Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,667 --> 00:00:02,293
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
2
00:00:02,377 --> 00:00:05,547
Oh, Marisa Berenson,
35 seconds to curtain, Miss Berenson.
3
00:00:05,630 --> 00:00:07,382
Oh. Thank you.
4
00:00:07,465 --> 00:00:10,885
Oh, Scooter,
who does all this luggage belong to?
5
00:00:10,969 --> 00:00:14,055
Oh, didn't you know?
It's a gift to you from the show.
6
00:00:14,139 --> 00:00:15,348
Now, wait a minute.
7
00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:17,684
This isn't some kind
of weird Muppet luggage
8
00:00:17,767 --> 00:00:22,313
that's gonna blow up or turn into cheese
like everything else on this strange show?
9
00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:24,899
No, no, no,
it's just regular alligator luggage.
10
00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:26,026
Oh, good.
11
00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:27,610
[LUGGAGE GROWLING]
12
00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:28,903
Oh, oh, no!
13
00:00:35,326 --> 00:00:36,661
It's The Muppet Show,
14
00:00:36,745 --> 00:00:41,041
with our very special guest star,
Marisa Berenson.
15
00:00:42,083 --> 00:00:44,169
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
16
00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:57,390
♪ It's time to play the music ♪
17
00:00:57,474 --> 00:00:59,517
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
18
00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:03,772
♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
19
00:01:03,855 --> 00:01:06,066
♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
20
00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:08,276
♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
21
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:10,195
♪ It's time to get things started ♪
22
00:01:10,278 --> 00:01:12,489
♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪
23
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,240
Why don't we leave?
24
00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:15,992
Where would we go?
25
00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:21,373
♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
26
00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:23,625
♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
27
00:01:23,708 --> 00:01:26,419
♪ This is what we call ♪
28
00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:31,299
♪ The Muppet Show ♪
29
00:01:31,383 --> 00:01:33,385
[HORN SQUEALS]
30
00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:40,016
Thank you, thank you,
and welcome again to The Muppet Show,
31
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:43,728
where tonight's special guest star
is the beautiful international film star
32
00:01:43,812 --> 00:01:45,647
Miss Marisa Berenson.
33
00:01:45,730 --> 00:01:49,818
But first, on our show we've done
traditional dances from many countries,
34
00:01:49,901 --> 00:01:51,319
but never Russia.
35
00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:54,614
Well, tonight their luck has run out.
36
00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:56,783
[BAND PLAYING SOMBER FOLK MUSIC]
37
00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:00,954
[ALL SINGING IN GIBBERISH]
38
00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:34,654
ALL:
Hey!
39
00:02:34,738 --> 00:02:36,823
[BAND PLAYING LIVELY FOLK MUSIC]
40
00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:47,542
[CRASHES]
41
00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:50,003
[ALL CONTINUE SINGING IN GIBBERISH]
42
00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:00,972
ALL:
Hey!
43
00:03:01,056 --> 00:03:03,141
[PIGS CLAPPING]
44
00:03:08,104 --> 00:03:10,774
ALL:
Hey! Hey!
45
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:13,151
Hey! Hey!
46
00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:15,445
Hey! Hey!
47
00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:17,280
Hey! Hey! Hey!
48
00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:26,206
Hey! Hey!
49
00:03:27,332 --> 00:03:28,541
[ALL YELL]
50
00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:35,423
Well, there goes détente.
51
00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:36,883
Where?
52
00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:38,343
Never mind.
53
00:03:39,135 --> 00:03:41,388
Okay, get on-stage, jugglers.
54
00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:42,514
Way to go, gang.
55
00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,933
Nothing like a good old-fashioned
Russian pig dance.
56
00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:50,397
Ooh, boy, if you like that act,
you're gonna love mine.
57
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:51,648
Well, who are you?
58
00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:55,485
Lew Zealand and His Boomerang Fish Act.
59
00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:56,695
Whoo!
60
00:03:56,778 --> 00:03:59,572
Uh, Lew Zealand
and His Boomerang Fish Act?
61
00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:02,784
Oh, yeah. Hey, it's razzle-dazzle.
62
00:04:02,867 --> 00:04:06,329
Well, I'm sorry, but I'm not booking
any highbrow acts just now.
63
00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:09,416
Hmm. Well, think about it, okay?
64
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:10,667
[SNIFFS]
65
00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:13,503
Come on, Seymour, you need a bath.
66
00:04:14,546 --> 00:04:17,340
Oh, Kermie, Kermie, Kermie,
67
00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:20,260
thank you for putting me in charge
of the closing sketch.
68
00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:22,846
-Mm-hm.
-You just cannot say no to me, can you?
69
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,974
Well, I can, but it hurts a lot.
70
00:04:26,057 --> 00:04:27,434
Is that the sketch there?
71
00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:29,019
Mm-hm, yes, it is, yes.
72
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:30,311
Well, tell me about it.
73
00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,731
-Uh, it's a secret.
-What?
74
00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:34,691
Well, I'll tell you the title.
75
00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:37,610
Okay, what is the title
of the closing sketch?
76
00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:40,155
"The Wedding."
77
00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:41,740
-"The Wedding."
-Mm-hm.
78
00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:47,454
Oh, you see, you're the groom,
and moi am the bride.
79
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:50,123
Isn't that a silly idea? Isn't that funny?
80
00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:52,083
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
81
00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:53,251
Maybe.
82
00:04:53,335 --> 00:04:57,964
Oh, Kermie! Oh, it shall be so wonderful.
83
00:04:58,048 --> 00:05:00,091
Uh, funny. Funny, I mean. Funny.
84
00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:02,510
Mwah, mwah, mwah.
85
00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:06,056
Oh, boy.
Uh, Kermit's kind of busy just now. Ahem.
86
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:09,601
Ladies and gentlemen,
our very special guest star,
87
00:05:09,684 --> 00:05:14,356
the lovely and talented Marisa Berenson.
88
00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:17,150
[BAND PLAYING MYSTERIOUS CLASSICAL MUSIC]
89
00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:13,535
Did you like that number?
90
00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:15,787
[SHOUTING]
Speak up. My hearing aid's busted.
91
00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:17,789
[SHOUTING]
Did you like that number?
92
00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:19,457
I liked what I heard.
93
00:08:19,541 --> 00:08:21,001
What did you hear?
94
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:22,544
"Did you like that number?"
95
00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:23,962
Oy!
96
00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:28,049
I tell you, it's terrific.
97
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:32,512
Yeah, you see,
I throw the fish into the air,
98
00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:37,600
they sail away,
and then they come back to me.
99
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:40,895
Yeah, but I don't care
about boomerang fish acts.
100
00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:44,274
Oh, you will. They're coming back.
101
00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:47,152
Oh, Miss Piggy.
102
00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:49,487
Oh. Um, yes, hello, Kermie.
103
00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:50,989
Piggy, come back here.
104
00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:55,744
Oh, Kermie,
how aggressive and manly you sound.
105
00:08:55,827 --> 00:08:57,328
Never mind the sweet talk.
106
00:08:57,412 --> 00:08:59,497
I wanna know more
about this wedding sketch.
107
00:08:59,581 --> 00:09:01,499
-Oh.
-I've gotta learn my lines.
108
00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:04,169
Well, you only have one line.
109
00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:05,295
I do?
110
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,088
Exactly.
111
00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:08,923
Uh, that's not what I mean!
112
00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:11,801
Besides, the thing you forgot
is that I don't!
113
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:16,056
Heh, Kermie,
it's just a simple comedy sketch.
114
00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:18,725
Oh, yeah, well, I know that.
115
00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:22,729
Heh, a comedy sketch, Kermie.
116
00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:27,734
It's not as if
he were a real minister, heh.
117
00:09:27,817 --> 00:09:30,945
Now, you are a real minister, right?
118
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:38,370
Hello, sports fans, this is Louis Kazagger
119
00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:42,415
welcoming you to the wild world
of Muppet sports.
120
00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:47,545
Today finds us
at the National Wig Racing Championships.
121
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,548
Wig racing?
122
00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:51,966
Uh-huh.
123
00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:54,928
Well, luckily,
I have one of the trainers here,
124
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:57,138
who may be able to explain.
125
00:09:57,222 --> 00:09:59,182
Uh, yes, sir.
126
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:02,352
Today is my first time out
wig racing, sir,
127
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,854
or do you call this a "derby"?
128
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:09,776
No, sir, this is a wig. This is a derby.
129
00:10:10,902 --> 00:10:13,071
Uh, does the wig have a name?
130
00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:16,074
I call this wig Greased Lightning.
131
00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:17,450
Because it's speedy?
132
00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:19,619
No, because it's greasy.
133
00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:22,664
Don't you use a shampoo?
134
00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:27,085
No, sir,
I do not use sham poo for my wigs.
135
00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:28,878
Only use real poo.
136
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:31,297
Nothing but the best poo for my wigs.
137
00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:32,424
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
138
00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:37,762
Oh, wow. That whistle means
that the wigs are on the blocks.
139
00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:40,098
[FANFARE PLAYING ON TRUMPET]
140
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,643
LOUIS:
And they're off!
141
00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:45,895
[DOGS BARKING]
142
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:51,651
Mine's off! Hey! What are you doing?
143
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,739
[PLAYING MELANCHOLY JAZZ MUSIC]
144
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:03,288
♪ There's a somebody
I'm longing to see ♪
145
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:10,295
♪ I hope that she
Turns out to be ♪
146
00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:17,510
♪ Someone who'll watch over me ♪
147
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:24,309
♪ I'm a little frog
Who's lost in a wood ♪
148
00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:30,106
♪ I know I could
Always be good ♪
149
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:36,613
♪ To one who'll watch over me ♪
150
00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:40,909
♪ Although I may not be the man ♪
151
00:11:40,992 --> 00:11:45,538
♪ Some girls think of as handsome ♪
152
00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:52,921
♪ To my heart she carries the key ♪
153
00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:59,803
♪ Won't you tell her, please
To put on some speed? ♪
154
00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:03,014
♪ Follow my lead ♪
155
00:12:03,098 --> 00:12:07,602
♪ Oh, how I need ♪
156
00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:14,984
♪ Someone who'll watch over me ♪
157
00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:37,799
♪ Won't you tell her, please
To put on some speed? ♪
158
00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:40,510
♪ Follow my lead ♪
159
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:44,305
♪ Oh, how I need ♪
160
00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:48,685
♪ Someone to watch ♪
161
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:54,524
♪ Over me ♪
162
00:12:58,778 --> 00:12:59,904
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
163
00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:01,990
PIGGY:
What is it?!
164
00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:05,118
Oh, Miss Piggy, do you need any help?
165
00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:06,786
PIGGY:
Uh...
166
00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:10,957
-Oh, Marisa. Well, just a moment.
-What a beautiful bridal gown.
167
00:13:11,041 --> 00:13:14,961
Mm-hm. Yes, well,
it's a traditional wedding, you see.
168
00:13:15,045 --> 00:13:17,213
Something old, something new,
169
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,799
something borrowed and something green.
170
00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:26,056
Sounds like a real wedding to me,
rather than a sketch.
171
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:30,643
Oh. Well, it's, um...
It's a realistic sketch, mm-hm.
172
00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:33,772
-Is it, hmm?
-Um, Marisa?
173
00:13:33,855 --> 00:13:34,898
Yes, dear?
174
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:37,984
Would you be a dear? Would you lace me up?
175
00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:40,362
-Well, of course.
-Yes.
176
00:13:40,445 --> 00:13:42,781
That's it. Tighter, dear.
177
00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:44,324
-Tighter?
-Mm-hm.
178
00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:45,825
-Tighter.
-Tighter?
179
00:13:45,909 --> 00:13:48,286
I gotta go down three sizes.
180
00:13:48,370 --> 00:13:50,372
You're going through an awful lot
of trouble.
181
00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:52,207
-How long does this sketch last?
-Unh.
182
00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:54,292
Till death do us part.
183
00:13:54,376 --> 00:13:55,835
Oh, my...
184
00:13:55,919 --> 00:13:59,798
All right, now, listen, kid,
just, on the count of three, pull.
185
00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:03,051
Ready? One, two, ahh, three!
186
00:14:03,134 --> 00:14:05,553
[PIGGY SCREAMING]
187
00:14:05,637 --> 00:14:08,264
Oh, Marisa,
you're wanted on-stage in a minute.
188
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,684
Oh, my goodness, I've got to get dressed.
Hold these.
189
00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:11,976
[PIGGY SCREAMS]
190
00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:14,312
[CRASHING]
191
00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:23,029
-Is your hearing aid fixed?
-No.
192
00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:25,323
-Then how do you know what I'm saying?
-I don't.
193
00:14:25,407 --> 00:14:26,449
Oh.
194
00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:29,577
[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC]
195
00:14:31,621 --> 00:14:35,125
♪ Doe, a deer, a female deer ♪
196
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:38,837
♪ Ray, a drop of golden sun ♪
197
00:14:39,421 --> 00:14:43,174
♪ Me, a name I call myself ♪
198
00:14:43,258 --> 00:14:46,678
♪ Far, a long, long way to run ♪
199
00:14:46,761 --> 00:14:50,515
♪ Sew, a needle pulling thread ♪
200
00:14:51,016 --> 00:14:54,769
♪ La, a note to follow so ♪
201
00:14:54,853 --> 00:14:57,814
♪ Tea, a drink with jam and bread ♪
202
00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:00,608
FOZZIE:
Me?
203
00:15:00,692 --> 00:15:04,029
♪ Me, a name I call myself ♪
204
00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:08,199
♪ Far, a long, long way to run ♪
205
00:15:08,283 --> 00:15:11,828
♪ Sew, a needle pulling thread ♪
206
00:15:12,287 --> 00:15:15,999
♪ La, a note to follow so ♪
207
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:18,960
♪ Tea, a drink with jam and bread ♪
208
00:15:19,044 --> 00:15:20,128
FOZZIE: Now?
-Go!
209
00:15:20,211 --> 00:15:23,131
♪ Go, a gear, a female gear ♪
210
00:15:23,214 --> 00:15:24,257
No!
211
00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:26,843
♪ No, a near, a female near ♪
212
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,553
Oh, what the hey?
213
00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:32,057
♪ Hay, a hop of holden hun ♪
214
00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:33,475
Fozzie!
215
00:15:33,558 --> 00:15:35,769
♪ A name I call myself ♪
216
00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:38,313
No, it should be Beau.
217
00:15:38,563 --> 00:15:41,566
♪ Bo, a beer, a female beer ♪
218
00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:43,068
Will you go away?
219
00:15:43,151 --> 00:15:45,403
♪ Way, a dwop of wolden wun ♪
220
00:15:45,487 --> 00:15:46,613
Wait a minute.
221
00:15:46,696 --> 00:15:47,781
[ALL CHATTERING]
222
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:50,742
You're ruining the whole thing.
Now, now, just listen to me.
223
00:15:50,825 --> 00:15:54,996
♪ Me and my shadow ♪
224
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:57,499
ALL:
♪ Doe, a deer, a female deer... ♪
225
00:15:57,582 --> 00:15:59,167
KERMIT:
Hold it! Wait a second!
226
00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:01,753
Come on, you're ruining the whole song!
227
00:16:01,836 --> 00:16:03,922
[ALL CHATTERING]
228
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:09,969
[STAMMERS]
229
00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:13,890
And now, uh,
to bring a note of culture to the show...
230
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,433
Is the set changed yet?
231
00:16:15,517 --> 00:16:16,726
MUPPET:
Yeah, it's okay, frog.
232
00:16:16,810 --> 00:16:22,524
Okay, here is the lovely and talented
Miss Marisa Berenson.
233
00:16:22,607 --> 00:16:24,693
[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT FOLK MUSIC]
234
00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:35,995
♪ Well, a man came to our house
Our house, our house ♪
235
00:16:36,079 --> 00:16:39,916
♪ A man came to our house
To sell us some brooms ♪
236
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:44,045
♪ So we asked him to come in
And we hit him with a hammer ♪
237
00:16:44,129 --> 00:16:48,174
♪ And we hid him in the closet
In my father's room ♪
238
00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:52,762
BOTH: ♪ But you're always welcome
At our house ♪
239
00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:56,224
♪ Any time of the day ♪
240
00:16:56,307 --> 00:17:00,395
♪ Yes, you're always welcome
At our house ♪
241
00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:03,732
♪ And we hope you will stay ♪
242
00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:13,408
♪ Then a lady came to our house
Our house, our house ♪
243
00:17:13,491 --> 00:17:16,995
♪ A lady came to find out
Why I was not in school ♪
244
00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:21,541
♪ So we asked her to come in
And we gave her some poison lemonade ♪
245
00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:25,253
♪ And hid her in the freezer
Where it's nice and cool ♪
246
00:17:25,337 --> 00:17:29,716
ALL: ♪ But you're always welcome
At our house ♪
247
00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:33,303
♪ Any time of the day ♪
248
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:37,515
♪ Yes, you're always welcome
At our house ♪
249
00:17:37,599 --> 00:17:40,727
♪ And we hope you will stay ♪
250
00:17:46,024 --> 00:17:50,445
♪ Then a kid came into our yard
Our yard, our yard ♪
251
00:17:50,528 --> 00:17:54,157
♪ A kid came into our yard
To get his ball ♪
252
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:58,244
♪ So we asked him to come in
And we took him in the basement ♪
253
00:17:58,328 --> 00:18:02,040
♪ And we sealed him up inside
The basement wall ♪
254
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:06,836
ALL: ♪ But you're always welcome
At our house ♪
255
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:10,548
♪ Any time of the day ♪
256
00:18:10,632 --> 00:18:14,803
♪ Yes, you're always welcome
At our house ♪
257
00:18:14,886 --> 00:18:18,473
♪ And we hope you will stay ♪
258
00:18:23,311 --> 00:18:27,816
♪ So when you come to our house
Our house, our house ♪
259
00:18:27,899 --> 00:18:31,528
♪ When you come to our house
We will have some fun ♪
260
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:35,657
♪ We will ask you to come in
And we will take you in the kitchen ♪
261
00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:39,452
♪ We will put you in the oven
Until you are done ♪
262
00:18:39,536 --> 00:18:44,374
ALL: ♪ But you're always welcome
At our house ♪
263
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:48,044
♪ Any time of the day ♪
264
00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:52,215
♪ Yes, you're always welcome
At our house ♪
265
00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:56,511
♪ And we hope you will stay ♪
266
00:18:56,594 --> 00:18:58,304
♪ And we know ♪
267
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:02,058
♪ You will stay ♪
268
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,242
[SINGING IN GIBBERISH]
269
00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:21,786
Yeah, one liver sandwich.
270
00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:24,330
Chef! Why, that's beautiful!
271
00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:27,292
[SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
272
00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:29,794
You know,
I take one look at this wedding cake
273
00:19:29,878 --> 00:19:31,338
and I feel like crying.
274
00:19:31,421 --> 00:19:32,547
Heaven knows why.
275
00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:34,132
[SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
276
00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:35,800
...the cake and the onions.
277
00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:37,886
-You what?
-Onions.
278
00:19:37,969 --> 00:19:39,679
Raw onions in a wedding cake?
279
00:19:39,763 --> 00:19:43,933
Oh, yeah,
onions very good for the sinuses.
280
00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:46,186
-Yeah, clears the head.
-Yeah.
281
00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:48,438
This cake will clear the church!
282
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:49,606
[CHEF HUMMING]
283
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:50,732
[FLIES BUZZING]
284
00:19:50,815 --> 00:19:53,485
Oh, curse these flies.
285
00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:56,780
They get all over the food.
286
00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:59,866
-Hey, what about my sandwich?
-Ah, here it is.
287
00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:03,912
Great. Oh, liver sandwich.
And, say, I'd like something on the side.
288
00:20:03,995 --> 00:20:06,831
Well, there already is something
on the side.
289
00:20:06,915 --> 00:20:08,083
Ah.
290
00:20:10,251 --> 00:20:12,212
Mm, mm.
291
00:20:12,295 --> 00:20:13,672
Yuck!
292
00:20:13,755 --> 00:20:18,218
Yeah, aside from the raw onions,
it's a nice cake, Chef.
293
00:20:18,301 --> 00:20:19,719
[SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
294
00:20:19,803 --> 00:20:21,721
...here is the Piggy bridey.
295
00:20:21,805 --> 00:20:25,058
Mm. I can see it's just as light
as a feather.
296
00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:26,351
Yeah.
297
00:20:28,853 --> 00:20:31,731
Oh. Oh. Oh!
298
00:20:34,025 --> 00:20:37,153
Pity we can't say the same for the bride.
299
00:20:38,154 --> 00:20:39,614
[HUMMING]
300
00:20:39,698 --> 00:20:42,659
Hey, hey, come on, let me throw one fish,
301
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:45,537
just one fish, then you'll see.
302
00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:49,541
Listen, when I book a boomerang fish act
on this show,
303
00:20:49,624 --> 00:20:53,003
some very warm places will freeze over.
304
00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:56,006
Thanks a lot! I'll wait over there.
305
00:20:56,089 --> 00:20:57,799
But, uh...
306
00:20:57,882 --> 00:21:00,802
Kermit, there's this dear little old lady
in the audience
307
00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:03,430
who wants your autograph
for her sick grandson. Sign here.
308
00:21:03,513 --> 00:21:05,390
Oh, okay, yeah. Mm-hm.
309
00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:07,892
Hey, is everything ready
for this dumb wedding sketch?
310
00:21:07,976 --> 00:21:10,395
Sure, the set's on-stage,
everyone's in costume,
311
00:21:10,478 --> 00:21:13,523
you signed the license--
Uh, you signed the autograph.
312
00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:15,150
-What was that?
-Oh, nothing.
313
00:21:15,233 --> 00:21:16,985
Just go ahead, introduce the wedding.
314
00:21:17,068 --> 00:21:18,778
[STAMMERS]
315
00:21:18,862 --> 00:21:20,572
SCOOTER:
Go ahead.
316
00:21:20,655 --> 00:21:25,368
Uh, well, today, folks, Miss Piggy
has prepared a silly wedding sketch.
317
00:21:25,452 --> 00:21:28,538
-Uh, naturally, it's just for fun and--
-Excuse me.
318
00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:29,664
What is it?
319
00:21:29,748 --> 00:21:30,874
Can we start soon?
320
00:21:30,957 --> 00:21:34,336
I'm saying vespers at Saint Anne's
in half an hour.
321
00:21:35,378 --> 00:21:37,005
What? What?
322
00:21:37,088 --> 00:21:39,883
And now the wedding sketch.
323
00:21:39,966 --> 00:21:42,052
[ROWLF PLAYING HYMN]
324
00:21:56,900 --> 00:21:58,818
[SIGHING]
325
00:21:58,902 --> 00:22:02,113
Oh, Marisa, do I look all right?
326
00:22:02,197 --> 00:22:03,948
You look radiant, my dear.
327
00:22:04,032 --> 00:22:05,325
Oh!
328
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:09,245
[WHIMPERING]
329
00:22:13,333 --> 00:22:15,418
[ROWLF PLAYING WEDDING MARCH]
330
00:22:29,265 --> 00:22:31,643
Uh, you sure this is gonna be funny?
331
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:34,604
Trust me.
332
00:22:35,855 --> 00:22:39,734
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today
333
00:22:39,818 --> 00:22:46,199
to join this pig and this frog
in holy wedlock.
334
00:22:48,201 --> 00:22:51,287
I guess everyone cries at weddings.
335
00:22:51,371 --> 00:22:53,707
[LAUGHING]
336
00:22:53,790 --> 00:22:55,709
No, cries at weddings.
337
00:22:55,792 --> 00:22:56,876
Oh.
338
00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,045
[SOBBING]
339
00:23:00,338 --> 00:23:02,257
If there is anyone present
340
00:23:02,340 --> 00:23:07,512
who knows why this pig and this frog
should not be joined in matrimony,
341
00:23:07,595 --> 00:23:13,184
let him speak now
or forever hold his peace.
342
00:23:15,645 --> 00:23:17,981
[ALL MURMURING]
343
00:23:23,862 --> 00:23:25,739
Do it!
344
00:23:27,449 --> 00:23:30,160
Do you, Piggy, take this frog
345
00:23:30,243 --> 00:23:33,872
to be your lawfully wedded husband?
346
00:23:35,206 --> 00:23:36,291
[SIGHS]
347
00:23:36,374 --> 00:23:38,793
I do.
348
00:23:39,836 --> 00:23:42,630
And do you, Kermit, take this pig
349
00:23:42,714 --> 00:23:46,092
to be your lawfully wedded wife?
350
00:23:48,845 --> 00:23:50,597
I...
351
00:23:53,099 --> 00:23:54,976
I...
352
00:23:57,645 --> 00:23:59,189
I wanna introduce to you
353
00:23:59,272 --> 00:24:02,734
the amazing Lew Zealand
and His Boomerang Fish! Yeah!
354
00:24:02,817 --> 00:24:04,944
[BAND PLAYING VAUDEVILLE MUSIC]
355
00:24:05,028 --> 00:24:07,113
[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
356
00:24:08,865 --> 00:24:11,034
[WAYNE SINGING ARIA]
357
00:24:29,469 --> 00:24:31,471
This is a comedy sketch after all.
358
00:24:31,554 --> 00:24:32,847
Well, it is now.
359
00:24:32,931 --> 00:24:35,725
PIGGY:
Where is he? Kermit!
360
00:24:35,809 --> 00:24:40,230
We'll see if you laugh with a flipper
crammed down your throat!
361
00:24:40,313 --> 00:24:42,565
[KERMIT & PIGGY SCREAM]
362
00:24:44,275 --> 00:24:47,070
Close the curtains! We're done!
363
00:24:47,153 --> 00:24:50,073
MINISTER:
Huh? What is this closed curtain?
364
00:24:50,156 --> 00:24:53,535
Uh, and so we come to the finish
of Miss Piggy's wedding sketch.
365
00:24:53,618 --> 00:24:56,413
PIGGY:
That's not the finish. This is the finish.
366
00:24:56,496 --> 00:24:58,248
Hi-yah!
367
00:24:58,331 --> 00:25:00,417
[CRASHING]
368
00:25:03,545 --> 00:25:08,091
Well, time seems to be running out,
not only for the show but for me. Ahem.
369
00:25:08,174 --> 00:25:09,801
So let us quickly welcome back
370
00:25:09,884 --> 00:25:12,262
the lovely and talented
Miss Marisa Berenson!
371
00:25:12,345 --> 00:25:14,014
[CHEERS]
372
00:25:18,309 --> 00:25:20,020
-Thank you, Kermit.
PIGGY: Kermit!
373
00:25:20,103 --> 00:25:24,357
Uh, Marisa, I'm gonna have to rush.
Would you mind saying good night for me?
374
00:25:24,441 --> 00:25:25,692
-Me?
-Mm-hm.
375
00:25:25,775 --> 00:25:26,818
How exciting.
376
00:25:26,901 --> 00:25:29,863
Exciting?
Marisa, you ain't seen nothing yet!
377
00:25:29,946 --> 00:25:31,406
[KERMIT & PIGGY SCREAM]
378
00:25:31,489 --> 00:25:34,451
-What do I say?
-Just say "We'll see you next time..."
379
00:25:34,534 --> 00:25:36,036
PIGGY:
Kermit!
380
00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:38,329
-We'll see you next time...
-"On The Muppet Show."
381
00:25:38,413 --> 00:25:39,581
Gotcha!
382
00:25:39,664 --> 00:25:42,000
...on The Muppet Show.
383
00:25:42,083 --> 00:25:43,626
[ALL CHATTERING]
384
00:25:43,710 --> 00:25:45,795
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
385
00:26:19,245 --> 00:26:23,708
If you guys let me hide here,
I'll give you tickets to next week's show.
386
00:26:25,877 --> 00:26:27,212
[KERMIT CRASHES]
27848
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.