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00:00:06,300 --> 00:00:08,390
First off, I'd like
to thank you all
2
00:00:08,470 --> 00:00:10,180
for being part
of today's focus group.
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00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:12,470
My name is Alfred Winstanley,
and in front of you
4
00:00:12,550 --> 00:00:15,180
are serving bowls of our
company's latest concoction.
5
00:00:15,270 --> 00:00:16,980
Please, enjoy.
6
00:00:17,060 --> 00:00:18,650
[ Crunching ]
7
00:00:18,730 --> 00:00:20,360
-Hmm.
-Mmm. Salty.
8
00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:23,230
Tastes like the body of Christ
at a local church.
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00:00:23,310 --> 00:00:26,270
Reminds me of the rations
we ate in the cut.
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00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:28,280
Yeah.
[ Wind blowing, guns firing ]
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00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:30,570
That unmistakable rush
of stabbing a man
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00:00:30,660 --> 00:00:32,660
in the throat
with a bayonet.
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00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:35,040
What if I told you that you were
eating none other
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00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:37,000
than the new-and-improved
saltines
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00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:38,710
from Royal Crackers,
Incorporated?
16
00:00:38,790 --> 00:00:40,830
Wait, is this
the Royal Crackers building?!
17
00:00:40,870 --> 00:00:43,330
Is that why we were blindfolded
after being abducted?
18
00:00:43,380 --> 00:00:45,340
Take us back to the DMV
this instant!
19
00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,420
Weren't these single-handedly
responsible
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00:00:47,510 --> 00:00:49,260
for a statewide
polio outbreak?
21
00:00:49,300 --> 00:00:52,760
Any man or child who falls
to illness is dead weight.
22
00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:54,130
Kick 'em out of the foxhole
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00:00:54,180 --> 00:00:55,770
and let the artillery
sort 'em out, I say.
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00:00:55,850 --> 00:00:58,310
I'll never give a dollar
to your company
25
00:00:58,350 --> 00:01:00,730
as long as Theodore Hornsby
remains at the helm.
26
00:01:00,810 --> 00:01:04,230
He's a monster!
And quite the eyesore.
27
00:01:04,310 --> 00:01:07,480
He's not more than a sad old man
stuck in the past.
28
00:01:07,530 --> 00:01:08,530
And a bigot!
29
00:01:08,570 --> 00:01:09,990
-Aaah!
-What the hell?
30
00:01:10,030 --> 00:01:12,030
Well, well, well,
where do I f-f--
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00:01:12,070 --> 00:01:13,570
Fucking shit!
[ People gasp ]
32
00:01:13,660 --> 00:01:14,660
Where do I begin?
33
00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:16,660
Okay, you first!
I'm an eyesore?
34
00:01:16,700 --> 00:01:18,540
Why, if I hadn't shattered
that two-way mirror,
35
00:01:18,580 --> 00:01:20,370
I'd ask you to take
a good look at yourself
36
00:01:20,410 --> 00:01:22,370
and explain how that crucifix
hasn't burned through
37
00:01:22,460 --> 00:01:24,130
that Nosferatu-like body
of yours!
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00:01:24,210 --> 00:01:25,670
Be gone, Satan.
You there!
39
00:01:25,710 --> 00:01:27,710
Aah!
You think I'm stuck in the past, unhip?
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00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:29,390
I've rubbed elbows
with the likes
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00:01:29,420 --> 00:01:31,090
of Buford Stanley
and the Spinners,
42
00:01:31,170 --> 00:01:32,840
Fred Gladys
and the Brooklyn Berries,
43
00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:34,920
Donald Grimley
and the Puerto Rican Seven!
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00:01:35,010 --> 00:01:37,640
[ All groan ]
And then you have the nerve to call me a bigot?
45
00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:39,390
I'm sorry,
then why are there two
46
00:01:39,430 --> 00:01:41,220
Donald Grimley and the
Puerto Rican Seven albums
47
00:01:41,310 --> 00:01:42,900
in my record collection?
[ Crying ]
48
00:01:42,940 --> 00:01:44,400
And you!
[ Women gasp ]
49
00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:46,230
You're alright, actually.
I-I like you.
50
00:01:46,270 --> 00:01:47,730
No notes!
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00:01:47,770 --> 00:01:50,400
And you. If I had any idea
what race you were,
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00:01:50,490 --> 00:01:52,580
I'd be having a field day
right now.
53
00:01:52,650 --> 00:01:53,980
Good day!
54
00:01:54,070 --> 00:01:56,910
[ Thud ]
55
00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:22,100
So, due to Theo's
provocative bleat,
56
00:02:22,140 --> 00:02:23,680
every network has stopped
running our ads,
57
00:02:23,770 --> 00:02:25,400
and supermarkets
have pulled Royal Crackers
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00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:27,280
from their shelves.
We're canceled.
59
00:02:27,310 --> 00:02:28,520
Welp!
It's been a fun ride.
60
00:02:28,610 --> 00:02:29,860
I don't know
about you guys,
61
00:02:29,940 --> 00:02:31,530
but I'm going out
the old-fashioned way.
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00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:33,150
-Don't gotta twist my arm!
-This is for Putin!
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00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:36,120
Everyone cool it!
Look at yourselves!
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00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:38,490
Since when has a little bump
in the road ever stopped us
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00:02:38,580 --> 00:02:41,080
from being the best snack-food
company in the world?
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00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:42,580
We'll get through this.
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00:02:42,620 --> 00:02:45,830
And we'll get through it...
together.
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00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:48,470
The years I've wasted
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00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:51,210
searching for such wisdom.
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00:02:51,300 --> 00:02:54,850
I bow to you, Steben.
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00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:56,800
But what about Putin?
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00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,380
Putin? I don't give
a flyin' cuss about Putin.
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00:02:59,470 --> 00:03:01,260
Or tootin'!
[ Farts ]
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00:03:01,310 --> 00:03:03,100
[ Laughter ]
75
00:03:03,140 --> 00:03:04,930
[ As Urkel ]
Did I do that?
76
00:03:04,980 --> 00:03:07,320
[ Laughter ]
77
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,110
I love you, Stebe!
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00:03:09,150 --> 00:03:11,280
Aah! Aah!
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00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:12,820
[ Screams ]
80
00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:15,650
[ Panting ]
81
00:03:17,410 --> 00:03:20,210
Dad?
I had another bad dream.
82
00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:22,200
Would it be okay if
maybe I-I-I
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00:03:22,290 --> 00:03:25,000
slept in here tonight
again?
84
00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:28,170
Thanks, Dad.
85
00:03:28,210 --> 00:03:31,250
Ah! Alright.
86
00:03:31,340 --> 00:03:32,970
Sleep time.
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00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:36,340
Going to sleep.
88
00:03:36,420 --> 00:03:39,590
Three, two, one, sleep.
89
00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:45,600
One -- One ticket
to sleep land, please.
90
00:03:47,730 --> 00:03:50,860
Oh, okay, guys.
So first thing on the agenda --
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00:03:50,900 --> 00:03:52,530
Theo's provocative bleat.
92
00:03:52,570 --> 00:03:54,700
What?! I don't even have
a Bleater account, moron!
93
00:03:54,730 --> 00:03:57,530
Yeah, there's nothing on
your agenda about that, Stebe.
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00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:59,820
In fact,
It's just a drawing of --
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00:03:59,910 --> 00:04:01,370
Is this a dog?
Yeah.
96
00:04:01,450 --> 00:04:03,040
Been having
recurring nightmares
97
00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:05,080
about a humanoid dog monster
for six weeks now.
98
00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:06,330
Haven't slept a wink.
99
00:04:06,370 --> 00:04:08,080
But creative juices
are flowin',
100
00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:09,370
and I got
a big announcement.
101
00:04:09,460 --> 00:04:11,550
Uh, maybe you should get
some rest, hon.
102
00:04:11,630 --> 00:04:13,050
Go home
and put on some --
103
00:04:13,130 --> 00:04:14,420
Did someone say Putin?
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00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:16,210
[ Farts and grunts ]
105
00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:18,010
[ All gagging ]
106
00:04:18,090 --> 00:04:19,510
[ As Urkel ]
Did I do that?
107
00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:22,470
[ Vomits ] You need to
see a doctor, my guy!
108
00:04:22,550 --> 00:04:24,180
[ Alarm blaring,
people screaming ]
109
00:04:24,220 --> 00:04:25,810
I-I have
a big announcement!
110
00:04:25,890 --> 00:04:28,270
From the sick mind
of Stebe Hornsby,
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00:04:28,350 --> 00:04:33,270
everyone make some noise for
the new Royal Crackers mascot,
112
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,490
Mr. Cracky!
Aah!
113
00:04:35,570 --> 00:04:37,410
Oh, my God!
Fuck that!
114
00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:38,900
[ Gunshots ]
115
00:04:38,990 --> 00:04:41,620
Stebe, is this the creature
from your nightmares?
116
00:04:41,700 --> 00:04:44,410
Why would you pitch
a mascot from your nightmares?!
117
00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:46,040
Get away from me,
you freak!
118
00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:49,170
Therapist said I gotta harness
my fears through creativity.
119
00:04:49,250 --> 00:04:51,340
Now I'm in the pilot seat.
120
00:04:51,420 --> 00:04:52,760
[ Gasps ]
121
00:04:52,790 --> 00:04:56,380
[ Groaning ]
122
00:04:56,420 --> 00:04:58,590
I...ugh!
123
00:04:58,630 --> 00:05:00,590
I can't...breathe.
124
00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:02,060
Agh!
Oh, my God!
125
00:05:02,090 --> 00:05:04,010
-Al! Al!
-Are you okay!
126
00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:05,480
Do you love it!
127
00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:07,020
-Al!
-Al!
128
00:05:07,100 --> 00:05:09,230
[ Dance music playing ]
129
00:05:09,270 --> 00:05:12,150
Hornsby Sr.: Lady and gentleman,
I'd like you all to meet Mr. Cracky,
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00:05:12,230 --> 00:05:14,860
a flamboyant cartoon dog
that will serve as the mascot
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00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:16,780
for Royal Crackers'
newest frontier!
132
00:05:16,860 --> 00:05:19,860
Who drew that?
133
00:05:19,940 --> 00:05:21,730
Uh, uh, he did!
134
00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:23,570
I-I told him,
it has too many colors!
135
00:05:23,620 --> 00:05:25,790
No, it's wonderful!
136
00:05:25,830 --> 00:05:27,620
Your childlike
sensibility
137
00:05:27,700 --> 00:05:30,040
is exactly what we need
around here!
138
00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:31,250
What?!
139
00:05:31,290 --> 00:05:33,790
He's also much easier
on the eyes.
140
00:05:35,540 --> 00:05:38,500
Uh, s-so --
so I know this board
141
00:05:38,590 --> 00:05:40,930
has voiced concern
about our plummeting sales
142
00:05:41,010 --> 00:05:44,600
and their correlation with
public perception of me as CEO,
143
00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:46,890
baseless accusations
that I'm coldhearted,
144
00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:48,430
vain, narcissistic!
145
00:05:48,470 --> 00:05:51,140
Well, would a narcissist
create this?
146
00:05:51,180 --> 00:05:52,810
HornsbyLand,
147
00:05:52,850 --> 00:05:54,560
a seaside theme park
that will provide fun
148
00:05:54,650 --> 00:05:56,070
for adults
and younglings alike!
149
00:05:56,150 --> 00:05:59,280
Visitors will be greeted
by a beautiful 100-foot statue
150
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:01,150
of myself
and Mr. Cracky! Oh, boy...
151
00:06:01,190 --> 00:06:03,570
Enjoy a leisurely stroll
through Cartoon Avenue
152
00:06:03,660 --> 00:06:05,500
in your very own
Mr. Cracky mobile.
153
00:06:05,570 --> 00:06:06,950
Oh, I like that!
154
00:06:06,990 --> 00:06:09,370
Now slam it into Howard Hughes'
private airplane!
155
00:06:09,450 --> 00:06:10,870
[ All gasp ]
The Lindbergh Pursuit.
156
00:06:10,950 --> 00:06:12,660
Can you out-pilot
and expose him
157
00:06:12,750 --> 00:06:15,130
for the over-celebrated fraud
that he is?
158
00:06:15,170 --> 00:06:17,380
Or the Amelia Earhart Skynanza,
159
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:18,840
where you'll crash
into the ocean,
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00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,800
confirming everyone's
well-placed biases!
161
00:06:20,840 --> 00:06:22,840
Are you mad?!
Do you have some sort of resentment
162
00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:25,170
against aviation?
Now, I know what you're thinking --
163
00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:28,680
"How do we skirt the unrelenting
cost of beachfront property?"
164
00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:30,560
This is Catalina Island,
165
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,390
right off the California coast
and free for the taking.
166
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:35,070
And this is Hornsby Bridge,
167
00:06:35,150 --> 00:06:37,570
the longest and most expensive
bridge ever built!
168
00:06:37,650 --> 00:06:38,860
Stop!
Oh!
169
00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:41,190
You want to turn
Catalina Island
170
00:06:41,280 --> 00:06:42,530
into a tourist destination?
171
00:06:42,570 --> 00:06:43,900
It's completely infested
172
00:06:43,990 --> 00:06:46,530
with the most ruthless savages
known to man!
173
00:06:46,570 --> 00:06:48,780
What? But --
But...HornsbyLand!
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00:06:48,870 --> 00:06:52,670
Enough! You have done
irreparable damage to this company,
175
00:06:52,700 --> 00:06:55,200
and we will not stand by
as you bankrupt it further
176
00:06:55,250 --> 00:06:58,670
with your questionably
motivated decisions.
177
00:06:58,710 --> 00:07:02,090
I hereby call for a vote
of no confidence!
178
00:07:02,170 --> 00:07:04,630
All in favor of the immediate
removal of this man,
179
00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:08,930
sit perfectly still
and gawk menacingly at him.
180
00:07:12,810 --> 00:07:15,360
But -- But I built this company
from the ground up,
181
00:07:15,390 --> 00:07:16,730
all by my lonesome!
182
00:07:16,810 --> 00:07:18,020
It's everything to me!
183
00:07:18,060 --> 00:07:21,400
Mr. Hornsby,
you are officially terminated
184
00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:24,480
as CEO
of Royal Crackers.
185
00:07:24,570 --> 00:07:26,660
[ Snores ]
186
00:07:26,740 --> 00:07:28,370
Mr. Cracky Mascot:
[ Knocking on door ] Stebe?
187
00:07:28,450 --> 00:07:29,700
Stebe? I'm still looking
to get that payment.
188
00:07:29,740 --> 00:07:31,700
Oh, God!
[ Breathing heavily ]
189
00:07:31,740 --> 00:07:33,910
Stebe, I'm not trying
to make trouble here.
190
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,790
You swore to pay
the union minimum!
191
00:07:35,870 --> 00:07:37,910
Go away!
Get out of my dreams!
192
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:40,760
Look, I'm sorry the old guy
had a heart attack,
193
00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:42,760
but that
wasn't my fault.
194
00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:45,590
I'm coming in, okay?
No! I hate you!
195
00:07:45,630 --> 00:07:48,010
Okay, Stebe,
you do this,
196
00:07:48,090 --> 00:07:49,800
you escape
this twisted nightmare
197
00:07:49,890 --> 00:07:52,180
and wake up snuggling
with your dad in his bed.
198
00:07:52,260 --> 00:07:53,600
Stebe?
Aah!
199
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:56,810
Aaaaah!
200
00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:02,940
Get in!
201
00:08:03,020 --> 00:08:04,110
[ Tires screech ]
202
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:05,650
Theo, you need to wake me up
from this dream.
203
00:08:05,740 --> 00:08:07,120
You're not dreaming,
Stebe.
204
00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:08,910
And Mr. Cracky didn't come
from your imagination.
205
00:08:08,950 --> 00:08:10,740
Oh, yeah? Where'd he come from,
then? My butthole?
206
00:08:10,780 --> 00:08:12,910
Not exactly.
Look in the glove box.
207
00:08:12,950 --> 00:08:15,160
[ Gasps ]
208
00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:18,290
My dick?
What? No!
209
00:08:18,370 --> 00:08:19,500
The plushy!
210
00:08:19,580 --> 00:08:21,500
[ Gasps ]
211
00:08:23,130 --> 00:08:26,130
Listen, Alfred,
I'm sure you think
212
00:08:26,210 --> 00:08:29,300
that my stepping down as CEO
is all your fault.
213
00:08:29,340 --> 00:08:31,050
Well,
rest your concerns.
214
00:08:31,140 --> 00:08:32,850
After today,
we'll be well on our way
215
00:08:32,930 --> 00:08:35,470
to becoming America's newest
theme park tycoons.
216
00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:38,060
Catalina Island
is as good as ours!
217
00:08:38,140 --> 00:08:39,640
[ Slurps ]
218
00:08:39,730 --> 00:08:42,110
Uh, I'm starting
to have...
219
00:08:42,150 --> 00:08:43,990
second thoughts
about our trip, sir.
220
00:08:44,070 --> 00:08:46,160
Perhaps we can ask our pilot
to take us home?
221
00:08:46,230 --> 00:08:48,650
Pilot? Oh, right.
I forgot he was up there.
222
00:08:48,700 --> 00:08:52,700
God, look at that
piece of shit.
223
00:08:52,780 --> 00:08:56,160
I mean,
what a waste of space.
224
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,370
You know his vote counts
just as much as ours does,
225
00:08:58,460 --> 00:09:00,210
you realize that,
don't you?
226
00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:01,540
Makes me sick.
227
00:09:01,620 --> 00:09:03,370
Why do you have such animosity
toward --
228
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:05,670
Alfred, look!
There she is!
229
00:09:10,010 --> 00:09:12,140
We should approach
with caution, sir.
230
00:09:12,180 --> 00:09:14,430
The locals are rumored
to be quite volatile.
231
00:09:14,510 --> 00:09:15,800
Ha!
What are they gonna do?
232
00:09:15,850 --> 00:09:18,850
Fling sand at us
from their swimming bottoms?
233
00:09:20,140 --> 00:09:21,640
What the piss?
234
00:09:22,310 --> 00:09:24,020
Fifty bucks, Stebe!
235
00:09:24,060 --> 00:09:26,650
Aah!
Aah!
236
00:09:26,690 --> 00:09:28,860
Mr. Hornsby!
Put on a life preserver!
237
00:09:28,940 --> 00:09:30,320
Don't be a coward,
Alfred!
238
00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:32,740
By my count, we still have
one working engine.
239
00:09:32,820 --> 00:09:34,280
Take the wheel!
Aah!
240
00:09:36,790 --> 00:09:38,630
Jesus Christ! Who trained
these barbarians?
241
00:09:38,700 --> 00:09:40,120
Lee Harvey Oswald?!
242
00:09:41,290 --> 00:09:42,880
What are you doing?!
You wanna get out
243
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,960
and face that genocide
of a costume you created?
244
00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:46,710
Fair point. Reload!
Stebe, look out!
245
00:09:46,750 --> 00:09:48,290
Armadillo!
246
00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:49,800
[ Car crashes ]
247
00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:51,720
[ Both scream ]
248
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:53,180
Hang on, sir!
249
00:09:57,140 --> 00:09:59,390
I can't hold on
any longer!
250
00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:11,070
[ Train horn blows ]
251
00:10:11,150 --> 00:10:12,650
[ Tires screech ]
252
00:10:13,820 --> 00:10:16,360
[ Both screaming ]
253
00:10:19,490 --> 00:10:21,950
Stebe: I don't understand.
Does this mean Mr. Cracky
254
00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:23,580
is a pre-existing
intellectual property?
255
00:10:23,670 --> 00:10:25,260
Yep, I found
that little freak
256
00:10:25,330 --> 00:10:27,000
in a Chucklebee's claw machine
a few years back.
257
00:10:27,090 --> 00:10:28,510
I shattered the glass
and snatched it
258
00:10:28,590 --> 00:10:30,300
and ran out of there,
but I passed out from blood loss
259
00:10:30,340 --> 00:10:31,800
before I could
get to the exit.
260
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,680
Woke up a few hours later,
and the staff was like,
261
00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:34,930
"Here, take it!
262
00:10:35,010 --> 00:10:36,340
Get out of our restaurant!"
263
00:10:36,390 --> 00:10:37,640
[ Laughs ]
Dumbasses!
264
00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:39,600
You mean you were having
these nightmares, too?
265
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:41,930
I thought I shook 'em for good,
but your little presentation
266
00:10:42,020 --> 00:10:43,810
just reopened
Pandora's box.
267
00:10:43,850 --> 00:10:45,730
HornsbyLand.
268
00:10:45,810 --> 00:10:47,690
What's a HornsbyLand?
269
00:10:47,770 --> 00:10:49,520
[ Tires screech ]
270
00:10:49,570 --> 00:10:52,280
I think today's the day
we find out, Stebe.
271
00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:54,360
I did some digging on AltaVista
this morning
272
00:10:54,450 --> 00:10:56,540
and was able
to find an address.
273
00:10:56,570 --> 00:10:59,200
It's right on the other side
of this bridge.
274
00:11:21,310 --> 00:11:24,560
Hornsby Sr.: Rest easy, soldier.
You died a hero's death.
275
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:28,230
I'll start making preparations
for your burial at sea.
276
00:11:30,570 --> 00:11:33,660
Hmm. He does have a lot of meat
on him, though.
277
00:11:33,740 --> 00:11:35,030
[ Coughs ]
Aah!
278
00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:36,820
Mr. Hornsby!
Where's our pilot?
279
00:11:36,910 --> 00:11:38,700
Trust me, you won't
be seeing him again,
280
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:40,530
not until he's on
the "Dick Corbett Show"
281
00:11:40,580 --> 00:11:42,000
promoting
his exploitive tell-all
282
00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:44,170
recounting his brush with death
over Catalina.
283
00:11:44,250 --> 00:11:46,170
Mr. Hornsby!
Our seaplane!
284
00:11:46,250 --> 00:11:48,170
Perhaps the radio
is still functional.
285
00:11:48,250 --> 00:11:50,000
We can transmit an SOS
to the coast guard
286
00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:52,040
so they can organize
a search party.
287
00:11:52,090 --> 00:11:54,340
This may be our only chance,
Mr. Hornsby.
288
00:11:54,420 --> 00:11:55,760
We should tread lightly.
289
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:58,840
The island could be riddled
with booby traps.
290
00:11:58,930 --> 00:12:01,270
Mr. Hornsby?
291
00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:02,760
Seaplane!
292
00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:05,810
Aah!
293
00:12:05,890 --> 00:12:07,600
Utzi wutzi!
Utzi wutzi!
294
00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:09,230
Utzi wutzi!
295
00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:11,690
[ All talking indistinctly ]
296
00:12:11,770 --> 00:12:13,860
Well, Alfred,
297
00:12:13,940 --> 00:12:16,280
I'm afraid the naysayers
may have been right --
298
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,450
Catalina Island sucks.
299
00:12:18,490 --> 00:12:19,620
Hey!
300
00:12:19,700 --> 00:12:21,790
Learn to control your children,
you goddamn animals!
301
00:12:21,870 --> 00:12:23,000
Ow!
Utzi!
302
00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:24,420
That's right!
Run, you little scamps!
303
00:12:24,450 --> 00:12:26,240
Mr. Hornsby,
our pilot!
304
00:12:26,290 --> 00:12:28,790
[ Groaning ]
305
00:12:28,830 --> 00:12:31,580
Oh, please!
Please don't kill me!
306
00:12:31,630 --> 00:12:33,630
When I get home,
I'll score a multi-book deal!
307
00:12:33,670 --> 00:12:36,300
I'll cut you in! Tell-alls
about aviation disasters
308
00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:38,760
are the most lucrative
cash-grab imaginable!
309
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:40,470
Utzi...
310
00:12:40,550 --> 00:12:42,640
wutzi!
311
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,810
No, no, no!
What are you doing?
312
00:12:44,850 --> 00:12:46,440
[ Sobbing ]
313
00:12:46,470 --> 00:12:49,060
Now's our chance.
Stand back, Mr. Hornsby!
314
00:12:49,140 --> 00:12:50,600
[ Grunting ]
315
00:12:50,650 --> 00:12:52,940
Alfred,
where are you going?
316
00:12:52,980 --> 00:12:54,150
The seaplane
is that way!
317
00:12:54,230 --> 00:12:55,650
I'm going to
rescue our pilot.
318
00:12:55,730 --> 00:12:57,520
We don't leave
a soldier behind. Is that right?
319
00:12:57,610 --> 00:13:00,200
Personally, I prefer soldiers
who don't get caught.
320
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:03,410
Oh, what?
Is that a crazy thing to say?
321
00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:08,500
All: [ Chanting ]
Utzi wutzi... Oh! Ow!
322
00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:11,830
...utzi wutzi,
utzi wutzi. [ Groans ] Ow!
323
00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:13,670
Oh, no, no, no, no!
324
00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:15,250
Ah! Utzi.
325
00:13:15,340 --> 00:13:19,890
Utzi wutzi, utzi wutzi,
utzi wutzi.
326
00:13:19,970 --> 00:13:21,390
[ Creature growls ]
327
00:13:21,470 --> 00:13:25,350
Utzi wutzi, utzi wutzi,
328
00:13:25,390 --> 00:13:28,310
utzi wutzi,
utzi wutzi.
329
00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:31,980
Oh, please, oh, please,
oh, no, oh, no. Utzi wutzi, utzi wutzi.
330
00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:34,730
Aah!
331
00:13:34,810 --> 00:13:37,190
Utzi wutzi!
332
00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:39,450
Holy fucking shit!
A chupacabra!
333
00:13:41,860 --> 00:13:44,200
God in heaven!
334
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:47,120
[ All shouting ]
335
00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:49,120
Utzi!
336
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:50,530
Utzi wutzi.
337
00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:52,290
Aah!
338
00:13:55,290 --> 00:13:57,960
[ All gasp ]
339
00:13:58,050 --> 00:14:00,140
[ Panting ]
340
00:14:00,220 --> 00:14:02,350
[ Grunts ]
341
00:14:03,180 --> 00:14:05,350
Utzi wutzi!
342
00:14:05,390 --> 00:14:08,520
Alfred, I think I'm ready
to tell you
343
00:14:08,560 --> 00:14:12,480
why I have so much...
hatred for pilots.
344
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:15,560
A few years ago, I boarded
a commercial airline flight
345
00:14:15,610 --> 00:14:18,150
coming home
from Sacramento.
346
00:14:18,230 --> 00:14:22,530
Everything was going smoothly
till this flight captain's voice
347
00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:26,070
pierced through the intercom
with a disturbing announcement.
348
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:29,460
He said that the plane
would be taking off shortly
349
00:14:29,540 --> 00:14:32,170
and he would be getting us
to Bakersfield Airport
350
00:14:32,250 --> 00:14:33,920
safely within the hour.
351
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,500
He would be getting me home
safely.
352
00:14:36,580 --> 00:14:39,670
He flaunted his control
over my mortality
353
00:14:39,750 --> 00:14:43,380
like some sort of god
amongst men.
354
00:14:45,430 --> 00:14:47,720
Is that the end
of the story, sir?
355
00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:50,010
Wow, I've never opened up
like that.
356
00:14:50,100 --> 00:14:53,310
Feel like a weight has been
lifted off my shoulders.
357
00:14:53,390 --> 00:14:55,930
Please, take this tale
to the grave with you.
358
00:14:55,980 --> 00:15:00,940
Uh...y-yes, I won't be telling
a soul that story, sir.
359
00:15:01,030 --> 00:15:02,320
[ Cracking ]
[ Gasps ]
360
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:03,900
What the fuck was that?!
361
00:15:03,950 --> 00:15:05,410
By heavens!
362
00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:08,450
Do you think --
Do I think
363
00:15:08,530 --> 00:15:10,910
that we just stumbled upon
the egg of a chupacabra?!
364
00:15:10,950 --> 00:15:12,160
Hand me your coat!
365
00:15:12,250 --> 00:15:14,540
We just found my star
attraction, you idiot!
366
00:15:14,620 --> 00:15:16,580
A live chupacabra!
No!
367
00:15:16,620 --> 00:15:18,910
No, no, no, Mr. Hornsby,
this is too much.
368
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,550
Let's just get out of the cave
at once.
369
00:15:20,630 --> 00:15:22,800
[ Chupacabra growls ]
Hey, Alfred, ol' buddy.
370
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:26,470
Do you perhaps care
to explain this?
371
00:15:26,510 --> 00:15:28,010
Mr. Hornsby, please!
372
00:15:28,090 --> 00:15:30,010
I'm not even sure
I want the CEO position!
373
00:15:30,100 --> 00:15:32,640
I opened up to you,
told you that plane story!
374
00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:33,970
I never told anyone that
before!
375
00:15:34,060 --> 00:15:36,650
Well you shouldn't have!
It's barely even a story!
376
00:15:36,690 --> 00:15:38,650
How could you do this
to me?
377
00:15:38,690 --> 00:15:41,900
[ Chupacabra growling ]
378
00:15:45,150 --> 00:15:47,570
Mr. Hornsby,
give me the egg.
379
00:15:47,660 --> 00:15:49,620
Why, so you can take it back
to your little fan club
380
00:15:49,660 --> 00:15:52,040
on the board and steal more
of my achievements?!
381
00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:56,170
Stand back, chupacabra!
I wish this youngling no harm!
382
00:15:56,210 --> 00:15:59,130
But I will drop this
if you come any further.
383
00:15:59,170 --> 00:16:01,010
[ Both grunt ]
384
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:06,170
[ Roars ]
385
00:16:06,260 --> 00:16:08,550
So long, fuckos!
386
00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:11,520
[ Laughs evilly ]
387
00:16:13,470 --> 00:16:15,310
[ Engine shuts off ]
388
00:16:18,690 --> 00:16:20,530
[ Vehicle approaches ]
389
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:23,110
Oh, this motherfucker
doesn't give up!
390
00:16:26,190 --> 00:16:28,360
[ Vehicle door opens, closes ]
391
00:16:28,410 --> 00:16:29,830
Al?!
Al?!
392
00:16:29,910 --> 00:16:30,870
Theo! Steben!
393
00:16:30,950 --> 00:16:33,370
Go no further!
I beg of you!
394
00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:34,580
How did you find us?
395
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:36,870
Please, leave this cesspit
at once!
396
00:16:36,910 --> 00:16:38,700
Cesspit? Dude,
this seems like
397
00:16:38,790 --> 00:16:40,500
it would be a dope
vacation spot!
398
00:16:40,540 --> 00:16:43,210
Catalina Island
is a doomed lump of shit
399
00:16:43,290 --> 00:16:44,880
in a toilet
of ocean water!
400
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,970
Years ago, your father and I
ignored the warnings
401
00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:51,850
that, if we came here,
we'd never return home.
402
00:16:51,890 --> 00:16:55,850
And I, fear the young idealist
I was, never truly did.
403
00:16:55,890 --> 00:16:57,600
Theodore,
place the egg down now,
404
00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:59,350
and it might
leave us alone!
405
00:16:59,390 --> 00:17:01,390
Go suck a dick, Judas!
406
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:03,860
Sorry, but there's only room
for one on this seaplane!
407
00:17:03,900 --> 00:17:05,570
Oh really!?
Are you well-versed
408
00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:07,780
in operating a flight radio,
sir?
409
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,690
Oh...
Johnny's bananas!
410
00:17:09,740 --> 00:17:11,530
The radio is completely
destroyed!
411
00:17:11,570 --> 00:17:12,740
[ Both scream ]
412
00:17:12,780 --> 00:17:15,620
Theodore! Help!
Help me, please!
413
00:17:15,700 --> 00:17:18,290
Please, Theodore,
try to start the plane!
414
00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:19,910
It's our only hope!
415
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:23,210
You want me
to become a pilot?
416
00:17:33,550 --> 00:17:36,050
[ Engine starts ]
417
00:17:36,100 --> 00:17:37,560
Ha!
418
00:17:39,390 --> 00:17:40,810
[ Grunts ]
419
00:17:41,770 --> 00:17:44,440
Yes!
I get it now!
420
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,190
So much power!
421
00:17:51,150 --> 00:17:53,030
[ Groans ] Aah!
422
00:17:53,110 --> 00:17:56,280
Get me home safely,
will you? Aah!
423
00:17:56,370 --> 00:17:58,790
[ Screaming ]
424
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,670
[ Laughs ]
425
00:18:01,750 --> 00:18:05,840
My whole life I've tried to
protect the world from your father.
426
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:08,050
Don't let me fail once again.
427
00:18:08,130 --> 00:18:11,010
I even spent my own money
on child psychologists,
428
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,800
who worked tirelessly to ensure
429
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:15,010
you'd never remember
this godforsaken place.
430
00:18:15,100 --> 00:18:18,730
By venturing further, you would
be undoing all of that.
431
00:18:18,810 --> 00:18:21,440
Sorry, Al, but our father
was a great man.
432
00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:24,320
And these nightmares
stop tonight.
433
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:27,980
Ha ha! What a rush!
434
00:18:28,070 --> 00:18:29,660
Those Wright Brothers
are the goats!
435
00:18:29,690 --> 00:18:33,280
Uh...Mr. Hornsby?
436
00:18:39,580 --> 00:18:42,170
[ Cracking ]
437
00:18:49,550 --> 00:18:51,510
[ Whines ]
438
00:18:51,590 --> 00:18:53,680
Utzi wutzi!
439
00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:57,010
[ All speaking indistinctly ]
440
00:18:57,100 --> 00:19:01,730
All: [ Chanting ]
Utzi wutzi, utzi wutzi.
441
00:19:01,810 --> 00:19:06,060
[ Laughing ]
Utzi wutzi, utzi wutzi.
442
00:19:06,150 --> 00:19:08,740
Utzi wutzi.
443
00:19:08,820 --> 00:19:11,200
Hornsby Sr.: And with my
tell-all sitting comfortably
444
00:19:11,230 --> 00:19:13,110
at number one
on the best-sellers list,
445
00:19:13,190 --> 00:19:15,860
Royal Crackers sales numbers
are officially back on the rise!
446
00:19:15,950 --> 00:19:18,160
Thank you.
Thank you, everybody.
447
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,160
Although, I am technically
a god now,
448
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:23,580
so I guess I shouldn't
expect any less!
449
00:19:23,660 --> 00:19:25,040
[ Laughter ]
450
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:26,830
I can't believe we doubted you,
Theodore.
451
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:29,170
Catalina Island is
officially property
452
00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:31,050
of Royal Crackers
Incorporated,
453
00:19:31,130 --> 00:19:33,800
and HornsbyLand construction
is moving along swiftly.
454
00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:35,840
And completely
free of cost.
455
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:39,510
Mr. Hornsby, this board
owes you quite the apology.
456
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:41,730
This board has nothing
to apologize for.
457
00:19:41,810 --> 00:19:44,150
I can be a bit
of a handful!
458
00:19:44,230 --> 00:19:45,190
[ Laughter ]
459
00:19:45,230 --> 00:19:48,570
Wonderful to have you back,
Theodore.
460
00:19:48,610 --> 00:19:50,900
[ Chuckles ]
461
00:19:50,980 --> 00:19:55,690
That Hornsby sure knows
how to spin a turd into gold.
462
00:19:55,740 --> 00:19:57,530
[ Both laugh ]
463
00:19:57,570 --> 00:19:59,610
What the?
Where is this taking us?
464
00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:01,080
Oh, what's happening?
465
00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:02,830
Preposterous.
466
00:20:03,580 --> 00:20:05,120
[ Growling ]
467
00:20:05,210 --> 00:20:07,750
Aah! Oh, my God!
468
00:20:11,250 --> 00:20:13,380
[ Gasps ]
469
00:20:15,970 --> 00:20:19,220
[ Old-timey music plays ]
470
00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:22,220
Why, there's those two
little fucking assholes!
471
00:20:22,260 --> 00:20:25,060
Don't touch me!
This is a place of business!
472
00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:27,690
Look what Daddy made
all by his lonesome, boys!
473
00:20:27,770 --> 00:20:28,900
Ha ha ha ha!
474
00:20:28,940 --> 00:20:31,110
[ People screaming ]
475
00:20:31,150 --> 00:20:32,740
Holy shit!
476
00:20:32,770 --> 00:20:34,610
Jesus Christ!
477
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:36,610
Fuck!
Fucking shit!
478
00:20:36,700 --> 00:20:39,290
[ People screaming ]
[ Roars ]
479
00:20:47,410 --> 00:20:49,870
Utzi wutzi!
480
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:51,290
[ Whimpers ]
[ Camera shutters clicking ]
481
00:20:51,380 --> 00:20:52,760
No, no, no!
482
00:20:52,790 --> 00:20:54,290
No witnesses!
483
00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:56,470
Utzi wutzi!
484
00:20:56,550 --> 00:20:58,140
Aah!
485
00:21:12,730 --> 00:21:16,320
Alfred, I hope my squashing
of your little coup attempt
486
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,860
doesn't make you feel small...
and powerless.
487
00:21:19,950 --> 00:21:21,910
Water under the bridge,
huh?
488
00:21:22,870 --> 00:21:24,960
[ Elevator bell dings ]
489
00:21:24,990 --> 00:21:26,990
Well, look at that!
[ Gasps ]
490
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:29,670
What timing! Ha ha!
Better take it now.
491
00:21:29,750 --> 00:21:31,840
Damn lift moves like a sloth
on a tree.
492
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:34,670
Go on. Take it.
I insist. Take it.
493
00:21:34,750 --> 00:21:37,000
Goodbye, Alfred.
Bye-bye, now.
494
00:21:37,090 --> 00:21:40,260
Have a great weekend!
Goodbye, Alfred!
495
00:21:40,340 --> 00:21:42,590
Bye-bye, now!
496
00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:46,520
? Pecked by the seagulls,
hanging from the gallows ?
497
00:21:48,770 --> 00:21:50,520
? Swinging in the breeze ?
498
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:53,440
? Dripping something
on the street ?
499
00:21:55,070 --> 00:21:56,700
? I can see him from my window ?
500
00:21:56,780 --> 00:21:59,450
? They can see him
from the water ?
501
00:22:07,870 --> 00:22:09,370
Chirp.
502
00:22:09,420 --> 00:22:13,970
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