Original subtitles

--== McEphie ==-- For latest releases visit moviesnipipay website

This is the story of love,

dreams, and manliness.

Presenting the most awesome barbarian barber

from outer space.

Meet Cunanan the Barber.

Babayagaga!

Your end has come!

Cunanan! Help me!

I will cut off your happy days!

CUNANAN THE BARBER

MAN VS. MONSTERS

V MOVIES PRESENTS

THE BOBBY B BRAND

Cut!

Why the hell is Bobby B's name there?

Beautiful, amazeballs!

Who said Filipino cinema is dead?

It's very much alive!

Thanks to you, Direct.

I'm the director, but your name is on top?

You're just a producer!

"Just a producer."

I'm sorry, sir.

We use this template in all our films.

We put "The Bobby B Brand" in all of them.

-Your brand? -Yes.

Fuck your brand.

This is my film. This is my story. My ideas.

You want to know why you haven't gotten anywhere?

You're too ambitious.

You're delusional.

You think you're the best but you're not.

Direct, don't worry.

We can still edit.

We'll fix it.

Why do you keep interrupting?

-Hey. -Ow!

Let me handle this chump.

Let's keep the good vibes here.

Okay.

I mean, this is your directorial debut,

it should be your name up there.

-Yes. -Our editor's mistake.

What's wrong with you?

I'm really sorry, Bobby B.

On it.

You know, of all the films I've done,

this has the most impact.

You know those '90s films.

With all the fake-ass effects.

It looks ridiculous, but it's intentional.

And the action scenes with all the trash-talking before they kill each other?

-Uh-huh. -Amazeballs.

Huh? Marvel didn't even think of it.

I mean, your father was really a legend.

And he got you, had you direct,

had you star in it, in your own studio.

I'd say you're the savior of Filipino cinema.

Thanks to you.

Oh, it's nothing.

Director.

I just thought,

we can't just go with "A film by Junjun."

No, no, no.

Yes, sir.

"A Junjun Vivo masterpiece"

It's beautiful.

Fuck. Check out my goosebumps. Oh, me too.

See? Fucking chicken skin.

-Look. -Right?

-For real? -Yeah.

Wish I had goosebumps too.

Director…

It's been a pleasure working with you.

Even if this were to be the first and last project we work on together,

I'd already be so grateful.

I've got six more films on my slate.

And you're the producer I want for all six of them.

I'll tell my dad…

I mean, your boss…

…that you're mine.

Is that all right?

Wow!

I'm so excited.

Too bad, though.

Because it's not possible.

I've kind of set this as my last genre film.

I'm sure you've heard that I'm doing my passion project,

Rebelde City.

-Mm-hmm. -Right?

We've already shot a few days, and I'm focusing all my energy there.

Too bad though.

I guess you haven't heard the news.

What?

The boss wants a word.

Daddy!

-Daddy! -Boss!

What's this fucking dream film you're making?

You really want to die for it?

Boss, when we finish this film,

this could be the first--

One hundred million pesos.

That's what you used from my studio for this little project of yours.

A hundred million.

You built a replica of Malacañang Palace and then burned it to the ground.

And then you got death threats from having fights with gangster politicians.

Boss, if you really want to get somewhere,

you risk it all.

I had a stake in this as well.

I'm in so much debt now!

-I need seven more days. -Seven days?

You want seven more days for your film?

Just make those seven-day money-making films!

Just seven days and you have a film!

Boss, if you shelve this project, I'll be in a bind.

Bobby B…

The "B" in your name, you know what it's for?

Take your pick. "B" for…

Bankrupt.

Or badly done!

I'm going to burn your fucking passion project to the ground

unless you can find a way to give me and my studio back the money you lost!

Come here!

Where was I?

I'm done.

I quit!

I quit!

I am not wasting my talent here! I quit!

If you're quitting,

I'm also quitting.

I'll go where you go.

Thank you.

Sure.

We've hit a dead end here.

The fucker has no vision!

Mark my words, Odessa.

I'm going to be the very first producer from the Philippines to win an Oscar.

Sorry about that.

CHAPTER 1: THE OSKAR FANTASY

What the fuck will I do now?

It's just you and me.

Sorry.

WHERE ARE YOU?

Save my seat, okay?

You got it, sir.

You've been following me!

Come here!

What is this?

A script?

Oskar.

Danny M. Zallian…

DMZ?

Bobby B!

We were only freshmen when we made this.

Where have you been?

We agreed that after college, we'd both get into filmmaking.

But you just disappeared.

I was writing.

You were writing? For ten years?

This.

This is the way to our dreams.

This is Oskar worthy.

Wipe that blood off your face.

The story is…

A found-footage, fantasy film.

It's about a documentary team

that got lost in a secluded forest

to search for the jewel of Yawa.

Jewel of who?

Of Yawa.

There's this goddess.

She made a jewel,

and whoever had possession of it,

they'd get their wish granted, right?

But it's not going to be easy for the film crew because the forest

is full of monsters and creatures from the underworld.

A monster film, bro? Sounds clichéd.

No, we're going to change it.

The treatment is going to be fresh.

Horror, but art-house.

Indie style.

Indie. Nobody watches Indie films.

Okay, what's the title? It might be marketable.

The Mystical Power of the Jewel

Shrouded By the Desires

of the Malevolent Heart

Fallen Into Darkness.

That's a hell of a title.

We can change the title.

What's important is the story.

But I need you… to read it.

Bobby B!

Wait, I know you!

You're that long-lost director, DMZ!

Bobby B's classmate in film school.

The one and only.

Okay.

What's going on with him?

The magic of cinema.

Hey.

When people ask me what I'm willing to give up for my passion project,

the answer is everything.

Everything…

I would bet everything.

Everything.

For the Oskars.

For an Oskar.

My win…

is a win for us all!

A win for us all!

Oskar!

Oskar!

Cheers to our Oskars aspirations!

Let's fucking go!

When are we starting?

Now!

Right now?

Yes, book a location scout.

Where?

Director?

Catanduanes!

-Catanduanes! -Catanduanes!

Catanduanes!

Bro,

this is the way to our dream Oskar.

I'm sure.

Oskar, there you go.

Yeah!

Welcome to the happy island of Catanduanes!

Uncle!

Let's spice this up with a hell of a soundtrack.

Let's go?

You have returned.

Help! Help me!

What's going on?

There's a pervy granny in my room.

Where?

Oh, that was my grandmother.

Your grandma?

Yeah, she lives here.

Oh.

Is she crazy?

Just a little bit, but she's harmless.

And I thought it would be good to shoot here on location.

I'm used to shooting on location.

And the forests here are… virgin.

You know we like 'em virgin.

We meant virgin locations.

Get your mind off the gutter.

My head is killing me! I was so drunk last night

and agreed right away. I haven't read the script,

the requirements.

Well, we're here.

Let's work on the breakdown.

What breakdown? Emotional breakdown?

Find me a wall so I can go walling for effect.

Scene breakdowns, give me the script.

This is a piece I would be proud to put the Bobby B Brand on.

I love it.

It's scary but full of substance.

There's action with a lot of heart. It's intellectual but it's accessible.

But…

But what?

But how will we mount this without studio backing?

Aren't you the best producer of the biggest studio in the country?

I quit.

What? I thought you'd help me!

I can and I will.

I told you I would.

I promised you.

You guys are so sweet.

But this is a visual effects-heavy film.

Even if we scrimped on principal photography,

we'd still spend millions.

I think we need around 20 million to mount this.

20 million?

More.

Actually, Odessa's estimate is modest.

Yeah. When we get to post and special effects, it's over.

Bro…

What's with you? Don't lose heart.

Don't worry, okay?

I've got you.

Hello, Royal Films.

May I please speak with Mother Rose?

This is Bobby B.

Hello, Sir Joe!

Yes, I resigned.

I'm ready to go on my own.

Ma'am Lulu!

Yes,

I think it's time I started collaborating again with Sun Cinema.

Yes. Hello, Rainbow Network?

Chairman Go.

I have an opportunity for you.

This is your chance to get back in filmmaking.

Hello? You don't know me?

Really?

I'm fucking Bobby B!

My film fucking beat yours at the box office.

All you do are rom-coms and affair movies.

Aren't you sick of it?

Three of my films were number one even if you boycotted me!

You're a bad influence…

You better change! Hello? Fuck you!

Are you crying?

No, it's just the firepit. It's smoky.

This place is dope.

This ancestral house is special.

Me and my cousins passed the hat to have this renovated.

My cousins and I also take turns to look after Granny.

You know, she's a bit out of it and all.

That's pretty obvious.

She seems to think you're her ex.

Your grandpa?

Not him.

The one who got away.

He's a shaman who got lost in the netherworld.

Sounds like material for a film.

My granny's stories, I've put them all together.

That's our script.

I want to use our film to preserve her stories

before she completely loses her mind.

Her stories…

I grew up with them.

That's the reason why I became a storyteller.

What about you? Why do you do all this?

Me?

I want to see my name on the big screen.

The Bobby B Brand of films.

Is that all?

Yeah.

For those who don't believe in me.

For those that abandoned me.

So when they see my name, they get jealous.

Maybe regret.

And then, they'll finally respect me.

Do you think we can get this film done?

Honestly, it will cost a lot because of the effects.

But we'll do it.

Trust me.

All right, I'll head back in.

Okay.

What do you think of getting actual monsters for the film?

Do you have contacts?

Give them to me. I'll call them.

We've gone completely nuts.

Go on, now.

Granny.

It's nights like these they come out.

The few that escaped the curse of the jewel.

What are you on, Granny?

Pedro, my beloved,

was the heir of the jewel.

He was also tasked to keep watch over them.

If you want to meet the monsters,

you need to go through him.

Are you saying monsters are real?

Are you deaf?

Where can I find them?

I want to help my grandson.

Does Danny know about the monsters?

He doesn't believe they're real.

My grandchildren think it's all folklore.

But if you need monsters to fulfill your dreams,

and for your film,

I'm more than willing to help.

So where can I find them?

Here.

Wow.

There are many ways to get to the enchanted forest.

This is one way in.

-Nasty! -Do it for your film.

Give this scroll to Pedro, my beloved.

Okay.

And give him this as well.

Granny?

Wow! Movie!

For the movie.

Ouch! Motherfucker!

Pedro?

Anyone here?

Pedro?

Pedro?

Pedro?

This is becoming more frequent.

What time is it?

Almost midnight.

I'm going to be late to the party.

Are you going to the monsters?

Yeah, they're my homies.

Are they… real?

Is there such a thing as fake monsters?

Like actual monsters? Can I go with you?

Wait a minute.

Are you real?

You're real. I thought I was imagining you.

Who are you?

I'm a film producer.

I want to produce a film about monsters.

A film producer?

Yes, sir, hang on a sec.

That's me.

The Bobby B Brand.

You're that guy that did an action film…

Goons, Gun, Gone!

Yes, yes.

And the drama Sometimes, I Love You!

There's that one line,

"Forever lasts only a moment."

"It ended so soon."

"You broke my heart."

Motherfucker, that was a killer line!

That hit me in the feels.

I think we should--

You know my films!

Your films changed my life. Here.

What is it?

Have a go!

Go for it.

Bobby?

Bobby?

Bobby?

Wake up, Bobby. It's almost midnight.

It's almost midnight? But why so bright?

Hurry up, it's almost midnight!

You should know, I don't just bring anyone here. Only you.

Not even Sina's grandkids have been here.

I feel like you're so much younger than Granny.

You're not getting it.

Don't you?

My name is Pedro Poe, Jr.

I'm the son of Pedro Poe, Sr.

He was the old lady's lover.

Let's go, hurry up. It's almost midnight.

Pedro, are you okay?

I'm okay.

Let's go.

When we get down there, that's it.

Bobby.

Let's go.

Pedro, what the hell was that stuff you gave me?

It's night again.

It's just a key.

We had to do a roundabout.

I needed to collect some things from parallel worlds.

But I also do know a shortcut.

If there was a shortcut, why'd we go so…

We're home.

This is where you'll find the mysterious jewel.

If you find it, what would you wish for?

Is it real?

You're killing my vibe!

Don't ruin it, man!

Pedro?

Hey there!

She's floating!

I see that our guest has arrived.

Now we can feast.

Bobby… Bobby.

Wake up!

Pedro.

Don't be afraid of them.

They're New Generation.

They're kind. They don't eat humans.

Let's go.

I'm Gina.

I saw you earlier. You're quite the Peeping Tom.

Huh?

They call me "Beauty"

because no matter what I shapeshift into, I'm still beautiful.

She's Bangs. She's pretty shy. Be careful.

She's pretty evil too.

I'm Mariposa.

Don't tell anyone about me coming here, okay?

My parents are pretty strict.

What about you?

Who are you?

Bobby.

Maybe you should have some of this to get you to think straight.

Bobby B.

I'm Bobby B.

Is it true? You're going to make us into movie stars?

I'm going to make you all famous.

You know, Bobby…

Pedro.

It seems like my dream is coming true,

that humans and monsters could finally live in harmony.

They're the only ones who were not affected by that curse.

Curse? What curse?

The curse.

My father used the power of the jewel

in order to put all their ancestors to sleep in a cave.

And these remnants are the few that were not affected by the curse

because none of them have tasted human flesh.

Well, that's great, then.

That would mean my staff, my crew would be safe.

When I come back,

I'll have them with me and we'll start to shoot the movie.

But before all of that,

maybe we need to discuss your TF.

TF?

Talent fees, your wages.

What you'll get in exchange for acting in the film.

We only want food. We will work for food.

Seriously? Food?

Sure, that's not a problem.

I'm going to make sure you eat well.

With extra rice and extra side dish.

We have an agreement then.

An agreement between human and monsters.

And we are being blessed by the power of the jewel of Yawa.

A vow that cannot be broken.

That's the jewel?

Amazeballs!

Bobby…

My hopes of reconciling humans and monsters will finally come true.

Their story will finally be heard.

That's so moving.

Can we hug it out?

Pedro?

-Pedro? -Pedro?

-Let's bring him to the hospital. -No need. We've got him.

Take this.

You'll need this to get back here.

Amazeballs!

CHAPTER 2 - BEWARE OF MOVIES --THEY CAN KILL!

I miss you, Granny!

Bobby, what happened to you?

Who is that?

It's Granny.

She had a heart attack while you were gone.

What are you talking about? I was just talking to her last night!

Are you kidding me? You were gone for three days.

Three days?

Where did you go?

I looked for monsters for our movie.

You looked for an effects team in the forest?

Something like that.

So where are they now?

Send over their reel or their sample work so I can set a meeting.

They're not into that.

They're pretty new to all of this.

They're kind of secretive.

They want to use our movie as their prototype.

There's an effects team in Catanduanes?

Yes, what's important is we have monsters, and a movie.

Really now?

You know what, before I left,

your granny blessed me.

So I feel like she's the one we should thank for the effects team I found.

Where are they?

I need to meet them so I can share my vision.

Don't worry about it.

Let me handle it. Okay?

I've got this. Just trust me.

Remember why they call me Bobby B.

-Bobby Believe in me. -Believe in you.

And we've come this far.

I have a feeling

your granny is helping us from heaven.

That's true.

So, do you believe?

I believe.

Did you hear that, Granny?

Granny, did you hear that?

Thank you, Granny!

Long live Granny!

Long live Granny!

Are you sure about this, Bobby B?

Let's do it, before others beat us to it.

Do we have a team?

I've contacted them.

And since we're a skeleton crew,

we only have one production assistant.

Adam, my trainee.

ADAM - PRODUCTION ASSISTANT YOUR JOB, ALSO HIS JOB!

For sound, we have Speed.

He's got a bum leg, but he's good.

SPEED - SOUND MAN SOUND, RECORD, CRIPPLE-BACK

Why Speed then?

Even with a bad leg, he still moves the fastest.

And since you're doing lights and camera,

we need a great gaffer to handle equipment.

Boy T.

He used to be a DP, but he got cancelled because of an issue.

BOY T - GAFFER LIGHTS AND CAMERA GUY BUT LIKES ACTION

What issue?

Recovering perv.

But he had therapy. I hear he's better now.

Next, Mama Mee.

Makeup artist and prosthetics.

MAMA MEE - MAKEUP ARTIST GREAT IN COLORS, VERY CREATIVE

He's good, and he's affordable.

There was a rumor that he was a kleptomaniac.

But I think he's changed.

This is your crew when you're on a budget?

You get damaged goods?

Next, Wang.

Our assistant director.

We're peers.

WANG - ASSISTANT DIRECTOR STRESS-RELIEVER GUY

Ambitious, he's a bit blunt, but he has a good command of the set.

What about our production design team?

Production designer Ye and art director Dodo.

They're a tandem.

They're up for any challenge.

There's only two of them but they work like a dozen workers.

They're troopers.

The harder the shoot, the more gung ho they are.

We also have an on-site editor.

Chanda, our film school classmate.

Chanda? That petite girl?

Hello!

Hello, Director!

How are you?

CHANDA - EDITOR CUTTER, INSTALLER, FOODIE

Good to see you!

She's sometimes a slob.

She has her own editing machine, and bonus gadgets.

We'll save a lot having her on board.

She looks like a lot.

What about casting? Are we good?

Roman Vasquez.

Action star hoping to be a serious actor.

He's got a lot to prove.

He'll do all his own stunts, with award-winning acting to boot.

Kate Dela Vega.

Up-and-coming online superstar who wants to become a movie star.

She's Odessa's best friend.

I think they have a thing going on.

I'm kidding.

And who is this guy? He looks familiar.

Ah, that's Junjun Vivo.

Former child star who keeps trying to be a director.

What's he going to be, then?

The cast is complete.

He's the son of the big boss.

We had a deal and he gave us a truckload of cash for this film

just be a part of your masterpiece.

Find something for him.

The kid chipped in?

We'll find him something to do.

Everyone, this is no ordinary film.

The reason you're here is because all of you are far from ordinary.

We've all read the script, I presume?

So you know, this is a potentially award-winning film.

All of us will benefit from this film.

You know, because of this film,

we'll gain the respect we deserve.

Prestige.

And we will get our second chance.

And it's my privilege to introduce to you the captain of this ship,

my director,

my writer and my best friend.

Director DMZ.

Thank you everybody.

I just want to say that this film is going to change our lives.

The process will be groundbreaking.

We are going to change the world together.

And before anything else,

I dedicate this to my granny.

Sequence 24.

This is where we introduce the cast of characters.

"Exterior: day, forest."

"The towering trees of the woods stood like watchmen over its dark secrets."

"It was hot and humid."

"They were all short of breath and full of fear."

Aren't we supposed to be covering human rights violations?

I don't understand. There aren't any humans here.

We're in the middle of nowhere!

Karen, we're so close!

We're so close to encountering the jewel!

We're almost there!

What's going on? Has he completely lost his mind?

Just play along Kate.

I mean Karen.

Cut!

You keep calling her Kate!

Karen! Her character's name is Karen!

Can we try again?

I didn't really like the vibe of my emotion anyway.

It's really hard, Kate and Karen are similar names.

Forget it, we'll fix it in post.

What a diva.

Let's go on to the next scene.

You guys prep. I'll check the rushes.

Wait a minute.

I don't need celebrities! I need actors! I'm an artist!

Noted!

Where did we get the budget for solar panels?

Chanda!

Hey there!

We have to fix the position.

It's only going to get sunset.

Cell phones are shot, we don't have radios.

It's amazing your computers are working.

Top of the line.

I mean look at my equipment.

Solar powered!

I have a projector too!

The set is ready.

All right, I'll come right out.

Can I see?

-I like the shot. -Yes.

What do you think, sir?

It's great, but…

But what?

-The pulse… -Okay.

Try to synchronize the cuts with their breath.

Okay.

You know how a pregnant woman gives birth? How the push, the flow, the energy.

Breathe with me.

Do you get it?

I get it.

All right, get back to it.

I'll head to the set.

It's so hot in here.

Art makes everyone horny, right?

Yes.

See?

Bobby, wait.

What's up?

Any problem?

No. So far so good. Everything's been good the first three days.

We have a scene with a monster, the split-harpy.

So we need them.

So where is your special effects team?

I've got it.

Hook us up so I can handle it.

Just set up the scene, and the creature will appear.

Okay? Trust me.

Okay.

Gina?

Bangs?

Bangs?

Hello?

-Hello! -You've been very loud.

You're ruining the peace within these woods.

Uh, I'm sorry.

But, Gina, I was actually looking for you.

Tonight is your night. We need to shoot you.

I'm going to be in your movie?

Yes! Didn't we talk about that?

Are you game?

Your torso can split up anytime, right?

It's a piece of cake.

Just don't forget our deal.

-What's that? -The food.

Piece of cake.

Actors, get yourselves retouched and remember your markers.

We'll do a take.

Yes.

Sir, how do we cue the monsters?

Ah, I'll take care of the special effects. Just do your job and I'll take care of it.

Come here.

-Art department? -Where are they?

Don't worry about it, I'll cue them.

Just mind your shot, and be ready when the monster comes out, okay?

Bobby B, if all of this is just in your head…

Have I ever let you down? I'm Bobby B!

You sure about this?

I got this.

Okay, actors.

No rehearsals.

Straight to take.

Remember, no matter what happens, nobody breaks character.

-Effects team, ready? -Ready!

Speed?

-ID. -Quiet.

Ready!

In five, four, three, two…

Action!

Walk.

I'm so scared Sir Ben.

Karen, just a little bit more.

Just a little longer, Karen.

Kate. Kate, are you okay?

Give me the camera.

Cut!

-Cut! -Sorry, I got scared.

It's okay. Fuck, that was amazing!

Did we get the shot?

We got the shot!

Everyone, Bobby B!

-Brilliant! -Right?

Amazing!

Guys!

Wait, everyone.

Congratulations on a very successful first leg of our shoot.

Let's give ourselves a round of applause.

I told you!

I believe.

Did you see that?

How did you…

A secret.

Did you hear that?

You guys work too hard.

Are you packing up?

Yes, we're packing.

-Hey! -Sorry, sorry.

Don't fool around like that.

You perv!

I thought you recovered.

Lay off my ass, you pervert.

It's not you, bro.

You know me, I don't like men.

But bro…

Her boobs look like ass.

Fuck off!

Hey, why are you still here?

What's taking so long?

You caused the delay in setting up, and still the delay in packing up?

You're another one.

Can't you see I'm alone here?

Just a little understanding.

You keep on rushing me.

Oversensitive, I see?

Forget it. Forget this, I'm tired.

I'm tired.

This stupid jar is so heavy.

Hey, pack this up.

You're an industry dinosaur, don't make me scream at you.

Were you hurt too?

Do?

Do!

My art director's missing.

It's his fault. Your AD's such an asshole. He run off.

Why me? He ran off because you bully him.

You assholes!

He doesn't look it but he's very sensitive.

So, he walked out?

I wouldn't be surprised.

He's exhausted and these fools are just plain mean.

Have you called him?

There's no reception in your little remote neck of the forest.

How do you expect me to call?

He probably just want a higher fee. I've done that.

You better quit it.

Adam?

Where's Bobby?

Is the forest troll ready?

-All set. -Bobby.

Excuse me, Director.

Some people have gone missing.

Do is missing, and another crew member.

What's their problem? They know we'll pay after picture lock, right?

Maybe we're pushing too hard.

This director is so demanding.

Found footage but the shots are so contrived.

What's his plan?

That's his vision. He's the director.

Isn't this making you nervous?

Something's not right in these woods.

Honestly, I still can't figure out how we got here.

Don't work yourself up.

What's important is we're making a great film on such a small budget.

I'm still freaked out.

That's all right.

Being freaked out is part of filmmaking.

That just confirms we're on the right track.

-And the forest troll? -All set.

Actors on the set!

Let's go!

Okay.

Let's just call it quits.

Let's go home.

This isn't part of the documentary anymore.

No story is worth dying for.

Can you use your brains?

If elementals and monsters were real,

it only proves that the jewel and its power is real!

It will give our heart's desire.

Our sacrifice won't be in vain, Karen!

Fuck that jewel of Yawa!

How many more lives will you sacrifice?

Sacrifice?

Sacrifices made for dreams are not made in vain! Don't you forget it!

The watchkeeper, Karen!

We're so close!

The jewel is so near, Karen!

We're so close, Karen!

-Cut! Beautiful! -That's amazing!

Fantastic! Awesome!

How did you do that?

Industry secrets, Junjun.

Sensei, teach me.

I'm sorry, I was arrogant.

I thought I was the best filmmaker out there. But you,

you are the true master.

That's nothing.

Let's set up the next scene.

Get to work!

Can I be your PA?

You believe?

I do believe.

What's that?

Fried food.

Yuck!

That's not what we agreed on! I won't be satisfied with that.

You too, Bangs?

Bangs!

Hey!

My hunch was right. You're a thief.

Mama Mee, come back here! I caught you!

Shoot!

You klepto, Mama Mee.

Give me back my cell phone and the rest of my stuff.

Don't accuse me! Do you have any evidence?

I saw you just throw it into that jar!

Stop it!

Delicious.

Can I have you for dessert?

Bro, so far, are you happy with what we've shot?

Hang on.

What?

Granny says she's happy.

-If she's happy, I'm happy. -Good.

I believe.

Let's hurry up.

Oh by the way,

you mentioned that granny must be guiding us.

That's why I want to give you this.

-What's this? -It's Granny.

I want you to have a piece of her so she can guide you better.

Weird, but okay.

I'll keep it.

Director, here's the jewel.

It can flicker like this.

Look.

It can flicker like this.

Why is it so tiny?

-I think it should be bigger. -No, it's fine.

I like it nice and tight.

You know we like it tight.

He's okay with it.

Okay, thanks.

Bobby B.

Wang and Mama Mee have gone missing too.

We've lost our AD and we don't have our makeup artist.

I overheard they had issues with the talent fees.

Said they were so underpaid.

Of course, the weak throw in the towel. I'll be left standing.

Okay, go on now.

I've been looking for them. I can't find them!

I want you to blacklist every one of those fuckers.

It's because the budget is low.

Wait.

You haven't even passed your effects team on.

I need to have them sign waivers.

Let's just get the scenes in and we can fix it later.

This is a big scene!

We have no makeup? No AD?

It's day for night, we're in the woods. No one will notice.

What's important is that the monsters all come out.

Show me how you plan to block the scene so I can pass it on.

Here's what I'm thinking. Over here.

Those two here.

Ode, are you okay?

I have a bad feeling about this.

Take it easy. This is just a movie, okay?

Go on and work on your lines.

-Are we all set? -Yes.

Okay guys, this is the climax.

You will finally see the jewel here.

But suddenly, the troll will arrive.

Kate, you'll be terrified. Show me terrified.

Good, just add another 90%.

Then you and Ramon will face each other.

There.

And then you, you'll get into a fight scene.

Okay, Director.

Hold on a second. Don't we need to rehearse the fight scene?

Director, just a suggestion.

Maybe we could make it organic and improvised.

I can do it!

Let's just get into it, just a good old struggle,

no punches.

I think those creatures are pros…

And realistic.

Great, better.

I'm sorry to be a spoilsport, but I think we need to rehearse.

Bobby?

Can you send her away?

She's ruining my flow.

She's meddling with my process

You know me, I'm an artist.

I'm sorry, Director.

You.

What's your problem?

You want to know?

What?

I feel like something bad happened to them.

I think the forest has taken them.

Or what if…

What if…

The monsters are real and they're not an effects team?

And they're devouring us one at a time when we film them.

You've got some imagination. You've watched way too many movies.

Let me talk to them, then.

Didn't we discuss this? I'm in charge of the effects team.

It was clear from the start, right? Relax.

Relax?

Okay, the director said Gina goes next.

I want you to growl.

A little fiercer, so it's scarier.

One more.

That's great.

Mariposa. You're the last to come out.

Main characters are always last.

Of course, and then you and Roman will wrestle it out.

But it's all for show.

Don't hurt each other, okay?

Thank you for letting me handle a camera, Master Director.

What are you saying? You have talent.

What's important is that you capture the scene.

-Do it well. -I'll do well.

Remember, you play a big part here, in the budget.

-Okay, ready. -Budget?

When the creatures come, we film.

Yes, Director.

Odessa?

Why did you follow?

Are you going to feed her to us next?

Don't say that, she might hear you.

She's already so freaked out.

She already thinks you've eaten our crew.

They did.

What? They ate them?

Wasn't that the agreement?

We would star in your film and you'd feed us.

But you don't eat humans!

That was then, but we finally had a taste of human flesh.

Stop it, Gina! He's always taken care of us!

-And what about the curse? -Delicious.

But it's not allowed.

Until somebody seizes ownership of the jewel,

there is no curse.

So you'll just eat all of them?

They ate Pedro.

No!

We're ready. Creatures, take position.

Hold on! Wait!

We've found the jewel.

Our hearts' desires will be granted.

But at what cost?

Bobby, they're real?

Yeah, and you were right about them eating the crew.

I didn't know.

Odessa?

Karen, we need to make sacrifices to get what we want.

Something's moving.

They're here!

You're a monster?

You should run. They're coming.

Who is trying to take the jewel?

Are you the guardian?

Karen, take it. I'll take care of her.

Over my dead body.

You monster!

What was that noise?

The curse has been broken!

Fuck!

We've slept so long!

Humans.

They're eating humans!

We might run out of food!

If I'm going to die, I'm going to die doing what I love.

Let's keep rolling!

It's do or die!

This is our movie now.

Come!

Follow me!

Beautiful!

Come with me.

Come with me.

Wait for me!

-Kate? -Odessa!

Oh, Kate.

What happened to you?

They're all dead!

That jerk Bobby B, he put us all in danger.

I don't want to die here, Odessa.

I won't let you.

I haven't even told you.

I don't want to die without telling you…

I love you.

Kate?

Kate?

Kate?

Kate?

Fuck you, Bobby B!

Motherfucker!

Bobby B!

What's this?

This isn't what we discussed.

You promised food.

I meant catered meals!

I even gave you extra rice. Wasn't that enough?

We eat flesh and blood.

We agreed on food.

So now, I will eat you!

-No! -Yes!

-I said no! -Yes!

You pervert!

What are you doing to my friend?

You can't do that!

No…

No! No!

Junjun!

Wait! Junjun!

Run, save yourselves.

Leave me alone.

Junjun!

It's been an honor to work with a true artist.

Hold on, say that again.

Look at the cam.

It's been an honor to work with a true artist.

Good take, Junjun!

Junjun!

THIS IS THE LAST THE JEWEL'S POWER

Bobby B!

-Bobby B! You're still alive! -DMZ!

What are you doing with her?

No, she's a good one.

Why are you helping us?

Because I believe in what Pedro said,

about monsters and human living in harmony.

And this film will prove that.

There are more like me, and I want to show everybody.

Just like you promised.

What?

This was all your idea?

You knew they were monsters?

Don't play dumb with me!

Don't tell me you didn't know something strange was going on.

You wanted this. We wanted this.

We want this movie, right?

The movie is dead. The crew is dead!

Our dreams are dead.

This is all my fault?

Wait. This was your story.

I believed in you.

I believed in you too.

You said, "Bobby B means 'Bobby Believe in me.'"

But, Bobby, you put us all in grave danger!

What is this? Why are you rolling?

If I'm going to…

If I'm going to die,

I'm going to die letting everyone know what truly happened here.

Nonsense.

Don't be noisy.

They're coming.

Wait, I'll create a diversion. Stay here and lie low.

Stop that.

I'm the director. Only I get to say when we can cut.

Stop that.

Just quit it.

I said, stop it!

I like that. More anger.

I said, stop that!

Show them what a devil you are!

Do you want an action scene? Come on!

Action?

-Let's go! -Wait, wait!

The fuck are you doing?

-Checking the frame! -Ouch!

Wait!

I'm tired.

Didn't you want action?

Sleep.

Sleep.

You good-for-nothing asshole!

I even gave you some of Granny's ashes!

This could have been my breakthrough film!

I just produced our film.

Isn't that what you wanted?

I just wanted to make a film.

I never wanted people to die.

Odessa…

Odessa's gone.

I'm sorry, Bobby B.

I'm sorry too.

I'll blow you.

You really didn't know?

To be honest, I had a hunch the monsters were real,

but I trusted that you knew what you were doing.

Dawn's about to break. We'll be safe.

They aren't vampires.

The sun doesn't kill them.

Oh, so what can we do?

My granny said one can use salt, garlic, ash…

Your granny's ashes?

I left it at the campsite.

Wait, here!

That's too little. You'll only kill an elf with that.

If we could find that jewel.

Pedro didn't give me anything except this.

This is his enchanted handkerchief.

You know how to use that?

Turn around.

My grandma taught me this.

If the stories are real, this should work.

It worked!

Get it!

This is yours! Pedro gave it to you.

It means you're its rightful heir.

This means we get to wish.

We can get out of here.

Bobby B!

Bobby B!

The jewel.

Bobby B!

Wake up! Bobby B!

Bobby B, how will I finish my film now?

Bobby B!

How will our dreams come true?

Bobby B?

How do you do this? Where do I…

What the hell?

I don't know what I'm doing!

Bobby B!

Bobby B!

The jewel!

Jewel, if you're real, bring my friend back from the dead!

Bring him back to life!

Bring him back to life!

Make him live!

He has the jewel!

Bobby B!

You're alive!

You're alive! Bobby B!

I asked the jewel to make you live.

You're our only hope of getting out of here, Bobby B.

Wish for us to get out of here.

Don't bring back the curse!

-Bobby, hurry up! -Okay!

-Make a wish! Get us out! -Okay!

I want to win an Oskar!

What?

REALLY THE LAST THE MAGIC OF CINEMA

Wait a minute.

Where are you taking us?

Father, I know you always wanted liver.

Eat them.

Why is it stopping me?

Because we have a deal, see?

WE HAVE A DEAL

How will we know if we've eaten enough?

How many times did you come out in the film?

We don't know. Maybe the jewel knows.

Answer his question.

Why isn't anything happening?

Chill!

I thought of another way.

But after this, we're quits. Let us go.

It reeks.

Your cell phone is there.

Leave it.

Are you ready?

I'm scared, Sir Ben.

Karen, just a little longer.

It won't be longer, Karen.

We should put an end to this and go home.

This isn't part of the documentary anymore.

No story is worth dying for.

Can you use your brains?

If the elementals and creatures were real,

it only proves that the jewel and its power is real!

It will give our heart's desire.

Something's moving.

They're here!

You're a monster?

Run! They're coming!

Who is trying to steal the jewel?

If I'm going to die, I'm going to die doing what I love.

Let's keep rolling!

It's do or die!

This is our movie now.

Let's go, over here!

Jewel, if you're real, bring my friend back from the dead!

Bring Bobby B back to life!

Bring him back to life!

Bring him back to life!

Bobby B, how will our dreams come true?

Bobby B!

Bobby B! I'm not playing around, Bobby B!

I've never had a standing ovation my whole life until just now.

Considering that was a raw and rough edit.

Thank you.

I counted how many of us appeared in your film.

Thirteen.

That's also my count.

And we've only had twelve.

Which means we need one more.

One of you needs to make a sacrifice.

Bobby B…

You should make a sacrifice.

You had the chance to reactivate the curse,

but what did you wish for?

I wished for our dreams to come true.

What's the use if we'll die anyway?

That's why you need to sacrifice yourself. Because I'm the producer.

I'm the director. I'm still going to edit.

Edit… I can edit it.

But this was my vision, I created this.

Do you think I'll just let you have your way with it?

This film belongs to us both.

You yourself said that you'd die for this film.

But this was all your fault.

So it's you who should die.

Okay, so what if I die and my wish dies with me?

Then it was all for nothing.

I became a director to succeed not through magic,

but through my talent.

Your talent?

I'm the producer.

None of this would have happened without me.

Exactly my point.

None of this would have happened if not for you.

You're to blame.

You know what?

I thought we were friends.

I wished for your life back. How dare you do this to me in return?

You know what, life is all luck.

Why don't we let luck decide?

Fine.

Fine.

Wait a sec.

And the Oskar Award for the Best International Film goes to…

The True Evil Creatures,

produced by Bobby B and Directed by Danny M. Zallian.

First of all, I would like to thank my friends.

My friends and my collaborators.

Without them, I wouldn't be able to make this film.

Thank you for your sacrifices.

And I want to thank my granny.

Granny, thank you.

If not for you, your stories,

this film wouldn't have been made.

And, of course,

I would like to give my special thanks to my producer,

Bobby B.

Thank you so much, brother.

If not for you,

this film wouldn't exist.

Thank you, no matter where you are.

There he is.

Yes, I'm here.

Sorry for the technical difficulties.

The Internet in my country is a little bad.

But thank you!

Thank you to my director, DMZ!

This is a dream come true.

You know I used to have a fake one.

Now I have this one.

This proves that movies can actually change the world.

It changed mine.

Thank you.

One more go.

Someone's calling!

Hello, boss?

Where's my son? I'm heading over!

He used my money to fund that film!

I have a right to show up on your set!

Are you sure?

Do or die?

Fuck!

"Dear boss, take a hit of this if you want to find us."

"Sincerely, Bobby B."

What the fuck is this?

Move over, Bobby B.

This is art.

Rolling!

In five, four, three, two…

Hey!

Action!

For the glory of cinema!

Cut!

THE OSKAR FANTASY