Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,792 --> 00:00:01,835
[KNOCKING]
2
00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:04,796
Lynda Carter. Lynda Carter?
3
00:00:04,879 --> 00:00:08,425
I know, I know, Scoots.
It's 20 seconds to curtain.
4
00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:10,760
You can read my mind.
5
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:14,222
I'm not reading your mind.
I'm reading my script.
6
00:00:14,305 --> 00:00:16,391
Huh? What? Oh, no, no.
7
00:00:16,474 --> 00:00:18,518
Kermit wouldn't allow a script
on this show.
8
00:00:18,601 --> 00:00:21,896
-Everything we say on here is ad lib.
-Everything we say on here is ad lib.
9
00:00:24,941 --> 00:00:29,154
It's The Muppet Show, with our
very special guest star Lynda Carter.
10
00:00:29,237 --> 00:00:31,072
Yay!
11
00:00:31,906 --> 00:00:33,908
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
12
00:00:44,919 --> 00:00:46,963
♪ It's time to play the music ♪
13
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,090
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
14
00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:51,051
♪ It's time to get things started ♪
15
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:53,345
♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪
16
00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:56,681
-Don't start.
-We haven't left yet.
17
00:00:58,350 --> 00:01:02,187
♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
18
00:01:02,270 --> 00:01:04,522
♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
19
00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:07,275
♪ This is what we call ♪
20
00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:11,780
♪ The Muppet Show ♪
21
00:01:11,863 --> 00:01:14,032
[PLAYS HIGH NOTE]
22
00:01:14,115 --> 00:01:15,408
[SLURPING]
23
00:01:16,993 --> 00:01:18,953
What an embarrassment.
24
00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:21,456
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
25
00:01:21,539 --> 00:01:22,749
Thank you, thank you.
26
00:01:22,832 --> 00:01:25,543
Hello there, and welcome again
to The Muppet Show.
27
00:01:25,627 --> 00:01:28,672
And we have a fantastic show
for you tonight
28
00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:31,383
because our very special guest
is that lovely star
29
00:01:31,466 --> 00:01:34,219
of television's Wonder Woman,
Miss Lynda Carter.
30
00:01:34,302 --> 00:01:35,512
[CROWD WHOOPING]
31
00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:38,098
Yes. But right now,
let's get the show started with--
32
00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:40,725
Kermie, Kermie. Excusez-moi, excusez-moi.
33
00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:44,187
Kermie, heh, you forgot to mention
the sketch I'm in. Ha.
34
00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:47,399
I didn't forget.
I just didn't think it was important.
35
00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:49,484
[LAUGHS]
36
00:01:49,567 --> 00:01:50,860
You didn't.
37
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:53,988
-Important, but not that important.
-Uh-huh. Mm-hm.
38
00:01:54,072 --> 00:01:56,908
I mean, it's not like
it was a matter of life and death.
39
00:01:56,991 --> 00:02:00,954
-You sure about that?
-Uh, ladies and gentleman,
40
00:02:01,037 --> 00:02:05,542
later on in the show, our own Miss Piggy
will be portraying a brand new character,
41
00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,168
Wonder Pig.
42
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:10,380
Wonder Pig?
43
00:02:11,756 --> 00:02:14,592
-Thank you, Kermie.
-Uh, you're welcome.
44
00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:16,803
Isn't it great to be alive?
45
00:02:18,346 --> 00:02:21,474
Uh, which reminds me of our opening
number, ladies and gentlemen.
46
00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:25,937
How long has it been since you watched
a good old fashioned human sacrifice?
47
00:02:26,021 --> 00:02:28,064
Hmm? Too long you say.
48
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,858
Well, watch this.
49
00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:32,027
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
50
00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:36,823
[DRUMMING AND CHANTING]
51
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:46,601
♪ What would you do
If I sang out of tune ♪
52
00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:50,355
♪ Would you stand up and walk out on me? ♪
53
00:03:50,438 --> 00:03:51,564
[ALL GRUNTING]
54
00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:55,068
♪ Lend me your ears
And I'll sing you a song ♪
55
00:03:55,151 --> 00:03:58,571
♪ And I'll try not to sing out of key ♪
56
00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:03,368
♪ Oh, I get by with a little help
From my friends ♪
57
00:04:03,451 --> 00:04:07,330
♪ I get high with a little help
From my friends ♪
58
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:11,459
♪ Gonna try with a little help
From my friends ♪
59
00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:16,548
♪ Do you need anybody? ♪
60
00:04:16,631 --> 00:04:19,759
♪ I need somebody to love ♪
61
00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:24,931
♪ Could it be anybody? ♪
62
00:04:25,015 --> 00:04:27,559
♪ I need a body to love ♪
63
00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:28,727
Really.
64
00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:32,647
♪ I get by with a little help
From my friends ♪
65
00:04:32,731 --> 00:04:36,860
♪ I'm gonna try with a little help
From my friends ♪
66
00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:40,530
♪ Say goodbye with a little help
From my friends ♪
67
00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:43,992
♪ Yes, I get by with a little help
From my ♪
68
00:04:44,075 --> 00:04:51,124
♪ With a little help from my friends ♪
69
00:04:51,207 --> 00:04:54,711
I think I just lost my lunch.
70
00:04:54,794 --> 00:05:01,926
♪ Ooh, yeah ♪
71
00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:04,095
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
72
00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:11,561
You think the lobsters would share
their popcorn with us?
73
00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:13,688
No chance. They're too shellfish.
74
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:16,941
You're too shellfish.
75
00:05:18,193 --> 00:05:20,362
Okay, way to go pagans.
76
00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:22,405
Nicely worshipped.
77
00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:25,367
It's here, it's here.
My correspondence course.
78
00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,035
Your correspondence course?
79
00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:29,120
How to be a superhero.
80
00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:30,246
[KERMIT GROANS]
81
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,332
Yeah, it comes complete with a helmet,
82
00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:34,084
a cape, a red shirt,
83
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:38,588
and an instruction book called
Invincibility Made Easy.
84
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,215
I don't believe that.
85
00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:42,801
I'm doing it because Wonder Woman
is on our show.
86
00:05:42,884 --> 00:05:44,803
No, no. Lynda Carter is on our show.
87
00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:46,846
She's not going to play
Wonder Woman tonight.
88
00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:48,223
Well, that's just as well.
89
00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:51,142
There'll be plenty of superheroes around.
90
00:05:51,226 --> 00:05:52,560
What do you mean, "plenty"?
91
00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:54,771
Well, everybody's taking the course.
92
00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:59,943
Uh, let's see. "Lesson Two:
93
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:03,697
Deflecting bullets
with the magic gold bracelets."
94
00:06:04,739 --> 00:06:06,658
Oh, hi, Kermit. What you doing?
95
00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:11,454
Uh, just noticing that the season
has produced a bumper crop of nuts.
96
00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:16,543
Sam, you know that human sacrifice
number at the top of the show?
97
00:06:16,626 --> 00:06:17,794
Ugh, yes.
98
00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:22,549
Well, is that kind of thing gonna be
going on throughout this entire show?
99
00:06:22,632 --> 00:06:25,552
Oh, Miss Carter, I'm afraid so.
100
00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:29,347
Good, because I loved it.
101
00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:30,932
KERMIT:
Lynda, your number is next.
102
00:06:31,016 --> 00:06:32,559
Thanks, Kermit.
103
00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:34,936
-Congratulations.
-For what?
104
00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:37,355
You're the next human to be sacrificed.
105
00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:42,610
Uh, listen, Lynda, you know,
about this number you're about to do.
106
00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:45,196
None of our band has rehearsed
this number.
107
00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:47,157
Oh, that's okay. I brought my own band.
108
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:50,118
Oh, says the frog, feeling control
slipping through his fingers.
109
00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:55,790
Don't worry about it, Kermit.
This is one terrific band.
110
00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:57,208
What kind of band is it?
111
00:06:57,292 --> 00:06:59,461
Oh, it's a rubber band.
112
00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:01,254
[BAND PLAYING "THE RUBBERBAND MAN"]
113
00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:04,090
♪ Hand me down my walking cane ♪
114
00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:06,593
♪ Hand me down my hat ♪
115
00:07:06,676 --> 00:07:08,887
♪ Hurry now and don't be late ♪
116
00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:11,931
♪ 'Cause we ain't got time to chat ♪
117
00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:17,062
♪ You and me we're goin' out
To catch the latest sound ♪
118
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:22,692
♪ Guaranteed to blow your mind
So high you won't come down ♪
119
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:26,988
♪ Hey, y'all prepare yourself
For the rubber band ♪
120
00:07:27,072 --> 00:07:29,908
-♪ Man ♪
-♪ You've never heard a sound ♪
121
00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:31,910
♪ Like the rubber band ♪
122
00:07:31,993 --> 00:07:35,121
-♪ Man ♪
-♪ You're bound to lose control ♪
123
00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:38,500
♪ When the rubber band starts to jam ♪
124
00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:40,669
Take it, Sam.
125
00:07:42,087 --> 00:07:45,840
And here they are, ladies and gentlemen,
the Rubber Band Men.
126
00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:48,009
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
127
00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:59,604
♪ Do-doop, doop, doop, doop, do-doop ♪
128
00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:04,109
♪ Doop, doop, do-doop ♪
129
00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:08,905
♪ Once I went to hear them play
At a club outside of town ♪
130
00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:11,491
♪ I was so surprised
I was hypnotized ♪
131
00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:14,369
♪ By the sound these cats put down ♪
132
00:08:14,452 --> 00:08:19,207
♪ When I saw this short fat guy
Stretch a band between his toes ♪
133
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:21,751
♪ Hey, I laughed so hard
'Cause the man got down ♪
134
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:24,796
♪ When it finally reached his nose ♪
135
00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:30,093
♪ Hey, y'all prepare yourself
For the rubberband man ♪
136
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:35,140
♪ You've never heard a sound
Like the rubberband man ♪
137
00:08:35,223 --> 00:08:37,809
-♪ You're bound to lose control ♪
-♪ Bound to lose control ♪
138
00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:42,272
-♪ When the rubber band starts to jam ♪
-♪ Oh, yeah ♪
139
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:44,357
Hit it, guys.
140
00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:53,575
♪ Do-doop, doop, doop
Doop, doop, doop, do-doop ♪
141
00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:55,952
♪ Rubberband, rubberband man ♪
142
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:58,747
♪ Do-doop, doop, doop, doop
Do-doop, do-doop ♪
143
00:08:58,830 --> 00:09:01,082
♪ The rubberband, rubberband man ♪
144
00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:04,502
♪ Do-doop, doop, doop, doop ♪
Do-doop, do-doop ♪
145
00:09:04,586 --> 00:09:06,004
♪ Do-doop ♪
146
00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:08,048
♪ Doop, doop, doop, do-doop ♪
147
00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:11,259
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND CHEERING]
148
00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:19,351
-Mm. What did you think of Lynda?
-Terrific.
149
00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:21,061
Yeah, how about that Rubber Band?
150
00:09:21,144 --> 00:09:23,772
Make them into a tire
and drive them to Pittsburgh.
151
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:29,486
Okay, hey, that was wonderful, Lynda.
152
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:31,488
Thank you very much.
153
00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:35,909
Well, look at this, the apprentice
superheroes are still at it.
154
00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:40,246
Boy, this Invincibility Made Easy
is some kind of crazy book.
155
00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:42,624
"Chapter Four: Vanishing.
156
00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:46,336
To vanish, it requires several minutes
of hard work to achieve."
157
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:49,172
Shazam. Shazam.
158
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:53,510
"Bending steel bars is simple
159
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:58,431
if you have a pure heart
and clean thoughts."
160
00:09:58,515 --> 00:09:59,933
Uh, let's see.
161
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:04,354
"Swinging from building to building
on a rope should be practiced, uh,
162
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,731
perhaps by starting
swinging across a room."
163
00:10:08,191 --> 00:10:09,567
Ah! Right.
164
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,029
Uh, then of course there's Lew Zeeland.
165
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,365
He's practicing x-ray vision.
166
00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:21,121
"Pick a closed door." Yeah. Uh...
167
00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:24,332
"Stare at it for several seconds
168
00:10:24,416 --> 00:10:29,129
and suddenly the door will seem to vanish
169
00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:33,049
and you'll see inside the room."
Oh, gotcha.
170
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,261
[FOZZIE YELLING]
171
00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:42,100
I can see a room!
172
00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:44,686
I have x-ray vision!
173
00:10:47,439 --> 00:10:49,607
Here's a Muppet News Flash.
174
00:10:49,691 --> 00:10:53,945
Dateline Egypt. Archaeologists today
discovered an ancient tomb
175
00:10:54,029 --> 00:10:57,657
more than 5000 years old
in the Nile Valley.
176
00:10:57,741 --> 00:10:59,576
An inscription over the tomb warned
177
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:03,621
that the crocodile god Rezal-Evad-Gib--
178
00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:06,750
That's Rezal-Evad-Gib.
179
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:09,336
--would wreck a terrible vengeance
on anyone
180
00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:13,173
who entered the tomb
or even pronounced his name aloud."
181
00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:15,425
That's a ridiculous story. I don't know--
182
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:16,551
[ROARS]
183
00:11:16,634 --> 00:11:18,136
[SCREAMING]
184
00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:20,347
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
185
00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:21,723
Come in.
186
00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:24,726
Oh, Wonder Lynda,
I have to warn you about something.
187
00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:25,852
Hi, there, Beau.
188
00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:28,813
-How are you tonight?
-No, no time for the nicey niceys.
189
00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:32,734
Something terrible just happened
to the Newsman downstairs.
190
00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:33,860
You're kidding, what?
191
00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:38,573
They sent me up here to tell you
not to say this very dangerous word.
192
00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:40,408
Oh, okay. What's the word?
193
00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:42,535
Well, it's, uh...
194
00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:46,122
Oh, no, I forgot it.
195
00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:49,167
But whatever you do, don't say it.
196
00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:52,504
How can I not say a word
if you don't know what it is
197
00:11:52,587 --> 00:11:54,255
and you can't remember it, huh?
198
00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:56,549
I mean, it could be anything.
It could be "pencil."
199
00:11:58,510 --> 00:12:00,553
Nope, I guess that wasn't it.
200
00:12:00,637 --> 00:12:04,432
It could be, uh, "shoehorn," "hairbrush,"
"powder puff."
201
00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:06,476
-Just about anything...
-Be careful, stop it.
202
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,144
You might say it by accident.
203
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:11,398
-Oh. Okay, now, listen, Beau.
-Yes?
204
00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:15,610
Why don't you try to remember?
Try very, very, very hard, okay?
205
00:12:15,694 --> 00:12:17,654
-You mean, think?
-Think. Right.
206
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:20,490
That's hard. Okay.
207
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,117
Okay. Come on.
208
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,327
[GRUNTING]
209
00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:27,914
It's no use.
It's right on the tip of my tongue.
210
00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:30,250
It is? Right on the tip of your tongue.
211
00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:31,960
-It says-- Wait, hold still.
-Really?
212
00:12:32,043 --> 00:12:35,296
It's "Rezal-Evad...
213
00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:37,882
-Mm-mm! Mm-mm!
-Oh.
214
00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:41,094
I bet you thought they were gonna say
"Rezal-Evad-Gib," didn't you?
215
00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:43,847
-Oh, no!
-Well, after what I went through, I--
216
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,181
[SCREAMS]
217
00:12:47,809 --> 00:12:51,396
Yuck. That could have been you.
218
00:12:54,232 --> 00:12:56,735
[PLAYING "WHILE MY GUITAR GENTLY WEEPS"]
219
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:03,700
♪ I look at you all ♪
220
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:08,538
♪ See the love there that's sleeping ♪
221
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:14,586
♪ While my guitar gently weeps ♪
222
00:13:14,669 --> 00:13:17,797
♪ I look at the floor ♪
223
00:13:17,881 --> 00:13:22,677
♪ And I see it needs sweeping ♪
224
00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:29,893
♪ While my guitar gently weeps ♪
225
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:33,271
♪ I look at the world ♪
226
00:13:33,355 --> 00:13:38,443
♪ And I notice it's turning ♪
227
00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:44,532
♪ While my guitar gently weeps ♪
228
00:13:44,616 --> 00:13:47,660
♪ With every mistake ♪
229
00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:53,249
♪ We must slowly be learning ♪
230
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:59,839
♪ While my guitar gently weeps ♪
231
00:14:00,882 --> 00:14:04,552
Oh, there there, baby, now, don't cry.
232
00:14:04,636 --> 00:14:08,431
Yeah. Floyd's gonna take care of you.
233
00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:14,562
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
234
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,240
[MEOWS]
235
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:29,035
Disgusting. Get away.
236
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:32,914
-Sam? Hey, Sam.
-Hmm? What?
237
00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:36,459
-What are you doing?
-I am censoring this show.
238
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:39,754
Well, what are you writing down there?
239
00:14:39,838 --> 00:14:44,509
Already, I have fourteen disgusting items
that have occurred on this show.
240
00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:46,636
Well, like what?
241
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,847
Well, first of all, there's one here...
242
00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:53,351
A possible romantic liaison
between a frog and a pig.
243
00:14:54,185 --> 00:14:57,856
Well, I guess I'm not very happy
about that one myself.
244
00:14:58,106 --> 00:15:00,567
But, but what do you do with this?
245
00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:03,945
I send it to a very important person.
246
00:15:04,029 --> 00:15:05,905
Who?
247
00:15:05,989 --> 00:15:07,282
None of your business.
248
00:15:07,365 --> 00:15:08,742
[BAWK]
249
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:11,286
That's what I mean. Look at that.
What is that?
250
00:15:11,369 --> 00:15:12,954
-That was a chicken?
-That's a chicken.
251
00:15:13,038 --> 00:15:16,875
And a penguin. And whoa, stop!
What is this, what-what-what is this?
252
00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:18,918
Well, uh, that's a rat.
253
00:15:19,002 --> 00:15:24,466
A rat. What is a rat doing
in the legitimate theatre?
254
00:15:24,549 --> 00:15:28,678
Well, uh, I, I send him out to, uh,
buy me a chocolate milkshake, actually.
255
00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:33,683
You let a rat touch your food?
256
00:15:34,726 --> 00:15:36,686
Well, sure Sam.
That's the kind of place it is.
257
00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:39,731
You know, the, uh, the chickens dance,
the, uh, pig sings,
258
00:15:39,814 --> 00:15:43,026
and the, uh, rat goes out
and gets me some food.
259
00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:46,446
Alright, alright, alright, alright! That's
it! I want this rat out of the theatre...
260
00:15:46,529 --> 00:15:50,408
Wait, I'll do it. Rat! Rat!
I'm talking to you.
261
00:15:50,492 --> 00:15:52,911
I'm making a citizen's rat arrest.
262
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:55,497
Out!
263
00:15:57,832 --> 00:15:59,709
Yeah, but. Sam...
264
00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:01,795
All it needed was a command decision.
265
00:16:02,671 --> 00:16:04,923
But, but, Sam, you can't just
send those rats out.
266
00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:07,175
I mean, they perform
a very useful function.
267
00:16:07,258 --> 00:16:09,803
They gather all the trash
and garbage around the theatre
268
00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:11,680
and take it out in the alley
and dump it.
269
00:16:11,763 --> 00:16:13,431
-Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
-Okay guys, do it!
270
00:16:13,515 --> 00:16:17,060
What? Whoa! Wait, wait!
Wait, whoa! Put me down!
271
00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:20,772
Listen, be gentle with him!
Hey, bring back the clipboard!
272
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:31,199
Uh, now, there's been a lot of talk
about superheroes on tonight's show.
273
00:16:31,282 --> 00:16:33,910
So here is a story of sheer terror.
274
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:36,371
When civilization is threatened
by one of the most
275
00:16:36,454 --> 00:16:39,082
frightening creatures
ever to roam the earth.
276
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:40,458
Who can save us?
277
00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:43,128
Ladies and gentlemen, our own Miss Piggy,
278
00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:46,423
starring as Wonder Pig.
279
00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:48,466
Wonder Pig?
280
00:16:50,719 --> 00:16:52,053
A word of caution.
281
00:16:52,137 --> 00:16:56,224
There are scenes in this story
which may not be suitable for adults.
282
00:16:59,227 --> 00:17:01,146
[WIND WHISTLING]
283
00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:10,947
PIGGY:
Oh. Oh, oh, dear, dear.
284
00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:17,078
Oh, oh, wake up, wake up,
it is I, your beautiful sister!
285
00:17:17,162 --> 00:17:18,246
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
286
00:17:18,329 --> 00:17:20,290
-Come in.
-Come in.
287
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,584
LINK:
Oh, doctor, at last you've come.
288
00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:24,753
Yes, what seems to be the problem?
289
00:17:24,836 --> 00:17:27,964
Oh, doctor, doctor, my husband and I--
290
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:30,300
Yes, dear?
291
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:35,472
We came home and found my sister
in trance-like state,
292
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:39,225
and all she does is make
strange sounds like, like...
293
00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:41,227
[MIMICS CHICKEN CLUCKING]
294
00:17:45,315 --> 00:17:48,151
It's almost as if she's
in a state of shock.
295
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:52,364
As if she'd been frightened by a chicken.
296
00:17:52,447 --> 00:17:53,656
A chicken?
297
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:55,909
-But that's ridiculous.
-How can that be?
298
00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:58,495
Well, I don't know.
Do you keep any chickens on the ranch?
299
00:17:58,578 --> 00:17:59,621
No, I don't.
300
00:17:59,704 --> 00:18:02,874
-My husband and I have no chickens.
-Has she had any cacciatore?
301
00:18:02,957 --> 00:18:04,876
[MIMICS CHICKEN CLUCKING]
302
00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:09,297
-He has it too.
-Oh, no. Husband.
303
00:18:09,381 --> 00:18:12,717
I don't know if it's contagious,
or if it's something he saw.
304
00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:16,513
-Oh, no. Oh, is it...? What...?
-Oh! Oh!
305
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:18,723
[MIMICS CHICKEN CLUCKING]
306
00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:24,813
Oh, no! What? Is it something you saw?
307
00:18:24,896 --> 00:18:25,939
[RUMBLING]
308
00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:29,192
Oh, no. An earthquake. Oh, no! Oh!
309
00:18:30,694 --> 00:18:33,321
Oh, what is this dreaded, terrible thing?
310
00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:41,037
[LINK & STRANGEPORK SCREAM]
311
00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:42,706
[PIGGY SCREAMS]
312
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:45,041
Holy guacamole!
313
00:18:46,084 --> 00:18:49,754
This is a job for Wonder Pig!
314
00:19:03,226 --> 00:19:05,478
Beat it, you dumb cluck.
315
00:19:07,147 --> 00:19:09,399
Eat your heart out, Lynda Carter.
316
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:11,568
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
317
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:14,070
Bravo.
318
00:19:16,156 --> 00:19:18,950
How come chickens
are getting so big on this show?
319
00:19:19,034 --> 00:19:22,078
Well, chickens thrive on corn.
320
00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:24,330
[BOTH MIMICKING CHICKENS CLUCKING]
321
00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:27,125
PIGGY:
Shoo. Shoo. Shoo.
322
00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:30,170
Go on, go on. Shoo, shoo, shoo.
323
00:19:30,253 --> 00:19:31,838
All right! Yes!
324
00:19:31,921 --> 00:19:34,758
Yes, that's the way it's done, boys.
325
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:36,801
Ha, ha. Oh, Lynda.
326
00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:41,514
Miss Piggy, I just want you to know
that you look
327
00:19:41,598 --> 00:19:43,892
absolutely wonderful in that costume.
328
00:19:43,975 --> 00:19:46,269
Ha. Merci.
329
00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:49,981
Aren't you sorry
that, uh, you didn't bring your suit?
330
00:19:50,065 --> 00:19:51,941
Well, uh, no.
331
00:19:53,777 --> 00:19:57,155
Okay, next number.
The next number is next.
332
00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:59,115
[PIGGY LAUGHING]
333
00:20:01,409 --> 00:20:06,122
Okay, well, that last sketch must have
pleased you poultry lovers.
334
00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:10,126
So here's something
for the sheep fanciers.
335
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:12,212
[BLEATING]
336
00:20:13,463 --> 00:20:17,300
♪ We are poor little lambs ♪
337
00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:21,429
♪ Who have lost our way ♪
338
00:20:21,513 --> 00:20:27,018
♪ Baa, baa, baa ♪
339
00:20:27,102 --> 00:20:30,563
♪ We're little lost sheep ♪
340
00:20:30,647 --> 00:20:34,609
♪ Who have gone astray ♪
341
00:20:34,693 --> 00:20:39,781
♪ Baa, baa, baa ♪
342
00:20:39,864 --> 00:20:45,370
♪ Gentlemen songsters
Off on a spree ♪
343
00:20:45,453 --> 00:20:46,996
[WOLF GROWLING]
344
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:52,127
♪ Doomed from here to eternity ♪
345
00:20:52,210 --> 00:20:59,300
♪ Lord have mercy
On such as we ♪
346
00:20:59,384 --> 00:21:02,220
♪ Baa, baa... ♪
347
00:21:02,303 --> 00:21:04,180
[GROWLS]
348
00:21:04,264 --> 00:21:08,518
This looks like a job for Super Sheep.
349
00:21:14,065 --> 00:21:15,150
Wha...?
350
00:21:18,903 --> 00:21:20,989
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
351
00:21:23,366 --> 00:21:25,326
Okay, here we go.
352
00:21:25,410 --> 00:21:26,536
They're still at it.
353
00:21:26,619 --> 00:21:29,456
-You superheroes ready up there?
FOZZIE: Yep. All set.
354
00:21:29,539 --> 00:21:31,541
GONZO: You betcha.
LEW: Ready to go, boy.
355
00:21:31,624 --> 00:21:33,126
LINK:
Stop pushing.
356
00:21:33,209 --> 00:21:37,464
Okay. "Chapter 10: How to Fly."
357
00:21:37,547 --> 00:21:39,090
Yeesh.
358
00:21:39,174 --> 00:21:40,508
I can't watch this.
359
00:21:41,551 --> 00:21:44,387
"Flying is a simple matter of belief.
360
00:21:44,471 --> 00:21:48,058
Anyone can fly
as long as he believes that he can.
361
00:21:48,141 --> 00:21:51,019
Stand at the very top of a tall ladder...
362
00:21:52,354 --> 00:21:56,900
and say to yourself, 'I was born to fly.'"
363
00:21:56,983 --> 00:22:00,362
ALL:
I was born to fly.
364
00:22:02,405 --> 00:22:05,158
"The air is my home."
365
00:22:05,241 --> 00:22:08,745
ALL:
The air is my home.
366
00:22:09,788 --> 00:22:14,834
"Now that you believe that, step off
the ladder and float to the ceiling.
367
00:22:14,918 --> 00:22:17,003
[ALL YELLING]
368
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,677
"Fortunately,
superheroes never feel pain."
369
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:25,762
[ALL GROANING]
370
00:22:28,264 --> 00:22:29,891
Oh, Mommy!
371
00:22:31,393 --> 00:22:34,521
Okay, here once again
is our special guest star,
372
00:22:34,604 --> 00:22:39,192
who will be joined in song and silliness
by our own super goofs.
373
00:22:39,275 --> 00:22:41,569
Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
Miss Lynda Carter!
374
00:22:41,653 --> 00:22:43,113
[CHEERS]
375
00:22:43,196 --> 00:22:45,281
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
376
00:22:45,365 --> 00:22:47,450
[BAND PLAYING "ORANGE COLORED SKY"]
377
00:22:52,247 --> 00:22:56,918
♪ I was walking along
Minding my business ♪
378
00:22:57,002 --> 00:23:01,548
♪ When out of an orange colored sky ♪
379
00:23:01,631 --> 00:23:03,758
♪ Flash! Bam! ♪
380
00:23:03,842 --> 00:23:05,510
♪ Alakazam ♪
381
00:23:05,593 --> 00:23:07,178
[YELLS]
382
00:23:07,262 --> 00:23:08,763
Scooter.
383
00:23:10,306 --> 00:23:13,977
♪ Wonderful you came by ♪
384
00:23:14,060 --> 00:23:16,771
♪ I was humming a tune ♪
385
00:23:16,855 --> 00:23:18,606
♪ Drinkin' in sunshine ♪
386
00:23:18,690 --> 00:23:23,403
♪ When out of that orange colored view ♪
387
00:23:23,486 --> 00:23:25,697
♪ Flash! Bam! ♪
388
00:23:25,780 --> 00:23:28,658
♪ Alakazam ♪
389
00:23:32,704 --> 00:23:34,706
♪ I got a look at you ♪
390
00:23:34,789 --> 00:23:36,833
-Are you okay?
-Yeah.
391
00:23:36,916 --> 00:23:40,295
♪ One look and I yelled "timber!" ♪
392
00:23:40,378 --> 00:23:41,588
Timber! Aah!
393
00:23:41,671 --> 00:23:43,590
♪ Watch out for flying glass ♪
394
00:23:43,673 --> 00:23:45,258
[CRASHING]
395
00:23:45,342 --> 00:23:47,635
♪ 'Cause the ceiling fell in
And the bottom fell out ♪
396
00:23:47,719 --> 00:23:50,597
♪ And I went into spin
And I started to shout "this is it" ♪
397
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:52,265
♪ This is it, this is it ♪
398
00:23:55,101 --> 00:23:56,436
[GROANING]
399
00:23:57,562 --> 00:24:02,734
♪ We were walking along
Minding our business ♪
400
00:24:02,817 --> 00:24:06,071
♪ When love came hit me in the eye ♪
401
00:24:06,154 --> 00:24:07,489
♪ Don't you dare ♪
402
00:24:07,572 --> 00:24:09,616
♪ Flash! Bam! ♪
403
00:24:09,699 --> 00:24:11,785
♪ Alakazam ♪
404
00:24:11,868 --> 00:24:14,079
♪ Flash! Bam! ♪
405
00:24:14,162 --> 00:24:16,289
♪ Alakazam ♪
406
00:24:16,373 --> 00:24:20,377
♪ Flash! Bam! Alakazam ♪
407
00:24:20,460 --> 00:24:25,173
♪ Out of an orange colored
Purple striped ♪
408
00:24:25,256 --> 00:24:29,219
♪ Pretty little polka dotted sky ♪
409
00:24:29,302 --> 00:24:33,723
♪ Flash! Bam! Alakazam ♪
410
00:24:33,807 --> 00:24:41,106
♪ And goodbye ♪
411
00:24:43,566 --> 00:24:45,652
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
412
00:24:47,237 --> 00:24:48,655
[ALL SHOUTING]
413
00:24:49,489 --> 00:24:52,492
That one almost got me.
414
00:24:56,538 --> 00:24:59,249
Okay, well, we seem to have survived
another one.
415
00:24:59,332 --> 00:25:01,710
Largely due to our
really terrific guest star.
416
00:25:01,793 --> 00:25:03,336
Ladies and gentlemen, Lynda Carter!
417
00:25:03,420 --> 00:25:05,255
[CHEERS]
418
00:25:05,338 --> 00:25:07,424
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
419
00:25:10,510 --> 00:25:12,554
You know, I just want to thank you
very much,
420
00:25:12,637 --> 00:25:17,225
because, uh, this has definitely been
one of the worst experiences I have...
421
00:25:17,308 --> 00:25:19,185
[KERMIT WHIMPERS]
422
00:25:19,269 --> 00:25:20,812
No, I'm just kidding you.
423
00:25:20,895 --> 00:25:22,772
I have had a fabulous time.
424
00:25:22,856 --> 00:25:25,859
Great. As a matter of fact,
I think that we came through this
425
00:25:25,942 --> 00:25:28,319
-with flying colors, don't you?
-Oh, more than that.
426
00:25:28,403 --> 00:25:30,488
We got through it with flying Muppets.
427
00:25:30,572 --> 00:25:32,323
[ALL SHOUTING]
428
00:25:33,783 --> 00:25:36,578
Will you stop that dumb superhero
business?
429
00:25:36,661 --> 00:25:39,414
Well, we'll see you next time
on The Muppet Show.
430
00:25:39,497 --> 00:25:41,207
Aah! Piggy! Aah!
431
00:25:41,291 --> 00:25:43,251
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
432
00:25:43,335 --> 00:25:46,796
-Piggy.
-Hey, Super Rat. How are you?
433
00:26:20,372 --> 00:26:23,833
-Good grief, you've turned into...
-Money Man!
32585
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
