All language subtitles for The.Mick.S02E02.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.x265.10bit.AAC.5.1-Qman[UTR]_track3_[eng]

She's coming in hot.
She's The Mick.

-Yaah!
-I just built that.

It didn't take.

Catch all-new episodes Tuesdays.

And check out our other Fox
programs-- Brooklyn Nine-Nine,

The Last Man on Earth and
Ghosted.

I don't really know how
to do any of this stuff.

Only on Fox.

MAN (on TV):
I thought you were dead.

WOMAN: You can't get rid of me
that easily.

MAN: The accident, you were
under the water too long.
(laughs): Oh, yeah.

I knew that conniving bitch
was alive.

Oh, yeah, no.

His wife is going to freak
when she sees them kissing.

WOMAN (on TV): Max, wait, Max.
That is his wife.

What? I thought
that was his daughter.

Why would he be having
sex with his daughter?

I don't know. Drama?

Can you pay
attention, please?
I...

I-It's just, it's
really irritating

to have to explain
everything.

(lamp crackles, Jimmy yells)
Oh! My...

All right. Yeah,
that's my bad.

I shorted it.

Can you stop
with the home repairs?

You're driving me crazy.

Please!
Absolutely not, okay?

Aunt Mickey, can you
please tell Sabrina

to let us sleep
in her room?

Sabrina, let them
sleep in your room.

Mind your own
business, moron.
I tried.

This is not fair! We have a
frickin' squirrel in ours!

Can you just deal with it?

The fire affected everybody,
okay? Not just you.

My toys melted.

His toys melted.

He started it.

Her room is fine.

I am the one getting
screwed here.

(all shout)

Uh...

(yells)

That's gonna set me back
a few days.

(muffled screaming)

Guys, you know, I'm just
gonna get out of the house

for a little bit.

You know, just before
I lose my mind.

If anybody needs me,
I will be at the gym.

ALBA:
What?

Did you say, "the gym"?

Yep. I've been using
Poodle's membership.

Seems a little out of
character for you.

Yeah. What do
you do there?

Study for the SATs, Jimmy.

What the hell do you
think I do there?

SABRINA:
Just be careful, okay?

It's dangerous
for somebody in your shape

to suddenly
start working out.

Most people in your shape
are boys.

(chuckles) Oh.
WOMAN (on TV): Max, wait, Max...

I knew it. I knew it.

You two-timing slut.

All right,
let's go, fatty.

Go! All right.

(panting)

(whoops)
All right.

Whoa.
Hey. Hey!

Hello.

Nope. I'm just trying to...

Hey, do you think
that you could

scoot over a little bit?
Huh?

There's just nobody here,
so there's no reason

for us to be so close
to each other.
(gasps)

Whoa!

(laughing):
Oh.

Whoa. Are you okay?

Oh, yes.
Great.

'Cause if I were you,
I would be super embarrassed.

(cries)
No, no, I was just joking.

(crying)
Oh. It was just a joke.

Please don't cry.

(groans)

It's not that.

It's my ex-husband
is getting remarried

(crying): and I have to
lose 20 pounds by Saturday.

(crying)
(groans)
Yeah, well...

sounds like you got
your work cut out for you,

so I'll just
leave you to it.

I mean, you get divorced

and then all of a sudden
you're like this dolphin

that's been in captivity
that just

gets released back
into the ocean.

Most of those dolphins,
they just die.

Well, listen, if it
makes you feel any better,

I saw a TV show
about how male dolphins,

they just force themselves
on the female dolphins.

That was a show?
Yeah.

So, they're
basically just, like,

the sexual predators
of the sea.

It's just I'm alone
in this giant house

with nobody to talk
to and I feel like

(laughs): I'm kind of
losing my mind.

You're all alone
in a giant house?

(chuckles)
(sniffles)

I'm Trish, by the way.

(sniffles)
Mickey.

Are you serious?
You've had work done?

You look amazing.

Well, yeah, duh,
'cause of the work.

Is it, is it
okay if I...?

Do you want
to touch my boobs?

Yes. Is that all right?

Okay.

Oh, wow. Nice.

Very real, very real.

That's 'cause
they are real.

I had some Botox.

(both laugh)

Well, that makes more
sense, doesn't it?
Yeah.

Okay. Sorry about that.
Okay.

There you go. I'm just gonna
go to the bathroom real fast.

Okay. Just pick
a door, any door.

Okay. Thanks for
that, by the way.

(shouts)
Oh!

Sorry.

God! You stupid beast!

Oh.

(laughs)
Just kidding.

Oh. (laughs)
Yeah.

You know what, just smash
whatever you want around here.
Yeah?

This piece of garbage?
No, no, please, God.
Put it down. Please,

please, please, please.
Thanks.
That was just a
joke. I won't.

I definitely won't.
No, I got it in Venice.

It was...
but anything else.

Right.
This place is
going to crap.

I keep meaning to get a guy

who can kind of fix
some stuff, but...

I got a guy who can
kind of fix some stuff.

You got a guy that can
kind of fix some stuff?
Yeah.

Yeah, I could bring
him over tomorrow.

Is it too soon to tell you
that I love you?

Too soon to tell you

I want to swim another
lap in those boobs?

(chuckles)
Kind of.

(grunts)

Honestly, I don't even want
to sleep in Sabrina's room.

I'm not scared
of no frickin' squirrel.

If that thing comes at me,

I'll just be like, boosh!

How ya like me now,
squirrel?

Besides, I mean,
it's pretty cool you're getting

to live with your
older brother, right?

I guess.

Just, uh, don't mess
with my stuff

or I'll frickin' kill you.

Okay.

My nips are mad
frickin' hard.

Check them out.

Hey, pop quiz.
Who wins in a fight?

King cobra or
king crab? Go.

Cobra?

(imitates buzzer)

Crab?

No, trick question.

King cobra would
never fight a king crab.

They're both apex predators.

I'm gonna go get
a glass of water.

Hey, dude, good call.

Hydration is mad
frickin' important.

No.
No what?

No, you can't stay with me.

I'm sorry that you have
a squirrel problem, but...

It's not
about the squirrel.

I like the squirrel.

He's my friend.
His name is Peter.

We have a secret language.

Get to the point, Ben.

It's about Chip.

What about him?

He makes me
feel weird sometimes,

like I want him to stop saying
stuff and doing stuff.

Yeah. I figured this day
would come.

Hop up, buddy.

Okay, first of all,
the feelings that you have

are perfectly normal.

They are?
Yeah.

The reason Chip
makes you feel weird

is because Chip sucks.

But he's our brother.
I know,

and we love him,
but that doesn't mean

we have to like him.

I don't get it.

It's unrealistic to expect

to like every member
of your family.

And in ours, the person
nobody likes is Chip.

He's annoying and
painfully unfunny.

He's got that weird obsession
with his nipples lately.

It wasn't a problem before,
but it's hard

now that I got
to live with him.

Tell you what.

Why don't you crash with
me for a little while?

Really?
Yeah.

While I do not care about
your squirrel problem,

I am sympathetic
to your Chip problem.

(gagging)

Ugh. I knew that bitch
was coming back.

WOMAN (on TV): ...too busy
to look into his eyes.

(Mickey shouts)

JIMMY:
Hey, come on!

I just built that.

Yeah, well,
it didn't take.

(chuckles)
What are you
so happy about?

I don't know, maybe 'cause

I just made my first friend
in Greenwich.

First friend?
You guys, finally,

after months of-of-of
self-medicating

and-and loneliness
in this horrific town,

I finally found someone
I want to hang out with.

What a trying time
this must have been for you.

That actually reminds me,
um, Jimmy,

I volunteered you
to go over and help out

with some handiwork stuff
around her house.

(groans)
Well, well, well.

Looks like somebody
respects my work after all.

That's not what I said.

Well, if you're
farming me out,

I must be the best
handyman you know.

You're the only handyman I know.

So you do think of me
as a handyman.

I think of you as a man
with hands.

I will take that.
Okay.

All right, I'm gonna
go to bed.

Wait, wait, wait.
What about our shows?

I re-watch everything, so
I know what is happening.

Oh, yeah, no, Trish and I
just kind of

blazed right through
season three.

I did black out
somewhere

around Ms. Carrington's funeral,

Whoa! Spoiler!
so let me know what happens.

Oh, uh, well,

here's another spoiler
for you:

I'm gonna go take a two.
(chuckles)

(doorbell rings)
TRISH: Hello?

(deep voice):
I'm here to rape and murder you!

TRISH:
Mickey! Come on in, girl.

So, I told him,
I said, "Look,

"I don't care if she's my
superior officer and a woman,

"if your underwear is sticking
out of the top of your pants,

you're getting a wedgie."

(both laugh)
Mickey!

Hey...

Jimmy was just telling me about
the week he spent in the Army.

Right on.
He tell you about that month

he spent in
a homeless shelter?

Ah, well, all
in due time.

Yeah, speaking of time, you've
been here since 9:00 a.m.

How long does it take
to do some basic repairs?

Oh, well, the contractor of
this place is a real nudnik.

Hmm.
Which reminds me,
if I get some time,

I'd like to come back here
and get inside the walls.

Well, we're not gonna open up
the walls, but thank you anyway.

You know what, actually,
you can...

you can go.
You can go.

Oh. Okay.

Well, um, here.
Take this pizza with you.

I mean, I have days
until my ex's wedding,

and this freak has me
eating pizza.

Come on, a little slice
never hurt anybody.

(all chuckle)

Bye.
MICKEY:
Ugh.

Sorry about him.
He never leaves.

It's kind of his thing.
Mm-hmm.

What's his deal?

Uh, well, for starters,
he's your basic moron.

Do you think he'd
have a drink with me?

Oh... um...

Wait, are you
guys a thing?

No.

That is cra...
Are you insane?

Me with-- no.

Okay. Are you sure?
Yeah. Please. I mean,

by all means, have a drink
with him, you know?

If you want to have the worst
night of your life, be my guest.

Yeah!
Are you gonna...?
'Cause I...

Yeah, I don't get it.

You want me to
take Trish out to dinner?

That's correct.

I'm confused.
Okay.

Well, you do understand
what dinner is, right?

Yeah. But you're not
coming with us?

Am I being unclear
in any way?

No, no, I understand you
completely.

She gets it and she can't
even follow a simple TV show.

Well, what can I say?
I get you.

So, this is like a...
like a date?

It's whatever
you want it to be.

No, that's great.

And then while you're
doing that,

we can have
a classic girls' night.

Oh. Yeah, maybe.

Eh, I don't know.

We'll play it
by ear, you know.

My tank's a little empty

after spending the
whole day with Trish,

but we'll see how I feel.

Have fun.

Greetings, siblings.

How's the new
roommate sitch?

So far, so good.

Aw, isn't that wonderful.

Oh, and just so you know,
there's no hard feelings.

I think this is for the best.

Good. Us, too.

As the man of the house,
I feel like it's my duty

to protect you guys
from the squirrel.

So... let's just hope
I don't get murdered.

By a squirrel?
Who knows?

Could bite my face off,
or it could chew up my privates

until I bleed out
and I'm gone forever.

Yeah, well, we'll keep
our fingers crossed.

So annoying.
Big time.

Okay, hey, I was not annoying!
I was cool, but modest!

I was generous,
but not overbearing.

Why do you guys keep
talking trash about me?

It's okay, Ben.
Go ahead.

BEN:
Sorry, Chip.

I didn't want
to hurt your feelings.

You're just...

...kind of annoying sometimes.

(sighs)

But, but I-I'm
your older brother.

I'm supposed to be your idol.

And-and, Sabrina,

you're supposed to
look out of me.

You're supposed to
hook me up with your friends

so I can learn about sex,
a-and then we talk about it

and you teach me
how to be even hotter.

You want me to watch you
have sex with my friends?

What?! No!

No, we just, we talk about it.

We're supposed
to be tight.

You guys really think
I'm annoying?

Yeah.
Yeah.

Oh...

Fine. I'll, uh...

I guess I'll just leave, then.

Be out of here
faster than a cheetah,

the fastest animal
in the world.

Ha! A cheetah isn't the fastest.
A peregrine falcon is.

Idiots!

MAN (on TV):
He has my eyes.

WOMAN (on TV): You've been
too busy to look into his eyes.

What the hell
is going on?

Oh, it's a good one.

He just learned that
the boy he raised

is the bastard son
of his business partner.

That's not at all
what's happening.
Hmm?

That's not even what
I'm talking about.

I'm talking about Jimmy.
Where is he?

It's almost midnight.

What are you worried about?
Relax.

Have some Molly.

You know, he probably
already blew it.

Hey, how many times
you think he's farted,

and then said,
"Who just farted in my pants?"

(both laugh)

Loser.
What a boner.

(Jimmy shouts)

God...

Hello, ladies.

Why is your mouth all red?

Oh, Trish and I got cranked
on sangria.

(chuckles)
You hate sangria.

Yeah, I thought so, too.

Turns out I hate
your sangria.

Trish makes a mean batch.

Huh.
Hmm.

We'll have to check that out.
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.
Anyway, thank you so much again.

Uh, you are relieved
of your duties.

Well, not quite.
She asked me to be her date

to her ex's wedding.

Huh.

Are you gonna do it?

Well, what do you think?

Of course I'm going.

Oh, I should work on my toast.

Wow, that's kind of
messed up.

Hmm.
What?

Well, Trish moving in
on Jimmy like that.

What happened
to girl code?
No.

She didn't do
anything wrong.

She asked me,
I told her--

Jimmy and I are not...
there's nothing.

Oh, no, it doesn't matter.

A true friend would never
do that to you.

It is kind of
a bitch move, isn't it?

Oh, yeah, a real bitch play.

Hmm, I'm gonna go to bed.

Okay.

Good night, Mickey.

Oh, yes,

all the pieces are
falling into place.

Soon, Mickey will be mine.

(laughs)

What's that?
Eh, what?

No, uh, this Finger Lakes,
it's good.

It's good. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Come on, tie,
you bastard.

(Mickey laughs)
It's not funny.

Come here.
No.

Let me help.
(panting)

Don't screw it up.
Just suck your neck in
a little bit.

You can't suck a neck in, Mick.
Okay!

Maybe lay off the salt
for a couple days, you know?

Have a little water.
I hate water.

I know you hate water.
There we go.

Yeah? It look good?

Yeah, you look good.

Is this weird?

Wearing Trish's
ex-husband's suit

to his own wedding--
I mean, yeah.

No, like, going to
this thing with Trish.

Why would that be weird?

You know.

Come on, this is...

ALBA:
Jimmy?

(laughs):
Wow.

You look handsome
for you.

Oh. You better get going,
'cause you know what they say.

If you are late
to a wedding,

then you will be early
to your funeral.

Do people say that?
No one's ever said that, ever.

No, they say it.
No. That's never been said.

But she's right.
You should go.

Okay, fine. I'm gonna...

(door opens, closes)

Whoa.
(laughs)

Finally, right?

Oh, you want to watch
The Finger Lakes?

No, you know what?
Screw Finger Lakes.

Okay.
We're going out.

(laughs)

Okay. Yeah.
Yeah.

The stage is set.

McGregor versus Mayweather.

Trump versus Clinton.

Tom Brady versus
the whole frickin' world.

But now for
the ultimate showdown...

...Chip versus squirrel.

Come on.

Show yourself, squirrel.

(screaming)

(panting)

Don't just sit there,
do something!

*

Mm.

Excuse me, ladies...

Nope. We're closed. Take your
business somewhere else.

Not interested, guy.
Doing a ladies' thing.

No boys allowed.
Uh, no, no, no, no.

I'm the manager. I just need you
guys to take it down a notch.

And please,
watch your language.

Uh, some people
are complaining.

Uh, maybe crank the music up.
Problem solved.

Boom, did your job for you.
(laughs)

Anything else I can do?

It's not that kind of place.

And this is not a dance floor.

Okay. You know what?
I'm gonna take a break.

'Cause my feet are
starting to cramp up.

And that's the only reason

why I'm taking a break.
Yeah.

(laughs)

Isn't this place the best?

It's good, huh?

There's just nobody here.

No, no, but that's what makes it
so great. You know?

We've streamlined the operation.

From now on, just you and me.

"From now on"?

What do you--
(laughs)

What do you mean?

You know, three's a crowd.

Jimmy's nice and all, but you're
not supposed to be with him.

You're supposed
to be with me. (chuckles)

Oh.
(chuckles)

Uh... I-I don't mean to...
I just...

Did you think I...

No, no offense. I like you
very much, as a friend.

No-- no, I didn't mean that.
I don't know, but...

I was just... No, no, no!
I've made a mistake.

That's becoming clear to me now.
But I wasn't-- oh!

I just got to pop
by that wedding real quick.

It's all good.
Hey, you'll be fine.
I-- no, Mickey.

Drink some water. Can we get
some waters over here?

No, no.
Yeah, I-I'll be,

I'll be back in a few hours.

No. Mickey, wait, don't go!

Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here today

to join this man
and this woman...

I can't believe he's marrying
someone older than me.

What a kick in the cooch.

Nah.

Without makeup, you look
just as old as she does.

(chuckling):
That's...

Thanks for coming.

If anyone has any objections

as to why this couple
should not wed,

speak now or forever
hold your peace.

Wait!

Wait!

Mick?
Wait!

Oh!
(people gasping)

(laughs softly)
Hi.

Whoops. Hi, there. All good.

Thank you. Hi,
everybody. Sorry.

That was unexpected.

No, no, nobody panic, okay?

I'm not here

to-to object to
this wedding.

But you two, I object to you.

Okay, Mickey, can I...
Jimmy, just let--
just shut up.

No, but you have...
Just shut up and let me
talk for a second, okay?

Trish, I really like you.

But this, I just can't
be okay with this.

I don't know why it bothers me,
it just does.

Okay.
I just feel like...

(stammers) He's like, you--
he's like my dog.

You know what I mean?
And when somebody

pets my dog, I don't like it.

I don't like it!

I'm just trying to
he-- tell you here

that I am having feelings.
I think they're feelings.
Okay, Mick...

I don't quite understand
what they are. I feel...

I feel weird,
if I'm being totally honest.
Stop. Okay. Okay.

I feel a little bit weird.

ALBA:
No, Mickey, don't!

(people gasping, screaming)

(screams)
(Alba crashes)

Alba?

(Alba shouting)

(grunting)

MAN:
Are you all right?
I-I, no, I'm good.

You okay?
Don't worry.

I-- no, it's okay.
Are you...
I don't know...

I don't know what
she's doing, but I...
You guys look nice.

If I'm being honest,
I feel like this church

is a little off-kilter.
What-- Mickey.

What is that? What?

Am I right?
No, no, don't pull!

Oh!
Mickey!

(people screaming)

Mickey, no!
Get off!

Stop. I just...

Mickey, no!

Oh, no.
Mickey, are you...?

Is that mine?
Yeah.

Is that real?
Yeah.

Oh, I screwed up.
That's not good.

It's okay. No, I got you.
Oh...

Hey, bud.
How you feeling?

Like you care.

We do care.

Yeah, right. I thought you guys
frickin' hated me.

Oh, come on, Chip,
you're our brother.

We don't hate you.

We love you.

BEN: Yeah, I'd
be pretty sad

if you got killed by a squirrel.

Thanks, guys. That means a lot.
SABRINA: Yeah,

and I'm sure this annoying
stuff is just a phase.

You know, you'll
probably grow out of it.

I guess you're right.

Besides, I mean, it's not like
you've always been cool.

Remember when you were
friends with that guy

who turned out to be
a huge drug dealer?

That was very cool.

Okay, well, do you remember when
you were in the seventh grade

and dating that senior? Ha.

Probably the coolest thing
I've ever done.

Well, look, the doctor said
you might have rabies.

That's pretty rad.

I guess that is pretty sick.

I'm like frickin' Old Yeller.

(howls)

All right, we're gonna
go get some food.

Bye, Chip. Hope you feel better.

Hey, guys?

I love you, too.

Why are you staring at me
like that?

Because you love me.

I had a shard of glass
stuck in my jugular.

I can't be responsible
for anything I said.

It's okay.

'Cause I love you enough
for both of us.

Eh.

You called me your dog.
Stop. I hate myself.

Special delivery.

Alba...
You got me flowers, Alba?
You didn't have to do that.

Well, I-I wanted to.
(chuckles)

And a card, too?

Oh, no, that's a-a...
Ah.

"Best wedding ever.
Love, Trish."

Ugh.
I-- you know, I
brought them inside.

I mean, this woman.
It wasn't enough

that she saved my life
and gave me her blood.

Hey, I gave you my blood.

Your blood was unusable.

Doctor said you had enough Molly
in your system to kill a moose.

Why, doctors are dramatic. Uh,
you've seen The Finger Lakes.

Trish's blood, top shelf.
Huh.

I can feel it just
coursing through my veins.

Well, why don't you just cut
her open and live inside her?

(scoffs)
Sounds nice.

Oh!
Ho!

Power's on.

Eh, not bad, right?

Yeah.

You did good, Jimmy.

Can I ask you something?

Yeah.

(farts)

Who farted in my pants?

Oh, come on. Ugh!

Get out of here!

Who did that?
Just, oh, my...

CHIP:
My nips are mad frickin' hard.

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH

Hope you
enjoyed
kickin' it
with The Mick.

Now here are a few more shows
to check out from Fox.

* Hey-ay-ay *

* Hey-ay-ay *

WOMAN:
This is our story.

* Can't stop me now *

* Can't stop me now *

* I'm just doing what I do *

* Won't stop doing what I do *

* Can't stop me now *

-* Can't stop me now *
-* Can't stop me now *

-* Cannot beat me *
-* Can't stop me now *

* I'm just doin' what I do *

* Won't stop doin' what I do *