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1
00:00:00,542 --> 00:00:01,626
[KNOCKING]
2
00:00:03,253 --> 00:00:06,715
Liza Minnelli.
Fifteen seconds to curtain, Liza.
3
00:00:07,716 --> 00:00:09,801
Wha...? Oh, thank you, Scooter.
4
00:00:09,884 --> 00:00:12,137
[YELPING]
5
00:00:12,220 --> 00:00:14,305
[GRUNTING]
6
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:19,769
Scooter!
7
00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:22,105
-That was a great rehearsal.
-You think so?
8
00:00:22,188 --> 00:00:24,691
-Yeah. let's do the show.
-Okay.
9
00:00:27,652 --> 00:00:28,778
It's The Muppet Show,
10
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:32,032
with our very special guest star,
Liza Minelli.
11
00:00:32,115 --> 00:00:34,034
[CHEERS]
12
00:00:34,117 --> 00:00:36,202
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
13
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,883
♪ It's time to play the music ♪
14
00:00:49,966 --> 00:00:52,052
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
15
00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:54,012
♪ It's time to get things started ♪
16
00:00:54,095 --> 00:00:57,015
♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪
17
00:00:57,098 --> 00:00:58,141
Run for your lives!
18
00:00:58,224 --> 00:00:59,642
This show is murder!
19
00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:00,810
[LAUGHS]
20
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:05,148
♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
21
00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:07,359
♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
22
00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:10,153
♪ This is what we call ♪
23
00:01:10,236 --> 00:01:14,866
♪ The Muppet Show ♪
24
00:01:14,949 --> 00:01:17,035
[PLAYING JAUNTY RAGTIME FINISH]
25
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,497
That's my new hit single.
26
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:23,208
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
27
00:01:23,291 --> 00:01:26,628
Thank you, thank you, thank you,
and welcome to The Muppet Show.
28
00:01:26,711 --> 00:01:29,297
Our guest star tonight
is one of the few ladies on earth
29
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who deserve the title "superstar,"
Miss Liza Minnelli.
30
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On top of that, we're going to do
a very different show tonight.
31
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It's so different, I have to go backstage
and get ready for it.
32
00:01:39,557 --> 00:01:42,143
Uh, Scooter? Would you come in
and take over for me?
33
00:01:42,227 --> 00:01:44,312
[GRUNTING]
34
00:01:46,981 --> 00:01:48,525
Uh, Scooter?
35
00:01:49,984 --> 00:01:52,404
Would you stop rehearsing?
It's time to start the play.
36
00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:55,031
Oh, yeah. Sorry, chief. Ahem.
37
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:56,324
Ladies and gentlemen,
38
00:01:56,408 --> 00:02:00,787
the Muppet Players hereby present
an evening of intrigue and mystery.
39
00:02:00,870 --> 00:02:03,665
Let the murders begin.
40
00:02:03,748 --> 00:02:05,750
[BAND PLAYING SUSPENSEFUL JAZZ MUSIC]
41
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,712
KERMIT:
It was a Wednesday evening in July.
42
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:10,672
[TRUMPETER PLAYING
SUSPENSEFUL JAZZ MUSIC]
43
00:02:10,755 --> 00:02:14,050
Somewhere in the city,
a lonely trumpet was playing.
44
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:16,011
It was the kind of a New York summer night
45
00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:19,472
when you expect to see lily pads
growing on Broadway.
46
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I was stopping by the office
47
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for a quick root beer
and browse through the paperwork
48
00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:28,440
because I had just finished
a missing-pollywog case.
49
00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:31,651
Being a private eye isn't much of a job
if you like class,
50
00:02:31,735 --> 00:02:33,820
which is why my visitor surprised me.
51
00:02:33,903 --> 00:02:35,155
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
52
00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:36,406
Come in.
53
00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:40,326
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
54
00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:49,502
Excuse me,
but are you Kermit the Private Eye?
55
00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:52,630
Just like it says on the door, sweetheart.
56
00:02:52,714 --> 00:02:54,299
Oh, good.
57
00:02:54,382 --> 00:02:58,386
Oh, I'm Liza O'Shaunessy, the actress.
58
00:02:58,470 --> 00:03:01,890
Perhaps you've heard of me.
59
00:03:01,973 --> 00:03:05,685
I know the face from the papers
and the name from the marquee, toots.
60
00:03:05,769 --> 00:03:07,854
Opening a show
at the Roxy tomorrow, right?
61
00:03:07,937 --> 00:03:11,941
Yes, heh. No, I--
Oh, that's just it. I don't know.
62
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:16,279
Oh, you have no idea, you have no idea
what a living nightmare I've been through.
63
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:18,156
The dread, the terror!
64
00:03:18,239 --> 00:03:22,369
Uh, try to relax, cute stuff.
Sit down and tell me about it.
65
00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:23,995
Okay.
66
00:03:25,955 --> 00:03:31,169
Well, I got to my dressing room
this morning, and I found this note.
67
00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:37,092
Uh, "Close down the show.
If you try to open, you will all die."
68
00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:38,093
Where'd you find it?
69
00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:41,680
Oh, it was ghastly.
It was pinned to my dresser.
70
00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:43,598
So, what's so ghastly?
71
00:03:43,682 --> 00:03:48,353
Well, it was pinned with this,
and my dresser's name was Gladys!
72
00:03:49,437 --> 00:03:52,982
Uh, ah, it is all starting to get ghastly.
73
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:54,109
[WHIMPERS]
74
00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:56,695
But don't worry, sweet lips.
I can handle it.
75
00:03:56,778 --> 00:03:59,447
Oh, I'm sure you can, Mr. Frog.
76
00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:02,826
I place myself entirely in your...
77
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:05,036
In your flippers.
78
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,038
[PIGGY SINGING VOCAL WARM-UPS]
79
00:04:07,122 --> 00:04:10,542
STAGEHAND:
Listen. Who put the lights over here?
80
00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:12,085
Where do you want the scenery?
81
00:04:12,168 --> 00:04:13,253
[CREW CHATTERING]
82
00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:17,007
KERMIT: The Majestic Theatre looked
like any theater the day before opening.
83
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:20,802
While Liza went to change for rehearsal,
I just hung around backstage,
84
00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:23,388
trying not to be conspicuous.
85
00:04:23,471 --> 00:04:24,514
[PIGGY SCREAMS]
86
00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:27,684
Quiet! Quiet!
87
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:30,228
Who let that frog in here?!
88
00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:34,983
Okay. Let down the white drapes!
89
00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:39,237
We're gonna rehearse the first-act finale,
Liza's number.
90
00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,406
Miss O'Shaunessy's
not quite ready yet, Fritz.
91
00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:44,826
Okay. We'll do it
with her understudy, then.
92
00:04:44,909 --> 00:04:45,952
PIGGY:
Fritz!
93
00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:50,415
I will not walk through
some dumb rehearsal.
94
00:04:50,498 --> 00:04:54,085
You promised me I would star
in this turkey.
95
00:04:54,169 --> 00:04:58,006
Uh, let me get this straight.
She is Liza O'Shaunessy's understudy?
96
00:04:58,089 --> 00:05:00,425
Oh, they're not exactly the same type.
97
00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:02,510
They're not exactly the same species.
98
00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:07,307
Fri-- Oh, excuse me, Miss, uh, uh...
99
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:08,433
Dear.
100
00:05:08,516 --> 00:05:10,268
[PIGGY & LIZA CHUCKLE]
101
00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:13,021
Fritz, I'm ready for rehearsal.
102
00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:17,567
Oh, good.
Now, remember, this is your big moment.
103
00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:20,070
-Here, I want the spark.
-Mm.
104
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:24,032
The moment of magic,
the raw, unbridled passion!
105
00:05:24,115 --> 00:05:25,658
You know what I want?
106
00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:28,495
Yeah. Smile and show my legs.
107
00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:32,040
There goes a pro.
108
00:05:32,123 --> 00:05:34,042
Okay, everybody ready.
109
00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:36,628
It's all yours, Liza. Curtain!
110
00:05:38,088 --> 00:05:40,173
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
111
00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:43,551
[BAND PLAYING MYSTERIOUS JAZZ MUSIC]
112
00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:55,438
♪ Her name was Lola
She was a showgirl ♪
113
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♪ With yellow feathers in her hair
And a dress cut down to there ♪
114
00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:06,741
♪ She would merengue
And do the cha-cha ♪
115
00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:12,664
♪ And while she tried to be a star
Tony always tended bar ♪
116
00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:18,628
♪ Across the crowded floor
They worked from 8 to 4 ♪
117
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:21,506
♪ They were young
And they had each other ♪
118
00:06:21,589 --> 00:06:27,262
♪ Who could ask for more? ♪
119
00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:30,974
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
120
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:38,398
LIZA: ♪ Her name was Lola
She was a showgirl ♪
121
00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:42,444
♪ With yellow feathers in her hair
And a dress cut down to there ♪
122
00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:46,531
♪ She would merengue
And do the cha-cha ♪
123
00:06:46,614 --> 00:06:50,702
♪ And while she tried to be a star
Tony always tended bar ♪
124
00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:54,998
♪ Across the crowded floor
They worked from 8 to 4 ♪
125
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:57,167
♪ They were young
And they had each other ♪
126
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,044
♪ Who could ask for more? ♪
127
00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:01,004
ALL: ♪ At the Copa ♪
CHORUS: ♪ Copa ♪
128
00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:03,673
ALL:
♪ Copacabana ♪
129
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:07,385
♪ The hottest spot
North of Havana here ♪
130
00:07:07,469 --> 00:07:09,471
-♪ At the Copa ♪
-♪ Copa ♪
131
00:07:09,554 --> 00:07:12,265
♪ Copacabana ♪
132
00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:16,061
♪ Music and passion
Were always the fashion ♪
133
00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:18,438
♪ At the Copa ♪
134
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:23,151
♪ They fell in love ♪
135
00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:28,281
♪ His name was Rico
He wore a diamond ♪
136
00:07:28,365 --> 00:07:32,452
♪ He was escorted to his chair
He saw Lola dancing there ♪
137
00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:35,914
♪ And when she finished
He called her over ♪
138
00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:37,040
[WHISTLES]
139
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:40,919
♪ But Rico went a bit too far
Tony sailed across the bar ♪
140
00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:45,090
♪ And then the punches flew
And chairs were smashed in two ♪
141
00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:47,050
♪ There was a blood
And a single gunshot ♪
142
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,134
[GUNSHOT]
143
00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:49,427
♪ But just who shot who? ♪
144
00:07:49,511 --> 00:07:51,304
ALL: ♪ At the Copa ♪
CHORUS: ♪ Copa ♪
145
00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:53,390
ALL:
♪ Copacabana ♪
146
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:54,516
[GUNFIRE]
147
00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:57,769
♪ Music and passion
Were always the fashion ♪
148
00:07:57,852 --> 00:08:01,398
♪ At the Copa ♪
149
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:05,819
-♪ She lost her love ♪
CHORUS: ♪ Copa ♪
150
00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:10,657
♪ Copacabana ♪
151
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:18,540
LIZA: ♪ Her name is Lola
She was a showgirl ♪
152
00:08:18,623 --> 00:08:22,836
♪ But that was 30 years ago
When they used to have a show ♪
153
00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:26,965
♪ Now it's a disco
But not for Lola ♪
154
00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:30,927
♪ Still in the dress she used to wear
Faded feathers in her hair ♪
155
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:35,181
♪ She sits there so refined
And drinks herself half blind ♪
156
00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:37,517
♪ She lost her youth
And she lost her Tony ♪
157
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,519
♪ Now she's lost her mind ♪
158
00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:41,354
ALL: ♪ At the Copa ♪
CHORUS: ♪ Copa ♪
159
00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:44,232
ALL:
♪ Copacabana ♪
160
00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:47,861
♪ Music and passion
Were always the fashion ♪
161
00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:51,239
♪ At the Copa ♪
162
00:08:55,660 --> 00:09:02,959
♪ Don't fall in love ♪
163
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,631
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
164
00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:19,017
Yeah?
165
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:20,643
-Zoot?
-Yeah.
166
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:25,398
-What'd you think?
-Oh, you were fan-sca-diddly-bop-tastic.
167
00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:27,609
Oh, I'm so glad you liked it.
168
00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:32,822
Oh, you're too good to be a person.
You should've been a saxophone.
169
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:35,450
Does that mean that I'm your...
170
00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:37,702
sax symbol?
171
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:40,246
Whatever.
172
00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:41,456
Oh.
173
00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:45,710
A wonderful rehearsal.
Oh, wonderful, Miss O'Shaunessy.
174
00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:50,090
Okay, everybody, take three!
175
00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:53,843
Uh, take three?
Fritz, you run a tight ship.
176
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:58,264
I repeat, who let this frog in here?!
177
00:09:58,348 --> 00:09:59,766
[GROANING]
178
00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:01,142
Oh! Fritz!
179
00:10:01,226 --> 00:10:02,602
[CONTINUES GROANING]
180
00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:03,728
Oink!
181
00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:06,439
I'm afraid he's...
182
00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:08,608
[GROANING]
183
00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:13,238
[THUDDING]
184
00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:14,364
He's dead.
185
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:15,490
[ALL GASP]
186
00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:20,537
No! Like, now the show will never go on!
187
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,622
What are you people saying?!
188
00:10:22,706 --> 00:10:24,708
Fritz was a man of the theater.
189
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:29,504
He died trying to turn the greasepaint
and tinsel into magic.
190
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:34,801
Why, this show could be his final tribute.
Fritz would've wanted it this way.
191
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:38,763
♪ When you're down and out
Lift up your head and shout ♪
192
00:10:38,847 --> 00:10:41,725
♪ There's gonna be a great day ♪
193
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,268
Come on, on-stage, everybody.
194
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:44,811
Whoops, don't step on Fritz.
195
00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:46,438
[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC]
196
00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:50,316
ALL: ♪ Angels in the sky
Promise that by and by ♪
197
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:54,070
♪ There's gonna be a great day ♪
198
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:57,198
♪ Gabriel will warn you ♪
199
00:10:57,282 --> 00:11:01,828
♪ Some early morn you
Will hear his horn rooty-tootin' ♪
200
00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:04,122
[PLAYING UPBEAT JAZZ SOLO]
201
00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:12,630
♪ It's not far away
Hold up your hands and say ♪
202
00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:20,013
♪ There's gonna be a great day ♪
203
00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:28,480
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
204
00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:35,028
KERMIT:
I'll never understand show people.
205
00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:37,697
A murder is committed,
and they go out and sing.
206
00:11:37,781 --> 00:11:39,115
And to make things worse,
207
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,618
the police assigned Patrolman Bear
to the case.
208
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:44,579
Patrolman Bear reporting for duty, sir.
209
00:11:44,662 --> 00:11:47,082
I thought you were on slug detail
at the laundromat.
210
00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:49,084
Ha-ha-ha, really.
211
00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:52,504
Sir, I am going to ask these people
some questions.
212
00:11:52,587 --> 00:11:54,422
Okay, just be subtle.
213
00:11:54,506 --> 00:11:56,091
Gotcha.
214
00:11:56,174 --> 00:11:57,676
All right.
215
00:11:57,759 --> 00:11:59,719
Which one of you killed the director?
216
00:11:59,803 --> 00:12:01,721
ALL:
Not me!
217
00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:03,932
Well, they're all in the clear, sir.
218
00:12:04,015 --> 00:12:05,308
-They're lying.
-Wha...?
219
00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:06,768
They all hated him.
220
00:12:06,851 --> 00:12:08,061
-Huh?
-What do you mean?
221
00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:11,022
Miss Piggy hated him
because he made her the understudy.
222
00:12:11,106 --> 00:12:13,233
She thought she should've been the star.
223
00:12:13,316 --> 00:12:16,653
The band hated him because
they hadn't been paid for three weeks.
224
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:19,781
You know a lot about these people.
Do you know which is the killer?
225
00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:21,074
I sure do.
226
00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:22,784
You do? Wha...? Who?
227
00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:24,077
The murderer is--
228
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,286
[YELPS]
229
00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:27,747
[GRUNTING]
230
00:12:27,831 --> 00:12:31,251
Oh! He's dead!
231
00:12:31,334 --> 00:12:32,919
♪ When you're down and out-- ♪
232
00:12:33,003 --> 00:12:34,921
ALL:
Oh, shut up!
233
00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:36,089
LIZA:
Kermit!
234
00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:39,592
Kermit, come here.
235
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:44,514
Kermit, the murderer
is in that dressing room.
236
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:48,393
All I saw was a hand throw a knife.
Oh, it was awful.
237
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:51,146
Well, that may be just the clue
we need, sweetheart.
238
00:12:51,229 --> 00:12:54,065
I'm gonna go in there
and catch us a murderer.
239
00:12:54,149 --> 00:12:56,151
-Oh, Kermit.
-Hmm?
240
00:12:56,234 --> 00:12:58,153
Be careful.
241
00:12:58,236 --> 00:12:59,404
Uh-huh.
242
00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:13,877
KERMIT: While I've done it
many times before in my line of work,
243
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,504
whenever I enter a darkened room,
I still get chills...
244
00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:17,922
[OBJECT CLANKS]
245
00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:20,675
...and a few contusions.
246
00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:24,304
And it's not only the darkness
that's scary.
247
00:13:24,387 --> 00:13:26,306
There's that weird music they always play.
248
00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:29,100
[BAND PLAYING SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
249
00:13:29,184 --> 00:13:31,311
But there's one thing about darkness:
250
00:13:31,394 --> 00:13:35,690
Although I can't see my enemy,
my enemy can't see me.
251
00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:36,816
[GASPS]
252
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:39,069
Unless he's got a flashlight.
253
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:40,445
[GRUNTS]
254
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:46,242
Like, wow. Is there really any point
in rehearsing this?
255
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:49,704
Aw, c'mon, mama. You know what they say -
the show must go on!
256
00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:52,374
Go on! Go on!
257
00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:55,502
Yeah, but it's real hard to go on
if we're all dead.
258
00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:57,712
Dead! Dead!
259
00:13:57,796 --> 00:14:01,716
Oooo, please. I'd rather rehearse
than listen to that.
260
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:05,345
Good. Here's the singing
group. Let's run this little beauty.
261
00:14:05,428 --> 00:14:07,931
-Hmm.
-Okay. Hit it, Animal!
262
00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:17,399
♪ If your temper's getting a top hand,
All you gotta do is just stop and ♪
263
00:14:17,482 --> 00:14:19,609
ALL: ♪ Pass that peace pipe
And bury that hatchet ♪
264
00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:21,861
♪ Like the Choctaws, Chickasaws,
Chattahoochee's, Chippewas ♪
265
00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:23,905
ALL:
♪ Dooo♪
266
00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:28,535
♪ If you're feeling mad as a wet hen,
Mad as you can possibly get, then ♪
267
00:14:28,618 --> 00:14:30,829
ALL: ♪ Pass that peace pipe,
Bury that tomahawk ♪
268
00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:33,123
♪ Like those Chichamecks,
Cherokees, Chapultepecs ♪
269
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:35,125
ALL:
♪ Too♪
270
00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:39,671
ALL: ♪ Don't be cranky,
Try to use a little restraint! ♪
271
00:14:39,754 --> 00:14:42,048
♪ Hold that hanky ♪
272
00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:44,342
♪ And wipe off all that warpaint! ♪
273
00:14:44,426 --> 00:14:48,680
♪ If you find yourself in a fury,
Be your own judge and your own jury! ♪
274
00:14:48,763 --> 00:14:51,016
ALL: ♪ Pass that peace pipe
And bury the hatchet, ♪
275
00:14:51,099 --> 00:14:53,393
♪ Like the Choctaws, Chickasaws,
Chattahoochees, Chickawas ♪
276
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:55,687
ALL: ♪ Doo! ♪
277
00:14:55,770 --> 00:15:00,191
♪ Even in colonial days, you
Knew the ceremonial ways to ♪
278
00:15:00,275 --> 00:15:02,527
ALL: ♪ Pass that peace pipe
And bury that tomahawk ♪
279
00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:04,779
♪ Like those Chakootamees,
Chepacheps 'N' Chicopees, ♪
280
00:15:04,863 --> 00:15:06,948
ALL:
♪ Too! ♪
281
00:15:07,032 --> 00:15:11,453
♪ Pull your ears in,
Try to use a little control ♪
282
00:15:11,536 --> 00:15:13,580
♪ When "all clear's" in, ♪
283
00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:15,915
♪ You'll be top man
On the totem pole ♪
284
00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:20,503
♪ So, if you wanna be an all-right guy
Not a long face, blues-in-the-night guy ♪
285
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,839
♪ Write that apology and dispatch it! ♪
286
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,966
♪ When you quarrel,
It's grand to patch it! ♪
287
00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:26,968
ALL: ♪ Pass that peace pipe
And bury that hatchet ♪
288
00:15:27,052 --> 00:15:30,055
♪ Like those Choctaws, Chickasaws,
Chattahoochee's, Chippewas ♪
289
00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:32,057
♪ And those Chickadees,
Cherokees, Chapultepecs ♪
290
00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:34,309
♪ And those Chakootamees,
Chepacheps 'N' Chicopees, ♪
291
00:15:34,392 --> 00:15:36,936
♪ Choktohs, Changos,
Chattanoogas, Cheekarohs do! ♪
292
00:15:39,731 --> 00:15:42,108
[LAUGHS]
293
00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:47,030
Ha! Me alive! Fine!
[LAUGHS]
294
00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:57,665
Kermit. Kermit!
295
00:15:57,749 --> 00:16:00,960
Oh, Kermit, my poor fallen frog.
Speak to me. Say something.
296
00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:03,421
Uh, is that you, Miss O'Shaunessy?
297
00:16:03,505 --> 00:16:05,965
Oh, Kermit.
Thank goodness you're all right.
298
00:16:06,049 --> 00:16:08,259
Oh, you scared me to death.
Come over here.
299
00:16:08,343 --> 00:16:10,553
For a minute, I thought you'd croaked.
300
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:13,056
Well, I tried to, but I was too weak.
301
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:14,307
Oh.
302
00:16:14,391 --> 00:16:16,101
No, somebody slugged me.
303
00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:18,520
-They did?
-Mm-hm.
304
00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:21,564
They did indeed. My goodness.
You've got a nasty bump back here.
305
00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,441
-Let me rub it.
-Oh. Ah.
306
00:16:23,525 --> 00:16:24,609
Does it hurt?
307
00:16:24,693 --> 00:16:26,152
Just when you rub it.
308
00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:27,362
Oh, I'm sorry.
309
00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:31,616
I'm not getting anywhere with your case.
Maybe you should get somebody else.
310
00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:35,537
Wait a minute. What are you talking about?
311
00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:38,665
I don't want anybody else.
I want you. You're my main frog.
312
00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:41,292
Yeah, but I thought
I'd have it solved by now.
313
00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:42,836
I thought I'd be a big hero
314
00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:45,380
and there'd be triumphant celebration
and all.
315
00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:48,550
-Hold it. Wait a minute.
-Hmm?
316
00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:51,428
Listen to me. I wanna tell you something.
317
00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:54,055
-When you solve this case...
-Mm-hm.
318
00:16:54,139 --> 00:16:56,474
-And you're going to solve it.
-Yeah?
319
00:16:56,558 --> 00:17:01,771
...you'll be so happy, you won't--
Well, you won't need any celebration.
320
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:03,398
You won't need anything.
321
00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:06,192
-No?
-No, no, no.
322
00:17:06,276 --> 00:17:07,444
Come here and listen.
323
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:08,570
What?
324
00:17:08,653 --> 00:17:09,946
[PIANO PLAYING GENTLE MELODY]
325
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:13,992
♪ When it all comes true ♪
326
00:17:14,075 --> 00:17:18,371
♪ Just the way you've planned ♪
327
00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:25,003
♪ It's funny, but the bells don't ring ♪
328
00:17:26,338 --> 00:17:29,257
♪ It's a quiet thing ♪
329
00:17:29,341 --> 00:17:30,467
Uh-huh?
330
00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:36,306
♪ When you hold the world ♪
331
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:40,518
♪ In your trembling hand ♪
332
00:17:40,602 --> 00:17:46,649
♪ You'd think you'd hear a choir sing ♪
333
00:17:48,902 --> 00:17:51,821
♪ It's a quiet thing ♪
334
00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:53,448
Mm.
335
00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:57,535
♪ There are no exploding fireworks ♪
336
00:17:57,619 --> 00:18:02,540
♪ Where's the roaring of the crowd? ♪
337
00:18:02,624 --> 00:18:08,713
♪ Maybe it's the strange new atmosphere ♪
338
00:18:08,797 --> 00:18:15,804
♪ Way up here among the clouds ♪
339
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:21,226
♪ But I don't hear the drums ♪
340
00:18:21,309 --> 00:18:24,104
♪ And I don't hear the band ♪
341
00:18:24,187 --> 00:18:25,438
I know.
342
00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:30,902
♪ The sounds you're told
Such moments bring ♪
343
00:18:30,985 --> 00:18:32,821
Mm-hm?
344
00:18:32,904 --> 00:18:34,948
Oh, Kermit.
345
00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:42,330
♪ Happiness comes in on tiptoe ♪
346
00:18:43,498 --> 00:18:46,209
♪ Well, what do you know? ♪
347
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:49,421
♪ Well, what do you know? ♪
348
00:18:49,504 --> 00:18:53,216
♪ It's a... It's a quiet thing ♪
349
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:55,593
♪ It's a quiet thing ♪
350
00:18:57,679 --> 00:19:04,978
BOTH:
♪ A very quiet ♪
351
00:19:13,028 --> 00:19:17,907
♪ Thing ♪
352
00:19:22,954 --> 00:19:24,330
[GRUNTS]
353
00:19:26,958 --> 00:19:30,086
Nobody listens to lyrics anymore.
354
00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:33,757
KERMIT:
Meanwhile, down in the canteen...
355
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,134
All right, do you have an alibi?
356
00:19:36,217 --> 00:19:38,303
I have a halibut.
357
00:19:38,386 --> 00:19:41,681
No, no, an alibi. You know,
somebody who can say where you were.
358
00:19:41,765 --> 00:19:46,269
Yeah, a halibut. He was with me all day.
359
00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:49,022
Aah! Poison!
360
00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:53,443
This man was murdered to shut him up.
361
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:56,321
No, he wasn't. He choked on a fish bone.
362
00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:58,281
But he yelled, "Poison!"
363
00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:01,368
Which, I believe,
is the French word for "fish."
364
00:20:01,451 --> 00:20:03,536
[HONEYDEW GRUNTING]
365
00:20:03,620 --> 00:20:05,705
[PENGUINS WAILING]
366
00:20:08,083 --> 00:20:10,502
Wait! It must be the food!
367
00:20:10,585 --> 00:20:13,046
No, no, no. Is a good soup.
368
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:14,297
[GROANS]
369
00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:19,803
Kermit!
370
00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:23,473
♪ When you're down and out
Pick up... ♪
371
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:27,143
I know, "shut up."
372
00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:30,063
-Okay.
-What?
373
00:20:30,146 --> 00:20:32,857
-Now, you got the plan?
-Yes, I've got the plan.
374
00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:35,443
But how can you be certain
this is gonna work?
375
00:20:35,527 --> 00:20:37,654
-You gotta trust me, kid.
-Yeah.
376
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:40,740
-You know what to do?
-Of course. Smile and show my legs.
377
00:20:40,824 --> 00:20:43,576
-No, no, no, that was the other guy.
-Oh, yeah.
378
00:20:43,660 --> 00:20:45,120
Yeah, yeah. Right, right.
379
00:20:45,203 --> 00:20:46,955
Yes, trust me. I know what to do.
380
00:20:47,038 --> 00:20:50,375
Okay. Here we go. Ahem.
You just take a seat over there.
381
00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:53,420
Uh, boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen.
382
00:20:53,503 --> 00:20:54,587
Kermit!
383
00:20:54,671 --> 00:20:58,008
Fozzie, Fozzie, don't worry.
Just sit down. All will be revealed.
384
00:20:58,091 --> 00:20:59,134
Yes, sir.
385
00:20:59,217 --> 00:21:02,303
Now, you may be wondering
why I've called you all together.
386
00:21:02,387 --> 00:21:06,433
Well, the fact is Miss O'Shaunessy has
discovered the identity of the murderer!
387
00:21:06,516 --> 00:21:07,726
[CROWD GASPS]
388
00:21:07,809 --> 00:21:10,395
Yes, it's true.
389
00:21:10,478 --> 00:21:13,606
It's a secret, though.
I haven't even told Kermit.
390
00:21:13,690 --> 00:21:18,737
I know who committed these dastardly,
cold-blooded, heinous crimes,
391
00:21:18,820 --> 00:21:20,780
these murders.
392
00:21:20,864 --> 00:21:22,949
I hereby accuse--
393
00:21:23,033 --> 00:21:24,868
PIGGY: Aah! Aah!
KERMIT: What happened? Hey!
394
00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:27,746
[GUNSHOTS]
395
00:21:27,829 --> 00:21:30,540
Hey, somebody turn on the lights!
396
00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:32,459
Oh, no, it's Liza!
397
00:21:34,669 --> 00:21:36,421
Oh, my nerves!
398
00:21:36,504 --> 00:21:38,590
[GROANING AND SOBBING]
399
00:21:41,968 --> 00:21:44,429
Help me! Help me!
400
00:21:45,472 --> 00:21:47,182
Help me!
401
00:21:48,433 --> 00:21:50,602
[CONTINUES GROANING AND SOBBING]
402
00:21:53,521 --> 00:21:54,981
-Kermit.
KERMIT: What?
403
00:21:55,065 --> 00:21:58,234
Kermit, the final curtain has fallen.
404
00:21:58,318 --> 00:22:01,071
-I've played my last role.
KERMIT: Mm-hm.
405
00:22:01,154 --> 00:22:03,698
Good night, sweet prince.
406
00:22:03,782 --> 00:22:05,784
Hello, death.
407
00:22:05,867 --> 00:22:07,702
Uh, somebody call a doctor!
408
00:22:07,786 --> 00:22:09,496
-Too late, green buddy.
KERMIT: Hmm?
409
00:22:09,579 --> 00:22:13,166
Give my regards to Broadway.
Remember me to...
410
00:22:13,249 --> 00:22:14,292
To...
411
00:22:14,376 --> 00:22:16,086
Herald Square?
412
00:22:16,169 --> 00:22:18,630
No, forget him. Herald's really square.
413
00:22:18,713 --> 00:22:20,674
Mm, buh-bye.
414
00:22:20,757 --> 00:22:23,635
-Oh, no, not Liza!
-We love Liza!
415
00:22:23,718 --> 00:22:27,305
-Yeah, we didn't mean to bump her off.
-No, just the rest of you guys.
416
00:22:27,389 --> 00:22:29,349
CROWD: Ahh!
-A-ha!
417
00:22:29,432 --> 00:22:34,145
I knew it.
Scratch a critic, and you get an assassin.
418
00:22:34,229 --> 00:22:36,940
Then your death scene was a trick?
419
00:22:37,023 --> 00:22:40,235
Well, after all, darling,
I mean, I am an actress.
420
00:22:40,318 --> 00:22:41,861
STATLER: Bravo!
WALDORF: Bravo!
421
00:22:41,945 --> 00:22:44,572
Yeah, best performance we've seen
on this show in years!
422
00:22:44,656 --> 00:22:46,199
Yeah!
423
00:22:46,282 --> 00:22:47,701
Okay, Fozzie, take them away.
424
00:22:47,784 --> 00:22:50,245
Yes, sir. All right, here we go.
425
00:22:50,328 --> 00:22:53,581
KERMIT: And throw the book at them.
-Okay, sir.
426
00:22:53,665 --> 00:22:54,833
[THUDS]
427
00:22:54,916 --> 00:22:57,669
Oh, Kermit, congratulations. You did it.
428
00:22:57,752 --> 00:22:59,546
Well, we did it.
429
00:23:00,463 --> 00:23:01,840
Yeah.
430
00:23:01,923 --> 00:23:04,884
And I guess... I guess that's the end.
431
00:23:04,968 --> 00:23:08,471
Oh, no, Kermit. That's not the end.
432
00:23:08,555 --> 00:23:11,266
This is the end.
433
00:23:11,349 --> 00:23:12,517
Hit it.
434
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:15,103
[BAND PLAYING
"EVERYTHING'S COMING UP ROSES"]
435
00:23:15,186 --> 00:23:20,108
♪ Things look swell
Things look great ♪
436
00:23:20,191 --> 00:23:23,194
♪ Gonna have the whole world on a plate ♪
437
00:23:23,278 --> 00:23:26,448
♪ Starting here
Starting now ♪
438
00:23:26,531 --> 00:23:32,328
♪ Honey, everything's coming up roses ♪
439
00:23:32,412 --> 00:23:35,832
♪ Clear the decks
Clear the tracks ♪
440
00:23:35,915 --> 00:23:39,085
♪ We got nothing to do but relax ♪
441
00:23:39,169 --> 00:23:42,422
♪ Blow a kiss
Take a bow ♪
442
00:23:42,505 --> 00:23:49,054
♪ Honey, everything's coming up roses ♪
443
00:23:49,137 --> 00:23:52,599
♪ Now's your inning ♪
444
00:23:52,682 --> 00:23:55,435
♪ Stand the world on its ear ♪
445
00:23:55,518 --> 00:23:58,772
BOTH:
♪ Set it spinning ♪
446
00:23:58,855 --> 00:24:00,940
♪ That'll be just the beginning ♪
447
00:24:01,024 --> 00:24:04,152
ALL: ♪ Curtain up
Light the lights ♪
448
00:24:04,235 --> 00:24:07,655
♪ We got nothing to hit but the heights ♪
449
00:24:07,739 --> 00:24:10,992
ALL: ♪ We'll be swell
We'll be great ♪
450
00:24:11,076 --> 00:24:12,452
♪ I can tell ♪
451
00:24:12,535 --> 00:24:14,204
ALL:
♪ Just you wait ♪
452
00:24:14,287 --> 00:24:20,669
♪ That lucky star I talk about is due ♪
453
00:24:20,752 --> 00:24:25,715
♪ Honey, everything's coming up roses
And daffodils ♪
454
00:24:25,799 --> 00:24:30,095
♪ Everything's coming up bright lights
And lollipops ♪
455
00:24:30,178 --> 00:24:34,849
♪ Everything's gonna be sunshine
And Santa Claus ♪
456
00:24:34,933 --> 00:24:42,232
ALL: ♪ Everything's coming up roses
For me and ♪
457
00:24:42,315 --> 00:24:49,614
-♪ For you ♪
CHORUS: ♪ Ah ♪
458
00:24:50,824 --> 00:24:52,909
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
459
00:25:01,751 --> 00:25:05,797
Okay, well, it's been a great show for us,
but before we go,
460
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:07,674
I'd like to say what an honor it's been
461
00:25:07,757 --> 00:25:12,053
for this little green frog
to work with Miss Liza Minnelli! Yay!
462
00:25:12,137 --> 00:25:14,305
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
463
00:25:16,599 --> 00:25:18,018
Kermit, thank you so much.
464
00:25:18,101 --> 00:25:20,729
I can't tell you what a thrill it's been
being on your show.
465
00:25:20,812 --> 00:25:21,855
Oh, that's nice.
466
00:25:21,938 --> 00:25:23,023
You know something else?
467
00:25:23,106 --> 00:25:26,151
I've always wanted to do a murder mystery
like we did.
468
00:25:26,234 --> 00:25:29,362
Oh, by the way,
can I keep this trick knife as a souvenir?
469
00:25:29,446 --> 00:25:30,739
A trick knife?
470
00:25:30,822 --> 00:25:32,991
Yeah, it's only a prop. See?
471
00:25:33,074 --> 00:25:34,117
[YELLS]
472
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:36,202
-Kermit!
-What'd you do?
473
00:25:36,286 --> 00:25:38,246
-I was only kidding. Ha-ha-ha.
ALL: Oh!
474
00:25:38,329 --> 00:25:40,290
We'll see you next time
on The Muppet Show.
475
00:25:40,373 --> 00:25:42,667
-Stab me! Stab me!
-I didn't mean to worry you.
476
00:25:42,751 --> 00:25:44,044
How could you do that to me?
477
00:25:44,127 --> 00:25:46,212
[ALL CHATTERING]
478
00:25:46,296 --> 00:25:48,340
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
479
00:26:19,120 --> 00:26:21,081
How long are we here for?
480
00:26:21,164 --> 00:26:22,207
Twenty years.
481
00:26:22,290 --> 00:26:24,417
If I'd known
that judge was giving us the box,
482
00:26:24,501 --> 00:26:26,211
I'd have asked for the chair.
36284
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