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1
00:00:00,709 --> 00:00:02,335
Oh, whoopee!
2
00:00:02,419 --> 00:00:03,586
[LAUGHS]
3
00:00:03,670 --> 00:00:05,046
[DOOR OPENS]
4
00:00:06,089 --> 00:00:07,424
Hello.
5
00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:09,009
Ah. Who are you?
6
00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:12,762
I'm Carol Burnett. I'm supposed
to be doing The Muppet Show tonight.
7
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:16,725
-Ahem.
-Hey, Carol Burnett. Boy, are you in luck.
8
00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:19,811
Oh. Why, has the show been canceled?
9
00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:24,065
No, we're having a dance marathon tonight.
10
00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:26,651
See? I got my number and everything.
11
00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:30,989
A dance marathon. My, what a fresh idea.
12
00:00:31,072 --> 00:00:33,700
It's after the show, I suppose, huh?
13
00:00:33,783 --> 00:00:36,786
-No. During.
-Oh.
14
00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:42,208
"During"? You mean, while I'm supposed
to be doing my sketches and my songs,
15
00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:44,669
there's gonna be
a dance marathon going on?
16
00:00:44,961 --> 00:00:48,506
Well, yeah, but don't worry.
You won't bother us.
17
00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:51,384
Why did I know you were going to say that?
18
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:55,847
Terrific. Another contestant.
What number would you like?
19
00:00:55,930 --> 00:00:59,017
My agent's. I don't believe this.
20
00:01:00,685 --> 00:01:05,106
It's The Muppet Show, with our
very special guest star, Carol Burnett!
21
00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:07,150
[CHEERS]
22
00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:09,152
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
23
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♪ It's time to play the music ♪
24
00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:24,501
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
25
00:01:24,876 --> 00:01:28,129
♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
26
00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:31,299
♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
27
00:01:31,383 --> 00:01:33,176
♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
28
00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:36,930
♪ It's time to raise the curtain
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
29
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♪ Why do we always come here? ♪
30
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♪ I guess we'll never know ♪
31
00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:44,270
♪ It's like a kind of torture ♪
32
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♪ To have to watch this show ♪
33
00:01:52,362 --> 00:01:54,447
♪ But now let's get things started ♪
34
00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:56,658
♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪
35
00:01:56,741 --> 00:02:01,079
♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
36
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♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
37
00:02:03,331 --> 00:02:06,126
♪ This is what we call ♪
38
00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:10,005
♪ The Muppet Show ♪
39
00:02:10,588 --> 00:02:12,966
[SIREN WAILS]
40
00:02:17,053 --> 00:02:20,682
Thank you, thank you,
and welcome again to The Muppet Show.
41
00:02:20,765 --> 00:02:22,183
Now first, the good news:
42
00:02:22,267 --> 00:02:25,645
Our guest star tonight is probably
America's greatest comedienne,
43
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Miss Carol Burnett.
44
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CROWD: Oh.
-Yes. And now the bad news:
45
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:34,195
I let Gonzo talk me
into doing a dance marathon.
46
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Yowza, yowza, yowza!
47
00:02:37,365 --> 00:02:38,491
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
48
00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:40,326
Hit it, boys.
49
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:45,123
Round and round the couples go.
Until they drop, and that's the show.
50
00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:46,875
[BAND PLAYING JAZZ MUSIC]
51
00:02:53,381 --> 00:02:55,925
Hey, hey, you know what sea monsters eat?
52
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,385
I give up.
53
00:02:57,469 --> 00:02:59,012
Fish and ships.
54
00:03:03,141 --> 00:03:06,603
Why do we keep dancing around in circles?
55
00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:11,691
Because, me wooden leg
be screwed to the floor.
56
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:21,076
I've put my golfing shoes on by mistake
and my feet are killing me.
57
00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:22,577
Oh? Why?
58
00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:24,496
I've put them on inside out.
59
00:03:26,164 --> 00:03:28,708
This is just like our regular
At the Dance spot.
60
00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:32,504
Yes, but it goes on forever. Ha-ha.
61
00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:34,422
Yowza, yowza.
62
00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:37,425
Say, Statler, what's the first prize?
63
00:03:37,509 --> 00:03:41,012
Three weeks away from The Muppet Show.
64
00:03:54,984 --> 00:03:58,363
-Kermit. Kermit.
-Yes, Carol?
65
00:03:58,446 --> 00:04:00,281
Could I talk to you for a minute?
66
00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:01,783
-Sure. What?
-I'm a little--
67
00:04:01,866 --> 00:04:03,618
Why aren't you dancing?
68
00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:06,037
Well, I-- Why aren't you dancing?
69
00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:08,707
Uh, well, I don't have a partner.
70
00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:12,419
Ah. Well, I don't have a partner.
71
00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:13,586
Well, that's okay.
72
00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:16,464
Well, good, then you'll excuse me
from dancing.
73
00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:19,092
No, I'll find you a partner.
74
00:04:19,175 --> 00:04:22,220
Kermit, I really don't want
to hurt your feelings.
75
00:04:22,303 --> 00:04:27,475
Don't misunderstand me, but this is one
of the three worst shows I've ever seen.
76
00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:29,102
What were the other two?
77
00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:32,480
There are no other two.
I was just being kind.
78
00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:33,982
Here's your partner.
79
00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:35,608
[ANIMAL YELLS, CAROL SCREAMS]
80
00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:37,027
What is it?
81
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,486
Uh, well, that's Animal.
82
00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:41,031
Well, I knew
it wasn't vegetable or mineral.
83
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:43,783
Can you give me any other clues?
84
00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:45,326
Animal is your partner.
85
00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:46,578
Partner!
86
00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:48,913
Oh, no, now look, look, I am not dancing.
87
00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:50,373
[ANIMAL YELLING]
88
00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:53,084
I'm dancing. I'm dancing.
89
00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:57,714
Nice Animal. Nice. Nice.
90
00:04:57,797 --> 00:04:59,049
Nice! Dance!
91
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:00,759
Dance, dance, dance.
92
00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:03,178
Couldn't you have found her
another partner?
93
00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:07,057
Well, everybody else is taken care of.
Except you.
94
00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:11,311
Uh, listen, I never really learned
how to dance.
95
00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:13,772
Oh, relax. I'll lead.
96
00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:15,273
What?
97
00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:20,904
You look lovely tonight.
98
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,786
Uh, ladies and gentlemen--
99
00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:29,496
[SIREN WAILS]
100
00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:33,333
Oh, it's a rest period.
101
00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:36,294
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
102
00:05:37,962 --> 00:05:40,131
Okay, uh, good timing back there.
103
00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:43,301
Stand by, Carol,
everything's gonna be okay.
104
00:05:43,385 --> 00:05:46,721
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
our very special guest star,
105
00:05:46,805 --> 00:05:48,640
not only a brilliant comedienne,
106
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:52,185
but also a great actress and singer,
Miss Carol Burnett!
107
00:05:52,268 --> 00:05:53,895
Yay!
108
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:02,529
♪ Cold ♪
109
00:06:03,238 --> 00:06:09,285
♪ No, I can't believe your heart is cold ♪
110
00:06:09,994 --> 00:06:14,833
♪ Maybe slow to warm ♪
111
00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:21,881
♪ From a long and lonely night ♪
112
00:06:22,674 --> 00:06:29,848
♪ Let someone start believing in you ♪
113
00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:34,936
♪ Let him hold out his hand ♪
114
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:36,980
♪ Let him touch you ♪
115
00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:41,901
♪ And watch what happens ♪
116
00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:46,489
♪ One someone ♪
117
00:06:46,573 --> 00:06:49,743
♪ Who can look in your eyes ♪
118
00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:54,706
♪ And see into your heart ♪
119
00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:56,166
♪ Let him find you ♪
120
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,335
♪ And watch what happens ♪
121
00:06:58,418 --> 00:06:59,461
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
122
00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:01,212
Everybody, polka!
123
00:07:01,296 --> 00:07:02,464
♪ Cold ♪
124
00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:03,757
[POLKA MUSIC PLAYING]
125
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:06,092
♪ No, I can't believe your heart is-- ♪
126
00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:08,845
Wait a minute.
This is not the right tempo.
127
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:13,683
This is a ballad thing
where I'm supposed to pour my heart out.
128
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,393
This really isn't...
129
00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:21,024
♪ Let someone start believing in you ♪
130
00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:24,819
♪ Give that deep love to you ♪
131
00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:27,530
♪ And what magic you'll see ♪
132
00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:31,159
♪ Let someone give his heart ♪
133
00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:33,578
♪ Someone who cares like... ♪
134
00:07:33,661 --> 00:07:36,081
Will you stop it?!
135
00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:39,542
Just knock it off, you turkeys!
136
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:43,004
Now, hear me and hear me good.
137
00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:47,467
If you think I have come here
to be made a fool of
138
00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:50,178
by you nitwits,
139
00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:54,724
you have cobwebs
in the windmills of your mind.
140
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:57,143
Now just shut up.
141
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:04,526
♪ Let someone give his heart ♪
142
00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:09,948
♪ Someone who cares like... ♪
143
00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:11,449
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
144
00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:13,785
Hey! Cancan!
145
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:14,911
[CANCAN MUSIC PLAYING]
146
00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:22,168
♪ Me ♪
147
00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:27,799
Partner! Partner! Partner!
148
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:30,593
Dance! Dance! Dance!
149
00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:32,095
Kermit?
150
00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:33,513
Kermit!
151
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:35,223
Cancan!
152
00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:37,600
Kick! Kick! Kick! Kick!
153
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:38,727
BURNETT:
Kermit!
154
00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:39,853
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
155
00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:42,272
Change tempo. Let's do the twist!
156
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:44,232
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
157
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:50,488
Kermie! You don't have a dancing partner,
and neither do I.
158
00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:54,075
No, no, no, forget it, Piggy,
I will not dance with you.
159
00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:55,785
Of course he won't.
160
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,454
He's my partner.
161
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:02,000
Uh, Piggy, let's dance.
162
00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:07,672
Okay, frog, let's talk.
163
00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:11,760
Now, now, Carol, I realize that
that first number was a little shaky.
164
00:09:11,843 --> 00:09:13,720
Shaky? Shaky?!
165
00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:15,930
You call that number shaky?!
166
00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:17,557
[KERMIT YELLING]
167
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:21,102
Aah! I'm sorry, Kermit, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to scare you.
168
00:09:21,186 --> 00:09:23,855
It's just that I'm so upset. That's all.
169
00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:26,858
After all, you promised me a variety show.
170
00:09:26,941 --> 00:09:29,611
Where's all the songs?
Where are all the dances?
171
00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:31,071
Where's your partner?
172
00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:33,281
-Ah! Partner! Partner!
-Oh, no!
173
00:09:33,365 --> 00:09:34,657
Carol!
174
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,785
Kermit, what are you gonna do about this?
175
00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:39,662
Don't worry, Carol,
the rest of the show will be great.
176
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,581
Gonzo, quick, what's on-stage now?
177
00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:43,750
What else? Dancing!
178
00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:46,086
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
179
00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:47,712
[BALLROOM DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
180
00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:55,220
I, uh, don't suppose there are any more
at home like you, huh?
181
00:09:57,222 --> 00:09:58,973
[ANIMAL GRUNTING]
182
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:03,978
You know the first thing we should do
if we win this dance marathon?
183
00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:05,522
No, what?
184
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:08,692
Stop dancing, dummy.
185
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:15,407
Well, nice quiet fox-trot.
What else could happen?
186
00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:18,076
-Two, three, dip! Aah!
-Aah!
187
00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:19,786
[CRASHING]
188
00:10:21,496 --> 00:10:23,581
Link, what time is it?
189
00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:25,291
It's about, uh...
190
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:29,587
Uh... Could somebody
clean up the floor out here?
191
00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:31,047
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
192
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,008
[TANGO MUSIC PLAYING]
193
00:10:39,848 --> 00:10:43,059
Wonder who the old bat with the mop is?
194
00:10:46,604 --> 00:10:48,440
[ANIMAL YELLING]
195
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,652
You really are an animal.
196
00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:10,754
Yowza, yowza, yowza!
197
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:14,507
Aren't these contestants
putting on a great show?
198
00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:18,595
Come on, come on, put on a great show.
199
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:19,888
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
200
00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:22,432
[PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC]
201
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:26,061
That's it, that's it.
202
00:11:26,144 --> 00:11:29,647
We're six grueling minutes
into this marathon
203
00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:33,860
and still these contestants
can really tear things up.
204
00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:37,280
But how long can it last?
205
00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:42,452
The bone-deadening fatigue
will soon start to take its toll.
206
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,998
Soon, every step
will bring terrible agony.
207
00:11:47,082 --> 00:11:50,543
The muscles rebel. The mind goes numb.
208
00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:56,257
The hideous torture of never-ending pain
and torment will bri-- Aah!
209
00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:02,555
Ladies and gentlemen, our first dropouts.
210
00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:05,058
Give these kids a hand.
211
00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:08,645
Uh, Scooter, get those dancers off-stage.
212
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:12,107
Beauregard, get that scenery on-stage.
Come on now, move it.
213
00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:14,609
What's that scenery?
214
00:12:14,693 --> 00:12:17,487
I promised Carol a variety show.
She's gonna get one.
215
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:18,863
That's Pigs in Space.
216
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:21,408
But what about the dance marathon?
217
00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:22,534
Don't worry.
218
00:12:22,617 --> 00:12:25,662
Yeah, we worked out a compromise.
219
00:12:27,122 --> 00:12:32,210
NARRATOR [ECHOING]:
And now, Pigs in Space!
220
00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:37,507
In our last episode,
221
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:43,096
the crew of the Swinetrek
had captured a weird alien creature.
222
00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:47,183
[BALLROOM DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
223
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:53,314
Link, Strangepork,
will you two quit fooling around
224
00:12:53,398 --> 00:12:57,527
and help me communicate
with this weird alien creature?
225
00:12:57,610 --> 00:13:03,241
Well, why don't you dance with him?
Dance is the universal language.
226
00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:05,118
Oh, thanks a lot, Strangepork--
227
00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:07,287
[ALIEN GROWLS, PIGGY SCREAMING]
228
00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:11,374
I think she's beginning
to communicate with the alien.
229
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:12,500
Help!
230
00:13:12,584 --> 00:13:14,169
What's he saying?
231
00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:15,545
Mm. Hungry!
232
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,464
Wait, wait! Aah!
233
00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:20,175
[PIGGY SCREAMING]
234
00:13:22,052 --> 00:13:26,389
Well, look on the bright side.
She'll probably be happier in there.
235
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:30,143
I know we'll be happier out here.
236
00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:36,107
Miss Piggy, you'll be disqualified
for not dancing.
237
00:13:38,401 --> 00:13:40,487
Aw, come off it, Gonzo.
238
00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:43,114
There are no exceptions to the rules.
239
00:13:43,198 --> 00:13:45,492
Oh, all right, all right.
240
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:50,038
One, two. One, two.
241
00:13:50,121 --> 00:13:52,749
One and two. And one and two.
242
00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:55,627
Fred and Ginger were never better.
243
00:13:55,710 --> 00:14:01,800
NARRATOR: Tune in next time
for Indigestion In Space!
244
00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:08,306
Yowza, yowza!
Welcome back to the dance marathon.
245
00:14:08,390 --> 00:14:13,895
Our contestants are rested and relaxed
and ready to give you a great show.
246
00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:16,648
Ready to give you a punch in the eye.
247
00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:21,820
He's a great sport, huh, folks?
So here we go.
248
00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:22,987
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
249
00:14:23,071 --> 00:14:24,989
It's polka time.
250
00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:28,326
Oh, great. I know a terrific polka.
251
00:14:28,410 --> 00:14:32,330
♪ When you want to show your love
Give your love a little shove ♪
252
00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:35,500
♪ Come dance the Poke Me Polka ♪
253
00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:39,796
♪ In between the fancy spins
Kick your partner in the shins ♪
254
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:43,299
♪ Come dance the Poke Me Polka ♪
255
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:46,761
♪ Don't forget, before you stop
Try a quick karate chop ♪
256
00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:50,515
♪ It beats the carioca ♪
257
00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:54,310
♪ Any p.m., any a.m.
Can be the merry month of mayhem ♪
258
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:57,772
♪ So dance the Poke Me Polka ♪
259
00:14:58,023 --> 00:15:01,359
♪ Point your finger
Jab a little jab ♪
260
00:15:01,443 --> 00:15:02,944
♪ Stab a little stab ♪
261
00:15:03,028 --> 00:15:05,196
♪ And grab a little grab ♪
262
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,700
♪ Find a spot and pinch a little flab ♪
263
00:15:08,783 --> 00:15:12,537
♪ If the party's drab
Then call yourself a cab ♪
264
00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:16,207
♪ Reach right out
And grab your partner's wrist ♪
265
00:15:16,291 --> 00:15:18,168
♪ Give the wrist a twist
Till she says ♪
266
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:19,627
♪ Ow! ♪
267
00:15:19,711 --> 00:15:23,089
♪ Stomp upon his toes
Then punch him in the nose ♪
268
00:15:23,173 --> 00:15:27,135
♪ You've got the rhythm now ♪
269
00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:29,262
[ALL SHOUTING]
270
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:34,351
♪ Come dance the Poke Me Polka ♪
271
00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:41,733
♪ Come dance the Poke Me Polka ♪
272
00:15:41,983 --> 00:15:45,737
♪ Don't forget, before you stop
Try a quick karate chop ♪
273
00:15:45,987 --> 00:15:49,115
♪ It beats the carioca ♪
274
00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:53,411
♪ Any p.m., any a.m
Can be the merry month of mayhem ♪
275
00:15:53,495 --> 00:16:00,043
♪ So dance the Poke Me Polka ♪
276
00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:11,262
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
277
00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:13,848
Everybody, dance.
278
00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:15,767
[SLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
279
00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:19,270
[GROANS]
280
00:16:19,354 --> 00:16:22,023
I hope this is over pretty soon.
281
00:16:22,107 --> 00:16:23,608
-Not me.
-What?
282
00:16:23,692 --> 00:16:28,238
After it's over, I promised my wife
I'd take her to the disco.
283
00:16:31,074 --> 00:16:35,662
You know they say that dancing
can add years to your life?
284
00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:37,288
Absolutely true.
285
00:16:37,372 --> 00:16:38,915
Well, how do you know?
286
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:42,377
I'm 23 years old.
287
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:49,801
I told you, nobody on the floor
except dance contestants.
288
00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:54,305
Oh, yeah? Who's your partner?
289
00:16:58,143 --> 00:17:00,437
I don't think I can dance another step.
290
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:05,233
Oh. Well, during the next rest period,
why not come up to my dressing room, then.
291
00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:09,529
I'll loosen your collar
and, uh, heh, put you on the couch.
292
00:17:09,612 --> 00:17:12,782
Uh, did we come here to dance or to talk?
293
00:17:15,035 --> 00:17:16,953
[SIREN WAILING]
294
00:17:17,871 --> 00:17:20,623
Keep dancing! It is not a rest period!
295
00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:23,585
That was just another ambulance arriving.
296
00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:25,337
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
297
00:17:25,420 --> 00:17:28,465
Everybody, limbo!
298
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,508
[LIMBO MUSIC PLAYING]
299
00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:37,807
[SNIFFLING]
300
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:44,147
Uh, excuse me, Carol, the door was open,
and I just thought--
301
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:48,401
Yeah. Yeah, you bet it's open.
You bet it's open, Kermit.
302
00:17:48,485 --> 00:17:53,740
Because as soon as I'm packed,
I'm going to be out that door like a shot.
303
00:17:53,823 --> 00:17:58,495
I have never, ever been so humiliated
and embarrassed in my whole life.
304
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,288
How could you do this to me?
305
00:18:00,372 --> 00:18:04,376
Don't take it personally. Things have
happened to other guests before.
306
00:18:04,459 --> 00:18:06,169
Other guests? Other guests.
307
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:10,215
What, Julie Andrews?
She must have gone on for days and days.
308
00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:14,678
♪ The hills are alive
With the sound of music ♪
309
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:16,721
No, she didn't sing that.
310
00:18:16,805 --> 00:18:19,474
She sang "When You Were a Tadpole
and I Was a Fish."
311
00:18:19,557 --> 00:18:21,142
Same thing.
312
00:18:21,226 --> 00:18:22,686
Same thing?
313
00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:26,815
I tell you, Kermit, I am leaving,
and that's it. I'm very sorry.
314
00:18:26,898 --> 00:18:29,943
But you gotta stay.
I'll work out something where you can--
315
00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:35,657
No, no, I'm sorry. There is nothing you
can say that will make me change my mind.
316
00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:39,536
But, gee, Carol, I just did want you
to do your Asparagus sketch.
317
00:18:41,246 --> 00:18:42,747
My what?
318
00:18:42,831 --> 00:18:47,794
Well, I really wanted you to do
your famous Lonely Asparagus sketch.
319
00:18:49,087 --> 00:18:52,716
Oh, Kermit.
Kermit, do you really mean that?
320
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:53,842
Yes.
321
00:18:53,925 --> 00:18:56,052
Oh, Kermit. When?
322
00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:58,763
Oh, well, soon. Right now.
323
00:18:58,847 --> 00:19:00,598
I'll change.
324
00:19:01,558 --> 00:19:03,643
Hey, Kermit, they need you downstairs.
325
00:19:03,727 --> 00:19:04,978
Oh, okay.
326
00:19:05,562 --> 00:19:07,355
Ta-da!
327
00:19:08,565 --> 00:19:10,775
Hey, mister, you're in the wrong place.
328
00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:13,778
They're doing the vegetable soup
commercial next door.
329
00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:17,407
"Mister"? I'll have you know I am a lady.
330
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:18,533
[YELLS]
331
00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:20,201
[CRASHING]
332
00:19:24,039 --> 00:19:26,458
[SIREN WAILS]
333
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:28,960
Everybody, dance!
334
00:19:29,044 --> 00:19:31,004
[UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]
335
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:41,973
♪ They're writing songs of love ♪
336
00:19:42,057 --> 00:19:45,477
♪ But not for me ♪
337
00:19:47,062 --> 00:19:51,941
♪ A lucky star's above ♪
338
00:19:52,025 --> 00:19:55,820
♪ But not for me ♪
339
00:19:57,072 --> 00:20:01,743
♪ I know that love's a game ♪
340
00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:06,498
♪ I'm puzzled just the same ♪
341
00:20:06,998 --> 00:20:11,628
♪ Was I the moth or flame? ♪
342
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:17,258
♪ I'm all at sea ♪
343
00:20:17,342 --> 00:20:21,888
♪ It all began so well ♪
344
00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:25,684
♪ But what an end ♪
345
00:20:26,851 --> 00:20:30,522
♪ This is the time ♪
346
00:20:30,605 --> 00:20:35,860
♪ A fella needs a friend ♪
347
00:20:36,778 --> 00:20:41,324
♪ No partner at the dance ♪
348
00:20:41,408 --> 00:20:46,746
♪ Has offered me romance ♪
349
00:20:46,830 --> 00:20:48,164
♪ Tonight ♪
350
00:20:49,207 --> 00:20:56,506
♪ Is not for me ♪
351
00:21:06,975 --> 00:21:09,436
Say, there's no room to dance up here.
352
00:21:09,519 --> 00:21:12,105
Sure there is. Do the box-trot.
353
00:21:13,023 --> 00:21:14,899
[SIREN WAILS]
354
00:21:14,983 --> 00:21:16,735
GONZO:
Rest period!
355
00:21:16,818 --> 00:21:18,945
Woo-hoo! Kermit!
356
00:21:19,029 --> 00:21:21,823
Okay, okay. Now? Huh? Now?
357
00:21:21,906 --> 00:21:23,950
Uh, well, yeah, well, now what, Carol?
358
00:21:24,034 --> 00:21:27,328
Now. Now it's time
for my Lonely Asparagus sketch.
359
00:21:27,412 --> 00:21:30,915
Oh, yeah. Sure, yeah. Well, as soon
as the dance marathon is over.
360
00:21:30,999 --> 00:21:32,917
This is only a rest period.
361
00:21:33,001 --> 00:21:35,211
Well, when will the marathon be over?
362
00:21:35,295 --> 00:21:38,506
As soon as everybody collapses
on the floor and can't move.
363
00:21:38,590 --> 00:21:40,425
Oh, for Pete's sake.
364
00:21:40,508 --> 00:21:45,472
How do you expect that to happen
if you keep giving them rest periods?
365
00:21:47,265 --> 00:21:50,226
Okay, everybody, let's disco.
366
00:21:50,310 --> 00:21:51,561
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
367
00:21:51,644 --> 00:21:53,271
[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]
368
00:21:53,355 --> 00:21:57,859
Now, come on, the rest period is over.
Rest period is over.
369
00:21:57,942 --> 00:22:00,737
Time for you to dance
those little tootsies off,
370
00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:02,697
because you wanna win, don't you?
371
00:22:02,781 --> 00:22:07,535
Yes, of course you do. Here we go. Good.
372
00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:11,831
♪ You got me rolling
Like a wheel on a road ♪
373
00:22:11,915 --> 00:22:16,503
♪ Turning round and round
Nowhere to go ♪
374
00:22:16,586 --> 00:22:20,048
♪ I gotta find out
If you're feeling it too ♪
375
00:22:20,507 --> 00:22:24,511
♪ It's hard to tell
So here's what I'll do ♪
376
00:22:27,764 --> 00:22:30,642
♪ And every time I want more ♪
377
00:22:30,725 --> 00:22:35,397
♪ I'll take you out on the floor ♪
378
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:38,525
♪ I was made for dancing ♪
379
00:22:38,608 --> 00:22:39,651
That's it.
380
00:22:39,734 --> 00:22:42,570
♪ A-A-A-All night long ♪
381
00:22:43,780 --> 00:22:46,157
♪ I was made for dancing ♪
382
00:22:46,241 --> 00:22:47,701
Faster. You can go faster.
383
00:22:47,784 --> 00:22:51,121
♪ All, all, all, all night long ♪
384
00:22:51,663 --> 00:22:53,415
That's it. No, you can go faster.
385
00:22:53,498 --> 00:22:57,919
Because if you go faster,
you see, you're liable to win. Good.
386
00:22:58,003 --> 00:23:02,048
Now you can go faster. That's right.
You can dance now more easily.
387
00:23:02,132 --> 00:23:03,466
Good. We're watching you.
388
00:23:03,550 --> 00:23:07,220
Come on, you little darlings.
You're so young, you shouldn't be tired.
389
00:23:07,303 --> 00:23:11,057
You can go faster.
Yeah, that's right, just speed it up.
390
00:23:11,141 --> 00:23:13,727
Oh, good, good, good. Yeah.
391
00:23:13,810 --> 00:23:15,937
Faster, faster, faster, faster.
392
00:23:16,021 --> 00:23:17,230
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
393
00:23:26,781 --> 00:23:29,409
♪ I was made for dancing ♪
394
00:23:29,492 --> 00:23:30,535
Come on.
395
00:23:30,618 --> 00:23:33,872
♪ All, all, all, all night long ♪
396
00:23:34,664 --> 00:23:37,459
♪ I was made for dancing ♪
397
00:23:37,542 --> 00:23:38,585
Go.
398
00:23:38,668 --> 00:23:42,005
♪ All, all, all, all night long ♪
399
00:23:42,589 --> 00:23:45,717
♪ I was made for dancing ♪
400
00:23:46,343 --> 00:23:49,220
♪ All, all, all, all night long ♪
401
00:23:49,971 --> 00:23:52,891
♪ I was made for dancing ♪
402
00:23:53,558 --> 00:23:55,894
♪ All, all, all, all night long ♪
403
00:23:55,977 --> 00:23:57,437
You can go faster.
404
00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:59,522
♪ I was made for dancing ♪
405
00:23:59,606 --> 00:24:00,648
Go.
406
00:24:00,732 --> 00:24:03,777
♪ All, all, all, all night long ♪
407
00:24:03,860 --> 00:24:06,196
♪ I was made for dancing ♪
408
00:24:06,279 --> 00:24:09,157
Go. Faster. Come on.
409
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:10,450
Go.
410
00:24:10,533 --> 00:24:12,410
♪ I was made for dancing ♪
411
00:24:12,494 --> 00:24:13,536
Go!
412
00:24:13,620 --> 00:24:15,830
♪ All, all, all, all night long ♪
413
00:24:15,914 --> 00:24:17,874
Go till you drop.
414
00:24:17,957 --> 00:24:19,334
♪ Long ♪
415
00:24:19,417 --> 00:24:21,461
♪ All, all, all, all night long ♪
416
00:24:21,544 --> 00:24:24,714
All right! This is the winning couple.
417
00:24:24,798 --> 00:24:29,219
Now, on to the Lonely Asparagus sketch.
418
00:24:29,302 --> 00:24:30,720
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
419
00:24:30,804 --> 00:24:32,597
Thank you so much.
420
00:24:34,933 --> 00:24:36,643
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
421
00:24:41,648 --> 00:24:45,193
Well, we've danced our troubles away.
Maybe.
422
00:24:45,276 --> 00:24:48,154
But before we go,
let us thank our wonderful guest star,
423
00:24:48,238 --> 00:24:53,576
ladies and gentlemen, the queen of comedy,
Carol Burnett! Yay!
424
00:24:53,660 --> 00:24:57,539
Thank you so much, but hey, woo-hoo!
Hold it.
425
00:24:57,622 --> 00:24:59,290
You ain't seen nothing yet.
426
00:24:59,374 --> 00:25:03,336
Now it's time
for my Lonely Asparagus sketch.
427
00:25:03,420 --> 00:25:07,841
Wait! First we have to award the prize
to the winning dancers.
428
00:25:07,924 --> 00:25:09,843
Uh, actually, I'll take the prize.
429
00:25:09,926 --> 00:25:14,305
These winners are really robots
I invented in Muppet Labs.
430
00:25:14,389 --> 00:25:19,019
Robots? It's against the rules.
No prize will be given.
431
00:25:20,103 --> 00:25:21,563
[DANCERS SHOUTING]
432
00:25:21,646 --> 00:25:23,565
Get him! Get him!
433
00:25:23,648 --> 00:25:27,986
Kermit, I don't care about all this.
When do I get to do my sketch?
434
00:25:28,069 --> 00:25:30,280
I'm sorry,
but we're out of time right now.
435
00:25:30,363 --> 00:25:32,490
We'll see you next time
on The Muppet Show!
436
00:25:32,574 --> 00:25:35,994
Out of time?!
What do you mean out of time?
437
00:25:36,077 --> 00:25:38,830
You promised me
that I could do the sketch!
438
00:25:38,913 --> 00:25:41,291
I was on my way out the door!
439
00:25:41,374 --> 00:25:44,336
Look at me. You gave me your word.
440
00:25:44,419 --> 00:25:46,379
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
441
00:26:21,456 --> 00:26:25,001
Oh, what a sad and lonely asparagus am I.
442
00:26:25,085 --> 00:26:28,004
Most of my hollandaise are behind me.
443
00:26:29,547 --> 00:26:31,424
BURNETT:
Oh, rats.
32615
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