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[KNOCKING]
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LINDA:
Come in.
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-Linda Lavin.
-Hi, Scooter.
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Fifteen seconds to curtain, Linda.
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Oh, thanks.
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Say, uh, can I get you anything?
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Well, you could make me a sandwich.
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Okay, you're a sandwich.
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Everybody's a comedian.
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It's The Muppet Show,
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with our very special guest star,
Linda Lavin.
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[CHEERS]
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[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
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♪ It's time to play the music ♪
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♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
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♪ It's time to get things started ♪
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♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪
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Watch the show carefully,
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and you'll learn a lot
about laying an egg.
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♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
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♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
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♪ This is what we call ♪
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♪ The Muppet Show ♪
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[HONKS]
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
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Thank you, thank you,
and welcome to The Muppet Show.
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You're gonna have a great time
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because our guest star
is a terrific actress
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and star of musical comedy,
Miss Linda Lavin.
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It's going to be a wonderful show.
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-Actually, it's not.
-Miss Piggy!
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Oh, thank you, thank you,
kissy-kissy, thank you, thank you.
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Excusez-moi, Kermie,
but I have an announcement to make.
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Yeah, what is that?
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Tonight's show is canceled.
36
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Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
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You can't cancel the show.
The first act is ready to go on.
38
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Zuzu Fitzwaller,
the Hungarian water juggler.
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No, he isn't.
40
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He isn't? How come?
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Because, Kermit the Frog,
42
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this is your birthday!
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ALL:
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
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♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
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♪ Happy birthday, dear Kermit ♪
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♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
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-Speech, speech!
-Wow! Way to go!
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I don't really know what to say.
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We don't have time for speeches.
We got too much to do.
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That's right. Off, off, everyone off.
Off, backstage.
51
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-Close the curtains. Close them.
-Okay, well...
52
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I don't know what that was all about,
but at last we can get back to our show.
53
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Here is our first act,
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Zuzu Fitzwaller,
the Hungarian water juggler! Yay!
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I sent him home.
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-You did what?
-Mm-hm.
57
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But this is supposed to be a show.
What are people going to watch?
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What else? In honor of your birthday...
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[PIANIST PLAYING UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC]
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♪ I'll remember forever
When I was but 3 ♪
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What is this?
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♪ Mama, who was clever
Remarking to me ♪
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♪ If, dear, when you're grown-up
You want everything nice ♪
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Yeah.
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♪ You've got your future sewn up
If you take this advice ♪
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-What is this? Piggy!
-Now!
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[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC]
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ALL:
♪ Be a frog, be a frog ♪
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♪ All the world loves a frog ♪
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♪ Learn to croak ♪
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♪ Learn to hop ♪
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ALL:
♪ And you'll find you'll wind up on top ♪
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♪ Dress in green, bug your eyes ♪
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♪ If you wink
They'll think you're so wise ♪
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♪ If you're a cow
Your diet will be nothing but hay ♪
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♪ If you're a horse, they'll think
That "neigh" is all you can say ♪
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ALL: ♪ But folks'll sing
About how you went courting one day ♪
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♪ Be a frog, be a frog, be a frog ♪
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ALL:
♪ Be a frog, be a frog ♪
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♪ All the world loves the frog ♪
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♪ You'll be sharp as a knife ♪
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♪ As you climb the tadpole of life ♪
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ALL:
♪ Swim in top proper schools ♪
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♪ You'll be asked to all the best pools ♪
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♪ Had a famous fairy tale
And every day since ♪
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♪ I haven't had much trouble
When I try to convince ♪
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♪ The ladies if they kiss me
They'll be kissing a prince ♪
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ALL:
♪ Be a frog, be a frog ♪
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♪ From a jolly pollywog ♪
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ALL:
♪ Be a frog, be a frog ♪
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♪ Be a frog ♪
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[FROGS CROAKING IN UNISON]
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Well, seriously, we should give the frog
a birthday present.
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Like what?
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How about a nice bottle of pig repellent?
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[BOTH LAUGHING]
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Oh, yes, that was fabulous.
98
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Oh, you pigs make wonderful frogs.
99
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Hey, us frogs make pretty good frogs too,
you know.
100
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You... You canceled my act.
101
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Oh, good grief, it's Zuzu Fitzwaller,
the Hungarian water juggler.
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Listen, Zuzu, I'm sorry about that.
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But it wasn't me. I didn't cancel the act.
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I practiced and I practiced.
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I was going to juggle a whole bucketful.
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Is it hard?
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The trick is hard. The water is soft.
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[SOBBING]
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Well, I'm sorry
that the act was canceled, Zuzu.
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My girl, Gloria, came all the way
from Pittsburgh to see me.
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Oh. I tell you what.
Listen, you're back on.
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I'm gonna go introduce you
right now, Zuzu.
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Yes?
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Now, Fozzie, stand by
for the first of the special guests.
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Go, go, go. Ah.
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-Fitzwaller?
-Yes?
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I thought I told you...
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You got the ax.
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[SOBBING]
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Ladies and gentlemen,
and especially Gloria,
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at this time I take great pride
in presenting--
122
00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:10,203
Oh, Gloria, I'm not going to be on!
123
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They gave me the ax!
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[SOBBING]
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No, no, no, wait a second, Zuzu.
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Yes, Kermit the Frog,
this is your birthday!
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Yes, yes, yes.
128
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We have a whole evening
of birthday greetings planned for you.
129
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Oh, no.
130
00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:31,433
-How's it going, Piggy?
-Oh, wonderful.
131
00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:33,935
You've made such a wonderful night
for Kermit.
132
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Yeah, well,
I would do anything for my Kermie.
133
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I am pulling out all stops.
134
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Really going hog wild, huh?
135
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[GONZO & SCOOTER LAUGHING]
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[ZUZU SOBBING]
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-It's a figure of speech.
-Okay.
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Kermit the Frog, here is the first
of your birthday greetings.
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Do you recognize this voice?
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MAN: Kermit, do you remember
all the time we spent
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working on breathing exercises?
142
00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:02,756
Oh, I don't believe it.
It's Mr. Dawson, my old acting coach.
143
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Yes, all the way from Leland, Mississippi,
your old acting coach, Mr. Dawson!
144
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[KERMIT & DAWSON YELLING]
145
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,472
Mr. Dawson!
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[KERMIT & DAWSON YELLING]
147
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So great to see you!
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[KERMIT & DAWSON YELLING]
149
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Oh, it's wonderful to be here.
150
00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:20,482
What a terrific birthday party this is!
151
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-Aah!
-Aah! I don't believe it!
152
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-It's my old acting teacher!
-Yes, what a treat!
153
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[DAWSON YELLS & KERMIT LAUGHS]
154
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So that's where he learned that.
155
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Gloria, I'll meet you in the parking lot
after the show!
156
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[SOBBING]
157
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-Zuzu, listen, I meant to tell you...
-Young man, young man.
158
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That is no way to cry on-stage.
159
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-What?
-If you're gonna cry, cry!
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[DAWSON WAILS]
161
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[ZUZU WAILING]
162
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[FOZZIE WAILING]
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Listen, everybody. Guys... Uh...
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Off the stage! Off, off, off!
Out, out! Off, off, off!
165
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I gotta introduce our guest star.
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Ladies and gentlemen,
the lovely Miss Linda Lavin!
167
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[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT JAZZ VAMP]
168
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:05,985
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
169
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I wanna dedicate this song to Kermit,
on your birthday, Kermit. Hey.
170
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Happy birthday. Guys, let it rip.
171
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[BAND PLAYING FUNKY JAZZ MUSIC]
172
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♪ The more I see you, huh
Oh, the more I want you ♪
173
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♪ Somehow this feeling
Just grows and grows ♪
174
00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:42,689
♪ With every sigh
I become more mad about you ♪
175
00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:47,318
♪ More lost without you
And so it goes ♪
176
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♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
177
00:08:49,154 --> 00:08:51,948
-♪ Can you imagine, heh ♪
CHORUS: ♪ Ooh ♪
178
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-♪ How much I want you? ♪
-♪ Ooh ♪
179
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:58,371
-♪ The more I see you, whoa ♪
-♪ Ooh ♪
180
00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:01,124
-♪ As years go by ♪
-♪ Ooh ♪
181
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:04,711
-♪ I know the only one for me ♪
-♪ Ooh ♪
182
00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:07,672
-♪ Can only be you ♪
-♪ Ooh, ah ♪
183
00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:10,633
♪ My arms won't free you ♪
184
00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:12,761
♪ No, my heart won't try ♪
185
00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:15,680
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
186
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:19,934
♪ Oh, yeah, play it to me ♪
187
00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:23,396
♪ Whoa-whoa, whoa-whoa
Whoa-whoa-whoa, whoa ♪
188
00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,565
[SCATTING]
189
00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:43,249
-♪ Can you imagine ♪
CHORUS: ♪ Ooh ♪
190
00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:46,378
-♪ How much I want you? ♪
-♪ Ooh ♪
191
00:09:46,461 --> 00:09:49,464
-♪ The more I see you ♪
-♪ Ooh ♪
192
00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:52,676
-♪ As years go by ♪
-♪ Ooh ♪
193
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:55,970
-♪ I know the only one for me ♪
-♪ Ooh ♪
194
00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:58,932
-♪ Can only be you ♪
-♪ Ooh, ah ♪
195
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:02,102
♪ My arms won't free you, yeah ♪
196
00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:04,979
-♪ My heart won't try ♪
-♪ Ooh, ah ♪
197
00:10:05,063 --> 00:10:08,400
♪ My arms won't free you ♪
198
00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:11,319
-♪ My heart won't try ♪
-♪ Ooh, ah ♪
199
00:10:11,403 --> 00:10:14,406
♪ My arms won't free you ♪
200
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:17,701
♪ My heart won't try ♪
201
00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:24,666
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
202
00:10:27,502 --> 00:10:28,795
Hey, what are you doing?
203
00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,422
I dropped my gum.
204
00:10:30,505 --> 00:10:33,091
Hey, lady, would you toss my gum up?
205
00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:39,764
You could have taken it out
of the wig first!
206
00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:43,309
-Hello, Linda.
-I'm so glad to see you.
207
00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:45,562
I was hoping
we could get a chance to talk.
208
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:48,440
-I'm a great admirer of your work.
-Oh...
209
00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:50,608
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
210
00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:53,069
Oh, well, I mean it sincerely.
211
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,863
-Yeah? Oh.
-Yeah.
212
00:10:54,946 --> 00:10:57,574
What have you done for Kermit's birthday?
Something special?
213
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,743
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
214
00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:02,579
...smorgasfroggy.
215
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:07,834
Is that a, uh, frog
made out of chopped liver?
216
00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:09,961
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
217
00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:14,215
-Chopped liver froggy.
-Chopped liver frog. Isn't that something?
218
00:11:14,299 --> 00:11:17,469
Sure is original,
and it sure does look like Kermit.
219
00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:20,889
-Mm-hm, mm-hm.
-Except, um, that you forgot the eyes.
220
00:11:20,972 --> 00:11:23,099
[GASPS THEN SPEAKS GIBBERISH]
221
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:25,143
...forgot the googlies!
222
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:26,561
-Yeah.
-Oh!
223
00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:30,106
Yeah, but wait, look.
With these eggies, you can make googlies.
224
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,776
-Look, how about that?
-Eggy googlies.
225
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:35,862
-What do you think?
-Oh. Mm, mm, mm. Mm-hm.
226
00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:38,740
-And little pieces of, you know, pimento.
-Oh, oh.
227
00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:40,909
-Huh? Looks good?
-Yeah. Yeah.
228
00:11:40,992 --> 00:11:42,619
Eggy googlies.
229
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,412
-It's really nice.
-Mm-hm.
230
00:11:44,496 --> 00:11:47,165
-Except it's not green.
-Huh?
231
00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:50,877
Uh, green. Well, it's a frog.
Kermit is green, but, uh...
232
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,045
No green?
233
00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:55,840
Well, it's all right. He's tan, and, uh...
234
00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:57,342
-No, no, no.
-He'll understand.
235
00:11:57,425 --> 00:11:59,177
[CHEF SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
236
00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:03,473
Oh, no, but you don't, uh...
Hey, you don't wanna spray him with...
237
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,642
[CHEF SINGING GIBBERISH]
238
00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:21,574
Well, uh, I've heard of liverwurst,
239
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:23,993
but this is "liver-terrible."
240
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:31,459
♪ Do you remember in the fairy tale ♪
241
00:12:31,543 --> 00:12:33,628
♪ How the wicked witch's spell ♪
242
00:12:33,712 --> 00:12:37,298
♪ Changed the handsome prince
To a toad? ♪
243
00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:39,634
♪ Through the power of her potion ♪
244
00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:41,261
♪ She handed him a notion ♪
245
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:44,973
♪ He was lower than the dirt
In the road ♪
246
00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:47,392
♪ And though she left him green
And warted ♪
247
00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:49,060
♪ Her evil plan was thwarted ♪
248
00:12:49,144 --> 00:12:53,023
♪ When perchance to happen
By a young miss ♪
249
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,525
♪ And in spite of his complexion ♪
250
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,360
♪ Offered her affection ♪
251
00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:59,904
♪ And broke the wicked curse
With her kiss ♪
252
00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:03,950
BOTH: ♪ Well, if you've never been
A-frog kissin' ♪
253
00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:07,746
♪ Then you don't know
What you've been missin' ♪
254
00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:11,249
♪ There's a world of opportunity ♪
255
00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:14,252
♪ Under each and every log ♪
256
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:19,632
BOTH: ♪ If you've never been
A charm breaker ♪
257
00:13:19,716 --> 00:13:23,595
♪ And if you've never been
A handsome prince maker ♪
258
00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:27,307
ALL:
♪ Just a-slow down, turn around ♪
259
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:30,310
♪ Bend down and kiss you a frog ♪
260
00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:35,273
♪ There's a happy-ever-after land ♪
261
00:13:35,357 --> 00:13:37,025
♪ Deep in the heart of man ♪
262
00:13:37,108 --> 00:13:40,111
♪ Where a prince or princes abide ♪
263
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,989
♪ But all we get are glimpses ♪
264
00:13:43,073 --> 00:13:44,824
♪ Of the handsome prince or princes ♪
265
00:13:44,908 --> 00:13:48,745
♪ 'Cause they're covered
By a green warty hide ♪
266
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,997
♪ And though they're full
Of life's potential ♪
267
00:13:51,081 --> 00:13:52,749
♪ They're lacking one essential ♪
268
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:56,461
♪ To enable them to shine like a star ♪
269
00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:58,963
♪ And that's to have some guy or missus ♪
270
00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:00,924
♪ Smother them with kisses ♪
271
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:03,510
♪ And to love them
While they're just like they are ♪
272
00:14:03,593 --> 00:14:07,389
BOTH: ♪ And that's the secret
Of frog kissin' ♪
273
00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:11,476
♪ And you can do it too
If you just listen ♪
274
00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:15,063
ALL:
♪ Just slow down, turn around ♪
275
00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:18,108
♪ Bend down and kiss you a frog ♪
276
00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:21,111
Ribbit, ribbit.
277
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:23,863
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
278
00:14:23,947 --> 00:14:26,449
-Ever kissed a frog before?
-Never.
279
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:28,576
No time like the present.
280
00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:29,911
[WALDORF SPUTTERS]
281
00:14:29,994 --> 00:14:31,246
Blech!
282
00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:36,668
NARRATOR:
And now Veterinarian's Hospital,
283
00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:42,173
the continuing story of a quack
who's gone to the dogs.
284
00:14:42,257 --> 00:14:43,508
[GRUNTS]
285
00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:47,887
Okay, where's the first patient,
Nurse Janice?
286
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:51,391
Here he is, Dr. Bob. Little Robin.
287
00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:55,186
Oh. That doesn't look like a robin.
Looks like a little toad.
288
00:14:55,270 --> 00:14:56,354
[ALL LAUGH]
289
00:14:56,438 --> 00:14:59,858
I'm not a toad. I'm a frog.
My name is Robin.
290
00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:02,861
Robin. That's a dumb name for a frog.
291
00:15:02,944 --> 00:15:05,780
Yeah? Wait till I tell my uncle Kermit.
292
00:15:05,864 --> 00:15:08,241
Oh, yeah, Kermit. I forgot about him.
293
00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:10,243
Dumb names must run in the family.
294
00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:12,245
-Ha, ha. For sure.
-Uh, ahem.
295
00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:15,206
Cool it, Dr. Bob, or your name'll be mud.
296
00:15:15,290 --> 00:15:17,667
Oh, sorry,
I forgot about you and the frog.
297
00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:18,793
Mm-hm.
298
00:15:18,877 --> 00:15:24,424
That's all right, but just be careful
of my dear little dear here.
299
00:15:24,507 --> 00:15:27,052
He'll soon be a relative of mine.
300
00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:28,178
-What?
-Mm-hm.
301
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:32,390
When I marry your uncle Kermie,
I'll become your aunt Piggy.
302
00:15:32,474 --> 00:15:33,558
Mwah.
303
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:35,685
Yuck.
304
00:15:36,728 --> 00:15:37,771
Why, you...
305
00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:40,440
Wait, wait, wait.
I can't let you harm the patient.
306
00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:41,608
I'm a doctor.
307
00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:43,693
That's my job.
308
00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:45,820
Listen, there's nothing wrong with me.
309
00:15:45,904 --> 00:15:48,782
I'm only here
because it's a salute to frogs.
310
00:15:48,865 --> 00:15:50,700
Hmm. The night is young.
311
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:55,914
Dr. Bob, I haven't had a line
in five minutes.
312
00:15:55,997 --> 00:15:57,499
Count your blessings.
313
00:15:57,582 --> 00:16:00,418
Well, one, I'm really beautiful...
314
00:16:00,502 --> 00:16:01,795
[PIGGY SCOFFS]
315
00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:02,962
To yourself.
316
00:16:03,046 --> 00:16:04,381
To everybody.
317
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:05,632
[BOB & PIGGY GROAN]
318
00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:08,426
I don't understand this. Can I go now?
319
00:16:08,510 --> 00:16:10,512
No, not till we come to the end.
320
00:16:10,595 --> 00:16:14,974
NARRATOR: And so we come to the end
of another Veterinarian's Hospital.
321
00:16:15,058 --> 00:16:17,852
Tune in next week,
when you'll hear Robin say:
322
00:16:17,936 --> 00:16:20,647
-Unh!
-Ow! Miss Piggy, you're hurting my arm!
323
00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:22,023
Say it.
324
00:16:22,107 --> 00:16:23,316
-Uncle!
-Unh!
325
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,985
-Aah! Aunt!
-Aw.
326
00:16:26,069 --> 00:16:28,154
-For sure.
-Mwah.
327
00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:32,784
I hate to admit it,
but I'm enjoying Kermit's birthday party.
328
00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:36,413
Yeah, me too.
Hey, when was your last birthday, Waldorf?
329
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:38,081
Heh, heh. Years ago.
330
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:41,001
Heh, heh. Yeah, I stopped having them too.
331
00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:42,210
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
332
00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:45,130
Yeah, still,
there were some pretty good years.
333
00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:47,799
Oh, there were some very good years.
334
00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:49,509
Yeah. Huh.
335
00:16:49,592 --> 00:16:51,678
♪ When I was 17 ♪
336
00:16:51,761 --> 00:16:52,929
Hmm?
337
00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:54,764
♪ It was a very good year ♪
338
00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:56,307
[BAND PLAYING WISTFUL MUSIC]
339
00:16:56,391 --> 00:16:57,600
Yeah.
340
00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:59,978
♪ It was a very good year ♪
341
00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:03,940
♪ For small-town girls
And soft summer nights ♪
342
00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:07,944
♪ Oh, yes, we'd hide from the lights ♪
343
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:09,696
-Hey, you too, huh?
-Mm.
344
00:17:09,779 --> 00:17:11,698
♪ On the village green ♪
345
00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:13,158
Yeah.
346
00:17:13,241 --> 00:17:16,036
BOTH:
♪ When we were 17 ♪
347
00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:17,495
-Heh, heh.
-Mm.
348
00:17:17,579 --> 00:17:19,748
Ahh. Oh.
349
00:17:19,831 --> 00:17:22,042
♪ When I was 21 ♪
350
00:17:22,125 --> 00:17:23,752
Yeah?
351
00:17:23,835 --> 00:17:26,588
♪ It was a very good year ♪
352
00:17:26,671 --> 00:17:27,839
Mm.
353
00:17:27,922 --> 00:17:30,091
♪ It was a very good year ♪
354
00:17:30,175 --> 00:17:33,428
♪ For city girls
Who lived up the stair ♪
355
00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:34,888
Heh, yeah.
356
00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:36,890
♪ With perfumed hair ♪
357
00:17:36,973 --> 00:17:38,725
Hmm?
358
00:17:38,808 --> 00:17:40,935
♪ That came undone ♪
359
00:17:41,019 --> 00:17:42,312
Mmm.
360
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,481
♪ When I was 21 ♪
361
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,149
[CHUCKLES]
362
00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:48,943
-Yeah, I don't remember that long ago.
-Oh-ho-ho.
363
00:17:49,027 --> 00:17:50,695
How about when you were 63?
364
00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:53,365
-Oh, that was a year. Yeah.
-Mm.
365
00:17:53,448 --> 00:17:55,075
-I broke my hip.
-Huh?
366
00:17:55,158 --> 00:17:57,118
Got to flirt with the nurse all year.
367
00:17:57,202 --> 00:17:58,703
[BOTH LAUGH]
368
00:17:58,787 --> 00:18:01,164
Yeah, well, my third wife left me.
369
00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:04,000
Ah, what a terrific year! Ha-ha-ha.
370
00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:06,711
Yeah, well, what about when you were 74?
371
00:18:06,795 --> 00:18:10,006
No. That was the year
my rheumatism came back.
372
00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:12,342
Yeah, so did my third wife.
373
00:18:13,385 --> 00:18:16,763
-What a terrible year. Mm.
-Oh, no, indeed, yeah.
374
00:18:19,391 --> 00:18:21,935
♪ But now the days are short ♪
375
00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:27,023
♪ I'm in the autumn of the year ♪
376
00:18:27,107 --> 00:18:28,233
Oh.
377
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:34,030
♪ Now I think of my life as vintage wine ♪
378
00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:36,116
♪ From fine old kegs ♪
379
00:18:36,199 --> 00:18:37,325
Mm.
380
00:18:38,827 --> 00:18:41,830
♪ From the brim to the dregs ♪
381
00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:46,292
BOTH:
♪ It poured sweet and clear ♪
382
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:55,593
♪ It was a very good year ♪
383
00:18:57,929 --> 00:18:59,347
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
384
00:18:59,431 --> 00:19:01,057
-Heh.
-Yep.
385
00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:05,520
Oh. Good grief. Nothing's on-stage.
386
00:19:07,731 --> 00:19:09,274
Uh, listen, ladies and gentlemen,
387
00:19:09,357 --> 00:19:13,403
I'm sorry that we haven't been able
to get more of the regular show on so far,
388
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,405
but I think things are back to normal.
389
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:16,531
Wanna bet?
390
00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:18,283
Scooter, what are you doing out here?
391
00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:20,076
Kermit the Frog...
392
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:23,246
this is your birthday.
393
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:24,372
Again?
394
00:19:24,456 --> 00:19:27,208
Do you recognize these voices?
395
00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:33,048
WOMAN: Kermit, we really enjoyed the year
we spent on your show.
396
00:19:33,131 --> 00:19:35,800
-Oh...
MAN: Yes, there were great times.
397
00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:41,973
Oh, I don't believe it.
It's our old singing duo, Wayne and Wanda!
398
00:19:42,057 --> 00:19:44,059
-Kermit!
-Look at them! Hi, Wanda!
399
00:19:44,142 --> 00:19:45,310
Oh, Kermit!
400
00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:48,229
KERMIT:
Oh, Wayne. Oh, you look wonderful.
401
00:19:48,313 --> 00:19:51,232
Oh, it must be nearly a year
since we've seen each other.
402
00:19:51,316 --> 00:19:54,235
Well, it's 26 months exactly.
403
00:19:54,319 --> 00:19:57,572
-Mm, since the day you fired us.
-Right.
404
00:19:57,655 --> 00:20:00,200
Uh, fired you? Did I do that?
405
00:20:00,283 --> 00:20:04,245
Oh, don't worry, Kermit.
We're getting along just great.
406
00:20:04,329 --> 00:20:05,372
-Oh, good.
-Mm.
407
00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:10,251
I'm fulfilling my lifetime ambition
as a manual laborer.
408
00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:13,546
Now, now, Wayne,
you know we get along fine,
409
00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:16,091
what with what we get from my mother
410
00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:18,301
-out of her pension money.
-Mm.
411
00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:22,972
It's amazing how one can survive
after one's career has been shot down.
412
00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:24,849
-Yes.
-Oh, uh...
413
00:20:24,933 --> 00:20:27,102
-Uh, by the way, Kermit...
-Hmm?
414
00:20:27,185 --> 00:20:28,603
...why did you fire us?
415
00:20:28,687 --> 00:20:31,189
I don't know.
It's been such a long time ago.
416
00:20:31,272 --> 00:20:33,942
I don't really remember why I fired you.
417
00:20:34,025 --> 00:20:36,152
-I tell you what.
-What?
418
00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:40,156
Right now, on this very spot,
I'm gonna rehire you. Yes.
419
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:41,324
-No!
-Yes, I will.
420
00:20:41,408 --> 00:20:44,994
Ladies and gentlemen,
here they are once again, Wayne and Wanda!
421
00:20:45,078 --> 00:20:48,665
Wanda! Oh, Wanda, my dear.
422
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:50,875
[BAND PLAYING SCHMALTZY SHOW TUNE]
423
00:20:50,959 --> 00:20:55,005
BOTH:
♪ Oh, sweet mystery of life ♪
424
00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:58,258
♪ At last I've found you ♪
425
00:20:58,341 --> 00:20:59,676
♪ Now-- ♪
426
00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:02,345
Wait, wait, wait.
Now I remember why I fired you.
427
00:21:02,429 --> 00:21:04,848
You're fired again. Get out, get out!
428
00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:06,766
Twice? Twice?
429
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:12,480
Oh, this next number means so much to moi.
Oh, I'm so tense.
430
00:21:12,564 --> 00:21:15,191
Yes, I know.
431
00:21:15,275 --> 00:21:16,943
-Oh.
-You do seem to be--
432
00:21:17,027 --> 00:21:19,029
Inhale, Piggy.
433
00:21:19,112 --> 00:21:20,655
No, exhale.
434
00:21:20,739 --> 00:21:22,699
--at the breaking point.
435
00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:24,534
[PIGGY CHOKING]
436
00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:25,869
There you go. Okay.
437
00:21:25,952 --> 00:21:27,328
-Will that hold?
-Yes.
438
00:21:27,412 --> 00:21:29,205
Oh. Oh, how do I look?
439
00:21:29,289 --> 00:21:30,874
-Beautiful.
-Do you like everything?
440
00:21:30,957 --> 00:21:32,167
-I love it.
-Like the shoes?
441
00:21:32,250 --> 00:21:33,418
[FABRIC TEARS]
442
00:21:34,669 --> 00:21:36,963
-Oh, no. How bad is it?
-What? Where is it?
443
00:21:37,047 --> 00:21:38,381
Oh, Piggy. It's not good.
444
00:21:38,465 --> 00:21:39,632
-Oh, no!
-Wait. Um...
445
00:21:39,716 --> 00:21:40,759
[PIGGY SCREAMS]
446
00:21:40,842 --> 00:21:42,969
SCOOTER [OVER PA]:
On-stage for the final number.
447
00:21:43,053 --> 00:21:44,554
-All right.
-All right?! I'm on!
448
00:21:44,637 --> 00:21:46,598
What do I do?
It's my number for my Kermie.
449
00:21:46,681 --> 00:21:48,433
-Piggy.
-What do I--? Aah!
450
00:21:50,894 --> 00:21:52,729
Thank you. Pfft.
451
00:21:54,356 --> 00:21:55,982
I needed that.
452
00:21:56,066 --> 00:21:58,234
SCOOTER: Curtain going up!
-Yes, all right!
453
00:21:58,318 --> 00:22:01,196
-Oh, what do I do, Linda?
-Piggy.
454
00:22:01,279 --> 00:22:03,365
-What do I do?
-Uh...
455
00:22:03,448 --> 00:22:05,700
I could do the number.
456
00:22:06,743 --> 00:22:10,330
-Dear, you could do the number.
-Yeah.
457
00:22:10,413 --> 00:22:12,916
-Oh, thank you. Oh.
-Oh.
458
00:22:12,999 --> 00:22:15,001
-Consider it done.
-Ah.
459
00:22:16,169 --> 00:22:18,588
Ah. She could do the--
460
00:22:18,672 --> 00:22:20,757
She could do the number?!
461
00:22:23,093 --> 00:22:25,178
It must have been the slap.
462
00:22:25,261 --> 00:22:29,391
Uh, ladies and gentlemen, I promise
there will be no more birthday nonsense.
463
00:22:29,474 --> 00:22:33,144
Instead, let's sit back and enjoy
our talented and charming guest star,
464
00:22:33,228 --> 00:22:34,896
the wonderful Miss Linda Lavin.
465
00:22:34,979 --> 00:22:36,022
[YELPS]
466
00:22:38,692 --> 00:22:40,777
[BAND PLAYING TRANQUIL JAZZ MUSIC]
467
00:22:45,865 --> 00:22:52,622
♪ Beyond the blue horizon ♪
468
00:22:54,124 --> 00:22:58,920
♪ Waits a beautiful day ♪
469
00:23:00,255 --> 00:23:07,554
♪ Goodbye to things that bore you ♪
470
00:23:07,637 --> 00:23:11,725
♪ Joy is waiting ♪
471
00:23:11,808 --> 00:23:16,396
♪ For you ♪
472
00:23:16,479 --> 00:23:23,528
♪ You'll see a new horizon ♪
473
00:23:24,571 --> 00:23:30,952
♪ Your life has only begun ♪
474
00:23:31,036 --> 00:23:37,584
♪ Beyond the blue horizon ♪
475
00:23:37,667 --> 00:23:44,758
♪ Lies a rising ♪
476
00:23:44,841 --> 00:23:47,552
♪ Sun ♪
477
00:23:47,635 --> 00:23:49,971
GONZO:
Come on, Kermit. Come on.
478
00:23:50,055 --> 00:23:51,431
KERMIT:
Uh, hey, hey.
479
00:23:51,514 --> 00:23:55,226
CHORUS:
♪ Beyond the blue horizon ♪
480
00:23:55,310 --> 00:23:58,438
♪ Waits a beautiful day ♪
481
00:23:58,521 --> 00:24:01,399
♪ Goodbye to things that bore you... ♪
482
00:24:01,483 --> 00:24:05,236
Hey. Come on, guys. Stop pushing, Fozzie.
483
00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:08,865
CHORUS:
♪ I see a new horizon ♪
484
00:24:08,948 --> 00:24:11,951
♪ Your life has only begun ♪
485
00:24:12,035 --> 00:24:14,662
♪ Beyond the blue horizon ♪
486
00:24:14,746 --> 00:24:17,290
♪ Lies a rising sun ♪
487
00:24:17,374 --> 00:24:20,460
Okay. Do you have to push?
I don't like heights.
488
00:24:20,543 --> 00:24:24,047
CHORUS: ♪ Beyond the blue horizon ♪
LINDA: ♪ Ah-ah-ah, ah, ah ♪
489
00:24:24,130 --> 00:24:27,258
-♪ Waits a beautiful day ♪
-♪ Ah, ah-ah-ah, ah, ah ♪
490
00:24:27,342 --> 00:24:30,929
-♪ Goodbye to things that bore you ♪
-♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
491
00:24:31,012 --> 00:24:33,973
-♪ Joy is waiting for you... ♪
-♪ Ah, ah, ah... ♪
492
00:24:34,057 --> 00:24:35,266
Sorry about this, Linda.
493
00:24:35,350 --> 00:24:37,977
CHORUS: ♪ ...new horizon ♪
-♪ Ah ♪
494
00:24:38,061 --> 00:24:41,106
♪ Your life has only begun ♪
495
00:24:41,189 --> 00:24:43,566
-♪ Beyond the blue horizon ♪
-♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
496
00:24:43,650 --> 00:24:50,949
ALL:
♪ Lies a rising, rising sun ♪
497
00:24:54,411 --> 00:24:56,496
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
498
00:25:00,417 --> 00:25:02,961
Okay, well,
it's been a very surprising evening,
499
00:25:03,044 --> 00:25:04,170
particularly for me.
500
00:25:04,254 --> 00:25:06,631
But before we go,
let us have a warm thank you
501
00:25:06,715 --> 00:25:09,926
for our very special guest star.
Ladies and gentlemen, Linda Lavin! Yay!
502
00:25:10,010 --> 00:25:11,136
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
503
00:25:11,219 --> 00:25:15,432
Thank you. I wanna tell you
it's been a very great pleasure for me
504
00:25:15,515 --> 00:25:17,892
to be here and celebrate your birthday
with everybody.
505
00:25:17,976 --> 00:25:19,394
-Uh...
-Come on, let's go.
506
00:25:19,477 --> 00:25:22,272
ALL:
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪
507
00:25:22,355 --> 00:25:24,232
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪
508
00:25:24,315 --> 00:25:27,318
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪
509
00:25:27,402 --> 00:25:28,570
What is that?
510
00:25:28,653 --> 00:25:29,904
[KERMIT SCREAMS]
511
00:25:29,988 --> 00:25:31,865
Happy birthday, Kermie.
512
00:25:31,948 --> 00:25:33,616
[CROWD CHEERS]
513
00:25:33,700 --> 00:25:35,118
Uh, listen, everybody.
514
00:25:35,201 --> 00:25:37,996
I'm sorry, but I have a very embarrassing
announcement to make.
515
00:25:38,079 --> 00:25:40,206
-What?
-Today is not my birthday.
516
00:25:40,290 --> 00:25:41,750
It's about four months from now.
517
00:25:41,833 --> 00:25:42,876
What?!
518
00:25:42,959 --> 00:25:45,545
We'll see you next time
on The Muppet Show!
519
00:25:45,628 --> 00:25:47,339
I can explain.
520
00:25:47,422 --> 00:25:49,507
[ALL ARGUING INDISTINCTLY]
521
00:25:51,593 --> 00:25:54,554
PIGGY:
I'm gonna get him! I'm gonna get him!
522
00:25:54,637 --> 00:25:56,806
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
523
00:26:20,622 --> 00:26:23,875
♪ Should auld acquaintance be forgot ♪
524
00:26:23,958 --> 00:26:25,251
Why are you singing that?
525
00:26:25,335 --> 00:26:26,503
I forgot.
38791
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