All language subtitles for Dharma & Greg [05x04] Sexual Healing

-Go slow now, just a little bit of weight.
-OK.

Another day of this,
I'll be ready for the bounce beam.

Exactly.

And watch How I stick the landing.

Kitty.

Dharma, I am perfectly happy
to bring you to physical therapy

but I draw the line at playing
the Romanian judge.

And the crowd goes wild.

Now, for walking
I'm going to give you a 9, OK.

But for making your mother-in-law
did the Olympic bit...

I'm only giving you a 6.5,
just because I've seen it before.

Fair enough.

Hey, when do you think I'll be ready for a
little boom boom chick a boom boom boom.

By that I mean sex.

-Oh dear God!
-Exactly.

It's been a while since I've yelled
a good "Oh dear God!"

You know if you're careful,
you could probably have sex now.

OK, I was gonna wait
for my husband but it has been a while.

All right, it's time to go.

Kitty, I only do the bed spring Bossa Nova
with your little boy.

Yes.

-Now, here's an idea why don't we take the stairs?
-What?

See, Kitty can make little jokes too.

-Yes, but yours was way creepy.
-Thank you.

Nermeen Roshdy
+971561234154.

Season 5 _ Episode 4
Sexual Healing.

Enjoy Watching!

So Larry's on his way to pick me up,
how soon are you gonna be home?

I just have to go meet
with the insurance adjuster, why?

Because I have some really great news.

That I promised I would not discuss
in front of your mother.

This has something to do with something
I can't discuss in front of Pete.

-Exactly how good is this news?
-OK.

Remember the chinese restaurant
down the street that had the kitchen fire...

so for a while you could
only order cold noodle dishes.

OK.

And they were good but you really had
hankering for that chicken thing you love.

It's lemon chicken.

-Now, let me check which fried in batter.
-Mushu chicken.

What's good is that Kung Pao chicken.

OK, let's say it's Mushu chicken.

You can have Mushu chicken again, you just
have to be careful folding the pancakes.

What exactly are the pancakes?

Maybe pancakes is wrong,
what is the lemon chicken come with?

For heaven's sakes!

You can have sex again,
you just have to be careful.

Thank you, mother.

My mother just told me we can have sex.

I might won't even have dinner with me.

-Come home fast.
-As fast as I can.

-Hey Kitty!
-Larry.

-Dharma, ready to roll?
-Like nobody's business.

What's the deal with that furniture out
by the curb, the chair and stuff.

-It's going to charity, Larry.
-That's all very antiseptic

you just put it out by the curb,
a truck comes by and picks it up...

you get a nice tax deduction...

without getting your hands dirty
or ever having to see the poor.

-What is your point Larry?
-Can I have the chair?

-Yes, you may.
-Cool.

See ya.

Thanks for the lift Kitty,
I really appreciate it.

Abby's going to give me a ride tomorrow
and Greg will give me one tonight.

Yes yes, wink wink, aha, bye bye.

All right, just sign here and initial
where it says total loss.

Thanks.

-There's everything from your trunk.
-Thank you.

Man! You are stocked.

There's a flashlight,
your earthquake survival kit

Swiss army knife, Swiss Army compass.

Are you in the Swiss Army, Greg?

Put that down.

There's an inventory sheet there.

Yeah, these guys are thorough.

No, we found that taped
to the inside of the trunk lid.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Can I take a look at the car?
-Yeah, sure. It's right through here.

I don't believe it, it was a little country road,
I wasn't even going that fast.

-Actually they estimate you were going
between 55 and 60 miles an hour.
-What?

Yeah, they measure the skid marks.

Come on Greg, it's not that bad.
I've turned in rental cars in worse shape.

Hello there, Finkelstein.

Hey Ed, come on in.

Is that a chicken coop you're building out there?

Haven't decided yet.
Might be a guest house.

Whichever way you go,
the license plates are a nice touch.

Thank you.

Listen,

Kitty sort of made a mistake about the chair.

I don't think she realized
it was my favorite.

Actually she probably did.

Anyway, I would like it back.

Ed, I love this chair.

Look at it,
it looks like it was made for this place.

I understand,
and you brought it all the way over here.

Why don't I buy it back from you?

Hang on, you don't think
I'm shaking you down for money.

-Don't get insulted here, Finkelstaine.
-The chair was on the curb, I took the chair.

And then I asked your wife
if I could have it, and she said yes.

It's my chair now.

-You have problem is with your wife?
-Yes.

And the way I deal with that problem is by
pouring myself a scotch and sitting in this chair.

All right, I know what to do.

When I was a kid I had a dog that
ran away and this other family found it

and the kid in the other family fell in love
with the dog and didn't want to give him up.

So my father put us each
on opposite sides of the room...

put the dog in the middle
and had each of us call the dog.

Finkelstein, you're an idiot.

Maybe, or maybe you're
just afraid you're gonna lose.

Oh no, the cable installer.

And here I am enclosed,
I could just so easily fall right off.

I'm sorry I'm late,
I stopped at the hardware store.

Oh, I get it the handyman.

Hurry up let's get going, I'm expecting
the cable installer at any minute.

I picked up some stuff to make the place safer
for when you start walking.

So you really went to the hardware store.

We can't be to cautious Dharma.

Honey, you know what we should get?

Some of those Red Bicycle reflectors.

-Why?
-To put on your butt,

because we're going to be cruising down
the highway of love.

Sorry, I guess I could do this later.

Dharma, what exactly did the doctor say?

-It isn't the doctor, it's Nancy.
-Nancy?

Nancy; my physical therapist.

You know,

I would feel a lot more comfortable if we
got an official OK from Dr Coleman, maybe...

the list of do's and don'ts.

What about this, do whatever you want,
don't stop till I say, "uncle".

Dharma,

I love you and I want to do this
more than I ever have,

but I just want to make sure
that we're being careful.

-OK.
-OK.

I guess I should probably call your mom

and let her know that we are postponing sex
until tomorrow.

-My mother doesn't want to know that.
-I know.

Or you could be this guy, he's a wizard.

Or this guy he's an elf.

And I am the dungeon master.

Oh Judas Priest! Finkelstein, when you called you
said you had a solution to the chair problem.

That's what I'm trying to explain,
we play one game, winner keeps the chair.

If you don't like Dungeons and Dragons,

I've got Yahtzee I've got operation,

but the nose doesn't light up,
so it's kind of in the honor System.

I'm not going to play some stupid game
for my chair.

Oh, look at this!

Stratego, you got red guys
and blue guys and bombs and flags.

Then you have these little battles.

Like he's a six, he's a five,
boom boom, you're dead.

Well, I see now, that's reasonable.

Well, it's just a matter of weight distribution
and range of motion

but you know, without getting
logged out in the details.

Hey, bog away, no one loves to get
bogged down in details more than my husband.

She's right, bog away.

Well, In addition to the medical concerns,

couples have preferences and...

can we still do this?

Did you do this before?

I'm a yoga instructor.

But he's just a lawyer.

OK, that's a no.

How about this?

Honey, remember this one,
remember how this scared the dogs?

I don't know actually,
that shouldn't be a problem.

You know in fact, a lot of these are fine.

-Honey, do you feel better?
-Much better.

You just want to avoid things like
this and this and, Oh sweet Lord, this.

Look at you.

You haven't seen anything yet.

Check this out.

-You are OK?
-Oh yeah.

Honey!
-Uha.

-Are you comfortable?
-Oh yeah, great.

Because your arms are twitchy.

Yeah in anticipation.

Honey, come on down,

come down here.

-Did I hurt you?
-No.

Because you made a noise.

I always make that noise, it's a good noise.

Well, maybe we should agree on some signals

so I know the difference
between an oh and oh.

You don't think that would spoil
the mood at all.

It might make things better,
that way I don't have to keep second guessing.

Honey...

we don't need signals.

It's you and me...

-in bed together, remember?
-I'm sorry, all right.

Come here.

See, that's exactly what I'm talking about.

-Good morning, sweetie!
-Morning, honey.

-Oh, you made coffee.
-You got that, I was up.

It's good.

Is it a new blend? No.

It's the same blend, I just made it stronger.

-It's good. -Yeah.
-Stronger. -Yeah.

-Good morning.
-Hi! How are you, Abby?

-Well, I better go.
-OK.

I'm sorry about last night, but we are
doing the right thing, taking our time.

Absolutely. Don't
forget the physical therapy.

-Thank you.
-All right.

-Bye.
-OK.

Something going on, Dharma?

No, not really. I just made the coffee
a little stronger.

Because Greg doesn't want to
have sex with me anymore.

Well you know they warn people
about the dangers of caffeine

but it takes something like this
to make people sit up and take notice.

Is this my Survival Kit from my trunk.

I felt a tremor.

Hey Pete.

-Hi Abby.
-Greg, do you have a minute?

-Sure I guess. Pete, can you give us a minute?
-No, it's nothing like that.

Dharma's very upset that you two
didn't make love last night.

Shouldn't this be between me and Dharma?

I think this is one
of those that takes a village moment.

No, I don't think it is.

Dharma explained to me that
you're very concerned about her safety,

but she feels you might be covering up
for not finding her attractive.

-What?!
-I told her it could be a lot of things.

Did you have trouble achieving
an erection last night?

Abby, I find Dharma attractive.

You didn't answer the woman's question.

What would make Dharma think that
I didn't find her attractive?

It's very normal Greg because you've been
her caregiver and it's all very clinical

and that can affect sexual feeling.

Imagine how difficult it was for
Larry to dig me as a sexual being

after watching a screaming baby
emerge from my vagina.

Thank you, I think I know how to handle this.

All right, that's good but if you need
to talk about it more, you come to me.

You're a lucky man, not many men have mother-
in-law willing to share sexual experiences.

And now I'm trying to achieve an erection.

Timeout. Are you kidding calling
a timeout in electric football?

But there's a giant piece
of granola bar in the field.

-It's a crumb.
-Not to them.

You could turn an ankle on that.

Wait I'm gonna take this game back home.

look, let's just go back to Stratego.

No, you wouldn't play
your man on the squares.

look War isn't fought according to
rules printed on the back of a box top

you're an army man Ed you know that.

Son of a gun.

-Are these lawn darts?
-Hey, hey.

not so loud, they're against the law.

Let's throw some lawn darts.

-You're on, just give me a minute
to get the chickens back on the coop.
-OK.

Hi boys, anyone win the chair yet?

No, we're picking again.

Larry, you've been at this for two days.

If Edward really wants his chair back,
don't you think you should give it to him?

No.

It's all right Abby, we got an agreement
and we're working out the details.

-See.
-Larry, what's the right thing to do here?

All right, I'm sorry Ed,

it's your chair, you should have it.
I'll help you load it up.

-All right.
-Hey Ed, do you want to stay for dinner?

Abby, can I eat over.

It's OK with me if it's OK with Kitty.

No, I should get going,
I got a lot of things to do.

He doesn't seem very happy.
It's my fault Abby.

I wouldn't let him be the thimble
in Monopoly.

Why did you want to be the symbol I didn't

I just wanted to get into his head.

A little champagne from a lady oh I'm a lady.

How lovely.

Men make fire.

Honey I know what you're doing here.

What I'm doing here
is spending time with the woman I love.

OK, I just wish you didn't have to
work so hard to get yourself in the mood.

what are you talking about?

The fancy hotel room,
the flowers, the fireplace.

I'm a guy, guys don't need this stuff
to get in the mood guys need this stuff...

to get girls in the mood.

What...

What gets guys in the mood is a
beautiful sexy woman like you.

-Did Abby talk to you, because I told her not to.
-She did

and as phenomenally uncomfortable as it was,
I'm glad.

we stumbled a little bit the other night but you've got
to believe it's not because I don't find you desirable.

Honey what else could it be.

You were all excited about sex
when we talked on the phone the other night

and then from the moment you saw me lying
there you did everything you could to avoid me.

what could have possibly happened
between the phone call and seeing me.

man I hope there weren't people in there

talking about look what I did.

OK so you haven't been afraid of hurting
me you've been afraid of totaling me

the report said I was Reckless

it was an accident

yeah but I could have killed you.

I don't care what some reports said
you are not Reckless.

OK you want to talk about Reckless let's talk
about how many times I've almost killed you.

-What?
-Oh yeah.

Remember the egg salad
on our picnic at the Presidio?

The curry egg salad?

It wasn't curried I left it
in the trunk all day.

But what about the time I duct
taped the mirror over the bed.

Or what about that stray raccoon
I brought home, turned out to have rabies.

Remember Foamy?

-So you're really the problem?
-And I always will be and don't you forget it.

Hey look, it's our old back seat.

Gotcha.

-Honey!
-Yeah.

I just meant,
"Hey, look it's our old back seat."

-So do you want to go back to the hotel?
-Absolutely.

-Men make fool of themselves.
-A little bit.