
461
00:21:06,835 --> 00:21:08,903
We wanna have sex
in the kitchen...
462
00:21:14,111 --> 00:21:16,445
I see. So, tell me,
463
00:21:16,513 --> 00:21:19,749
what, exactly, do you
remember about that day?
464
00:21:19,817 --> 00:21:22,318
Well, Danny and I were
at this birthday party,
465
00:21:22,386 --> 00:21:23,553
and I, uh...
466
00:21:24,521 --> 00:21:26,489
I just called him stumpy.
467
00:21:36,567 --> 00:21:37,867
You think that's funny?
468
00:21:37,935 --> 00:21:40,103
I told you. Right?
It's funny, right?
33271
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