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- ♪
- CREEP: [hissing]
2
00:00:04,569 --> 00:00:07,050
- [box hinges creaking]
3
00:00:07,094 --> 00:00:10,532
- CREEP: [muttering]
4
00:00:10,575 --> 00:00:13,013
[cackling]
5
00:00:13,056 --> 00:00:18,540
- ♪
6
00:00:18,583 --> 00:00:23,066
- [sinister laughter]
7
00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:26,287
- ♪
8
00:00:29,551 --> 00:00:32,945
- ♪
9
00:00:32,989 --> 00:00:34,425
- [sinister laughter]
10
00:00:34,469 --> 00:00:36,471
- [thunder rumbles]
11
00:00:36,514 --> 00:00:41,606
- ♪
12
00:00:49,136 --> 00:00:55,098
♪
13
00:01:01,496 --> 00:01:07,458
♪
14
00:01:19,949 --> 00:01:23,039
- [laughs]
- [thunder rumbles]
15
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:29,654
- ♪
16
00:01:35,617 --> 00:01:42,276
♪
17
00:01:53,461 --> 00:01:58,466
♪
18
00:02:06,778 --> 00:02:10,565
- ♪
19
00:02:25,580 --> 00:02:31,151
♪
20
00:02:43,946 --> 00:02:50,126
♪
21
00:03:02,138 --> 00:03:09,580
♪
22
00:03:26,684 --> 00:03:35,127
♪
23
00:03:42,613 --> 00:03:48,924
♪
24
00:03:51,753 --> 00:03:53,755
- JUNE: Joe?
25
00:03:53,798 --> 00:03:56,279
Joe?
26
00:03:56,323 --> 00:04:01,980
- [Mummy murmuring]
27
00:04:02,024 --> 00:04:04,156
- [Gillman grumbling]
28
00:04:07,508 --> 00:04:11,294
- JUNE: Joe?
29
00:04:11,338 --> 00:04:13,949
Joe-Joe?
30
00:04:18,432 --> 00:04:21,783
Honey, did you hear me?
I was calling you.
31
00:04:21,826 --> 00:04:23,567
- [mumbling] I'm sorry, I was
just finishing up Gillman.
32
00:04:23,611 --> 00:04:25,395
- [chuckling]
Take your teeth out.
33
00:04:25,439 --> 00:04:30,226
You know I can't understand you
with those things in.
34
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,750
- I wanted to say I'm sorry,
I was finishing up the Gillman.
35
00:04:32,794 --> 00:04:36,667
- Well, the Gillman can wait,
because guess what?
36
00:04:36,711 --> 00:04:39,714
Aunt Barb is here.
37
00:04:39,757 --> 00:04:43,544
- With Uncle Kevin?
- Yeah, with Uncle Kevin.
38
00:04:46,155 --> 00:04:48,592
They brought
pepperoni pizza, though.
39
00:04:48,636 --> 00:04:50,507
Come on, before it gets cold.
40
00:04:50,551 --> 00:04:53,989
Your friends will still be here
when you get back.
41
00:04:54,032 --> 00:04:55,382
Oh!
42
00:04:55,425 --> 00:04:58,123
- JOE: Come to dinner!
43
00:04:58,167 --> 00:05:00,735
I hypnotize you
to come to dinner!
44
00:05:00,778 --> 00:05:02,519
- MOM: I really feel like
you're doing a good job there.
45
00:05:02,563 --> 00:05:03,694
- JOE: Thank you very much.
46
00:05:03,738 --> 00:05:06,393
- [plates clinking]
47
00:05:08,351 --> 00:05:09,961
- Mmm.
48
00:05:12,399 --> 00:05:16,316
Trick-or-treat's not 'til
October, buddy.
49
00:05:16,359 --> 00:05:19,362
- Every day is trick-or-treat
around here.
50
00:05:19,406 --> 00:05:22,365
- Really?
- MOM: More Tang?
51
00:05:22,409 --> 00:05:26,413
- No thanks.
I never drink Tang.
52
00:05:26,456 --> 00:05:28,632
- [Barb laughing]
- Why not?
53
00:05:28,676 --> 00:05:31,243
It's the official drink
of astronauts.
54
00:05:31,287 --> 00:05:33,550
It was the first beverage
on the moon, you know that?
55
00:05:33,594 --> 00:05:36,553
- Joe likes Tang. He's just,
he's doing his Dracula.
56
00:05:36,597 --> 00:05:39,643
- Bela Lugosi, right?
Played him in the first one.
57
00:05:39,687 --> 00:05:42,037
- Technically,
Max Schreck played him
58
00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:43,299
in the first one--
the silent version,
59
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,648
"Nosferatu," 1922.
60
00:05:44,692 --> 00:05:49,174
- Bela Lugosi was a dope addict.
61
00:05:49,218 --> 00:05:50,915
- BARB: I never heard that.
- KEVIN: It's a fact!
62
00:05:50,959 --> 00:05:53,918
Look it up in the encyclopedia.
I'm not crazy about the new guy.
63
00:05:53,962 --> 00:05:55,485
What's his name?
64
00:05:55,529 --> 00:05:58,358
You know, the limey
with the red eyes?
65
00:05:58,401 --> 00:06:01,404
- Christopher Lee.
- No, that's the karate guy.
66
00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:05,234
[imitating martial arts yell]
Yeah, look it up.
67
00:06:05,277 --> 00:06:07,279
- Joe-Joe doesn't have to.
68
00:06:07,323 --> 00:06:09,499
He knows everything
there is to know
69
00:06:09,543 --> 00:06:15,331
about Dracula and the Mummy
and Frankenstein and...
70
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:16,941
Who am I missing here?
71
00:06:16,985 --> 00:06:19,161
- Uh, OJ Simpson.
72
00:06:19,204 --> 00:06:20,989
When I was his age,
I knew everything
73
00:06:21,032 --> 00:06:23,383
there was to know
about football.
74
00:06:23,426 --> 00:06:25,733
Nowadays, it's all about
this horror crap.
75
00:06:25,776 --> 00:06:29,345
- Can I be excused?
- I don't know, can you?
76
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:32,130
- May I be excused?
- Yeah, yeah, in just a minute.
77
00:06:32,174 --> 00:06:35,177
Um, Aunt Barb and Uncle Kevin
78
00:06:35,220 --> 00:06:38,441
have something that
they wanted to ask us.
79
00:06:38,485 --> 00:06:40,269
- BARB: Joe, would it be cool
80
00:06:40,312 --> 00:06:43,490
if me and Uncle Kevin
came to stay for a bit?
81
00:06:43,533 --> 00:06:45,448
Your mom could use
an extra hand right now
82
00:06:45,492 --> 00:06:49,017
with, well, all that's going on.
83
00:06:49,060 --> 00:06:51,933
- If you'll have us.
84
00:06:54,936 --> 00:07:02,639
- ♪
85
00:07:04,206 --> 00:07:05,512
- [knocking on door]
86
00:07:10,125 --> 00:07:14,521
- Heya, count.
You're blowing it.
87
00:07:14,564 --> 00:07:17,132
Vampires don't show up
in mirrors.
88
00:07:24,226 --> 00:07:26,228
Let me help you.
89
00:07:29,405 --> 00:07:31,363
- JOE: Ow.
90
00:07:31,407 --> 00:07:34,062
- Bud.
91
00:07:34,105 --> 00:07:36,151
Your eye.
92
00:07:36,194 --> 00:07:38,414
Who did that to you?
93
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:41,722
Billy Niles again?
94
00:07:41,765 --> 00:07:43,506
Come here, kid.
95
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,557
Will you do me a favor
96
00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:55,736
and lay off
the monster talk at school, hmm?
97
00:07:55,779 --> 00:07:58,739
You're running short
on friends, kiddo.
98
00:07:58,782 --> 00:08:01,176
- I have all the friends I need.
99
00:08:03,308 --> 00:08:06,486
- You got a lot of 'em.
100
00:08:06,529 --> 00:08:09,489
- Why do they have
to move in with us?
101
00:08:11,534 --> 00:08:14,755
- You know, it's not
a forever thing.
102
00:08:14,798 --> 00:08:17,801
Just 'til I finish
my next round of chemo.
103
00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:21,544
And, it'll--
104
00:08:21,588 --> 00:08:24,547
it'll help your Uncle Kevin
get back on his feet.
105
00:08:24,591 --> 00:08:27,855
- He's such a loser.
106
00:08:27,898 --> 00:08:31,598
- Hey, he's not so bad.
[chuckles]
107
00:08:33,774 --> 00:08:38,299
Did you know actually
that he used to box in the Army?
108
00:08:38,342 --> 00:08:40,215
Maybe he could show you
a few pointers
109
00:08:40,258 --> 00:08:43,087
on how to deal with
ol' Billy Niles?
110
00:08:43,131 --> 00:08:45,046
- Yeah?
111
00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:48,310
- We'll talk about it tomorrow.
112
00:08:48,353 --> 00:08:53,097
Okey-doke?
- Okey-doke.
113
00:08:53,141 --> 00:08:55,796
- What's playing on
the ol' time machine tonight?
114
00:08:55,839 --> 00:08:57,537
- I haven't decided.
115
00:08:57,580 --> 00:09:01,715
"Abbott and Costello
Meets" somebody.
116
00:09:01,758 --> 00:09:05,283
- Well, set it up.
I'll make the Jiffy Pop.
117
00:09:05,327 --> 00:09:06,676
- I love you, Mom.
118
00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:08,722
- I love you.
119
00:09:20,516 --> 00:09:26,217
[coughing]
120
00:09:36,967 --> 00:09:42,364
- [film reel whirring]
121
00:09:42,407 --> 00:09:46,803
- ♪
122
00:09:51,155 --> 00:09:52,461
- Mom?
123
00:09:52,504 --> 00:09:56,857
Why do you always call it
a time machine?
124
00:09:56,900 --> 00:10:00,643
- Because that's what
projectors are.
125
00:10:00,687 --> 00:10:06,562
Movies, they transport us.
126
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:10,566
Think about it.
I bet you remember
127
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,829
exactly where you were
128
00:10:12,873 --> 00:10:15,876
and who you were with
the very first time
129
00:10:15,919 --> 00:10:20,010
you heard Dr. Frankenstein yell,
"It's alive!"
130
00:10:20,054 --> 00:10:24,667
- I was with you.
131
00:10:24,711 --> 00:10:25,929
- That's right.
132
00:10:32,066 --> 00:10:36,418
And with one flip of a switch,
you always will be.
133
00:10:41,162 --> 00:10:45,209
Together forever, Joe-Joe.
134
00:10:45,253 --> 00:10:48,169
Just like in the movies.
135
00:10:48,212 --> 00:10:54,175
- ♪
136
00:11:04,272 --> 00:11:10,234
♪
137
00:11:15,587 --> 00:11:21,550
♪
138
00:11:36,739 --> 00:11:39,176
- Mom?
139
00:11:41,831 --> 00:11:43,354
Mom?
140
00:11:49,578 --> 00:11:56,106
- ♪
141
00:11:56,150 --> 00:12:02,591
- [bell ringing]
142
00:12:02,634 --> 00:12:07,901
- ♪
143
00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:16,866
- BARB: Good morning.
144
00:12:30,010 --> 00:12:32,142
- Where's the kid at?
145
00:12:32,186 --> 00:12:35,798
- I let him sleep in.
146
00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:37,844
- On a Saturday?
147
00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:40,324
It's chore day.
148
00:12:40,368 --> 00:12:42,849
He's probably up there
watching goddamn movies again.
149
00:12:42,892 --> 00:12:46,591
- BARB: Kevin, be nice.
150
00:12:46,635 --> 00:12:49,203
He'll grow out of it.
Some kids do Little League.
151
00:12:49,246 --> 00:12:52,162
Joe-Joe and his mom
did monsters.
152
00:12:52,206 --> 00:12:55,078
- He's turning into a freak
and you're promoting it.
153
00:13:06,176 --> 00:13:08,657
What are you doing in here,
sniffing glue?
154
00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:09,876
[sniffing]
155
00:13:09,919 --> 00:13:12,443
- Repairing the Reaper's arm.
156
00:13:12,487 --> 00:13:15,316
- "Repairing the Reaper's arm."
157
00:13:15,359 --> 00:13:18,580
Where they at, huh?
158
00:13:18,623 --> 00:13:21,888
I know you got some girlies
under here somewhere, huh?
159
00:13:21,931 --> 00:13:23,803
A-ha!
160
00:13:26,936 --> 00:13:31,898
Well, I'll be dipped in shit.
You do like girls, don't you?
161
00:13:31,941 --> 00:13:33,725
- It's a collector's item.
162
00:13:36,728 --> 00:13:39,688
- But you don't
like me much, do you?
163
00:13:39,731 --> 00:13:41,342
That's okay.
164
00:13:41,385 --> 00:13:44,432
You know what, your cousin Gary,
he didn't like me much either.
165
00:13:44,475 --> 00:13:48,653
We didn't watch monster movies
and the Late Late Show.
166
00:13:48,697 --> 00:13:51,569
My job was to make
a man out of him.
167
00:13:51,613 --> 00:13:53,658
That's exactly what
I'm gonna do for you.
168
00:13:53,702 --> 00:13:55,008
- Thanks?
169
00:13:55,051 --> 00:13:57,575
- You're welcome.
First things first,
170
00:13:57,619 --> 00:13:59,708
we gotta get rid of
all this horror crap.
171
00:13:59,751 --> 00:14:02,450
- Why?
- KEVIN: Because I said so!
172
00:14:02,493 --> 00:14:05,583
You know, me and your auntie
sacrificed a lot to be here.
173
00:14:05,627 --> 00:14:08,543
- That's not how I heard it.
I heard you had to move in
174
00:14:08,586 --> 00:14:12,286
because you got canned
from your job.
175
00:14:12,329 --> 00:14:16,594
- That's how you heard it, huh?
176
00:14:16,638 --> 00:14:18,901
It's called a temporary layoff.
Give me this!
177
00:14:18,945 --> 00:14:20,468
- Hey, that was a present
from my mom!
178
00:14:20,511 --> 00:14:24,820
- Oh, poor, poor Grim Reaper!
Oh!
179
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:28,563
Grim Reaper's all broken up
about it.
180
00:14:28,606 --> 00:14:32,610
Now get your ass outside!
It's chore day!
181
00:14:32,654 --> 00:14:36,223
You can play with
your stupid toys later, hmm?
182
00:14:36,266 --> 00:14:42,098
- ♪
183
00:14:47,321 --> 00:14:52,456
♪
184
00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:55,807
- [birds chirping]
185
00:15:02,336 --> 00:15:05,252
- Yo, Dr. Frankenstein!
Say hi to your mom for me!
186
00:15:07,297 --> 00:15:09,299
- ♪
187
00:15:09,343 --> 00:15:15,784
- [grumbling]
188
00:15:15,827 --> 00:15:19,309
- [gasping]
189
00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:24,401
- [grumbling]
190
00:15:24,445 --> 00:15:25,489
- [bones snapping]
191
00:15:28,710 --> 00:15:30,103
- Friend!
192
00:15:36,805 --> 00:15:40,156
- Don't tell me,
the infamous Billy Niles?
193
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:41,549
[sighs]
194
00:15:41,592 --> 00:15:43,246
I made some Tang.
195
00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:53,909
I was hoping you'd
do your Dracula.
196
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:58,609
- Well, I can't.
Sun's still out.
197
00:15:58,653 --> 00:16:03,397
- ♪
198
00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:06,269
- Before you say anything,
it was my fault.
199
00:16:06,313 --> 00:16:07,967
Took an extra shift
at Bateman's Diner
200
00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:09,751
without telling your uncle.
201
00:16:09,794 --> 00:16:13,407
He says it's getting hard
just being a man these days.
202
00:16:13,450 --> 00:16:14,799
- He's not a man.
203
00:16:20,370 --> 00:16:22,242
- Go for the pin!
Go for the pin!
204
00:16:22,285 --> 00:16:26,463
- [telephone ringing]
205
00:16:26,507 --> 00:16:29,336
- Hello?
206
00:16:29,379 --> 00:16:31,686
Yes, just a second,
he's right here.
207
00:16:31,729 --> 00:16:33,514
Kev, it's Mr. Warren.
208
00:16:38,562 --> 00:16:41,043
- Hello, Mr. Warren.
209
00:16:41,087 --> 00:16:44,742
Oh, yeah, yeah, we're hanging in
the best we can, sir.
210
00:16:50,183 --> 00:16:53,055
I understand, sir.
What can I say?
211
00:16:53,099 --> 00:16:56,537
Times have been tough
for all of us.
212
00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:59,583
Thank you, sir.
213
00:16:59,627 --> 00:17:04,153
- BARB: Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
214
00:17:04,196 --> 00:17:07,374
- What are you sorry about?
You still got your job.
215
00:17:07,416 --> 00:17:12,553
- [indistinct TV chatter]
216
00:17:12,596 --> 00:17:15,034
- ♪
217
00:17:15,077 --> 00:17:17,165
- What do think you're doing?
- Cleaning house.
218
00:17:17,210 --> 00:17:18,906
There's gonna be
no more Santa Claus,
219
00:17:18,950 --> 00:17:22,650
no more Tooth Fairy,
and no more goddamn monsters!
220
00:17:22,693 --> 00:17:24,086
- You're the only monster
around here!
221
00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:25,695
- [groaning]
- BARB: [screaming]
222
00:17:27,394 --> 00:17:31,224
Stay away from him.
- Or what? Huh?
223
00:17:31,267 --> 00:17:37,317
- ♪
224
00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:39,754
- Ah, yous deserve each other.
225
00:17:43,932 --> 00:17:46,239
- BARB: Come on.
It's okay.
226
00:17:46,282 --> 00:17:52,201
- ♪
227
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:02,777
- [crickets chirping]
228
00:18:02,820 --> 00:18:07,129
- ♪
229
00:18:07,173 --> 00:18:10,089
- JOE: [sniffling]
I miss you.
230
00:18:13,179 --> 00:18:17,096
- [film reel whirring]
231
00:18:25,974 --> 00:18:27,193
- [film stops]
232
00:18:36,332 --> 00:18:42,338
- [film reel whirring]
233
00:18:45,428 --> 00:18:50,390
- ♪
234
00:19:04,012 --> 00:19:07,102
♪
235
00:19:13,717 --> 00:19:15,197
- Mom?
236
00:19:15,241 --> 00:19:20,811
- ♪
237
00:19:26,948 --> 00:19:38,873
♪
238
00:19:40,788 --> 00:19:43,878
- JOE: [gasping]
239
00:19:53,670 --> 00:20:00,764
- ♪
240
00:20:10,426 --> 00:20:16,519
♪
241
00:20:24,092 --> 00:20:26,921
- Got it.
Need it.
242
00:20:26,964 --> 00:20:29,793
Got it.
Need it.
243
00:20:29,837 --> 00:20:31,665
Need it. [gasping]
244
00:20:35,886 --> 00:20:38,672
[sighing]
245
00:20:38,715 --> 00:20:45,679
- ♪
246
00:20:47,942 --> 00:20:49,813
- Oh, yes!
247
00:20:51,946 --> 00:20:53,687
[chuckling]
248
00:20:53,730 --> 00:21:02,130
- ♪
249
00:21:11,531 --> 00:21:16,753
♪
250
00:21:24,805 --> 00:21:27,764
- [groaning]
251
00:21:27,808 --> 00:21:33,204
[screaming]
252
00:21:33,248 --> 00:21:36,207
- [chuckling]
253
00:21:36,251 --> 00:21:38,775
- KEVIN: [screaming]
254
00:21:38,819 --> 00:21:39,950
- What happened?
255
00:21:46,261 --> 00:21:48,350
- The damnedest thing.
256
00:21:48,394 --> 00:21:51,788
My ankle twisted
completely around.
257
00:21:51,832 --> 00:21:56,097
- JOE: [laughing]
258
00:22:11,242 --> 00:22:12,418
- [knocking on door]
259
00:22:12,461 --> 00:22:14,028
- BARB: Joe, it's me.
260
00:22:16,465 --> 00:22:18,337
I'm working the night shift.
261
00:22:18,380 --> 00:22:20,991
There's turkey pot pie
in the fridge.
262
00:22:21,035 --> 00:22:23,472
Just stay clear of your uncle.
263
00:22:23,516 --> 00:22:28,999
He's been in bed all day
burning up with fever.
264
00:22:29,043 --> 00:22:32,960
Things are gonna change
around here, I promise.
265
00:22:33,003 --> 00:22:34,353
- I know.
266
00:22:38,182 --> 00:22:47,017
- ♪
267
00:22:47,061 --> 00:22:49,150
- [sizzling]
268
00:22:49,193 --> 00:22:51,761
- ♪
269
00:22:51,805 --> 00:22:55,243
- [wind howling]
270
00:22:57,201 --> 00:23:01,945
- KEVIN: [snoring and moaning]
271
00:23:01,989 --> 00:23:04,121
- [loud thud]
272
00:23:04,165 --> 00:23:06,515
- What the hell's he watching?
273
00:23:06,559 --> 00:23:09,083
Joe, turn it down!
274
00:23:09,126 --> 00:23:13,740
- [loud thud]
275
00:23:16,569 --> 00:23:19,920
- Kid needs a good
old-fashioned ass whooping!
276
00:23:24,054 --> 00:23:26,317
Must've backed up
the shitter again!
277
00:23:26,361 --> 00:23:29,408
You freak!
- [thudding]
278
00:23:29,451 --> 00:23:33,150
- I'm coming for ya, buddy!
279
00:23:33,194 --> 00:23:35,109
You got it coming now, boy.
280
00:23:38,373 --> 00:23:40,680
- [doorknob rattling]
281
00:23:43,422 --> 00:23:47,426
- I know you're in there
playing with your goddamn toys
282
00:23:47,469 --> 00:23:48,644
'cause I can smell
the goddamn glue.
283
00:23:48,688 --> 00:23:49,906
- [banging on door]
284
00:23:49,950 --> 00:23:54,650
- Open the door,
or I'll smash it in!
285
00:23:54,694 --> 00:23:56,826
Okay, all right.
286
00:23:58,654 --> 00:24:04,834
- [Gillman roaring]
287
00:24:04,878 --> 00:24:06,706
- [screaming]
288
00:24:06,749 --> 00:24:08,142
Fuck you!
289
00:24:08,185 --> 00:24:09,317
[screaming]
290
00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:11,188
No!
291
00:24:11,232 --> 00:24:14,104
[groaning]
292
00:24:14,148 --> 00:24:15,018
[groan]
- [bat rattling]
293
00:24:15,062 --> 00:24:17,368
- JOE: [laughing]
294
00:24:17,412 --> 00:24:23,244
- KEVIN: [heavy breathing]
295
00:24:25,420 --> 00:24:27,466
- [electronic static]
296
00:24:27,509 --> 00:24:30,904
- MAN: Keep your eyes peeled,
boils and ghouls.
297
00:24:30,947 --> 00:24:34,864
The cadaverous conclusion of
"Uncle Kevin Meets the Monster"
298
00:24:34,908 --> 00:24:36,387
is right around the corner.
299
00:24:36,431 --> 00:24:40,174
[laughing]
300
00:24:40,217 --> 00:24:43,612
- [growling]
301
00:24:46,833 --> 00:24:48,225
- [yelping]
302
00:24:48,269 --> 00:24:53,143
[screaming]
303
00:24:53,187 --> 00:24:55,232
[grunting]
304
00:24:55,276 --> 00:24:58,888
- [Gillman roaring]
305
00:24:58,932 --> 00:25:00,847
[grumbling]
306
00:25:00,890 --> 00:25:04,720
- [heavy breathing]
307
00:25:10,552 --> 00:25:13,076
- [roaring]
308
00:25:13,120 --> 00:25:16,253
- [crash]
309
00:25:16,297 --> 00:25:19,169
- [grumbling]
310
00:25:19,213 --> 00:25:23,870
- [screaming]
311
00:25:23,913 --> 00:25:25,436
- JOE: [grunting]
312
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:29,136
- KEVIN: [screaming]
313
00:25:29,179 --> 00:25:33,444
Hey, buddy!
Tell your friends I'm sorry!
314
00:25:33,488 --> 00:25:35,403
- [growling]
- KEVIN: No!
315
00:25:35,446 --> 00:25:38,798
- [grumbling]
316
00:25:38,841 --> 00:25:40,800
- ♪
317
00:25:40,843 --> 00:25:42,323
- No!
318
00:25:42,366 --> 00:25:45,065
[screaming]
- [grumbling]
319
00:25:45,108 --> 00:25:51,027
- No!
320
00:25:51,071 --> 00:25:52,681
- [growling]
321
00:25:52,725 --> 00:25:54,465
- Are you ready
for your close-up, Uncle Kev?
322
00:25:54,509 --> 00:25:55,858
[chuckling]
323
00:25:55,902 --> 00:26:00,210
- KEVIN: No!
324
00:26:00,254 --> 00:26:03,518
No!
325
00:26:03,562 --> 00:26:07,087
- [loud squelching]
- KEVIN: No!
326
00:26:09,350 --> 00:26:12,048
- [crickets chirping]
327
00:26:17,271 --> 00:26:18,185
- [screaming]
328
00:26:18,228 --> 00:26:20,056
- ♪
329
00:26:20,100 --> 00:26:24,017
- [screaming]
Joe! Joe!
330
00:26:25,975 --> 00:26:29,065
Joe.
331
00:26:29,109 --> 00:26:31,067
Oh my god.
332
00:26:31,111 --> 00:26:34,941
- Come. Sit.
333
00:26:34,984 --> 00:26:37,770
You're just in time
for the big ending.
334
00:26:37,813 --> 00:26:42,949
- ♪
335
00:26:49,129 --> 00:26:54,090
♪
336
00:26:55,701 --> 00:26:57,311
- What happened?
337
00:26:57,354 --> 00:27:01,097
- Couple of friends
came for a visit.
338
00:27:01,141 --> 00:27:03,970
They had some cleaning up to do.
339
00:27:04,013 --> 00:27:07,974
After all,
340
00:27:08,017 --> 00:27:12,674
it is chore day.
341
00:27:12,718 --> 00:27:13,632
- [screaming]
342
00:27:13,675 --> 00:27:19,376
- ♪
343
00:27:27,820 --> 00:27:34,609
♪
344
00:27:42,356 --> 00:27:50,407
♪
345
00:27:53,062 --> 00:27:58,938
- ♪
346
00:28:07,207 --> 00:28:10,514
- Everyone was very happy that
the little pigs worked so hard,
347
00:28:10,558 --> 00:28:13,779
for now they had
plenty of food for winter,
348
00:28:13,822 --> 00:28:18,087
and Farmer John promised
to never eat porkchops again.
349
00:28:18,131 --> 00:28:21,874
So, they ate chicken!
350
00:28:21,917 --> 00:28:24,224
The end.
- KIDS: [laughing]
351
00:28:24,267 --> 00:28:27,880
- Hmm, what do you suppose
that story was about, Henrietta?
352
00:28:27,923 --> 00:28:30,447
- Getting what you deserve?
353
00:28:30,491 --> 00:28:31,797
- MRS. BOOKBERRY: That's right!
354
00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:34,321
Some folks call it karma.
355
00:28:34,364 --> 00:28:35,801
When you do something good,
356
00:28:35,844 --> 00:28:37,759
something good
will happen to you.
357
00:28:37,803 --> 00:28:40,544
But if you do something bad...
358
00:28:40,588 --> 00:28:43,634
- S-s-s-something bad
will happen to me?
359
00:28:43,678 --> 00:28:45,419
- MRS. BOOKBERRY: Mm-hmm.
360
00:28:45,462 --> 00:28:48,639
So be sure to be
good little boys and girls.
361
00:28:48,683 --> 00:28:53,601
Until next time, bye for now!
362
00:28:53,644 --> 00:28:56,604
- MAN: Mrs. Bookberry's
Magical Library is made possible
363
00:28:56,647 --> 00:28:59,955
by a grant from the Public
Broadcasting Corporation.
364
00:28:59,999 --> 00:29:03,785
You're watching WQPS,
Channel 13, Pittsburgh.
365
00:29:03,829 --> 00:29:05,787
Prevent child abuse.
366
00:29:05,831 --> 00:29:08,659
- MAN: This is WQPS
in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania,
367
00:29:08,703 --> 00:29:11,358
operating on Channel 13
with a frequency of
368
00:29:11,401 --> 00:29:15,579
210 to 216 megahertz
by authority of
369
00:29:15,623 --> 00:29:17,799
the Federal
Communications Commission.
370
00:29:17,843 --> 00:29:19,235
- [bell ringing]
371
00:29:19,279 --> 00:29:21,803
- MAN: Bookberry pledge drive
promotion, take one.
372
00:29:21,847 --> 00:29:26,765
Settle, settle, lots of energy,
and on in three, two...
373
00:29:26,808 --> 00:29:29,332
- Something very special
is happening tonight
374
00:29:29,376 --> 00:29:33,510
on Channel 13, Henrietta.
- What is it, Mrs. Bookberry?
375
00:29:33,554 --> 00:29:35,904
- MRS. BOOKBERRY: It's
the WQPS pledge drive.
376
00:29:35,948 --> 00:29:38,385
That's where we ask all
the mommies and daddies
377
00:29:38,428 --> 00:29:41,301
out there to fuck!
- [gasps]
378
00:29:41,344 --> 00:29:43,956
- Goddamn it! Line.
379
00:29:43,999 --> 00:29:46,828
- MAN: "Become a member of
Channel 13's television family."
380
00:29:46,872 --> 00:29:49,396
- Okay, whatever, here we go.
381
00:29:49,439 --> 00:29:52,791
Three, two, one, action.
382
00:29:52,834 --> 00:29:54,705
That's where we ask
the mommies and daddies
383
00:29:54,749 --> 00:29:57,230
out there to join us
by becoming a member of
384
00:29:57,273 --> 00:29:59,580
Channel 13's television family.
385
00:30:01,974 --> 00:30:04,541
Cut, I think we got it, Greg.
I'm gonna go take a shit.
386
00:30:04,585 --> 00:30:06,282
I'll be in my dressing room.
387
00:30:06,326 --> 00:30:07,849
- MAN: Everybody take five
while she--
388
00:30:07,893 --> 00:30:09,329
- CLAUDIA: Uh, Miss Bookberry?
- MAN: --does that.
389
00:30:09,372 --> 00:30:10,417
Smoke 'em if you got 'em.
390
00:30:10,460 --> 00:30:13,202
- Mrs. Bookberry?
Bookberry!
391
00:30:13,246 --> 00:30:15,726
- [phone ringing]
392
00:30:17,772 --> 00:30:20,906
- CLAUDIA: Miss Bookberry?
Do you have a minute?
393
00:30:20,949 --> 00:30:22,951
About the show tonight.
Nothing like live television.
394
00:30:22,995 --> 00:30:24,387
- What's up with
my time slot, Claudia?
395
00:30:24,431 --> 00:30:27,129
Am I getting it or what?
- Well, you see, about that,
396
00:30:27,173 --> 00:30:29,088
"Love of Painting"
has been our 3 o'clock
397
00:30:29,131 --> 00:30:30,524
for nearly 10 years,
and what I--
398
00:30:30,567 --> 00:30:32,004
- And what?
399
00:30:32,047 --> 00:30:34,745
"Magical Library" is the biggest
show in QPS history.
400
00:30:34,789 --> 00:30:37,661
Without it, this piss stain
of a station would be nothing.
401
00:30:37,705 --> 00:30:41,578
I want that time slot.
Give me that time slot.
402
00:30:41,622 --> 00:30:43,232
- But Norm's show
won't survive anywhere else.
403
00:30:43,276 --> 00:30:45,234
- Listen, they took a big chance
404
00:30:45,278 --> 00:30:48,629
on promoting someone like you
to station manager.
405
00:30:48,672 --> 00:30:50,109
Be a shame to have
to tell the higher-ups
406
00:30:50,152 --> 00:30:52,720
that you just couldn't
figure it out.
407
00:30:52,763 --> 00:30:55,288
Ya got me, sistah?
408
00:30:55,331 --> 00:30:57,116
- ♪
409
00:30:57,159 --> 00:30:59,205
- You can have 3 o'clock.
410
00:30:59,248 --> 00:31:01,076
- Thank you.
411
00:31:04,297 --> 00:31:05,472
Now, if you don't mind,
412
00:31:05,515 --> 00:31:07,691
I prefer to wipe my ass
in private,
413
00:31:07,735 --> 00:31:10,477
unless you wanna come in
and do it for me?
414
00:31:17,788 --> 00:31:19,442
- NORM: Just a little bit
and then we're gonna go
415
00:31:19,486 --> 00:31:22,706
back to the canvas
and play in the leaves here.
416
00:31:22,750 --> 00:31:25,884
Just a little dab here
and a little dab there.
417
00:31:25,927 --> 00:31:28,974
- ♪
- NORM: Right on the roof.
418
00:31:29,017 --> 00:31:32,107
Just down that slope.
419
00:31:32,151 --> 00:31:35,067
Where the leaves are gonna
be found in the night.
420
00:31:35,110 --> 00:31:38,157
Maybe they were there
last season.
421
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:41,160
It's up to you,
this is your world.
422
00:31:41,203 --> 00:31:43,423
There.
423
00:31:43,466 --> 00:31:45,947
Now, I would say our cabin
could use a little something
424
00:31:45,991 --> 00:31:48,558
to look forward to,
so let's put a little sunshine
425
00:31:48,602 --> 00:31:51,953
at the horizon.
Take our two-inch brush.
426
00:31:51,997 --> 00:31:55,652
Just lighten up the sky.
427
00:31:55,696 --> 00:31:58,394
Move the darkness away.
428
00:31:58,438 --> 00:32:00,570
There.
429
00:32:00,614 --> 00:32:02,921
I think it's time
to clean out our brushes.
430
00:32:02,964 --> 00:32:06,533
Take the brush into
the paint thinner.
431
00:32:06,576 --> 00:32:08,665
Shake the excess.
432
00:32:08,709 --> 00:32:10,232
This is my favorite part.
433
00:32:13,105 --> 00:32:15,063
Just beat the devil out of it.
434
00:32:17,848 --> 00:32:20,286
I hope that you all enjoyed
painting with me today
435
00:32:20,329 --> 00:32:22,418
because I know I did.
436
00:32:22,462 --> 00:32:25,160
So from all of us here
at the station,
437
00:32:25,204 --> 00:32:27,467
happy painting, and God bless.
438
00:32:27,510 --> 00:32:31,123
- ♪
439
00:32:31,166 --> 00:32:33,952
- And cut, clear!
440
00:32:33,995 --> 00:32:36,519
That is a beautiful
painting, Norm.
441
00:32:36,563 --> 00:32:38,173
- NORM: Oh, thank you.
- GEORGE: Wanna take a break
442
00:32:38,217 --> 00:32:39,479
before we start shooting the
next episode?
443
00:32:39,522 --> 00:32:41,089
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
We may continue.
444
00:32:41,133 --> 00:32:43,178
- Hey, guys, excuse me,
can we talk?
445
00:32:43,222 --> 00:32:45,789
- What's wrong? Are you cutting
our budget again?
446
00:32:45,833 --> 00:32:47,400
Claudia, you can't do that!
447
00:32:47,443 --> 00:32:49,010
I had to get rid of
both camera guys.
448
00:32:49,054 --> 00:32:51,795
You got me directing, producing.
I'm shooting close-ups here.
449
00:32:51,839 --> 00:32:53,101
- I'm not cutting the budget.
450
00:32:53,145 --> 00:32:56,235
I'm afraid we're canceling
"Love of Painting."
451
00:32:56,278 --> 00:33:00,326
- Oh, no, that's too bad.
452
00:33:00,369 --> 00:33:03,894
May we still shoot
this next one?
453
00:33:03,938 --> 00:33:05,766
- Yeah,
of course, Norm.
454
00:33:08,029 --> 00:33:10,292
- Claudia?
455
00:33:10,336 --> 00:33:13,382
What are you doing?
The show is all he's got.
456
00:33:13,426 --> 00:33:15,558
- My hands are tied, George.
His time slot is needed.
457
00:33:15,602 --> 00:33:19,214
I'm sorry.
I really am.
458
00:33:19,258 --> 00:33:21,129
How is always so calm?
459
00:33:21,173 --> 00:33:22,609
You'd think he could
at least chew me out
460
00:33:22,652 --> 00:33:25,220
for screwing him over.
461
00:33:25,264 --> 00:33:28,876
- That man's changed a lot
since he came back from 'Nam.
462
00:33:28,919 --> 00:33:32,227
Norm was on the front line
of the Tet Offensive.
463
00:33:32,271 --> 00:33:35,230
Musta had to do
horrible things to survive.
464
00:33:35,274 --> 00:33:39,974
- [helicopter blades whirring]
- [explosions booming]
465
00:33:40,018 --> 00:33:45,806
- [people screaming]
- [gunfire rattling]
466
00:33:45,849 --> 00:33:49,331
- ♪
467
00:33:49,375 --> 00:33:51,768
- Priceless items
are right under your nose.
468
00:33:51,812 --> 00:33:53,988
Did the value of
this snow blower
469
00:33:54,032 --> 00:33:57,818
or this medieval broadsword
increase or decrease over time?
470
00:33:57,861 --> 00:34:00,864
What about this jar of
Civil War coins?
471
00:34:00,908 --> 00:34:04,346
Find out next on
"The Appraiser's Road Trip."
472
00:34:04,390 --> 00:34:05,913
- [light applause]
473
00:34:05,956 --> 00:34:08,089
- WOMAN: "The Appraiser's
Road Trip" with Goodman Tapert.
474
00:34:08,132 --> 00:34:11,005
- Good evening, and welcome.
475
00:34:11,049 --> 00:34:13,659
Today's first guest,
Mr. Ted Raimi,
476
00:34:13,703 --> 00:34:16,619
has brought us something
quite special,
477
00:34:16,663 --> 00:34:19,447
a book.
- [crowd fawning]
478
00:34:19,492 --> 00:34:21,494
- [light applause]
- How did you come across this?
479
00:34:21,536 --> 00:34:23,364
- Uh, well, it's--
480
00:34:23,409 --> 00:34:25,193
It's been in the family
for years.
481
00:34:25,237 --> 00:34:26,324
- I must tell you,
482
00:34:26,368 --> 00:34:28,327
this is an amazing
483
00:34:28,370 --> 00:34:30,155
and quite valuable find.
- [light applause]
484
00:34:30,197 --> 00:34:32,505
- Wow!
- Wow, indeed.
485
00:34:32,547 --> 00:34:35,203
Brilliant Sumerian
craftsmanship.
486
00:34:35,246 --> 00:34:38,206
The stitching in the binding
is magnificent.
487
00:34:38,250 --> 00:34:39,989
- [light applause]
488
00:34:40,034 --> 00:34:44,429
- It's bound in a leather
that I'm unfamiliar with,
489
00:34:44,473 --> 00:34:46,996
but despite a few scratches
and discolorations,
490
00:34:47,041 --> 00:34:49,739
this is a stunning piece.
491
00:34:49,783 --> 00:34:51,610
It is locked, though.
Do you have the key?
492
00:34:51,654 --> 00:34:53,699
- Um, I lost it.
493
00:34:53,743 --> 00:34:55,658
- [audience fawning]
- Oh, how unfortunate.
494
00:34:55,702 --> 00:34:57,530
- But then it was found.
495
00:34:57,573 --> 00:35:00,794
- [light applause]
- Excellent!
496
00:35:00,837 --> 00:35:02,926
Let's look inside.
497
00:35:04,841 --> 00:35:08,497
- This is really exciting.
498
00:35:08,541 --> 00:35:11,979
I mean, I've had this thing
in my fruit cellar for years.
499
00:35:12,022 --> 00:35:15,069
I nearly threw it out like
a million times.
500
00:35:15,113 --> 00:35:18,638
But I'm glad
I didn't though, huh?
501
00:35:18,681 --> 00:35:19,900
I mean, geez Louise,
502
00:35:19,943 --> 00:35:21,728
I wonder what
this old thing is worth?
503
00:35:21,771 --> 00:35:24,861
I wonder if I could
get a Camaro?
504
00:35:24,905 --> 00:35:26,950
Or maybe a hot tub?
505
00:35:26,994 --> 00:35:29,039
What do you think,
a Camaro or a hot tub?
506
00:35:29,083 --> 00:35:30,171
- Hot tub.
- [light applause]
507
00:35:30,215 --> 00:35:31,477
- Yes!
508
00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:32,956
- ♪
509
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:35,307
- Look at
these ink renderings.
510
00:35:35,350 --> 00:35:37,961
The Kandarian text.
511
00:35:38,005 --> 00:35:40,181
Any natural history museum
would happily pay anywhere
512
00:35:40,225 --> 00:35:44,490
between 3 or 400,000.
513
00:35:44,533 --> 00:35:46,144
- Dollars?
- Mm-hmm.
514
00:35:46,187 --> 00:35:47,928
- Oh, man!
515
00:35:47,971 --> 00:35:49,712
This is the best day
of my whole life!
516
00:35:49,756 --> 00:35:51,845
- Lucky for you,
I can read Sumerian.
517
00:35:51,888 --> 00:35:53,281
- You can read--
518
00:35:53,325 --> 00:35:57,285
- Might be a bit rusty,
but what I can gather,
519
00:35:57,329 --> 00:36:02,072
this book is the Necronomicon.
520
00:36:02,116 --> 00:36:04,205
- Ah, that name sounds familiar.
521
00:36:04,249 --> 00:36:06,338
- It was written when
dark spirits ruled the Earth
522
00:36:06,381 --> 00:36:08,035
and the oceans
boiled with blood.
523
00:36:08,078 --> 00:36:09,341
- TED: Oh.
524
00:36:09,384 --> 00:36:10,733
- GOODMAN: The powers of the
dead lay within
525
00:36:10,777 --> 00:36:15,216
these very pages.
Fascinating.
526
00:36:15,260 --> 00:36:17,436
Listen to these
wretched incantations.
527
00:36:17,479 --> 00:36:21,614
[speaking foreign language]
528
00:36:21,657 --> 00:36:24,225
- Oh, uh, um,
maybe don't read it.
529
00:36:24,269 --> 00:36:29,404
- GOODMAN: "Nosferaten.
Valo mortem."
530
00:36:29,448 --> 00:36:32,190
- Uh, stop.
Don't read any more.
531
00:36:32,233 --> 00:36:36,237
- [speaking foreign language]
532
00:36:36,281 --> 00:36:40,633
- Please stop. Stop!
- [speaking foreign language]
533
00:36:40,676 --> 00:36:44,245
- I said stop.
Never!
534
00:36:44,289 --> 00:36:46,378
[screaming]
535
00:36:46,421 --> 00:36:51,905
- CREW: [screaming]
536
00:36:51,948 --> 00:36:56,126
- [demonic laughter]
537
00:36:56,170 --> 00:37:00,609
Let me back into the book, kids,
so you should be like me!
538
00:37:00,653 --> 00:37:03,525
When it all makes
a pledge to us.
539
00:37:03,569 --> 00:37:06,311
Pledge to us!
540
00:37:06,354 --> 00:37:10,445
[demonic laughter]
541
00:37:10,489 --> 00:37:13,318
Pledge to us!
542
00:37:13,361 --> 00:37:16,016
[demonic laughter]
543
00:37:16,059 --> 00:37:18,627
- NORM: We're gonna say
good night to the Grand Tetons.
544
00:37:18,671 --> 00:37:22,240
A meandering stream by just
using the Titanium White
545
00:37:22,283 --> 00:37:25,547
and working through the bristles
with the two-inch brush.
546
00:37:25,591 --> 00:37:30,552
And ever so gently drag through
the dusk creeping over
547
00:37:30,596 --> 00:37:34,034
the mountains here
and then saying goodbye
548
00:37:34,077 --> 00:37:36,732
to the dying embers of the day.
549
00:37:36,776 --> 00:37:41,346
Good night, day.
Thank you for everything.
550
00:37:41,389 --> 00:37:45,132
Sleep well.
There.
551
00:37:45,175 --> 00:37:49,267
I think we're done here.
552
00:37:49,310 --> 00:37:51,791
Um...
553
00:37:51,834 --> 00:37:55,534
today, I have gotten
some bad news.
554
00:37:55,577 --> 00:38:00,278
Unfortunately, this is
our last episode.
555
00:38:00,321 --> 00:38:03,106
First, I was sad,
but I believe that
556
00:38:03,150 --> 00:38:05,544
everything happens for a reason,
557
00:38:05,587 --> 00:38:08,764
and if this is what
the Good Lord wishes,
558
00:38:08,808 --> 00:38:10,853
well, then surely he must
have something greater
559
00:38:10,897 --> 00:38:13,073
in mind for me
and for us all.
560
00:38:13,116 --> 00:38:15,249
- Pledge your soul to the book!
561
00:38:15,293 --> 00:38:16,990
- CLAUDIA: [screaming]
- GEORGE: What is that thing?
562
00:38:17,033 --> 00:38:18,383
- CLAUDIA: [screaming]
563
00:38:18,426 --> 00:38:20,602
- Huh?
- Keep away from me!
564
00:38:20,646 --> 00:38:22,082
- No!
565
00:38:22,125 --> 00:38:27,827
- ♪
566
00:38:27,870 --> 00:38:31,004
- What is happening?
567
00:38:31,047 --> 00:38:35,704
- A-ha.
Pretty soul.
568
00:38:35,748 --> 00:38:39,273
I'll cut it out of you.
[demonic laughter]
569
00:38:39,317 --> 00:38:41,275
- [grunting]
- [Ted groaning]
570
00:38:41,319 --> 00:38:42,972
Huh?
571
00:38:43,016 --> 00:38:48,935
[grunting]
572
00:38:55,637 --> 00:38:58,379
Huh?
573
00:38:58,423 --> 00:39:03,558
- I don't know who you are, sir,
but if you're not gonna behave,
574
00:39:03,602 --> 00:39:06,082
I'm gonna have
to ask you to leave.
575
00:39:06,126 --> 00:39:07,780
- Pledge to us!
576
00:39:07,823 --> 00:39:11,653
- [blows thudding]
577
00:39:11,697 --> 00:39:15,396
- [Ted snarling]
578
00:39:15,440 --> 00:39:20,009
- [crash]
579
00:39:20,053 --> 00:39:24,231
- [snarling]
580
00:39:29,845 --> 00:39:32,761
- Huh?
581
00:39:32,805 --> 00:39:34,807
- [screaming]
582
00:39:34,850 --> 00:39:38,985
- [George gasping]
583
00:39:44,251 --> 00:39:47,428
- NORM: George!
- [coughing]
584
00:39:47,472 --> 00:39:49,996
- You all right, George?
- Just get it off of me!
585
00:39:50,039 --> 00:39:53,608
Both leave me here
and just save yourselves.
586
00:39:53,652 --> 00:39:54,957
- Nobody's leaving
you here, George.
587
00:39:55,001 --> 00:39:59,092
- Oh, god.
- NORM: Come here.
588
00:39:59,135 --> 00:40:01,007
- All right,
what's the quickest way out?
589
00:40:01,050 --> 00:40:02,530
'Cause we have to let
the others know!
590
00:40:02,574 --> 00:40:03,792
- Through the Magical Library.
591
00:40:03,836 --> 00:40:05,228
- Okay, we need to get
to a phone.
592
00:40:05,272 --> 00:40:10,756
- Yes, come on, this way.
Come on, George!
593
00:40:10,799 --> 00:40:13,454
- TED: Merciless!
594
00:40:13,498 --> 00:40:16,588
- [toilet flushing]
595
00:40:16,631 --> 00:40:22,420
- ♪
596
00:40:43,266 --> 00:40:47,706
- HENRIETTA: You worthless
piece of shit.
597
00:40:47,749 --> 00:40:51,536
- I'm not worthless, Daddy.
- HENRIETTA: Yes, you are.
598
00:40:51,579 --> 00:40:53,451
Your mother and I
will be very disappointed
599
00:40:53,494 --> 00:40:55,017
if you're not
gonna show tonight.
600
00:40:55,061 --> 00:40:57,063
Chicago's going to be watching.
601
00:40:57,106 --> 00:40:58,804
This will be our ticket
out of here,
602
00:40:58,847 --> 00:41:00,893
unless you fuck it up,
which you probably will,
603
00:41:00,936 --> 00:41:02,982
you ugly little bitch!
604
00:41:03,025 --> 00:41:05,419
- No, I won't mess up,
Daddy, I promise.
605
00:41:05,463 --> 00:41:09,205
Nothing will stop me
from making you proud. Nothing!
606
00:41:09,249 --> 00:41:10,642
- [knocking on door]
607
00:41:13,993 --> 00:41:15,734
[knocking on door]
608
00:41:15,777 --> 00:41:18,171
- Fuck off, Greg!
I'm not taping anymore!
609
00:41:18,214 --> 00:41:20,869
I have to focus
before the show! Go away!
610
00:41:20,913 --> 00:41:24,090
- [knocking on door]
611
00:41:24,133 --> 00:41:25,657
- Are you deaf?
I said, go away!
612
00:41:25,700 --> 00:41:29,399
- [knocking on door]
- [handle rattling]
613
00:41:29,443 --> 00:41:32,359
- What the fuck is your problem?
614
00:41:36,668 --> 00:41:38,757
- Pledge your soul to the book!
615
00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:42,021
- [screaming]
- [Ted snarling]
616
00:41:44,980 --> 00:41:48,810
- [electricity crackling]
617
00:41:51,639 --> 00:41:54,033
- Oh, Jesus,
it's a goddamn massacre.
618
00:41:54,076 --> 00:42:00,126
- ♪
619
00:42:00,169 --> 00:42:03,477
- Look.
Cameras are still recording.
620
00:42:03,521 --> 00:42:04,870
- George, check the footage.
621
00:42:04,913 --> 00:42:06,001
Maybe we can find out
what happened.
622
00:42:06,045 --> 00:42:09,048
- Leave it to me.
623
00:42:09,091 --> 00:42:12,138
- CLAUDIA: Oh my god.
624
00:42:12,181 --> 00:42:14,357
Did that thing do
all of this by itself?
625
00:42:17,752 --> 00:42:19,841
- John?
626
00:42:19,885 --> 00:42:21,321
Oh, dear God, no.
627
00:42:21,364 --> 00:42:22,757
John.
628
00:42:24,629 --> 00:42:29,982
- [groaning]
629
00:42:40,209 --> 00:42:43,517
- [Ted snarling]
- [people screaming]
630
00:42:48,174 --> 00:42:50,524
- [Ted snarling]
- [woman screaming]
631
00:42:50,568 --> 00:42:52,613
- ♪
632
00:42:52,657 --> 00:42:57,618
- [demonic muttering]
633
00:42:57,662 --> 00:43:02,362
- ♪
634
00:43:02,405 --> 00:43:05,539
- Nothing will stop me, Daddy.
635
00:43:05,583 --> 00:43:07,672
Nothing!
636
00:43:07,715 --> 00:43:14,287
- ♪
637
00:43:18,030 --> 00:43:19,901
- Find anything?
638
00:43:19,945 --> 00:43:23,339
- Well, a few dead friends.
639
00:43:23,383 --> 00:43:26,212
And a jar of old silver dollars.
640
00:43:26,255 --> 00:43:29,128
I'll buy you a pop
if we survive.
641
00:43:29,171 --> 00:43:32,348
- GEORGE: Hey, guys?
Hey, guys, found something.
642
00:43:32,392 --> 00:43:34,307
I'll pipe it
to the floor monitors.
643
00:43:34,350 --> 00:43:42,445
- ♪
644
00:43:42,489 --> 00:43:44,970
- What do you think,
Camaro or hot tub?
645
00:43:45,013 --> 00:43:48,843
- Hot tub.
- Yes!
646
00:43:48,887 --> 00:43:50,802
- Look at these ink renderings.
647
00:43:50,845 --> 00:43:54,109
- GEORGE: Hold on, hold on,
I went too far.
648
00:43:54,153 --> 00:43:58,070
- The power of the dead
lay within these very pages.
649
00:43:58,113 --> 00:44:00,376
Listen to these
wretched incantations.
650
00:44:00,420 --> 00:44:06,687
- [speaking foreign language]
651
00:44:06,731 --> 00:44:09,037
- Shut it off, George!
652
00:44:09,081 --> 00:44:12,693
- GOODMAN: [unintelligible]
- NORM: Just shut it off now!
653
00:44:12,737 --> 00:44:16,088
- What's wrong?
- He said powers of the dead
654
00:44:16,131 --> 00:44:17,959
lay within the pages
of the book.
655
00:44:18,003 --> 00:44:19,613
Listening to
wretched incantations
656
00:44:19,657 --> 00:44:22,094
is not gonna improve
our situation here!
657
00:44:22,137 --> 00:44:23,573
- Book started all of this.
658
00:44:23,617 --> 00:44:25,532
Maybe there's a spell
or whatever that can stop it?
659
00:44:25,575 --> 00:44:28,709
- Well, that stands to reason,
if we can find it.
660
00:44:28,753 --> 00:44:31,712
- It's gotta be around here
somewhere, but where?
661
00:44:31,756 --> 00:44:33,714
- [creaking]
662
00:44:33,758 --> 00:44:38,023
- [roaring]
663
00:44:38,066 --> 00:44:40,721
Pledge to the book!
664
00:44:40,765 --> 00:44:42,375
- That answers that question.
665
00:44:42,418 --> 00:44:44,551
- [snarling]
666
00:44:44,594 --> 00:44:47,075
- ♪
667
00:44:47,119 --> 00:44:52,211
- Shit!
Think, George, think!
668
00:44:52,254 --> 00:44:54,735
- [Goodman snarling]
669
00:44:54,779 --> 00:44:56,476
- [shrill feedback]
670
00:44:56,519 --> 00:45:01,307
- [Goodman screaming]
671
00:45:03,570 --> 00:45:06,878
You will die!
672
00:45:06,921 --> 00:45:10,533
All will be as to
the book
673
00:45:10,577 --> 00:45:13,232
and die!
674
00:45:13,275 --> 00:45:14,450
[snarling]
675
00:45:16,975 --> 00:45:21,501
- The book!
- George! George!
676
00:45:21,544 --> 00:45:24,939
Oh, quick thinking, George!
- GEORGE: There.
677
00:45:24,983 --> 00:45:27,768
- He took the Necronomicon.
- The what-icon?
678
00:45:27,812 --> 00:45:29,639
- CLAUDIA: The creepy old book.
679
00:45:37,212 --> 00:45:38,779
- MAN: And be sure
to stick around for
680
00:45:38,823 --> 00:45:40,389
a very special live episode of
681
00:45:40,433 --> 00:45:42,435
"Mrs. Bookberry's
Magical Library,"
682
00:45:42,478 --> 00:45:46,134
coming up next only on
WQPS Channel 13.
683
00:45:46,178 --> 00:45:48,702
- That video feed is from
the Chicago affiliate.
684
00:45:48,746 --> 00:45:50,748
They switch over
to "Bookberry" at 6 o'clock.
685
00:45:50,791 --> 00:45:55,274
- ♪
- That's, like...now.
686
00:45:55,317 --> 00:45:58,451
- MRS. BOOKBERRY: Welcome
to my library, children.
687
00:45:58,494 --> 00:46:02,107
Henrietta and I have
a very special book
688
00:46:02,150 --> 00:46:05,284
to read to you tonight.
689
00:46:05,327 --> 00:46:09,679
- And you fuckers
are gonna love it!
690
00:46:09,723 --> 00:46:11,246
- I'm so fired.
691
00:46:11,290 --> 00:46:14,597
- If she reads that
on live television--
692
00:46:14,641 --> 00:46:15,555
- She won't.
693
00:46:22,083 --> 00:46:24,346
- MRS. BOOKBERRY:
Listen, my children,
694
00:46:24,390 --> 00:46:28,742
and pledge your souls
to the book.
695
00:46:28,786 --> 00:46:34,095
[speaking foreign language]
696
00:46:38,534 --> 00:46:40,406
- [glass shattering]
697
00:46:40,449 --> 00:46:42,930
- [quizzical grunting]
- [monstrous hissing]
698
00:46:42,974 --> 00:46:48,240
Who dare interrupts
the dark text?
699
00:46:48,283 --> 00:46:49,894
- I'm responsible for
the program quality
700
00:46:49,937 --> 00:46:52,766
of Channel 13,
and this show...
701
00:46:52,810 --> 00:46:55,029
does not meet WQPS standards.
702
00:46:55,073 --> 00:46:57,249
- MRS. BOOKBERRY: And what
are you gonna do about it?
703
00:47:00,208 --> 00:47:02,428
- [chimes ringing]
704
00:47:02,471 --> 00:47:04,822
- We're gonna beat
the devil outta you.
705
00:47:04,865 --> 00:47:05,866
- ♪
706
00:47:05,910 --> 00:47:06,911
- [quizzical grunt]
707
00:47:06,954 --> 00:47:13,874
- ♪
708
00:47:13,918 --> 00:47:20,098
- [all grunting]
709
00:47:20,141 --> 00:47:21,621
- [Norm chuckling]
710
00:47:21,664 --> 00:47:27,583
- ♪
711
00:47:36,288 --> 00:47:37,985
- Groovy.
712
00:47:40,161 --> 00:47:41,554
Claudia, get the book!
713
00:47:41,597 --> 00:47:47,560
- ♪
714
00:47:49,997 --> 00:47:52,565
- Uh, Ted?
Are you okay?
715
00:47:55,742 --> 00:47:57,875
- I think I'll get the Camaro.
716
00:47:57,918 --> 00:48:00,225
[roaring]
717
00:48:00,268 --> 00:48:02,531
- [George grunting]
718
00:48:02,575 --> 00:48:05,578
- GOODMAN: We want your soul!
[laughing]
719
00:48:05,621 --> 00:48:07,319
- The children must
hear the words!
720
00:48:07,362 --> 00:48:09,451
The book hungers
for young souls!
721
00:48:09,495 --> 00:48:12,106
- Hell no!
I'm cutting your budget!
722
00:48:14,804 --> 00:48:17,329
I'm cutting your budget!
- WOMAN: Hey, kids!
723
00:48:17,372 --> 00:48:20,158
What are you watching in there?
724
00:48:20,201 --> 00:48:23,901
- Do your park!
Pledge to the book!
725
00:48:23,944 --> 00:48:29,907
[speaking foreign language]
726
00:48:29,950 --> 00:48:32,735
- What's amazing find you are!
727
00:48:32,779 --> 00:48:37,479
Let's open you up
and see what's inside you!
728
00:48:37,523 --> 00:48:38,959
- [Henrietta laughing]
729
00:48:39,003 --> 00:48:40,743
- [speaking foreign language]
730
00:48:40,787 --> 00:48:42,484
- Norm, get the goddamn puppet!
- [Ted laughing]
731
00:48:42,528 --> 00:48:44,660
- No, let go of me!
Norm, get the puppet!
732
00:48:44,704 --> 00:48:47,620
- Pledge to the book!
733
00:48:47,663 --> 00:48:50,275
- [Norm grunting]
- [blows thudding]
734
00:48:50,318 --> 00:48:51,667
- [bell ringing]
735
00:48:51,711 --> 00:48:55,628
- Pledge to the book!
Pledge to the book!
736
00:48:55,671 --> 00:48:57,282
- [Henrietta screaming]
- NORM: I don't think so!
737
00:48:57,325 --> 00:49:01,242
Not today!
- [gasping]
738
00:49:01,286 --> 00:49:03,331
No!
739
00:49:03,375 --> 00:49:04,245
- [Ted growling]
- [Claudia grunting]
740
00:49:04,289 --> 00:49:06,030
- [growling]
741
00:49:06,073 --> 00:49:08,206
- CLAUDIA: The book,
Norm, the book!
742
00:49:08,249 --> 00:49:09,947
Norm, you've gotta
lock the book!
743
00:49:12,732 --> 00:49:14,952
- [Mrs. Bookberry shrieking]
744
00:49:14,995 --> 00:49:19,391
- ♪
745
00:49:35,711 --> 00:49:39,411
- [heavy breathing]
746
00:49:52,380 --> 00:49:54,382
- NORM: We'll go back in
with our fan brush
747
00:49:54,426 --> 00:49:58,169
and tap away at the sap green,
748
00:49:58,212 --> 00:50:01,346
and then give our
happy little trees some friends.
749
00:50:01,389 --> 00:50:04,131
Just a nice little
community of trees.
750
00:50:04,175 --> 00:50:05,480
- Just got off the phone
with Chicago.
751
00:50:05,524 --> 00:50:06,873
- Mm-hmm.
752
00:50:06,916 --> 00:50:09,658
They want "Love of Painting"
to go national.
753
00:50:09,702 --> 00:50:11,834
- You're kidding?
754
00:50:11,878 --> 00:50:15,621
Mrs. Bookberry was
decapitated on live TV.
755
00:50:15,664 --> 00:50:17,666
- Everyone thinks
it was a publicity stunt.
756
00:50:17,710 --> 00:50:20,234
They don't care.
We got lucky.
757
00:50:20,278 --> 00:50:22,062
"Maybe it is karma."
758
00:50:22,106 --> 00:50:24,673
- [both laughing]
759
00:50:24,717 --> 00:50:26,414
- Shut up.
760
00:50:26,458 --> 00:50:32,072
- Trees are like people.
Thank you, friends.
761
00:50:32,116 --> 00:50:34,770
Hope you all make
some good friends today.
762
00:50:34,814 --> 00:50:39,558
From all of us here,
happy painting, and God bless.
763
00:50:39,601 --> 00:50:42,735
- WOMAN: Kanda estrata...
764
00:50:42,778 --> 00:50:50,134
- ♪
765
00:50:53,224 --> 00:50:55,530
- [demon giggling]
766
00:50:55,574 --> 00:50:57,010
- [Creep laughing]
767
00:50:57,054 --> 00:50:59,969
- ♪
768
00:51:00,013 --> 00:51:02,929
[Creep laughing]
769
00:51:02,972 --> 00:51:05,192
- [thunder cracking]
770
00:51:05,236 --> 00:51:11,068
- ♪
771
00:51:17,161 --> 00:51:22,644
♪
772
00:51:34,830 --> 00:51:41,010
♪
773
00:51:54,285 --> 00:51:58,115
♪
49298
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